'Whole worlds pivot on acts of imagination.''So, what are you imagining now?''Broadly, I'm imagining that thing off the ship. Specifically, I'm trying to imagine the answer to the question. What does it want?'
'We're never going to find one. ''Of course we are, I've programmed the detectors specifically. I found seven the last time I was here.''And how long did that take you?''It couldn't have been more than a month. Unless that was Seflon Fifty Nine.''Which one is this?''Seflon Twenty Seven. Maybe Fifty Nine is the one with a big pile of these. That's the problem with junk galaxies, all the planets look the same, it's hard to keep track.''If we've wasted the last four hours on the wrong planet ...''Oi! Who took you rain-bathing in the Upward Tropics of Kinstano?''I know, that was amazing, I'm just saying; needle, haystack!'
'General Cicero? Not Eve Cicero? Keeba Galaxy? Neuro-pilot? You're mentioned in The Book Of Celebrants! You helped to defeat the Army of Aeons at The Battle Of The Underkind!''I was one of the many.''You're a bit of a legend though' ... 'And who are you?''I'm The Doctor.''Wait, I've heard that name. Aren't you in The Book Of Celebrants? Isn't there a whole chapter about you?''Me? No, very common name! ... I'd say it was more of a volume than a chapter, just so you know!'
'Don't! If you interfere with the navi-system they'll take it as an act of hostility or hijack. They can detonate the craft.''I'm not being hostile.''Yes, you are, you're being hostile and selfish. There are patients on board who need to get to Resus One as a matter of urgency. My job is to keep all of you safe, you're stopping me from doing that.'
'Are you also experiencing comprehension deficiency?''Oh, every day right now, mate!'
'In your time, generating anti-matter costs a massive amount of money. This is progress. Things get smaller and faster and cheaper. This is like the iphone version of CERN, accelerating enough particles to power this entire craft. The particle accelerator smashes the atoms together like a little anti-matter factory to produce positrons which are then stored - very carefully - inside electric and magnetic fields. The positrons interact with the fuel materials to produce heat which produces thrust. It's beautiful. Anti-matter powering the movement of matter, bringing positrons into existence to other forms of life across space. I love it. Conceptually and ... actually!'
'Boys give birth to boys and girls give birth to girls. That's how it is.''Not where we come from?''Ugh? How's that work? ... I'm not fit to raise a kid. Besides, dark times right now, turbulent worlds. I'm not sure I'm his best option. I can't even operate my oven!'
'Too fast to chase and capture, too toxic to touch directly. It's a bit of a puzzler.''It's going to kill us all, isn't it?''You went there way too quickly, I said a puzzler, not a death sentence! I mean, it's a bit of a challenge and I can't quite see the solution yet but that's life. Or medicine. Patients presents problems, you figure them out and come up with solutions. That's what this is, a problem to be diagnosed. Medicine to be administered. You're a medic, I'm The Doctor.''A Doctor of medicine?''Well, medicine, science, engineering. Candy-floss. Lego. Philosophy, music, problems. People. Hope. Mostly hope.'
'You're probably wondering why I called you all here. Sorry, a bit Poirot!'
'What Century is this?''Are you joking?''No, we travel in time.''Sixty Seventh.''Oh, nice Century. Bit tricky in the middle but it turns out all right in the end!'
'What, they didn't have that on Call The Midwife?''I dunno, I always looked away at the squeamish bits!'
'Item Seven, Alpha Cubed: Pting! Threat level, Challis.''Is that bad?''Worst one. One up from beetroot!' So, dear blog reader, as usual Keith Telly Topping thought that was great - an example of that old 1960s and 1970s series staple base-under-siege, we haven't had one of those on Doctor Who in quite a while. It was not, perhaps, as great as some previous episodes in this - so far, proper great - series but it was still reasonably high up the greatness ladder; on a scale of one-to-ten, in which one is not very great at all and ten is really, really, really great The Tsuranga Conundrum was, sort of, a seven(ish) great. Bradley Walsh's 'Oh, I am never getting pregnant' might well be the greatest one-liner in the history of the series. And, the Pting was brilliant. 'No, it's a fruit!'
Things we learned from this week's episode of Only Connect. Victoria Coren-Mitchell claims that she insists on playing chess in the nude. 'That's why I can never get an opponent.' And by 'never', of course, From The North favourite Victoria means 'there's a queue a mile long outside the Coren-Mitchell residence begging for a game and David is getting anxious.'
Incidentally, the one question that yer actual Keith Telly Topping got the answer to this week before either of the teams was the one about people who killed their brothers. This blogger is, however, proud to add that he also got The Divine Victoria's supplemental question about what was so special about the later John Cazale's acting career; he only appeared in five movies before his untimely death from lung cancer in 1978 but all of them (The Godfather, The Conversation, The Godfather Part II, Dog Day Afternoon and The Deer Hunter) were nominated for the Oscar for Big Picture.
The first of From The North's two TV Comedy Line(s) Of The Week came from Monday's episode of Qi - Plants - when Sandi Toksvig asked how to make a potato 'really terrifying.''Do you just show it a frying pan?' asked Jason Manford.
From The North's second TV Comedy Line(s) Of The Week came from the most disappointingly z-list episode of Would I Lie To You? in some time. It did, however, include at least one moment of genuine, twenty four-carat Lee Mack brilliance. Someone called Big Narstie (no, me neither I'm afraid) claimed that he had never heard the nursery rhyme 'Red Sky At Night, Shepherd's Delight' before when it was used by the BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker. 'I'm black, I never heard none of that stuff,' Mister Narstie mumbled. 'This is what's called Middle-Class rapping,' suggested Lee.
Just as the first series ended this week on BBC1, filming is reportedly continuing on the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve with the production team having been spotted shooting in and around Camden this week.
Also currently underway is filming on another From The North favourite, Peaky Blinders, with the Daily Scum Expressreporting that the youngest of the Shelby brothers, Finn (Harry Kirton) 'will have a larger role' in the forthcoming fifth series of the award-winning period gangster drama.
As mentioned, briefly, in the last bloggerisationisms update, this blogger was well impressed with the opening episode of BBC1's latest John Le Carre adaptation The Little Drummer Girl. Most of the reviews were very positive - take, the Gruniad, for example. 'It's all brilliantly, beautifully done and the dialogue sounds as good as everything else looks.' The Independent was similarly positive. As was the Torygraph. Christ, even the Daily Scum Mail loved it with Jim Shelley's review headlined The BBC Delivered Another Superb John Le Carre Sunday Night Thriller With The Little Drummer Girl. You know things are getting really weird when apiece in the Daily Scum Mail includes the words 'BBC' and 'superb' in the same sentence.
Ruth Wilson has confirmed that talks have 'already taken place' about a possible spin-off drama based on her Luther character, the psychotic Alice Morgan. 'We've talked about it actually,' the actress told the Sun. 'If the script is right and the storyline is right. It's funny, people like ­watching her because she comes in and out. If you watched a whole ­episode of her, would it be the same? I don't know. I'm interested - if the script is right. You'd have to make the show quite different in style though, and get inside her head.' Over the course of four series, we've seen Alice go from someone John Luther tries to convict of brutally murdering her parents to an uneasy ally to a close friends. The character was, supposedly, dead at the beginning of series four, which was what spurred Luther into getting back to the day job. But, the popular actress has been confirmed to appear in the upcoming fifth series of Luther, after she was spotted filming with Idris Elba on location in London earlier in the year.
The first officially released image of Game Of Thrones' eighth and final series has hit the newsstands this week as the cover of Entertainment magazine. And, jolly sexy it is, too.
HBO's Game Of Thrones prequel, The Long Night, has cast its male lead, Josh Whitehouse. The twenty eight-year-old actor and Burberry model is probably best known for playing Hugh Armitage in the BBC's Poldark. He will join Naomi Watts who was recently announced to star as 'a charismatic socialite hiding a dark secret' in the new series' pilot, which is due to begin production next year. Details of their characters' respective back stories are yet to be revealed. Whitehouse will next be seen in the David Lynch-produced film The Happy Worker and in Valley Girl, a musical retelling of the cult classic starring Nicolas Cage. Screenwriter Jane Goldman, who co-wrote Kick-Ass with Matthew Vaughn, is behind The Long Night, which takes place thousands of years before the events told in Game Of Thrones. She will work closely with George RR Martin whose bestselling novels, published as part of the series A Song Of Ice & Fire, were adapted into the hugely successful HBO fantasy drama. The cable network currently has five Thrones-related projects in various stages of development.
Idris Elba has co-written a stage show about life in South Africa after Nelson Mandela, which will have its premiere in Manchester next summer. The Luther star has written Tree with another From The North favourite, Kwame Kwei-Armah, the new artistic director of London's Young Vic theatre. Elba played the late South African president in the 2013 film Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom. Tree will combine drama with music, dance and film and will be part of the 2019 Manchester International Festival. However, Elba himself won't appear in the show, which is also inspired by the 2014 CD Mi Mandela, which saw the actor bring together British and South African musicians. Elba said that he and Kwei-Armah had 'both experienced personal moments of healing connected with the country and we're starting to explore that together.' He said: 'For me, an interesting part of the process is looking at the next part of the story; the new universe that sprung up after Mandela.' The show will run at Upper Campfield Market Hall from 29 June to 10 July before transferring London's Young Vic. Tree is one of the first three productions to be announced from the festival line-up. Mercury Prize-winning rapper Skepta will stage a live show titled Dystopia987, combining live performances by him and other artists with DJ sets along with 'a wealth of new technology and a cast inhabiting a hidden netherworld.' A statement said it would be 'a waking dream that presents Skepta's singular vision of the future: deep, dark, radical and riveting.' It is also described as 'a journey into eternity - a future riven with uncertainty and fear but rich in wonder and possibility.' The festival will kick off on 4 July with an event created by Yoko Bloody Ono in which members of the public will be asked to gather in Cathedral Gardens, where 'a people's orchestra of bells' will 'send a message of peace.' Puns along the lines of 'don't let the bells end' and 'let them ring in peace' may, possibly, be appropriate at this juncture. Or, they would be if The Darkness hasn't beat us all to it by a decade.
Emma Thompson will join Jessica Hynes, Rory Kinnear, Ruth Madeley, T'Nia Miller, Anne Reid and Russell Tovey as production for Russell Davies's new BBC drama Years & Years begins this week in Manchester. Red Production Company and Big Rusty are said to be 'delighted' to announce the cast for Years & Years, 'a unique and ambitious' six-part series charting one family surviving the future. As Britain is rocked by unstable political, economic and technological advances, the drama follows the Lyons family as their complex lives converge on one crucial night in 2019. Then, over the next fifteen years, the twists and turns of everyday life are explored as we find out if this ordinary family could ever change the world. Two-time Oscar winner Emma Thompson stars in the family saga as Vivienne Rook, an outspoken celebrity-turned-political figure whose controversial opinions divide the nation. She is a new breed of politician, an entertainer, a rebel, a trickster and her rise to power leads us into an unknown future. Rory Kinnear played Stephen Lyons, a financial advisor and the family's peacekeeper who is married to Celeste played by T'Nia Miller, an ambitious and opinionated accountant. Russell Tovey will play Daniel Lyons, a hard-working housing officer and Stephen's younger brother. Their sister, Edith, played by Jessica Hynes, is radical, dangerous and calculating with a secret life. Completing the siblings is heavily pregnant Rosie, played by Ruth Madeley. Anne Reid presides over the family as Muriel, imperial grandmother to the Lyons. Russell Davies says: 'This is a dream cast, put together by Andy Pryor, the man who found Jodie Whittaker to be Doctor Who. I'm very lucky and very excited to start filming.' The drama marks the ninth collaboration for Russell and Red's Nicola Shindler, whose working relationship spans over twenty years. The partnership is known for producing relevant and timely emotionally charged dramas having previously created hit series including Queer As Folk, Casanova, Cucumber, Bob & Rose and The Second Coming.
The BBC has unveiled the first photos from its much-anticipated upcoming animated adaptation of Richard Adams's Watership Down. Images from the animated Christmas mini-series offer a glimpse into the journey of the rabbits of Sandleford Warren to find freedom from the encroachment of man. The voice-cast was already announced to include the likes of James McAvoy, Nicholas Hoult, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton, Olivia Colman and John Boyega, but the BBC revealed more names involved in the project, including Peter Capaldi, Rosamund Pike, Daniel Kaluuya, Mackenzie Crook, Jason Watkins, Rory Kinnear, Tom Wilkinson, Lee Ingleby Charlotte Spencer and Daniel Rigby. Watership Down will be broadcast on BBC1 over the Christmas period. Netflix will distribute the series elsewhere in the world.
Whilst nothing has yet been officially confirmed regarding any potential second series of Bodyguard, Richard Madden has confirmed that he will be meeting 'soon' with the drama's creator for talks. 'I'm going to meet Jed [Mercurio] in a couple of weeks, to have a chat and see what's in his brilliant brain,' he told Deadline. 'So I'm like, "what can happen next? You know, with David. Because he had a hell of a couple months there. Where do you go with this guy?"' That's what Richard Madden is 'like', dear blog reader. This blogger thinks that what he actually means is that's what he's thinking about the character of David Budd. Madden did suggest ideas on where the drama could go next. 'I also thought, maybe it's going to be like American Horror Story where, in the second series, it's a whole different incarnation of it and I'm a royal and Keeley [Hawes] is on my protection team,' he continued. 'And you get all the rest of the actors back and we all do different things. But who knows what's in Jed's mind. I'm very keen to hear.' Almost certainly not that idea, Richard. Or anything even remotely like it. Just guessing. 'Also, I think David Budd, he walks about London with a bomb on. I mean, everyone definitely knows his face now. He can't really slip back into police work again. What's his life like after that?'
From The North favourite Gotham's production team has released a video from Camren Bicondova confirming that the fifth and final series of the Batman prequel will be back on FOX in the US on Thursday 3 January 2019. No UK premiere date has yet been announced. The arrival of an broadcast-date isn't the only good news, the final series will feature twelve episodes not the previously rumoured ten.
Meanwhile, the Gotham prequel, Pennyworth has found its villain in Jason Flemyng. He will play Lord Harwood - described as 'an upper-class English gentleman' who is 'cultured, urbane, brilliant and supremely sure of himself' - in the series about the younger years of Alfred Pennyworth. It has already been announced that Jack Bannon will play the titular character and that Paloma Faith will be appearing doing ... something. Hopefully not singing. Pennyworth will focus on the character in his twenties in the years after leaving the SAS in the 1960s, where he accepts a security job with Bruce Wayne's father, Thomas (played by Ben Aldridge).
'It's one thing to kill a man, but to strip him naked, tape a rugby ball over his face and ram some knickers down his throat, that's more than just murder!' The fifth series of From The North favourite The Brokenwood Mysteries will receive its UK premiere on UKTV's Drama channel on Friday 23 November at 8pm. Which, frankly, is far sooner than this blogger was expecting. An addictive New Zealand crime drama The Brokenwood Mysteries - which is a sort of picturesque cross between Midsomer Murders and Twin Peaks! - is set in a seemingly quiet country town where the town's newest resident, Detective Mike Shepherd, finds that crime lurks in even the most homely location and the small town has a murder rate higher than Los Angeles. Each episode comprises a feature length film, in a similar format to things like Endeavour, Sherlock or Poirot. The series is produced by South Pacific Pictures and stars Neill Rea and Fern Sutherland. In the opening episode of series five, titled Scared To Death, Mike, Kristin and Breen find out that it's not all fun at the fair when a man dies on the ghost train. However, closer inspection reveals he did not die of natural causes. The ride operator swears that he had nothing to do with it .Meanwhile, several children at the fair have strange face paintings and just how did the fortune teller predict the tragedy?
Strike's Holliday Grainger is to lead the new BBC drama series The Capture. The actress has been cast in the six-part conspiracy thriller from Cyberbully and The Plot To Bring Down Britain's Planes filmmaker Ben Chanan. Grainger's detective is thrust into an investigation to clear the name of a British soldier (played by Callum Turner) who claims he has been framed for a heinous atrocity. The official synopsis reads: 'When proud British soldier Shaun Emery's conviction for a murder in Afghanistan is successfully overturned due to flawed video evidence, he begins to plan for his life as a free man with his six-year-old daughter. However, when damning CCTV footage emerges from an incident in London, it isn't long before Shaun finds himself fighting for his freedom once more, only with lies, betrayal and corruption spreading further than he ever could have imagined. With DI Rachel Carey drafted in to investigate in what could be a career-defining case, she must discover if there is more to the shocking evidence than first meets the eye. Rachel will soon learn that the truth is merely a matter of perspective - before deciding what hers is. With an adamant Shaun battling with his tormented past in order to clear his name once and for all, The Capture looks at a troubling world of misinformation, fake news, and the extraordinary technological capabilities of the intelligence services. In the post-truth era and when criminal justice relies so heavily on video evidence, can we always believe what we see?' The series begins production next month, with more cast details set to be announced soon.
Yer actual Charlie Brooker has admitted that he is 'alarmed' by how some of Black Mirror's storylines have transferred into the real world. The series was first broadcast in the winter of 2011 on Channel Four, offering techno-fused dystopian narratives in the vein of George Orwell and The Twilight Zone. However, some of the earlier episodes' events and ideas seem to have crept into reality. Appearing on Good Morning Britain, Chaz revealed his inspiration. 'I think I'm a natural worrier,' he suggested. 'That's what the show is, me just worrying and having worry fantasies. It's alarming how many have come true or there are real world parallels.' He then elaborated on how Black Mirror's episode The Waldo Moment segued into real life with its cartoonish political campaigner using the art of offending people in a bid to get elected. The parallels in American society are there for all to see. Black Mirror's first ever episode The National Anthem, which pits the British Prime Minister against a digital terrorist, also found an unexpected parallel in the real world. The episode's disturbing plot witnessed the PM having sex with a pig when faced with blackmail. Brooker noted: 'That was about the public thirst for humiliation and shame.' Several other Black Mirror episodes such as Nosedive, The Entire History Of You and Be Right Back also appear plausibly realistic in their technology and representations of society.
For the first five minutes at least, this week's Inside Number Nine episode looked thoroughly generic. Arthur Flitwick (Steve Pemberton) is back from the shops. He puts a mobile phone on the kitchen table, sticks Symphonic FM on and sets about coddling an egg. The phone rings, there is some sinister but indistinct white noise, the egg explodes in the microwave and the caller rings off. Flitwick redials the last number and what appears to be some vaguely underwhelming domestic farce involving a lost phone and a confused old lady begins to ensue. It is often said that in the age of Twitter and on-demand streaming, secrets are impossible to keep; shocks are diffuse and signposted; TV is no longer a communal experience. This autumn has presented three strong rebuttals to that idea. Firstly, there was Jed Mercurio's Bodyguard and then Jodie Whittaker's debut in Doctor Who both of which pulled in overnight audiences which, for drama in 2018, were remarkable. But on Sunday, the audacious live special of Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith's dark anthology comedy went further still. You really did have to be there, watching it live. From Flitwick's phone call onwards, all bets were off. The arrival of Shearsmith's vicar, Reverend Neale, saw the manifestation of the first gremlins: the sound disappeared and BBC2's continuity announcer intervened. Twitter collectively speculated about P45s being on the way to the production crew and the show lost a fifth of its viewers as the less patient gave up and turned over to watch something else. But those who didn't give up ghost soon found out that the ghost was just getting started. A repeated (largely silent) episode of Inside Number Nine began, but soon we were back in real time, in Pemberton and Shearsmith's dressing room. Shearsmith flicked on the News At Ten where the green and gold flags of Jair Bolsonaro's celebrating supporters could be glimpsed. Yes, this was actually happening, live. This perfectly perplexing half-hour of television has been in preparation for a while. The production team have been carefully seeding the show's central conceit: the haunting of Granada studios. An article appeared in the Sun last week claiming that 'interventions from deceased Coronation Street stars' had been 'making rehearsals impossible.' But even so, what began to unfold was remarkable and unsettling. BBC2 itself appeared to be possessed, stricken by visitations from the studio's illustrious and traumatic past. From Bobby Davro's notorious faceplant during the filming of Public Enemy Number One to a serious fire during which costumes for The Jewel In The Crown were destroyed, we were suddenly scrolling through an index of Granada-based mishaps. Who knew where it would stop? Were people fooled? However much they might deny it subsequently, yes they undoubtedly were. And actually, what fun it was to be so playfully toyed with by television; to gaze at the screen and feel genuinely bewildered. But better yet, Shearsmith and Pemberton included us, the viewers and made us participants. Shearsmith tweeted: 'Are me and Steve Pemberton on BBC2 now?' and people replied. Viewers' real time reactions became part of the drama in a way that felt more profound than usual, possibly because what we had seen had been confounding enough to make speculation unavoidable. Co-star Stephanie Cole's Wikipedia entry was altered to reflect her sad, on-screen suicide as the possessed studio continued to work its dark magic. 'Event TV' is a term that is now lazily applied to everything from cookery shows to talent contests. But the Inside Number Nine live episode really did deserve that description. It is now available on BBC iPlayer and is well worth a gander. But if you weren't there at 10pm on Sunday, you missed the essence of it. What the show demonstrated was that in the hands of true masters, modern media networks like Twitter are simply more tools, more colours a writer can add to their palette. The show's closest relative is probably BBC1's bowel-shatteringly memorable 1992 Halloween epic Ghostwatch. But Ghostwatch was able to take advantage of less jaded, less media-savvy, more credulous times. To even approach its mischief and magic in 2018 feels like a triumph of imagination. It also feels like a vindication of the idea that in the right hands, TV still has the capacity to surprise, disconcert and delight.
Months after Sky officially cancelled Agatha Raisin, prompting US co-production partner Acorn TV to commission a second series on their own, Sky1 has pre-bought the UK rights to the new episodes. Which is a little bit like this blogger's beloved (though even then unsellable) Newcastle United having Alan Shearer arrive for a trial as a fourteen year old, turn him down and then, a decade later, pay fifteen million quid to acquire his services from Blackburn Vindaloos. The deal - the Agatha Raisin one, not the Alan Shearer one - was struck between Sky and international distributor All3Media International. Sky has also taken rights to the new series in Ireand. Agatha Raisin began its life on Sky in the form of one-off movie Agatha Raisin & The Quiche Of Death, before the broadcaster ordered an eight episode series. They officially pulled the plug earlier this year and, at the time, Acorn made it clear that Sky would not be involved in any subsequent production or, indeed, transmission of the series. The new six episodes are expected to be shown either later this year or early next year. Based on the novels by M Beaton, Agatha Raisin follows the titular PR guru, who gives up her successful career in London for a new 'dream' life in the quiet village of Carsely, but soon becomes an amateur sleuth, entangled in mischief, mayhem and murder. The drama stars Ashley Jensen, Mathew Horne, Matt McCooey and Katy Wix.
Science and technology show Tomorrow's World is set to return to the BBC for the first time in fifteen years. BBC4 will broadcast a one-off episode of the programme, hosted by former presenters Maggie Philbin and Howard Stableford, on 22 November. Cassian Harrison, the channel's editor, said that the decision was made 'to remind us all how far we've come and to explore where we might still go.'Tomorrow's World was first broadcast in July 1965 and ran for thirty eight years and almost fourteen hundred episodes. Philbin, who will co-present the ninety-minute show live from Glasgow, said she was 'beyond excited' to be involved again. Stableford added that it was the chance to introduce the 'iconic' show to a whole new generation.
The X Factor was forced to cancel its Saturday night public vote after the show was hit by sound issues. Viewers complained that the judges - and some of the performances - 'sounded distorted' and contestants sounded 'like Daleks.' Whether this means ITV will be exterminating the, clearly tired and worn-out, format after the current series we just don't know. ITV snivellingly apologised and said the vote would take place on Sunday's show instead. It is thought to be the first time that voting has been cancelled in the show's fifteen-year history. Viewers started to encounter sound issues during the performance by Danny Tetley and continued through Anthony Russell's song. A message appeared on-screen which read: 'We are sorry for the temporary interference in sound.' At the end of the programme, another message said: Due to a technical issue, tonight's vote has been cancelled. It will open in tomorrow night's show.' The show was not live - and had been pre-recorded on Saturday afternoon - so the host, Dermot O'Dreary, did not refer to the sound problems. An ITV spokeswoman said: 'We apologise for the technical issue that affected the sound on part of tonight's episode of The X Factor. We are investigating why this happened.'
Olivia Colman's road to the Oscars will include a stop at this year's British Independent Film Awards, where her new royal drama is up for twelve awards. Colly, who was named best actress at the Venice Film Festival, is nominated for another best actress prize for her role as Eighteenth Century monarch Queen Anne. Yorgos Lanthimos's The Favourite has thirteen nominations in all, two of them in the best supporting actress category. Set during Anne's reign, the film tells of two women competing for her favour. The courtiers in question are played by Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone, who will themselves compete for the supporting actress award. Weisz gets another nomination in the best actress category for her performance as a Jewish lesbian in religious drama Disobedience. Colman's other royal roles include playing The Queen in the forthcoming third series of The Crown. Her portrayal of the flighty, petulant and pain-riddled Queen Anne has been widely praised by the critics, among them the Gruniad Morning Star's Peter Bradshaw. 'Just when we thought Colman couldn't get any better, she steps up to movie-star lead status with an uproarious performance,' he wrote after The Favourite's Venice premiere. Heist caper American Animals has received eleven BIFA nominations ahead of this year's ceremony, to be held at London's Old Billingsgate on 2 December. In the best actor category, meanwhile, Rupert Everett's turn as Oscar Wilde in The Happy Prince goes up against Steve Coogan's take on Stan Laurel in the upcoming Stan & Ollie. Michaela Coel, recently seen in BBC2's Black Earth Rising, is nominated for most promising newcomer for her work in Netflix's London-set musical Been So Long. Also recognised is former Doctor Who actress Karen Gillanfor her directorial debut The Party's Just Beginning.
Question Time host David Dimbleby has criticised social media attacks on one of the show's female panellists. He said that comments levelled against Institute of Economic Affairs associate director Kate Andrews were 'vile, disgusting, loathsome' and 'unspeakably horrible.' Andrews said that being offensive and committing a crime were 'two different things' and she would rather see police money being spent on women dealing with domestic violence. The panel was discussing comments made this week by former Thames Valley chief constable, Sara Thornton, who suggested that police should focus on burglary and violent crime over incidents such as misogyny, where, she said, no offence had been committed.
Susanna Reid was forced to give Big Brother-type person Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace (no, me neither) a finger-wagging telling off on Thursday's episode of Good Morning Britain after saying a - not particularly naughty - word. Horgan-Wallace and a fellow guest, the journalist Radhika Sanghani, were debating whether bottom slapping was sexual assault when the offending word slipped out. It isn't, incidentally. But only so long as it's done between consenting adults. Otherwise, it is and if you're thinking of doing it you should refrain from doing so otherwise you may find yourself in very hot water. Here endeth what should be bledding obvious even to the world's stupidest numbskull glake. 'I'm not saying, "Come on, please slap my arse, I'd love that,"' Horgan-Wallace said, before Reid quickly interjected. 'Okay, shall we not use "The A Word", it is 6.37 in the morning,' the presenter said testily. 'Sorry, slap my bottom,' Horgan-Wallace then added. To the disappointment of viewers everywhere who like that sort of thing, Reid did not accept the invitation. An opportunity missed, some might say.
And all of this rank and utter horseshite constitutes 'news' apparently. Well, it does if you're some waste-of-space plank working for the Digital Spy website, it would seem.
A BBC-commissioned report looking at free TV licences for the over-seventy fives has laid out four options for the future. In 2020, the BBC takes over funding of the licence fees from the government, at an estimated cost of seventy hundred and forty five million knicker a year. The Frontier Economics report has looked at the costs and viability of scrapping the free fees or giving a fifty per cent concession to over-seventy fives. They also looked at increasing the age threshold for eligibility and means-testing. The BBC will now look at this report and produce its own public consultation paper exploring different pathways. The cost of covering the free licence fees forecast for 2020 would constitute a fifth of the BBC's entire licence fee income. The cost will have to be considered against the BBC's ability to provide high quality public service broadcasting content for all audiences. Last month Frontier issued a discussion paper that suggested older households have seen 'a marked improvement' in their living standards since the policy was first introduced by the then government in 2000. It said that pensioners are now 'less likely' than any other age group to live in poverty. The report says that there 'is a case for reform' of the current over-seventy fives concession.
The BBC must 'conduct a public interest test' if it wants to change the iPlayer, Ofcom has said. Proposed changes include adding additional box-sets and enhancing personalisation and user experience. Ofcom - a politically-appointed quango, elected by no one - said that because the changes could 'increase iPlayer usage,' this 'could' affect other broadcasters. A public interest test is a process which involves the BBC fully considering competition concerns that could arise if the new and improved iPlayer were developed. These competitors include the ITV Hub, All Four, MyFive and Now TV - a smaller audience share could prevent these platforms from investing and developing their services. However, during this period of testing the BBC is allowed to make minor changes. This includes retaining box-sets currently available and adding series that have already been given approval for iPlayer distribution. The BBC will also be allowed to make available series in the future, but for amount of time currently allowed, rather than the extended amount of time proposed.
An influential cross-party group of MPs and peers has called on the government to 'guarantee parliamentary time' to create new laws to ensure shows made by the BBC and other public service broadcasters do not get buried on the streaming services of big tech and pay-TV giants such as Netflix and Sky. In a rare alliance across the political spectrum, nine MPs and peers - including deputy Labour leader Tommy Watson (power to the people!), Liberal Democrat baroness Jane Bonham-Carter and the Scottish National Party's Hannah Bardell - have written to the lack of culture secretary, the vile and odious rascal Wright, arguing that if the government is willing to stand up to the tech giants over tax then it also needs to act to protect Britain's public service broadcasters. 'The digital revolution has brought greater flexibility and choice but if we are not careful the enormous power of the global Internet giants is going to sweep traditional PSB television away,' said the letter, timed to mark the joint birthday of the BBC and Channel Four. The UK's PSBs - the BBC, ITV, Channel Four and Channel Five - have enjoyed the benefits of being guaranteed the top slots on traditional TV guides, thanks to legislation introduced in 2003. However, the shift in viewing habits - from the arrival of Netflix and Amazon to the introduction of algorithms to select shows viewers might like and promotion of 'top picks' in advanced menus on Sky and Virgin Media ' has meant that many TV fans increasingly bypass the traditional electronic programme guide. Broadcasters argue that commercial players are championing their own shows, while public service broadcasting content and services such as the iPlayer, ITV Hub and All Four are buried. 'From smart TVs that have a "Netflix" button on the remote control, to on-demand sections where PSB apps are nowhere to be seen, or algorithms that only throw up pay-TV programming, PSBs are being pushed out of online TV portals,' the letter said. 'If we value the unique cultural offering these PSBs have given us over the last eighty two years then we must act to ensure that whether viewers are selecting what to watch through traditional TV programme guides, or on-demand guides or online, the PSBs are given proper priority.' Ofcom, the broadcasting regulator, has just closed a consultation into the issue of 'due prominence.' It is reported to be 'sympathetic' to the PSBs' case but it would require new legislation to broaden the current laws across all services. 'The new legislation that is clearly necessary to protect PSBs will need to be given parliamentary time, something that is in the gift of your government. We ask you to commit to doing so,' the letter stated. Pay-TV companies, smart TV manufacturers and the Silicon Valley giants are opposed to being forced to give prominence to PSB services and content, arguing that in an on-demand world it is the viewers who decide what they want to watch. 'If we agree that public service broadcasting has cultural value then our minimum duty is to make sure it is visible in plain sight to citizens,' the letter said. Watson added: 'This week the government said they are going to stand up to tech giants to make the tax system fairer. They urgently need to do the same for public service broadcasting. Without action the tech giants are going to use their enormous market power to squeeze our PSBs further and further out.'
Channel Four will set up a new national HQ in Leeds in an attempt to 'boost the way it reflects life outside London.' The broadcaster will keep another headquarters in the capital, but will move roughly two hundred of its eight hundred staff to the Yorkshire city. Leeds was chosen above Birmingham and Greater Manchester, which were also on the shortlist. The channel has also announced it will open 'creative hubs' in Bristol and Glasgow, with around fifty staff in each. This is all part of a plan to increase the amount Channel Four spends on programmes outside London by two hundred and fifty million knicker over the next five years. That means half of its programme budget will be spent outside the capital by 2023, up from thirty five per cent currently. Tom Riordan, the chief executive of Leeds City Council, said it was 'the best news.' The new national HQ will regularly host executive and board meetings and will be home to 'a digital creative unit' to make material for online platforms and social media. Channel Four News will also open three new bureaux outside London, including one in Leeds.
The BBC and Sky have called on the European commission to take 'formal action' against Saudi Arabia over a pirate TV and streaming service which provides UK viewers who use it with illegal access to content including Premier League football, Bodyguard and Game Of Thrones. BeoutQ, which started as a geo-blocked website available only in Saudi Arabia, has rapidly developed into a sophisticated international piracy operation. Set-top boxes are available internationally, including the UK, which also illegally allow streaming access to thousands of premium TV channels. The illegal service has had a surge in popularity after making global headlines for pirate broadcasting the entire World Cup. BeoutQ also provides access to other illegal streaming apps and its feed is now being pirated by other operations. The rapid growth of BeoutQ has prompted Sky, which operates in seven countries in Europe and the BBC to support the calls for the European commission to take action against the service. The broadcasters have sent letters to Anna Malmström, the European commissioner fortrade, outlining their 'concerns' and backing a formal EU protest, or démarche, to the Saudi government about BeoutQ. Which, of course, the Saudi government will ignore because they've got all the oil, they have President Rump in their back pockets because they own all the oil and they can murder their own journalists in full view of the rest of the world and not give a shit what anyone thinks. Again, because they've got all the oil. Sky's letter highlighted 'threats posed to European broadcasters and rights owners by a relatively new, but rapidly growing, source of audiovisual piracy, namely the BeoutQ service.' It added: '[Sky] understands that [the directorate general of trade] is planning imminently to launch a démarche towards the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia authorities regarding the issue. The purpose of this letter is to confirm Sky's full support for that démarche.' The BBC's letter, which also backs EU action, highlights the damage that making its content and channels available via the pirate service will do to its finances. 'The availability of the BBC channels and content via BeoutQ's pirate activity will adversely impact BBC Studios’ ability to license these channels to partners throughout Europe and also the ability of our European partners to sell subscriptions to their television services,' the letter says. A BBC spokesman said: 'The BBC group is committed to combating piracy of its channels and content worldwide and actively work with our media partners in fighting against piracy operating in the terrain which our partners hold exclusive licences.' The BeoutQ service is transmitted internationally on ten channels by the Saudi-headquartered satellite firm Arabsat, which counts the Saudi state as its largest shareholder and also offers streaming. It was set up last year, initially pirating the feed of Qatar's BeIN Media Group, the owner of beIN Sports and The English Patient film studio Miramax. BeIN Media, which has fifty five million pay-TV customers worldwide, has spent billions on the rights content including Premier League, Champions League, World Cup, NBA and NFL. The pirate service was launched when Saudi Arabia mounted an economic boycott of Qatar. This has led to widespread accusations, denied by Saudi Arabia, that it is a media weapon in its wider political dispute designed to weaken Qatar's economy. The UK broadcasters are the latest to turn up the pressure on Saudi Arabia to take action against the service. This month, BeIN Media launched a one billion dollar lawsuit against Saudi Arabia and the Premier League and FIFA have appointed legal counsel in the kingdom to try to prevent the theft of its intellectual property rights.
Last Sunday afternoon, dear blog reader, in the middle of watching the Sri Lanka versus England Twenty20 international, the Stately Telly Topping Manor Sky TV box only went and appeared to have blown itself up to buggery, didn't it? Fortunately, Keith Telly Topping still had the DVD recorder and Freeview, which were both unaffected (so Sunday's Doctor Who was safe). But still, this blogger could not help but reflecting something along the lines of ...
First thing on Monday morning, therefore, this blogger spent twenty minutes on the dog-and-bone with a lovely chap from Sky Customer Services called Thomas (although, let it be noted he had a strong Indian accent so this blogger is guessing that may not have been his actual name!) Keith Telly Topping was expecting to have to go the full ten rounds with the company over getting a replacement at a price that didn't involve an overdraft but, in fact, Thomas was as jolly helpful as jolly helpful could be. It's normally sixty five notes to get an out-of-warranty box replacement but, as this blogger has been a Sky customer since 1990, Thomas knocked over fifty per cent off the bill - cutting the cost to thirty quid which will go on the December Stately Telly Topping Manor bill. The downside was that an engineer could not be booked until Friday afternoon so the gaff was without Sky for the rest of the week. Still, at that stage this blogger was thinking 'result!'
And, lo, on Friday as they had promised - and bang on the time they promised - Chris the engineer turned up and installed the new Stately Telly Topping Manor Sky tellybox (and a new dish since the previous one had been adorning the upper walls of the gaff since the last Century). And truly, dear blog reader, it was (and still is) marvellous in yer actual Keith Telly Topping's Goddamn sight. Now, this blogger merely has to spend the rest of the weekend learning his way around the new system and what buttons he needs to push.
Thus, after five days without the capacity, dear blog reader, once again with this remote yer actual Keith Telly Topping could, dare he say it, control the world (or, at least the new Stately Telly Topping Manor Sky tellybox, anyway).
This week's second 'First World Problem' to hit Stately Telly Topping Manor (following the Sky tellybox exploding malarkey) occurred on Tuesday when, after many, many, many years of faithful service, the Stately Telly Topping Manor hot water bottle chose that particular moment to perish (in, like, every sense of the word). At least, that was this blogger's excuse when he woke up in the early hours of Wednesday morning to find his bed was rather wet. So, this occasioned a trip to Argos to buy a new one for a tenner. Which was accomplished. It's very ... fluffy. This blogger thinks he will call her Louise.
Apparently it was 'National Cat Day' in America this week; so, in the spirit of adding one more picture of a cat to the Interweb, here's one of only two or three photos this blogger has of Our Kaboobie (don't ask, it's a frighteningly long story! Or, if you really want to know, go here for the full cat's tale.) 1970 to 1985. Gone, but never forgotten - particularly because of the damage her claws did to the cover of my copy of The Smiths debut LP.
Neil Young has confirmed that he has married actress Darryl Hannah. The singer refers to Hannah his wife in a message released with a live recording of his Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song 'Ohio'. There had been rumours in August that the couple had married after blues guitarist Mark Miller posted a message of congratulations online. In the video Neil told the crowd 'everything's great, just cruising along ... writing songs about love.' Young wrote 'Ohio' in 1970 about four protesters who were shot protesting against the Vietnam war at Ohio's Kent State university. He said that he was releasing the live version to support student calls for 'common sense gun laws' in the US and urged fans to vote in the American mid-term elections on 6 November. In the accompanying message he said: 'My wife Daryl and I put this video together to reflect on.' Young divorced his previous wife, the singer-songwriter Pegi Young, in 2014 after thirty six years of marriage. Hannah directed Young in the Netflix film Paradox, which is her directorial debut.
Nick Cave has shared an emotional open letter about how he still feels the presence of his son, Arthur, who died in 2015 aged fifteen. The Australian musician, songwriter, actor and author was responding to a letter from a fan who said that she still felt 'some communication' with family and friends who had died recently. Cave replied: 'If we love, we grieve ... I feel the presence of my son, all around, but he may not be there.' Arthur died after falling from a cliff in Brighton. Cave is best known as lead singer of Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. He has been described as 'one of the most intense and exciting live acts on the planet' and is a particular favourite of yer actual Keith Telly Topping. Cave posted the letter on The Red Hand Files, a website he uses to communicate with fans, earlier this week. One fan from the US wrote: 'I have experienced the death of my father, my sister and my first love in the past few years and feel that I have some communication with them, mostly through dreams. They are helping me. Are you and Susie feeling that your son, Arthur, is with you and communicating in some way?' Cave thanked the fan, Cynthia, for the 'beautiful question' and shared his experience of dealing with grief. 'Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our minuscule selves,' he wrote. 'Within that whirling gyre all manner of madnesses exist; ghosts and spirits and dream visitations, and everything else that we, in our anguish, will into existence. These are precious gifts that are as valid and as real as we need them to be. They are the spirit guides that lead us out of the darkness.' He added that he felt the presence of Arthur 'all the time. I hear him talk to me, parent me, guide me, though he may not be there. Dread grief trails bright phantoms in its wake. These spirits are ideas, essentially. They are our stunned imaginations reawakening after the calamity. Like ideas, these spirits speak of possibility. Follow your ideas, because on the other side of the idea is change and growth and redemption. Create your spirits. Call to them. Will them alive. Speak to them. It is their impossible and ghostly hands that draw us back to the world from which we were jettisoned; better now and unimaginably changed.'
The Labour MP Gavin Shuker has received twenty thousand smackers in damages from Metro.co.uk after it falsely accused him of being homophobic and promoting abortion. The payment, disclosed in the latest register of member's interests, related to a Metro opinion piece published earlier this year entitled We need to stop attaching morals to sex work - it can be fatal which defended sex work and criticised Shuker for his stance on the issue. The MP, the chair of the all-party parliamentary group on prostitution, has repeatedly campaigned for a change in the law which would make it illegal to pay for sex. Metro.co.uk has already issued a grovelling apology for its decision to print the article. 'We included claims in the article that Mister Shuker is homophobic, had defended a charity in pushing "conversion therapy" for LGBTQ people, is a misogynist and an opponent of abortion,' the website said in a correction. 'The article may also have been understood to mean that Mister Shuker had failed to respond to our request for comment before publication, which was not the case. We accept that none of these claims against Mister Shuker was true. We offer our sincere and unreserved apologies to Mister Shuker and have agreed to pay him substantial damages and his legal costs.' The payment was made by Daily Scum Mail & General Trust, the owner of Metro.co.uk. Asked what he would do with the payment, the MP for Luton South said: 'Barbados this time of year is quite nice, I understand.'Heh. That's the first - intentionally - funny thing a politician has said in years. Metro.co.uk is 'entirely separate from the print edition of the Metro,'according to the Gruniad Morning Star. 'This is despite both publications being owned by the same company and sharing the same office building,' the Gruniad sneers. Yeah, very odd that.
The expansion of the World Cup from thirty two to forty eight teams could be brought forward from 2026 to 2022, says FIFA president Gianni Infantino. The change would require Qatar to share 2022 hosting duties with other countries in the region. The decision has already been taken to expand the tournament in 2026, when it will be held in the USA, Canada and Mexico and Infantino is now considering doing the same for 2022. 'If it is possible, why not?' he said. 'We have to see if it is possible, if it is feasible. We are discussing with our Qatari friends, we are discussing with our many other friends in the region and we hope that this can happen. And, if not, we will have tried. We will have tried because we always have to try to do things in a better way.' Speaking at the opening of the Asian Football Confederation's new headquarters in Kuala Lumpur, Infantino also reiterated his plans to expand the Club World Cup. He said that he wants to make it 'a real competition' that 'every club in the world can target.' And, of course, generates loads of filthy wonga so that football can continue to get it greed right on. The beautiful game, dear blog reader. Supported by The People, run by greedy bastards.
To further expand on the point, dear blog reader, at least one professional football club is reported to be 'under investigation' for alleged money laundering, security minister Ben Wallace has revealed. Wallace told MPs 'a club or clubs' were 'being looked into' when asked about the issue at a Treasury Select Committee meeting on Tuesday. 'I couldn't reveal how many and what they are, for that is an operational matter,' he added. He said that to reveal more details 'could threaten investigations.' But, he added: 'The sports industry is as susceptible as anything else to dirty money being invested or their organisations being used as a way to launder money.' Wallace was speaking after the Labour MP John Mann asked him: 'When it comes to money laundering, how many professional football clubs have been deemed as requiring investigation currently?' The minister also pointed out 'not enough' had come from football authorities to help tackle the issue. A National Crime Agency spokeswoman said that the body would neither 'confirm or deny the existence of investigations.' Although, unless she was suggesting that Wallace was lying to MPs, then that ship has pretty much already sailed. She added: 'We have not charged any professional football clubs with money laundering and there are none currently in the court process.' A 2009 report by the international Financial Action Task Force said football could be targeted by money launderers because it involves large sums of money crossing international borders. In 2016 police in Portugal, with help from European crime agency Europol, claimed to have broken up a Russian mafia money laundering ring which targeted struggling football clubs. The Operation Matrioskas team said it discovered links to the UK, as well as Austria, Estonia, Germany, Latvia and Moldova.
The former Juventus and Italy footballer Vincenzo Iaquinta has been sentenced to two years in The Big House for firearms offences as part of a large mafia trial. The thirty eight-year-old, who was part of Italy's winning World Cup team in 2006, was one of one hundred and forty eight people standing trial for alleged links to the 'Ndrangheta, a major Southern Italian mafia network. The judge dismissed those charges against him, but his father was found guilty and jailed for nineteen years for various nefarious skulduggery. More than one hundred and twenty others were found very guilty. The court ruled that Iaquinta had illegally passed two guns to his father - who at the time was under a court order banning him from keeping firearms. 'Ridiculous, shame,' Iaquinta and his father shouted as their sentences were announced. Under Italian law, defendants are allowed to appeal twice before a sentence is confirmed and even if that were to happen, it is unlikely that Iaquinta would have to serve any actual jail time, Reuters reports. Because, he's rich, obviously. The trial was the largest of its kind to take place in Italy. The 'Ndrangheta is claimed to have around six thousand members, according to FBI estimates and is active in Calabria one of Italy's poorest regions.
Ten Benin international youth players and former football federation president Anjorin Moucharafou have been handed prison sentences for age cheating. A Cotonou court found them extremely guilty of lying about their ages, which saw them failing MRI tests in Niger. September's failed tests saw Benin disqualified from last month's regional qualifying tournament in Niger for the 2019 Under-Seventeen Africa Cup of Nations. The players were given six-month prison sentences with five months suspended. Because the players have been held in prison since their return from Niamey in September, they do not face more time behind bars. Moucharafou, who was president of the Benin Football Federation until August, was also found guilty because of his administrative role that led to the failed MRI tests. He was handed a twelve-month prison sentence, including ten months suspended. The national under-seventeen team coach Lafiou Yessoufof and two other officials received similar sentences for their roles in cheating. The new president of the FBF, Mathurin de Chacus, declared in August when he was elected that he wanted to 'put an end to corruption, improvisation and amateurism' in the country's football. He had filed a complaint about the overage players scandal and promised 'very heavy' sanctions.
Riot police had to protect referee Andres Cunha as River Plate beat Gremio with a late penalty in an incredible Copa Libertadores semi-final. Gonzalo Martinez scored the spot-kick, given via the video assistant referee, in the fifth of fourteen added minutes. Defender Bressan, who conceded the penalty for handball, was sent-off as he remonstrated with Cunha, with play held up as Gremio's players protested. River Plate won the second leg two-one and went through on the away goals rule. The Argentine side, beaten one-nil at home in the first leg, went further behind when Leo Gomes scored for the Brazilian holders after thirty five minutes in Porto Alegre. River Plate were still two goals behind on aggregate with nine minutes of normal time left, but then Rafael Borre scored. Uruguayan Cunha then sparked the penalty drama in the eighty sixth minute and was surrounded by Gremio players, with riot police entering the field to protect him from getting killed during the nine-minute delay which followed before the kick was taken. Victory for River Plate sets up the possibility of an all-Argentine final against Boca Juniors, who play Palmeiras in Sao Paulo on Wednesday, having won the home leg two-nil.
Former The Arse striker Nicklas Bendtner has been sentenced to fifty days in jail in Denmark for assaulting a taxi driver. But the thirty-year-old Rosenborg player has appealed and has been released until a hearing at a higher court. The incident took place in September, with the City Court of Copenhagen shown CCTV footage in which it appeared Bendtner struck the driver in the face. Really hard. The Denmark international admitted hitting the taxi driver but claimed that it was because he 'felt threatened.' Bendtner said the driver threw a bottle or a can towards him and his girlfriend when they left without paying. 'We think that it's not good for the club and not good for Nicklas, but he remains a player in the club. We are keeping him,' said Tove Moe Dyrhaug, the chief executive of Bendtner's Norwegian club, Rosenborg. Bendtner, who played for The Arse between 2005 and 2014, scoring forty five goals in one hundred and seventy one games, missed out on a place in Denmark's squad for the 2018 World Cup because of injury. He had loan spells at Blunderland, Birmingham City and Juventus while at The Arse before making a permanent move to German club Wolfsburg. He moved back to England to join Championship side Nottingham Forest in September 2016 before joining Rosenborg in March 2017.
One of the five people arrested at Wednesday's Edinburgh derby was identified to police by other fans, Hearts owner Ann Budge has revealed. Hibernian manager Neil Lennon was struck by a coin at Tynecastle, Hearts goalkeeper Zdenek Zlamal claims he was punched by a fan, while both assistant referees were also targeted during a period of geet rive-on with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. In a joint statement, Hearts and Hibs condemned the 'unsavoury' incidents. The clubs say the culprits will 'face appropriate sanctions.' A twenty five-year-old man has been charged with assault after an assistant referee was attacked, while Police Scotland have confirmed investigations continue into incidents involving Lennon and Zlamal. Hibs chief executive Leeann Dempster said the 'clubs are united' and called on fans to help identify those responsible 'for this kind of unacceptable and potentially dangerous behaviour.' Budge said Hearts will work with their city rivals and Police Scotland to identify those responsible and 'ensure they are banned from attending our two stadiums and are formally charged.' In the statement, she added: 'By working together in this manner, we will succeed in removing the tiny percentage of fans, whose behaviour spoils things for the majority.' Budge also said that the clubs must not 'fall into the trap of condemning the thousands of genuine football fans who do nothing more than passionately support their respective teams.' Dempster said they will 'learn any lessons that we can' and would 'not allow the mindless actions of a few foolish individuals to jeopardise' the enjoyment and safety of other fans. Scottish FA chief executive Ian Maxwell said that he was 'sure no stone will be left unturned' by the two clubs and confirmed that both assistant referees were struck by missiles at Tynecastle. 'We cannot accept that two assistant referees simply carrying out their duties are put in that position,' he added. 'I would like to commend their commitment and professionalism in seeing the game through to its conclusion.'
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though sadly unsellable) Newcastle United skipper Jamaal Lascelles has claimed that the club's loathed owner, Mike Ashley, is 'a nice guy' - one or two people even believed him - and has called for 'togetherness' after signing a lucrative new six-year contract at the club. The twenty four-year-old has led Newcastle since 2016, when he was given the captaincy by manager Rafael Benitez. And, to be fair to the lad, he's done a pretty good job of it. Lascelles and his team-mates had dinner with Ashley last month to 'discuss matters' at St James' Park. 'I think it's important everyone is together,' said Lascelles. 'The meal was really positive, having a sit-down meeting for the first time, hearing [Ashley] speak and seeing what he's like as a man. He's a nice guy.' Newcastle finished an unexpected but impressive tenth in the Premiership last season but were yet to win a league game this term before Saturday's one-nil victory over Watford and are currently seventeenth in the table, with fans regularly protesting against the ownership of Ashley, who has been in charge since 2007 and presided over two relegations and more soap opera-style shenanigans than one can comfortably count. But Lascelles, who has made over one hundred appearances since joining The Magpies from Nottingham Forest in August 2014, says that the club must 'stay united.' Although, if Ashley reckons he could make more money by changing their name to Newcastle Sports Direct, one wouldn't put it past him. 'I know fingers are being pointed at [Ashley], but I think it was a positive meeting and if it could happen more, I don't think it would do any harm. If there are divides, I think it creates problems. If everyone in Newcastle stopped the negativity and tried to form a unity, that would help. It would help if everyone came together and put all that bad energy into positive energy, helping us get three points. That's what everybody wants.'
Leicester City staff, players and fans were in tears as they held a minute's silence for their late owner Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, before their first match since his death last week in a helicopter crash. Supporters travelling to the game away at Cardiff City on Saturday started the day with a free breakfast and tribute t-shirt provided by the club, which many were seen wearing at the match. Fans unfurled a huge flag tribute to Srivaddhanaprabha, from Thailand, before kick-off and players wore their own t-shirt tributes to the man known affectionately as 'The Boss'. The Premier League match was The Foxes' first since Srivaddhanaprabha and four other people were killed in the crash outside King Power Stadium on 27 October. Manager Claude Puel said that the result in Cardiff was 'not important' but striker Jamie Vardy said the players wanted to play at Cardiff so they could 'honour' Srivaddhanaprabha. In the event, Leicester won the game one-nil thanks to Demarai Gray's fifty fifth minute strike.
The Football Association - a memorably awful bunch of hypocritical gangsters if ever there were some - has reportedly written to a number of non-league clubs warning they will be relegated if they do not make their dressing rooms larger. They currently need to be a minimum of twelve square metres in the seventh and eighth tiers, but that will increase to eighteen square metres by 31 March 2019. As if anyone is actually bothered about such crap. Clubs that fail to complete the work by the end of July will be automatically relegated. Larkhall Athletic of Southern League Division One West called the move 'disgraceful.' And, they're not alone. The FA says that notice of the change was given in 2014 and clubs can apply for up to seventy per cent of the funding for any necessary work. Southern League Premier Division side Frome Town, one of the clubs affected, said: 'Five months to get architect, planning permission, funding and probably try and complete it during the playing season - incredible decision.' Clubs must deliver planning permission, if required, proof of funding and a completed, enforceable contract to both the FA and their league by the end of March and would drop down to the ninth tier if they fail to comply. 'The change was to accommodate increased squad sizes, more medical equipment and an improved environment for players,' the FA claimed. 'This is a mandatory requirement from those leagues and the vast majority have already achieved this.' The Football Stadia Improvement Fund, managed by the Football Foundation, can offer partial funding for improvement work.
Usain Bolt's trial with Australian football club Central Coast Mariners has come to an end. The Jamaican eight-time Olympic sprint champion joined the A-League side for an 'indefinite training period' in August. He scored two goals in his first game for The Mariners in a friendly, but did not play in any first class matches when the season began. Efforts to secure 'a commercial solution' to keep Bolt at the club had failed, The Mariners said on Friday. Last month, The Mariners said that they had made a contract proposal broken down into 'football' and 'commercial' terms. However, it hinged on a contribution from 'a third party.' Despite meetings with 'several promising potential partners' no deal could be reached, the club said. Mariners owner Mike Charlesworth thanked Bolt for his eight-week trial, describing it as a success. 'He integrated very well into the team and made great strides as a footballer,' Charlesworth said. The one and two hundred metre world record holder has described it as his 'dream' to play professional football. 'I would like to thank the Central Coast Mariners owners, management, staff, players and fans for making me feel so welcome during my time there,' he said on Friday. Bolt, who retired from athletics in 2017, has previously trained with Borussia Dortmund, South African club Mamelodi Sundowns and Norway's Stromsgodset.
A football club has appealed for help to discover more about two 'illegal' women's football matches held in 1935. Luton Town's historian found a photo, thought to be one of the events, as he looked through archives for a project. Little is known about the games and the club's Community Trust wants to hear from anyone with information. The Football Association had banned women from playing matches at affiliated clubs from 1921 until 1971, calling the sport 'quite unsuitable for females.' The photo is believed to have been taken in 1935, but it is not dated more precisely. The club believes it could be related to a newspaper cutting, also recently rediscovered, advertising two women's games at its Kenilworth Road ground in April 1935 - the Bazaar Cup Final between Woolworth and Marks & Spencer, and a 'Widows versus Spinsters' match. The club said that it wanted to 'uncover the stories behind these illegal ladies football matches.' Community Engagement Officer Natasha Rolt said: 'We're really hoping members of the public can help shed some light on what we think is a remarkable and fascinating story. We're hoping to find out the experiences of people who went to the game or played in it, about the circumstances of the match and the reaction from supporters and others in the town.' The Luton Town Community Trust has been looking through archives after a ninety nine thousand knicker Heritage Lottery Fund grant to 'deliver a project to local schools that explores the history of the football club.' It will also build 'a comprehensive website' of match reports, programmes and photographs for every competitive game played by The Hatters, alongside player biographies and supporter memories, the club said.
A scientist, researching at a remote Russian research station in Antarctica allegedly stabbed and injured a colleague following a breakdown after the latter kept on revealing endings of books he was reading. Sergey Savitsky, aged fifty five and his fifty two-year-old colleague Oleg Beloguzov passed the long hours at Bellingshausen station on King George Island in Antarctica by reading. A report from Russian news agency Interfax said last week that Savitsky was accused of stabbing Beloguzov in the chest with a knife at the base. Interfax reported that the incident 'likely happened because the pair spent four years in close proximity to each other' and Savitsky 'snapped.' It is believed Savitsky's alleged attack on the other man was because 'he was fed up with the man telling him the endings of books.' Beloguzov's heart was injured in the attack and he was admitted to the intensive care unit of a hospital - there's no confirmation of which one but, given that Antarctica isn't exactly overflowing with them, McMurdo General Hospital would seem to be the likely candidate - but his life is understood not to be in danger. The alleged attacker was deported to St Petersburg where he was immediately arrested and a criminal probe launched. It is believed to be the first time that a man has been charged with attempted murder in Antarctica. Alexander Klepikov, the deputy director of the Arctic and Antarctic Research Institute, told Russian television: 'They are both professional scientists who have been working in our expeditions, spending year-long seasons at the station. It is down to investigators to figure out what sparked the conflict, but both men are members of our team.'
A pensioner who made hundreds of abusive nine-nine-nine calls, including one demanding to be 'taken to the bingo,' has walked free from a Tyneside court. Lea Taylor, aged ninety, was convicted of making nuisance calls to the emergency services in July, when she received a two-year conditional discharge. However she was back in the dock last week and admitted making four hundred and twenty calls to the emergency service between 14 July and 30 August. The Wallsend pensioner was sentenced at North Tyneside Magistrates' Court on Friday, where she pleaded extremely guilty to a third malicious communications offence. The court heard that the latest offence involved nine phone calls. Lee Poppett, prosecuting, said: 'Mrs Taylor was abusive during the course of those telephone calls using foul and abusive language and not in fact reporting any emergency incident.' The court heard that between July and August, Taylor had been 'a great strain on resources' and had an ambulance sent to her house on four occasions. Taylor was taken to hospital once but the other three times, she did not need hospital treatment. During one call on 22 July, she rang saying 'I've done my dinner, I need someone to take me to bingo to keep me calm. Stop fucking messing around with me. I'm not going to sit in this house all day.' On 28 July she demanded an ambulance and said: 'I want them here now. Bring me a cup of tea and a pasty. Hurry up I'm starving.' In another call later the same day, she said: 'My pasty's fucking fell on the floor you stupid cunts, get the ambulance out now.' Poppett added: 'Trust staff are reportedly being abused, insulted and sworn at and this is causing distress. There is concern about the impact it's having on the staff.' Despite her repeated appearances before the court, it was revealed Taylor had continued to make abusive phone calls in the few days prior to being up a'fore The Beak. The court heard that Taylor had made seventy nine calls to the emergency services in the previous three days. Mark Harrison, defending, said: 'This is a lady who has reached her ninetieth birthday without a conviction or caution against her name. Then in the course of this calendar year she has found herself in a situation where her liberty could be at risk. It's a huge sadness that Mrs Taylor has found herself again appearing before the criminal courts. She has almost this compulsion to ring the emergency services. What she then says on the telephone to the emergency services is inexcusible. She doesn't wake up in the morning wondering who to abuse next. The plan is to occupy her time, the plan is to alleviate her loneliness, the plan is to put her in touch with others who can provide help and support.' Magistrates handed Taylor a twelve month community order and ordered her to pay eighty five knicker court costs and an additional eighty five quid victim surcharge. Chairman of the bench, Wyn Clayton said: 'There are people all over the area waiting for ambulance for an emergency and whilst the crews are tied up coming out when it is not an emergency, those people can become victims of yours. You must take this on board. You are interfering with other people in the North East's health care by making these calls. They must stop.'
Two men were stabbed during a fight between kitchen workers at Sony Music's headquarters in Central London. Firearms officers and paramedics were called to the building in Derry Street, Kensington on Friday. One member of Sony staff said that the catering workers had been 'running around chasing each other.' Both were later very arrested by police. The Met said that there was 'no evidence' of any firearms involved and it was not being treated as terror-related. In a statement, Sony said two members of the catering team had been 'involved in a violent altercation' and it was 'being investigated' by police. The member of staff, who did not want to be named when speaking to the media, said they had heard 'screaming and running and people slamming doors.' They added the two kitchen workers were 'slashing each other up.' They have both been held on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm. People were evacuated from the building and roads nearby were closed 'as a precaution.' Neither of those stabbed suffered life-threatening injuries, Scotland Yard said.
At least nine people were injured when a thirty-year-old woman blew herself up in the centre of Tunisia's capital, Tunis, the interior ministry says. Describing the blast as 'a terrorist explosion,' the ministry said the woman had had no previous known militant background. Eight of those hurt in the explosion on Avenue Habib Bourguiba, which runs through the middle of the city, were police officers. No group has yet claimed responsibility for the attack. The incident comes at a time when the country's vital tourism industry is starting to show signs of recovery, more than three years after two deadly terror attacks decimated visitor numbers. The first, an attack on the capital's Bardo Museum in March 2015, left twenty two people dead. A few months later, in June, another thirty eight people were killed in a resort in Sousse. The explosion was two hundred metres from the French Embassy and on the same road as the interior ministry, local journalist Souhail Khmira told the BBC. He arrived at the scene fifteen minutes after the blast and says a cloud of black smoke was visible from far away. Tunisia has been under a state of emergency since 2015 when a suicide bomber killed twelve security agents on a bus for presidential guards, reports AFP news agency.
The lawyer representing a Christian woman who was acquitted of blasphemy after eight years on death row has reportedly fled Pakistan in fear for his life. Saif Mulook told the news agency AFP that he 'had to leave' so he could continue to represent Asia Bibi, whose conviction was overturned by judges on Wednesday. Officials have since agreed to bar Bibi from leaving Pakistan in order to end violent protests over the ruling. Campaigners criticised the deal as akin to 'signing her death warrant.' Bibi was convicted in 2010 of insulting the Prophet Muhammad during a row with neighbours and many are calling for the reinstatement of the death penalty following her acquittal. Mulook told the BBC earlier this week that Bibi would need to move to a Western country for her own safety. A number of attempts have previously been made on her life. Several countries have offered her asylum. Pakistani Information Minister Fawad Chaudhry defended the government against allegations that a deal reached with an Islamist party was 'capitulating to extremists.' He claimed that the government would 'take all steps necessary' to ensure Asia Bibi's safety. One or two people even believed him. Mulook, however, called the agreement 'painful. They cannot even implement an order of the country's highest court,' he told AFP before he boarded the plane to Europe. Mulook said that he had decided to leave the country as it was 'not possible' to continue living in Pakistan, adding: 'I need to stay alive as I still have to fight the legal battle for Asia Bibi.' He told Pakistan's Express Tribune that he would return to the country to defend his client - but needed the government to 'provide security.' The protests were led by the Tehreek-i-Labaik party. As part of its deal with the TLP, the government said that it would 'not oppose' petitions filed against the Supreme Court's verdict. All protesters arrested since Asia Bibi's acquittal will be released and any violence towards them will be investigated. The government will also start legal proceedings to put Bibi on a list which would ban her from leaving Pakistan. In return, the TLP is asking its supporters to stop the protests and disperse peacefully. The authorities earlier said that Bibi was scheduled for release from prison later this week. The trial stemmed from an argument Bibi had with a group of women in June 2009. They were harvesting fruit when a row broke out over a bucket of water. The women said that because Bibi had used a cup, they could no longer touch it, as her faith had 'made it unclean.' Prosecutors alleged that in the row which followed, the women said Asia Bibi should convert to Islam and that she made offensive comments about the Prophet Muhammad in response. She was later beaten at her home, during which her accusers say she 'confessed' to blasphemy. She was arrested after a police investigation. In Wednesday's ruling, the Supreme Court said that the case was 'based on flimsy evidence' and her 'confession' was 'delivered in front of a crowd threatening to kill her.' Islam is Pakistan's national religion and underpins its legal system. Public support for the strict blasphemy laws is strong. Hard-line politicians have often backed severe punishments, partly as a way of shoring up their support base. But critics say that the laws have often been used to gain revenge after personal disputes and that convictions are often based on thin evidence. The vast majority of those convicted are Muslims or members of the Ahmadi community, but since the 1990s, scores of Christians have been convicted. They make up just over one per cent of the population of Pakistan. The Christian community has been targeted by numerous attacks in recent years, leaving many feeling vulnerable to a climate of intolerance.
Britain's High Streets are getting unhealthier, according to a report analysing seventy major UK towns and cities. The Royal Society for Public Health ranked High Streets with more payday lenders, bookmakers, tanning salons and fast food outlets the worst. Grimsby led the unhealthy High Street list ahead of Walsall, Blackpool and Sunderland, while Edinburgh, Canterbury and Taunton had the healthiest outlets. There was a clear link between deprived areas and unhealthy High Streets. Outlets that were considered 'healthy' included leisure centres, health services, libraries, museums and art galleries. The report also considered pubs and bars as being a positive presence on the High Street because they are centres for social interaction. However, pubs are in decline and many people are using the UK's twenty two thousand coffee shops as places to socialise, eat and drink instead. The number of fast-food outlets on UK streets rose by four thousand between 2014 and 2017, mostly in deprived areas. The links between typically high-fat fast food, weight gain and obesity are well documented. Fast food outlets sometimes engage in what the RSPH report calls 'upselling'; where staff are trained to persuade customers to buy additional or larger portions. Payday lenders and bookmakers were considered unhealthy businesses because of the 'devastating consequences' debt can have on health as well as on family and work life, the report said. London's High Streets were not considered in the report, as they have been ranked separately. The report paints a picture of the rapidly changing British High Street dominated by cafes and coffee shops, convenience stores, off-licences, vape shops and boarded-up premises. Vape shops were counted as a 'healthier' business, because of their role in discouraging smoking. However, the report added the 'precise long-term effects of vaping are unknown.'
A 'foul-mouthed Gainsborough woman' who allegedly bit and spat at police when she was arrested has been jailed for a year after a hearing at Lincoln Crown Court. Rachel Arundale reportedly kicked and spat at officers and then, after being taken to hospital for a check-up following her arrest, she spat at a nurse and racially abused a police officer. Phil Howes, prosecuting, said that police were called to an address in Gainsborough after receiving reports of a woman trying to force her way into a house. Howes said: 'When they arrived the defendant approached the police car and complained that her jacket was in the garden of her ex-partner's house.' The prosecutor told the court that Arundale was told to go home but instead remained in the area and was subsequently arrested for breach of the peace. Arundale was taken to a police car but tried to get out and kicked PC Lyndsey Harrison in the chest. She then spat at a second officer and went to headbutt him. But missed. Howes said: 'The defendant bit PC Harrison’s middle and forefinger. She refused to let go and told the officer she hoped she had bitten the fingers off.' An officer then used his pava spray on Arundale and other officers arrived to 'give assistance' before Arundale was bundled into the back of a police van. Howes said: 'The defendant was driven back to Lincoln Police Station. During the journey she was continually kicking in the van. At West Parade she continued kicking and spitting everywhere. She was abusive to the custodians and kept kicking out. At one point she spat in the face of a police officer.' Arundale was later taken to Lincoln County Hospital where was verbally abusive to police and to hospital staff. Arundale swore at a nurse and spat at her and as a result the hospital staff refused to treat her. Arundale was handcuffed but was then racially abusive towards a police officer telling her 'You shouldn't even be in this country. Fuck off. Go back to Poland or Latvia or wherever else you've come from.' Afterwards Arundale was taken back to the police station where she was later interviewed and made admissions as well as apologising for her bad and naughty behaviour. Arundale admitted assault occasioning actual bodily harm, three charges of assaulting a police officer and a racially aggravated public order offence. She was jailed for fifty two weeks. Judge Simon Hirst told her: 'It has to be immediate custody. Nothing else will do.'
An English bulldog has been euthanased after reportedly biting off his - Scottish - owner’s testicles, which had, for some reason which is not entirely clear at this juncture, 'been coated in peanut butter.' The twenty two-year-old man, who has not been named, was found fully clothed and lying in a pool of blood in his Haddington, East Lothian, flat. He was rushed to hospital where he was put into an induced coma for several days. He eventually returned to consciousness and is said to have 'co-operated' with police. Authorities say that no one else had been in the apartment at the time of the attack. The dog, named Biggie after gangsta-rapper Biggie Smalls, was found covered in his owner's blood. And with a well-fed look on his mush. 'Inquiries are continuing to establish how a twenty two-year-old man sustained significant injury to his groin area,' a Scottish police spokesperson said. 'However, as part of this investigation the owner of the dog, which is believed to have been involved, has voluntarily signed documentation consenting to the destruction of the animal.' A neighbour told the Daily Record that Biggie was 'an absolute angel. Biggie is such a nice dog. He isn't aggressive or anything and he's quite small. He's fine with other dogs. I was happy to be around him. He gets a bit freaked out by noise but he loves having his belly rubbed.' Or, at least, he used to before he, you know, good the lethal injection. Neighbours reported hearing the bulldog barking at around 4am and again at 8am on the 7 October, the day of the incident. A loud party was, reportedly, heard coming from the address. However, The Times reports that police believe no others are believed to have been involved in the incident. Local media reports the man's genitalia were not able to be recovered for reattachment.
A woman has revealed the secret to earning almost one hundred thousand quid a year - 'by selling her smelly socks to foot fetishists.' Mind you, she 'revealed' this to the Metro so, you know, it is perhaps wise to take this story with a pinch of salt. Or, a splash of deodorant whichever is more appropriate. Roxy Sykes, 'realised she could break into the foot fetish industry after someone complemented her on the "beauty" of her feet,' according to the Metro reported Kate Buck. Whose parents, we are sure, are pure dead proud of their daughter's journalistic brilliance and likelihood to win a Pulitzer real soon. 'The property-investor decided to set up an Instagram page to see how true the interest in her feet was and after reaching over ten thousand followers in a month, decided to listen to her "fans"' writes Kate. 'Having been in the business for four years now, Roxy claims she can earn up to eight thousand pounds in a busy month.'
A ferret owner who reportedly punched her pet before throwing it on the ground has been banned from keeping animals for at least two years. Natalie Dendy was warned by a judge that this was her 'last chance' to avoid prison as she was sentenced for the attack. Dendy had denied causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal and being drunk and disorderly but was found very guilty by magistrates. The ferret, named Posh Spice, was said to have been thrown into the air by Dendy who repeatedly punched it. When the ferret tried to escape, she caught it and attacked it again. During the trial, Newcastle Magistrates' Court heard that a driver who was travelling along Armstrong Road in Benwell saw a woman at the side of the road with 'a furry object.' The animal squirmed away but the woman grabbed it and punched it again with a clenched fist. Police were called and PC Lewis Calboutin attended the scene. The officer told the court: 'I was asked to attend in relation to an intoxicated female who may have a pet that she was treating badly. I saw a female sitting on the grass verge on the side of Armstrong Road. She immediately appeared to me to be intoxicated. She had a pet ferret - called Posh Spice. It was lying in the sun and it appeared dehydrated. It was hot, it was panting and seemed lethargic.' Dendy was taken home in the police vehicle but, as they reached her address she vomited in the van. 'We asked her to step out of the vehicle,' said PC Calboutin. 'She started shouting and swearing at me and my colleague. She then dropped her ferret from a standard height to the floor.' Laura Croft, prosecuting, said: 'She was arrested for being drunk and disorderly. It was at the police station where she assaulted Sergeant Nicholson. He describes her as making threats and described this as a deliberate attack.' Nicholson was hit on his right forearm and Dendy was ordered to pay him fifty smackers compensation. Croft added that the ferret was 'currently being cared for' after being placed in an animal shelter. Dendy admitted the assault on a police officer and also pleaded guilty to failing to surrender to court bail for an earlier hearing. She was also given a twelve month community order to work with probation on her drug and alcohol issues and ordered to pay two hundred and fifty quid costs and a fifty knicker fine. North Tyneside Magistrates' Court heard that Dendy had kept ferrets for a number of years but after Posh Spice was removed she 'no longer had any pets.'
A woman has been jailed after she bit off her friend's ear in 'a savage takeaway shop brawl.' Victoria Burgess was caught on film attacking her friend, Jenna Edwards, before pulling part of her victim's ear out of her mouth. The mobile phone footage showed Burgess kneeling over her friend while aiming punches at her head. She then leaned over and sank her teeth into the ear. Burgess was filmed holding on to Edwards' ear for twelve seconds as the victim is heard repeatedly shouting 'Get off me, Victoria.' Onlookers told Burgess 'don't bite her' before she released her grip and pulled the torn part of the ear out of her mouth. Edwards was then seen telling the takeaway shop's employees to 'call the police' as blood began pouring from her wound. The attack happened in Newport city centre on 6 April this year at Yummies Kebab House. Burgess, a former employee of the city's South Wales Argus newspaper, pleaded very guilty to wounding with intent before she was sentenced at Newport Crown Court. Judge Daniel Williams sentenced her to four-and-a-half years in the nick.
A Brooklyn detective who claims his sergeant shoved a pair of her panties into his mouth hasn't been back to work since the 7 October incident and alleges that he is now an outcast. 'I'm the pariah of the precinct and the NYPD,' Victor Falcon told the New York Post. 'My career is over. Nobody will ever take me seriously. I'm known as the panty-eater. To do my job is impossible,' he said. He blames department officials and internal investigators for initially ignoring his complaint and then leaking embarrassing details to the press, according to a new federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission complaint he filed 24 October. 'The Department allowed me to be humiliated and that's what I intend on proving in court,' he said. Falcon, assigned to the Seventy Second Precinct detective squad in Sunset Park for five years, claimed that he was subjected to abuse 'on almost a daily basis' by Sergeant Ann Marie Guerra. The complaint, which names the city, the NYPD and the Detectives' Endowment Association union, alleges discrimination based on sex and/or gender, assault and battery, sexual harassment, hostile work environment and ongoing retaliation. Last month, Falcon said he mentioned to colleagues that a man in one of his cases had asked him out on a date, prompting Guerra to quip, 'There's nothing wrong with taking it in the ass, because my husband does.' Later 'the running joke was I should sleep with him for bagels,' Falcon said. In 2017, Falcon said he was telling co-workers that he had started dating someone when Guerra said, 'If she doesn't call you back it's because you've got a little dick!' Guerra has not commented on the allegations, but the sergeants union and her husband, Joe, have defended her. 'My poor wife comes home and cries at night,' the husband said. Falcon allegedly complained to a lieutenant and captain about Guerra's 'sexually inappropriate comments' but instead of Guerra being disciplined, she and Sergeant Johnny Wong targeted Falcon for 'retaliation,' he has claimed. They allegedly refused his requests for shift changes so that he could make court custody hearings about his autistic daughter, refused to authorise his overtime and refused his request to transfer. Falcon filed a complaint on 10 October with the NYPD's internal Equal Employment Opportunity office, but officials did not called him in for an interview and 'closed the file' within fifteen hours, the new complaint alleges. It was only after the 'panty-gate' incident made headlines twelve days later that the office bothered to investigate, the document says. Meanwhile, a raunchy photo of Falcon - dressed as a flasher exposing a prop penis at a department Halloween party, flanked by Guerra - was leaked, Falcon believes, in 'an attempt to publicly shame and discredit' him. Falcon told the Post that the costume was a reference to the 'little dick' joke and 'an attempt to defuse the tension' in the office. It was 'a poor choice and I don't deny that,' he said. The 7 October panty raid happened inside the squadroom as Falcon and Guerra talked with DEA union rep Detective Donna Marie Mazza and Detective Ioannis Kyrkos. 'We were basically shooting the breeze and the conversation turned to hygiene,' Falcon said. He told Guerra, 'You got panties in the locker room and panties in the shower.' She then walked into the bathroom and angrily grabbed a 'dark and lacy thong,' he said. 'I was talking and she put it in my face and started rubbing it in my mouth,' Falcon claimed. 'I was a deer in the headlights. I kept hearing her say, "They're fucking clean."' Falcon, who started at the precinct as a uniformed patrolman in 2005 before his 2013 promotion to detective, said that he used to get along with his fellow officers. But, those colleagues have now turned on him. 'According to the culture, you don't rat,' he said.
An actor who appeared on Better Call Saul and Longmire has admitted that he cut off own arm to pose as war veteran. Todd Latourette told the FOX News affiliate KOB4 that he cut off and cauterised his right arm roughly seventeen years ago whilst he was 'off his medications.' Which presumably meant that it hurt, quite a bit, when he did so. He said that he then 'lied' about his injury over a decade later, saying it was incurred on the field of combat, in order to get an acting role, for which he is now apologising. 'I severed my hand with a Skil saw,' he told the news outlet. 'The state of my mind was a psychotic episode.' Latourette was later cast in various acting roles in part because of the severed limb and his - false - story about being a war veteran. Most recently, he appeared in an episode of AMC's Better Call Saul. Latourette is, the story claims, 'back on his medication' and says that living with the lie has been 'difficult,' which is why he 'chose to come forward and admit to it now,' despite the fact that it will likely hinder his future acting career. 'I was dishonourable. I'm killing my career by doing this, if anyone thinks this was for personal edification, that's not the case,' says Latourette. 'I'm ousting myself from the New Mexico Film Industry. And gladly so, just to say what I've said.' Latourette, however, notes that he is 'not looking to be redeemed' for what he has done but, instead, hopes that his story will 'help those who may be struggling with mental illness understand the gravity of taking their medication.'
Tony Perkins, president of the anti-gay religious lobbying group The Family Research Council, had his home destroyed by the massive flooding ravaging Southern Louisiana this week. Which is, obviously, very sad for Perkins and his family. The destruction of Perkins' house is not without some irony, however, considering that he has claimed in the past that natural disasters such as floods and hurricanes are 'God's way of punishing an increasingly gay-friendly world.' Calling into his own radio show, Perkins described the flood as being 'of biblical proportions,' adding that he and his family will 'have to live in a camper for six months' until the damage is repaired. But, Perkins was careful to point out that this particular flood wasn't because of the gays, but rather 'an incredible, encouraging spiritual exercise to take you to the next level in your walk with an almighty and gracious God who does all things well.' Although, quite how he knows this, he did not reveal to listeners. The floods in Louisiana have so far killed eleven people and destroyed over forty thousand homes.
A woman who killed her lover after smacking him over the head with a bottle of whiskey she bought for his birthday has been jailed for more than seven years. Alexis Cook attacked James McGrogan in his Coatbridge flat on the day he turned fifty four in March this year. The assault came just hours after the butcher was reunited with a son he had not seen for a decade. Cook, who had been due to stand trial for murder, last month admitted the reduced charge of culpable homicide. The High Court in Glasgow heard she confessed: 'I hit him with a Jim Beam bottle. I think I gave him a bad one this time.' Lord Mulholland sentenced her to seven years and three months in The Big House. The judge said that Cook had attacked James and added: 'You did not summon help and left him to his fate. His fate was his death. He was much loved by his family and is dearly missed. His death has had a profound effect on them.' Cook showed no emotion as she was lead handcuffed to the cells. The couple had been dating for around two years and the court heard McGrogan had been celebrating his birthday with Cook and his mother. The father then went to a local shop and it was there he met his son, who he had not seen for a decade. Prosecutor David Taylor said: 'James returned to his flat and was noted to be in a happy and emotional state following this reconciliation.' But when the couple were alone they had 'a blazing row.' A neighbour noticed 'sounds of a commotion' which appeared to stop about 20:15. It was around this time that Cook texted her sister claiming: 'Answer your phone. I'm in big trouble.' The killer then went to a nearby flat wearing blood stained pyjamas. She confessed to people there: 'I hit him with a Jim Beam bottle. I hit him twice. I'd bought a bottle of it for him for his birthday.' Cook went on: 'I think I gave him a bad one this time. I left him lying in the hall. He'll be alright. I threw a cover over him.' It was Cook herself who later dialled nine-nine-nine. James was discovered by police lying under a duvet in the hall. He was found to have 'significant head trauma= with a large amount of broken glass in the flat. Cook told officers she had hit James, but denied 'using anything.' She also claimed that her boyfriend had bit her on the bottom and insisted McGrogan had been alive when she left him.The victim was later found to have injuries 'consistent' with smashed or broken glass. Donald Findlay QC, defending, said Cook 'profoundly regrets' what happened.
A vegan woman in Italy has been fined over one thousand Euros after threatening to stab her mother for making a traditional meat sauce in her presence. Italian newspaper Gazzetta di Modenareported this week that the forty eight-year-old woman - who is, obviously, not mental - has been ordered by local courts to pay a court fine and a further payment to her mother for physically threatening her with a kitchen knife, after the sexagenarian cooked a Bolognese sauce in their newly-shared home. According to the Torygraph, the 'newly unemployed' daughter had recently moved back into her mother's apartment, where she often cooked in the rezdore tradition of chefs in the Emilia Romagna dialect. Lawyers further told the Gazzetta di Modena that there had been 'an escalation of aggressive episodes, always over food,' before 'things nearly took a turn for the fatal.' Furious with the smell of meat sauce simmering on the stove one day in March 2016, the daughter reportedly grabbed a knife and made a grave threat. The identities of the mother and daughter were not disclosed.
And finally, dear blog reader, it has been a record-breaking week for us here at From The North, particularly on Thursday when this blog had over five thousand three hundred individual page hits. Keith Telly Topping hopes that every single one of them found what they were looking for.

'Be careful what you say back there, one wrong word you could talk yourself out of existence. Tread softly, you're treading on your own history.'
'It's a risk.''Oh right, cos none of our other trips have ever been risky.''I have apologised for the Death Eye Turtle Army. Profusely! I suppose I could loop this into the TARDIS's telepathic circuits.''This thing's telepathic too?''Don't call her "a thing" Graham, and yes, she does have telepathic navigation. Sort of. Shorthand for a very complicated process which is way beyond your understanding.''Ta very much, I only hang around here to be insulted!'
'All the way from England.''You might want to keep that to yourself!'
'We can't go, I came here for answers, all I have is more questions.''I knew this would happen. We shouldn't have come. This is what happens when you try to be nice!'
'The land belongs to everyone, has done for centuries, one day doesn't change that.'
'You just saw something not-of-this-world and you took it right in your stride. Why was that, Prem?''Because I've seen them before.'
'I've taken note of your comments, I'll pass them on to Mountbatten ... if I ever run into him again.'
'I know who you are, I know what you do and it's not happening here!'
'I've seen war take our young and drought take our old. And men impose a border like a crack through our country.'
'I don't know if any of us know the truth of our own lives. Because we're too busy living it from the inside.'
'This is brilliant, I never did this when I was a man ... Sorry, my references to body and gander regeneration are just in jest.'
'Who's doing this stuff?''Ordinary people who've lived here all there lives ... There's nothing worse than when ordinary people lose their minds ... I don't know how we protect people when hatred is coming from all sides.''All we can strive to be is ... good men. And you are a good man.'
'This is us, forever. Our moment in time.'
'I know what you're asking but family history and time travel, very tricky.''Just for an hour. See her from a distance. What's the point of having a mate with a time machine, if you can't nip back and see your gran when she was younger?' Guess what, dear blog reader? Yep, yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought that was bloody great. Particularly as, Jodie and Bradley Walsh aside, it featured a cast almost entirely composed of actors of colour and, that in and of itself, is almost certain to piss off some very loud and highly obnoxious people on Twitter. Which, again in and of itself, is always a good thing. A lovely, lyrical script by Vinay Patel with a glorious tabla-dominated soundtrack and Jodie's finest performance yet. Though, yet again, Bradley got most of the best lines. A fittingly contemplative story for Remembrance Day full of compassion, hope and, magnificently, redemption. Beautiful. 'Still not interfering, are we?''Oi! The alien assassins started it!'
Having made a really big deal of the fact that switch from Saturday evenings to Sunday evenings for the current series of Doctor Who was done, at least in part, to ensure that the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama would have a more-or-less consistent time-slot, it has taken the BBC all of seven weeks to completely screw that idea up. On Sunday 18 November, Kerblam!, the seventh episode in Jodie Whittaker's first series as The Doctor, will be shown at the earlier time of 6.30pm on BBC1. And, it's all Sir David Attenborough's fault, it would seem. Attenborough's new and much-anticipated series, Dynasties kicks-off at 8pm that night, which has had the added effect of also moving Strictly Come Dancing's results show to half-an-hour earlier than usual (7.20pm).
Costume designer Ray Holman has confirmed on Twitter that he will be working on Jodie Whittaker's second series of Doctor Who during 2019. Which - as the Sci-Fi Bulletin website notes - appears to have poured cold water on a fandom rumour, which this blogger must admit had entirely passed him by, that Jodie would be leaving the production and regenerating on New Year's Day. The switch from Christmas Day to New Year's Day from the popular long-running family SF drama's traditional end of year special has been speculated about - both within fandom and wider afield - for some time, with the Daily Mirra even producing alleged quotes from an alleged, though suspiciously anonymous and, therefore probably fictitious, 'source', claiming that the production had decided not to do any more Christmas Day episodes because 'they've run out of [Christmas-related] ideas.' However, the BBC have yet to confirm when the, as yet untitled, eleventh episode of the current ten-episode run will be broadcast.
On Tuesday morning, yer actual Keith Telly Topping was asked - in his capacity as The Great Sage Of All Things Doctor Who-Related In The North East Of England - to go on BBC Tees'Mike Parr Show and talk about a ludicrous nothing-story printed in the Sun concerning Doctor Who allegedly losing some viewers because it has become 'too PC.' Which followed a similarly shit-stirring, factually inaccurate and agenda-soaked piece by some louse in the Daily Scum Mail a week earlier. Both of them, seemingly, based on the whinging of half-a-dozen sour-faced malcontents on Twitter. The radio piece itself was quite good fun, although this blogger suspects Mike, an old colleague from Keith Telly Topping's BBC Newcastle days when Mike hosted The Breakfast Show, would've liked to have gotten more than two or three words in edge-ways during the nine minutes that the segment lasted and this blogger pretty much monopolised the airwaves. Let this be a lesson to anyone who wishes to invite yer actual Keith Telly Topping onto the wireless, for any reason - he can talk for England, that kid. And, indeed, he will given half-the-chance. As Elvis Costello once wisely noted if you start to take this sort of nonsense too seriously, remember, 'yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper.'
This blogger feels that, in the event, he did a pretty good job in rubbishing these utterly ridiculous pieces of Stalinist-style rewriting of history - although if he'd known that he would be called upon to defend how he polices comments on his own, private, Facebook page this being, seemingly, 'of public interest' to the radio listeners of Teeside, he would have prepared a much more Ofcom-friendly defence in advance. He does, however, regret that he wasn't as pithy and brief on the 'too PC' subject as his old mucker James Gent. Who provided this glorious slapdown riposte on Twitter to a, similarly knobbish, question for the 'usually-a-bit-more-sensible-than-that' Jeremy Vine.
The Bank of England is asking the public to nominate a scientist as the face of the new plastic fifty smacker note – but forget about nominating The Doctor because, apparently, 'Time Lords of whatever gender are ineligible.' Any scientist can be nominated as long as they are British, dead, and non-fictional. No woman has ever featured on the reverse side of the fifty quid note, so the Bank is expected to come under pressure to select one. But that woman will not be Jodie Whittaker, as governor Mark Carney explained in his speech announcing the project. 'We're looking for someone from Great Britain and Northern Ireland who has made an invaluable contribution to UK society, be it through innovation, exceptional leadership, helping to shape the society or forging common values,' said Carney. 'As has always been the case, the Bank will not represent living people or fictional characters on our banknotes, so I'm afraid Time Lords of whatever gender are ineligible!' Instead, Ada Lovelace, the first computer programmer is an early frontrunner, alongside Nobel prizewinner Dorothy Hodgkin and the late Stephen Hawking. Given what happened with the Boaty McBoatface fiasco, the Bank said that it would 'not be completely bound' by a public vote but would, instead, open 'a six-week window for names of scientists to be suggested for its character-selection process.'
Things we learned from this week's Only Connect. From The North favourite Victoria Coren-Mitchell (then, pre-marriage, simply Victoria Coren) attended the 1999 Champions League Final at the Nou Camp and witnessed The Scum famously coming from behind to score twice in injury time and beat Fußball-Club Bayern München. She was, she claimed, sitting just behind former Manchester United legend the late George Best (although, he wasn't 'the late'then, obviously) who left the stadium, seemingly in disgust, as the clock reached ninety minutes. And, therefore, missed all of the late drama and his old club winning Europe's top prize for the first time since he, himself, played in the 1968 final. And, what made the story even funnier was that Victoria said she had told it a few times as an amusing little anecdote, most recently during a poker match which featured the former footballer Teddy Sheringham. She was, she added, entirely ignorant of the fact that not only was Teddy playing in that game but it was, in fact, he who scored the first of The Scum's goals!
Things we learned from this week's Qi XL: According to the latest research 'the average person has five secrets which they've never told a living soul,' stated Sandi Toksvig. From The North favourite Victoria Coren Mitchell's five secrets are: 'Where I keep my keys ... and four murders!'
We also learned that Bridget Christie, seemingly, doesn't mind going on national telly wearing a really scruffy-looking denim skirt with a big hole in it. Come on, love, could you not have smartened yourself up a bit for such a prestige programme?
From The North's TV Comedy Moment Of The Week came during Sky Sport Cricket's coverage of the third day of the first Sri Lanka versus England test. It revolved around Marcus Trescothick's complete inability to say 'the middle period' without getting it all a bit mixed-up, to the huge amusement of his broadcasting colleagues Rob Key and Nick Knight. Whether this was the first recorded use of the word 'piddle' on British TV since the 1970s, this blogger is uncertain. But, there can't be that many other examples, surely? Even Sad Bob Willis on the subsequent The Debate almost cracked a smile. Almost, but not quite.
Another mildly amusing sporting-related moment occurred during Sky Sports F1's coverage of the opening day of practice for the Brazilian Grand Prix when David Croft and Ted Kravitz were discussing the announcement this week that, in 2020, there will be a Grand Prix held for the first time in Hanoi. Ted noted that the company behind the promotion of the new race were Vinfast, a Vietnamese car-maker. Wise-cracking Crofty added that he had Googled the company and discovered they produce cars including the Vin Electric, the Vin Petrol and, of course, the Vin Diesel. Fast, dear blog reader, and jolly furious.
The latest From The North's regular TV Comedy Line Of The Week award had a couple of contenders; the week's episode of Would I Lie To You? included Emma Bunton's claim that when The Spice Girls were on tour in the 1990s and stayed in hotels they played 'a special game to test who was the bravest.' What did the game involve, asked David Mitchell. They would dare each other to do 'certain things,' Emma added. So, what was the scariest thing you were ever asked to do, Emma was asked. 'Sing live?' suggested Rob Brydon.
The same episode also featured a classic bit of of back-and-forth between Mitchell and Lee Mack for which the popular BBC comedy panel show is so loved by regular viewers, this blogger included. Lee produced what he claimed was his 'lucky dice', one on which he could always throw a six within three attempts (as it turned out, he couldn't and, indeed, he didn't). 'How long have you had it?' asked Rob Brydon. 'About twenty years,' Lee claimed, before adding: 'Oh, you mean the dice? I thought you meant my syphilis.' David Mitchell then wanted to know where Lee had acquired it. 'I got it from a woman in Highgate,' Lee claimed. 'I meant the syphilis,' David shot back. 'Sorry. I paid for it. Four, ninety-nine! Full of spots!'
Another contender for the weekly award came thirty minutes earlier on Have I Got News For You when guest host (and national heartthrob) David Tennant noted during the 'Picture Quiz' round that a cow called Char has been voted as 'Britain's Sexiest Cow' recently. 'And, if you find her attractive and want to get in touch, you'll find her on Meat-Grinder,' said David. 'Some people are already protesting that it's a bit sexist to objectify a cow for her looks. Hastag "Moo-too."'
Paul Merton was on deliciously surreal form during the same episode. In the 'Missing Words' round a headline from the Tools & Trades History Society Newsletter ('skip the item about detachable drill-heads, there's always a boring bit' added David helpfully). The headline read as follows ...
'Is it "the sex show at the end, featuring Monica and her obedient snake, Tommy?' asked Paul. Even normally dry-as-a-bone Reg Hunter cracked up at that one.
Toby Whithouse - Doctor Who writer and creator of Being Human - is teaming up with Neil Gaiman for a new version of Gormenghast. The series is an adaptation of the novel by Mervyn Peake which tells the story of the titular castle and its family of nobles. Gaiman and A Beautiful Mind's Akiva Goldsman will serve as executive producers, while Whithouse will write the series. The new Gormenghast won't be the first time the books have been adapted, with the BBC produced a gorgeous and highly-regarded four-part series based on the story in 2000. It starred Jonathan Rhys Meyers as the Master of Ritual Steerpike and Christopher Lee as Mister Flay.
As mentioned during the last few bloggerisationism updates, filming is already well underway on the much-anticipated fifth series of From The North favourite Peaky Blinders. Scenes have been shot on location in Manchester and Stoke-on-Trent over recent weeks. And, reportedly, trailers and crew arrived in the Black Country Living Museum (a regular location for previous series of the popular period gangster drama) to shoot scenes for the new series earlier this week.
Similarly, another From The North favourite, Killing Eve, is currently shooting its - equally anticipated - second series. The production has already done some filming in Amsterdam and Paris but seems to be situated in and around London at the moment. Fans on social media have been busy stalking the filming units and posting photos and videos of Sandra Oh, Jodie Comer and other members of the cast at various spots around the city, including in - most recently - Russell Square.
Meanwhile, there's a fascinating piece by the Gruniad's Morwenna Ferrier on Killing Eve's use of fashion as a specific dramatic artifice which you can read here. Unusually for the Gruniad, the majority of it actually makes some sense. I know, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping was shocked and stunned by this malarkey too.
There's a very good piece by the Independent's Sean O'Grady on the second episode of The Little Drummer Girlhere. And, one by the Gruniad's Graeme Virtue, here. And a really sneering, unimpressed one from the Torygraph's Gabriel Tate, here. This blogger, for what it's worth, thought it was great.
The first trailer for the forthcoming Channel Four drama Brexit: The Uncivil War has been unveiled this week and marks something of a transformation for its leading man, Benedict Cumberbatch. The Sherlock actor signed on to appear in the one-off drama earlier this year in the role of Vote Leave campaign director, Dominic Cummings. The two-hour special will explore how the Leave campaign managed to scoop an unexpected victory, in no small part thanks to tactics employed by Cummings.  Ad, though telling pork-pies on the side of buses, obviously. The thirty-second clip sees Cumberbatch's Cummings addressing the camera directly. He says: 'We live in a multiverse of different branches of histories and in a different branch of history, I was never here, some of you voted differently and this never happened - but I was and it did. Everyone knows who won, but not everyone knows how.' Alongside Bennyh, the drama also stars Rory Kinnear, John Heffernan, Richard Goulding, Paul Ryan, Liz White and Oliver Maltman.
A scene from Luther's forthcoming fifth series has been posted on the series'Twitter feed. And, it's a bit tasty. Speaking about the series a few months ago, Idris Elba said: 'All I can say is we know how long the fanbase wait for the show and we're never taking that lightly. So, as much as we have to keep one eye on how do we not do what we've done before, at the same time saying to the audience, "This is Luther", so you recognise the traits. That's the tough part. Because after five seasons, you kind of go, "Oh where do we go now?" and for me I'm very excited about the season, it feels very similar to what we've seen but it takes a few turns. Luther is still the character we love to hate.'
Jenna Coleman has hinted that her days as Queen Victoria in the titular ITV drama could be numbered. The former Doctor Who actress will return soon for a third series of Victoria, but now Jenna has revealed there 'will come a point in the not too distant future' when it will become 'unrealistic' for her to play the Queen. Series three, opening in 1848, will see Victoria already with six of her nine children and in reality, by that stage Her Majesty was not as slim and youthful as she once was. Jenna, who is currently finished filming on series three, said that she was taking things on 'a series-by-series basis' but added in an interview with Radio Times: 'In the next one shes starting to look a bit more matronly, she's had six or seven children, so a bit wider, bit more of a bust, the make-up is more drawn. But, there will come a point in her story when no amount of prosthetic make-up or me lowering my voice will be convincing enough.'
Veep and The Thick Of It's Simon Blackwell, Chris Addison and Martin Freeman have co-created a new comedy series about parenting called Breeders. Freeman will take some time off from making those bloody annoying Vodaphone adverts (a new and particularly annoying one turned up  this week, specifically to grate this blogger's cheese) to play 'a caring father discovering he's not quite the man he thought he was' in the ten-part series, alongside Episodes' Daisy Haggard. It is a Sky/FX co-production, both of which have a strong track record in comedy. The official synopsis describes the show as 'covering some of the less-discussed truths and challenges of being a parent.'
We've talked before on this blog about Primal Scream singer Bobby Gillespie's remarkable - and much-discussed - appearance on the BBC's political programme This Week. A new portrait posted on the Primal Scream Instagram account depicts Bobby and the show's host, the loathsome Andrew Neil. And it's bloody brilliant. The pair found themselves embroiled in a heated live TV debate about the state of the nation, before Bobby refused, point blank, to get involved in some allegedly 'comic', but, actually extremely embarrassing 'dancing capers' at the end of the show. Bobby later posted a statement describing Neil as 'arrogant, rude and smug.' Which, we all kind of suspected anyway from several decades of Neil's arrogant, rude and smug appearances on our television screens. Now, the band have posted the painting of their unimpressed frontman while a demonic, reptilian Neil parading behind him. The painting was, apparently, created by an artist who goes by the online name of Wefail. Whom, this blogger feels, has captured the moment perfectly.
Jamie Dornan is back on the BBC and reuniting with the creator of The Fall in a trailer for the upcoming thriller Death & Nightingales. The three-part adaptation of the 1992 Eugene McCabe novel of the same name takes place in 1885 over a twenty four-hour period in Fermanagh. Written and directed by Allan Cubitt, Death & Nightingales follows Beth Winters (Ann Skelly) on her twenty third birthday - the day that she has decided to join the charming Liam Ward (Dornan) and run away from her difficult life with her Protestant landowner stepfather, Billy (played by Matthew Rhys). 'The heartbreak of this place. Love it and hate it like no place on Earth,' Beth says in the trailer. 'Tomorrow I leave it forever.'Death & Nightingales will be Dornan's first major television role since wrapping playing Christian Grey on the big screen in Fifty Shades Freed earlier this year and it also marks a return to the UK for actor Rhys, after spending several years working abroad on FX's The Americans. 'I'm thrilled to be reunited with Allan and his brilliant scripts to play such an intriguing character like Liam Ward and to return to Northern Ireland and BBC2,' Dornan said earlier this year. 'I've been a huge fan of Allan Cubitt's work for many years so I'm thrilled to have been given the chance to work on Death & Nightingales alongside Jamie and Ann and return to the BBC,' Rhys added.
Netflix has sent an apology to Richard Madden after a widely reported 'water bottle incident.' The Bodyguard actor, who recently claimed he was stopped when he tried to help himself to a bottle of water at Netflix HQ, revealed on his Instagram account that the streaming giant has sent him a gift to say sorry for the 'misunderstanding.' As well as some bottle of water, the parcel came with a note reading: 'Dear Mister Madden - Our deepest apologies for the water bottle situation. Normally, we give them out gladly but your fans are always so thirsty.' On the American talk show KTLA Morning News, the actor revealed that things got heated when he recently visited the Netflix building for a meeting. 'I walked in and was told I was in the wrong building,' said Madden. 'But there was a fridge of Netflix-branded water, which I went to grab a bottle of and he said you have to go around the corner for your guys' show. I said, "Cool, I'll just grab a bottle of water," which I was told "No, you're not allowed to, it's for Netflix employees only."'
Wor Geet Canny Ant McPartlin has been 'told off' by a High Court judge after failing to attend a hearing regarding the financial settlement for his divorce. The former partner of Wor Geet Canny Dec's ex-wife, Lisa Armstrong, was at the hearing in the Family Division of the High Court on Monday. The hearing had reporting restrictions but Mister Justice Mostyn said that journalists could report McPartlin was 'told off.' Mostyn said: 'There isn't one law for the famous and one for the rest of the community. Why is he not here?' the judge asked McPartlin's barrister, Jonathan Southgate QC. 'The rules say he was supposed to be here - and that can be reported.' The judge indicated that he 'might' have excused McPartlin's non-attendance had he been contacted in advance and given a reason for it. Mostyn then considered issues relating to the reporting of any future hearings in the former couple's debate over money. He ruled that detail relating to their confidential financial information would not be permitted. He also said McPartlin's address could not be revealed in reports of hearings. Further hearings are expected soon. McPartlin and Armstrong were granted a decree nisi by Judge Alun Jenkins in the Central Family Court in London last month. The couple were married at Cliveden House in Berkshire in 2006. They have no children. Last year McPartlin went into rehab after struggling with a painkiller addiction which, he claimed, stemmed from a knee operation in 2015. He has also had problems with alcohol and was banned from driving for twenty months in April after being caught over more than twice the legal drink drive limit. Following the incident, the presenter, who has worked alongside Declan Donnelly for nearly twenty five years, announced he was reducing his TV commitments. It was confirmed earlier this year that he would not present the next series of I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) and would instead be replaced by Holly Willoughby.
Netflix has reassured fans of its popular crime drama Narcos that the show's future 'remains safe.' Doubts were raised after security concerns escalated when a location production scout for the series was shot dead in Mexico last year. But, producer Eric Newman said 'no one will threaten the future of Narcos. We're going to be just fine,' he said, adding that the series was moving on to 'an incredibly exciting season, its best one yet.'Narcos began as a gritty drama about the rise and fall of Colombian drug lords and gangs such as Pablo Escobar and the Cali Cartel. The storyline will now shift to Mexico and will explore the origins of the country's modern drugs war by going back to its roots. Responding to the death of thirty seven-year-old location scout Carlos Muñoz Portal, Newman described the incident as 'an unbelievable tragedy. It was a death not related to drug trafficking or the show. It occurred at the very start, we had not even begun filming yet,' he said. 'But it very much informed the process in terms of security. And there will be dedication paid to him in the new season.' Diego Luna, who portrays convicted Mexican drug lord Félix Gallardo, said that there was 'a tremendous amount of security' in place throughout the course of filming. 'The Mexican drug war is a very complicated yet important story to tell,' he said. 'It is one we need to tell to audiences around the world.'
After a number of prior moves, The Blacklist has shifted timeslots once again for its forthcoming sixth series. The crime thriller will now be shown on Fridays on NBC, with the premiere arriving on Friday 4 January from 8pm. It will subsequently broadcast weekly from 9pm. This isn't the first shift that the drama has experienced, with the show originally debuting on Mondays before being moved to Thursdays and then to Wednesdays. The next series will pick-up after the game-changing twist at the end of series five when it was revealed - or, at least suggested - that James Spader's Reddington has been actually an impostor all along. 'This is something that we've talked about from the inception of the show,' creator Jon Bokenkamp claimed about the plot twist. 'It is part of the underlying mythology that we've slowly been unravelling. I think there are a number of episodes that we can go back and sort of map and chart how we got here. Hopefully that is proof of concept to the audience that this is not something we're just winging, and that we're on a very specific path, and this is a well-earned reveal.' He also suggested that the dynamic between 'Reddington' and Liz Kean will change in series six, adding: 'He does not know that she knows. I think that piece of information is really compelling. This blows up everything. Very rarely does anyone know something that Reddington doesn't know, right? He's always ahead of the curve. He's a very cunning and smart, brilliant mastermind criminal, and yet he didn't see this one coming. So I think that is a real power shift and something that we haven't explored in past seasons.'
The CW has some good news for fans of both the Charmed reboot and The Vampire Diaries spin-off, Legacies. It was announced this week that the channel is ordering more episodes of both shows, as well as picking up additional episodes of the sports drama All American. Legacies and All American each had three more episodes ordered by The CW (bringing them to sixteen in total), whilst Charmed, which has so far been something of ratings success for the network, got an additional order of nine further episode to give it a full series total of twenty two.
The Affair is adding an Oscar winner to its cast list for its fifth and final series. TV Line reports that Anna Paquin will be joining the Showtime series next year. Anna will be playing Alison and Cole's daughter Joanie Lockhart, who is currently five years old in the series. But the final series will see the drama jump ahead two or three decades to tell Joanie's story. According to TV Line Joanie, now in her thirties, will return to a climate-change ravaged Montauk in a bid to find out what really happened to her mother, Alison (From The North favourite Ruth Wilson) who was killed off near the end of series four in, what first seemed like, a suicide until it was later revealed she had been killed by her lover, Ben. Showtime has already released the final series' synopsis, revealing it 'will chronicle the aftermath of the [series four] finale's horrific events and find the characters coming to terms with the consequences of their choices - as they make the realisation that if they really want to change their futures they must first face the past. This final season is about how everything does really fall apart in the end, but somewhere in that wreckage, the seeds of change finally sprout.' Following the exit of Wilson - currently busy shooting Luther in London - in September it was revealed that Joshua Jackson was also leaving the drama. While he will no longer be a regular for series five, he is expected to appear in one or two episodes.
CBS All Access' rapidly growing library of Star Trek shows may including one revolving around a familiar character. Deadline claims that Star Trek: Discovery's Michelle Yeoh is talking about reprising her role as Captain Georgiou in 'a stand-alone All Access series.' The project would, reportedly, be an extension of Georgiou's story from Discovery's forthcoming second series. If it comes to fruition, the spin-off would be in line with CBS' strategy. Between the as yet unnamed Jean Luc Picard series, Short Treks, Below Decks and plans for other shows, the network clearly wants a continuous stream of new Star Trek material to draw fans of the popular franchise to its streaming service. As Deadline warns, though, Yeoh's availability may complicate matters. Between the potential for a Crazy Rich Asians sequel and a production deal with SK Global Entertainment, the actress may not have many opportunities to take on a regular series in the near future.
Ever since Gotham premiered on FOX in 2014, fans of the Batman prequel have awaited Batman's appearance. Cameron Monaghan, who plays Jeremiah Valeska on the From The North favourite, has now confirmed that The Dark Knight will, indeed, appear in the show's fifth and final series, due to start in January. After being asked on Twitter if Batman would be appearing, Monaghan's responded with a one word reply.
Another angel is getting her wings on Lucifer. Newcomer Vinessa Vidotto is reported to be joining the cast of the popular supernatural drama as it moves from FOX to Netflix for series four. Vidotto will play Remiel, an angel who idolises her big brother, Amenadiel (the excellent DB Woodside), but 'also feels under-appreciated or overshadowed while struggling to match his towering standards.' Presumably, that makes her Lucifer's sister, too? Previously, Charlyne Yi guest-starred in one episode as Lucifer's sister, Azrael. Lucifer stars Tom Ellis as the titular fallen angel, Lucifer Mornigstar, who helps to solve crimes as a consultant for the LAPD. It was cancelled by FOX in May following a three-series run, but after a major outpouring of supports from fans, Netflix stepped in to resurrect the series, ordering a ten-episode fourth series which is expected to debut sometime next year.
Sorry, everybody, there won’t be any Easter next year. The Goddess of fertility will not appear in American Gods; forthcoming second series - at least not in the guise of From The North favourite Kristin Chenoweth, who played the character in the fantasy drama's first series. So, no Gillian Anderson, no Kristen Chenoworth ... this blogger is rapidly running out of reasons to carry on watching, frankly. The actress confirmed her departure from the show exclusively to TVLine on Monday at a press event for the upcoming NBC special A Very Wicked Halloween: Celebrating Fifteen Years On Broadway. She cited her longstanding friendship with former showrunner Bryan Fuller, who in November left the troubled Starz drama with fellow showrunner Michael Green over 'creative differences' with producers Freemantle, as the reason behind her decision. 'I couldn't come back without him,' Chenoweth said. 'It wouldn't be right.' Similarly, in January, From The North favourite Anderson - who played Media and also starred in Fuller's Hannibal - told reporters that she had also left the production. Former West Wing actress Chenoweth played Olive Snook in Fuller's 2007 ABC cult classic Pushing Daisies and she remains close to the acclaimed writer, whom she calls her 'brother.' In December, the actress told Variety that before Fuller's departure, she had planned to return for several of American Gods' series two episodes but was 'unsure' as to whether that would now happen. On Monday, Chenoweth told TVLine that she did have conversations about returning to American Gods even in Fuller's absence. 'Let me just say this: Those people are also my family,' she said. 'It came out of [Neil] Gaiman's brain, who is a genius.' She added that she wants the show to be a success for the people who are still involved with it. But, ultimately, 'Bryan's my guy.'
More than seven thousand people in the UK still watch TV in black and white more than half-a-century after colour broadcasts began. London has the most TV licences for black and white sets at over seventeen hundred, followed by four hundred and thirty in the West Midlands and three hundred and ninety in Greater Manchester. A total of seven thousand one hundred and sixty one households have, they claim, not switched to colour despite transmissions starting on BBC in 1967 and on BBC and ITV in late 1969. The number of black and white licences has almost halved in the past five years and is down from two hundred and twelve in 2000. The figures were released by TV Licensing in what appears to be a reminder that anyone watching television must, by law, have a TV licence. Or, face - rightly - getting banged-up in The Pokey along with all the murderers and the rapists and the people that nick stuff from Waitrose. Spokesman Jason Hill said: 'Whether you watch EastEnders, Strictly or Question Time in black and white on a fifty-year-old TV set, or in colour on a tablet, you need to be covered by a TV licence to watch or record programmes as they are broadcast. You also need to be covered by a TV licence to download or watch BBC programmes on iPlayer, on any device.' Last month the organisation said more than twenty six thousand naughty 'young people' - aged eighteen to twenty five - were caught watching live TV or BBC iPlayer without a TV licence in the past year. That was despite ninety two per cent of students 'knowing' that a licence is required to watch their favourite shows. A black and white licence has one distinct advantage over its colour equivalent: it is a third of the price at fifty quid a year compared with one hundred and fifty notes. Neither does TV Licensing carry out checks of households claiming to watch a black and white set. 'It's entirely done on trust,' a spokesperson said. Television and radio technology historian Jeffrey Borinsky claimed that collectors like him still have numerous black and white TVs. 'Who wants all this new-fangled 4K Ultra HD, satellite dishes or a screen that's bigger than your room when you can have glorious black and white TV?' he asked. Well, virtually everyone actually, Jeffrey you stuck-in-the-past plank. 'Thirty years ago, you could still buy black and white TVs, mainly small portables, for as little as fifty pounds and it's interesting to know that some people still have them.' Yes. And, thirty years before that, you could catch rickets or diphtheria; your point being? Never trust anyone, dear blog reader, that uses the word(s) 'new-fangled.' In any context.
Michael Sheen will 'walk on the wild side' as he joins the third series of The Good Wife spin-off The Good Fight. The Welsh actor will be the villain of the upcoming series when he takes on the role of sleazy lawyer Roland Blum, who CBS All Access describes as 'a man of appetites - drugs, sex, you name it.' Roland Blum will be a particularly cunning foe for Diane Lockhart and her team in the courtroom because he's 'far more interested in winning than the niceties of following the law.' Returning alongside Christine Baranski will be three of Diane's closest associates – Cush Jumbo as Lucca Quinn, Rose Leslie as Maia Rindell and Audra McDonald as Liz Lawrence. As mentioned, this villainous character is quite a change of pace for Sheen, who has most recently been playing the angel Aziraphale opposite David Tennant's Crowley in Neil Gaiman's adaptation of Good Omens. It was also announced last month that Sheen would play the roving reporter in an all-new musical version of Jeff Wayne's War Of The Worlds.
Tom Hiddleston will be reprising his role as the God of mischief in a new Marvel TV series based on the character Loki. The show will be released on Disney's new streaming service, Disney+. Disney Chairman and CEO Bob Iger also announced that Lucasfilm is developing a second Star Wars live-action series for the new service. The series will follow the adventures of rebel spy Cassian Andor during the formative years of the Rebellion and before the events of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. 'Going back to the Star Wars universe is very special for me,' said Diego Luna, who will reprise the role of Andor. 'I have so many memories of the great work we did together and the relationships I made throughout the journey. We have a fantastic adventure ahead of us, and this new exciting format will give us the chance to explore this character more deeply.' he continued. When news originally emerged in September about Disney's plans to launch a number of series about Marvel characters, some speculated we would also be seeing a show focusing on Elizabeth Olsen's Scarlet Witch, but there has been no update thus far. However, Disney did announce that we can expect new stories set in the world's of Pixar's Monsters Inc and High School Musical, making sure there's something for everyone in an attempt to rival Netflix. Disney+ is scheduled to launch in the US in late 2019.
The Western town set frequently seen in Westworld has burned down as wildfires ravage Southern California. The set was located at Paramount Studios' filming ranch in Agoura Hills and was seen often in the HBO science fiction series as one of the interactive environments built by the Delos corporation to mimic the American Old West. A spokesperson for Paramount told The Hollywood Reporter that no-one from Westworld was 'impacted' by the fire because the series is not currently filming its third series. 'Paramount Ranch was one of the locations used during seasons one and two of Westworld, in addition to the primary location at Melody Ranch in Santa Clarita,' a studio representative said. 'Westworld is not currently in production and as the area has been evacuated, we do not yet know the extent of the damage to any structures remaining there.' In addition to being seen in Westworld, the was also used in films like American Sniper and the 1990s TV series Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman. The various wildfires currently burning throughout Los Angeles have also reportedly impacted other public figures since they intensified earlier this week. Caitlyn Jenner and Doctor Strange director Scott Derrickson both reportedly lost their homes in the blazes, but were safely evacuated by fire authorities. Filmmaker Guillermo del Toro was also forced to evacuate his mansion, which houses his vast film and memorabilia collection.
The Satanic Temple activist group is reported to be suing the makers of TV series The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina for fifty million dollars. Over a statue. Netflix and Warner Brothers allegedly 'copied' the group's statue of the goat deity, Baphomet, in the programme. Both production companies have declined to comment on the lawsuit. The Satanic Temple claim that they 'do not believe in a supernatural Satan,' but, instead, seek 'to encourage benevolence and empathy among all people.' Except the makers of a TV show, it would appear. Their lawsuit, filed on Thursday in New York, claims an icon 'similar' to their own appears in four episodes of the series. Lucien Greaves, co-founder of The Satanic Temple, posted a tweet comparing their statue with that in the show. The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina is a drama on Netflix following Sabrina Spellman, a half-mortal half-witch teenager. It is based on the classic comic of the same name, which also inspired the - much more light and fluffy - Sabrina the Teenage Witch, a series which ran from 1996 to 2003. Characters in the show who worship The Dark Lord practise cannibalism and forced worship and The Satanic Temple argues that its members 'are being associated with these evil antagonists.' Although, arguably, calling yourself 'The Satanic Temple' is hardly a guarantee for much good publicity. Greaves confirmed that the group was going to take legal action against the show's production companies for 'appropriating our copyright monument design to promote their asinine Satanic Panic fiction.' Greaves told US broadcaster CNBC that Baphomet has 'come to represent us as a people' and that the statue in Sabrina'dilutes and denigrates' their group. Satan himself has yet to comment on the furore.
Andrew Flintoff (nice lad, bit thick) has told BBC Radio 5Live that he 'can't wait' to start presenting on Top Gear alongside professional Northern berk Paddy McGuinness and ... the other one. Speaking to Robbie Savage and Matthew Syed, the former England cricket captain said that the emotion of finding out he'd been chosen was like 'getting the call to be picked for England.' So, presumably, next we have a career blighted by injury with occasional highs but also some devastating 'five-nil defeat in an Ashes series'-type lows, then? Sounds about right.
BBC newsreader Simon McCoy was seemingly taken aback by The Spice Girls reunion announcement and expressed concern over Victoria Beckham's absence from the line-up. The fifty seven-year-old presenter, who has decades of broadcast experience and something of a cult following for his dry and witty presenting style, said that the news had left him 'in shock.' It came as Simon was discussing the tour on Monday after playing the group's announcement video on the BBC News channel. As the clip ended, he paused and said: 'I'm in shock. What struck me there is actually without Victoria, will the music suffer?'
China's state news agency, Xinhua, this week introduced the newest members of its newsroom: AI anchors who will report 'tirelessly' all day, every day, from anywhere in the country. Chinese viewers were greeted with a digital version of a regular Xinhua news anchor named Qiu Hao. The anchor, wearing a red tie and pin-striped suit, nods his head in emphasis, blinking and raising his eyebrows slightly. 'Not only can I accompany you twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year. I can be endlessly copied and present at different scenes to bring you the news,' he says. This, dear blog reader, is The Future. Horrifying, isn't it?
Author George RR Martin has spoken about the pressure he has felt about writing his book The Winds Of Winter, the long-awaited next chapter in the bestselling saga that Game Of Thrones was adapted from. Describing the success of the TV series as 'a considerable weight to bear' when trying to end his own saga, Martin admitted that he was 'struggling' to get in the right mindset to write the book, which fans have impatiently been demanding since his last release (A Dance Of Dragons) in 2011. 'I've been struggling with it for a few years,' Martin told the Grunaid Morning Star in a new interview. 'The Winds Of Winter is not so much a novel as a dozen novels, each with a different protagonist, each having a different cast of supporting players, antagonists, allies and lovers around them and all of these weaving together against the march of time in an extremely complex fashion. So it's very, very challenging.' Martin also noted that the success of Game Of Thrones on TV was also making him feel a pressure for the print version to 'measure up' - especially given that the HBO series overtook his own novels (using plot details he had provided to the showrunners) in 2016. 'The show has achieved such popularity around the world, the books have been so popular and so well reviewed, that every time I sit down I'm very conscious I have to do something great and trying to do something great is a considerable weight to bear,' Martin said. 'On the other hand, once I really get rolling, I get into the world. The rest of the world vanishes and I don't care what I'm having for dinner, what movies are on, what my e-mail says or who's mad at me this week because The Winds Of Winter isn't out - all that is gone and I'm just living in the world I'm writing about. But it's sometimes hard to get to that almost trance state,' he concluded.
Mark Gatiss gives 'a tour de force performance' as George III in a new production of Alan Bennett's acclaimed play about the king, according to reviews. The Madness Of George III at Nottingham Playhouse is 'a perfect star vehicle' for Gatiss, according to the Gruniad Morning Star's critic Kate Maltby. The Torygraph's Dominic Cavendish agrees, saying that Gatiss had come 'into his own as a leading theatre actor.' Bennett's 1991 play shows King George battling a mystery mental illness. Nigel Hawthorne won an Olivier Award for playing the troubled monarch in the original production and went on to reprise his role in the 1994 movie adaptation. Cavendish gave the play five stars and saluted the way the Gatiss 'keeps drawing out more from himself, coiled entrails of pain, confusion and fear, while somehow retaining his lovability.' According to The Stage, the League Of Gentlemen, Sherlock and Game Of Thrones actor 'rises to the challenge' of following in Hawthorne's footsteps and 'turns out to be very good casting.' Critic Natasha Tripney wrote: 'Gatiss's performance is very physical. He makes the most of his height, stalking the stage, splay-toed, as he conveys the king's rapid decline.' Gatiss also drew high praise from Nottingham culture website LeftLion, whose reviewer Jared Wilson said that Gatiss was 'excellent, engaging and energetic throughout.' Debra Gillett and Adrian Scarborough also appear in Adam Penford's revival, which will be screened live in cinemas on 20 November.
In mid-October, rumours started to circulate that the character Emperor Palpatine will return in the forthcoming Star Wars IX. While these rumours were largely - and by 'largely', one actually means 'completely' - unsubstantiated, they suggested that Emperor Palpatine would somehow appear 'in some sort of projection' to Kylo Ren. Despite him being, you know, dead. What this rumour didn't state, was if this is the same Palpatine we all remember from the original and prequel Star Wars trilogies. Though Ian McDiarmid is reported to be eager to reprise his role, a new variant rumour suggests that a a younger version of the Sith Lord will appear in the upcoming film. The Weekly Planet Podcast (no, me neither) introduced a theory - from an anonymous alleged 'source' - that yer actual Matt Smith, who is widely reported as appearing in the upcoming film, 'might' be playing young Palpatine. Though, as Entertainment notes: 'It's worth pointing out from the start that the rumour surrounding Matt Smith's role in Star Wars: Episode IX came from an anonymous, unverified source.' And, probably a fictitious one, at that. Though the thought of Smudger playing the universe's most evil being does, undeniably, have a certain potential!
Twelve years after the show wrapped up, Deadwood's revival movie has finally started shooting. As revealed by The Hollywood Reporter, most of the TV series' cast have returned for the film. That includes: Ian McShane, Timothy Olyphant, Molly Parker, Paula Malcomson, John Hawkes, Anna Gunn, W Earl Brown, Dayton Callie, Brad Dourif, Robin Weigert, William Sanderson, Kim Dickens and Gerald McRaney. The paper also claims that Jade Pettyjohn, best known for the Nickelodeon TV series version of School Of Rock, is joining the cast as a new character. Behind the camera, Daniel Minahan will direct the movie after his work on four episodes of the drama, while creator David Milch has written the script. HBO is reported to be hoping for a spring 2019 release. The movie will take place ten years after the end of the TV series.
This week has seen the release of the fiftieth anniversary 'super deluxe' six-CD box-set of The Be-Atles self-titled 1968 masterpiece (that's The White Album to you and me, dear blog readers). There have been many reviews which you can hunt out at your own convenience but this blogger feels it his duty to point you in the direction of Eoghan Lyng's excellent overview at the We Are Cult website before you go off and read the Grunaid or the Torygraph's retrospective reviews. 'Time has been very kind to The White Album, fifty years on,' writes Eoghan. 'And this album presents the future paths The Beatles took, much more so than Abbey Road or Let It Be. 'Julia' and 'Happiness Is A Warm Gun' echo the naked relief that soaked Lennon's debut, while the sprightly 'Back In The USSR' and 'Martha My Dear' paved for the stadium pop tracks that McCartney and Wings would delight audiences in the seventies. Harrison's invitation to Eric Clapton's searing guitar solos on 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' was the beginning of a musical camaraderie that lasted well into the nineties and the gentle tones Starr sings on closer 'Goodnight' were re-introduced to a generation of fans as the Thomas The Tank Engine narrator ... There was a price for such diversity, as differing ideologies, drugs, technique dictation and the ever-felt presence of Yoko Ono caused a number of walk outs during the recording: George Martin took a long holiday, leaving Chris Thomas in charge; Geoff Emerick quit the sessions in July 1968, leaving the young Ken Scott engineering much of the rest; even the most sensitive Beatle, Starr, quit the band briefly, leaving the multi-skilled McCartney filling in on drums.' However, the best line in the piece has to be: 'An instrumental 'Revolution' demonstrates the electric guitar weaving Harrison and Lennon are rarely credited and though there are too many backing tracks here ('The Inner Light', 'Back In The USSR' and 'Savoy Truffle' all get this treatment), a piano and drums mix of 'Lady Madonna' is a must listen to Jasper Carrott devotees to hear that The Beatles could never have worked with any drummer but Ringo Starr!' (The allusion, from those that don't know, is to a - rather spiteful and inaccurate - joke Carrott told on his TV show Carrott's Lib in the early 1980s which has often, erroneously, been credited to John Lennon in subsequent years: 'Ringo wasn't the best drummer in the world ... He wasn't even the best drummer in The Beatles.')
There's also a highly readable interview with Giles Martin on the tricky job of remixing a masterpiece at the BBC News website, here. At least the author of this piece - Mark Savage - bothered to do the necessary research and ascertain at exactly whose house the legendary May 1968 demos were recorded. Unlike one of his BBC colleagues who, earlier in the same day, claimed that it had been 'George Martin's house in Esher' rather than at the home of a little-known session guitarist called George Harrison.
Well, these George's, they all look the bleedin' same, don't they?
Peter Hook is to auction a collection of guitars and memorabilia from his Joy Division and New Order days after falling out, big-style, with his former bandmates. The items up for sale include his first bass and the guitar he used on Joy Division's second LP, Closer. It comes a year after a legal action with the rest of the band was finally settled. 'The court cases with the others didn't help me viewing either band in a very rosy light,' Hooky whinged to the BBC. Hook fell out with the other group members in 2007 and began playing Joy Division material with his own band, The Light, in 2010. This blogger, as it were, 'saw The Light' a couple of years later. They were all right as it happens. Not as good as New Order, but not bad. Hooky told BBC News that he had 'come to feel something had to go' and that the memories associated with the Joy Division and New Order items had become tarnished. 'Since starting again in 2010 and playing the music, which is the only thing I'm allowed to do, I came to realise that the people who allowed me to play the music - ie the fans - were the only ones that mattered,' he said. 'I felt something had been broken and I thought, "is it time to let [the items] fly?" It felt like the right time. Maybe not for the right reason, I have to say.' The memorabilia up for sale includes the Gibson EB-0 replica that Hooky bought the day after watching The Sex Pistols' 1976 gig at Manchester's Lesser Free Trade Hall, a concert which is credited with inspiring an entire generation of Manchester musicians. 'I borrowed the money off my mother,' Hook recalled. 'Bernard [Sumner] had told me, "Make sure you get a bass guitar because I've got a guitar." I didn't know the difference. I didn't have any more money to buy a case so [the shop owner] stuffed it in two black bin liners and I very proudly sat on the bus with my bass guitar in its two black bin liners. It was punk from start to finish. When I got home my father laughed at me and said, "What are you going to do with that?" At that precise moment I did not have a clue. I just knew I wanted to run off and join the circus and Johnny Rotten had shown me the way.' Hook played that bass on Joy Division's debut EP, An Ideal For Living and used it to co-write for songs the band's first LP, Unknown Pleasures. It will go up for sale with a four grand valuation at Omega Auctions in Newton-le-Willows on 2 March. A portion of the auction's proceeds will go to mental health charity Calm and to The Epilepsy Society, in remembrance of Joy Division singer the late Ian Curtis, who was epileptic. Other lots on sale include a Shergold Marathon custom six-string bass. Hook used the instrument on Joy Division's second LP and in the early years of New Order following Curtis's death in 1980. Curtis's typed and signed lyrics for the song 'Failures', which appeared on An Ideal For Living, will be offered, as will a leather jacket that Hook bought in 1977 and regularly wore during the 1980s. He is also selling Factory Records' famous floating boardroom table. 'I'm just hoping these things will go out into the world and be appreciated for the massive part they played in history,' said Hook.
Salomon Rondon struck twice as yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though still tragically unsellable) Magpies recorded consecutive Premier League wins for the first time since April with victory over Bournemouth at St James' Park. Rondon put the home side ahead after just seven minutes following great work by DeAndre Yedlin, who darted in behind the Bournemouth defence to pick out the waiting Venezuelan. The twenty nine-year-old striker then doubled his side's advantage as half-time approached, dropping deep to collect the ball before charging into the penalty area to meet Kenedy's cross with a powerful header. There was a long first-half delay as Adam Smith received treatment for an injury sustained while preparing to take a free-kick and it was deep into stoppage-time that Bournemouth found a route back into the contest as record signing Jefferson Lerma nodded in Ryan Fraser's cross. Ex-Magpie Dan Gosling appeared after the break and had the ball in the net in the closing stages but was correctly ruled offside. Both sides missed second half chances in a really open, entertaining game with Callum Wilson heading over and, for The Magpies, Matt Ritchie, Rondon and substitute Christian Atsu all going close. Cherries goalkeeper Asmir Begovic produced a string of fine saves to keep his side in the contest, while Jordon Ibe missed a good opportunity to equalise for the visitors who fell to back-to back league defeats. After their worst top-flight start for one hundred and twenty years, Newcastle recorded their first Premier League win of the season last weekend with a one-nil triumph over Watford - and it appeared as though a significant weight had been lifted as The Magpies produced an energetic performance against The Cherries. Rafael Benitez's side, who had lost six of their last eight at home, were set up to deny Bournemouth space at St James' and worked tirelessly to press The Cherries and disrupt the rhythm of their visitors. Rondon bullied the Bournemouth defence at times, registering eight shots but also dropping in to create opportunities as Newcastle stormed to victory and climbed to fourteenth in the league table. The Magpies had previously scored more than once in a game on a solitary occasion this season - their three-two defeat at The Scum in October - but would have added to their tally had it not been for the efforts of the alert Begovic. Benitez was without injured trio Jamaal Lascelles, Jonjo Shelvey and Yoshinori Muto, but his side - bottom of the league two weeks ago - dug in to see out another important victory in the battle to avoid relegation. With momentum hopefully building, they will now face Burnley in a key game following the international break in a fortnight's time. So, it's nice to see a smile back of Rafa The Gaffer's boat after a jolly frustrating couple of months. How long that will last, of course, is another matter entirely.
Players involved in any proposed European Super League would be banned from playing international football, including the World Cup, says FIFA president Gianni Infantino. German publication Der Spiegel has claimed that several 'top' European clubs held 'secret talks' with a view to creating a such a set-up by 2021. So that they can all make loads of filthy wonga and get their greed right on. So, no change there, then. The magazine claimed that 'leaked documents' had revealed clubs' plans to leave their own national leagues and associations. Infantino said that it was FIFA's 'duty' to 'protect football.' Which it is, although normally in the past FIFA's duty has, also, been to get their greed right on and make as much filthy wonga as they can. Cos they love making filthy wonga, dear blog readers. He also claimed that FIFA's own plans for a Club World Cup was 'the answer to any attempt to break away from the leagues' because it would 'generate much more revenues for the clubs but also much more revenues for solidarity. We have seen for many years these attempts to break away outside of the structures, going back to the 1990s,' he added. 'You are either in or you are out. If there are players who don't play organised football then that encompasses everything - national leagues, confederation competitions, the Euros and the World Cup. It is up to us to protect football and come up with solutions that benefit clubs and also the world football community.'Der Spiegel also claimed that the documents it obtained showed Sheikh Yer Man City and Paris St-Germain overvalued sponsorship deals to help meet UEFA's Financial Fair Play rules. It alleged that in 2014 the clubs negotiated with Infantino, who was then General Secretary of UEFA, to 'agree reduced punishments.'Der Spiegel also reports that City owner, Sheikh Mansour, 'provided monetary supplements' to 'existing deals with sponsors' in Abu Dhabi, where he is part of the royal family, to invest more money into the club. La Liga president Javier Tebas made a similar claim last year, with UEFA responding by saying it was 'not investigating' City, who have won the Premier League three times since Sheikh Mansour took over in 2008. UEFA found City had breached FFP rules in 2014 and the two parties reached a settlement, with City paying a forty nine million knicker fine - thirty two million quid of which was suspended - while their Champions League squad was reduced for 2014-15. Der Spiegel calls the settlements 'weak' and claims UEFA 'wasn't even entirely aware of the degree to which it had been deceived.' City have said they will not be commenting on the claims. Addressing the claims, Infantino said: 'We were doing our job and saved the system and we saved European club football. We worked with the information we had at the time. If new information has come out, I'm sure UEFA will look at it.' Meanwhile, Infantino said that the chances of expanding the 2022 World Cup in Qatar to forty eight teams is 'certainly small' but 'discussions' to do so will continue. 'I was positive about it from the beginning because I think if we can increase the number of teams it is good for football,' he claimed. 'That is why we are going to do it for the 2026 World Cup. Can we do it for 2022? It is a difficult challenge.' A final decision on the issue will be made at the next FIFA council meeting in Miami in March and Infantino suggested Qatar could share the tournament with its neighbouring countries. However, that could be difficult considering Qatar is currently involved in a geet stroppy tiff with Bahrain, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates. 'We are in discussions with Qatar,' said Infantino. 'It will be a very, very difficult challenge to do it only in Qatar. So personally, as president of FIFA, I would be very happy if some matches could be shared with some countries in the region.' He added: 'In the light of current circumstances in the region I would be even happier if it could happen. Football unites, builds bridges, that could be a concrete result. What are the chances? Certainly small but what is wrong in discussing it?'
Imagine scoring your first professional goal in the biggest club fixture in your homeland. Now imagine doing it aged fourteen. For Fernando Ovelar, that unlikely dream became a reality on a Sunday. Ovelar, who is two months short of his fifteenth birthday, scored the opening goal for Paraguayan top-flight team Cerro Porteno in their Superclasico against arch-rivals Olimpia. It came a week after he made his senior debut. Nestor Camacho, who scored Olimpia's equaliser in the two-two draw, is thirty one - more than double Ovelar's age. The game ended in dramatic fashion - Marcos Acosta putting Cerro in the lead with a ninety fifth-minute penalty and Jorge Ortega equalising with a penalty of his own in the one hundred and third minute after both teams had a player sent-off. Ovelar is the youngest player to have featured in Paraguay's top division - but not the first fourteen-year-old to score in professional football. American Freddy Adu - once described as 'the next Pele' - was also fourteen when he scored his first goal for Major League Soccer side DC United. Mauricio Baldivieso, who played in Bolivia's top division shortly before his thirteenth birthday, is thought to be the youngest player to ever play professional football.
Thierry Henry claimed that it was fate. It certainly sounded like a fairytale - the forty one-year-old was heading back to where he started out as a player, to rescue a club in crisis. Monaco announced his return on social media by posting an archive picture of their former teenage striker, his trademark grin beaming out beneath a long since discarded fluffy moustache. A quarter of a century had passed and the years had been kind to him. A mercurial player, an eloquent pundit, the smart money was on Henry enjoying more success from the dugout. Albeit, he still frequently has that look on his face which suggests that he's just smelled shit nearby. No-one expected it to be easy, of course. When replacing Leonardo Jardim on 13 October he inherited a team that had won just once in ten games. But, surely almost nobody would have thought things would turn quite this sour, quite so quickly. Speaking on Radio 5Live's Football Daily, French journalist Julien Laurens and BBC Sport columnist Guillem Balague discussed the crisis facing former Arsenal striker Henry in his first job in management. 'It's just a mess, chaos. I do feel for Thierry because I don't think he realised how bad everything was already,' Laurens said. 'And, I'm not sure he has the tools to rescue a team that has won just one game all season, back on 11 August. I think he could be a good manager but right now, in a situation of crisis, I am struggling to see how he can do better, because the team is destroyed. It looked like a fairytale but it's turning in to an absolute nightmare.' Under Henry, Monaco have lost two and drawn three in all competitions. They are second bottom in Ligue 1 and next up are champions Paris St-Germain, who have won twelve from twelve. For PSG, Kylian Mbappe has scored eleven in his eight games and is building an irresistible partnership with the world's most expensive player, Neymar. Meanwhile, on Tuesday, his former club Monaco were beaten four-nil at home by Club Brugge as they crashed out of the Champions League with their heaviest defeat in the competition. Two years ago Mbappe had fired them to the semi-finals. 'Henry has said maybe it's even better to be out of all European competition so they can focus on the essential, which is staying up,' Laurens added. 'Because right now they look like one of the worst teams in the French league. Tactically Henry seems lost, he keeps tweaking the formation and the players, putting more and more young players on the pitch, who are not suited for this situation. And if they need new players in January, who would want to go to a club that is second bottom in the table? One of the question marks we had was how will he deal with problems with adversity, and right now it looks like he is struggling. You wonder if he is still in the mode of being a player and not a manager.' Speaking after Tuesday's defeat, Henry himself said: 'Right now I'm telling myself the worst is possible.' He may well have been right to do so. Defeat by Brugge was a result that left his team without a win in fifteen games, defender Kamil Glik's injury had added to an already long list of absent senior players, but still there was worse to come. Because the crisis at Monaco looks to be running even deeper off the pitch. On Monday, the club moved to deny allegations they had cheated Financial Fair Play rules, following claims made in Der Spiegel's reporting of leaked documents it says that it 'acquired from whistleblowers.' On Wednesday, the German news magazine also alleged Monaco's owner Dmitry Rybolovlev, a Russian billionaire, personally profited one hundred and twenty four million Euros from the one hundred and eighty million Euro sale of Mbappe to PSG - which the club also denied. Later that day, Rybolovlev was placed under investigation by Monaco police on separate allegations, relating to a major fraud case. 'You need different types of coaches in these situations,' Balague said. 'Someone who perhaps has lived through a crisis at a different club and knows how to hold on to what is important here. But also a really important point is that the board should be helping too. The first thing they have to do is change the targets for Henry, change the expectations for the season ahead. Someone should come out and say: "Okay let's just try to save the season, and then let's rebuild." If they do go down this season - and let's not forget they were relegated as recently as 2011 - it will be very hard for Henry to overcome that damage to his reputation as a winner.'
Former Stottingtot Hotshots striker Roberto Soldado was one of five players suspended following the brawl in last week's Galatasaray versus Fenerbahce match. Members of both teams exchanged blows with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts after Friday's two-two Super League draw. Soldado, who joined Fenerbahce from Villarreal in 2017, was one of three players sent-off and the Spaniard was banned for six matches. Fenerbahce's Jailson Siqueira received an eight-match ban and Galatasaray's Badou Ndiaye, five matches. Galatasaray boss Faith Terim was given a seven-match ban for insulting the referee and for comments he made in the post-match news conference. Assistant Hasan Sas was banned for eight matches for attacking members of the opposition. Galatasaray midfielders Garry Mendes Rodrigues and Ryan Donk were banned for three and six games respectively for 'unsportsmanlike conduct.' Both teams were also fined.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle winger Matt Ritchie has become the latest Scotland player to ask to be excluded from international duty 'for the forseeable future.' Ritchie, who has started Newcastle's last seven games, turned down a request to be in the squad for Nations League games against Albania and Israel. 'I wanted Matt to come in, but he has asked to be left out at the moment,' said head coach Alex McLeish. He added Ritchie's reasons were 'private' but 'he has not retired. It is not something for me to discuss,' McLeish said. 'He had injury issues as well and, again, there is management of his injuries. You don't know everyone's private life so you have to respect that.' McLeish is already without Crystal Palace midfielder James McArthur, who recently retired from Scotland duty to focus on his club career, while Robert Snodgrass, who has been involved in all West Hamsters United's games this season, is also missing from the latest squad. 'He's managing a kind of ankle knock that is ongoing,' McLeish explained. 'It made him miss the last games [against Israel and Portugal] too. So again, it's just something out of our control.' McLeish also has to contend with a growing injury list, with strikers Steven Naismith and Leigh Griffiths and Hearts centre-back John Souttar, all sidelined, while Blackburn Vindaloos defender Charlie Mulgrew was named in the squad despite struggling with a rib injury.
Three men and a woman have been very charged with criminal damage after an ambulance was smashed up while football fans celebrated England's quarter-final win over Sweden at the World Cup. The car was taken out of service when it was damaged after the match on 7 July in Borough High Street, London. More than ten grand was raised through a crowdfunding page to pay for repairs. The four defendants are due to appear at Camberwell Magistrates' Court on 22 November. A JustGiving page set up by Millwall Supporters' Club raised twice its target of five thousand knicker after photos of the damaged car were shared across social media. However, a Skoda dealership offered to fix the car for free, so the donations were, instead, put towards restoring an old ambulance, the London Ambulance Service said.
England completed a thumping two hundred and eleven-run victory on day four of the first test against Sri Lanka to end their thirteen-match winless run away from home. The tourists steadily took top order wickets in the first two sessions before taking the final five after tea. Moeen Ali claimed four for seventy one and Jack Leach three for sixty, while Adil Rashid and Ben Stokes picked up a wicket each. The win puts England one-nil up in the three-match series and is their first in an overseas test since October 2016. Between them, England's three spinners took 1sixteen wickets in the match, the second best return by English spinners in a test since 1958. A dominant performance from England over the first three days had left Sri Lanka needing to bat out the final two days to draw - or score a record four hundred and sixty two to win. Beginning the day fifteen for no wicket, the hosts survived the first hour unscathed but lost three quick wickets before lunch. Angelo Mathews offered some resistance with a breezy fifty three but he chipped Moeen to mid-wicket shortly after tea as England closed in on victory. Rangana Herath - playing in his final Test - was the last wicket to fall, run out by Stokes. The win is Joe Root's first as captain away from home and is England's first ever victory at Galle. 'It is right up there as one of my best wins,' said Root. 'We were in control for the majority of the game which shows how skilful and consistent we have been. As a group we have all contributed in some form but to see young inexperienced guys put together really important match-wining performances is really pleasing. It shows the plans are right, the preparation is right.' England's bowling attack has struggled for potency overseas in recent years but in Galle, Root was able to call on a variety of bowlers who all contributed. Root started day four with seamers James Anderson and Sam Curran before turning quickly to spin when there continued to be no swing. He first introduced left-arm spinner Leach, followed by off-spinner Moeen and the pair removed the Sri Lanka openers, with Leach trapping Kaushal Silva LBW for thirty and Moeen catching Dimuth Karunaratne off his own bowling for twenty six. All-rounder Ben Stokes had a light workload with the ball in this test but he dismissed Dhananjaya de Silva on the stroke of lunch and bowled a hostile spell after the interval. He peppered Mathews and Kusal Mendis with excellent short bowling and should have had been rewarded with another wicket but Anderson dropped a relatively simple catch from Mathews. Leach bowled a long, accurate spell in the afternoon session and claimed the two wickets to fall, having Mendis caught at mid-off and bowling Sri Lanka captain Dinesh Chandimal with a brilliant delivery. Moeen then returned after tea and for the second time in the match took a wicket with the first ball of the final session, this time having Dhananjaya de Silva caught by Stokes at slip. Shortly afterwards Moeen saw off Mathews and leg-spinner Rashid claimed his first wicket of the innings by dismissing Dilruwan Perera for an aggressive thirty, before the victory was sealed by the run out of Herath. Other than Root himself, who bowled one over on day four, every England bowler took a wicket in the match but it will be the spinners who pleased the England captain most. Their combined sixteen wickets is the second-best spinners' haul for England for sixty years, beaten only by the nineteen Graeme Swann and Monty Panesar shared in Mumbai in 2012. 'The spinners performed beautifully,' Root added. 'They controlled when required, attacked when they could and I always felt we would take wickets throughout the game.' England wicketkeeper Ben Foakes, who scored a first-innings century, was man of the match on his debut. England's losing run overseas stretched back all the way to October 2016 when they lost to Bangladesh in Dhaka. Since then England, so impressive at home, have lost series four-nil in both India and Australia, plus narrower defeat in New Zealand earlier this year, with three draws accompanying the nine defeats. Previously at Galle England had drawn twice and lost twice but on this occasion, after being reduced to one hundred and three for five before lunch on day one, they then dominated every session of the match. As well as the bowlers the batsmen also contributed, with Foakes and Keaton Jennings hitting centuries in the first and second innings respectively. 'To be able to contribute to the team is just amazing,' Foakes said. 'It has been one of the best weeks of my career so far, if not the best.' A win in the second test in Pallekele, starting on Wednesday, would seal England's first away series win since beating South Africa in 2016. For Sri Lanka, the final wicket summed up their disappointing performance in this test. Their bowlers were not as effective as England's, their fielding was disappointed and some of their batsmen again fell to reckless shots on the fourth day. Making an albeit unlikely attempt to save the test, Karunaratne was out attacking Moeen, hitting the ball straight back for a catch in the morning session and Mendis foolishly charged down the wicket and skewed a shot to mid-off. The ball before Dhananjaya edged to Stokes at first slip in the final over before lunch, he had played a wild drive to the Durham all-rounder which had been given out caught behind, only to be overturned on review. Herath's dismissal - sprawled in the dirt after failing to beat Stokes' powerful throw - was an ignominious finish for a player who ended a fine test career with four hundred and thirty three wickets - putting him joint eighth on the all-time list - but also a strange one as he had called for the risky second run. The forty-year-old's team-mates celebrated his retirement at the end of play by carrying the spinner around his home ground on their shoulders but Sri Lanka will now have to do without him. 'It's a hard day for us, because we know how much Rangana has done for the team and Sri Lanka cricket,' reflected captain Dinesh Chandimal, who himself struggled in this match with a groin injury sustained while fielding. 'We'll have to say "sorry" to him, we couldn't give him a really good farewell. Our batting was below par during the game, you can't stay in the game [with this kind of batting]. Credit goes to England, they played some outstanding cricket. We had a really good start in the first session but we couldn't capitalise on it.'
Two batsmen in New Zealand have set a record by scoring forty three runs in a single over. Joe Carter and Brett Hampton were batting for Northern Districts against Central Districts in a domestic one-day match in Hamilton on Wednesday. South Africa-born fast bowler Willem Ludick bowled eight balls in the over, including two no-balls, conceding six sixes, a four and a single. The total is a record for List A matches - one-day internationals and recognised domestic limited-over games. Ludick might have been removed from the attack after only one legitimate delivery because his next two attempts were waist-high full tosses. But playing conditions in New Zealand allow umpires to 'apply understanding and tolerance with regard to over-waist-high full toss deliveries' and officials decided that a no-ball was sufficient penalty on both occasions. Carter and Hampton passed the previous record for a List A over of thirty nine, set by Zimbabwe's Elton Chigumbura for Sheikh Jamal Dhanmondi against Abahani Ltd in the Dhaka Premier League. In one-day internationals, South African Herschelle Gibbs scored thirty six in an over - with six sixes - against Daan van Bunge of the Netherlands in the 2007 World Cup. In the twenty-over format, India's Yuvraj Singh dispatched England's Stuart Broad for six sixes in the 2007 World T20 in Durban. In a first-class match between Wellington and Canterbury in 1990, occasional bowler Bert Vance conceded seventy seven in an over in which only one of his first seventeen deliveries was legitimate, part of a bizarre attempt to contrive a result on the final day of the game.
A Zimbabwean woman is reported to be suing her ex-boyfriend after his 'abnormally long' penis allegedly 'overstretched' her vagina. Mind you, this was reported by the Daily Mirra so, you know, not so much a pinch as a twenty four gallon vat of salt. Silindile Mangena is, the Mirra's excellently-named Bradley Jolly claims, 'planning to undergo reconstructive surgery after getting intimate with Mugove Kurima.' But, she wants Kurima to pay the one hundred and fifty thousand Rand cost of this (that's about eight grand) and is taking him to court to get the wonga. Silindile, of Harare, told the Zimbabwe Mail that her private parts were 'tight' before she met Kurima in 2016. And, now apparently, they're not. Ooo, one imagines that'll have chaffed a bit. She claims that she fell in love with Kurima even though he was married at the time. However, she ended the relationship in May this year after Kurima is alleged to have stretched her vagina to breaking point with his 'uge throbbing member. 'It is currently unclear how large Silindile alleges her ex's penis is,' notes the Mirra. What, you mean you haven't checked, Bradley? That's not a very good example of quality investigative journalism, is it? The woman will reportedly ask the court - through her lawyers, Dakarai, Masendu & Partners - to 'force' Kurima to pay for reconstructive surgery on her damaged lady-bits in South Africa.
A Washington 'kink enthusiast' died last month after silicone injections in his genitals led to fatal bleeding, but the New York Postreports that his mothers believes 'a gay sex cult is to blame.' Jack Chapman, an Australian living in Seattle, died from 'silicone embolism syndrome' resulting in haemorrhaging in the lungs, the King County Medical Examiner's Office told the media. Chapman - 'who went by Tank Heathcliff Hafertepen and Pup Tank' according to the paper - was an active member of San Francisco and later Seattle's gay BDSM community. Chapman served as one of several slaves to master Dylan Hafertepen, 'known as the nickname Noodles and Beef.' Hafertepen, who has thousands of followers on social media, is known for posting salacious photos of himself with his slaves, whom he calls his 'pups.' Several of Hafertepen's pups, including Tank, 'appear to have artificially enlarged genitals as well as extremely muscular bodies,' the paper says. Chapman's mother, Linda, is blaming Hafertepen for turning her son on to the dangerous body modification that resulted in his death. 'It was devotion, it was like some sort of clan, family, like a cult. And to prove their devotion to him they had to change their bodies,' Linda said on the Australian talk show The Project, which was broadcast on Channel Ten this week. 'It is not known who injected silicone into Chapman's scrotum,' the Post adds.
Earth has two 'dust moons,' researchers say, after their study confirmed the presence of astronomical clouds orbiting our planet. The clouds, however, are 'practically invisible.' They were found about four hundred thousand kilometres from Earth by Hungarian researchers and are 'extremely faint,' which 'previously gave rise to scepticism about their existence.' The clouds were first reported by Polish astronomer Kazimierz Kordylewski in 1961, who made the discovery while investigating two points in the Earth-Moon system where two gravitational forces interact in a way that stabilises the position of objects, known as A Lagrange Point. It was near one of these points, called L5, where Doctor Kordylewski noted two 'bright patches,' now known as The Kordylewski Dust Cloud. This collection of space dust was thought to move around Earth as The Moon moves along its orbit, according to the Royal Astronomical Society. However, as the clouds were difficult to observe, their existence was doubted by some scientists. But, now researchers say they have captured images of the clouds using a polarising filter system attached to a camera lens. Polarised light reflected from the dust was picked up by the camera, thus confirming the elusive clouds. 'The Kordylewski Clouds are two of the toughest objects to find and though they are as close to Earth as The Moon, they are largely overlooked by researchers in astronomy,' study co-author Judit Sliz-Balogh said in a Royal Astronomical Society statement. 'It is intriguing to confirm that our planet has dusty pseudo-satellites in orbit alongside our lunar neighbour.' Sliz-Balogh, along with Andras Barta and Gabor Horvath, described the clouds in a research paper published in the Royal Astronomical Society magazine's November issue. The location of these dust clouds could be potential sites for orbiting space probes, the Royal Astronomical Society proposed. Future research will look into The Kordylewski Vlouds to determine whether the dust could threaten equipment parked there.
Astronomers have found what they believe to be one of the universe's oldest stars, a thirteen-and-a-half-billion-year-old body formed almost entirely of materials spewed from The Big Bang. The star's age suggests the part of The Milky Way where our sun resides could be at least three billion years older than previously thought, according to researchers at John Hopkins University in Maryland. The composition of the newly discovered body indicates it could be just one generation removed from The Big Bang in the cosmic family tree. 'This star is maybe one-in-ten million,' said Kevin Schlaufman, an assistant professor of physics and astronomy and lead author of the study, published in The Astrophysical Journal. 'It tells us something very important about the first generations of stars,' he added. The first stars formed after the universe began with The Big Bang 13.8 billion years ago were made up entirely of hydrogen, helium, an small amounts of lithium. Those stars then produced elements heavier than helium in their cores and seeded the universe with them when they exploded as supernovae. The next generation of stars formed from clouds of material laced with those metals, incorporating them into their composition. The metal content of the universe’s stars increased as the cycle of star birth and death continued. Our sun is thousands of generations down that line.
US researchers have successfully tested the idea of producing electricity from a mushroom covered in bacteria. The scientists used 3D printing to attach clusters of energy-producing bugs to the cap of a button mushroom. The fungus provided the ideal environment to allow the cyanobacteria to generate a small amount of power. The authors say their fossil-free 'bionic mushroom' could have 'great potential.' As researchers the world over search for alternative energy sources, there has been a sharp rise in interest in cyanobacteria. These organisms, widely found in the oceans and on land, are being investigated for their abilities to turn sunlight into electrical current. One big problem is that they do not survive long enough on artificial surfaces to be able to deliver on their power potential. That's where the button mushroom comes in. This fertile fungus is already home to many other forms of bacterial life, providing an attractive array of nutrients, moisture and temperature. So the scientists from the Stevens Institute of Technology developed a clever method of marrying the mushroom to the sparky bugs. Appropriately enough, they came up with the idea while having lunch. 'One day my friends and I went to lunch together and we ordered some mushrooms,' said Sudeep Joshi, a postdoctoral researcher and author of the study. 'As we discussed them we realised they have a rich microbiota of their own, so we thought why not use the mushrooms as a support for the cynaobacteria. We thought let's merge them and see what happens.' Using a special bio-ink, the team printed the bacteria on the cap of the mushroom in a spiral pattern. They had previously used an electronic ink to embed graphene nano-ribbons on to the surface of the fungus to collect the current. When they shone a light on this particular magical mushroom, it caused the cyanobacteria to generate a small amount of electricity. Not quite a lightbulb moment but proof that the idea worked in principle. The researchers say that several mushrooms wired up together 'could' light a small lamp. 'We are looking to connect all the mushrooms in series, in an array and we are also looking to pack more bacteria together,' said Sudeep Joshi. 'These are the next steps, to optimise the bio-currents, to generate more electricity, to power a small LED.' A big plus for the experiment was the fact that the bugs on the fungus lasted several days longer compared with cyanobacteria placed on other surfaces. The researchers believe that the idea 'could have potential' as a renewable energy source. 'Right now we are using cyanobacteria from the pond, but you can genetically engineer them and you can change their molecules to produce higher photo currents, via photosynthesis,' said Joshi. 'It's a new start; we call it engineered symbiosis. If we do more research in this we can really push this field forward to have some type of effective green technology.' The leap from fossil fuel to fungi fuel may not be that far away. The study has been published in the journal Nano Letters.
A vibrant display of the aurora borealis was visible over Shetland on Sunday night. Images of the spectacle - known in Shetland as 'The Mirrie Dancers' - have been shared widely on social media and, the BBC helpfully collected some of the best ones, here.
The two thousand-year-old remains of a dog with its fur still intact have been found at a Roman fort. The rare find was made at Vindolanda near Hadrian's Wall in Northumberland and has been sent for analysis to determine the dog's breed. It was part of a haul made by a team of four hundred volunteers who pay for a place to excavate at the site each year. Other finds included an eighteen hundred-year-old skull of a beheaded native Briton which was stuck on a spike. A spokeswoman said the fact that the dog's fur was so well-preserved was 'incredible.' The top part of the human skull also found showed evidence of numerous wounds including sword injuries. Doctor Andrew Birtley, the chief executive officer at the Vindolanda Trust, said: 'This individual came from the North-West of Britain, as determined by isotope analysis of his teeth. The damage patterns to this skull show clearly that his head was decapitated and then placed on a stake after death, which came about through a series of violent wounds to both sides of his head.' He said that 'trophy head-taking' was 'common' among Roman auxiliary soldiers. Another artefact found during this year's dig was a solid silver brooch in the shape of a duck dating back more than eighteen hundred years. A spokeswoman for the Vindolanda museum said: 'The native British design of the brooch can be traced back hundreds of years prior to Roman occupation. The duck was a symbol of honesty, simplicity and resourcefulness - we probably all need to channel our inner duck.' She said that there had been so much interest in the brooch that the museum was making replicas to sell. All the finds will go on display next year.
A woman has been arrested in Queensland in connection with the 'strawberry scare' where sewing needles were found hidden inside fruit. Police said the fifty-year-old was arrested on Sunday 'following a complex and extensive investigation.' The woman - who has not been named - is expected to face unspecified charges on Sunday evening. A nationwide investigation was launched after shocked and stunned shoppers first reported the contamination in September. There were over one hundred reports of needles being found in strawberries, though many were suspected to be copycat cases or social media stunts. Farmers were forced to dump tonnes of berries and supermarkets pulled the fruit off sale. The first cases emerged in Queensland, where a man was taken to hospital with stomach pains after eating strawberries. The scare spread to every Australian state and - later - to New Zealand, raising public alarm. In response, Australia's government raised the maximum prison term for fruit tampering from ten to fifteen years in The Big House. Prime Minister Scott Morrison vowed to 'throw the book' at anyone responsible, saying: 'It's not funny, putting the livelihoods of hard-working Australians at risk and you are scaring children. And you are a coward and a grub.' In Queensland, where the strawberry industry is worth one hundred and sixty million Australian dollars a year, the local government pledged a million bucks to support the state's stricken farmers.
Norway has evacuated all one hundred and thirty seven crew from one of its warships after it collided in a fjord with a Maltese oil tanker. Eight people were 'lightly injured' in the collision in the Hjeltefjord near Bergen. The KNM Helge Ingstad frigate has been listing dangerously. The warship had been returning from NATO military exercises. The tanker, the Sola TS, was 'slightly damaged' and it appears that it did not spill any oil. The incident led to the shutdown of a major oil terminal and a gas plant. The two vessels collided at about 4am local time on Thursday as the frigate was sailing inner fjords for training, officials said. The tanker had already left Equinor's Sture oil terminal with a cargo of North Sea crude, Reuters news agency reports. 'Due to the damage to the frigate it was moved to a safe place,' NATO's Allied Maritime Command said in a statement. The tanker, which has a crew of twenty three, returned to port for inspection. It was not immediately clear what had caused the collision. Other than, you know, one ship bumping into the other one, obviously. The Sture export oil terminal, as well as the Kollsnes gas plant and several offshore oilfields, were shut down 'as a precaution' but resumed operation on Thursday afternoon, Equinor said in a statement. The Sture terminal is a major tanker port, with almost twenty five per cent of Norway's oil production passing through the facility. Meanwhile, the Kollsnes plant processes gas from several fields for a number of European countries, including the UK. It was not immediately known how the temporary closure of the facilities would impact on wholesale gas prices. Although given the greed of most energy companies, we can probably guess the answer to that one. An unnamed official told AFP news agency that 'a small oil slick' had been detected from the frigate. 'It took on a lot of water and there is a real danger that it sinks where it is,' the official said.
A sixty nine-year-old Dutch 'positivity guru' who claimed he does not 'feel his age' has started a legal battle to make himself legally twenty years younger on the grounds that he is being 'discriminated against' on a dating app. Emile Ratelband told a court in Arnhem that he did not feel 'comfortable' with his date of birth and compared his wish to alter it to people who identified themselves as transgender. Ratelband said that due to having an official age which 'did not reflect his emotional state' he was struggling to find both work and love. He has asked for his date of birth to be changed from 11 March 1949 to 11 March 1969. 'When I'm sixty nine, I am limited. If I'm forty nine, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car,' he said. 'I can take up more work. When I'm on Tinder and it says I'm sixty nine, I don't get an answer. When I'm forty nine, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.' Doctors have told him that his body was that of a forty five-year-old man, Ratelband argued. He described himself as 'a young God.' The judge conceded that the ability to change gender was 'a development' in the law. 'I agree with you: a lot of years ago we thought that was impossible,' he said. But, he asked the applicant how his parents would feel about twenty years of Ratelband's life being wiped off the records. 'For whom did your parents care? Who was that little boy then?' the judge asked. Ratelband, a 'motivational speaker' and 'trainer in neurolinguistic programming,' claimed that his parents were dead. He also said that he was willing to renounce his right to a pension to ensure there were 'no unforeseen consequences' of his age change. The public prosecutor in the court asked whether the ability to change a date of birth in the law would require health inspections in the future, to allow the state to correctly judge someone's 'emotional age.'Kuijpers told the court: 'There is also something like common sense, of course.'
A prisoner is reportedly on the run after being released from HMP Hull 'in error,' Humberside Police has said. Michael Kavanagh was on remand awaiting trial for allegedly carrying an offensive weapon and intent to cause grievous bodily harm in June. He was released 'by mistake' on Friday and was last seen wearing a dark Adidas hooded top, with grey jogging bottoms and blue Adidas trainers and heading away from The Big House a fast as his legs could carry him. Anyone who spots Kavanagh is urged not to approach him but, rather, to call police and retreat to a safe distance a watch the ensuing action. Superintendent Gary Hooks said: 'Firstly, I would like to appeal to Michael directly to hand yourself in to your nearest police station immediately. Anyone found supporting and harbouring him could be subject to prosecution for assisting an offender,' he added. HMP Hull is a Category-B men's prison that originally opened in 1870.
A woman has filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against her ex-roommate for teaching her pet parrot 'dozens of lewd remarks' which it would repeat 'hundreds of times every day.' Sarah Johnson from Louisville in Kentucky claims that her former roommate, Steven Moore, caused her 'psychological and emotional trauma' by teaching her pet parrot to 'sexually harass' her.According to the complaint, Moore taught the plaintiff's bird, an orange-winged amazon parrot named Kiki, 'several short sentences of [a] sexual nature,' which the animal began repeating, tirelessly. Johnson kicked Moore out of their apartment after only six months but says that Kiki continued harassing her for almost three years until she was finally forced to have her the bird euthanised. The woman explained her unusual situation in an interview with WHAS-TV: 'I loved that parrot until Steven moved in. I know it all began as a joke, but it totally ruined my life. It made me insecure about my physical appearance and my sexuality. It kept yelling stuff like "show me your tits" and "stuff me in your pussy" all the time. It drove me crazy and was so embarrassing that I didn't dare invite anyone at home.'
A divorcee 'seeking a wealthy boyfriend' has won thirteen thousand knicker in damages from an 'elite' dating agency after it failed to introduce her to the match she hoped would be 'possibly the man of my dreams, the father of my child.' Tereza Burki had sued Seventy Thirty, based in Knightsbridge for 'deceit and misrepresentation.' On Wednesday the high court ruled that it had 'misled' the businesswoman about its 'exclusive' membership. Delivering the ruling, Judge Richard Parkes QC said: 'Gertrude Stein quipped that whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. This case is about a woman looking for romantic happiness who says she was tricked into shopping in the wrong place, paying a large sum to a dating agency which, she says, made promises but failed to produce the goods.' Burki, a mother of three who lives in Chelsea, approached the dating service in 2013 in pursuit of a new partner. 'Her requirements were not modest,' the judge observed. What she wanted was 'a sophisticated gentleman,' ideally employed in the finance industry. It was important that he should lead 'a wealthy lifestyle' and be 'open to travelling internationally.' Burki's most important requirement was a willingness to have more children since she had 'always wanted four.' Burki was encouraged by what she read about Seventy Thirty and eventually signed up, paying twelve thousand six hundred smackers. The judge said that the agency's then managing director, Lemarc Thomas, claimed there was 'a substantial number' of wealthy male members 'actively engaged' in its matchmaking services who were 'a sufficient match' for Burki's desires. This was 'false and misleading,' said the judge, because there were only about one hundred active male members altogether. That number could not 'by any stretch of the imagination' be described as 'a substantial number,' even without considering how far that number would have to be reduced to allow for compliance with her specific criteria. 'Had Ms Burki known what the true size of the active membership was, she would not have joined Seventy Thirty,' he said. She was induced to enter her contract with the agency by the false representations given by Thomas, who 'must have known' that he was giving her 'a wholly false impression,' the judge added. In her legal action, Burki sought the return of her membership fee and damages 'for distress.' The agency counter-sued her for 'libel and malicious falsehood' in connection with two online reviews she wrote. The judge awarded her twelve thousand six hundred quid damages for deceit and five hundred notes for distress. He awarded Seventy Thirty five grand for libel relating to an April 2016 Google review by Burki. Ruling on the agency's libel claim, Parkes said that he had not found the business was 'a fundamentally dishonest or fraudulent operation,' although at the time, it probably had a short supply of suitable men. Had Thomas explained to Burki that the database included active members, former members who still wished to be matched and people who had been 'headhunted' and had agreed to be put on the database in the hope of finding a suitable partner, she would have had 'little cause for complaint,' Parkes said. Susie Ambrose, the founder and company director of Seventy Thirty, said that Burki had joined with 'the lofty and unrealistic' expectations of how many men she would be introduced to through the agency. 'We are a niche, exclusive agency, not a mainstream, mass-market online dating service. We are not going to have thousands of members because there simply aren't thousands of single, wealthy, high-calibre prospects out there,' Ambrose said. She added: 'By her own admission in court, Ms Burki never read the terms and conditions. Ms Burki was found to have libelled Seventy Thirty, as the judge said that we had sourced excellent matches for her. Therefore, her remarks about us being a non-reputable and fraudulent company were deemed untrue and entirely without foundation.'
A woman in California was arrested after reportedly stripping almost naked in a Walmart store to test various sex toys in front of dozens of shocked and stunned customers. The Union City Police Department received a call from the department store manager reporting that a customer was 'behaving indecently.' Upon arriving on the site, the officers found twenty seven-year old Laura Martinez 'lying almost naked on the floor' and 'masturbating with a vibrator.' According to Darlene Anderson, an employee who witnessed the incident, Martinez used 'at least two dozen different toys' before she was extremely arrested. 'It was the grossest thing I've seen in my life,' said Anderson. 'That fat lady just dropped her pants and started testing every dildo and vibrator we have in front of everyone.' Anderson added that she will be 'haunted' by the images and sounds to which she was exposed. 'The worst part was her moaning and screaming. It was disgusting! I'm pretty sure I'll have nightmares about it.' Martinez now faces a total of seven criminal charges including felony indecent exposure, causing public nuisance and disorderly conduct. Her lawyer, James Mulford described the charges as 'excessive and unjustified' and said that he is 'convinced of her innocence.' According to Mulford, the woman 'did not intend to attract attention to her genitals' but was merely 'testing the merchandise with the clear intent of buying some of the products.' If found guilty on all charges, Martinez could face a maximum of three years in The Big House and a bowel-shattering fine of twenty five thousand bucks.
A thirty five-year-old Washington man was very arrested over the weekend for, allegedly, having sex with a dying beaver while high on methamphetamine, reports Washington television station KXLY. A local woman came across a beaver which had been struck by a car. 'Someone help me save this beaver,' she wrote in a Facebook post. 'I flipped him over so he would walk but his leg is broken.' She was able to move the beaver out of the way of traffic by placing it on a towel and dragging it closer to a nearby pond. After calling local wildlife agencies and veterinary clinics that were closed for the holiday weekend, she decided to go home and get a plastic tub that she could keep the animal in until authorities were open the following day. When she came back, she had something of a surprise. 'He's deceased,' she later wrote on Facebook referring to the beaver. 'I caught a homeless man having sex with the beaver. I'm traumatised!' Officers from the Kennewick Police Department confirmed the account, saying in a statement that they responded to a report of 'a transient male having sexual contact with a wild animal.' The man was apprehended by police and also found to be in possession of suspected methamphetamine. He is currently facing charges of Animal Cruelty and Possession of a Controlled Substance, both of which are felonies. If convicted for animal cruelty, he could face a two-year jail sentence, a fine starting at one thousand dollars, a forfeiture of any animals which he owns and a ban on having similar pets in the future, reports Newsweek.
Police in Alabama say that a man 'not wearing any pants' fell through the roof of a Waffle House during 'a botched burglary' and 'fought patrons before fleeing.' The Times Daily reports Tuscumbia police Detective Wes Holland claiming that twenty seven-year-old Glenn Bost is 'being sought on criminal mischief and burglary charges.' Another suspect has not been identified. Police Chief Tony Logan says that the Birmingham man tried to break into the restaurant's office through the ceiling. Logan said that Bost went into a bathroom, tied the door pulled down his pants and climbed into the ceiling. He says an underwear-clad Bost then fell into the dining area and fought off patrons who were trying to detain him. Logan says Bost then fled, 'leaving behind his pants.' Which contained his driver's license. Police suggest that Bost 'may have been on drugs.' No shit?
A brawl between two mothers at a school bus stop reportedly landed both of them in the hospital. Both used a broken coffee mug as a weapon. One of the mothers later spoke exclusively with ABC Action News. Tiffani Cruz had just got out of the hospital. Cruz defended why she smashed a coffee mug over the head of the other woman. 'It was self-defence over an incident that made no sense,' Cruz claimed. While North Port Police say that it started over 'an argument about parenting,' Cruz claims that the women have 'had issues before.' She says that two weeks ago she confronted the other woman for yelling at another child at the bus stop. 'My heart was racing!' said Eithan Cruz, who is of no relation to Tiffani Cruz. The child and his brother, Bairon Velazquez, witnessed the fight from the back window of their school bus. 'Her face was bleeding and stuff,' said Eithan. 'I looked away,' added Velazquez. Cruz admits that she hit the other woman with her mug. Police have not identified the other woman. Pieces of the mug were used as a weapon in a slashing manner, police say. Both parents ended up in the hospital but paramedics airlifted the other woman to the hospital with a serious cut to her throat. ABC Action News asked Cruz if she thought she 'went too far' and why she called it self-defence. 'Because she hit me. She got this close to my face nudged me with her nose and when she nudged me with her nose - it was her fist going up so my fist was going up,' claimed Cruz. Sarasota County Schools is offering counsellors after several dozen elementary-aged students witnessed the violent brawl. Investigators say that charges are pending.
A Georgia man accidentally shot himself as he allegedly tried to rob a McDonald's on Saturday. The man, wearing a wig, entered the restaurant and asked for the manager, according to a Bibb County Sheriff's Office release. He brandished a handgun and told the manager to take him to the back office and open the safe. The manager sensibly complied but, while in the office the manager and another employee ran to the front of the store. They heard a gunshot, then saw the robber flee out of the restaurant. A short time later, witnesses reported hearing a man screaming for help and the man was found wearing only his underpants. He was lying near a wig, several articles of clothing and money, all connected to the robbery. The suspect, Donte Sherrod Grayer, of Macon, had been shot - seemingly with his own gun - in the left thigh. He is currently listed as being 'in [a] stable condition' at the Medical Centre, Navicent Health. He will be taken to jail upon his release. And charged with being an idiot.
The Pratt Tribune in Pratt, Kansas suffered a humiliating typo in the print edition of their 28 October newspaper. Inevitably, someone took a photograph of the small-town newspaper and shared it on Twitter where it quickly went viral. A short fluff-piece written by Gale Rose was missing an important hyphen in the headline. The error was corrected in the newspaper's digital version of the article, but the physical copies were, tragically, hyphen-less.
A terminally ill actress who raised nearly seven thousand quid for her own funeral after being given weeks to live has, sadly, died. Shirley Hellyar, from Glasgow, thought she had beaten cancer and travelled to Newcastle to celebrate. She suffered chest pains while visiting friends in October and was subsequently told that she had less than five weeks to live. The actress said that her family had already lost her brother when he was sixteen and added 'no parents should have to have funerals for all their children.' She was recently cast as a villager in a Netflix production called Outlaw King, starring Chris Pine and had said that she hoped to see it. However, she died on Wednesday, a mere two days before its general release. A statement on her fundraising page said Hellyar 'unfortunately passed away in her sleep' at St Oswald's Hospice in Gosforth, surrounded by family and friends. 'Shirley was very grateful for everyone's help and donations which made her last few weeks so much better,' the statement said. 'She said that all the help she had received restored her faith in human kindness. Thank you all once again.' Hellyar was first diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma after developing a tumour on her lung in 2017. By September this year, she said the tumour had shrunk and she was well enough to travel to Newcastle where she had lived for years and used to work as a sexual health worker. Just before her death Hellyar said: 'My parents have already had to lose a child - they lost my brother, so they've had this sad story before. The idea that again they'd been left in this situation again just broke my heart. Nobody should be planning their own funeral and organising stuff but if I can take the pressure off and make it more bearable for my parents, I'll do that.' More than three hundred people donated just under seven thousand pounds to help her parents, Elizabeth and Gordon, pay for her funeral and their travel costs from Scotland.
And finally, dear blog reader, a stray comment which this blogger spotted online last weekend reminded him of one of the defining moments of his early life. Back in late 1979 Keith Telly Topping was sixteen and queuing up to see a particular film outside the old Pilgrim Street Odeon when a couple of chaps around his age - perhaps touch older - who had, seemingly, just come out of the cinema having watched the previous showing of the movie in question walked past the queue. One said to the other 'well, that was the biggest load of old shite I ever paid money to see!' For about ten seconds, this blogger was in two minds as he considered whether he should get out of the queue, get the bus home and save his money (and three hours of his time) on the strength of this less-than-impressed 'review.' Thankfully, he chose to say. This blogger says thankfully because the film in question was, in fact, Apocalypse Now, which is still one of the greatest movie experiences Keith Telly Topping has ever had and remains a desert island movie for him. Of course, this blogger knows that he would have caught the film eventually even if he has left, in bowdlerised form on TV or on video (though, remember, this was Christmas 1979, the Telly Topping household didn't acquire a VCR for another four years). But, it wouldn't have been the same as watching it on a big screen in Dolby-surround sound (or, whatever system it was that Francis Coppola used on that particular film). So, the point is, if you want this blogger's advice for what it's worth dear blog reader, never, ever, under any circumstances, take anyone else's review of a movie or a TV episode or a book or a record seriously until you've experienced it for yourself. And, that includes anything this blogger recommends - or doesn't recommend. You might find, having watched the thing, that you agree with a negative (or positive) assessment you've previously read, but you'll never know that until you've had the experience yourself. Like the man said, '... who's in charge here?'

'It's The Kerblam Man!''You're just making sounds now!'
'Good morning, new workers.''Is it me or are they really creepy?''It's ain't you!''Oi, you two, that's robophobic! Some of my best friends are robots.''You'll be right at home here, then.'
'Halfway across the universe and I feel like I'm back at work!'
'Two hearts?''Courtesy of the First Lady. Very good health-care policy. I don't like to talk about it!'
'Got to keep an eye on the ten per cent. As me dad used to say "Go organics!" He was a bit odd, me dad!'
'Graham O'Brien, a very warm welcome to Personal Maintenance.''Not! A! Word!'
'Constant random monitoring. No such thing as privacy here. Are you from the union?'
'There's barely anything down in the Triple-Nines anymore. The last person to search for an order down there got the sack. I never saw them again. I'm not having that happen to you. Not on your first day.'
'Safety Rule one hundred and ninety eight - do not drink any of the cleaning fluids!'
'Those words better be worth something. And if anything happens to us or our new friends or anyone else here, you'll have me to answer too. Too bombastic?''Felt about right.''I liked it.''Thanks! "Laters". Oh, not doing that again. I'll stick with "bye."''Catch me up with this, we storm into management, we cause a fight, what happened to being undercover?''That was before I found out people were disappearing. I'm stepping it up a gear, going straight to the top.''I bet you were the sort of kid who liked poking a stick at a wasps nest just to see what happened.''I don't like bullies, I don't like conspiracies, I don't like people being in danger. And, there's a flavour of all three here. Now, ever hid in a panelled alcove?''No!''You've never lived!'
'Customers who selected these items also bought ear-mufflers, pencil-sharpeners and cola-bottles. Say "yes" now to order these three for the price of the cheapest two.''No!''Thank you, I have stored your preferences!'
'You did this in your last job? How did it go?''Really badly! Sprained ankle and a final warning!''Come on, we have to find Kira.''I should let you know, I have a co-ordination problem. Not super-serious but, you know, it makes life really interesting. And frustrating. And difficult. Especially at moments like this!'
'It's very bad manners to point guns at people. I never warmed to you!'
'Remember, if you want it, Kerblam it!' Believe it or not, dear blog reader, yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought that was great. I know, I know, major surprise, yeah? This blogger is not sure whether Chris Chibnall's era of the popular, long-running family SF drama will ultimately have the repeat value of those of The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) or Big Rusty. But, simply in terms of their visceral, immediate impact, every episode so far this series has left this blogger fully satisfied. Yes, 'I thought it was great,'is something of a default reaction from this blogger to pretty much every episode of Doctor Who. What can Keith Telly Topping say in his own defence, dear blog reader? How about something along the line of, 'why should I need to defend myself for liking a TV programme you specious, arrogant, full-of-yer-own-crapulence glake, go away and bugger yourself ... and the horse you rode in on.' Or, you know, something along those lines. This blogger is 'a fan,' dear blog reader, so being happy to be pleased with the show's efforts sort of goes with the territory - at least, that's the theory - it doesn't seem to work for everyone. But, as this blogger said to a friend a few days ago when discussing more or less this very subject, 'they got their claws into me as a five year old in 1968 and, I guess, I'll be sticking with them until the Saturday before I die.' Anyway, enough of the history lesson - Kerblam! Yeah, enjoyed that; enjoyed it a lot. Loved the Fez! Loved Lee Mack's pithy reply - straight out of any random episode of Would I Lie To You? or Not Going Out - when asked by Yaz where his six year old daughter is: 'She's upstairs, she's Head Of Finance!' Loved Bradley's line: 'Kerblam's trying to kill her own customers? That's the worst business plan I've ever heard!' Loved the politics (especially as one just knows the episode's perceptive critique of zero-hour contracts and working conditions will likely soon become the subject of another 'oh, it's too PC' article by some louse of no importance at the Daily Scum Mail or the Torygraph). That said, though, this blogger also loved the huge twist at the end that, actually, it wasn't the Big-Bad Automated Multi-Planetary Corporation that was the bad guy here but, rather, an embittered Marxist! As evidenced by the anger and regret in The Doctor's line: 'The system isn't the problem. How people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. People like you.' And, most of all, this blogger loved anticipating the race that is about to develop between Amazon and Sports Direct to contact their lawyers and see if they can sue the BBC for the dreadful crime of workplace parody! Doctor Who does incisive and brilliant social commentary, dear blog reader. Again. Not that it ever stopped.
Julie Hesmondhalg's guest appearance in Kerblam! reunited her with Chris Chibnall after the pair worked together on the third series of Broadchurch. Hesmondhalgh has also worked with another former Doctor Who showrunner, Russell Davies, on his 2015 Channel Four series Cucumber. The Digital Spy website asked the BAFTA-nominated actress how the two compared. 'I think there are real similarities between Russell and Chris,' she said. 'There's an attention to detail and a love of words and language, that I can really see in both their writing. They've got ... not the same, but a similar sense of humour and a similar sensibility. Like if you look at [Russell's mini-series] A Very English Scandal, it was a real caper, but there was a real point to it. There was a very deep message in it, about shame and about living an honest life and how hiding things leads people to these ridiculous situations, and I think it's the same with Chris's work. Broadchurch was known for being very intense and dark, obviously, but there's a lot of humour in it - Olivia [Colman] is just a very, very funny person and her character and the relationship between her and David [Tennant], was very light, with a lot of humour in it, so I think there's definite correlations between [Chibnall and Davies].' Julie added that, besides their writing, both Chibnall and Davies have 'a very similar energy, very avuncular and very warm,' while also being 'smart' and 'not suffering fools gladly. I do find them incredibly similar in lots of ways,' she said. 'They know what they want, they absolutely know what they want. They're not just writers, they're showrunners, absolutely, definitely.' Julie also defended the show from disgraceful racist shit-scum and people who appear to have a, sick, politically motivated agenda smeared all over their disgusting faces who are claiming that the latest series of Doctor Who is 'too politically correct.' Whatever the Hell that means. Whilst most reviews of the episodes so far have been, broadly, very positive, some recent episodes of the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama series have been criticised in 'certain quarters' - ie. by disgraceful racist shit-scum and people who appear to have a, sick, politically motivated agenda smeared all over their disgusting faces, basically - for the dreadful crimes of featuring a female Doctor, a racially-diverse cast and for addressing social issues and pivotal moments in non-white history. So, clearly no hateful louse-scum BNP-supporting sick agenda going down there, then. Oh no, very hot water. 'I think you can probably imagine my thoughts on that!' Julie said. 'It's just such a load of bollocks! It's just hilarious. [It happens] as you soon as you get a little bit of diversity, which to me is really exciting. To watch that first episode and see proper representation was absolutely brilliant for me. I was buzzing off it, because that's the world we live in and when you see it reflected on-screen, it's like, "Oh, finally, this is great!"' Hesmondhalgh acknowledged that there are 'always going to be naysayers' - no shit? This isDoctor Who we're talking about! - but added that she had 'read a couple of things [about the new series] that are just absolutely preposterous. I mean, slagging off the series for doing an episode on Rosa Parks? I thought that was one of the powerful bits of young people's telly that I've seen ever. The conversations that will have sparked in houses all over the country because people might have a perfunctory knowledge of Rosa Parks and the Civil Rights movement, but to see Ryan [Tosin Cole] in that situation, to land him in the middle of it, only Doctor Who could do that. To land him in that position, for him to politely pick up a glove that a woman's dropped and for him to be punched in the face, it was absolutely shocking. And it's like, "Right, this is where we were only a few decades ago, and this is where we're heading again" and what an absolute perfect place to discuss those issues.' Hesmondhalgh had similarly good things to say about Demons Of The Punjab. 'My kids haven't learned about Partition, I know barely anything about Partition, and I'm a fairly political person. To be bringing that into all these homes, to start that conversation and to put Yaz in the middle of that story and to see it through her eyes, it's just brilliant. It's just everything I want in television. I mean, that term "political correctness" just means, for me, things moving forward a little bit, in the way they should be doing.' A long-time Doctor Who fan, Hesmondhalgh revealed she did have one concern about the new series before it was broadcast - the number of companions. 'I was a little bit confused about that when they made the announcement, ages ago - I thought it seemed quite a lot [of characters] to be in every episode,' she explained. 'But I love it. I think it's worked really well. They all bring something so unique to it. They're such a great little gang and there's such chemistry between them, off-screen. It's a big risk, putting four people together and hoping that they all get on and that a bit of magic can be created.'
With the series' first female Doctor, diversity on Doctor Who was always going to be a hot topic - and one of the series' writers, Vinay Patel, has been celebrating that as he talked about his episode, Demons Of The Punjab. Patel has praised having a 'more diverse cast' on the long-running family SF drama and said that he wanted to make sure the episode 'opened the discussion' about the seriousness of this period in history. 'I always wanted to do this because it felt it was a period of history that the audience, particularly a British audience, might not know a whole lot about. But there are so many compelling and rich stories from that time,' Patel told Radio Times. 'I'd known about partition for most of my life, so I just wanted to bring that to a wider audience. With a more diverse cast, we get to tell more stories that people who may not be of that background can learn about and identify with. If there was one thing keeping me up at night more than anything, it was figuring out how to tell this story in a way that didn't feel like it was disrespectful of the seriousness of it,' Patel added of striking the balance between historical storytelling and SF elements. 'In one way, you need to show violence and horror graphically in order for it to stick with people. For now, Demons Of The Punjab could be a way of opening the discussion,' he suggested, 'to bring the story out to a larger public and the ramifications of partition that still affect the subcontinent to this day.'
There's an interesting - and admirably balanced - piece, Is Doctor Who Finally Getting It Right On Race? in the Gruniad by Martin Belam which you can read here, dear blog reader. 'At the end of Rosa, my nine-year-old daughter burst into tears about how awfully Parks and the other black characters had been treated, sparking a discussion at home about racism in America and the UK, how it was in the past and, as Yasmin and Ryan had explained on-screen, how it continues and affects people with their colour of skin in the present day. Educational job done on that score at least. I expect all these years later, Sydney Newman would have been proud that the Doctor Who format he helped devise was still having that power over what he described in the original briefing notes for the series as "the most critical, difficult, even sophisticated audience there is" - children.'Word, brother.
Or, to put it another way, here's Dalek operator and David Bowie biographer, the great Nick Pegg slapping down with righteous fury a further example of - completely inaccurate - Twitter silliness ...
Doctor Who Magazine has confirmed that this year's 'Christmas' Special of Doctor Who - the finale of Jodie Whittaker's first series - will actually be shown on New Year's Day. The change is yet another radical one for a series which has been part of the BBC1 Christmas Day schedule since it returned in 2005. The series peaked in 2007 when Kylie Minogue joined David Tennant in Voyage Of The Damned watched by 13.31 million viewers. The last Doctor Who episode to be shown on New Year's Day was Tennant's finale, the second part of The End Of Time, in 2010. Executive producer Chris Chibnall said that the New Year's Day episode would see Jodie's Doctor 'face a terrifying alien threat. We're thrilled to be starting the New Year with a bang on BBC1,' added The Chib, who promised audiences 'an action-packed, hour-long special adventure for all the family.' Charlotte Moore, the BBC's director of content, said: 'We're delighted The Doctor and her companions will be welcoming BBC1 audiences into 2019 with this exciting new episode.' According to the BBC, the seasonal episode will involve 'a terrifying evil from across the centuries of Earth's history.' The confirmation that Doctor Who is to move from its traditional Christmas Day slot has been speculated about at length over the last few months, both in fandom and in the wider media. Christmas is a day when BBC1 likes to display many of the programmes it regards as its crown jewels. But, the Doctor Who move mirrors the programme's recent - and, very successful - shift from Saturday to Sunday, a scheduling change which has seen significantly larger audiences for this year's series. New Year's Day is a day that in recent years has often delivered bigger ratings than Christmas Day - particularly with showcase dramas like Sherlock. And, a 1 January broadcast for Doctor Who will see it to stand out more, instead of just being one of a number of family favourites fighting for viewers on 25 December. Whittaker's debut series is currently attracting the show's highest average TV audience for nearly ten years. consolidated Seven Day-Plus ratings for her first five episodes put the average audience at 8.55 million. The last time the show enjoyed a larger average after five episodes was in 2010 - Matt Smith's first series in the title role - and the average is also higher than the equivalent figure for the 2007 and 2008 series, when national heartthrob David Tennant was playing The Doctor.
The BBC has released details of episodes nine and ten of Doctor Who's eleventh series. Episode nine is called It Takes You Away. On the edge of a Norwegian fjord, in the present day, The Doctor, Ryan, Graham and Yaz discover a boarded-up cottage and a girl named Hanne in need of their help. What monster lurks in the woods around the cottage - and beyond? Guest starring Ellie Wallwork and Kevin Eldon, the episode was written by Ed Hime and directed by Jamie Childs.
The Battle Of Ranskoor Av Kolos is the current series' tenth - and final - episode (the New Year's Day 'special', notwithstanding). On the titular planet of Ranskoor Av Kolos lies the remains of a brutal battlefield. But as The Doctor, Graham, Yaz and Ryan answer nine separate distress calls, they discover that the planet holds far more secrets. With a guest cast that includes Phyllis Logan, Mark Addy and Percelle Ascott, this one is written by Chris Chibnall and also directed by Jamie Childs.
A new Doctor Who exhibition is being planned for the Welsh Capital by BBC Studios in association with Cardiff Council. The new experience is currently in development at Cardiff Castle, in the centre of the city and is due to be operational by the summer of 2019. Cardiff previously hosted a Doctor Who exhibition at a location near the TV studios where Doctor Who is made. It closed in 2017 leaving Cardiff council taxpayers with a one million quid bill. The new location contains a medieval Norman castle as well as a Victorian Gothic revival mansion and is located in the heart of the city.
Lovarzi, the UK's leading online scarf retailer, is expanding its Doctor Who knitwear range with new Winter 2018 products. Maninder Singh Sahota, Director of Lovarzi, said: 'Doctor Who has been an important part of Christmas for over a decade now. Our original Doctor Who Christmas Scarf and Hat hit shelves in 2016 and we were nonetheless blown away by demand. Our new sweater is a perfect accompaniment to these items, and we're sure fans will love them. For the first time ever, we're also releasing officially-licensed women's gloves this year. The Pandorica Opens Scarf proved popular and it's such a beautiful painting, we thought it was the ideal image to launch this extension to the range.' A shorter - 'more manageable' - version of the Fourth Doctor's Burgundy Scarf will also be available. This version is a more concise two hundred centimetres, so it's easier to wear day-to-day without dragging the tassels underneath you. The TARDIS and Dalek Christmas Sweater and The Tomb Of The Cybermen Scarf will also be available to buy from 12 November from Lovarzi.co.uk and Amazon. The Pandorica Opens Gloves will be available to buy in last week of November. Members of Lovarzi's 'exclusive Doctor Who Fan Club' can take advantage of a fifteen per cent discount on all newly launched Doctor Who products by Lovarzi.
Neil Gaiman has claimed that Doctor Who once 'messed' with a fellow writer's script in the past. Last week, it was announced that the American Gods author will adapt Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast for television, alongside Being Human writer Toby Whithouse. During a Q&A session about the forthcoming series, Gaiman said that he 'almost worked' with Whithouse for the first time when they both worked on episodes of Doctor Who and met at a reading of their respective scripts. 'The nearest we'd ever come to working together was when we met at a reading of Doctor Who, Toby's episode had been read that morning and mine in the afternoon,' Gaiman told Deadline. 'We definitely liked each other and we liked each other's work. Because I was writing Doctor Who, I had the privilege of reading Toby's script, which I felt on the whole was rather better than the episode, I got to read the raw script before people who weren't Toby started messing with them.' This is far from the first time Gaiman has appeared to be not entirely satisfied with his Doctor Who experience. 'I did two episodes of Doctor Who over the last decade, one I loved and it won awards, one I do not love and it is widely regarded as having some good bits in it but being rather a curate's egg,' he said to the Torygraph last month. It's nice to know, then, that this blogger - who can count on the digits of one hand the number of Doctor Who episodes post-2005 that he hasn't enjoyed to a greater or lesser degree - isn't the only one who found Nightmare In Silver to be a staggering disappointment. 'As far as I'm concerned both of the scripts were of equal quality but the biggest differences were having a say in what actually got to the screen, a say in what got changed, a say in what got rewritten, a say in the colour scheme, a say in all those things.' That experience, Gaiman claimed, inspired him to get into producing for the upcoming Amazon/BBC co-production of Good Omens, so he would end up with more of a say on how his scripts turn out. 'I'm glad my second Doctor Who episode left me with a bad taste in my mouth because that is why, when Terry said, "You have to make this thing," I was like, "If I'm going to to do it then I am going to be showrunner because I can't just write the scripts, hand them over to somebody and hope that I get something fantastic back, I may or I may not. If this is going to be fucked up it's going to be fucked up by me personally with love and dedication."'
Children In Need has now raised over a billion smackers since it began the annual fundraiser in 1980. It comes after a record-breaking £50.6m was donated during Friday's programme. The five-hour show saw the cast of EastEnders dress up as Disney characters and perform a medley. Jodie Whittaker made an appearance on the charity telethon, surprising nine year old Doctor Who fan Anna, who suffers from cystic fibrosis, when she and her brother Alex got to travel to the TARDIS and meet the cast. The total raised surpassed 2017's previous on-the-night record of £50.1m.
This week's 'one question on Only Connect which yer actual Keith Telly Topping got the answer to before either of the teams' was the following.
Three years after leaving Qi, Stephen Fry has headed back into the show's nerve centre. He has been reunited with the shows researchers - the famous Qi elves - to record an episode of their podcast, No Such Thing As Fish. During the episode, due to be released next Friday, Stephen will 'reveal how he once trolled Jeremy Paxman, teach us the best way to wipe our bottoms and spoil the ending to virtually every book ever written.' After the recording Fry tweeted: 'It was blissful fun talking again with those fabulous elves.'
Speaking of Qi, dear blog readers may have noticed that it has suddenly disappeared from BBC2's Monday night schedules. No need to worry, however, the production state that they are merely 'taking a break for a few weeks', among other things to allow Saturday's Qi XL run - which started six weeks behind - to catch up. According to the Qi website, the next Qi episode is likely to be Pubs - guest-starring Josh Widdecombe, Cariad Lloyd and That Bloody Weirdo Noel Fielding - which will be broadcast in December.
HBO has announced when Game Of Thrones will premiere its eighth and final series. The fantasy drama's last six episodes will begin in April 2019. Sky has confirmed that it will simulcast the final series in the UK on both Sky Atlantic and NOW TV alongside the US's HBO broadcasts. Game Of Thrones' seventh series concluded in August 2017, which means by the time the premiere of the eighth series is shown, fans will have been waiting for close to two years for the resolution to the huge cliffhanger that saw the Night King's army - riding a reanimated Viserion - breach The Wall. The cast and crew have spoken with excitement about the remaining episodes, with co-executive producer Bryan Cogman promising: '[Series eight] is about all of these disparate characters coming together to face a common enemy, dealing with their own past, and defining the person they want to be in the face of certain death. It's an incredibly emotional, haunting, bittersweet final season, and I think it honours very much what George [RR Martin] set out to do – which is flipping this kind of story on its head.'
So, HBO has finally when Game Of Thrones will premiere its eighth series and we also know that each episode will be 'longer than sixty minutes.' Director David Nutter revealed the news while doing a Reddit AMA on Tuesday. When asked about the length of the upcoming episodes, Nutter replied: 'Season eight episodes will all I think be longer than sixty minutes. They'll be dancing around the bigger numbers, I know that for sure.' In the AMA, Nutter also described series eight as: 'Spectacular, inspiring, satisfying.' And, when asked if there will be any Red Wedding-style surprises, he replied: 'As far as season eight compared to the Red Wedding I just have to tell you - hang onto your seat cause it's going to be special.' He also suggested the main reason why audiences had to wait nearly two years for the drama's final series, saying it was 'down to the visual effects. Things take time my friends - they take a lot of time to create and GOT is the last place you're going to find half-baked work so it's all about making sure they fill the frame with as much capacity as possible and making it as real and right as possible,' he added. 'Small price to pay for the amazing quality that comes out of that show.' He also explained: 'I'm completely satisfied with how season eight ends. I think that [David Benioff and Dan Weiss] did a tremendous job and they took into consideration what the fans want, as well as what is right as far as storytelling is concerned. I guarantee there's going to be lots of surprises and shocking moments, but it's really very compelling stuff.'
That much-rumoured Peaky Blinders movie seems to be underway, according to one of the show's directors. A movie adaptation of the hit BBC drama has been talked about for years. 'I think it's actually being written,' director Otto Bathurst, who was behind the camera on the first three episodes of the show, told Yahoo Movies UK. 'I think Steve Knight [is] planning something, yeah.' Last year, Knight said that they were 'probably going to do it,' though no further plans have since emerged. Series lead Cillian Murphy was asked about a movie back in 2016, though he did not seem hugely keen, saying: 'I'm sort of ambivalent about it. I'm sort of like, "Eh, yeah, I don't know, I'm not sure." I love the idea sort of theoretically, but it has to come at the right time, you know? You can't alienate the beautiful democratic thing of television where everyone just watches it.' He added: 'It's kind of a sexy idea, but I'll reserve judgement until the idea is presented to me.'
The Little Drummer Girl begins its run in the US this week, leading to high-profile (and, very positive) previews in the likes of Time, Vanity Fair and Indie Wire.
A new trailer for the fifth and final series of From The North favourite Gotham has been released. It features the arrival of the villainous, ultra-violent Bane. 'The world may seem dark, but there's hope,' David Mazouz's Bruce Wayne tells Commissioner Gordon in the new trailer.
It has now been confirmed that The Blacklist will return to NBC on Friday 4 January with a two-hour series six opener before settling into its new regular 9pm time slot on Friday 11 January.
Lucifer fans are about to see a side of the title character that they've never seen before. While some DC Comics adaptations have struggled with standards and practices over partial nudity, Lucifer will be presenting at least a handful of 'bum shots' of The Devil's ringpiece in its upcoming fourth series, thanks to Netflix's more laissez-faire approach to censorship. 'Netflix really wanted to have Lucifer because they love the show that we already had,' Tom Ellis told a crowd at ACE Comic Con. 'So we've been careful, we don't want to change our show too much because that's the show that people really liked. But there were certain restrictions that we had when we were on network television that meant that maybe we couldn't do as much as we wanted. So things like my bum, which I was never allowed to show before, and lots of people want to see it, really: there may be some bum shots this season. There will be multiple bum shots, certainly after a scene we shot the other day. I also want to stress - I think one of the reasons people like our show is because it doesn't go all the way there. It's about suggestion, it's about getting away with it, it's about being cheeky and not vulgar and we're still being careful that we aren't going to go into vulgarity. Everything's justified.'
The second series of American Gods, the Starz adaption of Neil Gaiman's 2001 novel, has been plagued for months by production turmoil, including the sidelining of its replacement showrunner and the loss of two of the best reasons for watching it, From The North favourites Gillian Anderson and Kristen Chenoweth. So, there has been some scepticism among fans of the show that series two could possibly live up to the darkly haunting tone of the well-received first series. The first trailer has recently been unveiled and, to be fair, it looks quite promising, even if we mostly just get tantalising glimpses of the returning cast.
Yer actual Jenna Coleman has revealed that filming on Victoria series three is complete. The actress posted on Instagram to celebrate the end of production and thanked the 'amazing' cast and crew for their work. The new series is expected to be broadcast in early 2019, although a specific date has not yet been confirmed by ITV.
After last year's GOLD comedy Murder On The Blackpool Express, Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson are back with another Agatha Christie spoof. Death On The Tyne, once again written by Hebburn's Jason Cook, will see coach workers Terry and Gemma get caught up in another murder mystery caper, as this time they take their travels to the North Sea. This Christmas, Draper's Tours will be taking passengers on an overnight ferry trip from North Shields to Amsterdam, where 'things will quickly turn turbulent as the passengers and crew begin to get bumped off one-by-one.' And, if you've ever done that particular trip - as yer actual Keith Telly Topping has a couple of times - you'll be well aware such murderous malarkey is not all that unusual. There's no shortage of motives, obviously, as everyone becomes a potential suspect or victim – from the pensioners with a hidden goldmine, the couple trapped in a clandestine affair, the embittered DJ and the cash-strapped captain. But throughout it all, Terry is still desperate to pop the question to Gemma, even if the circumstances are less than romantic. Joining Vegas and Gibson on their journey will be a host of comedy greats including the returning Sheila Reid, as well as Felicity Montagu, Doon Mackichan, Don Gilet, Tony Gardner, Taj Atwal, Georgie Glen, David Mumeni, Sue Johnston and James Fleet as Captain Jack. Red Dwarf director Ed Bye is behind the camera, with Derry Girls' Catherine Gosling Fuller as producer.
Farmer Tony Martin sparked a national debate in 1999 when he shot dead a teenager who was burgling his Norfolk home. To many, he was a vulnerable householder with a right to protect both himself and his property who should have been given a medal rather than a jail sentence. To others, he was a dangerous vigilante who wanted to kill and maim. Martin, now seventy four, was released from prison in 2003 after his murder conviction was downgraded to manslaughter on grounds of diminished responsibility. Fifteen years on, his story is still divisive and has being retold in a Channel Four drama using police interviews that were conducted in the days following his arrest. Writer-director Dave Nath says that he was drawn to recreating Martin's interrogation because the transcripts 'give a sense of the biography of the man as well as the crime.' Every word in the piece is taken verbatim from the interviews or from police statements made by people relevant to the case. 'It's quite risky because you're effectively putting a play on the telly,' continues Nath, whose other credits include The Murder Detectives and I'm Running Sainsbury's. 'It was about looking for the right case. Channel Four wanted something iconic, where there was something bigger at stake than the crime itself.' Steve Pemberton, who plays Tony Martin in the drama, says that he was 'thrilled to be asked to be involved in something completely out of my comfort zone. Because it was verbatim you couldn't go off script or paraphrase,' he added. 'It was important to learn the words and say them word for word.' Martin, says that Pemberton, has 'unusual turns of phrase' which made recreating Martin's statements 'a great challenge' for an actor. 'It's not dialogue the way any of us would write it,' he adds. 'It meant a lot of time sitting with the script and hours and hours of getting the shape of the sentences exactly right.' Daniel Mays is no stranger to police interrogation scenes, having appeared as a sergeant suspected of an unlawful shooting in the BBC's Line Of Duty. The actor, who plays one of the two policemen interviewing Martin, praises Jed Mercurio's drama for fostering 'an appetite for longer takes and longer attention spans. I've obviously been involved in interrogation scenes before but this offered a completely different challenge,' he says of his role as Detective Constable Stuart Peters. 'It's an iconic story and I liked the idea of setting it in one room. Most of all it was a pure actors' piece: you can really see all the nuances and power shifts in the performances.' Martin himself is seen at the end of The Interrogation Of Tony Martin returning to Bleak House, the Norfolk farmhouse where sixteen-year-old Fred Barras was killed and another man, Brendan Fearon, was wounded. His unrepentant demeanour and refusal to show any remorse for his actions is sure to reignite interest in the case and larger questions regarding self-defence and reasonable force. 'I think Tony is quite robust in terms of the media now, but obviously he's prepared for the renewed interest,' says Nath. 'Tony believes he did the right thing, so I think there was a willingness to engage in this process.' Pemberton worked with a dialect coach to help him perfect Martin's accent but decided against meeting the man in person. 'Dave made it clear he wasn't after an impersonation or facsimile, so I didn't think it was necessary to meet up with [Martin],' he explains. Mays, meanwhile, has nothing but praise for the way Pemberton - hitherto best known for his comic roles - took to the very serious task at hand. 'It was an absolute privilege to sit across from his performance.'
BBC1's upcoming drama series Mrs Wilson features numerous implausible twists, telling one of the most far-fetched stories to grace the screen in years. Yet, astonishingly, it all actually happened. Based on a memoir written by lead actress Ruth Wilson's grandmother, the three-part drama sees its title character, Alison, discover a wealth of secrets about her late husband in the wake of his death. The truth about spy Alec Wilson (Iain Glen) begins to unfurl when another woman arrives at Alison's door, claiming that she is the real Mrs Wilson. It soon transpires that Alec had many more women in his life, with further revelations sending Alison on an incredible journey of discovery. The story is all based in truth – though in reality, Ruth's grandmother only discovered the existence of one other of Alec's wives. The full truth of his deception (in total, he had married four times and had seven children, under a variety of different names) only emerged after she died. 'So in the drama, we've amalgamated the truth with my grandmother's memoir,' Ruth explained. 'It was about twelve years ago we started finding out about the bigger story and it's taken the last three years to put this together. It was a scary process,' she added, 'being so vulnerable and exposing the family in that way. It's something that we talked about a lot, and tried to be very sensitive towards.' Adapted by writer Anna Symons, Mrs Wilson was produced with help from Alec's surviving children, some of whom feature as characters in the drama. 'My grandmother was an ordinary woman,' said Ruth. 'She wasn't anyone famous. But she had an extraordinary journey. It's been such a privilege to dig into that.' Though she describes playing Alison as 'perhaps the most profound experience of my life,' Ruth admitted that she did have some reservations about taking on so personal a project. 'Early on, I felt, "Am I going to play her? Am I too close? Can I do this?"– and I wished, a week into it, that there was someone else playing her. "Is Claire Foy available?" But, I knew that if I played her, I could play the complexity of her. I wanted to protect her, by playing her in all her complexity. That for me was protecting her, showing all sides.' Ruth never knew the other key figure in Mrs Wilson's story, her grandfather Alec, who died before she was born. 'He's sort of a man of mystery to me,' she said, revealing that, even after seventy years, the intelligence services still won't release details of exactly what Alec was doing for them. 'We don't know if the marriages, were they for work? Were they for love? We still don't have clarity on that. So he's a man of mystery. During filming, because I was inside my grandmother's skin, I hated him. But when I first found out the story, I thought, "Oh my God, what a legend! How'd he get away with it?" - It was sort of amazing that this thing existed in our family, our very ordinary family. But then, actually playing my grandmother, I was like, "No, what a shit!" Nothing's black and white. I had mixed feelings, and still do.'
A doll of Luther's Idris Elba, created by Emperis, is now on the market just in time for Christmas. But, publicity shots of the doll have had many people on the Interweb criticising its likeness. Or, lack of likeness. And, it's eight hundred and fifty knicker price tag, obviously.
Top Gear presenter Chris Harris has been involved in a car crash while working for the show's magazine. Harris was driving a Porsche on the A466 near Tintern in Monmouthshire, when he crashed with a pick-up truck performing a three-point turn. Nobody was injured in the crash, but both vehicles were damaged. Harris was working ahead of the twenty sixth series of Top Gear, its last with Matt LeBlanc, which will be broadcast in early 2019. He was driving through the Wye Valley, with a senior executive from the magazine also in the car at the time of the crash. A - curiously anonymous - eyewitness, snitched the pick-up truck was manoeuvring in an apparent three-point-turn before the collision and the Porsche was embedded in the side of the truck between the front and back wheels. A Spokesman for Top Gear said: 'We can confirm that Chris Harris was involved in a car accident in Wales earlier today whilst working on a feature for Top Gear magazine. Chris, his passenger, and the driver of the other car, were unhurt and Police were called to the scene.' Harris subsequently described the crash as 'unavoidable.'
BBC3 has released to the cast for Back To Life. Geraldine James, Adeel Akhtar, Richard Durden, Jamie Michie, Liam Williams, Souad Faress, Jo Martin, Christine Bottomley and Frank Feys are all set to appear opposite Daisy Haggard in the six episode comedy drama that Haggard co-created with Laura Solon. Back To Life tells the story of Miri Matteson, a woman who did 'a very bad thing' a long time ago. So bad in fact, that she went to prison for eighteen years because of it. Miri's first few weeks out of The Slammer find her navigating her way as a naïve but determined Adult Beginner, trying (and frequently failing) to lead a normal life in her picturesque but claustrophobic seaside hometown. She attempts to rekindle old relationships, make new ones, look for work and readjust to life outside, whilst desperately waiting for the world to forget about what happened that fateful night. Back To Life was commissioned for BBC3 in June by the Controller of Comedy Commissioning Shane Allen and BBC3 Controller Damian Kavanagh. Two Brothers Pictures are producing. Filming is now underway.
The third and final series of Fortitude will premiere on Sky Atlantic on Thursday 6 December, it has been announced. Created by Simon Donald, Fortitude tells the story of a mysterious death in a close-knit community in the Arctic Circle. The drama series is produced by Fifty Fathoms and Tiger Aspect Productions and stars Richard Dormer, Dennis Quaid, Luke Treadaway, Sienna Guillory, Darren Boyd, Mia Jexen and Alexandra Moen. The final series consists of four episodes.
John Barrowman, former football manager Harry Redknapp and X Factor runner-up Fleur East are heading to the jungle for this year's I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want). They are among ten 'stars' - for which read 'people who can't get a job anywhere else to justify their existence but need their fix of being the centre of attention' - who will undertake challenges in the Australian jungle for up to three weeks. Noel Edmonds - who is definitely not mental - is also in the line-up, according to the Sun - though ITV would not confirm his involvement.
The production company behind Poldark and ITV flop Vanity Fair has bought the rights to 'a critical biography' of Sir Philip Green. The life of the clothing tycoon, who controls Arcadia Group, the owner of Topshop, 'could be turned into a high-profile drama about how power and finance works in the UK - and how it affects people when high street shops close,'according to the Gruniad Morning Star. But the production company Mammoth Screen 'has been grappling with how to cover Green's recent return to the headlines.' He has spent hundreds of thousands with the law firm Schillings to fight an attempt to name him as the prominent businessman who had allegedly paid substantial sums to staff in exchange for their silence. A Green drama 'would probably focus on his rise from the London rag trade to national prominence as the deal-making chairman of Arcadia Group, before taking in the chaos surrounding his botched decision to sell the British Home Stores chain to a former bankrupt racing driver for one pound shortly before it collapsed,' the newspaper states. 'The series would face the prospect of knotty legal challenges from Green, whose recent battle with the Telegraph has still not fully played out in the courts.' The producers said that they would look at including coverage of Green's non-disclosure agreements, but needed to make sure 'we're not pressing the button too soon because it takes a while for these things to evolve and the truth to emerge.' Attempts to keep Green's name out of the media collapsed last month when Peter Hain, speaking in the House of Lords, used parliamentary privilege to name Green as the businessman responsible for the injunction, prompting demands that Green should be stripped of his knighthood. An alleged 'former Arcadia insider' allegedly told the Gruniad that Green had 'given multiple seven-figure payouts' to staff who had 'made allegations of sexual harassment or bullying' while working for the tycoon. 'Other women have since come forward to with harassment claims.' Mammoth Screen bought the rights to the biography Damaged Goods by Sunday Times business editor Oliver Shah before the latest round of claims about Green's behaviour became public. The deal was first reported by the Radio Times and the production company has been in talks with broadcasters who are interested in making the series.Tom Leggett, an executive producer at Mammoth Screen, said that it was 'interested in the story' because 'it told a parable about the wider ecosystem of the government, politics, media and how Philip Green was created by a system that involved collusion between big business and journalists who propped it up.' He added: 'This type of people were presented in the Eighties and Nineties as being the image of great British entrepreneurship and we should all aspire to that. Then to discover it's all corrupt is a fascinating betrayal. Everyone is complicit in creating these people.' The production company has reportedly been 'in discussions with a potential scriptwriter' but said that it wanted to keep the drama's focus on how people were affected by the fall of BHS. The high street chain collapsed with an enormous hole in its pension fund - which Green later filled after an outcry, but many former employees remain out of work and shop units sit empty on high streets across the country. Leggett said he bought the rights after reading a review of Shah's book in the Gruniad: 'The point is not to make a salacious exploitative piece. What makes Oliver's book so good is that it really is a very measured and intelligent look at big business. The idea of doing a drama about it is not about trying to grab headlines but to give a genuine insight into the way these companies have risen over the last few years.' Green himself has different views on the book, the Gruniad notes, quoting Green as saying that the only reason he had not sued Shah over its publication was that 'he's a cheap hooker who couldn't afford to pay damages anyway. If he was an expensive hooker, I'd sue,' Green reportedly said earlier this year. Despite this, Shah said that he still talked to Green 'on a regular basis' about stories: 'He'll ring up and say "I'm not to read that fucking book but when the movie gets made I'm going to make it myself." I rang him up on Friday and he said "why do you always want to fuck everything up?"' The journalist speculated on which actors could be approached to play the sixty six-year-old businessman on-screen: 'I wish Bob Hoskins was still around but I could go for Ray Winstone.'
The BBC's Director General has spoken out against the 'disgraceful' attacks made on journalists on social media. Tony Hall said that journalists received 'constant anonymous threats' on Twitter for 'simply reporting on opinions that some people might not want to hear.' Earlier this year, the BBC's political editor Laura Kuenssberg said that she no longer reads what people say online. Lord Hall said that social media threats were part of 'an attempt to intimidate people and stop them doing their jobs.' Speaking at this year's News Xchange conference in Edinburgh, he said: 'It can feel like our profession - right now - is under siege. And we should not feel like that.' In his keynote speech on Wednesday, he also said that more should be done to protect journalists from 'utterly shameful' violence around the world. 'We have become far too used to the targeting and killing of journalists' in countries from Mexico to Malta, he said. He told the conference: 'It is hard to remember a time in which journalists across the world have been deliberately targeted in the way they are today.' Lord Hall also said he wanted the BBC's journalists 'to tackle fake news - or what we should more properly call misinformation - wherever they find it.' And, he spoke about the importance of providing 'context' to stories, telling his audience that 'explaining the news is as important as reporting the news.' He continued: 'Audiences want more than the soundbite. They want detail.' Lord Hall said that it was 'important' to offer solutions as well as report on problems in society, pointing out that 'people want to know there are answers too.'
CNN has filed a lawsuit against the Rump administration after The White House suspended the credentials of one of its senior journalists. CNN's chief White House correspondent, Jim Acosta, had his press 'hard pass' revoked last week hours after he got into a testy exchange with President Rump. The network alleges this violates its and Acosta's constitutional rights. The lawsuit, filed in Washington DC on Tuesday, names the President and other senior aides as defendants. Among those named are Chief of Staff John Kelly and White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, who cited 'unacceptable conduct' as alleged 'grounds' for the revocation of Acosta's pass. On Tuesday Sanders claimed in a statement that Acosta is 'one of nearly fifty' hard pass holders at the CNN network, adding that it was 'not the first time this reporter has inappropriately refused to yield to other reporters. The White House cannot run an orderly and fair press conference when a reporter acts this way, which is neither appropriate nor professional,' the statement read. 'The First Amendment is not served when a single reporter, of more than one hundred and fifty present, attempts to monopolise the floor. If there is no check on this type of behaviour it impedes the ability of the President, The White House staff and members of the media to conduct business.' In a Twitter thread after the incident, Sanders accused Acosta of 'placing his hands on a young woman just trying to do her job' - referring to a White House intern who had tried to get a microphone away from him during a news conference. Acosta strongly denied any wrongdoing, labelling The White House's accusation 'a lie.' The press secretary later shared a zoomed-in clip of the incident, which some experts have suggested was 'doctored' to 'alter its speed.' In the aftermath, the White House Correspondents' Association, which represents the press corps at the presidential residence, urged the administration to reverse the decision and not be such a bunch of sour-faced twats who ban people they don't like. 'We have asked this court for an immediate restraining order requiring the pass be returned to Jim and will seek permanent relief as part of this process,' CNN said in a statement. 'While the suit is specific to CNN and Acosta, this could have happened to anyone. If left unchallenged, the actions of The White House would create a dangerous chilling effect for any journalist who covers our elected officials.'
The co-creator of TV satire series Spitting Image is donating his entire archive to Cambridge University. The collection - including original scripts, puppet moulds, drawings and recordings - will be conserved and held in the library. Spitting Image parodied political leaders, celebrities and royals over eighteen series and was broadcast by ITV from 1984 to 1996. Roger Law said that the material would be 'in the right place, it's come home.' Among the archives is a rubber puppet of former Prime Monster Margaret Thatcher, caricatured with a wide-eyed stare and prominent nose. Much of the donated collection has been kept in boxes at Law's home, or in 'three sea containers out in the Cambridgeshire Fens.' Law, who studied at the Cambridge School of Art and began his association with co-creator Peter Fluck in the city, said the university's library was the best place for the collection. 'I was hoping the banks of the Ouse would break and it would all go into the North Sea but this is better,' he said. 'I also thought the show would die a death because no-one had done it before, I never thought it would be like a heater in the corner of the room, gently warming your knees. I knew people would react to it, like Marmite.' The body of donated work comprises every script from the show, including that of a 1985 pilot which was never broadcast. There are thousands of visual images, as well as individual sketches, magazines and books and more than four hundred videos. The University's library is home to some of the world's most important public records, including the original work and correspondence of Charles Darwin and the papers of Sir Isaac Newton. Librarian Doctor Jessica Gardner described the collection as 'a national treasure. Spitting Image was anarchic, it was creative, it entered the public imagination like nothing else from that era,' she said. 'It is an extraordinary political and historical record. Great satire holds up a mirror, it questions and challenges.' Law's wife, the archivist Deirdre Amsden, listed and organised every item in the donated collection over the course of five years.
A man has been extremely arrested after a police appeal for a Ross from Friends'lookalike' went viral. The image of a suspected thief, taken in Blackpool, was widely shared after Interweb users noted his close resemblance to actor David Schwimmer. Lancashire Police said that a thirty six-year-old suspect was arrested in Southall on suspicion of theft. The force announced Monday's arrest on Twitter, thanking Schwimmer for his support. The Met replied to the tweet, making reference to the Friends theme song, 'I'll Be There For You'. After the original image was shared thousands of times, Schwimmer posted a tongue-in-cheek video proclaiming his innocence of the naughty doings. In the short clip, filmed in a New York shop, he could be seen carrying a crate of beer, mimicking his 'double' in the police image. He captioned the video: 'Officers, I swear it wasn't me. As you can see, I was in New York.' He added. 'To the hardworking Blackpool Police, good luck with the investigation.'
A petition to get Iceland's proposed Christmas advert shown on TV has reached more than six hundred and seventy thousand signatures. The advert highlights the impact of palm oil on rainforests and orangutan. Clearcast, the body which approves adverts for TV, said that it wasn't approved because it 'breached political advertising rules.' The advert, which was released on social media on Friday, didn't breach the rules because it was about the environment or palm oil, rather it was not approved because the advert was originally made by the environmental organisation Greenpeace. It comes down to the law - political advertising is not allowed on British TV. In the case of the Iceland advert, Clearcast looked at the rule which says an advert breaches the law if it is 'inserted by or on behalf of a body whose objects are wholly or mainly of a political nature.' Clearcast said that Greenpeace had to show it wasn't 'a political advertiser' before the advert could be approved - but wasn't able to do that. In a blogpost on Monday, Chris Mundy, the managing director of Clearcast, said that the body doesn't consider the message in the advert itself to be political. 'The case made by many of the people that have contacted us is that they feel it is wrong that the ad is considered political and that it makes important environmental points. However, for the reasons above, that is not the issue here.' Clearcast does not have the power to ban adverts, it merely decides whether adverts meet the rules set out in law. It is the job of the Advertising Standards Authority and communications regulator Ofcom to ban adverts which fall foul of the rules. It is up to commercial broadcasters - such as Channel Four and ITV - to ensure the advertising they put on their channels don't breach the law. As Clearcast explains: 'Broadcasters considered the Iceland ad as part of the clearance process and decided that it fell foul of the political advertiser rule meaning it may breach their obligations.' The advert has had three million views on Iceland's YouTube channel and thirteen million views on its Facebook page. Krupali Cescau, the head of planning at brand agency Amplify, says the advert 'speaks to the public's current attitude' towards sustainability and climate change. She says the fact that it has been released under the banner of it being 'banned' has created even more publicity. 'If it had just gone straight on-air it would have been great in terms of starting a conversation,' she said. 'Actually, the fact that it's been released like this, as a "banned" advert, is riding the sentiment that is out there at the moment. Iceland's tripled the views it had from its 2017 ad just on YouTube and the people you've got looking at it are now vocal advocates of a store they might never have considered before.' Now that the advert has gone viral, some have wondered whether this was Iceland's intention all along. Its managing director Richard Walker has told Radio 1 Newsbeat this wasn't the case. 'When we first found out it was going to be banned ten days ago, we were absolutely gutted. We thought we wouldn't have a Christmas campaign.' Iceland says that it had made a deal with Greenpeace to run the advert without its branding in order to try and comply with broadcasting law. 'There's no reference to them in the ad because they are deemed to be political and therefore we needed to disassociate ourselves with them,' says Richard. He says that he stands by Iceland's description of the advert being 'banned.''I don't know what other word we'd use. They said we couldn't play it at all, they banned it.'
Gerard Butler and Miley Cyrus are amongst the celebrities whose homes have been destroyed by the deadly wildfires in California. Others, including Kim Kardashian-West and Lady Gaga evacuated their homes over the weekend while sharing updates with fans on social media. And, evacuated their bowels when they saw how close the fire was. Probably. The fires started on Thursday and have killed at least thirty one people, with more than two hundred people still missing. An estimated two hundred and fifty thousand people have been forced to flee their homes. Neil Young confirmed the loss of his house in a statement posted on his website. He also discussed climate change and criticised President Rump. Young's post referenced the president's controversial tweet that blamed California's 'gross mismanagement' for the damage caused by the wildfires. 'Imagine a leader who defies science, saying these solutions shouldn't be part of his decision-making on our behalf,' Young wrote. This is the second time that the rock star has lost a home to a wildfire, according to Vulture. The 1978 Malibu firestorm destroyed hundreds of homes, including Young's. The fire also reached a ranch that has been the set of several films and TV shows. Paramount Western Town was built for TV productions in the 1950s and has recently been serving as a location for the first two series of Westworld. An HBO representative told The Hollywood Reporter that while 'Westworld is not currently in production, the area has been evacuated.' They also expressed concern for 'all those affected by these terrible fires.' The creator of the reality dating show The Bachelor, tweeted on Friday that the mansion where the show is filmed was 'in grave danger.' One of three structures within Villa De La Vina, has been destroyed, according to Entertainment Tonight.
Rob Lowe said it has been 'surreal' to learn that parts of Malibu where he grew up have been destroyed in California's devastating wildfires. 'My childhood home burned to the ground,' he said. 'Hearing about flames going over certain streets I ran around on as a young boy was just surreal,' he told the BBC's Colin Paterson. 'I know so many people who have lost their homes there. It's unimaginable.'The West Wing actor is currently filming in the UK in the forthcoming ITV police drama Wild Bill. Speaking in Boston (the East Lincolnshire one rather than the Massachusetts one), Lowe revealed that streets where he, his mother and his brother Chad used to live have been decimated. 'A lot of my childhood memories of that area will never be the same.' Lowe described the fires that have swept through California as 'a perfect storm' and called for firemen to receive 'the resources they need. We've always had these fires, but they're just worse [now] so we just have to ramp it up,' he continued. Lowe, who came to prominence in such 1980s films as The Outsiders and St Elmo's Fire, went on to play White House scriptwriter Sam Seaborne in acclaimed political drama The West Wing. The fifty four-year-old will present his one-man show, Stories I Only Tell My Friends in London on 1 December and in Brighton on 16 February. Wild Bill, which he also executive produces, will see him play an American police officer who comes to the UK when he is appointed Chief Constable of the Lincolnshire Police Force. Rachael Stirling, Angela Griffin, Tony Pitts and Bronwyn James will also feature in the drama.
Action hero Jack Reacher is to get a reboot for the small screen with a new actor in the lead role after creator Lee Child admitted Tom Cruise, who played him in two films, is 'too short.' In Child's books, Reacher is described as six feet five inches tall with hands the size of dinner plates. Shortarse Cruise is five foot seven. 'Cruise, for all his talent, didn't have that physicality,' Child told BBC Radio Manchester's Mike Sweeney. The author said that a deal was signed last week to make a new streaming show. Readers had complained about Cruise's suitability to play the imposing former major in the US military police since his casting was announced in 2011. 'I really enjoyed working with Cruise. He's a really, really nice guy. We had a lot of fun,' Child told the station. 'But, ultimately, the readers are right. The size of Reacher is really, really important and it's a big component of who he is. The idea is that when Reacher walks into a room, you're all a little nervous just for that first minute. And Cruise, for all his talent, didn't have that physicality. So what I've decided to do is - there won't be any more movies with Tom Cruise. Instead we're going to take it to Netflix or something like that. Long form streaming television, with a completely new actor. And I want all those readers who were upset about Tom Cruise to help me out - participate in choosing the right actor for the TV series. We're rebooting and starting over and we're going to try and find the perfect guy.' The first Jack Reacher film, directed and adapted by Christopher McQuarrie, debuted in 2012. Cruise got mostly very positive reviews and it made tonnes of wonga at box offices around the world. But the decision to abandon the film franchise and move to the small screen could have as much to do with the reception for the 2016 sequel. Which was crap.
David Tennant and Emily Watson are teaming up again, five years after starring together in The Politician's Husband. Deadline reports that they are, again, playing a couple, this time on the Greek island of Crete, in Quicksand, a film described as 'a taut psycho-thriller.'Quicksand follows Dan (Tennant) and Sarah (Watson) living out their dream in the Mediterranean. But their paradise is shattered when their visiting son is murdered by a local youth. Dan is offered a chance at revenge by a dangerous stranger who won't take no for an answer, and it emerges that the price of revenge is… another murder. Quicksand is due to start filming in April, with director Mark Brozel.
The car coat is reported to be 'this season's biggest outerwear trend' and yer actual Matt Smith's new turn in Burberry's Christmas campaign has just proved the point. Sat in a London cafe 'wearing a chic caramel hued cable knit sweater, a pair of perfectly pressed taupe chinos and - the piece de resistance - a Burberry check car coat, Smith is the picture of modern British style.' Apparently.
Sir Billy Connolly has said his 'art is his life now' as he unveiled a new collection of his drawings in Glasgow. Born On A Rainy Day is the third instalment in the series of artworks and includes twenty five new sketches. Speaking to BBC Scotland's Jackie Bird, Sir Billy said: 'I just started to draw not knowing what it was going to be and it's turned into this.' On the subject of his health, he said that he sometimes has 'shoogly days' but otherwise he is 'perfectly okay.' In 2013, Sir Billy revealed that he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's and prostate cancer on the same day, but he has since been given the all-clear from the cancer. Looking over his progression from comedy and acting to art, Sir Billy said that sketching was his life now. 'I get up in the morning and feed the fish. I catch them in the afternoon and then I draw and I have this idyllic life. I don't miss touring for a minute. I've had my fill of it, I've done the big and I've done the wee and been there and I've done it - I'm very proud of that.' Sir Billy explained that where he now lives in Florida, he leads a mostly 'anonymous life,' but that when he is back in Scotland the reaction he enjoys is one of affection. 'It has gone beyond fame into a nicer realm where people treat me as if I'm related to them; like I'm their cousin or something,' he said. Explaining how he turned to sketching, Sir Billy said: 'I was in Montreal about ten years ago doing stand-up. It was a miserable day and I went into an art shop. I bought a sketch book and some felt-tip pens - I thought it would stop me watching the telly. I had never drawn in my life. When I went home I said to Pamela: "Look, I know they're crap, but tell me if you think they're getting better?" and she said: "Yeah they're definitely getting better!" I've drawn a lot of people with bags over their heads because I couldn't draw faces.' And asked in general how he was feeling, Sir Billy said: 'I'm okay, I'm having a kind of shoogly day today, the nerves and stuff, I'm kind of shaking a bit. It varies from day-to-day. Today is slightly shoogly, but otherwise I'm perfectly okay.' During the interview. Sir Billy was asked about his views on Scottish independence and responded by saying that he did not know how he felt, but he insisted he would not tell anyone what they should believe. He said: 'I speak to my daughter and her friends, younger people and they seem to be drawn towards independence and I don't know how I feel about it. I've never been for independence, so I really don't know how I feel. I'm not telling anybody to be independent.' Since his last exhibition of artworks, the comedian has been knighted for services to entertainment and charity and has been awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Strathclyde. Nicola Duffy, gallery manager at Castle Fine Art, said: 'Billy Connolly is a true national treasure and we couldn't feel more privileged to exhibit his work here in Glasgow. Billy's artwork has a unique, humorous charm which has always been hugely popular with his fans and we can't wait to welcome them back to the gallery to view the latest collection.' The exhibition will run between 16 and 30 November at Castle Fine Art on Queen Street.
The Kinks' LP The Village Green Preservation Society has - finally - passed 100,000 sales. The Kinks released the LP almost exactly fifty years ago (on 22 November 1968, the same day as The Bloody Beatles White Album). Despite strong reviews, it was something of a flop on first release. Ray Davies's timing - with the LP's nostalgic concept - proved to be out of step in the cultural turmoil of 1968, but it eventually gained a much greater mainstream appeal. Pete Townshend of The Whom later said: 'For me, Village Green Preservation Society was Ray's masterwork. It's his Sgt Pepper, it's what makes him the definitive pop poet laureate.' The LP was also a major influence on the songwriting of Davies devotees like David Bowie, Paul Weller, Joe Strummer, Elvis Costello and Damon Albarn. It was Davies' spry, personal love letter to post-war Britain at a time when old shops were being bulldozed in favour of ugly new buildings and people were switching from wooden kegs to metal ones for their draught beer. Songs like 'Animal Farm''Days', 'Do You Remember Walter?', 'Picture Book', 'Last Of The Steam-Powered Trains' and 'Sitting By The Riverside' are among the best Davies ever wrote. Davies this week received a gold disc to mark the achievement. He said that he is currently in the process of turning the LP into a stage show. He toldITV News's Nina Nanner the LP was about 'celebrating the small things in life. You can't live in the past all the time, just move forward,' he said. 'Appreciate the past and take it with you.'
A Briton has died after contracting rabies while on holiday in Morocco, health officials have said. Public Health England announced that the victim became infected after being bitten by a cat. PHE issued a reminder to travellers to avoid coming into contact with animals when in rabies-affected countries. Rabies is not found in wild or domestic animals in the UK, but five Britons became infected between 2000 and 2017 after 'animal exposures abroad.' Some species of bats in the UK can carry a rabies-like virus. According to the World Health Organisation, the disease occurs in more than one hundred and fifty countries and causes tens of thousands of deaths every year, mainly in Asia and Africa. It says that in up to ninety nine per cent of cases, domestic dogs are responsible for the transmission of the virus to humans. The UK government says North African countries such as Morocco, Algeria and Tunisia are among one hundred and thirty nine nations where there is 'a high risk.' It said that while there was no risk to the wider public, as a precautionary measure, health workers and close contacts of the person who died were being 'assessed' and offered vaccination if necessary. Rabies is a really nasty viral infection that affects the brain and central nervous system. It is passed on through bites and scratches from an infected animal. There are no documented instances of it being transmitted from human to human contact. Doctor Mary Ramsay, head of immunisations at PHE, said: 'This is an important reminder of the precautions people should take when travelling to countries where rabies is present.' The last recorded rabies case in Britain was in 2012, after a UK resident was bitten by a dog in South Asia. Initial symptoms can include anxiety, headaches and fever. As the disease progresses, there may be hallucinations and respiratory failure. Spasms of the muscles used for swallowing make it difficult for the patient to drink. The incubation period between being infected and showing symptoms is between three and twelve weeks, if you are bitten, scratched or licked by an infected animal you must wash the wound or site of the exposure with plenty of soap and water and seek medical advice without delay. Once symptoms have fully developed, rabies is almost always fatal. Before symptoms develop, however, rabies can be treated with a course of vaccine - this is 'extremely effective' when given promptly after a bite - along with rabies immunoglobulin if required.
A 'pungent fishy stink' wafting from a North Cornish creamery during the night is making people feel sick and keeping them awake, say residents. The smell has also been described by those living near the Davidstow plant as 'like cheesy sewage.' The Environment Agency said that the smell was coming from the waste-water treatment plant and ordered the firm to reduce odour and noise pollution. Dairy Crest said it was working to cut its environmental impact. Andrew McKersie, who is part of an action group complaining about the odour, said: 'The worst thing is that we typically seem to get the smell in the middle of the night. We're in bed and, suddenly, you are woken up by the stink and then you can't get back to sleep, so you can't sleep properly.' Phil Potter, who lives about a quarter of a mile away from the treatment plant, said that he was 'not able to go outside' during the summer months because of the pong. 'As soon as that smell came over you'd just end up feeling sick,' he said. The Environment Agency said an investigation found Dairy Crest 'remains non-compliant with its environmental permit.' It issued an improvement notice to the company and told them to, you know, get their shit together or face the consequences. The agency said that steps were being taken by Dairy Crest to 'maintain appropriate conditions' in reception tanks at the waste-water treatment plant. Dairy Crest, whose brands include Cathedral City cheese, buys milk from about three hundred farmers in the area. A Dairy Crest spokesman said 'recent improvements' at its waste-water treatment plant were 'already starting to make a real difference.'
A couple who named their baby after Adolf Hitler have been found very guilty of being members of a banned terrorist group. Adam Thomas and Claudia Patatas from Banbury, along with Daniel Bogunovic, from Leicester, were extremely convicted of being in National Action. Birmingham Crown Court heard that the couple gave their child the middle name Adolf 'in honour of the Nazi leader.' They had claimed he was, actually, named after Adolf Smith, a well-known Twelfth Century philosopher and man of peace. They also claimed that they were not Nazis or anything even remotely like it though the photograph of the couple proudly holding up a Nazi flag for the camera was, frankly, a bit of a giveaway. Jurors saw images of Thomas wearing Ku Klux Klan robes while cradling his baby. The Neo-Nazi terrorist group National Action, founded in 2013, was outlawed under anti-terror legislation three years later after it 'celebrated' the murder of Labour MP Jo Cox. Prosecutors said the Midlands 'chapter' of the group 'shed one skin for another' and 'rebranded' after being banned. They said the case was about 'a specific type of terror, born out of fanatical and tribal belief in white supremacy.' Thomas told the court that the pictures showing him wearing KKK clothing were 'just play,' but he admitted to being a racist. Thomas was also found guilty of having a copy of terrorist manual The Anarchist Cookbook. Thomas and Patatas had two machetes, one with a serrated eighteen inch blade, in the bedroom where their baby son slept. A police search of their home in January also found one of two crossbows just a few feet from the baby's crib, the jury was told. Also found was a pastry cutter shaped like a swastika in a kitchen drawer, as well as pendants, flags and clothing emblazoned with symbols of the Nazi-era SS and National Action. Barnaby Jameson QC, prosecuting, said a that deleted Skype log was recovered from Thomas's laptop. He said the messages sent between two parties spoke of National Action being 'destroyed,' with its leaders agreeing to disband with 'no attempt at revival.' Raymond was a politics graduate from the University of Essex and Davies was a Welsh former member of the British National Party. National Action shunned democratic politics, regarding itself instead as a youth-based street movement. It is believed that it never had more than one hundred members. Its activities involved leafleting university campuses, aggressive publicity stunts and city-centre demonstrations. In 2015, member Zack Davies used a hammer and machete to attack a Sikh dentist and was subsequently jailed for attempted murder. After the murder of Jo Cox in 2016, an official National Action Twitter account posted: 'Only six hundred and forty nine MPs to go, hastag White Jihad.' The group was banned later that year after the government concluded it was 'concerned in terrorism.' It became the first far-right group to be proscribed in this country since World War Two. Reading from the log, Jameson said: 'But the Midlands branch of NA, which is just seventeen to twenty of us, have decided to ignore this and we've renamed ourselves the Thule Combat League. Traitors. Midlands will continue the fight alone.' Jurors reached unanimous verdicts after twelve hours of deliberating. The three defendants will be very sentenced on 14 December. Patatas was given bail, while Thomas and Bogunovic were remanded in custody. Earlier this year Darren Fletcher, from Wolverhampton; Nathan Pryke, from March in Cambridgeshire and Joel Wilmore, from Stockport; also pleaded guilty to being in National Action. Detective Chief Superintendent Matt Ward, from West Midlands Police, said that the defendants 'were not simply racist fantasists; we now know they were a dangerous, well-structured organisation.' He added: 'Their aim was to spread Neo-Nazi ideology by provoking a race war in the UK and they had spent years acquiring the skills to carry this out. Unchecked, they would have inspired violence and spread hatred and fear across the West Midlands.'
An electrician was shot dead in a row which started over comments about a woman's 'nice bum,' a court has heard. John Pordage died after being shot at a BP petrol station in Chelmsford on 5 August last year. Woolwich Crown Court heard that Bradley Blundell shot Pordage in the chest after he was called 'The Milkybar Kid.' Blundell denies murder, conspiring to pervert the course of justice and possession of a firearm with intent to endanger life. Jurors heard that Pordage was at the Baddow Road garage with a friend in the early hours of the morning when one of them made the 'nice bum' comment about another driver, Ella Colgate. Prosecution Tracy Ayling QC said this 'led to an argument' with Blundell and another passenger in Colgate's car, which ended with Pordage being very shot in the chest. She said that the defendant's anger 'spilled over' after either Pordage or his friend called him 'The Milkybar Kid.' Ayling said Blundell shot Pordage after his friend, who was armed with a cosh, also attacked him. After the shooting, Blundell and two of his friends, who cannot be named for legal reasons, burned their clothes and mobile phones, it was claimed. The jury was told that the defendant also 'went on the run' before eventually handing himself in at a police station in Amsterdam on 31 March. Colgate is also on trial for conspiring to pervert the course of justice, which she denies. Ayling said the pair told a witness to lie about what she remembered of the incident. The trial continues.
A drunken, shirtless man in Florida reportedly barged into several Pensacola homes 'looking for a fight' before running into a fence and knocking himself out, according to Escambia County Sheriff's Office. Christopher Doyle Norman was very arrested on Tuesday for 'numerous offences' including home invasion, battery, burglary, larceny and criminal mischief. Norman allegedly began his rampage by kicking open a gate, approaching a woman who was sitting outside her mobile home and punching her in the side of the head, the report stated. He allegedly then 'damaged a ladder' and the exterior door of the residence before moving onto the home next door. There, Norman allegedly fell through the open front door. One of the residents grabbed a hammer and ordered Norman to leave, at which point he, hurriedly, left the trailer park yelling that he would 'come back and burn the trailer down,' the report added. Norman allegedly went to a nearby apartment complex and began knocking on an apartment door. When the resident answered, Norman allegedly began yelling at the resident to 'fight' him. When the resident closed and locked the door, Norman allegedly began to ram the door with his shoulder causing damage to both the door and the frame. Norman then allegedly moved on to another residence where he walked in through the closed, but unlocked, door and began yelling for the apartments' two male occupants to fight him. He allegedly began chasing the victims around a table and - unable to catch them - threw a lamp at them which, fortunately, missed. According to the report, Norman grabbed a slice of pizza before chasing one of the victims into a bedroom and snatching a landline phone from a victim who was attempting to dial nine-one-one. Norman allegedly swung the phone at the victim several times, hitting him once in the back of the head. Norman chased the man outside and around the apartment complex before running into a chain fence, knocking it down and passing out on top of it, the report said. Deputies arrived on scene to find Norman 'unresponsive and seemingly under the influence of alcohol.' No shit? They were able to handcuff Norman without further incident, though he allegedly made 'vague threats' to deputies during his arrest and continued to do so as they carted his ass off to The Slammer. The woman who was punched in the head declined to be taken to hospital, though she told deputies that she had a brain tumour and would need 'a thorough medical examination.' There were no other major injuries reported at the scene, according to the report.
A wedding dress shop owner burned her fiance's home after he called off their marriage plans, a court heard. Jilted Catherine Jarvis was so keen to marry Colin Jarvis that changed her surname to his by deed poll months ahead of their big day. But when Colin subsequently called off the wedding she stormed round to his flat and used a ladder to climb in over the balcony. She set fire to the tassels of one of his chairs and ten left the building in Kingskerswell, Devon, to burn causing thousands of pounds worth of damage. Jarvis watched the fire and was later arrested after Colin tipped off the police but she denied it and police later dropped the investigation. But Colin's persistence that she was responsible saw the case eventually reopened and Jarvis changed her plea to very guilty on the first day of a trial. Jarvis, who used to run a wedding dress shop, had been experiencing 'emotional turmoil' at the time of the fire, Exeter Crown Court was told. She admitted arson and was given a suspended jail sentence and told she had come 'within an inch' of going to prison. Speaking after the case Colin, a painter, said: 'We were due to be married, I called it off. That's what triggered it all. We'd been together for a good two years or so, engaged for about twelve months of that. She changed her name to Jarvis because she was living with me. A few days later I was working away, in Surrey and my neighbour rang me and said my house was on fire. I've lived there for thirty years, it's my castle - I've done a lot of work on the house over the years. I set off for home and called the police because it was obvious to me Cath had started it. She was stood outside watching the fire. She was arrested that same day, she was in the police van when I got there. She denied it and the police told us they were dropping the case but I appealed the decision and I got them to look at it again. That time they decided there was enough and it went to court. She changed her plea right at the last minute.' Colin claimed that he ended the relationship when she became abusive and violent - throwing hot potatoes and ornaments at him. He said: 'Before the fire, she had been out on a hen night and she got back and battered me over the head with an ornamental crab. She had thrown roast potatoes at me, I can't stand physical violence like that at all. When she hit me with the crab it was over. It took me a good while to get her out, a month or so. I changed the locks on her but she got a locksmith out because there was a key broken off in one of the doors. It had been that way for years, she convinced him to change the lock so she would have a key - I didn't realise at the time. I was woken up one night and she was stood in my bedroom saying, "I love you." I told her to get out and said it was over.'
The prisoner formerly known as Charles Bronson (no, the other one) allegedly pinned a prison governor to the ground and threatened to bite off his nose and gouge out his eyes, a jury heard. The sixty five-year-old, now called Charles Salvador, claimed: 'For the first time in forty four years in prison I never intended to be violent. I never meant to hurt the governor.' He also claimed: 'I can assure you I have never bitten anyone's nose off in my life. Plus, I'm a vegetarian and all.' And, he added: 'In three seconds, I could hit a man ten times in the face.' Salvador made the claims while cross-examining prison staff at his trial at Leeds Crown Court, where he is representing himself. The sixty five-year-old, now an inmate at HMP Frankland in County Durham denies attempted grievous bodily harm with intent to the governor. The prosecution alleges that the prison governor suffered swelling to the neck, scratches to the face and whiplash. Salvador disputes the injuries and is alleged to have borne a grudge against the governor over wedding photos. The jury has heard claims that Salvador and his bride Paula Williamson would be given twenty two photographs taken by prison staff during their wedding ceremony at HMP Wakefield. Giving evidence, the governor claimed that on the day, staff decided not to give Williamson the photos because one of the alleged 'guests' was believed to be a paparazzi who'd had their press licence taken off them and another had invaded a top football club's grounds wearing a prison outfit with the words 'Free Charles Bronson' on it. Salvador claimed by withholding the photos, the governor had humiliated his wife. He also claimed the governor had 'belittled' him by giving his height in reports as four inches shorter than he was. The trial continues.
A regular entrant of the Hull Marathon has been banned from taking part after officials discovered that he 'appears to have not actually run the race.' Officials said that the runner's results over a four-year period would be discarded for non-completion of the full course. The unnamed man, who is from East Anglia, has also been banned from entering for the next five years. A spokesman said that there was 'little evidence' of him taking part. 'The runner appears to have not actually run the race, with evidence only of his presence at chip timing mats and the finish line,' he said. 'The runner's times also do not reflect other evidence considered and, subsequently, they have been disqualified having made no response to the case.' The ban followed a tip-off from another participant in the race. Race organisers said that they would 'not tolerate' anyone trying to breach the rules and discredit those who have trained for the challenge.
Delayed flights can awful. And, they can cause a wide variety of reactions from passengers. Some people are perfectly calm and polite despite the bad news, others become angry with the crew or airline, some may even burst into tears. But there are some responses that are overreactions by any definition - like, for instance, setting your own possessions on fire. One irate passenger allegedly decidef that arson was the only way to respond to his delayed flight on Pakistan International Airlines, according to Dawn. PIA Flight PK-607, bound for Gilgit, was delayed on Thursday for technical reasons, and then ultimately cancelled due to bad weather at Islamabad Airport. A video of one passenger's -extreme - was posted on Facebook.
An Australian woman accused of putting sewing needles inside strawberries in a high-profile sabotage case was 'motivated by spite,' a court has heard. My Ut Trinh was arrested on Sunday following a nationwide police investigation that began in September. Trinh had worked as a supervisor at a strawberry farm North of Brisbane, according to Queensland Police. The maximum prison term for contaminating goods in Australia was recently raised to fifteen years. Trinh faces seven counts and has not said whether she will fight the charges. The 'unprecedented' strawberry scare spread to every Australian state and later to New Zealand, raising public alarm. Police said there had been one hundred and eighty six reports of needle-contaminated strawberries since September, though fifteen of those turned out to have been hoaxes. It is not yet clear how many of those Trinh is alleged to have caused. On Monday, police described their investigation as 'far from over.' The court in Brisbane on Monday heard that Trinh's DNA had been found on strawberries in the state of Victoria. 'The case that is put is that it is motivated by some spite or revenge,' Magistrate Christine Roney said. 'She has embarked on a course over several months of putting a metal object into fruit.' Trinh allegedly 'intended to cause financial harm' to a farm where she had worked, reported Fairfax Media, citing court documents. The first cases emerged in Queensland, where a man was taken to hospital with stomach pains after eating strawberries. Farmers were forced to dump tonnes of berries and supermarkets pulled the fruit off sale. In response, Australia's government raised the maximum prison term for fruit tampering from ten to fifteen years. Prime Minister Scott Morrison vowed to 'throw the book' at anyone responsible, saying: 'It's not funny, putting the livelihoods of hard-working Australians at risk and you are scaring children. And you are a coward and a grub.' On Monday Superintendent Jon Wacker, from Queensland Police, described it as 'a unique investigation impacting virtually every state and jurisdiction in Australia.' Prosecutors said they opposed giving bail to Trinh because she may face 'retribution' in the community.
The hideous, louse-scum right-wing pressure group The Tax Payers' Alliance has conceded that it 'illegally sacked' the whistleblower Shahmir Sanni for revealing unlawful overspending in the Brexit referendum campaign, in a case that could have a major impact on how lobbyists are described in the media. In a development that lawyers have described as 'almost unprecedented,' the group - which claims represent tax-payers even thought the vast majority of tax payers haven't asked them to or anything even remotely like it - has also conceded that it 'illegally vilified' Sanni on the BBC in co-ordination with a network of other 'linked' organisations. The alliance has accepted all of the allegations Sanni made during his action claiming unfair dismissal, wrongful dismissal, direct discrimination and 'dismissal by reason of a philosophical belief in the sanctity of British democracy.' Significantly, it has also conceded that it is liable for what Sanni's lawyer, Peter Daly of Bindmans, describes as 'extreme public vilification.' Sanni had claimed that it was responsible for a smear attack published by the website Brexit Central and that it coordinated 'derogatory statements' made by the head of Vote Leave, Matthew Elliott, to the BBC - calling Sanni a 'Walter Mitty fantasist' and 'so-called whistleblower' and claiming that he was 'guilty of completely lying' - before an official finding by the Electoral Commission into the conduct of the Brexit referendum. The disclosure is likely to have far-reaching consequences for the way that broadcasters describe lobby groups. The uncontested claim has stated that The TaxPayers' Alliance is responsible for Elliott's Brexit Central website as part of nine 'linked' high-profile right-wing louse-scum 'think-tanks' which operate in and around offices at 55 Tufton Street in Westminster and 'coordinate media and other strategy.' In Sanni's case, they also coordinated with Downing Street. The network includes The Adam Smith Institute, the Centre for Policy Studies, the Institute of Economic Affairs and Leave Means Leave. The shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, is calling for a full inquiry into the groups' funding and said that in the interests of 'openness and accountability,' the BBC must make clear that they are lobbyists, not think-tanks as they are sometimes referred to. In March, Sanni revealed to the Observer massive overspending by the official Vote Leave campaign, which has now been found to be in breach of the law by the Electoral Commission. The day before this was published, Downing Street released a statement which revealed Sanni was gay and The TaxPayers' Alliance subsequently sacked him from his job running its social media. It has now conceded in full Sanni's claims and is liable to pay what the Gruniad describes as 'substantial' damages. Which is really funny. Details of the alliance's relationship with Downing Street and the role of Stephen Parkinson, Theresa May's political secretary, will now not be heard in court. A separate claim by Sanni against Downing Street is still ongoing. Sanni, who received an award from Gay Times last week, said: 'It has proved that The TaxPayers' Alliance sacked me for speaking the truth. And that there has been a coordinated effort by the Conservative establishment, including the government, to shut me down. The TPA claimed to have lost a donor because of my actions. If they had fought the case in court as we wanted, they would have had to reveal who their donors are. That they were prepared to admit their illegal behaviour on all counts shows how far they are willing to go to protect this information. Serious questions must be asked about who is funding them, what their exact relationship is with the government and why are they allowed a platform on national television.' Chris Milsom, a barrister who specialises in whistleblowing cases, said: 'It is incredibly unusual for a respondent to make a complete concession on liability as the respondent has here. To wave a white flag to avoid disclosing documents and giving evidence in court is really unusual. They conceded everything. How does an ostensibly private company come to be working with Downing Street? What is their relationship? Who are their funders? If this had been fully ventilated in a public trial we could have found these things out. The effect of these admissions, however, is that Mister Sanni was dismissed both because he blew the whistle on electoral crimes and because of his philosophical belief in the sanctity of democracy. We must now ask: is that an entity that is fit to be on the BBC ostensibly speaking on behalf of all "taxpayers?"' Of course, as this blog has noted on several previous occasions, there are around fifty million taxpayers in the UK, the vast majority of whom would likely not pause to piss on The Taxpayers' Alliance if they were in the street on fire. McDonnell said: 'We need full transparency in who is operating in our political system and therefore seeking to influence both our elections but also our governmental policy making. These organisations - even by their names - seek to portray themselves as independent, authoritative research bodies.' In reality, he said, they were 'virtual lobbyists' but were never presented as such by the BBC and other media outlets who quoted them.
Amnesty International has withdrawn a prestigious human rights award from Aung San Suu Kyi, following what it described as a 'shameful betrayal' of the values she once stood for. It is the latest in a series of accolades to be withdrawn from Aung San Suu Kyi, including the US Holocaust Museum's Elie Weisel award and Freedom of the City awards, which were revoked by Edinburgh, Oxford, Glasgow and Newcastle. Amnesty International said on Monday that Aung San Suu Kyi, now Myanmar's civilian leader, was 'no longer a symbol of hope' and that it had withdrawn its highest honour, the ambassador of conscience award. It cited her 'apparent indifference' to atrocities committed against the Rohingya and her increasing intolerance of freedom of speech. Aung San Suu Kyi received the ambassador of conscience award in 2009, while living under house arrest, for her role in championing peace and democracy. She was described as 'a symbol of hope, courage and the undying defence of human rights' by Irene Khan, Amnesty International's then secretary general. Kumi Naidoo, the organisation's current secretary general, said in a letter to Aung San Suu Kyi that her ambassador title could no longer be justified. 'Our expectation was that you would continue to use your moral authority to speak out against injustice wherever you saw it, not least within Myanmar itself,' Naidoo wrote in the letter. Aung San Suu Kyi has been widely accused of being apathetic - or even complicit - in the plight of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar, who, the UN has warned, continue to be targeted in 'an ongoing genocide.' More than seven hundred thousand Rohingya people remain in Bangladesh, having fled a brutal military crackdown that began in August 2017. UN investigators said that during the campaign, Myanmar's military carried out killings and gang rapes with 'genocidal intent' and called for the commander-in-chief and five generals to be prosecuted for the gravest crimes under international law. Yanghee Lee, the UN special investigator on human rights in Myanmar, said she believed Aung San Suu Kyi was 'in total denial' about accusations of violence. 'Without acknowledgement of the horrific crimes against the community, it is hard to see how the government can take steps to protect them from future atrocities,' said Naidoo. Amnesty International added that Aung San Suu Kyi's administration had 'stirred up hatred' against Rohingya by labelling them 'terrorists,' obstructed international investigations into abuses and failed to repeal repressive laws used to silence critics. In September, Aung San Suu Kyi defended the imprisonment of two Reuters journalists who were given seven-year jail terms after investigating the massacre of Rohingya Muslims in Rahkine state. The sentences were widely condemned by international governments, human rights groups and the UN as a miscarriage of justice and a symbol of the major regression of freedom of expression in Myanmar.
And now, dear blog reader, From The North's favourite headline of this week, from the A Science Enthusiast website.
Astronomers have discovered a planet orbiting one of the closest stars to our Sun. Nearby planets like this are likely to be prime targets in the search for signatures of life, using the next generation of telescopes. The planet's mass is thought to be more than three times bigger than our own, placing it in a category of world known as a 'super-Earth.' It orbits Barnard's star, which sits a mere six light-years away for is. The star is an extremely faint 'red dwarf' that is about three per cent as bright as the Sun. Writing in the journal Nature, Guillem Anglada Escudé and colleagues say its newly discovered planetary companion has a mass 3.2 times bigger than the Earth's. Doctor Escudé said that it was 'possibly a mostly rocky planet with a massive atmosphere. It's probably very rich in volatiles like water, hydrogen, carbon dioxide - things like this. Many of them are frozen on the surface.' The astronomer, from Queen Mary University of London, added: 'The closest analogue we may have in the Solar System might be the moon of Saturn called Titan, which also has a very thick atmosphere and is made of hydrocarbons. It has rain and lakes made of methane.' The planet, Barnard's Star B, is about as far away from its star as Mercury is from the Sun. It is the second closest exoplanet to Earth after Proxima Centauri B, whose discovery was announced in 2016. The planet orbits past a boundary called the 'snow line,' beyond the traditional 'habitable zone' where water can remain liquid on the surface. On distance alone, it is estimated that temperatures would be about minus one hundred and fifty degrees Celsius on the planet's surface. However, a massive atmosphere could potentially warm the planet, making conditions more hospitable to life of some description. The researchers used the radial velocity method for their detection. The technique can detect 'wobbles' in a star caused by the gravitational pull of an orbiting planet. These wobbles also affect the light coming from the star. As it moves towards Earth its light appears shifted towards the blue part of the spectrum and, as it moves away, it appears shifted towards the red. 'This planet is particularly complicated because the orbital period (the time to complete one full orbit of the host star) is two hundred and thirty three days. In one year, you only see one part of the cycle, and you have to cover it over many years to be sure that it's repeating,' Doctor Escudé said. The team re-examined archived data obtained from two astronomical surveys over a twenty-year period. They also added new observations with the Carmenes spectrometer in Almeria, the ESO/HARPS instrument in Chile and the HARPS-N instrument in the Canary Islands. It is the first time the radial velocity technique has been used to detect a planet this small so far away from its host star. 'We couldn't get a single experiment that would detect it unambiguously, so we had to combine all the data very carefully,' said the Queen Mary University of London astronomer. 'We found a lot of systematic errors from several of the instruments that were producing "ghost signals". It was not only about getting new data but also about understanding the systematic effects. Only when we had done that did the signal become very clear and obvious.' When the next generation of telescopes come online, scientists will be able to characterise the planet's properties. This will likely include a search for gases like oxygen and methane in the planet's atmosphere, which might be markers for biology. 'The James Webb Space Telescope might not help in this case, because it was not designed for what's called high contrast imaging. But in the US, they are also developing WFirst - a small telescope that's also used for cosmology,' said Escudé. 'If you take the specs of how it should perform, it should easily image this planet. When we have the image we can then start to do spectroscopy - looking at different wavelengths, in the optical, in the infrared, looking at whether light is absorbed at different colours, meaning there are different things in the atmosphere.' This is not the first time there have been claims of a planet around Barnard's Star. In the 1960s, the Dutch astronomer Peter van de Kamp, working in the US, published his evidence for a planetary companion, based on perturbations in the motion of the star. However, van de Kamp's claims proved to be controversial, as other scientists were not able to reproduce his finding. 'The new planet is impossible for Peter van de Kamp to have detected. The signal would have been too small for the technique he was using,' said Guillem Anglada Escudé. However, the data contain tentative hints of a second planet orbiting Barnard's Star even further out than the Super-Earth. 'The new data does show evidence for a long period object. That object has a very low probability of being the van de Kamp planet. But it's a long shot,' added Escudé. In a separate article published in Nature, Rodrigo Diaz, from the Institute of Astronomy and Space Physics in Buenos Aires - who was not involved with the study - said that the discovery 'gives us a key piece in the puzzle of planetary formation and evolution and might be among the first low-mass exoplanets whose atmospheres are probed in detail.' He added: 'Difficult detections such as this one warrant confirmation by independent methods and research groups a signal for the planet might be detectable in astrometric data - precision measurements of stellar positions - from the Gaia space observatory that are expected to be released in the 2020s.' The star is named after the American astronomer EE Barnard, who measured properties of its motion in 1916.
England staged a superb late comeback to beat Croatia at Wembley to reach the finals of the inaugural UEFA Nations League. Croatia, England's World Cup semi-final conquerors in Moscow in July, looked set to inflict another defeat and relegate Gareth Southgate's side from the elite group when Andrej Kramaric's twisting finish put them ahead via a deflection off Eric Dier after fifty seven minutes. England needed two goals to win the group and reach the semi-final and final stages in Portugal next June and at least inflict a small measure of revenge on Croatia for that World Cup disappointment. And, they responded brilliantly to get the win their performance deserved and secure qualification for the next stage of the tournament as substitute Jesse Lingard scored from almost on the line with twelve minutes left. Seven minutes later the Three Lions were still facing relegation, when Harry Kane slid in Ben Chilwell's free-kick to send England through to the semi-finals at the expense of Spain and relegate Croatia. Gareth Southgate will have feared an old flaw was returning to haunt his side when Kramaric put Croatia ahead just before the hour after seemingly taking an age to twist and turn before beating Jordan Pickford via a deflection. It was rather cruel on England and punishment for failing, as they did in Moscow, to make the most of vast first-half superiority as they created a series of chances but contrived to miss them, with Kane and Raheem Sterling the chief culprits. England could have been forgiven for believing the fates were against them as they trailed to their League A Group Four opponents, who have become something of a bogey side over the years. Instead, they responded with courage and character as the clock ticked down to rescue a place in Portugal. Southgate can take his share of the credit for two attacking substitutions, sending on Lingard and Jadon Sancho with England's backs against the wall, the reward coming in the shape of that decisive late rally.
The Netherlands deservedly beat France in the Nations League to end the world champions' fifteen-game unbeaten run and, as a bonus, to relegate Germany to Europe's second tier. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws midfielder Georginio Wijnaldum struck from close range after Hugo Lloris parried a Ryan Babel shot. Lloris made a host of top saves to stop a thrashing - but Memphis Depay's dinked penalty in injury time made sure of the win. A Dutch draw in Germany on Monday would see them win the group. That would take Ronald Koeman's side into next June's Nations League finals - at the expense of France, who had only needed a point in Rotterdam to seal top spot. The winners of each group are also guaranteed a Euro 2020 play-off place if they fail to progress from qualification next year. France can still win the group if the Germans, who will be in the Nations League second tier in 2020, beat the Dutch. Elsewhere, Gibraltar's Euro 2020 dream is almost certainly over after a six-two hammering by Armenia. The minnows led through teenager Tjay de Barr but Yura Movsisyan scored four times for the visitors. Macedonia remain top of that group - and are ninety minutes away from the play-offs - thanks to a two-nil win in Liechstenstein. Wales' promotion bid is over after a two-one defeat by Denmark - who win the group and a place in the 2020 top flight. That result relegates the Republic of Ireland. San Marino are the only team in the bottom tier yet to pick up a point, but luckily for them relegation is impossible. Portugal's goalless draw in Italy on Saturday means they are guaranteed a place in the last four, with Poland relegated to the second tier. Belgium will reach the finals if they do not lose against Switzerland, who are three points below them. Ukraine, Bosnia and Denmark have already guaranteed promotion to the top division, while Russia are in pole position to take the other slot.
A referee has been suspended for three weeks for deciding a Women's Super League kick-off with a game of rocks, paper, scissors instead of a coin toss. David McNamara made the error before Sheikh Yer Man City's home game against Reading on 26 October after leaving his coin in the dressing room. The Football Association said that he had 'accepted a charge of "not acting in the best interests of the game."' A coin toss to decide kick-offs is a requirement under the laws of the game. In this case, it involved England and Sheikh Yer Man City skipper Steph Houghton and Reading captain Kirsty Pearce, before the teams shared a one-one draw. FA women's refereeing manager Joanna Stimpson told The Times that the McNamara's mistake was 'a moment of madness.' She added: 'The referee forgot his coin and in that moment, in a TV game, he was really pushed for time. He should have been more prepared, he should have had a coin. It was disappointing, it's not appropriate, it's very unprofessional.' McNamara's ban will last from 26 November to 16 December. An FA spokesperson said: 'The FA can confirm that referee David McNamara has been suspended for twenty one days, starting from Monday 26 November, after accepting a charge of "not acting in the best interests of the game." This follows an incident in the FA WSL match between Manchester City and Reading on Friday 26 October when he failed to determine which team would kick off the match by the toss of a coin, as required by the Laws of the Game.'
England claimed their first series win in Sri Lanka since 2001 with a fifty seven-run victory in the second test. The hosts started day five in Pallekele on two hundred and twenty six for seven, needing seventy five more and calmly added fourteen in twenty eight balls. But Moeen Ali drew Niroshan Dickwella into an edge to first slip for thirty five, before bowling captain Suranga Lakmal two balls later for a duck. Jack Leach removed Malinda Pushpakumara to bowl Sri Lanka out for two hundred and forty three and claim his maiden test five-wicket haul. England lead the three-match series two-nil, with the final test in Colombo starting on Friday. It is England's first away series win since beating South Africa in 2016 and first series victory away from home under captain Joe Root. Spinners took thirty eight wickets in the match, a record in test cricket. History suggested England were favourites to wrap up victory on day five, with only four teams since World War One having scored sixty five or more runs with three wickets left to win a test. There was still plenty of trepidation among England fans that Sri Lanka could reach their target of three hundred and one, not least with the irrepressible Dickwella at the crease and capable of scoring quickly. And, when he largely shelved his attacking instincts to comfortably tap singles with Akila Dananjaya, it felt like the test was heading for a tight and thrilling finish. But Moeen showed skill and guile to lure Dickwella into a flashy drive, giving a full delivery more flight and dip before it turned to take the edge as Ben Stokes claimed the catch. Moeen's second was even better - a dream dismissal for an off-spinner - angling the ball towards slip from around the wicket and finding sharp turn to bowl Lakmal through the gate. A magnificent test ended in slightly anticlimactic fashion as England waited for the third umpire to confirm that Pushpakumara had not hit the ball into the ground in chipping it back to Leach, who finished with five for eighty three. Between the two-one victory by Nasser Hussain's side in 2001 and this win, England have played three test series in Sri Lanka, losing one-nil in 2003 and 2007 and drawing one-all in 2011. This Sri Lanka side may be shorn of former greats who played in those series, but they did beat South Africa in July and it remains a tough place to play. The result is also impressive given England's dire struggles over the past two winters - a four-nil Ashes defeat followed by losing in New Zealand this year and a four-nil thrashing by India after a draw with Bangladesh under Root's predecessor Alastair Cook the previous year. England's spinners lacked control at times but outperformed their Sri Lanka counterparts, with Leach, Moeen, Adil Rashid and Root taking nineteen wickets in the test, the other coming from a Ben Stokes run-out. It is only the third time in England's three hundred and sixty three test victories they have won without a seamer taking a wicket, with Sam Curran and James Anderson hardly used on a turning wicket, though both contributed vital lower-order runs in the first innings. This test could prove the moment England become Root's side outright. He talked before the series about wanting to be more 'courageous' on subcontinental pitches and his team bought into it here. They batted positively, mostly with calculated risk among some more rash shots, to put the pressure back on Sri Lanka's bowlers, while Root largely marshalled his spinners well and played the most decisive innings of the game with a sublime one hundred and twenty four on day three, his fifteenth test century. This is also the first time that an England side have won series in all three formats on tour, albeit they only played Sri Lanka in a one-off Twenty20.
Anya Shrubsole's hat-trick took England into the Women's World Twenty20 semi-finals as they thrashed South Africa by seven wickets in St Lucia. England's place in the final four was confirmed when the West Indies beat Sri Lanka in the group's other game. Big Anya's hat-trick was only the second England T20 international hat-trick, while Nat Sciver claimed three for four as South Africa were all out for eighty five. England raced to fifty five for no wicket after eight overs and won with thirty five balls remaining. Hayley Matthews was the Windies' star as the hosts and defending champions also reached the semi-finals. The all-rounder smashed sixty two off thirty six balls and then took three for sixteen as Sri Lanka were bowled out for one hundred and four chasing one hundred and eighty eight to win. West Indies and England, who meet in each side's final group game on Sunday, will join Australia and India in the semi-finals. The semi-finals will be held in Antigua on Thursday and Friday, with the final at the same venue on 25 November. For England, losing the toss and then their one review in the second over - an LBW appeal against Lizelle Lee which would not have hit a second set of stumps - were about the only elements that did not go to plan in an assured display. South Africa, who lost their last five wickets for just one run against West Indies, knew victory was essential to preserve their ambitions in the tournament. But their innings never carried any momentum and they failed to find the boundary in eight overs after the initial powerplay. Two wickets fell in the ninth over, including South Africa captain Dane van Niekerk - run-out at the non-striker's end after the slightest of deflections on to the stumps from bowler Kirstie Gordon, who added two for eighteen to her three for sixteen on debut against Bangladesh earlier in the tournament. Chloe Tryon struck two sixes in three balls before finding mid-off as Sciver finished with a double wicket maiden and outstanding figures of three for four from four overs. Shrubsole, who took the winning wicket for England at last year's fifty-over World Cup, ended the innings in devastating fashion. South Africa managed only four fours and four sixes in an innings which featured seventy four dot balls. England reached fifty from forty three balls with little difficulty in their pursuit. Fast bowler Shabnim Ismail, who took three for twelve against the West Indies, was hit for six fours as her three overs went for thirty two. The purposeful Danni Wyatt passed one thousand T20 international runs before she was bowled behind her legs by Van Niekerk's first ball. Although wickets fell in each of the next two overs, captain Heather Knight and Amy Jones added an unbroken twenty seven to secure victory for England.
Some athletes blame poor performances on the state of the pitch. Others blame it on tactics, or perhaps just a bad day at the office. But blaming your opponent for farting is definitely a new one. Yet that's what happened at the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton, with both Gary Anderson and Wesley Harms denying responsibility for the 'rotten egg smells.' Two-time Scottish world champion Anderson won Thursday's match ten-two to progress to the quarter-finals, but Dutchman Harms was quick to explain his sub-standard performance by accusing Anderson of leaving 'a fragrant smell.' He told Dutch TV station RTL7L: 'It'll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose.' World number four Anderson was not best pleased by the accusation, saying the smell had 'definitely# come 'from the table side' at the Aldersley Leisure Village. 'If the boy thinks I've farted he's one hundred and ten per cent wrong. I swear on my children's lives that it was not my fault,' he said. 'I had a bad stomach once on stage before and admitted it. So I'm not going to lie about farting on stage. Every time I walked past there was a waft of rotten eggs so that's why I was thinking it was him. It was bad. It was a stink, then he started to play better and I thought he must have needed to get some wind out. If somebody has done that they need to see a doctor. Seemingly he says it was me but I would admit it.''We've got to get to the bottom of this,'said Professional Darts Corporation chairman Barry Hearn. 'I guess people wonder if blowing off might constitute advanced gamesmanship. Something doesn't smell right. There is nothing worse than a silent fart. This could run and run.'
The actor Douglas Rain, who was the voice of the sinister computer Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey, has died, the organisers of a theatre festival he founded have said. Rain died at the age of ninety, according to the Stratford Festival in Canada. The actor performed for thirty two seasons at the Shakespearean festival and was nominated for a Tony Award in 1972. He attended the University of Manitoba, worked in radio and TV drama in Canada, the US and the UK and studied acting at the Banff School of Fine Arts in Alberta. In 1950, he left for a two-year apprenticeship at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School. But he will be best remembered as the voice of Hal 9000, the AI computer in Stanley Kubrick's landmark 1968 film. Hal controlled the spacecraft's functions, but ended up rebelling against its human commanders when they planned to disconnect him after suspecting he was malfunctioning. The film is regarded as a cinematic masterpiece and won an Oscar for Kubrick for best visual effects. Rain's chilling, dry voice is key to the drama, but he wasn't the first choice to play the computer. The director originally selected Oscar winner Martin Balsam - but decided he was 'too colloquially American.' He also considered Nigel Davenport in the role, but later concluded he did not want a British voice. So he called Rain after hearing his voice in the 1960 documentary Universe, according to the New York Times. The actor recorded all of his lines in ten hours over two days, with the director sat 'three feet away, explaining the scenes to me and reading all the parts,' he said. According to the New York Times, Rain never actually saw the finished film. Stratford Festival's artistic director Antoni Cimolino said the actor shared Hal's intelligence - with added 'warmth and humanity.' Beyond 2001, Rain was an accomplished stage and screen actor, and earned his Tony nomination for his role in Robert Bolt's Vivat! Vivat! Regina! on Broadway. He is survived by his daughter, Emma.
The voice of Richard Baker, who died this week aged ninety three, introduced the first news bulletin broadcast on BBC television. But it was a year before he was actually seen on screen, going on to become one of the most familiar faces on TV. A keen music lover, he branched out to present The Last Night Of The Proms and was a regular on the panel game, Face The Music. He also presented music programmes for BBC radio as well as voicing the popular children's animated series, Mary, Mungo & Midge. Richard Baker was born in Willesden in June 1925, the son of a plasterer. His father was a keen amateur singer who encouraged his son to take up the piano. Academically gifted, Baker won a place at grammar school before going to Peterhouse College, Cambridge, to read history and modern languages. Two terms into his university education, he joined the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve. He found himself on a minesweeper attached to the supply convoys to Russia in the later stages of the second world war, one of the most dangerous and gruelling theatres of the conflict. He whiled away the time by reading Tolstoy's War & Peace, as well as collating information about his then admiral, Sir Gilbert Stephenson, which formed the basis for a biography Baker later published on this pioneer of anti-submarine warfare - The Terror Of Tobermory (1972). The war over, he returned to his studies at Cambridge, where he became an enthusiastic member of the Marlowe drama society. On graduation he began acting in various repertory companies and secured a short attachment as an English teacher in a London grammar school. In 1950, he wrote to the BBC asking if they were recruiting actors, resulting in an offer of a job as a presenter on what was then called The Third Programme. It was a dream job for the young man with a deep interest in classical music. When the news department began planning bulletins, Baker and Kenneth Kendall were recruited and it was Baker who introduced the first BBC news bulletin on 5 July 1954. The bulletin itself was read by the doyen of radio announcers, John Snagge. At first the BBC refused to allow newsreaders to appear in vision. 'It was feared we might sully the stream of truth with inappropriate facial expressions,' Baker later recalled. 'Instead the viewers saw pictures making the news.' When ITN prepared to go on-air with named newscasters in 1955, the BBC relented - to the extent that it allowed Baker and Kendall to appear on the late-night TV news summary. 'It was hoped not too many people would be watching,' Baker said wryly. Two years later Baker, along with Kendall and Robert Dougall, became the regular faces of BBC Nine O'Clock News bulletins. Baker's calm and unflappable style proved invaluable in the days when technical problems often bedevilled the bulletins. The scripts on the Autocue, from which the presenter read, were held together by sticky tape which often peeled away. Film footage shot on location, which had to be couriered back to the studio, sometimes failed to arrive on time or, if it did, the film broke or the machine failed, leaving an embarrassing gap. Inevitably, despite the wishes of BBC management, the newsreaders became personalities in their own right, purely because they were appearing in the nation's living rooms every night. Baker recalled being sent jumpers knitted by adoring fans and he began to be recognised while out shopping. However, newsreaders in the 1960s were not paid the star salaries of the current generation. Baker's son, Andrew, recalled family holidays in a caravan on a farm, the cost of foreign travel being prohibitive. In 1969 Baker was narrator of Mary, Mungo & Midge and he later narrated another children's series, Teddy Edward. Baker's high profile led to three guest appearances on Monty Python's Flying Circus - 'lemon curry!' - and, in 1977, he joined other BBC presenters to take part in a performance of the song, 'There Is Nothing Like A Dame' on The Morecambe and Wise Christmas Show. In 1982, he decided to leave the TV news desk but his voice continued to be heard on BBC radio where he presented, among other programmes; Start The Week, Baker's Dozen, These You Have Loved, Melodies For You and Your Hundred Best Tunes. For many years he fronted coverage of The Last Night Of The Proms from the Royal Albert Hall, resplendent on a balcony festooned with streamers. In 2015, along with other veterans of the North Atlantic convoys, he received The Ushakov Medal, to recognise the bravery of British sailors in the service of the Russian navy. In his final years, Richard Baker moved to a retirement home. He was a little unsettled at first but soon found a way of integrating. He would read all the newspapers and cut out the interesting headlines. Then, at Six O'clock, he would read them aloud to his fellow residents over supper. For the great news man it was a smaller audience than he was used to; but one which was no less appreciative of his talent. Baker's son James said his father died on Saturday morning at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford. The BBC's Director General Tony Hall was among those to pay tribute, saying Baker 'became the face of news for millions.' Baker married his wife, Margaret, in June 1961. They had known each other from infancy as their mothers were close friends. The couple had two sons; Andrew, a sports columnist at the Daily Telegraph and James, a television executive at Red Arrow Studios.
William Goldman, screenwriter of Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid and All The President's Men, has died aged eighty seven. Goldman, who received Oscars for both of those movies, also wrote Marathon Man, Magic, Heat and The Princess Bride, which he adapted from his own novels. His memoir Adventures In The Screen Trade is famous for his memorable declaration that 'nobody knows anything' about the movie business. He was also a noted 'script doctor' who worked uncredited on many features. Born in Highland Park, Illinois in 1931, Goldman started out as a novelist before breaking into movies with 1965 spy caper Masquerade. He followed that with The Moving Target, also known as Harper, in which Paul Newman played a laconic private eye. Newman would go on to star in Butch Cassidy with Robert Redford, who himself went on to star with Dustin Hoffman in All The President's Men. Goldman was much praised for his dramatisation of the Washington Post's investigations into the Watergate affair. Disagreements during its production, however, would later see him express a wish he had never taken on the project. 'If you were to ask me "What would you change if you had your movie life to live over?" I'd tell you that I'd have written exactly the screenplays I've written,' he wrote in Adventures In The Screen Trade. 'Only I wouldn't have come near All The President's Men.' Goldman's other movies include the World War II epic A Bridge Too Far, the Stephen King adaptation Misery, the Clint Eastwood thriller Absolute Power and adaptations of The Stepford Wives, A Few Good Men and Dolores Claiborne. For many, though, he will be best remembered for The Princess Bride, a part-parodic fairy tale set in a world of giants, pirates and 'rodents of unusual size.' Thirty years on, actor Mandy Patinkin is still regularly asked to recite the 'My name is Inigo Montoya' speech that Goldman wrote for him. Goldman, who died on Friday at his New York home, is understood to have been in poor health for some time. His daughter Jenny Goldman confirmed his death to the Washington Post, citing complications from colon cancer and pneumonia as the cause. His brother, James Goldman, who died in 1998, was also a playwright and screenwriter. They shared an apartment in New York with their friend John Kander and helped Kander, a composer, by writing the libretto for his dissertation. All three later won separate Academy Awards. In 1956 Goldman started writing what became his first novel, The Temple Of Gold. It was written in less than three weeks. He sent the novel to an agent, Joe McCrindle, who agreed to represent Goldman; McCrindle submitted the novel to Knopf, who agreed to publish once Goldman doubled the novel in length. It sold well enough in paperback to launch Goldman on his career. Goldman wrote another volume of memoirs, Which Lie Did I Tell? (2000) and, the following year, saw publication of a collection of his essays The Big Picture: Who Killed Hollywood? and Other Essays.
American writer and Marvel Comics co-creator Stan Lee has died at the age of ninety five. Lee and Jack Kirby founded the company in 1961, beginning with The Fantastic Four and going on to create titles such as The Amazing Spider-Man, The Avengers and The Incredible Hulk. In collaboration with several artists, most notably Kirby and Steve Ditko, he co-created characters including Spider-Man, The Hulk, Doctor Strange, Daredevil, Black Panther, The X-Men and, with the addition of co-writer Larry Lieber, Ant-Man, Iron Man and Thor. In addition, he challenged the comics industry's censorship organisation, the Comics Code Authority, indirectly leading to it updating its policies. Lee subsequently led the expansion of Marvel Comics from a small division of a publishing house to a large multimedia corporation.
'Bigotry and racism are among the deadliest social ills plaguing the world today,' Stan Lee once declared. He wrote those words in 1968, the year that the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr and Robert Kennedy were assassinated. But his message - a pointed condemnation of racial, ethnic and religious hatred - would resonate across decades. Last year, in the wake of deadly violence spurred by a white-nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Lee shared those same words on Twitter, writing that the message was 'as true today as it was in 1968.' Near the end of Lee's 1968 message, which appeared in his trademark monthly column, Stan's Soapbox, he offered this wish: 'Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.' These words are part of Lee's long legacy of confronting and denouncing bigotry - a legacy that is inextricably linked to the stories told in Marvel comics.
'Marvel has always been and always will be a reflection of the world right outside our window,' Lee said told fans last year in a widely shared video. 'That world may change and evolve, but the one thing that will never change is the way we tell our stories of heroism. Those stories have room for everyone, regardless of their race, gender or colour of their skin,' he continued. 'The only things we don’t have room for are hatred, intolerance and bigotry.' Lee and Jack Kirby famously co-created Black Panther in 1966. The character, an African king ruling the wealthy and technologically advanced nation of Wakanda, broke ground as the world's first black superhero. But, other Marvel titles alluded to America's racial division. The mutants of X-Men faced discrimination and - as the Washington Post's David Betancourt noted - there were references to prominent civil rights leaders in Professor Xavier, seen as a King-like figure and his nemesis Magneto, who mirrored the more militant Malcolm X. 'I always felt the X-Men, in a subtle way, often touched upon the subject of racism and inequality and I believe that subject has come up in other titles, too,' Lee told the Post in 2016. But, Lee added, 'we would never pound hard on the subject, which must be handled with care and intelligence.' In another Stan's Soapbox column that circulated after his death, Lee acknowledged that 'for many years, we've been trying, in our bumbling way, to illustrate that love is a far greater force, a far greater power than hate.' He brought up Christ, Buddha and Moses, 'men of peace,' he wrote, 'whose thoughts and deeds have influenced countless millions throughout the ages - and whose presence is still felt in every corner of the earth. Now consider the practitioners of hate who have sullied the pages of history,' Lee implored. 'Who still venerates their words? Where is homage still paid to their memory? What banners still are raised to their cause? The power of love - and the power of hate. Which is most truly enduring?' Lee continued. 'When you tend to despair ... let the answer sustain you.'
Born in his family's Manhattan apartment to a Romanian immigrant dad and American mother, Stanley Lieber grew up in poverty during the Great Depression. At the age of seventeen, he got a job through family connections at a pulp fiction outfit called Timely Publications, just as the new medium of comic books were attracting attention. Using the pen name Stan Lee - 'I felt someday I'd write the Great American Novel and I didn't want to use my real name on these silly little comics!' - he started writing for the company's Captain America title in 1941. When the creators of that character - writers Joe Simon and Jack Kirby - left Timely Publications at the end of the year, Lee suddenly found himself editor of the whole operation. Not counting a few years of wartime military service, Stan held the post for three-and-a-half decades, over which Timely Publications changed its name, firstly to Atlas and then, in 1961, Marvel. During the war, Stan served in the US Army's Training Film Division, writing manuals, training films, slogans and cartoons under the military classification of playwright. Lee's wife of over sixty years, Joan, died in 2017 - also aged ninety five. He is survived by his daughter, JC Lee. Speaking to the website TMZ, JC said that her father was 'the greatest, most decent man.' The legendary comic book author died at Cedars Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles on Monday after a medical emergency, according to Variety magazine. Lee was known for making a cameo in every Marvel film, though he had left the Marvel company in 1972. He remained chairman emeritus. The Stan Lee Foundation was founded in 2010 to focus on literacy, education and the arts. Its stated goals include supporting programs and ideas that improve access to literacy resources, as well as promoting diversity, national literacy, culture and the arts.
Mind you, dear blog reader, not everyone got the story quite right. Take New Zealand's the Gisborne Herald for instance ...
The Herald has maintained a dignified - or, possibly embarrassed - silence concerning the mistake since it inevitably went viral, but they do seem to be quite enjoying the attention that they're getting. In an article titled, International Spotlight On Gisborne Herald After Headline Gaffe, an unnamed staff writer notes that the paper 'achieved international infamy overnight.' Hopefully, the Herald won't have any future headline-making disasters. A journalist named Chris Bartlett tweeted that the company is currently hiring a sub-editor, that prides him or herself in 'maintaining high standards.' Spike Lee, meanwhile, is very much alive and well. And, one is sure that Stan Lee himself would have found the mix-up highly amusing!
For someone who often barely leaves Stately Telly Topping Manor for days on end at the best of times (a short walk to the corner shop for some essential supplies notwithstanding), yer actual Keith Telly Topping has had a jolly busy week, dear blog reader. Firstly, there was an appointment 'of a financial nature' in town and getting the weekly shop in from Morrison's on Tuesday. Then, an appointment 'of a medical nature' on Wednesday, a meeting with a former colleague in Byker which may, potentially, lead to this blogger getting 'an opportunity' on Thursday (which, in the end, had to be cancelled though it did allow this blogger the chance to have a very nice Chinese lunch in Waalsend instead) and going to a rock and/or roll jig (and, obviously, 'a night on the drink') with his old mucker Mick The Mod and his good lady, Cath, on Saturday. After all that, no doubt, it'll probably be Christmas before this blogger sets foot out of the gaff again...
The gig, incidentally, was From The Jam's All Mod Cons fortieth anniversary tour at the O2 Academy, supported - Keith Telly Topping was assured by Mick The Mod, pre-gig - by Nine Below Zero and The Truth. First point there was some curiosity in that the lead singer(s) of Nine Below Zero and The Truth are, in fact, the same chap - the legend that was Dennis Greaves. No problem with that, they're both decent bands but, it would have been, undeniably, a little like rocking up to a Paul McCartney gig and finding that the support act was, you know, Wings. In the event, neither featured - there was a distinct lack of Dennis in the area - and the actual support was provided by Redcar Mod band The Waintstones and Indie-rock quartet White Eskimo (Harry Styles's old band). Anyway for those who don't know, From The Jam are, basically, a Jam tribute band first formed in 2005 (as The Gift) by drummer Rick Buckler. So, from the start, they were a Jam tribute band, albeit one featuring an actual member of The Jam. A couple of years later, after two decades of faithful service in Stiff Little Fingers, the Godlike Jesus of Cool that is yer actual Bruce Foxton joined his old rhythm pal Buckler in From The Jam. Meaning that From The Jam was, for a period, a Jam tribute band featuring two-thirds of The Jam (albeit, it should be noted in the interests of fairness, the two-thirds of The Jam that weren't Paul Weller! A necessary point, one feels). However, shortly thereafter, following over three decades of estrangement, Foxton and Weller got back in touch and apparently repaired their broken friendship with Bruce The Fox playing live with Weller on a couple of occasions and contributing to Paul's 2010 CD From The Nation. Weller subsequently reciprocated, appearing on Foxton's solo CDs Back In The Room (2012) and Smash The Clock (2016), both also featuring From The Jam's Weller-substitute, the singer/guitarist, Russell Hastings. At this point, Buckler (whose own relationship with Weller has reportedly been non-existent since his failure to received a Christmas card from The Modfather in 1982) decided to leave From The Jam - a band which, remember, he'd started. So, From The Jam is now, once again, a Jam tribute band featuring one actual member of The Jam (albeit, not the one that formed the band in the first place). Clear so far? Good. As someone who first saw The Jam forty years ago almost to the day - 4 November 1978 - at The City Hall on the original All Mod Cons tour as a fifteen year old (Keith Telly Topping's fifth ever gig) to say that this blogger was viewing the experience of this particular show, forty years on, with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation would be a vast understatement. In the event, it was really good, to such an extent that yer actual Keith Telly Topping required spending most of Sunday recovering. Always the sign of a good gig, that.
And finally, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping wishes it to be officially known that he, too, has absolutely no confidence in Theresa May, since all the cool kiddie seem to be doing it. The thing is, however, that this blogger is not some Johnny-Come-Lately bandwagon jumper like all these louse-scummish Rees-Moggers. Oh no, he's never had any confidence in her ...

'These are hard times for women. If we're not being drowned, we're being patronised to death!'
'Mistress Savage demands your presence. The ceremony will begin!''Anybody else missing the party vibe all of sudden?''Whatever this is I need you all to remember the most important thing about dips into the past: Do not interfere with the fundamental fabric of history.''Even if something's not right?'
'What apparition is this?''Just another inexplicable wonder of existence you're not going to be able to tell anyone about.''Doctor, I understand you are displeased with me. And I owe my life to you. Not one word of this shall ever be spoken. And, even the name Bilehurst shall be erased from all records.' ... 'I'll keep my eye on you. So you, behave yourself.''"Or else, we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger."''Ezekiel?''Tarantino!''What are you all doing?''A brilliant man once said "Any sufficiently advance technology is indistinguishable from magic." I'm just about to prove him right!'
''You keep saying Satan but how is Satan manifesting himself here?''Blighting the crops, bewitching animals, plaguing people with fits, sickness and visions.''If all that's Satan, where do the witches come in?''They are in league with him! Kill the witches to defeat Satan. As King James has written in his new Bible, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."''In The Old Testament, there's a twist in the sequel: "Love Thy Neighbour", which is why we've come, to help you fix your problems without killing anyone.'
'That's me, sire. North West division, promoted from Essex.''And, these are your underlings?''It's a ... very flat team structure! We all have our area of expertise.''Even the wee lassie?''Even me! Very handy undercover. Set a woman to catch a woman!''A cunning ruse using your innate aptitude for nosiness and gossip.'
'Here's the plan, you and me need to check out that mud and talk to Willa. You two, sick with Becka and King James, keep them here and make sure they don't kill anyone else!''King James?''It's a long story!'
'I have a great many artefacts; torture implements, charms and wide selection of body-parts! Here, this belonged to my first Witchfinder General. Scotty. he saved my life in Berwick. Then later betrayed me so I had him shot!''What's this?''Careful, that's my pricker! ... Madam, do you have one of these? You may use this, it's my spare!'
'I wish to know all the secrets of existence.''Don't we all? But true knowledge has to be earned.''I'm not a fool, Doctor, I'm King James, Satan's greatest foe.''Yeah, yeah. It must be comforting playing that role. Hiding behind a title.''Just as you hide behind "Doctor", perhaps?''Who are you, really, behind the mask? The drama? What does it say on your garter?''"Honi soit qui mal y pense."' '"Evil be to him that evil thinks." You wear it like a hero, even though you're killing and scapegoating and stirring-up hate. And you wonder why The Darkness comes back at you.''There is no Darkness in me? I quest for goodness and knowledge, beauty and art, all of God's virtues.''Your own mother was scapegoated, how do you square that with your witch-hunts?''What do you know of my mother?''You could have seen her before she died but you didn't want to, why?''She left me when I was not even one year old. What kind of mother does that? Why would I wish to see her?''No one will ever know why she left you, James, but you can't go hurting people just because you're scared to face up to the Darkness inside you. You have to be better than that.''Who are you? How do you know these things?''I know because ... we're all the same. We want certainty, security. to believe that people are evil or heroic, but that's not how people are. You want to know the secrets of existence? Start with the mysteries of the heart. I could show you everything if you stop being afraid of what you don't understand. If you trust me.'
'My father died when I was a baby.''I feel ya. I lost me mum. And me nan.''My father was murdered by my mother who was then imprisoned and beheaded.''Okay, that's worse!''I was raised by regents. One was assassinated, one died in battle and another died ... in suspicious circumstances. There have been numerous attempts to kidnap me, kill me or blow me up. It's a miracle I'm still alive ... It's a miracle that I have survived whilst, all around me, others fall.''You should definitely get yourself back to London, sire. Keep yourself safe.''God will keep me safe. As long as I do His work.'
'Why today? Cos this is my problem; I can buy that this is the biggest ever witch-hunt in England. Or, I can buy this is an alien-mud invasion. But, both on the same day, I can't buy that?''Why does the lassie speak of commerce?'
'I'm no witch, I'm just good at holding my breath and getting out of chains thanks to a very good weekend with Houdini!'
'Why are they obeying you? What happened, Becka? I thought they'd come to kill you. Which is a fair assumption given that they're carrying an axe! But, they haven't. Of course, they've come to join you. It's in you, just as it's in them and [it's] not one you can hide it anymore.'
'It's time to stop being scared. There are more powerful people here than Kings and Queens. There's us. Together.' Well dear blog reader, as inevitably as eggs is eggs, guess what? This blogger thought that was great. A faux Robert Holmesque episode designed to do nothing less than terrify eight year olds and yet, really funny in places, too. This series' third - reasonably straight - historical and another little gem. Stick Bradley Walsh in a silly hat and you're guaranteed good time! Plus, you know, Alan Cumming camping it up like he's in Carry On Burning - with just a few subtle little hints of the scared little boy hiding behind the mask of 'The Wisest Fool in Christendom' - is always going to be worth watching. 'Honestly, if I was still a bloke I could just get on with the job!'
The Bleeding Cool website has reported that Amazon Prime viewers who attempted to access the last Doctor Who episode, Kerblam!, on Thursday of this week were, instead, presented with The Witchfinders, three days before the latter episode was due to be broadcast by the BBC. The article's author, Erin Wilhelm, notes that whether this, probably unintentional, episode mix-up was 'Amazon's payback at Doctor Who for poking fun at Amazon in Kerblam!' is not, at this time, known. But, it would be really funny if it was. Radio Times, meanwhile, report that the BBC are 'investigating the source of the mistake.'
Yer actual Jodie Whittaker has 'hit back' (that's tabloidese for 'replied to' only with less syllables) at louse-scum, politically-motivated, agenda-soaked 'critics' (that's tabloidese for 'shit-scum', if you were wondering) of the new series of Doctor Who who 'have accused the show of being too politically correct.' The popular BBC series has included storylines concerning Rosa Parks and the American Civil Rights movement and partition in India, though 'some' worthless waste-of-space bigots apparently 'aren't happy' with this. And, by 'some people', we mean half-a-dozen of the usual gammon-faced suspects on Twitter whose worthless, ignorant spewings have been picked up by some louse-scum, politically-motivated, agenda-soaked 'journalists' at the Sun and the Daily Scum Mail and the Torygraph who, seemingly, haven't got any 'real' news to publish and, instead, chose to focus on this crap. Some 'critics' (for which, read 'louse-scum, politically-motivated, agenda-soaked lice') have claimed that 'dwindling ratings' (which aren't dwindling or anything even remotely like it, the popular long-running family SF drama is currently getting its best audience figures in five years) are a result of a 'more diverse cast' and 'viewer frustration with plotlines that have tended to focus on non-white history.' There is, of course, a name for people who voice such opinions. Racists. And scum. Or, indeed, racist scum. Although this blogger stops short of the Independent's Pat Stacey in equating such wilful bursts of bigoted disinformation with 'The Big Lie, invented by Hitler, perfected by Goebbels and practised with dismaying success by Trump on his obliging base.' There's fake news, dear blog reader and then there's yer actual Fake News. Jodie has defended the show in pushing the issues forward although, to be honest, quite why she felt she needed to do so and give this nonsense the oxygen of further publicity is a question this blogger would rather like to ask her. 'What's the point of making a show if it doesn't reflect society today?' the actress told the Evening Standard. 'We have the opportunity with this show like no other to dip to future, to past, to present, to new worlds and time zones. There is never going to be a drought in the stories you can tell. It's always topical. Chris [Chibnall] is a very present-minded person, who is very aware of the world he lives in and is passionate about storytelling. It would be wrong of him to not have used the past. He does it in a really beautiful way.'
Or, to put it another way, dear blog reader, please allow yer actual Keith Telly Topping to quote, at some length, his friend Mark Cunliffe from the always excellent So It Goes blog: 'There are of course those who claim that the show isn't going strong right now. Those who refuse to accept that the ratings are some of the best the show has ever seen and who believe the show has become an SJW feminist ethnically diverse PC disaster simply because the show has dared to cast gasp a woman in the role of The Doctor and a black man and an Asian woman in the role of companions. Based on some of the absolute tripe I have been reading online on YouTube and the like, these people on the whole appear to be gammon-style brexiteers and 'mericans. Basically, people with an agenda and little actual understanding of the show's fifty five year history. Doctor Who has always been about social justice, it has always been about politics, about being the best we can be, about fighting injustice and tyranny and demanding equality and fair play and it has always, always been educational.' What He said. And that, dear blog reader, is why this daft little show about space monsters and a madperson in a box is still - and will continue to be - worth fighting for when it is being attacked by bigots and used by politically-motivated pricks with an agenda. Here endeth the lesson.
Rumours spread within Doctor Who fandom at a spectacular rate, dear blog reader, you might have noticed. Barely a week goes by without a new one - or several - cropping up. And, they're usually of the 'apocalyptic bad-news, the sky is falling, cancellation cannot be far away' type. Mostly, they turn out to be complete and utter rubbish although, as with rumours in every walk of life, now and again one proves to be more or less accurate (working, inevitably, on that old maxim 'treat every day as your last ... then, one day, you'll be right'). Recently, two new Doctor Who-related rumours have been doing the rounds. Both, are the sort of thing that get fans without a sense of perspective all worked up although, in the great scheme of things, either would - if they turned out to be true (or, even partially true) - be the end of the world. One is that because production of the next series of Doctor Who, which began last week, started around a month later this year than production of the current - eleventh - series did last year, that the 2019 series of Doctor Who will, as a consequence, be scheduled later than 2018's October premier. This has lead some people to speculate that the series will not be shown in 2019 at all but, rather, in early 2020. Indeed, the rumour has been so widespread that even the BBC's own media correspondent, Liza Mzimba, seemed to give some credence to it when the BBC News website announced the switch of the popular long-running family SF drama's 'Christmas' episode to New Year's Day. ('One other possible factor could be that a New Year's Day episode guarantees 2019 won't be a totally Doctor Who-free year, as it now looks unlikely Jodie Whittaker's second series will air before 2020,' he wrote.) The thing is, though, it appears that no one speculating about this issue had actually bothered to ask the production office itself. That is, until Starburst magazine did just that earlier this week. 'Rumours about both the immediate and longer term future of Doctor Who have been flying around the Internet,' the article's author notes. 'The BBC was happy to go on the record about the programme's short-term future. There had been a lot of chatter about Jodie Whittaker's second run in series twelve being planned for a broadcast in the spring of 2020, rather than in the autumn of 2019 as everyone had originally assumed. This is not true. We were told that series twelve went into production this week and that it will definitely be broadcast next year, as part of the autumn 2019 TV schedule.' That, Starburst added helpfully, is 'one rumour that has now been scotched.' And, well done to them for performing a genuine public service and, actually, asking a direct question and getting a direct answer. The second rumour which is currently orbiting fandom is that showrunner Chris Chibnall has, allegedly, not been very happy behind the scenes and is set to leave Doctor Who after series twelve. Quite where this rumour came from, what information - if anything - it is based upon and whether there is anything to substantiate it, the magazine doesn't say although it does then rather spoil its earlier good work by going into a couple of paragraph of idle speculation about this - and some related issues like, if it was true, how this would effect Jodie Whittaker's long-term future in the role. None of which is particularly helpful given that it's all based on a rumour of dubious origin. 'Both Chibnall and Whittaker have certainly looked happy enough during the pre-publicity for series eleven and with the ratings success they've had it would be a loss for them both to go after one more series,'Starburst states. Of course, as with all Doctor Who-related fan rumours, it's probably wise to just hang on until someone who actually knows what they're talking about comments rather than second-guess every possibility. That way lies madness and sweaty palms. However, it is worth noting that during the first year of David Tennant, Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi's time as The Doctor, variants on this same rumour went around fandom like a fart in a spacesuit; they stated that the BBC were so appalled by how bad the actors were in the role that they were going to replace them at the end of the series - or, there was another variant, that the actor(s) had had a massive falling out with either Big Rusty or The Moff (OBE) and had decided to leave of their own accord. Curiously, in the three cases, this did not happened or anything even remotely like it. This blogger has no idea if there is any truth in, essentially, the same rumour this time around. But, Keith Telly Topping knows what he thinks. He could be wrong of course, but he'll be surprised if he is. But, again dear blog reader, this isDoctor Who fandom we're talking about. Most of us - and this blogger is probably every bit as guilty as the next fan in this regard - seem to have a default setting of acting like rescued dogs in so much as, because we think we've been badly treated (by everyone) in the past, we seem to expect it to happen again and again. Keith Telly Topping has said this before but it bears repeating, when Doctor Who came back to TV in 2005, this blogger expected it to last two years, possibly three at the most. He certainly didn't think we'd be sitting here thirteen years later still watching a continuation of the same show. Everything, therefore, since around David Tennant's second series, has been a bonus for yer actual Keith Telly Topping. As an addendum, this blogger is informed that, apparently, there is another slight variant of the above rumour which states that Chib and Jodie are not leaving but, rather, that series twelve (in 2019) and series thirteen (in 2020) will both be produced, by Chib and star Jodie, but will both only consist of six episodes each. Fans appear to love indulging in these kind of Chinese whispers and ill-informed speculation it would appear. This blogger's first three questions regarding any rumour is 'there's a new rumour.''Okay, started by whom? Based on what? Supported by what evidence?' The usual answer to which is, 'dunno, dunno, dunno.' To be fair, the same could be said of rumours which, ultimately, turn out to be true but, this blogger retains the right to be doubtful until such times as the answer changes to something a bit less 'dunno.'
Friday of this week was, of course, the fifty fifth anniversary of the first episode of Doctor Who being broadcast. You knew that, right?
Next Friday, the fifty fifth anniversary of the second episode of Doctor Who being broadcast is, also, the fifty fifth anniversary of the first person - in this particularly case the Gruniad Morning Star's Mary Crozier - to opine that 'it's not as good as it used to be, is it?'
It's comforting dear blog reader that, in an ever-changing world in which we live in, some things remain universal constants.
Or, to put it another way, 'to Lulu-Demon and her incomplete education.' Which, this blogger is sure you'll agree, dear blog reader, sums it all up pretty nicely.
Crazy Tom Baker is turning his unmade Doctor Who movie script into a novel. Scratchman, co-written by Baker, the late Ian Marter and James Hill around 1976 was originally intended for the big screen but, like just about every other proposed movie adaptation of the popular long-running family SF drama, never got within a million miles of being produced. A script for Scratchman was found in 2006 after it had been donated to the British Film Institute by former Doctor Who producer John Nathan-Turner before his death in 2002. 'I love the improbability of Doctor Who,' Crazy Tom. 'Reason plays no part at all. As in religion, the overriding thing is faith. It may be improbable, but just believe in it and it'll all come right. When I was approached about the book, I thought, "Why not?" I'm always on the lookout for a novelty. I'm very enthusiastic as I get close to darkness.'Scratchman follows The Doctor and his then companions - Harry Sullivan and Sarah Jane Smith, whose holiday on a remote Scottish island is cut short by the appearance of hideous scarecrows that are preying on the local population. The Doctor vows to save the islanders, who are living in fear, but it doesn't go to plan, as The Doctor and his friends have fallen into a trap and Scratchman is coming for them. With the fate of the universe hanging in the balance, The Doctor must battle an ancient force from another dimension, one who claims to be the Devil. In the unlikely event that it had ever been made, Vincent Price was the writer's choice to play the titular villain. The novel will be published in January 2019.
On an average week, dear blog reader, if Keith Telly Topping manages to get the correct answer to but one question on From The North favourite Only Connect before either of the teams then he's really proud of himself. On Monday's episode, however, he managed to get three (including the picture round which he never gets). Either the questions on this one were easier than normal, or this blogger has suddenly acquired a tinge of genius; hopefully it's the latter, particularly as there appeared to be two pretty strong teams competing on this episode (the Birdwatchers and the Dicers).
Things we learned from this week's Only Connect: According to the divine Victoria her mother, Anne Kasriel, 'tries to stay away from the media, unlike the rest of her screaming family!' However, she once had a letter published in The Times about the meaning behind the traditional sea-shanty 'What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor?' Which is, Victoria claimed with no supporting evidence, actually about erectile dysfunction. 'If you Google Doctor Anne Coren,' Victoria advised viewers, 'you'll find [it]. I don't think she's published any medical papers, just one letter in The Times!'
From The North's first two TV Comedy Moment Of The Week came in Tuesday's episode of MasterChef: The Professionals. And, inevitably, it was the standard MasterChef trick of the producers choosing to include in the episode a couple of boastful, self-aggrandising comments from a pair of chefs who, subsequently, proved not to be quite a shit-hot as they, seemingly, thought they were. Firstly, there was Simon who, before the Skills Test, stated that he wanted 'to blow [the judges] socks off and show them what I can do.' And, as it turned out, he certainly did blow their socks off - albeit probably not in quite the way he would have wished. In particular, there was the moment when Marcus Wareing spat his pasta out and opined that 'there's not one part of what you've done today that's impressed me at all.' And, if you freeze-frame the episode on iPlayer you can see the exact moment when Simon's heart falls to the floor and shatters into a million tiny fragments.
Then there was John who appeared to be - and, again, he can only blame himself and the editing choices made by the production team for the following assessment - extremely full of himself at the start of the episode: 'I'm very competitive,' he boasted. 'I'm not here to make friends.' Again, that proved to be a very perceptive comment of what was to come and he certainly didn't make any friends with his Skills Test - making a chicken and bacon sandwich. It went less-than-well despite John saying that this was an 'easier' task than he was expecting. 'Little bit disappointed,' he whined after Marcus, sour-faced Monica Galetti and, even Gregg Wallace, had ripped him a new one over how 'rustic' the sarnie he served them with was. Later, he repeated his 'face-like-a-smacked-arse' demeanour when he was eliminated for a Signature Dish that was, Marcus considered, 'all over the place. It doesn't work.' John was going home, he said, 'a bit sooner than I expected.' We'd never have guessed that from your earlier comments, mate. When, dear blog reader, will contestants on the various MasterChef shows get through their head what all regular viewers of the show(s) could've told them in advance - that when the producers encourage chefs in the pre-game interviews to big themselves and their own abilities up like they're God's gift to food, those comments will always be used against them in the event that they, subsequently, have a right 'mare in the kitchen? And, that they will be made to look like a plank in front of millions of punters in the event that things do go wrong. Hopefully, from a viewers' perspective, they will never learn this basic lesson. Because, let's face it, like the man - almost - said, comedy doesn't get any better than this!
From The North's second TV Comedy Moment Of The Week came in Friday's episode of Would I Lie To You? and Lee Mack - fresh from his great turn on Doctor Who last week - claiming that he had been invited to the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The episode in question had, in fact, been filmed on the day of the wedding - 19 May - and, Lee claimed he'd had to knock by the invite 'because I had to come here and do this!' He added that the Duke of Sussex is a big fan of the show prompting David Mitchell to reply: 'If this is true, it's a big blow to me and Rob' who were not invited! 'George Clooney, David Beckham, Oprah Winfrey, Lee ...' added Richard Osman. 'Oh, so they didn't even know my surname?' What followed was about five minutes of gloriously daft comedy which culminated in Lee informing his stunned colleagues that it was, in fact, true. Then, revealing - in the best traditions of the show - that it wasn't!
Sir David Attenborough would have rescued the penguins at the centre of last Sunday's episode of Dynasties, the show's executive producer says. The latest BBC nature series, fronted by the broadcaster, saw the crew step in to help a number of trapped birds. Mike Gunton, the series executive producer, told the BBC: 'I was speaking to David about it yesterday and he said he would have done the same too.' Many who commented on social media and numerous other natural history filmmakers also praised the action of the film crew. Gunton said although he was not involved in the decision to dig steps out of a ravine the penguins and their chicks had become stuck in, he would have intervened, too, had he been there. 'It's such an unusual circumstance to do this,' he told BBC Radio 5Live. 'And there are lots of situations where you couldn't and shouldn't and wouldn't. But, I think in this situation there were so many factors. There were no animals going to suffer by intervening. It wasn't dangerous. You weren't touching the animals and it was just felt by doing this. They had the opportunity to not have to keep slipping down the slope.' A number of females were seen getting blown into a gully in a storm, unable to to get out because of the steep walls of snow and ice they were surrounded by. Gunton said that ninety nine per cent of the time it was 'not appropriate' for filmmakers to intervene - including in the case of David the chimpanzee who featured in the previous week's episode. 'That would be very dangerous - but also what could you do? People don't carry around a full veterinary medical kit. Also, you would have upset a dynamic that was going on between the creatures in that group. That would be changing the path of nature and that wouldn't really be acceptable.' In 2013, Sir David defended the decision to film the death of a baby elephant in the BBC's Africa series, saying it was 'very important' to simply observe. The harrowing scene drew complaints at the time from upset viewers, some of whom hoped filmmakers would provide the dying calf with help. Asked why it wasn't appropriate in that scenario, Gunton responded: 'That particular creature was dying of starvation [and it was] far too dangerous to intervene. If you tried to go there, the mother would probably have attacked you. What could you then do? You could feed it. Well, if you fed it, it would survive for maybe another hour. But because there was no food anywhere, ultimately - and this is David's point - ultimately, you are just prolonging the misery and you let nature take its course.' The programme - and series so far - has also been praised by reviewers, with the Daily Torygraph's Michael Hogan calling Sunday's episode 'a stately hour of TV.' The Independent's Clarisse Loughrey was impressed that the series 'finds the dignity in one of nature's punchlines, [the penguin].' She added: 'Attenborough's work proves that there's no animal out there that we can't forge a sense of connection with.' Writing in the Metro, Keith Watson said: 'This was a mini-drama, one of many in the Emperors' exhausting lifecycle, that struck a deep chord with our intrinsic instinct for survival. If you weren't gripping hard to the edge of your settee then you've surely got a heart of ice.' Even the Daily Scum Mail couldn't find anything to whinge about, for once.
And, speaking of Penguins .... From The North favourite Gotham looks to be going out in style, as set pictures of the series finale suggest longtime Batman fans will be rewarded with glimpses of a couple of classic costumes. The images sees Cory Michael Smith, who plays The Riddler and Robin Lord Taylor, who plays The Penguin, up to no good and getting themselves into trouble. Gotham's fifth and final series, sub-titled Legend Of The Dark Knight, is reported to be an adaptation of the No Man's Land storyline from the Batman comics, with Gotham City cut off from the rest of the world. Elements from the Batman: Zero Year storyline are also going to make their way into the series. Gotham will return to FOX in the US on Thursday 3 January for the first of its final twelve episode. No UK premiere date has yet been announced.
The Game Of Thrones TV series may be wrapping up soon - you might have heard about it - and the A Song Of Fire & Ice novels may be ending eventually, but that doesn't mean we are going to leave George RR Martin's fantasy realm behind. The author has been working with HBO on a prequel show, taking place ten thousand years before Ned Stark had his head chopped off. Whilst fans are eagerly awaiting more from Martin, he has stressed that this isn't your typical entry in the series, as it visits 'a different world.' Martin told Entertainment Weekly that Westeros will be 'a very different place' in the new series. 'There's no King's Landing. There's no Iron Throne. There are no Targaryens, Valyria has hardly begun to rise yet with its dragons and the great empire that it built,' he said. 'We're dealing with a different and older world and hopefully that will be part of the fun of the series. [Showrunner Jane Goldman] is a tremendous talent. She flew into Santa Fe and we spent a week talking about her ideas. She's going into territory that I haven't explored very much in the books. I've hinted about them. But she's a major writer, I love her work.'
Despite her success on from The North favourite The Brokenwood Mysteries - which returned to UK screens on Drama this week - and The Almighty Johnsons, Fern Sutherland recently told Woman's Weekly that she considered giving up acting altogether. The thirty one-year-old was 'completely exhausted' from keeping up with a demanding work schedule, exercise regime and her own incredibly high expectations of herself. 'My body was literally tired, in every sense of the word,' she said. 'So I had to find out what was going on.' Fern was subsequently diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. 'I had an absent period for quite a long time. I have cysts on my ovaries and, associated with that, crashing blood sugar levels and energy spikes, crazy mood swings and weight gain, and all of that kind of thing,' she added. 'Your ovaries are a part of your body that you don't want to have to think about and you just kind of assume that they're going to tick along nicely.' Fern worked with an endocrinologist who, basically, told her she was over-training. 'It was really interesting because a lot of women she was treating were yoga teachers, fitness bloggers, personal trainers, dancers or marathon runners. They're people you look at and you're like, "You are super healthy!" But they all had lost their periods.' Fern told the magazine that she 'learned to be kinder to herself' and to exercise less while eating more to help get her hormones in balance. 'It's been a big learning curve for me. I thought I was going to have to give up acting because I can only be a certain size or else I'm not going to get any work!' However, she was also quick to point out that she is not obsessed with being skinny. 'That's not me, but I am really hard on myself generally and one way that was coming out was just me flogging myself at the gym and it was interesting that my body was rebelling against that.' Another concern was her bone density, which was very low. 'When you lose oestrogen, your bone density decreases. My endocrinologist said I was on track to get osteoporosis, so it was like, "Okay, if I don't sort this out I'll end up in a wheelchair and I won't be doing much acting anyway!"' Fern says that her recent move to Canada has given her 'the space to recalibrate. A lot of the stuff I'm doing, I could have done in Auckland,' she noted. 'But here, nobody has any expectations of you, no-one knows you. You're a bit freer to rethink what you're doing and get rid of the things that aren't serving you any more. I was doing quite a lot of heavy weights and cardio. For whatever reason, that was not great for me. Now I do heaps of kickboxing, and I'm way fitter and I actually have more muscle. I'm a bit thicker, but I feel healthier and more energised.' The actress and her landscape architect partner, Jarrod Kilner, moved to Vancouver after filming for Brokenwood's fifth series finished this year. Fern says she is trying to 'crowbar my way into doing some acting' in Canada, while Jarrod has picked up work on 'fancy houses in Whistler. Lots of our buddies in New Zealand were having families and buying houses, which is super cool and we're really excited for them, but I think we felt we wanted to get some stuff out of our systems and we'd been thinking about Canada for a while.' Although she hasn't had any auditions yet, Fern has an agent and picked up a retail job to make ends meet. She also absorbed a few tips on how to break into the industry from iZombie actress Rose McIver. 'She is so delightful. She's invited me to things and been a good source of insight into how things work here. It's quite uncharted territory for Kiwis, but KJ Apa also works here and I've been trying to work out a way to visit Frankie Adams in Toronto because I think that would be really fun!' She might not call New Zealand home right now, but given Brokenwood's success internationally Fern is still finding herself meeting fans. 'I've been recognised a lot, which I was not expecting! When I started my retail job, I didn't tell anyone that I'm an actor. Customers would come in and be like, "Oh my God! It's Kristin." My co-workers were like, "Are you famous? What's going on?"'
A new series of images of Suranne Jones' landowner Anne Lister in BBC's forthcoming drama Gentleman Jack have been released. Written and directed by Happy Valley's Sally Wainwright, the production has also bolstered its cast list with the addition of Sofie Gråbøl and Katherine Kelly. Jones's character, Anne, was a noted landowner and industrialist of the Nineteenth Century and Gentleman Jack will centre on her return to her ancestral home, Shibden Hall, after many years travelling the globe. Reflecting on the recent cast additions, Wainwright said: 'It's so exciting that Anne Lister's story has attracted such an extraordinary cast and now we can add to the unique talents of Katherine Kelly and Sofie Gråbøl! Anne Lister is taking us up to Scotland and across Europe!' Katherine – known for her work on Coronation Street, Mr Selfridge and Happy Valley ... and also Class, although one imagines she doesn't tend to mention that too often in interviews – will appear as Elizabeth Sutherland, the sister of Anne's intended wife, Ann Walker. Sofie - best known for The Killing and Fortitude - has joined the production as Queen Marie of Denmark, with all of her scenes having been shot on location in Copenhagen. Excited to be a part of this huge production, Katherine revealed: 'I'm thrilled to be reuniting with Sally once again. I know how passionate she is about the life and times of Anne Lister, and I'm delighted to be portraying such a key historical character in Anne Lister's story.' Plus, obviously, it means that the likelihood of a second series of Murdertown has been reduced. How will we cope?
Sky Atlantic has revealed the second series premiere date of the Tim Roth drama Tin Star. Jim Worth and his alcohol-induced alter-ego Jack Devlin will be back on 24 January 2019 on both Sky Atlantic and NOW TV. The first series ended with Jim and his family destroyed by the chaos surrounding events from several years previously and series two will pick up with Jim and his grieving and shell-shocked family in the wilderness of The Rockies as they 'struggle to come to terms with their ordeal.' Series two will also see Anna (Abigail Lawrie) taken into the care of the religious Nickel family, but she will soon learn that they are 'harbouring some dark secrets' and it's not long before Anna is forced to seek her father's help. In order to earn forgiveness, atone for his sins and save his family and himself, Jim will also have to form an 'uneasy alliance.' Ahead of the second series' showing on Sky, the first has begun a repeat run on Channel Four this week, thanks to 'a unique deal' between the two broadcasters. Speaking about the terrestrial showing, writer/creator Rowan Joffé told the Digital Spy website: 'I'm thrilled we get get to reach a bigger audience. But I also have a special respect for Channel Four and the quality of their content. I, basically, cut my career teeth as a writer-director on a project called Secret Life and that was for Channel Four. So, the fact that they're putting this show on, there's a pleasing feeling of having come home.' Three new faces will be joining the Tin Star cast for series two, playing that family that take in Anna. They are John Lynch, Anamaria Marinca and Jenessa Grant.
The creator of True Blood has revealed that yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch 'almost' played a major role in the series. Based on Charlaine Harris's novel series The Southern Vampire Mysteries, the show told the story of telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) falling for enigmatic vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and ran for seven series before ending - to general viewer apathy - in 2014. Speaking at The Vulture Festival in Los Angeles, True Blood showrunner Alan Ball made 'the shocking revelation' that he struggled so much to find the right actor for Bill, that his search ultimately took him to London, where he met with Benny. During the same event, Ball also listed the other actors who auditioned for the role. Ball said: 'I read Benedict Cumberbatch. He came and read for Bill. Jessica Chastain read for Sookie. Jennifer Lawrence read for, in season three there's this werepanther girl and she was great.' Bell also shared details about the True Blood musical, which is supposedly still coming to Broadway. He added: 'It tells the story of vampires coming out of the closet. Ultimately it really departs from the book, because people aren't ready, and they're too bigoted and they end up going back into the closet.'
The Crown has given us a first proper look at Josh O'Connor's Prince Charles. Filming is currently under way for the third series of the Netflix drama, with a new cast on board to portray the main characters. In new on-set pictures, we see Charles with his mother - yer actual Olivia Colman - at his investiture as The Prince Of Wales. The took place in 1969 in Caernarfon. Alongside Colman and O'Connor, the third series has cast Tobias Menzies as Prince Philip and Helena Bonham Carter as Princess Margaret. Last month, it was also revealed that Camilla Parker Bowles will be played by Call The Midwife's Emerald Fennell, with the series exploring the first meeting between her and Chas. Meanwhile, previous Queen Elizabeth actress Claire Foy recently spoke to the Digital Spy website about whether she gave any advice to her successor, Colman. 'I managed to speak to her about it, but not in a character way,' Foy said. 'It's more about how she's doing, is she enjoying it, is she enjoying her days at work. It's not about the character, we don't need to talk about that. We're both playing two very different women in a sense and she's an absolutely extraordinary actress, so she doesn't need me to give my two-pence about what I thought about Elizabeth, she doesn't need it.'
It's been thirty years since the classic anthology series Tales Of The Unexpected ended. Fans of the series - currently in virtual permanent repeat rotation on Sky Arts - will be pleased by the, somewhat totally unexpected, news that The Little Drummer Girl and The Night Manager producers The Ink Factory are bringing the show back to screens. Tales Of The Unexpected was a long-running ITV series adapting the short stories of Roald Dahl into standalone episodes. A hallmark of the show was its blend of dark humour and twist endings - sometimes mocked as Tales Of The Totally Expected. With its memorable opening title sequence and Ron Grainer theme tune, the episodes were introduced by Dahl himself, sitting by his fireside setting the scene for the story that viewers were about to see (a conceit once brilliantly parodied by Peter Cook). After a few series, Dahl's introductions were phased out and, in later series, the works of other authors were also adapted after the production ran out of Dahl stories. Memorable episodes included Lambs To The Slaughter (in which the police eat the murder weapon!), Royal Jelly (which saw Timothy West turning into a bee!), the sinister The Flypaper, Shatterproof, The Landlady, The Memory Man, Skin and Vicious Circle. Over the nine years that the series was broadcast, stage and screen royalty such as Sir John Gielgud, Sir Derek Jacobi, Sir Jon Mills, Sir Ian Holm, Joan Collins, Elaine Stritch, Jim Broadbent, Michael Gambon, Susan George, José Ferrer, Joseph Cotten, Janet Leigh, Wendy Hiller, Denholm Elliott, Katy Jurado, Rod Taylor, Brian Blessed, Cyril Cusack, Julie Harris, Michael Hordern, Anna Neagle, Andrew Ray, Ron Moody, Alfred Burke, Roy Marsden, Julian Fellowes, Amanda Redman, Robert Morley, Nigel Havers, Michael Kitchen, Eli Wallach, Warren Clarke, Anthony Quayle, Telly Savales, Frank Finlay, Fulton Mackay, Keith Barron, Cherie Lunghi, Peter Barkworth, Anthony Valentine, Bernard Cribbins, Haley Mills, David Cassidy, Geoffrey Bayldon, Peter Cushing, Brenda Blethyn, George Peppard, Brad Dourif, Tommy Smothers, John Castle, Charles Dance, Richard Briers, Topol, Harry H Corbett and Siân Phillips all appeared. Deadline reports that The Roald Dahl Story Company is working with a number of writers hired by the producers on a slate of new adaptations of the author's short stories. ITV is not attached to broadcast the new episodes - in fact, there is no network on board yet. However, it is likely that there will be interest given the high-profile nature of the series. Remakes and spin-offs of Dahl's work are in huge demand these days. Producer David Heyman is currently working on a prequel for Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Back To The Future director Robert Zemeckis is also working on a remake of The Witches, although that project has already been criticised by the original film adaptation's star, Anjelica Huston.
The BBC has said that it will have to close channels and make enormous cuts to its services unless over-seventies are made to pay for the licence fee, as it prepares to cover the loss of government funding which currently allows older people to consume its content for free. The corporation put a number of proposals on reforming the subsidy out for consultation on Tuesday, saying that the seven hundred and forty five million knicker cost of maintaining the status quo would take up a fifth of its budget and equates to the total amount it spends on all of BBC2, BBC3, BBC4, the BBC News channel, CBBC and CBeebies. Its proposals include making all over-seventy fives pay the fee, introducing discounts, or applying means-testing. Although the BBC insists that all options are on the table, it has been preparing the ground through careful political and media interventions in recent months. A final decision on any changes will be made by the BBC board next summer. The consultation acknowledges that some of the poorest older people would lose out under any changes and, because 'television can be a form of companionship,' some may be put at higher risk of 'social isolation' if they cannot afford the fee. Reintroducing the licence fee for over-seventy fives would also bring back the prospect of older people being prosecuted for non-payment. One option put forward for consultation is charging a fifty per cent rate for over-seventy fives, although this would still require the BBC to find over found hundred million smackers a year - equivalent to the entire budget of BBC2. Other proposals include raising the age of a free licence to eighty or applying a means test under which only people who receive pension credit will not have to pay the fee, although the BBC noted that not all of those eligible for the credit actually claim it. The Director General, Tony Hall, said that each option had 'merits and consequences, with implications for the future of the BBC and for everyone, including older people. We need to hear views to help the BBC make the best and fairest decision.' Free TV licences for over-seventy fives were introduced by the then Labour chancellor, Gordon Brown, in his 1999 budget to try to reduce 'pension poverty.' He agreed that the cost of providing the universal benefit should be paid by the Department of Work and Pensions to the BBC to ensure that the broadcaster's budget was not hit. The BBC were not consulted about the introduction of this. However, in 2015 the Conservative government struck a deal under which the subsidy would be 'phased out' and the broadcaster having to shoulder the cost from 2020 onwards. The government later gave the BBC responsibility for deciding what to do about the freebie, an atypically cowardly and craven piece of scum backsliding, effectively meaning that any unpopular decisions on charging over-seventy fives would have to be made by the BBC board rather than slimy government ministers. Politicians getting someone else to do their dirty work for them? What were the odds? The shadow lack of culture secretary, Tommy Watson ('power to the people!'), said: 'The government should never have privatised welfare policy in this way. The Tories promised in their 2017 manifesto that free TV licences for the over-seventy fives would last until 2022. Any change to the current system means they will be breaching their manifesto commitment. The government should step in and save TV licences for the elderly.' Older people are living longer, meaning the cost of providing the free licence is rising at the same time as the BBC is trying to attract younger audiences in the face of challenges from the likes of Netflix. The average age of a BBC1 viewer is now in their sixties meaning a large proportion of people who consume many of the corporation's flagship services are not paying for them. Frontier Economics research commissioned by the BBC for its consultation concluded that the number of households receiving a free TV licence will rise from 4.6 million in 2022 to around 5.7 million by 2030. It also found that the average over-seventy five was 'substantially wealthier' nowadays than they were two decades ago when the subsidy was first introduced.
Fiona Bruce - and her award-winning bottom - has been offered the job of hosting the BBC's Question Time, according to alleged - though anonymous and, therefore, probably fictitious - 'sources' at the corporation, in a move that would make her the first female host in the programme's history. The Antiques Roadshow presenter was an outside bet to host the flagship current affairs debate programme when it was announced that David Dimbleby would be leaving the show at the end of the year. However, Bruce reportedly 'impressed bosses' in 'a series of auditions held behind closed doors' earlier this year and was now expected to take over the programme from the start of 2019. If a deal is signed she would become the first woman to host Question Time since it began in 1979. Bruce's agent declined to comment when the Gruniad Morning Star asked them about this malarkey and a BBC spokesperson said they would not comment on 'speculation.' Alleged 'sources' allegedly suggest that an alleged formal announcement on the job was allegedly 'expected in the coming days,' with the final sign-off allegedly made at the highest levels of the organisation, including by the director-general, Tony Hall, and the director of news, Fran Unsworth. They're not alleged, both of them definitely exist. Other names on the final shortlist included the Newsnight presenters Emily Maitlis and Kirsty Wark. Others who took part in auditions for the job included Victoria Derbyshire, Samira Ahmed and Nick Robinson. The latter of whom is not a woman. If Bruce, who has occasionally hosted the BBC News At Six and News At Ten bulletins, takes the job she could be forced to give up some of her other presenting roles, such as the art programme Fake Or Fortune? The fifty four-year-old has spent her entire journalistic career at the BBC and previously hosted shows such as Crimewatch. Dimbleby has hosted Question Time since 1994. The programme, filmed in a different UK city every week, has become a focal point for debates over the BBC's coverage of politics and the key issues of national debate. The BBC has been regularly forced to defend even minor aspects of the programme - from twatty, agenda-driven louse scum - and it was an early pioneer of political debate on Twitter, with clips of audience questions and politicians' answers regularly going viral. This was not always for complimentary reasons - the complexion of some of those asking questions gave birth to the insult 'gammon' to describe angry ruddy-faced, white middle-aged men, usually of a right-wing persuasion. Question Time is pre-recorded in the early evening to enable audiences to make their way home. Dimbleby, who has only missed one programme in twenty four years - after being kicked by a bullock on his East Sussex farm was due to present his final show on 13 December.
A BBC drama about gay relationships is one of two UK productions to win awards at this year's International EMMYs. Man In An Orange Shirt, written by the novelist Patrick Gale, won the TV movie/mini-series prize at Monday's awards ceremony in New York. Goodbye Aleppo, a BBC film documenting the work of citizen journalists in Syria, took the documentary prize. Sherlock star Lars Mikkelsen won the best actor award for playing a priest in the Danish drama Ride Upon The Storm. Germany's Anna Schudt won the female equivalent for playing Gaby Koster, a comedian afflicted by a stroke, in The Sniffles Would Have Been Fine. Broadcast on BBC2 last year, Man In An Orange Shirt told of two gay romances - one in the years following World War II and the other in present-day London. Vanessa Redgrave was a member of the cast of the two-part drama, which saw Gale make his screenwriting debut. Spanish crime yarn La Casa De Papel won the drama series award at the ceremony, hosted by the comedian Hari Kondabolu. Presented annually by the International Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, the International EMMYs honour TV made outside the US. This year's event saw eleven awards presented to shows from ten countries. Two special prizes were also given to the producer Greg Berlanti and Sophie Turner Laing, CEO of media company Endemol Shine. Formerly an executive at Sky, Turner Laing spent five years at the BBC and has been tipped by some as a future director general of the corporation.
In recent years, Otto Bathurst has been the man responsible for kick-starting some of television's greatest shows, directing the pilot episodes of now-iconic TV series like Black Mirror and Peaky Blinders. For his next adventure on the small screen, he turns his hand to Philip Pullman's epic trilogy, His Dark Materials, but for now, he's busy with sadistic sheriffs, marauding maids and hooded heroes in the latest cinematic telling of Robin Hood. In an interview with Joe, Otto talks about why the world needs Robin Hood and he reveals the secret behind the success of Peaky Blinders.
After critical acclaim - if, hardly any viewers - in the UK, Phoebe Waller-Bridge's Fleabag is heading across the channel for a French remake. Leading French production company, Banijay Studios, acquired the rights to remake Fleabag, which is expected to start shooting in January. They are working alongside Studiocanal Original. The six-part series is being adapted by French actor and movie director Jeanne Herry, who has made a name for herself due to her work on the Netflix series Call My Agent! The French version of Fleabag will focus on Call My Agent! star Camille Cottin, who plays 'a thirtysomething woman struggling with a complicated love life and family ties.' The project is led by Studiocanal's former creative Vice President Dominique Jubin, who said, 'The series will start as a transgressive comedy and will evolve into a subtle, bittersweet portrayal of a modern young woman.' Whatever that means. She told Variety: 'Herry knows how to direct actors and portray the complexity and vulnerability of female characters, and she’s also a very good writer who can weave comedy, drama and emotions.' The French adaptation is set to alter some of the more traditional British elements of Fleabag, but 'keep the modernity, feminine perspective, offbeat humour and spirit.'Fleabag won a number of awards for Waller-Bridge's touching portrayal of a young woman navigating life in London after the death of her best friend. As well as scooping the Royal Television Society Award for Best Comedy Writing, Waller-Bridge (who subsequently wrote From The North favourite Killing Eve) also won a BAFTA for Best Female Performance in a comedy programme in 2017. A second series is due to be broadcast next year with Andrew Scott confirmed to join the cast.
Stephen Fry has admitted that he is 'very sensitive' to criticism. The actor has admitted to having 'a love-hate relationship' with social media and Twitter in particular, but Stephen also conceded that his sensitivity is 'pathetic.' Asked about his use of Twitter, Stephen - who has previously deleted his account before returning to the micro-blogging platform - told The Graham Norton Show: 'I am on it but the difference now is that I don't engage with it very much because of the comments and the unkindness. I am very sensitive. It's pathetic after all these years, but I am.' Stephen previously insisted he wished he could escape his own fame. But he also conceded that his inability to turn down interviews has affected his acting career. He explained: 'People say I play myself. I think the trouble is I have no gift of being mysterious - I wish I could be like my friend Hugh, who just says no to interview requests. Hugh can do it, Clint Eastwood can do it, so when they are on screen you don't know whether they are being themselves, because you don't know who they are. Why can't I do that? I can't do it. I don't have it in me. I do this wanky stuff day after day after day, being interviewed by you or, God help us, Pamela Stephenson or some other person, so when I play a character they go: "oh, it's just Stephen Fry in a beard. I've done that to myself, I think you could say."'
Yer actual Huge Laurie has been made a CBE by the Prince of Wales - the man whose royal ancestor he played as a foolish fop in Blackadder The Third. Huge was recognised in the New Year Honours for services to drama, having previously been made an OBE in 2007. Known for his comedy partnership with Stephen Fry, the fifty nine-year-old has also starred in House and The Night Manager. And, On Hundred & One Dalmations, though he doesn't talk about that one very much. For many, his most memorable character is George, the Prince Regent, in the third series of Blackadder. Two years later, Laurie went on to play another upper-class twit named George in Blackadder Goes Forth. Born in Oxford in 1959, Laurie studied at Cambridge, where he became president of the university's Footlights drama club and performed with the likes of Fry and Dame Emma Thompson. A talented rower - and, the son of Olympic gold medallist Ran Laurie - Huge also took part in the 1980 Boat Race, which saw Cambridge narrowly beaten by Oxford. Laurie has appeared in such films as Maybe Baby and Stuart Little and will soon be seen as Mycroft Holmes in the comedy Holmes & Watson.
ITV has finally confirmed that Noel Edmonds - who is definitely not mental - is heading into the jungle to join I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want). The veteran broadcaster - and annoying and disgraceful full-of-his-own-importance plank - said that he expected viewers to 'put him through absolute hell' and had been eating worms from his garden to prepare for his, self-imposed, ordeal. He also vowed to 'retire from' TV if he is crowned King of the Jungle. So, there you go, everybody, vote for Noel. It's the only way to get shot of him, it would seem.
Les Dennis has denied being responsible for a spate of graffiti in Norwich city centre. The entertainer took to Twitter to refute claims that he is behind a series of tags featuring his name. The sixty four-year-old, who is best known for presenting Family Fortunes, simply tweeted: 'It wasn't me.' Tragically, he didn't add that he didn't know who had done it and, even if he did, he wouldn't grass because he's not a filthy stinking Copper's Nark. And opportunity missed, one might suggest. Norwich City Council said that it aimed to clear all graffiti within two weeks of it being reported. Dennis' name has been spray-painted at several locations in the city. No one knows why. Some of the 'artwork' has already been removed but fans of the former Coronation Street actor have been quick to post their own sightings on social media. Dennis has, previously, spoken pf his love for Norfolk and has had a holiday home in the county for many years. A spokeswoman for Norwich City Council said: 'We ask residents to report incidents of graffiti on council property and public areas via our website in order to make sure our service runs efficiently. Where possible, we remove offensive or racist graffiti within twenty four hours and all other graffiti within fourteen days.' Whether the words 'Les Dennis' constitute offensive graffiti, the spokeswoman did not say.
BBC executives have, according to an atypically painful agenda-soaked piece by some Middle Class hippy Communist in the Gruniad Morning Star, become embroiled in 'a bizarre internal row' over the censoring of women's bodies after blurring an interviewee's cleavage to avoid causing offence to viewers. The corporation's world news team travelled to Nairobi to interview Glamour Pam - who describes herself as 'an interior designer, makeup artist and Kenyan social media star - for a documentary entitled Fake Me: Living For Likes as part of the corporation's week of coverage of fake news around the world. But, the BBC Africa documentary, which looked at how people portray themselves differently on social media, was allegedly edited because of alleged 'concerns' about 'adverse reaction' in some of the more conservative African countries where it was shown, prompting a debate at the BBC itself about whether the corporation should be censoring women's bodies. 'The decision to deal with Pam's cleavage was made at senior editorial level at BBC Africa,' said one internal e-mail discussing the incident and justifying the decision. The Gruniad, however, quotes one - suspiciously anonymous and, therefore, almost certainly fictitious - member of staff 'with knowledge of the internal debate' likening the discussion to 'the panicked activities of BBC staff in the mockumentary W1A.' The anonymous alleged snitch also, allegedly, said that the issue 'had been dealt with by senior executives in the world news division.' The producer of the BBC Africa documentary told colleagues that a decision had been made during filming to 'zoom in so we didn't see her cleavage' but 'in some shots, particularly the wide shots, we were unable to do this and so had to blur.' This prompted the decision to digitally alter the segment in the documentary about fake news. The edited version was later uploaded to the BBC's YouTube channel. 'The decision was made because of sensitivity thresholds with one of the partners for our She Word programme,' the producer said, referencing the local channels that show the BBC programme in several African countries. In the interview, Pam discusses her attitude to social media, explaining that you have to 'look elegant and sophisticated' to get the best Instagram picture. In response to queries from concerned colleagues, the producer confirmed that 'there is no unblurred version' available but said it 'would be possible' for staff at BBC World News to re-edit the programme if they were 'concerned' and wanted to broadcast it again 'without being accused of censorship.' A - rather weary sounding - BBC spokesperson told the Gruniad: 'The She Word is broadcast via a number of BBC partner stations in Africa which are subject to watershed rules similar to the UK's. As the majority of our partner stations show the programme pre-watershed, we ensured the film was suitable for broadcast in those markets.' Though one suspects what they actually wanted to say was 'what the blithering fek has this got to do with you? You're supposed to be a journalist, write about some real news, not trivial snitchy bollocks like this!' Of course, the BBC as a collective is far too polite to say any such thing. But, this blogger most certainly isn't.
The body responsible for rejecting Iceland's Christmas advert had to remove staff pictures from its website, shut the company Facebook page and close its switchboard due to the level of abuse following the controversial decision according to the Gruniad Morning Star. As part of its festive campaign Iceland struck a deal with Greenpeace to rebadge an animated short film featuring an orangutan and the destruction of its rainforest habitat at the hands of palm oil growers. Clearcast, the industry body responsible for vetting TV advertisements before they are broadcast to the public, decided that it was in breach of rules banning political advertising laid down by the Communications Act 2003. Chris Mundy, the managing director of Clearcast, has revealed that the body has been 'drawn into a storm of abuse' as the issue made national headlines. He said that Clearcast received 'hundreds' of calls, more than three thousand five hundred e-mails and three thousand tweets. 'We were certainly unprepared for the deluge of contact,' he said. 'Unfortunately, this included a substantial amount of abuse and resulted in the team feeling threatened.' Mundy said that Clearcast had to shut its switchboard and take pictures of staff off the company website because they were 'being circulated on Twitter.' Clearcast also took its Facebook page down and has decided that even though the furore has mostly abated, it will not be returning to the social media platform because of the level of abuse. 'We took our company Facebook page down entirely,' said Mundy, in a blogpost. 'It was intended to be a social bridge between staff and agencies, but it was overtaken by abusive comment. We've decided that Facebook isn't a business-to-business platform and the page won't return.' Mundy also said the advisory body was not prepared to handle the level of media interest in the story - ;our initial responses to media inquiries on the first day weren't as clear as they could have been' - and that the Clearcast team had been 'collateral damage.' Clearcast says that much of the issue stems from Iceland's first tweet that the advert was not approved by 'advertising regulators as it was seen to be in support of a political cause.' Mundy says this is 'inaccurate' as Clearcast is 'not a regulator. It works on behalf of broadcasters to get ads on air.' The content of the advert itself was not the issue which breached the political advertising prohibition in the Communications Act 2003, it was the film's prior association with Greenpeace which is - rightly - deemed as a body 'whose object is wholly or mainly of a political nature.' Even though the Greenpeace badge was removed from the advert, the group had been using it extensively and that was what caused the advert to break the rules. 'As the broadcasters had decided they could not run the ad under the law, Clearcast had in practice no power to reverse the decision at all,' Mundy said. 'The winner has been the environmental message that has been widely shared. From Clearcast's perspective, it's a shame that the team has, to an extent, been collateral damage in getting the message out.' Earlier this year, Iceland became the first major UK supermarket to pledge to remove palm oil from all its own-brand foods.
Good news everyone! Sabrina is no longer being sued by Satan. So, that's a relief. The producers of The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina have, reportedly, reached a settlement with The Satanic Temple. The Temple had very publicly threatened to sue Netflix and Warner Brothers earlier this month, alleging that Sabrina features a Baphomet statue which bears a resemblance to the one it created. Satan's lawyer, Stuart De Haan, said in a statement: 'The Satanic Temple is pleased to announce that the lawsuit it recently filed against Warner Bros and Netflix has been amicably settled. The unique elements of The Satanic Temple's Baphomet statue will be acknowledged in the credits of episodes which have already been filmed. The remaining terms of the settlement are subject to a confidentiality agreement.' One imagines, however, than any financial settlement will have been considerably less than the one hundred and fifty million dollars The Temple Of Satan was originally reported to be trying to claim.
A comedy sketch featuring two British music hall stars that enjoys cult status in Germany and other parts of Europe is to receive its UK premiere more than fifty years after it was made. Dinner For One - staring Freddie Frinton - was filmed by a German TV company in 1963. It has been shown every New Year's Eve on German TV since 1972, winning it a place in The Guinness Book Of Records. It will finally get its UK premiere this weekend at a comedy film festival in Campbeltown. Frinton and May Warden originally performed the sketch on stage for decades, but it was turned into an eighteen-minute film for German television. In 1962, the German entertainer Peter Frankenfeld and director Heinz Dunkhase saw a performance of Dinner For One in Blackpool. The sketch was recorded on 8 July 1963 at the Theater am Besenbinderhof in Hamburg, in front of a live audience. Frinton plays a loyal butler - James - who is helping his employer, Miss Sophie (played by Warden) celebrate her ninetieth birthday. Her four male admirers are long dead, so James takes on all their roles at a dinner party, becoming increasingly drunk as the evening progresses. Watching it has become a New Year's tradition in Germany. The Guinness Book of Records accords it the status of the most repeated programme ever. Versions of the sketch are also shown by Swedish channels at New Year's since 1980. Danish television has been broadcasting the sketch on New Year's Eve since 1976. It is a 23 December staple on Norwegian national television and a firm favourite in Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, the Faroe Islands and Austria. It is known in other countries as well, including Switzerland, Luxembourg and South Africa. But, despite such widespread attention, the sketch remains virtually unknown in the UK. Frinton is a household name in Germany. A stamp has just been issued, fifty years after his death, and next year a museum dedicated to him will open in the town of Bremerhaven. Yet his most famous sketch has never been shown in a British cinema or shown in full on British television (although clips of it have previously been broadcast, mostly notably on an episode of Qi). Frinton's family have now given permission for it to be screened as part of the Scottish Comedy Film Festival's Slapstick Weekend, which takes place at Campbeltown Picture House. His son Mike said: 'We, as family, are delighted that Campbeltown Picture House will be the first UK cinema to screen the legendary Dinner For One and that Freddie Frinton's comedy genius will be celebrated as part of the nationwide BFI season. Germany and a large part of Europe, have been enjoying Dinner For One as an annual New Year treat for nearly half-a-century and it makes us so proud that, finally, this perfect example of comedy timing can be appreciated over here. Dad would have been humbled to find himself in such illustrious comedy company.' Freddie Frinton was born in Grimsby and made his name as a music hall performer. He came to broader fame as Thora Hird's co-star in the popular 1960s BBC sitcom Meet The Wife but died in 1968 aged fifty nine. May Warden died in 1978. The screening is a coup for Campbeltown Picture House which reopened a year ago after a three million knicker restoration. The art nouveau cinema on the banks of Campbeltown Loch is one of the oldest cinema buildings in Europe. Several other slapstick films are being shown as part of the festival. A public custard pie fight is also planned. So, vegans are advised to avoid the gaff.
Z-List Love Island type person Zara McDermott (no, me neither) has told BBC Radio 5Live that 'revenge porn' victims need to be 'given the option' of choosing to remain anonymous. The twenty one-year-old claims that she has been a victim twice, most recently during her time on the crass and worthless ITV2 reality show. McDermott says 'advances in technology' have meant sending images 'is a new way of having sex. Victims need to be given the choice to remain anonymous, because they never got the choice on whether to release the photos,' she says. New research given to 5Live by the North Yorkshire Police and Crime Commissioner shows that a mere three per cent of revenge porn victims surveyed had successfully prosecuted an offender. The findings also show seventy six per cent of victims say they did not report their crime to the police, but nine in ten say they would have reported it if - and, only if - they had been assured anonymity. Revenge porn, which was made a criminal offence in 2015, is currently categorised as a 'communications crime,' meaning victims are not granted anonymity. Julia Mulligan, North Yorkshire Police and Crime Commissioner, launched a petition to change the law, as is the case for complainants in sexual offence cases. Mulligan says that the lack of anonymity means victims can be wary of reporting the crime, particularly with 'high profile victims.' McDermott says she first experienced revenge porn when she was at school, after a boy circulated an explicit photo she had sent him. 'I didn't know he had sent it round to other students until I was sat in class and a boy from school held the photo up to the window on his phone,' she recalls. 'I remember having a total meltdown and the rest being a blur - it was a really dark time in my life.' She says that she was excluded by her school for sending the explicit image, but the boy who subsequently shared it was not. 'The term revenge porn wasn't around then and girls were always seen as the ones in the wrong for sending the pictures in the first place,' she remembers. The second time she found herself a victim was this year during her time on Z-List Love Island, when intimate photos were leaked, supposedly by an ex-partner. The images were shared with his friends and they then surfaced online. 'There are still people who say if you don't want this to happen, don't send a picture - but sending pictures isn't a terrible thing to do. You just need to teach people to do it safely,' she adds. McDermott says anonymity for victims would 'help people continue to live a normal life.'
Matthew Wright has claimed that his time spent presenting The Wright Stuff has left him with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Wright quit the Channel Five show (now known as Jeremy Vine) in June. Speaking to the Sun, the presenter has admitted that he is still suffering from stress and a lack of sleep. 'It's difficult to deal with,' he claimed. 'I thought maybe it's just because I'm used to waking up early in the morning, but the doctor said, "No, it is a sign of post-traumatic stress." I think if I hadn't got out, or left when I did, I don't know what kind of state I'd be in today. The decision to leave was made slightly reluctantly at first, but when I look back now, after eighteen years of early mornings doing the same kind of thing, that's probably enough. If I had carried on I do think it would have impacted me and my family.'
Glasgow City Council has snivellingly apologised after a bus lane camera kept churning out hundreds of fines for motorists diverted for a Hollywood movie. The bus gate at Nelson Mandela Place in the city centre generates more than one million quid in fines every year. Last month, roads officials suspended the restriction so that other streets could be shut off while Hobbs & Shaw was being filmed. But it has now emerged that the camera remained operational. As a result eight hundred and seventeen individual demands for cash have started appearing on door mats. The sixty knicker fine can rise to ninety quid if it goes unpaid after a month. The restriction should have been suspended for the filming of the movie, starring Idris Elba and Jason Statham. The Universal Pictures film, which is a spin-off from the lucrative Fast & The Furious franchise, also features Dwayne The Rock Johnson. One motorist has just had his fine ripped up by the council after he submitted an appeal. He said: 'I just wonder how many people just paid up and didn't appeal? I was puzzled when it came in because I clearly remembered the signage saying the bus lane was suspended. This is not the way to run a road system, when you're firing out fines that weren't meant to be issued. At the end of the day, we pay enough in terms of parking fees in Glasgow without having rogue fines issued just because someone didn't do their job properly. It's a shambles.' In 2017 the Nelson Mandela bus gate caught out over twenty two thousand drivers generating more than a million smackers in revenue. The council shut off a series of streets around George Square between 23 and 29 October to allow two hundred film crew and actors to shoot scenes for the movie, which is due out next year. Glasgow City Council has been keen to develop its status as one of the most popular urban film sets in the country, advertising a free liaison service to movie producers. Roads laid out on a 'grid' system have helped it double as Philadelphia, New York, San Francisco and London for a host of major productions, The October shoot is expected to provide a seven-figure boost to the city's hotels, restaurant and hospitality industries. In the summer of 2012, night-time road closures were put in place in Cadogan Street, Wellington Street and the Broomielaw for spectacular stunts in Fast & The Furious Six. Last year, US-style street signs and post boxes were erected in the city's Bothwell Street to turn Glasgow into 1980's New York for the Sky Atlantic drama Patrick Melrose starring Benedict Cumberbatch. The council believe the mix-up happened when one of the production crew wrongly changed a street notice, on just one day of filming, diverting motorists into Nelson Mandela Place. A spokesman said: 'A total of eight hundred and seventeen notices were issued in that bus lane in W George St/Nelson Mandela Square on 28 October. All have been cancelled and we have contacted those affected to apologise.'
A man who installed a fourteen feet tall replica of a Star Wars attack vehicle by the roadside has been warned by the council he has twenty one days to remove it ... or, face the wrath of The Empire. Rather than The Rebel Alliance, it is Teignbridge Council that wants Paul Parker to remove the AT-ST in Devon. Parker said that he had hoped it would become a tourist attraction by the A38 and added: 'We wanted to try and raise awareness for Ashburton.' The council said after twenty one days it would 'send an official enforcement letter.' And The Dark Lord of The Sith. Probably. Creator Dean Harvey - who said that he was not a Star Wars fan - originally built the replica four years ago as a climbing frame for his daughters. He said it took him more than four hundred hours to make, but now that his daughters were older, he had decided to give it to Parker - who owns the field the AT-ST is now installed in. He said it was 'harmless' and explained local businesses had published a naked calendar in the past and were now 'trying to find something else' to do to raise Ashburton's profile. He said that he was expecting to be 'contacted' by the council and continued: 'I can understand it, I haven't got planning permission, so I have got to put a retrospective planning application in for it. Ninety-nine per cent of the comments have been positive, but obviously you have people that don't like it - you can't please everybody all the time.' Parker said he hoped the council would allow it to remain and denied claims the structure might be a distraction for drivers. 'Stonehenge is at the side of the road, is that a distraction? The Wickerman in Somerset - is that a distraction?' Well, it probably is if a policeman is getting burned in it, but that's not point entirely. Teignbridge Council said that it had written to Parker to explain the options available to him and that unless action was taken to remove it, he would be issued with an official enforcement letter ordering its removal. Like The Rebel Alliance, Parker said he had not given up hope.
A fan of Jeremy Kyle for, indeed, there are some sad, crushed victims of society who describe themselves thus, has posted a photo on Instagram of a tattoo of Kyle which he has had ... on his arse. Metro quotes Ryan, the chap who now bears Kyle's sour-faced mug on his bum, as saying: 'If you could take the skin off - especially in a few years - I think it would be worth a fortune. I could be sitting on potential gold dust!'
A French court has ruled that posters showing a woman tied to train tracks did not 'promote violence against women.' The posters were put up around the town of Béziers last December to celebrate the arrival of high-speed TGV trains. They carried the caption: 'With the TGV, she would have suffered less.' The adverts faced a legal challenge from a number of feminist groups and were criticism by France's equality minister. But, the court said they were legal, despite the 'questionable humour.' The posters were launched four months after thirty four-year-old Emilie Hallouin died when she was tied to TGV tracks by her husband and hit by a train in a murder-suicide in Northern France. Many Twitter users, including French Senator Laurence Rossignol, drew parallels between the posters and the tragic story. A local Socialist politician called the adverts 'odious.' But, the far-right mayor of Béziers, Robert Ménard, defended his campaign, accusing critics of 'political correctness gone mad' and pointing to a history of 'such images in old films and cartoons.' The court in the Southern city of Montpellier said the posters had been 'designed to provoke a reaction' and 'did not encourage violence' against any specific group, including women. After the French court threw out the complaint, Ménard tweeted that the case had been 'an inquisition in petticoats.'
The KLF's Bill Drummond, who once set fire to a million quid in the name of art, has started a new project - building a pyramid out of bricks filled with people's ashes. The structure, which has yet to find a permanent home, will eventually measure twenty three feet high. However, Drummond's team said that because 'for every brick to be laid, there needs to be someone who has died,' it could take up to three hundred years for it to be completed.
The cast has been announced for BBC Radio 4's annual adaptation of works by Neil Gaiman, with the latest project – an hour-and-a-half production of Gaiman's 2017 novel Norse Mythology– set to feature Natalie Dormer, Colin Morgan and Sir Derek Jacobi. The new adaptation is said to invite listeners 'into a world of Gods and monsters, fiery endings and new beginnings, tricks and trust,' and also stars Dame Diana Rigg, Nonso Anozie and Luke Newberry in a large ensemble cast. 'What is so marvellous about the Gods is how human they are, there is no infallibility,' said Gaiman, who also cameos in the drama as The Radio. 'They are the Gods of a cold place and they are always on guard against characters who are even colder – the frost giants. They're very "us," they're incredibly human and it is that humanity that makes them fascinating.''It's great fun when you step into realms of fantasy and radio is the perfect place for fantasy because you don’t need the million dollar CGI effects,' said Dormer, who plays the Goddess Freya in the drama. 'The listeners' imaginations do everything, so I really do think that radio is incredibly well suited to it – especially this time of year. Christmas time is the storytelling time of year, families together, gathered around the fire as our teller has us in this. The Gaiman productions always get an incredible cast, it's a pleasure to be a part of it.''I love playing fantasy roles,' added Derek Jacobi. 'I played The Master in Doctor Who at one time - that was a revelation, that was extraordinary. I had dear friends, whom I didn't know were Doctor Who nuts who, when I announced that was going to play The Master got quite hysterical.' Dormer previously played Door in the star-studded 2013 audio version of Gaiman's Neverwhere, while Morgan had the role of Newt Pulsifer in 2014's verison of Good Omens, an adaptation of the novel written by Gaiman with Terry Pratchett which is currently being made into a much-anticipated TV series starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Norse Mythology drama is adapted by Lucy Catherine for Radio 4 and will be broadcast on Boxing Day. Previous adaptations of Gaiman's work for the BBC have included the aforementioned Neverwhere and Good Omens, as well as How The Marquis Got His Coat Back, Stardust and Anansi Boys.
From The North's Radio Comedy Moment Of The Week. Shortly before tea on the afternoon of the third say of the third test in Columbo, Ari Lanka were sailing along at one hundred and seventy three for one in reply to England's slightly disappointing first innings total of three hundred and thirty six with Dimuth Karunaratne and Dhananjaya De Silva both having made half-centuries. It was at that moment, and despite England already having won the series courtesy of victories in the first two tests, that the BBC's cricket correspondent, yer actual Jonathan Agnew, decided to have a right good whinge about how terrible England had played.
Not atypically for old Aggers, it was a full-on Freddie Trueman-style 'it were never like this in t'maaaaaday' piece of apparent self-promotion from a man whose own international career amounted to but three test appearances and four wickets at an average of ninety three runs each. Two hours later, following impressive bowling spells by Ben Stokes (three for thirty) at one end and Adil Rashid (five for forty nine) at the other and some great fielding by England (notably Keaton Jennings and Ben Foakes), England had dismissed Sri Lanka for two hundred and forty on what appeared to be a benign, easy-paced wicket and, by close of play, were batting again with a first innings lead of ninety six runs. And, curiously, Agnew who is a man seldom short of an opinion, was keeping somewhat quieter than usual and muttering vague platitudes about England's 'improvement' through gritted teeth. Hell hath no fury, dear blog reader, than a cricket commentator with less ability to tip sugar than to tip which way a test match is heading. Ah'll si thee!
Work and Pensions Secretary Amber Rudd has agreed to listen'very carefully' to concerns over universal credit, conceding the system 'can be better.' One or two people even believed her. Making her first Commons appearance since getting the job last Friday, Rudd faced calls from Labour and the SNP to halt the roll-out of the single benefit which her predecessor in the job, that vile and odious McVey woman, had constantly refused to even entertain. McVey, of course, resigned from the government last week and, in what The New Statesmen filed in their Irony Alert column, immediately whinged that, since her resignation, her own salary had been halved. Rudd claimed that she would 'learn from errors' and 'adjust the system,' which she admitted 'had problems.' However, she then rejected a UN report on UK poverty as 'extraordinarily political.' And, she made clear that universal credit had an important role to play in reducing the number of workless families and tackling in-work poverty. The BBC's political editor Laura Kuenssberg said that she 'expected a change in tone' from Rudd, although 'not necessarily a major shift in policy.' The government's plan is for almost seven million people to be on universal credit - which replaces six working age benefits - by the end of 2023. But, the new system has been hit by delays and claims it is forcing some claimants into destitution and even prostitution. Labour has called for the next stage of the roll out - which will see 2.87 million people moved onto universal credit next summer - to be abandoned while the whole system is reconsidered. Answering questions from MPs about her department's work, Rudd was pressed by Tory Sir Desmond Swayne to 'ensure' the changes were 'measured and continually improved.' She replied: 'I share his view that it is vital as it is rolled out that we do learn from any errors, we do adjust it to make sure it properly serves the people it is intended to.' Rudd claimed she would 'take heed' of what campaigners have said about universal credit, following a call by eighty charities and other organisations for it to be halted. 'I am certainly going to be listening very carefully. Part of the benefit of the universal credit roll out is going to be making sure we get the expert guidance from the people who have been working in this field for many years and we will certainly be doing that.' But, Rudd took issue with the findings of a report by the UN's special rapporteur on extreme poverty who claimed last week that ministers were in a 'state of denial' about poverty levels. Despite the UK being one of the world's richest countries, Philip Alston said he had encountered 'misery' during his twelve-day tour. Asked about the report in the Commons, Rudd said: 'We are not so proud that we don't think we can learn as we try to adjust to universal credit for the benefit of everybody, but that sort of language was wholly inappropriate and actually discredited a lot of what he was saying.' The government has agreed on several occasions to slow the pace at which universal credit is extended across the UK. The vile and odious McVey woman announced earlier this month that claimants would be given more time to switch to the new benefit. Among a number of other changes, she said that they would not have to wait as long for their money and debt repayments would be reduced. In the Budget last month, Chancellor Philip Hammond announced an extra one billion quid over five years to help those moving to the new payments and a one thousand smackers increase in the amount people can earn before losing benefits, at a cost of up to £1.7bn a year.
Meanwhile, Police Scotland has claimed government benefit changes 'may' be linked to a rise in robberies. And, in other news, the Pope 'may' be Catholic. A force report suggested that welfare reform, including the introduction of universal credit, 'may' have helped push robberies up by thirty per cent over the five-year average. There were eight hundred and eighty robberies throughout Scotland between April and June, an increase of twelve per cent on the previous summer. The Department for Work and Pensions claimed that there was 'no firm evidence' to link any trends to changes in welfare. And, to paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, 'well they would, wouldn't they?'
NASA says its InSight Mars lander is 'on a near-perfect' Thanksgiving trajectory. The probe is due to touch down on Monday, to begin its quest to map the Red Planet's interior. Engineers can take the opportunity for one last course correction on Sunday to tighten the line to the bulls-eye - but they may not bother with it. 'Right now we're looking really good and we might be able to skip it,' said NASA's Tom Hoffman. 'We'll be working on the final parameters we need over the next few days, so while everybody's off having turkey, there'll be a bunch of people at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory making sure we land successfully,' the InSight project manager told reporters. InSight, which launched on 5 May, has to hit a keyhole at the top of Mars' atmosphere that measures just twenty four kilometres by ten kilometres. If it can do that - and everything at present suggests it can - then it ought to come down right on top of a very flat landscape known as Elysium Planitia. The task of atmospheric entry, descent and landing is far from straightforward, however. Mission statistics show Mars to be unforgiving to the ill-prepared. Two-thirds of all landing attempts have failed. The reason is simple: A probe will enter the atmosphere at six times the speed of a high-velocity bullet and then somehow have to slow to a controlled stop at the surface - all inside seven minutes. An EDL strategy has to be perfect. The most recent effort in 2016 - from Europe - got it hopelessly wrong and slammed into the ground at terminal velocity. It was very messy. The Americans, though, have a pretty good record at this sort of thing and InSight will use the proven combination of a heat-resistant capsule, a parachute and rockets to make its drop to Mars. The probe is also equipped with really big fuck-off guns in case they come across any Ice Warriors, obviously.
For the second week running, From The Norths Headline of The Week award goes to the same story. This time, let's have a big round of applause for some bored sub-editor at the Metro for this little beauty.
Rafa Benitez, manager of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though, tragically, still unsellable) Newcastle United will reportedly'contact the Football Association to seek an explanation as to why he has been treated differently to Pep Guardiola.' Benitez was - quite disgracefully - fined sixty grand by the FA for breaking their rules which prevent a manager talking about a referee before a game in October. Responding to comments made by Wilfried Zaha the previous weekend, before Newcastle travelled to Selhurst Park to play Crystal Palace, Benitez merely said that he 'had confidence' in the referee Andre Marriner. And, that inconsequential comment cost him mucho wonga. The FA ruled the comment 'amounted to improper conduct and/or bringing the game into disrepute.' Which they didn't or anything even remotely like it. However, when Guardiola said that referee Anthony Taylor 'did not want to make mistakes' ahead of Sheikh Yer Man City's derby with The Scum last month, he was merely warned by the FA. Because, obviously, Sheikh Yer Man City can do and say whatever the Hell they like and no one in English, European or World football is going to do a damn thing to stop them. Because they're very rich. 'He is going to try to do the best job like we try as managers and football players,' Guardiola added. Privately, the Torygraph claims, Benitez 'is seething about the apparent double standards,' but 'suspects his complaint will be ignored, even though he believes it is a case of one rule for managers at some clubs, and another for those at the top.' The Torygraph claims that the FA felt Guardiola's comments about Taylor were 'neutral' - whatever the Hell that means - and, as it was his first indiscretion, felt a warning 'was appropriate.' Benitez had been fined before for the same breach of the rules and his comments about Marriner also included the sentence: 'He has a lot of experience, even if his record with our players is not that great in terms of red cards. 'That was deemed to be trying to influence the referee's decision-making, even though Benitez argued - with some justification - that Zaha had done exactly the same thing when he said it would take him getting his 'leg broken' for an opponent to be shown a red card after a game against Huddersfield Town. Meanwhile, the Sun has claimed an 'exclusive' in a story that Benitez 'is a shock target for mega rich Chinese club Guangzhou Evergrande.' They go on to claim that 'pals' of Benitez (tabloidese for 'alleged acquaintances' only with less syllables so that the brain-dribbling morons who read the Sun can understand the word) 'have revealed he has been contacted by middle men from China as they plan for their next campaign.' Evergrande have recently lost their title under Italian Fabio Cannavaro and are ready to change coach, with Benitez claimed to be their first choice. 'The deal could be worth up to ten million pound-a-year, with compensation to Newcastle not thought to be a problem. Benitez is discussing the issue with his family and friends.' Interestingly, this story appeared on the same day as the Sunday Mirra published what they claimed as an 'exclusive', stating 'Rafa Benitez insists he is not thinking of managing any other club next season.' So, dear blog reader, either the Sun are talking risible crap, or the Mirra are. Place your money here and, remember, when the fun stops, stop.
Several Championship clubs are reported to be'gravely concerned' by the EFL board's announcement it has approved a new domestic broadcasting rights deal. Club officials met on Tuesday to discuss the five hundred and ninety five million quid five-year agreement that has been signed with Sky Sports. They claim that the deal has been done without them being fully consulted. 'Nineteen clubs from the league wrote to the EFL asking them not to sign the deal and to engage in meaningful discussions,' said a statement from 'several unnamed clubs,' which added that they felt they had been ignored. 'Championship clubs are gravely concerned that the EFL board has announced it has approved a new long-term domestic broadcasting rights deal,' it said. 'Our issues are not with Sky, who we respect and value, but with the way in which the proposed agreement has been negotiated and explained to clubs. We remain convinced that any solution to the broadcasting of EFL competitions can only be on the basis of protecting attendances and securing the financial position of all our seventy two clubs. There is a calm determination within Championship clubs to ensure the matter is not left here.' The deal, which runs from the start of next season until May 2024, represents a thirty five per cent increase on the previous contract. Before the clubs' statement, EFL interim chair Debbie Jevans had said she would ;review' how the league discusses future deals. 'Concluding these negotiations has indeed been challenging, as is the case when managing a diverse group of stakeholders, and the board took on board the comments and frustrations voiced by a number of clubs and has committed to reviewing the way the league engages with its clubs to ensure that we move forward in a collaborative way in the future,' she said. BBC Sport claims to understand that Derby County, Dirty Leeds and Aston Villains are among the clubs opposed to the new contract. 'The deal we have entered into with Sky, after fully testing the current market through our external advisers, allows our clubs the benefit of financial security which was an absolute priority for us throughout this process,' said EFL chief executive Shaun Harvey. 'It is a partnership that, as well as having the necessary financial benefits, provides the EFL with the platform to maximise reach and exposure for its competitions, alongside providing further opportunities for clubs to monetise some of those games not broadcast on television.'
Romanian referee Ovidiu Hategan was consoled by Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws defender Virgil Van Dijk after the Netherlands' two-two draw with Germany on Monday. It is understood that the thirty eight-year-old official had discovered his mother had died during the build-up to the match. Van Dijk embraced the emotional Hategan at the final whistle. 'That man broke down, stood with tears in his eyes because he had just lost his mother,' Van Dijk said. 'I wished him strength and said he had refereed well. It's a small thing, but I hope it helped him.' Hategan recently took charge of Barcelona's Champions League victory over Inter Milan. He also refereed the second leg of The Scum's Europa League semi-final win over Celta Vigo in 2017. Van Dijk's intervention came just minutes after his injury-time equaliser ensured the Dutch reached the semi-finals of the Nations League. Goals from Timo Werner and Leroy Sane had put already relegated Germany ahead. But the Dutch implemented a tactical switch - which manager Ronald Koeman was originally unaware of - with Quincy Promes' eighty fifth-minute goal initiating their revival. The Dutch boss passed on handwritten directions, penned by his back-up team, to full-back Kenny Tete, which prompted Van Dijk to press forward. 'I got a note from [assistants] Dwight Lodeweges and Kees van Wonderen,' Koeman said. 'When we were two-nil down they asked me if we should change things around and I said "yes." Next thing I knew I had the note. So I gave it to Kenny. And, in the end it's fantastic that the equaliser came from the guy who was told on the note to push up front.'
Financial fair play needs to be more 'robust' and the rules are 'weak' in certain areas, UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin has told BBC Sport. FFP 'break-even' rules require clubs to balance spending with their revenue. German news magazine Der Spiegel has claimed Sheikh Yer Man City and Paris St-Germain overvalued sponsorship deals to help meet the rules. UEFA claimed that it would reopen FFP inquiries 'on a case-by-case basis' if there was evidence of 'abuse.' One or two people even believed them. City have claimed they would not comment on Der Spiegel's claims, apart from to describe them as an 'organised and clear' attempt to damage their reputation. PSG said it 'has always acted in full compliance with the laws and regulations enacted by sports institutions' and it 'denies the allegations.' Ceferin said: 'I don't want to speak about Man City or PSG but for any club the rules have to be strong and clear. We will act by the book, by the regulations. We know that we have to modernise. We know we have to check the rules and regulations all the time. We know that the situation in the football market is changing all the time. So that's also part of our thinking for the future - do we have to do something about the regulations to be more robust? Yes.' Asked if UEFA could use sporting sanctions against clubs that break FFP rules, such as barring them from the Champions League, Ceferin added: 'There are many things we are talking about - also sporting sanctions and everything else. It's the start of the debate. It's a bit premature to speak about it but we acknowledge the rules might be weak in certain points. Also laws in certain countries are changing all the time [and] adopting to modern times.' In its reporting based on leaked documents, Der Spiegel also said the clubs negotiated with FIFA president Gianni Infantino, who was then general secretary of UEFA, to agree reduced punishments on FFP breaches. UEFA found City had breached FFP rules in 2014 and the two parties 'reached a settlement,' with City paying a forty nine million knicker fine - thirty two million of which was suspended - while their Champions League squad was reduced for 2014-15. 'Our independent bodies will check it,' said Ceferin. 'I know they will. But we also know we have to keep our credibility. Nobody cares if it happened four years ago when the leadership was different - it is about the organisation.'
Ten-man Blunderland came from two goals down to extend their unbeaten run to thirteen games in League One with a two-two draw at Walsall - despite Max Power's third red card of the season. Power was extremely sent off for a reckless challenge on Liam Kinsella after twenty two minutes but Aiden McGeady and Lynden Gooch rescued a point after Josh Gordon and Josh Ginnelly had put Walsall in control. Guy Incognito and Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo managed to stay on the pitch despite Power's dismissal.
An attack on the Boca Juniors team bus by River Plate supporters has led to kick-off in the final of the Copa Libertadores being postponed. According to reports in Argentina, Boca players suffered cuts from the glass from broken windows and were also affected by the tear gas used by police. The incident occurred as the team made its way to River Plate's Monumental stadium in Buenos Aires. Three years ago, a Copa Libertadores game between River and Boca Juniors was abandoned at half-time after Boca fans attacked the River players with pepper spray in the tunnel. Boca were kicked out of the competition, while River were given a bye into the quarter-finals.
Mick McCarthy will be unveiled as Republic of Ireland boss on Sunday but he will be replaced by Stephen Kenny after the Euro 2020 finals. McCarthy has signed a two-year deal while Dundalk manager Kenny will take charge of the Republic's under twenty one side before moving up to the senior post. It was expected that McCarthy would succeed Martin O'Neill and start a second spell as Republic boss. Thus proving how desperate Ireland are at the moment, given McCarthy's woeful record in club management. The sour-faced fifty nine-year-old, who stood down as boss of Ipswich Town in April, led the Republic to the last sixteen of the 2002 World Cup. He famously had a pre-tournament row with Roy Keane at a training camp in Saipan, which resulted in the Irish skipper leaving the squad in a geet stroppy and discombobulated huff. It was quite a sight. McCarthy quit later that year after the Republic made a poor start to the qualifying campaign for Euro 2004. Since then he has been in charge of Blunderland, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Ipswich. And is regarded by fans of all three as a talentless clown.
A group of MPs have been reprimanded for playing football in the chamber of the House of Commons. Hannah Bardell posted a video on social media of herself playing 'keepy-uppy' in the parliament after the sitting was adjourned on Tuesday evening. The SNP MP also posed for photographs in the Commons with other MPs including the former sports minister Tracey Crouch. Speaker John Bercow said that the 'historic chamber should not be used for this type of activity.' However, he said that several members involved had apologised and that there were 'no hard feelings.' Bardell and Crouch, a Conservative MP, had been due to play for the UK Women's Parliamentary Football Club on Tuesday, but the match was cancelled amid concerns that it would clash with votes in the Commons. The MPs later took photographs in the chamber wearing their football tops, with Bardell filmed playing keepy-uppy between the green benches. In a statement to the Commons on Wednesday, Bercow said: 'It has been brought to my attention that some football skills were displayed in the chamber yesterday evening after the House rose. I am informed that the doorkeepers on duty told the members concerned that the chamber was not the place for this activity, however, those doorkeepers were advised that permission had been given. Let me assure the House that that permission certainly did not come from me.' Bercow said that he had received 'gracious, indeed fulsome' letters of apology from Crouch and Labour MPs Stephanie Peacock and Louise Haigh. Another Labour MP, Alison McGovern, was also pictured wearing her football top in the chamber. He added: 'I think I can speak for us all when I say that our historic chamber should not be used for this type of activity and I gently remind colleagues if they are seeking to use the chamber outside of sitting hours beyond for the purpose of simply showing it to guests, frankly they should write to me asking for their request to be considered. I have said what I have said, there are no hard feelings and I consider the matter to be closed.'
The US Olympian Michael Johnson has spoken about making a full recovery from a stroke. The former two and four hundred metre world record holder spoke exclusively to BBC Breakfast about the stroke he suffered in August. The former athlete ad popular broadcaster said that his recovery was 'about taking very small steps' and revealed his difficulties in walking two hundred metres.
A curling team led by an Olympic gold medallist has been kicked out of a Canadian tournament for 'poor behaviour and drunkenness.' Ryan Fry, who won gold for Canada at the 2014 Winter Olympics and his teammates forfeited their final game at the Red Deer Curling Classic in Alberta after fans and opponents complained. The group reportedly broke brooms and damaged locker rooms. In a statement, Fry apologised for his behaviour. He was part of the Canadian curling team that beat Great Britain's curlers in the Sochi 2014 final. 'They went out to curl and they were extremely drunk and breaking brooms and swearing,' Red Deer Curling Centre facility manager Wade Thurber told Canadian broadcaster CBC. Thurber also said there was 'some damage in the locker room.' Fry and teammates Jamie Koe, Chris Schille and DJ Kidby were disqualified as a result. 'I wish nothing more than to apologise to everyone individually,' Fry said. 'I will strive to become a better version of myself while contributing positively to the sport and curling community that I love so much.' The Red Deer Classic bonspiel, or curling event, is a part of the World Curling Tour.
The parents of a girl sexually assaulted at the age of six by boys in her school playground have won compensation from the local authority. The council has not accepted liability but the undisclosed five-figure settlement could set a precedent. The BBC reports this is the first time the High Court has approved a settlement in a case of sexual assaults involving primary school pupils. The girl, called Bella to protect her true identity, disclosed the repeated sexual assaults to her mother only when she could no longer sit down because of the discomfort. In the following days and months, her parents found there was no help available for their daughter, although steps had been taken to support the boys involved. Speaking exclusively to BBC News, her mother said: 'We had a broken little girl who had been seriously sexually assaulted repeatedly over a number of weeks in school, feeling unsafe in school and she had nothing.' Bella's parents had to pay for her to have the counselling she needed. Since the assaults, she has had nightmares, become extremely anxious and is afraid of leaving her home. In their court action, Bella's parents argued that the school had failed to prevent the assaults, or to adequately train staff to recognise the warning signs. A member of staff had seen their daughter with her underwear partly removed and one of the boys standing behind her. The local authority has not admitted any liability but has paid a five-figure sum, which will be used to help Bella now and in the future. Her parents have been told she may need further counselling as she goes through puberty and has her first boyfriend. Bella's mother said that pursuing the legal action was partly about creating a precedent but most of all so that Bella had some tangible redress. 'It matters for her I think when she's older. She can make some sense of how she could be so seriously sexually assaulted so many times in a place where she should have been safe.' She hopes it will give her daughter a sense that some action was taken. 'When she finds out that not only were the boys not prosecuted, not punished, but also the people who were responsible for keeping her safe didn't even write an apology to say yes, we know we got it wrong and we're sorry.' The family hopes by talking about the court action they will draw attention to the lack of support for children sexually assaulted by other pupils at school. Where an assault is carried out by a child younger than ten years old, they cannot be held criminally responsible and, in the past, the police have often been reluctant to record incidents. Figures for peer-on-peer assaults involving children on school premises are not recorded consistently by the forty three police forces in England and Wales. Fifteen forces told BBC News they had recorded a total of five hundred and ninety three allegations of sex offences on school premises last year involving under-eighteen-year-olds as both perpetrator and victim. This included seventy one allegations of rape. Among the allegations, were two hundred and three offences where the victim was under the age of thirteen. Just thirteen forces could provide specific information about alleged sex assaults by children aged ten or under. They recorded fifty four last year. Solicitor Andrew Lord, from Leigh Day, says several other families are actively considering legal action. 'In my experience, I've had a dozen families coming forward, a number of those involving primary school age children. It's not a problem going away any time soon and it does need more recognition.' Since BBC News first highlighted the scale of sexual assaults, including rape, in England's schools, some things have changed. The government has updated the guidelines for schools in England on keeping children safe. For the first time, these include specific reference to peer-on-peer sex abuse. Ministers also point to eight million quid of funding for the counselling service Childline over four years, although that covers all issues troubling children. Rachel Krys, from the End Violence Against Women Coalition, said that Bella's case showed more still needed to be done not just to prevent sexual violence but to respond adequately when it happened. 'Girls have a right to be safe in school and parents rightly expect that policies are in place and staff are trained to recognise when a girl is being sexually assaulted and move quickly to stop it. Safeguarding girls from anyone who hurts them, including other children, has to be a priority. Schools can't continue to turn a blind eye or minimise the harm done like they did in Bella's case.'
A Quebec father has launched a class-action lawsuit against McDonald's, alleging the company's Happy Meals break strict provincial laws against advertising to children. Since its debut in 1979, the Happy Meal has been a staple of McDonald's menu and a go-to meal option on family road trips. But, some Canadian parents are decidedly unhappy about the hold the fast-food empire has over their children's stomachs. Antonio Bramante is the lead plaintiff in a newly certified lawsuit which alleges McDonald's is unlawfully aiming advertising at children under thirteen years of age. That would violate the province's strict youth consumer protection laws. Bramante, a father of three young children, says that he eats at McDonald's 'about once every two weeks' on the 'urging' of his children, according to the court documents. He estimates that he has spent 'hundreds of dollars' on Happy Meals, which are children's meals that come with toys. The Quebec father says the toys are 'often linked to popular film releases' and his children often want to return to the restaurant so they can complete their set of toys. He also claims the restaurant is 'directly targeting children' by displaying the Happy Meals toys at their eye level. 'In today's world, parents have to choose their battles. And what's the easiest thing to give into? It's to feed your children,' says Joey Zukran, the Montreal-based lawyer who filed the class action on Bramante's behalf. Quebec prohibits marketing to children under the age of thirteen, making it one of a handful of jurisdictions in the world to essentially ban all advertising geared towards children. The province has also had a law since 1980 that restricts marketing unhealthy food to children.
Police have apologised for providing 'too much detail' in a description of a man who performed a sex act in front of a woman in York. The North Yorkshire force had said it was looking for 'a fat, naked man' and described his sexual organs explicitly after the incident on Sunday afternoon. It said the appeal had 'caused upset to a number of people.' Not least, the chap who done the flashing in the first place. The details on its website have now been replaced with 'a more appropriately worded version.' The revised wording, which was also posted to its Facebook page, removed the detailed description of the man's 'small penis' and 'testicles that hang noticeably low.' It said officers in York were 'investigating a disturbing incident in which an overweight, naked man performed a sex act on himself in front of a woman student.' It happened at on 18 November as the twenty-year-old student was walking alone on Windmill Lane and on to a woodland cycle path in the direction of Hull Road. A force spokesman said that 'patrols had been stepped up' in the area to provide public reassurance. The suspect was also described as white, with a very pale complexion, aged between thirty five and forty five, about five foot ten inches tall 'with a fat build.' Which is still a prejudicial, frankly. A lot of people struggle with their weight, you know. Most of the people commenting on the revised Facebook appeal - which has drawn hundreds of comments - claimed that they 'preferred the original.'
A prisoner who was caught with a phone up his rectum claimed that the phone didn't belong to him. The four-inch mobile was discovered up Dylan Martin's ringpiece after suspicious prison officers 'picked up a signal' and searched his cell at HMP Bullingdon, near Bicester. Despite 'looking shocked' and adamantly telling the guards that the device had nothing to do with him, Martin had an extra half-a-year added to the end of his sentence for his bad and naughty ways. 'His excuse crumbled after guards discovered the SIM card inside the phone had his family and friends as contacts,' the Sun reports. Martin was given extra jail time at Oxford Crown Court after admitting he had a mobile phone in prison - up his arse - 'without permission,' according to the Oxford Mail. The court heard the jail's mobile phone detection equipment 'picked up a signal' coming from his cell on 4 August this year. When guards searched his cell and, eventually, his person, Martin owned up to having the Samsung phone rammed up his Gary Glitter 'but insisted it was not his.' Defence barrister Vida Simpeh said, in mitigation, that Martin had 'made good progress' whilst in prison, going on several rehabilitation courses and was gearing up for his release in April 2019. But Judge Ian Pringle said: 'You knew full well that was not permitted. It is a scourge on our prisons up and down the country the possession of mobile phones and you deserve punishment for that.'
Early morning customers and staff at a McDonald's takeaway in Edinburgh got some unexpected entertainment when a young man began dancing, half-naked, on counters in the restaurant. Twenty nine-year old Ryan Dolan pleaded extremely guilty to 'committing acts of public indecency' on 22 July. Fiscal Depute, Nicole Lavelle, told Sheriff Peter McCormack that after first whipping off his underwear, Dolan began 'showing his penis and testicles and, thereafter, dancing with his trousers down.' He then jumped across the front counter into the staff area and took his clothes off again. 'He grabbed his penis and started to play with it, pretending to serve customers,' Lavelle said. He then started dancing again, 'carrying out helicopter-like moves with his penis,' she added. This went on for a few minutes before he jumped back onto the front counter, still half-naked, before pulling up his trousers and pants and leaving. Lavelle described Dolan's actions as 'boisterous acts, heavily fuelled by alcohol.' No shit? The police were called by staff and an officer recognised Dolan from the CCTV footage of the incident. Dolan was, subsequently, pinched by the bobbies. Sheriff McCormack was told Dolan had 'very little recollection' of the incident, however he did have two previous convictions for 'similar offences.' McCormack said he would have fined Dolan seven hundred and fifty knicker, but reduced the fine to five hundred notes because of the guilty plea.
And now, another story that sounds made up but is, in fact, completely true. Feminists have described a Marks & Spencer window display which suggests women 'must have fancy little knickers' as 'sexist and vomit-inducing.' The display, at the M&S Nottingham store, is juxtaposed with one which suggests men 'must have outfits to impress.' Which, frankly, speaking as a man (and a feminist), is also sexist and vomit-inducing. Albeit, probably not quite as sexist and vomit-inducing as the knickers one. A campaigner later altered the window so that it read 'full human rights' instead of 'knickers.' Word, sister. M&S claimed that the displays were 'part of a wider campaign' that featured a variety of 'must-haves.' Such as, you know, common sense and an understanding of the phrase 'likely to cause offence.' Another window display at the same Nottingham store is aimed at women and suggests they, too, 'must have outfits to impress.' Concern was raised when a photo was posted in a Facebook group called Feminist Friends Nottingham. M&S said its stores had 'various combinations' of Christmas window displays, but the same two displays would appear next to one another at some other branches. The retailer said in a statement: 'M&S sells more underwear, in more shapes, sizes and styles, than any other retailer, especially at Christmas. We've highlighted one combination in our windows, which are part of a wider campaign that features a large variety of Must-Have Christmas moments, from David Gandy washing up in an M&S suit through to families snuggling up in our matching PJs.' Guys, listen, when you're in a hole, it's usually a good idea to stop digging.
A teenager managed to lose his driver's licence just forty nine minutes after getting it, German police said. The eighteen-year-old was returning from his successful driving test when officers in the town of Hemer checked his car with a laser speed gun. He was clocked travelling almost twice the speed limit. 'Some things last for ever - others not for an hour,' German police wrote in their statement. The young man had four friends in the car with him, regional police in Märkischer Kreis said - and speculated that perhaps he was trying to impress them with his driving skills. Instead, he now faces a hefty punishment. He has been formally banned for four weeks, but police said he would only get his licence back after 'expensive retraining.' He is also facing a two hundred Euro fine, two points on his licence once it is restored, and his probationary period as a new driver has been lengthened from two years to four.
A Pennsylvania woman faces criminal charges after state police claim that she exposed her breasts to a trooper during a Thursday afternoon arrest. State police in York said they were called to South Charles Street in Red Lion Borough Thursday, where they found twenty five-year-old Brianna L Wilson. According to police, a warrant had previously been issued for Wilson's arrest. A trooper attempted to take her into custody, when Wilson flashed him. 'The accused became irate and exposed her bare breasts to the trooper in a taunting/inappropriate manner,' police said. The trooper's reaction to this inappropriate taunting was, tragically, unrecorded.
A man died four-and-a-half months after he was crushed trying to stop his dog, Rolo, mating with another, an inquest has heard. Tony Drew lost his balance and fell off a trailer trying to restrain his excitable cocker spaniel on a shoot in Clayhidon, Devon, in 2016. He died in hospital of complications due to his injuries the day before his birthday in April 2017. His wife, Bridget, described the death as 'a tragic accident.' Mrs Drew described two-year-old Rolo as 'a typical hyper cocker' who had been 'trying to mate' with another dog at the time of the accident. The court heard Mister Drew had been on a trailer towed by a tractor travelling at between ten and fifteen miles-per-hour when he lost his footing. Ray Smith, who was also on the trailer, said Drew was standing on a straw bale when he fell backwards and was run over by the trailer which was carrying twenty beaters and their dogs. The inquest heard Drew, a part time gamekeeper, suffered 'multiple serious chest injuries.' He died from respiratory failure caused by sepsis and viral pneumonia due to chest and abdominal injuries. Philip Spinney, senior coroner for Exeter and Greater Devon, concluded the death was accidental.
A Moroccan woman has been accused of killing her lover and serving up his remains to Pakistani workers in the United Arab Emirates, prosecutors say. The woman killed her boyfriend three months ago, they say, but the crime was only recently discovered when a human tooth was found inside her blender. She confessed to police, calling it 'a moment of insanity,' state-owned newspaper The National reports. The woman, who is in her thirties, will go on trial pending an investigation. She had been in a relationship with the victim for seven years. According to The National, she killed him after he told her he was planning to marry someone else from Morocco. While police did not reveal how he was killed, they said his girlfriend had served up his remains as part of a traditional rice and meat dish to some Pakistani nationals working nearby. The discovery was only made when the victim's brother went looking for him at their home in the city of Al Ain, which sits on the border with Oman. There, he found a human tooth inside a blender, the newspaper reports. The man went on to report his brother missing to police, who carried out DNA tests on the tooth and confirmed it belonged to the victim. According to police, the woman first told the brother she had kicked the victim out of the home. But Dubai-based Gulf News said that she later 'collapsed and admitted the killing under police questioning.' She reportedly said that she had enlisted the help of friend to help clear up her apartment after the killing. The accused has reportedly been sent to hospital for mental health checks.
A multimillionaire farmer died after his dog hit a lever inside the cab of his tractor, putting the vehicle in motion and crushing him as he was building a rookery, an inquest has heard. Entrepreneur Derek Mead left the JCB farm loader with the engine running and with the animal inside, as he worked on the structure in his garden. The father-of-three was crushed against a gate and suffered a fractured vertebrae and traumatic asphyxia in the accident on 4 June 2017. He was found by his son who called the emergency services. Paramedics tried to save him but, sadly, he died at the scene. It is thought the dog may have jumped up to see where the seventy-year-old was, and hit the lever, which was apparently as easy to turn on as a car indicator, putting the vehicle into motion, the inquest at Flax Bourton, Bristol, heard. Simon Chilcott, a health and safety inspector who investigated the incident, described the timeline of events leading to Mead's death. He said Mead 'has pulled off the road, come to a halt with footbrake, made it stationary and put the shuttle into neutral. It was still in gear. He is now out of the vehicle and had it been knocked at any point when he got out it would have started moving. You couldn't knock it as you are climbing out without realising you've done it. In the cab of the vehicle was a small dog and whether the dog has put its paws on the door to wait - or been jumping up to see where its master has gone - he has most likely collided with the lever. As he jumped up to put his paws up to look, he has put machine into a forward motion. Operating the lever is no more difficult than changing an indicator stick on your car.' Chilcott also gave a technical explanation of the vehicle's machinery during the inquest. To start the engine, a key is required and it has two pedals, an accelerator and brake, similar to an automatic car. There is a gear stick and a handbrake to the left of the seat which is firmly fixed and difficult to move without force. The mechanism knocked by the dog is called a 'direction shuttle,' which resembles an indicator and is located to the left of the steering column. Once moved out of neutral, the machine will move forward without the need to accelerate. Alistair found his father trapped against the gate and unresponsive. In a statement read at the inquest, he said: 'Dad was crouched down facing the machine with his back to the gate as if he had seen the machine coming towards him and ducked to avoid it.'
An American man has been killed by an endangered tribe in India's Andaman and Nicobar islands. Fishermen who took the man to North Sentinel island say tribespeople shot him with arrows and left his body on the beach. And, that was the end of his shit. He has been identified as John Allen Chau, a twenty seven year old from Alabama. Contact with the endangered Andaman tribes living in isolation from the world is illegal because of the risks to them from outside disease. Estimates say the Sentinelese, who are totally cut off from civilisation, number only between fifty and one hundred and fifty. Seven fishermen have been arrested for illegally ferrying the American to the island. Local media have reported that Chau may have wanted to meet the tribe to preach Christianity to them. But on social media the young man presented himself as 'a keen traveller and adventurer.''Police said Chau had previously visited North Sentinel island about four or five times with the help of local fishermen,' journalist Subir Bhaumik, who has been covering the islands for years, told BBC Hindi. 'The number of people belonging to the Sentinelese tribe is so low, they don't even understand how to use money. It's, in fact, illegal to have any sort of contact with them.' In 2017, the Indian government also said taking photographs or making videos of the aboriginal Andaman tribes would be punishable with imprisonment of up to three years. The AFP news agency quoted an alleged 'source' as allegedly saying that Chau had tried and failed to reach the island on 14 November. But then, he tried again two days later. 'He was attacked by arrows but he continued walking. The fishermen saw the tribals tying a rope around his neck and dragging his body. They were scared and fled,' the report added. Chau's body was spotted on 20 November. According to the Hindustan Times, his remains have yet to be recovered. 'It's a difficult case for the police,' says Bhaumik. 'You can't even arrest the Sentinelese.' Two Indian fisherman fishing illegally off North Sentinel Island were also killed by the tribe in 2006.
A former Danish gang leader who produced a memoir detailing how he left a life of crime has been fatally shot just a day before his book's release. Nedim Yasar was targeted as he left a book launch on Monday in Copenhagen. The gunman fled the scene on foot, police said. Yasar was taken to hospital but died of his injuries. His memoir, entitled Roots, was published on Tuesday. He had reported that he was the victim of an attempted assault last year. In the incident on Monday, a suspect dressed in dark clothing fired 'at least two shots' at Yasar, the Copenhagen Police Department said in a statement. An investigation is under way and police are 'seeking witnesses' to 'shed light on the matter,' the statement added. Yasar, who was born in Turkey and arrived in Denmark at the age of four, had led the Copenhagen-based criminal gang Los Guerreros - a notorious gang with links to the drugs trade, according to police. He left the gang in 2012 to join an exit programme after he discovered that he was going to be a father, Danish news agency Ritzau reported. He then became a mentor for young people and made a name for himself with a show on local radio station Radio24syv. Following news of Yasar's death on Tuesday, the station tweeted an image of its office building with the Danish flag at half-mast in tribute. Yasar's memoir, Roots: A Gangster's Way Out, is written by Marie-Louise Toksvig and describes Yasar's journey as he pulled himself out of the criminal underworld. Denmark's Justice Minister, Søren Pape Poulsen, described Yasar's death on Tuesday as 'sad and infinitely meaningless. I met Nedim once. I met a man who with all his heart wanted to create a new life and make a difference for others. My thoughts and compassion go to his friends and family,' Poulsen tweeted. Denmark has experienced an increase in gang-related shootings in recent years. A record number of shootings were reported last year, police said.
A Michigan woman has been sentenced to three-to-twenty years in prison for a July home invasion involving the attempted theft of some frozen sausages. Crystal Meranda plead extremely guilty to first degree home invasion in October before a Clare County judge. Sheriff's deputies say Meranda was arrested after entering a home in the early morning hours of 8 July. Meranda was found by the homeowners removing sausages from their freezer. On Monday, a Clare County judge handed her the well-harsh jail sentence along with an order to pay sixteen hundred and ninety eight dollars in fines and court costs.
A 'vicious, manipulative' stalker who turned her ex-partner's life into 'a living nightmare' after he broke a so-called 'love contract' has been sentenced to four years in The Slammer. 'Devious' Lina Tantash reportedly waged 'a ten-year harassment campaign' against Jarlath Rice, Lewes Crown Court heard. She bombarded him with twenty thousand abusive texts, hacked his voicemails and sent two hundred smackers worth of pizza to his place of work. Tantash was convicted of stalking at an earlier hearing. Sentencing her, Recorder Stephen Lennard told Tantash: 'You are a vicious, manipulative and devious woman.' Prosecutor Ryan Richter told the court Rice and Tantash 'had a fling' in Dublin in 2007. Despite being together only a few weeks, Tantash insisted he sign a 'love contract' she had drawn up in exchange for her paying off his debts, Richter said. The agreement included him marrying her within a year, not changing his telephone number and speaking to her by phone every night, the court heard. When he tried to end the relationship, moving to Brighton for a new job in 2015, she followed him. Tantash set up eleven e-mail accounts - with addresses including loveyouandmissyousomuch and seemefridaynightibegyou - and would send messages and selfies to Rice, the court heard. In 2017 he was working at DV8 - a college for vulnerable young people - which Tantash called up to forty times a day asking for him. Sometimes she put on an American accent to disguise her voice, Richter told the court. During an open evening at DV8 in October 2017, Tantash opened a Just Eat account in the college's name and had two hundred quid's worth of food sent there. She also targeted Rice's colleague, Sarah Borland, wrongly assuming that the pair were romantically involved. Borland received a string of abusive phone calls and e-mails containing threats to kill her if she didn't leave Rice alone, the court heard. Tantash also bombarded Rice's family with calls in a bid to contact him telling them Rice owed her fifty thousand Euros. On another occasion, she told a work associate of Rice to hand over his contact details 'for the sake of your children,' Richter said. In a victim impact statement read out in court, Rice said Tantash's behaviour had 'amounted to an aggressive and abusive dismantling' of his life which had 'become a living nightmare,' leading him to fear for his family and suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, he said. Rice also said that he was physically assaulted and repeatedly moved house in order to 'escape' Tantash. Teresa Mulrooney, defending, spoke of the 'shame' Tantash faced and how the news had reached her elderly father in Jordan. Addressing the judge directly, Tantash said: 'I'm happy to leave the UK if you want me to.' The judge replied that she can do that once she has served her sentence. After the hearing, Felicity Lineham, from the CPS, said: 'Her behaviour was carefully planned to cause maximum distress but all the time she saw nothing wrong with what she was doing or the impact it was having on her victims.'
A woman has been jailed for sharing 'sexualised' breastfeeding videos online. Leigh Felton had been posting footage of herself allegedly 'performing sex acts' with her eighteen month old son. The Florida mother was found extremely guilty of one count of 'lewd lascivious performance' this week.Yes, if you were wondering, it is a real thing. She had been accused of 'lewd and lascivious molestation' and 'promoting a sexual performance by a child.' If she had have been found guilty of either of those counts, she could have faced up to life in The Big House. Felton was first arrested in October, after a woman discovered that her husband had travelled to meet Felton after seeing one of her videos online. The Tallahassee Democratreports that the woman admitted she 'knew her behaviour was wrong,' but claimed that she is 'not a monster.' The court heard that Felton shared videos with titles such as Mommy's A Whore in which she used oil to 'engage in graphic rub-downs' and genital exposure. The footage also showed Felton rubbing her breasts on the toddler. The mother claimed that she 'wasn't proud of the videos' but she felt that she had been 'over-charged.' She has 'experienced depression' since her last relationship ended. Her defence team argued that her videos 'constituted freedom of speech.'
A Barrow woman (that is, a woman from Barrow-in-Furness rather than a woman who owns a wheelbarrow, or a female relation of John Barrowman) has been very jailed for twenty weeks after pleading guilty to shoplifting. Kerry Mallett reportedly stole six bottles of Jack Daniels worth one hundred and fifty six knicker from ASDA. On the same day - 3 September - she also stole seven t-shirts and five pairs of jogging bottoms from JD Sports.
A man who ran in front of traffic and 'punched cars' in Sunderland after reportedly'drinking ten lagers' has been given a conditional discharge. Thomas Hunter pleaded very guilty to being drunk and disorderly in a public place and possessing a controlled drug. Magistrates were told that Hunter was arrested in Penshaw on 26 October after police were called. Prosecuting, Glenda Beck said that he was seen 'running in front of traffic and punching cars and swearing at people in the street.' When police officers approached him and asked him what the Hell he thought he way playing at, Hunter 'continued to shout and was verbally abusive towards them.' The thirty seven-year-old was then extremely arrested and taken to Southwick Police Station in Sunderland where he was searched and cannabis was found in his wallet and in his socks, South Tyneside Magistrates' Court heard. He admitted to drinking around ten lagers before the incident and claimed he could not remember what had happened.
A drunken aeroplane passenger who was jailed after screaming 'we're all going to die' during a flight has now been banned for life from flying with the airline involved. Kiran Jagdev was jailed this week after a court heard of 'a catalogue of bad behaviour' that a judge said required 'a deterrent sentence.' Jagdev had previously blamed the Jet2 flight crew for selling her alcohol as she flew back to East Midlands Airport from Tenerife, where she had gone on holiday alone. Earlier this year, prosecutor Zoe Lee told Leicester Magistrates' Court that Jagdev had drunk 'between six and eight beers' before she boarded the plane and then had four to six glasses of wine on the flight itself. 'The cabin crew could see she was intoxicated and refused to serve her any more alcohol,' Lee said. 'She was then seen to be drinking alcohol she had brought onto the plane herself.' Lee said that Jagdev 'started shouting' when the plane was circling over East Midlands Airport. 'The defendant screamed: "We are all going to die!"' she said. It came after Jagdev continually kicked the seat in front of her, in which a fifteen-year-old autistic girl was sitting, during the four-hour flight. Jagdev's unruly behaviour alleged caused the girl's mother so much stress that she had a seizure on the flight, the court heard. The defendant also 'touched inappropriately' an off-duty policeman who offered to sit next to her and assist cabin crew. Jagdev later pleaded very guilty to 'being drunk on an aircraft' and was sentenced at Leicester Crown Court on Thursday. A spokesperson for the airline said: 'Another court ruling against disruptive passenger behaviour has been handed down, after a passenger who confronted and abused other customers and even kicked the seat of a child, was jailed at Leicester Crown Court. Despite the intervention of an off-duty police officer, our highly-trained crew were left with no choice other than to call for police assistance upon arrival.' Jet2 managing director Phil Ward said: 'It is very clear that drinking to excess, including the illicit consumption of duty free alcohol on the aircraft, contributed significantly to this behaviour.' He said that was why the airline was calling for measures to better control the sale and consumption of alcohol purchased at airports. Ward added: 'I would like to pay tribute to both our crew and the police for the way they handled this incident. I can assure customers that as a family-friendly airline we will not under any circumstances tolerate this behaviour and Ms Jagdev has been banned from flying with Jet2 for life.' Prosecutor Joey Kwong told the crown court how Jagdev 'continued to ask cabin crew for a drink and they continued to refuse her and she was issued with an Air Navigation Order.' After being refused more alcohol by cabin crew, Jagdev then brought her own alcohol out of her bag and began to drink that. 'An off-duty police officer then offered to sit next to her and assist cabin crew,' Kwong said. 'He said the conversation was "initially pleasant," but then she began to touch him inappropriately and made vulgar remarks. The police officer refused her advances and she became abusive towards him.' As the flight began its approach to East Midlands Airport, high winds prevented the aeroplane from landing. When the plane began to circle, Jagdev repeatedly shouted, 'We're all going to die!' and kept standing up and trying to leave. When the plane landed, she was immediately arrested by police and then 'became abusive' towards immigration staff. In her police interview, when she was sober, she had described herself as 'seven-out-of-ten drunk' while on the flight. Extremely jailing her for six months, Judge Philip Head told Jagdev: 'When you boarded the plane in Tenerife to fly back to East Midlands Airport, you were drunk, so much so that you had to be helped into your seat. The effect you had on other passengers must have been dreadful, but the worst was yet to come. As the pilot was unable to put the craft down on the approach, that triggered a further foul-mouthed tirade where you shouted "we're all going to die" for about ten minutes. It is not easy to contemplate the effect of what you were doing doing to other passengers in a stressful situation. When you were sober in your police interview, you blamed the crew for selling you more alcohol, but I reject this. You are the author of your own and other people's misfortune. This was a dreadful experience for all those who were exposed to your behaviour and it culminated when the landing was aborted. This demands a deterrent sentence so people who travel by air and get drunk will know there are consequences.' It was revealed in court that Jagdev had nine previous convictions, and five days before her flight home, whilst in Tenerife, she was charged with assault and given a suspended sentence. Defending, Harbinder Lally, said: 'There is no excuse or justification whatsoever and it is not at all understandable. She was intoxicated before she got on the plane itself and the only person the finger of blame can be pointed at is Ms Jagdev herself. She accepts that now and knows there is no excuse of justification for it.'
In a wanton act of savage and disgraceful domestic - tempura - battery, a Florida Woman 'pelted her partner with Chinese food' as he was laying in bed early on Monday evening, according to officers who arrested the alleged attacker on a pair of misdemeanour counts. Investigators charge that Donna Lee Gramley, 'became irate' after the man she lives with 'purchased food for neighbours.' The couple share a residence at a mobile home park in Tarpon Springs, a city in the Tampa Bay area. The 'incensed' Gramley, it is alleged, 'threw Chinese food' at the sixty four-year-old victim 'as he was laying in bed.' When officers arrived at the home, 'the Chinese food remnants could still be seen,' according to a criminal complaint. After being read her rights, Gramley reportedly admitted throwing food at the victim. And, wasting a perfectly good king prawn chow mein. Probably. Gramley was arrested for domestic battery. She was also charged with resisting arrest for, allegedly, 'bracing and pulling away' when a sheriff's deputy sought to handcuff her. The victim does not appear to have been injured by the flung Chinese food according to media reports. Though, to be fair, none of the reports indicate what Gramley did with the chopsticks.
Rock and/or roll band Machine Head have posted a recap of their recently San Diego show, claiming that a couple were ejected from the gig for having The Sex in the front row. Which, having head Machine Head, this blogger imagines might've been a bit more entertaining for punters than what was going down on stage. 'HOLY FREAKIN SH*T!!!??' the band wrote. In crayon, one presumes given the overdose of exclamation marks. 'When a guy and gal get ejected for having sex during "Davidian" (in the front row no less!?) you know it's gonna complete insanity! No joke! What a welcome back you gave us, we are blown away!' As, presumably, was the chap in the couple involved. 'Epic circle pits, the jumping was crazy, boobies, sing-a-longs, crowd-surfing-mania, couples having sex!!?' Sounds like every rock and/or roll gig this blogger has ever been too, frankly.
A United Airlines pilot admits that he stood naked in front of the window of his tenth-floor hotel room at Denver International Airport, but claims he 'had no idea' he was visible to anyone inside the main terminal. Now, he is facing a criminal charge of indecent exposure. 'We're not disputing the fact that I was standing nude in front of the hotel window,' Captain Andrew Collins said of the incident. Collins, a twenty two-year veteran of the airline, acknowledged that witnesses - including some fellow United Airlines employees - 'offered different accounts' of what happened during his stay at the hotel which is located across from the glass wall of DIA's canopied main terminal. One federal Transportation Security Administration officer told police that he could see Collins 'touching himself' and waving at him. Collins denies this. 'Some witnesses said I was dancing, gyrating and waving,' he said. 'I am completely innocent. It's really unfortunate that it happened at all.' A Denver police 'probable cause statement' says that Collins 'knowingly and willfully [sic] exposed his genitals.' Two United Airlines employees and a passenger claim they saw Collins and 'gave credible explanations of the incident,' the police report adds. 'The suspect did open the window to his hotel room, which overlooks the hotel plaza and, in full view of the public, did stand in his window fully nude, exposing himself and his genitalia to the general public,' the police report said.
Chickenpox has taken hold of a school in North Carolina where many families claim 'religious exemption from vaccines.' Cases of chickenpox have been multiplying at the Asheville Waldorf School, which serves children from nursery school to sixth grade in Asheville. About a dozen infections grew to twenty eight at the beginning of the month. By Friday, there were thirty six, the Asheville Citizen-Times reported. The outbreak ranks as the state's worst since the chickenpox vaccine became available more than twenty years ago. Since then, the two-dose course has succeeded in limiting the highly contagious disease which once affected ninety percent of Americans. The school, however, is a symbol of the small but strong movement against the most effective means of preventing the spread of infectious diseases. The percentage of children under two years old who haven't received any vaccinations has quadrupled since 2001, according to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. Like the Disneyland measles outbreak in 2015, the flare-up demonstrates the real-life consequences of a shadowy debate fuelled by junk science and fomented by the same sort of Twitter nonsense that spread misinformation during the 2016 presidential election. And, it shows how a seemingly fringe view can gain currency.
A mother in Bethlehem Township is facing charges after being accused with driving her twelve-year-old son on the hood of her vehicle because he didn't want to go to the dentist. Police say Shaurice Jones has been charged with child endangerment and reckless endangerment. The incident reported began when Jones and her son arrived for a dental appointment. After refusing to go into the office, the boy climbed onto the bonnet of her mother's car. Police say Jones then drove her son, who was still on the car, from the dentist's office to the police station, which was located two miles away.
Nicolas Roeg, who died on Saturday aged ninety, was one of the most original filmmakers this country has ever produced. His early experience as a cinematographer brought a stunning visual quality to his work. He often exasperated some of the more narrow-minded critics and gained a reputation as being hard on his actors (and, sometimes, on his audience). And, he took a gleeful delight in jumbling scenes and time to both bewitch and bewilder cinema-goers. But, he made some quite remarkable movies as both a cinematographer and director including at least half-a-dozen or more which would be in any hypothetical desert island collection belonging to this blogger.
Nic was born in St John's Wood in August 1928. His father, Jack, who was of Dutch ancestry, worked in the diamond trade but lost much of the family's money when his investments failed in South Africa. Nic's older sister, Nicolette, was a noted actress. The first film that Nic remembered seeing as a child was Babes In Toyland, starring Laurel and Hardy. Nic did his National Service after World War Two before getting a job making tea and operating the clapperboard at Marylebone Studios, where he worked on a number of minor films over the next few years. By the dawn of the 1960s he had progressed to camera operator, notably on Ken Hughes's The Trials Of Oscar Wilde and Fred Zinnemann's The Sundowners. Nic was part of the second unit on David Lean's Lawrence Of Arabia. Lean later sacked him as director of photography on Doctor Zhivago reportedly after the two constantly quarrelled. Many of the memorable scenes which subsequently won the latter film an Oscar were shot by Roeg but he was never credited, the Oscar going to his replacement, Freddie Young. Nic's breakthrough came in late 1963 when he worked as cinematographer on Roger Corman's The Masque Of The Red Death, an adaptation of the Edgar Allan Poe story, starring Vincent Price and Jane Asher. It was, this blogger once wrote, 'one of the most colourful and least boring films ever made' and remains a particular favourite of Keith Telly Topping.  Corman was gaining a reputation for spotting and developing new talent and boosted the careers of other future directors including James Cameron, Ron Howard, Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese. Interestingly, the red-clad figure which dominates the Corman film foreshadowed a similarly dressed character in Roeg's Don't Look Now a decade later.
Nic also worked on Francois Truffaut's handsome Farenheit 451 (1966), another big favourite of this blogger, which was notable for the bright hues in which it was shot and on John Schlesinger's 1967 adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel, Far From The Madding Crowd. The latter film - a huge commercial and critical hit - won Nic a BAFTA nomination for his lush photography of rural Dorset, forming the background to the tale of love and betrayal in a Nineteenth Century farming community.
Nic's first foray into directing came in what would become atypical controversial style, when he co-directed Performance alongside Donald Cammell, who had also written the story. A hugely influential, stylistic and just a bit dangerous movie, it was an account of a confrontation and/or merging of personalities of James Fox as a London gangster on the run and Mick Jagger as a reclusive rock star; it contained graphic scenes of sex between Jagger and his co-star Anita Pallenberg (the partner of Jagger's fellow Stone Keith Richards), manic ultraviolence and drug use which so terrified the studio that it delayed the release of the film for two years. Of course nowadays it is, rightly, regarded as one of the greatest British movies ever made. A vivid time capsule of the experimental bohemianism of the late 1960s, a gangster movie, a film made by-and-for freaks which plugged into the zeitgeist just as the zeitgeist was getting less focused and more cynical. Its influence is huge and stretches to pop videos, episodes of TV series like Waking The Dead and [spooks] and to just about every crime movie made in Britain ever since.
By the time Performance finally hit British cinema screens, in 1970, Roeg had decamped to Australia for his solo directorial debut, Walkabout. Based on the James Vance Marshall novel, it starred Jenny Agutter and Nic's young son, Luc Roeg, as two children escaping from their murderous father into the outback, who are befriended by an aboriginal teenager (David Gulpill). Roeg's shots of the desert and its wildlife produced images that one critic described as being 'of almost hallucinogenic intensity" and, he coupled this with his talent for improvising and mixing scenes and events in a non-linear way to build the finished picture. It also became infamous for the full-frontal nude shots of seventeen-year-old Agutter, which caused much discussion among film censors, although they were, thankfully, allowed into the final cut. Again, this film is now regarded as a work of genius.
There was a brief excursion to Somerset in 1972 to film a documentary about the Glastonbury Fayre, then a mere embryo of what would later become the festival. In 1973 Roeg embarked on what many consider to be his most notable film, Don't Look Now, a psychological thriller based on a short story by Daphne du Maurier. Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland played a young couple who move to Venice following the drowning of their young daughter. They meet two elderly psychics who claim to have seen their daughter. Meanwhile, images of a small figure hooded in red, the colour their daughter was wearing when she died, flit across the background of just about every scene. The film, again, was notable for an extremely graphic sex scene between the two main characters which Roeg deliberately intercut with scenes of the couple getting ready to go out to get it past the censors, although the movie received an X certificate in the UK. This fragmented style of editing was used throughout the film, adding to the build-up of tension towards the truly horrific climax. In many ways it was the epitome of Roeg's style: the disdain for storyboards; the love of improvisation and a jigsaw of images. It won him a BAFTA nomination and, like Performance and Walkabout it was, then and remains now, a twenty four carat masterpiece. Released in British cinemas on a double bill with The Wicker Man, it provided a treat for lovers of mystery and the macabre and, in the UK at least,it was a major box office hit.
Don't Look Now was considered by many critics as the high point in Roeg's career although he went on to make many more fine movies. He followed it with what this blogger reckons to be his finest two hours, The Man Who Fell To Earth (1975), starring David Bowie as an extraterrestrial. It was full of the stunning, extraordinary, unsettling imagery for which Roeg had become famous although the story was uneven and final quarter of the film surrendered much early tightly-plotted scripting for a rather meandering - if, conceptually fascinating - climax. Nic was not helped by the fact that Bowie was at the height of his addiction to cocaine during filming and by subsequent studio interference which allegedly saw his director's cut of the movie edited by up to quarter of an hour for the released version. Many contemporary critics were unimpressed or sniffy about Roeg making a science-fiction movie although, again, the film is now regarded as a classic of its genre.
Roeg's next film, Bad Timing, starring Art Garfunkel and Theresa Russell whom Roeg subsequently married, was again notable for its imagery but the scenes of sexual perversion persuaded the distributors, Rank, not to show it in their own cinemas, despite a considerable investment. Roeg's driven nature came to the fore when he reportedly shot for twenty four hours without giving anyone a break, prompting Garfunkel and many of the crew to threaten a walkout. A follow-up, Eureka, based on the true case of Sir Harry Oakes, the fabulously wealthy goldmine owner murdered in his luxurious home in 1940s Bermuda, was one of his more underrated films. Starring Gene Hackman, it suffered a similar fate to Bad Timing however, when its main backers, MGM, complained that Roeg had not delivered the film they were expecting, claiming that 'a taut thriller had become a boring murder mystery.' Castaway (1984) was based on a book by Lucy Irvine, who had famously accepted an invitation to spend a year on a desert island with a man she had never met. While the lush tropical landscape allowed Roeg to show his mastery of colour, the minimal plot and zero-dimensional performances from Oliver Reed and Amanda Donohoe saw the movie sink at the box office.
However, two of Nic's eighties movies proved the be amongst his most fascinating, experimental and brilliant films; Insignificance (1985), the Terry Johnson-scripted fantasy of Marilyn Monroe meeting Albert Einstein and Track 29 (1988), the sensually charged Dennis Potter drama (based on his TV play Schmoedipus) with Gary Oldman, Christopher Lloyd, Sandra Bernhard and, as usual, Theresa Russell. The latter, produced by George Harrison's HandMade Films, received some good reviews but was a commercial failure.
Nic's take on the Roald Dahl story, The Witches, released in 1990, was also entertaining, particularly the over-the-top performance by Angelica Houston. There were a number of unremarkable films including a brave but ultimately flawed TV adaptation of Joseph Conrad's Heart Of Darkness and an erotic movie for cable TV, Full Body Massage. In 2007 his adaptation of the Fay Weldon novel Puffball, a tale of black magic in rural Ireland with Rita Tushingham and Miranda Richardson, became his last major film. Nicolas Roeg was both a fine cinematographer and inventive director, who stamped his own unique look on the films that he made. One critic described him as both 'a magician and a juggler.''I've never storyboarded anything,' he once claimed. 'I like the idea of chance. What makes God laugh is people who make plans.' Roeg was awarded with a BFI Fellowship in 1994 and was made a CBE in 2011. Married three times, Nic is survived by his third wife, Harriet Harper and by six children from his earlier marriages - Waldo, Nico, Sholto, Luc, Max and Shatten.
The actor John Bluthal, who died this week aged eighty nine, forged a long and successful acting career in Britain which began during the 1960s, when he provided a foil to comedy legends Michael Bentine, Eric Sykes, Peter Cook and, over several decades, Spike Milligan. Bluthal starred alongside Joe Lynch in the - very much 'of its era' - culture-clash sitcom Never Mind The Quality, Feel The Width (1967 to 1971), the pair playing, respectively, the Jewish jacket-maker Manny Cohen and the Irish trouser-maker Patrick Kelly running a business in the East End. In the series - created by Vince Powell and Harry Driver, which at one point had an audience of nearly twenty million - Manny saw Patrick as a bigoted Catholic while Patrick regarded Manny as an ignorant heathen. Tailoring was the only thing that bound the two together. There was also a 1973 movie spin-off. Two decades later, Bluthal provided support to Dawn French in another bafflingly popular sitcom, The Vicar Of Dibley, created by Richard Curtis. In both series (1994 and 1998) and in various specials until 2013, he played Frank Pickle, the parochial church council secretary at St Barnabas fastidiously taking the minutes. When Pickle came out as gay after forty years in the closet, no one heard his revelation because he made it on a local radio station and listeners turned off in advance because of his reputation for being boring. For another sitcom, Home Sweet Home (1980), Bluthal returned to Australia - his home for more than twenty years before settling in Britain - to star as Enzo Pacelli, an Italian immigrant taxi driver. It was another culture-clash comedy, with the ham-fisted Enzo keen to champion his Italian values while his three Australian-educated children embrace the culture of their adopted country.
John was born Isaac Bluthal in the Polish town of Jezierzany (now Ozeryany, in Ukraine), to his parents Israel, who worked in the family wheat mill and Rachel. In 1938, a year before Hitler's invasion, the nine-year-old Isaac, his sister Nita and their parents left behind antisemitism in Poland and left for a new life in Australia, where Isaac became known as John. He was educated at University high school, Melbourne and soon showed a talent for accents and impersonations. In 1947, he began training in speech and drama at the Melbourne Conservatorium. Two years later, he appeared at the Budapest youth festival, then moved to London to perform in variety venues and in plays at the Unity Theatre. For several years, he moved annually between Britain and Australia, before spending the rest of the 1950s building a solid CV in theatres in Melbourne and Sydney. He appeared alongside Bentine in the revue Coloured Rhapsody in 1955 and with Leo McKern in The Rainmaker the following year. Bluthal also performed with Bentine's fellow Goon Show star Spike Milligan in the 1958 Australian TV special The Gladys Half-Hour and in the first two series of The Idiot Weekly (1958 to 1959) on radio. In 1960, a year after settling in Britain, he played Charlie in the Ray Galton and Alan Simpson sitcom Citizen James, starring Sid James. John followed this with episodes in Sykes & A ... (1961) and provided one of the radio voices in the classic Hancock episode The Radio Ham. He reunited with Bentine in two series of the acclaimed It's a Square World (1961 and 1963) and joined Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in a 1965 episode of Not Only ... But Also. However, Bluthal's most prolific work with this new generation of groundbreaking writers and performers was alongside Milligan; he was a supporting player in a string of radio programmes, such as The Omar Khayyam Show (1964) and The Milligan Papers (1987) and in TV series including the long-running, surreal sketch show Q (1969 to 1980), its 1982 sequel, There's A Lot Of It About and in the series Milligan In ... (1972). Bluthal and Milligan also appeared on stage together in the satire The Bedsitting Room (1963), written by Milligan and John Antrobus and in the film The Great McGonagall (1975). 'Working with Spike is agony because he is impetuous and chaotic,' Bluthal explained of his friend Milligan, who was prone to manic depression. Milligan was reputed to have said of his fellow actor: 'I love John, but he's so temperamental.' On British TV, Bluthal voiced Commander Wilbur Zero and other characters in Gerry Anderson's popular puppet series Fireball XL5 (1962). His CV also appeared in Benny Hill, The Larkins, Night Train To Surbiton, The Saint, The Avengers, Man In A Suitcase, Oh In Colour, The Pathfinders, The Goodies, Whodunnit?, Spaghetti Two-Step, The Kenny Everett Television Show, Reilly: Ace Of Spies, Squaring The Circle, 'Allo 'Allo, Minder, Supergran, In Sickness & In Health, Bergerac, One Foot In The Grave, Rumpole of The Bailey, Virtual Murder, Inspector Morse, Lovejoy, Casualty and Jonathan Creek. In Australia, he starred as JJ Forbes in the 1981 comedy drama And Here Comes Bucknuckle. He appeared in many British comedy films of the 1960s and 1970s, with parts in Carry On productions, the Doctor pictures, The Mouse On The Moon, Casino Royale, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum and two Pink Panther films as well as the two Beatles movies A Hard Day's Night (1964) and Help! (1965) along with Dick Lester's subsequent The Knack ... & How To Get It (1966). He went to Hollywood for the first time in his mid-eighties to play a Marxist professor alongside George Clooney in the film Hail, Caesar! (2016). However, Bluthal declared theatre to be his first love. He succeeded Ronald Moody in 1961 as Fagin in the original West End production of Lionel Bart's hit musical Oliver! and had many roles with the National Theatre company. Bluthal returned to Australia to live in Sydney, near his family, in the late 1990s. In 1956, he married the actress and singer Judyth Barron. Although they eventually separated, the couple remained close friends; she died in 2016. He is survived by their daughters, Nava, a singer and Lisa, an actress and director whose recent short film, By Any Other Name focused on her father's failing health.
Another great British character, George A Cooper, has died at the age of ninety three at a nursing home in Hampshire. Born in Leeds in 1925 George, who made a career playing blustering, angry, officious types is probably best known for his role as the blustering, angry, officious school caretaker, Mister Griffiths, in Grange Hill in over one hundred episodes of the long-running children's drama between 1985 and 1992. Initially trained as an electrical engineer and architect, George became interested in the performing arts while doing his national service with the Royal Artillery in India. He subsequently joined Joan Littlewood's Theatre Workshop in Manchester, at that time adding the initial 'A' - for Alphonsus - to his stage name to avoid being confused with the American actor George Cooper (1920-2015). He later became a very familiar face on British TV with numerous appearances in popular drama and comedies in a career that stretched from the 1940s to the late 1990s. The actor first rose to fame as the stern Geoffrey Fisher, the title character's father in the West End run of Keith Waterhouse's Billy Liar, a role he subsequently reprised in the 1973 TV adaptation. He also had a recurring role in Coronation Street as Willie Piggott between 1964 and 1971. Among George's, numerous, television credits were roles in Danger Man, Z-Cars, Dixon Of Dock Green, No Hiding Place, Doctor Who (in the 1966 four-parter The Smugglers), Softly, Softly, The Avengers, The Saint, Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased), The Troubleshooters, Steptoe & Son, Doomwatch, Public Eye, Budgie, Sykes, Rising Damp, The New Avengers, Nice Work, C.A.T.S Eyes, Poor Little Rich Girls, Metal Mickey, Graham's Gang, Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, All Creatures Great & Small, Juliet Bravo, When the Boat Comes In, Shadows, Mind Your Language, Crown Court, Crimes Of Passion, Albert!, For The Love Of Ada. The Morecambe & Wise Show, The First Lady, Thirty Minute Theatre, The Ronnie Barker Playhouse, Terry & June, Taggart, Casualty, Heartbeat, Theatre 625, Angel Pavement, The Revenue Men, The Wednesday Play, Doctor Finlay's Casebook, The Bed-Sit Girl, Mary Barton, Sergeant Cork, The Plane Makers, The Badger Game, An Age Of Kings, Ivanhoe, The Adventures Of Robin Hood and The Vise among others. Cooper also appeared in movies including Violent Playground, Follow That Horse!, Hell Is A City, The Cracksman, Tom Jones, Nightmare, Ferry Cross The Mersey, Hammer's Dracula Has Risen From The Grave, Smashing Time, The Rise & Rise Of Michael Rimmer, Start The Revolution Without Me, The Black Windmill and the film version ofBless This House. George, whose wife Shirley died in 2000, is survived by their son, Adam.

'A cottage in Norway, in winter with a chimney but no smoke.'
'I wasn't lured. It's not like I gave it credit card details!'
'Stay back! It's fine it's only 2018, I thought we'd leaped into The Woolly Rebellion ... In a hundred and ninety three years there's a complete renegotiation of the sheep-human relationship. Utter bloodbath!'
'You're not hungry, are you? Cos I always carry a cheese-and-pickle sarnie. Just for emergencies.''You carry sandwiches with you every time you leave the TARDIS?!''I've learned the hard way, ain't I? We can go a long time without eating. And I get a bit cranky with the old low blood-sugar level. Now, I always come prepared.'
'We'd know if we were vampires, right?'
'You turned your house into a fortress to keep your daughter scared?''That is a shocking bit of parenting!' ... 'I'm going to hit him.''No you're not. I am!'
'What is this place, Ribbons?''Antizone.''Is this a good thing or a bad thing?'
'Three locks, on a deserted house, in the middle of nowhere ...''Maybe we shouldn't be in here.'
'All right, no need to panic.''I wasn't panicking.''I know, I was talking to myself!'
'Right, what do we know? This mirror is a direct portal between two worlds. We went into it in the real world, we came out of it in this world. But that Antizone sprung up in the middle, splitting the portal in two.''The buffer-zone between the two worlds?''Exactly, because Antizones only exist where the fabric of the Universe is under huge, terrible threat ... Oh, so that means that wall must be to stop this world and your world from ever touching. But that means this world is dangerous. How can it be dangerous and what has the power to crate a copy-world like this? Unless, oh, no actual way! I've told you about the Solitract, right?''I've literally never heard the word before.''Solitract? It's a theory, a myth a bedtime story my Gran used to tell me.''You had a Grandmother?''I had seven, but Granny Five, my favourite used to tell me about the Solitract. In the beginning, pre-time, pre-everything, all the laws and elements and nuts and bolts of the Universe were there. Light, matter, maths and so on, but they couldn't fit together properly because the Solitract was there.''So, what is the Solitract?''A consciousness, an energy. Our reality cannot work with Solitract energy present. The most basic ideas of the Universe just get ruined. Think of it like a kid with chickenpox - nuclear chickenpox - who wants to join in but always ends up infecting everyone else. Our Universe cannot work with the Solitract in it.' Your gran told you this as a bedtime story?''Only when I had trouble sleeping!' ... 'I'm genuinely terrified.''This is a separate exiled Universe that is also a consciousness?''That's what Granny Five said. A conscious Universe. She also said that Granny Two was a secret agent for The Zygons but she seems bang on with this one!'
'She's not your wife, she's furniture with a pulse!'
'This mirror in your dad's bedroom seems to be a portal.''When you say a portal ... ?''A doorway to another world. Or dimension. Or who knows what? But, let me tell you, it really messes you up.''What are you talking about?''I know, big thing to find out. I should have broken it to you a bit more gently. But, like I say, head-wonk!' ... 'Hey Doc, do you think it's safe?''I doubt it, it's a juddering dimensional portal in a mirror in a Norwegian bedroom!'
'Graham, we're off. Now.''Fine. Come on Grace.''Yeah, sorry to be blunt. Hi, Grace. That's not Grace! No offence, Grace!''None taken, love.''She can't come, Graham, she's not real ... This whole thing is a con, I don't think even Grace knows it. I think this world is a trap and she's part of it. Listen to me, it's her or the real world. You can't have both.'
'Why is there a frog in here? ... There's me thinking the day had no more surprises left.''Now please, tell me of your Universe.''You think words can do it justice? It's really big and incredibly beautiful. And, apparently, I've just said goodbye to it. But, the thing I'm going to miss the most it the people. My friends.''I will be that. We will be that. Friends.''Right. Me and a conscious universe masquerading as a frog! BFFs!'
'Let him go, because you do not want those words to be your last ones.' Well, dear blog reader, this blogger thought that wasn't merely great, it was splendid. Not only a proper outstanding episode of Doctor Who, but also That There Bradley Walsh's finest performance on television since he commentated on the 2002 FA Cup Final! Great performances from guests Kevin Eldon and Eleanor Wallwork; a terrific, taut, emotional and beautifully-structured script by Ed Hime full of brilliant dialogue ('there's three of us and only one of him. Not counting the rats!'), directed with considerable flair and élan by Jamie Childs. Surreal, dazzling, utterly out-there. An episode featuring a universe disguised as a talking frog on a chair! Mad! As! Toast! Something of a triumph for all concerned, in fact. This blogger thought it was great, dear blog reader. 'Yes, it is a very nice fjord!'
The BBC iPlayer has enjoyed its biggest month ever, with Killing Eve and Doctor Who leading the way. Doctor Who's eleventh series premiere The Woman Who Fell To Earth - which, last month, was confirmed as the show's highest series launch ever - received a massive 2.96 million iPlayer requests in the month of October. It was the second-ranked episode for the month. Top of the list belonged to the series premiere of From The North favourite Killing Eve. The episode had a remarkable 3.55 million requests. In fact, six of the top ten entries were for Killing Eve, including the series finale. The opening episode of The Cry starring Jenna Coleman was third with 2.92 million requests. In total, BBC iPlayer had a record-high three hundred and thirty four million requests across the month of October, a year-on-year rise of eighteen per cent. The total exceeded the previous record, January 2018's three hundred and twenty eight million.
The first photo of Jodie Whittaker in the forthcoming New Year's Day Doctor Who special has been released this week.
Tasty. The synopsis for the - as yet untitled - episode confirms that it will be set during New Year's celebrations and will feature 'a terrifying evil.' So, no change there, then. You know what they say, dear blog reader, if it ain't broke, don't fix it: 'As the New Year begins, a terrifying evil is stirring, from across the centuries of Earth's history. As The Doctor, Ryan, Graham and Yaz return home, will they be able to overcome the threat to planet Earth?' The episode has been written by yer actual Chris Chibnall and directed by Wayne Yip, who previously directed two episodes of Peter Capaldi's last series, - The Lie Of The Land and The Empress Of Mars. He also directed two episodes of the 2016 Doctor Who spin-off, Class ... although, one imagines, he doesn't like to talk about that.
Jodie Whittaker her very self is to be the latest celebrity to read a CBeebies Bedtime Story. Jodie will read Ada Twist, Scientist - the third in a series of books by Andrea Beaty and David Roberts - later this month. 'I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I did,' said Wor Geet Canny Jodie, calling the experience 'an honour.' Previous Time Lords to read a story on the show include David Tennant, in 2009 and Christopher Eccleston in 2010. Jodie will make her CBeebies debut on 7 December. Sir Elton John, Dolly Parton and Hollywood stars Orlando Bloom and Ewan McGregor have all read on the show, which is broadcast daily from Monday to Friday. Last month saw Catastrophe's Rob Delaney become the first personality to read a story signed in Makaton, a form of sign language which he used to communicate with his late son, Henry, who was unable to speak due to a tracheotomy.
For those wanting to continue their Jodie fix before the Doctor Who finale next Sunday, Friday evening also sees the actress appearing in the new series of Channel Four's wretched Jamie & Jimmy's Friday Night Feast, broadcast at 8:00pm, where she will be preparing dishes including roast pork, complete with a double helping of crispy crackling and an authentic Thai beef massaman curry (something she has reportedly been dreaming about since she was eighteen).

Mark Gatiss his very self and The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) have unveiled the star of their newest revamped classic, casting Danish actor Claes Bang as Dracula in their upcoming eponymous BBC mini-series, a co-production between the BBC and Netflix. According to the writers, finding Bang's audition was 'one of those moments. Who else could it be than Claes! He has it all. Brilliant, gorgeous, charismatic, lethal. Tall, dark and gruesome all at once. Hell has a new boss.' Probably best known in Britain for his appearance in the acclaimed 2017 movie The Square, Bang has a CV that also includes appearances in Bron and Borgen. Following the Sherlock formula of three feature-length episodes, the new take on Bram Stoker's vampire anti-hero promises to 're-introduce the world to Dracula, the vampire who made evil sexy.' The synopsis continues, 'in Transylvania in 1897, the blood-drinking Count is drawing his plans against Victorian London. And be warned: the dead travel fast.' Bang said of his casting, 'I am thrilled to be taking on the role of Dracula, especially when the script is in the hands of the incredible talents of Steven Moffat, Mark Gatiss and the team responsible for Sherlock. I'm so excited that I get to dig in to this iconic and super-interesting character. Yes, he's evil, but there's also so much more to him, he's charismatic, intelligent, witty and sexy. I realise that there's a lot to live up to with all the amazing people that have played him over the years, but I feel so privileged, to be taking on this incredible character.'Dracula will go into production in 2019.
From The North's TV Comedy Moment(s) Of The Week mostly came with the long-overdue return of 'Vic Reeve and Bill Mortimer' to BBC4 for the first episode of Vic & Bob's Big Night Out. All of it, basically but, especially: 'Is that the face of Christ?''It's The Turin Shroud. I got it off an out-of-work coroner, it might be [the face of] Roy Wood!'
And: 'Can you do this?''No, but I want to!'
Things We Learned From This Week's Only Connect. 'The beach at Weston-Super-Mere has offered donkey rides since 1886,' claimed From The North favourite Victoria Coren Mitchell. 'Donkeys are much more intelligent than most people realise. And, some say it's cruel to take these clever-but-anxious creatures, skittish, ill-tempered, anti-social and somewhat peculiar and force them to parade about in the name of entertainment. Let's meet the teams!'
The BBC has released its full Christmas and new Year TV schedule - including a six-part adaptation of Les Miserables and the return of Idris Elba in Luther. Agatha Christie's The ABC Murders, a new animated interpretation of Richard Adams'Watership Down and Andrea Levy's The Long Song are among the other highlights. And, old favourites such as Mrs Brown's Boys, Call The Midwife and Strictly Come Dancing return to our screens on Christmas Day. Mary Berry and Nadiya Hussain will both present their own cookery shows. Charlotte Moore, the director of BBC content, said: 'We've got a wonderful array of stars to keep everyone entertained, with the very best in drama, entertainment, comedy and documentaries over the festive period. There is something for everyone and I know our audiences will enjoy the fantastic range of magical treats on offer across the BBC.' As has become tradition, another shite David Walliams' book has been adapted for the festive period - this time round, it's The Midnight Gang. So, that should be worth avoiding. And, speaking on things to avoid, Take That mark their thirtieth anniversary with a 'special' (and, one uses that word quite wrongly) one-off programme for BBC1. Younger viewers may be keen to catch the animated version of Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler's Zog. The cast of Goodness Gracious Me will celebrate the popular sketch show's twentieth anniversary alongside z-list celebrity fans. Documentaries focus on the likes of comedian Billy Connolly and The Snowman author and illustrator Raymond Briggs. The festive edition of Doctor Who will, as previously announced, be shown on New Year's Day instead of Christmas Day for the first time since the drama's return in 2005. Watership Down, the classic novel about a warren of intrepid rabbits, features an original song from Sam Smith and will be split over two feature-length episodes. It boasts a stellar cast including James McAvoy, Nicholas Hoult, John Boyega, Gemma Arterton, Peter Capaldi and Olivia Colman. Separately, award-winning screenwriter Andrew Davies - the subject of a documentary also shown over the Christmas period - has adapted Victor Hugo's novel Les Miserables for the small screen. Dominic West takes on the role of Jean Valjean in the French classic, with David Oyelowo as Javert and Lily Collins as Fantine.It will, thankfully, feature absolutely no singing whatsoever. John Malkovich will return to BBC1 playing Hercules Poirot in The ABC Murders, with Rupert Grint appearing alongside him as Inspector Crome. The late Ken Dodd will be remembered in How Tickled We Were on BBC2, with the channel also seeing Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan exploring some of nature's celestial wonders and winter wildlife. Strictly returnees include Anita Rani, Caroline Flack, Aston Merrygold, Jake Wood, Michael Vaughan and that awful Widdecombe woman. So, again, tat might well be one to avoid if you've had a heavy Christmas Day lunch. Arts offerings include Swan Lake from the Royal Opera House on BBC4. And there will be four Top Of The Pops specials on BBC1 over the holiday period. Aled Jones will celebrate Christmas in Edinburgh with a thousand Songs Of Praise viewers, while the Queen's Christmas Message and Carols From King's return once again.
Not Going Out is going live for this year's Christmas episode. The sitcom, which returned for a ninth series in March this year, will broadcast as a live episode on Friday 21 December. The Christmas episode will see Lee (Lee Mack) and Lucy (Sally Bretton) discussing plans for the Ding Dong Merrily On Live Christmas Spectacular, a Christmas variety show that the couple have, reluctantly, agreed to organise in order to raise money for their children's school. However, the job soon gets very stressful as Lee and Sally realise the only confirmed performer is an animal impersonator, and set about trying to rope themselves and their friends into signing up for the show. Speaking about the forthcoming special, creator and star Lee Mack said: 'Live episode of a BBC1 sitcom, what could possibly go wrong? Loads. Which, let's be honest, is why you sadists will be watching. So don't miss out on seeing me end my career.' It won't be the first time the BBC has broadcast a live sitcom, as Mrs Brown's Boys also went live back in 2016.
Bodyguard series two seemed pretty much guaranteed given the immense success of the first series. However, Richard Madden has suggested that a second series 'isn't a given' and that he is planning to discuss the idea with creator Jed Mercurio. 'It was just a plain six-part series - that's what we set out to make, planned to make and that's what we made,' he told IndieWire. 'So, it's quite overwhelming to have this much response to it, this much of a desire for people to want a season two.' Madden revealed that himself and Mercurio are due to 'have a chat and decide, you know, what to do.' He continued: 'Whether that's something we want to do or whether it's better to leave it at that as a one-off piece. I don't think that's been decided yet. We want to be able to tell the best story.'
Danny Dyer is set to host Have I Got News For You. The EastEnders will act as guest host on the topical panel series on Friday 7 December. Regular panellists Ian Hislop and Paul Merton will feature alongside panellists as Sara Pascoe and Judy Murray. Panel show host isn't the only new role that the actor will undertake this Christmas, as he is also currently starring in the UK tour of Nativity! The Musical. He will also reportedly play 'a big part' in this year's Christmas storyline in EastEnders. His character, Mick Carter, is currently in prison, after being wrongly accused of shooting Stuart Highway. Nonetheless, he looks set to be released and things are said to 'reach a fatal conclusion' this festive season with things gettin' a bit tasty in The Square and kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts in The Queen Vic. So, just a standard Christmas Walford, in other words.
The writer of the new BBC drama set in 1880s Ulster says that it warns 'we can't afford to go back' to how things were before the Northern Irish peace process. Death & Nightingales writer Allan Cubitt says there is 'a deeply felt divide' that risked becoming 'active' in the wake of the Brexit border row. 'Representing how divided things were back then is a reminder we can't let that divide reassert itself,' he says. Jamie Dornan and Matthew Rhys co-star in the BBC2 drama which started this week. Set in County Fermanagh before the partition of Ireland, it tells of a young woman, played by newcomer Ann Skelly, who is torn between her Protestant stepfather and her Catholic lover. The region's religious and territorial tensions serve as a backdrop to the three-part drama, which Cubitt adapted from Eugene McCabe's acclaimed 1992 novel. According to the writer, the action in McCabe's novel is set at 'the start of modern terrorism, during the time of the Fenian dynamite campaign.' The campaign involved a series of bombings by Irish republicans which saw blasts at barracks, police stations and other targets in England and Scotland. Sectarian violence continued after Ireland was divided in 1921, reaching its apogee during the period known as The Troubles. Dornan, who was born in County Down in 1982 and grew up in the suburbs of Belfast, says that he remembered that time 'all too well. You can't live and grow up in Northern Ireland in that time and not be affected by The Troubles,' he told reporters after a preview screening of Death & Nightingales. 'I have a very good understanding of it,' he says of the divisions represented in the drama. 'I could relate to it in my own way because I definitely experienced it.' Dornan, who previously worked with Cubitt on the BBC drama The Fall, says he has 'never felt I have any loyalty to either side" of the sectarian struggle. I was very lucky,' he says. 'I went to a school where there was a healthy mix of Catholic and Protestant, I could relate to both sides.' Filming in Northern Ireland this summer enabled the star of the Fifty Shades Of Grey movies a 'welcome chance' to return to the place of his birth. 'I've been pretty crap about going home, so to have an excuse to be home for the summer was amazing. It was a joy.''We had unbelievable heatwave weather,' says Cubitt, who also directed the drama. 'I kept wondering what it would be like when it was wet and grey.'
The second series of Killing Eve is, as previously noted, currently in production. Several cast announcements have already been made. Henry Lloyd-Hughes is the latest actor to be signed to the hit drama along with Shannon Tarbet. Back in August it was revealed that Nina Sosanya and Edward Bluemel would be joining Jodie Comer and Sandra Oh, as well as Julian Barratt being confirmed as a guest star.
Idris Elba has confirmed that Ruth Wilson will return to Luther. Which everybody kind-of knew anyway since Ruth was spotted filming on location with Idris during the summer! He has also stated that series five is 'not the end' of Luther - which is, this blogger thinks, the first time since series two that the future of the series - at least, as an on-going TV production - has been confirmed this early by someone who, one presumes, knows what they're talking about. Speaking to Empire about Wilson's character, completely mad murderess Alice Morgan, Idris said that 'the dynamic between them has grown to be one of the best character chess games we've seen on television.' He continued: 'Luther is in awe of her. She is exquisite as a criminal: intelligent beyond belief.' Idris also confirmed of the upcoming fifth series: 'This season is not the end. But there are some real changes that will happen.' Speaking about series five a few months ago, Elba said: 'All I can say is we know how long the fanbase wait for the show, and we're never taking that lightly. So as much as we have to keep one eye on how do we not do what we've done before, at the same time saying to the audience, "This is Luther," so you recognise the traits. That's the tough part. Because after five seasons, you kind of go, "Oh where do we go now?" And for me I'm very excited about the season, it feels very similar to what we've seen but it takes a few turns. Luther is still the character we love to hate.'
The BBC's upcoming epic World War II drama World On Fire has just added yer actual Sean Bean to its already-impressive cast. Bean will join the previously-announced Helen Hunt, Lesley Manville, Jonah Hauer-King and Julia Brown in the series written by multi-award winner Peter Bowker. Bean said: 'I am thrilled to be part of this ambitious drama. Peter Bowker's study of the human stories that thread through this huge global conflict is fascinating and something I look forward to being part of.' Also joining the cast are Blake Harrison, Yrsa Daley-Ward, Ansu Kabia and Ewan Mitchell.
From The North favourite Peaky Blinders is now several weeks into its series five shoot and the new episodes will see several new faces. Brian Gleeson and Anya Taylor-Joy have, as previously announced both joined the BBC period drama, along with Sam Claflin, whose character - looking remarkably like Oswald Mosley - we get our first look at this week. Tommy Shelby is now an MP, but his political career will be far from smooth sailing as the financial crash of 1929 hits. 'Opportunity and misfortune are everywhere. When Tommy Shelby MP is approached by Claflin's charismatic politician with a bold vision for Britain, he realises that his response will affect not just his family's future but that of the entire nation,'Deadline reports. Cillian Murphy, Helen McCrory and Paul Anderson will all return for the fifth series, which will see the popular drama finally make the jump from BBC2 to BBC1.
Meanwhile a - very good, let it be noted - article on the Stoke On Trent Live website covering recent location filming in the area which includes lots of cool on-set photos, makes a huge play of exclusively 'revealing' when series five will be broadcast. Then, right at the end of the article it quotes showrunner Steven Knight as saying: 'It's due to be aired in late spring.' Well, we knew that already, guys. If you're going to claim genuinely exciting broadcast information, it might be an idea to make sure it a bit less vague that 'sometime between March and June next year'!
Production has resumed on the second series of White Gold, following the dismissal of sexual assault allegations made against its star, Ed Westwick. The BBC2 drama - which is set in the 1980s and also stars James Buckley and Joe Thomas as double glazing salesmen - has started filming once again after production was initially halted in November last year as Westwick dealt with - ultimately unproven - accusations of sexual misconduct, which he had always strongly denied. The actor was accused of sexual assault by three women but each case was dismissed by the Los Angeles County District Attorney in July and no charges were brought against him. In August, Westwick confirmed to TMZ that he would be returning to acting following the dismissal of the charges. He said: 'I'm delighted that everybody got it right. I'll be back to work very soon.' While Westwick will be back to film the second run of White Gold, he was previously edited out of the BBC's Agatha Christie adaptation Ordeal By Innocence while he dealt with the accusations. The broadcast date was pushed back from Christmas 2017 to Easter, with the cast reshooting scenes with Christian Cooke, who replaced Westwick in the role of Mickey Argyll.
It has been announced that The Grand Tour's third series will premiere on Friday 18 January 2019. Available exclusively on Amazon Prime Video, series three of The Grand Tour will see Jezza Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May traverse the globe to compete in epic challenges. Locations visited across the new series include Sweden, Detroit, Nevada, Colombia, Mongolia, China, Scotland and Stansted Airport. Previously, James May appeared on The ONE Show and was asked by host Matt Baker about the upcoming series' budget. 'As little as possible,' he claimed. 'No, it's about the same, I would think. It is quite an expensive show to make. There's a lot of travel involved. There's a lot of crew involved. There's a lot of tech involved, filming in 4K. But that's boring stuff. It's going to look largely the same, but we've moved it on a bit in a way that I can't really tell you about yet because you're the enemy and it's secret!'
A portrait made famous in the BBC sitcom 'Allo 'Allo has been sold for fifteen grand. The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies, by fictional artist Van Clomp, was a long-running joke in the comedy, which was produced between 1982 and 1992. The infamous prop was previously sold in 2007 for four thousand knicker to a private buyer. Auctioneer Andy Stowe, said that the latest buyer was from Nouvion in France where the series was set so the painting was 'going home.' The priceless, but elusive, masterpiece was the centrepiece to just about every episode of the sitcom. Stolen and relentlessly pursued by the Germans, the artwork was rolled into German sausages, shoved down trouser legs, hidden in 'the Gâteau from the Château' and singed by an exploding gilded frame intended as a gift for Adolf Hitler (who only had one). Described as 'a rare and important piece of British sitcom history' the prop was one of the few copies of the picture to have survived all nine series of the show. Stowe, from East Bristol Auction House in Hanham, said: 'I've been overwhelmed by the amount of interest. And fifteen thousand pounds for a TV prop is just fantastic. It's sold for more than most real artworks go for; there are Old Masters that can't get that amount.' Set in a café in German-occupied France during World War II and, at least in part inspired by the BBC's highly-regarded resistance drama Secret Army, 'Allo 'Allo - written by David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd - poked fun at the Wehrmacht, the Gestapo, the French Resistance and the British. It managed to overcome some initial negativity that it was 'making fun of the war' and ended up hugely popular with viewers and, eventually, even some critics. Stowe said: "We had twenty five bidders from all over the world but it was a chap from Nouvion in France, the place where the show was set, that got it. It's the best result.'
Sir David Attenborough is appealing for help to find missing episodes of The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures, the first science show broadcast on national television. People are being urged to help unearth past series of the lectures, described by Attenborough and other previous lecturers as 'national treasures from a golden age of broadcasting.' The incomplete BBC archive of the broadcasts is being made available on the Royal Institution website for the first time, but thirty one episodes broadcast between 1966 and 1973 are unaccounted for. Included in the misplaced episodes is footage of Attenborough not seen since it was first broadcast fifty years ago. The Christmas Lectures have been delivered every year by the Royal Institution since 1825, making them the longest-running series of scientific lectures in the world. On 22 December 1936, it became the first science programme broadcast on television. This year's lecture will be given by From The North favourite Professor Alice Roberts, the biological anthropologist and broadcaster, exploring genetics and identity. She will speak about humans' evolutionary past and the ethical challenges that need to be overcome to ensure science is used for the benefit of society. Though the missing lecture episodes are officially believed to have been lost, the BBC and RI believe some individuals may own copies made during the early days of video recorders. Sarah Hayes, the head of BBC Archives, said: 'I don't think the importance of finding these broadcasts, to make them available again for new generations, can be overstated. They are to science what the missing Doctor Who episodes found a few years ago are to science fiction.' Among the other missing lectures are those delivered by Eric Laithwaite, John Napier and the Nobel prize-winning chemist George Porter.
Two long-lost episodes of The Morecambe & Wise Show have been recovered from an abandoned cinema in Sierra Leone. The programmes were thought to be lost after the tapes on which they were recorded were wiped by the BBC under their then archiving policy which saw thousands of shows erased or junked to make space for new recordings. A policy which has previously discussed at length on this blog. For many years, all eight episodes of Eric and Ernie's first, 1968, BBC2 series were missing, presumed wiped, but an edited version of episode six was recovered in 2007. This was a sixteen millimetre black and white telerecording which was subsequently restored to the BBC archive and later released on DVD together with the following year's complete second series. Audio recordings of the entire first series still survive as they were recorded off-air by a fan. In 2012, a sixteen millimetre telerecording of episode two of the series was discovered in Nigeria; this was in an exceptionally decayed condition but has been subjected to an experimental restoration process at the BBC archive which is still on-going. The two recently recovered shows were episodes five and seven of the series, first broadcast on 30 September 1968 and 14 October 1968 respectively. Philip Morris, the archive preservation expert who specialises in recovering missing film, had travelled to Sierra Leone to examine its archives in 2011, only to find the national television station had been destroyed during the country's civil war. 'There was absolutely nothing there,' he told The Times. However, a local contact suggested he return to the capital, Freetown, as he believed some recordings had ended up in the city's abandoned cinemas. One of the buildings contained 'stacks and stacks' of film cans. Although most of these were in poor condition, Morris was able to recover the two Morecambe & Wise Show episodes. Both were 'in perfect condition,' he said. The two thirty-minute episodes include the sketches Old Donegal, Instant Camera, Sailing Around the World, Eric & The Pools and Hollywood Musical. One episode features a guest appearance by Michael Aspel, then a young BBC presenter. Eric and Ernie had returned to the BBC in 1968 after seven years making Two Of A Kind for ATV. Both episodes are set to be shown on BBC2 over Christmas, for the first time since they were first broadcast in 1968. 'This is historically important for British television,' Morris said. 'These things are national heritage, it belongs to us all.'
David Dimbleby could make an unexpected comeback as BBC election night host as the corporation begins to 'secretly' prepare for an emergency erection in case Theresa May’s government collapses. So 'secretly', it would seem, that some louse of no consequence at the Gruniad Morning Starknows all about it. News At Ten host Huw Edwards has been due to take over duties as the main presenter of the BBC's coverage following the 2015 general erection. But Dimbles, who has hosted every general erection night for the BBC since 1979, instead returned for both the 2016 EU referendum and the 2017 snap general erection. These were thought to be his final appearances hosting such malarkey but alleged - though, anonymous and, therefore, probably fictitious - BBC 'sources' allegedly say the current arrangement, which is subject to change and final approval from BBC executives, would mean any erection held in 2019 would, once again, be presented by Dimbles. Edwards is still expected to host the following day's posy-erection coverage, which usually attracts higher viewing figures than the overnight coverage but does not come with the prestige of being able to announce the exit poll result and,nine times out of ten, call the result of the erection. As things stand Edwards would then take over the main slot from Dimbleby for any erection night from 2020 onwards. A BBC spokesperson declined to comment on crass and ignorant Gruniad Morning Star'speculation' about presenters based on unattributed alleged comments by anonymous alleged 'sources', including the extent of of internal preparations for another snap erection. 'Dimbleby's agent did not return multiple requests for comment,' the worthless Gruniad scum sneered. Executives are said to be 'keen' to stop preparations for an erection from leaking to the media, to avoid the impression that the BBC is seen to be pre-empting ongoing political events. However, they are claimed to be 'considering all options' to ensure they are ready to activate their plans and deploy staff at short notice in the event of a sudden erection call. As a result, the corporation has inquired as to the availability of Elstree Studios in Hertfordshire, where the BBC often hosts its coverage of major political events. If the studio is not available then they could be forced to host the live programme from the corporation's New Broadcasting House headquarters, although this could require the BBC to use a scaled-down set. Issues of studio availability are complicated by the lack of a clarity on when a general erection – or second EU referendum, which would require a similar level of preparation – may, or may not, be held. Other 'concerns' allegedly include potentially commissioning new graphics and ensuring exit poll teams are prepared and whether the BBC would be required to host debates between party leaders – with the corporation already potentially involved in hosting a Brexit debate next month featuring Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn. Dimbles is due to step down as host of Question Time next month with Fiona Bruce - and her award-winning bottom - offered the chance to replace him. The Dimbleby family have been intrinsically associated with televised coverage of British general erections since 1955, when David's father, Richard, began hosting the BBC's programming. David first appeared on a BBC erection night broadcast as a junior reporter in 1964 alongside his father. Richard died the following year, creating a fifteen-year interregnum during which the public had to cope without a Dimbleby hosting the broadcast before David was promoted to the top job in the late 1970s. David's brother, Jonathan, the current host of Radio 4's Any Questions, anchored ITV's erection night coverage between 1997 and 2005, 'meaning that for a decade terrestrial viewers had no choice but to learn the erection results from a member of the Dimbleby family,' according to this sneering louse at the Gruniad. Whom, one is sure, his parents are very proud.
Meanwhile, soon-to-be-former Prime Minister Theresa May has accepted the BBC's offer to take part in a debate on Brexit on Sunday 9 December, two days before MPs vote on her deal. But alleged Labour 'sources' allegedly say that the party has not yet agreed to take part, with Jeremy Corbyn telling This Morning that he preferred ITV's offer. The BBC said it was 'delighted' May had accepted their offer. It added that it would 'discuss debate formats with both parties' and would announce further details soon. Corbyn claimed that he preferred ITV's bid out of 'respect' for sad, crushed victims of society who wanted to watch the I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) final on ITV the same evening. 'I want to watch it myself,' Comrade Corbyn said. When approached by the BBC, ITV confirmed that the final of the sick Victorian freak show would be broadcast at 9pm. It is understood that the BBC debate programme would start at 8pm in Birmingham, after the Doctor Who series finale and Strictly Come Dancing and replacing the final episode of David Attenborough's Dynasties on BBC1. The BBC's assistant political editor Norman Smith said May had accepted this offer 'because there was a view on the government's side that the BBC would address the crux of the issue, namely the deal.' And, that they wouldn't be playing second fiddle to Noel Edmonds and John Barrowman by appearing on the Beeb. May previously rejected calls for smaller political parties to take part in the debate, saying that she and Comrade Corbyn represented 'almost ninety per cent of MPs' in the Commons between them. Which is true. And also, any debate which specifically excludes Wee Jimmy Crankie has to be considered, you know, funny. Green MP Caroline Lucas - her party's sole representative in parliament - whinged that the debate should include dialogue 'about all possible routes forward' - including another referendum. Lib Dem leader Sir Vince Cable - who has also campaigned for another referendum - said that he was 'raring and willing to go' in the TV debate, adding that it would be 'a travesty' if only May and Comrade Corbyn were involved. Plaid Cymru leader Adam Price said ... something in Welsh. Probably. Ahead of the 2017 general erection, May refused to take part in televised debates, with then home secretary Amber Rudd standing in for her on the BBC's debate programme. If the BBC debate does go ahead as proposed it is unclear what will happen to Attenborough's episode and when it will be screened. Theresa May would be selling her Brexit deal to the nation in place of an episode of Dynasties in which 'a tigress must protect her cubs while battling rivals who want to steal her lands and overthrow her.' Oh, the irony. BBC1 could also have to change its plans to show a one-off ninety-minute Jimmy McGovern drama, Care, at 9pm, which stars Sheridan Smith as a mother struggling to juggle childcare with looking after her ill mother. Sio, that sounds like a load of fun …
Sky has warned that plans by the BBC, ITV and Channel Four to 'build a British Netflix' could fall foul of the competition regulator. Although the next line in their warning was 'we hope.' Stephen Van Rooyen, the chief executive of UK and Ireland operations at the pay-TV company, said that public service broadcasters still accounted for 'the lion's share of TV viewing' and that any new venture would 'likely' be investigated by the Competition and Markets Authority. 'You [would] have the full might of the public service broadcasters collaborating together. That must – they still command seventy three to seventy four per cent of viewing share - open up a competition question. It would be subject I would have thought, as it was ten years ago, to a competition review.' Carolyn McCall, the chief executive of ITV, has said that the protracted talks between the public service broadcasters represent 'the last chance' to create 'a credible domestic streaming rival' to Netflix. More than ten years ago the BBC, Channel Four and ITV got together to build video-on-demand service, named Kangaroo, but that was ultimately blocked by the competition regulator. Despite the Sky warning, the idea of a British Netflix has received regulatory backing. On Wednesday, Sharon White, head of the media regulator Ofcom, again urged the UK's PSBs to 'get together' and build a British Netflix. 'If the growth of Netflix and Amazon tells us one thing it is that viewers will flock to single destinations that offer a wide variety of quality content,' she said. 'A common platform could combine the pulling power of Broadchurch, Blue Planet and Bake Off.'
Now that the production is no longer under the threat of being sued by Satan, The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina has reveal some details about its Christmas special. The occult teen drama will be back for a one-off episode next month that flashes back to Sabrina's childhood. In it, the younger version of the teenage witch will be played by Designated Survivor's McKenna Grace. Netflix's synopsis for A Midwinter's Tale says: 'During our holiday special, we'll get to see what Sabrina was like as a precocious tot. And while The Church of Night celebrates the Solstice, that doesn't stop Li'l Sabrina from asking Santa for something special.' There are also some details on the 'very different'second series. That is when viewers will meet a new character played by Alexis Denisof, best known for playing Wesley in Buffy The Vampire Slayer and its spin-off, Angel. His character, Adam Masters, has just returned to Greendale after working selflessly overseas with Physicians Without Borders to find that his girlfriend Mary Wardwell (good old mad-as-toast Michelle Gomez) has been possessed by the evil Madam Satan. Also introduced in the second series will be a mythic character from literature, a version of Oscar Wilde's youth-obsessed Dorian Gray. Jedidiah Goodacre has landed the role as a remixed incarnation who Netflix says is 'keeping secrets, especially his own", including hoarding a cursed portrait.'
Margaret Atwood is writing a sequel to her novel The Handmaid's Tale, inspired by the state of the modern world. The landmark 1985 book, about life under a totalitarian regime in the US, became a hit TV drama in 2017. In a message, Atwood wrote: 'Dear Readers, everything you've ever asked me about Gilead and its inner workings is the inspiration for this book. Well, almost everything! The other inspiration is the world we've been living in.' The sequel, to be titled The Testaments, will be published on 10 September 2019. The Canadian author said that it would be set fifteen years after the end of the original novel, which has become a feminist classic and would be narrated by three female characters. She did not specifically mention President Trump, but the press release noted that The Handmaid's Tale had become 'a symbol of the movement against him, standing for female empowerment and resistance in the face of misogyny and the rolling back of women's rights around the world.' The original novel told of Offred, one of many women who have been stripped of their previous identities and rights and forced into sexual servitude by the commanders of the Gilead regime. The main part of the novel ended with her being taken away in a van by people she is told are members of the underground resistance. Readers of the sequel will hope to find out whether she was smuggled to freedom, or taken for imprisonment and punishment. Becky Hardie, the deputy publishing director of UK publishers Chatto & Windus, said: 'As a society, we've never needed Margaret Atwood more. The moment the van door slams on Offred's future at the end of The Handmaid's Tale is one of the most brilliantly ambiguous endings in literature. I cannot wait to find out what's been going on in Atwood's Gilead - and what that might tell us about our own times.' Atwood has not revealed whether Offred - or any of the original book's characters - will be among the sequel's three narrators. Two series of the TV version of The Handmaid's Tale have been made, the second of which went beyond the climax of Atwood's original novel. Hulu, which makes the show, has previously said the drama could be on screens for up to ten series. However, the print sequel is not expected to follow the same plot as the later episodes of the TV drama. The new book will be the seventy nine-year-old's first novel since the Shakespeare-inspired Hag-Seed was published in 2016.
And now, dear blog reader, the return of an occasional, semi-regular From The North feature, Adverts On British Telly That Really Grate This Blogger's Cheese.
Number One: The latest in QuickQuid's - already really annoying - series of 'hey, get yourselves into massive debt with a credit company, that'll be good for a laugh, won't it?' ads featuring that bloody rude woman pushing her way past people just so she can to catch a train whilst simultaneously finding out that her cooker is broken. Oh, the tragedy. Is it really too much to hope that one of the commuters going in the opposite direction gives her a helping hand down the strains?
Number Two: The latest in Top Cashback UK's - already really annoying - series of 'hey, join our website on the off-chance that you might get about five pee off something when you shop online' ads featuring that smug, irritating slapheed Rich Keeble. Take it from this'nice (Telly) Topping', matey, you're impressing no one.
Number Three: The latest in EE's - already really annoying - 'hey, let's stick Kevin Bacon and a minor celebrity in an unusual situation to flog our crappy mobile phone deals' ads. The one featuring David Mitchell and that trio of irritating brats in a safari park. There is not enough money in the world that should've been able to persuade David Mitchell to take part in this. Is it too much to hope that when David and the divine Victoria are sitting in Chez Coren Mitchell watching a bit of telly and that disgraceful fiasco comes on, the divine Victoria gives David a not-at-all-playful, in fact, really sodding hard punch in the arm before picking up the remote control and switching to another side with a disgruntled 'humphf' of derision? You're an educated, talented - and, one suspects, loaded - chap, David Mitchell, you don't need to do this crap.
Number Four: The latest in Betfair Exchange's - already really annoying - 'hey, why not have a bet on a sporting event? Then another? Then another, until you're addicted and broke and lying in the gutter?' ads featuring some pretty-boy wanker who contrasts gut-instinct with 'smarts'. Seriously, dear blog reader, if you ever meet anyone in any situation who refers to 'intelligence' or 'reasoning' or 'logic' as 'smarts' (because it's got less syllables and will be understood by a Sun reader, presumably) get away from them as quickly as possible, their ignorance may be contagious. Remember, 'when the fun stops, stop.' And, the fun stopped a long, long time ago.
By contrast, dear blog reader, here's a new From The North semi-regular feature, Adverts That Should Boil This Blogger's Piss But, Curiously, Don't. Number One: Emilia Clarke flogging Dolce & Gabbana perfume by singing 'Qunado, Quando'. Yes, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping knows that he should hate this contrivance on the grounds of ... something or other. But, let's be fair, at least the lass an carry a tune!
A Buffy The Vampire Slayer revival may be somewhere in the far distant horizon but a reunion has already happened between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Seth Green. On Instagram on Thursday, Gellar posted a picture of her and Green with their respective partners, alongside the caption: 'Weeknight adulting, couples edition.' Earlier this year, it was revealed that a new version of the show featuring a black actress as the slayer is in the works. Original Buffy creator Joss Whedon will be involved with the project, in so much as his name will appear as executive producer on the credits although whether he will be involved in the actual day-to-day production is very unlikely. Monica Owusu-Breen (Alias, Lost, Fringe and Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) has been announced as showrunner.
The defence secretary has called on the public to 'report suspicious activity near military sites' after a Russian TV crew 'prompted an alert' at an Army base. Gavin Williamson issued the warning after Timur Siraziev, of Channel One, was seen outside Seventy Seven Brigade's Berkshire base, the Scum Mail on Sunday reported. The unit works in social media and psychological operations. An alleged Army 'source' allegedly said: 'Timur Siraziev's suspicious behaviour was monitored by the base's security systems.' According to the Scum Mail on Sunday, Siraziev was seen with a cameraman repeatedly passing the barracks in Hermitage on the afternoon of 21 November. Williamson said: 'We take the security of our bases and personnel incredibly seriously. If a member of the public sees anyone acting suspiciously in or around a military base it should be reported to the police as a matter of urgency.' Particularly if they have a Russian accent, answer to the name Boris or, if asked if they are involved in 'espionage' reply 'Da!' With UK-Russian relations already frosty-verging-on-frozen in the wake of the Salisbury Novichok poisoning, GCHQ chief Jeremy Fleming warned earlier this year that Moscow posed 'a real and active threat' to the international community. Last month, the head of the Army, General Mark Carleton-Smith, described Russia as 'a far greater threat' to UK security than the Islamic State group. Siraziev is listed on the Russian Embassy's website as Channel One's bureau chief. When set up in 2015, seventy Seven Brigade was touted as a unit that would 'help the UK to fight wars in the information age' by 'helping to win hearts and minds.' And, computers. Probably. Siraziev subsequently claimed that he 'did not try to penetrate the base.' One or two people even believed him.
Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey will help launch the world's first super-high definition 8K television channel on Saturday. Japanese broadcaster NHK said that it had asked Warner Brothers to scan the original film negatives in 8K for its new channel. Super-high definition 8K pictures offer sixteen times the resolution of HD TV. However, few people currently have the necessary television or equipment to receive the broadcasts. Or, indeed, the eyesight to properly appreciate it. NHK says it has been developing 8K, which it calls 'super-hi vision,' since 1995. As well as improved picture resolution, broadcasts can include twenty four channels of audio for immersive surround sound experiences. It is hoping to broadcast the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games and Paralympic Games using the new format. Television manufacturers including Samsung and LG have announced 8K-capable television sets, but they are still prohibitively expensive for widespread adoption. NHK's new channel BS8K will broadcast programmes for about twelve hours a day. The channel will also broadcast live from Italy to showcase 'popular tourist attractions from Rome, as well as food, culture and history.' NHK said it had chosen to broadcast 2001: A Space Odyssey on its launch night so that viewers could enjoy 'a masterpiece of film history.' Warner Brothers was able to scan the original film negatives, repair scratches and provide an 8K version of the film that captures the 'power and beauty' of the original. 'The many famous scenes become even more vivid, with the attention to detail of director Stanley Kubrick expressed in the exquisite images, creating the feeling of really being on a trip in space, allowing the film to be enjoyed for the first time at home,' NHK said in a statement. In March, the channel will broadcast My Fair Lady starring Audrey Hepburn which, 2001, was also shot on seventy millimetre film. Japanese electronics-maker Sharp began selling its first 8K television in 2015. Viewers will also need an 8K-capable satellite receiver.
Production has, allegedly, begun on a new version of Last of The Summer Wine. So that should be worth avoiding, then.
A 'suspected sex shop thief' had a humiliating and - very public arrest - after a live TV show caught up with her while she was half-naked and watching pornography. Mind you, this is according to the Daily Scum Mail, so it might be a load of old crap. Camera crews from A&E's Live PD were 'doing a ride-along' with deputies from the the Franklin County Sheriff's Office in Ohio, when they served an arrest warrant on twenty three-year-old Storm Wisener. When deputies arrived at Wisener's Columbus home, 'some unusual noises were blasting from the bedroom's television.' After searching the home, officers found Wisener, hiding behind some boxes under a staircase, according to NBC4. They ordered her to put her shoes and a shirt on, as the 'distracting movie' played on in the background. Moans could be heard emanating from the television, with a woman's voice giving out a loud 'Ahhh fuck.' The deputy who was speaking to Wisener gave a - very visible - look at the camera. His detainee also looked a bit embarrassed, as another deputy asked for someone to turn the TV off. Weisener was extremely arrested for for misdemeanour theft charges after she allegedly stole three hundred and eighty three dollars in cash from a box in the manager's office of Cirilla's Adult Store in April. In the warrant she was indicted on felony charges of breaking and entering and possessing criminal tools and another misdemeanour theft charge in relation to the sex shop incident.
A man has admitted sending a series of letters to a BBC presenter in which he threatened to rape her. Gordon Hawthorn, from Street in Somerset, sent threats to attack Points West journalist Alex Lovell over a two-year period. Lovell said that Hawthorn 'stole' her 'freedom with his persistent threats of rape.' He admitted a charge of stalking at Bristol Magistrates' Court and will be extremely sentenced at a later date. Hawthorn was caught following an appeal when a member of the public tipped-off police in March after recognising his handwriting. Hawthorn sent Lovell letters for six years but began making threats during the last two. His conduct 'amounted to stalking and caused Ms Lovell serious alarm or distress, which had an adverse effect on her usual day-to-day activities,' the charge stated. Lovell said: 'In a situation like this, you don't know who your aggressor is - you only know who they claim to be. Gordon portrayed himself as obsessive and sexually violent.'
A bus company has been fined over two million smackers after ignoring warnings about an 'erratic' driver who crashed into a supermarket, killing two people. Midland Red (South) Ltd admitted health and safety breaches after Kailash Chander, then aged seventy seven, smashed into a Sainsbury's in Coventry in 2015. Chander had been driving dangerously when he mistook the accelerator for the brake, a fact-finding trial concluded. The former mayor was deemed unfit to stand trial due to dementia. Midland Red (South) Ltd was sentenced alongside Chander, who received a two-year medical supervision order, after a two-day hearing at Birmingham Crown Court. Chander had been warned about his 'erratic' driving by the company after four crashes in three years, the trial found in September. The bus company, which is part of Stagecoach group, admitted allowing Chander to work more than seventy-hours a week. It also admitted allowing him to continue working despite warnings about his driving. Judge Paul Farrer said 'the failings of the company were a significant cause' of the crash. Warnings about Chander were 'not enforced, and almost immediately ignored,' he said. Phil Medlicott, the managing director of Midland Red (South) Ltd said that the company was 'deeply sorry' and 'bears the weight of our responsibility for this tragedy. We deeply regret the opportunities that were missed to act decisively on emerging warning signs,' he said. Seven-year-old Rowan Fitzgerald was riding on the top deck and died of a head injury when the bus crashed on Trinity Street on 3 October 2015. Rowan's mother, Natasha Wilson, said that her son 'had a heart of gold; he was our sunshine on hard days.' Pedestrian Dora Hancox died after being struck by the bus and a falling lamppost. Her daughter Katrina said she felt 'cheated as I never got to say goodbye to her.' Chander's barrister Robert Smith told the court that the former Leamington Spa mayor was 'traumatised' by the crash and now required full-time care. An expert told the court that he may have been suffering from undiagnosed dementia at the time of the crash. The company has 'made several key changes,' Medlicott said, including stronger controls on working hours and more medical testing for drivers. 'We cannot turn back the clock in this case, but we have done everything possible to learn lessons,' he said.
NASA has landed a new robot on Mars after a dramatic seven-minute plunge to the surface of the Red Planet. The InSight probe aims to study the world's deep interior and make it the only planet - apart from Earth - that has been examined in this way. Confirmation of touchdown came through on cue on Monday evening. It ended an anxious wait in which the robot radioed home a series of updates on its descent. NASA's mission control at California's Jet Propulsion Laboratory erupted into cheers when it became clear InSight was safe on the ground.
The agency's chief administrator, James Bridenstine, celebrated what he called 'an amazing day.' President Rump rang to offer his congratulations on Apollo 11 landing on the Moon, he told reporters. The director of JPL, Mike Watkins, said that the success should remind everyone that 'to do science we have to be bold and we have to be explorers.' InSight is now sitting on a vast, flat plain known as Elysium Planitia, close to the Red Planet's equator and far enough away from all The Ice Warriors so as not to alarm them. Before landing, NASA had described the area as the 'biggest parking lot on Mars.' The first picture of this landscape came back very quickly, within minutes. It showed a smudged, fisheye view of the robot's immediate surroundings. The image was taken through the translucent lens cap of a camera positioned on the underside of the lander. The dust kicked up in the descent obscured much of the scene, but it was still possible to make out a small rock, one of the probe's feet and the sky on the horizon. A later picture captured by a camera on InSight's topside was much clearer.
Like all previous landing attempts at Mars, Insight's race to the surface - the first attempt since 2012 - was a tense affair. It had entered the atmosphere faster than a high-velocity bullet, using the combination of a heat-shield, parachute and rockets to bring itself to a gentle stop. InSight's first critical task on landing was to deploy its solar panels, which were stowed for the descent. The robot had to start generating power to operate its systems and to warm equipment in the sub-zero temperatures which persist on the Red Planet. Notification of the panels' set-up came seven hours after landing. One of the big achievements in the InSight mission so far has been the role played by the two briefcase-sized satellites that were sent to Mars along with the robot lander. It was these mini-spacecraft, called MarCO A and B, that relayed the probe's signals back to Earth during the plunge to the surface. The duo cost less than twenty million dollars and their technologies are now sure to feature much more prominently on future interplanetary missions. And, as if to underline their capabilities, the little satellites also took a picture of Mars. 'Having successfully brought all the data back from InSight during its exciting entry, descent and landing sequence - what you see before you is an image taken roughly four thousand seven hundred miles from Mars, about ten to fifteen minutes after EDL itself,' explained MarCO chief engineer Andy Klesh.
This will be the first probe to dedicate its investigations to understanding Mars' interior. Scientists want to know how the world is constructed - from its core to its crust. InSight has three principal experiments to achieve this goal. The first is a package of Franco-British seismometers that will be lifted on to the surface to listen for Marsquakes. These vibrations will reveal where the rock layers are and what they are made of. A German-led 'mole' system will burrow up to five metres into the ground to take the planet's temperature. This will give a sense of how active Mars still is. And the third experiment will use radio transmissions to very precisely determine how the planet is wobbling on its axis. Deputy project scientist Suzanne Smrekar uses the following analogy: 'If you take a raw egg and a cooked egg and you spin them, they wobble differently because of the distribution of liquid in the interior. And today we really don't know if the core of Mars is liquid or solid and how big that core is. InSight will give us this information.' Scientists understand very well how Earth's interior is structured and they have some good models to describe the initiation of this architecture at the Solar System's birth more than four-and-a-half billion years ago. But Earth is one data point and Mars will give researchers a different perspective on how a rocky planet can be assembled and evolve through time. InSight chief scientist Bruce Banerdt said: 'The small details in how planets evolve are what we think make the difference between a place like Earth where you can go on vacation and get a tan and a place like Venus where you'll burn in seconds or a place like Mars where you'll freeze to death.'
A small plane overshot its destination in Australia by almost thirty miles after its pilot 'fell asleep in the cockpit,' air safety officials say. The pilot was the only person on board the freight flight from Devonport to King Island in Tasmania on 8 November. The incident, classified as a case of 'incapacitation,' is currently being investigated by the Australian Transport Safety Bureau. Officials have not said how the pilot awoke before landing the plane safely. The Piper PA-31 aircraft, operated by Vortex Air, had been due to complete the two hundred and forty kilometre trip. 'During the cruise, the pilot fell asleep, resulting in the aircraft overflying King Island by forty six kilometres,' the ATSB said in a brief statement. Aviation expert Neil Hansford said that Australia had 'strict rules' relating to pilot fatigue. And, indeed, one would hope that everyone else has too. 'There is no way in the world that someone should've taken on that flight fatigued,' he told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. On its website, Vortex Air says that it runs charter flights for 'groups, corporates and leisure travellers' around Australia. The ATSB said it would interview the pilot and 'review operating procedures' before releasing a report next year. Last year, five people died when a plane on its way to King Island crashed moments after take-off in Melbourne.
England have avoided Germany in Euro 2020 qualifying but Northern Ireland must face the three-time winners and the Netherlands in Group C. At forty two in the world, the Czech Republic are the next highest ranked team in England's group, which is completed by Bulgaria, Montenegro and Kosovo. Germany dropped into pot two for the draw after a disappointing World Cup and suffering relegation in the UEFA Nations League. As well as facing Ze Chermans and the Dutch, unlucky Northern Ireland will also play Estonia and Belarus. The Republic of Ireland had, initially, been drawn in Group C but were handed a reprieve as the group already contained two of the twelve host nations for Euro 2020. They were, therefore, placed in Group D instead, along with Switzerland, Denmark, Georgia and Gibraltar. They should, at least, be able to beat Gibraltar. That is, if it hasn't been invaded by Spain by that time. Fellow hosts Scotchland joined Belgium, Russia, Cyprus, Kazakhstan and San Marino in a tough-looking Group I, whilst Wales will meet World Cup finalists Croatia, Slovakia, Hungary and Azerbaijan in Group E. The Euro 2020 qualifiers will take place between March and November 2019, with the winner and runner-up of each group going through directly. The qualifying process is condensed because of this year's Nations League group games, with England and Scotland guaranteed at least a Euro 2020 play-off place should they fail to qualify via their regular qualifying group after winning their Nations League sections. Wembley will stage both the semi-finals and the final of Euro 2020, as well as three group games and a last-sixteen match. Glasgow's Hampden Park and Dublin's Aviva Stadium will each host three group games and a last-sixteen match. England had to be placed in a five-team group, as did Portugal, the Netherlands and Switzerland, to ensure that they have free dates for the Nations League finals in June 2019. Portugal are in Group B along with Ukraine, Serbia, Lithuania and Luxembourg. In Group F, Spain will face Sweden, Norway, Romania, Faroe Islands and Malta. Poland, Austria, Israel, Slovenia, Macedonia and Latvia feature in Group G whilst World Cup winners France, Iceland, Turkey, Albania, Moldova and Andorra will contest Group H. Group J has Italy, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Finland, Greece, Armenia and Liechtenstein.
A petrol bomb was thrown and police clashed with Ajax supporters during the Dutch club's two-nil Champions League win against AEK Athens in Greece this week. Home supporters reportedly threw flares into the stands housing Ajax fans and pictures show flames burning next to the away section. Images also show police officers hitting Ajax fans, leaving some with blood pouring down their faces. Ajax defender Matthijs de Ligt ran over to the visiting fans to plead for calm. At the start of the second half there were further crowd disturbance as several firecrackers were set off. Players from both sides were seen to be rubbing their eyes as smoke drifted across the Athens Olympic Stadium. Ajax secured victory through two goals from former Southampton forward Dusan Tadic to progress to the last sixteen for the first time since 2005. AEK, who had Marko Livaja sent off for two yellow cards, are bottom of Group E without any points.
This blogger thinks it was appalling that UEFA made The Scum play against Young Boys in the Champions League this week, dear blog reader. Couldn't they find some older ones?
An amateur Irish football club have grovellingly apologised after falsely reporting the death of one of their players. Dublin club Ballybrack FC had informed the Leinster Senior League that Fernando Nuno La-Fuente had died in a traffic accident.Their game against Arklow Town on Saturday was postponed whilst a minute's silence was held before other fixtures in the league. However, it later emerged that La-Fuente is, in fact, alive in his native Spain and the league has launched an investigation in this whole malarkey. The league placed a death notice in an Irish newspaper, offering its 'heartfelt condolences' to Fernando's family and Ballybrack FC, before being notified La-Fuente had not, in fact, died at all. 'It has come to the attention of both the club, senior players and the management team that a gross error of judgement has occurred emanating from correspondence sent from a member of the senior set-up management team to the Leinster Senior League,' Ballybrack said on Tuesday. 'An emergency meeting was held and the person in question has been relieved of all footballing duties, within Ballybrack FC, its senior team and roles within the club itself. The club has contacted Fernando to confirm his whereabouts, well-being and are thankful for his acceptance of our apology on this matter. This grave and unacceptable mistake was completely out of character and was made by a person who has been experiencing severe personal difficulties unbeknownst to any other members of the club. At this stage we can only offer our sincere apologies to the Leinster Senior League, our opponents Arklow Town FC and the host of clubs and football people who made contact with us or offered messages of support in recent days.' League chairman David Moran told the RTE that the club's secretary had extremely resigned earlier on Tuesday. 'The young lad didn't die in a motorbike accident last Thursday. He went back to Spain four or five weeks ago apparently,' he added. 'The Leinster Senior League rang yesterday morning. We wanted to show our sympathies and go to the Mass and maybe meet the family and see what we could do to help in this horrible situation. And, we were told he was flown back to Spain on the Saturday. Straight away, that rang alarm bells for us. How would you die early on Friday morning and be flown back to Spain on the Saturday? We checked the hospitals, we checked everywhere. Nobody could find anything about this young fella. Obviously, some of his team-mates released stuff on social media saying he went back to Spain four weeks ago.' The Leinster Senior League had earlier released a statement which outlined its plans for an investigation. 'The Leinster Senior League will co-operate with all relevant agencies in the investigation of this matter and the league will also deal with this issue through their own internal disciplinary procedures,' it said.
A female fan claims that she was sexually assaulted at a German Bundesliga game and was allegedly told by a steward to 'go home and watch on TV' if she did not like it. The woman claims that she was 'repeatedly groped' by a man who also tried to open her bra during Schalke's match against Nuremberg at Veltins Arena on Saturday. Police in Gelsenkirchen said the woman has filed a complaint and they are trying to identify the dodgy geezer allegedly involved in the incident. Officers are also investigating the alleged behaviour of the steward. Police confirmed that they had started a criminal investigation after the woman filed a complaint after the game. Schalke told BBC Sport that they were taking the allegations 'very seriously.' The club have launched an internal investigation and added: 'We are in the process of getting an overview and working in close cooperation with the police.'
A very naughty man who bombed the Borussia Dortmund team bus in 2017 has been given fourteen years in The Slammer for attempted murder. Sergei Wenergold, a German of Russian origin, had hidden bombs packed with metal pins which went off as the bus passed a hedge on its way to a Champions League quarter-final match. The blast, which wounded two people, was initially treated by authorities as a suspected jihadist attack. But Wenergold admitted the plot, saying that he had not meant to hurt anyone. In a bizarre twist, it emerged that the twenty nine year old had planned to 'make money' out of the bombing by betting on a fall in Borussia Dortmund's stock market price. Dortmund's Spanish defender Marc Bartra and a police officer were wounded in the attack. Wenergold was convicted of twenty eight counts of attempted murder.
Cameroon have been stripped of hosting next year's Africa Cup of Nations, says the Confederation of African Football. African football's governing body, CAF, says it is because of delays in the progress of Cameroon's preparation for the tournament, due to start in June. Officials made the decision at a meeting on Friday in Accra, Ghana, that lasted more than ten hours. CAF president Ahmad Ahmad says it will work to 'determine a new organising country by the end of the year.' The tournament is set to be the first held in June and July and will be expanded from sixteen to twenty four teams. Ahmad said last year that Cameroon still needed 'to convince CAF of its ability' to host the event, with the country playing down fears that sanctions would be imposed if preparations were deemed to be behind schedule. But in August the chairman of CAF's Nations Cup organising committee, Amaju Pinnick, said 'nobody is going to take it away from Cameroon.' Morocco have been touted as potential hosts, having stepped in to hold this year's African Nations Championship after Kenya were deemed not ready.
Glasgow Rangers chairman Dave King has told a court that he 'suspects' some shareholders in the club 'have links to organised crime.' At the Court of Session of Edinburgh, King said he is 'now one hundred per cent committed' to making an offer for the remainder of the club's shareholding. He was ordered to do so after being found to have 'worked with others' when taking control of the club in 2015. But King said that he could not make an offer to four shareholders because of their claimed criminal links. He said that a Glasgow Rangers board meeting last Monday concluded that the four 'could not transfer their stakes,' adding that one of them was 'engaged in criminal activities in the USA.' King has been in dispute with The Takeover Panel, who applied to have the South African businessman held in contempt of court for refusing to comply. The Ibrox chairman had argued that he should be allowed to 'ring-fence funding' for the offer in South Africa but told the court, in front of Lady Wolfe, that after 'exhausting all options,' he will now agree to transfer funds to the UK. The Takeover Panel want financial guarantees of around nineteen million knicker to be held 'by a third party.' As part of his evidence, King also listed key shareholders who, he claims, have told him they will not take up the offer. One of the investors mentioned was former chairman of the football board Sandy Easdale. Easdale subsequently told the BBC that he has given 'no such undertaking.' A spokesman for the Easdales said: 'Despite Mister King's evidence today, at no time has Sandy Easdale given him an assurance that he would not sell his shares for twenty pence as stipulated by The Takeover Panel. Neither Mister Easdale nor his brother, James, have ever spoken to Mister King on this matter.'
Palermo have been sold to 'a London-based company' for the price of ten Euros, the Italian second division side's owner has announced. Maurizio Zamparini said that he has sold 'one hundred per cent of the club' at 'a symbolic price.' Zamparini bought Palermo in 2002 and last year stepped down as president. However, his replacement resigned as a takeover fell through. He made around forty five managerial appointments during his time in charge. Zamparini said he was 'profoundly sad' to finally be leaving but is 'thinking of the club's future.' In an open letter to fans, he added: 'The objective for some time has been to find someone to continue my work with more financial power, capable of investments that I was no longer able to make. The new London-based owners will put into action the construction of the stadium and training ground. I have, with a lump in my throat, signed my departure.' When Zamparini took over, Palermo had not been in the Italian top flight for thirty years. They returned to Serie A for the 2004-05 campaign and competed five times in the UEFA Cup and Europa League under his ownership. Players such as Edinson Cavani, Paulo Dybala and Javier Pastore featured during the years before relegation to Serie B in 2014. They returned immediately to the top flight as second division champions, but were relegated again in 2017. Palermo are currently top of Serie B, three points clear of Pescara.
The second leg of the Copa Libertadores final between Boca Juniors and River Plate has been moved more than six thousand miles away to the Bernabeu in Madrid. The Buenos Aires derby was postponed last weekend, following an attack on the Boca team bus by River Plate fans. Boca players suffered cuts from the glass from broken windows and were also affected by the tear gas used by police to disperse the crowds. The match will now take place on Sunday 9 December. The Copa Libertadores is the showpiece club competition in South America, equivalent to the Champions League in Europe. Both sets of supporters will be given an equal allocation of tickets for the match in the Spanish capital. CONMEBOL, South American football's governing body, rejected Boca's appeal to be awarded the trophy without playing. The fixture had been poised to be the biggest club match in the one hundred and twenty seven-year history of Argentine football, and the first leg ended two-two. But it was marred by the attack which led to a number of players, including Boca's former Sheikh Yer Man City, The Scum and Juventus striker Carlos Tevez, reportedly 'suffering from dizziness and vomiting' and being treated by club doctors. The mayor of Buenos Aires, Horacio Rodriguez Larreta, said River Plate 'hooligans' described as the 'mafia of Argentine soccer' were behind the sick and vicious attack. It came a day after police raided the house of a leader of the Barra Brava - the powerful and violent wing of River's hardcore support - and confiscated ten million Pesos and three hundred tickets for the final. River Plate have been fined over three hundred thousand smackers on account of the violence and the Prime Minister of Spain, Pedro Sanchez, has since tweeted: 'Spain is ready to organise the final of the Copa Libertadores between Boca Juniors and River Plate. The security forces have extensive experience of these situations and are already working on the necessary deployments to ensure the event is secure.'
La Liga has taken the Spanish Football Association to court in its fight to play Girona's home league game against Barcelona in Miami. The Spanish top flight has filed a lawsuit with a civil court in Madrid to force the RFEF to approve the match. A decision is expected around the middle of December. 'La Liga has taken a case to court in Madrid and expect a resolution in the coming days or weeks,' a spokesperson for the league said. It is understood La Liga thinks the RFEF's role in bringing the second leg of the Copa Libertadores final to Real Madrid's Bernabeu stadium on 9 December will strengthen its case, as it is a precedent for matches transcending country and regional borders. The RFEF and Spanish players' union have previously been vocal in their objections to the game. AFE president David Aganzo has now said the match will not go ahead next year, but that it could be 'possible' in the future. La Liga agreed to play one game a season in the US as part of a fifteen-year deal with media company Relevent and Catalan neighbours Girona and Barcelona agreed to move their game to the Hard Rock Stadium. In addition to the Spanish FA, the match also needs the approval of FIFA, US Soccer and the Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football. La Liga has previously said it will go to the Court of Arbitration for Sport if FIFA blocks the move. Football's world governing body has not yet formally banned the proposal. Because someone's going to make a shitload of money out of it, obviously. And, FIFA are never one to stand in the way of greed. Usually, their own.
Dutch police are helping officers in Bristol after a pub was badly damaged in a fight in the run-up to a Championship football match. Officers were called to The Luckwell Hotel on Saturday amid the fight, with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. Four men were extremely arrested at the hotel on Sunday morning. Millwall and Bristol City were playing at Ashton Gate later in the day. Avon and Somerset Police said they were working with Dutch police because 'a number of fans have travelled from Holland to watch the game.' Superintendent Paul Mogg, said that he believed the disorder involved 'a number of football fans' planning to go to the match. 'We're working closely with Bristol City FC, as well as officers from the Metropolitan Police and colleagues from the Dutch police to apprehend those involved as we know a number of fans have travelled from Holland to watch the game,' he said. 'Anyone else identified as taking part, can expect to be dealt with robustly. Fortunately, it does not appear anyone was seriously injured in the incident but the pub was significantly damaged.'
China's Yu Delu has been very banned from snooker for ten years and nine months after a major match-fixing inquiry. His compatriot Cao Yupeng also pleaded extremely guilty to fixing and was banned for six years although three and a half years of his sentence have been suspended. Suspicious betting patterns in numerous matches were investigated over two years in one of snooker's biggest corruption scandals. The other scandal, of course, being why anybody gives a shit about a pub pastime like snooker. Yu has been described as 'a scourge to the game of snooker.' The pair are the first Chinese players to be banned for cheating. Yu, who manipulated the outcome of five matches over a two-and-a-half-year period, will serve the longest suspension since English player Stephen Lee was given a twelve-year ban in 2013. In one match, the stakes placed on the result totalled sixty five grand, which would have generated a profit of eighty six thousand knicker. The thirty one-year-old reached the semi-finals of the 2016 Scottish Open and was ranked forty three in the world when he was charged. Twenty-eight-year-old Cao, who fixed three matches, was runner-up in the Scottish event last year and world number thirty eight when initially suspended in May. Both players were investigated by the World Professional Billiards and Snooker Association before an independent tribunal ruled on their cases. The tribunal, chaired by David Casement QC, found that Yu 'engaged in deliberate and premeditated corruption to secure substantial financial gain for his friends/associates and himself.' Yu also admitted to lying to the investigator, failing to cooperate with the inquiry and betting on snooker when prohibited from doing so. 'It is very sad when talented players are attracted to the opportunity to make money from fixing matches,' said WPBSA chairman Jason Ferguson. Cao also failed to provide material that was requested during the investigation. He told investigators that he received five thousand quid for each of the matches he fixed and he was initially given an eight-year ban, but this was reduced to six - three and a half of which were suspended - because of his co-operation with the inquiry. 'Cao Yupeng has shown true remorse and he will assist the WPBSA in player education and in its fight against corruption, which is reflected in his reduced sanction,' said Ferguson. Yu was given a twelve-year ban, to match the sanction imposed on Lee five years ago, but this was reduced to ten years and nine months because of his late guilty plea.
For the first time, Bob Dylan and Neil Young have been announced as joint headliners at a UK music festival. Both musicians will play London's Hyde Park as part of British Summer Time on 12 July though it's not yet clear in which order they will play. The pair have shared a stage many times previously, beginning in 1976 at a farewell show for Dylan's former backing group The Band, Th Last Waltz. They have also named-checked each other in several songs. In 2005, Young told Time magazine he was 'a B student' of Bob Dylan, adding: /I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him.' Dylan repaid the compliment in 2007, telling Rolling Stone: "[Young is] sincere and he's got a God-given talent. With that voice of his and the melodic strain that runs through absolutely everything he does. There's nobody in his category.'
The iconic Tyne Bridge is unlikely to get a much-needed makeover until at least 2020, councillors have been told . The Tyneside landmark, which recently turned ninety, has not undergone major maintenance since 2000. Newcastle City Council had hoped to bid for government funding for the major refurbishment, but officials said an opportunity 'had not yet arisen.' Quite what was so vitally important that it stopped them applying has not been revealed but, one imagines, it must have been something Earth-shattering. The project, which would include safety checks, repairs and a new coat of paint, is expected to cost up to twenty million knicker. Work on the Grade II listed structure would also include the resurfacing of its dual carriageway and footpaths, according to the Local Democracy Reporting Service. A Newcastle City Council spokesman said: 'The ninety-year-old Tyne Bridge is the North East's most iconic landmark and requires regular safety checks, repairs, preservation and upkeep. The bridge is due a major refurbishment programme to preserve it for future generations, which would include the sizeable task of repainting the structure. We are looking to secure funding from the Department for Transport to allow us to undertake works to fully refurbish the bridge which would cost in the region of fifteen to twenty million pounds.' He added that the work would take 'a minimum of eighteen months to complete.' As part of the project, damaged bird netting that has trapped and killed kittiwakes nesting on the Quayside will also be replaced. Greg Stone, Newcastle's Liberal Democrat opposition transport spokesman, said: 'The Tyne Bridge should be a shining symbol of our city-region at the heart of Newcastle and Gateshead's Quayside, but instead it is becoming a shabby and scruffy symbol of under-investment in Tyneside's transport network.' A Department for Transport spokesman said that it was the council's responsibility to organise funding for the work, adding the government had allocated Newcastle City Council more than thirty million notes of funding for highway maintenance between 2015 and 2021. The bridge was opened in October 1928 by King George V and more than seventy thousand vehicles now cross it every day.
Up to one hundred naughty teenage tearaways surrounded police in a town centre before a mob attacked officers during an 'appalling' disturbance according to media reports. Fireworks and bricks were launched and a community officer was punched in the face in Stanley, County Durham by the scallywags. Police have since launched a text alerts service to inform parents of local disorder, urging them to 'take responsibility' for their children and their bad and wicked doings. It is hoped they will 'be encouraged' to collect the disgraceful scoundrels from disturbances. No, this blogger doesn't think that's particularly likely either, dear blog reader. Mind you, if you've ever been to Stanley, you'll know this sort of rascally behaviour is hardly uncommon in the area. Officers were called out to reports of 'a vulnerable female' at the bus station in the town on the night of 3 November. They were bombarded by the gang of youths upon arrival, then set upon by about twenty hoodie-wearing youngsters in an attack captured on the officers' body cams. Sergeant Dave Clarke said that his officers had been 'forced to use pepper spray' after 'tensions escalated' when some teenagers had 'objected to being told what to do.' Which,again, is pretty much a standard response from teenagers the world over. 'You had a group of six to ten boys wanting to show off in front of their friends and that developed into kicks, karate kicks, punching and people jumping around sparring,' he added. Crikey, the ruffians. 'After at least ten warnings, the officers used the pepper spray.' At which point, tears were shed. In the wake of the attack, the force launched its Be Informed text alert service, to which parents can opt-in to be told whenever there is disorder in the town. Any parent who believes that their child may be in the vicinity of the incident can go and collect them, police said. Sergeant Emma Kay, from Durham Constabulary, said: 'Parents were asked to come and review the footage from the officers' body cams that night and they all agreed the behaviour of the children was appalling. While there is a hardcore group of individuals involved in this incident, there are many more people stood on the sidelines, young people who are going to affect their life chances by continuing to engage in this type of behaviour. We are asking for parents to step up to the plate, take responsibility for your children. Do you know where they are, or are they going to bring trouble to your door?'
A woman has been extremely jailed by an Irish court for causing criminal damage to a €1.50 packet of Pringles according to media reports. Kathleen McDonagh, aged twenty five, opened some Pringles in a Tesco in the city of Cork before she had paid for them. The woman had previously been banned from the store and told the court that she opened the crisps so that security would 'be forced' to let her pay for the package. Instead, she was arrested and sentenced to two months in The Big House for damaging the product, which could no longer be sold. Exactly how much it will cost the Irish state to keep her in Pris for the period is not known although one can speculate that it will be a Hell of a lot more than the cost of the Pringles. The judge was told that McDonagh had a series of previous convictions, including a number for theft or criminal damage. In court, police said that McDonagh had been banned from the store and was known to its staff as a troublemaker when she took the tin of Pringles and headed to the self-checkout area. Security staff approached her to order her to leave the store when she popped the Pringles top and opened the foil seal. An inspector told the court that she said: 'I opened it so you have to leave me pay for it.''It was not fit for resale with a loss of €1.50,' the officer told the judge, adding that although the woman wanted to buy the crisps, 'she had no permission to be in the store.' McDonagh's legal representation asked for leniency from the court, explaining that she was recently married and several months pregnant and had entered a guilty plea. The judge, however, was having none of it and decided to impose a four-month prison sentence with two months suspended, noting that the accused had 'deliberately' opened the product when asked to leave by security. He said that it was 'difficult' to see her actions as anything but 'smart Alec behaviour.'
Edinburgh Zoo's male giant panda has had both testicles removed after tumours were discovered by keepers. Yang Guang is said to be 'recovering well' from the surgery, which took place on Saturday. So, be very careful about what you're ordering if you're in a restaurant in Edinburgh over the next few days.
A woman who developed 'a crippling fear of owls' after 'religious grooming' by her doctor has won a damages claim. Sally Brayshaw was taken to religious meetings and told The Devil was 'having a real go' at her by GP Thomas O'Brien. Satan now having a lot more time on his hands after his lawsuit against The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina got called off. Brayshaw claimed the locum doctor, a Pentecostal Christian, suggested she was 'possessed by demons' and advised her not to see a psychiatrist. Probably because he would have told her to stop being so daft. A High Court judge ruled that she was entitled to more than twelve grand. Brayshaw, of Stoke-on-Trent was in pain following an operation when she went to see Doctor O'Brien in August 2012. At a previous hearing, her lawyers told the court the GP 'commended to her a way of healing without medication.' Over the next six months O'Brien engaged Brayshaw 'in a number of religious activities,' taking her to services, giving her religious gifts and setting her television to the Gospel channel to 'soak' her in religious content. On one occasion, Brayshaw said that she was taken to a meeting where a preacher spoke of 'sacrificing an owl.' This left her so terrified of the birds that she could no longer look at a picture of one without 'becoming terrified.' Mr Justice Martin Spencer said it was 'foreseeable' Brayshaw might 'react adversely,' adding: 'By reason of his zealous promotion of the religious aspects, [O'Brien] became blind to the medical aspects and thereby caused or contributed to the deterioration in the claimant's mental health.' O'Brien took no part in the case and his whereabouts are currently unknown. He was investigated by the General Medical Council and struck off in 2015. The judge rejected Brayshaw's claim against the partners of Apsley Surgery, where O'Brien worked as a locum.
Following a threat of legal action, far-right activist Thomas Robinson has backed down from accusations he made against a Syrian schoolboy who was attacked in an incident shared widely on social media. Earlier this week, footage emerged showing the fifteen-year-old - a refugee from Syria - being taunted, grabbed by the throat and pushed to the ground, as other students at Almondbury Community School in Huddersfield. Robinson made unfounded allegations against the teenager Wednesday on and Thursday in a number of Facebook posts and YouTube videos. By Friday, he had deleted the videos and grovellingly admitted to posting 'a fake photograph' purporting to show violence by a Muslim gang whilst, presumably, quaking in his jackboots. The videos were deleted after the lawyer for the boy's family, Mohammed Akunjee, said that his clients planned to sue Robinson. In a letter uploaded to Twitter on Thursday, Akunjee described Robinson's claims as 'false and defamatory allegations' and asked for the videos to be 'removed immediately. We wish to place you on notice that our client intends to pursue legal action against you in respect of the contents of these publications and you will shortly be receiving formal pre-action correspondence in this respect,' Akunjee's letter added. In a video posted on Facebook on Friday, Robinson, whose real name is Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, extremely admitted to making a false claim but reiterated another - entirely unproven - allegation against the boy. Addressing Robinson's claims regarding the teenager, West Yorkshire Police said in a statement on Thursday that they were 'aware of rumours' but that no reports had been made which 'substantiate these claims.' The video of the assault on the Syrian teenager prompted widespread condemnation. It is not yet clear who filmed the incident. The Press Association news agency reported West Yorkshire Police as saying that a sixteen-year-old boy had been interviewed over the attack and would appear in a youth court to face as yet undisclosed charges. New footage emerged on Wednesday showing a teenage girl in a pink hijab being pushed to the ground by teenagers. Akunjee confirmed to CNN that the girl was the Syrian boy's sister. West Yorkshire police said in a statement that it was 'aware of a video showing a girl being assaulted at Almondbury Community School' and was 'now liaising with the girl's family.' Almondbury Community School describes itself as 'inclusive' on its website. Its head teacher, Trevor Bowen, said in a statement that the safety and welfare of students was the school's 'number one priority' and that the 'situation is being taken extremely seriously. Since the incident occurred in October, the school, the local authority and the police have all taken action. We must allow the legal process to take its course, but I want to be absolutely clear that we do not tolerate unacceptable behaviour of any sort in our school.' Little known outside the far-right circles in which he has moved for the past ten years or so, Robinson was among the most marginal of British political figures until he was jailed for breaking the strict rules which govern the reporting of court cases earlier this year. In November, the anti-European UK Independence Party said that it had appointed Robinson as 'an adviser,' in a move that signals the party's further shift to the right, a move which even former UKiP leader - and general toss-pot - Nigel Farage criticised.
FBI agents have discovered an estimated sixteen million pictures of men's genitals during a raid on an NSA employee's home this week. Federal prosecutors have charged Hillary Wang, a National Security Agency employee for fourteen years, with theft of government property and unauthorised removal and retention of classified materials. It is reported that Wang used her Top Secret security clearance to illegally download millions of pictures 'of a sexual nature' off unsuspecting Americans' mobile phones and computers. 'She is obsessed with big black penises and the small size of her Chinese boyfriend's penis' an anonymous - and, therefore, probably fictitious - fellow co-worker allegedly confirmed to reporters when reached by phone. FBI agents seized fourteen computers at Wang's home on Wednesday containing fifty three terabytes of illegally downloaded pictures and documents from the National Security Agency. 'She's a good person, but it's impossible to have a five-minute conversation without her wanting to show you a picture of some black guy's dick on her cell phone,' another anonymous - and, therefore, probably fictitious - alleged former coworker allegedly snitched to local reporters like a filthy stinking Copper's Nark. 'Experts' believe that Wang used a custom-designed algorithm to target users 'dick pics' and automatically download them to her home servers. The employee had been on sick leave for the past two months after battling with severe depression and mental health issues, according to family members. Alleged legal 'experts' allegedly believe that Wang 'could face a maximum of one hundred and sixty six years' in The Slammer if found guilty of theft of government property and unauthorised removal and retention of classified materials.
A Manchester woman racially abused a takeaway worker after she asked for free fried chicken in return for sexual favours, a court has heard. Kelly Fielding went to Chesters Chicken in Northenden just after midnight and started to demand free food. After staff refused she became abusive, Manchester Crown Court heard. 'The defendant then began to offer sexual favours in return for fried chicken,' prosecutor Gemma Maxwell said. As Fielding continued to be abusive, staff gave her four free chicken wings, hoping that she would go away and not come back. But this didn't stop her and she continued to be aggressive. The worker and the takeaway manager then tried to escort her out of the shop and as they did so Fielding slapped the worker to the face. She then called him a 'fuckin Paki cunt.' Which really wasn't very nice. The police were called, but this did not end the incident, which occurred on 29 September. When officers arrived they recognised Fielding as someone they had spoken to earlier. One officer arrested Fielding, but as he tried to handcuff her, she kicked out out and struggled. With the help of a second officer she was restrained and brought to the floor. But as thirty one-year-old Fielding was being detained she continued to kick out and spat at the officer, narrowly missing his face. In an interview with the police, she claimed that she was 'acting in self defence' and said she wanted to make a complaint about the takeaway worker. But, CCTV footage was recovered and Fielding pleaded very guilty to causing racially aggravated harassment, alarm or distress, assault by beating and two counts of assaulting a police officer. This offending also meant she was in breach of a suspended sentence, imposed after she tried to smuggle drugs into prison. Fielding has twelve previous convictions which prosecutors said were 'almost all' for battery or public order offences. She also has previous for racially aggravated assault, the court heard. Defending, Alexandra Sutton said: 'It's unacceptable behaviour on anyone's view.' She claimed Fielding has had drink and drugs problems in the past, but that these are 'now behind her.' The barrister appealed for Fielding to be spared jail, saying that the mother-of-four would be 'at risk' in custody. The judge, Recorder Geoffrey Payne, accepted that she has a 'tragic personal history.' He said: 'Because of the mitigation very eloquently put on your behalf I am prepared to take what some may regard as a lenient and exceptional course today.' The judge warned Fielding that this was her 'last chance,' before sentencing her to an eighteen month community order.
A man was taken to hospital in Arizona this week after accidentally shooting himself 'in the groin area' inside a Walmart in Buckeye, Maricopa County. The local police department tweeted on Tuesday that officers were working what appeared to be 'a self-inflicted accidental shooting' inside the Watson and Yuma Walmart. Buckeye PD later confirmed in an update: 'Adult male accidentally shot himself in the groin area inside the Walmart. Being transported to hospital. No other injuries.' The Arizona Republic newspaper reported the incident occurred after a semiautomatic handgun that was being held in the man's waistband 'began to slip.' The gun, which was not in a holster, discharged 'as he attempted to reposition it,' the man told officers. The Arizona Republic reported that when police officers responded to the shot the man was found 'in the meat section' of the store with 'survivable injuries.' Though, pretty painful ones. Officers said that they filed a report for the unlawful discharge of a firearm but it was believed to have been accidental. And, that charging the poor chap with this after he's shot himself in the todger would've been too cruel - even if had been, you know, funny. The man's identity and condition at the hospital was not made public by law enforcement. Over the years, Walmart has been host to several wince-inducing groin injuries. In May this year, a man who had been released from jail for twenty four hours was left 'with a bruised scrotum' after attempting to flee a Walmart in Vidor, Texas, by jumping over a fence. Ad, not quite making it. Ryan Allen Prajzner had tried to get a refund for items stolen from store shelves, police said. Last year, an woman who 'was intoxicated' after allegedly drinking beer inside Walmart grabbed a paramedic by the testicles as he was evaluating her following her arrest, WKMG reported. And, in 2016, paramedics rushed to a Walmart parking lot in Charlotte, North Carolina, to treat a man who tried to drive himself to hospital after being shot in the groin, WSOC-TV reported.
A Michigan mother who allowed her six-year-old to amass twenty six unexcused school absences spent five days in The Big House and has been placed on nine months of probation. Brittany Ann Horton was sentenced on 16 November after pleading extremely guilty in May to truancy, according to a statement from the Muskegon County Prosecutor's Office. In addition to her jail time and probation, Horton was ordered to pay five hundred and twenty five dollars in fines. She was first contacted by school administrators to 'resolve the absences' in October 2017, according to the statement. After attempts to resolve the issue failed - including a meeting which Horton did not attend - administrators handed the case over to prosecutors. Letters and meetings were set up for Horton in February but she neglected to respond to attempts to contact her. In March, she was charged. After failing to appear at her arraignment, Horton pleaded very guilty in May, but her punishment was delayed to give her a chance to 'fix the problem,' according to the statement. Instead, the child accumulated fourteen additional unexcused
Germany's Interior Ministry has said it regrets serving pork sausage at a conference on Islam in Berlin earlier this week. The ministry said the food selection had been designed for 'the diverse religious attendance' at the German Islam Conference in Berlin. But it apologised 'if individuals felt offended in their religious feelings.' A marvellous example of a non-apology apology in which it made clear that the ministry considers the persons 'a fault' here are those who felt offended rather than those who gave the offence in the first place. The event was led by Interior Minister Horst Seehofer, who in March said Islam 'does not belong in Germany.' Most of the attendees at the Islam conference were Muslims, local media reported. Under Islamic law, Muslims are forbidden to eat pork. And, even the world's stupidest moron knows that and knows that it is really offensive to shove a sausage under a Muslim person's nose and say 'have a bit of this whopper.' The type of sausage on offer was blutwurst which is made of ingredients including pig's blood, pork and bacon. German journalist Tuncay Özdamar wrote on Twitter: 'What signal does Seehofer's interior ministry want to send? A little respect for Muslims, who don't eat pork, is needed.' At the start of the conference, Seehofer reportedly said that he wanted to see 'a German Islam.' But Özdamar added that Seehofer's 'elephant in a china shop' behaviour 'would never gain the support of a majority of Muslims in Germany.' In its response the Interior Ministry added that it had served thirteen dishes, including halal, vegetarian, meat and fish dishes and said that all food in the buffet had been 'clearly marked.' No that you actually need to clearly mark a sausage, everybody knows what one is. Some German media reported that pork in the form of ham had been served at the first German Islam Conference in 2006. In his March comments, which were seen as an attempt to win back voters from the far-right Alternative for Germany party, Seehofer said Islam 'did not belong to Germany' because 'Germany is shaped by Christianity. The Muslims who live among us naturally belong to Germany. That of course does not mean that we should, out of a false consideration for others, give up our traditions and customs,' he said. However last month Seehofer's Christian Social Union party suffered major losses in the Bavarian elections, with the BBC's Germany Correspondent Jenny Hill suggesting that its attempt to harden its tone and policies on immigration 'appeared to have backfired.'
An Egyptian actress who wore a revealing dress to the Cairo Film Festival is to go on trial on charges of 'inciting debauchery,'reports say. Rania Youssef appeared in a lacy, black, see-through outfit that exposed most of her legs, outraging many Egyptians, though some said that she should be able to wear what she wanted. She could be jailed for up to five years if found guilty, an alleged judicial 'source'allegedly told AFP. Youssef has grovellingly apologised. The actress said that she would not have worn the dress if she had known it would cause such controversy. The charges were brought by two lawyers, Amro Abdelsalam and Samir Sabri, who are known for taking celebrities to court. Youssef's appearance 'did not meet societal values, traditions and morals and therefore undermined the reputation of the festival and the reputation of Egyptian women in particular,' Sabri told AFP. The Egyptian Actors' Syndicate also criticised the 'appearance of some of the guests,' which it said 'undermined the festival and the union.' In a social media post, the actress claimed that she had 'probably miscalculated' in choosing to wear the dress. 'It was the first time that I wore it and I did not realise it would spark so much anger,' she said. 'I reaffirm my commitment to the values upon which we were raised in Egyptian society,' she added. Last year an Egyptian court jailed singer Shaimaa Ahmed for two years - later reduced to a year - for appearing in a music video in her underwear while 'suggestively eating a banana.' Meanwhile. in January, prosecutors detained another singer, Laila Amer, after her music video, showing her dancing and making 'suggestive gestures,' sparked controversy.
A California woman accused of 'pushing, punching and choking' a McDonald's employee because she received 'too little ketchup' in her drive-thru order was reportedly arrested this week. Santa Ana police took Mayra Berenice Gallo into custody on Tuesday after 'numerous tips' helped investigators to identify and locate her, officials said in a news release. Gallo is accused of assaulting the McDonald's employee on 27 October. After receiving food from the drive-thru window, Gallo 'apparently became enraged' when she didn't get enough ketchup with her order, Officer Anthony Bertagna told KTLA-TV. She then went into the restaurant through the employee's entrance and asked for more ketchup. Police said that when the worker told Gallo she needed to leave the back area, Gallo 'became combative' and 'began pushing, punching and choking the employee,' KTLA reported. The attack was captured on the restaurant's video surveillance system and showed another employee trying to stop the assault. The attack ended when another man entered the restaurant to help break up the fight. Gallo was jailed after she was arrested on suspicion of assault, police said. Bertagna told KTLA: 'There's no reason to physically assault someone because you didn't get enough ketchup.'
A commander of a B-52 Stratofortress squadron at Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota, was recently relieved from duty after 'sexually explicit and phallic drawings' were discovered inside the bomber's cockpit screens during a recent deployment. A command-directed investigation anticipated to be released by Air Force Global Strike Command in coming weeks will show that Lieutenant Colonel Paul Goossen was removed from command of the Sixty Ninth Bomb Squadron on 27 November because 'penis drawings' were discovered on a moving map software displayed on the nuclear-capable B-52's Combat Network Communication Technology, according to an alleged 'source' allegedly 'familiar with the incident.' The system, used to display common data such as pre-planned routes for sorties and target coordinates, captured the data for post-sortie debriefs. Screengrabs of the images were later used 'for laughs' at an end-of-deployment party, the alleged 'source' allegedly said.
A woman who tried to blackmail a man for two grand with a sex video has been jailed for three years and eleven months. The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, forced her victim at knifepoint to drive to his flat and collect six hundred quid towards her demand according to reports. The allegedly 'vulnerable' woman pleaded extremely guilty at Cambridge Crown Court to blackmail and possessing a bladed weapon. Her co-defendant, Ross Olphert, of St Neots, pleaded very guilty to blackmail and was jailed for thirty one months. The woman reportedly met her victim in 2013 'at a sex party' and, afterwards, he regularly paid her for The Sex, prosecutor Daniel Benjamin said. On 3 August, the woman and Olphert threatened to send a video of the man having sex with the woman at the 2013 party to his parents and colleagues. Benjamin said that the woman threatened him with a knife and the victim agreed to collect six hundred notes. The thirty-minute journey was recorded on his car's dashcam. Olphert could be heard punching the victim in the head and the woman held a knife to the man's throat during the journey, the court heard. Claire Matthews, defending the woman, claimed that was she 'vulnerable, known to social care services, with poor mental health and a pattern of suicidal impulses.' Olphert's barrister, Benedict Peers, said he was a senior care worker who used his experience of mental ill health, including ADHD and bipolar disorder, 'to help others.' Olphert believed that he was 'just looking after' the woman, whom he thought was owed the money, the court was told.
Two would-be bank raiders broke into an escape room containing an imitation bank vault. The men were captured on CCTV forcing entry into the building in Ancoats, Manchester, before fleeing with a thousand smackers in cash. Lucardo escape rooms director Adam Conroy said that no one was hurt 'except for our Christmas spirit.' It is not known if the men realised they had not targeted a genuine bank during the raid. Although, one imagines they were pretty damned pissed off when they found out. The men unsuccessfully attempted to break into a safe which the business uses as part of 'pretend bank heists.' Conroy said that the property was empty at the time of the incident. He added: 'I don't think they realised what they'd broken into. It doesn't say a lot about their intelligence. What they didn't realise was all the clues to get into the safe are in the room they were in.' The men left behind an expensive camera as well as an empty soft-drink can, which police later tested for fingerprints and DNA, Conroy added. CCTV shows one of the men wearing a mask on top of his head, although his face is clearly visible. Despite taking the cash, the burglars failed to get their hands on a large imitation diamond kept inside the safe, Conroy said. 'They must have thought all their Christmases had come early. They'd broken into a bank no-one had heard of.' Greater Manchester Police confirmed they were investigating the incident.
A University of Wisconsin chancellor is being criticised for paying adult film actress Nina Hartley five thousand dollars to give a speech on campus about pornography. The My Bare Lady actress assured students during her ninety-minute talk on 1 November that it is 'okay to like porn' and discussed her decades-long career in the adult film industry. Hartley was paid for her appearance by University of Wisconsin-La Crosse Chancellor Joe Gow from his 'discretionary fund' drawing ire from school officials. School president Ray Cross sent a letter a week after Hartley's talk reprimanding Gow for 'using bad judgement' and threatening that the stunt could cost him a raise next month, WISC-TV reported. Cross said that he would 'launch an audit' into Gow's discretionary spending, adding that Hartley's appearance might put school funding in jeopardy. 'Therefore, you are being reprimanded for exercising poor judgment [sic] and for a lack of responsible oversight with respect to the use of state funds,' Cross wrote, crossly. Gow apologised - and promised to reimburse the five grand fee from his own pocket. About seventy students went to see Hartley, a sex educator who appeared in more than a thousand X-rated movies - including several in the Debbie Does ... franchise, including Debbie Does Wall Street and Debbie Duz Dishes. She also had a role in the 1997 movie Boogie Nights. 'The word pornography has such a pejorative connotation - it's been caught up in a lot of emotionally charged conversations,' she told the group, according to the La Crosse Tribune. Hartley said that she viewed porn as 'safe and consensual' - but also a fantasy. 'I wouldn't normally go to a barn on a Tuesday morning to have sex on a hay bale. It's my job and we're professionals,' she said. 'It's okay to like porn. It's okay to not like porn. And it's okay to be confused by porn. You are where you are and you are who you are.' Gow told the Associated Press on Wednesday that he enlisted Hartley to speak on campus because he wanted someone with 'a perspective very different from our own and someone who wouldn't be hateful and target groups.' He said that he found Hartley through an online search for college speakers. 'She seemed like a person who had a life experience dramatically different than the rest of us,' Gow said.
Parents should not expect schools to police children's eating and exercise, or toilet train pupils, Ofsted boss Amanda Spielman will say this week. England's chief inspector for schools will argue that the answer to the obesity crisis lies in the home and parents should not 'abdicate responsibility.' Neither can schools be 'a panacea for knife crime' or child neglect, she will add in her second annual report. Two studies have this year queried the benefit of school anti-obesity schemes. In February, the British Medical Journal reported that a year-long anti-obesity programme involving more than six hundred West Midlands primary school pupils 'yielded no improvements.' And, in July an Ofsted study of sixty schools found 'no link' between efforts to tackle obesity and pupils' weight. Spielman, who will present Ofsted's annual report on Tuesday, will highlight concerns that - by the time they start primary school - almost a quarter of children in England are already overweight or obese. This rises to over a third by the time they move on to secondary school. 'Schools can and should teach children about the importance of healthy eating and exercise in line with their core purpose; their PE lessons should get them out of breath,' she will say. 'But beyond that, schools cannot take over the role of health professionals - and above all parents.' Highlighting the growing evidence of children arriving at reception unable to use a toilet, she will add: 'This is difficult for teachers, disruptive for other children and has a terrible social impact on the children affected.'
A team of doctors who swallowed Lego®™ and timed how long it took to pass through their bowels say the results of their research'should reassure concerned parents.' In a paper published in the Journal of Paediatrics & Child Health, six researchers from Australia and the UK swallowed the head of a Lego®™ figure in the 'noble tradition of self-experimentation.' Toy parts are the second most common foreign object that children swallow and frequently cause anxiety among parents, but usually pass in a matter of days without pain or ill-effect. For the special Christmas edition of the journal, which frequently features quirky studies, the team decided to put their own bodies on the line. '[We] could not ask anything of our test subjects that we would not undertake themselves,' they wrote in their paper. They developed their own metrics: the Stool Hardness and Transit or 'Shat' score and the Found and Retrieved Time score. The 'Fart' score - how many days it took the Lego®™ to pass through the bowels - was between a day and three days, with an average of 1.7 days. Using the 'Shat' score, the researchers also found the consistency of their stools did not change. They compared 'Shat' and 'Fart' scores to see if 'looser stools caused quicker retrieval' but found no correlation. One of the report's authors, Grace Leo, said that she hoped the report 'made people smile' while also 'reassuring parents.' She said parents 'should seek medical advice' if children swallow things that are sharp, longer than five centimetres, wider than two centimetres, magnets, coins, button batteries or are experiencing pain. But most 'small, smooth, plastic objects' will 'pass easily.' If parents are uncertain, they should seek medical attention, Leo added. 'I can't remember if it was pre or post-breakfast,' she said. 'But we all ingested our Lego®™ between 7am and 9am in our own time zone, with a glass of water. For most people it was passed after one to three stools. But for poor [researcher Damien Roland], he didn't find his, so we made him search every stool for two weeks. I passed it on the first stool afterwards and was very relieved.' None of the researchers experienced any symptoms or pain due to the Lego®™ inside them. But Leo said that people 'should not replicate the experiment' at home. The report noted that it was 'possible' children's bowels would 'react differently' but there was 'little evidence to support this. If anything, it is likely that objects would pass faster in a more immature gut,' they wrote. Leo said: 'Hopefully there is more conversation and awareness of foreign bodies, and a reassurance for parents that, for small foreign bodies, they aren't advised to search through the stool. If it's a small Lego®™ head, you don't need to go poking through their stool. That should save parents some heartache, unless that Lego®™ head is dearly loved.'
Theresa May has backed 'robust" police tactics for dealing with criminals who use mopeds to commit crimes such as snatching bags or phones. Footage of police ramming vehicles into scooters to knock off suspects provoked controversy, with the Met Police saying two thieves had broken bones during such incidents. The Independent Office for Police Conduct has said it is investigating three cases of 'tactical contact.' But, when asked about the approach, the PM said it was 'absolutely right.' And, good fun too. 'These people on these mopeds are acting unlawfully and committing crimes and I think it's absolutely right that we see a robust police response to that,' she said, when asked about the issue during her trip to the G20 summit in Argentina. 'Moped crime has been an issue of concern for some time now, as it has been growing in certain areas, in particular in London.' Senior officers defended the tactic after releasing footage of incidents involving specially-trained drivers, saying it was needed to stop dangerous chases and had helped reduce moped-enabled crime in London by over a third. But, Labour has raised concerns about the approach, which MP Diane Abbott said earlier this week was 'potentially very dangerous. It shouldn't be legal for anyone,' tweeted the shadow home secretary. 'Police are not above the law.'
A beer brewed with an anti-racism message could be discontinued amid a trademark dispute. The name and design of Yellow Belly, an eleven per cent stout brewed by Buxton Brewery and Omnipollo from Sweden, was 'intended to lampoon the Ku Klux Klan.' However, Batemans Brewery said that the name was 'similar' to its own beer, which refers to its native Lincolnshire. The European Union Intellectual Property Office is reviewing the case. Buxton and Omnipollo first released Yellow Belly - a peanut butter and biscuit-flavoured imperial stout - in 2014 after being brought together in The Rainbow Project, a collaborative event randomly pairing seven British breweries with counterparts from around the world, with each duo assigned one of the colours of the rainbow. The brewery explained they drew yellow. It said the 'prime meaning' of the colour was cowardice so chose to design the bottle in a way that would highlight what it saw as the cowardice of racist elements of the far right. The beer became popular with craft beer aficionados but, as a result of the trademark opposition, next year's edition looks set to be the last. Batemans Brewery said it first began brewing a Yella Belly beer twenty years ago as a vanilla pale, with its current iteration, Yella Belly Gold, a 3.9 per cent amber ale. People born and bred in Lincolnshire are known colloquially as 'yellowbellies,' although the origins of the phrase are widely disputed, with the colour of mail coaches, the attire of the Royal North Lincolnshire Militia and a range of animals all being cited as possible origins. Geoff Quinn, owner of Buxton Brewery, said it was 'a shame' to discontinue the beer, but said that it wanted to avoid 'legal wrangles which wouldn't really benefit anyone. We don't see how we could get accused of passing off our beer as theirs or vice-versa,' he said. Henok Fentie, head brewer for Omnipollo, said it was 'a bummer' to discontinue Yellow Belly, but said he would 'rather spend money on putting more hops in our beer' than on legal malarkey. Stuart Bateman, managing director of Batemans, said that he first learned of Yellow Belly when he was called by Omnipollo two months ago alerting them to the issue and had not been contacted since a 'friendly' initial discussion. He said he was 'surprised' by the 'online backlash' from some fans of the beer, but said breweries ought to check other registered names before releasing beers. 'My logic on it is if various people that are going on social media and are adamant about the importance of the name Yellow Belly, then they appreciate there's an importance in branding,' he said. But, he added that he hoped to be able to 'reach a solution' with the other firms. A spokesman for the EUIPO said that it 'could not comment on individual cases' and that a final decision 'has not yet been reached' in this case. Chartered trademark attorney Chris McLeod said that the huge growth in the number of breweries - from about seven hundred across the UK in 2008 to more than two thousand as of last year - meant trademark issues around new beers are 'likely to become relatively common' in the increasingly crowded sector.' While dealing with the EUIPO 'is about as inoffensive or as unaggressive as you can be in objecting to a third party,' he said breweries ought to 'take care' when naming their new products.
A man has admitted to spanking a police officer on the buttocks in an attempt to s'how off to his friends' after a night out. Which is not on, obviously. Especially as you normally have to pay good money for that sort of thing. Apparently. Bradley Richmond, was witnessed 'thrusting his hips' and shouting at two police officers who were on foot patrol in Darlington town centre. Newton Aycliffe Magistrates' Court heard how Richmond had been stood with his friends at around 3.10am on 28 July, when the officers walked past. John Garside, prosecuting, said: 'The officers became aware of the defendant as he was shouting and thrusting his hips back and forth as he called to them. He then used his right hand to slap the buttock of the PC.' Richmond, who has no previous convictions, pleaded very guilty to assaulting a PC in the execution of their duty. Garside read out a victim personal statement on behalf of the PC involved who said he 'felt violated.' Richmond's solicitor, Stephen Andrews, said: 'It's kicking out time and police are on foot patrol and on their way to another unrelated incident when they see Mister Richmond messing about, essentially. It is described as "just showing off in front of his friends," being silly and as the officer is walking past, he taps him on the bottom. He has placed his hand where he shouldn't have, so it is an assault. He is embarrassed and rightly so. He said he won't be acting in this way again.' Richmond was fined one hundred and twelve notes and ordered to pay twenty five smackers compensation to the officer he assaulted.
For the second time in fourteen months, a Florida woman was reportedly arrested for domestic battery after she was 'denied sex.' Rebecca Lynn Phelps, of Hudson allegedly beat her boyfriend - really hard - after she grabbed his genitals while he was sleeping on Thanksgiving night and demanded the two have The Sex. When the man said no, Phelps scratched the victim on his eye, causing it to turn black and blue, the Smoking Gun reports. Phelps denied touching the man, whom she shares a home and child, but was arrested on a misdemeanour domestic battery charge. This is not Phelps' first brush with the law over the same issue; she was also arrested in September 2017 after hitting a man who, allegedly, 'did not want to have sexual relations with her.' In the prior incident, Phelps hit the man in the face and scratched his arm, causing it to bleed. It is not known if the men involved in the arrests are the same.
A visually-impaired man claims that he wants to read Playboy - for the articles - but cannot. On Wednesday, Donald Nixon - who is legally blind - filed a lawsuit against the company's website, claiming that it was in violation of the American with Disabilities Act, TMZ reported. Both Playboy.com and Playboyshop.com are allegedly 'not compatible' with Nixon's screen-reading software, which allows blind or visually impaired users to read the text with a speech synthesizer or braille display, according to the American Foundation for the Blind. Based on court documents obtained by TMZ, Nixon argued that visually-impaired people could not 'fully and equally use or enjoy the facilities, products, and services.' He reportedly is suing the Playboy company for violating the American with Disabilities Act, in hopes to make their website 'more accessible' for the blind and for 'unspecified damages.' Since 1990, the ADA has protected individuals with disabilities against discrimination in all areas of life, including employment, school and private places, according to the ADA National Network website. Those who violate the policy can face more than one hundred thousand bucks in fines, the Association of Corporate Counsel says.
Female paramedics were 'forced to watch pornography' and were 'subjected to sexually abusive behaviour' while working for a service which covers Somerset. A damning report into bullying has claimed that there is 'a highly sexualised and sexist culture' in some areas across the South West. A probe into South Western Ambulance Service Foundation Trust found that staff had quit their jobs and 'even considered suicide' because of some of the behaviour in the workplace. SWASFT, which serves Somerset, launched a review after an NHS staff survey saw twenty four per cent of the ambulance service's staff say they had experienced bullying or harassment. Ken Wenman, the ambulance service's chief executive, described the review's findings as 'the most important and significant' report he has read in twenty years. According to the Bristol Post, the report found 'sexual banter' created 'an intoxicating atmosphere' for staff and claims that new female employees were referred to as 'fresh meat' or told they were 'going to be put over a manager's knee and spanked.' The study alleged one male and female 'simulated sexual intercourse on the floor' in front of others, including managers who 'failed to intervene.' It said: 'Some male colleagues commented how they found the culture in some work locations to be highly sexualised and sexist.Interviewees also talked about managers openly flirting with new employees in an attempt to exert power and control.' The report found that staff 'brave enough to complain' were, then, 'sidelined for promotions or alienated by other employees.' It quoted one interviewee as saying: 'It was made clear to me if I wanted to progress my career there were sexual favours that were required. Nights out, weekends away. You do as we want you to.' The report adds that as well as sexualised behaviour, people also thought managers and colleagues were 'openly sexist' towards women, implying that because they were a woman, they were 'less capable.' Sexism was also used against women to give unfair workloads compared to men and used 'as a means of control,' the report found. The report also said that while some of the instances were 'historical' it 'left its mark on interviewees' and added: 'Some women talked about being exposed to pornographic material, to being physically propositioned and to behaviours that are frankly bordering on gross misconduct or even sexual assault.' SWASFT chairman Tony Fox said that he 'welcomed' the findings.
A Canadian promoter is staging a music festival next August to mark the fiftieth anniversary of the 1969 Woodstock festival. Bands have not been announced yet, but the W50 Group claims they will be a mix of original bands from fifty years ago and tribute bands. The event will run in a park in Ottawa from 9 to 11 August. The announcement suggests that 'music lovers' are encouraged 'to come dressed up like hippies.' Hopefully, someone will have a thermo-nuclear device pointed at the gaff in case any actual hippies turn up.
A man who allegedly 'laughed at police' when they found no drugs in his pockets was later discovered to be hiding a bag of cocaine up his penis, a court has heard. James Mason reportedly told the officers, 'ha ha, told you I had fuck all on us, you mugs,' when they searched him after 'a disturbance' at a student accommodation block. But the twenty one-year-old was hauled to the Cop Shop anyway for being drunk and disorderly 'after one too many swear words.' And, for 'looking at officers in a funny way.' Probably. On the way to the station the officers noticed that Mason was 'fiddling with his sock' and 'put his hand down his trousers.' He was then strip searched at the station, where he 'pulled a bag of white powder from his penis.' Mason, from Whitley Bay has been fined after pleading very guilty to possession of a class A drug and being drunk and disorderly in a public place. North Tyneside Magistrates Court on Tuesday heard police were called shortly after 10pm on 17 October to a disturbance at Manor Bank student halls, near Manors in Newcastle. When officers arrived they saw a man in the outside courtyard talking to a security guard. Prosecutor Bethany Jendrzejewski said that the man was holding a bottle of Sambuca, 'appeared to be unsteady on his feet, his eyes were glazed and he smelled of alcohol.' She told the court: 'The police formed the opinion he was drunk.' No shit? 'They were informed the male had been involved in a disturbance inside the premises and possibly had drugs in his possession.' The officers told Mason they were going to search him, to which he replied, 'Fuck off, you're not searching me.' He then said: 'Ha ha, told you I had fuck all on us, you mugs' when they found nothing in his pockets. Jendrzejewski said: 'He was warned about his bad language and told to leave the area. But he replied: "I'm going to go back in there and fucking smash their heads in, the mugs."' Mason was cautioned for being drunk and disorderly and taken to Forth Banks police station. On the way the officers saw him 'starting to fiddle with his sock and put his hands down his trousers.' They handcuffed him 'to stop him messing with his clothes' and put in a request to strip search him when they got to the police station, which was granted. At that point, Jendrzejewski said: 'He removed his trousers, pulled back his foreskin and pulled a white bag of powder from his penis. The defendant was asked what it was and replied that it was cocaine.' Mason was fined one hundred and twenty knicker after magistrates said they had 'rarely seen such an example of foolish adolescent behaviour.'
A careless truck driver in China reportedly threw a cigarette butt out of the window onto the road while driving and ended up setting his own truck on fire. According to South China Morning Post, the driver admitted that he was smoking a cigarette and threw it out adding that the wind 'probably' blew it to the back of the truck. He is identified by his surname Wu. Flames and heavy smoke soon engulfed the back of the vehicle as it came off a motorway in Zhangzhou, Fujian province and stopped near a toll station. Luckily, some bystanders rushed to the spot with fire extinguishers and managed to put out the fire, the report added. Investigators ruled out self-ignition as the cause because the rest of the truck was intact. Self-ignition usually occurs in the front and middle part of a vehicle.
A Wisconsin man with 'a host of long-running personal problems' was sentenced to four-and-a-half years in The Federal Pokey on Thursday for 'putting items into some links' at a Johnsonville Sausage factory in March. Jonathan T Lane, who had just started working on the quality control line a few weeks prior, said that he 'just wanted to go home early' when he slipped a cigarette paper one day and a piece of wire three days later, into sausages at the Sheboygan Falls plant. He then pulled them from the production line and alerted supervisors, causing a shutdown. No contaminated products ever left the factory. US District Judge Pamela Pepper said that it seemed 'much more likely' Lane was 'trying to be seen as a hero,' based on his own statement that, after his mother died in 2015, no one ever told him he was doing a good job at anything. 'I always feel unappreciated and fearful that I'll mess up,' Lane told Pepper during his apology for his 'poor choices.' Pepper pointed out that there were 'much easier ways to leave work early' and that, in one instance, Lane actually had to stay later after he flagged one of the affected links. 'I think this goes far beyond doing something stupid,' she said, adding that his 'reckless conduct' created the potential for the contaminated sausages to make it to some consumer's plates. In addition to the prison sentence, Pepper imposed three years of supervised release and ordered Lane to get a mental health evaluation and pay just over forty two thousand bucks to Johnsonville for the product it discarded after worries about Lane's tampering malarkey. In a sentencing memo, Lane's attorney, Ronnie V Murray, noted that Lane suffers from 'PTSD, ADHD, depressive disorder and liver disease, all of which contribute to Jonathan's history of cognitive dysfunction and poor decision-making.' That, in turn, 'got Lane in trouble' for nonviolent, nuisance-type crimes. 'He now finds himself in the most trouble he's ever been in,' the memo added. Lane was charged in May and in August pleaded very guilty to one count of tampering with a food product, with reckless disregard for the risk of injuring or killing another person. Citing Lane's 'many challenges,' including bouts of homelessness, his remorse for the ludicrous sausage scheme and the fact he has 'a good job waiting for him at a tractor factory,' Murray recommended a sentence no longer than six months in The Slammer, plus three years of supervision. 'All of the contributing factors to Jonathan's poor judgement and decision-making can be treated, but more effectively so in the community rather than prison,' Murray said. The prosecution had urged a seven-year prison term. Andrew Scarpace, a student intern for the US attorney's office, called Lane 'arguably a sympathetic defendant' but said that he'd had probation revoked before for lesser state offences and called Lane 'dangerous.'
The New York City Police Department has suspended a detective after learning that he recorded a thirty-second video of his testicles on a body cam in what appears to have been 'a horribly ill-advised prank,' the New York Daily News reported. According to the paper, 'law enforcement sources and internal police documents' said Detective Specialist Raymond Williams of the Seventy Ninth Precinct was suspended on Thursday after the video was 'inadvertently discovered' by a female staffer at the city's Legal Bureau during a review of recordings. Williams worked as a neighbourhood coordination officer. The Daily News reported: 'Williams waited until unsuspecting cop Michael Devonish - another neighbourhood coordination officer - went to the men's room in their Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, station house before he snatched Devonish's body camera and put it to anatomical abuse. On 2 October, Williams took possession of another member of the service's department issued body camera and recorded a thirty two-second second video consisting of him intentionally exposing his testicles while in the Seventy Ninth Precinct Special Operations Office,' according to police documents acquired by the paper. Williams' naked ass and testicles 'were on full display' and 'he even rubbed his penis,' alleged 'sources'allegedly said. 'If he's an NCO, that's worse,' an alleged 'source' allegedly told the paper. 'He's supposed to be a positive influence on the community.'
Andrew Burt, who has died of cancer this week aged seventy three, was one of the original cast members of ITV's rural soap opera Emmerdale when it was launched as Emmerdale Farm in 1972; he played Jack Sugden, the literary-minded farmer forever battling with his younger brother Joe (played by Frazer Hines). The serial, created by the accomplished writer Kevin Laffan and set in the remote Yorkshire Dales village of Beckindale, was built around the matriarchal figure of Annie Sugden (Sheila Mercier). But it was the return of the prodigal son Jack from a life in Rome after his father Jacob's death that kicked started the drama. Joe had given his all to the farm, but Jack was bequeathed the running of it. The twice-weekly drama was otherwise enjoyed for its leisurely pace and picturesque location, its debut hailed by the Torygraph's Sean Day-Lewis as 'Independent Television's earnest attempt to instill [sic] the habit of afternoon television' after the recent derestriction of broadcasting hours. The brooding Jack Sugden had walked out eight years earlier after a row with his father, then found some success as a novelist. Leaving the farm to Jack was Jacob's revenge, forcing him to return. Of his reason for casting Burt, Laffan said he 'had a kind of half-amused way of looking at things. It was essential for Jack to have a cynical outlook.' Realism was paramount for Laffan: he would later decry the show's descent into sensationalism, or what one cast member called 'Dallas with dung.' So, if Jack was seen milking a cow, that is what he was doing. It was one of the skills taught to the cast by the real farmer at the location, Arthur Peel. Burt, keen to move on to pastures new, left Emmerdale Farm in early 1974, reappeared briefly two years later, then was written out, having appeared in more than one hundred episodes, subsequently to be replaced in the role by Clive Hornby. The serial went on to become one of Britain's most popular soaps and switched to peak time. Andrew Thomas Hutchison Burt was born in May 1945 in Wakefield, to Aileen and Hutchison Burt, a psychiatrist, who died when Andrew was eight. On leaving Silcoates School with A-levels that included French, he joined an engineering company in Birmingham with ideas of becoming a sales rep abroad. But performing with the amateur Oldbury Rep gave him thoughts of acting. He trained at Rose Bruford College, Kent, then took a degree in English at the University of Kent before performing in repertory in Perth. After Emmerdale Farm brought him small-screen fame, Burt's prominent roles were as authority figures – such as Lieutenant Peek aboard the frigate HMS Hero, tackling smuggling and the Cold War in the 1976 and 1977 BBCdrama Warship, the captain of the Beagle, Robert FitzRoy, in The Voyage Of Charles Darwin (1978) and Chief Inspector Stanislaus Oates in Campion (1989-90). He was very good as Valgard, a member of the Vanir group of guards, in the 1983 Doctor Who story Terminus and played the leads in two BBC Sunday teatime serials, The Legend Of King Arthur (1979) and Lilliput (1982). He also presented the children's series Stepping Stones (1979-80). With his rich, authoritative tones, Burt was much in demand as a voice-over artist - in dozens of commercials ('Domestos Germguard cleans deep down'), on ITV news programmes and as the Radio Norwich announcer in Steve Coogan's sitcom I'm Alan Partridge (1997-2002). Other roles on his CV included Callan, Blake's 7, Chain, Cribb, Bognor, Rumpole Of The Bailey, Tales Of The Unexpected, Strangers, Angels, Bergerac, The Bill, Wire In The Blood, [spooks], In The Red, The Day Today and Oscar Charlie. Latterly he retired from acting to become a counsellor, gaining great satisfaction from helping people with stress-related illnesses. He was an avid collector of paintings and Michael Ayrton sculptures. Andrew, who was unmarried, is survived by his brother, Ian.
Bernardo Bertolucci, Italian director of Last Tango In Paris and The Last Emperor, has died in Rome, aged seventy seven. Born in Parma in 1941, his other films included The Conformist, The Dreamers, 1900 and The Sheltering Sky. Winner of two Oscars, for directing and co-writing The Last Emperor, Bertolucci was known for his bold visual style and the controversy stoked by Last Tango In Paris's explicit sexual content and Marlon Brando giving Maria Schneider one, geet hard, up the Gary Glitter. Bertolucci reportedly died of cancer after a short illness. His final feature, Me & You, had its premiere at the Cannes Film Festival in 2012. Bertolucci began his career as an assistant director to Pier Paolo Pasolini on his 1961 film Accattone. He directed his first feature, 1962's La Commare Secca, at the age of twenty one. Before The Revolution and The Spider's Stratagem followed, although it was Last Tango that brought him to the attention of the world. The 1972 movie, about an American businessman who begins a sexually charged relationship with a young Frenchwoman, was very banned in several countries. In 2016, a row was ignited after a video emerged of Bertolucci claiming that he did not fully prepare the then nineteen-year-old Schneider, for what he and Brando had planned t do to her in the infamous 'butter scene.' Schneider claimed the scene in question was not in the original script, but the director claimed it was 'a ridiculous misunderstanding.' Bertolucci's most critically successful film was The Last Emperor, a biopic of the Chinese emperor Pu Yi, which won nine Oscars in 1988, including best picture. Bertolucci received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2008 and was awarded an honorary Palme d'Or at Cannes in 2011. Bertolucci's films were often very political in their themes. He was a professed Marxist and, like Luchino Visconti, who similarly employed many foreign artists during the late 1960s, Bertolucci used his films to express his political views; hence they were often autobiographical as well as highly controversial. The Conformist (1970) criticised Fascist ideology, touched upon the relationship between nationhood and nationalism, as well as issues of popular taste and collective memory, all amid an international plot by Benito Mussolini to assassinate a politically active leftist professor of philosophy in Paris. 1900 also analyses the struggle of Left and Right. Tragedy Of A Ridiculous Man (1981) touched upon Italy's recent history of political kidnapping. In the spring of 2018, in an interview with the Italian edition of Vanity Fair, Bertolucci announced that he was preparing a new film. He stated: 'The theme will be love, let's call it that. In reality, the theme is communication and therefore also incommunicability. The favourite subject of Michelangelo Antonioni and the condition I found myself facing when I moved on from my films for the few, those of the sixties, to a broader cinema ready to meet a large audience.' The son of the poet and art historian Attillo Bertolucci (1911-2000), Bertolucci had one brother, the theatre director and playwright Giuseppe (1947-2012). His cousin was the film producer Giovanni Bertolucci (1940–2005), with whom he worked on a number of films.
And finally, on Wednesday of this week, dear blog reader, this blogger received an e-mail from Amazon asking if yer actual Keith Telly Topping would like to add a particular book to his Amazon shopping basket. This blogger did, briefly, consider e-mailing them back to inform them that, actually, since he wrote the fekker in the first place, he already had a few copies lying around Stately Telly Topping Manor. As Twirly once - almost - said, dear blog reader, if you want it, Kerblam! it.

Welcome, dear blog reader, to the eleventh annual From The North Awards. Celebrating, in Keith Telly Topping's personal - and not even remotely humble - opinion, the best and worst TV shows broadcast in the UK during the past year. In what is rapidly becoming an annual observation, you may notice that there are about twice as many 'highs' listed here as there are 'lows'. This imbalance is not, necessarily, any sort of reflection of the actual ratio of good telly to bad during 2018. Rather it is because, generally, we tend to remember the good stuff and attempt - only sometimes successfully - to forget about all the distressing faeces featuring James Corden.
As noted previously, each year when this blogger posts these lists, he usually gets a handful of e-mails and/or Facebook comments from dear blog readers saying something along the lines of 'very good, yer actual Keith Telly Topping, very good indeed. But, be advised, you missed off [insert own favourite here], so you did.' Therefore, please note, since answering such comments is always a right flamin' pain in the dong, this blogger has not missed off anything. These awards represent what yer actual Keith Telly Topping has been watching and enjoying (or vastly disliking, or was thoroughly bewildered by) during the last year. If a programme is not mentioned, it is either because this blogger didn't see it or he did, but did not consider it worthy of inclusion on any of the lists below. If you disagree, then by all means start your own blog and do your own awards. Thus, without any further ado ...

Forty Two Extra-Primo-Rad Highlights Of Television In 2018:-

1. Killing Eve
'Promise you won't be naughty!' Unique, thrilling, funny, just a bit dangerous. A drama so utterly unlike anything else on TV that is makes you wonder who was the executive brave enough to commission it in the first place. The second series of Killing Eve - sadly, without writer Phoebe Waller-Bridge - will arrive on your telly box in 2019. If it's anything less than as outstanding and strange as the first series, it will almost certainly win the 'disappointment of the year' award!
2. Doctor Who
'This is brilliant, I never did this when I was a man ... Sorry, my references to body and gander regeneration are just in jest.' A radical reinterpretation of a fifty five year old television format which, despite a sex-change, nevertheless managed to be both respectful of and faithful to Doctor Who's long-standing liberal, humanitarian, pacifist traditions. 'The Doctor,' as its longest-running Script Editor Terrance Dicks once wisely noted, 'is never cruel or cowardly ... To put it simply, The Doctor is a hero. That much hasn't changed and it never will.' Loathed by a few-dozen racist, sexist, homophobic bigots on Twitter whose crass and ignorant bleatings were subsequently picked up - as 'news' - by a couple of the more scummy right-wing papers with a sick agenda smeared all over their collective disgusting mush, Jodie Whittaker and her colleague's first ten episodes in the TARDIS were, thankfully, a joy to behold. 'Too PC'my arse! Yer actual Keith Telly Topping though the entire series was great, dear blog reader.
3. The Many Primes Of Muriel Spark
Documentary of the year, by a distance. Kirstie Wark's luscious BBC4 celebration of the life and work of her heroine, the Scottish author Dame Muriel Spark, one of the Twentieth Century's most enigmatic cultural figures on the one hundredth anniversary of her birth was a thing of rare, serene beauty. Like Spark's best work and indeed, Muriel herself, the programme was multi-layered, thoughtful, enigmatic and gloriously structured.
4. The Bridge
'I'm pregnant.''Am I the father?''I've only had sex with myself and you for the last two years!' Good God, who would have predicted it? The Bridge - one of the most impressively downbeat TV dramas of all time - actually had a happy ending. Well, as close as we were ever going to get to a happy ending from The Bridge, anyway. To the very end, Hans Rosenfeldt's story of Saga Norén, the brilliant but socially awkward, Asperger's-like Malmö detective, felt like it was heading for a colossal train-wreck. And then, what do you know? Everybody lived (reasonably) happily ever after. Didn't see that coming!
5. Bodyguard
'Sex with the Home Secretary is heinous crime.' Jed Mercurio's tale of shady doings at high levels of government, anti-terrorism and law enforcement got itself criticised - sometimes heavily - by various people with various agendas in place. But, nevertheless, in part thanks to one of the most brilliantly-staged plot twists in TV drama history, ended up becoming something of a national obsession. The final episode - watched by about a third of the entire country - managed to avoid a common fault in TV drama of almost ruining all the good approach-play with a disappointing finale. Instead, Bodyguard's climax was explosive - in every sense of the word.
6. Spiral
'What have you become?' Taut, exciting cult French crime drama Engrenages' sixth series balanced a standard, madly-complex story of bent coppers, trafficked Roma girls and a couple of ruthless gangster brothers posing as community leaders with nominal heroine Laure Berthaud's spiralling (if you'll excuse the pun) post-natal depression. Spiral is often compared to The Wire but, actually, it shares closer DNA with another US cable masterpiece, The Shield. As with Vic Mackey's strike team, there is no escaping your misdemeanours; they snowball and crush you. A true Parisian gem.
7. Westworld
'"Dead" isn't what it used to be!' Hands up which among you, dear blog readers, managed to keep-track of the bewildering plethora of interconnected time-streams that the second series of Westworld dabbled in? You liars! Nah, this blogger neither, frankly! But, goodness, it was worth all of the effort for that mind-melting, game-changing final episode. Where they go next, obviously, is a question that the showrunners are probably still trying to work out amongst themselves!
8. A Very English Scandal
'These are the greatest charges ever levelled against a member of parliament. And, considering the House of Commons has had two hundred and seventy years of bastards, liars, perverts, thieves, blackmailers, inbreds and arsonists, that really is quite an achievement!' Russell Davies's beautiful tragi-comic deconstruction of the infamous Jeremy Thorpe-Norman Scott affair was a handsome, smart, witty and brilliant piece of telly drama-as-social-commentary. Plus, it contained two of the best acting performances of the year in the leads, Hugh Grant and Ben Whishaw.
9. Keeping Faith
'Mam, is something wrong with dad?' Matthew Hills'Cymru Noir thriller contained another of the finest drama performances of the year, from Eve Myles. Originally shown on SC4 in late 2017, it became something of a surprise Thursday night hit when repeated on BBC1 during the summer. Described by one critic as 'the dual-language drama that has got box-set Britain gripped,' almost overnight it became a word-of-mouth hit of the sort that you kind of thought TV doesn't do anymore in this age of Twitter and instant over-the-top criticism of anything remotely slow-moving or cerebral. Critics who had dismissed the opening episode as a mere 'Welsh Broadchurch' came rushing back to find out what all the fuss was about. And, like everyone else, they found themselves sucked into the drama of a clever and well-told tale.
10. The Little Drummer Girl
'I'm an actress.''So you don't believe in anything?' Whinged about on Twitter by people with an attention-span of seven second demanding to have the plot explained to them using graphs if necessary (we should probably thank God that social media wasn't around when Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy was made thirty years ago, no one would've made it past the first episode), the BBC's latest John le Carré adaptation failed to become the national obsession that its predecessor, The Night Manager, was. But, those three or four million viewers who stuck with the densely labyrinthine plot to the end were rewarded with not only a really intriguing story of obsession and trust but also plenty of shots of Florence Pugh's underwear. Neither of which were at all unwelcome in a TV landscape often very short on intelligence if seldom short on panties. Generally speaking the show appears to have been more highly regarded by American critics who, seemingly, aren't intimidated by dramas that don't spoon-feed their audience all of the answers at once.
11. Unforgotten
'We've all done things of which we are ashamed.' The third series of Chris Lang's cold case drama - a star vehicle for Sanjeev Bhaskar and From The North favourite Nicola Walker - was, by a distance, the best yet with a twisting plot that kept the audience guessing the identity of the murderer until the last act of the final episode. Unforgotten, the point is the Gruniad's but it's something of a recurring theme in most media reviews of the drama, is 'typically about ordinary people making bad choices under terrible pressure.' Except for this year when it was all about 'a charming psychopath with ice in his veins.' Yet it worked, brilliantly. Another series is promised for next year.
12. In The Long Run
'I'm going to make my mark here.' A labour of love for its creator and star, yer actual Idris Elba, Sky's In The Long Run tells the tale of an immigrant family making its way in Britain in the 1970s and is based, largely, on Elba's own childhood. While viewers may have been surprised to find the words 'sitcom' and 'the former Stringer Bell and current John Luther' in such close proximity, more remarkable was that it featured a majority black cast. Well, apart from Bill Bailey, obviously (who was superb, as were most of the ensemble). Sweet and warm-hearted, it was, essentially, a joyful portrait of community and camaraderie, home and belonging. An outstanding and welcome addition to Idris's already impressive body of work.
13. Qi/Qi XL
'One series of Bake Off and now, she's an expert!' Still the sharpest, wittiest, just occasionally the most lovably daft panel show on TV and still, as regular guest Victoria Coren Mitchell has been known to comment, the only programme on TV in which the production team assume that the audience can, actually, spell. A comforting thought in these dark and terrible Brexit-type times, dear blog reader, is that as bad as it all gets, you're never more than twelve hours away from a Qi repeat on Dave. Watch a few episodes and, almost inspite of yourselves, you might just learn something.
14. Mark Kermode's Secrets Of Cinema
In which, as the Independent noted: 'UK's leading film critic gives mainstream cinema the respect it deserves.' Mark is that rarest of critics. He understands the genres, gets the references, has seen pretty much everything but also remembers to enjoy himself and eat the popcorn. It's true that some of the pleasure in his regular radio reviews with Simon Mayo on 5Live is rooted in his venomous destruction of truly terrible films but that's surely Hollywood's problem, not his. Across this tremendous five-part BBC4 series, Mark deconstructed the generic nuts-and-bolt behind the romcom, the heist, the horror movie, the SF movie and the coming of age movie with wit, honesty and a fan's eye for just the right degree of taking the mickey. The best BBC4 'forensic study of a topic' series since Mark Gatiss's History Of Horror eight years ago. And, for a channel which specialises in such formats, that's a really impressive line on the Kermode CV.
15. Feud: Bette & Joan
'Friends? You think it's friendship I want from her? You're wrong, it's respect. It's the only thing I ever wanted from her ... And, it's the one thing I've never got.' Although produced at the end of 2016, broadcast in US in March 2017 and making its UK debut at the end of last year, the final couple of episodes of Ryan Murphy, Jaffe Cohen and Michael Zam's chronicling of the rivalry between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford during and after the production of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? lingered into January 2018 on BBC2. As a consequence, this blogger feels entirely justified in including it in this year's From The North list. Although inspired by the real-life feud between Crawford and Davis, the series also explored issues of sexism, ageism and misogyny in Hollywood (then and now). With splendid performances from Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon, biopic drama doesn't get much better than this.
16. Inside Number Nine
For the first five minutes, Inside Number Nine's Hallow'een episode looked thoroughly generic. Arthur Flitwick (Steve Pemberton) returns from the shops, puts a mobile on the table, sticks on the radio and starts to coddle an egg. The phone rings, there is some sinister white noise, the egg explodes in the microwave and the caller rings off. Flitwick redials the last number and what appears to be a domestic farce involving a lost phone and a confused old lady begins. The arrival of Reece Shearsmith's vicar saw the manifestation of the first gremlins: the sound disappeared and BBC2's continuity announcer intervened. Twitter collectively speculated about P45s being issued to someone and the show immediately lost a fifth of its audience as the less patient turned over to watch something else. But, those who didn't give up ghost soon found themselves being absolutely mind-fucked. A repeated (largely silent) episode of Inside Number Nine began, but soon we were in Pemberton and Shearsmith's dressing room. Shearsmith flicked on the News At Ten where the green and gold flags of Jair Bolsonaro's celebrating supporters could be seen. Yes, this was actually, live. This perplexing episode had been in preparation for a while. The production team had been seeding the show's central conceit: the haunting of Granada studios. An article appeared in the Sun claiming that 'interventions from deceased Coronation Street stars' had been 'making rehearsals impossible.' But even so, what began to unfold was both remarkable and unsettling. BBC2 itself appeared to be possessed, stricken by visitations from the studio's illustrious and traumatic past. From Bobby Davro's notorious faceplant during the filming of Public Enemy Number One to a serious fire during which costumes for The Jewel In The Crown were destroyed, we were suddenly scrolling through an index of Granada-based mishaps. Were people fooled? However much they may have denied it subsequently, yes they undoubtedly were. But even better, Shearsmith and Pemberton included the viewers and made them participants. Shearsmith tweeted: 'Are me and Steve Pemberton on BBC2 now?' and people replied. Viewers' real time reactions became part of the drama in a way which felt more profound than usual. Co-star Stephanie Cole's Wikipedia entry was altered to reflect her apparent on-screen 'suicide.''Event TV' is a term which is now lazily applied to everything from cookery shows to z-list lack-of-talent contests. But the Inside Number Nine live episode really did deserve that description. What the show demonstrated was that in the hands of people like Pemberton and Sheersmith, modern media platforms such as Twitter are simply more tools, more colours that a writer can add to their palette. The show's closest relative was probably BBC1's bowel-shatteringly memorable 1992 Hallow'een fable Ghostwatch. But that was able to take advantage of a less jaded, less media-savvy, more credulous era. To even approach its mischief in 2018 felt like a triumph of the imagination and proof that TV still has the capacity to surprise, disconcert and delight.
17. The Cry
'What kind of mother are you?' With a Bodyguard-shaped void in BBC1 viewers' Sunday night schedules, The Cry had big shoes to fill. And, fill them it pretty much did. Jenna Coleman - acting her little cotton socks off - starred in a chilling, plot-twisting drama about a new mother whose world collapses after the disappearance of her baby. Subtle, nuanced, a psychological thriller which built suspense while tapping into the worst parental nightmare, The Cry was four episodes of sustained ennui - 'sickeningly addictive' according to the Gruniad - mixed up in a bag, shaken and then scattered, almost at random, in a non-linear tangle. One which, despite everything, still made perfect sense. Another huge Sunday night hit for the Beeb and another nail in the coffin of those who whinge about the standards of modern drama. Show such whingers, please, an episode of something like this and then tell them to shut the fek up.
18. Dave Allen At Peace
'What makes a man? The Jesuits will tell you that if you give them a boy up to the age of seven they will show you the man. And for an extra fiver, they'll cover up the scars!' Aidan Gillan is a great actor, dear blog reader. We know this from numerous dramas in which he's appeared. He can do so much with just a glance; give him an accent to tackle in a role, however and he's usually well-buggered! (Game Of Thrones being the most obvious example.) Cast as the late, much-loved Irish comedian Dave Allen in a beautifully sympathetic biopic, at last, Aidan got the chance to pick an accent and stick to it for the entirety of the production, something virtually unique in his career. Like Allen's best work, Dave Allen At Peace was gloriously irreverent, caustic, awkward and piss-yer-pants funny. Perfectly pitched with just the right degree of surreal moments, this was a fitting tribute to a true comic genius. And Gillan was properly terrific in it. May his accent God go with him hereafter.
19. The Brokenwood Mysteries
'It's one thing to kill a man, but to strip him naked, tape a rugby ball over his face and ram some knickers down his throat, that's more than just murder!' One that rather sneaked under the radar of many British viewers - this blogger included. The Brokenwood Mysteries is a New Zealand crime drama entirely unable to make up its mind whether it wants to be Midsomer Murders or Twin Peaks. So, it sort of ends up as both, simultaneously. Having picked up a cult following in several territories (France, for example), it finally arrived in the UK on the obscure Drama channel. This year's fifth series is possibly the best so far. Engaging, quirky, with a keen sense of its own ridiculous little faux naïf world, Brokenwood's charms are gentle, yet very rewarding. Seek it out and tell them this blogger sent you!
20. King Arthur's Britain: The Truth Unearthed
'Arthur is a fairy-story who might've been a real person.' With exclusive access to a major new excavation, From The North favourite Professor Alice Roberts discovered what King Arthur's Britain was - or, may have been - like, including surprisingly modern connections we all share with our past. Since Chanel Four decided to scrap Time Team, it appears to have become the BBC's job to keep archaeology and historical reconstruction on TV alive via the programmes of Alice and Neil Oliver (and his lovely hair). This film composted a wealth of research into a diligent hour of sleuthing and forensic analysis. A tale unfolded of a Britain split right down the middle, blessed with frictionless immigration and those who simply wanted peaceable trade with the continent over the water. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. That's yer actual French, that is.
21. The Bank That Almost Broke Britain
A history of the Royal Bank of Scotland; its swift, spectacular rise to become one of the biggest banks in the world, under eight years of rule by its controversial CEO Fred Goodwin and its even swifter and more spectacular fall from grace exactly ten years before Leo Burley's fine documentary was broadcast. A decade on, the tale has all the hubris of Greek tragedy, decadence comparable to Imperial Rome, blind folly and low farce. The passage of time has done nothing to dilute the potency of the story of how greed, arrogance and light-touch regulation by a government in thrall to the tax revenues combined to bring an entire economy to within hours of collapse. The film revealed how much of RBS's growth lay in the lucrative American subprime market and acquisitions of banks like Greenwich Capital, which were using CDOs to generate huge profits. And as RBS's profits grew spectacularly, so did its lavish spending. Goodwin flew in private jets and commissioned a new three hundred and fifty million quid HQ. Never-before-seen footage revealed the spectacular opening party at Gogarburn, attended by the Queen and the cream of Scottish society. But, less than three years later, thanks largely to the collapse of the US mortgage market, Goodwin's bank was on its knees and those charged with protecting the British economy were faced with a stark choice - save RBS or risk the country's banking system being taken down by its collapse. Then chancellor Alistair Darling revealed what it was like to have just twenty four hours to come up with a plan and strike a deal with the nation's entire economy at stake. In all, the bailout was to cost the taxpayer over a trillion knicker and would effectively take RBS into public ownership.
22. Gotham
'There are no heroes here!' The climax of the fourth series of Bruno Heller's Batman prequel received positive reviews from critics and audiences, who cited the character development, writing and action sequences as a highlights. Despite consistent ratings throughout the first half of the series, however, the second half experienced new lows during the spring and, as always in the cut-throat world of US TV where nothing matters except number, the danger of cancellation which had constantly hovered aroun Gotham since day one raised it ugly head. Despite the ratings drop, however, FOX renewed the show for a fifth and final series - albeit a shortened one, which will begin in January. By the time it finishes, Gotham will have turned Bruce Wayne into Batman and his various enemies into characters who will form his rogues gallery. A fitting end of one of the most under-rated US dramas of the last decade.
23. Seventy Eight/Fifty Two: Hitchcock's Shower Scene
Swiss filmmaker Alexandre O Philippe's outstanding 2017 documentary was finally shown in the UK on BBC4. Alfred Hitchcock's murder scene in Psycho changed the course of world cinema. It took a week to film, one quarter of the movie's entire production schedule and the scene required seventy eight set-ups and fifty two cuts to achieve. Philippe's documentary is a tribute to an extraordinary moment in film history: electrifying, audacious, a smash-and-grab raid on on territory previously considered unacceptable. He assembled a mighty chorus of directors and cinephile heavy-hitters - Walter Murch, David Thomson, Sam Raimi, Eli Roth, Peter Bogdanovich, Bret Easton Ellis, Guillermo del Toro - to rave about the scene; where it came from, how it was put together and where it took cinema from then onward.
24. Mystery Road
Based on Ivan Sen's acclaimed 2013 movie, the six-part Australian production Mystery Road was set against big landscapes and stunning scenery. Mystery Road starred Aaron Pedersen as detective Jay Swan, sent to a remote outback town for what seems to be be a simple investigation into the disappearance of two teenagers. Partnered with tough local police chief Emma James (Judy Davis), their investigation gradually unpeeled the layers of the town, as Jay's ability to hunt beneath the surface revealed historic crimes and miscarriages of justice. In solving the mystery of the missing boys, Jay and Emma - and the town - learn some hard lessons; that you have to be truthful about your past to understand your present and to have any sort of future. Small-town politics infused the story as did racism. Swan is an outsider. As an Aboriginal man who is also a detective, he is held suspiciously by his community and by his profession. The result was a deftly-made drama that leaves open broader questions about how history haunts all Australians, whatever their colour.
25. The Split
'The perversity of the digital age is that it makes it easier than ever to have an affair but harder to hide it.' Abi Morgan's drama of infidelity and the legal sector somewhat divided opinion amongst critics, particular the final episode. 'Was it a ground-breaking female-led drama, or an alienating tale of wealthy high-achievers? Was the dialogue clever, or trite? Were the characters complex, or simply perplexing?' whinged the Radio Times reviewer. In truth, it was all of those things and many others besides. But, it was beautifully acted - notably From The North favourite Nicola Walker and Stephen Mangan whom this blogger has always rather felt a bit cold towards but who proved here that, with a decent script, he's a more-than-decent actor.
26. Only Connect
Still, by a distance, the sharpest, wittiest and most appealing quiz-show on British TV, a series in which it's not a crime to have - or, indeed, to enjoy acquiring - knowledge. The most common criticism of Only Connect (besides those, no doubt perfect specimens of humanity who find Victoria Coren Mitchell 'smug' or 'too clever for her own good' - the first isn't even remotely true, the second is, essentially, the green-eyed wittering of the intellectually challenged) was horribly summed up in a review the series received a couple of years ago by some arsewipe of no importance at the Gruniad. 'Everything about Only Connect seems designed to make you feel uneasy ... Each episode begins not with the sound of warm applause, but with a howling silence of withering judgement. Even its title is aggressively abstruse. "This isn't for you,"Only Connect says. "Maybe, come back when you've read a book."' And that, dear blog reader, is why this country is in the weird, feeble state it is. Why we've turned into a bitter, angry place with a massive inferiority complex matched only the size of the collective chip on our collective shoulder. Like those who consider Doctor Who's latest series 'too PC' because it dares to include actors of colour and produce stories which state that racism and homophobia are, you know, not really on, Only Connect works precisely because it says 'you know what, Britain, we've actually better than this.' Here endeth the lesson.
27. Derry Girls
'If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me!' Lisa McGee's Channel Four coming of age comedy about Northern Irish teens navigating school life in the last years of The Troubles managed to be both gleefully over-the-top and painfully true-to-life, all the while never lapsing into sentimentality. Quite rightly, it has already been recommissioned for a second series. Drawing praise for its wry - and, occasionally, slapstick - humour, insightful characterisation and the brilliant performances of its young cast, Derry Girls is unlike any other comedy on TV, totally unique and utterly brilliant.
28. Dynasties
An example of the BBC doing one of the things that the BBC does better than anyone, a nature documentary series about five vulnerable or endangered species known to form enduring populations: chimpanzees, emperor penguins, lions, tigers and African wild dogs. Produced by the Natural History Unit and narrated by David Attenborough, Dynasties gained massive audience figures, universal critical praise and it couldn't even draw much in the way of controversy when it was revealed that the production team had broken The Prime Directive of Natural History shows and helped out some stranded penguins. Even the Daily Scum Mail thought, on balance, they'd done the right thing. The series could, perhaps, be accused of being shamelessly manipulative at times - the penguin episode in particular - but as with all of the Attenborough oeuvre, it was the sort of television that the public desperately needs. Whether they want - or even deserve - it or not.
29. Would I Lie To You?
'Kiss the Alderman!' The joy of Would I Lie To You? lies not in Lee Mack's blizzarding sharp-as-a-needle wit, David Mitchell's angry logic or Rob Brydon's laid-back bonhomie. Neither does in lie in Bob Mortimer's surreal flights of fancy or Rhod Gilbert's dry-as-a-bone sarcasm or any number of other semi-regular - and much looked forward to - features. Rather, it lies in ... the lies. The fact that newsreaders, presenters, serious actors, rappers and sportspeople can join comedians in telling tall tales and, for half-an-hour, talk absolute bollocks and get away with it. Yes, it's Call My Bluff: The Next Generation. Yes, some 'serious' comics who hang around the Chortle website hate it as an example of bland light-entertainment - though nobody honestly gives a stuff what those ignorant bell-ends think. Would I Lie To You? however, fulfils the one over-riding, necessary quality which any comedy format must have. It's funny. And, that's the truth.
30. Requiem
'It's like going for a country drive with a character from a James Ellroy novel.' BBC1's supernatural thriller Requiem quickly built a reputation as a sharp, spooky - if, often bafflingly complex - series. Not that complexity is, or should be, a criticism in the world of TV drama which is a running theme in many of this year's From The North awardees. Lydia Wilson starred as Matilda, who, after the suicide of her mother, finds a box filled with press clippings about the mysterious 1994 disappearance of a toddler in the (fictional) Welsh town of Penllynith, leading Matilda to turn sleuth and chase loose ends. As you do. The Daily Mirra described it as 'the spookiest TV in years,' with the 'same effect as mess-with-your-head movies The Shining, Black Swan and Don't Look Now.' That was, perhaps, over-praising it a bit but the series was well-written by Kris Mrksa, had a really good cast and made the most of its gorgeous South Wales locations.
31. Black Earth Rising
'This is what we've been waiting for. I'm about to say out loud what no one has been able to say for twenty years.' The dark, stylised thriller from writer/director Hugo Blick centred on the horrors of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, as well as Africa's evolving relationship with the West. Playing out across three continents, the series starred BAFTA-winner Michaela Coel as Kate Ashby, who was rescued during the genocide and brought to Britain as a child by her adoptive mother and a terrific, cast-against-type, John Goodman. Black Earth Rising was not the kind of drama which allowed its audience to be caught unawares. In the first couple of minutes of the opening episode, a Q&A session with an esteemed human rights lawyer dissolved into a ferocious argument over the 'neo-colonialist bullshit' and 'self-righteous Western paternalism' of the international criminal court. Moments after that, the audience saw an animated sequence of a young African girl being lifted from a pit of corpses. Anyone familiar with Blick's previous BBC dramas - The Shadow Line and The Honourable Woman - will know he has a flair for unapologetically complex thrillers that pick away at global conspiracies. This was just such a rich, demanding and rewarding conceit.
32. Jamestown
'This place is a den of poisoned vipers!' The second series of Sky's colonial-era drama maintained - and, in many ways improved upon - the quality of the first, introducing a handful of intriguing new characters and ratcheting up the drama a notch. Sniffily dismissed last year by some glake of no importance at the Torygraph as 'silly but gripping period drama'Jamestown, in fact, isn't silly at all. It's well-acted and beautifully directed whilst Bill Gallagher's scripts are filled with good characterisation and occasional sharp moments of political and spiritual insight amid the hypocrisy. A third series has been commissioned and will be shown in the New Year.
33. The Woman In White
'How is it that men crush women time and time again and go unpunished? If men were held accountable they would hang every hour of every day.' Wilkie Collins' Victorian novel got a timely adaptation for the 'Me Too' age, replete with plenty of mystery, mistaken identities and gender politics. Not that it The Woman In White betrayed its source material, with a choppy narrative and shifting timeframes, the drama was strikingly modern yet, at the same time, deeply Gothic. Fiona Seres' adaptation foreground a dishearteningly ageless theme: the abuse of vulnerable women by sadistic men. One which, sadly, never goes out of fashion. And, even more sadly, one which that truly hideous Graham woman at the Radio Times seemed to take stroppy umbrage at. Particular praise was deserved by Jessie Buckley - scarily good as the novel's most fascinating and rounded character, Marian Halcombe. Once viewers navigated a slow opening episode, the series became engrossing and enraging as patriarchal machinations pushed the siblings into intolerable situations. 'Classy BBC drama - period but fresh - for a Sunday night,' wrote the Gruniad. Exactly so.
34. Collateral
'Why would anyone kill a pizza delivery man? It doesn't make any sense.' David Hare's police procedural starring Carey Mulligan as an officer investigating the murder of a Syrian refugee was a big hit for BBC2 early in the year. Collateral has been criticised by some people of less than no importance at the Daily Scum Mail'for its political bent,' but for its defenders the series made for compelling contemporary state-of-the-nation drama. Also, in common with several of the dramas on this list, it suffered from a sneering article on the Digital Spy website written mere minutes after the first episode had been broadcast proclaiming Viewers are confused by Collateral. This claim was, apparently, based on about a dozen comments on Twitter from people, seemingly, too brain-dead and bewildered to put their phone down for an hour and watch concentrate on the TV instead of tweeting about how thinking is hard work. God save us all, dear blog reader, from armchair critics with access to the Interweb. Including, especially, this one! But, Collateral, despite the whinges, was great with an excellent cast (third appearance on this year's list for Nicola Walker), stylishly directed by SJ Clarkson and with a nicely jaundiced view of British society in 2018 (John Simm's memorable 'we really are turning into a nasty little country' speech). It's no wonder the Daily Scum Mail hated it.
35. The Durrells
'Do you have anything for excess libido?''Childbirth!' Is there anything, dear blog reader, that yer actual Keeley Hawes can't make look wonderful? Proof that, when it puts its mind to it and tries really really hard, ITV can manage to make the odd drama that isn't, you know, shite. Sadly, the forthcoming fourth series of the Gerald Durrell adaptation will be its last.
36. Picnic At Hanging Rock
'Some of your companions have managed to lose themselves.' Joan Lindsay's beguiling 1967 novel was first adapted into Peter Weir's astounding 1975 movie (one of this blogger's favourite films - 'everything begins and ends at exactly the right time and place'et cetera). When it was announced that an Australian production company was proposing to expand the text into a six-part TV drama, this blogger's first question was 'how much padding is that going to involve?' In the end, the answer was more-or-less exactly what this blogger expected from the outset - about three episodes in the middle could have been comfortably lost without spoiling things. Nevertheless, Beatrix Christian and Alice Addison's adaptation starring Natalie Dormer began and ended strongly. The opening episode, in fact, might have been this blogger's favourite hour of TV all year. Of course, the inconclusive nature of the ending (a key to both the novel and the movie's cult status) seemed to anger the whinging Twitterati who demanded to know why we never found out what happened to Miranda, Marion and Miss McGraw. (That's because Joan Lindsay never told us, guys that's the whole point of the mystery. Do try to keep up.) 'That's six hours of my life I'll never get back,' spake one abject glake on social media. Look on the bright side, mate, you'd only have wasted it watching I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) instead. The horribly realistic child abuse subplot was a bit of a left-field addition but, overall this was a brave and wilfully anti-commercial attempt to do something different. It wasn't entirely successful but it deserves praise for at least trying.
37. Trust
'You'd think that being rich would be a breeze!' This ten-episode series, written by Simon Beaufoy and directed by Danny Boyle among others, was set in 1973 and recounted the real-life story of the abduction of John Paul Getty III, then-heir to Getty Oil, whilst he was in Italy. The opening sequence of the first episode was the kind of thing Boyle's made his name from, dazzling, multi-layered and intriguing. Trust soon settled down, however, into a well-made thriller with only a few unexpected moments of Oscar-winning brilliance. A great cast - headed by Donald Sutherland, Hilary Swank, Brendan Fraser and Anna Chancellor - was an additional reason to stick with the, occasionally meandering, plot. Further series are planned focusing on different stories of the Getty family.
38. Star Trek: Discovery
'You guy, this is so fucking cool!' It took a while to get going - the entire two-hour opener was little more than a bloated five minute pre-title sequence from a Star Trek movie - but, once they did the two Harry Mudd episodes and, especially, reached the Mirror Universe in episode ten, Discovery finally got itself into gear and worked out what it wanted to be; less fauxVoyager, more camp, over-the-top Deep Space Nine. And it worked; the best characters, to be fair, are often those on the periphery (Anthony Rapp's skittish Stamets and Mary Wiseman's deliciously daft Tilly in particular), but there were enough good moments for everyone to convince an audience that Discovery has much potential. After all, it took the original 1960s series a dozen episodes and The Next Generation a year and a half to fully hit their stride.
39. Mrs Wilson
'One of the great dramatic gems of 2018 and [it] deserves rather more recognition than it has yet received,' according to the Independent. In particular, Ruth Wilson should be given a BAFTA for playing her own grandmother, the eponymous titular character and telling a story that must still cause her family much pain. Making and starring in a TV drama about your own family history might sound rather self-indulgent but the real-life story behind Mrs Wilson was so extraordinary that it was practically designed for TV in the first place. This immensely addictive three-parter was based on true, albeit incredible, events about a bigamist spy (Iain Glen) and the women that he deceived.
40. Sharp Objects
'Don't tell Momma!' HBO's psychological thriller based on Gillian Flynn's debut novel was created by former Buffy The Vampire Slayer writer Marti Noxon and directed by Jean-Marc Vallée. The series stars Amy Adams as Camille Preaker, an emotionally troubled journalist who returns to her home town to cover the murders of two young girls. Upon release, the series was met with a very positive reception from critics and viewers alike, with many praising its visuals, dark atmosphere, direction and acting, particularly the performances of Adams, Eliza Scanlen and Patricia Clarkson. Hypnotic and genuinely disturbing in places, Sharp Objects gained a cult following on Sky Atlantic late in the year.
41. There She Goes
'Very few words and moments of explosive violence. Very much like Jason Bourne!' BBC4's comedy drama focusing on the day-to-day life of a family looking after their severely learning disabled nine-year-old daughter, Rosie. There She Goes benefited from a trio of outstanding central performances - from David Tennant, Jessica Hynes and, especially, Miley Locke. Not, perhaps, the most entertaining drama on this list,  the subject matter sees to that. But, it's certainly one of the most big-hearted.
42. Vic & Bob's Big Night Out
'Is that the face of Christ?''It's The Turin Shroud. I got it off an out-of-work coroner, it might be [the face of] Roy Wood!' They wouldn't let it lie, dear blog reader. They could have let it lie, but they didn't. And thank the deity of your choice for that! 'This announcement was made to you by The Attlee Government in conjunction with Boy George and Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers!'

Then, there are those that Weren't Any Bloody Good At All:-

1. Z-List Celebrity Juice
What A League Of Their Own was - and remains - to Sky One, the disgraceful shower of rancid festering diarrhoea that is Z-List Celebrity Juice is to ITV2. Television - unoriginal television at that - for the hard of thinking. 'Entertainment' which celebrates stupidity, towering ego and self-publicising. Z-List Celebrity Juice is, basically, Shooting Stars without the jokes or the charm. The really annoying thing about Z-List Celebrity Juice is that its creator, Leigh Francis, is a genuine comedy talent, the brains behind one of the most clever comedy formats of the last decade, Bo' Selecta! Sadly, his Keith Lemon character is simply obnoxious and twatty and, ultimately, about as funny as a good, hard eye-watering punch in the Jacob's Cream Crackers. 'Lemon', and his two thick-as-two-short-planks blonde side-kicks - Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton - mince through every episodes with a look on their smug faces like they're so brilliantly postmodern and ironic. Of course, they're not, they're just loud and vulgar and very annoying indeed. A programme which 'celebrates' the worthless z-list celebrity culture of the Twenty First Century in all its horrific, 'look at me, ma, I'm on the telly again!' garish self-importance, Z-List Celebrity Juice is simply wrong on just about every level. This blogger has been accused of being something of a po-faced philistine for not 'getting the joke' with regard to this desperate, pointless waste of brainpower. Maybe that's true. Or, maybe 'the joke' here is so thin that this blogger has'got it' and not found it to be funny. And, when 'the joke' largely consists of 'Lemon' describing one of his colleagues as 'Willoughbooby', Keith Telly Topping thinks he's right and the roughly one million people who watch this crass, worthless, hateful exercise weekly are wrong.
2. Z-List Celebrity Big Brother/Big Brother
The announcement in September that Channel Five has decided to dump both the Big Brother and Z-List Celebrity Big Brother formats which they acquired from Channel Four seven years earlier into the nearest bin was loudly cheered by everyone in the country who loathes this hideously sick Victorian freak show. A format which was once a valid - albeit, self-aggrandising - social experiment had become, by 2018, something barely fit for human consumption on any level. The most amusing part of the entire debacle was the series of tabloid inches the, now extremely unemployed, host Emma Willis managed to fill on how awfulBig Brother's cancellation was. For her, if not for anyone else. Ryan Thomas - a former Corrie actor - joined such previous z-list names as Jim Davidson, Katie Price, Scotty T (no, me neither), Stephen Bear (no, me neither) and Colleen Nolan when he won the final Z-List Celebrity Big Brother in September more or less exactly at the point where Channel Five's director of programming Ben Frow was finding a hole to dump the format into. Even the year's big tabloid-and-Twitter created 'controversy' ('punchgate', a load of nonsense involving Thomas and that worthless publicity-junkie Roxanne Pallett) seemed more contrived and less interesting than usual. Goodbye and good riddance to bad rubbish.
3. Z-List Celebrity MasterChef
There are three shows in the MasterChef franchise, dear blog reader. Two of them are really good - or, if they aren't they are, at least, compulsive viewing. The third, sadly, is just rubbish. A tired and jaded format which worked for two or three series but has been running on empty for at least five years and, given the appallingly z-list standard of most of the alleged 'celebrities' it has been attracting of late, needs to be put out of its misery. The fact that this year's winner - former EastEnders actor John Partridge - was more z-list than usual and that one of the supposed 'big name' contestants was some The Only Way Is Essex-type person whose greatest claim to fame was falling on her arse on live TV says much about just how utterly missable Z-List Celebrity MasterChef has become. As Gregg Wallace never said 'cooking doesn't come any more decided average than this.'
4. The Circle
A - thoroughly offensive - reality format, produced by Studio Lambert and Motion Content Group which launched on Channel Four in September, the series was broadcast for twenty one days and concluded with the live final on 8 October. The Circle bills itself as a game 'based around social media,' with the concept that 'anyone can be anyone in The Circle.' It is hosted by Maya Jama and Alice Levine - both of whom should be sodding ashamed of themselves - and has been compared to Big Brother. So, in other words, it's a TV format ripping off another TV format that's just been thrown into the gutter along with all the other turds because no one's watching it any more. The series was won by twenty six-year-old 'Internet comedian' (whatever that means) Alex Hobern, who had played the game claiming to be a twenty five-year-old woman called Kate, using photos of his real-life girlfriend Millie. A single sentence which should sum up to everyone who avoided The Circle like the plague why you made entirely the right decision. This is television in Twenty First Century dear blog reader. Horrifying, isn't it?
5. Naked Attraction

• A dating game show, presented by Anna Richardson. 'Is a nude dating show a public service?'wondered the Gruniad at a time when Channel Four was desperately trying to argue its public service broadcasting credentials in the wake of a threatened government sell-off. 'Viewers outraged over full-frontal nudity in a racy new Channel Four dating show'fumed the Daily Scum Mail, for whom the words 'naked' and 'Channel Four' must seem like manna from Heaven. 'How low can this channel go?'asked the Torygraph, not unreasonably. 'Ofcom won't investigate Naked Attraction despite two hundred and fifty complaints'whinged the Daily Scum Express. 'The most utterly stupid dating show on TV,'opined Buzzfeed (which, when you consider it has Take Me Out as competition really is saying something). 'Welcome to post-Brexit Britain,' the website's critic added. 'Why does the show exist? Well, according to [producers], "modern dating has become a complicated business."' So, the obvious way around this is to flash your naughty bits to the nation (or, to that portion of the nation watching Channel Four post-watershed, anyway). Put simply, you would have to be a brain-damaged moron or the victim of a cruel medical experiment and, in either case, someone without any dignity or self-worth to appear on - or, indeed, watch - this horroshow. And, if you're one of the people who dreamed Naked Attraction up in the first place, then you should probably be horsewhipped - naked - through the streets until you promise never to do anything so demeaning and offensively sneering again. Yes, you found plenty of attention-seeking fodder happy to get their kit off on telly for your cruel and shameful freak show and even found a few hundred thousand glakes to watch it. One trusts your parents are all very proud of you.

6. Love Island
I don't care how - allegedly - popular it is, it's still complete and utter shite.
7. Troy: Fall Of A City
Despite high expectations, the drama's Saturday night primetime slot and its sixteen million knicker budget per episode, Troy: Fall Of A City was a ratings disaster for the BBC (who co-produced the show with Netflix). Only 3.2 million consolidated viewers tuned in for the first episode and viewership dropped to a mere 1.6 million by episode four. To be fair, it got some favourable reviews, with specific praise for its acting, costuming and set design though it did, rightly, receive criticism for the dialogue. One described it as 'pitched somewhere between a particularly corny Hollywood epic and a play by Ernie Wise.' Rachel Cooke in The New Statesman complained that 'all the men look as if they're in a Calvin Klein ad' and that its portrayal of Helen and Paris's relationship was 'tediously Twenty First Century. The dialogue is so richly silted with self-help banalities, we might as well be watching a Meghan and Harry biopic as a drama inspired by the greatest of all epic poems.' But, for all that, dear blog reader, its place on this list is pretty much entirely down to the fact that almost no one thought it was worth watching.
8. That Bloody Awful Keith Woman's Coastal Villages
Who the Hell keeps giving this dreadful woman money to make more crappy TV shows? So, in what is fast becoming an annual tradition, please allow this blogger to describe - at length - just how much he loathes this noxious woman and the rotten pieces of phlegm she presents. In what is, probably, the most offensively shite TV conceit dreamed up since her last series, that full-of-her-own-importance Keith woman swans around some coastal villages like she owns the gaff. These stereotypical population centres - with their cosy cottages, thatched roofs and loud-voiced eccentrics - represent, That Awful Keith Woman claims, 'the true England.' Whatever that means. Actually, we all know exactly what that means; the dying representatives of some mythical 'Golden Age England' which probably never existed. As someone who grew up on a council estate in the North, please allow this blogger to note that there are many examples of 'the true England' and almost none of them are kind of places That Awful Keith Woman would be seen dead in. Also, allow this blogger another moment of utter revulsion at the sheer nastiness of ignorant smug conceits like this. Naff off back to the 1950s you offensive woman and take your loathsome Daily Scum Mail attitudes with you. This blogger hopes that whoever came up this exercise in twee 'Little Englander' UKiP-voting, Brexit-supporting bollocks gets home tonight to find that travellers have moved in next door to them. Who have really mean dogs that bark all night.
9. Doctor Pimple Popper
No, dear blog reader, trust yer actual Keith Telly Topping, there really is a TV show called this and, yes, it does involve a dermatologist, basically, doing exactly what it says on the tin. Sorry if you're reading this whilst eating. Next ...
10. Twatting About On Ice
Why couldn't it just stay dead?
11. Trauma/Strangers
During an episode of his podcast Athletico Mince early in the year, Bob Mortimer noted - with specific reference to Trauma - that there is a general problem with many modern UK dramas (and, specifically, many of those made for ITV). They start well, for most of their four or six episode run, they hold the audience's attention and then, sadly, it all falls apart at the end like so much wet cardboard. This is very true. It's particularly true of both Trauma and Strangers. Poor John Simm, most of the dramas he touches these days start impressively but end up massively disappointing pretty much everyone. One in a year might be regarded as misfortune, two looks like carelessness.
12. School For Stammerers
Another example of an ITV planning meeting where someone said 'I've got an idea. A documentary about attempting to cure stammering' and no one else around the table had the wherewithal to reply: 'Can I just stop you there? Has anyone got any ideas that aren't crassly offensive and intrusive? Come on, guys, we're the channel that made World In Action, This Week and The Avengers, we're capable of more than this.'
13. I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want)
Noel Edmonds! Harry Redknapp! Barrowman! And ... lots of people you've never heard of! Holly Willoughby instead of Ant (who's dealing with addiction issues), though. What could possibly go wrong? The only TV programme in which bollocks are not only spoken but, also, eaten. And, the fact that this sick Victorian freak show is, currently, the most popular format on British television - with people who, it would appear, enjoy watching others (who, to be fair, have volunteered for the gig) made to do demeaning, disgusting or just plain weird things forces one to confront what, exactly, we have become as a nation. One that, apparently, regards this horrific, nasty exercise in getting a bunch of attention-junkies together and then poking them with a stick just to see what happens. For entertainment. Well done, if you watch this wretched steaming pile of spew, dear blog reader, one trusts you get something worthwhile out of it. This, of course, includes Comrade Corbyn who was so unwilling to enter into a televised debate with soon-to-be-former Prime Minister May because it could have clashed with the final of I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want). It's nice to know that Comrade Corbyn would, he claims, sooner watch this crap than a Jimmy McGovern drama about the treatment of mental health on the BBC at the same time. You might win half-a-dozen votes from jungle-loving glakes, Jezza, but one imagines many of your Momentum acolytes will be very disappointed with you. Is I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) entertaining in the great scheme of things, dear blog reader? Yeah, sure, it probably is. In the same way that watching a car crash is. Okay, so someone probably dies but, hey, at least it's not anyone you actually know, right?
14. Vanity Fair
Another twenty four carat ratings disaster for ITV (opening episode, a consolidated seven day-plus audience of 5.45 million, episode six, a consolidated seven day-plus audience of 2.30 million). There was no denying that ITV's period drama suffered badly when placed in direct opposition to BBC1's ratings juggernaut, Bodyguard. But, this adaptation of Thackery's classic Victorian 'novel without a hero' always seemed like an odd fit for an ITV which has, seemingly, lost the ability to do period drama entirely. It was, reportedly, only commissioned in the first place because ITV's director of television Kevin Lygo stated it was his mother's favourite book. For ITV's 'big autumn drama,' however, it stuck out like a sore thumb in the surrounding landscape of talent show formats, z-list celebrity reality misery and ongoing soaps. Despite a decent - if, hardly Earth-shattering - script, a very good cast and big production values, Vanity Fair proved that, despite this blogger's genuine nostalgia for a time when ITV could do this sort of thing, the simple fact is, they can't now. The audience, seemingly, doesn't want it from them.
15. The X Factor
When the BBC first announced that Doctor Who was to return to TV in 2003 a - soon-to-be-former - ITV executive infamously noted that he didn't know what the BBC were playing at bringing 'a tired old format' back before adding, authoritatively, 'families don't watch TV together any more.' Russell Davies mentioned in a contemporary interview with the Independent: 'I lived in fear that the family audience had disappeared. A demographics expert told me that it did not exist because children have television sets in their bedrooms and are embarrassed to be watching the same programmes as their parents.' All of which may have been true then (and, may be even truer now) but, as more than one infuriated viewer commented, if TV executives perhaps made more - and better - examples of family entertainment programming in the first place, then families might start to watch TV together again. And, within a couple of years, they did. We got Strictly, we got Britain's Got Toilets and we got The X Factor (and, many copies of those formats). Now, you can say what you like about The X Factor but, in its day, it was a genuinely innovative, ground-breaking TV show. It wasn't always pleasant to watch, Cowell was, and remains, a horrible individual, it could be mean and nasty, it was definitely self-serving and its post-show treatment of not only the winners but, also, many of those who managed to get themselves a smidgen of a career on the back of an X Factor run left much to be desired. But, for all that, eight years ago when over seventeen million punters watched Matt Cardle singing 'When We Collide' it was at its absolute zenith as both a TV show and as a cultural phenomena. Times change though and 2010 is a long, long way away. In 2018, The X Factor looks, to use what was, a decade-and-a-half ago, apparently the biggest crime a TV show could commit as far as ITV were concerned, tired. Its audiences have shrunk (just over five million were watching this year's final, won by Dalton Harris). Judges have come and gone, Cowell had a lengthy spell away whilst he tried (and failed) to break the show in America and winners have - for the most part - enjoyed their fifteen minutes (or less) of fame and then returned to the obscurity from where they had come. For every Leona Lewis there are a dozen Alexandra Burkes. For each One Direction, there are hundreds of James Arthurs, Joe McElderrys or Matt Terrys. Where are Cher Lloyd and Rebecca Ferguson now? Where will Dalton Harris be in twelve month's time? Does anyone, honestly, care? Seemingly, not. If ever a programme was, desperately, in need of a rest it's The X Factor. But, to admit that would be a blow to Simon Cowell's ego from which it may never recover. So, same time next year, guys? Only, you know, a few less of you than this year.
16. Wunderlust
The pre-publicity for Wanderlust promised that the six-part drama would flood viewers telly boxes with The Sex, the whole Sex and nothing but The Sex. In showing the travails of a couple who explore sleeping with others, the BBC, coaxed from its usual carnal diffidence by a partnership with Netflix, would be rockin' the raunchy. Withering and anxious columns were dedicated to whether viewers could handle all this raunch. They needn't have worried. At no point during the opening episodes could one tell the difference between Wanderlust and a pair of old slippers resting in front of the fire. 'While the sex itself is short of revolutionary, it is cheering to see characters laugh and huff in the bedroom and who, occasionally, even resort to self-pleasure,' noted the Indi. 'But, like Joy and Alan, Wanderlust doesn't quite know whether it was coming or going.' When even the Middle Class hippy Communists at the Gruniad and the Indi can't get with the programme, you know you've bought a dog.
17. Peter Kay's Car Share
Lots of planets have a Bolton, dear blog reader. More's the pity.
18. McMafia
McMafia's main problem was one that is increasingly affecting programmes in the streaming era: its creators were so desperate to create a global drama which could play anywhere in the world that they forgot to create credible characters that audiences might actually enjoy watching. It was an example of a drama which felt as though someone had said in a planning meeting: 'Let's make the new Peaky Blinders, the new Game Of Thrones, the new State Of Play,' but forgot that it's the characters and the fully realised worlds in which these fine dramas take place that makes them work, rather than the concept - however smart it may be. That was McMafia all over; big on ideas, low of actual proper characterisation, good dialogue et cetera. It looked so good on paper. It looked pretty good on TV if truth be told. But, God, it dragged like ... big draggy thing. And that's never a good idea for a drama with aspirations of greatness.
19. President Rump: The Piers Morgan Interview
What, you mean you actually need a reason for the inclusion of this nonsense? If an hour of watching two of the most crassly self-important men in the world engaging in a mutual arse-licking contest is your idea of a good time, dear blog reader, you're probably having trouble with some of the bigger words in this bloggerisation list. Sorry 'bout that. During the programme, which was watched live by three million people at 10pm (fewer than the number of viewers watching the rival BBC News At Ten, which does kind of restore ones faith in much of humanity), Rump told Oily Twat Morgan that he 'wouldn't call himself a feminist.' Or, indeed, a likeable human being or anything even remotely like it either. So, he was certainly in good company sitting opposite the vile and odious Morgan, then.
20. All Together Now
'Absolutely atrocious,' according to the Mirra and 'like a pub singalong meets Celebrity Squares' to the Gruniad's critic, All Together Now was the BBC's latest attempt at creating 'a singing contest with a twist.' In this case the twist being ... actually, there wasn't a twist, it was every single bit as wretched and worthless as Let It Shine, The Voice, Fame Academy, The Choir: Sing While You Work, et al. This one's main distinguishing feature was that it was presented by camp comic Rob Beckett (nice lad, mildly amusing in small doses but, don't overdo it) and Geri Horner (desperately out-of-work till the next Spice Girls reunion tour). And, that's it, really. That's about the level of impact that it had on the collective consciousness of viewers.

And, finally, the Curiosities Of The Year:-

1. The X-Files
'We're not alone in the universe. But, nobody likes us!' So, where did it all go wrong, Mister Carter? Well, it was probably when someone convinced you that instead of getting other - more talented and imaginative - writers to script episodes of your successful long-running SF drama, you kept on writing them yourself. Bad move. The eleventh series of the once hugely popular cult series (and the second since its return from a decade in the TV wilderness) had a handful of really good episodes - notably the great Darin Morgan's brilliantly self-deprecating The Lost Art Of Forehead Sweat and Shannon Hamblin and Kristen Cloke's downright bizarre Rm9sbG93ZXJz). But, importantly, the three episodes written by creator Chris Carter were just plain torture. Betraying, as they did, all of the many faults that Carter's 'mythology' episodes have always suffered from. This was especially true of a completely up-its-own-arse series finale which yanked in from nowhere a bunch of completely pointless plot cul-de-sacs and left many infuriated viewers (those that had stuck it out to the bitter end) with what is now almost certain to be an unresolved cliffhanger. Almost certain to be unresolved because even before the series had finished production in January, From The North favourite Gillian Anderson announced that she was, finally, done with Dana Scully. (Old Duchovny, who usually says that sort of thing himself whenever his career is doing okay only to, subsequently, change his mind each time he becomes unemployed remained oddly silent on the matter.) The following month, Carter stated that he 'could see the show continuing'without Anderson but in May, FOX executive Gary Newman commented: 'There are no plans to do another season at the moment.' When TV Line's Michael Ausiello stated on Twitter that that FOX's decision appeared to be directly related to Anderson's departure, Gillian pithily replied: 'Well Michael, the truth is after [the] exit of seventy seven per cent of viewership ...' So, The X-Files seems to have finally reached the end of a long and well-travelled road; it was often great, sometimes difficult and awkward and now and then, usually when Chris Carter had access to a word processor, pretentious and absolutely terrible. But, it was seldom if ever boring dear blog reader and, for that, we should all be grateful.
2. Britannia
'Behold, Gods of Britannia, I am Rome. And, where I walk is Rome!''Critics are calling Britannia "the best thing on TV,"' claimed an over-excited Sky continuity announcer in April. Few, if any, critics were doing any such thing, of course. Indeed, some were saying exactly the opposite. And, any that were saying that probably did so from their hospital beds where they were in the process of recovering from taking too many hallucinogenics. What some critics - and most viewers - did mostly agree on, however, was that Britannia was a gloriously over-the-top attempt to create a cut-price Game Of Thrones. And, that despite having more than a few aesthetics wrong with it and a script that, sometimes, made it appear as though it has been written in crayon, it was still a lot of fun. David Morrissey wandering through the thing with a dead dog on his shoulders notwithstanding.

'Those systems are lit u like a Christmas tree.''Nine cries for help all coming from the same planet. Not just the same planet, the same area of the same planet. The planet of Ranskoor Av Kolos ... Roughly translated means "Disintegrator Of The Soul."''Oh, another cheery one?!'
'What is that thing''It's what we travel in. See, the sign on the front? We respond to urgent calls. You look like an urgent call.'
'I should have left.''Then, why haven't you?''I can't remember my name. I used to know before I went outside. I should never have gone outside.''Why, what happened outside?''The battle.'
'I know that voice.''I want what is mine, returned.'
'We want to help you get your crew back, we'll go with you.''Yeah. Because we've got unfinished business with that monster.'
'So, what is that sound?''I think it's the planet. It obviously doesn't like intruders.''Doc, can I have a word. Just the two of us ... I need to be honest with you cos I am really grateful for everything you done for me. For us. Everywhere we've been, all the adventures,it's been amazing. But, if that is the creature from Sheffield, I will kill it if I can. For what it did to Grace.' Go back to the TARDIS, Graham.''No.''I won't let you do that.''You ain't gonna have a say in it.''You're better than this. You  are. You have to be. if you kill him I can't have you travel with me, that's if you even live.''I understand.''No you don't! We're going to rescue hostages, anything that compromises them is dangerous. And, if you kill him you become the same as him. I'm serious Graham.''So am I.'
'What happened to "never do weapons?"''It's a flexible creed! Doors, walls, locks, buildings, fair game. If it can be rebuilt, I'll allow it!''No, no, you stopped me from shooting a sniper once before.''You were new, I had to lay down the rules if someone's new! Also, don't quote that back to me, rules change all the time!'
'I like precautions. Always take precautions, especially when you don't know what you're doing ... Oh, I should have brought wellies. That could've been another precaution, "always bring wellies." I love wellies, in fact, I think I half-invented them!'
'You're kidding! The Ux? As in The Duo Species? Only ever two of you? Life span of millennia? Only found on three planets in the whole universe? I've never met an Ux. Congratulations, it must be so cool!'
'We are the blessed generation.''There's only ever two of you, where's the other one''I don't have to answer all these questions.''That's what my teachers used to say. Usually just as they quit teaching!'
'You look in  bad way, whereas I've got a new coat. What do you think?'
'Tim Shaw! How long's it been?''Three thousand, four hundred and seven years.''I'll bet the seven really dragged! So, what happened to you?''You did!'
'When you say revenge, revenge on who?''You, Doctor.' Don't put this on me. 'If you had not interfered, I would have become leader; first of The Stenza. And yet, I should thank you. You have made me a God.''You are nothing of the sort.' ... 'It has taken thousands of years, every fragment of scientific understanding The Stenza ever possessed allied to the impossible power of The Ux. You will see, Doctor. I must be a God, I have the powers of one!'
'I remember what they did. Five objects, five planets, one weapon. They stole five planets!''That's impossible.''It's what happened.'
'Universe! Provide for me, I'm working really hard to keep you together right now!'
'Will it work?''No idea, but I once towed your planet halfway across the universe with this TARDIS. And turned a Slitheen back into an egg!'
'Finally, this is where our journey starts.' Of course, dear blog reader, totally unsurprisingly this blogger thought that was just completely and totally great. Another classic restatement of Doctor Who's traditional core values and an explosive (in every sense) way to finish ten weeks of quite brilliant telly. Emotional. Beautiful. Graceful, also in every sense. 'None of us know for sure what's out there. That's why we keep looking. Keep your faith. Travel hopefully. The universe will surprise you. Constantly.'
The Battle Of Ranskoor Av Kolos was watched by an overnight audience of 5.32 million viewers, a share of twenty six per cent of the total TV audience and, approximately, two hundred and fifty thousand punters up on last week's overnight figure. The rating made Doctor Who the fourth highest rated programme for Sunday. Largest for the day - and for the week - was the final of ITV's z-list Victorian freak show, I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) which had 11.06 million watching Hapless Harry Redknapp being crowned King Of The Jungle. Or, 11.06 million and one, if you count its new biggest fan in all the land, Comrade Corbyn, obviously. All seven editions of the programme were in the top ten for the week ending 9 December. For shame, Britain, for shame. Strictly Come Dancing's results show was watched by 8.98 million whilst the final episode of Dynasties had 6.33 million. The Jimmy McGovern drama, Care, drew 2.57 million at 9pm on BBc1. Consolidated, Seven Day-Plus figures will be released next week.
It Takes You Away's Seven Day-Plus ratings have been announced by BARB. The episode had a consolidated audience of 6.41 million viewers. This total was made up of 6.24 million watching on TV and an additional one hundred and eighty thousand accessing the episode on iPlayer via PCs, tablets and smartphones. Doctor Who was the sixth most-watched programme on BBC1 during the week-ending Sunday 2 December. It was headed by the two episodes of Strictly Come Dancing (11.65 million and 9.83 million), Michael McIntyre's Big Show (7.35 million), the first episode of Mrs Wilson (7.33 million) and Dynasties (6.90 million). It Takes You Away was the twenty second most-watched programme of the week in total, in a top thirty dominated by seven more episodes of  sick Victorian freak show I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want).
Within moments of the final episode of the current series being broadcast, the BBC confirmed that the next series of Doctor Who will not be broadcast until 'early 2020.' After the episode on New Year's Day, Jodie Whittaker won't be seen in the TARDIS again next year. Showrunner Chris Chibnall said that work on the next series had 'already begun.' He said the team had been 'blown away by the response from audiences' to Jodie's Doctor. Talking about the next series Chibnall added: 'We're off again! Well we never actually stopped. As Jodie Whittaker's Doctor and friends have been winning the hearts of families across the nation this autumn, we've been busy with a whole new set of action-packed adventures for the thirteenth Doctor.' He stated that the production team 'couldn't wait' to bring 'more scares, more monsters and more Bradley Walsh, Mandip Gill and Tosin Cole.' That was the first official confirmation that the current TARDIS team will all reappeared in series twelve. Of course, this announcement promptly sent a huge chunk of fandom into a collective jazz-hands meltdown with the foot-stamping and the wailing and gnashing of teeth and that. This blogger was particularly amused by the stroppy 'throwing toys out of prams' nature of much of the criticism of what is, let's face it, basically 'a TV producer not producing a show as quickly as I'd like.' Keith Telly Topping was even more amused that many of the loudest online voices on this subject during the immediate couple of hours after the announcement came from people who have, by and large, spent much of the last ten weeks whinging about how this current series has been 'not Doctor Who' as they know it and that it has wholly defiled their Dalek-lovin' childhood, et cetera. So, to sum up then, these are people who are angry that the next series will be starting, what, roughly three or four months later than this year, but they didn't like this year's series in the first place. To quote Rodney Bewes in Resurrection Of The Daleks, 'I can't stand the confusion in my mind!' This blogger's default position remains what he has said many, many times previously (no, not 'I thought it was great.' Although he did and he does). When Doctor Who came back to TV in 2005, this blogger expected that it would last, at most, about three series, if that. Therefore, everything since about 2008 has been a massive bonus for Keith Telly Topping. This blogger is simply happy that, in 2020, a daft little family SF drama which he first started watching in 1968 is still to be a going concern. Others, seemingly, are a bit more selfish, self-entitled and brattish and are doing a fascinating impression of Billy Connolly's legendary'want, want, want! Want it all! Want it now! Don't wanna pay for it!' routine. It was a sight to behold, dear blog reader, it truly it was. In a wider context of how television production actually works, we all know pretty much exactly how long it takes to make a full series of Doctor Who, we've known this for thirteen years; it takes about six weeks of pre-production, roughly nine to nine-and-a-half months of filming and then probably another couple of months of post-production, editing, adding music and SFX et cetera. Roughly a year in total, in fact. That's how long it took to make series one in 2004 and 2005 and that's how long it takes now. Pre-production on the next series started a couple of weeks ago; apparently filming will begin immediately after New Year so, therefore, the earliest that series twelve could, conceivably be ready for broadcast would around the end of November next year. There's no point in the BBC starting a new series then as it would have to be interrupted by the Christmas schedules just a few weeks into the run, so it makes sense for it to start in January 2020. Thus, you may be wondering, what exactly is the problem? It's a couple of months later than this year, it's no big deal, right? Well, you try telling fandom that! And, good luck to you getting out of the gaff in one piece, dear blog reader. From a few things that both Chris Chibnall and Steven Moffat (OBE) have said, this blogger is of the belief that the notion of the production having a three month break between each series for the cast and crew to, basically, catch their breath is something which has been on the cards for two or three years and this is the first year that it has taken effect. We know that production for series eleven ended in August of this year, we know pre-production for series twelve began at the end of last month. This blogger is pretty sure that was always the design - at least, as far as the production team, if not the necessarily BBC - is concerned and Keith Telly Topping wouldn't be surprised if this is the way it's going to be from now on, one series of Doctor Who approximately every fourteen-to-sixteen months rather than one every twelve months with a gap year thrown in periodically because, basically, everybody's on the verge of collapse! This blogger is sure that the BBC themselves, who seem to be copping an awful lot of unfair flak over this, would loveDoctor Who to have more or less the same production schedule as EastEnders, two episodes a week, fifty two weeks a year given the amount of revenue that the show generates. But, sadly, that's not feasible either logistically or, from the point of view of the cast and crew, physically. So there you have it. The only question now remaining is who, in the production office, told Starburst magazine a few weeks ago that the next series would, likely, be broadcast in late 2019. And why did they do so? Deliberate misleading? Miscommunication? Wishful thinking? Or, did they genuinely believe, at that stage, this to be the case? Perhaps we'll never care.
Yer actual Jodie Whittaker will be joined by her regular travelling companions for Doctor Who's New Year's special as well as a trio of guest-stars. The BBC has confirmed that Charlotte Ritchie will play a character called Lin, Nikesh Patel will play Mitch and Daniel Adegboyega will appear as Aaron in the episode which the Beeb have also announced this week will be called Resolution. You'll probably know Charlotte Ritchie as Barbara Gilbert in Call The Midwife. She also appeared in Fresh Meat (but, we'll just have to try to forgive her for that) and Siblings. Nikesh Patel is best known for his role as Aafrin Dalal in the Channel Four drama Indian Summers, while Daniel Adegboyega was in Sky's highly-regarded Save Me. Written by showrunner Chris Chibnall and directed by Wayne Yip, the hour-long episode will see The Doctor, Ryan, Yaz and Graham arrive home 'only to come across a new alien threat' to planet Earth. 'We're thrilled to be starting the New Year with a bang on BBC1, as Jodie Whittaker's Doctor and friends face a terrifying alien threat in an action-packed, hour-long special adventure for all the family,' Chibnall said. The sixty minute episode will be broadcast at 7pm on BBC1, inbetween the BBC News and Eastenders and will be up against Emmerdale on ITV.
Meanwhile the Daily Mirra has claimed that The Daleks will be appearing in the Doctor Who New Year special, a story which was subsequently picked up by several other media sources. This may well be true (it's certainly something which has been rumoured around fandom for a while) but, this blogger prefers to wait until an independent source with a bit less of a reputation for, how can Keith Telly Topping put this, 'talking complete and utter shite,' makes such claims. The Daily Mirra, you may remember, infamously claimed that Kris Marshall had not only been cast as Peter Capaldi's replacement as The Doctor but, indeed, had already joined the production in 2017. When he, you know, hadn't. Frankly, dear blog reader, if the Daily Mirra - a newspaper which had a much greater reputation for factual accuracy when they used to illegally hack people's phones - stated that black was a darker shade than white, this blogger would like to have a second opinion on the matter before believing it.
The Hollywood Reporter has a piece - an 'exclusive' no less - stating that Jodie Whittaker has confirmed she will be returning for the next series of Doctor Who. 'I really can't wait to step back in and get to work again,' Jodie is quoted as saying. 'It's such an incredible role. It's been an extraordinary journey so far and I'm not quite ready to hand it over yet.' Which, technically speaking, is'news' since it hadn't been officially confirmed previously. But, as the magazine states in its article itself, 'it was largely presumed that Whittaker wouldn't be handing over her sonic screwdriver anytime soon.' Thus, let's file this one in the '... And, in other news, The Pope in a Catholic' column.
This week's edition of the Radio Times (cover date 8 to 14 December) is the latest in this year's issues to showcase Doctor Who, making it the fourth time in six months that yer actual Jodie Whittaker has graced the front cover. Inside the magazine is a four page interview with That There Bradley Walsh, who discusses his career and also explains why he wouldn't want to play The Doctor himself: 'My style can be as manic as the next person's, but The Doctor has a certain style and, despite regeneration, I think they ostensibly remain the same type of person. And, if you don't know the back catalogue and all the jargon, you're up against it. Whereas I ducked out in 1969 (during Patrick Troughton's time as The Doctor) and, for me, this is brand spanking new. Besides, Jodie is absolutely fantastic.' Another page focuses on Bradley's co-stars, Mandip Gill and Tosin Cole - both of whom still enjoy their anonymity - and on the forthcoming New Year special. The Radio Times is available to purchase now from all good newsagents (and, some bad ones).
The cast of Doctor Who have rejected ludicrous, suspiciously agenda-soaked claims - made by a few-dozen racist, sexist, homophobic bigots on Twitter whose crass bleatings were subsequently picked up (as 'news') by a couple of the more scummy right-wing papers with a sick agenda smeared all over their collective disgusting mush - that the programme has become 'too politically correct.' They have defended its storylines as an 'entertaining reminder' of 'important issues.' Recent episodes of the BBC's long-running popular family SF drama, which the actors recognised have 'provoked extreme opinions' among some viewers - or bigots as they are more accurately known - commenting online, have covered issues including the US civil rights movement and the 1947 partition of India. Plus, let's be very clear about this dear blog reader because it is important, commenting online on the casting of two actors of colour as regulars. Because, that's what this issue is really all about. Mandip Gill and Tosin Cole, who play The Doctor's travelling companions Yaz and Ryan - excellently - kept their dignity when confronted with such spiteful, ignorant  neo-racist crap and told the Radio Times that broaching such topics could prompt viewers in an entertaining way to 'think about broader issues.' Dangerous territory for television in 2018, it would seem, although entirely in keeping with Doctor Who's proud fifty five year history of liberal, humanitarian and, broadly, pacifist storytelling. 'Everyone's going to have their own opinion - it is what it is,' Cole said. 'The fact that we can give everyone a little friendly, entertaining reminder of these issues is great.' Responding to the accusation of being 'too politically correct,' - whatever that nonsense phrase means - Gill said: 'It makes me laugh, because having the words "too" and "correct" in the same sentence is really bizarre to me. How can you be too correct about something? You do see some extreme comments under news articles. I'm only human and I do check and read them. But they don't bother me and actually they're creating conversation.' The programme, of course, generates the most revenue for BBC Worldwide of all its properties, once merchandise and syndication is accounted for, with a global audience of around seventy million punters. In recent years, it has attracted criticism - again from some complete numbskull glakes you've never heard of on social media - for backstory-heavy plots which, allegedly, left the casual viewer 'struggling to make sense of complex storylines.' Because, you know, heaven help us in this attention-span-of-seven-seconds media age if viewers are actually asked to use a bit of brain-power and think about things. That will never do. Dear blog readers may also be interested in Lucy Jones's timely slapping down of the whole 'too PC'sneering bollocks in the Indi, which is well worth five minutes of your time. Although, Lucy, a tip; no one - at least, no one with an ounce of dignity or self-respect about them - uses that truly hateful word 'Whovian'. Except possibly ironically. 'Doctor Who fan' is fine.
And, speaking of interesting articles on Doctor Who (and, in this case, also Sherlock), the Observer Morning Star's Venessa Thorpe has written Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes: the perfect team for tourism: 'Two of Britain's most famous fictional exports, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Who [sic], are at the heart of a new generation of "live" immersive attractions designed to draw foreign tourists this winter. Yesterday a Sherlock-themed interactive game, featuring Benedict Cumberbatch and other cast members of the television show, opened to its first paying customers in West London, while next month a new "escape room" experience based on Doctor Who is to open in Bristol before rolling out across five other English cities. Cardiff, creative home of Doctor Who since its 2005 reboot, will also see some of this spin-off action in the new year.'
Peter Davison has been revealing all about his time on Doctor Who in newly recorded interviews for a forthcoming Blu-ray box-set. Peter's first year in the TARDIS, series nineteen - broadcast in 1982 and a particular favourite of this blogger - is the next release in the series, Doctor Who: The Collection, available later this month. It is positively packed - packed, this blogger notes - full of features and never-before-seen extras. In an in-depth interview with the broadcaster, TV historian and noted Doctor Who fan Matthew Sweet, Davison argues that Doctor Who was 'poorly treated' after his departure in 1984. Up until that time, the BBC's long-running family SF drama had been enjoying strong viewing figures and good reviews - much of that down to Peter himself - but, post-his departure in 1984, the show moved into a time of uncertainty, critical mauling and indifference from those that held its future in their hands. The BBC, infamously, put the series on hiatus in 1985, sacked its leading man, Colin Baker and dramatically reduced the number of episodes per series. Davison reveals in the interview that he was 'very happy' to have left the part when he did. When asked if he felt he had dodged a bullet in exiting after three series, he replies, 'Yes, probably. I was upset about what happened, really because, first of all, it wasn't to do with Colin, I know that. It was to do with other issues.' Suggesting that the show was 'handled very badly' during this time, Davison describes Baker as 'the victim' and offers up a reason for the BBC's alleged souring attitude towards Doctor Who: 'The power structure in the BBC had changed and they didn't want John Nathan-Turner around, is the truth of it.' Nathan-Turner was the show's then-producer, the man who cast Peter, Baker and Sylvester McCoy. Michael Grade who had joined the corporation in 1984 as Controller of BBC1 has since admitted that he 'wanted rid of Doctor Who.''In order to get rid of John, they effectively said, "We don't like your choice of Doctor, you have to get rid of The Doctor,"' Davison claimed. 'And, rather than John saying, "Well, in that case I resign," he said, "Okay, I'll get rid of Colin." Which is a pretty tough choice to make. He probably should have moved on, actually. He probably should have done the decent thing .. So, I was very happy I'd moved on.' That is not to say that things always went right during Davison's era. In a new documentary looking at the much-maligned story Time-Flight which closed series nineteen, Peter describes monsters The Plasmatons as 'rubbish.' Which, they were! 'They were just nothing at all, they were lumps of polystyrene,' he recalled. 'It was just one more indignity that was heaped upon the story. It was a real symbol that [the production had] run out of money. "What can we do for these Plasmatons? Let's just make them lumps of polystyrene!"'Doctor Who: The Collection series nineteen will available from Monday 10 December.
The BBC has revealed that an animated version of the 1967 Doctor Who story The Macra Terror will be released on DVD in March 2019. The four-part Patrick Troughton story has been missing from the BBC Archives for many years, although a copy of the soundtrack exists alongside a handful of short video clips. In it, The Doctor and his companions, Ben Polly and Jamie, visit a - nameless - planet and suffer a nasty attack of crabs. True story. Rumours of an animated version of the story were confirmed by the BBC this week releasing a trailer on their YouTube channel.
To the surprise of many shoppers - particularly this lady - Cybermen were spotted in two major cities in the UK on Friday, to mark tickets going on sale for Worlds Collide, the first official Doctor Who'live escape game.' She looks well-concerned by this happenstance, doesn't she? 'I go out to do a bit of shopping and end up in an episode of The Invasion, it's not bloomin' fair.'
Don't say Auntie never gives you anything for Christmas dear blog reader, because the BBC has lined-up over one hundred full series box-sets to roll out on iPlayer over the festive season. For the drama fans, there's the full series of this year's breakout thrillers Bodyguard and Killing Eve, plus every single series of Doctor Who since 2005. A Very English Scandal, Collateral, The Little Drummer Girl, Mrs Wilson, There She Goes and Trust, all of which featured in From The North's recent 2018 best of list are also featured. Comedy lovers can have a reet good laugh at the full runs of hits like Outnumbered, Extras, The League Of Gentlemen and Miranda, or enjoy more recent series People Just Do Nothing and Fleabag. It's not all good news, though, Gavin & Stacey is also included. Tragedy. Nature lovers and those wishing to escape the dreary December weather can go to the far corners of the globe with Sir David Attenborough on Planet Earth and Planet Earth II. Most of these will be available from 12 December, whereas all-new 2018 festive specials from EastEnders, Doctor Who, Luther and more will be on iPlayer once they premiere on telly. The box-sets will all be available well into January so, once Santa's done his rounds he too can get his feet up and have a right good binge-watch. Of Class. That'll be nice.
Things We Learned From This Week's Only Connect: During a round concerning the lyrics of 'The Chicken Song' (no, really), the divine Goddess that is Victoria Coren Mitchell revealed that she has 'a very good friend called Keith.' No further comment is necessary at this juncture, dear blog reader, you can make up your own punchline.
'Look! It's happening again!'From The North's Comedy Moment Of The Week came from Vic & Bob's Big Night Out and their deliciously daft Keep Fireballs Contained public information film parody. Which you can check out for yourselves, here. 'This announcement was made to you by The Attlee Government in conjunction with Boy George and Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers!'
Qi will return from its few weeks break for the start of the second half of its P series on a new night, Tuesday 18 December, with the episode Pubs. It will feature Josh Widdecombe, Caraid Lloyd and That Bloody Weirdo Noel Fielding. Given that this appears to be the popular BBC2 comedy panel show's Christmas episode (judging by what the panellists are wearing in the promo photo) then that does rather suggest the following episode (scheduled to be one called Pain & Punishment featuring Jimmy Carr and Lee Mack) may be delayed until either the week between Christmas and New Year or the week after that. There is no news yet on when the extended XL episodes will be shown (although Saturday nights looks likely).
Dan Weiss and David Benioff, appearing at Comic Con Experience in Brazil, told Maisie Williams that they had decided how Game Of Thrones would end pretty early on in the process. 'Sometime after we finished the third season is when we knew,' they revealed. In other Game Of Thrones news, HBO and Sky Atlantic have released the latest official teaser for the drama's impending final series. The clip, which 'is equal-parts vague and exciting,' according to the Digital Spy website, 'gives fans a dark new twist on the show's iconic, ever-evolving opening.' Or something.
Further news on the ongoing filming of Peaky Blinders series five. This week, Cillian Murphy spent a day filming in Bradford at the City Hall, a regular location for the period drama ib previous years. Production company, Tiger Aspect, worked with Bradford's City of Film team on the shoot. David Wilson, Director of Bradford UNESCO City of Film, said: 'This is the third time that Bradford has hosted the award-winning drama Peaky Blinders and its always a pleasure to work with Tiger Aspect. They are true professionals and always have great respect for the heritage buildings they use.'
Idris Elba will return as John Luther on New Year's Day in the fifth series of the BBC1 crime drama. Luther will be broadcast on successive nights, with the whole of the new four-part series showing between 1 and 4 January. A recent trailer showed Elba's Luther hunting down a masked killer and showcased new recruit Detective Sergeant Catherine Halliday, played by Wunmi Mosaku. There was also a glimpse of Ruth Wilson's Alice Morgan, despite her being apparently killed (off-screen, admittedly) in the previous series. Fans will be delighted to see Elba don his tweed coat for the first time since the 2016 edition of Sport Relief. After the fourth series was shown in 2015 there had been hopes that it would spawn as a big-screen version, but a film never materialised - as big-screen spin-offs of TV series tend not to. Each episode of the new series will be broadcast at 9pm on BBC1.
Sir David Attenborough has said that climate change is 'humanity's greatest threat in thousands of years.' Apart from Piers Morgan, obviously. The broadcaster said that it 'could lead to the collapse of civilisations and the extinction of much of the natural world.' Climate change that is, not Piers Morgan. Although having said that ... Sir David was speaking at the opening ceremony of United Nations-sponsored climate talks in Poland. The meeting is the most critical on climate change since the 2015 Paris agreement. Sir David said: 'Right now, we are facing a man-made disaster of global scale. Our greatest threat in thousands of years. Climate change. If we don't take action, the collapse of our civilisations and the extinction of much of the natural world is on the horizon.' The naturalist is taking up the 'People's Seat' at the conference, called COP24. He is supposed to act as 'a link' between the public and policy-makers at the meeting. 'The world's people have spoken. Their message is clear. Time is running out. They want you, the decision-makers, to act now,' he said. Speaking at the opening ceremony, Antonio Guterres, UN Secretary-General, said that climate change was 'already a matter of life and death' for many countries. He explained that the world is 'nowhere near where it needs to be' on the transition to a low-carbon economy. But, the UN Secretary-General said that the conference was 'an effort to right the ship' and he would convene a climate summit next year to discuss next steps. Meanwhile, the World Bank has announced two hundred billion dollars in funding over five years to support countries taking action against climate change. This Conference of the Parties is the first to be held since the landmark Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report on limiting global temperature rise came out in October. The IPCC stated that to keep to the 1.5 degrees Celsius goal, governments would have to slash emissions of greenhouse gases by forty five per cent by 2030. But, a recent study showed that CO2 emissions are on the rise again after stalling for four years. In an unprecedented move, four former UN climate talks presidents issued a statement on Sunday, calling for urgent action. They say 'decisive action in the next two years will be crucial.' Meanwhile, the gap between what countries say they are doing and what needs to be done has never been wider. So urgent is the task that some negotiators began their meetings on Sunday, a day before the official start. Twenty nine heads of state and government are due to give statements at the opening of the meeting. The number is down on those that turned up in Paris in 2015, which perhaps indicates that many are seeing this as more a technical stage on the road to tackling climate change than a big bang moment. But, for the likes of China and the EU, the meeting is critical. They will want to show that international co-operation can still work even in the age of President Rump and his love of all emissions.
Noel Edmonds - who is definitely not mental - said he felt 'down and disappointed' after becoming the first z-list failure to be voted out of I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want). Which is,obviously, very sad. But, he added that he 'soon got over it' because he swapped the TV show's jungle camp for a five-star hotel. Speaking to ITV's Lorraine from his hotel poolside, Edmonds claimed that he was 'astonished' when he was evicted on Friday. 'I was hoping to hang around for a little bit longer,' he said. 'I hadn't even actually got into my stride.' Edmonds joined ITV's sick Victorian freak show three days after the rest of the campmates, vowing to retire from the TV industry if he won. Tragically, that will not now happen. Viewers, seemingly, didn't want that outcome and voted his ass out after just nine days in the jungle. And, that was the end of his shit.
The BBC has dropped plans to hold a Brexit debate between Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn, saying it 'could not reach an agreement' on its proposal. Given that it's taken two years for the government to work out what it is proposing for Brexit and the probability that the rest of parliament will tell soon-to-be-former Prime Minister May where to take her bloody backstop and shove it, it was always going to be a bit of a fallacy that the BBC could get May and Comrade Corbyn to agree on pretty much anything. Both it and ITV offered to broadcast a debate between the leaders on Sunday - two days before Parliament votes on Brexit. But, Labour claimed that the BBC's proposed format was 'a mish-mash, with a lopsided panel of other politicians and public figures' taking part. Downing Street suggested Labour's objections were 'false and flimsy.' The BBC had wanted to include 'a range of voices' in the programme, including members of other political parties, as well as a head-to-head between the leaders. The Downing Street spokesman said: 'We remain committed to holding a debate and will continue to press for a format that ensures a range of voices are heard alongside a substantial head-to-head.' Several other parties had said they should be included in the debate - including the SNP, Lib Dems, Plaid Cymru and The Greens. ITV originally said 'invitations remain open' to both leaders to hold a debate on the channel. But then, a couple of days later, they changed their mind. The BBC said last week that the soon-to-be-former Prime Minister had accepted its offer to take part in a debate on Sunday night and it was waiting to hear from the Labour Party. Good old 'man of the people' Comrade Corbyn told ITV's This Morning that he 'preferred ITV's offer' - partly because it would not clash with the final of I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) on the same evening. Which, he claimed, he wanted to watch - and, as excuses for getting out of an appointment go, that one's right up there with 'I'm washing my hair.' Although, this blogger is sure that Comrade Corbyn's many Momentum acolytes will be delighted to know that, seemingly, Comrade Corbyn prefers to watch a sick Victorian freak show featuring z-list attention junkies than a Comrade Jimmy McGovern drama, Care, about the treatment of mental health which BBC1 is showing in the same slot. You're an inspiration to us all, Comrade Corbyn. Last Saturday, the BBC released a further statement, saying its proposal included both a head-to-head debate and 'an opportunity to hear from a wider range of voices. We have been clear throughout the whole of this process that, as well as a substantive head-to-head debate, any programme we broadcast would need to include other voices, including other political parties, to reflect the wide range of views the public and parliamentarians hold about Brexit,' the BBC said. 'We believe ours was a fair and appropriate format for those taking part and, crucially, for our audiences around the country and it is a shame we will not be able to bring them this programme.' On Tuesday, Labour criticised May and her team for choosing their 'preferred broadcaster' for the debate. The party's spokesman claimed that she is 'running away from the scrutiny' of a head-to-head with Comrade Corbyn by accepting the BBC's format over ITV's. But a Downing Street spokesman in turn accused Comrade Corbyn of 'running scared of proper scrutiny. The Prime Minister issued the original challenge to Jeremy Corbyn for a head-to-head debate, and despite her flexibility on timing and format, Jeremy Corbyn and Labour have done nothing but raise false and flimsy objections to the BBC's proposal.'
Fiona Bruce - this generation's 'thinking man's crumpet' has said that it is 'an honour' to be confirmed as the new host of Question Time. Known for presenting the BBC News At Six, Fake Or Fortune? and Antiques Roadshow, she will be the first female full-time host in the show's forty-year history. A senior BBC 'source' allegedly said that Fifi had 'performed superbly' in recent auditions, according to the BBC's media editor, Amol Rajan. Question Time's current host David Dimbleby will leave the show later this month after twenty four years. Bruce said: 'It is an honour to be asked to take on one of the great political programmes of the BBC, particularly at a time of such historic change for the UK and tumult at Westminster. For many years, Question Time has been presented by one of my television heroes so I am thrilled and not a little daunted to be stepping into his shoes.' Fran Unsworth, director of BBC News and Current Affairs, said: 'Question Time is one of our flagship political programmes, giving people across Britain the chance to hold the powerful to account.' Bruce has worked at the BBC since 1990, when she began her career as a researcher on Panorama. The fifty four-year-old went on to become a reporter on that programme and also on Newsnight. Bruce also co-hosted Crimewatch for eight years. In 2001, she became the first female presenter to be part of the BBC's general erection studio team.
From The North favourite Mary Beard has said that she is happy to have been made a dame, even though she has not always agreed with what the honours system stands for. 'Had somebody said to me at twenty three that I would accept a damehood of the British Empire, I would have said, "Sorry, sunshine, that's not what my politics is all about,"' she said on Friday. Now in her sixties, though, the historian and broadcaster said she was 'older and wiser.' She told reporters that she found the title 'quaint and charming,' if 'odd.' She said that honours were no longer associated with the politics of the empire - because there is no empire - adding: 'Dames cart around the stage, don't they?' Plus. there is nothing like one. Apparently. Speaking after collecting her honour from Prince William at Buckingham Palace, Dame Mary also revealed that she had offered to teach Willie's three children Latin. 'I hope he was listening,' the Cambridge University classics professor said. 'Of course, he was very polite and said, "I'll have to get you to teach them" and I said, "Anything!" It's important to learn where we've been and where we've come from and for people to have access to some of the most extraordinary and influential literature in world culture. That kind of direct connection with something so influential written so long ago is, I think, terribly important.' She was made a dame in the Queen's Birthday Honours for services to classical scholarship, having previously been made an OBE in 2013.
Cromer and its one hundred and seventeen-year-old pier have been given starring roles on BBC1 this Christmas. The Norfolk town features in the channel's festive idents, which are shown before programmes begin and in a short promotional film about the importance of spending time with loved ones. The town is 'the star of the film,' said location manager Crispin Buxton, with its 'iconic pier and extraordinary backdrop.' Filming took place over four days in early October.
Viewers of the BBC's family drama The A Word have been looking forward for another series since the drama's emotional finale last year. From The North favourite Lee Ingleby has revealed that the cast are 'optimistic' that the series will return, but that it is likely that the show will pick up 'a few years later' to feature Joe's transition into adolescence. 'We're hoping it will be back,' Ingleby told the Digital Spy website. 'Peter Bowker wants to pick up the story two years later. It's not a straightforward continual. He wants to continue the story from when the little boy is grown up so it presents itself with new challenges, and seeing him going through his growing pains and discovering who he is in a world where he doesn't know how it functions properly. That's the hope.' The drama follows the Hughes family as they come to terms with their son Joe's autism diagnosis and the daily trials of family life. It has been raised by viewers and critics alike for its sensitive and touching depiction of the autism spectrum. Ingleby who plays Joe's father, Paul, says that the feedback he has received from viewers has been 'largely positive,' but that there have been some who said the story has been very different from their own personal experiences. 'It's all been really positive,' the actor continued. 'Of course there are people who contact you and say that's not how their story unfolds but, when you are tackling [stories] with people on the spectrum, everybody's story is different, and everybody's situation is different. So, we have to emphasise it is just one story from one family going through their own set of challenges. But on the whole it's been positive, really positive, especially from people that have similar scenarios and situations like that. It makes it worthwhile doing it. It does.' Meanwhile, Ingleby will be providing the voice of Captain Campion in the BBC and Netflix's much-anticipated animated adaptation of Watership Down this Christmas. On the challenges of recording their parts separately, he explained: 'It is really odd, they give you a rough outline of what it would look like and what your character is like. It was all very shrouded in mystery, I can't wait to see what they've done with it.'
ITV thriller Bancroft has begun production on a second series. Starring Sarah Parish and Faye Marsay, the second series will follow the ruthless Elizabeth Bancroft at the height of her career. However, it appears as though her professional success will have repercussions at home, with Bancroft's history also peeking around the corner. A synopsis for the series also mentions 'a chilling new antagonist.''I'm absolutely thrilled to be returning to the role of Bancroft and inhabiting her complex life which Kate [Brooke] has crafted so well,' Parish said. 'Bancroft is such a contentious anti-heroine and as a character she offers me so much to work with. Manipulative and strategic with her thinking, she knows how to get what she wants. The question is, what will this cold-blooded killer do next in order to defend her son?'Bancroft was one of ITV's best-performing dramas last year, with a series average of 6.7 million punters. Creator Kate Brooke added: 'Bancroft is a character who has lurked in the dark recesses of my imagination for many years. I am delighted to be bringing her back to the screen. Series two is a ferocious female driven tale where Bancroft, brilliantly played by the awe-inspiring Sarah Parish, meets her match.'
Britain's biggest gambling companies have voluntarily agreed to a 'whistle-to-whistle' television advertising ban. The Remote Gambling Association, which includes Bet365, Ladbrokes and Paddy Power, has struck a deal to stop adverts during live sports broadcasts. It follows political pressure about the amount of betting advertising on TV. More than ninety minutes of adverts were shown during the football World Cup and anti-gambling campaigners say sport broadcasts use of adverts 'normalises' betting. There are also fears it contributes to the rise in the amount of problem gamblers - with a Gambling Commission report suggesting four hundred and thirty thousand Britons can be described as such - and helps fuel under-age gambling. The deal follows extensive talks between firms - also including SkyBet, Betfred, Betfair, Stan James, Gala Coral and William Hill - to ensure that no adverts will be broadcast 'for a defined period' before, during and after a game is broadcast. The proposal is similar to those made by the Labour party and, importantly, will include any game which starts prior to the 9pm watershed but ends after that time. The RGA has previously claimed that it was 'very mindful of public concerns.' One or two people even believed them. Horse racing will be exempt from the restrictions given the commercial importance of gambling on its viability but all other sports will be included. However, it is the impact on football where the ban will be felt the most, especially given the financial value of the sport to both the gambling companies and broadcasters. Nearly sixty per cent of clubs in England's top two divisions have gambling companies as shirt sponsors. Final ratification is needed from the Industry Group for Responsible Gambling before the ban comes into force. That should be a formality, according to industry insiders and could come as early as this month or in early 2019. On Thursday, the RGA said: 'The Gambling Industry Code for Socially Responsible Advertising is reviewed annually, and several options are currently being considered as the basis for possible enhancements in 2019. However, nothing has yet been finalised.' Tommy Watson MP (power to the people!), Labour's Shadow Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport said he was 'delighted' by the move as the number of adverts during live sports had 'clearly reached crisis levels.' He added: 'There was clear public support for these restrictions and I'm glad that the Remote Gambling Association has taken its responsibilities seriously and listened.' Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, Jeremy Wright MP, said it was 'a welcome move. Gambling firms banning advertising on TV during live sport is a welcome move and I am pleased that the sector is stepping up and responding to public concerns,' he said. 'It is vital children and vulnerable people are protected from the threat of gambling related harm. Companies must be socially responsible.' Sarah Hanratty, chief executive of the Senet Group - the industry's responsible gambling body, funded by the four largest UK gambling companies - said: 'It has been clear for some time now that the volume and density of advertising and sponsorship messaging from gambling companies around live sport has become unsustainable. This is a welcome move from the leading industry operators who are taking the initiative to respond to public concern.' Of course, this also means that Ray Winstone will actually have to take up acting again. So, you know, swings and roundabouts.
Lena Dunham has said publicly defending a writer on her show, Girls, after he was accused of rape was 'a terrible mistake.' Writing in The Hollywood Reporter, Dunham apologised for speaking up for Murray Miller out of 'blind faith.' She originally spoke about it last November after Miller was first accused of assaulting an actress when she was seventeen. Miller has always denied the 'outrageous' allegations and in August prosecutors decided not to charge him with any offence. The Los Angeles County District Attorney's office did not pursue a prosecution, it said, because of the expiry of the statute of limitations and 'inconsistencies and the delay in reporting,'The Wrap reported in August. Dunham, writing as guest editor of The Hollywood Reporter's Women In Hollywood edition, explained why she originally said that she had 'insider knowledge' which made her believe the accusation was false. 'When someone I knew, someone I had loved as a brother, was accused, I did something inexcusable: I publicly spoke up in his defence,' she wrote. 'There are few acts I could ever regret more in this life. I didn't have the "insider information" I claimed but, rather, blind faith in a story that kept slipping and changing and revealed itself to mean nothing at all.' She added: 'It's painful to realise that, while I thought I was self-aware, I had actually internalised the dominant male agenda that asks us to defend it no matter what, protect it no matter what, baby it no matter what.' Dunham received a fierce backlash after her original statement, which was written jointly with her fellow Girls showrunner Jenni Konner. She then apologised, saying it was 'absolutely the wrong time to come forward with such a statement.' At the time, Miller's lawyer, Don Walerstein, said that his client 'categorically and vehemently denies' the allegations. He also said his legal team had 'overwhelming evidence directly contradicting these false and offensive claims.'
A London-based satellite news station is being formally investigated by Ofcom after it broadcast an interview with an extremist group that claimed responsibility for a terrorist attack in Iran. The media regulator said that it would consider whether Iran International, which is based in West London but broadcasts to a Farsi-language audience around the world, broke broadcasting standards by showing the footage in September. Ofcom said it had received three complaints objecting to airtime being given to Yacoub Hor al-Tostari, a spokesman for the Arab Struggle Movement for the Liberation of Ahvaz, which advocates for a separatist Arab state in Iran. During the interview, he appeared to praise a September terror attack in the Iranian city of Ahvaz, which killed dozens and claimed his group was responsible for the atrocity. 'I insist that armed resistance is part of our resistance,' he said in the interview. Isis also claimed responsibility for the attack. The media regulator said it was investigating whether the interview breached rules on generally accepted standards. 'Under Ofcom's rules, potentially offensive content must be presented with sufficient context. We are investigating whether this news programme fell short of these requirements,' a spokesperson said. An announcement by Ofcom added: 'It is important to note that an investigation by Ofcom does not necessarily mean the broadcaster or service provider has done anything wrong. Not all investigations result in breaches of the codes, rules, licence conditions or other regulatory requirements being recorded.' The case highlights how London has become a centre for foreign-language news channels seeking a base to broadcast to the world. Ofcom enforces the UK's strict media regulations on all British-based channels, regardless of whether they are aimed at a UK audience or not. The regulator investigates complex geopolitical disputes and consider whether foreign-language broadcasts have broken the rules of impartiality. Rob Benyon, the acting head of channel at Iran International, said: 'We believe this is a routine continuation of the process of scrutiny which began some weeks ago. We have always co-operated fully with Ofcom and they have not contacted us further about this announcement.'
The leader of the UK's MI6 intelligence service has said he is 'perplexed' over why the United Arab Emirates jailed British academic Matthew Hedges. Alex Younger said that he 'genuinely can't understand how our Emirati partners came to the conclusions they came to.' Hedges was accused of spying for MI6 and jailed in the UAE last month, but he was later pardoned and released. In a rare speech, Younger also warned Russia 'not to underestimate our capabilities.' He described how MI6 exposed the perpetrators of the Novichok poisoning in Salisbury and warned that Britain's adversaries view themselves as being in a state of 'perpetual confrontation' with the UK. Last month, an Abu Dhabi court found Hedges very guilty of 'spying for or on behalf of' the UK government and he was sent to The Slammer for life. Prosecutors alleged that Hedges had 'admitted' the charges - one or two people even believed them - but the thirty one-year-old denied spying and said that he had been 'researching the country's security strategy' as part of his PhD studies at Durham University. A week later, the UAE issued the pardon as part of a series of orders on the country's National Day anniversary and Hedges was freed. In the second public speech by the man known as C in the four years since his appointment, Younger addressed the case. 'We are perplexed by what has happened,' he said, speaking at St Andrews University. 'There are some frank conversations ahead of us but we need to make sure that partnership works.' Younger also spoke of the need for 'fourth-generation espionage,' fusing human skills with technical innovation. He encouraged students to consider joining MI6, saying tackling modern adversaries who use new technology to probe UK institutions and defences will require 'a mindset that mobilises diversity and empowers the young.'Plus, you get a Walther PPK and an Aston Martin and all the ladies think you're great. Younger re-emphasised the importance of strengthening security ties in Europe. He said that Britain's spies have 'thwarted multiple Islamic State plots' originating overseas, often in partnership with European allies. UK intelligence agencies have played 'an important contribution' in helping European countries, particularly France and Germany, prevent terrorist attacks in their countries or against their citizens, he added. Younger also spoke about facing 'adversaries who regard themselves as being in a state of perpetual confrontation' with the UK. He said: 'I urge Russia or any other state intent on subverting our way of life not to underestimate our determination and our capabilities, or those of our allies.' The expulsion of Russian intelligence officers by the UK, following the Novichok poisoning in Salisbury, had 'significantly reduced Russian intelligence capability,' Younger said. The speech came at a time of heightened tensions between the UK and Russia. In the most recent incident last Saturday, Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson called on the public to 'report suspicious activity near military sites,' after a Russian TV crew prompted an alert at an Army base. Earlier this year, GCHQ chief Jeremy Fleming said Moscow posed a 'real and active threat' to the international community in the wake of the Salisbury poisoning. Russia denies any involvement. Although, to paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, 'well, they would, wouldn't they?'
Ballet dancers, superheroes and an image of Jesus Christ have all reportedly fallen foul of Tumblr's new pornography ban, after the images were flagged up as 'explicit content' by the blogging site's artificial intelligence tools. The company, which is owned by the US media conglomerate Verizon, said on Monday that it would ban all pornography from its site – and defined the term as covering 'any depiction of real-life human genitals,' or 'female-presenting nipples.'Male-presenting nipples are, apparently, fine. Once the ban comes into effect, on 17 December, any post containing such imagery will be deleted. But, in order to moderate billions of posts in such a short timeframe, Tumblr has turned to AI tools that appear unable to distinguish clothed from naked figures, let alone tell whether a nipple is presenting as female. The actor - and regular Tumblr user - Wil Wheaton posted one example: an image search for 'beautiful men kissing,' which was flagged as explicit 'within thirty seconds of me posting it. These images are not explicit,' Wheaton wrote. 'These pictures show two adults, engaging in consensual kissing. That's it. It isn't violent, it isn't pornographic. It's literally just two adult humans sharing a kiss.' Other users chronicled flagged posts, including historical images of (fully clothed) women of colour, a photoset of the actor Sebastian Stan wearing a selection of suits with no socks on (the dirty hussy), an oil painting of Jesus wearing but a loincloth, a photo of ballet dancers and a drawing of Wonder Woman carrying fellow DC super-individual Harley Quinn. None of the images violate Tumblr's stated policy or anything even remotely like it. As he announced the new rules, Tumblr's chief executive, Jeff D'Onofrio, acknowledged that the company would make errors. 'Filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We're relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we've done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.' The site insisted it would still allow 'non-sexualised' images of women's nipples, in situations such as breastfeeding or 'works of art' and said that 'artistic, educational, newsworthy, or political content featuring nudity are fine.' So, images of artists, teachers, people in the headlines or politicians getting their chimney smoked would appear to be acceptable under such circumstances. But, many users expressed dismay, anger and righteous fury over the bans, arguing that Tumblr's position as one of the last major sites on the Internet where adult content could mix freely with more traditional social networking made it 'a valuable space' for people to safely express their sexual identities. And, legally crack one off if they so wished. Tumblr's stricter rules appear to have been prompted by the app's temporary removal from Apple's App Store in November. This followed the discovery of and, the entirely understandable removal of - child abuse imagery shared to the site.
The former personal assistant of JK Rowling has been described as 'a good liar' by the author's husband. Doctor Neil Murray made the comment during a civil case at Airdrie Sheriff Court against Amanda Donaldson. She is accused of fraudulently using the Harry Potter creator's credit card to fund spending sprees that included buying three thousand six hundred and twenty nine knicker on luxury cosmetics from Molton Brown. The thirty five-year-old, from Coatbridge, in Lanarkshire, denies the claims. Murray said Donaldson had been employed to help organise his wife's business and personal matters. He said that Donaldson was suspended - and later dismissed - in 2017 over alleged 'unauthorised spending' that also included two thousand one hundred and thirty nine quid in stationery shop goods from Paper Tiger and more than eighteen hundred smackers spent at Starbucks and Costa. And, anyway you look at it, that's a lot of coffee. His wife claims Donaldson wrongly benefited to a total value of nearly twenty four grand. Murray said the 'biggest concern' was over cash withdrawals of four hundred and two hundred and fifty knicker in December 2016 that Donaldson claimed were 'for a Christmas lunch deposit.' Chartered accountant Steven Simou had earlier told the court that he had contacted the restaurant involved and found no such deposit had been requested or taken off the final bill. Murray claimed that he had challenged Donaldson 'in an astonishing encounter. Amanda had always adopted a lively, slightly bubbly, a bit scatty demeanour. I thought she might be emotional or run about the office looking for bits of paper, but what I found was a completely different personality. She shut down, was calm and basically lied. At the end of the encounter I was really taken at how good a liar she was.' The author's husband said there was a small staff of four full-time and two part-time workers who shared an office with Donaldson in Edinburgh. Asked by Rowling's solicitor, Kirsteen MacDonald, if there was 'any reason' for the three thousand six hundred and twenty nine smackers spend at Molton Brown, Murray said: 'Well not for the office, it doesn't make sense. I think the vast majority was purchased by Amanda for Amanda.' Murray said there was 'no question' about what the credit card was 'meant' to be used for. 'This was a business card to facilitate my wife's business life,' he told the court. He added: 'I heard from office staff there was an occasion Amanda was out socially with staff and they bought pizza. Amanda offered to pay for the group and took out the business credit card. I was told she said "don't worry, Neil doesn't check this card."' Accountant Steven Simou earlier told the court that a safe, which Donaldson had access to, was found to be missing 'more than seven thousand seven hundred pounds' after she was suspended. The accountant said that he had 'analysed' the credit card account after 'a concern was raised by another member of staff.' He said: 'I was just quite shocked to see so many expenses there, clearly not of a business nature.' He added: 'Certain expenses stood out more than others - Costa, Starbucks, bakeries, Boots and other high street shops you wouldn't normally associate with a business spend.' Cross-examined by Amanda Donaldson's lawyer, Mr Simou acknowledged that he did not know what instructions she had been given for using the card. The civil case, before Sheriff Derek O'Carroll, extremely continues.
A woman killed on a train may have been leaning out of a window when she suffered a blow to the head, police said. The woman, from Penarth, died at the scene after 'sustaining serious head injuries' while travelling between Bath and Keynsham. She was on a Bristol Temple Meads-bound service. Police said that her death on Saturday night was ;not being treated as suspicious' and that her family had been informed. A British Transport Police statement said: 'Officers were called at 10.10pm on Saturday following a report a woman had received serious head injuries while travelling on a train between Bath and Keynsham.' It continued: 'Colleagues from South Western Ambulance Service also attended, however, despite their best efforts, a twenty eight-year-old woman from Penarth sadly died at the scene. We are continuing to investigate the circumstances of the incident, which has been reported to the Rail Accident Investigation Branch.'
Former Moscow Chelski FC and The Scum chief executive Peter Kenyon is reportedly heading a consortium that is in talks to buy yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though previously unsellable) Newcastle United. Current owner, loathsome reptile Mike Ashley, claimed in an interview earlier this week that 'discussions' over a possible sale 'are at a more progressed stage than they have ever been.' It is believed a potential deal with Kenyon is what Ashley was referring to. Kenyon is 'understood' to be working with the American financial advisory firm Rockefeller Capital Management. It is unknown if a firm bid has been lodged at this stage. However, Kenyon's group are short on time if the purchase is to be made prior to the start of the January transfer window. Premier League checks and processes when clubs change hands take around fourteen days to complete. The Christmas break and Richard Scudamore's departure as executive chairman of the league later this month could also be complicating factors regarding that time frame. Those regulatory checks can only take place after extensive due diligence of the club's financial position and any final negotiations and legal work has concluded between the two sides. That all makes a December purchase date optimistic - even if a deal was to be agreed in the coming days. Other suitors are also reported to be interested in the club, which Ashley formally put up for sale - for the second time - in 2017. Claims of interest from up to three further groups, however, remain unverified. That uncertainty is claimed to be due to 'confidentiality clauses,' but there is a suspicion that claims of other interested parties may have been somewhat exaggerated by Ashley in order to pressure the main bidder into swift action. It has also been alleged that financial consultants working for Kenyon travelled to Tyneside earlier this week and have visited St James' Park as part of their valuation. In order for that to happen, the proposed new owners would have had to satisfy specified financial criteria - but not deposit funds in a third party account as was previously claimed. The three hundred million kicker asking price which has been bandied around in the media is not fixed in terms of a one-off payment and a down payment 'could', reportedly, be acceptable to Ashley, given proof of sufficient funds. Claims that United had negotiated a 'try before you buy' loan deal for Atlanta United's Miguel Almiron have been 'rubbished' by the MLS side's President. Newcastle have twice been relegated from the Premier League under Ashley's ownership (and, to be scrupulously fair, twice promoted at the first attempt after those two relegations). It is also worth noting at this juncture Keith Telly Topping's previous voiced sage-like advice to all fellow Magpies (and, indeed, all fellow football fans) on the subject of someone new potentially taking over your club. 'Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.'
England will face the Netherlands in the Nations League semi-finals in Guimaraes, Portugal on 6 June 2019. The hosts face Switzerland on 5 June at Porto's Estadio do Dragao in the other semi-final, with the final scheduled for 9 June. 'It's a very exciting game to look forward to and a second semi-final for us,' said England manager Gareth Southgate. England reached the last four of the World Cup in Russia this summer, where they were beaten two-one by Croatia. You might remember it, it was on TV and everything. They qualified for the Nations League semi-finals by finishing top of a group containing Croatia and Spain. The game against the Dutch, currently managed by Ronald Koeman, at Estadio D Afonso Henriques will be the first competitive meeting between the sides since Euro '96, when an England side containing Southgate memorably won four-one at Wembley. 'We play a team in Holland who are at a similar stage to us - developing, lots of exciting young players in both sides - and you can see the impact Ronald has had,' said Southgate. The Dutch qualified for the last four thanks to a ninetieth-minute equaliser in their final group game in Germany. Switzerland pipped Belgium to top spot by virtue of their superior head-to-head record, beating them five-two in their final game. European champions Portugal progressed at the expense of Poland and Italy. The Nations League, which began in September and featured fifty five nations in four tiers, also provides a second opportunity to qualify for Euro 2020. The winners of the competition will receive over six million smackers in prize money, and the fourth-placed team around four million notes.
DJ Martin Solveig has grovellingly apologised to Women's Ballon d'Or winner Ada Hegerberg for asking her after she collected her award if she knew 'how to twerk.' The Frenchman said Lyon and Norway striker Hegerberg - who simply answered 'no' to the question - had told him after the ceremony she 'understood it was a joke.' Hegerberg told BBC Sport that she 'didn't consider it sexual harassment.' The twenty three-year-old was named the inaugural winner of the award, which recognises the world's best player, in Paris. Real Madrid and Croatia midfielder Luka Modric won the men's award, becoming the first player other than either Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo to claim the trophy in more than a decade. Solveig was playing music throughout the ceremony and also danced with Hegerberg to Frank Sinatra. During the presentation of her award, he asked her: 'Do you know how to twerk?' She replied that she did not. Hegerberg, who had just made a speech talking about her hopes of inspiring girls to believe in themselves, appeared rather bewildered by the random nature of the question, sparking a massive reaction on social media. Twerking is a sexually provocative dance move popularised by the singer Miley Cyrus. Solveig was widely criticised on social media, including by two-time Wimbledon tennis champion Andy Murray, who said on Instagram: 'Another example of the ridiculous sexism that still exists in sport. To everyone who thinks people are overreacting and it was just a joke, it wasn't. I've been involved in sport my whole life and the level of sexism is unreal.' On Tuesday, Women in Sport said that it was 'extremely disappointed' at the comments made by Solveig. 'The sexist remarks made by Solveig were completely inappropriate and show just how much work is still left to do to create a society that is free from sexism and discrimination,' the charity said in a statement. 'In her speech, Ada Hegerberg implored young girls all over the world to believe in themselves and we hope that this moment will not overshadow her incredible achievement of becoming the first recipient of the women's Ballon d'Or.''Apologies to anyone who may have been offended,' Solveig wrote on Twitter, a marvellous example of a non-apology apology in which it is, seemingly, those who took offence at the comments that are in the wrong rather than Solveig himself for making the comments in the first place. 'This was a joke, probably a bad one and I want to apologise.' In a video message, he added: 'I am a little bit amazed as to what I am reading on the Internet. I, of course, didn't want to offend anyone. This comes from a distortion of my English level and my English culture level, which is obviously not enough because I didn't mean to offend anyone and didn't know this could be seen as such an offence. Especially if you consider the sequence in total, when we ended up dancing to Frank Sinatra.' Solveig later posted a picture on Twitter of him and Hegerberg shaking hands. Speaking to BBC Sport, Hegerberg said: 'He came to me afterwards and was really sad that it went that way. I didn't really think about it at the time. I was just happy to do the dance and win the Ballon d'Or to be honest. I will have a glass of champagne when I get back.'
Paris St-Germain's Ligue One game against Montpellier in the French capital on Saturday was postponed at the request of the police. Violent protests have been held in major French cities over the past three weekends against a rise in fuel tax with lots of Frenchies getting all stroppy and discombobulated. The gilets jaunes) protests have now grown to reflect more widespread anger at the government and more took place at the weekend. League leaders PSG said that a new date for the match 'will be set in due course.' PSG's next two games are away from Paris. They play Strasbourg in the French top flight on Wednesday and then travel to Red Star Belgrade in the Champions League on 11 December. 'We accept this postponement,' said PSG boss Thomas Tuchel. 'We'll have to manage this situation to stay in shape before Belgrade. Security is absolutely important.' Except, he said it in French, obviously. Lyon's match at Toulouse on Saturday was postponed. 'It's a last-minute decision,' said Lyon owner Jean-Michel Aulas. 'It marks the current turmoil in a society that prioritises things that we would not like to see. I do not know if there were any risks. Maybe the whole day will be cancelled because it poses a problem of fairness. The calendar is very busy for the European teams. One must be factual and bow to the force of events. We will adapt.'
It will be 'desperately disappointing' if Scochtland are not involved in Euro 2020 while hosting four games, says the Scottish FA's chief executive. Most English people, by contrast, think it will be 'desperately funny' but, that's another story entirely. The Scotch have two chances to qualify for their first major tournament since 1998 - via the Nations League play-offs and the traditional qualifiers. They were drawn in what looks to be a rock-hard group with Belgium, Russia, Cyprus, Kazakhstan and San Marino. 'It's vitally important that we're part of the competition, particularly the games at Hampden,' Ian Maxwell said. Hampden will host three group matches and a last sixteen fixture as UEFA take the tournament across Europe to celebrate the sixtieth anniversary of the first European Championship (then called the European Nations Cup). Maxwell, like Scotchland manager Alex McLeish, is 'determined' to qualify automatically by finishing in the top two of Group I, rather than rely on the Nations League. Trips to Russia, Kazakhstan and Cyprus will have to yield something if the Scotch are to qualify and after criticism of their travel schedule for Israel and Albania in Nations League C Group One, Maxwell stresses that nothing will be left to chance during the qualifiers. 'We'll consider anything,' he added. 'Ultimately we want the players to take the field in the best possible physical and mental condition.' And, Maxwell said of the trip to Kazakhstan: 'Alex will consult the performance staff and I imagine we'll speak to some of the players as well because they'll have done it at club level. It'll be interesting to learn from the experiences they had to make sure everybody's as prepared as they possibly can be. We're quite happy to look at whatever opportunities we can to make sure the players are as well equipped as they can be.'
Now, dear blog reader, would you like to watch 'the incredible moment' a dog stopped a shot on the line in an Argentine third division match between Defensores de Belgrano de Villa Ramallo and Juventud Unida? Of course you would, you're only human. It can be viewed here.
Crystal Palace are reported to be 'confident' that their training ground kitchen will regain its five-star hygiene rating after being rated zero over a mice infestation. An inspection in August found the facility in Beckenham, used by players and staff, had 'a significant mouse problem' and had done so 'for several months.' The report was released by Bromley Council following a freedom of information request from Kent Live. A Palace spokesman claimed that the issue 'has been resolved. We invested substantially in the training ground over the summer, upgrading facilities for our players and staff and immediately took action to remedy the issues highlighted in the kitchen area following the works,' read a club statement. 'The remedial action was approved by the environmental health inspector and we are confident that our five-star rating at Beckenham will be restored when we are re-inspected, in line with our five-star rating for the kitchen facilities at Selhurst Park.'
Police investigating 'despicable disorder' at a football derby have released a video of suspects destroying a toilet block. The footage shows a group of men chanting (which, to be fair, isn't illegal), damaging sinks and smashing windows (both of which very much are) at the match between Port Vale and Stoke City Under-Twenty Ones at Vale Park on Tuesday night. More than one hundred and fifty officers were deployed to the stadium and eleven people arrested as a sick orgy of untamed violence broke out, with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. Police said 'a large section' of Stoke fans - their minds poisoned by alcohol, one presumes - had been 'disruptive.' The scallywags. Port Vale won the Checkatrade Trophy match four-nil and almost four thousand Stoke fans were in a crowd of seven thousand nine hundred. Flares, seats and other missiles were thrown onto the pitch during the game. Staffordshire Police called the video 'shocking' and appealed for information on the identity of the men involvedwhilst announcing that eleven chaps had been pinched by The Fuzz. Nabbed by The Heat. Taken downtown for 'a good talking to.' You get the picture? Detective Chief Inspector Rob Taylor said: 'We have a duty to the local community and the loyal supporters of both clubs to act swiftly. We will ensure that all opportunities will be taken to identify those suspected of being involved in this despicable disorder and bring them to justice.' Previously, Chief Superintendent Wayne Jones said that his officers faced 'shocking levels of hostility' on the night. 'The toilet block in the away stand was damaged badly,' he said. 'The cisterns and urinals were smashed off the wall, windows were damaged and there was an attempt to set fire to the toilet block.' It comes after two men were charged with using threatening or abusive language.
The helicopter which crashed killing Leicester City's chairman and four others spun out of control after a mechanism 'became disconnected,' investigators said. An Air Accident Investigation Branch report found that cockpit pedals had disconnected from the tail rotor. This caused the AW169 aircraft to turn uncontrollably to the right before it crashed near The King Power Stadium. The AAIB said that its inquiries into the 27 October crash were 'ongoing.' Leicester City chairman Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, two members of his staff - Nusara Suknamai and Kaveporn Punpare - and the pilots Eric Swaffer and Izabela Roza Lechowicz were killed in the crash. A public memorial for Swaffer and Lechowicz - who police said was a passenger at the time of the crash - is taking place at Guildford Cathedral on Thursday. An inspection at the crash site found parts of a mechanism linking the pilot's pedals to the tail rotor had become disconnected and there was 'a build-up of black grease' on one component. The failure of the system led to the pitch of the tail rotor blades being changed 'until they reached the physical limit of their travel.' The report stated: 'The initiating cause and exact sequence of the failure that resulted in the loss of tail rotor control is being investigated as a priority.' Widely shared video footage of the helicopter's last flight, taken from inside The King Power Stadium, shows the AgustaWestland AW169 climbing normally for about forty seconds before it pauses and goes into a downward spin. The aircraft reached an altitude of approximately four hundred and thirty feet, then crashed to the ground. It was rapidly engulfed in a post-impact fire and all five people on board were killed instantly. Following the crash, the European Aviation Safety Agency ordered safety checks to be carried out on the tail rotors of AW169s and similar models.
Newspapers are helping to 'fuel racism' by the ways in which they portray young black footballers, says Sheikh Yer Man City and England forward Raheem Sterling. The comment came after Sterling faced alleged racist abuse from Moscow Chelski FC fans during City's two-nil defeat at Stamford Bridge on Saturday. Moscow Chelsea FC and the Metropolitan Police are reportedly investigating the extremely serious allegations. 'All I have to say is have a second thought about fair publicity and give all players an equal chance,' Raheem said. In a post on Instagram, he said that he 'had to laugh' when he heard the alleged racist remarks made during the game because he 'expects no better.' His comments came the day after police in Scotland arrested two fans for allegedly directing racial abuse at Motherwell's substitute Christian Mbulu during his side's defeat at Hearts. In his post, Sterling cites headlines - both in the Daily Scum Mail - about his team-mates Tosin Adarabioyo and Phil Foden buying houses. The headline referring to twenty one-year-old defender Adarabioyo - who is currently on loan at West Bromwich Albinos - focuses on how he spent over two million knicker on a property 'despite having never started a Premier League match.' Although quite what that has to do with anything is beyond the understanding of all but the newspaper involved it's his money it's entirely u to him how he spends it. By contrast, midfielder Foden, 'buys a two million pound home for his mum' and is later described as having 'set up a future,' Raheem noted. 'You have two young players starting out their careers - both play for the same team, both have done the right thing, which is buy a new house for their mothers who have put in a lot of time and love into helping them get where they are,' he said. 'But, look at how the newspapers get their message across for the young black player and then for the young white player. I think this is unacceptable, both innocent, have not done a thing wrong but just by the way it has been worded, this young black kid is looked at in a bad light, which helps fuel racism and aggressive behaviour.' Sterling has frequently found himself at the centre of attention throughout his career, most recently for a tattoo of a rifle on his leg earlier this year. He defended the tattoo, saying it had 'a deeper meaning' and referred to his late father, who was killed in Jamaica. That followed criticism for proposing to his girlfriend, purchasing clothes at high-street chain Primark and even for buying his mother a house. The alleged racist abuse on Saturday took place during the first-half of of the game as Sterling went to pick up the ball in front of the Matthew Harding Stand. Moscow Chelski FC issued a statement pledging to 'investigate the matter and take the strongest possible action where necessary.' The Met said that no arrests had been made at this time, but added: 'We are aware of a video circulating online in which it is claimed racial abuse was allegedly directed at a player. We will review the footage to determine whether any offences have been committed.'
West Indies batsman Chis Gayle has been awarded three hundred thousand Australian dollars in damages more than a year after winning a defamation case against the Australian publisher Fairfax Media. Articles published in the Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and the Canberra Times reported allegations that the thirty nine-year-old had 'exposed himself' to a female massage therapist. A jury in Sydney in October 2017 ruled that the claims were entirely without foundation and that their publication by the Fairfax Media publications was 'motivated by malice.' Gayle's legal team argued that Fairfax journalists wanted to 'destroy' the cricketer. New South Wales Supreme Court Justice Lucy McCallum made the award. She said in her decision that the defamation 'went to the heart of Mister Gayle's professional life as a respected batsman' and 'had particular resonance in cricketing circles.' In a Fairfax Media statement, a spokesperson whinged: 'The jury was misled in a way that prejudiced Fairfax, and Fairfax did not get a fair trial. The damages award merely confirms the appalling burden of defamation laws in this country.' During the case's six-day trial, massage therapist Leanne Russell claimed that Gayle had 'partially' exposed himself to her in a dressing room in 2015, leaving her 'very upset.' She subsequently contacted Fairfax Media after being 'angered' when Gayle told a journalist 'don't blush, baby' in a television interview, the jury heard. Fellow cricketer Dwayne Smith, who was also in the dressing room, supported Gayle's version of events.
The brother of Australian test cricketer Usman Khawaja has been arrested for allegedly framing another man over a fake terror plot. Police in Australia have charged Arsalan Khawaja with forgery and an attempt to pervert the course of justice. In August, police charged a Sri Lankan student in Sydney over an alleged plan in a notebook about killing Australian politicians. Mohamed Kamer Nizamdeen was detained for a month before being released. The twenty five-year-old PhD student had claimed that he was 'framed by a rival' at his workplace, the University of New South Wales. On Tuesday, police alleged Nizamdeen had been 'set up in a planned and calculated manner.' Khawaja, who worked in the same department as Nizamdeen, had been 'partly motivated' by 'a personal grievance over a woman,' police claimed. Nizamdeen endured more than four weeks in solitary confinement after he was arrested on suspected terrorism charges. Police accused him of plotting the attacks in his notebook. An alleged 'hit list' included the former Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and landmarks such as the Sydney Opera House. However, he was released without charge in October after police failed to connect his handwriting to the writing in the notebook. Nizamdeen, who has returned to Sri Lanka, has indicated he plans to seek eye-wateringly huge compensation from authorities for his wrongful detention. On Tuesday, New South Wales police expressed 'regret' for Nizamdeen's experience. 'We feel very sorry for him and what has happened to him,' Assistant Commissioner Mick Willing weaselled. Khawaja was arrested on Tuesday in suburban Sydney. Police had previously questioned him over the notebook last month. His brother, Usman, is one of Australia's leading batsmen. He is set to play in the test series against India, beginning on this week. Speaking hours after the arrest, Usman asked for his family's privacy to be respected. 'It is a matter for police to deal with. Out of respect for the process it would be inappropriate for me to make any further comment,' he said.
The Voyager 2 probe, which left Earth in 1977, has become the second human-made object to leave our Solar System. It was launched sixteen days before its twin craft, Voyager 1, but that probe's faster trajectory meant that it was in 'the space between the stars' six years before Voyager 2. The news was revealed at the American Geophysical Union meeting in Washington. Chief scientist on the mission, Professor Edward Stone, subsequently confirmed it. He said that both probes had now 'made it into interstellar space' and that Voyager 2's date of departure from the Solar System was 5 November 2018. On that date, the steady stream of particles emitted from the Sun which were being detected by the probe suddenly dipped. This indicated that it had crossed the heliopause - the term for the outer edge of the Sun's protective bubble of particles and magnetic field. And, while its twin craft beat it to this boundary, the US space agency says that Voyager 2 has a working instrument onboard that will provide 'first-of-its-kind observations of the nature of this gateway into interstellar space.' The probe's present location is some eighteen billion kilometres from Earth. It is moving at roughly fifty four thousand kilometres per hour. Voyager 1 is further and faster still, at twenty two billion kilometres and sixty one thousand kph. The two Voyagers were sent initially to study the outer planets of the solar system but, having completed their mission, then just kept on going. Professor Stone said that at the start of the mission the team had 'no idea' how long it would take them to reach the edge of the heliosphere. 'We didn't even know how long a spacecraft could operate for,' he added. 'Now we're studying the very local interstellar medium.' Scientists define the Solar System in different ways, so Professor Stone has always been very careful not to use the exact phrase 'leave the Solar System' in relation to his spacecraft. He is mindful that the NASA probes still have to pass through The Oort Cloud where there are comets gravitationally bound to the Sun, albeit very loosely. But, both Voyagers certainly are in a new, unexplored domain of space. Voyager 1 departed Earth on 5 September 1977, a few days after its sister spacecraft. The pair's primary objective was to survey the planets Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune and their many moons - a task that Voyager 2 completed in 1989. They were then steered towards deep space. It is expected that their plutonium power sources will eventually stop supplying electricity, at which point their instruments and their twenty watt transmitters will die. Voyager 1 will not approach another star for nearly forty thousand years, even though it is moving at such great speed. But, it will be in orbit around the centre of our galaxy for billions of years. Voyager 2 is the only spacecraft to have visited all four of the gas giants and discovered sixteen moons, as well as phenomena like Neptune's mysteriously transient Great Dark Spot, the cracks in Europa's ice shell and ring features at every planet. Despite the excitement surrounding the milestone, not much will change for Voyager 2 itself. It will continue beaming home updates to its scientists on Earth for as long as it can. Eventually, the plutonium supply that powers the spacecraft will run out and the probe will shut down instruments in turn. Sometime after 2025, the team expects the probe will go quiet entirely.
A UK instrument has 'captured the sound of the wind on Mars.' The British seismometer package carried on NASA's InSight lander detected the vibrations from Martian air as it rushed over the probe's solar panels. 'The solar panels on the lander's sides are perfect acoustic receivers,' said Professor Tom Pike, who leads the seismometer experiment from Imperial College London. 'It's like InSight is cupping its ears.' Pike compares the effect to a flag in the wind. As a flag breaks up the wind, it creates oscillations in frequency that the human ear perceives as flapping. A pressure sensor that is part of InSight's meteorological experiment also recorded the passing of the wind. Scientists estimate the air was moving at 'between five and seven metres per second,' from the North-West to the South-East. This fits with satellite pictures that show the tracks left by dust devils travelling in the same direction. NASA's InSight spacecraft is the latest robotic resident on the Red Planet. After making a dramatic touchdown on 26 November following a six-month journey from Earth, the probe is now surveying its surroundings and testing its systems. The ultimate aim of the mission, which is sited on a flat plain just North of Mars' equator, is to study the world's interior.As well as seismometers, InSight is equipped with a heat probe that will burrow into the ground, and a very sensitive radio experiment that will measure how the planet wobbles on its axis. The data should reveal the position and nature of all the rock layers below the surface of Mars - from the crust to the core. It is information that can be compared and contrasted with Earth. The wind recording is something that will soon be beyond the UK seismometers, which are known as Seismic Experiment for Interior Structure. A few weeks from now, the package will be lifted on to the ground by a robotic arm and covered with a wind shield. This bell-shaped device will protect SEIS from the weather and allow the sensors to concentrate on their primary task of detecting earthquakes, or rather 'Marsquakes.' Co-investigator Doctor Neil Bowles, from the University of Oxford, said: 'To get the first data from the seismometer instrument package has been fantastic and even with a short test run the analysis is now full swing. To "hear" the low-frequency rumble of the Martian wind on the lander being picked up by [SEIS] is really eerie and provides a strangely human connection to this very different environment.' The UK Space Agency invested four million knicker in the seismometer package. The organisation's head of space exploration, Sue Horne, said: 'This is brilliant news because it means we know the sensors have survived the rigours of landing on Mars and are meeting the requirements to achieve their science goals. It is just amazing to hear the first ever sounds from Mars.' The audio recordings released to the public are almost completely unaltered. In some cases, they have been raised a couple of octaves to make them more perceptible to the human ear.
China has launched the first mission to land a robotic craft on the dark side of the Moon, Chinese media say. That's the actual dark side of the Moon, not the 1973 Pink Floyd LP of the same name, obviously. Cos, landing on a copy of that would be a piece of piss, even for the Federated States of Micronesia's space programme. The Chang'e-4 mission will see a static lander and rover touch down in Von Kármán crater, located on the side of the Moon which never faces Earth. The payload blasted off atop a Long March 3B rocket from Xichang Satellite Launch Centre. The mission will pave the way for the country to deliver samples of Moon rock and soil to Earth. The landing will not occur until early January, when the probe will descend on thrusters and touch down on the rugged terrain. Von Kármán crater is of interest to scientists because it is located within the oldest and largest impact feature on the Moon - the South Pole-Aitken Basin. This was probably formed by a giant asteroid impact billions of years ago. The landers will characterise the region's geology and the composition of rock and soil. Because of a phenomenon called 'tidal locking,' we see only one 'face' of the Moon from Earth. This is because the Moon takes just as long to rotate on its own axis as it takes to complete one orbit of Earth. Though often referred to as the 'dark side,' this face of the Moon is also illuminated by the Sun and has the same phases as the near side; 'dark' in this context simply means 'unseen.' Or, as Pink Floyd had it: 'This is no dark side of the Moon. As a matter of fact, it's all dark.' The far side looks rather different to the more familiar near side. It has a thicker, older crust which is pocked with more craters. There are also few of the 'mare' - dark basaltic 'seas' created by lava flows - that are evident on the near side. The powerful impact that created the South Pole Aitken Basin may have punched through the crust down to the Moon's mantle layer. Chang'e-4's instruments could examine whether this was the case, shedding light on the early history of our only natural satellite. The mission will also characterise the 'radio environment' on the far side, a test designed to lay the groundwork for the creation of future radio astronomy telescopes on the far side, which is shielded from the radio noise of Earth. The static lander will carry a three kilogram container with potato and arabidopsis plant seeds to perform a biological experiment. The 'lunar mini-biosphere' experiment was designed by twenty eight Chinese universities. 'We want to study the respiration of the seeds and the photosynthesis on the Moon,' Liu Hanlong, chief director of the experiment and vice president of Chongqing University, told the state-run Xinhua news agency earlier this year. Xie Gengxin, chief designer of the experiment, told Xinhua: 'We have to keep the temperature in the "mini-biosphere" within a range from one degree to thirty degrees and properly control the humidity and nutrition. We will use a tube to direct the natural light on the surface of Moon into the tin to make the plants grow.' Because the landers on the far side have no line of sight with our planet, they must send data back via a relay satellite named Queqiao, launched by China in May this year. The probe's design is based on that of its predecessor, Chang'e-3, which deployed landing craft to the Moon's Mare Imbrium region in 2013. However, it has some important modifications. The lander is carrying two cameras; a German-built radiation experiment called LND and a spectrometer that will perform the low-frequency radio astronomy observations. The rover will carry a panoramic camera; a radar to probe beneath the lunar surface; an imaging spectrometer to identify minerals and an experiment to examine the interaction of the solar wind (a stream of energised particles from the Sun) with the lunar surface. The mission is part of a larger Chinese programme of lunar exploration. The first and second Chang'e missions were designed to gather data from orbit, while the third and fourth were built for surface operations. Chang'e-5 and Chan'e-6 are sample return missions, delivering lunar rock and soil to laboratories on Earth.
An inmate in Tennessee is to be executed by electric chair after arguing that a lethal injection would 'involve suffering.' What, and having fifty thousand volts rammed through yer system won't? David Earl Miller, who has spent thirty six years on death row, is among an increasing number of inmates attempting to avoid lethal injection following several botched executions in recent years. Another Tennessee inmate, Edmund Zagorski, went to The Chair last month. Lethal injection is the state's main method of execution. However, inmates in the state whose crimes were committed before 1999 are allowed to choose the alternative method of electrocution instead if they fancy it. In court, both Miller and Zagorski had cited the August execution of Billy Ray Irick, who 'turned purple and took twenty minutes to die,' AP reported. Zagorski's execution was only the second time the state's electric chair had been used since 1960. Miller, who is due to be executed on Thursday, was found very guilty of killing a mentally ill woman in 1981. Miller and Zagorski both argued that the midazolam-based lethal injection used by Tennessee would lead to 'a prolonged and painful death.' The US constitution bans cruel and unusual punishments. In September a doctor told a court in Tennessee that Irick 'felt pain akin to torture' during his execution, the Tennessean reported. Doctor David Lubarsky argued that the midazolam sedated Irick but did not prevent him from feeling the effects of the other two drugs injected as part of the execution. Proponents of lethal injection argue that the process is 'painless.' Miller is also one of four death row inmates who have brought a federal case asking Tennessee to use a firing squad instead of either lethal injection or electrocution. In neighbouring Alabama, more than fifty inmates have chosen to be killed in the nitrogen gas chamber rather than receiving a lethal injection after being given the option earlier this year, Vox reported. Courts in Georgia and Nebraska have said that the electric chair is unconstitutional. However, Miller has been told that he cannot argue the electric chair is unconstitutional because he, himself, has chosen it. Hanging was the most common form of capital punishment in the US until the 1890s. Then, the electric chair became the most widespread method. In 1982, the first execution by lethal injection was carried out in Texas, after which it gradually replaced the electric chair across the nation.
An Ohio father who made his daughter walk five miles to school as punishment for bullying has provoked a debate on parenting. After ten-year-old Kirsten was suspended for three days from the school bus for a second-time bullying offence, Matt Cox decided to teach his daughter a valuable life lesson. He made her trudge to school on a cold day while he followed behind her in the car. The video of the father's punishment has garnered over fifteen million views on Facebook and thousands of comments. In the clip, Cox's daughter is seen walking alongside a road, carrying a backpack and school supplies. Cox follows behind her in his car in the town of Swanton, offering a running (or, driving) commentary on entitlement and bullying. 'Bullying is unacceptable,' he said. 'This is my small way of trying to stop it in my household.' Cox added that many children feel 'entitled to privileges' like being taken to school in the morning by car or bus. 'I know a lot of you parents are not going to agree with this and that's alright,' he says. 'I am doing what I feel is right to teach my daughter a lesson and to stop her from bullying.' In a Facebook update shared on Wednesday, Cox claimed that his daughter had taken his words to heart. According to WTVG News, Cox broke up Kirsten's walk over her three-day school bus suspension this week. The ten-year-old told WTVG she, herself, had been bullied and now knows 'to be kind.' Many of the sixty thousand plus comments that have since popped up on his video have been broadly positive, with parents of bullies and bullied alike thanking Cox for his parenting.
A teenager who sent thousands of hoax bomb threats to schools and triggered an American airline security scare has been very jailed for three years in The Slammer. George Duke-Cohan sparked nationwide panic and a transatlantic investigation from the bedroom of his home in Watford. He pleaded extremely guilty at Luton Crown Court in September to three counts of making hoax bomb threats. It followed an investigation by the National Crime Agency. Duke-Cohan 'caused widespread panic' in March when he e-mailed more than seventeen hundred schools, colleges and nurseries across the UK to warn about an explosive. Hundreds of the schools were evacuated. He was arrested days later but, in April, he sent another batch of hoax e-mails to schools in the US and UK. NCA investigators, working with the FBI, also found that while on bail for the first set of bomb hoaxes, Duke-Cohan had made a fake report of a hijacked US-bound plane. Sending him down, Judge Richard Foster said: 'You knew exactly what you were doing and why you were doing it and you knew full well the havoc that would follow. You were playing a game for your own perverted sense of fun in full knowledge of the consequences. The scale of what you did was enormous,' he added. Duke-Cohen's defence barrister claimed that 'psychology experts' had described Duke-Cohen as 'very immature' (no shit?) but the prosecution was having none of it and suggested, instead, that he 'craved attention from his followers on social media.' Marc Horsfall, senior investigating officer with the NCA, said Duke-Cohan had 'few real friends' and spent 'a great deal of his time online.' Yeah, well so do lots of people mate, this blogger included; by and large we also know the difference between right and wrong and know not to spend bomb threats. Jeez, talk about shooting the messenger. Duke-Cohen had no previous convictions and lived with his mother and sister, but was linked to a cyber-hacker group on Twitter calling itself The Apophis Squad. In January 2018, the IT student was expelled from West Herts College for issuing a bomb threat. Police were in the process of organising a community resolution order for his actions when 'events overtook them' two months later, the NCA said. His first bomb hoax e-mail was 'prompted by a disagreement' with the owners of VeltPvP, a US-based server that allows users play the game Minecraft. The e-mail warned a student had entered schools with a bomb and demanded five thousand dollars to be deposited in VeltPvP's account. More than four hundred schools across the UK were evacuated before the e-mail was dismissed as a hoax. Duke-Cohan was extremely arrested at home within two days and his laptops, USB sticks and mobile phones were all seized. His second batch of hoax e-mails did not contain a financial demand. It claimed 'pipe bombs' were hidden on schools' premises and a car would be driven at students at home-time. One e-mail, sent to Marlborough College in Wiltshire, said: 'We follow in the footsteps of our two heroes who died in the Columbine High School shooting.' Prosecutor Rebecca Austin said it was 'clear' that Duke-Cohan used 'the influence' of the Columbine attack of 1999 to 'add authenticity.' He was arrested for a second time and released on bail with conditions that he not use electronic devices. But, while on bail, Duke-Cohan called San Francisco airport posing as the concerned father of a girl on board United Airlines flight UAL 949, claiming hijackers had taken over the flight from Heathrow to San Francisco. The aircraft - with two hundred and ninety five passengers on board - was quarantined at San Francisco airport for a full security check. A tweet sent after the plane landed included the words '9/11 remake.' Duke-Cohan was arrested for a third time on 31 August by poliss who were, by now, thoroughly sick of his naughty shenanigans. He was sentenced to one year in The Big House for the e-mails sent to schools and two years for the airport security scare. Judge Foster said that, for the purposes of sentencing, he 'accepted' Duke-Cohan had autism spectrum disorder. And, again, so do lots of other people. But, by and large, they don't use that as an excuse to break the law. He said what Duke-Cohan did was 'far removed from anything that could be described as naivety or a cry for help from a sick person' and his 'fascination with computer hacking and your motivation of seeking notoriety is indicative of your high culpability.' Criminal psychologist Doctor Samantha Lundrigan, of Anglia Ruskin University, said that gamers like Duke-Cohan 'could easily become disassociated from reality. His actions were ultimately selfish, indicative of someone who is self-absorbed, who sought retribution for a grievance and turned to the Internet for control,' she said. 'He will have had a power trip watching the chaos unfold, without feeling guilt or shame.'
Charges have been filed against a city council member in Kagoshima who claims that his reason for driving at more than double the speed limit was 'a bad case of intestinal distress.' Well, when you've gotta go ... According to court documents from 29 October which Japanese media outlets began reporting on this week, on 9 April Masataka Hirai, a twenty eight-year-old city council member from the city of Shibushi, was 'observed by a monitoring system violating the eighty kilometres-per-hour speed limit by travelling at one hundred and sixty nine kph while on his way to Oita. Hirai, who was elected into his position earlier this year, has admitted to the allegations and has even spoken to Japanese media outlets in order to explain his actions. When questioned by the Asahi Newspaper, Hirai reportedly said: 'I had diarrhoea, so I was in a hurry to get to a bathroom. I regret my actions and I will drive safely in the future.' In response to questioning Yomiuri, Hirai reportedly said 'I was on my way to Oita when my stomach started hurting and so I hurried because I wanted to go to the bathroom. I will abide by traffic rules in the future.'
A 'serial masturbator' was very arrested on Friday after reportedly exposing himself to women at a New Jersey doctor's office. Brian M Bates (no, really!), allegedly tossed one off in front of women at a Paramus doctor's office whilst, simultaneously, 'using a toilet brush to pleasure himself,'NJ.com reported. 'Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,' borough Police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg was quoted as saying in a statement. 'This act was witnessed by several adult females who were in the office,' he added. After being booked at police headquarters, Bates was 'evaluated' at New Bridge Medical Centre. Bates reportedly has a history of public masturbation which goes back as far as 1997. That year, he exposed himself to a four-year-old girl in the bathroom of a Barnes & Noble. He was arrested two months later after masturbating in front of two women at another Barnes & Noble bathroom. He was arrested in 1998 after exposing himself to three children ranging in age from eight to eleven, New Jersey 101.5 reported. After the 1998 incident, Bates pleaded very guilty to 'fourth-degree lewdness observed by a child.' He was sentenced to a year of probation.
A woman in Florida has been extremely arrested and charged on multiple accounts of child abuse and neglect after reportedly tying a one-month-old baby to a ceiling fan. Nora Jackson was hired on Craigslist to take care of a one-month-old baby after the parents had planned to take a day off. Parents of the one-month-old child contacted the Orlando Police Department when they arrived at their residence to find their baby had been suspended from the ceiling fan. Camera surveillance footage contradicted Nora Jackson's story that she had only suspended the child to the ceiling fan 'for a few minutes,' but instead for twenty six hours, commented Deputy Sheriff Neil James. 'We entered the house and our baby was spinning in circles, suspended with some rope to the ceiling fan. She had put the fan to maximum, there was vomit everywhere,' the mother told reporters. Although the child is currently under medical watch, doctors believe the baby will not suffer from any permanent damage. Jackson finally admitted that she was 'intoxicated and under the influence of crystal meth, alcohol and crack cocaine' before she decided to suspend the baby to the ceiling fan to stop him from crying. Jackson also left the home during the night to attend a party and lost the keys and address to the house where she had left the baby. Orlando police later arrested Jackson at her home where she at first denied being hired on Craigslist as a babysitter. Jackson is now facing multiple accounts of child abuse and neglect and could face up to fifteen years in The Big House if convicted. Plus, one imagines, a significant dropping off in her future babysitting repeat gigs.
A landscaper reportedly'smeared himself in maple syrup during a break while working at a Connecticut home to watch porn and then secretly recorded himself having sex with a female co-worker when she joined in on the sticky scene.' Robert Somley, was booked on a voyeurism charge after he allegedly 'refused to delete the video' when his forty eight-year-old colleague learned that they were being recorded during the syrup-covered sexcapade inside the Monroe home, the Connecticut Post reports. The incident after Somley said that he 'needed a break' while the two were loading wood into a trailer. When he didn't return after twenty minutes, the unidentified woman went to look for him. The woman found Somley inside the home, where she told police that he was 'standing naked while watching porn on a laptop.' The woman then asked Somley what he was doing - although, one imagines that should've been fairly obvious to anyone with half-a-brain in their head without asking - before he replied that he 'needed to take care of himself, sexually' before returning to the job, police said. The woman shrugged him off and returned to loading wood onto the trailer. But, she went back inside the home a short time later and saw Somley smearing syrup on his body - which, she confessed, was 'a turn on' - and 'demanded to join the action,' police said. The couple then added some blueberry jelly to the condiment coitus. But, unbeknown to the woman, Somley was videoing the entire tryst. Once she realised that Somley was recording the encounter, the woman demanded that he delete the footage but he refused, prompting her to call police. Presumably, once the sticky couple had prised themselves apart. Police later seized Somley's cellphone, which contained 'extensive video footage' of the woman, investigators said.
An elementary school teacher from Washington State was arrested this week after 'a bad trip' caused her to strip naked in class and physically assault her fourth-grade students, severely biting two of them and injuring six others. According to the Olympia police department, Laura James was 'visibly intoxicated and behaving erratically' when she showed up for work. Due to a lack of replacement teachers, she was still allowed to teach her class but, that rapidly went out of control. Olympia police spokesman, Lieutenant Robert Emery described the incident during a press conference held a few hours later. 'The children said she was screaming and talking in gibberish while drawing symbols on the board. She then started stripping off her clothes and throwing them around.' The students became 'agitated and scared' by their teacher's erratic and saucy behaviour and some of them tried to leave the classroom. The naked teacher 'then turned very aggressive' and started grasping and biting students while 'howling and growling loudly.' Emery said that the children were 'only saved by the rapid intervention of another teacher' who was able to subdue James. 'Several witness accounts suggest she was in a psychotic state and was convinced she was some type of predatory animal. It's a miracle that she was stopped before anyone was killed.' James now faces a total of twenty three criminal charges, including aggravated assault, child endangerment, criminal neglect and indecent exposure. If found guilty on all charges, she faces a maximum of sixty five years in The Slammer and a fine of eighty give grand. Her lawyers have already announced her intention to plead 'not guilty,' claiming that James 'has mental problems' and 'cannot be considered responsible for her actions.'
Dutch motivational speaker, Emile Ratelband, may feel like a forty nine-year-old but according to Dutch law he remains sixty nine. A Dutch court on Monday utterly rejected Ratelband's request to officially shave twenty years off his age in a case that drew worldwide attention. Ratelband 'is at liberty to feel twenty years younger than his real age and to act accordingly,' Arnhem court said in a statement. 'But amending his date of birth would cause twenty years of records to vanish from the register of births, deaths, marriages and registered partnerships. This would have a variety of undesirable legal and societal implications.' Ratelband went to court last month, arguing that he didn't 'feel sixty nine' and saying that his request was 'consistent with other forms of personal transformation' which are gaining acceptance in the Netherlands and around the world, such as the ability to change one's name or gender. The court rejected that argument, saying that unlike in the case of a name or gender, Dutch law assigns rights and obligations based on age 'such as the right to vote and the duty to attend school. If Mister Ratelband's request was allowed, those age requirements would become meaningless.' Ratelband, perhaps unsurprisingly given his background as self-described advocate of positive thinking, was undeterred by the court's rejection and vowed to appeal. 'This is great!' he said. 'The rejection of [the] court is great ... because they give all kinds of angles where we can connect when we go in appeal.' He said that he was 'the first of thousands of people who want to change their age.' The court said that it acknowledged 'a trend in society for people to feel fit and healthy for longer, but did not regard that as a valid argument for amending a person's date of birth.' Ratelband also insisted his case did have parallels with requests for name and gender changes. 'I say it's comparable because it has to do with my feeling, with respect about who I think I am, my identity,' he said. The court said Ratelband 'failed to convince the judges' that he suffers from any age discrimination, adding that 'there are other alternatives available for challenging age discrimination, rather than amending a person's date of birth.'
A woman who 'married' the ghost of a pirate has revealed that she has split from her three hundred-year-old (and, you know, deceased) husband and has issued a warning to others who fancy dabbling in matrimony with funky phantoms. Mind you, this is according to the Daily Mirra so, you know, take from it what you will. Irish 'Jack Sparrow impersonator' Amanda Sparrow Large, aged forty six and, therefore, one imagines old enough to know that ghosts don't exist, 'made headlines' (albeit, not in the sort of newspapers than anyone actually takes seriously when she 'was legally married to the Haitian pirate by a shaman priest.' Large said earlier this year that she had 'found her soulmate' in the pirate from the 1700s, who was executed for thieving on the high seas. The couple tied the knot in a boat off the Irish coast in international waters, the Irish Mirra reports. But now Large, from Drogheda, in County Louth, has 'revealed the unlikely union is over' and warned people to 'be very careful when dabbling in spirituality.' Posting on social media she said: 'I feel it's time to let everyone know that my marriage is over. I will explain all in due course but for now all I want to say is be very careful when dabbling in spirituality, it's not something to mess with.'
A California high school teacher has reportedly lost her job and is facing multiple criminal charges and the possibility of a length sell in The Slammer after cellphone video emerged showing her forcibly cutting a student's hair while belting out a - lyrically incorrect - rendition of the American National Anthem. Margaret Gieszinger, a former teacher at University Preparatory High School in Visalia, faces six criminal misdemeanour charges - one count of false imprisonment, two counts of cruelty to a child, two counts of battery and one count of assault. She could serve up to three-and-a-half years in stir if she is convicted on all charges, according to the Tulare County district attorney's office. A cellphone video posted to Reddit on Wednesday shows Gieszinger call a male student to the front of the class. She makes him sit, then cuts chunks of his hair while singing 'The Star-Spangled Banner,' transposing verses as she sings. She can also be heard telling students that 'someone will be chosen' if no one volunteers. The student yelled at her to stop, then joined others in fleeing from the room. 'He couldn't believe what was happening,' said Mark Vogt, an attorney for the student whose hair was cut by Gieszinger. 'He, frankly, didn't know what to do. He thought to himself "me or anybody else, she's coming for someone else."' Witnesses told CNN affiliate KFSN that Gieszinger arrived to her first period chemistry class 'brandishing a pair of scissors' and saying that it was 'haircut day.' As events unfolded, one student reportedly ran to the main office to beg for help. Students also snitched to KFSN that this was not the first 'strange episode' involving the teacher. The Tulare County Office of Education has made counsellors from their mental health services programme available to any students who need to talk. University Preparatory High School promises that Gieszinger will never return to its classrooms. 'We take very seriously the safety of the students,' the Office of Education said in a statement. 'We are reviewing all available information and will take the most severe employment action appropriate.' Gieszinger was released from jail in Tulare County on Friday evening after posting one hundred thousand dollars bail, according to KFSN. She has been ordered to stay at least one hundred yards away from the school. Gieszinger's husband told KFSN that the behaviour shown in the cellphone video was 'completely out of character' for his wife. 'She doesn't do stuff like that,' he claimed. 'It's not her. It's not who she is. So I don't know what was going on with her. I don't have any clue as to why she did that.'
The New Hampshire High School teacher who was leading a US history class in which eleventh-grade students created 'a Ku Klux Klan-jingle' for a class assignment has been extremely placed on leave. John Carver, a longtime teacher and coach at the high school in Dover is still being paid as the school investigates. According to Fosters, Dover Superintendent William Harbron said that putting Carver on paid leave would allow officials 'to really dig deep into the investigation,' which will begin with those students who were present so that administrators would 'have a thorough understanding of what occurred and what didn't occur.' The initial incident, which went viral after a video circulated, prompted shock and outrage in the New Hampshire community. In the video, the students could be heard singing 'KKK, KKK, let's kill all the Blacks,' to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'. Carver had given the students an assignment to 'come up with a Christmas carol based on The Reconstruction Era.' The students in the video chose the KKK and came up with the racist song. When contacted by media sources, Carver declined to offer any comment. One student who spoke to news station WMUR, according to Fosters, claimed that 'it was not our intention to offend anyone. We were just trying to bring light to the terrible history of the KKK and about what they did to people throughout all of history,' the student added. Another student believes that the song was 'taken out of context,' reporting that one of the students involved in the song was now 'extremely upset' at how he is being characterised. 'He is one of the nicest kids I know. Now they are calling this really amazing person a racist,' that student said. A substitute teacher administered a planned test to students on Tuesday, but the aforementioned student believed that the test should have been delayed as she and her classmates were 'devastated' that Carver was on leave 'because we really like him as a teacher.'
A Utah man has been charged with sexual assault and kidnapping after authorities say he hammered a tool resembling an ice pick through another man's penis 'during an argument.' Jason Dee Maughn is scheduled to make a court appearance on Wednesday in Salt Lake City. Court documents show that Maughn is accused of putting a gun to the victim's head and handcuffing him to a chair on 30 August. The victim told police that he was 'given a choice' of either being killed in the desert or having a nail driven into his penis. He chose the latter. He says that he went to the hospital the next day for treatment after Maughn took the handcuffs off. The charging document describes the case as 'domestic violence' and says that the men lived together, but does not characterise their exact relationship.
A man has been accused of pointing a gun at the manager of a Popeyes in Louisiana during a dispute over condiments. The Times-Picayune reports that fifty nine-year-old Earl Jethroe of Marrero walked into the eatery on Friday, ordered a meal and, apparently, 'took issue with the condiments provided by employees.' At some point, the arrest reports claims, Jethroe threw his chicken across the counter, pulled a pistol from his waistband and pointed it at the manager. Jethroe did not fire the weapon and no one was hurt. Authorities say that deputies later found Jethroe at another restaurant, yelling at staff there. They claim he 'smelled of alcohol'(no shit?) and was unsteady on his feet. Jethroe was arrested and charged with offences including aggravated assault with a firearm. And, being a plank.
The Florida man who claimed that his girlfriend choked to death during oral sex was found not guilty of second-degree murder on Monday. Richard Patterson, of Margate, was acquitted of killing his sixty-year-old girlfriend, Francisca Marquinez, in 2015 after a week-long trial, according to the Sun Sentinel. During the trial, his lawyers initially argued that Marquinez died accidentally while performing oral sex on Patterson at her apartment. To bolster their defence, Patterson's lawyers filed a motion to show his 'large penis' to the jury. But, after a medical expert testified that choking during the sex act was 'unlikely,' the defence reversed course on the theory. The judge never ruled on the request to put Patterson's 'uge throbbing member on display in court. 'That's not the way she died,' defence lawyer Ken Padowitz said. 'But, that's the way Richard Patterson thought she died.' Instead, the defence argued that there was 'no way of knowing' exactly how she died. Medical examiners never determined the cause of death because Marquinez's body was too decomposed. 'They still don't know how she died,' said Padowitz. The jury spent five hours deliberating before reaching a verdict.
A Pennsylvania woman has pleaded guilty to fatally crushing her boyfriend in March by 'sitting on him during a violent attack.' Windi C Thomas of Erie, pleaded extremely guilty Monday to third-degree murder in the 18 March death of Keeno Butler, the Erie Times-News reported. Thomas faces between eighteen and thirty six years in The Slammer at her 21 December sentencing. So, that'll be a nice early Christmas present for her. In exchange for Thomas's plea, prosecutors dropped charges of aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and possession of an instrument of a crime. 'It's a good result based upon the facts of the case,' Thomas's lawyer, Mark Del Duca, told the newspaper. 'I think it's fair for both sides.' An Erie police detective testified at Thomas's June preliminary hearing that officers arrived at the couple's home after Thomas called nine-one-one and told a dispatcher that she had killed her boyfriend, the Times-News reported. Detective Sergeant Chris Janus told the court that the first officer on the scene found Butler lying on the living room floor and a blood-covered Thomas sitting on the sofa. 'I killed him,' Janus quoted Thomas as telling the officer. Thomas told detectives that she had been drinking and, at one point, left to buy crack cocaine. She told them she had returned home and, during a confrontation, began stabbing Butler in the hand with a folding knife. She also beat him in the head with a table leg, Janus testified. The probable cause affidavit in Thomas's case stated that the leg had two bolts extending from it. The bloody table leg was subsequently found behind the sofa, the affidavit said. Thomas also admitted that she 'pinned Butler down' by kneeling on him and resting her body-weight on his chest, the Times-News reported. According to the affidavit, Thomas weighed three hundred pounds to Butler's one hundred and twenty pounds. Butler's autopsy listed his cause of death as 'respiratory insufficiency secondary to blunt force trauma to the neck and thoracic compression, exacerbated by blunt force trauma to the head,' the newspaper said. Butler, nicknamed 'Loco,' is survived by his mother, a daughter, two granddaughters and nine siblings, according to his obituary.
Police in Lincoln, Nebraska, took a man into custody on Saturday after he reportedly smashed a car into a tree whilst driving with his head out of the window 'like Ace Ventura.' According to a police accident report, the driver of the vehicle said that he was driving with his head out the window because the car's windshield wipers were not working. The driver 'informed officers that he crashed because of inoperable windshield wipers, which forced him to drive with his head out of the window, "like Ace Ventura" due to the rain,' the report said. The man was apparently referring to scenes from the 1994 movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, starring Jim Carrey. Carrey was forced to drive his vehicle with his head out of the window due to a smashed windshield. The man fled the scene of the single-vehicle accident but was 'contacted' by authorities a short time later. He was very arrested for driving under the influence.
In the parking lot of a shopping centre in Macon, Georgia, a Bibb County sheriff's deputy reportedly heard someone yelling. It was a woman. As the woman walked into the lot, she 'yelled profanities' to anyone whom she passed, the deputy's report of the 4 December encounter noted. 'As I approached her in my vehicle I heard her yell, "[expletive] the police!"' The woman soon took off her jacket, placing it and 'a dope pipe on the hood of my car,' the report added. 'In the pipe, there appeared to be burned residue of marijuana. By her behaviour and speech, I believed her to be heavily intoxicated by drugs. I told her that I was arresting her for disorderly conduct.' On the ride to jail, the woman shouted 'strange and incoherent things,' the deputy's report went on to say. 'At one point she said that she was The Devil.' She was still in jail as of late last week, being held in lieu of a six hundred and fifty dollars bond. So, it's good to know that Satan is just as financially strapped as the rest of us.
A woman in Florida has been arrested after reportedly instigating a fight between two teenage girls. The Polk County Sheriff's Office said that the woman instigated the fight between the girls and then 'coached one of them during the fight.' Giselle Reyes Felix was arrested for the incident that happened on 29 November. According to the affidavit, Reyes Felix drove a sixteen-year-old girl to the area where a seventeen-year-old lived because of 'problems' between the two. The sixteen-year-old attacked then the other girl, 'stomping on her head multiple times before a Good Samaritan was able to stop the fight.''Our adult suspect was supposed to be responsible for the sixteen-year-old girl,' Sheriff Grady Judd said. 'Instead, she not only drove the girl to the victim, but she also incited and encouraged a fight and coached the girl on how to hit the victim. This was totally irresponsible.' And, quite against the Marquess of Queensberry Rules. Felix has been charged with child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The sixteen-year-old was also arrested and charged with battery and general naughtiness.
A naked woman is reported to have 'chased a terrified man around a house' before demanding he performed a sex act on her. The incident happened in Missouri and the woman is currently being held in custody on a felony sexual abuse charge. According to a police report she allegedly tried to force the man perform a sex act on her. A court filing says Amy Nicole Parrino was extremely arrested on Sunday night after she 'repeatedly punched the victim and struck him with a belt, brass plate and a mobile phone some twenty to twenty five times.' It is claimed that a naked Parrino chased down the man in the house before 'finally cornering him.' Police allege she then pushed him to the ground, sat on top of him and 'shoved her private area in to his face, demanding he perform a sex act on her.' The alleged victim claimed that it was 'so appalling,' he was 'unable to breathe for a while,' making him 'scared to death' he was going to be 'suffocated by her genitals.' The Columbia Daily Tribune said he begged the officers to make her leave him alone as he didn't want any sexual contact with her at all. The probable cause affidavit states the alleged victim suffered cuts on his arms and nose and red marks on his chest which came from the impacts of the belt. On Monday, Parrino was charged with sexual abuse and domestic assault, both regarded as serious felonies and is being held in custody in lieu of a twenty five thousand dollar cash bond payment. If she is released, she has been ordered to have no contact with the man and cannot go to his home.
Tuesday of this week, dear blog reader, in addition to being the forty seventh wedding anniversary of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's brother and sister-in-law, would also have been this blogger's father's one hundredth birthday (had he not died in 1991, obviously). Below is the earliest photo of him which is known to exist - taken, probably, around ninety eight years ago!
On a related theme, this blogger is not sure of the exact date - though, he's fairly certain it was a Saturday - but it was around forty four years ago, sometime in early December 1974, that this here photo was taken at Keith Telly Topping's Aunt Lil's gaff in Denton. This is the Telly Topping family, dear blog readers (or, some of them, anyway), mostly extremely drunk by the look of things. (It's worth noting that yer actual Keith Telly Topping, being but eleven years old was just about the only person present below the legal drinking age.) That was a proper good Saturday night's entertainment in them days. This blogger loves this photo bringing back, as it does, so many happy and nostalgic memories of those present - sadly, the majority of whom are no longer with us. And, for anyone wondering about the painting on the wall directly behind this blogger's Auntie Sheila, it's called Tina by JH Lynch. Here is some further information.
Saturday 8 December was, believe it or not, National Pretend To Be A Time Traveller Day. For such a thing does, indeed, exist dear blog reader. How to observe? Well, the website states: 'Act like a time traveller. Choose your time period and decide whether you are travelling to the past or the future. Be overly shocked when someone says, "I'd kill for a double mocha latte right now," or "That car is the bomb." Misuse technology. When someone offers you earbuds to listen to a new song, sniff them to see if they smell good.' Or, you know, not. Pretend To Be A Time Traveller Day, apparently, 'began in 2007.' Or, will begin in 2007, depending on where you're pretending to travel from.
And, of course, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiits ...
Pete Shelley, the singer, guitarist and songwriter with Buzzcocks, has died aged sixty three. 'It is with great sadness that we confirm the death of Pete Shelley, one of the UK's most influential and prolific songwriters and co-founder of the seminal original punk band,' his colleagues said in a statement on Thursday evening. 'Pete's music has inspired generations of musicians over a career that spanned five decades and with his band and as a solo artist, he was held in the highest regard by the music industry and by his fans around the world.' Pete, the author of 'Boredom', 'Time's Up', 'Orgasm Addict', 'Oh Shit!', 'I Don't Mind', 'What Do I Get?', 'Love You More', 'Promises', 'Noise Annoys', 'Fast Cars', 'Lipstick', 'Fiction Romance', 'Moving Away From The Pulsebeat', 'Sixteen Again', 'Late For The Train', 'Something's Gone Wrong Again', 'You Say You Don't Love Me', 'Raison D'être', 'Hollow Inside,''I Believe', 'Strange Thing', 'Homosapian', 'Telephone Operator' and many, many more - died of a suspected heart attack in Estonia, where he was living. Pete also wrote the band's most famous song and biggest hit, 'Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)', which was released in 1978. Buzzcocks influence can be heard on bands a diverse as The Smith, Primal Scream, The Jesus & Mary Chain, Green Day, R.E.M, U2 and Nirvana. Gary Kemp of Spandau Ballet said: 'Pete was one of Britain's best pure pop writers, up there with Ray Davies.'
Peter Campbell McNeish was born in Leigh, near Wigan, in 1955 and began the process of forming Buzzcocks in Bolton in 1975 with Howard Devoto when the duo met at Bolton Technical Collage and bonded over a mutual love of The Velvet Underground, The Stooges, Brian Eno, Hawkwind, Kraftwerk, Can, The Troggs and The Beatles (a pretty perfect summation of the diverse influences which would infuse both Buzzcocks and Devoto's subsequent group, Magazine). Pete - who took his stage-name via his favourite Romantic poet, Percy Bysshe - and Howard would receive honorary doctorates from what is now Bolton University in 2009. Previously, Pete had been in a group called Jets Of Air, the name inspired by a college lecture on Newtonian physics and, while they played 'only about six gigs in three years,' Shelley had built up a huge stockpile of songs - unusual, nervous, gender-fluid love songs but all with magnificent pop-hooks. Buzzcocks became part of the UK's punk scene and have been closely associated with it ever since although as Elvis Costello once memorably noted, Buzzcocks were not, in fact, a 'punk' band per se but, rather, 'a pop band that played fast!' Speaking in 2006 about his views on music, Pete told the Gruniad: 'I'm not interested in being able to play. A musician is like another brand of entertainer. There are plenty of musicians that I enjoy watching that are entertainers. But I wouldn't want to be that, because the thing with an entertainer is that there is always that dishonesty, which is what punk tried to get rid of. It was like, you're not pretending to be something you are not. You are just what you are. Punk is an art of action. It's about deciding to do something and then going out and doing it.' Weeks after forming the band (along with Steve Diggle and John Maher), Shelley and Devoto travelled nearly two hundred miles in a borrowed car to see The Sex Pistols play in High Wycombe after reading about the London band in the NME. They convinced Malcolm McLaren, to let them play on the same bill as The Pistols and The Clash at a forthcoming gig at The Screen On The Green in return for organising two gigs for The Pistols in Manchester (the second of which saw Buzzcocks own live debut). The first Manchester gig, at The Lesser Free Trade Hall in June 1976, was the kick-start for Manchester's own flowering punk and post-punk scene, attended by broadcaster and future Factory Records owner Tony Wilson, journalist Paul Morley, Stephen Morrissey and future members of The Fall and Joy Division. In January 1977 Buzzcocks released their first EP, Spiral Scratch, on their own label, New Hormones containing one thousand miles-per-hour gems like 'Boredom', 'Breakdown' and Time's Up'. Devoto left the following month to form Magazine and Shelley took over as lead vocalist and chief songwriter (sometimes in collaboration with rhythm guitarist Diggle). Signing to the United Artists label (on the day that Elvis Presley died) and working with the producer Martin Rushent, the band created a glorious run of singles (most of which were top thirty hits in the UK) along with three well-regarded LPs: Another Music In A Different Kitchen (1978), Love Bites (1978), and A Different Kind Of Tension (1979). Difficulties with their record company and a dispute with Virgin Publishing over the UK release of the compilation LP, Singles Going Steady, brought the band to a halt in 1981. They reunited in the late 1980s and have continued to perform and record over the past three decades, their most recent release being the 2014 CD The Way.
During the break from Buzzcocks, Shelley enjoyed an eclectic, critically-acclaimed solo career which included at least two genuine masterpieces, 1981's Homosapien and XL1 (which contained the hit single 'Telephone Operator') two years later. On the former, Pete returned to his original interest in electronic music; Rushent's elaborate drum machine and synthesizer programming laid the groundwork for his next production, the chart-topping Dare by The Human League. 'Homosapien' itself was banned by the BBC for 'explicit reference to gay sex' (most notably the line 'Homo-Superior, in my interior'). But, in the US dance chart, the single was a huge hit, peaking at number fourteen. It was at around this time that Shelley began to talk openly about his bisexuality, which had been implicit in many of the lyrics he'd written. Buzzcocks reunited in 1989 and released a new CD, Trade Test Transmissions, in 1993. Their name - supposedly inspired by review in Time Out of the contemporary TV drama Rock Follies - was combined with The Sex Pistols' Never Mind The Bollocks to create the title of the long-running UK comedy panel game show Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Diggle claimed in his autobiography that he and Shelley only granted the BBC use of their name under the impression that it would be an unsuccessful pilot and they were, subsequently, 'mildly disgruntled' that the name is now more readily associated in Britain with the TV show rather than the band. Pete himself appeared on the programme in 2000, where the then-host, Mark Lamarr, introduced Shelley by saying that without Buzzcocks 'there'd be no Smiths or Radiohead and this show would be called Never Mind Joan Armatrading!'Shelley's solo work included the theme tune to Channel Four's coverage of the Tour De France. His final solo CD was 2016's Cinema Music & Wallpaper Sounds, a pre-Buzzcocks Eno-inspired ambient electronic piece. Though he claimed not to have made much money during his career, Pete was not bitter. 'The worth of the songs is measured by the effect they have on people,' he said in 2002, when he reunited with Howard Devoto to make the electro-pop CD Buzzkunst. 'I'm not a millionaire, but then again, I'm not starvingly poor. I could do with more, but I didn't sign my life away for ten pounds. The love of the music around the world is worth more than money.' Apart from numerous musicians paying tribute to Pete's life and work, the author Neil Gaiman tweeted 'part of my youth dies with him.' That goes for this blogger who first saw Buzzcocks at The City Hall in Newcastle just before Christmas 1979 (supported by Joy Division) and who adored their music. Pete moved to Tallinn in 2012 with his second wife, Greta, an Estonian-born Canadian, preferring the less hectic pace of life there to London. He is survived by Greta, his younger brother, Gary and a son from his first marriage. Pete Shelley, dear blog reader, look upon his works, ye mighty ...

We already know that yer actual Jodie Whittaker will be back as The Doctor in early 2020, alongside additional returns from That There Bradley Walsh, Tosin Cole and Mandip Gill, dear blog readers. And, it has now emerged that one of series eleven's writers will also be back. Ed Hime, who wrote the penultimate episode, It Takes You Away, is listed for an episode of series twelve on his United Agents page.
Now, dear blog reader - there appears to be a surprise new front-runner in the next Tory leadership challenge. Definitely strong and stable, this blogger reckons. Mind you, she'll have to deal with that big Krynoid behind her before she can sort out the rest of the bloody mess we're in. (This blogger's thanks to his old mucker Rob Francis for that observation.)
Actually, Jodie was merely attending Downing Street as one of the special guests at the Annual Children's Christmas Party held by the charity The Starlight Children's Foundation. Soon-to-be-former Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond hosted the event at 11 Downing Street, with guests including Jodie, Martin Kemp and Beverley Knight.
If this blogger has a favourite blog besides From The North, his good friend Mark Cunliffe's superb So It Goes - covering pretty much the same attractive mixture of pop culture and 'other stuff' as we do here - would be close to the top of any hypothetical list. Mark's done a rather splendid review of all of the current Doctor Who series' episodes, in order of 'uge magnificence, which you can read here. And you should definitely do so. Till 'im this blogger sent you! Although quite how Kerblam! came last in Mark's list is well-beyond Keith Telly Topping's fathoming! It would have been in the top three if From The North were to attempt a similar conceit. Which, we're not doing. Just in case you were wondering.
The Thirteenth Doctor is proving to be popular with American Doctor Who viewers as well a British ones according to an article in Vulture. Per Nielsen, the latest series of the BBC's long-running family SF drama is averaging 1.6 million viewers on BBC America over the course of its first eight episodes, including timeshifted viewers and on-demand replays. That's up an eye-popping twenty percent over last year's series eleven. Jodie's debut series is also drawing more viewers in America than the first outings for previous Doctors Peter Capaldi, Matt Smith, David Tennant and Christopher Eccleston. BBC America's decision to switch the show to Sunday nights from its former Saturday slot has also paid off just as it has for the BBC with 'huge' gains in same-day ratings: Doctor Who has seen its overnight numbers jump by just under fifty percent in both viewers and 'key demographics.' And, among millennial women, the drama's same-day ratings have doubled compared to last year's figures. While curiosity about Jodie's historic debut inflated numbers for the first few episodes, overall audience tune-in has been steady over the past two months, and have even grown marginally during recent weeks. So, that's all great news.
The BBC have released some new images to promote the forthcoming New Year's Day special, Resolution, which as well as featuring the regular cast also includes Charlotte Ritchie as Lin, Nikesh Patel as Mitch, and Daniel Adeboyega as Aaron.
Doctor Who picked up two awards in the 2018 I Talk Telly awards, an annual Twitter poll which this year saw some over two hundred and sixty thousand votes registered. The series won the Best Returning Drama category, whilst Mandip Gill was voted Best Newcomer. The actress said of her award: 'I want to say a massive thank you to everyone that has voted for me as best newcomer at I Talk Telly awards. I've never won anything before - apart from some peapods in French, which is really random - so I just to say a massive thank you to everyone who actually took the time out to vote for me, I really really appreciate it.'
Silva Screen Records have announced they will be releasing the Doctor WhoSeries Eleven Soundtrack in January 2019. The music from the series, composed by Segun Akinola, will be available on CD and on streaming services from 11 January. Segun Akinola is a multi-talented composer whose work includes scoring BBC2's landmark four-part series Black & British: A Forgotten History. He also scored Shola Amoo's debut feature film A Moving Image. He said: 'Where do I even begin? Working on series eleven has been nothing short of the experience of a lifetime. I have loved every single minute of it. From working closely with the production team, to writing the character themes to recording the New Year Special, it's truly been so much fun.'
Issue five hundred and thirty three of the Doctor Who Magazine, available this week from all good newsagents (and, some bad ones too), includes a preview of the New Year's Day episode, Resolution. Guest stars Charlotte Ritchie and Nikesh Patel, director Wayne Yip and writer Chris Chibnall feature in DWM's exclusive preview.
Question Time, The Andrew Marr Show and Doctor Who were the most tweeted about BBC TV shows of 2018, figures show. Audiences with an inability to put down their phones and concentrate on one thing at one time, took to Twitter to discuss news and current affairs programmes, with Newsnight, BBC Breakfast and Victoria Derbyshire all in the top ten. TV Licensing said The Apprentice, Eurovision, EastEnders and Strictly Come Dancing were 'also popular topics.' Other shows on the list included Top Of The Pops 2, Countryfile, Killing Eve, Casualty, Panorama and The ONE Show. And all this shite constitutes 'news', apparently. TV Licensing's Michael Collins said: 'Throughout 2018, unmissable TV moments have united fans, sparked debate and compelled viewers to join the conversation on social media, with watching and tweeting going hand-in-hand as part of the viewing routine.'
What the Hell is currently going on with the questions on Only Connect, dear blog reader? Keith Telly Topping managed to answer five of them on this week's episode before either of the teams. Normally, it's one if this blogger is lucky. And, he spotted the Morrissey quote at the beginning before The Divine Victoria even got to the punchline! Just sayin'.
Gwendoline Christie says that audiences will 'need therapy' after the Game Of Thrones finale next year. The actress said viewers are in for a huge shock. She said: 'You're going to need therapy. I think just the show ending is going to send all of the world into professional help.' She told E! News: 'I think it's going to make me incredibly emotional. We're all emotional about the fact that this is the end, and this is the end of something incredibly significant for all of us, and it's been a truly incredible thing to be a part of.' The actress' comments come after it was confirmed last month that 'Game of Thrones' would be returning to screens in April 2019, when a thirty second teaser clip was posted to the show's official Twitter account.
Jodie Comer has revealed that filming has concluded on series two of From The North favourite Killing Eve. The actress posted a photo of her folded up face on Instagram, writing: 'A perfect representation of how I feel now series two of Killing Eve is completed. Thank you to the entire crew for making this experience what it was! We've been living in each others pockets for the last six months and it's been a nothing but good times! Love you all so much. Now I'm going to eat my feelings.'
Critics have welcomed a 'toned-down' new version of Watership Down. The BBC's new adaptation of Richard Adams's acclaimed novel, to be broadcast in two parts this Christmas, follows the famously traumatising - if utterly brilliant - film version from 1978. James McAvoy and John Boyega are among the actors lending their voices to this tale of rabbits looking for a new home. The Torygraph praised the series for its 'exceptionally strong' cast and for being 'much less gory' than the film. 'The filmmakers have been clear that they want audiences to focus on the story rather than hide behind the sofa,' wrote Anita Singh. Metro's reviewer whinged that the new version is 'still as traumatising as the first animation' while 'lacking the same warmth. Thankfully the A-list voice talent add personality to this famously downbeat drama,' they continues, going on to praise Sir Ben Kingsley's 'genuinely terrifying' General Woundwort. In contrast, the Independent's Ed Power says the new version 'isn't scary enough.' The new version of Adams's 1972 novel, a co-production between the BBC and Netflix, comes to screens two years on from the British author's death. Ever since its publication, readers have speculated whether the story's intrepid rabbits are meant to represent political or religious figures. Speaking to the Radio Times, however, the late author's daughters have insisted their father only meant his book to be 'a story about rabbits.''Over the years the family has seen off theory after theory about the "true" message of Watership Down,' his daughter Rosamond told the magazine. 'It shows that people really connect with the story, they really think hard about it, but it cut no ice with Dad.'Watership Down will be shown on BBC1 on 22 and 23 December.
Love was in the air in this week's episode of Holby City. A wedding was planned, the happy couple needed someone officiate the ceremony and they managed to get Britain's most famous vicar to do the necessary. Reverend Richard Coles says: 'Thrilled to be invited finally to exercise my ministry of healing at Holby City, which has been my healthcare provider of choice for twenty years - and to officiate at an occasion so joyous even the late Professor Gaskell would have cracked a smile.' Other guest names to appear in the episode, included Gemma Oaten, Amanda Henderson and Jenny Howe.
New Zealand On Air has confirmed this week the commissioning of a sixth series of the locally and internationally successful series and From The North Favourite, The Brokenwood Mysteries. Which is jolly good news. The drama, which has been sold to sixteen territories worldwide, will begin filming in mid-2019.
Wor Geet Canny Ant McPartlin is expected to return to his TV work next month after taking time off to go into rehab. The host is preparing to film Britain's Got Toilets auditions in January ten months after he crashed a car while more than twice the drink drive limit. He has not worked since, and was replaced by Holly Willoughby for the latest series of I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) which ended on Sunday. Wor Geet Canny Declan Donnelly hosted this year's Britain's Got Toilets live shows alone. Next year's Saturday Night Takeaway was also very cancelled. Announcing that decision in August, Wor Geet Canny Ant said that his recovery was 'going very well' and claimed he would 'take the rest of the year off.' On Monday, the Mirra reported that he would be 'reunited with Dec' when filming begins for Britain's Got Toilets in early 2019. Wor Geet Canny Ant first entered rehab in June 2017 after becoming addicted to alcohol and prescription painkillers. He went back into treatment after the crash in March. He was later fined eighty six grand and given a twenty-month driving ban after pleading very guilty to drink driving. A Britain's Got Toilets spokesman declined to comment on his potential return.
If you watched GOLD's gloriously silly comedy drama Murder On The Blackpool Express last Christmas, you will be happy to hear that a sequel is coming this festive season. Death On The Tyne sees Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson reprise their roles as Terry and Gemma, who take a tour group on a cruise after their disastrous coach outing. With hilarious consequences. The follow-up order after 2017's Murder On The Blackpool Express became GOLD's most watched original programme ever - 1.8 million viewers in its first week - with Vegas and Gibson crediting the special's success to its top-tier cast, which included Sheila Reid (who returns in Death On The Tyne), Kevin Eldon, Mark Heap, Una Stubbs and Nigel Havers. 'I didn’t speak to Nigel Havers for three weeks,' Gibson confessed to the Digital Spy website. 'I eventually asked him how his dinner was. That's as far as I could get!' She added: 'I think the cast drew people to [the first one]. They are comedy legends. I was blown away when I saw the cast list. But I also just think it appealed to all ages.''I suspect there were people who might have come to it wanting it not to work,' Johnny Vegas suggested. 'And it did! They might've come to it with morbid curiosity, thinking, "No, they've overdone this." And, actually, it worked!'Death On The Tyne has attracted another cast of notable names, including Sue Johnston, Don Gilet and James Fleet. 'This year, we had James Fleet to fawn over,' Gibson said. 'He was this year's Nigel Havers!' The spoof murder mystery sees a killer on the prowl aboard the cruise ship The Empress Of The Tyne. And, just because someone's a familiar face, don't assume they will make it to the end of the cruise! Even the two leads were nervous about being bumped off. 'I flicked straight to the end, to see if we were in the last scene,' Gibson admitted. 'I said, "Don't send me the script unless I survive!,"' added Vegas. The air both say they would love to return for a third episode in the series. They have even made plans to reunite on a different project, possibly once writer Jason Cook's trilogy is complete. 'We'll wait until this has definitely run its course, whenever that is,' said Gibson. 'So we will work on something else eventually, but it’s out of our control [as to when].''We do like the idea that we're a couple, at a certain point in our lives, who've both been let go from their chosen careers, who have decided to set up a detective agency,' Vegas said, while his co-star added: 'That's what we want, isn't it? A Hart To Hart remake!'
Buffy The Vampire Slayer's Eliza Dushku has been awarded nine-and-a-half million dollars by US network CBS, following claims she was written out of drama series Bull after confronting a co-star for alleged inappropriate behaviour. The settlement was reached in January of this year, according to a report in the New York Times, after the network agreed to pay Dushku the amount she would have made over four sries of the show if she had not been dismissed. Dushku, who played Faith in both Buffy and its spin-off, Angel, was believed to be in the running for a full-time role in the drama before she confronted the series lead Michael Weatherly over 'a number of inappropriate comments.' Dushku alleged that Weatherly had made comments about her appearance in front of crew members and had also made 'jokes' about rape and a threesome. Weatherly, who is best known for his work in NCIS, responded to Dushku's claims, saying that he was 'mortified to have offended her. During the course of taping our show, I made some jokes mocking some lines in the script,' he said in a statement. 'When Eliza told me that she wasn't comfortable with my language and attempt at humour, I was mortified to have offended her and immediately apologised. After reflecting on this further, I better understand that what I said was both not funny and not appropriate and I am sorry and regret the pain this caused Eliza.' In a separate statement to The Wrap, a spokesperson for CBS confirmed that Dushku had been paid for the work she would have received as a series regular. 'The allegations in Ms Dushku's claims are an example that, while we remain committed to a culture defined by a safe, inclusive and respectful workplace, our work is far from done. The settlement of these claims reflects the projected amount that Ms Dushku would have received for the balance of her contract as a series regular, and was determined in a mutually agreed upon mediation process at the time,' they said.
Screen Rant's latest piece of pure click-bait, Twenty Five Wild Details Behind The Making Of Peaky Blinders does not, in fact, included twenty five 'wild' details behind the making of From The North favourite Peaky Blinders or anything remotely like it. A maximum of six of them are 'wild'! The rest are things which most viewers of the programme will already knew and are distinctly lacking in any inherent wildness.
Susanne Bier will not be returning to direct the second series of the BBC's hit espionage drama The Night Manager, which is currently in the early stages of production. The director confirmed that series two of the John Le Carré adaptation is moving ahead without her at the helm. 'I'm not doing Night Manager 2,' she told Radio Times. 'I wasn't sure that I would do my very best work the second time round – so I decided that I should probably not do it and have somebody [else direct it].'
He has played much-loved sleuthing vicar Sidney Chambers for three years on ITV's Grantchester, but for James Norton, it's time to move on from the drama series. Having also starred in the hugely popular War & Peace and McMafia since he started on Grantchester, the actor is now ready to leave the Cambridge village, particularly after Sidney's storyline with Amanda (Morven Christie) reached a natural conclusion in the last series. 'It was a combination of things,' Norton explained. 'The Amanda storyline tying up the way it did with her and Sidney breaking up and him choosing the church in the third series felt like a natural conclusion to Sidney’s story. Then when the possibility of a fourth series came along, the decision was whether or not to start a whole new journey for Sidney.' Instead of hashing out a new storyline for the vicar, Norton decided now was the time to hand the dog collar over to new blood, with Tom Brittney set to arrive Reverend Will Davenport. 'It felt like it would be better to hand over the baton to someone else and give Grantchester a fresh injection of energy,' he continued. 'It's been a privilege to play such a wonderful character, but I feel like there are other vicars, other conflicted souls to explore.' Viewers will bid farewell to Sidney partway through series four, which is set to be shown in early January for what Wor Geet Canny Robson Green promises will be 'a highly emotional exit.'
The two previously lost 1968 episodes of The Morecambe & Wise Showrecently announced as having been recovered in Africa will be broadcast for the first time in fifty years on BBC2 on Boxing Day at 7.50pm and 8.30pm under the title The Lost Tapes.
The BBC has made all of the 1940s issues of the Radio Times magazine publicly available online for the first time. They are available via theexcellent BBC Genome Project and cover the period of World War II, the immediate post-war years and key landmark events in British history. 1920s and 1930s issues have already been available for some time. It is hoped that, eventual, the BBC's entire Radio Times archive will be available online rather than just the programme listings as presently.
A lightsaber alleged to have been Luke Skywalker's weapon from the original Star Wars movie has been pulled from auction over doubts about its origin. Los Angeles auctioneer Profiles In History said that it had cancelled the sale due to 'conflicting information.' The item was described as 'one of five weapons' designed by Oscar-winning set designer Roger Christian for Mark Hamill to use in the 1977 film. But, fans and bloggers quickly raised questions about the prop's authenticity online. The lightsaber had been expected to sell for up to one hundred and fifty thousand knicker. In a statement reported by Reuters, Profiles In History's chief executive, Joe Maddalena, said that they had cancelled the sale of the weapon 'in light of conflicting information' about its origin. Maddalena said they would not put it back up for auction 'until Mister Christian can clear up the inconsistencies that have been brought to our attention.' It had been listed as a lot in the Blockbuster Hollywood Treasures auction, due to take place between 11 and 14 December. Christian had provided a letter of authenticity with the item. However, the Original Prop Blog posted a series of videos raising doubts about the weapon, including alleged discrepancies between the lightsaber shown in the letter and the lightsaber in the auction catalogue. There were also claims it might be a replica or 'prototype prop.' Christian told the BBC that it was 'one of five original lightsabers' made for the film, saying: 'It is real - I've got the Oscar to prove it.' The Academy Award-winner said the film's low budget meant he was putting together lots of different elements to make the props, meaning all of them were unique. 'I was supergluing things together - they all look different.' The dispute comes a week after Mark Hamill tweeted about the auction, warning fans that the lightsaber may not be a one-off. 'Be Advised,' the actor wrote, 'There was no one lightsaber I used in the films, but many both for myself and my stunt-double.'
The first movie screenplay written by comic book author Alan Moore is being filmed in his hometown of Northampton. The Show will star Watchmen and V For Vendetta author Moore, as well as The Musketeers and War & Peace actor Tom Burke. It is being directed by Mitch Jenkins and tells the story of a man hired to track down a stolen artefact. The British Film Institute's lottery fund is helping finance the movie. Moore said: 'With The Show, I wanted to apply the storytelling ability accumulated during the rest of my varied career to the medium of film. I wanted to see if it was possible to create an immersive and addictive world with no throwaway dialogue and no throwaway characters.' Jenkins added: 'Being able to take our world and Alan's words to the big screen, is nothing less than magical. Breathing life into these amazing characters that Alan has created, in collaboration with the actors has been one of the highlights of the project to date.' The film also stars Siobhan Hewlett, Ellie Bamber, Sheila Atim and Richard Dillane. Moore began his career in comics in the late 1970s with 2000AD. Moore rose to prominence with tales of flawed superheroes which helped redefine the genre. V For Vendetta was first published in 1982 and was followed by, firstly, a run on Swamp Thing, then Watchmen and Batman: The Killing Joke. He went on to write the ... From Hell series about the Jack the Ripper murders and The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen in the 1990s and 2000s.
And now ...
It what might be - charitably - described as a very up-and-down week for the soon-to-be-former Prime Minister, Theresa May managed to get herself stuck in her car when she arrived to meet German Chancellor Angela Merkel on Tuesday. The BMW's door remained defiantly locked whilst staff worked frantically to open it. Eventually - if, somewhat disappointingly - they managed to let her out. Well, when you're having a bad week, it seems even machines gang up on you. May was meeting several European leaders and officials in a desperate, but utterly fruitless, bid to rescue her Brexit backstop. The rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike (and tit) Gove, the current environment secretary who was then a leader of the Vote Leave campaign, warned that if the UK stayed in the EU, we would be like 'hostages locked in the back of the car.' Oh, the irony.
Meanwhile, dear blog reader, in the aftermath of the soon-to-be-former Prime Minister surviving a vote of no confidence, albeit with a hardly ringing endorsement from her party. If you fancy a right good laugh allow this blogger to point you in the direction of Matt Kelly of GQ's magazine forthright character assassination When It Comes To Political Scheming Jacob Rees-Mogg Is Mince-Thick which you can read here. It's hilarious. 'If only Jacob Rees-Mogg and his ERG extremists (Philip Hammond's word, not mine) had a tenth of the honour of the mafia,' writes Kelly. 'They don't. There's little space for honour in the hearts of men and women consumed with a bilious cocktail of fury, loathing and thwarted ambition. Where was the fake-aristo and appallingly tailored Rees-Mogg as the vote was being announced? Was he in the 1922 Committee room, surrounded by his colleagues as the result of the vote he had done more than anyone else to orchestrate was delivered? No. That would have required courage. That would have been where a man of honour would be. Instead, Rees-Mogg, in his ill-fitting, too-long-sleeved double-breasted, was with Andrew Neil, the BBC political presenter, outside on Parliament Green, calling on Theresa May to resign. As a journalist, I like to think I know something about cynicism. But Rees-Mogg is in a league of his own. If, he argued, you subtract from the equation all those ministers and parliamentary secretaries "in the pay of the Prime Minister one way or another," then she had lost the vote and should go. "In the pay of the Prime Minister" - what a disgusting, nasty sentiment towards fellow MPs from a man who masquerades as a man of high principle and political virtue. What happened to respecting the democratic process, Jake? Do the words "you lost, get over it" have any resonance this morning? No, I thought not. That only applies when you've won, doesn’t it?' What He said.
The NHS will be banned from buying fax machines from next month - and has been told by the government to phase out the machines entirely by 31 March 2020. In July, the Royal College of Surgeons revealed nearly nine thousand fax machines were in use across the NHS in England. The Department of Health said that a change to 'more modern communication methods' was needed to 'improve patient safety and cyber security.' An RCS spokesman said that they supported the government's decision. In place of fax machines, the Department of Health said secure e-mail should be used. Richard Kerr, who is the chair of the RCS's commission on the future of surgery, said the continued use of the 'outdated technology' by the NHS was 'absurd.' He added that it was 'crucial' the health service invested in 'better ways of communicating the vast amount of patient information that is going to be generated' in the future. The group's report from earlier this year found the use of fax machines was 'most common' at the Newcastle NHS Trust, which still relied on six hundred and three machines. Three-quarters of the trusts in England replied to the survey - ninety five in total. Ten trusts said that they did not own any fax machines, but four in ten reported more than one hundred in use. Rebecca McIntyre from Manchester, who works as a cognitive behavioural therapist, said fax machines are 'a continued risk to the confidentiality and safeguarding of patients. You would not believe the palaver we have in the work place trying to communicate important documents to services (referrals et cetera),' she said. 'We constantly receive faxes meant for other places in error but this is never reported.' Meanwhile, Taz, from Doncaster, who works in a pharmacy said discharge notes, emergency documents and out-of-hours services 'all are stuck in the dark ages. I hope this is just the start of many changes,' he said. 'The amount of time wasted and potential errors that exist from not using technology is shocking and often it's the patients that suffer. My next hope is that hand-written prescriptions are scrapped completely and we use tablets to send them electronically for patients like most GPs have been doing for years.' However, Tim Owen. from Bolton, who works in blood services, asked: 'So what happens when a computer virus attacks a hospital's IT infrastructure, as happened recently? During the WannaCry attack of 2017 our "out-dated, redundant" piece of equipment ensured that blood products, not routinely held in our on-site blood bank, could be ordered without delay and therefore not compromising patient safety.' One GP in the Midlands said they 'currently rely on a fax machine' for requesting x-rays at local hospitals because of 'an ongoing IT problem' which has not been fixed. Meanwhile, outside of the NHS, Nina Mowbray, from Northampton, works for one of the top ten accountancy firms where she said they still fax documents to HM Revenue and Customs. 'We could e-mail but we need to have this set up first which means we have to get formal approval from a director/partner which we don't do,' she said. 'It does seem very outdated.' And Joseph Vincent, from Macclesfield, said he still uses his fax machine to 'communicate with his brother,' who lives in a remote part of Scotland. 'The Internet is slow there and sometimes we send funny messages to each other using a fax machine. The sound it makes is really satisfying although it is a bit of a running gag between us.'
A Stasi ID pass used by Vladimir Putin when he was a Soviet spy in former East Germany has been found in the Stasi secret police archive in Dresden. The Russian president has 'expressed pride' in his record as a Communist KGB officer in Dresden in the 1980s. His Stasi pass was found during research into the close co-operation between the KGB and the Stasi. Putin, then a KGB major, got it in 1985. It got him into Stasi facilities, but he may not have spied for them. In a statement on Tuesday, the Stasi Records Agency said that Putin 'received the pass so that he could carry out his KGB work in co-operation with the Stasi.' Stasi was the popular nickname for the East German Ministry of State Security agents. It was notorious for its meticulous surveillance of ordinary citizens, many of whom were pressed into spying on each other. 'Current research gives no indication that Vladimir Putin worked for the MfS,' the BStU statement said. Putin, born in Leningrad, was posted to East Germany in 1985, aged thirty three. His two daughters were born during that posting. Putin was a KGB officer in Dresden up to and including December 1989, when the Communist East German regime collapsed amid mass pro-democracy protests. His Stasi pass was renewed every three months, as shown by the stamps on it. It is not clear why he left the pass in the Stasi files in Dresden. He witnessed protesters occupying the Dresden Stasi headquarters, while Communist security forces came close to opening fire on them, on 5 December 1989. Jubilant East Berliners had already breached the Berlin Wall in November. Putin was fluent in German at the time and has said he personally calmed the Dresden crowd when they surrounded the KGB building there, warning them that it was Soviet territory. During his KGB service in Dresden, Putin was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. In 1989 he was awarded a bronze medal by Communist East Germany - officially the German Democratic Republic - 'for faithful service to the National People's Army,' the Kremlin website says. After returning to Russia, Putin rose to become head of the Federal Security Service - the successor to the KGB. He became Russian president in 2000. In June 2017 Putin revealed that his work in the KGB had involved 'illegal intelligence-gathering.' Speaking on Russian state TV, he said KGB spies were people with 'special qualities, special convictions and a special type of character.' A once top secret agreement shows that the KGB had thirty liaison officers in East Germany who worked directly alongside the Stasi. Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov shrugged off the emergence of Putin's old Stasi card. 'The KGB and the Stasi were partner intelligence agencies so you probably can't rule out an exchange of such identity cards,' he said.
Part of a cliff collapsing in Cornwall has been caught on camera by a woman out walking. Deborah Smith was at Lynstone Road in Bude, when she said she noticed 'some little bits going, then saw the rocks moving and quickly videoed it.' The video was recorded on Monday afternoon. Smith can be heard gasping in shock as a large section of cliff falls away. Falmouth Coastguard, which covers the area of the collapse, said the cliff fall had been reported to them and warned walkers to take care.
The publisher of National Enquirer has said it 'coordinated with Donald Rump's presidential campaign' to pay a Playboy model one hundred and fifty thousand dollars in 'hush money,' seemingly placing President Rump and his inner circle in further legal peril. American Media Inc told prosecutors that it 'worked in concert' with Trump's campaign when it bought Karen McDougal's story of a sexual affair with Rump, which it then suppressed 'to prevent it from influencing the election.' The publisher revealed details of the so-called 'catch and kill' deal for McDougal's story in an agreement with federal authorities which means the company will not face charges, prosecutors in Manhattan announced on Wednesday. The agreement raises the possibility that Rump's presidential campaign, which is currently making early preparations for his re-election bid, could be indicted for violating campaign finance laws through its involvement in the payout. An unidentified member of the campaign who was involved in the arrangement with AMI could also be vulnerable to prosecution. Michael Cohen, Rump's former lawyer and legal fixer, previously pleaded very guilty to involvement in the scheme. Cohen previously testified that he 'arranged the payment' to McDougal, along with a one hundred and thirty thousand dollar payout to 'buy the silence' of the porn star Stormy Daniels, 'at the direction' of Rump. The President has denied involvement in the payments. To paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, 'well, he would, wouldn't he?' US law bars corporations from spending money 'to influence elections in coordination with a candidate or campaign.' Prosecutors said that AMI's payment to McDougal 'amounted to a secret in-kind contribution' to Rump's campaign. Prosecutors elsewhere have in the past struggled to prove that suspect payments related to politicians amounted to campaign contributions, such as in the case of the former senator and Democratic vice-presidential candidate John Edwards, who was acquitted of such a charge in 2012. But Wednesday's agreement - struck in September but kept secret until now - means that federal prosecutors in New York now have testimony from two witnesses, Cohen and AMI, that the Rump payments were made to women 'in a deliberate attempt to influence the 2016 election.' The agreement said that in August 2015, Cohen and 'at least one other member of the campaign' met AMI's chief executive, David Pecker, who 'offered to help deal with negative stories' about Rump during the presidential campaign. Pecker suggested that he could 'buy the rights' to 'problematic stories' and prevent them from being published, according to the agreement and 'put this plan into action' when an attorney for McDougal offered her story to National Enquirer. In August 2016, AMI paid McDougal one hundred and fifty thousand bucks for the rights to the story of 'her relationship with "any then-married man,"' according to prosecutors, which was 'substantially more money than AMI otherwise would have paid.' The deal said that AMI would 'feature McDougal on magazine covers,' but AMI actually had no intention to publish her story or anything even remotely like it. Prosecutors said: 'Despite the cover and article features to the agreement, AMI's principal purpose in entering into the agreement was to suppress the model's story so as to prevent it from influencing the election.' Instead, National Enquirer published a series of 'wild attacks' against Hillary Clinton, Rump's Democratic opponent. As the erection approached in October 2016, the magazine falsely alleged that Clinton had covered up 'sleazy affairs' and bribed reporters 'to bury truth.' The magazine's cover promised an 'explosive story that will change the election.' Prosecutors said that following Rump's erection victory, AMI published articles by McDougal in 'some of its other magazines,' including OK! and Star, in 'an attempt to keep her from talking publicly' about the deal. The Wall Street Journal reported in August that Pecker had, himself, been granted immunity by US authorities in return for testifying about what he knew about Rump, Cohen and the payments. Cohen on Wednesday was very sentenced to three years in The Slammer after pleading extremely guilty to the campaign finance violations, lying to Congress about a plan to build a Rump Tower in Russia, and personal financial crimes of a well-naughty nature.
Yer actual Neil Young says that he will 'go ahead' with a show in London's Hyde Park next year but that it will no longer be part of the Barclaycard-sponsored BST festival. Neil had previously criticised BST organisers for choosing 'a fossil fuel funding entity' as a sponsor. 'That doesn't work for me,' he said in a website post. 'I believe in science. I worry about the climate crisis and am deeply concerned about its massive global ramifications.' Although he stopped short of cancelling the shows, he said 'one option' would be to replace the sponsor. On Tuesday, he appeared to claim victory in a separate post, saying that he was 'happy to announce that the Hyde park show will proceed without Barclays as a sponsor. We are overjoyed, so happy to be playing the show!' Later in the day, BST organisers said in a statement: 'Neil Young has made the decision to move away from the Barclaycard presents British Summer Time concert series. Neil Young and Bob Dylan will play a stand-alone concert in Hyde Park on the same date, 12 July. All tickets will remain valid.' Barclaycard told the BBC that it would not comment on the situation. Other BST gigs, including dates by Robbie Williams and Florence & The Machine, will not be affected. Barclays was listed as a major funder of fossil fuel extraction in a 2018 report by the non-profit group Banking on Climate Change, receiving a D minus rating. Earlier this year, the bank's AGM was disrupted by protesters critical of its funding for oil pipelines from Canadian tar sands. Barclaycard, a division of Barclays which provides credit card and payment services, has sponsored the BST Hyde Park concerts since their inception in 2013, with headline acts including The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift and Tom Petty. Young also played the festival in 2014 with his band Crazy Horse, apparently without objection to the bank's involvement at that time. On Sunday, Neil aired a number of grievances about his upcoming concert, claiming it was announced 'prematurely' and objecting to the fact that tickets were put on sale to the public ahead of his fans. 'I had no idea the announcement was coming that day,' he wrote. 'I was still finessing the art for the poster and trying to make sure that all of the details of the show were agreeable to me. Then, suddenly, someone jumped the gun. The tickets were put on sale and the announcement was made, all without my knowledge.' The post also included lyrics from Young's 1988 anti-corporate sponsorship song 'This Note's For You'. Fittingly, the post announcing Barclaycard's withdrawal from the event was headlined Sponsored By Nobody. The seventy three-year-old is an active environmentalist, criticising the automotive industry, supporting anti-fracking activists and recording songs about climate change, including 2014's 'Who's Gonna Stand Up (& Save The Earth)?'
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved though (still) unsellable Newcastle United's boss, Rafael Benitez, has been named as the Premier League manager of the month for November. Newcastle were nineteenth in the table at the start of November, with no wins from their first ten games - albeit, six of those were against the current top six - before three straight victories moved them out of the relegation zone. The Magpies beat Watford and Bournemouth at St James' Park before an away win at Burnley, though they've lost the two games since then (albeit, one of them rather unluckily). It is the fifth time the Spaniard has won the award in the top flight, though his first since he joined United in 2016. 'It's always good to win trophies,' said Rafa The Gaffer. This blogger wouldn't know, mate, he's a Newcastle fan and he's only fifty five. 'Obviously I would like to win more manager of the months, then we would be in a better position in the table. But it's always positive and it is good also for the staff. Everybody is helping you and it is an extra motivation.'
Meanwhile, Salomon Rondon struck the only goal as yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies beat Huddersfield Town to move six points clear of the Premier League relegation places and inflict a fourth successive defeat on The Terriers. Somewhat against the run of play, Ayoze Perez and Javier Manquillo combined to set up Rondon on fifty five minutes and the Venezuelan made no mistake from close range. For Huddersfield, both Philip Billing and Chris Lowe spurned notable opportunities on a frustrating afternoon for the hosts. Despite lots of late pressure, Newcastle's defence stood firm to record a fourth win of the season. Huddersfield, who remain eighteenth, sit three points adrift of safety and have now lost nine of their last thirteen league games.
In Netflix's latest documentary, a film crew followed the worst season in Sunderland AFC's history. Misery and footballing torture is relived through the series, documenting their Championship relegation season of 2017-18. Made by fans from production company Fulwell Seventy Three, Sunderland 'Til I Die is available worldwide from Friday 14 December. One imagines the take up on Tyneside might be almost as a large as that on Wearside.
Some fans are using the 'political atmosphere as a cover for their own racism and prejudice,'according to the anti-discrimination group Fare. It comes after Moscow Chelski FC condemned 'a vocal minority' of their fans for anti-Semitic chants during Thursday's two-two draw with MOL Vidi in Hungary. Earlier this week, four Moscow Chelski fans were suspended following the alleged sick racial abuse of Raheem Sterling. Fare executive director Piara Powar says such attitudes must be defeated. 'The sad fact is that in recent years Chelsea have done an incredible amount of work to tackle anti-Semitism, much of it highly innovative and impactful,' said Powar. 'But there remains throughout football a rump of people who in 2019 will see the political atmosphere as a cover for their own racism and prejudice.' A Moscow Chelski FC spokesman said the offensive songs about Stottingtot Hotshots fans have 'shamed the club.' Ben Holman, from educational anti-racism charity Show Racism the Red Card, says anti-Semitic abuse must be 'treated seriously in mainstream society' for it to be tackled accordingly in football. 'In some incidences the message has got to the fans it's not acceptable,' Holman told BBC Sport. 'The problem is some of the chants are more historic and in that way fans don't realise the problem with it. Until it's treated seriously in mainstream society as racism you will always see it shunted off in football as not so serious. Racism isn't a problem intrinsic to football. These fans are at a football match for two hours a week, but for the other one hundred and sixty six are members of society, taking the bus, going to work.' According to incidents recorded by charity the Community Security Trust, anti-Semitism has been on the rise in the UK. Meanwhile, a report by watchdog Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary earlier this year said that hate crime rose after the 2016 Brexit referendum and the same could happen when (or, now, if) the UK leaves the European Union in 2019. 'Our organisation has always believed sport and football are a microcosm of society,' added Holman. 'We think if society is racist, football is part of society and will always have racism, so we try to educate young people in society and hope football will follow.' Powar described the episode as 'a sad indictment' of 'where some people are in their understanding of racism and the impact it can have. They stare history in the face and think they are somehow exempt from the judgements it will make on their actions,' Powar added. 'We should give a lot of credit to those Chelsea fans who highlighted what was going on at the match on social media or directly to the authorities.' Last year, Moscow Chelski FC condemned an anti-Semitic chant by their fans during a win at Leicester, with Blues supporters using a song about their striker Alvaro Morata to abuse London rivals Spurs, who have a large Jewish fanbase. Spain international Morata also posted on social media asking fans to 'respect everyone.' Holman says that the Stamford Bridge club have been 'progressive and forward thinking' in their efforts to eradicate anti-Semitisim from their fanbase. In October, chairman Bruce Buck told the Sun the club 'may' require fans found guilty of anti-Semitic abuse to visit the site of Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz rather than banning them. The Premier League club's Say No To Anti-Semitism scheme, which began in January, also provides one-to-one education courses. A group of one hundred an fifty people, consisting of club staff, stewards and supporters, visited Auschwitz in June to learn about the deaths of more than a million people killed there between 1940 and 1945. 'Chelsea have really stepped up their efforts to eradicate anti-Semitism from Stamford Bridge and among their fans,' Holman told BBC Sport. 'Roman Abramovich has ploughed a lot of his personal money into tackling anti-Semitism. The club realise they could ban a fan and wash their hands with them, but that person will still hold those anti-Semitic views. If they can educate them then that person may benefit society.' Powar added: 'I have no doubt that in the end these types of attitudes will be defeated. That necessity for cultural change applies across the football industry, not just the terraces, from the governing institutions, to clubs and the media. We should look at what's been happening in the last two weeks to get more creative and bring about that culture change more urgently.' Brighton & Hove Albinos manager Chris Hughton, one of two black Premier League managers, said that clubs are 'on top of what they see,' but that eradicating anti-Semitic and racial abuse from football or society is 'about a culture and making sure people are respectful of all colours and creeds. Racial events in our game, which we are trying as hard as we can to eradicate, are always going to happen,' he added. 'You hope it's something that doesn't escalate. Sometimes when times are harder they become more relevant - but racism holds no place in our game. It holds no place in society but unfortunately there are always going to be incidences.' UEFA, European football's governing body, said it will await the referee's report of Thursday's Europa League match before deciding on whether any action will be taken. Incidents of anti-Semitic and racial abuse are a criminal offence punishable, rightly, with a lengthy spell in The Slammer. For those that take place in the English game, governing body the Football Association works with clubs and the police to identify individuals and make sure they face appropriate action through the courts, which can impose banning orders. Moscow Chelski FC fan and writer Ivor Baddiel told the Victoria Derbyshire programme that some fans think they are 'just being anti-Tottenham.' He added: 'They aren't, they are being hugely and horrendously anti-Semitic. When you sing "Spurs are on their way to Auschwitz", that is what you are really chanting about. Clearly there are people who think it's okay and maybe they don't understand why Jewish people are so offended by it. You would think that all but the most hardened fascists would think that was wrong.' Simon Johnson, chief executive of the Jewish Leadership Council, said the incident was 'thoroughly depressing, especially in light of the dedicated work Chelsea have done to address the problem.' He added: 'We completely endorse the club's strong statement and would support them in any robust action which they now take against the perpetrators.' Board of Deputies vice-president Amanda Bowman said the 'disgraceful behaviour must be challenged and the perpetrators identified and punished.' She said the organisation is 'fully behind Chelsea's 'Say No to Anti-Semitism' campaign' but added that 'football still has much work to do before racism on the terraces is eradicated.'
Having less than a third of this season's FA Cup third-round matches in the traditional 3pm kick-off slot 'diminishes the magic of the day,' a supporters' group has claimed. Only ten of the thirty two fixtures will start at that time on Saturday 5 January. The Football Association's new six-year, eight hundred and twenty million knicker overseas TV contract has 'contributed' to a number of changes. 'There's a grave danger that they might threaten the magic of the FA Cup,' the Football Supporters' Federation said. The overseas TV deal, which has come into force this season, was announced by the FA in October 2016. However, FSF chairman Malcolm Clarke said that his organisation had been 'taken by surprise' when the third-round fixture list was revealed. There will be one match on the evening of Friday 4 January, seven will kick-off at 12:30 and five at 17:30 on the Saturday. Eight matches will be played on the Sunday, whilst Wolverhampton Wanderings face Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws on the Monday evening. Clarke said that he is now 'seeking a meeting' with the FA to 'discuss' his concerns. 'The third round of the FA Cup on the first Saturday in January was always one of the great highlights of the season and, to have less than one third of the games kicking off at three o'clock on Saturday definitely, to some extent, diminishes the magic of the day,' he said. The FA defended its television deal, pointing to the 'benefits for grassroots football' and 'reinvestment at all levels.' Plus, makes tonnes of wonga for them so that they can get their filthy greed right on. As usual. An FA spokesperson weaselled: 'A selection of the Emirates FA Cup third-round fixtures have been picked for domestic and overseas television coverage as part of the new international broadcast deal for the competition. The new deal, which began this season, will see more money than ever before reinvested back into English football and prize money doubled to over £30.2 million - with a guaranteed four million distributed to non-league clubs. In addition, the new deal will provide an increased level of investment into grassroots football pitches, facilities and participation programmes across England.' One or two people even believed them.
Stoke City will help pay for repairs at Port Vale's stadium, after trouble broke out at a local derby. The Championship club has agreed to donate money towards the repairs at Vale Park, which was damaged at a match between the club's Under-Twenty One team and Vale in the Checkatrade Trophy on 4 December, Port Vale said. Police said 'a large section of Stoke fans had been disruptive.' Seats, toilets and windows were broken in the away stand. In a statement, the League Two outfit said: 'Stoke City have agreed to donate their share of the net proceeds from the gate towards the cost of repairs. Port Vale chairman Norman Smurthwaite, would like to thank Stoke City for this kind gesture.' The club did not reveal the amount to be paid. Staffordshire Police described the disorder as 'despicable.' Fourteen arrests were made last week and the force said that two more were made on Wednesday. Port Vale said it would focus on repairing the damage before the game with Cheltenham Town on Saturday.
Notlob Wanderers chairman and majority stakeholder Ken Anderson is to personally fund outstanding wages owed by the Championship club. Wanderers said that 'an agreement' reached with the Professional Footballers' Association to pay November's wages was 'not the preferred route.' The Bolton Newsreports that the PFA has 'already pulled out of the agreement' because of 'other financial concerns.' Payments will be made on Friday - fourteen days late. Wanderers said that the latest delay was 'caused' by 'exploring the option of assistance' from the PFA, with an agreement first reached with the players' union on Friday 7 December before it was 'revised' and an initial statement was issued by the club on Monday. The wage dispute at Notlob is not the first this season, with players going on strike and pre-season fixtures being cancelled because of 'similar issues' during the summer. Financial problems have plagued the club in recent years, with The Trotters only avoiding administration in September after former owner Eddie Davies gave the club a five million smackers loan four days before he died. In a statement, the club said that it would not make any further comments about the late wages payments and would like 'all attention turned towards' Saturday's home game against second-placed Dirty Leeds.
AC Milan will be very banned from European competition for a season if they do not break even by June 2021 after falling foul of financial fair play rules. The decision from UEFA comes after Milan successfully appealed against a two-year ban being imposed last summer. The Court of Arbitration for Sport partially upheld that appeal and asked for 'a proportionate disciplinary measure' to be imposed on Milan. The Italian club can appeal again to CAS against the new ruling, says UEFA. European football's governing body rules say clubs cannot spend more than they generate by their own means and UEFA handed out the original punishment after deciding Milan had breached the requirement to break even after spending two hundred million knicker on transfers. Milan has two-and-a-half years to balance their books or face missing European competition in either 2022-23 or 2023-24, should they qualify. However, the seven-times European champions did not escape immediate punishment with UEFA withholding twelve million Euros owed to the Italian side from this season's Europa League, a competition they were knocked out of on Thursday. The club will also be limited to a maximum of twenty one players, rather than the usual twenty five, in their squad for European competition should they qualify in the next two seasons. AC Milan were taken over by a US-based hedge fund in July after former owner Li Yonghong missed a deadline to repay part of the loan he used to buy the club in April 2017. In its ruling in July, CAS noted the club's financial position had 'significantly improved following the recent change in ownership.' The club have an agreement to sign Brazilian attacker Lucas Paqueta from Flamengo for a reported thirty one million smackers in January and have been linked with several centre forwards, including The Scum's Marcus Rashford, after failing to convince Zlatan Ibrahimovic to return to the San Siro. They also took striker Gonzalo Higuain and defender Mattia Caldera from Juventus in the summer.
Five Ligue Une matches have been postponed - with another three rearranged - because of the security issues in France as games are called off for the second weekend in a row. The country has seen four weekends of violent anti-government protests - with more demonstrations expected. Paris St-Germain's game in Dijon on Saturday is one of those postponed. A minute's silence will be held before the games which will be played to honour the victims of the unrelated shooting in Strasbourg. Strasbourg's players - whose game at Reims on Saturday goes ahead - will wear a shirt without sponsors' logos to pay respect. Three people were killed, with a fourth left brain dead and twelve others wounded in a Christmas market gun attack.
Eleven Sports is reportedly trying to renegotiate its TV sports rights in the UK to online-only streaming deals. Having won the rights to show La Liga and Serie A games earlier this year, the company was hoping to sub-licence the rights to broadcasting companies such as Sky, BT Sport and Virgin Media. But a failure to strike a deal has led to the streaming platform to look again at its rights deals. 'We are in discussion with our rights partners,' a spokesperson confirmed. 'Without carriage agreements with the existing platforms, alongside the challenges posed by rampant piracy, the market dynamics in the UK and Ireland are very hostile for new entrants,' they added. Meanwhile, mixed martial arts series UFC has pulled out of a deal with Eleven Sports, which was supposed to start in January, after the latter did not agree a contract to redistribute its events. Eleven Sports claim they are not in financial difficulties and the problems in the UK are 'in isolation' rather than impacting on other markets in which it operates. The company is owned by Dirty Leeds chairman Andrea Radrizzani and the issues are 'not expected' to affect the Championship club. Sky held the La Liga rights and BT Sport those for Serie A, before Eleven Sports signed three-year deals in May to show top-flight matches from Spain and Italy.
England have named an unchanged sixteen-man squad for the three-test series in the West Indies starting next month. Joe Root's team beat Sri Lanka three-nil last month, with wicketkeeper Ben Foakes and opener Rory Burns making their test debuts. David Willey returns for the five-match one-day series starting in February, with Sam Curran, Liam Dawson and Olly Stone left out of the ODI group. The squad for the three-match T20 series that completes the tour of the Caribbean in March will be named later. Warwickshire seamer Stone, who made his ODI debut in Sri Lanka and took one wicket in three innings, remains in the test squad along with the younger of the Curran brothers, Sam, who has scored four hundred and four runs and taken fourteen wickets in his first seven matches. Surrey left-hander Burns made a steady start to his test career with one hundred and fifty five runs in six innings and a top score of fifty nine. Foakes impressed after being called into the squad to cover for Jonny Bairstow, with a century and a fifty, plus eight catches and two stumpings. Surrey batsman Ollie Pope was part of the original squad in Sri Lanka but left the tour ahead of the second Test to play for the Lions and is not included. England have won only one Test series in the West Indies since 1968, when Michael Vaughan's team sealed a three-nil win in 2004. The most recent tour in 2015 saw the Windies win the final test by five wickets to draw the series one-all. Meanwhile, England are waiting to learn when Sussex's Barbados-born all-rounder Jofra Archer qualifies to play for them. Sussex said the twenty three-year-old, who was signed for eight hundred thousand knicker in the Indian Premier League auction last January, is 'likely' to qualify 'at some point in March 2019.' After the West Indies tour there are only six England one-day internationals - one in Ireland and five against Pakistan - before the World Cup begins in May. 'At the moment Jofra Archer is not available for selection for the England squad so he wasn't considered, so he's not selected, so that's it,' national selector Ed Smith said. 'If he becomes available, as it looks like he will do, in the reasonably near future, we think potentially in the early spring, then at that point we will start to consider the best squad with Jofra Archer available. Until that moment I wouldn't speculate about that at all.'
Ashley Giles, The King of Spain, has replaced Andrew Strauss as managing director of England men's cricket. Gilo starts in January and will be responsible for the strategy, coaching and management of England teams. The forty five-year-old replaces his former England colleaue Strauss, who is stepping down because his wife Ruth has cancer. 'The legacy left by Andrew Strauss has put the programme in a stable place. It is fundamental that I help our sport achieve great things,' Giles said. 'The next twelve months could transform the game like no other time in recent memory.' Giles, who played in fifty four Tests and sixty one ODIs for England between 1997 and 2006, joins the England camp following a month-long formal recruitment process led by ECB chief executive officer Tom Harrison. The left-arm spinner was sacked as England's ODI coach in 2014 despite leading them to a Champions Trophy final. But, his appointment comes at a critical time with a home World Cup and Ashes campaign against Australia next summer. Joe Root's test side have recently risen dramatically to number two in the world, while the top-ranked one-day team, led by Eoin Morgan, will head into World Cup as one of the favourites. Harrison said: 'Ashley was the standout candidate among a very strong field. He will bring a fresh perspective to the role and build on the excellent work carried out by Andrew Strauss over the past three and a half year. He has a tremendous passion for England cricket, extensive knowledge of our county game, and a wealth of experience from playing at the highest level to becoming a respected leader in the sport.' Giles is currently director of sport at Warwickshire and was head coach and cricket director at Lancashire from 2014 to 2016. He was also a national team selector from 2008 to 2014.
Police are investigating a break-in at Sir Paul McCartney's London home. Disgraceful tea-leaves targeted the former Be-Atle's house in St John's Wood on the evening of 7 December, thus ensuring that Sir Macca will not be having a wonderful Christmastime. It is unknown if the musician or his wife, Nancy Shevell, were home at the time of the break-in, which came days before he played a concert in his hometown of Liverpool. No arrests have been made and the investigation continues, a Metropolitan Police spokesman said. Sir Paul is due to play at London's O2 Arena on Sunday.
A van belonging to former Wizzard singer Rockin' Roy Wood's band has been returned, along with an estimated one hundred thousand smackers-worth of equipment inside. The Roy Wood Rock 'n' Roll Band had their instruments taken when the vehicle was stolen in a ram-raid on a warehouse in Leeds on Thursday. Wood - who wrote 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday' - had to cancel that evening's Rockmas gig in Hull. So, you know, every cloud has a silver lining and all that. West Yorkshire Police said that the van and equipment were found in East Ardsley. Wood said the van had contained 'about one hundred thousand pound's of gear, with PA equipment, three or four guitars and Marshall amps.'He said the band had cancelled a show at Hull City Hall and hoped to reschedule. Birmingham-born musician Wood, who now lives in Derbyshire, is currently on tour with his Rock and/or Roll Band. He has previously played with The Move, The Electric Light Orchestra and Wizzard. The band is due to play another show in Yorkshire on 20 December, at Sheffield's City Hall. It will be the final date in the Rockmas 2018 tour, which featured special guests Alfie Boe and Level 42's Mark King. Anyone who saw the van - an Iveco Eurocargo - or witnessed the theft is urged to contact police and snitch up the robbin' robbers like a Cooper's Nark.
An angry mother reportedly spat in the face of an elf at a Stockton-on-Tees shopping centre Christmas grotto. The woman lost her temper when told she that could not take her child into the grotto because she did not have a booking, police said. She also verbally abused other elves, according to Karen Eve, the manager of the Castlegate Shopping Centre, who added that the incident 'doesn't scream Christmas spirit at all.' Security has now been stepped up at the centre and police are said to be investigating. A Cleveland Police spokeswoman said that the assault happened during the grotto's autism friendly hour, when the lights and noises are dimmed and places to see Santa and his elves must be booked in advance. Eve, who described the woman as 'really hostile,' said: 'It was a really awful situation. The elves have dusted themselves down and they're absolutely fine. Most people have been appalled by what has happened.' She said the grotto would have to have 'parameters put in place' to protect staff in future.
Police in Dallas say that a thirty one-year-old protester who told children Santa Claus is 'not real' has been arrested for trespassing at a North Texas church. Aaron Urbanski was very arrested on Saturday after authorities were called to a church which was hosting a 'breakfast with' Santa event. Police say they found three people demonstrating outside the church after responding to the trespassing complaint. Authorities say Urbanski refused to leave and continued to 'cause a disturbance.' Urbanski, who was charged with criminal trespass and 'being a miserable pain in the arse at Christmas', has been booked into the Johnson County Law Enforcement Centre and will be held there until he cheers the fek up. Cleburne Mayor Scott Cain weighed in on Facebook, saying 'Don't Mess With Santa!' The mayor continued: 'Guess they wanted coal in their stockings to go with a court appearance.'
Last week, a Scottish mother was reportedly embarrassed when she realised that she had sent her five-year-old son to a nativity with a sex doll. Helen Cox claims she purchased the 'blow-up sheep' on Amazon in November without realising what it actually was until her son, Alfie, was sent home from school because of it. 'I just can’t believe it. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! How am I going to explain this to his teachers?' the mother of two was quoted as saying. 'I have no idea if they've seen it was a sex toy and that's why they sent it home – I'm mortified!' Cox says that she was 'confused' when Alfie got in trouble for having the item at school. When he got home, she realised the doll, which had been listed online as 'Labreeze kids boys brown shepherd costume inflatable sheep nativity fancy dress outfit,' had a large hole in its bottom along with painted-on eyelashes and red lips. 'I told him, "you can't have this sheep, Alfie" but he kept asking why, so I had to make up a reason,' Cox said, explaining that Alfie refuses to give up his new toy. 'I told him it didn't look like a proper sheep because it had a moustache, red lipstick and a bow on its head, but he still wanted to play with it.' She added that she plans to take the sex doll from him 'soon.' Since learning of the incident, Amazon has removed the item from its website, saying that the seller 'did not meet the retailer's guidelines.'
A police investigation has been launched after a man reportedly died after falling from a town's Christmas tree. The alarm was raised in the early hours of Friday when the injured man was found in Kirkcaldy by people leaving a nearby nightclub. The man, who has not yet been identified by police, was taken to hospital but later died. A police cordon has been put up around the twelve foot fir tree, which is located outside Kirkcaldy Town House. Councillor Neil Crooks, convener of the Kirkcaldy area committee, said: 'This is a tragic thing to happen at this time of year. Our thoughts are with his family.' A Police Scotland spokesman said: 'Police in Fife were called to a report of an unresponsive man in the Hunter Street area of Kirkcaldy around 02:55 on Friday 14 December. The man was treated at the scene then conveyed to Victoria Hospital in Kirkcaldy by the Scottish Ambulance Service where he later sadly passed away. The death is being treated as non-suspicious and enquiries are ongoing to establish the full circumstances. A report will be sent to the procurator fiscal.'
Well, dear blog reader, that's the Stately Telly Topping Manor tree sorted for another year ...
Ministers are being urged to reverse plans to issue prison officers with a synthetic pepper spray, known as Pava, following a trial. From next year, canisters will be issued to staff in publicly run prisons for men, in a bid to reduce violence. The Prison Reform Trust says that its own analysis of the six-month trial in four prisons showed the spray was often used 'unsafely and inappropriately.' Ministers have claimed trials of the pepper spray were 'successful.' One or two people even believed them. The official report gives details of fifty cases where the chemical incapacitant was deployed. The tr als took place in four prisons: Hull, Preston, Risley and Wealstun in 2017 and 2018. Officers were trained and issued with Pava, which was intended to be used 'as a last resort' as a personal protection tool 'to prevent harm to self or others' in cases of geet rive-on with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. In guidance, they were told to deploy it 'only when other techniques were not possible,' had 'already failed' or 'were considered unsafe or insufficient.' Or, in other words, if someone was getting a bit lippy and they felt like teaching the chap a damned good lesson. In a letter to the PRT in November, prisons minister Rory Stewart claimed the spray was intended for use 'in exceptional circumstances where a member of staff is faced with serious violence or the perceived threat of serious violence.' However, the campaign group says its analysis, carried out by an experienced former prison governor, shows that in 'almost two-thirds of of these incidents,' officers 'might' have contravened the guidance. 'In fact, the use of Pava very rapidly became a routine part of how routine incidents were dealt with,' says the PRT. Incidents of inappropriate use in the official report include: Use against a prisoner who was harming himself; an inmate with mental health problems sprayed three times in ten minutes, including at point blank range through a flap in his cell door; an officer spraying the wrong prisoner and a colleague attempting to intervene in a fight and use of the spray on a prisoner who had jumped onto the safety netting between the floors. Overall, the analysis suggests that of the fifty incidents almost a quarter involved allegedly 'unsafe' use, for example in confined spaces, at height, at point blank range or hitting the wrong prisoner or a prison officer. Almost a quarter could have been resolved 'by other means' - so Pava was not deployed as a last resort. A third involved use 'without appropriate justification,' for example to 'enforce orders' rather than to prevent serious harm. The PRT warns that the use of Pava 'risks undermining trust' between prisoners and prison officers and 'could lead to an escalation in violence' as prisoners arm themselves against a perceived threat. 'At the very least, the minister should call a moratorium on the national roll-out until an adequate process of consultation has taken place,' the group urges. Rebecca Hilsenrath, chief executive of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, agreed there was 'no sound evidence' to support the roll-out. 'We agree that it is of the highest importance that prison officers are able to protect themselves and others, but such protections must not be at the expense of the basic rights of prisoners,' she said. 'Everyone has the right to live without fear of inhumane treatment.' A spokesman for the Prison Service said there was 'no evidence' to suggest Pava was 'used unlawfully' during the pilot and it would be 'wrong' to imply that cases of misuse were 'ignored.' The spokesman claimed that only officers who had 'completed specialist training' were allowed to carry the spray, adding that the aim was not to reduce violence but 'to reduce the harm that can occur during violence. We have taken on board lessons learned during the Pava pilot and are putting in place clear rules for its deployment, so it is only used when serious violence occurs or is threatened.'
A senior citizen in New York was reportedly injured in an explosion while inflating an air mattress with a can of 'fix-a-flat,' police say. Juan Roberto was transported to St Vincent's Medical Centre where he was treated for a collapsed lung. The victim's condition was subsequently upgraded from critical to serious. Police say an explosion ripped a giant hole in the side of the house sending a picture window sailing across the driveway and shards of glass flying through the air. They say Roberto was using the aerosol product to inflate an air mattress when fumes came in contact with a burning candle in the room, triggering the explosion.
A cannibal who walked into a police station and confessed that he was 'fed up' with eating human flesh has been extremely jailed for life. And, put on a vegetarian diet, one assumes. Nino Mbatha horrified officers by pulling a woman's severed hand and leg from a school bag, triggering the grisly discovery of more body parts from a young mother. Mbatha and his partner, Lungisani Magubane, were found hugely guilty of murdering twenty four-year-old Zanele Hlatshwayo in Estcourt, South Africa. Both were said to have eaten parts of Hlatshwayo's body. A third man, Khayelihle Lamula, was acquitted due to lack of evidence. Judge Peter Olson jailed Mbatha and Magubane for life after declaring that an impact statement by Hlatshwayo's mother was one of the 'most meaningful' he had 'ever come across.' He dismissed an appeal application by Mbatha at Pietermaritzburg High Court, saying there was 'little chance' of it succeeding, reports news site IOL. Magubane said that he was going talk with his family before making a similar application. Constable Ryan Ntshalintshali told the trial that he was shocked and stunned when Mbatha walked into his police station. 'I thought he was mentally unstable because he kept speaking out of turn. He was shouting, "I need the police's help because I am tired of being forced to eat human flesh."; Ntshalintshali said that he warned Mbatha to 'stay silent' after his outburst but Mbatha insisted on talking. 'He pointed to the bag and said there are human parts in here,' the constable told the hearing. 'He opened the bag and took out what looked like a hand and put it on the counter.' He and a colleague initially thought it was a doll's hand. Ntshalintshali testified: 'He then took out a red takkie [shoe] from the bag and a horrible smell came with it. It was at this point that I told him I was placing him under arrest on suspicion of murder.' Ntshalintshali said Mbatha later led police to a one-room house where he claimed he was being 'held captive' and 'forced' to eat human flesh. 'I followed the accused into the room where he retrieved a small dish,' he told the court. 'Inside the dish, I saw something shaped like an ear and what appeared to be jaws. He then picked up another bucket that appeared to have intestines in it.' Mbatha, Magubane and Lamula all denied murdering Zanele. A fourth man arrested and charged with them, Sithembiso Sithole, died in prison after apparently killing himself while awaiting trial. Prosecutors said Magubane and Lamula went to 'traditional healer' Mbatha to bring them good luck. Mbatha was said to have told them ancestors 'insisted that blood needed to be spilled.' Lamula reportedly later found Zanele drunk and she got into his car. He then picked up his co-defendants and drove to a secluded spot where Mbatha killed Zanele, prosecutors said. Cannibal allegations rocked the area in August 2017, after one of the suspects was said to have led community members and police to the woman's body. 'It was buried under big rocks and we had to call a machine to remove the rocks,' local councillor Mthembeni Majola said at the time: 'They showed us the body parts in one of the houses. They admitted that they were waiting for the body parts to attract maggots. Apparently maggots collect money for them.'
Florida police are asking residents of Polk County to help them locate a man who stole a foot-long sandwich. Polk County Sheriff's Office took a lighthearted approach to the incident when sharing it on Facebook. 'A sandwich thief walks among us and Detective Leblanc is asking our Facebook Fans to help identify him,' they said. The statement went on to explain that the 'sub crime' took place on Sunday 25 November at Marathon Gas Station in Lakelandia. Police said the suspect attempted to hide the sandwich in his pants. In security footage, obtained by the police department, the suspect can be seen with, what authorities claim is the sub, bulging out of his khaki pants. After concealing the sandwich about his person, police say the suspect then purchased a Polar Pop before leaving the gas station. 'The suspect fled on a bicycle in an unknown direction, perhaps in search for chips to steal,' police said. 'We hope to identify this suspect so he can be caught and pay for his crime. This should also serve as notice to all as to why you do not take food from a stranger. You don't know where it's been.' At this time, the sub thief remains at large. Although, one imagines he has eaten the evidence.
An incident that occurred over the weekend has prompted Ontario Provincial Police to issue a reminder to parents and caregivers to talk to children about making nine-one-one calls. The OPP's Norfolk detachment says that on Saturday officers responding to an emergency call rushed to a residence in Simcoe. But, when they got there they found that a nine-year-old girl had dialled nine-one-one because she was 'upset' that a parent had asked her to clean up her room.
The actress Sondra Locke, who was best known for making six movies with Clint Eastwood, has died at the age of seventy four. She earned an Oscar nomination for her first film, The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter, in 1968. Locke became romantically involved with Eastwood whilst making The Outlaw Josey Wales in 1975 but later went on to sue him for fraud when they broke up. She died on 3 November after having a heart attack, which was related to her breast and bone cancer diagnosis. When she was in a relationship with Eastwood she exclusively made films with him at Warner Brothers, including The Gauntlet (1977), Every Which Way But Loose (1978), Bronco Billy (1980) and Any Which Way You Can (1980). The Tennessee-born actress also starred in the 1983 film Sudden Impact, the fourth film in the Dirty Harry series. The pair were together for fourteen years, but in April 1989 Locke filed a lawsuit against Eastwood. In her settlement she received a one-and-a-half million dollar three-year contract to create films for Warner Brothers, but the studio did not accept any of the thirty projects she pitched. Believing this was Eastwood's doing, she again sued him in 1995 for fraud, eventually reaching a two-and-a-half million dollar settlement a year later. 'I don't have to worry about working,' she said after the settlement was made. She said the lawsuit 'was never about money, it was about my fighting for my professional rights.' Sandra Smith was born in May 1944 in New York. In her autobiography, Locke noted that 'although Momma would not admit it, I knew Mister Smith never married my mother.'When her mother married Alfred Locke in 1948, Sandra and her younger brother, Donald, adopted his surname. She grew up in Shelbyville, Tennessee, where her stepfather owned a construction company. Locke was a cheerleader and class valedictorian at Shelbyville Central Senior High School. Later, she worked in the promotions department for WSM-TV in Nashville when she lived there for approximately three years and modelled for The Tennessean fashion page. She changed the spelling of her first name in her early twenties to avoid being called Sandy. She won a nationwide talent search in 1967 for the part of Mick Kelly in a big-screen adaptation of Carson McCullers's novel The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter opposite Alan Arkin. Released in the summer of 1968 to critical acclaim, Heart garnered Locke the Academy Award nomination, as well as a pair of Golden Globe nominations for Best Supporting Actress and Most Promising Newcomer. Her next role was as Melisse in Cover Me Babe (1970). In 1971, she co-starred with Bruce Davison and Ernest Borgnine in the psychological thriller Willard, which became a box office hit. She was also featured in William Fraker's A Reflection Of Fear (1972) and had the title role in The Second Coming Of Suzanne (1974). Throughout the first half of the 1970s, Locke guested on television drama series, including The FBI, Cannon, Barnaby Jones, Kung Fu and the 1972 Night Gallery episode A Feast Of Blood. In Gondola (1973), a three-character teleplay with Bo Hopkins, Locke gave what one critic described as 'a beautiful performance – perhaps her best ever.' After thirteen years away from acting, Locke returned to the screen in 1999 with small roles in the straight-to-video films The Prophet's Game with Dennis Hopper and Clean & Narrow. Locke married the sculptor Gordon Leigh Anderson in 1967. She once stated in court papers that the marriage was 'never consummated' and described her relationship with Anderson (reportedly a homosexual) as 'tantamount to sister and brother.'
Like so many African-Caribbean actors of his generation, Thomas Baptiste, who has died aged eighty nine, straddled two career, of token casting and radical breakthrough. He invested both streams of work, however, with pride and dignity. He appeared on TV in The Dick Emery Show and as a doctor in a particularly memorable episode of Till Death Us Do Part when Warren Mitchell's Alf Garnett turned up for treatment after initiating a racist punch-up at a football match. But, he also played for two years in Noël Coward's Nude With Violin (1956) - in Dublin and then the West End - with John Gielgud, Patience Collier and Kathleen Harrison. In the 1960s Thomas subversively and prophetically occupied roles such as the dustman Doolittle in Shaw's Pygmalion and, at The Connaught in Worthing, Edward Albee's benighted academic George opposite Isabelle Lucas's black Martha in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. More obviously, he could play Shakespearean roles such as Orsino in Twelfth Night, Caliban in The Tempest, the Prince of Morocco in The Merchant Of Venice and the title role in Othello. He had great success in Eugene O'Neill's The Emperor Jones as a deranged African despot at the shortlived Dark & Light Theatre in Brixton in 1973 and on film he imposingly embraced the outer lineaments of a pipe-smoking secret agent in The Ipcress File (1965), a corrupt African military dictator in The Wild Geese (1978) and the operating surgeon engulfed in a coup against Milton Obote in The Rise & Fall Of Idi Amin (1981). Thomas was born in Georgetown in British Guiana, one of the many children of a wealthy landowner who rented parts of his estate to tenant farmers. He was not close to his father, but at the age of twenty one persuaded him to allow Thomas to leave for Britain to study agriculture. On arrival in 1950 in London, where his mother, Pearl, joined him later, he promptly took a factory job, enrolled at Morley College to study the rudiments of music and began mixing with artistic types. Thanks to Baptiste's social graces and good looks, allied to a chance encounter with Tom Driberg, the gadfly journalist and Labour MP, he was swept into the salon cultural life of London, consorting with Driberg's friends about town, who included Nye Bevan, Jennie Lee and Joan Littlewood. He also maintained a close friendship with the designer Oliver Messel and a place at the centre of Princess Margaret's Mustique set back in the Caribbean. Like his hero, Paul Robeson, Baptiste started his professional life as a baritone singer. Eventually he joined Littlewood's Theatre Workshop and lived communally with the company in Edinburgh before it found its creative home at the Theatre Royal in Stratford. During that time he entered the Richard Tauber international singers' competition, came third, got noticed and studied with Joan Cross. He won a scholarship to the Royal Academy of Music, London, but sensing little opportunity for black baritones in the contemporary opera world, plumped for a dramatic role in Eric Maschwitz's Summer Song (1956), based on Dvořák's composition of The New World Symphony, starring Sally Ann Howes and Edric Connor. After Nude With Violin it was mainly drama, but he maintained his singing career while moving more certainly into theatre and television. In the early 1960s he co-founded an African-Asian committee of the actors' union Equity; in 1992, however, he said that black actors in Britain found more difficulty beginning their careers than he had forty years previously. Baptiste was in O'Neill's The Iceman Cometh at the Bristol Old Vic, then Harold Pinter invited him to join the first professional production of his first play, The Room, in 1960, at Hampstead Theatre Club. He played Riley, the blind black man who lurks in the basement, a messianic figure who gets beaten up for his pains. When the play transferred to the Royal Court on a double-bill with another short Pinter, The Dumb Waiter, Michael Caine joined the cast – five years before he worked with Baptiste again on The Ipcress File. In 1963 Baptiste became the first regular black character in Coronation Street, appearing in several episodes as a bus conductor, Johnny Alexander, who was sacked as a result of a racist altercation with Len Fairclough (Peter Adamson). Several important BBC plays also marked his television career: John Hopkins' Apartheid allegory Fable (1965) prompted Baptiste to play a Nelson Mandela-type figure in a fantasy totalitarian state with the white population as social underdogs; Alun Owen's Pal (1971) paired him with Robin Phillips to play across the racial prejudice divide and in Barrie Keeffe's King (1984), the celebrations of his Lear-like potentate on returning home did not quite go to plan. Other screen highlights included a notable cameo in John Schlesinger's Sunday Bloody Sunday (1971) and appearances in many of the fifteen episodes of Empire Road (1978), the first all-black TV soap. In 1978, on stage, at the Birmingham Rep and the Mayfair in London, he played his hero Robeson, in Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been ... ?, Eric Bentley's dramatised transcript of the McCarthy HUAC hearings of 1950. His CV also included appearances in Rockliffe's Babies, First Sight, Starting Out, Tom, Dick & Harriet, Legacy Of Murder, Angels, The Professionals, Paul Temple, The Troubleshooters, The Saint, The Master, Danger Man, Maigret, The Fosters and the movies Shaft In Africa, Help! and Dr Terror's House Of Horrors. Baptiste led a life rich in friends and colleagues (and he had fourteen godchildren), enjoying his longest and closest relationship with Francis Rutland, a solicitor, who died in the 1990s. From that decade onwards he had a home in St Lucia though he spent the last ten years of his life in Hove.
Three spells playing the builder Bill Webster in Coronation Street brought fame to the actor Peter Armitage, who died recently of a heart attack aged seventy nine. He was spotted for the role after the soap's then producers saw him in a Yellow Pages commercial as a father scouring the business directory with his wife to find a bicycle for their son's birthday. But, the sudden elevation to soap-stardom almost never came. In 1980, frustrated with acting, Armitage left his wife, took a two-year break and headed for Australia with a guitar and a bedroll, earning enough to live on by busking in and around Sydney. The money also bought him a secondhand motorbike on which he toured the country, clocking up thirteen thousand miles. 'I'd had a bellyful,' he said. 'I needed some new experiences, something to enable me to charge up my batteries.'Coronation Street kick-started his career back in Britain. In 1984 he arrived as the widower Bill, who rented the late Len Fairclough's builder's yard and moved his children, Kevin and Debbie, into number eleven, Elsie Tanner's old house. Armitage provided a no-nonsense, tough-guy persona in a soap usually dominated by women. 'He was the nearest we ever reached to replacing Len Fairclough,' wrote the serial's executive producer, Bill Podmore, in his memoirs. But Podmore, who wanted to bring a long-term family to the cobbles, said Armitage 'left a particularly bitter taste in my mouth' when he announced, months later, that he wanted to leave. 'He has a built-in wanderlust,' observed the producer. To cope with Armitage's departure, his character was married off in 1985 and left for Germany with his new wife and Debbie, while Kevin stayed in the street to become one of the serial's mainstays. However, Armitage was back ten years later, in 1995, and stayed for two years with Bill returned as a divorcee, working as The Rovers' cellarman before setting up a building firm with Jim McDonald. When the character was axed by a new producer, Brian Park, Bill was sent back to Germany with his old flame Maureen Elliott, whom he later married. His final stint on the cobbles, from 2006 to 2011, saw Bill having an affair with Audrey Roberts, leading to a divorce from Maureen. He eventually retired and returned for a final time to Germany. Armitage was born in Skipton and had a difficult childhood. 'My mother wasn't around much during the first ten years of my life,' he recalled. 'She was always off with different guys and would dump me on my aunt.' After his mother married, Armitage's life became more settled. He was twenty eight when he eventually met his father, a German called Karl, but they saw each other on only a handful of occasions. 'It fell off because we didn't really have a relationship,' he explained. On leaving Glusburn Secondary Modern Armitage was apprenticed for five years to a firm building diesel engines. Then, in 1960, he joined the merchant navy and sailed the world for four years before settling in London and working as a banksman - shouting instructions down the tunnel – for labourers digging the Victoria underground line. He discovered an amateur dramatics company at a folk club, joined it, then trained at the East Fifteen acting school in Essex. Work followed in rep at Sheffield Playhouse. He made his television debut as Chuck in the 1970 pilot of The Befrienders, a drama based around the work of the Samaritans, continued in the role in the 1972 series and established himself as a prolific character actor, often cast as soldiers or police officers. In Days Of Hope (1975), Jim Allen's drama about the labour movement from wartime 1916 to the General Strike ten years later, he was a conscientious objector. Ken Loach, the director, observed of him in auditions: 'Squarely built, good Yorks lad.' Armitage's lifelong love of motorcycles led to a starring role as Len, trying to restore a rusting 1955 Matchless Twin 500 to its former glory, in Robin Chapman's 1976 play Grease Monkey. Playing David Jason's brother, Randy Mepstead, running a family plumbing business in the 1976 sitcom Lucky Feller was another highlight – but it failed to bring bigger roles. He was first seen in Coronation Street the following year, playing Maurice Allen, who redecorated the Rovers Return and was an integral part of the director Bill Bryden's National Theatre company from 1977 to 1979. Following his Australian adventure and 1980s run in Coronation Street, he continued to pop up in popular series. He had a rare leading role as the hard-working Detective Sergeant Jim Butler, sidekick to Ivan Kaye's Detective Inspector Sterne, in the police drama Sam Saturday (1992). His CV also included roles in The Sweeney, The Hanged Man, Churchill's People, They Disappear When You Lie Down, Couples, The Professionals, Strangers, Jack The Ripper, Lovejoy, The Advocate, Chimera, GBH, Mister Wroe's Virgins, Hearts & Minds, Magic Grandad and The Royal. In 2003 he returned to soap briefly to play Wilf Butler, who sold his farm tenancy to Andy Sugden, in Emmerdale and, in Russell Davies's drama The Second Coming, about a video shop assistant (played by Christopher Eccleston) who believes he is the new Messiah, Peter was the Son of God's father, a bitter single parent. On stage Armitage starred as the colliery brass band conductor in Paul Allen's 1998 adaptation of the hit film Brassed Off, at The Crucible, Sheffield and at the National's Olivier Theatre. He is survived by his children, Daniel and Sally, from his 1970 marriage to the actress Annabel Scase, which ended in divorce.

The Battle Of Ranskoor Av Kolos had a consolidated, Seven Day-Plus, rating of 6.65 million viewers, according to figures released by the Broadcasting Research Audience Board earlier this week. A total of 6.48 million punters watched the final episode of Doctor Who's eleventh series on their telly-boxes, with an additional seventy three thousand watching on PCs, fifty one thousand on tablet devices and forty four thousand on smartphones. These figures made Doctor Who the eighteenth most watched programme of week-ending 2 December. Doctor Who in 2018 had an average consolidated audience of 7.96 million viewers per episode. This is the highest yearly average for the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama since 2013.
Have you ever wondered how many Doctors it takes to change a lightbulb, dear bog reader? This photo, taken by Georgia Tennant of her dad and her husband and posted on Twitter appears to provide a properly definitive answer.
James Marsters, the star of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel and the more recent Runaways (no, me neither), is reprising the role of Captain John Hart for his own adventures in the Torchwood audio universe. The character will be back at the helm in a new four-story box-set, The Sins Of Captain John, created by Big Finish Productions in association with BBC Studios. Captain John Hart made his audio debut in The Death Of Captain Jack, released in March 2018. In that story he killed the entire Torchwood team - well, we've all wanted to do that ever since Cyberwoman, let's be fair. He also married Queen Victoria.
It was somewhat a case of back-to-normal for yer actual Keith Telly Topping in relation to the questions on Monday's episode of Only Connect which this blogger got the answer to before either of the teams. Just the one this time around. Shamefully, this blogger didn't even get the Scooby Doo question despite one of his most favourite bits of top telly trivia being that Shaggy's full name is Norville Rogers. That's more like it; clearly last week's episode was something of a massive abnormality!
Things we learned from another of this week's 'champion of champions'Only Connect episodes; the divine Victoria Coren Mitchell claims that she can hold a pint of beer whilst swimming! Which is, one assumes, an image that no regular Only Connect viewer will now be able to get out of their head, well, ever, basically.
Tuesday of this week saw BBC2's broadcast what was obviously designed to be the 'Christmas' episode of Qi, despite the fact it was filmed in May. And, of course, it was shown on 18 December which made it feel about as Christmassy as a bloody hot day in July. The extended XL edition will be broadcast on Saturday 29 December, four days after Christmas and, therefore, about as Christmassy as a bloody hot day in August. Listen, broadcasters, it's really very simple, if you're going to do a 'Christmas' episode of anything, you show it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Boxing Day is just about acceptable if you can't squeeze it in sooner but, anything before or after that and you might as well wait until January for all the relevance it'll have to Christmas. In the event, though, let it be noted that it was a jolly good episode - Pubs - particularly Sandi Toksvig's story about a bar that she used to drink in when she worked as a journalist. Half of the clientele were Fleet Street's finest, the other half were all criminals. 'Not easy to tell the difference,' she noted to a general nodding of agreement from pretty much everyone. One of the regulars was a rather dodgy geezer named Charlie who was 'definitely a crook.' One day he turned up after not having been seen around the gaff for a couple of weeks; Sandi asked him what he'd been up to. 'I've been up the nick,' he told her, ruefully. 'What was the charge?' she asked, to which Charlie replied: 'Murder One!' Casually, Sandi then asked if he had actually done the dreadful deed. 'No, but I owed them one!' he said. He continued that while he was waiting for the charges to come through, 'me arsehole was going like that.' At which point Sandi mimicked the 'talking with your hand' gesture. 'I haven't seen him for ages, I don't know why we didn't stay friends!''I really hope he turns up on the next series of Bake Off,' Josh Widdecombe suggested. 'I'm going to make you an entremet...' said Sandi to which her Bake Off co-host That Bloody Weirdo Noel Fielding added: 'As Paul and Prue came over, me arsehole's going like that!''Every time I feel slightly anxious I always think of that [the arsehole hand gesture],' Sandi continued. 'Imagine knowing that there's a man out there and every time you feel anxious you think of his arsehole,' Josh said providing the sequence's punchline. And, obviously, there was Alan Davies's fight with a man in a chicken suit at the end of the episode. That's always good for a laugh. Now, we know it's nearly Christmas.
From The North's Comedy Moment Of The Week came from another gloriously surreal episode of Vic & Bob's Night Out. 'Bob,' said Vic, 'did you know that a large section of The London Philharmonic are on the fiddle?'
Stacey Dooley's Strictly Come Dancing journey climaxed on Saturday with her winning the coveted glitterball trophy and the show getting its best overnight ratings of 2018. The final drew an average overnight of 11.7 million viewers - up on last year's average audience of 11.6 million. Documentary maker Dooley's win marked the first time her professional dance partner, Kevin Clifton, had triumphed. Clifton, who appeared in four previous finals only to miss out on the trophy, was clearly emotional as he was lifted aloft by his fellow professional dancers. Dooley's win - decided by a public vote - came despite her getting fewer marks from the judges than fellow finalists Joe Sugg, Faye Tozer and Ashley Roberts. Speaking on Monday, head judge Shirley Ballas said that Dooley was 'a worthy winner' as she - unlike Steps singer Tozer and former Pussycat Doll Roberts - had no prior dancing experience. 'She had to learn from scratch where the other girls already had a good ear for music,' she told BBC Breakfast. Dooley, Ballas continued, 'made a journey that was just absolutely brilliant for a beginner.'
Tour De France winner Geraint Thomas was voted voted BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2018 on Sunday. The Team Sky rider became only the third Briton to win the race, after Sir Bradley Wiggins and Chris Froome. 'I take great pride in representing Britain and Wales,' he said. 'It has been a great year for British sport and long may it continue.' In a public vote, Formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton finished second while Stottingtot Hotshots' Harry Kane was third. Thomas - who was presented with his award by 2017 winner Sir Mo Farah - is the first Welshman to win Sports Personality since Ryan Giggs in 2009. 'I really should have thought about what I was going to say,' Thomas said. 'I feel very lucky to have come into cycling when I did. I just went down to the local leisure centre for a swim and instead I rode my bike. As a bike rider, I always focus on myself. Obviously people want me to win, but hearing stories like Tyson [Fury]'s and Billy [Monger]'s, you realise that what we do does inspire people back home. To see people on their bikes and enjoying it, you take just as much pride from that as winning something like this.' The award comes after Thomas was named BBC Cymru Wales Sports Personality of the Year earlier this month. His victories in the public votes are recognition for his success on two wheels. Between 2007 and 2012, he won two Olympic and three world team pursuit titles on the track. His Tour De France victory came in his ninth appearance - one fewer than the record for most appearances before winning. He won two stages of the Tour, including stage twelve, which included the famous Alpe d'Huez climb and wore the Yellow Jersey for the final eleven stages. Thomas was the first Welshman to win the Tour and it was the sixth time in seven years a British rider had won. In 2018, Hamilton won his fifth F1 World Championship title, while World Cup Golden Boot winner Kane captained England to the semi-finals in Russia. 'I'm really proud to be in the top three and hopefully in the years to come I can try and win it,' Kane told BBC Sport. 'When you're in a team sport, you have to bring the nation together and as an England team we did that, which was amazing.' Sprinter Dina Asher-Smith, England cricketer Jimmy Anderson and skeleton's Lizzy Yarnold were also shortlisted for the main award.
Swimwear designer Sian Gabbidon has been chosen as the winner of The Apprentice 2018 by Lord Sugar-Sweetie. The twenty six-year-old, from Leeds, beat Camilla Ainsworth to win a two hundred and fifty grand investment from Lord Sugar-Sweetie in her swimwear firm. She said that she was 'absolutely over the Moon' and that the possibilities of their partnership were 'endless.' Lord Sugar-Sweetie said although it was 'a crowded market' Gabbidon was 'an expert' in her field. It is Lord Sugar-Sweetie's first investment in a fashion business in the show's history. Gabbidon said on Instagram that it had been 'a rollercoaster' and she was 'overwhelmed' but 'very excited.' She had predicted her victory in her audition, saying: 'When Lord Sugar picks me as his business partner, we're gonna be in there like swimwear and we're gonna make a massive splash in the business. I love what I do, I love fashion and he's all about business - so to put us together is just going to be ridiculous, the possibilities are endless,' she said. In the final, Ainsworth and Gabbidon were joined by their former Apprentice colleagues in an intensive three-day challenge where they had to create a new brand for their company, produce an advert for the London Underground and edit a television advert. After bringing their business plans to life, the finalists had to pitch it to a room full of industry experts and Lord Sugar-Sweetie at London's City Hall. Afterwards, Gabbidon was crowned the winner. 'I think we do have the best two, there's no question of it,' said Lord Sugar-Sweetie before making his decision. 'I find you a very, very big risk,' he told Ainsworth, while acknowledging she had chosen a 'growing market.' Announcing Gabbidon as the winner, he said she had 'a great aptitude and a talent for design.'
Twenty-five-year-old Laurence Henry was crowned winner of MasterChef: The Professionals on Thursday night after wowing judges Marcus Wareing, Gregg Wallace and sour-faced Monica Galetti with his three-course meal. The Nottingham-based chef's main - loin and belly of suckling pig with a kimchi glaze and braised fermented hispi cabbage hearts, Nashi pear puree and sliced pears - was the difference in the end, prompting major praise from Wareing. 'Every now and again in a competition we all eat a dish that we will never forget,' he said. 'That is absolutely outstanding.' Laurence's meal also included a starter of hand-dived scallop with marinated cherry tomatoes, roast tomato dashi, strawberries and coriander oil seasoned with sansho pepper. For dessert, he prepared an aerated mint white chocolate, lemongrass and coconut ice cream, with passion fruit ripple and caramelised white chocolate crumb. Laurence was delighted with his win. 'It has been a really long journey, I have certainly learnt a lot about myself and found my feet,' he said. The chef, who trained at the Ashburton Academy in Devon, beat fellow finalists Oli Martin and Dean Banks to the trophy.
Having seen off the recent threat of being sued by Satan and with a second series of The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina already confirmed for April 2019, two further series have also been ordered. Varietyreports that Netflix has ordered sixteen more episodes of the drama to be distributed among the two series, which will begin production in 2019 and, presumably, reach the viewing public in 2020 and 2021.
Former EastEnders favourites Lofty Holloway and Mary Smith are to return to Albert Square in the New Year. The characters - played by Tom Watt and Linda Davidson - will return to Walford to attend a funeral, three decades after their last appearances. Davidson said that she was 'so thrilled and very proud' to be back, while Watt said it would be 'lovely to set foot back in Albert Square all these years later.' Their return follows that of Doctor Legg (Leonard Fenton). John Yorke, EastEnders' executive consultant, said that Watt and Davidson's characters were 'iconic' and that he was 'thrilled' to have them back. Lofty and Mary will return to Albert Square to attend Doctor Legg's funeral and pay their final respects to the much-loved physician. It will follow Legg's recent admission to his friend Dot Branning that he had terminal pancreatic cancer and had turned down life-prolonging treatment. 'Doctor Legg is an iconic character so it feels fitting that Lofty should return to say goodbye,' said Watt, who was last seen in the role in 1988. Davidson, who appeared in EastEnders from 1985 to 1988, said its cast had been her 'first proper family' and that she was 'very proud to be returning to that family thirty five years later.'
The upcoming TV adaptation of His Dark Materials has officially finished filming. Series one of the highly-anticipated BBC drama series completed production on 14 December 2018. A video of Dafne Keen on the official His Dark MaterialsTwitter account confirmed the news. The tweet showed Keen, who plays Lyra Belacqua in the TV drama, with a clapperboard proclaiming 'That's a wrap!' The message also quoted the last line of Northern Lights, the first book in the trilogy: 'So Lyra and her daemon turned away from the world they were born in and looked towards the sun, and walked into the sky.' Series one of His Dark Materials is set to cover the events of Northern Lights over the course of eight episodes. Future series adapting The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass are expected to go into production in 2019. The script is being written by playwright Jack Thorne, with an all-star cast including James McAvoy, Ruth Wilson and Lin-Manuel Miranda set to feature. The first series is likely to b broadcast late in 2019, although no specific date has yet been confirmed by BBC1. In the USA, His Dark Materials will be shown on HBO. Author Philip Pullman said that he was 'delighted' after filming began in July, adding, 'I'm looking forward immensely to seeing how it looks.' He also thanked production company Bad Wolf for their work in adapting the trilogy and assembling 'a wonderful cast.' BBC Director-General Tony Hall confirmed that series one is 'only the beginning' for the production, with at least one more series set to be made. 'The cost per episode is high - it's really ambitious,' he said in September. The King's Speech director Tom Hooper will direct the first two episodes. Thorne said that he felt 'in awe' when adapting the trilogy for television: 'His Dark Materials are the most beautiful set of books, taking us into a world of constant imagination. Reading them I was a massive fan, in adapting them I’ve increasingly felt in awe of them. It's the constant invention, the way the story never sits still and that the characters constantly surprise you.'
Channel Four has confirmed that the political drama Brexit: The Uncivil War starring yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch will be broadcast on 7 January. The release date means the drama about the 2016 Vote Leave campaign will be shown in the UK before its US broadcast on 19 January. HBO released a first full trailer for the film on 14 December, showing Benny as Vote Leave campaign director Dominic Cummings. The trailer shows Cumberbatch's character seeming to encourage voters to explain their motivations for leaving the European Union, with Cummings asking, 'Is it immigration? You can be honest. Is it race? Which countries don't you like?' The first look has already proved divisive, with some questioning the decision to dramatise the story of campaign that has been referred to police over potential electoral law breaches. Investigate journalist Carole Cadwalladr wrote after HBO released the trailer that 'fiction [is] difficult in absence of basic facts.' However, screenwriter James Graham responded to the initial reaction to the trailer, writing 'A lot have seen the trailer for our Brexit film and I can't wait to engage reasonably to curious questions once it's actually been seen. Until then, abusive language and misinformation should never intimidate writers/artists working on politically sensitive themes.' The two-hour film is said to 'explore the data-driven campaigns behind the Brexit political campaigns' and 'the behind-the-scenes decisions that led to Britain's historic decision to leave the EU.' So, that should be fun. 'At a time when explosive revelations about the mining of personal data and the corrosive effect of fake news and micro-targeted advertising through social media feeds are at the forefront of the news agenda, Brexit explores how modern data-driven campaigning techniques contributed to one of the most unexpected, highly-charged and controversial decisions in modern political history,' Channel Four said in a statement. Brexit: The Uncivil War is directed by Black Mirror and Sherlock's Toby Haynes. It is a co-production with BBC Studios, Channel Four and independent UK producer House Productions.
Netflix is set to continue its slate of true crime documentaries and fascination with the mad, bad and dangerous to know with a new four-part series about the notorious serial killer Ted Bundy. The streaming giant has announced Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, which will take viewers 'inside the mind of the infamous serial killer.' Why anyone would want to go inside Ted Bundy's mind, they don't say. The series, directed by Joe Berlinger, will feature previously unheard interviews with Bundy whilst he was on death row in Florida and will premiere on 24 January 2019 - thirty years to the day that he went to The Chair. Bundy extremely confessed to and was convicted of murdering some thirty women in the 1970s. The documentary will also explore the media frenzy around his trial and his in-court marriage to Carole Ann Boone. The serial killer's life will also be explored in the upcoming movie Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil & Vile, starring Zac Efron. That feature film will also be directed by Berlinger and is said to be told through the eyes of Bundy's partner, Elizabeth Kloepfer (played by Lily Collins) as she 'realises the true nature of her other half.' A number of set photos have emerged over the past year and a first official image was released last month ahead of the ovie's premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in January. The cast also includes John Malkovich, The Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons, Kaya Scodelario, Metallica frontman James Hetfield and Haley Joel Osment.
Amid all of the controversy surrounding its creation, it appears that the Roseanne spin-off The Conners will not only be back for a second series, but that it will be an extended one. Deadline is reporting that negotiations are under way for a thirteen-episode run of the sitcom, which is two episodes more than the first series and four more than the Roseanne revival. Despite its relatively rosy future at ABC, The Conners has not exactly set the ratings world alight, declining significantly on the initial Roseanne figures. Even with its pretty bleak twist in writing out Roseanne Barr's leading character, The Conners' first episode drew in 10.5 million viewers against Roseanne's 18.2 million debut. That said, The Connors is still the US's number one new comedy of the year in terms of viewers and ABC's most-watched comedy. Roseanne Barr, who was very dismissed from the series after a number of sick racist tweets, was not impressed with her character's exit from the franchise. Not that anyone else connected with it gave a stuff what she thought, after her thoughtless and disgraceful comments had put the jobs of hundreds of people involved in the show in jeopardy. Series regulars Sarah Gilbert, John Goodman, Laurie Metcalf and Lecy Goranson are all expected to return for The Conners second series.
Channel Four is reported to be facing a costly TV advertising blackout from some major corporate names in a dispute over the cost of buying commercial space on its portfolio of channels. The row will result in the withdrawal of big-name advertisers including Ariel and Pampers-maker Procter & Gamble, GlaxoSmithKline, Samsung, Reckitt Benckiser and ASDA from 1 January if a deal is not reached in time according to some Middle Class hippy Communist at the Gruniad Morning Star. The advertisers are clients of the UK media-buying arm of Publicis Groupe, the world's third-largest marketing services company, which spends about over two hundred million knicker a year on Channel Four in deals struck on behalf of its clients. Talks between Channel Four and Publicis Media over a new advertising deal for next year have broken down over the issue of TV advertising price rises despite a decline in the broadcaster's audiences. Any delay in striking a deal will cost Channel Four millions of smackers every week in lost revenue. Channel Four also sells advertising space for BT Sport and UKTV's portfolio of ten channels, which means the broadcaster will effectively have to compensate its partners for their loss of revenue too. Jonathan Allan, chief commercial officer at Channel Four, has taken the highly unusual step of writing directly to Publicis Media clients as it faces a significant hole in the advertising revenues the commercially funded broadcaster relies upon. Publicis Groupe accounts for about seventeen per cent of Channel Four's total sales revenue. 'As I write, it looks very much like we may not reach an agency agreement with Publicis Media,' said Allan in the letter. 'This means we will not be able to offer you the opportunity to advertise across our portfolio of twenty six linear channels and three video-on-demand platforms from the start of next year.' While an eleventh hour deal could still be reached, both sides 'are understood to be dug into their negotiating positions and unwilling to give ground,' according to the Gruniad. The dispute is the worst commercial crisis for Channel Four since Group M, the media buying arm of WPP, pulled clients' budgets worth two hundred and fifty million quid annually from the broadcaster for two weeks at the start of 2013.
A Colgate toothpaste TV advert which promised to 'instantly' repair teeth has been banned for being 'misleading.' Six complaints about the advert for Colgate Sensitive Repair and Prevent toothpaste were upheld by the Advertising Standards Authority. Parent company Colgate-Palmolive claimed that the product provided 'a reparative layer on the enamel surface' when used. It is the ninth Colgate-Palmolive advert to be banned in seven years, five of which were for dental products. The advert, which appeared on UK screens in August this year, claimed to 'instantly heal' sensitive teeth if applied twice a day 'directly with [a] finger for one minute.' Colgate-Palmolive claimed 'clinical studies' showed the product repaired microscopic gaps in tooth enamel and it 'believed' that the advert was 'clear' that the claim referred to the product providing 'a protective barrier' on the teeth in order to relieve pain caused by sensitivity. However, the ASA wasn't having any of that nonsense and said that this was 'not the same' as 'repairing' the tooth and concluded the claim that it 'repairs teeth instantly' was 'not substantiated.' And was, in fact, a right load of old mendacious bollocks. The watchdog ruled that the advert must not appear again 'in its current form' and that the company must not make similar claims 'unless they held evidence' to back them up. In 2014 the company had a commercial banned for suggesting that one of its toothbrushes used 'sonic waves' to clean teeth, which the ASA also said was entirely misleading. Other Colgate-Palmolive adverts to be banned include one that the ASA ruled 'exaggerated' how much whiter a toothpaste would make the user's teeth and another which featured an endorsement from a woman who claimed she was a nurse but was, actually, an actress. And, not a very good one either.
A retired detective has reportedly sued Netflix and the filmmakers of Making A Murderer for defamation. Andrew Colborn alleges the documentary series suggested he planted evidence to frame murder suspect, Steven Avery. His lawyer, Michael Griesbach, says that his client has been subjected to 'worldwide ridicule, contempt and disdain' since the show's 2015 debut. Netflix declined to comment. The case was filed in Manitowoc County in Wisconsin. 'He is filing this lawsuit to set the record straight and to restore his good name,' Griesbach. The ten-part documentary, written and directed by Laura Ricciardi and Moira Demos, followed the case of Steven Avery and his sixteen-year-old nephew Brendan Dassey, who were both xtremely convicted of murdering freelance photographer Teresa Halbach. Variety reports that Colborn's case alleges the filmmakers 'left out key facts' and 'distorted events' in order to argue that Colborn - and other officers - 'framed' the suspects and manipulated trial testimonies, leading viewers to false conclusions. Making A Murderer was one of Netflix's biggest hits in 2015, with the series collecting four EMMY Awards in 2016 for its writing and directing. It has gone on to spawn another series, Making A Murderer 2, which took up the story after Avery and Dassey were convicted.
A warrant has been issued for the arrest of a 'lookalike' of former Friends actor David Schwimmer who failed to attend court on charges of theft and fraud. Abdulah Husseni, of Slough, was due to appear at Blackpool Magistrates' Court. He is said to have stolen a coat, a phone and a wallet from a restaurant in Blackpool on 20 September. An appeal for a suspect by Lancashire Police went viral earlier this year. Social media users pointed out the likeness to Schwimmer's character in the popular US sitcom when police posted an image of a man leaving a restaurant. Husseni was later caught on CCTV carrying a case of beer at a shop in the town. Responding to comments posted online, Schwimmer responded with a humorous video showing him glancing at a camera nervously as he walked through a convenience store in New York clutching cans of beer. District Judge Jane Goodwin issued a warrant after Husseni failed to answer a summons to attend court and told The Fuzz to find his sorry ass and sling it in The Slammer forthwith, if not sooner.
Motorbike racer and TV presenter Guy Martin has denied having a fake Irish driving licence. Martin appeared at Lincoln Crown Court earlier and pleaded not guilty to two charges. He is charged with possession of a driving licence with intent to deceive and making a false statement by claiming he had an Irish licence. Martin, of Barnetby in Lincolnshire, was granted unconditional bail ahead of a trial on 1 July 2019. He denied possession of a document between 4 December 2017 and 15 May 2018 relating to 'a document so closely resembling an Irish driving licence as to be calculated to deceive.' Martin also denied making a false statement between 1 March and 15 May 2018 claiming that he was the holder of an Irish driving licence for the purpose of obtaining a UK licence.
An accountant has admitted taking almost six hundred grand from The X Factor winner James Arthur. Mark Livermore who worked for Arthur's company, Raff Music Ltd, moved funds to other accounts without the musician's knowledge or permission. At Westminster Magistrates' Court, Livermore, of Billericay, admitted one count of fraud. Chairwoman of the bench Diane Lennan said that it was 'an abuse of position over a substantial period of time.' Livermore took five hundred and ninety nine thousand quid from the company before he was extremely caught out in April. Prosecutor Misba Majid said that the offence involved 'a significant degree of planning' and was 'carried out over a long period of time.' Livermore was granted unconditional bail until his sentencing at Southwark Crown Court. Arthur, from Middlesbrough, won The X Factor in 2012.
Danny Dyer will follow the likes of Marge Simpson, Sharon Osbourne and Ali G in giving this year's Channel Four Alternative Christmas Message. The EastEnders actor memorably slated Brexit and former Prime Minister David Cameron on TV earlier this year. It is thought he will say that Westminster has seen 'more backstabbing than in Albert Square.' Channel Four's described Dyer as 'the the unofficial man of the people.' In the preview clip, Dyer is sitting at a festively decorated table, sipping tea out of a royal wedding mug with the faces of Prince Harry and Meghan on the front. The forty one-year-old actor will once again give his views on the state of the country's leadership. 'That shambles down in Westminster, what a palaver that is,' he says. 'I mean, where are our leaders? Where are they? There's been more backstabbing than we have in Albert Square.' He will also have a dig at the US President Rump, who was criticised in November for cancelling a visit to a Remembrance Day service in France 'due to the weather.' Dyer says: 'It ain't any better for The Yanks though, is it? What an absolute melt they've got there. He don't want to turn up to memorials because it's raining. He don't fancy a little trip to Britain because there's people here that just don't like him. Leave off.' In the New Year, the actor will star in a new BBC show, called Danny Dyer's Right Royal Family - which will see him eat, dress and live like his ancestors. The idea came after he found out he was related to royalty on Who Do You Think You Are?
A Winnipeg man is fighting Manitoba Public Insurance to get his Star Trek-themed personalised licence plate back and the case is now moving through the court system. In 2015, Nicholas Troller got a plate with the word 'ASIMIL8', a short form of 'assimilate,' the slogan of the villainous Borg. According to a recent court filing reported on by CTV News, the application for the plate was reviewed by a five-person committee. The word 'asimil8' was also cross-referenced against an urban dictionary and no concerns were noted. However, following a single complaint in 2017 by an Ontario woman - who, obviously, had nothing better to do with her time or energy - the plate was recalled. Quite what this particular individual found to complain about in this matter is not made clear in the the court papers. John Carpay from the Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms is representing Troller. He says that the case has 'implications for freedom of expression' in Canada. And, indeed, elsewhere. 'Some people believe they have a right not to feel offended by somebody else's expression,' said Carpay. 'If you give in to that and start to say we all have a right not to be offended, well then you have no free speech left. Because you never really know for sure what is going to be offensive to somebody else. So it gives everybody a veto power over their expression just by saying I'm offended.'
Game Of Thrones' Iain Glen has described how security measures put in place to prevent story details leaking to the public caused problems for some actors. 'They're absolutely paranoid now about anyone finding out anything about the series and spoiling it,' he said. 'We weren't allowed a written word on a page.' Glen said: 'Everything was accessed through iPads with different security you had to get through to access it. Which caused a problem for the actors, I have to say.' The Scottish actor, who has played Ser Jorah Mormont in HBO's global phenomenon since it began in 2011, also said that the show's final series is 'absolutely phenomenal.' Speaking to Radio 5Live's Nihal Arthanayake, Glen described the table read for Game Of Thrones' final series, which saw more than one hundred cast and crew gather together to read through the scripts for all six episodes. 'This season was the first ever that we sat and read the entire arc of the story from beginning to end right through over the course of a day,' he said. 'Kit [Harington], if he wasn't lying, had not read it, so he was reading it on that day for the first time.' Glen said that there were 'moments of shock' from the actors, as they realised how the show's intricate plot was set to be resolved, but that the consensus was that the actors were 'thrilled' by what had been written. 'Honestly, these six episodes are absolutely phenomenal. The writers really, really came up trumps. The way they pulled it all together was a real writing task. There were a lot of tears that day and it's been a season of that because it's been a season of farewells and finishes.'
The Game Of Thrones touring exhibition will arrive in the UK next year. Bring your own dragon. The tour - consisting of 'authentic' props, costumes and built sets, as opposed to 'inauthentic' ones, presumably - is coming to Northern Ireland's TEC Belfast on 11 April 2019 and will be there until 1 September. The Thrones' exhibition - which is 'specially designed by GES Events in collaboration with HBO Licensing and Retail' apparently - will 'pull fans straight into the medieval and fantastical setting of the series, where you can experience some truly awesome encounters.' Whether you chop anyone's head off during the experience is no, at this time, known. One can, however, explore the home of The Night's Watch, Castle Black and The House Of Black & White, or view a garrison of Unsullied warriors whilst the iconic costumes of House Targaryen. If that floats yer boat. One can also experience 'the frosty grandeur of The North' (though, to be fair, you can get that in Sunderland) and 'the tree-lined pathway of The Kingsroad,' plus, 'the Iron Throne lies in wait in anticipation of its next occupant.' And, you can get your picture taken sitting on it. For a ludicrously expensive fee, no doubt. Throughout April and May, the exhibition will be open from 10am until 7pm with ticket prices varying between fifteen and seventeen knicker depending on the day that you choose to go. After that, it will be open from 9am until 8pm at the price of £17.50 per ticket. Or you could just, you know, watch the series.
The British box office is heading for its best year in almost five decades as cinemas continue to defy the stay-at-home lure of Netflix and Amazon Prime. When the final ticket stubs are counted it is expected that British cinemagoers will have attended one hundred and seventy six million times this year, a number not seen since 1971 when the hits included Diamonds Are Forever, The French Connection, Dirty Harry and Fiddler On The Roof. There is no Christmas Star Wars blockbuster to turbo-charge the box office in 2018 but film experts believe that the 1971 mark will be bettered thanks to a slate of December releases featuring Mary Poppins Returns, Aquaman, the Transformers spin-off Bumblebee and an animated Spiderman. 'It will take something really unexpected, something pretty incredible, not to get to there now,' said Phil Clapp, the chief executive of the UK Cinema Association. 'It looks like being record admissions, and box office, for modern times.' According to Clapp, in four of the last five years December admissions have been sixteen million or more. Given cinema admission numbers broke the one hundred and sixty million mark at the end of November, that should be enough to hit the one hundred and seventy six million barrier. Across the Atlantic, the US box office is also on for a record year and could even hit the twelve billion dollars mark for the first time. UK attendance is expected to be up by about six million on 2017. The rise is being attributed to factors including a much more diverse film slate ranging from musicals and superhero films to animated family fare. Last year four films broke forty million knicker at the British box office – Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Beauty & The Beast, Dunkirk and Despicable Me 3. This year eight films have done so to date - Avengers: Infinity War, Mamma Mia 2, Incredibles 2, Black Panther, Bohemian Rhapsody, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Peter Rabbit and The Greatest Showman. And there is a good chance that by the end of the year Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald, Mary Poppins Returns and Aquaman will all have joined them. 'A broad range of films and genres are doing extremely well,' said Clapp. 'The notion [that] it is only superhero films driving the box office is disproved by the numbers.' Another factor is significant investment by the big cinema chain owners in their venues, such as installing higher-quality screens, as well as the rise of more boutique operators such as Everyman. Crispin Lilly, the chief executive of Everyman, said that the combination of films and socialising was proving popular with audiences across the UK. The chain, which offers plush seating as well as food, drink and a bar area, has 'almost tripled' its number of venues across the UK in the last four years to twenty six. It expects attendance to hit two-and-a-half million this year, a tripling of the number four years ago. 'There has been huge investment back into the cinema experience and the UK has led the way,' said Lilly, adding that independent chains now represented seven per cent of UK box office, compared with just over two per cent four years ago. As Netflix ploughs more and more money into buying and making content - six billion bucks this year alone - the temptation to stay in and binge would appear to be ever more irresistible, particularly to Middle Class hippy Communists who read the Gruniad Morning Star. If not, you know, normal people. But the cinema attendance figures paint a more complicated picture. 'Of course there is competition out there - from pubs and bars to home entertainment,' Lilly said. 'People want value for money but they also want value for time. Offering value for money is a given but offering value for people's time is something you really have to work to deliver. There are films people choose to see on the big screen rather than at home. However, with investment in the experience it is also removing the risk of relying on just the film being good. Cinema is alive and well.' In many ways, this should not be that surprising. The cinema-going experience continues to be an attractive prospect. The days of mangy old fleapits are long gone and cinemas are places of comfy sofas offering (mostly) tasty - if somewhat over-priced - food and drink. Compared to the theatre, opera, rock and/or roll gigs or a Premier League football match, it's still a, reasonably, cheap night out. And, the tentpoles are still holding up, with some massive superhero movies - the idea of which causes some people (mostly Middle Class hippy Communist Gruniad Morning Star readers) to groan and a lot of others (normal people) to cheer. Marvel's Avengers: Infinity War brought out the crowds and so did Black Panther. Crowds defied the lukewarm reviews for feelgood singalong extravaganzas and turned out in droves for Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again and also for Rami Malik’s extravagant impersonation of Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody. The movies are finding their own equivalent of the theatre world's jukebox musical. Get it right and it's a licence to print money. There is also, on a more highbrow note, a plethora of superb independent arthouse movies, which did well in a flourishing atmosphere. The winner of the Cannes Palme d'Or was a complex, challenging drama about an extended family with an awful secret: Shoplifters, by Hirokazu Kore-eda. It did very respectable box-office business and people were talking about it. Perhaps the cinema world is simply seeing what the music scene is seeing. Despite the web and streaming platforms, the cinema, like the live gig, is a real event. It can't be downloaded. You have to be there, or you're missing out.
The upcoming Star Wars: Episode IX will feature 'a major time jump,' according to rumours. The events of the last film in the Star Wars saga, The Last Jedi, ended with the few remaining members of The Resistance on the run from The First Order. Now led by Kylo Ren after the death of Supreme Leader Snoke, The First Order was prevented from catching The Resistance seemingly by the final actions of Luke Skywalker. But The First Order did manage to bring down The Resistance to a handful of fighters, all of whom could fit into The Millennium Falcon. Sorry, if you haven't seen The Last Jedi then all of that is, obviously, a series of massive spoilers. But, yer actual Keith Telly Topping's not really bothered about such nonsense since he sat through two-and-a-half-hours of the damn thing last Christmas and suffered 'numb-bum' for three days afterwards as a result.
Meanwhile, dear blog reader, the search for those responsible for this Gatwick drone malarkey continues ...
The Scum have extremely sacked manager Jose Mourinho after 'identifying a catalogue of his failings at the club.' The Portuguese took over in May 2016 and led The Scum to League Cup and Europa League titles, but they are currently nineteen points behind league leaders Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. The club made a change after 'no progress with results or style' despite spending nearly four hundred million knicker on eleven players. They also say that their new manager, announced the following day to be former Scummer Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, will 'understand the philosophy of the club,' including their 'attacking traditions.' Solskjaer, the current manager of Norwegian club Molde, has been appointed as caretaker manager until the end of the season whilst the search for a permanent replacement for The Special One is undertaken. It is reported that The Scum's players and staff were 'not happy' after a disappointing and unsettling period during which young players were not developed. The Scum are sixth in the Premier League, but closer to the relegation zone than to the leaders, who beat them three-one on Sunday. The decision to sack Mourinho, which will cost more than eighteen million knicker, has been taken 'in the long-term interests of United' with a regard that the club is 'bigger than any one individual,' the club said. Mourinho is reported to have wanted his own structure, but The Scum's next permanent manager will be appointed with a head of football above him reporting to executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward. A statement from The Scum said: 'A caretaker-manager will be appointed until the end of the season while the club conducts a thorough recruitment process for a new, full-time manager. The club would like to thank Jose for his work during his time at Manchester United and to wish him success in the future.' One or two people even believed them. The Scum's haul of twenty six points after their first seventeen Premier League games is their worst tally at this stage of a season since 1990-91. They are eleven points away from the top four, which would earn a Champions League qualification place. Mourinho's sacking comes after a fall-out with eighty nine million quid record signing Paul Pogba, who was an unused substitute for the defeat at Anfield on Sunday. Following a draw with Wolves, Pogba said that he wanted The Scum to be able to 'attack, attack, attack' at home, which led Mourinho to say that the France midfielder would no longer be the club's 'second captain.' After Mourinho, who replaced Louis van Gaal in May 2016 and signed a contract extension in January, was sacked, Pogba tweeted 'caption this' with a knowing expression on his face, before immediately deleting the post. Mourinho's third season did not begin well after missing out on key transfer targets in the summer and two defeats in the first three league games - to Stottingtot Hotshot at home and Brighton & Hove Albinos away - meant that his side were playing catch-up with the leading teams. By October, there were reports Mourinho might get the tin-tack prior to the home game against yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies, but after The Scum trailed two-nil with twenty five minutes to go, they turned it around to win three-two and, seemingly, buy the former Moscow ChelskiFC, Inter Milan and Real Madrid boss more time. Mourinho's agent Jorge Mendes attempted to calm matters earlier this month by issuing a statement to say his client was 'very happy' and 'fully committed' to the club. The Scum, seemingly, did not agree. Despite reaching the Champions League last sixteen, where The Scum will play Paris St-Germain, they have won just one of their past six games in the Premier League. Mourinho's dismissal continues his run of never completing four consecutive seasons in charge of a club. Only once has he made it into a fourth campaign, but he left Moscow Chelski FC in September 2007 during his first spell at Torpedo Stamford Bridge.
Police are investigating an incident that saw Stottingtot Hoshots' Debbie Alli struck on the head by a plastic bottle during their two-nil win at The Arse on Wednesday. The bottle was thrown from the crowd at Emirates Stadium during the Carabao Cup quarter-final. The police have narrowed the list of suspects down to 'everyone that's ever met him.' England midfielder Alli was hit near the touchline as The Arse prepared to take a throw-in in the seventy third minute. The Metropolitan Police says that it is 'working' with The Arse to try to identify the individual responsible. The Arse told BBC Sport that they are examining CCTV to find the person who threw the bottle, but police say no arrests have been made at this time. The Football Association is 'aware of the incident' - so, presumably, someone at the FA was watching the game on telly and saw it happen - and will 'support' the police and clubs as they look into the matter, which might well be the most utterly pointless statement in the history of utterly pointless statements. Although, what would have happened if they said that they weren't'supporting' the police and clubs is unknown. 'In a different country, maybe they close the stadium for a few games,' said Spurs manager Mauricio Pochettino. 'It's lucky it wasn't a big problem but I think people need to be careful and we need to try and avoid this type of action. Some people behave very bad.' Alli had earlier scored the second goal and Spurs went on to reach the semi-finals. Wednesday's incident follows a banana skin being thrown towards The Arse striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in the Premier League match between the sides at the same venue on 2 December. The Spurs fan responsible was fined and banned from football for four years on Tuesday. When asked about the incident after the game, Alli told Sky Sports: 'It is what it is. It made the goal a bit sweeter and the win.'
The Arse's manager Unai Emery has claimed that the BBC's period gangster drama Peaky Blinders is helping him perfect his English. The Spaniard says he watches the drama series, set in Birmingham between, 'to relax.' But, the West Midlands accents have 'proven tricky' for the former Paris St-Germain boss. '[Peaky Blinders] is good but it is difficult [to understand] from Birmingham. And it's very aggressive. But it's good,' the leader of the Peaky Gooners said. Emery who replaced Arsene Wenger at The Emirates in the summer, has also taken language courses to improve his English. And, when he is not watching TV dramas as a learning aid, he is watching his other passion, football. The forty seven-year-old, who speaks in - actually, pretty reasonable - English at his news conferences, said: 'In each profession, you need to feel passion for that in order to give it your best performance. Football is my passion. It's my work, but I don't think every day that it is my work, it's my best hobby. I feel very big the passion. I am doing my work with my desire.'
Blunderland's Stadium of Plight will host the biggest third-tier crowd for thirty nine years for their Boxing Day game against Bradford City. Ticket sales have surpassed the League One record of thirty eight thousand two hundred and fifty six for Dirty Leeds's game against Gillingham in May 2008. The crowd will be the highest at this level since the 1979 Sheffield derby, which attracted forty nine thousand three hundred and nine punters. It will also be Blunderland's biggest since the club were extremely relegated from the Premier League in 2017. 'What a phenomenal achievement by our supporters and what a statement to the football world that Sunderland is on its way back,' executive director Charlie Methven claimed. The Wearsiders will also officially rename the South stand 'The Roker End' at the game. They are currently third in the table and bidding to return to the Championship at the first attempt. English football's third tier was rebranded as League One in 2004, having been Division Two from 1992 and Division Three before that.
League Two side Cambridge United have shown their Christmas spirit by mowing a Christmas tree into their pitch. The special design at Abbey Stadium for The U's game against Yeovil Town on Saturday was created by groundsman Ian Darler and features stars and baubles. 'Our Groundsman does Christmas better than yours,' the club tweeted, along with a picture of the pitch. The club tweeted: 'Gary Deegan is very much aiming for the tree points today.' Leicester City were famous for their inventive mowing patterns but they were banned by the Premier League at the start of the 2017-18 season. Top-flight rules state the playing surface must contain no markings other than the traditional horizontal and white lines.
Dulwich Hamlet somehow made six goal-line clearances to deny Wingate & Finchley in an epic goalmouth scramble during their FA Trophy first-round fixture on Saturday. Despite Dulwich Hamlet's heroics, Wingate & Finchley won the match two-nil.
A Crawley Town fan who threw an empty plastic bottle at an assistant referee has been banned for three home games. The bottle hit the official following the League Two defeat by Northampton on 8 December. The spectator responsible, who said they were 'frustrated and upset' on the day, came forward after an appeal was put out by the club. Crawley said they had been 'in discussions' with Sussex Police, but decided a three-game ban was 'sufficient.' The supporter has also agreed to make a donation to the English Football League's charity partner Mind. 'I would firstly like to apologise to the official the bottle struck and I hope it has not had any damaging effect on him and hope it doesn't in the future,' said the supporter, who has not been identified. 'I would also like to apologise to the club and to all individuals as this has caused extra work. I understand how proud the club are of their good reputation and the reputation it has of welcoming families to the stadium. I hope my actions haven't tarnished its good reputation.' Bit late for that, mate. The bad-tempered match saw Crawley striker Ollie Palmer shown a red card by referee Craig Hicks for a clash with The Cobblers' Aaron Pierre. One of Hicks' assistants was then struck by the bottle as they left the pitch at full-time. The Football Association has warned the Sussex club 'faces sanctions' if there is any further 'spectator misconduct.''It goes without saying that the club condone any actions which brings our good name into disrepute,' said operations director Kelly Derham. 'Football ignited passions but, regardless of how we view what happens on the field, I would appeal to all our supporters to uphold the good name of the club on match days by behaving responsibly.'
Three men have been very charged with bribery offences as part of a National Crime Agency investigation into spot fixing in cricket tournaments. Yousaf Vaqar Anwar, from Hayes, Mohammed Uaz, from Sheffield and Nasir Jamshaid, from Oldbury, are due before magistrates next month. They were arrested in February 2017 as part of the probe into tournaments organised by the national cricket boards of Pakistan and Bangladesh. The Pakistan Cricket Board started its own investigation into the bribery allegations and has separately suspended three players following tribunal hearings.
Earth's North Pole is famous for its snowy climes but, as this picture reveals, ours is not the only planet with snow scenes this holiday season. This is the Korolev crater, near the North pole of Mars, as captured by the European Space Agency's Mars Express mission. The crater is fifty miles across and filled with ice two kilometres thick. It was named after the rocket engineer and spacecraft designer Sergei Korolev, the architect of the Soviet Union's space programme. Korolev worked on the first interplanetary missions to the Moon, Mars and Venus and the Sputnik programme, which launched the world's first artificial satellite. The pictures of the crater are composites made up of shots taken by the Mars Express High Resolution Stereo Camera.
New NASA research confirms that Saturn is losing its iconic rings at the maximum rate estimated from Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 observations made decades ago. The rings are being pulled into Saturn by gravity as a dusty rain of ice particles under the influence of Saturn's magnetic field. 'We estimate that this "ring rain" drains an amount of water products that could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool from Saturn's rings in half an hour,' said James O'Donoghue of NASA's Goddard Space Flight Centre in Greenbelt, Maryland. 'From this alone, the entire ring system will be gone in three hundred million years, but add to this the Cassini-spacecraft measured ring-material detected falling into Saturn's equator and the rings have less than one hundred million years to live. This is relatively short, compared to Saturn's age of over four billion years.' O'Donoghue is lead author of a study on Saturn's ring rain appearing in Icarus this month. Scientists have long wondered if Saturn was formed with the rings or if the planet acquired them later in life. The new research favours the latter scenario, indicating that they are unlikely to be older than one hundred million years, as it would take that long for the C-ring to become what it is today assuming it was once as dense as the B-ring. 'We are lucky to be around to see Saturn's ring system, which appears to be in the middle of its lifetime. However, if rings are temporary, perhaps we just missed out on seeing giant ring systems of Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune, which have only thin ringlets today,' O'Donoghue added. Various theories have been proposed for the ring system's origin. If the planet got them later in life, the rings could have formed when small, icy moons in orbit around Saturn collided, perhaps because their orbits were perturbed by a gravitational tug from a passing asteroid or comet. The first hints that ring rain existed came from Voyager observations of seemingly unrelated phenomena: peculiar variations in Saturn's electrically charged upper atmosphere, density variations in Saturn's rings and a trio of narrow dark bands encircling the planet at Northern mid-latitudes. These dark bands appeared in images of Saturn's hazy upper atmosphere made by NASA's Voyager 2 mission in 1981. In 1986, Jack Connerney of NASA Goddard published a paper in Geophysical Research Letters which linked those narrow dark bands to the shape of Saturn's enormous magnetic field, proposing that electrically charged ice particles from Saturn's rings were flowing down invisible magnetic field lines, dumping water in Saturn's upper atmosphere where these lines emerged from the planet. The influx of water from the rings, appearing at specific latitudes, washed away the stratospheric haze, making it appear dark in reflected light, producing the narrow dark bands captured in the Voyager images. Saturn's rings are mostly chunks of water ice ranging in size from microscopic dust grains to boulders several metres across. Ring particles are caught in a balancing act between the pull of Saturn's gravity, which wants to draw them back into the planet and their orbital velocity, which wants to fling them outward into space. Tiny particles can get electrically charged by ultraviolet light from the Sun or by plasma clouds emanating from micrometeoroid bombardment of the rings. When this happens, the particles can feel the pull of Saturn’s magnetic field, which curves inward toward the planet at Saturn's rings. In some parts of the rings, once charged, the balance of forces on these tiny particles changes dramatically and Saturn's gravity pulls them in along the magnetic field lines into the upper atmosphere. Once there, the icy ring particles vaporise and the water can react chemically with Saturn's ionosphere. One outcome from these reactions is an increase in the lifespan of electrically charged particles called H3+ ions, which are made up of three protons and two electrons. When energised by sunlight, the H3+ ions glow in infrared light, which was observed by O'Donoghue's team using special instruments attached to the Keck telescope in Mauna Kea, Hawaii. Their observations revealed glowing bands in Saturn's Northern and Southern hemispheres where the magnetic field lines that intersect the ring plane enter the planet. They analysed the light to determine the amount of rain from the ring and its effects on Saturn's ionosphere. They found that the amount of rain matches remarkably well with the astonishingly high values derived more than three decades earlier by Connerney and colleagues, with one region in the south receiving most of it. The team also discovered a glowing band at a higher latitude in the Southern hemisphere. This is where Saturn's magnetic field intersects the orbit of Enceladus, a geologically active moon that is shooting geysers of water ice into space, indicating that some of those particles are raining onto Saturn as well. 'That wasn't a complete surprise,' said Connerney. 'We identified Enceladus and the E-ring as a copious source of water as well, based on another narrow dark band in that old Voyager image.' The geysers, first observed by Cassini instruments in 2005, are thought to be coming from an ocean of liquid water beneath the frozen surface of the tiny moon. Its geologic activity and water ocean make Enceladus one of the most promising places to search for extraterrestrial life. The team would like to see how the ring rain changes with the seasons on Saturn. As the planet progresses in its twenty nine-year orbit, the rings are exposed to the Sun to varying degrees. Since ultraviolet light from the Sun charges the ice grains and makes them respond to Saturn's magnetic field, varying exposure to sunlight should change the quantity of ring rain.
The NASA New Horizons probe remains on course for its daring flyby of Ultima Thule. When the mission sweeps past the thirty kilometre wide object on New Year's Day, it will be making the most distant ever visit to a Solar System body - at some six-and-a-half billion kilometres from Earth. Mission planners decided at the weekend to forego a possible trajectory change. It means that the probe will get to fly three thousand five hundred kilometres from icy Ultima's surface to take a series of photos and other data. There had been some concern that the object might be surrounded by large debris particles which could potentially destroy the probe if it were to run into them. But nothing of the sort has been detected and so a wider, safer pass will not be needed. It is now more than three years since New Horizons made its remarkable flyby of dwarf planet Pluto and its moons. That was a technical tour de force and acquiring observations at Ultima will be just as tricky. Controllers will have to tell the spacecraft precisely where and when to point its instruments or risk sensing empty space as it hurtles by at fifty thousand kilometres per hour. 'Can we fly three thousand five hundred kilometres from the object and get all those images centred right on to the target, and not miss anything? That's the excitement for me; that's the challenge,' said Mission Operations Manager Alice Bowman at last week's American Geophysical Union Fall Meeting in Washington DC. New Horizons will be sending back repeat images of Ultima in the coming days that will help refine the final navigation and timing models used during the flyby. The object was only discovered four years ago by the Hubble telescope in a search for potential targets that New Horizons could reach after its Pluto encounter. Initially catalogued as (486958) 2014 MU69, it was given the more catchy nickname of Ultima Thule after a public consultation exercise. Thank God they didn't ask the British public or NASA would now be looking forward to an encounter with Spacey McSpaceface. Like many Kuiper belt objects of its type, Ultima is likely to be largely composed of dust and ices that came together at the dawn of the Solar System more than four-and-a-half billion years ago. Theories suggests that such bodies will take on an elongated or lobular form. Its surface should be very dark, having being 'burned' through the eons by high-energy radiation - cosmic rays and X-rays. New Horizons will study Ultima's shape, composition and environment. Scientists hope Ultima can provide insights on how these distant objects formed. One idea is that they grew from the mass accretion of a great many pebble-sized grains. Unlike the encounter with Pluto in July 2015, there won't be increasingly resolved images on approach to admire. Ultima will remain a blob in the viewfinder pretty much until the day of flyby. However, the much reduced separation between the probe and Ultima means that finer detail in the surface will eventually be observed. The 'mouthwatering' phase of the pass occurs in a roughly forty eight-hour period, centred mostly on the day-side of the object. Because New Horizons has to swivel to point its instruments, it cannot keep its antenna locked on Earth whilst also simultaneously gathering data. Controllers must therefore wait until later on New Year's Day for the probe to 'phone home' a status update and to start to downlink some pictures. It will be 2 January before we see the first of these images and 3 January before we get what are likely to be the best. At a distance of six-and-a-half billion kilometres, radio signals take over six hours to reach Earth. 'Our data rates are low - typical data rates max out around one thousand bits-a-second and it's going to take twenty months to get it all back,' explained New Horizons Principal Investigator Alan Stern. 'Which is kinda cool because we'll be getting new presents from the Kuiper belt every week and every month though 2019 and most of 2020,' he told BBC News. The team working on the probe is going ask NASA to fund an extended mission. The hope is that the course of the spacecraft can be altered to visit at least one more Kuiper belt object sometime in the next decade. It has just enough fuel reserves to be able to do this. Critically, it has sufficient electrical reserves to keep operating its instruments through this period, too. New Horizon's plutonium battery may even allow it to keep talking to Earth as it leaves the Solar System. The two 1970s Voyager missions have both now exited the heliosphere - the bubble of gas blown off THE Sun. Voyager 2 has only recently done it, in November. This occurred at a distance of one hundred and nineteen Astronomical Units (or one hundred and nineteen times the Earth-to-Sun distance, around one hundred and forty nine million kilometres). New Horizons is currently at forty four AU and adding around three additional AU every year. Its power system could 'probably' run to about one hundred AU, said Professor Stern. 'That's less than the Voyagers' distance but the interesting game is that the heliosphere breathes in and out by tens of astronomical units because of the solar cycle,' he explained. 'No-one is good enough at predicting the solar cycle to tell you where the edge of the heliosphere will be in the mid-to-late 2030s when we go power-critical.'
As noted, earlier this year, Voyager 2 became only the second human-made object to reach interstellar space. Yet it still has a long way to go before it actually leaves our solar system entirely. Five years ago, when the first Voyager probe earned the designation as first Earth-built object to go interstellar, it got the nod because it had travelled beyond the heliosphere, the bubble surrounding the Sun encompassing an area that is primarily influenced by the Sun's energy fields. The heliosphere is important in keeping dangerous cosmic rays from the interstellar medium out of the main areas of the solar system. When Voyager 1 left the boundary of the heliosphere, it entered an area of space primarily influenced by the interstellar medium, or 'the space between the stars' if you want to get all poetic about it. But, even though that spacecraft - and, now it's twin - have left the heliosphere behind, they are nowhere near leaving the solar system. Distance in the solar system is measured in astronomical units, the distance between Earth and the Sun. Neptune, the most distant known planet, is thirty AU away. The two Voyager crafts are one hundred and forty five and one hundred and twenty AU, respectively. The most distant solar system object currently known V774104, a dwarf planet which sits at one hundred and three AU. But plenty of other objects have strange orbits that take them much, much further away. Sedna, currently eighty five AU, can swing out as far as nine hundred and thirty six AU. Or, 'a bugger of long way away!' There is also an area beyond the Kuiper Belt about which only circumstantial evidence exists called The Oort Cloud. It starts at about two thousand AU - and it doesn't end for nearly fifty thousand AU, even at minimum estimates. That means the solar system, which is defined by objects still in a gravitational orbit around the Sun, could technically stretch out a light-year or more. 'The Voyagers won't get to the Oort Cloud for another three hundred years and won't get out of The Oort Cloud for at least three thousand years,' says Suzanne Dodd, programme manager for the Voyagers. The Oort Cloud is a mysterious place. Even The Daleks would think twice about living there. The material that lies out there is left over from the formation of the solar system and was cast out by the influence of the four gas giant plants, but didn't have enough speed to completely leave the influence of the Sun. Kat Volk, a planetary scientist at the University of Arizona who studies the outer solar system, says that seeing the actual Oort Cloud is not possible with most modern instruments because it is mostly comets and other icy objects too small and dim and distant to spot. But sometimes, comets from The Oort Cloud get a gravitational nudge from another object (including passing stars) and come into the closer parts of the solar system. Based on their speed, one can calculate their orbits and figure out how far they stretch out to at their farthest point from the Sun. While the planets live close to the ecliptic plane The Oort Cloud is more of a spherical bubble around the Sun. 'It really is a cloud structure instead of a disk structure where you have these objects that are really evenly distributed,' Volk says. And, The Oort Cloud may not be just comets and debris. There are likely to be dwarf planets and Volk says there could even be bigger objects somewhere in the region - even potentially undiscovered and extremely-hard-to-discover small terrestrial planets. 'It’s perfectly reasonable that there should be a lot of quite sizeable objects in that population,' Volk says. So, while Voyager 2 may be in interstellar space, Dodd adds there is always a chance it could be bumped back into the heliosphere. 'If the solar wind or something else were to blow a little bit harder, you could go back into the heliosphere and see more particles from the Sun,' Dodd says. There is a long road ahead for the intrepid little Voyager crafts, both of which have about seven years left of battery life before they are no longer able to transmit back to Earth.
Launching a small orbiter with an accompanying atmospheric probe to the solar system's ice giants - Uranus and Neptune - should be 'a top priority' for NASA in the coming decade, according to planetary scientists who conducted a review of potential missions to do so. Beyond being 'scientifically valuable,' such a mission to each planet is 'technologically feasible,' the team said. 'Every component of an ice giant system challenges our understanding of planetary physics in a unique way. It is important that the next mission to an ice giant study the entire system: the planet itself, the atmosphere, the rings, the satellites, and the magnetosphere,' Mark Hofstadter, a planetary scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, told the Eos website. Hofstadter is a co-author of the June 2017 report which reviewed the mission potential for Uranus and Neptune. 'Every component of an ice giant system challenges our understanding of planetary physics in a unique way,' he said. Uranus and Neptune, being about the same size, should release heat leftover from planet formation at similar rates. But that's not what Voyager 2 found. 'Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune all emit more energy than they get from the Sun,' Hofstadter explained. 'Uranus stands out: It's the only one that's not releasing much internal heat.' This may be a result from the impact which tipped the planet onto its side, a result of differences in internal convection, or something else entirely, he speculated. 'If they're both the same type of planet then they should be similar to each other and why they're not makes no sense,' Amy Simon, a senior scientist for planetary atmospheres research at NASA Goddard Space Flight Centre, and a co-author on the report, said. 'Understanding the interior structure is going to be pretty critical.' Unlike Jupiter or Saturn, the ice giants 'appear to be enriched in heavy materials, that is, elements heavier than hydrogen and helium,' said Leigh Fletcher, a senior research fellow in planetary science at the University of Leicester. Past research has shown that the planets also contain significant amounts of ion-rich water. 'How much is rocky and how much is icy is an open topic of debate. Why did they end up this way?' he asked. Pinning down the planets' compositions would reveal where in the solar system they formed, Simon explained. It may also improve our understanding of planets of a similar size in other solar systems. 'These are the main sizes of planet that we're seeing in extrasolar planet systems,' Simon said. 'So, the fact that we understand them so little in our own solar system is problematic for interpreting them in other solar systems.' Uranus's thirteen rings are narrow and densely packed, a formation that needs 'shepherding moons' to keep it gravitationally stable. Uranus seems to be missing the moons to do that. Moreover, the particles in Uranus's μ ring look like those of Saturn's E ring, which is generated by the plumes from the moon Enceladus. The moon associated with the μ ring, called Mab, lacks plumes, so this ring’s origin is as yet unknown. Neptune's rings raise different questions. 'Before the Voyager encounter,' Hofstadter said, 'we didn't know Neptune had complete rings. Once we got closer and got a better look, we could see that it had complete rings, but that they were very clumpy. Certain portions of Neptune's rings much denser than others and the details of how and why that happens are not clear,' he said. 'Neptune's biggest moon, Triton, is basically a captured Pluto,' Hofstadter added. Scientists think that Triton may have formed in The Kuiper Belt beyond Neptune's orbit. Geysers and dark streaks on the moon's surface suggest that it may have a subsurface ocean similar to Jupiter's Europa or Saturn's Enceladus. 'We'd love to get a more careful look at Triton and see why it's active, learn about what happens when you gravitationally capture a relatively large body and compare it to Pluto,' Hofstadter said. Regarding a possible Triton lander, Simon said that 'landing on the surface of a body that we don't know much about is tough, particularly in knowing where it's safe to land.' Nonetheless, 'there's a lot you could learn if you could get down there.' Uranus's smallest and closest moon, Miranda, 'looks like you took pieces of different puzzles and put them together,' Hofstadter said. 'There are blobs of very different looking regions on the surface. There's been some wild geology on this moon.' Another of Uranus's moons Ariel, on the other hand, may have cryovolcanism. 'On these moons, water ice behaves almost like rock on the Earth, where it can be melted in the interior and flow or extrude on the surface,' he said. 'There's some evidence for that kind of water volcanism on Ariel.' Uranus's and Neptune's magnetic fields are 'relatively complex' when seen from above when compared with those of the gas giants. This complexity may suggest that the deep-interior process generating the fields actually happens closer to the surface than it does on Jupiter or Saturn. Sending a probe to the planets could help paint a clearer picture. 'The brief Voyager flybys suggested these two planets had very irregular magnetic field,' said Fran Bagenal, a professor of astrophysical and planetary science at the Laboratory for Atmospheric and Space Physics at the University of Colorado. Bagenal said that a mission to these planets is 'critical' to understanding how the planets generate magnetic dynamos in the water layers of their deep interiors and produce such irregular magnetic fields. Moreover, 'how the solar wind couples to the ice giants' magnetic fields is very different' from any other planet in the solar system, primarily because the fields themselves are so misshapen. For example, each planet's field is severely tilted from its axis of rotation and is offset from the centre of the planet. Also, 'the planets' magnetic fields change their orientations relative to the solar wind in a way that no other planet does,' Hofstadter said. Studying these fields up close could prove to be good tests for our models of planetary magnetic fields and the solar wind which would benefit heliophysics.
Astronomers using NASA's Hubble telescope found an exoplanet that is 'evaporating,' possibly holding clues into the discovery of rocky 'super-Earths.' Researchers at the University of Geneva in Switzerland found the exoplanet GJ 3470b, which showed signs of losing hydrogen in its atmosphere, causing it to shrink. The study is part of exploration into 'hot Neptunes,' planets which are the size as Neptune, sit very close to their star and have atmospheres as hot at seventeen hundred degrees Fahrenheit, says NASA. Finding a 'hot Neptune' is rare - albeit, not as rare as finding a 'hot Uranus' - because they sit so close to their star and tend to evaporate more quickly. In the case of GJ 3470b, scientists classify it as a 'warmer' Neptune because it sits farther away from its star. The exoplanet discovered by astronauts is losing its atmosphere at a rate one hundred times faster than a previous 'warmer' Neptune planet discovered a few years before, according to a study published Thursday in the journal Astronomy & Astrophysics. The planet sits 3.7 million miles from its star. For comparison, Earth is 92.9 million miles from the Sun. 'This is the first time that a planet has been observed to lose its atmosphere so quickly that it can impact its evolution,' said lead author Vincent Bourrier, a researcher in the Astronomy Department of the Faculty of Science at the University of Geneva, in a statement. Researchers say these 'hot Neptune' planets shrink in size and morph into 'Super Earths,' versions of our planet which are 'massive and more rocky.' Last month, a Super Earth was found orbiting a nearby star.
Russian President, The Butcher of Grozny Vladimir Putin has asked the government to 'take charge' of rap music after a number of concerts were cancelled across the country. Efforts to ban rap were 'impossible' and so the state should 'play a greater role in controlling it,' he said. The Ministry of Culture would find 'the best way' to 'navigate youth concerts,' he added. His comments come after Russian rapper Husky was very arrested after several of his concerts were cancelled. In December, authorities in the Southern city of Krasnodar called off his planned performance for 'extremism.' The musician - real name Dmitry Kuznetsov - was then extremely jailed for twelve days after performing for fans on the roof of a car. Speaking at a meeting of the presidential Council for Culture and Art in St Petersburg, Putin said that the 'problem' should be approached 'with great caution. However, what I really agree with is that if it is impossible to stop it, it should be taken over and navigated in a particular way,' he said. The President expressed 'particular concern' about drug abuse among young people. 'Rap and other modern [forms of art] are rested upon three pillars - sex, drugs and protest,' he said. 'I am most worried about drugs. This is the way towards the degradation of a nation.' Putin also said he was 'worried about bad language' in rap, saying that he had 'spoken to a linguist' about it. While she had explained to him that swearing is 'a part of our language,' Putin compared it to the human body, adding that 'we have all sorts of body parts and it's not like we put them on display all the time.' Speak for yerself, pal. The Russian government has long had a complicated relationship with music. Feminist protest band Pussy Riot claims that Russia's intelligence service poisoned member Pyotr Verzilov earlier this year. Under the Soviet Union, most Western rock and/or roll music was frowned on and some Russian rock musicians faced persecution for their naughty rockin' ways. Classical musicians also clashed with the state. Composer Dmitri Shostakovich was denounced twice under the leadership of Joseph Stalin.
Top African pop star Diamond Platnumz has been barred from performing in Tanzania after he played a song which the authorities had banned for being 'sexually suggestive.' The song, 'Mwanza' contains the Swahili word for 'horny', and dancers are seen in a video simulating The Sex. Diamond Platnumz had treated the ban with 'disdain' by singing the lyrics at a concert, the arts regulator said. The popular Tanzanian singer has been dogged by controversy in recent years. In April he was questioned by police after posting on Instagram a video clip of himself kissing a woman. The authorities accused him of 'behaving indecently.' Tanzania's arts regulator, Basata, said that Diamond Platnumz would also be banned from performing abroad, but it is unclear how, exactly, it would enforce this ban. The ban also applied to Rayvanny, another local musician who features on 'Mwanza'. 'We have reached the decision because the two musicians have treated our directive with disdain,' Basata said in a statement. On Sunday, Diamond Platnumz, who popularised 'bongo flava,' Tanzanian hip hop, performed 'Mwanza' to big crowds during a festival in the port city of the same name. The song has been popular on YouTube where it has had more than five million views. In a recent video shared online, Diamond Platnumz raised the possibility of settling abroad if Tanzanian officials continued banning his music. 'If they don't want me to perform my songs I can live in another country and play there. If Tanzanian law says I can't perform here, I can go to Kenya where I am not banned,' he said. The musician, whose real name is Nasib Abdul, is billed to headline an end of the year concert in neighbouring Kenya. Where they are, seemingly, less bothered about The Sex.
Shakira - she is a popular beat combo, yer honour - has been extremely charged with tax evasion in Spain, where prosecutors allege the international pop singing sensation failed to pay more than twelve million smackers between 2012 and 2014. The charges claim Shakira - whose full name is Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll - listed the Bahamas as her official residence 'for tax purposes' during those years but was, in fact, living in Spain with her partner, the Spanish football player Gerard Pique. Tax rates are much lower in the Bahamas - where Shakira co-purchased an island in 2011, the year before she claimed on taxes to have lived in the Caribbean. The singer has denied the charges against her. Shakira was named in the 'Paradise Papers' leaks that detailed the offshore tax arrangements of numerous high-profile individuals, including musical celebrities like Madonna and The U2 Group's Mister Bonio. In a statement released through her representatives on Friday, Shakira said that she was not a legal resident in Spain during the years in question and that she never done it, honest guv. She claimed to 'owe nothing' to the Spanish tax authorities who, she claimed, were 'using' her 'as a scapegoat' to 'frighten other taxpayers' into 'coming clean.' Prosecutors in Barcelona have said Shakira's travel abroad was 'for short periods' because of 'professional commitments,' while most of the year she stayed in Spain. They want her to pay tax in Spain on her worldwide income. Shakira officially moved to Spain for tax purposes in 2015, after having two children with Pique. A magistrate must now assess whether there is enough evidence to put Shakira in the dock. Prosecutors want Shakira to pay a bond which equals the amount they say she owes in tax, plus thirty three per cent, in accordance with Spanish law. Otherwise, they recommend a court freeze of her assets to that amount. Spain's tax authorities referred their probe to the Barcelona prosecutor's office a year ago. Sports celebrities have also been in trouble with Spanish tax authorities, including footballers Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Yer actual Kylie Minogue will play Glastonbury's legend slot next summer - fourteen years after breast cancer forced her to pull out of headlining the festival. Kylie, Kylie, sweet and smiley will play the coveted tea-time slot on 30 June, following the likes of Lionel Ritchie, Tom Jones, Dolly Parton and Barry Gibb in previous years. 'It will be fourteen years since I was originally meant to appear there and so much has happened up to now,' said the singer on Instagram. 'I can't wait to see you all there to share this special show.''We are delighted to announce that Kylie is finally bringing her show to Glastonbury,' said organiser Emily Eavis. 'We cannot wait.' Kylie was originally supposed to headline the Pyramid Stage in 2004, but had to cancel to undergo cancer treatment. Basement Jaxx stepped in to replace her, and covered her hit 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' in tribute. Coldplay's Chris Martin, headlining on the Saturday night, also played Minogue's signature song, telling the audience: 'Everyone's paid to see Kylie as well. Shouldn't we remember absent friends?' Kylie returned to Worthy Farm in 2010 to cameo with Scissor Sisters, but has never played a full set at the festival. Speaking to the Associated Press earlier this year, the fifty-year-old said that she would 'love' to lay the ghosts of 2004 to rest. 'When I was supposed to do it, I think I would have been the first solo female to headline in however many years it was, so I was really proud of that at that time. Obviously it didn't happen. So yes, it would be amazing and very emotional to be standing there and doing what I didn't get to do all those years ago, for sure.' Her return comes a year after she headlined Radio 2's Hyde Park festival and brought Jason Donovan on stage to recreate their duet 'Especially For You'. While a repeat at Glastonbury is unlikely, Kylie knows how to put together a crowd-pleasing set and with fifty one hit singles she is bound to draw a huge audience. Kylie will be joined on the line-up by grime type person Stormzy, who was announced as the Friday night headliner. None of the other acts have been revealed at the moment, but rumoured headliners include yer actual Paul McCartney, The Arctic Monkeys, Madonna and Fleetwood Mac.
Robbie Williams has extremely won a five-year battle over plans for an underground pool at his West London home, despite objections from neighbour Jimmy Page. The Led Zeppelin guitarist said that he feared construction work on the pool could be 'catastrophic' for his own mansion, Tower House. But Williams' scheme has now been granted conditional approval. Planning committee chairman councillor Quentin Marshall suggested the pair 'find a way to talk' about the issues. Disagreements between Page and Williams began when the former Take That singer bought the house next door to Page - which used to belong to Michael Winner. No, look, this isn't the plot of an ITV sitcom 'with hilarious consequences', that's what happened. In May, Page argued at a Kensington and Chelsea Council planning meeting that the excavation work could damage his Grade I-listed Gothic-style home. However, the council wasn't having any of it. Representatives for yer man Robbie previously said that any construction work would 'fall within stringent regulations' and any effects on surrounding properties would be 'negligible.' At another meeting on Tuesday night, planning permission was granted to Williams. However, work will not begin until councillors receive 'reassurance' about 'monitoring vibration levels' and ground movement. Which, when you consider we're talking about a chap who played in the loudest rock in the history of loud rock bands definitely qualifies in the 'how ironic is that?' category. They will also discuss whether to ask Williams for a bond, which could be forfeited if the conditions were breached or if any damage occurs. The planning permission is subject to a legal agreement, which must be approved by the planning applications committee, to be discussed at another meeting next year. Marshall suggested the rock and/or roll celebrities meet to try to put their differences aside. He said: 'It seems they are not that far apart. It's slightly frustrating. I know the two principals are very busy, but surely they can find a way to talk, which might lock many of the problems.' After the meeting, a spokesman for Page, who bought the property in 1972, said 'Oooo, yeah baby, squeeze ma lemon till the jooce runs dahn maaaaaa leg.' No, he didn't. But, it would've been dead funny if he had. He actually said the rock and/or roll legend was 'happy' to meet up with Williams. 'From Jimmy's point of view he will be reassured that the committee of councillors are taking the protection of the house seriously. He wants Robbie to come back with proposals that eliminate all risk to the Tower House.'
On 12 December, the former Bauhaus singer Peter Murphy played what appears to have been a broadly well-received show at a mid-sized venue, Nalen, in Stockholm, as part of his Forty Years of Bauhaus Ruby Celebration Tour. However, the concert ended slightly earlier than scheduled, with several songs cut from the final encore of the setlist due to the vocals being disabled on the PA. The next morning a number of news stories broke that Murphy had actually been forcibly removed from the venue for destroying equipment and assaulting guests with glass water bottles thrown from stage. One person on ever-reliable social media claimed to have been hit by one of these water bottles, cutting his cheek and requiring stitches. A photo, followed by video footage, emerged along with this claim, showing the sixty one year old singer confronting what some claimed to be Swedish Police and security outside the venue. In the footage Murphy, can be seen being told to 'calm it down, mate,' with Murphy responding with , 'You think you got a big cock? Fuck you, you fucking Swedish cunt.' Murphy, after demanding not to be touched, had someone put their hand on his shoulder and the singer responded with a punch. Security then tackled the singer, bringing him down with a chokehold followed by some choice pacifying. Since then, much of the news reporting of this event appears to have been somewhat inaccurate, in part due to mistranslation of Swedish news articles into English and in part due to some seemingly mendacity amongst those who claimed to be present. The excellent PostPunk website decided to do a full 'fact check' on what really went on there. It's well worth a read a certainly puts much of the other - rather over-the-top - reporting of the incident to shame.
You might have seen their strategically self-regarding e-mails or watched their self-inflating egos in work meetings. But, business school researchers have identified a 'type' of employee who manages to look busy and successful, without actually doing anything useful. And, in other news, apparently bears do shit in the woods. The productivity study examined twenty eight UK workplaces and found staff who 'appeared to be highly engaged.' But, on closer inspection, they were found to be 'self-promoters' whose singular lack of effort 'pushed down overall output.' The research, from the Ashridge at Hult International Business School, examined the 'engagement levels' of teams of workers, across seven different employment sectors, such as health, government, transport and not-for-profits. It found some 'very motivated workers' and some who were 'plainly disgruntled and disaffected.' But, about one-in-five teams was a conundrum - where staff appeared to be very engaged, but where teamwork and productivity were poor. The study found when 'lifting the lid' on these groups of workers, that they were 'undermined' by staff who were successfully 'gaming the system' but, 'not really getting anything done.' Which, to be fair, was Keith Telly Topping's entire nineteen year career in the civil service described in a sentence. They might constantly appear in a circuit of meetings, or get involved in conversations that were to their own advantage but, apart from playing the corporate culture, it was 'difficult to see what they actually achieved.' Uh-huh, still an accurate description. In shift work, it could mean stretching out work to fit across the hours with the least effort. These have been labelled the 'pseudo-engaged' by employment researchers, as opposed to the 'engaged' and 'disengaged.' An alternative label might be 'lazy fekkers,' obviously. Senior researcher Amy Armstrong said that such 'selfish' staff 'undermined teamwork' and 'damaged productivity' - and, in a business sense, had 'a negative impact.' But, she said that the 'pseudo-engaged' could often be 'encouraged' by the managerial system. With the threat of the sack, most obviously. 'They're rewarded for that dysfunctional behaviour,' said Doctor Armstrong, seemingly oblivious to that fact that this entire study was a pretty-much perfect example of such make-work, not-a-real-job type activity in telling people what they already knew. Talk about getting paid for nothing. Such 'pseudo-engaged' lazy fekkers were 'more likely to get promotions, better pay and bonuses' and to 'devote even more of their efforts to their own careers' to the detriment of collective productivity, the report stated. 'It's quite a depressing picture,' Armstrong said. This was often because such staff were 'managing upwards' by making themselves 'look good' in front of senior managers. Staff who spent their time promoting themselves in meetings were 'likely' to 'benefit more' than colleagues who were actually doing all the work. Such workplaces could outwardly appear to have lots of commitment and support for company goals. But, below the surface the researchers found 'low levels of trust and cohesion' with 'little evidence of collegiality or support for one another.' It can leave other staff 'feeling stretched' and 'without any sense of togetherness.' And, again, in other news, yes, the Pope seemingly is Catholic. Armstrong said that in such workplaces there can 'appear' to be 'no point to teamwork' because of the individuals who seem to benefit from their self-promotion. And, still, the most staggering aspect of this story is that a group of researchers actually got paid for coming up with this blindingly obvious crap.
President Rump's choice of new acting White House chief of staff once described him as 'a terrible human being,' it has emerged. A video shows Mick Mulvaney making the disparaging remark in a debate shortly before the 2016 presidential election. 'Yes, I am supporting Donald Trump, but I'm doing so despite the fact that I think he's a terrible human being,' Mulvaney says. He describes Rump's then opponent, Hillary Clinton, as 'just as bad.' Mulvaney is a former Republican Congressman and the video, which was obtained by The Daily Beast, was taken during a debate with Democratic challenger Fran Person in York, South Carolina. He is currently director of the Office of Management and Budget and takes up his new role in January. An OMB spokeswoman said that the remarks had been made before Mulvaney had met Rump and were 'old news,' the New York Times reported. Meghan Burris said Mulvaney 'both likes and respects the president and he likes working for him.' One or two people even believed her. A Facebook post has also emerged from 2016 in which Mulvaney described Rump as 'not a very good person,' NBC reported. Mulvaney was responding to the release of a videotape from 2005 in which Rump made obscene comments about women. 'I think one thing we've learned about Donald Trump during this campaign is that he is not a very good person,' Mulvaney wrote in the post. 'What he said in the audiotape is disgusting and indefensible. My guess is that he has probably said even worse.' But he added: 'I've decided that I don't particularly like Donald Trump as a person. But I am still voting for him. And I am still asking other people to do the same. And there is one simple reason for that: Hillary Clinton.' Mulvaney will replace General John Kelly, who is stepping down as White House chief of staff at the end of the year.
Santa Claus collapsed and died in front of children at a school Christmas party according to the Daily Mirra. The Russian Santa was 'energetically performing and running around with the youngsters' before footage captured him coming to a stop and falling backwards. And, that was the end of Santa's shit, it would seem. As the confused youngsters ran towards him, they could be heard giggling as they seemingly believed his tragic collapse was part of the festive game. But Santa, named as Valery Titenko, had suffered a sudden and fatal heart attack. Another cast member, a woman dressed as a clown, is seen rushing behind the tree to help the stricken sixty seven-year-old. As kindergarten staff comforted the traumatised children, Santa was rushed to hospital in Kemerovo but died on the way, said a medical source. It was revealed later that Santa had not been feeling well and had complained of chest pains, but did not want to let the children down so came to perform for them. A spokesman at the Musical Theatre of Kuzbass said: 'In recent years his health was not ideal. He had been through complicated heart surgery, but still performed on the stage and had been working at full capacity, not sparing himself.'
Police in Florida say a twenty three-year-old man went through a McDonald's drive-thru and tried to pay for his order with a bag of marijuana. News outlets report Port St Lucie police say the fast food worker denied the trade and Anthony Andrew Gallagher drove off, only to return again a short time later and try again. Police arrested him on Sunday on charges of marijuana possession, driving under the influence and being a plank. Police were alerted to Gallagher's naughty offer early on Sunday morning and got a description of him from the worker. They say a suspect matching his description went through the drive-thru a little while later and police arrested him.
A US man wrongly suspected of hiding drugs up his colon was reportedly given a rectal probe - and billed for the unwanted anal examination. Torrence Jackson said that he refused consent for the invasive procedure and suffered 'internal injuries' as a result. According to the Post-Standard, doctors in Syracuse refused to carry out the examination until police obtained a warrant. The hospital sent Jackson a bill for over four thousand five hundred dollars. He was stopped in his car by police after failing to signal, police claim. One or two people even believed them. Officers found a bag of marijuana and cocaine residue in Jackson's vehicle, reports the Post-Standard. The incident happened on 16 October 2017, but has only been pieced together after a review by the newspaper of police, court and medical documents. Police officer Anthony Fiorini claimed Jackson's 'posture' in the car was 'consistent' with someone hiding drugs up his Gary Glitter. One officer was, allegedly, injured in 'the ensuing struggle' to arrest Jackson, who has a lengthy criminal record, according to the newspaper. Police also claimed Jackson had 'taunted' them about having drugs concealed on his person, which he denies. He was taken to St Joseph's Hospital in Syracuse where an X-ray found no 'foreign objects' up his rectum. Police subsequently obtained a court warrant to perform a sigmoidoscopy, using a flexible eight inch tube. And, to be fair, there are places where you have to pay good money for that sort of thing. Doctors initially refused to perform the procedure, until advised by a hospital lawyer that Jackson did not have a legal right to refuse. He was forcibly sedated for the examination. After the procedure found no drugs, Jackson was released and said that he only learned what doctors had done when he found blood in his underwear. 'I felt tampered with,' he told the newspaper. Upon release, the hospital had a debt collectors' agency pursue Jackson for the medical bill. He refused to pay and the matter was ultimately dropped. In a statement to the Post-Standard, the hospital said its officials 'comply with court orders whenever they are issued for detainees who come to our hospital in police custody.'
In an Internet hoax gone terribly wrong, a woman was reportedly left brain dead after subjecting herself through a 'soy sauce colon cleanse.' The thirty nine-year-old woman, identified only as CG, reportedly drank a litre of soy sauce within two hours after she reportedly found the dangerous 'health trend' online. Her unusual case was featured on the popular medical YouTube channel Chubbyemu, which is ran by a University of Illinois adjunct medical professor known as Doctor Bernard. According to the YouTuber, the incident caused the woman to go into cardiac arrest, leaving her with 'irreversible nerve damage.' Immediately after drinking a litre of soy sauce in two hours, the woman reportedly felt her heart beating faster. 'She resisted all urges to drink any water. Over the next thrity minutes, while driving home, CG stopped on the side of the road and began to cry,' the doctor said. And, one imagines given the amount of soy sauce she'd consumed they were pretty salty tears. CG's husband, Julio, would later find her collapsed in their home and immediately dialled nine-one-one for help. As she was being rushed to the hospital, CG went into cardiac arrest. Doctors later discovered that she was suffering from acute hypernatremia, which indicated a high amount of sodium in her blood. Bernard explained that the soy sauce challenge, which claimed that it would 'cleanse' a person's colon by 'evacuating the entire body of toxins,' was based on utter and complete nonsense. 'The correct part is that wherever sodium is, water will flow towards it,' he said. 'CG was told the soy sauce would stay in her colon. Toxin-filled water would then flow in and she'd be cleansed, but that's not how it happens.' He noted how the soy sauce brought 'huge amounts of salt' into her stomach, which began 'sucking water from her muscles and organs.' When the salt reached her brain, it caused it to shrink, resulting in permanent brain damage. Despite attempts to bring the sodium levels in her blood back to normal, the rise became so rapid that it resulted in her being left brain dead. Doctors diluted CG's blood with glucose-laden water. After the sugar was absorbed by her cells, CG began to show signs of stabilisation, although she continued to drift in and out of consciousness. She was able to open her eyes four days later but remains unable to move, swallow or speak.
In a shocking and stunning incident, a former middle school teacher is about to serve thirty days in The Slammer and four years on probation after he got drunk, swam underwater and ended up biting a fourteen-year-old girl on her buttocks. Jonathan William Helbert reached a plea agreement with Georgia prosecutors on Friday as a first offender plea to charges of battery, public drunkenness, and bribery, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Herbert - from Dacula, Georgia - was initially charged with sexual battery. But The DA's office dropped the sexual battery charge because 'the sexual intent behind the sexual battery and the evidence is very different than other sexual assault cases,' giving prosecutors 'worry' that a jury may not have convicted on that charge, according to the nolle prosequi, a notice filed by prosecutors detailing why they won't pursue a charge. According to the Hall County Sheriff's Office, Herbert was swimming at the Lake Lanier Island beach in Buford on the evening of 4 July and managed to swim underwater before biting the teen's bum while she was playing volleyball. Investigators have revealed that Herbert had no connections to the girl or her family and several different beachgoers and passersby who had witnessed the incident had reported it to the police. Herbert was later taken into custody and he was allegedly extremely drunk at the time of his arrest. Following that, Herbert had also tried to bribe a deputy with two hundred bucks to let him off, but clearly, that didn't work as he was then indicted for that as well. Herbert was a teacher at Snellville Middle School, and after his arrest, Gwinnett County Public Schools, which oversees Snellville, began an internal investigation. Herbert ended up resigning from his position on 1 August. The girl's family reportedly had no objection to the plea deal because they did not desire to see her testify in court, reports WSB-TV. As per the conditions of his sentence, court documents forbid Herbert from working as a teacher or to be seen in areas 'where children congregate.' But, since Herbert is also a first time offender, his battery, public drunkenness, and bribery charges will be wiped from his record if he completes his sentence without any problems.
A Missouri judge reportedly ordered a man convicted 'in a massive deer poaching ring' to watch Bambi'at least once a month' as a part of his year-long prison sentence. David Berry Junior was ordered to watch the Disney classic regularly in what conservation agents have called one of the largest deer poaching cases in state history, the Springfield News-Leader reports. 'The deer were trophy bucks taken illegally, mostly at night, for their heads, leaving the bodies of the deer to waste,' said Don Trotter, the prosecuting attorney in Lawrence County. Berry, his father, two brothers and another man who helped them had their hunting, fishing and trapping privileges revoked temporarily or permanently. The men have paid a combined over fifty thousand bucks in fines and court costs, but the judge ordered a special addition to Berry's sentence for illegally taking wildlife. Court records show he was ordered by Lawrence County Judge Robert George to 'view the Walt Disney movie Bambi, with the first viewing being on or before 23 December 2018 and at least one such viewing each month thereafter' while at The County Jail. Berry was also sentenced to one hundred and twenty days in The Big House in nearby Barton County for a firearms probation violation. His father, David Berry Senior and his brother, Kyle Berry, were very arrested in August after a nearly nine-month investigation that also involved cases in Kansas, Nebraska and Canada. The Missouri Department of Conservation said that information from the investigation led to fourteen Missouri residents facing more than two hundred and thirty charges in eleven counties. Investigators say Berry Senior's other son, Eric Berry, was later caught 'with another person' spotlighting deer, where poachers use light at night to make deer pause and easier to hunt. The investigation into the Berry family began in late 2015, when the conservation agency received an anonymous tip about deer poaching in Lawrence County.
A neo-Nazi couple who named their baby after Adolf Hitler and were extremely convicted of being members of a banned terrorist group have been very jailed. Adam Thomas and Claudia Patatas from Banbury, were part of National Action and had 'a long history of violent racist beliefs,' a judge said. Birmingham Crown Court heard the couple gave their child the middle name Adolf in 'admiration' of Hitler. Who only had one. Thomas was jailed for six years and six months and Patatas for five years. In total six people were sentenced for being part of what Judge Melbourne Inman QC described as a group with 'horrific aims.' Daniel Bogunovic from Leicester, was convicted of being a member of the banned group after standing trial alongside the couple. Described by prosecutors as 'a committed National Action leader, propagandist and strategist,' he was jailed for six years and four months. Darren Fletcher, from Wolverhampton, Nathan Pryke, from March in Cambridgeshire and Joel Wilmore from Stockport, had previously pleaded extremely guilty to being in the group. Fletcher, described by the judge as 'an extreme member,' was sentenced to five years. Pryke, the group's 'security enforcer' was given five years and five months in The Slammer and Wilmore, the 'banker and cyber security specialist,' was imprisoned for five years and ten months. The judge said of National Action: 'It's aims and objectives are the overthrow of democracy in this country by serious violence and murder and the imposition of a Nazi-style state that would eradicate whole sections of society.' In sentencing Patatas, he added: 'You were equally as extreme as Thomas both in your views and actions. You acted together in all you thought, said and did, in the naming of your son and the disturbing photographs of your child, surrounded by symbols of Nazism and the Ku Klux Klan.' Last week the court heard Fletcher had trained his toddler daughter to perform a Nazi salute and sent a message to Patatas saying 'finally got her to do it.' Jurors saw images of Thomas wearing Ku Klux Klan robes while cradling his baby, which he claimed were 'just play' but he admitted being a racist. Thomas was also found guilty of having a copy of terrorist manual The Anarchist Cookbook. A police search of the home he shared with Patatas uncovered machetes and crossbows, one kept just a few feet from the baby's crib. Extremist-themed paraphernalia including pendants, flags and clothing emblazoned with symbols of the Nazi-era SS and National Action was also recovered. Among the items were a swastika-shaped pastry cutter and swastika scatter cushions. The neo-Nazi terrorist group National Action, founded in 2013, was outlawed under anti-terror legislation in 2016 after it celebrated the murder of Labour MP Jo Cox.
A driver has been very arrested on suspicion of drink driving after crashing into a telegraph pole and getting his car stuck in a tree. West Mercia Police said that the crash was on the B4386 at Cruckton, Shrewsbury, in the early hours of Sunday. The car ended up vertical with its bonnet pointing down, surrounded by branches from a tree. Chief Superintendent Kevin Purcell said that the occupants of the car were 'lucky to be alive.'
A huge explosion and fire has hit a restaurant in the Northern Japanese city of Sapporo. Japanese police say forty two people were injured in the explosion, with one of them in a serious condition. The cause of the explosion in the Toyohira district is not yet known. Some reports suggested a gas blast. Images on social media initially showed flames rising from the area with debris all around and, later, firefighters tackling collapsed buildings. Police sealed off the area amid fears of more explosions. More than twenty fire engines were reportedly deployed. Japanese broadcaster NHK said that the area affected had both residential and dining establishments and was about three kilometres South-East of the city centre. The Japan Times quoted one eyewitness as saying the explosion 'sounded like thunder.' Another eyewitness told NHK that the blast had broken the windows of the restaurant he was working in and that there were 'many injured people.'
The Russian-backed news channel RT has been found very guilty of seven breaches of the British broadcasting code in relation to programmes broadcast in the aftermath of the Salisbury novichok poisoning last March. The media regulator, Ofcom, said the channel broke impartiality rules on seven occasions in a six-week period this year. It added that this was very naughty and it was considering sanctions on the Russian-government backed channel, formerly known as Russia Today. The regulator investigated ten programmes broadcast between March and May this year, concluding that seven of them breached rules that broadcasters are required to follow on 'due impartiality' regarding 'matters of political controversy.' Two of the breaches related to programmes hosted by the former MP and rank gobshite George Galloway, a regular presenter on the channel, who cast doubt on the link between the Salisbury poisonings and Russia. Other breaches include incidents where presenters 'failed to challenge interviewees' over 'contentious topics' and instead 'appeared to agree with their guest' and programmes and reports about the conflict in Syria that 'took a resolutely pro-Russian viewpoint' without representing alternative views. 'Taken together, the seven breaches represent a serious failure of compliance with our broadcasting rules,' said Ofcom. 'We have told RT that we are minded to consider imposing a statutory sanction. The broadcaster now has an opportunity to make representations to us, which we will consider before proceeding further.' Potential punishments include forcing RT to broadcast corrections, imposing financial fines or, applicable in extreme cases, the removal of a broadcasting licence, which would essentially force the channel off air in the UK. Although, given what happened to the last person in Britain who dared to criticise the Russian regime, Ofcom - a politically appointed quango, elected by no one - might be plopping in their own pants if they go down the more severe route. The latter course of action,for example, is 'considered unlikely' given that any punishment has to be 'proportionate' and previous impartiality breaches, even on this scale, have not resulted in channels being forced off-air. In its submissions to Ofcom, RT argued it did not breach the rules of due impartiality, in part because its viewers 'already expected' to hear 'a pro-Russian viewpoint' that challenged the 'predominant narrative' of the UK government on issues such as the war in Syria and the Salisbury attacks. 'RT has a relatively small UK audience and is avowedly Russian and broadcasting an alternative viewpoint,' it claimed. 'Audiences will not be ambushed by views aired on RT, and will not lack the context in which to evaluate them. RT is not a British broadcaster. Viewers turn to RT with the expectation that they will receive a Russian viewpoint.' One or two people even believed it. It said that any attempt to censor RT, which is one of three news channels available to Freeview viewers, was 'an affront' to freedom of speech. 'On matters that relate to disagreement between the United Kingdom and Russian governments (for instance on Salisbury or Syria), there will be viewers who want to hear the Russian point of view from a Russian channel, unfiltered by a British broadcaster,' it said. The channel said it 'disagreed' with Ofcom's conclusions: 'RT is extremely disappointed by Ofcom's conclusions in what were almost all self-initiated investigations into RT by the regulator. We operate under rules outlined by the regulator and always strive to abide by them. It appears Ofcom has failed to fully take onboard what we said in response to its investigations and, in particular, has not paid due regard to the rights of a broadcaster and the audience. We are reviewing the findings Ofcom has put forward and will decide shortly the nature of our next steps.' RT has increasingly found itself at the centre of public criticism in British public life, with both Conservative and Labour MPs warned against appearing on the network and questions regularly raised in the House of Commons about its output. In July Scotland's former first minister Alex Salmond was found to have breached Ofcom's code with his broadcasts on the channel. Despite the media attention, RT's viewing figures remain relatively small, reaching just one hundred and twenty thousand British viewers in a typical day and it has a total audience share of 0.02 per cent. By comparison, Sky News reaches 1.6 million viewers in a typical day and the BBC News channel is seen by 2.6 million, according to figures from BABR.
'It was once a simple choice of stilton or cheddar with a few grapes on the side and the pleasure of assembling a course that requires no cooking,' according to a piece of Middle Class hippy Communist nonsense in the Gruniad Morning Star. But for 'many households' - for which read, 'many Middle class households' - 'the Christmas cheeseboard has become an elaborate affair - often resulting in a vast amount of waste.' And, this shite constitutes 'news'apparently.
Meanwhile, here's another load of Middle Class hippy Communist drivel from the same organ, Why eating less meat is the best thing you can do for the planet in 2019. Arguably, stopping buying the Gruniad Morning Star is the best thing you can do for the planet in 2019 since it'll save some trees. Although, burning a few Middle Class hippy Communist journalists instead of carbon-based fuel would also be of some benefit to help with climate change. Hippies being biodegradable, obviously.
During the infamous and highly-charged 1932-33 Bodyline Ashes series, the England cricket team's captain Douglas reportedly took furious offence when he overheard one of the Australian fielders apparently referring to him as 'a bastard' during the second test whilst he was batting. Charging up to the Australian team's dressing room at the next interval he demanded an apology. Jardine is said to have hammered on the door which was eventually opened by the Aussie batsman Vic Richardson. Jardine explained his anger and his demand to know which one of the Australians had said the offending word. To which Richardson is alleged to have replied by asking his teammates over his shoulder 'All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard "a bastard?"' In the same spirit, therefore, this blogger is very much of the opinion that Comrade Corbyn should definitely apologise for calling that stupid woman 'a stupid woman.'
The German news magazine Der Spiegel has been 'plunged into chaos' after revealing that one of its top reporters had 'falsified' stories over several years. The media world was shocked (and stunned) by the revelations that the award-winning journalist Claas Relotius had, according to the weekly, 'made up stories and invented protagonists' in at least fourteen out of sixty articles that appeared in its print and online editions, warning that other outlets 'could also be affected.' Relotius resigned after extremely admitting to the scam. He had written for the magazine for seven years and won numerous awards for his investigative journalism, including CNN Journalist of the Year in 2014. Earlier this month, he won Germany's Reporterpreis (Reporter of the Year) for his story about a young Syrian boy, which the jurors praised for its 'lightness, poetry and relevance.' It has since emerged that all the sources for his reportage were 'at best hazy' and that much of what he wrote 'was made up.' The falsification came to light after a colleague who worked with him on a story along the US-Mexican border 'raised suspicions' about some of the details in Relotius's reporting, having 'harboured doubts about him for some time.' The colleague, Juan Moreno, eventually tracked down two alleged 'sources' allegedly quoted extensively by Relotius in the article, which was published in November. Both said that they had never even met Relotius. Relotius had also lied about seeing a hand-painted sign that read 'Mexicans keep out,' a subsequent investigation found. Other fraudulent stories included one about a Yemeni prisoner in Guantanamo Bay and one about the American football star Colin Kaepernick. In a lengthy article, Spiegel, which sells about seven hundred and twenty five thousand print copies a month and has an online readership of more than six million, said it was 'shocked' by the discovery and apologised to its readers and to anyone who may have been the subject of 'fraudulent quotes, made-up personal details or invented scenes at fictitious places.' The Hamburg-based magazine, which was founded in 1947 and is renowned for its in-depth investigative pieces, said that Relotius had committed journalistic fraud 'on a grand scale.' It described the episode as 'a low point in Spiegel's seventy-year history.' An in-house commission has been set up to examine all of Relotius' work for the weekly. The reporter also wrote for a string of other well-known outlets, including the German newspapers taz, Welt and the Frankfurter Allgemeine's Sunday edition. Die Welt tweeted on Wednesday: 'He abused his talent.' Relotius told Spiegel that he 'regretted' his actions - although, one imagines that he more regrets getting found out - and was 'deeply ashamed,' the magazine said. 'I am sick and I need to get help,' he was quoted as saying. Moreno, who has worked for the magazine since 2007, risked his own job when he confronted other colleagues with his suspicions, many of whom did not want to believe him. 'For three to four weeks Moreno went through Hell because colleagues and those senior to him did not want to believe his accusations at first,'Der Spiegel wrote in an apology to its readers. For several weeks, the magazine said, Relotius was even considered to be the victim of 'a cunning plot' by Moreno. 'Relotius cleverly rebuffed all the attacks, all of Moreno's well-researched pieces of evidence until there came a point when that didn't work any more, until he finally couldn't sleep any more, hunted by the fear of being discovered,' the magazine claimed. Relotius, it added, finally gave himself up last week after being 'confronted' by a senior editor. In his confession to his employer, he said: 'It wasn't because of the next big thing. It was fear of failing. My pressure to not be able to fail got ever bigger the more successful I became.' The magazine, which is one of Germany's most prominent news organisations, is now trying to rescue its reputation amid fears a magazine already challenged by the problems in the German newspaper industry will struggle to recover. 'All [his] colleagues are deeply shattered,' the magazine wrote. In particular, it said, in the Society department, where he worked, '[his] colleagues are astounded and sad, the affair feels like a death in the family.'
A Daily Scum Mail journalist was ejected from an Irish embassy reception in London after reportedly heckling the ambassador with shouts of 'boring' and 'Brexit.' Joanna Bell, who also writes for the Evening Standard, was escorted from the premises after interrupting a speech by the Irish ambassador to the UK, Adrian O'Neill, on Monday, it has emerged. A Brexiter, Bell is reported to have taken offence at the diplomat's reference to a possible second referendum and shouted her interjections across a room filled with British politicians and officials including the chancellor, Philip Hammond and convicted perjurer Jeffrey Archer. After several outbursts she was asked to leave the embassy's 'politics and press' party, part of Westminster's Christmas social calendar. Guests at the reception 'made clear' that the ambassador had never said that the British 'should' hold a second referendum, but rather had made a 'humorous remark' linking it to a Rolling Stone song. 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' presumably? O'Neill started his speech with 'a few jokes' which picked up on the Attorney General Geoffrey Cox’s Rolling Stones references when he did the warm up to Theresa May’s appearance at this year's Tory party conference. When he got to the serious business to make a point about a 'hard border,' a voice from the back of the room shouted 'bor-ing.' Bell's heckling is said to have 'stunned' guests which included the Northern Ireland secretary Karen Bradley, the chancellor Philip Hammond, former cabinet minister Michael Fallon and the head of the Northern Ireland Office Jonathan Stevens. When contacted by the Gruniad Morning Star on Wednesday to explain herself and her rudeness, Bell 'declined to comment' on the grounds that she was writing about the incident in an article for The Spectator magazine. In the article, she claimed her taunting of the ambassador 'was all meant to be in good jest.' However, witnesses said her heckling during the serious points being made about the fragility of the institutions of peace created by the Good Friday Agreement was 'far from humorous' and had interrupted a 'hushed respectful atmosphere' in the ballroom of the embassy. Bell is from a village in County Louth near the Republic's border with Northern Ireland and has described herself as 'a former remainer who embraced Brexit' because of the European commission's 'contemptible' treatment of Britain since the vote to leave the EU. In an interview with the Irish Times on Tuesday, Bell said the ambassador's mention of a possible second referendum 'prompted' her heckling. 'A second referendum would have highly unfortunate consequences for this polarised and still combustible island. It's not that mandates should never be withdrawn or a referendum reconsidered. If, however, a democratic outcome is to be reconsidered, it must first be respected. What could be more damaging than a second referendum if remain wins as narrowly as it lost the first? We would find ourselves in a precarious state.' She added: 'Obviously, I profoundly regret the excessive robustness and perhaps lack of finesse with which I expressed my disagreement with the ambassador. I had, I confess, enjoyed a good lunch with an eccentric aristocrat who is a staunch Brexiteer.' Bell said that she worked as a customs guard on the Northern Ireland border in 2006 before emigrating and becoming a journalist. She writes mainly about lifestyle, fashion and travel. For the moment, at least. In an Evening Standard comment piece on dating last year the journalist expressed admiration for the Tory Brexiter and failed duplicitous backstabber Jacob Rees-Mogg. 'I wonder if Jacob Rees-Mogg is popular these days because he reminds people of the good old days when men acted like gentlemen and women were treated with respect.' Oh, the irony.
And, From The North's next 'Ironic you say, please explain further' Headline Of The Week Award also goes to that bastion of fair and balanced reportage, the Daily Scum Mail. Who, seemingly, after two years of consistent demanding - demanding, not asking - that Britain tell Europe we don't want to be part of their club any more have now found one aspect of Brexit which will, unquestionably, make British people worse off. And, they're outraged by this. 'Out means out', remember.
To which one can only add ...
The Conservative Party is heading towards 'a prolonged period in opposition' unless it 'adapts to modern Britain,' George Osborne has said. Sorry, 'Conservatives' and 'adapt' in the same sentence? Some mistake, surely? The former Chancellor, who was his very self extremely sacked by Theresa May in 2016, said that the party 'needed to become more socially-liberal and pro-business' to survive in power. The ex-frontbencher, who now edits the Evening Standard newspaper, that he believes a general erection 'could be likely' in 2019. Sorry, 'could' and 'likely' in the same sentence? That's hedging your bets George me auld cocker. Osborne was being interviewed by David Dimbleby, who is guest-editing BBC Radio 4's Today programme on Saturday.
A Royal Navy warship which has been sent to Ukraine will 'send a strong message' to Russian President Vladimir Putin, the UK's defence secretary claims. And, the strong message would appear to be: 'We're a government in chaos on the verge of collapse, torn apart by internal infighting and ideological differences, clinging to power by our fingertips only with the aid of some Irish MPs and currently about as popular with the general electorate as The Black Death. But, one jolly good way of making people forget all of that is if we place the UK in danger of getting into a fight with a criminally deranged madman, would-be rap-guru type individual and "checker of facts" on the BBC.' Yeah, that should do the trick ... So, it's been nice knowing all of you.
Penny Marshall, star of the US TV series Laverne & Shirley and director of hit films Big and A League Of Their Own, has died at the age of seventy fie. Marshall died of complications from diabetes on Monday at her home in Hollywood Hills her publicist told Reuters news agency in a phone interview. Big's success made Marshall the first woman to direct a film that grossed more than one hundred million dollars at the US box office. In 2004, she was honoured with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, along with her Laverne & Shirley co-star Cindy Williams. Penny has been described as a pioneer in the film-making industry. Marshall and Williams starred in the 1970s Happy Days spin-off about two single, working women in late 1950s Milwaukee, which was a huge success. After Laverne & Shirley, Marshall went on to become a producer and director whose films included box-office successes such as Big, starring Tom Hanks, and women's baseball comedy A League Of Their Own. Her first film was the 1986 Whoopi Goldberg comedy Jumpin' Jack Flash. She also directed Robert De Niro and Robin Williams in Awakenings, which was nominated for three Academy Awards including best picture as well as Renaissance Man (1994), The Preacher's Wife (1996) and Riding In Cars With Boys (2001). She also produced Cinderella Man (2005) and Bewitched (2005) and directed episodes of the TV series According To Jim and United States Of Tara. 'She did commercial movies at a time when women weren't doing studio films. And so, she was a pioneer in the studio-movie world,' Melissa Silverstein, founder of the advocacy group Women and Hollywood, told the BBC. 'She laid the groundwork for women to make commercial movies with her success. Her legacy is going to be Laverne & Shirley; it was a groundbreaking sitcom and was just revolutionary. And she transitioned from acting into directing and became a director - a full-time director; the sad thing is she didn't have a longer career because of her success. I think that's a testament to how hard it was for women to get opportunities ... you can count them on one hand.' Carole Penny Marshall was born in the Bronx, in October 1943 to Marjorie, a tap dance teacher who ran and Anthony Masciarelli, a director of industrial films and later a producer. She was the sister of the actor/director/producer Garry Marshall and Ronny Hallin, a television producer. She began her career as a tap dancer at age three and graduated from Walton High School, a public girls' high school in New York and then went to University of New Mexico. While at UNM, Marshall became pregnant with daughter, Tracy and married the father, Michael Henry, in 1963. The couple divorced three years later. During this period, Marshall worked in various jobs to support herself, including as a choreographer for the Albuquerque Civic Light Opera Association. In 1967 she moved to Los Angeles to join her older brother Garry, a writer whose credits at the time included TV's The Dick Van Dyke Show. She married the actor and director Rob Reiner in 1971.
Marshall first appeared on a television commercial for Head & Shoulders shampoo. She was hired to play a girl with stringy, unattractive hair, and Farrah Fawcett was a girl with thick, bouncy hair. Penny also reportedly auditioned for the role of Witchiepoo for HR Pufnstuf narrowly losing out to Billie Hays, After her divorce from Michael Henry she accepted an offer from her brother to appear in a movie he had written and was producing, How Sweet It Is (1968). She landed another small role in The Savage Seven (1968), as well as a guest appearance on the series That Girl, starring Marlo Thomas. In 1970, Garry Marshall became the executive producer of the TV adaptation of The Odd Couple and Penny was added to the permanent cast to play Oscar's secretary, Myrna. While she was on The Odd Couple, Marshall had roles in TV movies such as Evil Roy Slade, The Crooked Hearts, The Couple Takes A Wife and Wacky Zoo Of Morgan City. From 1972 to 1973, she appeared as a regular on The Bob Newhart Show and, subsequently, on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Then her brother, the creator of Happy Days, cast Marshall and Cindy Williams to guest in what was intended to be a one-off episode of the popular comedy. The episode, A Date With Fonzie (1975), introduced the characters of LaVerne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney, a pair of wise-cracking brewery workers, who were on a double-date with Fonzie and Richie Cunningham. The pair were such a hit that Garry Marshall decided to star them in a spin-off, Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983). It was during this period that her interest in directing began and she eventually directed four episodes of the series. Her marriage to Reiner ended in 1981. Penny had a brief relationship with singer Art Garfunkel in the mid-80s and he credits her with helping him through his depression. Garfunkel would later say of Marshall, 'Everything changed. Penny is a sweet human being who can bring anybody down to earth. We had a lot of laughs, great sex and a ton of party nights.' In 2010, it was reported that Marshall had been diagnosed with lung cancer that had metastasised to her brain, but she revealed in 2012 that she was in remission. She is survived by her daughter, the actress Tracy Reiner.
That great character actor Donald Moffat, best known for such films as Clear & Present Danger, The Thing and The Right Stuff, has died in Sleepy Hollow, New York aged eighty seven. Donald was, in fact, English - born in Plymouth - but made his name on the stage and screen after moving to the US in 1956. Two of his most famous roles were as US presidents - the real-life Lyndon Johnson in 1983's The Right Stuff and the fictional President Bennett in 1994's Clear & Present Danger. He also received two TONY nominations on Broadway, both in 1967. His daughter Lynn Moffat told the New York Times that he died on Thursday as a result of complications after a recent stroke. His parents ran a boarding house in Totnes and he, after an education at King Edward VI School in Plymouth he did national service in the army from 1949 to 1951. Donald, who studied at RADA, started his acting career in the early 1950s with The Old Vic theatre company before moving across the Atlantic. Moffat worked as a bartender and a lumberjack in Oregon, his first wife's home state. 'After six months,' he said, 'I realised that I was an actor and I would always be an actor. And an actor must act. So I started acting again.' He went on to appear in dozens of films, TV shows and plays. He gave a memorable performance as the father of press secretary CJ Cregg suffering form the early stages of Alzheimer's in a 2003 episode of political drama The West Wing. One of his last stage roles was as Nineteen Century president Ulysses S Grant in a 2002 off-Broadway production of John Guare's play A Few Stout Individuals. His CV also included appearances in Tales Of The City, Columbo, Kojak, LA Law, The Unbearable Lightness Of Being, Dallas, The Chisholms, Logan's Run, The Sis Million Dollar Man, Earthquake, Ironside, Mannix, Mission: Impossible, Hawaii Five-O, The High Chaparral and Rachel Rachel. Twice married, Donald is survived by his second wife, Gwen and four children, Kathleen, Gabriel, Lynn and Catherine.
The television Producer and Director Bill Sellars has died at the age of ninety three. Bill directed the four-part 1966 Doctor Who story The Celestial Toymaker. Sellars joined the BBC in the 1960's working on A For Andromeda as a Production Assistant. Director roles followed on the BBC's continuing dramas 199 Park Lane, Compact, United and The Newcomers. The majority of his work for the Corporation was as a Producer, responsible for some of the best loved drama series of the era. He produced twenty nine episodes of the massively popular Sunday night drama The Brothers. His best loved series was the adaptation of James Herriot novels about the life of a Yorkshire vet, All Creatures Large & Small, which won him two awards nominations, a BAFTA nomination for Best Drama Series in 1979 and a Primetime EMMY nomination for Best Children's Series in 1990. He was also responsible for the notorious Triangle, the soap set and shot on a cross channel ferry on its journey across the North sea. Other series included The Doctors and its spin-off Owen MD, One By One, Flesh & Blood, The Chinese Puzzle, Circus and The Terracotta Horse. He is survived by his daughter, Lindy Carr.
And finally dearest blog reader, this bloggerisationism update is likely to be - unless someone, you know, dies; which, obviously, this blogger sincerely hopes will not happen ... and he's now slightly worried that he has tempted fate by even suggesting it - the last From The North update before New Year's Day. Therefore, please do allow all of us here at Stately Telly Topping Manor to wish all of you out in Interweb-land both a broadly tolerable Christmas (free from too many blazing rows with those members of your family that you, secretly, can barely stand to be in the same room as) and a New Year which begins with the hope that 2019 will be slightly better than 2018 was. Unlikely, Keith Telly Topping knows, but we can dream, can we not? Dreaming, as Blondie once said, is free. (Especially, as in this particular case, with Clem Burke not only inhabiting the spirit but, also, the t-shirt of the late Keith Moon!)

'This is the DNA of the most dangerous creature in the universe.''Does it have a name?''The Dalek ... the mutated remnants of a warring race, genetically created and housed within a metal case, designed to be a relentless killing machine.'
'A long time ago on the battlefields of Britain, an army of enemies came together to face an impossible opponent [from] beyond their wildest nightmares. This unlikely army fought and won the bloodiest of battles. But only just. Their opponent had been so remorseless the fear it placed in them was absolute. So, they made a pact. They split their opponent's vanquished body into three pieces to be buried at opposite ends of the world. And vowed the burial sites would forever be guarded as a precaution. The three swore an oath of secrecy - the terrifying opponent was to be erased from history. The three custodians undertook their long journeys over land and sea locating isolated sites and carrying out their task with monastic dedication. Passing their duties down through the generations to protect the future the custodians were unyielding. All except one, whose journey was never made, felled at the first by an unwitting assailant who would never know the full impact of his arrow. And time moved on, obscuring the lost custodians body leaving the other two custodians and their descendants unaware of their comrade's fate. For eternity. Almost.'
'Nineteen New Year's Eve's in a row, which was your favourite?''I did love Mesopotamia.''Ah, the original!'
'You've landed on my chair.''Well, if you will leave chairs around the place!''This is my front room!''Where's your kitchen? I just need to get some eggs to check the protein alignment in the goo. Is that your intruder alert or mine?''It's the doorbell!'
'Ryan's dad.''It's complicated.''Yeah. Dads are ... So I've heard.'
'What are you?''I am your pilot now ... You are my prisoner. You are my puppet.'
'Come on Doc, one squid verses seven billion humans. And you. Odds have got to be in our favour, surely?''I always think I'm rid of them. I never am. Trust me, Graham, even if it's just one, it's enough. It's going to kill anyone that gets in its path and it's no going to stop until it has taken control of this planet.'
'Here's what you find out when you get older. There are things that you've done in your life, to others, the decision you've made, maybe when things were difficult. You get it wrong. But, by the time you realise you got it wrong, it's too late. You can't fix it because the damage is done. And so you run, because you're too ashamed to make it right. That's what I did.'
'There's been a Dalek buried on Earth since the Ninth Century waiting to revive.''I'm sorry, what?''Alien psychopath.''Are you kidding?''No.'
'So, it's even worse than the really bad thing you were worried about in the first place?'
'I know you can hear me right now.''Who are you?''I'm your secret conscience. Not really, we both know you don't have one.''How are you communicating?''You might have temporarily disabled my navigation but I still know a trick or two. Like I know you're a refugee from the planet Skaro. What sort of Dalek are you, anyway?'
'I'm so sorry, UNIT operations have been suspended, pending review.''What? No, it can't have been! UNIT is a fundamentally vital protection for planet Earth against alien invasion.''Yes, but when did that last happen?''Now!' What happened to it?''All UNIT operations were put on hold following financial disputes and subsequent funding withdrawal from the UK's major international partners .. Other armed forces are available if you can answer a couple of questions to help me redirect your call!''We're on our own!'
'What do you call this look, junkyard chic?''Humanity will surrender.''It really won't. Trust me, I've seen them in action! They've fought off so many things, including the worst of their own people. They're really stubborn, have you not worked that out yet? Even the Recon-Scout Daleks, the first ones out of Skaro. Humanity bands together, vanquishes you and buries you for centuries.''Yet, I survived.''Yeah, you're good at that. But it won't be enough.'
'It's diverting every bit of power it can take from the whole of the UK to power the transmission. It's shutting down the wi-fi, the phone signals. Woah, that Dalek just shut down the whole of Britain's Internet.''What, on New Year's Day? When everything's shut and everyone's hungover?''What a monster!'
'Here's a New Year's message for you to send. Earth is protected. By me and my mates. This year and every other!'
'I hate New Year's Day. Everything's closed, everyone's hung over and there's nothing to do!' Well, guess what dear blog reader? Yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought that was great. And now, we've got twelve months to wait for a follow up. That's okay. Hopefully, patience will be rewarded ('patience'? From Doctor Who fans. A novel concept, I'm sure you'll agree dear blog reader). 'This is my favourite year, ever. Already, just one day in!'
'I'm fast enough for this plan, right?''Err ... probably.''Maybe.''Possibly.''Okay, Well, that one needs work!'
Resolution was watched by 5.15 million overnight viewers, a share of just over twenty two per cent of the total TV audience, according to initial figures. So, with a Seven Day-Plus timeshift roughly on a par with those of the recent series, that should be a consolidated figure of somewhere in the seven million punters range. The rating made Doctor Who the fourth highest rated overnight for New Year's Day. Top was the return of the BBC1 drama Luther with 5.63 million. On ITV Coronation Street had 5.39 million, while Emmerdale drew 5.17 million. EastEnders was watched by 4.74 million viewers and the Mrs Brown's Boys New Year special had 5.06 million. The return of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? attracted 3.39 million viewers, but Jezza Clarkson was beaten by That There Bradley Walsh with The Chase drawing 3.86 million. On Channel Four, The Great British Bake Off special had a surprisingly low 2.64 million. Final and consolidated Seven Day-Plus figures should be available next week, which will include those who recorded the programme and watched it later and catch-up viewing on iPlayer.
And now, dear blog reader, the first in a new, semi-regular, From The North series, Things That Bother Yer Actual Keith Telly Topping Whilst He Is A-Watching His Telly. Number one: Why was The Divine Victoria Coren Mitchell dressed as The Riddler on the Christmas Eve episode of Only Connect? Answers on a postcard if you'd be ever so kind.
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping was back on his recent - surprisingly good - form during that particular episode, managing to get the answer to three whole questions before either of the teams did. Once again, dear blog reader, this suggests that either this blogger is getting smarter as he gets older (jolly unlikely, he would have said) or, that the questions on Only Connect are getting easier. Keith Telly Topping will leave it up to you to decide on the likely answer to that one.
And, finally in this attractive mini-Only Connect takeover of this very bloggerisation, it's time for Things We Learned From The Latest Episode Of Only Connect. The Divine Victoria repeated the oft-told, if possibly apocryphal, story of when the young Miley Cyrus used to tour with her father, Billy Ray, she was allegedly paid ten dollars per night to collect all the bras and knickers that (female) fans had thrown at her father during the gig. 'It was the same for me when I went to see recordings of The News Quiz in the old BBC Radio Theatre,' claimed Victoria concerning her own late father, the broadcasting legend that was Alan Coren. 'I didn't know she'd gotten those ten dollars as well. It's nice to feel less alone!'
TV Comedy Moment Of The Week: The Godlike genius that is Lord Noddy Holder's contribution to Would I Lie To You? when claiming: 'One December night, whilst dressed as Joseph I had to shove a donkey off a country lane.'
The BBC has confirmed that the second-half of Qi's P series will begin with the episode Pain & Punishment on Friday 11 January, the Beeb having - seemingly - given up on the daft idea of showing the series on the, wholly inappropriate, Monday nights. There is currently no news on when the extended XL version will be broadcast. Although, hopefully, it won't be the chaotic and, frankly, silly about six weeks later when we eventually get round to it as an afterthought that the first half of the series suffered. Pain & Punishment will feature guests Jimmy Carr, Lee Mack and Alice Levine.
Michael McIntyre's annual festive 'special' - and, one uses that word quite wrongly - was the surprise Christmas Day TV hit this year, beating Strictly Come Dancing and EastEnders by drawing 6.1 million overnight viewers on BBC1. The Strictly special, which brought competitors such as Caroline Flack, Anita Rani, Jake Wood, Aston Merrygold, Michael Vaughan and That Bloody Awful Widdecombe Woman back to the dance floor, attracted an average overnight audience of 5.8 million. Call The Midwife kicked-off its eighth series with an emotional Christmas episode that drew 5.5 million, whilst Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas episode had 4.7 million overnight viewers. Nine of the top ten shows on Christmas Day were broadcast on the BBC. Coronation Street was ITV's highest rated programme, watched by an overnight audience of 4.6 million people - a figure which includes those who tuned into the ITV+1 channel. When audiences on all channels were combined, The Queen's Christmas Message was the most watched broadcast, with an audience of 6.3 million - 5.2 million viewers on BBC1 and 1.1 million on ITV (again, including ITV+1 viewers). The message was also broadcast on Sky. The combined figures for BBC1 and ITV, however, were down 1.2 million punters on last year's overnight figure. The Queen used her Christmas address to say that the message of 'peace on Earth and goodwill to all' was 'needed as much as ever.' She called on people to set aside their differences and 'treat others with respect.' Yeah, cos that's likely to happen, isn't it? Although the Queen usually remains publicly neutral on political matters, her comments 'could have been interpreted as referencing the turmoil over Brexit,'according to someone of absolutely no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star. Though it 'could', just as likely, have been a reference to the Glasgow derby taking place a few days later, with kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. McIntyre's festive show was recorded at The Theatre Royal, Drury Lane and featured live music from the Welsh soprano Katherine Jenkins. Chris Kamara was also featured, playing Send To All, a segment in which McIntyre sends a 'funny' text to every contact on a guest's phone and then reads the replies. Which, trust this blogger, is every single bit as unfunny as that description makes it sound despite the suspiciously dubbed-on sounding roars from the theatre audience. Charlotte Moore, the director of BBC content, said: 'We are happy so many people chose to watch BBC1 this Christmas Day. Whether it be entertainment shows such as Michael McIntyre and Strictly Come Dancing, drama like Call The Midwife or comedy with Mrs Brown's Boys, we want to offer something for everyone.' The BBC also dominated the Christmas TV ratings last year (and, indeed, every year for most the last decades), with eight of the ten most popular broadcasts. About 6.8 million overnight viewers - thirty two per cent of the television-watching public - tuned in to watch 2017's Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special. Christmas Day overnight ratings have been in steady decline for some years. Call The Midwife won the top prize in 2016, but although 9.2 million people tuned in, according to consolidated ratings which include timeshifting, that was the smallest audience for the most-watched show on Christmas Day since the current method of calculating ratings began in 1981. 'The decline appears partly down to wider choices as viewers turn in droves to the US streaming companies Netflix and Amazon,' sneered this flaming plank at the Gruniad, managing to shoe-horn the paper's obligatory reference to Netflix into just about every article it publishes on the subject of television whilst producing zero evidence that anyone but some Middle Class hippy Communist Gruniad Morning Star readers were watching Netflix on Christmas Day as opposed to the BBC, ITV or any other channel for that matter. This year's figures are, let it be noted, a far cry from just ten years ago when Wallace & Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf & Death drew a viewing figure of 16.2 million and Kylie's appearance of Doctor Who had over fourteen million. In the 1980s the average audience for festive TV was 18.5 million, although, of course, there were only four TV channelsin those days as opposed to several hundred now. 'The 1986 EastEnders Christmas special, when Dirty Den handed Angie her divorce papers, remains one of the most watched TV moments during the festive period, with a record 30.6 million tuning in on Christmas Day and for its repeat a few days later,' continued the Gruniad's ancient history lesson. 'Last year broadcasters released box-sets to compete with Netflix and Amazon. The BBC packed iPlayer with more than forty box-sets, which included Peaky Blinders and Thirteen.'
Speaking of Mrs Brown's Boys, here is a very good piece by the BBC's Thomas McMullen, The Long Life Of A Critic-Proof Comedy which gives a long overdue strides-down caning to some sneering, full-of-their-own-bastard-importance 'critics' at the Gruniad and the Observer. 'It doesn't help that so many of our mainstream critics have the kind of class and educational backgrounds which have historically taught them that art forms such as opera or ballet or classical music are somehow more worthwhile than TV or comedy,' says Megan Vaughn, a theatre criticism researcher at Royal Holloway, University of London. 'Everyone's sense of humour is different, but our sense of humour develops via our experiences and social interactions; perhaps if we gave opportunities to new and more diverse TV reviewers, we would get criticism that was less wedded to old-fashioned cultural hierarchies and more representative of viewers' tastes.'Word, sister.
Lee Mack tempted the TV gods with the live Not Going Out 'Christmas' episode and, aside from a few minor dialogue fluffs, the cast managed to give viewers their money's worth. The episode was broadcast on Friday 21 December, taking a delightfully meta approach by having Lee and Lucy (Sally Bretton) planning their own Christmas variety show, Ding Dong Merrily On Live Christmas Spectacular, to raise money for the kids' school. Unfortunately, quality talent is hard to find, so the couple had to throw together a line-up which included an 'animal impersonator,' an egg-juggler and a knife-thrower. With hilarious consequences. The episode started with Lee and Lucy delivering a monologue to camera about all the potential problems that a live show can pose. Within two minutes of the episode starting, Bretton had fluffed a line whilst, ironically, describing just how easily live shows can go all tits-up. 'What if it's a disaszzz,' she stumbled, before correcting herself: 'What if it's a disaster?' Mack looked directly to camera and effectively broke the fourth wall: 'I dunno, I think you carried it off quite well there!' Later in the episode, Lee slipped a topical reference into the debate over whether Jeremy Corbyn referred to Prime Minister as 'a stupid woman' in Parliament. When Lucy complained that Lee was 'just a stupid man,' he replied: 'Well you really are a ... stupid people!'
When it was announced that From The North favourite Gotham's fifth and final series was going to be a shorter run than what we've been used to, many fans wondered if the production team would be able to wrap up everything properly. There is the No Man's Land adaptation, getting Bruce Wayne to the point where he becomes The Batman and all of the various other heroes and villains' ongoing back stories to be concluded. But those behind the show don't seem nervous about it. Speaking to The Hollywood Reporter, the show's executive producer John Stephens said: 'We've been planning [this arc] for about three years now. It's a cataclysmic event in the history of the city, so we had to save it for the end. Once we knew that we were only going to do one more season, it was like, now's the time! We're telling the long-term story of the city that created Batman so we want to feel like that story came to a satisfying end.' Ben McKenzie added that: 'We definitely are trying to satisfy a lot of those demands, those requests for certain specific characters to appear, specific interactions to occur,' in order to create a really fan pleasing series. The series - which will, reportedly, be twelve episodes long and not the initially announced ten - will be back on FOX in the US on Thursday. And, yer actual Keith Telly Topping is expecting his preview copy to arrive through the mail as soon as the post office opens after New Year. No UK premiere date has been announced yet.
American Gods has shared a first in-depth look at its troubled second series by releasing the series' opening scene. And, it looks fantastic. In October, Starz revealed the first teaser trailer for series two, which will begin on 11 March - almost exactly two years after fans last saw the Neil Gaiman adaptation. The official series two synopsis reads: 'The battle between Old Gods and New Gods continues to brew as we join Mister Wednesday just a few short hours after his declaration of war and the epic showdown that ensued at Easter's party. While Mister World plans revenge for Wednesday's attack, Wednesday continues his quest to pitch the case for war to the Old Gods with Shadow, Laura and Mad Sweeney in tow. When things don't go as planned after an encounter at The House On The Rock, both Old and New Gods, as well as those they meet along the way, find themselves on quests across America - all destined in some way for Cairo, Illinois. Shadow will begin to understand this strange world of the Gods and carve out a place in it as a believer in order to survive. But change will require sacrifice.'
The Digital Spy website has 'revealed' that It turns out Daenerys' dragons in Game Of Thrones aren't actually dragons at all. And, this constitutes 'news', apparently.
BBC is celebrating an exciting coming year of TV drama ahead by releasing sneak previews of the return of Killing Eve, Peaky Blinders, Call The Midwife, Luther and Poldark. Although, by the time you've read this update, dear blog reader, likely you'll have already seen the first episode of Luther. To ring in 2019, the Beeb unveiled a trailer previewing many of the new and returning dramas that will be rolling out over the next twelve months. And, to be fair, it really does look proper tasty. Among the new shows getting a preview are the recently-premiered Les Misérables, the science fiction epic War Of The Worlds and The Missing's spin-off bringing back Tchéky Karyo as investigator Julien Baptiste. Several returning favourites are featured as well, including Line Of Duty following its first-look preview last week. Back on the streets of London once again is Idris Elba, who has to deal with the dual threats of a masked killer on the loose and a local crime boss putting a hit on him. And,of course, the return of a lady from his past. Wonder who that could be? 'This season is extremely complex,' Elba recently promised. 'There is one antagonist, one killer, but so many things fall out of that and it starts to unfold and unfold.'Peaky Blinders will also resume in 2019 with Tommy tackling his most intimidating foe yet, Whitehall' In the new series, he will tangle with 'a politician with a vision to change Britain forever.' So, that'll be that terrible old fascist stinker Oswald Mosley, more than likely. The period drama is also revamping its cast, with Sam Claflin, Anya Taylor-Joy and Emmett J Scanlan being added to the ensemble. Also back in 2019 will be another huge From The North favourite Killing Eve for its second series, which Jodie Comer has teased will centre around Villanelle 'battling with her conscience' for the first time.
Z-List Celebrity Big Brother was the most whinged about TV programme of 2018, the broadcasting regulator Ofcom (a politically-appointed quango, elected by no one) has confirmed. Though, tragically, not because it was a load of old worthless toot that should have been thrown into the gutter along with all the other turds years ago. The show received twenty seven thousand six hundred and two whinges in total, the vast majority - from people with, seemingly, nothing better to do with their time - relating to an incident involving Roxanne Pallett and Ryan Thomas. Pallett claimed that Thomas had 'punched' her, but most viewers who had seen the footage and commented upon it said that he was only 'play-fighting.' And, everybody else really couldn't care less about such abject nonsense. The former Emmerdale actress and gross self-publicist subsequently apologised, acknowledging that she 'got it wrong' after a wholly social media and tabloid created furore. This was the last series of Z-List Celebrity Big Brother to be broadcast on Channel Five after the network announced that they were not renewing either the z-list celebrity or standard version of the show and shovelling the pair of them into the nearest gutter all with all the other turds. The second most complained about programme was an episode of Loose Women which saw another pair of horrible crass self-publicists Kim Woodburn and Coleen Nolan indulge in some 'big fight, little people'-type malarkey. The pair, who had fallen out on a previous series of Z-List Celebrity Big Brother, attempted to 'sort out their differences' live on-air. But, an almighty - if, spectacularly funny - row ended with Woodburn 'becoming emotional' and walking off-set in a geet stroppy huff. Nolan took a break from the show and cancelled all her other work for several weeks after the clash. Other TV shows to receive complaints included Sky News, Emmerdale and Coronation Street. An episode of Love Island, in which Dani Dyer 'became visibly distressed' when shown footage of her boyfriend, Jack, being housed with an ex-girlfriend, also attracted complaints. If his reaction to topping last year's most complained about chart is anything to go by, odious oily twat Piers Morgan will be very disappointed that Good Morning Britain was only in seventh place this year.
The BBC has confirmed it will not broadcast its long-running Film series next year. The programme was first shown in 1971 and has since been fronted by Barry Norman, Jonathan Ross and Claudia Whatsherface. 'In 2019 we will be creating an enhanced offer for lovers of film both on television and online,' the corporation told the BBC News website. 'We're still working through the details and will have more news about what this will look like soon.'Film's title has changed annually since it launched, to reflect the year in which it was being broadcast. It began, being broadcast only in the South East area of the UK at first, with rotating guest presenters including Joan Bakewell. The following year, Film 72 was broadcast to the whole country, with Bazza Norman its first permanent host. Whatsherface, the show's most recent regular host, left the show in 2016 and the programme has since been fronted by various guest presenters including Edith Bowman, Clara Amfo and Charlie Brooker. But, its profile was at its highest in the twenty six years when it was hosted by Norman, who was such a well-known TV presence that he was caricatured as a puppet on Spitting Image. And, why not? It was a time when Norman combined his incisive although, often completely wrong - reviews of the week's releases with on-set reports of future releases and interviews with Hollywood's biggest names. In 2014, he named Jamie Lee Curtis, Martin Scorsese, Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney as four of his favourite interviewees during his time on the show. But, even when the programme was at its height, fixed in a regular time slot, it did not appear on TV throughout the year - which meant that some major releases (particularly summer blockbusters) only got a summary review from Norman when the programme returned from its annual mid-year break. The BBC said in a statement that its new plan to cover film from now on would 'fix that anomaly,' offering 'a more consistent approach across the year.'
It is more than two years since Cold Feet returned to a warm reception from critics and fans alike, following a thirteen-year hiatus. For TV viewers of a certain age, this blogger included, it was like reuniting with old friends as we navigated the pitfalls of middle age together - teenage kids, relationship woes and the menopause. And all done, of course, with the humour, pathos and warmth we had come to expect from the ITV comedy drama. But, something didn't feel quite right about last year's follow-up series, which saw Adam (James Nesbitt) split with partner Tina (Leanne Best) after an affair with a colleague, while Pete (John Thomson) and Jenny (Fay Ripley) renewed their wedding vows following marriage problems. 'I think the first series was back with a bang, as it should be after thirteen years pre-production - no excuses,' said Thomson. 'It was a bit of a phenomenon. The second [series was] not great. The difficult second album. Ill-prepared. It was a very slow burner. It dragged its feet and then found its way and that showed. We were supposed to do eight [episodes], we didn't, we did seven,' he explained. 'It wasn't a bad series, don't get me wrong [but] they've learned from the mistakes of [series] two and they've gone to six [episodes]. They've consolidated everything. This is why this series is the absolute strongest. We've got some gold on our hands.' There was also a scheduling issue for the last series, with its Monday night slot changed to Fridays. Thomson told the BBC the Friday slot was 'a mistake' and that he 'wasn't alone' in thinking that. 'I've always felt the British people are creatures of habit. We did Monday [when the show returned in 2017], that was a triumph. We had a nice slot,' he explained. 'Then we found out [it would be moved to] Friday and we went, "What?" If it's not broke, don't fix it! It was always Sundays for the original six [series] and they said: "You can't have Sundays, Victoria's got that now. Then they went "Monday," great, Monday worked and then they went "Friday."' Series eight, which will be shown next month, is back on Monday nights again. Series eight opens with the cast preparing for a wedding, Adam appears to be on the lookout for love (again) and there is trouble brewing between David and his son, Josh. The fact that the cast have been on board since day one gives them a certain leverage when it comes to characterisation. 'In pre-production, [the writers] will give you an idea of what your story arc is, where you're going and they will listen to you,' Thomson added. Jimmy Nesbitt concurred: 'We have our own palettes - if your character is going in the wrong direction, you could say.' So what can we expect from the upcoming series? Robert Bathurst says: 'It's sharp, it's rigorous, it's got a confidence, in that we're not overlaying the comedy [but] it's funny. It's also very affecting. I think it's really on form.' Nesbitt says: 'I think there are things in it that will surprise people a lot. It has all the elements that made [the show] a success in the past.''It's a different show now because of the climate,' says Thomson. 'It was all Blair and Brits this and Brits that and no recession. It was all feel-good. [But] we've maintained the idea behind the show that it's aspirational. We've put Manchester on the map.'
He has been behind two of ITV's biggest formats and now the BBC, too, has turned to Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads' company to produce a hit stablemate for Strictly Come Dancing in the form of dance talent show judged by its audience. So, that should be worth avoiding, then. The Greatest Dancer, which starts on 5 January, 'transfers power to the people' in a competition that offers the winner fifty grand and a guest appearance on Strictly. In a departure from Wee Shughie McFee's previous formats, The X Factor and Britain's Got Toilets, where alleged 'talent experts' decide the winner, on The Greatest Dancer, the studio audience are the judges. If seventy five per cent of them vote for an act by turning on a light on their seat, the mirror behind the performer splits open to reveal them to the audience. Also in the audience are three 'experts' - singer Wor Geet Canny Cheryl, Strictly professional dancer Oti Mabuse and Glee actor Matthew Morrison - who will coach the final nine acts and give them feedback. Morrison said: 'It's hard to sit there as someone who has studied dance, but it comes down to the general population's take on dance. It can be a great thing and it can also be a bad thing because they don't understand the hours and the commitment and the sacrifice it takes to be a great dancer. But perhaps there was something in them that didn't connect.' Nigel Hall, global head of television at Wee Shughie McFee's company Syco Entertainment, said: 'You can't be a star in showbiz if people don't want to see you and often it wasn't the best technical dancers but the dancers who had that heart and passion and dedication that received the seventy five per cent and so opened the mirrors. As Simon often says, you have to have the likeability factor!' Which is ironic given that Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads is, himself, about as likeable as geet big hairy growth on one's chap-end. Hall, who used to be executive producer for Stars In Their Eyes, said: 'I thought combining a kind of doors opening with the splitting of a mirror down the middle and turning it into a reveal would be something new and unique to dance.' He said Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads, who has not worked for the BBC before, had been 'key' to the creation of the show, funding the pilot, helping fine-tune the format with co-producer Thames and 'he even told Cheryl she would be mad to turn this down.'The Greatest Dancer will be presented by Alesha Dixon and Diversity dancer Jordan Banjo and features 'a diverse line-up of contestants.' The BBC's director of content, Charlotte Moore, described The Greatest Dancer as 'epic, warm and very much a people's show. We are very excited about it.' When asked how being a mentor on The Greatest Dancer compared with being a judge on The X Factor, Wor Geet Canny Cheryl said it was different: 'It did feel more competitive with X Factor, because at the end someone was winning a massive record contract. With this show, you're not trying to create a career. Hopefully a platform, but not a career.' Thames's managing director, Amelia Brown, said all kinds of dance acts were welcome, from ballet to street and 'the result is a dance show with a little bit of magic.'
Monty Python's Flying Circus's Michael Palin has been extremely knighted and the model Twiggy made a dame in a New Year Honours list that also recognises the achievements of England football manager Gareth Southgate. And his waistcoat. Southgate becomes an OBE after guiding The Three Lions to the World Cup semi-finals in Russia - the same honour goes to another sporting hero from 2018, Tour De France winner Geraint Thomas. The former England cricket captain Alastair Cook and His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman are among the other new knights, while The Handmaid's Tale novelist Margaret Atwood joins the Companions of Honour. There are honours and bravery medals for seven members of the team of British divers who rescued twelve young footballers from a Thai cave in July. Forty three people - including medics and police officers - have been recognised for their response to the terror attacks in Manchester and London in 2017. Palin's honour means he is the first member of the Monty Python's Flying Circus comedy group to be knighted. But, the seventy five-year-old, who became a CBE in 2000 for his TV work, is being recognised for services to travel, culture and geography following his career as a writer and presenter of documentaries that have taken him all over the world, most recently to North Korea. He said to mark his latest achievement, he may 'just have a quiet celebration, just myself and a glass of Horlicks and then go to bed.' He also noted that this is, in fact, the second time he's been a knight, a reference to Monty Python & The Holy Grail. The damehood for Twig The Wonderkid - born Lesley Hornby - is for services to fashion, the arts and charity. She shot to fame as a face of 1960s London and referring to her new title, said: 'I'm a very proud Brit, I feel I'm an ambassador for Britain, I always have. My only sadness with this is my mum and dad aren't here to know. They'd have been so proud.' Southgate, whose World Cup run came less than two years after he took over as England manager, said: 'I hope that everybody that has supported me throughout my career feels pride in the fact that I've received this honour because I wouldn't be in this position without that help and guidance.' Overall, one thousand one hundred and forty eight people are on the main honours list. Some seventy per cent of recipients have been recognised for work in their community and forty seven per cent of the total are women. Meaning, obviously, that fifty three per cent are not. The Foreign Office has announced an additional ninety three honours and there are separate lists covering the gallantry awards and for service personnel in the military. The dramatic rescue of a Thai boys' football team stranded in a cave captivated the world in July. Richard Stanton and John Volanthen, the first divers to reach the teenagers, have been given the George Medal, the second highest civilian gallantry award. Seven firefighters who saved elderly residents from a blaze at a care home in Cheshunt in 2017, receive Queen's Gallantry Medals. Meanwhile, fourteen-year-old Joe Rowlands, from Cheshire, who saved his father from drowning in a kayaking incident off Anglesey, receives a Queen's Commendation for Bravery. Among those honoured after the 2017 terror attacks is Detective Chief Inspector Teresa Lam, family liaison lead for Greater Manchester Police, who receives a British Empire Medal for services to policing and the community. Colin Kelsey, who led the NHS response to the Manchester Arena bombing, Doctor Malik Ramadhan, who was in charge of A&E at the Royal London hospital after the London Bridge attack and Paul Woodrow, operations director at the London Ambulance Service, all become OBEs. From the arts world, there are CBEs for violinist Nicola Benedetti, Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason, Dunkirk director Christopher Nolan and the actress Sophie Okonedo. Children's novelist Julia Donaldson - creator of The Gruffalo, Zog and many other much-loved characters - also receives a CBE. Conservationist, broadcaster and all-round Top Bloke Chris Packham is made a CBE alongside three artists - Tacita Dean, Yinka Shonibare and Turner Prize winner Gillian Wearing. The latter's statue of the suffragist Millicent Fawcett was unveiled in Parliament Square in April. Actors Jim Carter and Thandie Newton, seen recently in Westworld and Line Of Duty, have been made OBEs. Mike Peters, the frontman of rock band The Alarm, has been made an MBE for services to charity. He has raised thousands for cancer care projects after recovering from the disease. The sporting honours include an MBE for England skipper Harry Kane, who felt the ferocious heat when he won the World Cup's golden boot after scoring six goals at the tournament. And, never passed to Vardy. There is a knighthood for Bill Beaumont, former England rugby union captain, a CBE for outgoing Premier League executive chairman Richard Scudamore and an OBE for jump jockey Richard Johnson. England netball star Geva Mentor, who was part of the team's Commonwealth Games gold medal victory, becomes a CBE. Scotland rugby legend Doddie Weir who set up a foundation for motor neurone disease research after being diagnosed himself is made an OBE. Former Manchester United and Northern Ireland goalkeeper Harry Gregg who survived the Munich air disaster in 1958, becomes an OBE for services to football and there is an MBE for Glasgow Rangers and Northern Ireland defender Gareth McAuley. There are MBEs for former Fulham and West Hamsters United player Leroy Rosenior, now vice-president of Show Racism the Red Card, for services to tackling discrimination in sport and Women's Sport Trust co-founder Joanna Bostock for services to gender equality. The same honour goes to former world darts champion John Lowe, Welsh triathlete Helen Jenkins and three-time Olympic rowing silver medallist Frances Houghton. From the world of business, former Virgin Money boss Jayne-Anne Gadhia is made a dame for her contribution to financial services and women in the industry. Ann Gloag, co-founder of Stagecoach, who set up a healthcare charity for women in Africa, is recognised with a damehood for services to business and philanthropy. The other new dames include former the athlete Louise Martin, president of the Commonwealth Games Federation and Glenda Bailey, editor of the US edition of Harper's Bazaar magazine, for services to journalism. Christopher Bailey-Woods, president of Burberry and Whitbread's chief executive Alison Brittain receive CBEs. Three MPs have been given knighthoods for political service - Labour's Alan Campbell and Conservatives John Redwood and Gary Streeter. The unexpected knighthood last month for MP John Hayes prompted speculation that Downing Street would seek to use honours as an incentive to persuade politicians to back the PM's Brexit deal. However, decisions on awards for political service are made by an independent committee and the Cabinet Office stressed that soon-to-be-former Prime Minister Theresa May's 'strategic steer' for this honours list had been that it 'supported those working to help children and tackle discrimination.' One or two people even believed them. Notable figures in the world of science have been recognised with knighthoods for Jeremy Farrar, head of the Wellcome Trust, one of the world's largest medical charities, Patrick Vallance, the government's chief scientific adviser and Ian Blatchford, director of the Science Museum Group. There are knighthoods too for Professor Mel Greaves, who researches childhood leukaemia at the Institute for Cancer Research and Professor Jonathan Montgomery, a specialist in healthcare law at University College London. Professor Ewan Birney, joint director of the European Bioinformatics Institute, is made CBE. Youth magazine founder Saeed Atcha, aged twenty two, is the youngest person on the main list. His MBE is for services to young people and the community in Greater Manchester. The oldest person is one hundred-year-old Robert Lingwood, a World War Two veteran whose receives a British Empire Medal for services to the community in County Tyrone. John Clough, whose daughter Jane was murdered by her ex-boyfriend in Blackpool, gets an MBE for his campaigning work on behalf of domestic abuse victims, while Mark Prince, whose fifteen-year-old son Kiyan was killed outside a London school in 2006, has been made an OBE for tackling gang crime. Melissa Mead, from Penryn, whose son William died in 2014 of blood poisoning, becomes an MBE after campaigning to raise awareness of sepsis. The same honour goes to Colin Crooks, from social enterprise Tree Shepherd, who has helped disadvantaged communities in London since the 1980s. Meanwhile, the BBC have produced a jolly useful list of some of those who have been offered an honour in the past but turned it down - for a variety of different reasons - including the late David Bowie, Paul Weller, Alan Bennett, Benjamin Zephaniah, Jim Broadbent and Nigella Lawson.
Dame June Whitfield who died this week aged ninety three was a constant presence in British post-war comedy. Often playing the female stooge to some of Britain's most famous entertainers, she called herself 'a comic's tart.' But, after six decades on radio and television, she established herself as a star in her own right. The actress always said that she was 'very bad at getting round to things.' But from her early radio appearances in the 1950s, through to her scatty antics on Absolutely Fabulous, she featured in more than thirteen hundred radio and television shows. June Rosemary Whitfield was born in Streatham in November 1925. Her father was a telephone company executive, her mother an amateur actress who pushed her young daughter into dramatics and dancing. Trained at RADA, to which she attributed her work ethic, Whitfield took her first professional acting job in 1944. She was soon in demand on stage, radio and later television and her long and varied career made for some surprising connections. When she appeared in the London production Ace of Clubs, she was befriended by the show's creator, Noel Coward and spent many weekends at his glamorous country home. Later she joined the chorus line of South Pacific, with its American lead Mary Martin, even dating Martin's young son, Larry Hagman. However, her husband of forty six years, Tim Aitchison, was not from the same industry, but a chartered surveyor. Whitfield's ability to conjure up characters and superb sense of comic timing kept her in demand from across the entire canon of British comedy. Tony Hancock, Frankie Howerd, Ronnie Barker, Benny Hill, Bob Monkhouse and Tommy Cooper all clamoured to work with her. She called her autobiography ... And June Whitfield, in recognition of the fact that she always seemed to get second billing. 'The greatest of show business mysteries,' Denis Norden once said, 'was how anyone could contemplate doing a comedy show without June Whitfield.' With Frankie Howerd, she recorded a cover version of the song 'Je T'aime (Moi Non Plus)', but even their spoof, complete with ironic heavy breathing, was considered too risque for the time and, like the Serge Gainsboug and Jane Birkin original, was banned by the BBC. Her most memorable radio role was in The Glums, Frank Muir and Denis Norden's spoof family soap, part of the popular series Take It From Here. For seven years as the long-suffering Eth, her most oft-heard line was the lamenting 'Ooh, Ron,' addressed to her hapless fiance (Jimmy Edwards). And, for two decades, she read The News Huddlines for her long-time friend and colleague Roy Hudd, in radio's longest-running audience comedy. During the next fifteen years June had many supporting roles on television, including Hancock's Half Hour, My Pal Bob, Whack-O, Yes, It's The Cathode-Ray Tube Show!, Dixon Of Dock Green, Arthur's Treasured Volumes, The Arthur Askey Show, The Seven Faces Of Jim, The Rag Trade, The Benny Hill Show, Steptoe & Son and Frankie Howerd. She played the nurse in the opening scene of the most famous Hancock episode, 1961's The Blood Donor. Her first starring TV role came in the BBC sitcom Beggar My Neighbour, with Reg Varney and Peter Jones, in 1966. She went on to form her first working relationship with Terry Scott in Scott On ... before the pair teamed up again for Happy Ever After and Terry & June. The chemistry between the unflappable Whitfield and her hare-brained husband was so solid that many viewers believed they were married in real life. Described as the apotheosis of undemanding, Middle-Class, primetime comedy, Terry & June attracted audiences of fifteen million during its eight-year run. She had also appeared in The Best Things In Life, The Goodies, The Dick Emery Show, Bless This House, It Ain't Half Hot, Mum, Minder and The Pallisers. Whitfield described herself as living 'in the suburban corner, in real life and in the parts I've played. Very English, and nothing wrong with that.' She also became the face of a string of adverts for Birds Eye frozen ready meals with the punchline: 'It can make a dishonest woman of you.' Her big screen appearances included four Carry On films, and, in 1996, the part of Aunt Drusilla in a film adaptation of Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure. 'The Carry Ons were a nudging sort of humour, like seaside postcards,' she said. 'Not at all politically correct, which was always a good thing.' She also played Agatha Christie's Miss Marple in a number of BBC Radio 4 adaptations between 1993 and 2001. In 1992, she became an unlikely icon to a new generation of fans with her portrayal of Edina's unworldly mother in the internationally successful Absolutely Fabulous. Originally scheduled to appear in just one episode, she went on to become one of the show's most popular characters. 'As Joanna Lumley says, Ab Fab made us born-again actresses,' she commented. As the new Century dawned, Whitfield continued a wide variety of roles including All Rise For Julian Clary, Midsomer Murders, Coronation Street, Jonathan Creek and that retirement home for actors of a certain generation, Last Of The Summer Wine. In 2009 she was one of a number of nostalgia figures who appeared in The End Of Time, David Tennant's final Doctor Who two-parter. She was awarded an OBE in 1985 and CBE in 2000 and, in 2017, became a Dame. Despite her success, Whitfield never wanted a lead role, explaining that she lacked the drive and confidence. And, as the on-stage muse to stars like Hancock and Cooper, she was all too aware of the personal cost. When they died prematurely, she attributed this to 'the responsibility, the stress and strain' of carrying the show. Instead, June Whitfield revelled in her role of versatile sidekick for three generations of audiences. She enjoyed enduring popularity and success, a life she described in her autobiography as 'full of love, affection and laughter, of gigs, gags and a couple of gongs.' She is survived by her daughter, the actress Suzy Aitchison.
TV art historian and nun Sister Wendy Beckett has died at the age of eighty eight. In the 1990s she became one of the most unlikely television personalities. Emerging from her hermit-like existence in a caravan at a Carmelite monastery in Norfolk, she hosted unscripted BBC shows from art galleries across the world. Wendy could be dismissive of the high-profile television work that made this hermit nun with owl-like glasses into an unlikely household name during the 1990s. 'If I had known how much time it would take, I would never have started it,' she said. Wendy, a clever and perceptive woman, was herself aware of these contradictions and struggled to square the circle, some times more successfully than others. When asked once what the other Quidenham nuns thought about her going round the world with a camera crew, she replied, 'they feel sorry for me.' Born in South Africa, Sister Wendy moved as a child to Edinburgh, where her father, Aubrey, studied medicine, joining a convent when she was sixteen. BBC director of arts Jonty Claypole paid tribute, saying Sister Wendy had 'a unique presentation style, a deep knowledge of and passion for the arts.' He added: 'She was a hugely popular BBC presenter and will be fondly remembered by us all.' In 1950 Sister Wendy's order sent her to Oxford University, where she lodged in a convent and was awarded a Congratulatory First Class degree in English literature. She returned to South Africa in 1954 to teach, but in 1970, with her health deteriorating, the Vatican gave permission for her to pursue a life of solitude and prayer. After obtaining permission to study art in the 1980s - largely through books and postcard reproductions of the great works obtained from galleries - Sister Wendy decided to write a book to earn money for her convent. Contemporary Women Artists, published in 1988, was followed by more books and articles. In 1991 the BBC commissioned her to present a television documentary on the National Gallery in London. Dressed in her habit, Sister Wendy stood in front of paintings and, without script or autocue, discussed them to the camera. Her programmes included Odyssey, Sister Wendy's Grand Tour and Sister Wendy's Story Of Painting. Her impact on audiences was so great that she even had a musical written about her. Postcards From God: The Sister Wendy Musical, created by the originators of Jerry Springer: The Opera, ran briefly - and camply - in a small West End venue. Sister Wendy herself said that she was rather bemused but not displeased by the accolade. Her health was never good - she had suffered from a weak heart since childhood - and could very quickly run out of energy in mid-take. After Sister Wendy's American Collection and Sister Wendy At The Norton Simon Museum had made her name with US TV viewers in 2001, she declined any further TV offers. Despite her old-fashioned garb, her views on Catholicism were anything but traditional. In private - and, occasionally in public - she would question the church's strict code on sexual ethics as a distraction from the real business of bringing people to God, whatever their gender, chosen method of contraception or orientation. And, her views on God were challenging. When asked once what she felt about God, she replied, sharply: 'I don't think anyone can feel God. Those who believe in him most are most aware of his non-feelability, as it were. God is such a total mystery. My heart sinks when the word God is bandied around glibly.'
Norman Gimbel, the Oscar and Grammy-winning lyricist, has died at the age of ninety one, his family has announced. Gimbel's work included 'Killing Me Softly With His Song' - recorded by Roberta Flack, The Fugees and many others - and the theme to TV series Happy Days. He also wrote the English lyrics to the Brazilian bossa nova melody, 'The Girl From Ipanema'. Gimbel died on 19 December at his home in Montecito, California, his son Tony Gimbel told The Hollywood Reporter. Music rights organisation BMI said that it was 'greatly saddened' by news of Gimbel's death. It described him as 'a truly gifted and prolific writer' who would be greatly missed by friends and fans. Norman Gimbel was born in Brooklyn and began his career with music publishers David Blum and Edwin H Morris. His early successes included the lyrics to Andy Williams's 1956 hit single 'Canadian Sunset'. He was best known for his work in film and television, writing the songs for popular shows such as Laverne & Shirley, Wonder Woman and HR Puffnstuff. Gimbel formed a long-term collaboration with the composer Charles Fox and the duo won a Grammy Award in 1973 for 'Killing Me Softly'. He and composer David Shire shared an Academy Award for Best Original Song in 1979 for 'It Goes Like It Goes', which was sung by Jennifer Warnes in the film Norma Rae. In 1984 Gimbel was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame.
French resistance fighter Georges Loinger, whose bravery and invention saved hundreds of Jewish children in World War Two, has died aged one hundred and eight. His death was announced by France's Holocaust Memorial Foundation. Born in Strasbourg to a Jewish family, he was captured by the Nazis in 1940 but escaped. One of the methods he used to save children was to take them to the Swiss border, then kick a football over the frontier and get them to chase it. 'I spotted a football pitch that was on the border. It was made up of fences two-and-a-half metres high. I saw that there was nobody,' he said. 'I made the children play, I told some of them to lift up the fences and I passed the ball.' Loinger was serving in the French army when he was caught by the Nazis in 1940 but his blond hair and blue eyes apparently concealed the fact that he was Jewish from his German captors and this enabled his escape from a prisoner of war camp. Returning to France during the war he joined an aid agency trying to help Jewish children whose parents had been killed or sent to concentration camps. Another method he used involved dressing children as mourners and taking them to a cemetery on the French-Swiss border, where they would climb up a gravedigger's ladder to neutral territory. He is believed to have saved more than three hundred and fifty children. Loinger's cousin was another French resistance fighter, the mime artist Marcel Marceau.
Music retailer HMV has confirmed it is calling in KPMG as administrators. The move, the second in six years, involves two thousand two hundred staff at one hundred and twenty five stores. Owners Hilco, which took the company out of its first administration in 2013, blamed a 'tsunami' of retail challenges, including business rate levels and the move to digital. Not, perhaps, the most tactful of analogies given that an actual tsunami took place a few days earlier in Indonesia causing environmental devastation and killing at least four hundred people. Hilco said HMV stores would continue to trade while negotiations were held with major suppliers and it looked for buyers. Paul McGowan, executive chairman of HMV and Hilco Capital, said: 'Even an exceptionally well-run and much-loved business such as HMV cannot withstand the tsunami of challenges facing UK retailers over the last twelve months on top of such a dramatic change in consumer behaviour in the entertainment market.' He pointed out that HMV sold thirty one per cent of all physical music in the UK in 2018 and twenty three per cent of all DVDs and Blu-rays, with its market share growing month by month throughout the year. But, he added that the industry consensus was that the market would fall by another seventeen per cent during 2019 and therefore it would not be possible to continue to trade the business. Holders of gift vouchers are being advised to consider spending them 'sooner rather than later.' According to consumer publication Which?, whether vouchers and returns will be accepted following administration 'depends on the administrators.' Which reminds one of the whole vouchers malarkey which personally affected this blogger the last time HMV went into administration. What a right how-do-you-do that was. The administrators' role is to 'try and save the company' and in doing so, they 'may take the decision not to accept returns.' Hilco's ownership saw HMV host live events in store, with musicians including Kylie Minogue, Stormzy and The Darkness. Digital music revenue overtook sales of physical formats like CDs and records for the first time in 2012. Since then, online shopping, downloads and streaming provided by platforms such as Amazon, Spotify and Netflix, have continued to eat into sales of physical music. Julie Palmer, partner at business consultancy Begbies Traynor, said the fall of HMV had been 'coming for many years.' She added: 'It has been revealed that the business turnaround has been built on a bed of sand rather than rocks.' With video and music still its main sources of revenue, HMV was always likely to be one of the retailers struggling to make it through the Christmas holidays. But this is about more than a struggle to adapt to changing consumer habits. In millions of households, watching a movie now means turning to Netflix or Amazon Prime rather than selecting a DVD, and listening to music means streaming it from Spotify instead of heading up to the attic to hunt through old CDs. HMV faced the same pressures of low consumer confidence, high rents and a lacklustre Christmas that have put other high street names in danger. The Entertainment Retailers Association points out that when you tot up music, video and games there is still a market of nearly two billion smackers worth of physical products. Richard Lim, Chief Executive, Retail Economics, said HMV's situation came amid a weak retailing climate. 'Poor Christmas trading has claimed its first victim,' he said. But, the chief executive of the Entertainment Retailers Association, Kim Bayley, said there was hope. 'What is clear is that following its first move into administration in 2013, HMV has enjoyed a remarkable turnaround and it is conceivable that this will happen again. The fact is the physical entertainment market is still worth up to two billion pounds a year so there is plenty of business there.' Britain's shops have also faced uncertainty over Brexit, which sparked a fall in the pound and therefore raised the price of imported goods, as well as rising labour costs, higher business property taxes and unseasonably warm weather. HMV, known for its iconic logo featuring the 'dog and trumpet,' is Britain's last surviving national music retailer. It was launched by English composer Edward Elgar in 1921, selling gramophones, radios and popular music hall recordings.
And, still on the subject of HMV's latest collapse, this blogger is grateful as ever to his old mucker Danny for alerting him to the following piece of sneering slavver written by the Gruniad Morning Star's Penny Anderson (no, me neither). 'This is arrant nonsense,' writes Dan, persuasively. 'It was possible, Penelope, to buy records at both the big chain stores like Virgin/Our Price/HMV and the small indie "boutique" record shops you euologise with your somewhat "ben trovato" anecdotes of being Swindon's coolest eleven-year-old.' All of which is very true. Plus, 'look at me, aren't I like, the coolest kiddie that ever did live?' rubbish like this, which appears with monotonous regularity in the Gruniad is just one more reason to loathe the newspaper and all the Middle Class hippy Communists who sail in her.
The couple arrested and then released without charge in relation to the pre-Christmas Gatwick drone incident could take the more scummy end of the UK press to the cleaners and win 'at least' seventy five knicker from those newspapers who foolishly identified them, according to a leading libel lawyer quoted by the Gruniad Morning Star. Mark Stephens, the head of media law at Howard Kennedy, said that the couple 'had a strong legal case' if they wished to pursue legal action. And, let's face it, after the disgraceful way in which they were treated by the Scum Mail on Sunday in particular, they'd have to be daft not to do exactly that. 'Absent of a compelling reason and the police saying you can, you may no longer identify people who have been arrested. The damage is likely to be in the region of seventy five to one hundred and twenty five thousand pounds. It could be more when you total all of the news outlets, because each one is going to pay something for the damage it caused. I don't see any lawyer who wouldn't take it on a no-win-no-fee basis.' Oh, of course not. No lawyer with a bank account is going to turn down the chance to get a few tabloid editors in the dock for a very awkward cross examination on the subject of morality. Money for old rope, that. And, let's face it, who doesn't enjoy seeing sneering organs of the media being given a damned good pants-down hiding in the courts for strutting about like they own the gaff? Stephens said that the case is 'the first major test' of privacy law since Sir Cliff Richard's infamous privacy victory against the BBC earlier this year, which set a much higher bar for naming individuals who have been arrested but not charged with any offence. The couple were taken in for questioning on Friday of last week, with Sussex police confirming only that a forty seven-year-old man and a fifty four-year-old woman from Crawley had been arrested in relation to the incident, which saw one of the world's busiest airports effectively shut down for thirty six hours in the run-up to Christmas. They were subsequently identified in many newspapers and the Scum Mail on Sunday ran the couple's picture on its front page next to the quite astonishingly prejudicial headline: Are These The Morons Who Ruined Christmas? As it turned out, they were not that or anything even remotely like it, although the Scum Mail on Sundaywere the morons who ruined the couple's Christmas. Later that day, whilst the newspapers were still in the shops, Sussex police announced that they had released the - completely innocent - couple without charge. Not all parts of the media named the couple, with most broadcasters and some national newspapers deciding to stick to the details contained in the police statement. The couple later identified themselves as Paul Gait and Elaine Kirk, making a public statement outside their home on Christmas Eve in which they said that they felt 'completely violated' by the arrest and the subsequent coverage. 'Our home has been searched and our privacy and identity completely exposed,' said Gait. 'Our names, photos and other personal information has been broadcast throughout the world.'Good Morning Britain host the odious oily twat Piers Morgan has already snivellingly apologised for calling the pair 'clowns' and suggesting that they were 'terrorists.' Neither of which is true although, again, the former might well be with regard to the odious oily twat Morgan himself. Sussex Police's chief constable subsequently said he feels 'really sorry' for the couple. The newspapers who named them, meanwhile, said ... nothing. Nothing. It is unclear whether the couple are currently planning legal action - though, as noted, they really should - but a spokesperson for the Hacked Off press reform campaign group said that the incident showed the need for tougher press regulation. 'Once again, innocent members of the public have been subjected to appalling accusations in a newspaper over a crime they did not commit,' they said. 'Almost eight years to the day since Christopher Jefferies was vilified in the press for a murder he had no part in, the targeting of this couple shows that when it comes to press standards at some titles, nothing has changed since The Leveson Inquiry.' Meanwhile, the Sun's former political editor That Worthless Kavanagh Individual - a regular crass apologist for sick tabloid excesses - attempted to defend newspapers' decision to name the couple, telling Radio 4's Today programme on Monday that the 'information' was snitched to the press by a neighbours of the couple - whom, one imagines, is currently keeping a very low profile. And, going on to - quite ludicrously - suggest that publishing the couple's personal details had 'helped hasten the process of the law. Were it not for the press, I don't think the police would have been so quick to discover this particular suspect had a cast-iron, watertight alibi,' this moronic fraction of an individual claimed. Because, of course, the police regularly don't bother to check out people's alibi until some newspaper has splashed the person all over their front page, do they? The truth is, of course, that the press who did name the couple are, currently, shitting themselves that they are about to have their knackers sued for an eye-wateringly massive amount of damages. And, as the Gruniad's Roy Greenslade wrote in a - very forthright - op ed piece, it serves the stupid bastards right for taking tittle-tattle grassed by neighbours as gospel in their desperate search for an exclusive. The broader media handling of the Gatwick drone incident subsequently descended into abject farce, with a Sussex police officer on Sunday raising 'the possibility' that there never had been a drone buzzing Gatwick in the first place. By Monday, the police had backtracked and, eventually, got their story straight, blaming 'poor communications' in a phone call with government ministers for the mix-up and insisting that there had, indeed, definitely been a drone. In an attempt to get a grip on the incident, security minister Ben Wallace issued a statement insisting the government 'could cope' with any similar future drone incident, although he did not give details about the technology involved. And, frankly, very few people believed him given the current government's outstanding track record on 'dealing' with pretty much anything. Particularly anything that involves direct and decisive action. 'The huge proliferation of such devices, coupled with the challenges of deploying military counter measures into a civilian environment, means there are no easy solutions. However, I can say that we are able to now deploy detection systems throughout the UK to combat this threat,' Wallace claimed. Gatwick has offered a fifty thousand knicker reward through Crimestoppers to any individuals with information on the real perpetrators of the disruption, with the charity's boss Lord Ashcroft offering a further ten grand.
A man has been charged with 'causing a public nuisance' after an incident involving a drone being flown from the M48 Severn Bridge. The crossing between England and Wales was closed on 31 December for thirty minutes after 'a concern for welfare.' Alexandru Scutaru, of Northampton, was given police bail with conditions not to go to either Severn crossing pending a court appearance.
Royal Mail has withdrawn a stamp design marking the seventy fifth anniversary of D-Day - after the BBC News website pointed out it showed US troops landing in what was Dutch New Guinea, nearly eight-and-a-half thousand miles from France. The stamp was due to be released next year in a 'Best of British' collection. Captioned 'Allied soldiers and medics wade ashore,' it was said to depict the Normandy landings but was actually taken in what is modern-day Indonesia. People who saw the error in a social media preview called it 'embarrassing.' The image appears on the American National WWII Museum website, attributed to the US Coast Guard, and is said to show troops carrying stretchers from a landing craft at Sarmi, Dutch New Guinea on 17 May 1944. The D-Day landings did not take place until 6 June of that year, when British, US, Canadian and Free French forces landed on the beaches of Northern France. The landings were the first stage of Operation Overlord - the Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe. Royal Mail had revealed a preview of its 2019 Special Stamp programme, showcasing the 'Best of British' on Thursday. Others depicted a red kite to celebrate the UK's birds of prey and commemorated the bicentenary of the birth of Queen Victoria. The seventy fifth anniversary of the D-Day landings was to be marked by a set of eleven stamps, in what the Royal Mail called 'a timely commemoration of all those who participated' using 'images from the day itself.' Well, mostly of the day itself. Late on Thursday, a Royal Mail spokeswoman said: 'We work very hard to ensure that our Special Stamp programme appropriately commemorates anniversaries and events that are relevant to UK heritage and life. We would like to offer our sincere apologies that our preview release for our 2019 Special Stamp programme included a stamp design which had been incorrectly associated with the D-Day landings. We can confirm that this image will not be part of the final set, which will be issued in June 2019.'
A Swiss man won a million Euros and then immediately lost it on Saturday, when a televised Swiss lotto draw went chaotically wrong. With hilarious consequences. For Andreas Bürkli it would have been a lottery dream come true, when his name was pulled out of a drum and announced by the German singer Herbert Grönemeyer. Swiss public TV channel SRF apologised after declaring him the winner, explaining that 'a mistake' had been made due to 'technical problems.' Swiss website Blick tweeted the moment that Bürkli's win was declared on Swiss German TV show Happy Day, complete with ticker-tape fanfare and a briefcase loaded with cash. As Grönemeyer and host Röbi Koller prepared for the draw, the names of potential winners rolled on a screen behind them. All ten in the draw had to be ready by their phones. More names were held in reserve to be added if someone was not contactable. One of the ten was not contactable and another had a phone number missing, so the organisers moved on to lots eleven and twelve. As lot twelve was not contactable they passed on to lot thirteen. At this point there was confusion as only nine names appeared on the screen. With time running short, a lotto official rushed in and mistakenly put eleven lots into a drum manually. Bürkli's name came up and Grönemeyer rang his number. There was no answer and the show came to an end. In a later statement, a Swisslos official snivellingly apologised and said that the draw had to be carried out manually because of unspecific technical problems. 'In the hectic rush,' it said eleven names were loaded into the drum rather than ten and 'the extra one' had been drawn. The official stressed that, according to the rules, the man declared the winner was 'not eligible' because he had not picked up his phone. Asked how Bürkli had accepted his moment of lottery misfortune, the Swisslos official said he had 'taken it very well: You could even say he was a good sport.' Just, not a very rich one.
Iran's state broadcaster, Irib, has sacked the head of a regional TV channel after it broadcast a Jackie Chan film without removing a sex scene. A video posted online apparently by a viewer on Kish Island showed the Hong Kong martial arts star having sex with a woman in the film Shinjuku Incident. Iranian media said that the 'immoral' scene was broadcast by Kish TV 'in total violation of Irib's regulations.' Physical contact between men and women is not permitted on-screen in Iran. Although, seemingly, that does not apply to real life unless the birth rate in Iran has come to a standstill and no one noticed. Censors are also said to be required to remove men and women exchanging 'tender words or jokes,' unveiled women, close-ups of women's faces and exposed necklines, as well as 'negative portrayals of police and bearded men.' The Tasnim news agency reported that the head of Irib, Aliasgari Ali Askari, had 'ordered an investigation' into the incident and pledged 'to seriously deal with the offenders and report them to the relevant authorities.' Some Iranians mocked the broadcaster's response on social media. Some noted that officials had so far avoided dismissal over the fatal bus crash that killed ten students at Tehran's Islamic Azad University last week. One imagines that, once The Guidance Patrols nab those doing the mocking, that such comments will likely earn their respective commentators a few damned good canings. To be fair, though, you normally have to pay good money for that sort of thing in the West so, who says Islam doesn't have a sense of humour?
A female Islamic State group member accused of letting a five-year-old girl die of thirst in scorching sunlight is facing war crimes charges in Germany. The twenty seven-year-old German, identified as Jennifer W and her husband bought the child as 'a house slave' in the IS-occupied Iraqi city of Mosul in 2015. Her husband allegedly chained the girl up outside after she fell ill and Jennifer W 'did nothing to save her,' prosecutors claim. She also faces murder and weapons offences charges. If found guilty in the terrorism court in the city of Munich she faces a maximum sentence of life in The Slammer. The five-year-old girl was among a group of prisoners-of-war when Jennifer W and her husband bought her. German media suggest the child 'may' have been a member of the Yazidi minority, many of whom were captured and enslaved by IS as the militant group swept across Northern Iraq in 2014. 'After the girl fell ill and wet her mattress, the husband of the accused chained her up outside as punishment and let the child die in agony of thirst in the scorching heat,' prosecutors said in a statement. 'The accused allowed her husband to do so and did nothing to save the girl.' Jennifer W travelled to Iraq in 2014, where she became a member of IS's self-styled 'morality police,' the allegations against her say. Her role saw her patrol parks in Mosul and another IS-occupied city, Fallujah, armed with a Kalashnikov assault rifle, a pistol and an explosives vest, prosecutors said. 'Her task was to ensure that women comply with the behavioural and clothing regulations established by the terrorist organisation,' said the statement. Jennifer W was very arrested by Turkish police months after the girl's death after she visited the German embassy in the capital Ankara to renew her identity papers. She was extradited to Germany, where she was initially allowed to return to her home in Lower Saxony because of a lack of evidence against her. German police re-arrested her in June as she tried to travel to Syria and she has been in custody since then. No date has yet been set for the trial. Mosul was liberated from IS last year after a three-year occupation and the group has now lost almost all the territory it controlled in Iraq and Syria.
Banksy's latest artwork was attacked as 'a drunk halfwit' tried to damage the mural on a garage wall in South Wales according to reports. A security guard chased the drunk halfwit away on Saturday as he tried to pull down the newly-fitted plastic screen which protects the Port Talbot graffiti. Police were called and the local community fears the artwork may become a target for 'some idiot who wants to make a name for themselves.' Extra security guards have been drafted in to protect Season's Greetings. 'Some drunk halfwit has tried to pull the fencing down and the protection glazing at the Banksy artwork,' Gary Owen posted on the local Facebook page. 'This art is for Port Talbot, Neath and surrounding areas. We do not want it wrecked.' The mural was not damaged during the incident which took place just hours after half of the artwork in Taibach was covered by a protective plastic screen. Hollywood actor Michael Sheen contributed towards the cost of the screen and the local movie star is also helping pay for the security. 'It's amazing and such an honour that Banksy chose to come and paint his latest piece in Port Talbot.' added Owen, the man who messaged Banksy in August to ask if he would paint a piece in Port Talbot. 'We should be treasuring this privilege and it's very sad that some people want to spoil it for everyone and give Port Talbot a bad name. I do fear it'll become a target for some idiot who wants to make a name for themselves - and that's sad.' The image appears on two sides of a garage in Taibach and depicts a child enjoying snow falling - the other side reveals it is a fire emitting ash. A local businessman covered one side of the work with a temporary protective plastic sheet on Saturday afternoon. A more permanent solution is expected to be installed in the new year. Volunteers working to protect the elusive artist's latest mural said at least two thousand visitors have turned up to see it over the first two days. It appeared on Ian Lewis' breeze block garage on a lane behind Caradog Street in Taibach on Tuesday. Banksy confirmed the image was his when he posted a video on his Instagram account on Wednesday.
One of the first men to orbit the Moon has told BBC 5Live that it is 'stupid' to plan human missions to Mars. Bill Anders, the lunar module pilot of Apollo 8, the first human spaceflight to leave Earth's orbit, claimed that sending crews to Mars was 'almost ridiculous.' NASA is currently planning human missions to the Moon. Although, whether they'll ever get around to it is another matter entirely. Anders said he is a 'big supporter' of the 'remarkable' unmanned missions programmes, 'mainly because they're much cheaper.' But, he says that the public support 'simply isn't there' to fund vastly more expensive human missions. 'What's the imperative? What's pushing us to go to Mars?' he said, adding 'I don't think the public is that interested.' Meanwhile, robotic probes are still exploring Mars. Last month, the InSight lander, which will sample the planet's interior, successfully touched down at Elysium Planitia. In a statement, NASA said it was 'leading a sustainable return to the Moon, which will help prepare us to send astronauts to Mars. That also includes commercial and international partners to expand human presence in space and bring back new knowledge and opportunities.' In December 1968, Anders, along with crewmates Frank Borman and Jim Lovell, lifted off from Cape Canaveral in Florida atop a Saturn V, before completing ten orbits around the Moon. The crew of Apollo 8 spent twenty hours in orbit, before returning to Earth. They splashed down in the Pacific on 27 December, landing just over two miles from their target point. They were picked up by the aircraft carrier USS Yorktown. It was the furthest humans had ever been from their home planet at that point - and a vital stepping stone on the road to Apollo 11's historic moon landing just seven months later. But the former astronaut is scathing about how NASA has evolved since the heady days of President Kennedy's pledge to land a man on the Moon by the end of the 1960s. 'NASA couldn't get to the Moon today. They're so ossified. NASA has turned into a jobs programme, many of the centres are mainly interested in keeping busy and you don't see the public support other than they get the workers their pay and their congressmen get re-elected.' Anders is also critical of the decision to focus on near-Earth orbit exploration after the completion of the Apollo programme in the 1970s. 'I think the space shuttle was a serious error. It hardly did anything except have an exciting launch, but it never lived up to its promise,' he said. 'The space station is only there because you had a shuttle and vice-versa. NASA really mismanaged the manned programme since the late lunar landings.' It is a view that might seem surprising from a proud patriot and servant of the US military, who still remembers his own mission to space with great fondness. It is also a view which Anders accepts doesn't sit too well with some in the space community. 'I think NASA's lucky to have what they've got - which is still hard, in my mind, to justify. I'm not a very popular guy at NASA for saying that, but that's what I think,' he explained. His former crewmate, Frank Borman, who commanded the Apollo 8 mission and also spent two weeks in Earth orbit during the Gemini programme, is slightly more enthusiastic. 'I'm not as critical of NASA as Bill is,' he told 5Live. 'I firmly believe that we need robust exploration of our Solar System and I think man is part of that.' But, asked about the the plans of Space X founder Elon Musk and Amazon boss Jeff Bezos - who have both talked of launching private missions to Mars - Borman is less complimentary. 'I do think there's a lot of hype about Mars that is nonsense. Musk and Bezos, they're talking about putting colonies on Mars, that's nonsense.' Reflecting on their own historic mission to the Moon, Borman described Apollo 8 as 'a great endeavour' and agreed that it had won the space race. Anders said he felt that the 'lasting legacy' of the mission would be 'Earthrise' a photo taken by the crew showing humanity's home planet hanging in the blackness of space above the lunar horizon. Speaking to Radio 4's PM, their crewmate Jim Lovell also reflected on the Earthrise moment: 'When I looked at the Earth itself, I started to wonder why I was here, what's my purpose here? It sort of dawned me,' he said. 'And, my perspective is that God has given mankind a stage on which to perform. How the play turns out, is up to us.'
History will be made on Tuesday when NASA's New Horizons probe sweeps past the icy world known as Ultima Thule. Occurring some four billion miles from Earth, the flyby will set a new record for the most distant ever exploration of a Solar System object by a spacecraft. New Horizons will gather a swathe of images and other data over the course of just a few hours leading up to and beyond the closest approach. When its observations are complete, the craft will then turn to Earth to report in and begin down-linking the gigabytes of information stored in its memory. Mission scientists, gathered in a control centre at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory in Laurel, Maryland, are excited at what lies in prospect. /It's electric. People across the whole team are ready. They're in the game and we can't wait to go exploring,' says New Horizons' principal investigator Professor Alan Stern.
The probe is famous for making the first ever visit to the dwarf planet Pluto and its several moons in 2015. To reach Ultima, it has had to push a billion miles deeper into space. Virtually nothing is known about this next target for New Horizons, however. Telescopic measurements indicate it is about twenty to thirty kilometres across, although scientists concede it could actually be two separate entities moving very close to each other, perhaps even touching. Ultima is in what's termed The Kuiper Belt - the band of distant, frozen material which orbits far from the Sun and the eight major planets. There are probably hundreds of thousands of Kuiper objects like Ultima and their frigid state almost certainly holds clues to the formation conditions of the Solar System 4.6 billion years ago. 'About one day out we'll turn on all our instruments,' explains mission scientist Doctor Kelsi Singer. 'We'll take black and white images; we'll take colour images. And we'll take compositional information. This is just such a new object because we've never been to an object like this before. It's hard to predict but I'm ready to be surprised by what we find.' NASA wanted to explore something beyond Pluto and this object was reachable. Remarkably, Ultima Thule was only discovered four years ago by the Hubble telescope. Initially catalogued as (486958) 2014 MU69, it was given a more catchy name after a public consultation exercise. Though, if the public consultation had taken place in Great Britain it's now likely that New Horizons would be approaching Small Spacey Thing McSpacey Thingface. Ultima Thule is a Latin phrase that means 'a place beyond the known world.' Like many Kuiper Belt objects of its size, it is likely to be composed of a lot of ice, dust and maybe some larger rock fragments, which came together at the dawn of the Solar System. Theories suggests that such bodies will take on an elongated or lobate form. Distant telescopic observations suggested its surface is very dark, with a bit of a red tinge. That darkness (it reflects only about ten per cent of the light falling on its surface) is the result of having been 'burned' through the eons by high-energy radiation - cosmic rays and X-rays. New Horizons will study Ultima's shape, rotation, composition and environment. Scientists want to know how these far-off worlds were assembled. One idea is that they grew from the mass accretion of a great many pebble-sized grains. Unlike the encounter with Pluto in July 2015, however, there won't be increasingly resolved images on approach to admire. Ultima will remain a blob in the viewfinder pretty much until the final hours of the flyby. However, the much reduced separation between the probe and Ultima (three-and-a-half thousand kilometres versus twelve thousand at Pluto) means that finer detail in the surface will, eventually, be observed. Features as small as thirty metres across should be discernible if the pointing of the cameras is spot on. Because New Horizons has to swivel to point its instruments, it cannot keep its antenna locked on Earth while also gathering data. Controllers must, therefore, wait until later on New Year's Day for the probe to 'phone home' a status update and to start to downlink some choice pictures. In some ways, this event is more difficult than the pass of Pluto given that the object in the viewfinder is almost a hundred times smaller. New Horizons will get closer than at Pluto, which is good for image detail; but it means that if the pointing is off, the probe could be sending back pictures of empty space. Because Ultima was only discovered four years ago, its position and movement on the sky are much more uncertain than the coordinates for Pluto. Every image taken on approach has been used to refine the navigation and timing models that will be critical to the control of New Horizons during the flyby. The team working on the probe is going ask NASA to fund a further extension to the mission. The hope is that the course of the spacecraft can be altered slightly to visit at least one more Kuiper belt object sometime in the next decade. New Horizons should have enough fuel reserves to be able to do this. Critically, it should also have sufficient electrical reserves to keep operating its instruments into the 2030s. The longevity of New Horizon's plutonium battery may even allow it to record its exit from the Solar System. The two 1970s Voyager missions have both now left the heliosphere - the bubble of gas blown off the Sun. Voyager 2 only recently did it, in November. This occurred at a distance of eighteen billion kilometres from the Sun. New Horizons' power system could probably run to about fifteen billion kilometres.
The remains of a horse still in its harness have been discovered at a villa outside the walls of Pompeii, in what archaeologists are hailing as a find of 'rare importance.' The horse was saddled, possibly to help rescue Pompeians fleeing the AD79 eruption of Mount Vesuvius which ultimately buried the town in ashes. It was found with the remains of other horses at the Villa of the Mysteries. The villa belonged to either a Roman general or a high-ranking military magistrate. Archaeologists at the luxurious Villa dei Misteri have already found wine presses, ovens and extraordinary frescoes. The latest discovery came during an excavation of a stable at the villa to the North of Pompeii, according to Massimo Osanna, the director of Pompeii's archaeological park. The apparently well-groomed horse, along with a saddle and a harness with fragments of wooden and bronze trimmings, was found alongside two other horses. The horses had all come to a 'fierce and terrible end,' Osanna said, suffocated by ashes or by the boiling vapours from Vesuvius's ash cloud. The estate was originally dug up early in the Twentieth Century but much of it was reburied and has since been targeted by looters. 'The whole area will be excavated and returned to the public,' said Osanna.
US Strategic Command, which oversees America's nuclear arsenal, has snivellingly apologised for a tweet that said it was ready to 'drop something much, much bigger' than New York's Times Square ball. The message, posted on New Year's Eve, was accompanied by a video showing a B-2 dropping bombs. Strategic Command later deleted the initial tweet, saying it was 'in poor taste' (no shit?) and replaced it with a grovellingly apology. The incident sparked predictable outrage online.
The eagle has landed - not once, but twice. Two American football fans got the surprise of their lives on Saturday when a North American bald eagle 'went rogue' at a college football game in Texas and decided to perch in the crowd. The bird, which goes by the name of Clark, was apparently meant to fly around the stadium during the national anthem, before a ninety thousand-strong crowd watched The Cotton Bowl, the college football play-off semi-final between Notre Dame Fighting Irish and The Clemson Tigers. But, instead of landing near his handler, he made straight for Notre Dame fan Albert Armas. Who promptly shat in his own pants. Armas later admitted he was scared when the huge bird took hold of his shoulder. His thirteen-year-old son Jaysen, who got tickets to the game for Christmas, spent twenty joyful seconds chuckling at his dad's expense. Footage from the AT&T Stadium in Arlington show fellow fans cheering and whipping out their phones to capture the moment. Clark wasn't content with visiting one spectator, however and a second Notre Dame fan, Tuyen Nguyen, was delighted to lend an arm. He told Sports Illustrated: 'When I saw the bird land [on Armas], I thought the bird had to be very tired. So I put my hand out to see what happens. And it landed on me. It was very interesting. I was very excited. It was amazing, I couldn't even believe it.' His wife, Kim, had gone to the toilet and missed the whole thing. Nobody was injured by the bird's unplanned antics, and Clark himself was successfully retrieved by his handlers. Sadly for Notre Dame, Clemson still beat them thirty-three.
A football fan who slapped a player in the mush during a game has been banned from attending matches for three years. And, quite right too. Bury fan Stefan Camps struck Grimsby Town striker Charles Vernam at Gigg Lane on 8 September during a League Two clash. Camps, was handed the ban at Manchester Magistrates' Court after pleading very guilty to assault. The court heard that Camps struck Vernam when he slid off the pitch after making a tackle. After the incident Camps casually strolled back to his seat in the South Stand all casual, like, the court was told. But, the slap was followed up by Greater Manchester Police after referee Anthony Backhouse included a reference to the incident his match report. Camps was subsequently extremely arrested and given a thirteen-month community order, with a curfew requirement and has also been banned for life by Bury from attending home games. Which, to be fair, some might regard as a not so much a punishment as a reward for his naughty ways. PC Rob Smith, Greater Manchester Police's liaison officer for Bury, said: 'Violence has no place at football matches and anyone found committing such offences will be dealt with appropriately. Whilst we appreciate that football can evoke passion and emotion from fans watching a game, it does not give you an excuse to behave irrationally and assault another person. Stefan Camps is a grown man and is ultimately responsible for his own actions. Those actions now mean that he can't go and watch his team, or any other side, in person in the UK for the next three years.'
Swansea City may play in English football's second tier but they are 'charging parents Premier League prices for children to be mascots' according to a rather shitehawk 'Shock! Horror! Pictures!''exclusive' by the BBC Sports website. As if anybody with half-a-brain in their head actually gives a stuff about such nonsense. It reportedly costs 'up to' four hundred and seventy eight knicker for a match-day 'mascot package' at the Championship club, 'research' by BBC Wales found. So, in that case, don't pay it and don't let your child be a mascot, what's the problem? Only three teams in the Premier League charge more than Swansea, while the experience is free at most of the top clubs - including, astonishingly, this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies. Although, one imagines the second Mike Ashley discovers there's good money to be made from the gullible parents of desperate young boys, that'll sharp change. Swansea's local rivals Cardiff City charge two hundred and fifty five pounds. Swansea said that prices were 'reduced' this year following relegation so Christ only knows what they were making punters pay last year. Consumer groups have 'branded' (that's tabloidese for 'described' only with less syllables) the higher prices as 'outrageous.' Most normal people couldn't care less. 'For many youngsters, the chance to walk out onto the pitch with their football heroes is a dream come true,' the BBC sneer. 'Indeed many clubs tell parents the package is the "ultimate gift your child will never forget."' Yet while many of the biggest clubs in the country, including Premier League champions Sheikh Yer Man City, The Scum, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Arse, Moscow Chelski FC, Everton and, just to repeat because it is, frankly, a Hell of a surprise to pretty much everyone, Newcastle United, do not charge for the opportunity, others are cashing in more than seven hundred smackers per child. And, we're supposed to be what, outraged? Naff off, there are actual, real, important things in the world to get angry about rather than this sort of nonsense. Most packages include a full kit, match tickets, photographs and autographs as well as walking onto the pitch with the team before kick-off. But a two hundred and seventy quid deal at Fulham does not include kit while a one hundred and eighty five knicker package at Bournemouth does not come with a ticket to the game. So, you can go out on the pitch with the team before the game at Dean Court but, unless your dad coughs up for a ticket, then you get yer ass slung out of the gaff before the referee's even blown the whistle. Harsh! Martyn James, of the consumer website Resolver, who clearly hasn't got anything more important to do with his time, said: 'It's absolutely outrageous that some richer kids can effectively buy their way to the top of the mascot list. When I was younger, being a mascot was a reward for super loyalty or for having been through a great deal. Charging any money for these packages is unacceptable - and it's pretty unknown too.' Well, not now, it isn't. 'It makes a mockery of all the things that our national game is supposed to represent.' What, like greed and a desperate need make lifelong supporters part with as much money as possible before they get pissed off, give up and spend their match day's watching Sky Soccer Saturday instead? Hate to break it to you, Martyn, but that sounds exactly like 'all of the things our national game is supposed to represent.' This is the Twenty First Century, mate, not 1953. Supporters on various fan Interweb forums have 'slammed' (that's 'criticised' only will less syllables) the prices as 'unfair' and 'scandalous'. Although, to repeat, they are only those things if you are actually dumb enough to pay the prices changed. If nobody did that, one imagines, the prices for such packages would rapidly tumble. Swansea claimed the 'truly once in a lifetime experience' includes four hospitality places, a meal and half-time penalty competition on the pitch. Plus, watching Swansea City playing a second division match, obviously. Definitely 'once in a lifetime.' A spokesman added: 'We've reduced prices this year following relegation, from four hundred and fifty pounds plus VAT to three hundred and ninety nine pounds plus VAT for weekend, and three hundred and forty nine pounds plus VAT for weekday matches. We also give one space free to charity every match and this was brought in this season.' Mascots at the likes of Moscow Chelski FC, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, The Arse and The Scum are reportedly 'picked at random' from their junior fan club and are free. Cardiff City offers the chance for children aged between four and ten to 'turn dream into reality' for a mere two hundred and fifty five knicker and have sold out for many of their most popular home fixtures. Clubs have been 'urged' to 'find a good deal' for fans. Although, quite why they would do that when they've shown no inclination to do so or anything even remotely like it in the past is not, at this time, known. The Football Supporters' Federation whinged: 'Clubs should speak to their supporters about what they think represents a good deal for parents and if fans have specific concerns, we'd be happy to look into it. Our campaign focus will primarily remain on affordable ticket prices - particularly fair concessionary and fair young adult prices.' Yeah. And, how's that going, lads? Let us, once again dear blog reader, simply stand up and salute the utter shite that some people chose to care about!
This blogger has asked this question before, dear blog reader, but it bears repeating in light of the previous non-story. Can you remember the exact moment when football began to lose its soul? For yer actual Keith Telly Topping it occurred at some point in the mid-afternoon of 12 May 1990, the date of that year's FA Cup Final. For those who don't remember, the final itself was actually a terrific game between The Scum and Crystal Palace which ended in a three-three draw, but the day had already been soured for this blogger by events from an hour or so earlier. In those days the Cup Final was still a big deal and was covered extensively by both BBC1 and ITV. During the course of the BBC's six hour plus coverage, an interview took place between the late Tony Gubba and Palace's then owner the, now also late, Ron Noades. I dare say there will be quite a few younger dear blog readers who won't even remember who Noades was so, for you, a brief history lesson. Noades was a multi-millionaire who had made his money in developing golf courses before getting involved in football and becoming owner, firstly, of Wimbledon and then of the Palace (and, later, Brentford). He was, in those days, something of a controversial figure, one of the first of a new breed of media-savvy, full-of-their-own-importance owner-chairman who seemed to relish the limelight in a way that few of the dull grey boardroom men of previous generations ever had and were to be found getting their boat-races on telly as often, if not more often, than the managers they employed. Of course, these days, where our clubs are mostly owned by a series of very shady figures - floggers of mucky books or cheap sports gear, Russian oligarchs who used to be in the KGB, Arab oil billionaires or American or Indian or Malaysian absentee landlords - a figure like Ron actually seems rather tame by comparison. But, nevertheless, in 1990, he was known for his outspoken pontificating on all manner of subjects in front of the cameras and, thus, the Beeb felt an interview with him during the course of Cup Final Grandstand would probably be value for money. And, they were right. During the interview, Gubba asked Noades a fairly straightforward question about how the Palace owner responded to criticism of the way in which he ran the club from the supporters who, after all, paid their money through the turnstiles. Didn't they deserve a say in the way in which their money was being spent, on players rather than corporate boxes for example? Noades's reply is etched onto this blogger's memory: 'Gone are the days,' he began, 'where supporters can makes those sort of demands of chairmen because they pay the players' wages.' He went on to explain that match day receipts at Palace - and, therefore, he presumed at other clubs - now only accounted for about half of the income which a football club depended upon (this blogger believes the exact figure he quoted was fifty five per cent, the rest being made up by external merchandising, sponsorship and other commercial activities). Now, remember, this was 1990, two full years before the first Sky TV deal was done which would make that situation a million times worse over the course of the next three decades. This blogger can remember being astounded by what Noades was saying; effectively suggesting that paying football supporters were perceived to be less important by those who ran their clubs than the number of replica shirts they could flog in the Far East. 'You might well be right, Ron,' yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought to himself. 'But I'll tell you what, I'll bet you and all of the other wideboys that run our clubs would, collectively, shite in your own pants and run a mile if, next Saturday, no one turned up at any football ground in this country.' Of course, that will never happen, our fandom ultimately works against us in this regard. But, that was the first moment where the mask, momentarily, slipped and many football fans realised the true level of utter contempt with which they, as consumers, were held by those in charge of this game we all love. And that's the reason why this blogger finds himself wholly unable to get all worked up about Swansea and others clubs charging such a massive wedge of coin to children to be their mascot. On a list of 'things that are hideously, obscenely wrong with football' dear blog reader, sadly, that's not even in the top twenty.
Most shoppers do not trust 'social media influencers,' a survey has indicated. And, in other news, apparently, bears do shit in the woods. 'Social media influencers' just in case you were wondering dear blog reader, are people - mostly people that you've never heard of - who use social media to promote products and services, seemingly in the mistaken belief that these endorsements will 'influence'normal people to buy them too. In the research for BBC Radio 4, eighty two per cent of people who took part said it was not always clear when an 'influencer' had been paid to promote a product. The Advertising Standards Authority has launched new guidelines to help 'influencers' stick to the rules. The Competition and Markets Authority is also looking at whether 'social media celebrities' (whatever that ridiculous descriptor entails) 'admit' when they have been paid to promote a product. The survey of more than one thousand shoppers was carried out for Radio 4's You & Yours by consumer analysts Savvy Marketing. It found that fifty four per cent of eighteen-to-thirty four-year-old beauty buyers were 'influenced' by social media suggestions. Alastair Lockhart from Savvy Marketing said: 'The shoppers of the UK are a knowledgeable lot and tend to be pretty wise when deciding how much to trust an influencer's recommendations. However, we can see from the research that it's not always clear and a lot of younger people in particular are influenced by their suggestions.' The growth of social media over the past decade has changed marketing and advertising in many ways. A major part of that has been the rise of 'social influencers.' Cosmetic brands are spending millions of pounds promoting their brands through these 'influencers.' They have moved away from traditional TV and magazine advertising campaigns to Instagram and YouTube. Online z-list 'celebrities' post video tutorials on those sites, demonstrating how to put on make-up - because, obviously they believe normal people are too thick to have worked out how to do it for themselves - and promoting the products they use. One of the highest-paid YouTube'celebrities' is Jeffree Star (no, me neither). Forbes magazine estimates that he earned eighteen million smackers this year. Although, for what, exactly is not entirely clear. Star joined YouTube in 2006 after becoming the most followed person on MySpace. He started posting make-up tutorials and quickly 'became famous' for his dramatic looks. The beauty industry has adopted 'influencer' advertising more fervently than any other industry and it has, allegedly, had a big impact on sales. In 2017, the beauty and personal care market in the UK was worth more than thirteen billion knicker, up by seventeen per cent in the past five years, according to figures provided by Statista. L'Oreal group, the world's largest cosmetics company, whose annual global sales amount to over twenty three billion quid, reportedly spends half of its marketing budget on social media. The group's director of innovation, Lubomira Rochet, said that L'Oreal was 'embracing influencers.' She said: 'Sometimes we consider influencers as our extended marketing teams. They are so creative. The return on investment is obviously a bigger concern, especially when you spend forty two per cent of your marketing budget in digital, so we are monitoring the whole area of all our initiatives and influencers are pretty positive.' Selfridges' beauty director David Legrand said: 'When you have an influencer speak about product straight away, almost within an hour of them promoting something, you can see uplift in sales. Brands are trying to influence the influencers or have influencers of their own.' But Legrand warned consumers that it is 'not always easy' to work out when an 'influencer' is being paid to influence and when they are not: 'It's sometimes difficult for the public to work out what is and isn't bias.' When a brand rewards an 'influencer' with a payment, free gift, or other perk, any resulting posts become subject to consumer protection law. When a brand also has control over the content, they become subject to the UK Advertising Code as well. The ASA said that the rules were clear. It has recently published guidance for online 'influencers.' For its part, the CMA has launched an investigation into 'concerns' that 'social media stars' are 'not properly declaring' when they have been paid, or otherwise rewarded, to endorse goods or services. As part of its investigation, the CMA has written to a range of z-list celebrities and 'social media influencers' to 'gather more information' about their posts and the nature of the business agreements that they have in place with brands.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 'a well-oiled influencer' (whatever the bleedin' banana that means) according to some complete bell-end of no importance at the Metro has 'taken to Instagram' to pass judgement on Kate Hudson's recently revealed 'insatiable love for chopping boards.' Because, seemingly, she's got nothing better or more constructive to do with her time. 'Just a note to anyone shopping for Kate Hudson this holiday season. She doesn't need anymore cutting boards,' the actress wrote. 'Maybe they're BDSM paddles.' So, there you have it dear blog reader, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow believes either Kate Hudson is really into spanking or that she secretly beats her kids, one or the other.
Now, a lovely proper heart-warming free-good story for the holiday season; a cat which had been missing for five years has been reunited with her owners. Roxy, aged seven, escaped during a visit to the vets in Kingswood, South Gloucestershire in 2013. Owner Vicky Stokes scoured the streets searching for her and put up posters of the beloved tabby, all to no avail. But, after a bedraggled Roxy started hanging around in Amy Ward's garden recently, she took her in. Ward said: 'She looked really thin and obviously had fleas so we started feeding her and even called out the RSPCA to try and catch her but she freaked out. I even tried to put her in a box but she nearly tore me to pieces so we just started feeding her closer and closer to the house.' Gradually Ward won Roxy's trust and she started coming inside and was able to give her several flea treatments and then entice her into a box. She unknowingly took the cat back to the same vets that she had disappeared from and as she was microchipped they were able to trace her actual owner. Stokes, who has since moved received the phone call on 29 December. She said: '[Roxy] is our little Christmas miracle, we are totally elated. I thought she was dead but she seems okay, we are so grateful to Amy for bringing her in.'
A plan to break records by releasing one hundred and thirty thousand balloons at a resort in the Philippines on New Year's Eve has been cancelled after 'a backlash' - from hippies, it would seem - over its 'potential environmental impact.' The party, at Okada Manila, was being headlined by Pete Tong. Organisers had insisted that the indoor event held no environmental risk as the balloons would be recycled. But, the hippies were having none of it and, on Sunday, both the resort and Tong confirmed that it had been cancelled 'after the government got involved.' In a statement, Okada Manila said it 'voluntarily' decided to cancel the event 'as a sign of respect' for the government's campaign to protect the environment. But, mainly, because they're scared of hippies. The resort, part of a sprawling hotel and casino complex in the Philippine capital, had said that the balloons were made of 'biodegradable latex materials' and they would be recycled afterwards - not released into the air. However its social media pages had been inundated with concern about its message, including from campaigners such as Greenpeace Philippines. And, other hippies with, seemingly, nothing more important to worry about this shit like this. In a Sunday night tweet Pete Tong confirmed that promoters had 'dropped the balloon stunt.' Environmental groups around the world, including the UK's Marine Conservation Society, have warned about the dangers balloons can pose to marine life. The organisation says that even latex balloons marked as biodegradable can remain in an ocean environment for four years. Some places, including parts of Australia, have already banned balloon releases because of their impact.
A sixty three year old grandmother killed her 'tyrant' son by hitting him over the head with a large frying pan, before using a power saw to cut his body into more than seventy pieces. And, that was end of his shit. The Russian woman, named only as Lyudmila, was found extremely guilty of murder but was spared jail because she was 'provoked' by her son repeatedly abusing her and making her life 'hell.' Mind you, this is all according to the Sun so it's probably a load of lies. On one occasion the forty two year old man - who is unnamed in the report - allegedly 'attempted to rape' his mother 'after drunkenly mistaking me for his ex-wife.' Lyudmila had begged police to protect her but officers did no more than speak to her son, she claimed. The woman had been detained in Khabarovsk, as she carried 'suspicious' black bin liners from her flat to a waiting taxi. Neighbours had snitched her up to the rozzers right-good-and-proper because they detected the 'smell of a dead body' from her apartment. She told officers that the bags contained 'rotten bear meat' brought by her son from a hunting trip. But, a police examination showed human hands and feet in a bag and she was detained and thrown in The Slammer. A police source said: 'For about three hours the woman kept telling us the story about bear meat. But, then she realised that it was nonsense and told the truth.' She then told how her life had been 'turned upside down' when her son was thrown out by his wife and came to live with her. After a year, when the father-of-two was sometimes 'wild' and was 'like a tyrant,' she 'snapped' on a day in August when he attacked and abused her after messing up the bathroom in her flat. She said: 'I took a frying pan from the kitchen and hit him over the head.' He collapsed, dead. She repeatedly stabbed his corpse. She said: 'I knew that I had to get rid of his corpse somehow and I was afraid of calling police.' In extraordinary testimony to a local news source she explained how she used an angle grinder power tool to disembowel and dismember her son into seventy-plus parts, severing his head and cutting off his penis. She added: 'It was as if my mind switched off. I was doing everything like a robot. I went to buy a power saw, because my hands were aching and I could not use a knife. I covered the floor with plastic, then I cut off his legs, arms and head. I disembowelled him, sliced off his penis and took out inner organs.' She told detectives she threw his cut off body parts in the bin. She continued: 'I had to remove muscles tissue from bones, carefully putting the cut off pieces into plastic bucket, container and a basin. Then I packed each into plastic bags and tied them up. I put his head, feet, hands and main body part - spine with ribs - separately. I did not shed a single tear while doing all this. I was in a peculiar state of mind, as if moving in a fog.' She hurt her hand while grinding her son with them power tool and went to hospital. Lyudmila was admitted for a week - during which the human remains in her flat began to smell. Neighbours phoned her and told her about the obnoxious smell - so she discharged herself and went home, intending to get rid of the body parts.
Police in Texas said that they stopped and arrested a man who, allegedly, said he was on his way to a church with a gun to 'fulfill what he called a prophecy.' The Seguin Police Department said in a Facebook post that they stopped a man on Sunday morning carrying what was believed to be a handgun. An officer arrived at the scene and saw that the man was wearing tactical style clothing, a surgical face shield and was carrying a loaded gun with extra ammunition. Authorities said that Tony Albert, was allegedly on his way to a church to 'fulfill what he called a prophecy.' Albert - who is, obviously, not mental nor nothing - was very arrested and taken to the Guadalupe County Jail and booked in for possession of marijuana, being a felon in possession of firearm and 'talking absolutely bollocks.'
Floyd Mayweather extremely knocked Tenshin Nasukawa out in the opening round as their big-money bout to knock the other guy out'turned into a farce.' Kickboxer Nasukawa was left blubbing like a girl in his own corner after being sent tumbling to the canvas three times in the first two minutes of the fight on New Year's Eve in Saitama. Mayweather boasted about earning nine million dollars to take on Japan's golden boy - and he collected his money with a minimum of fuss after making his opponent look both foolish and as soft as shite. When the first bell sounded the unbeaten five-weight class boxing champion strolled out with a grin on his face as his opponent took to the centre of the ring. The American, who in the hours before the contest posted a video on Instagram advertising his strip club, then showed utter disdain for his opponent as failed to throw a single punch for the opening thirty seconds. Nasukawa looked completely out of his depth in his first boxing match, swinging wildly in an attempt to land a blow on his opponent. One landed on the glove of Mayweather and that appeared to sting Mayweather into action as he returned with a sharp flurry to deck the home favourite with a short left to the body. The fight descended into a farce when another sharp jab from Mayweather left Nasuwaka staggering back before falling down for a second time and begging Mayweather not to chin him any more. Another punch to the side of the head sent Nasukawa to the canvas for the a third time and his corner then threw in the towel after a mere one hundred and thirty six seconds of the fight. 'I want to say thanks to God for the turnout, my team, thank you to Mayweather productions and all the entertainment teams,' Mayweather said. 'Thank you to the fans you guys have been amazing. It's all about entertainment. It's not going on anyone's record. Tenshin is still one hell of a fighter and one hell of a champion.'
The authorities in the Galapagos islands have banned the sale and use of fireworks in the archipelago to protect its unique fauna. Fireworks which produce 'light but no sound' have been excluded from the ban. Although to be honest, fireworks that don't go 'bang' are about as much use a alcohol-free lager. Or, pork-free pigs for that matter. Conservationists say that animals suffered from elevated heart rates, trembling and anxiety after pyrotechnic events. Thousands of people visit the islands every year, drawn by its biodiversity and pristine environment. The Galapagos are located about six hundred miles off the coast of mainland Ecuador. 'This is a gift to conservation for Ecuador and the world,' the president of the local council, Lorena Tapia, wrote on Twitter. 'Ecosystems as sensitive as that of the Galapagos Islands are affected [by fireworks], especially its fauna, which is unique,' she added. The authorities also said that fireworks caused many injuries every year, particularly among children. The campaign against fireworks began in 2017. The measure, which takes immediate effect, bans transportation of fireworks to the islands as well as their sale or use. There is increasing pressure on the Ecuadorean government to do more to protect its sensitive ecosystems. Single-use plastics have also been banned on the islands, which have a population of twenty five thousand people. The indigenous species found on the Galapagos islands, including iguanas and tortoises, played a key role in the development of Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution.
An Egyptian court has sentenced a twenty five-year-old woman to three years in The Big House for 'sexually harassing' a monkey, Al-Ahram reported (and, the Daily Scum Mailre-reported). A court in Mansoura charged Basma Ahmed with 'inciting debauchery' and 'committing an obscene act in public,' an alleged 'judicial source' allegedly told the newspaper. She was arrested in October after a ninety-second video of the incident went viral, 'particularly among young people and students,' Al-Ahram said. The video showed Ahmed laughing whilst touching the genitals of a monkey at a pet shop in the Nile Delta city and 'making sexual innuendos as people around her chuckle.' In court she 'confessed to the incident but, said she did not mean to commit an indecent act and that she had been tickling the monkey.' And, that she was just, you know, monkeying around. Hey, hey.
A teenager in Southern Germany set a four-story house on fire when she decided to blow-dry her mattress to warm it up. More than a hundred firefighters were reportedly called to the scene. The teenager in Freudenburg, near the German city of Trier, gave the residents of a four-story house a nasty Christmas surprise after snuggling up in bed after a night out ... with a hair dryer to warm up the mattress. Needless to say, she fell asleep and promptly set the bed on fire. Luckily, she woke up and doused the flames with water after her father helped her to drag the mattress onto the balcony. Lulled into a false sense of security, the pair then went back to bed. The mattress, however, caught light again and the fire spread to the outer walls and all the way up to the roof. A passer-by, who happened to be an off-duty firefighter, spotted the blaze and alerted colleagues. It took more than a hundred firefighters several hours to put out the fire. The fire caused two hundred thousand Euros worth of damage to the house though, luckily, no one appeared to have been seriously hurt.
A man was taken into custody after Jefferson County sheriff's deputies found him running naked through traffic. Well, we've all thought about doing it, haven't we? No? Okay, just this blogger then. Deputies from the Centre Point substation were dispatched on Wednesday afternoon on a call of a man running completely nude through traffic. Once on the scene, the deputies tried to take the man into custody but 'had trouble due to the fact the man was sweaty and very athletic,' said Chief Deputy Randy Christian. Once he was apprehended, the man bit through the glove of a deputy. The arrested man, whose name has not been released, was taken to hospital where he was extremely sedated and became 'somewhat lucid,' Christian added. He was read his rights and asked about his actions. He reportedly said that 'The Devil told him to do it.' He was transported back to the jail in Birmingham and charged with resisting arrest, public lewdness, disorderly conduct and being possessed by The Horn'd Beast. The latter charge, of course, carries a maximum sentence of being burned at the stake. The report was forwarded to the Jefferson County Mental Health Unit for further follow-up. 'I guess The Devil saw fit to give me one more naked guy before retiring,' Christian said. 'Clearly we do not pay our guys enough.'
Meanwhile, a Florida woman claiming to be God robbed a mail truck, stealing a package before pedalling away on a tricycle, deputies said. Leida Crisostomo, of Naples, was arrested on Saturday by Collier County Sheriff's Office deputies. Whilst she was being arrested, Crisostomo starting yelling that she was, in fact, 'God' and said 'voices were telling her to do things,' an arrest report stated. A witness told deputies that a woman, later identified as Crisostomo, pointed a gun at her while she was jogging and then walked over to a Postal Service truck nearby. The mail carrier said Crisostomo pointed the gun at him, stole a package and 'fled on a tricycle.' Anyone using the phrase 'Christ on a bike' at this point will, obviously, be excommunicated. A deputy spotted Crisostomo riding on a sidewalk and took her into custody. After Crisostomo was arrested, deputies determined that the gun was, in fact, plastic. Crisostomo faces charges of armed robbery, aggravated assault and impersonating a supreme deity in a built-up area during the hours of daylight.
Christopher Gamboeck, of Madison, Wisconsin, was in a bar enjoying a tasty beverage and the dirge-like metal hammerings of yer actual Black Sabbath when the music was suddenly stopped by the bartender who put on 'some Christmas music' instead. Gamboeck was not having it and proceeded to throw a beer bottle at the bartender. According to NBC News: 'Gamboeck chugged his glass bottle of Budweiser beer and slammed it down on the counter. He threw a bottle of beer in the direction of the female bartender's head after he yelled expletives at her.' Other patrons in the bar prevented Gamboeck from getting behind the counter as he circled the bar with his fists clenched. His uncle eventually 'intervened' and 'directed Gamboeck to the door.' He left the bar, seemingly in a geet stroppy huff, but pulled down a Christmas tree and broke several delicate ornaments before going, according to police. Gaboeck was 'heavily intoxicated' (no shit?) and was yelling what NBC News described as 'gender-based obscenities' towards a female police officer. He was then threatened with a good hard tasering if he didn't calm the fuck down. Gaboeck was then extremely arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, criminal damage to property and having truly shocking taste in music. The latter, tragically, does not carry a maximum sentence of being burned at the stake. Though, it probably should.
A rare disease has left a chap unable to have sex because his penis is the size of a small child. In what the Daily Mirraclaims is 'believed to be the only case in Kenya,' the man's 'mystery condition' has left him unable to have The Sex due to 'the eye-watering size of his manhood.' Hanging down well below his knees, the enormous throbbing dong has left twenty-year-old Sorence Owiti Opiyo 'miserable' and he has even had to 'drop out of school' due to 'relentless bullying.' Now Sorence, from Kisumu County, is 'struggling to work out how his incredible penis won't stop him from living a normal life.' The illness manifested itself through a swelling similar to a boil which made his reproductive organ keep growing dramatically in size. He has had treatment for the condition, including an operation which has slightly reduced its size but the appendage kept growing and 'ballooned to almost ten times the size of an average penis,' the paper reports. Sorence said the condition is 'painful' and stops him from wearing shorts or trousers because the size 'can't fit in any clothing.' One of his family told local news website BuzzKenya that he is scheduled for another operation at Jaramogi Oginga hospital in Kisumu. The family is now appealing to well-wishers for financial help for the surgery.
A ten-year-old in the German city of Duisburg caused serious damage at his elementary school on Friday morning when he reportedly used 'an extremely powerful firecracker' to blow up a toilet. The result of what may have been a child's prank ended with massive property damage and the risk of serious injury. Police say that the boy placed an illegal Polish firecracker - similar to a Cherry Bomb - next to the toilet, lit the fuse and then ran out of the boy's bathroom. The explosion utterly destroyed the toilet as well as blasting tiles and tile fragments off the walls, collapsing the ceiling and shattering windows, sending shards of glass flying more than fifteen metres into the schoolyard. Police say that they have nothing to go on! They added that they do not - yet - know from whence the little brat acquired the explosive but say he is 'very lucky' that neither he nor anyone else was seriously injured in the incident. And, presumably, they will be beating that information out of him in due course. Police say that the case illustrates the 'serious danger' presented by such illegal explosives, which are much more powerful than those legally attainable in Germany. The purchase and possession of such firecrackers is illegal in Germany and punishable with fines and up to three years in jail under the country's explosives law. Separately, state prosecutors in Cologne also announced that raids had taken place across the country on Friday, in which customs authorities arrested a number of people for the illegal import of explosives similar to those used in Duisburg. Authorities searched fifty four apartments and numerous fireworks warehouses and confiscated seventy four packages of Polish firecrackers en route to customers via parcel services. Prosecutors said customers had 'no idea' how 'absolutely life-threatening' the contents of those packages were.
An Oregon woman was extremely busted on felony charges after a racist rant apparently sparked by a parking space was caught on tape. Amber Rose Rocco was taken into custody on Friday by police after they watched a 'repulsive video' of a tense, minute-long knifepoint confrontation between Rocco and a black couple at a strip mall parking lot in McMinnville on Christmas Eve. 'This bitch is really trying stab him, just because,' Emora Roberson said on the footage in reference to Rocco, who quickly cuts her off. 'No I don't stab nobody,' Rose replied in the clip. 'It's called self-defence,' she added before referring to Roberson with an appallingly racially-specific insult. Rocco was then seen punching the vehicle's passenger side door, startling Roberson and her fifteen-month-old child who was also in the car, as well Roberson's boyfriend, Keysuan Goodyear, KATU reports. The baby began crying over the pounding on the car. 'I was scared [about] what she was going to do, what was going to happen,' Goodyear said. 'At the end of the day, I want her to know what she was doing was unacceptable. It's not good for the next generation; we have to stop this now.' No injuries were reported during the incident, police said. Rocco was charged intimidation, harassment, menacing and unlawful use of a weapon. Roberson and Goodyear, meanwhile, said that they hope she gets the help they think she desperately needs.
Authorities say a Kentucky man was arrested after he threw a large ham at a woman during an argument over which day Christmas dinner should take place. WAVE-TVreports that David Brannon was very arrested on Sunday after he tried to flee from police officers who attended a residence on a domestic dispute call. The Laurel County Sheriff's Office said that Brannon threw various items at the woman, including the ham which was to be eaten for Christmas dinner.
Meghan Markle's half-sister, has reportedly been placed on Scotland Yard's 'Fixated Persons' watch-list, according to The Sunday Times. Placement on the list means that police and royal security will 'keep an eye out' for Samantha Grant should she suddenly turn up at Kensington Palace uninvited and could be detained. The Duchess' personal protection officers are believed to have 'spoken to detectives' from Scotland Yard's Fixated Threat Assessment Centre about Grant, according to The Times. The purpose of the FTAC, according to its website, is 'to assess and manage the risks from lone individuals who harass, stalk or threaten public figures.' Grant has frequently whinged to anyone that would listen to her - which is, basically, every tabloid and several TV shows - about her sister, describing The Duchess of Sussex as 'arrogant and unkind' to her and their father, Thomas Markle. Grant flew to England in October and appeared outside Kensington Palace in her wheelchair. She was, however, not allowed inside. 'Someone like Samantha presents a risk rather than a threat,' an alleged though anonymous and, therefore, probably fictitious - Scotland Yard 'source' allegedly told The Times. 'She is not committing criminal offenves, but she is causing concerns for the royal family. Samantha could make a scene and create headlines with her actions - and let's face it, she's kind of already done that.' Yes, that sounds exactly like the kind of thing an unidentified police officer would tell a newspaper reporter. Markle has,reportedly, not spoken to her sister or father since her wedding to Prince Harry in May. Neither Grant nor Thomas Markle attended the ceremony. Grant was not invited and Markle's father, a retired Hollywood lighting designer who now lives in Mexico, suffered a heart attack before the wedding and was unable to attend. But, since then, he has whinged to the press about the 'cult-like' royals and the 'controlling' duchess. Markle's mother, Doria Ragland, did attend the wedding and is said to be 'close' to her daughter. Markle is expecting her first baby and Ragland, is reported to be 'thrilled' about the news and plans to 'play an active role' in her grandchild's life. Grant 'slammed' (that's tabloidese for 'criticised' only with less syllables) her placement on the watch list, noting on Twitter: 'This is ridiculous as I'm in an electric wheelchair and I live on a different continent and advocating for doing the right thing by our dad is hardly fixation. Stop your lying nonsense or be sued.' Given that the royal family are rich enough to be able to afford legal representation the likes of which will likely make any lawyers Grant can acquire shite in their own pants and cry for their mummy, one imagines any such 'suing' would be well worth getting the popcorn out for and hoping for a ringside seat. Grant also whinged earlier this month about Meghan and Harry's Christmas card, which showed the couple watching fireworks the night of their marriage. She called the card 'incredibly rude' because the two are standing with their backs to the camera. Kensington Palace and Scotland Yard both declined to comment on The Times report. Possibly because it's a load of old bollocks but, more likely because they've got more important things to do with their time.
A woman who orchestrated an online harassment campaign against her ex-boyfriend, before lying about being pregnant and even staging a fake kidnapping has been very jailed for four-and-a-half years. Jessica Nordquist had been working for an East London PR firm when she met colleague Mark Weeks in July last year. However, the US national started 'a programme of abuse' against Weeks after their brief relationship ended, sending messages to his clients accusing him of rape and setting up at least twenty Instagram accounts to post similar claims online. The twenty six-year-old, originally from Alaska, even went as far as to buy a fake baby bump on Amazon to convince her victim that she was pregnant, before going to elaborate efforts to make others believe she had been kidnapped. She was jailed at Snaresbrook Crown Court on Wednesday after being found extremely guilty of stalking, sending malicious communications and perverting the course of justice during a five-week trial in October. Sentencing, Judge Paul Southern told Nordquist he believed her behaviour was 'caused by childhood trauma,' noting that friends had claimed her actions were 'wholly out of character. You are an intelligent, resourceful and well educated young woman with no previous convictions. You came to the UK to advance your career in the company,' he said. 'This has been lost because of what you have done. That potential for advancement in the company has been extinguished. I have described your behaviour as bizarre. It's very unsurprising that police asked for you to undergo a mental health assessment when they arrested you. I am satisfied that your early traumatic experiences has shaped your personality. That does not excuse or justify your offending behaviour, but it does help to explain it.' Tyrone Silcott, prosecuting, told the court that Nordquist had undergone 'a sad descent' between December 2017 and April 2018. She began sending malicious texts and e-mails, including messages to colleagues and clients at PR agency Unruly - where she worked as a campaign manager - making unfounded claims the company had staged a 'rape cover-up.' The court heard how friends and family of Weeks were also targeted as Nordquist's abuse started to escalate. Reading a victim impact statement to the court, Silcott said that the harassment left Weeks 'feeling unsafe in his own home. He was constantly scared and on the edge about what might happened next to him,' he added. 'He mentions specific occasions where he would receive a text from an unknown number saying he was being watched and his home was being watched.' The defendant's increasingly unpredictable behaviour culminated in April, with what the judge described as 'a bizarre' attempt to fake her own kidnapping. An e-mail purporting to be from a criminal group was sent to Nordquist's family, friends and colleagues - containing pictures of her naked, bound and gagged - claiming she had been kidnapped. Officers from the Metropolitan Police then visited her flat in Whitechapel, where they found 'a disturbed scene' and a kidnap note pinned to the front door. Two days later, police traced Nordquist, safe and well, to a bed and breakfast in Aviemore in the Scottish Highlands, where she gave officers a false name and discarded two mobile phones in a toilet bin when she was taken to a doctor to ensure she was fit to be detained. Exactly what she had been hoping to achieve by carrying out the plot is still unknown, Met Police investigators said in a statement released after sentencing. Nordquist was jailed for two years and six months for the stalking charges and a further two years over the kidnapping incident, while a two-year sentence for malicious communications will run concurrently. She will serve at least half of her sentence behind bars.
A massive brawl involving around two hundred people kicked-off, big-style at a Virginia roller skating rink on Sunday, WDBJreported. Witnesses told WFXR that a song 'ignited local gang tensions' which led to the fight involving 'both teens and adults' at the Star City Skate Centre in Roanoke. It is not clear what song was playing at the time. Although, if it wasn't Carl Douglas's 'Kung-Fu Fighting' it really should have been. Nicholas Gilliam Junior and Marques Davis both said that they were attending a birthday party at the rink when an 'exchange' of gang signs 'got heated.' Police initially received reports of a shooting at the rink but did not find any proof of that, according to the Roanoke Times. Gilliam told WFXR that he saw a man running with a gun. After the brawl in the rink, smaller fights also broke out in the parking lot. Davis said that the only thing on his mind during the commotion was that he 'didn’t want to die.' Authorities did not make any arrests and turned over the minors to their parents or guardians to be dealt with. They were 'not able to confirm' whether the fight was gang-related and the case remains under investigation, WFXR reported.
The From The North award for The Most Utterly Stupid Headline Of The Week goes to the BBC News website for Why cheese is no longer my friend!
A woman has reportedly filed a police complaint alleging that she was assaulted by a hairstylist after her hair was 'cut too short.' The DPA news agency reported that the thirty four-year-old woman went to a hair salon in Wittenberge in Brandenburg State and showed the stylist a picture of her desired cut. According to the customer, her hair was cut much shorter than she had requested and she came out of the salon looking like Telly Savales. The hairdresser then tried to correct the mistake with hair extensions. After the procedure, the customer complained of a headache and filed a police complaint. The case is being investigated, a police spokesperson said.
Canadian police say that a seven-year-old boy called nine-one-one to report his 'dissatisfaction' with receiving snow pants as a Christmas gift from his parents. Sergeant Kerry Schmidt said that the boy made the call at about 8am on Christmas Day to whinge about the gift. He says officers ensured there wasn't an actual emergency at the boy's home. Schmidt says he believes the boy was 'spoken to' about the dangers of calling nine-one-one for non-emergencies and told that if he did it again, the snow pants would be the least of his troubles. Schmidt says that non-urgent incidents or fake emergency calls take up time and resources from first-responders that should be used for 'real' emergencies.
Two women were caught allegedly stealing nineteen hundred dollars worth of electronics from a Target in Michigan on the same day that the store was packed with police for a 'Shop with a Cop' event. Keiana Wilson and Dana Johnson, were charged with retail fraud and being as dumb as they come after police say they tried to steal electronics from the Target store on 19 December. About fifteen police officers were in the story at the time helping twenty two disadvantaged children to pick out Christmas presents for their families. An officer said that store security officers watched on cameras as the women loaded a cart with two Apple watches, two iPads and a Nintendo gaming system. They then walked past the registers without paying but never made it to the parking lot. The spokesperson did not reveal how many of the fifteen officers to took to bring their pair down.
The Angel of the North had a festive addition just in time for Chrimbo, a rather gear - Santa hat. The red and white titfer was noticed atop Gatesheed's famous sixty five foot steel structure by motorists driving along the nearby A1 on Christmas Eve. Several people on social media couldn't post photographs and videos clips of the Angel with its festive adornment quickly enough. 'A group of pranksters later admitted responsibility,'according to the BBC, claiming that they had planned the stunt 'for years.' No-one in the group wished to be named, working on the assumption that some cheerless nob in authority might send the scuffers after them, but they told the Press Association that they had 'wanted to do something people might find uniformly enjoyable, something that might bring people together.' And, it worked. So, well done them. The group said that the ten-person operation began early on Christmas Eve and involved ropes and ninety knickers-worth of fabric sewn into a hat. One of the group said: 'Ten of us, five different vans, everyone had a bit of something in the back of their vehicle. We all filed out like paratroopers, everybody knew what their role was. We have gone to significant efforts to make sure it doesn't fly off.' The Sir Antony Gormley-designed sculpture, which weighs about two hundred tonnes, celebrated its twentieth anniversary in 2018. Despite some initial - and pompously loud - opposition ahead of its installation (from numbskulls), the Angel has come to be regarded a much-loved symbol of the North East of England. In 1998 it was adorned with a custom-made shirt bearing the name and number of the then current Newcastle United captain Alan Shearer shortly before this blogger's beloved (though even then unsellable) Magpies' appearance in that year's FA Cup Final. Which they lost. However, that was a stunt which the artist later credited with 'creating a cultural shift' towards the Angel in the region. However, not all modifications to Gormley's vision have been quite so welcomed. Supermarket chain Morrisons grovellingly apologised in May 2014 after projecting an image of a giant baguette across the sculpture's wings. Though, to be honest, this blogger thought that was quite funny. And, the baguette itself looked geet tasty.
Netting that has trapped and killed gulls landing on buildings on the Newcastle Quayside is to be replaced. The council, businesses and animal welfare charities have been 'considering other forms of deterrent' following reports that some birds had suffered 'horrible deaths' entangled in nets. They have now decided to remove the netting on the council-owned Guildhall. An electrical system that delivers a small, allegedly 'harmless' shock to landing birds will be installed instead. It is not expected to displace the kittiwakes to new nesting locations as it is replacing an existing deterrent rather than removing an established site. The fifty grand project - due to be completed before the birds return from migration in February - will also involve the removal, repair, and replacement of netting on the Tyne Bridge, the Local Democracy Service reports. The council said that it had 'encouraged' other building owners to 'conduct an urgent review of their own deterrents,' but it had 'no further authority' to enforce them to add or remove measures they choose to use. A council spokesman said: 'We are fortunate to have this colony of rare kittiwakes on the Quayside, given the threat to the species globally, and their presence needs careful and sympathetic management as a result.' Although, anyone who's ever been walking along the Quayside on a Friday night and had their packet of chips ripped from their grasp by an attacking gull might take issue with such sentiments. 'It is pleasing to see so many different organisations come together to make sure these birds can nest safely at the Quayside while minimising their impact on listed buildings, residents and businesses in the area.'
And now, the bit you've all been waiting for ...
So, dearest blog readers, since From The North updates have been in somewhat non-existent supply since ... last year basically - yer actual Keith Telly Topping thought it was probably high time for a nice illustrated round-up of what, exactly, has been going on at Stately Telly Topping Manor over the holiday period. Firstly, our Maureen Telly Topping is currently very much top of yer actual Keith Telly Topping's Christmas Card list (for next year, clearly) for providing this blogger with these little warm and fuzzy beauties. There shall be no chilblains at Stately Telly Topping Manor this winter, dear blog reader! And, the heating bills shall be lower than anticipated. Hopefully.
Now, please let it be noted, this blogger is not normally of the 'bah-humbug' persuasion nor anything even remotely like it; he really doesn't mind Christmas and all of the associated malarkey which goes with it. But, that said, on Sunday 23 December 2018, finding anything on the Stately Telly Topping Manor tellybox which was not - at least slightly - Christmassy was a bit like looking for a very, very small needle in a jolly ginormous haystack. Thank goodness, therefore, for 5USA's standard Sunday afternoon Columbo triple-bill, A guaranteed Santa-free zone!
And, similarly, on Christmas Eve, an all-day Wheeler Dealers marathon on Quest was just about the only thing which could keep Rudolph and his mates from the door.
Then, there was the - somewhat later than usual - 'getting the Stately Telly Topping Manor tree sorted and erected' malarkey. Which was accomplished in surprisingly short shrift.
Lots of time was spent by this blogger making silly visual puns on the very Interweb itself. Like, this one, for example ... Come on, that took all of twenty seconds to construct.
Well, let's face it dear blog reader, it was either that or expect this blogger to lie back in the Stately Telly Topping Manor reclining chair and contemplate the inherently ludicrous nature of existence. And, who wants to do that at Chrimbo? No, actually, don't answer that ...
Still, you know, there's always an up-side to everything ...
Also on Christmas Eve, of course - there being but one shopping day left before Christmas - this blogger was up at the very crack of dawn and off down to the local Aldi to get the perishables in. Not only that, but he was back in the gaff by 8.45am having done the necessary. Bonus.
Christmas Eve lunch and tea was quite easily sorted - due in no small part to there being quite a bit of meat in the Stately Telly Topping Manor frigidaire that needed using up urgently. Thus, it ended up being a beef, lamb and chicken tikka masala with basmati rice, shitake mushrooms, garlic, lemon, honey and mixed spices. Plus a couple of parathas and a nice glass of Baileys with ice. Not especially Christmassy per se this blogger is sure you'll agree dear blog reader (unless you're in Mumbai ... and even then, the Baileys might be considered a bit, you know, left-field) but at least that got all of the stuff which was at or beyond its sell-by date out of the way. Jolly tasty it was too and it did three meals in the event with a little bit even spilling over to Christmas Day breakfast.
Which meant that this blogger, for the first time in about three or four years at least, actually had himself a 'proper', honest t'God Christmas Day lunch. Well, as close as yer actual Keith Telly Topping will ever get to a proper honest t'God Christmas Day lunch, anyway. At least it has Yorkshire puds and gravy. And Malibu.
Christmas Day afternoon post-lunch, obviously, involved - as he imagines it probably did for many dear blog readers - some sleep. And watching Where Eagles Dare on ITV4. Because, nothing says 'Christmas' like watching Clint and Dick moving down half the Nazi forces in Europe with machine guns.
Sky, meanwhile, made a really big deal of premiering The Greatest Showman on Sky One as their big Christmas Day early evening 'event'. This blogger watched the first quarter of an hour of the movie but, probably very unwisely, decided that he just couldn't get into it so he turned over to watch Apollo 13 for the twenty millionth time on ITV3 instead. Because, nothing says 'Christmas' like near total catastrophe.
But, 'what about Boxing Day Keith Telly Topping?' this blogger hears you all ask? Not a clue ... Sorry. Although this blogger thinks it may have involved more alcohol than he normally gets through in a month. And, much general overindulgence. Not only that, but 27 December at Stately Telly Topping Manor was, similarly, all a bit of a blur.
... Though, this blogger is fairly certain that at least one of those days did involve a four episode The World At War marathon on Yesterday.
Nevertheless, whilst all that eating, drinking, snoozing and binge-watching was going on - and, despite the fact that this blog hasn't has an actual update since 22 December - traffic at From The North resembled Northumberland Street at 5pm on Christmas Eve. An average of around five thousand one hundred page-views for four days running instead of the more usual between 'three and four thousand.' It is, somewhat, comforting to know that plenty of people were seemingly so bored shitless by the prospect of having to talk to their relatives that they'd sooner spend a few minutes checking out this blog for a touch of light relief. You're all very welcome, by the way.
Still, by 29 December, this blogger had shaken himself from his curious languor and decided to get his very self a belated Chrimbo present in the shape a rather tasty Seagate Expansion Plus®™ one Terabyte portable hard drive. Mainly due, let it be noted, to this blogger having a bunch of Argos gift tokens that were burning a hole in his pocket. It's a little beauty, though, is it not?
Mentioning this purchase on Facebook got this blogger into a lengthy conversation about the respective negative correlation between the cost of various media storage devices over the last decade or so and their data storage capacity.
For us dinner at Stately Telly Topping Manor on that particular Saturday, yer actual Keith Telly Topping whipped up dead tasty Cantonese-style King Prawn and Garlic Chicken with lemon, babycorn, sliced mushrooms, shallots, red peppers and chillis. It was very nice, dear blog reader. And, again, it ended up doing about three meals in total!
Just to prove to this blogger that he can, actually, multi-task - something which he has often doubted in the past - he managed to spend three hours on Sunday simultaneously getting the dinner cooked (prawn risotto) and then eaten, doing the weekly washing, completing a full back-up to the newly purchased external hard-drive of everything on the Stately Telly Topping Manor laptop and watching Brannigan on ITV4 (a fantastically under-rated comedy movie ... although this blogger is not entirely sure it was supposed to be). After all that, Keith Telly Topping needed a nice cup of tea and sit down.
On Sunday evening, the major telly 'event' of the day was ITV's terrestrial debut of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. But, atypically (although, he did watch - and very much enjoy - that), this blogger's attention was drawn more towards a couple of pieces of, frankly, bizarre scheduling. Like ITV4's showing of The Silence Of The Lambs. Because, again, nothing says 'Christmas' like serial murder, serial kidnapping and cannibalism with a nice Chianti, does it? Also, there was someone's idea of 'a joke' over at The Comedy Channel, in a broadcast of Pulp Fiction! I mean, don't this blogger wrong, it's a superb, ground-breaking movie and, one that is not without a certain wry wit amid the several buckets of blood and couple of packets of giblets that Tarantino used during the making of it. But worthy of being shown on The Comedy Channel?! Perhaps those who acquired it considered the sequence in which Marsellus Wallace gets arse-raped by Zed to be wee-in-yer-own-pants funny?
New Year's Eve, dear blog reader, when you just want something to nibble on until dinner time.
This blogger, after all, needed something to eat whilst watching Alibi's Sherlock marathon. And, man cannot live by honey roasted peanuts and toffees alone. It's The Law.
So, anyway dearest blog reader, all that waffle was a small flavour of what yer actual Keith Telly Topping has got himself up to when he wasn't bloggerising over the last fortnight. All of us here at From The North wish to extend to our dear blog readers the very best and most sincere good wishes for a peaceful, happy, prosperous and healthy 2019. Although, given that Brexit is a-coming in March, Rump is in the White House and there's no new series of Doctor Who until early next year, one wouldn't hold ones breath in anticipation of any of those things.