It is - quite literally - the stuff of science fiction. But now, the possibility of time travel may be a - small - step closer. Scientists have built what could, loosely (very loosely) be described as a time machine which, while not quite on the fictional scale of the TARDIS, has defied the second law of thermodynamics, which governs the direction of 'time's arrow' from past to future. Working in the weird realm of quantum mechanics, they achieved the equivalent of causing a broken rack of pool balls to re-order itself. To an outside observer, it looks as if time is running backwards. Lead researcher Doctor Gordey Lesovik, who heads the Laboratory of the Physics of Quantum Information at the Moscow Institute of Physics & Technology, said: 'We have artificially created a state that evolves in a direction opposite to that of the thermodynamic arrow of time.' It was as if the balls scattered randomly around a pool table went into reverse and packed themselves back into their original pyramid formation. The 'time machine' described in the journal Scientific Reports is based on a quantum computer that carries out calculations using basic elements known as superconducting 'qubits.' A qubit isn't something from Harry Potter, apparently, rather it is a unit of information described by a 'one', a 'zero', or a mixed 'superposition' of both states. With me so far? No? Good. Glad it's not just me, then. In the experiment, an 'evolution programme' was launched on a computer which caused the qubits to 'become an increasingly complex changing pattern of zeros and ones.' During this process, order was lost just as it is when the pool balls are struck and scattered at a break-off. Another programme then modified the state of the quantum computer in such a way that it evolved 'backwards,' from chaos to order. The state of the qubits was 'rewound' back to its original starting point. An analogy would be giving the pool table such a perfectly calculated kick that the balls roll back into an orderly pyramid. The scientists found that, working with just two qubits, 'time reversal' was achieved with a success rate of eighty five per cent. When three qubits were involved more errors occurred, resulting in a fifty per cent success rate. Can we get back to talking about real fictional time-travel now, please?
Doctor Who experts and fans have been causing a bit of a kerfuffle at a museum in Cornwall which has just started exhibiting what it claimed to be a 'genuine' Dalek. That's a genuine Dalek prop as used on the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama rather than, you know, a genuine Dalek from the planet Skaro. Because, the latter would be a story. Cornwall Livereported on Tuesday that a 'renowned toy collector,' one Phil Chapman, had renovated what he believed at the time to be an original Dalek dating back from the period that Jon Pertwee played The Doctor in the early-1970s. It was reportedly found in the Gunnislake shed of another collector, who recently died and, despite damp setting in, was 'lovingly restored' by Phil and given to Liskeard & District Museum, which has put it on display. Phil, whose huge collection of toys is on-show in the museum, said that his late collector friend had 'bought the Dalek twenty years ago from a man from Okehampton' who claimed that he had previously worked in the BBC's props department. However, Doctor Who aficionados - for there are many - have, according to the website, 'pointed their sonic screwdrivers in the direction of Cornwall and branded the Liskeard Dalek "a fake."' Or, in slightly less prejudicial and local-paper-tabloid words, 'pointed out that it does not appear to be what it has been claimed to be.' Cornwall-based Doctor Who collector Matt Doe said: 'During the period stated there were two makers of Daleks, Bill Roberts of Shawcraft Models who made the original batch of Daleks, these are all numbered and documented on a website called Dalek6388. In the 1970s Jon Pertwee period a company ran [sic] by VFX specialist Cliff Culley was in charge to make various Daleks for the story Planet Of The Daleks. These makers all made Daleks that are well-documented to dimensions and plans very close to each other. The Dalek shown by Phil has numerous amounts of things wrong. The first is it's dimensionally wrong. No Dalek ever appeared in full size form with these dimensions, or in model form anywhere near remotely close to these dimensions. Not only are the dimensions wrong but the method of how it's constructed in areas is also wrong and can be clearly seen and compared to other full size props externally.' Matt himself has an 'Exhibition Dalek' which was featured in the BBC's trailer for the fiftieth anniversary of Doctor Who. Writer and filmmaker Benjamin Cook added: 'It looks nothing like an actual TV - or movie - Dalek. Its dimensions are way off.' Jon and Gav, who run the afore-mentioned 'ultimate resource for Dalek fans'Dalek6388 added: 'Almost every dimension is incorrect and it's not made in the correct materials. The original props were made by Shawcraft Models and were mainly fibreglass. Some were made (for TV) by a different company (Westbury Design) in the early-1970s and these matched the original Shawcraft design closely.' Several other Dalek-lovers have also taken to Facebook and Twitter declaring that Phil's Dalek is 'definitely a fan build.' And, this blogger - who might, charitably, be described as someone who is 'quite knowledgeable' on many aspects of Doctor Who's production but who is very definitely not an expert on prop design - also thinks that the Dalek in question looks wrong for an, alleged, early-1970s TV prop. The top half appears far too narrow, in this blogger's opinion. For what that's worth. Which, isn't much. Anyway, Phil defended his actions: 'I can only go on the history of what I have been told by the family who owned it and, unfortunately, there was nothing in writing. When people die the stories go with them.' A spokesperson for Liskeard Museum replied to the Dalek dilemma: 'We have had some interesting comments today from Doctor Who fans and are especially keen to hear more from Doctor Who prop expert Matt Doe.' They added: 'Even if he proves to be a fan copy, he is bringing so much joy to our visitors and is fully interactive so please come say hello.'
One of Doctor Who's lost stories has been revived as an animation but a few changes were required to resurrect The Macra Terror in a new form. Starring Patrick Troughton, the four-part adventure was originally broadcast in March and April 1967, but no full episodes of the serial are known to have survived in the BBC's archives. You knew that, right? Fortunately for fans, a complete audio recording of the story still exists, with an animation team working tirelessly to provide new visuals, as previously reported on this blog. One sequence, though, needed to be modified, as animation director and producer Charles Norton explained. 'There is a cut to episode one. There was a scene that would have been very difficult to do [in animation], would've taken an awful lot of time and resources and probably wouldn't have ended up really working.' The scene, in which a machine tries and fails to 'make over' Troughton's Doctor, 'has been shortened to remove a few elements that would've been very difficult to do.' Norton added: 'Happily, it's not a scene that's particularly pertinent to the plot.' For any fans incensed by the edit - and, one imagines there will be one or two (these areDoctor Who fans we're talking about, after all) - the scene features in full on a photographic reconstruction of The Macra Terror which will also be available on the DVD and Blu-ray release. 'There's a black-and-white version [of the animation], a colour version, a photographic reconstruction, a photographic reconstruction with narration and a talking book,' Norton explained. The animated Macra Terror was approached as 'a new production,' with Norton suggesting that attempting to recreate the lost story 'exactly as it was ... doesn't actually work. There's so much we don't know about what was in the original apart from anything else,' he said. 'You can't recreate it perfectly - you are doing it in a completely different format, so it is going to be different no matter what you do. It has to work on its own merits.' The story's titular monsters, the crab-like Macra, were also redesigned for the animation - justified, Norton said, because the finished product on-screen was 'a disappointment to the production team' back in the 1960s. 'It clearly wasn't what they wanted anyway, so we tried to get to perhaps what they had in their heads when they were originally writing it.' Tweaks and modifications aside, The Macra Terror promises to be the most polished Doctor Who missing episodes animation yet, with Paul Hembury - executive producer for BBC Studios [ acknowledging 'an evolution' since 2016's reconstruction of Troughton's debut story The Power Of The Daleks. 'It's partly money, but as much as money, it's time,' Hembury said. 'This is the first of the animations where we almost gave Charles as much time as he said he needed, whereas before we gave him a lot less! This time, we've hit a benchmark which is where we wanted to be right from the start. That isn't to say that, were we to do more, that we wouldn't still be trying to do better still.''Four times the budget does help!' said Norton. 'There's quite a bit of traditional hand-drawn animation in this... we would never have had time to do that on Power Of The Daleks, so it's a completely different kind of production.'
Former Doctor yer actual Matt Smith physically transforms into one of history's most notorious and murderous cult leaders in a first look at Charlie Says. Smudger portrays Charles Manson, leader of the murderous Family cult, in the upcoming thriller from American Psycho director Mary Harron about the infamous 1969 Tate-La Bianca killings. Smudger's version of Manson is shown in flashbacks as the so-called 'Manson girls' share their stories from prison with criminology student and human rights advocate Karlene Faith (played by Merritt Wever). It is through her analysis of the horrifying murders that Karlene begins to question whether the Manson girls were truly willing perpetrators or if they were victims of Manson as well. In Charlie Says, Manson family members Leslie Van Houten, Patricia Krenwinkel, Susan Atkins and Mary Brunner are brought to life by Hannah Murray, Sosie Bacon, Marianne Rendón and Pikachu's Suki Waterhouse. Charlie Says is currently scheduled for release to US cinemas on 10 May though a UK release hasn't been announced yet. This role is the latest high-profile big-screen project for Smudger. Earlier this week, he revealed that he was convinced by former Doctor Who co-star Karen Gillan to sign up for his first-ever Marvel movie, Morbius. Smudger has also downplayed reports that he has a 'top-secret' role in Star Wars: Episode IX.
Another former Doctor, yer actual Mad Tom Baker has recalled finding it 'difficult' to work with an 'anxious' Rowan Atkinson on a memorable episode of Blackadder II. Baker appeared in the Potato episode of the much-loved 1986 historical comedy as the deranged, legless and incompetent sailor Captain Redbeard Rum. 'You have a woman's bottom, m'lady' and all that. He was really rather good in it if you've never seen it. The eighty five-year-old said that playing the blundering seafarer had been an 'incredible' experience but that he had not enjoyed working with Atkinson. He told the Radio Times: 'It was an incredible performance. Some people were amazed I ever worked again. Rowan Atkinson was so anxious - he wasn't very fun to work with.' Mad Tom claimed Rowan had asked him to 'tone down' his performance and make it 'as boring as you can' on the set for the 1986 series. Later, he claims, he 'discovered' Atkinson 'gave the same advice' to all the guest actors on the sitcom. Speaking to Radio Times' guest editor, David Walliams, Baker questioned why Atkinson had been so worried about getting upstaged. Mad Tom said: 'He took me aside the first afternoon of recording and he said: "You know Tom, I'm very experienced in this and the part you're playing here, this sea captain, I think you're actually doing too much. I think he should be as boring as you can make him. So, we then had the final run-through and I did this boring routine and the producer came down and said, "What's going on? Are you ill?" I said, "No, no, no, I'm just taking in the notes from your boss." And he then said, "Tom, he does that every week. He gives those same notes to the visitors." Weird isn’t it? A comic genius and yet he has these anxieties.' The fact that the director of Blackadder II was, in fact, a woman - Mandie Fletcher - should, perhaps, give us a moment's pause as to how many pinches of salt we should take with good old Mad Tom's comments. It's also worth recalling that the episode made immediately prior to the one Mad Tom appeared in - Bells - featured Rik Mayall going so far over the top he was down the other side as Lord Flashhart. So, one imagines that if Rowan did, indeed, give the same advise to Rik as he, allegedly, gave to Mad Tom it was, similarly, ignored!
And, just to complete our little sub-series of former-Doctor stories, the trailer for national heartthrob David Tennant's forthcoming appearance in the BBC's adaptation of Good Omens has, as previously mentioned on this blog, been doing the rounds of late. If you haven't seen it already, dear blog reader, check it out, it's very good.
This week's episode of From The North favourite Only Connect was a proper bumper one for yer actual Keith Telly Topping who only went and managed to get the answers to not one, not two but three whole questions before either of the teams did. Specifically, the red light districts question (which probably says rather more about yer actual Keith Telly Topping than he would like), the year of three leaders question and the sports-named-after-places question (albeit, he got the latter only a mere fraction ahead of The Time Ladies).
This blogger was, of course, extremely happy that the delightful Time Ladies won the edge-of-the-seat conclusion to the episode on a tie-breaker and, not just because of their choice of favourite telly programme about time travel either. Anyone who can quote the lyrics to 'Dub Be Good To Me' on national television is pure dead okay with this blogger!
'To be continued in what some call The Real World!' Given the reports of abject chaos which have surround its production, this blogger was not expecting huge things from the second series of American Gods, the opening episode of which was broadcast this week. Thankfully - because, the first series was a big From The North favourite - in the event, this blogger thought it was great. Sure, it's crushing disappointing that Gillian Anderson and Kristin Chenoweth are no longer involved but there was still plenty to admire here. And, seemingly, this blogger was not alone in his appreciation of the episode; see here and here. Although, these guys thought otherwise. The fact that they're, you know, wrong - and by 'wrong' this blogger means bigly-wrong in their massive largeness - is, of course, neither here nor there.
Meanwhile, there's a very good interview with Neil Gaiman on the Entertainment Weekly website which helps to clarify a few of the ongoing urban myths surrounding the alleged production difficulties and the current series' House On The Rock arc which is well worth a few moments of your time.
'Critics. What do they know? They're gonna hate this show!' This blogger's preview copies of the opening four episode of Doom Patrol turned up at Stately Telly Topping Manor this week. As a great fan of Grant Morrison's groundbreaking forty issue run of the comic during 1989, 1990 and 1991 this blogger was looking forward to the TV adaptation with a mixture of trepidation and a weirdly pleasurable fanboy tingle of excitement. Thankfully, if the first four episodes are anything to go by, DC have a twenty four carat gem on their hands. A great cast and with a premise that's eighty per cent Morrison and twenty per cent My Greatest Adventure, once again this blogger - easily pleased, though he may often be - thought it was great, dear blog reader. Terrific soundtrack too, notably the use of the late David Bowie's 'Lazarus' in episode two.
And, in a similar vein to the Neil Gaiman interview linked to above, Doom Patrol showrunner Jeremy Carver was the subject of an in-depth interview by Sci-Fi Wire which you can check out here in which Jeremy confirms that Morrison's take on the comic is heavily influential on the TV adaptation. As if the inclusion of the characters of Crazy Jane, Mister Nobody and Willoughby Kipling (played by the always excellent Mark Sheppard) in the opening episodes wasn't evidence of that already. One wonders how long it'll be for we have the rest of The Brotherhood Of Dada turning up and a reworking of The Painting That Ate Paris? Which would be nice.
'Sometimes when you love someone, you will do crazy things!' The first trailer for series two of from The North favourite Killing Eve has been released this week. And lo, dear blog reader, it was proper glorious in yer actual Keith Telly Topping's sight, so it was. One wondered if the series could survive the loss of Phoebe Waller-Bridge; on the evidence of this minute of magic, the answer would appear to be 'Phoebe Waller-Who?'
HBO have revealed the run times of the opening two episodes of Game Of Thrones eighth and final series. And, after much (mostly uninformed and hyperbolic) speculation that they would be movie length they are in fact, just the usual sort of duration - fifty four minutes for episode one and fifty eight minutes for episode two. Leaving someone writing for Forbesextremely disappointed in his stroppy indignation at this right-shite state of affairs by the sound of things! Ah well, them's the breaks, mate. You know what they say: 'Time is relative.' No, hang on. Sorry, that's the wrong show. 'If you think that has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.' Yeah, that's better.
Thankfully for disgruntled Thronies everywhere, according to the Fansided website, things get a bit more lengthy thereafter with episode three being an hour long and episodes four five and six fulfilling the wet spunky dreams of fans everywhere by lasting between seventy eight and eighty minutes each.
Meanwhile, after that Games Of Thrones whine, Esquirereports that Game Of Throneswine is now available to be drunk during the final six episodes of the popular fantasy drama with the dragons and the tits and all that. This selection of reds and whites includes a Cabernet Sauvignon, a Pinot Noir and a red blend. For white wine drinkers, there's a Chardonnay as well. Nice.
After creating the BAFTA-winning gangster drama Peaky Blinders, which unveils series five on the BBC this spring, with a sixth series shooting later this year, Steven Knight is now planning his most ambitious production yet– a forty-acre film and TV studio in the West Midlands. Alongside investors, the local council and leading production companies, Knight plans a one hundred million knicker state-of-the-art studio near Birmingham offering advanced facilities and specialist crews for productions ranging from blockbusters to small-scale projects. He told the Observer: 'So many American and international producers want to shoot in the UK because of our crew base and tax incentives. Many high-profile production companies are begging for [studio] space. I'm from Birmingham. I felt it was a shame that there was no production going on in the centre of the country.'Peaky Blinders has been watched by tens of millions of people worldwide. Among his feature films, Knight wrote Dirty Pretty Things, the acclaimed thriller directed by Stephen Frears and directed Locke, starring Tom Hardy. He also co-created Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? at a time when 'people said quiz shows were dead' and has watched it become a worldwide franchise. He wants the studio, to be called Mercian, to be the 'greenest on Earth. I want to grass the roofs so they're bird sanctuaries. All sets that are dismantled will be burned for energy. All vehicles will be electric.' Knight began exploring the studio project four years ago. An official announcement is expected later this year, with an opening within two-and-a-half years. The name Mercian is inspired by one of the most powerful kingdoms of Anglo-Saxon England, whose borders spanned the West Midlands. The site, near Birmingham, covers between thirty six and forty acres: 'A lot of land,' Knight said. The studio will have six sound stages for film and television, as well as post-production facilities. Knight wants to encourage a terrestrial television franchise to be based there and the BBC is among those who are 'very keen,' he said. 'We've got a backlot which is basically countryside, where people can build castles and shoot things. A local landowner is happy to have productions.' Basing professional crews at the studio will also cut accommodation and transportation costs for producers, who would no longer have to ferry people from London and elsewhere. Adrian Wootton, chief executive of the British Film Commission and Film London, said that the organisation was 'entirely supportive' of the venture. 'The UK needs more studio space. Tax credits, our fantastic infrastructure, our talent base, our crew base ... all combine to create an irresistible package. We're one of the most popular destinations for film and high-end television. The demand for studio space is growing.'
ITV has revealed that the third series of Victoria will premiere on Sunday 24 March at 9pm. The drama, starring Jenna Coleman and Tom Hughes, has been shown in the US ahead of the UK for the first time. ITV boss Kevin Lygo previously revealed that the show would be broadcast in the UK 'in the spring or summer' and said of the delay: 'We have to get it right and put it up against the right things on the BBC and elsewhere,' he explained. Victoria has brought in some new faces for its third series, with Lewis's Laurence Fox as foreign secretary Lord Palmerston and Kate Fleetwood as Victoria's elusive sister, Princess Feodora.
EastEnders actress Katie Jarvis has said she is 'absolutely fine' following reports that she had been attacked on a night out. Jarvis, who plays Hayley Slater in the BBC drama, tweeted - and then almost immediately deleted - a message about being 'glassed' on 8 March. Jarvis kept a tweet saying that she was 'feeling good as gold' in the hours following the alleged attack. The actress has now tweeted again to reassure fans she is doing well. 'I'm a soldier and been through hell of a lot worse,' she wrote. The twenty seven-year-old joined EastEnders in February 2018, playing Hayley, the cousin of Jessie Wallace's Kat Moon. She was involved in a major storyline at Christmas when it emerged she had had an affair with Kat's husband, Alfie. Jarvis has been off-screen in the soap for the last few weeks because her character was convinced to seek treatment after struggling with mental health and alcohol issues. Hayley was supposed to released from treatment last month, but fled the centre, leaving her baby, Cherry, in the Slater family's care.
NCIS fans are preparing to say farewell to another original cast member. The long-running crime procedural dropped something of a curve-ball for viewers this week when fan-favourite Ducky Mallard (the great David McCallum) told Gibbs that his future did not include his job at NCIS. During Bears & Cubs broadcast this week, McCallum returned to the series after a sporadic absence to spend some time with the team ahead of a party he was attending and revealed his plans to Gibbs (before going off to the event ... with Robert Wagner). While he wasn't one hundred percent clear on what he will do next, Ducky lets Gibbs know in no uncertain terms that his future will definitely not include his old job. The doctor then gave Gibbs his blessing to name his protege, Jimmy Palmer (Brian Dietzen), his position as head of the department. Whilst McCallum is set to return in the next episode, it appears that his days might be numbered.
The BBC has released the first picture of Sheridan Smith as she appears in a new factual drama about the crimes of serial killer Stephen Port. Smith plays Sarah Sak, the mother of one of the four young men Port poisoned with lethal doses of a date rape drug between June 2014 and September 2015. The drama, whose working title is The Barking Murders, will be broadcast this year. Stephen Merchant will play Port, who was sentenced to a full life jail term in November 2016. Writers Neil McKay and Jeff Pope said they were 'so grateful' the co-creator of The Office had 'agreed to take on such a difficult and challenging role.' Samuel Barnett, Rufus Jones and Jaime Winstone will also appear in the three-part series, which will focus on the victims' families. Pope and McKay previously worked with Smith on The Moorside, the acclaimed 2017 drama about the hoax kidnapping of nine-year-old Shannon Matthews. The release of the picture of Smith in her latest role coincides with reports that she is currently in talks to play Samantha Fox in another TV drama. 'I would love for Sheridan to just say yes,' the former model and wannabe pop star told the Daily Lies. 'She would be perfect.'
MasterChef judge John Torode and his partner, the actress and food writer Lisa Faulkner, have been given their own weekend cooking show. They will host John & Lisa's Weekend Kitchen on Sunday mornings on ITV. The couple met when Faulkner won Z-List Celebrity MasterChef in 2010. Since then she has released three cookbooks. The former Holby City, [spooks] and EastEnders actress said she was 'delighted' they had been asked to make a programme together. 'It's a lovely series to be asked to present and even better that we get to share some of our favourite recipes and ideas with the viewers,' she said. 'I know we are going to have a lot fun making it.' ITV said that the couple would present 'from a cosy modern kitchen' and show viewers how to create 'deliciously simple dishes.' Torode said he was 'really thrilled and excited to be working with Lisa. Our Weekend Kitchen will certainly be a great reflection of us working together on food and our style and chatting about things we love to do, made for Sunday morning viewing,' he added. There will be nine episodes of the hour-long show, which is being produced by the team behind Good Morning Britain, Lorraine, This Morning and Loose Women. So, that should be worth avoiding, then.
Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman have completed their gruelling Comic Relief danceathon, after fighting through injury and sickness. The Strictly Come Dancing presenters raised more than one million quid by dancing non-stop for twenty four hours and five minutes. They ended their marathon challenge with a weary performance of Destiny's Child's 'Survivor', before collapsing to the floor in a melodramatic fashion. 'I never want to dance again,' said Winkleman. 'I don't like movement.' Daly, who suffered from motion sickness for six hours of the danceathon, said that her co-presenter had been her lifeline. 'She's had my back the whole way through. We've looked after each other. We've seen each other strapped up with tape. We both had a little cry,' she said. 'We are a bit tired and emotional.' Which, in this particular case, does seem to actually mean tired and emotional rather than, you know, drunk. Donations continued to roll in after the presenters put their feet up, with the total reaching one million and twelve thousand four hundred and eighty three knicker by Wednesday morning. The danceathon was broadcast live on BBC Radio 2 and the BBC red button, with fans following every fatigued dance step. 'I'm not going to pretend it's been easy, but I don't want to moan about it' Daly told the BBC News website fifteen hours into the challenge. 'These guys won't tell you how bad it is,' added Davina McCall, who was on hand for moral support. 'They're both in absolute agony.' She explained: 'Claudia is strapped up on her leg, both of them are strapped up on their back. Tess has been in tears, she's also feeling nauseous, and Claudia is talking about baby giraffes.' But, while the duo sounded perky and energetic on air, they slumped in between links, taking hugs from colleagues and massaging their limbs without pausing their eternal shuffle. By 10am, Winkleman was 'slurring her words' and Daly was 'feeling very sick.''We peaked a bit too soon, because we got really overexcited,' said the Daly. 'I bounced for the first four hours,' added Winkleman. 'And Trevor Nelson, who I literally love, came in and went: "FYI, you've peaked." And I went, "Don't be silly. I know I'm forty seven but I can go on like this for seventeen months." About two minutes later, my knee clicked out, my back went out and Tess got sick.' The presenters received celebrity support from their colleagues at Radio 2, singers Fleur East and Beverly Knight and the casts of the West End musicals Hair and Everybody's Talking About Jamie. Great British Bake Off winner Candice Brown and former judge Mary Berry also turned up at Wogan House with 'sugary snacks to keep the stars on their toes.' Meanwhile Jeremy Vine and Rylan Clark-Neal engaged in a dance-off to Sylvester's disco classic 'You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)'. That was a sight to see. 'Before we did this we went to see extraordinary projects that Comic Relief is supporting, so it was important to us [to do this]' said Winkleman. 'The tiniest amount of money makes the most enormous difference. Every penny will go to some of the most vulnerable people living in the most challenging situations in this country and abroad,' added Daly.
Former Family Fortunes host Les Dennis has been told by oily Piers Morgan that he will 'never be asked to be a guest' on the ITV breakfast show Good Morning Britain, after the Liverpudlian said on Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast: 'I'll only go on Good Morning Britain on a Thursday when Ben Shephard's there.' Dennis still holds an understandable grudge against the oily former Daily Mirra editor - and twat - Morgan who asked newspaper readers if Dennis was 'the most pathetic man in Britain,' in a Mirra headline whilst the comedian was taking part in Z-List Celebrity Big Brother in 2002. Upon hearing of Dennis's comments oily Morgan responded in his atypical, spoiled brat manner, by 'banning' Dennis from the GMB studios. Whether oily Morgan has the authority to do this and whether his producers subsequently told him that they decide who appears on Good Morning Britain and who does not and would oily Morgan kindly keep his big mouth shut we just don't know. But, we can probably guess. Dennis, who hosted Family Fortunes between 1987 and 2001, took part in the z-list celebrity version of Big Brother a year after leaving the popular game show. His marriage to the then relatively unknown Amanda Holden was on the rocks at the time and the cheery persona he was known for did not materialise on the z-list reality TV show, with tabloids labelling him Les Miserables due to his cascade of depressing anecdotes. His career was handed a kick-start in 2005, when he appeared on the Ricky Gervais sitcom Extras, playing an exaggerated version of himself, which endeared him to a new generation of comedy fans. He later appeared in another Gervais project Life's Too Short, as well as enjoying a stint on Coronation Street. He will make his Royal Shakespeare Company debut in The Provoked Wife in May.
A - very famous - episode of The Simpsons featuring Michael Jackson's voice has been pulled by its producers after a powerful documentary accused the star of sexually abusing two men when they were children. So, if you've got that particular DVD make sure you hang onto it because the chances of that episode ever being shown in public again are somewhat slim. The HBO documentary Leaving Neverland, which was shown on Channel Four in the UK this week, featured James Safechuck and Wade Robson who claimed that they were sexually abused by Jackson - who was, they claim, a very naughty man indeed. The singer featured in The Simpsons episode Stark Raving Dad which was broadcast in 1991, but his involvement was only confirmed some time later. Jackson voiced Leon Kompowsky, who meets Homer in a psychiatric hospital, where he claims to be the pop star. Come, you must have seen that one, it's a great episode. 'I can't write a song, I'm only ten.''Only ten? When I was your age I had six Gold Records!' Producers of The Simpsons have decided to remove the episode from streaming services and TV channels which broadcast the show and shove it in a vault hoping everyone will forget it ever happened. Executive producer James L Brooks said it was 'the only choice to make.' Well, it wasn't the only choice, an alternative choice would have been to have left the episode where it was instead of trying to re-write history in a, frankly, rather Stalinist way. Admittedly, that would have left the production open to accusations of ... something. From someone - such is the way of the world. But, a bit like the way in which Kevin Spacey's rather horrific alleged off-screen doings do not make The Usual Suspects any less than one of the greatest films ever made, so Stark Raving Dad is still twenty three of the best minutes The Simpsons ever produced and to pretend that it never existed because of what one member of the cast may have gotten up to in the privacy of his own multi-billionaire mansion with some children does not change that. Quite how removing a thirty year old episode of The Simpsons from public consumption helps any of the alleged victims of Michael Jackson's alleged dirty rotten badness is open to considerable debate. Fellow executive producers Matt Groening and Al Jean agreed with the decision, Brooks said, telling the Wall Street Journal: 'The guys I work with - where we spend our lives arguing over jokes - were of one mind on this. This was a treasured episode. There are a lot of great memories we have wrapped up in that one and this certainly doesn't allow them to remain.' He added: 'I'm against book-burning of any kind. But this is our book and we're allowed to take out a chapter.' Jackson's family have denied the allegations against the singer and denounced the documentary. The estate claimed that, by showing Leaving Neverland, HBO was 'violating a non-disparagement clause' from a 1992 contract. On Thursday, an Australian radio network pulled Jackson's music from its airwaves. The Nova Entertainment Company, which counts easy-listening station Smooth FM among its stable, became the first Australian company to take action after the accusations were broadcast in the documentary on Sunday. At least three radio stations in Canada, one in the Netherlands, as well as New Zealand’s public broadcaster RNZ and its major commercial rivals Mediaworks and NZME also said they would stop playing the artist's music.
A section of beach that featured in the ITV crime drama Broadchurch has been closed after a large cliff fall. About one thousand tonnes of rock and debris fell at East Beach in West Bay, Dorset, at about 5.30pm on Tuesday, the coastguard said. Following searches by coastguard teams, fire crews and rescue dogs, no-one is believed to be trapped in the rubble. The Jurassic Coast path and beach between West Bay and Freshwater were closed for a time. Engineers and a geologist are currently inspecting the area. A West Bay Coastguard spokesman said: 'Please stay well away from the cliff fall and surrounding area as further cliff falls could happen at any time and without warning.' The Jurassic Coast Trust said the fall had left 'potentially dangerous overhangs' and repeated warnings to 'stay clear' from the base and top of the cliffs. 'This type of fall happens suddenly and normally without warning and is part of the process of natural erosion that makes our World Heritage coastline so beautiful and important for understanding the history of our planet,' a statement said. In 2012, tourist Charlotte Blackman died at nearby Hive Beach when she was buried under a rockfall. West Bay featured prominently in ITV series which starred Olivia Colman, David Tennant and yer actual Jodie Whittaker.
Dame Esther Rantzen has said that her broadcasting career would not be as successful if she joined the industry now as a young woman because she would not be 'pretty enough.' Yeah, that sounds about right. The former That's Life! presenter was a trailblazer for female broadcasters. The series, which began in 1973, regularly attracted twenty million viewers. Rantzen told BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs she was 'very lucky' to have launched her career when she did. 'A few generations earlier, I don't think I could have done it,' she told presenter Wor Geet Canny Lauren Laverne. 'A few generations later, I wasn't nearly pretty enough.' She said it was 'taken for granted' earlier in her career that she would not be promoted because of her sex. After getting her job on That's Life! she said she was conscious that 'women weren't given this responsibility before. I was aware that if I didn't do a job well, preferably better than a man would, then I would make it much harder for the next generation of women,' she said. The BBC series featured light-hearted items alongside serious investigations, including reports on child abuse. In 1986 Dame Esther set up Childline - a charity offering support to young people. She told Desert Island Discs the need for the counselling service - which has helped nearly five million children - is as great today as ever. When it started calls were mainly about 'horrible things people were doing to children, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, bullying,' she said. 'Now so much of it is about unhappiness, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders. And bullying has changed and become cyber bullying that you can't escape from.' Rantzen also spoke about the sexual abuse she herself suffered as a teenager, which she revealed for the first time in 2011. Speaking about her abuser she said: 'I can see him to this day. He used to call me "bright eyes." He had one of these creepy smiles and he took me out to buy me a present. He found a way of getting me alone and he sexually abused me, not the most serious assault but still horrible.' However, she said her 'lovely' mother 'didn't really believe me' when she told her about the abuse. 'My mum, like many parents, cared about the social circle she moved in, cared about not making problems and in a way wanted me to carry on meeting him and I said, "Under no circumstance."'
Netflix is to set the official UK age ratings for its own films and shows using a new algorithm that will mean its entire catalogue has a rating. Until now, ratings such as PG, twelve and eighteen have been set by the British Board of Film Classification. Netflix will become the first company to determine ratings that will be given the BBFC seal of approval. Netflix will 'manually tag' aspects like violence and swearing and the algorithm will pick the appropriate age rating. A BBFC spokeswoman said: 'This is the first time that the BBFC have collaborated with a content provider and put together a scheme that will eventually mean that they will rate their own content. This content will then receive a BBFC rating. The content will be viewed by a person, however the classification decision will be made digitally from the tags that the viewer inputs in to the system. Therefore if the content contains violence at a particular point it will be tagged as such and these tags will form the basis of the final rating.' The system will be tested in a year-long pilot, but the BBFC said that it was 'confident' it would give accurate results. The body told BBC News it would 'provide ongoing training and support to Netflix to ensure that quality standards do not slip.' It said that it wants one hundred per cent of films and programmes on Netflix to have BBFC ratings and for the system to be extended to other streaming services. The announcement comes after BBFC research found almost eighty per cent of parents were 'concerned' about children seeing allegedly 'inappropriate content' online. The BBFC has also published a set of guidelines for streaming and gaming platforms to achieve 'greater and more consistent use of trusted age ratings online.' They recommend wider use of BBFC age classifications on online video and the equivalent Pan European Game Information symbols for games. 'Our research clearly shows a desire from the public to see the same trusted ratings they expect at the cinema,' BBFC chief executive David Austin said.
Danny Dyer has said he was having 'a family reunion' when he met Prince Charles at the Prince's Trust Awards. The EastEnders actor found out that he was related to royalty when he filmed Who Do You Think You Are? in 2016. Dyer introduced himself to the prince as a 'relative.' The prince told the audience that he had 'discovered a long-lost relation with Daniel Dyer' and said that he would be 'doing some research' into it. While filming Who Do You Think You Are?, Dyer discovered that he was related to Thomas Cromwell, Edward III, William the Conqueror and Henry III. He went on to present a two-part series, Danny Dyer's Right Royal Family, where he got know his royal ancestors and experienced how they lived. The actor was at the Prince's Trust Awards to present the mentor of the year award. When he was introduced to the prince he told him: 'I'm in EastEnders. Just wanted to let you know we're related as well. King Edward III is my grandfather - but I won't go into it. No he is, on my life.' Later on on stage Charles told the audience: 'He told me he was descended from Edward III, which is interesting. I must do some research when I get back,' he said. Dyer told the audience that he was 'having a family reunion' with Chas. 'When your cousin Charlie makes the call, you've got to help your family out, you know what I mean?' he said.
A gambling advert fronted by the Sky Sports'Soccer Saturday presenter Jeff Stelling has been extremely banned by the advertising watchdog for being socially irresponsible. The TV advert promoted a Sky Bet service that allows gamblers to place wagers on combinations of events happening during a football match, such as the number of corners, red cards and goals. In the advert for the 'request a bet' service, Stelling is seen calling on viewers to 'spark your sports brain' and ask 'how big is your sports noggin?' The Advertising Standards Authority received two complaints that the advert was 'irresponsible' because it implied that if you had a good knowledge of sports - as, broadly speaking, this blogger does - you were likely to be a successful gambler - which this blogger very much is not. Sky Bet, which ended its association with the TV broadcaster Sky when it was sold for 3.4 billion knicker to the owner of PokerStars last year, claimed the advert 'made no direct reference' to knowledge increasing the chances of winning, but that knowledge of a specific sport 'would, on the whole, increase a consumer's chances of success.' One or two people even believed them. They added: 'Many customers researched, studied and followed sports to a degree which would give them an "edge" over a bookmaker.' Explaining the ban, the ASA said that the use of Stelling, who viewers 'would recognise as having a particular expertise in sports' and graphics 'such as brain waves' placed 'a strong emphasis' on sports knowledge determining betting success. The advert 'gave an erroneous perception of the extent of a gambler's control over betting success,' it said. 'This gave consumers an unrealistic and exaggerated perception of the level of control they would have over the outcome of a bet and that could lead to irresponsible gambling behaviour.' Gambling and betting companies have come under fire during a time of mounting pressure to protect children and vulnerable persons from excessive exposure to advertising. In December, the gambling industry confirmed plans to press ahead with a voluntary ban on betting adverts during sports programmes from this summer. A month earlier Sky had announced a limit of one gambling adverts-per-commercial break on its channels from the start of the next Premier League season in August. Last month, the Committees of Advertising Practice, which set the rules enforced under the UK advertising code, announced a series of extra restrictions on gambling adverts, including the ban on featuring young z-list celebrities, sports stars and use of 'animated and licensed characters' from film and TV shows.
Australian media reportedly broadcast footage from the Christchurch shootings despite police pleas for them to desist. As New Zealand police and social media platforms scrambled to remove video of the Christchurch shootings - apparently live-streamed by one of the perpetrators - from Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, several Australian media outlets saw fit to broadcast some of the footage. 'Police are aware there is extremely distressing footage relating to the incident in Christchurch circulating online,' the police said in a statement. 'We would strongly urge that the link not be shared. We are working to have any footage removed.'Facebook, which carried the live-stream from the shooter on Friday, co-operated with New Zealand police and deleted the shooter's accounts. Sky News Australia repeatedly broadcast footage of the shooter at the mosque and Ten Daily embedded the footage on its website and social media posts although, to be scrupulously fair, neither showed the actual shootings of any victims. The Ten Daily video remained online for several hours but was, eventually, taken down along with all the stills from the video. Sky continued to show excerpts from the video. A Sky spokeswoman said: 'Sky News, in line with other broadcasters, ran heavily edited footage that did not show the shootings or the victims.' Channel Nine used some of the shooter's footage, but stopped the video before the gunman entered the mosque. The Herald-Sun promoted the video as Gunman's horrifying video inside New Zealand mosque. But it stops the moment he enters the mosque. The New Zealand prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, reiterated the police's plea in a later media conference. 'We should not be perpetuating, sharing, giving any oxygen to this act of violence and the message that is sitting behind it,' Ardern said. 'What all of us can at least do is ensure that we do not share, spread or actively engage in that message of hate. We have been given assurance that ... at least those platforms where some of those images have been shared, are actively being removed. But I just ask people, don't share them.' Australia’s opposition leader, Bill Shorten, also urged people not to watch or share the footage. 'I found the advice of the New Zealand police force to be particularly wise,' he said. 'They have said - and I agree - do not allow this evil into our lives. Do not share the footage. Do not watch the footage. This is not part of normal life. The people who have committed this atrocity have wanted the attention. We should never normalise this. Do not share the footage. Do not watch the footage.'Facebook says that it alerts authorities to threats of violence or violence as soon as it becomes aware through reports or Facebook tools. 'Our hearts go out to the victims, their families and the community affected by this horrendous act,'Facebook executive for Australia and New Zealand, Mia Garlick, said. 'New Zealand police alerted us to a video on Facebook shortly after the live-stream commenced and we quickly removed both the shooter's Facebook and Instagram accounts and the video. We're also removing any praise or support for the crime and the shooter or shooters as soon as we're aware. We will continue working directly with New Zealand police as their response and investigation continues.' The apparent 'manifesto' of the shooter, which has been removed from his social media accounts, was shared by several media outlets, including ABC News, which read out an excerpt.
A thought struck this blogger whilst he was watching the - perfectly horrific - scenes in New Zealand on Firday morning whilst preparing this bloggerisationisms update. And, the thought was this ...
Not, perhaps, the most articulate, balanced or tactful thought which ever crossed this blogger's mind, he freely admits. But, it was one that, nevertheless, felt right at the time.

'Global action is required' to tackle the Interweb's 'downward plunge to a dysfunctional future,' its inventor Sir Tim Berners-Lee has told the BBC. He made the comments in an exclusive interview to mark thirty years since he submitted his proposal for the web. Sir Tim said that people had realised how their data could be 'manipulated' after the Cambridge Analytica scandal. However, he said he felt problems such as data breaches, hacking and misinformation could be tackled. In an open letter also published on Monday, the Interweb's creator acknowledged that 'many people' doubted the web could be a force for good. He had his 'own anxieties' about the web's future, he told the BBC: 'I'm very concerned about nastiness and misinformation spreading.' But he felt that people were 'beginning to better understand the risks' they faced as web users. 'When the Cambridge Analytica thing went down [people] realised that elections had been manipulated using data that they contributed.' He added that in recent years he has 'increasingly felt' that the principles of an open web 'need to be safeguarded.' In his letter, Sir Tim outlined three specific areas of 'dysfunction' which he said were harming the web today: malicious activity such as hacking and harassment; problematic system design such as business models that 'reward clickbait' and unintended consequences, such as aggressive or polarised discussions. These things 'could be dealt with,' in part, through 'new laws and systems that limit bad behaviour online,' he said. He cited the Contract for the Web project, which he helped to launch late last year. But initiatives like this would require 'all of society to contribute' from members of the public to business and political leaders. 'We need open web champions within government - civil servants and elected officials who will take action when private sector interests threaten the public good and who will stand up to protect the open web,' he wrote. His brilliant creation has grown 'into a troubled adolescent,' he said and Sir Tim sees it as his personal mission to put the Interweb 'back on the right track.' Sir Tim's vision was 'at once Utopian and realistic,' said Jonathan Zittrain, author of The Future Of The Internet & How To Stop It. It rested on the idea that a free and open web would 'empower' its users, rather than 'reduce them to simply being consumers,' he explained. 'I see Tim's letter not only as a call to build a better web, but to rededicate ourselves to the core principles it embodies,' he told the BBC. Those principles, he said, included universality of access and transparency - the ability to see and understand how web applications work.
Scientists have 'found evidence' of a huge blast of radiation from the Sun that hit Earth more than two thousand years ago. The result has 'important implications' for the present, because solar storms can disrupt modern technology. The team found evidence in Greenland ice cores that the Earth was 'bombarded' with solar proton particles around 660BC. The event was about ten times more powerful than any since modern instrumental records began. The Sun periodically releases huge blasts of charged particles and other radiation that can travel towards Earth. The particular kind of solar emission recorded in the Greenland ice is known as a solar proton event. In the modern era, when these high-energy particles collide with Earth, they can knock out electronics in satellites we rely on for communications and services such as GPS. The radiation may also pose a health risk for astronauts. And, passengers and crew on commercial aircraft that fly at high altitudes and close to the poles, such as on transatlantic routes, 'could receive increased radiation doses,' though this depends on 'many variables.' Other types of solar radiation events can trigger aurorae in the high atmosphere and shut down electrical grids. 'There are high-energy solar energetic particle events, or solar proton events. These are the high energy particles directly hitting Earth and producing the particles we measure,' co-author Raimund Muscheler, from Lund University in Sweden, told the BBC News website. 'Connected to this are also the lower energy particles that come usually within one to four days to Earth. These produce the geomagnetic storms.' The two types of particle events may not always coincide, however. Modern instrumental monitoring data extends back about sixty years. So finding an event around 660BC in an order of magnitude greater than anything seen in modern times suggests we haven't appreciated just how powerful such events can be. There wouldn't have been any appreciable signs of the event to people alive at the time. But if there were any associated geomagnetic storms, it might have triggered aurorae at lower latitudes than is usual. 660BC was the date, according to legend, when Japan's first emperor - Jimmu - acceded to the throne. It was the time of the Iron Age in Europe and the Middle East - before the rise of the Roman Empire. The researchers found evidence for the event in the form of radioactive isotopes (particular forms of an element) present in the Greenland ice. These were beryllium-ten and chlorine-thirty six, which are regarded as 'being of cosmic origin.' Researchers have also identified two other large events from the past, which left evidence in both Greenland ice cores and tree rings. The signature researchers look for in tree rings is the isotope carbon-fourteen. One of these, which occurred between 774 and 775AD, was 'comparable in its magnitude' to the one in 660BC. 'Our event is about the same size as [the event in 774/775]. There is some uncertainty, but they look very similar,' said Doctor Muscheler. However, the event in 660BC does not have such a clear carbon-fourteen signature in tree ring data. Scientists are now working to understand exactly how common the extreme events are, something that could help us plan for big solar storms in future. The research has been published in the journal Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences.
Evidence of large-scale prehistoric feasting rituals found at Stonehenge could be the earliest mass celebrations in Britain, say archaeologists. The study examined one hundred and thirty one pigs' bones at four Late Neolithic sites, Durrington Walls, Marden, Mount Pleasant and West Kennet Palisade Enclosures. The sites, which served Stonehenge and Avebury, hosted the feasts. Researchers think guests had to bring meat raised locally to them, resulting in pigs arriving from distant places. The results of isotope analysis show the pig bones excavated from these sites were from animals raised in Scotland, the North East of England and West Wales, as well as numerous other locations across Britain. Study lead Doctor Richard Madgwick from the University of Cardiff said: 'These gatherings could be seen as the first united cultural events of our island, with people from all corners of Britain descending on the areas around Stonehenge to feast on food that had been specially reared and transported from their homes.' Doctor Madgwick said that finding pigs in the vicinity of the feasting sites would have been 'relatively easy' making the fact they brought the animals long distances 'arguably the most startling finding' as this would have required 'a monumental effort. This suggests that prescribed contributions were required and that rules dictated that offered pigs must be raised by the feasting participants, accompanying them on their journey, rather than being acquired locally,' he said.
A tape believed to contain the first recording of the late David Bowie's 'Starman' has fetched more than fifty grand at auction. The 1971 tape, which had a pre-sale guide price of ten thousand knicker, had gathered dust in a loft for almost fifty years. Bowie can be heard on the demo telling Spiders guitarist Mick Ronson he had not quite finished the song when he tried to end the recording. Ronson subsequently gave the rape to his friend Kevin Hutchinson, an aspiring musician, to help him learn the song. But after listening to the song, Hutchinson labelled it 'David Bowie rehearsal tape' and packed it away in his loft. The tape also contains recordings of other Bowie songs of the era, 'Moonage Daydream' and 'Hang On To Yourself'. It sold for fifty thousand four hundred and thirty quid including buyer's premium. Hutchinson said: 'I remember listening to it and thinking, "This is okay." I didn't think, "This is fantastic." At sixteen, you're not totally impressed. Nothing impresses you.' He kept the tape despite moving house several times and now Hutchinson thinks it's 'phenomenal, obviously.''Starman', about an alien who'd 'like to come and meet us but he thinks he'd blow our minds' was released as a single in 1972, reaching number ten in the UK chart. You knew that, right? The demo was auctioned on Tuesday at Omega Auctions in Newton-le-Willows, Merseyside. Hutchinson retrieved the tape from his loft after watching a documentary about Bowie, who died in 2016. Hutchinson said of his decision to sell the demo: 'I'm sixty five. It's not used in my life so I've started what they call on TV "decluttering."' Dan Hampson, assistant auction manager at Omega Auctions, said that the tape was 'possibly the first ever demo version of 'Starman'. There's a lot of Bowie mythology around the writing of this timeless classic and the raw and truly beautiful version heard here helps to provide a fascinating insight into the creative process of a bona fide genius.'
Staff at the British Heart Foundation were reportedly 'shocked and stunned' when a plastic bag left at their local fundraising store included a rare demo of 'Love Me Do', the first single by The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them). An anonymous resident of Midhurst in West Sussex donated twenty five old records to the nearby charity shop. Bearing the words 'Demonstration Record' and 'Not For Sale', the seven-inch vinyl carries a subtle misspelling of Paul McCartney's name, the songwriting credits reading 'Lennon–McArtney.' It is one of around two hundred and fifty demonstration copies of the single printed by Parlophone in 1962 for British radio airplay and is thought to be worth in excess of twenty thousand quid. 'We get all sorts of unique and wonderful high-value donations sent to our eBay shop - we sell over five thousand items every week - but this is a real one-off!' said Andrew Ostcliffe from the British Heart Foundation, who is handling the sale of the donated item.
The Killers and The Cure will top the bill at the 2019 Glastonbury Festival this June, it has been announced. They are among more than sixty acts joining this year's line-up, including Janet Jackson and Lauryn Hill. Stormzy had already been revealed as the Friday night headliner while Kylie Minogue will play the coveted legend slot on Sunday afternoon. The festival kicks off on Worthy Farm on 26 June. Other acts announced on Friday morning include Miley Cyrus, Christine & The Queens, Liam Gallagher, Wu Tang Clan, Vampire Weekend, The Streets, Johnny Marr, Mavis Staples and Neneh Cherry. Although the three Pyramid Stage headliners are all male, forty two per cent of the currently-announced line-up is female, highlighting the festival's commitment to gender parity. 'The gender balance is something I consider at every stage of the booking process,' said festival organiser Emily Eavis in an interview last month. 'We're a little way off being fifty-fifty across the whole festival, but in 2017 the Park Stage was fifty-fifty and that will be the case on other stages this year. We're definitely moving in the right direction.' The Cure's headline performance is their first since 1995 and their fourth overall, meaning that they now tie with Bloody Coldplay as the festival's most-frequent headliners. Albeit, Robert and the boys are a Hell of a lot more welcome than Bloody Coldplay ever were. The Killers previously topped the bill in 2007 and 2017 whilst Kylie was booked for the top slot in 2005, before a breast cancer scare forced her to pull out. 'It will be fourteen years since I was originally meant to appear there and so much has happened up to now,' said the singer, as she announced her return last December. 'I can't wait to see you all there to share this special show.' Glastonbury is expected to announce the rest of the bill closer to the festival itself. The event sold out in just half an hour last October, but cancelled tickets will be put back on sale on Sunday, 28 April. Eavis recently confirmed that The Prodigy had been booked to play prior to Keith Flint's tragic death last week.
A guitar once owner by the legendary Blues musician Bukka White has fetched ninety three grand at auction. The 1933 National Duolian resonator guitar, known as 'Hard Rock', was used by White for over thirty years. Booker T Washington White is considered to be one of the major pioneers of Delta Blues slide guitar, one recordings such as 'Shake 'Em OnDown', 'Fixin' To Die Blues' and 'Parchman Farm Blues'. The instrument was given to a UK-based photographer in 1976 and has been played by musicians including Mark Knopfler, Bill Wyman and Dave Stewart. It sold for a fee of ninety three thousand knicker including buyer's fees, at Gardiner Houlgate auctioneers in Corsham. Auctioneer Luke Hobbs said that Bukka White was 'a founding father of the Delta Blues' and an influential, definitive player of the genre. 'He and Son House really created this genre of music, the Blues slide playing,' he said, adding that the guitar's seller, Keith Perry, felt that 'the time was right' to 'move it on' and 'let it see the next part of its journey.' White used it as his main gigging and touring guitar for three decades. 'The vendor was given it by Bukka White in 1976 ... and he has allowed people like Mark Knopfler, Lonnie Donegan and Eric Bibb to play it,' said Hobbs. Speaking ahead of the sale he said that the seller wanted it 'to have as many decades again in someone else's hands, or even go into a museum to hold it, and to display it and hold events to let people to play it for ever more.'
The comedian Phill Jupitus has been fined over a 'hit-and-run car crash.' The Never Mind The Buzzcocks regular reportedly crashed his Volvo XC60 SUV into a Ford Ranger pick-up truck in Colinsburgh, Fife, last December. But Jupitus failed to stop, leaving the Ford car damaged at the side of the road. He was fined three hundred notes and given five points on his driving licence after the crash which happened a few miles from his home in the East Neuk of Fife. Jupitus was not present for the short hearing at Dundee Justice of the Peace court. The fifty six year-old, of Pittenweem, pleaded very guilty to a charge of failing to stop at the scene of an accident. The charge states that his car collided with the Ford and that he failed to stop and give his name and address to the owner of that car. His not guilty plea to a second charge of failing to report the accident to police within twenty four hours was accepted by the Crown. Fiscal depute Lynne Mannion said that Jupitus had no previous convictions and no live points on his driving licence. Justice of the Peace Sarah Walker said: 'Due to the early plea I will impose a fine of four hundred and fifty pounds, reduced to three hundred for the plea.' Last year Jupitus told how he was loving life in Fife having moved there in September 2017. He said: 'Once the kids had grown up, there was always a sense I wanted to go somewhere radically different from where I've been all my life. I think coming from an island you have a weird connection with the sea. It was always in my head that I wanted to live near the sea. I'd been spending more time gigging in Edinburgh and basically spent about a year on trains or driving to look around for a house. Fife was the closest rural place to Edinburgh. And while we were initially looking for somewhere closer to train lines and things, I actually quite like that where I live now - it takes a bit of an effort to get there.'
Reality TV-type individual Katie Price has been criticised by a judge for 'not bothering to turn up' at court. The forty-year-old, from West Sussex, was due to appear before magistrates in Crawley accused of two charges of using threatening and abusive words or behaviour in Shipley last September. District judge Amanda Kelly said Price's failure to appear showed 'a lack of respect for the court system.' The court heard Price was 'out of the country.' At the hearing, which was adjourned to 20 March, the judge said: 'She hasn't bothered to turn up today. Apparently she has something more important to do.' The court heard that Price 'would have been notified' of the need to attend in a postal requisition sent in February and 'would have known' about the case. Kelly said: 'This shows a lack of respect for the whole court system.' She added it would be 'tempting' to consider having Price's ass arrested and thrown in The Slammer for her contempt, but that Kelly would 'reluctantly' adjourn the hearing. The court heard Price was due back in the country on 18 March.
The former actress Tina Malone has been given a suspended prison sentence after she admitted breaching an injunction protecting the identity of James Bulger's killer Jon Venables. There is a global ban on publishing anything related to the identity of Venables or that of his accomplice, Robert Thompson. Malone's barrister said that the ex-Shameless and Brookside actress 'accepted' she had breached the injunction. She was given an eight-month suspended sentence and ordered to pay ten grand. The fifty six-year-old pleaded extremely guilty to the charge of contempt of court earlier. Malone, who was wearing a leopard print coat - and, frankly, looking a proper state - told the court that she had been living in Liverpool at the time of James's murder and knew his killers had been given anonymity when they were released. She shared the Facebook message in February last year, which was said to include an image and the new name of Venables, the High Court was told. The court heard Malone initially claimed she had 'not been aware' she had done anything wrong. One or two people even believed her. Barrister Adam Speker claimed she had 'mental health problems at the time she shared the post' and was 'caring for her five-year-old daughter and elderly mother.' He claimed his client 'understood' Venables had been given anonymity for his protection but there were 'no characteristics of vigilantism' in Malone's case. Venables and Thompson were ten when they tortured and murdered James after abducting the two-year-old from a shopping centre in Bootle in 1993. In November that year, they became the youngest children ever to be convicted of murder in England. They have been living under new identities since they were released in 2001. Solicitor General Robert Buckland QC said: 'The injunction in this case is intended to both protect the identities of the offenders, but also innocent individuals who may be incorrectly identified as them. Posting this material online is a very serious matter and can result in a prison sentence.' In January, two people were given suspended sentences after admitting posting photos on social media they claimed 'identified' Venables. Earlier this month, the father of James Bulger lost a legal challenge to try to change the lifelong anonymity order.
Desperate Housewives actress Felicity Huffman is among more than forty people who have been charged in a US college cheating scam, according to unsealed court records. The alleged scheme involved 'helping students cheat on entrance exams,' as well as getting non-athletic students admitted on fake athletic scholarships. Elite schools Yale, Stanford and Georgetown were among the destination universities. There was no suggestion that the schools themselves were involved in any wrongdoing. The defendants are, largely, very wealthy and also include CEOs of major companies. 'These parents are a catalogue of wealth and privilege,' said US Attorney Andrew Lelling at a news conference about the investigation known as Operation Varsity Blues on Tuesday. According to the charging documents, Huffman made 'a charitable contribution' of fifteen thousand dollars to participate in the scheme on behalf of her eldest daughter. She allegedly arranged to use the scheme a second time, for her younger daughter, before deciding not to do so. Huffman was charged with 'conspiracy to commit mail fraud' and 'honest services mail fraud.' She was secretly recorded discussing the scheme with 'a co-operating witness.' Which is a nice way of describing a Copper's Nark who was wearing a wire. The papers said that the co-operating witness met Huffman and her husband, the actor William H Macy, at their Los Angeles home and 'explained the scam to them.' The witness said the pair 'agreed to the plan.' Macy has not been indicted. Huffman appeared in a Los Angeles court on Tuesday and was released on two hundred and fifty thousand bucks bail. The judge ordered the actress to restrict her travel to the continental US. The actress Lori Loughlin, best known for starring in the US sitcom Full House, was also among those indicted. Loughlin and her fashion designer husband, Mossimo Giannulli - who was also indicted - 'agreed to pay bribes totalling five hundred thousand dollars in exchange for having their two daughters designated as recruits' to the University of Southern California rowing team, the documents claimed. Both of their daughters are currently studying at USC. Federal prosecutors in Boston charged William Rick Singer with running the alleged scheme through his company Edge College & Career Network. Singer pleaded very guilty on Tuesday in Boston federal court to charges including racketeering, money laundering and obstruction of justice. He could receive a maximum of sixty five years in prison and more than one million dollars in fines. He told the court: 'I am responsible. I put all the people in place,' local news site Mass Live reported. Singer will be sentenced in June. According to the FBI, athletics coaches at various institutions were 'also involved in the scheme' - recommending the fraudulent applicants internally and 'pocketing bribes in return.' The head women's football coach at Yale University was, allegedly, paid four hundred thousand dollars to accept a student who did not even play the sport - and those parents gave Singer over one million dollars for, allegedly, 'arranging' the bribe. 'This case is about the widening corruption of elite college admissions through the steady application of wealth, combined with fraud,' Lelling said. 'There can be no separate college admission for wealthy and I will add there will not be a separate criminal justice system either.' In all, thirty three parents were charged as well as thirteen athletics coaches and 'associates' of Singer's business. The documents detailed two alleged scams run by Singer's firm, Edge College & Career Network: cheating on college entrance exams and using connections with coaches at top schools to organise bribes while faking athletic credentials for students. 'Some parents took advantage of one some took advantage of the other and some took advantage of both,' Lelling said. Parents including Huffman and Loughlin paid somewhere between several thousand dollars and 6.5 million dollars to Edge for its services, authorities said, earning Singer about twenty five million dollars between roughly 2011 and 2018. If found guilty of wrongdoing the defendants could be facing a shitload of time in The Joint. The firm reportedly instructed parents to claim their child had a disability which required that they be given extra time to complete exams. The FBI said that parents were then told to 'invent an excuse' - such as a family wedding - for their students to sit the entrance exams at specific facilities, where staff had been 'bribed to turn a blind eye to cheating.' Someone working for the firm involved in the scandal either sat the exam for the students, gave students the answers, or corrected their answer papers, the FBI said. The Edge staff member who 'assisted in the cheating' was 'briefed on exactly how well to perform,' in order 'not to raise suspicion' that a child's scores had 'improved too much,' the FBI said. In most cases, the students did not know their admissions had been paid for with bribes, but in 'several' the students were involved, officials added. The firm also allegedly created 'detailed fake athletics profiles' for students - including photo-shopping the faces of potential students on to pictures of athletes found online - allowing students to be recruited on athletic scholarships. Lelling said that the case arose after authorities were 'tipped off' by 'the target of an entirely different investigation.' Another nice way of describing - another - Copper's Nark. USC said that it had extremely fired two employees who were indicted in the alleged bribery case: senior associate athletic director Donna Heinel and water polo coach Jovan Vavic. Court documents allege Vavic placed two students on his water polo team to help them get into the university, and was paid two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Heinel also, allegedly, accepted bribes to facilitate admissions. 'USC is in the process of identifying any funds received by the university in connection with this alleged scheme. Additionally, the university is reviewing its admissions processes broadly to ensure that such actions do not occur going forward.' Georgetown, Yale, UCLA, Wake Forest and the University of Texas released similar statements acknowledging the investigation. On social media, many have 'expressed outrage' over the alleged scam, pointing out that the US college system is already biased in favour of wealthier, white Americans. And others have noted that for the mega-rich, it is easy to 'legally donate money' to a school in order to receive admission. In China, two thousand four hundred and forty pharmacists were accused of cheating by using earpieces in a 'national licensing test' in 2014, according to China's state TV. Exam cheating is also said to be 'widespread' in India. In 2015, several hundred people were very arrested in connection with mass school exam cheating in the state of Bihar. A year later student Ruby Rai, who had been ranked first in state exams, was arrested and her results cancelled after video of a college interview she had failed went viral. Last year, a Singaporean tutor admitted helping six Chinese students cheat in what prosecutors said was 'an elaborate plot.' More students are cheating in GCSE and A-level exams in England, new figures revealed last year. The number caught was up by a quarter on the previous year. Most were penalised for taking mobile phones into the exam.
MI5 'warned' the cabinet secretary in the 1980s about rumours that a minister had 'a penchant for small boys' but did not inform the police or launch an investigation into the allegations, according to a member of the security services. Giving evidence anonymously to the independent inquiry into child sexual abuse, a lawyer with the security service apologised for it having taken 'a narrow, security-related view' of the accusations against Sir Peter Morrison. 'With hindsight,' the lawyer, whose voice was heard via remote video link, said 'it was a matter of deep regret' that MI5 had not 'co-operated with police' or 'made inquiries into the activities' of the former MP for Chester, who died in 1995. The official said that the security service 'did not investigate people merely because they had a public profile' but 'only when there was reason to suspect they posed a threat to national security.' Not all files were 'adverse,' he added, saying that some might be opened if a person was 'targeted' by a terrorist group or could be 'susceptible to approaches' by a foreign intelligence organisation. A letter from the then head of MI5, Sir Antony Duff, to Sir Robert Armstrong, the then cabinet secretary, that was sent in 1986 was read out to the inquiry. It said that 'stories' about Morrison, who was then minister of state for trade and industry, 'persist.' A member of MI5, Duff wrote, had 'heard from two sources' that Morrison had 'a penchant for small boys.' The alleged 'source' was 'understood' to be Donald Stewart, the Conservative party agent for Westminster. The security service was 'not sure' whether it was 'based on rumours previously aired in 1983' or 'on more recent events.' Duff ended the letter saying: 'I would just as soon that we didn't get involved for the time being.' An internal MI5 memo in November 1986 from Eliza Manningham-Buller, later director general of the security service, said that she had 'seen Morrison and his family' the previous night for dinner and he had told her that the prime minister - That Awful Thatcher Woman - was 'supporting him.' Morrison said he 'hoped the press would publish' so that he could 'sue and nail the lies.' The security service also recorded reports that Morrison had been 'picked up for importuning.' Manningham-Buller, who is due to appear before IICSA on Tuesday, has told the inquiry that she was not the member of MI5 staff who had first heard the rumours against Morrison, who later became parliamentary private secretary to That Awful Thatcher Woman. Brian Altman QC, counsel to the inquiry, suggested that the statement that Thatcher knew about the allegations against Morrison and was, nonetheless, 'supporting him' depended 'entirely' on the MP's version of events. The MI5 lawyer agreed that 'appeared' to be so. 'Wasn't the obvious route,' Altman suggested, 'that an inquiry should have been made of Sir Robert Armstrong to ask if the prime minister was supporting Morrison in those terms?' The service had been 'rather blinkered' about the proper approach, he added. The inquiry also heard evidence about MI5's investigation into the activities of Sir Peter Hayman, a former high commissioner to Canada, who retired in 1984 and died in 1992. He reportedly kept 'detailed diaries about his sex life' which were seized when his flat in Bayswater was raided. The director of public prosecutions later gave MI5 access to them. The security service reportedly 'interviewed Hayman's friends and then him,' particularly about reports that in the 1950s when he was in Baghdad local boys had 'visited him for sexual purposes.' The DPP, Hayman told MI5, had given him immunity from prosecution. The outcome of the investigation, the MI5 lawyers said, was that Hayman had 'rendered himself vulnerable to blackmail' but that there had been 'no actual prejudice to security.' The MI5 officer was also taken through a list of prominent individuals whose activities had 'raised questions about child abuse.' Among them was Maurice Oldfield, a former head of MI6, who had told That Awful Thatcher Woman that he had 'had homosexual encounters,' dating back to the 1940s and 1950s, with 'house boys and hotel stewards' in Asia. Allegations against the former home secretary Leon Brittan were said to have come only from 'a disgruntled prisoner' who 'resented having been denied parole.' The agency's records, the inquiry was told, also mentioned unsubstantiated allegations against the former Conservative MPs Christopher Chataway, Charles Irving and Sir William van Straubenzee. All have since died. It is not clear whether any information on any of these individuals was ever passed to police.
Former leader of the Liberal Party, Lord Steel has admitted under oath that disgusting fekker Cyril Smith 'confessed' to him in 1979 that the child abuse allegations against Smith were true. Giving evidence to the Independent Inquiry into Child Sex Abuse, Steel admitted he 'still did nothing about it' and 'made no effort to investigate' whether Smith 'posed any continuing risk to children.' Lord Steel also confirmed that he hasn't read the Inquiry's report into Cambridge House, Knowl View and Rochdale which looked at allegations of child sexual abuse involving Smith. He also told the Inquiry that that he 'hadn't heard on the grapevine, or via the whips,' any rumours about Smith being under investigation by Lancashire Police for child sexual abuse but that he questioned Cyril Smith about an article in Private Eye where it was alleged he spanked boys in a children's hostel. Steel went on to say that he 'assumed' Smith had committed the offences against boys discussed in Private Eye in May 1979 but said that the alleged abuse took place in the 1960s, before Smith was a member of the Liberal Party and, subsequently, an MP. Inquiry Counsel Brian Altman QC asked Lord Steel about a statement issued by the Liberal Party press office in relation to Smith in 1979, stating: 'All he seems to have done is spanked a few bare bottoms' asking if this statement 'trivialised' the abuse. In an interview with BBC's Newsnight on 4 June 2018, Lord Steel was asked about allegations against Smith involving boys, which he described as 'based on scurrilous hearsay and tittle tattle.' Steel was, subsequently, suspended by the Liberal Party. And, was told to go back to his constituency and prepare for retirement.
Meanwhile child sex abuse victims have criticised full-of-his-own-importance hairdo (and clown) Boris Johnson for claiming that police funding was being 'spaffed up the wall' investigating historical allegations. The Tory MP said in an interview with LBC that 'an awful lot of police time" was spent looking at "historic offences and all this malarkey.' One victim, Gary Cliffe, described the comments as 'horrific.' Children's charity NSPCC said that the former London mayor's remark was 'an affront to victims.' Cliffe, who was a victim of Barry Bennell when the serial paedophile youth coach ran junior clubs linked to Manchester City, added that Johnson 'needs educating on both child sex abuse and policing.' Chris Unsworth, director of the Offside Trust, the organisation set up by survivors of child sexual abuse in football in the wake of the football abuse scandal, said Johnson's comments were 'ignorant, dangerous, disgraceful and unbelievably distasteful.' And we're, what, surprised by this? This is Boris Johnson we're talking about, just about every single thing that comes out of his mouth falls into one of those four categories. Often all four at once. 'Not only has he caused untold upset and offence among survivors and their families affected by child abuse, he has failed to understand that learning mistakes from the past is critical to keeping our children today safe,' he continued. 'Boris Johnson clearly has no understanding whatsoever of the issues involved. On behalf of the thousands of people impacted by child abuse we demand an apology.' SAVE Association, which was also founded by men who were victims of childhood sexual abuse, called Johnson's comments 'insensitive and ill-informed.' A spokesman said: 'These investigations allow us to learn and ultimately have been successful in incarcerating some of society's most abominable monsters. Johnson should learn to keep his mouth well and truly shut when it comes to subjects he simply knows nothing about. Child sexual abuse is definitely one of those subjects. When talking about "spaffing money up the wall," can I remind Johnson of the colossal amount he spent in the London Garden bridge fiasco or the water cannons debacle.'
Pope Frankie has reportedly described the child sexual abuse scandal engulfing the Catholic church as 'the work of the devil' and offending priests 'the tools of Satan.' Speaking at a mass marking the end of a four-day summit on the protection of minors, the pope said that 'awareness is growing' within the church to ensure 'disciplinary measures' are in place to tackle sexual abuse and vowed to protect children from the 'ravenous wolves.' But activists and sexual abuse survivors have been angered at the pope's failure to offer a concrete action plan to hold bishops accountable. 'Why don't they start with something concrete like removing the bishops who cover up,# said clergy sexual abuse victim Alessandro Battaglia.
There was late drama in all three of the Premier League games played on Saturday. Matt Ritchie struck with almost the last kick of the game to earn yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle a share of the spoils against Bournemouth at The Vitality Stadium. The Magpies inched a fraction closer to Premier League safety with the two-two draw. Former Cherries player Ritchie sent a spectacular volley into the roof of the net from DeAndre Yedlin's cross to rescue a point for Rafa The Gaffer's side. Joshua King had turned the game in Bournemouth's favour in the second-half, sending Martin Dubravka the wrong way from the penalty spot before finishing coolly into the far corner from Dominic Solanke's pass. Salomón Rondón had given Newcastle the lead in first-half stoppage time, curling a superb free-kick into the top corner from the edge of the area. Callum Wilson almost scored his twelfth league goal of the campaign with the score at one-one, but Paul Dummett cleared the goal-bound header off the line. The point lifts Bournemouth above Everton into eleventh place, while Newcastle remain thirteenth with thirty five points, seven clear of the relegation zone. Elsewhere West Hamsters United came from three-one down to beat relegation haunted Huddersfield at The London Stadium with three late goals including an injury-time winner from Javier Hernández. And, it was a jolly bad day for Burnley who missed a chance to pull themselves out of the relegation mire losing two-one at home to Leicester City who had Harry Maguire sent off in the early stages for bringing down Jóhann Berg Guðmundsson when he was clean through on goal. Wes Morgan scored the winner for Leicester in the last minute.
A Birmingham City fan has been extremely jailed for fourteen weeks for attacking Aston Villains captain Jack Grealish during the second city derby. Paul Mitchell, of Rubery, ran on to the pitch and hit Grealish from behind - really hard - about ten minutes into Sunday's game. Less than twenty four later, Mitchell was up a'fore The Beak and, in his particular case, justice was not only swift but, also, merciless. Mitchell admitted assault and encroachment on to the pitch at Birmingham Magistrates' Court. He couldn't really do much else since thirty odd thousand punters inside St Andrews saw him do it, plus seven hundred thousand more watching on TV. He 'cannot explain what came over him yesterday morning,' his solicitor claimed, unconvincingly. 'His initial, foolish, intention was to just go on to the pitch and whip up the crowd,' said Vaughn Whistance, defending. Mitchell was also ordered to pay three hundred and fifty notes in fines and costs and has been banned from attending any football matches in the UK for ten years. The three hundred and fifty knicker includes one hundred quid in 'compensation' for Grealish's 'pain, discomfort and shock.' The Villains midfielder was able to continue with the game at St Andrew's and, indeed, went on to score the winning goal in the sixty seventh minute. Mitchell, a pub worker, claimed that he was 'not drunk' when he invaded the pitch and punched Grealish in the jaw. 'I cannot help but feel how lucky I was in this incident,' the player said. 'It could have been so much worse had the supporter had some sort of weapon.' Birmingham City snivellingly apologised to both Grealish and The Villains immediately after the game and said that Mitchell had been banned from St Andrew's for life. He has also been banned from away games. The club said there were 'no excuses' for his behaviour, which 'has no place in football.' West Midlands Police said it was also investigating 'offensive social media posts' which appeared after the goal referencing Grealish's younger brother, who died when the midfielder was four. Birmingham City said it had banned another supporter for life over the 'vile and malicious' tweets. Mitchell, who has been a season ticket holder for twenty years, was said to be 'very remorseful' after realising he had 'brought shame' on his club. His defence asked for community service or a suspended prison sentence but magistrates were having none of it and ruled that 'a message had to be sent out to fans.' The father-of-one's prison sentence 'should be a deterrent,' magistrates added as they sent him off to The Slammer. During the court hearing, Whistance claimed that online threats had been made to Mitchell whilst also using the 'his girlfriend is pregnant so, you know, let him off with a slap on the wrist yer honour,' defence. Whistance claimed that Mitchell's family had 'left the area through fear that they would suffer serious harm or even death.' An FA spokesperson said 'a line had been crossed' and 'strongly condemned' the attack, as well as two other pitch invasions which occurred at the weekend. It has written to Birmingham City to examine the club's security measures. The club said it had begun 'reviewing all of its stewarding, safety and security procedures as a matter of high importance. We will be putting into place extra measures at our stadium designed to help ensure the safety of players, as well as supporters,' a spokesman said. The club also confirmed it was investigating an incident involving a steward 'after Aston Villa players celebrated their goal on Sunday in front of their supporters in the Gil Merrick Stand.' In 2002, a Birmingham City fan who ran on to the St Andrew's pitch and confronted Aston Villains goalkeeper Peter Enckelman was jailed for four months for encroaching the playing area and using threatening behaviour.
A Hibernian fan who 'confronted' Glasgow Rangers captain James Tavernier at the side of the pitch during a match has admitted a breach of the peace charge. Cameron Mack, from Port Seton, climbed over an advertisement hoarding at Easter Road last Friday night. The twenty one-year-old kicked the ball away before the confrontation with the Rangers defender. Mack, who will be sentenced next month, has been extremely banned from attending any football ground in Scotland. His actions were condemned by Hibernian chief executive Leeann Dempster. Speaking after the match, she described the incident as 'completely and utterly unacceptable' and said that the culprit would be 'banned from Easter Road for life.' The confrontation took place almost a week after Glasgow Celtic player Scott Sinclair was almost struck by a glass bottle thrown from the crowd at Easter Road. Over the weekend, there were also incidents at two English matches. The incident at Easter Road took place as Tavernier went to pick up the ball to take a throw-in. At Edinburgh Sheriff Court, fiscal depute Lorraine Almond said that Mack had acted in a disorderly manner, kicked the ball away, approached the Glasgow Rangers defender and 'acted in an aggressive manner towards him.' She said both men pushed each other several times before a steward intervened and the police detained Mack. Deferring sentencing until next month, Sheriff Adrian Cottam told Mack: 'The nature of the offence has caused a lot of discussion and concern and is a serious matter.'
A man has been charged with assaulting The Scum's defender Chris Smalling during a Premier League match at The Arse's Emirates Stadium. Gary Cooper, of Chertsey, was extremely charged with common assault and encroaching on to the playing area. He was bailed to appear at Highbury Corner Magistrates' Court on 26 March. The charge relates to an incident about seventy minutes into Sunday's match which The Arse won two-nil.
A sixteen-year-old male has been very arrested for allegedly calling Huddersfield Town midfielder Philip Billing 'a black donkey' online. Jesus, why the Hell is everybody so nasty these days? Billing tweeted a private message that he had been sent on Instagram, with a 'thumbs down' emoji. Which is Interweb thing that 'young people' use a lot, apparently. In the expletive-ridden message, Billing, a Danish international of Nigerian descent, was told to 'leave our club.' West Yorkshire Police confirmed the arrest was made on Wednesday morning. 'I never want to see you in a Town kit ever again, you useless wannabe black donkey,' the message said. A police statement read: 'Following a report received by West Yorkshire Police ... in relation to abusive racial comments on social media, police have now arrested a sixteen-year-old male. The teenager has been arrested on suspicion of malicious communications and is being investigated as a hate crime. Enquiries remain ongoing. Kirklees District Police would like to reassure the public that this incident has been swiftly and proportionately investigated. All reports of hate incidents are taken extremely seriously by West Yorkshire Police and all such reports will be thoroughly investigated.' Huddersfield said in a statement that the club 'does not tolerate abuse of any kind and has a zero-tolerance stance towards any form of discrimination.' It added: 'We will give our full co-operation to the police to deal with this matter in the strongest possible way.' The campaign group Kick It Out said in a statement: 'We condemn the disgraceful abuse that Philip Billing has received online and call on social media companies to take steps to act against people who use their platforms to carry it out. Recent events underline that players should be protected from abuse both on and off the pitch. We are liaising with Huddersfield Town and have offered our support to Philip.' Billing, who was named youth player of the season in 2016, joined The Terriers in 2014 and has made seventy four senior appearances for the club.
The Sun has grovellingly apologised to the families of the victims of the 1974 Birmingham pub bombings after wrongly suggesting that police resources were diverted at a football match to deal with a group of campaigners who were raising funds to pay for legal fees. The entirely false claim was made in a report in the risible right-wing scum tabloid on the Birmingham City versus Aston Villains game. The paper dedicated multiple pages of coverage to the Jack Grealish incident, describing the 'toxic atmosphere outside the game' where Birmingham City fans were allegedly 'baiting' Villains fans. It also claimed that the 'police had their hands full with a protest also being at the ground' by Justice For The Twenty One, a campaign for the victims of the Birmingham pub bombings, which killed twenty one people and wounded two hundred and twenty. The newspaper said that the campaigners had 'held a demonstration that the police eventually restrained,' putting it in the wider context of the authorities 'losing control' over the stewarding of the match. Justice For The Twenty One said that its members were not demonstrating and did not need to be 'restrained' by police or anything even remotely like it. Instead, they were merely asking for donations from members of the public towards legal fees to ensure families were represented in the recently reopened inquests into the deaths. The families say that they have been 'forced to resort to bucket collections' outside major events after not receiving sufficient public funds through legal aid to pay for their lawyers and that they raised thousands of pounds at Sunday’s match. West Midlands police later confirmed that absolutely no 'protests' had taken place outside Birmingham City's ground on the day of the match. After supporters of Justice For The Twenty One complained to the press regulator, Ipso, the newspaper snivellingly apologised on Wednesday and retracted 'any suggestion' that the campaigners distracted the police. The Sun said: 'We wish to clarify that members of the group were there as fundraisers, not demonstrators and that there was no suggestion that the group had caused any trouble for police.' Except that, of course, there most certainly was that suggestion in the original article. 'The Sun has publicised the work of the group over a number of years, which campaigns for the twenty one victims of the 1974 Birmingham pub bombing. We apologise if any offence was caused.'
Yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies' youngsters Elias Sorensen, Jamie Sterry and Callum Roberts have all returned to Tyneside from their - utterly pointless - loan spells in the Football League at Blackpool, Crewe Alexandra and Colchester United respectively. The trio have barely featured for their loan clubs since leaving St James' Park in January and are now available for United's remaining Under Twenty Three games following their misadventures in the Football League. All three are highly-regarded at St James' and there has been considerable disquiet over the lack of game-time given to the trio when the whole point in sending them out on loan in the first place was for them to get some valuable league game experience; to the point when Sterry and Sorensen (along with another loanee, Liam Gibson, currently at Accrington Stanley) returned to Newcastle last month to play in an Under Twenty Three game at Leeds. The only one of the trio to actually start a game was right-back Sterry - who has made four first team appearances for United. He completed ninety minutes for Crewe against Northampton Town in League Two but was never called upon again by The Railwaymen thereafter. Three substitute outings for winger Roberts - who scored for Newcastle in the FA Cup against Blackburn in January - totalled a mere thirty seven minutes in the third tier for The U's. Striker Sorensen - who is yet to make his first team debut - fared worst of the three, playing just once for The Tangerines, given thirty two minutes as a substitute against Wycombe soon after arriving at Bloomfield Road. The Dane then failed to appear in any of Blackpool's subsequent eight games and, latterly, wasn't even selected for their match day squads. Given the futility of these loans - and several previous temporary departures from St James' (notably striker Tom Heardman at Bury last year), news that United are seeking to recruit a 'player loan co-ordinator' would appear to be an idea long overdue.
Former England striker Andy Carroll looks to have played his last game for West Hamsters United after another injury setback. Carroll has missed two games with an ankle injury and it appears unlikely he will be fit before the end of the season. While the Hamsters have not made a final decision yet, it is expected they will not offer Carroll another deal when his contract ends in the summer. 'Andy Carroll has an ankle problem,' said Hamsters boss Manuel Pellegrini. 'How serious, we don't know. I cannot tell you.' It means for the fourth time in his six years at the club after an initial loan move from Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws was made permanent, the fifteen million quid striker will have failed to make twenty appearances across all competitions in a season. Given that record, the Hamsters hierarchy 'is considering whether it would be a wise use of resources to offer Carroll a further deal,'according to BBC Sport. Carroll has scored but three goals in the Premier League since April 2017.
Former The Scum and England midfielder Paul Scholes has left his role as Oldham Not Very Athletic manager after just thirty one days. The forty four-year-old took on his first managerial job on 11 February and was only in charge of the League Two club for seven games, winning but one. Scholes said in a statement that he had decided to resign 'with great regret. It unfortunately became clear that I would not be able to operate as I intended and was led to believe prior to taking on the role,' he continued. Scholes took over with The Latics fourteenth in the table, nine points off the play-offs and leaves with them in the same position. He began his reign with a four-one win over Yeovil Town, but three draws and two defeats followed prior to his final match, a two-nil defeat by league leaders Lincoln City on Tuesday. 'I hoped to at the very least, see out my initial term of eighteen months as the manager of a club I've supported all my life,' he said. 'The fans, players, my friends and family all knew how proud and excited I was to take this role. I wish the fans, the players and the staff - who have been tremendous - all the best for the rest of the season and will continue to watch and support the club as a fan.' Scholes made seven hundred and eighteen appearances for The Scum, including four hundred and ninety nine in the Premier League and scored one hundred and fifty five goals in all competitions. He initially announced his retirement at the end of the 2010-11 season, but made a comeback at the start of 2012 before finally calling time on his career in 2013, having won eleven Premier League titles, three FA Cups, two League Cups, five Community Shields and two Champions Leagues. He also played sixty six times for England, retiring after Euro 2004 to focus on his club career. Scholes resigned as a director of National League side Salford upon taking over at Boundary Park, but he retained his shareholding and could now return. The Ammies could be promoted to League Two this season and EFL rules prevent a person holding roles with two clubs at the same time without prior consent, although a holding of ten per cent or less in a club is disregarded providing it is held 'purely for investment purposes.' Moroccan football agent Abdallah Lemsagam became Oldham owner in January 2018 and is now looking for his fifth manager in just over a year, although Scholes' immediate predecessor Pete Wild was only in charge on a caretaker basis. A short club statement said: 'Oldham Athletic Football Club can confirm that Paul Scholes has resigned from his position as first team manager with immediate effect. We would like to place on record our thanks to Paul for his efforts during his spell in charge of the club and would like to wish him well for the future.' There were plenty of people within the game, privately as well as publicly, who told Scholes that cutting his managerial teeth at Oldham was a bad idea. But, such was his long-held desire to manage his hometown club, he ignored them all. As he has proved so regularly as a pundit, Scholes is a straight talker. It was always the case he would resist any outside interference, which is a claim that has been levelled at Lemsagam on more than one occasion and, in the end, the former The Scum midfielder's status became untenable. To many, it will not come as a surprise. To others, there will be a sense of satisfaction given how brutal Scholes has been at dishing out criticism from the comfort of the pundit's chair.
For the first time in thirteen years there will be no German club in the Champions League quarter-finals, a fact not lost on the country's media on Thursday morning after Fußball-Club Bayern München crashed out against Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. Jürgen Klopp's team emerged victorious from the Allianz Arena against a team who had lost only one of their previous twenty six Champions League fixtures on home soil, but it was the performance more than the result that perturbed the German football media. 'What we have learned from the last sixteen is that German football has shrunk considerably and that it no longer has a place among the big teams in Europe's most important competition,' wrote Jörn Meyn in Der Spiegel, pointing out that three of the teams – Bayern, Borussia Dortmund and Fußballclub Gelsenkirchen-Schalke 04 - were eliminated by English clubs and that the fourth, TSG 1899 Hoffenheim, did not even make it out of their group. 'With an eight-month delay we have seen at club level what was obvious for the national team at the 2018 World Cup: German football has been left behind,' he added. Matthias Brügelmann, in Bild-Zeitung, continued along the same lines, writing that 'the fact is that German football is internationally only second class' and 'that Bayern and Germany need a radical turnaround to be able to compete for titles again.' Bayern were heavily criticised for their performance on Wednesday, with the headline in Kicker saying 'No plan, no courage: Bayern are out' and the paper's chief reporter, Karlheinz Wild, saying that 'even at one-one Liverpool were dominating the game and spending most of the time in the Bayern half.' He added: 'The English team were quicker, more agile and better with the ball and the two-one and, eventually three-one, felt logical.' Niko Kovac was partly to blame, claimed Wild, who wondered whether the Bayern coach 'really thought he could turn the game around by bringing on Renato Sanches?' The Munich paper Abendzeitung described Bayern as 'helpless' and said that they had 'beaten themselves' in front of seventy thousand fans, starting with Manuel Neuer's mistake for Liverpool's opening goal when the goalkeeper came out to try to dispossess Sadio Mané but was left flummoxed by the Liverpool forward's nimble footwork. The outfield players were not spared either with Abendzeitung handing out 'fives' - the worst mark that a player can get in Germany, one being the best – to Neuer, Rafinha, Franck Ribéry and Robert Lewandowski. The Polish forward had failed the 'ultimate test' against Virgil van Dijk and was 'weak in the challenge' and could not keep the ball. Only Javi Martínez was given a good mark - a two. 'Like a starving predator he ran around chasing his prey, the ball. He had a strong first half, winning ninety per cent of his tackles. Bayern's best player,' the paper wrote. Kovac put on a brave face after the defeat, saying that Liverpool 'deserved' to go through and that Bayern would 'focus on winning the domestic double.' He did receive some criticism from his players for his tactics, though, with Lewandowski saying: 'I think we were too defensive. We didn't take enough risks and did not go forward enough. When you look at the two games we did not have many chances and therefore we can't have any arguments when it comes to the outcome.' The Bayern CEO, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, finished things off by telling German TV that it would be 'great' to have Herr Klopp as Bayern coach, making a really bad night for Kovac considerably worse.
England dismissed a hapless West Indies for just seventy one as they completed an eight-wicket win in the third and final T20 at St Kitts and claimed a three-nil series victory on Sunday. West Indies were bundled out in thirteen overs just two days after they collapsed to forty five all out, with David Willey taking a career-best four for seven. Mark Wood took three for nine and Adil Rashid two for eighteen as England's bowlers dominated. Jonny Bairstow struck thirty seven from thirty one balls as the tourists chased down their target in just over ten overs. Left-arm seamer Willey took the first four wickets of the match as West Indies capitulated once again. West Indies' innings was the fifth shortest completed innings in terms of balls bowled in T20 internationals. England's Caribbean tour has been largely competitive, with West Indies winning two of the three tests and drawing the ODI series two-two with one game washed out but the T20s have been completely one-sided. West Indies' innings lasted seventy eight balls - seven more than they managed on Friday - with batsmen caught out playing big shots on a tacky pitch. Man-of-the-match Willey struck with the first ball of the match as Shai Hope spooned a full delivery to cover and Shimron Hetmyer fell in the left-armer's next over as he mistimed a drive to mid-off. At ten for two, calm was needed. However, John Campbell holed out to Joe Denly in the covers to give Willey his third wicket, before Darren Bravo edged a fine delivery through to Bairstow to leave the hosts twenty four for four. Only three batsmen reached double figures, with the longest partnership the twenty one-run stand between Jason Holder and Nicholas Pooran. The hosts managed to hit just three sixes and six fours and were restricted further by some excellent England fielding - Bairstow and Jordan taking impressive catches in particular. Once Holder was caught trying to slog Denly and Nicholas Pooran swung a Wood slower ball to Jordan on the boundary, a quick ending felt inevitable. Rashid produced two fine googlies to bowl Fabian Allen and last man Obed McCoy as England dismissed West Indies in just over an hour. It means West Indies - world champions in this format - have scored one hundred and sixteen runs for twenty wickets in under twenty five overs across two matches. England were able to stroll through their run-chase, reaching their target with fifty seven balls remaining. Sixteen runs came from the first over of the reply, with Alex Hales thrashing Sheldon Cottrell for back-to-back fours and a six over long-on. Hales and Bairstow did not play ultra-aggressively, however, with left-arm spinner Allen bowling a maiden in the powerplay, before Hales was well-caught on the leg-side boundary by Campbell. West Indies' again struggled in the field, with Hetmyer dropping a relatively simple chance off Bairstow on eighteen. Bairstow's response was to hit opposition captain Holder for a straight six. Although Bairstow fell with England on sixty for one - bowled by a Devendra Bishoo leg-break - Joe Root and Eoin Morgan were able to work singles to reach their total with ease.
A 'countdown clock' for the end of an over and a standard ball in test cricket are among changes that have been suggested by a group of leading figures in the sport. The MCC World Cricket committee has proposed playing the World Test Championship, which begins with this year's Ashes, with a standardised ball. The committee is an independent panel which can propose changes to the laws. Three different brands of red ball are currently used in tests. A Dukes ball is used for tests in England and West Indies, while the SG ball is used in India. All other countries play the longer format with a Kookaburra ball. The committee - which includes ex-Australia leg-spinner Shane Warne and former England captain Mike Gatting - said that the 'balance between bat and ball is crucial.' They also suggested measures to speed up play in tests, including: A free-hit to follow a no-ball in test cricket; a timer or countdown clock to count down from forty five seconds from the call of 'over' - if either side is not ready when the clock reaches zero, they would receive a warning; further infringements in that innings would result in five penalty runs being awarded to the opposition and a timer when a wicket falls to ensure batsmen and fielders are in position in time. Free-hits after a no-ball are already used in limited-overs formats. The committee suggested the introduction of a shot clock at a meeting in August. It is not able to change playing regulations but the use of a standard ball will be discussed by the International Cricket Council committee in May. Recommendations could then be put to a general meeting of the ICC for test nations to approve. The ICC is the global governing body of the sport, but the MCC is the guardian of the laws and spirit of the game. Ninety overs should be bowled in a full day's play, with an extra thirty minutes available if teams need to make up time. West Indies captain Jason Holder was banned for his side's final test against England in February because of a slow over-rate. A survey conducted by the MCC said twenty five per cent of fans from England, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa said slow over rates put them off attending tests. It also said that test cricket was the format that interests fans the most. The committee said 'more urgency needed to be shown' by players, adding: 'They should play a brand of "ready-cricket" with more forward planning.'
A fight broke out at a screening of Captain Marvel at the Odeon Cinema in Brighton, it has been reported. It is alleged that the 'brawl' broke out during the 7pm showing of the superhero movie Monday. The cinema confirmed an 'incident' took place, but could not give any further details at this stage. A witness who was watching the film snitched to the local paper like a Copper's Nark: 'It was a mess. The two people were fighting between themselves, it was a man and a woman and people were telling them to get out. The manager happened to be in there watching the film. He asked them to leave and then got punched and the two people were trying to beat him up. He was moving them both out and they were then trying to fight him, throwing punches, shoving him, shouting at him. He was a big guy but kept calm. Everyone was talking about it as they came out. The cinema was packed so lots of people would have seen.'
Chickens in a farm in North-West France are believed to have 'grouped' and killed a juvenile fox. So, either those were some pretty hard chickens or that particular fox was, you know, soft as shite. The 'unusual incident' in Brittany took place after the fox entered the coop with three thousand hens through an automatic hatch door which closed immediately. 'There was a herd instinct and they attacked him with their beaks,' said Pascal Daniel, head of farming at the agricultural school Gros-Chêne. The body of the small fox was found the following day in a corner of the coop. 'It had blows to its neck, blows from beaks,' Daniel told AFP news agency. The farm is home to up to six thousand free-range chickens who are kept in a five-acre site. The coop is kept open during day and most of the hens spend the daytime outside, AFP adds. When the automatic door closed, the fox - thought to be around five or six months old - became trapped inside. 'A whole mass of hens can arrive together and the fox may have panicked in the face of such a big number,' Daniel told the regional newspaper Ouest France. 'They can be quite tenacious when they are in a pack.' They'll be developing opposable thumbs and coming after us next, mark this blogger's words.
A man who killed a seagull when it tried to steal his chips has been ordered to serve a curfew. John Llewellyn-Jones from Cardiff, 'smashed' the bird against a wall - really hard - during a trip to Weston-super-Mare in July 2018. Though, to be fair, the thieving little shit had asked for it. He denied breaching the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981 but was found extremely guilty at North Somerset Magistrates' Court on Tuesday. The RSPCA said: 'He cared more for his chips than what he did to the gull.' Yeah. And ...? Llewellyn-Jones was ordered to serve a twelve-week curfew between the hours of 8pm and 8am, pay costs of seven hundred and fifty knicker and an eighty five quid 'victim surcharge.' Who, exactly, the victim is and where that particular eighty five quid will go, the court did not reveal. RSPCA inspector Simon Evans said: 'This was an unthinkable and despicable way to treat an animal. The gull was smashed against a wall by the man and bystanders, including children, had to look on as the man killed the gull.' The RSPCA advise people not to feed gulls and to dispose of rubbish properly, particularly in seaside areas more prone to the birds.
When a rare Tengmalm's Owl turned up in Orkney last November, it was decided to 'suppress' news of its exact location. The bird, which had only been seen in Britain a handful of times, had been spotted on the island of Copinsay. The presence of such a rare visitor would normally attract hundreds of birdwatchers desperate to see it for themselves. But the exact location remained a tightly guarded secret, with only three people aware that it had taken up temporary residence in an outside toilet at the island's lighthouse. The secrecy was because of Copinsay's role as an important seal breeding ground. However, rumours of the owl's visit had begun to circulate and the Scottish Birds magazine has now revealed the lengths gone to by some people in an attempt to get around the news blackout. They included inventing a falconer who had, supposedly, 'lost' a Tengmalm's Owl. Martin Gray, who wrote the article with Alan Leitch from the RSPB, told BBC Radio Orkney: 'It's an extremely rare bird. It's only occurred in Britain a handful of times. The last record that was widely available to the general public was in 1980. So there's been almost two generations of twitchers who've not had the chance to see one.' Disturbing the island's seals while they are nursing their young is prohibited by law. At that time, there would have been hundreds of pups on Copinsay and there were concerns that they would be disturbed if hundreds of twitchers descended on the island. Ad, to be fair, who wouldn't be disturbed by such a sight. 'It was a very clear cut case of no news getting out,' Gray says. However, that didn't stop some birdwatchers from trying. There were attempts on social media to try and work out where the owl wasn't, in a bid to shorten the list of possible locations. Someone even invented a fictional falconer from Caithness, who had supposedly lost a Tengmalm's Owl and made an appeal for help to find it again. 'It was a complete fabrication, a total, total lie,' said Gray. 'This guy was invented. The e-mail address was invented that people were being asked to respond to, if they had any news of his alleged lost bird.' Now, he says, the community of birdwatchers 'needs to address the problems' being caused by a small minority who seem to feel they are 'entitled' to tick off a rare bird no matter what they have to do to find out where it is. 'Most of them are kind, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, ethical, generous, good people,' he says. 'But there are just a few clowns that are out there, spoiling it for everyone. The first step on the way to restoring a degree of order is to recognise that there is a problem. I'm not hearing that. I'm hearing a lot of dismissive comments, that it's no big deal.' Until the issue is addressed, he says, he is more likely to keep the news to himself if he encounters any more rare species. A Tengmalm's Owl was also spotted in Shetland last month and was believed to have been the first of the breed in Shetland in over a century. However, it is not believed to be the same bird that was seen in Orkney.
Eating mushrooms more than twice a week could prevent memory and language problems occurring in the over-sixties, research from Singapore suggests. Plus, they taste really nice in a king prawn, chicken and mushroom garlic curry with egg fried rice. Just sayin'. A unique antioxidant present in mushrooms could have a protective effect on the brain, the study found. The more mushrooms people ate, the better they performed in tests, the study found. But researchers said that it was 'not possible' to prove a direct link between the fungi and brain function. The National University of Singapore study's findings were based on six hundred and sixty three Chinese adults, aged over sixty, whose diet and lifestyle were tracked from 2011 to 2017. Over the six-year study the researchers found that eating more than two portions of mushrooms a week lowered the chances of mild cognitive impairment by fifty per cent, compared with those who ate fewer than one portion. Mild cognitive impairment can make people forgetful, affect their memory and cause problems with language, attention and locating objects in spaces - but the changes can be subtle. It is not serious enough to be defined as dementia. The participants in the study were asked how often they ate six different types of mushrooms: oyster, shiitake, white button, dried, golden and tinned. Mushroom eaters performed better in brain tests and were found to have faster processing speed - and this was particularly noticeable in those who ate more than two portions a week, or more than three hundred grams. 'This correlation is surprising and encouraging,' said assistant professor Lei Feng, the lead study author, from the university's department of psychological medicine. 'It seems that a commonly available single ingredient could have a dramatic effect on cognitive decline. But we are talking about a combination of many factors - tea, green leafy vegetables, nuts and fish are also beneficial.' The researchers point to the fact that mushrooms are one of the richest dietary sources of ergothioneine - an antioxidant and anti-inflammatory which humans are unable to make on their own. Mushrooms also contain other important nutrients and minerals such as vitamin D, selenium and spermidine, which protect neurons from damage. But there is still a long way to go before evidence of a direct link can be established. This study relied on self-reported information on mushroom intake and other dietary factors, which 'may not be accurate,' the researchers acknowledged. Doctor James Pickett, head of research at Alzheimer's Society, said: 'There are lots of factors that contribute to the development of dementia and it's estimated that up to a third of cases could be prevented by changes in lifestyle, including diet. Dementia is one of the top ten causes of death, but people can take action to reduce their risk, so it's important that we base our advice on consistent evidence that's built up over multiple studies, and don't get carried away with the findings of any one single study. So while eating a diet full of fruit and vegetables, including mushrooms, is a great starting point, our best advice is to also cut down on sugar and salt, be physically active, drink in moderation and avoid smoking.' The study is published in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease.
We are still a few weeks away from Easter, but you can already buy everything from Marmite to Prosecco-inspired eggs to celebrate. So it probably comes as no surprise to discover you will be able to get your hands on an egg made entirely of cheese - just in time for Easter. Sainsbury's is launching The Cheesalicious Easter egg - one hundred and twenty grams of pure cheddar sourced from Lancashire farms and shaped like a giant egg. Why, they didn't say. Dubbed The Cheester Egg, the savoury treat made by Butlers Farmhouse Cheese has a soft and smooth texture, making it perfect for spreading - which is ideal since the egg also comes with a packet of oatcakes and a sachet of chutney! Emma Garvey, cheese buyer for Sainsbury's, said: 'We're always looking for new and unique products to offer to our customers, especially during gifting periods throughout the year when people are on the lookout for something special to give their loved ones. The Cheesalicious Easter Egg seemed like an obvious and exciting choice to expand our Easter egg offering and cater to cheese aficionados nationwide.'
Doughnotts' latest creation 'has doughnut lovers all of a tizz,'according to media reports. The Nottingham company, which launched a doughnut pizza and a cute bouquet of doughnuts on 14 February, has produced 'a naughty masterpiece' shaped like a particular part of the male anatomy. That's a massive dong just in case you were wondering, dear blog reader. The reason? Apparently, it's 'a cheeky take' on 14 March being 'Steak and Blowjob Day' - which is, again apparently, 'the male response to St Valentine's Day.' No, me neither. A pink-coated doughnut proved the most popular and was already a sell-out by noon. A chocolate version, white icing and black sprinkles and white with ginger sprinkles are available priced £3.25 each or two for six quid. And all are vegan-friendly. They are not in the display cabinet at the Nottingham city centre shop to 'avoid any awkwardness with children or the easily offended.' Instead customers have to ask for 'a Johnson' - slang for the male thingy and staff will retreat to the back and return with one in a brown paper bag. A bit like buying a porno mag only, you know, somewhat less embarrassing. 'Ninety percent of customers have bought one today,' said assistant manager Charlotte Evison. 'It's been the strangest day at work - the reaction on people's faces.'
Police in Italy are reportedly'unconcerned' about the daring theft of a Flemish master's painting - because they had replaced it with a fake a month ago. The painting by Pieter Brueghel the Younger, worth millions, apparently vanished from a church on Wednesday. Thieves used a hammer to smash open its display case and made off in a car. Hours later, Italian police revealed that they had 'heard rumours' of the planned heist and installed cameras to catch the thieves in the act. The painting of the crucifixion had also been replaced with a copy and the original was being kept safe and sound, they said. It all happened in the town of Castelnuovo Magra in Liguria, where the painting of the crucifixion is kept in a side alcove of the Santa Maria Maddalena church. The surveillance footage of the raid is now being carefully studied and investigators are chasing down those responsible. Earlier, before the switch was revealed, Mayor Daniele Montebello told Italy's Ansa news agency that the painting was 'a work of inestimable value, a hard blow for our community.' On Wednesday, he revealed he had been in on the ruse, explaining that 'today for investigative reasons we could not reveal anything.' He also thanked members of the church for holding their peace - 'because some faithful had noticed that the one on display was not the original, but did not reveal the secret.' Brueghel was the son of another Flemish artist - Pieter Bruegel the Elder - and is famous for both his own paintings and the copies he made of his father's work. The Crucifixion is a well-known piece of which several copies exist, with small differences between them - including one in the Museum of Fine Arts in Budapest. All are believed to be variations on an original by Bruegel the Elder - but no original by his hand is known to survive.
Dutch civil servants have been warned off 'dancing in their staff restaurant' for fear that the floors of their renovated building might not take the strain. Whether Dutch civil servants do dance in their staff restaurant - as opposed to, you know, a disco or a nightclub - is not, at this time known. Although, this blogger really feels that a study should be undertaken to find out if they do. And, why. The foreign ministry has circulated a memo saying 'safety concerns' mean they should also avoid 'over-stacking photocopier paper,' placing a second row of chairs around conference room tables, or 'installing heavy cupboards and safes' in their offices, the NOS public broadcaster reports. King Willem-Alexander opened the building in The Hague in November 2017 after extensive renovation work, but it has been plagued by staff complaints from the start. Rijnstraat Eight also houses the infrastructure and water ministry as well as the immigration and asylum services, and the six thousand staff told a workplace survey that they have to cope with 'lack of privacy,' a 'serious shortage of workstations' and 'dark and depressing decor,' among other indignities. This prompted Foreign Minister Halbe Zijlstra to have the black walls repainted white soon after the building re-opened, but complaints have kept coming. Government minister Raymond Knops had to assure parliament last year that stairs will be 'evened out' after two civil servants injured themselves falling over steps in what critics have taken to calling 'the blunder building.' The steady stream of media criticism has stung the OMA team of architects, who maintain that they worked 'strictly to the specifications they were given' for the renovation work, which won an award for sustainability. The foreign ministry warning comes after a car park under construction at Eindhoven Airport collapsed during stress testing in 2017, where the floor panels were of a similar design. Inspectors also closed off parts of another building in The Hague housing the justice and interior ministries after finding problems with the floor design last year. The Central Government Real Estate Agency, which maintains official buildings, has 'sought to assure staff' that Rijnstraat Eight is 'perfectly safe' and that inspectors operate on the principle of 'better safe than sorry.''We know it's annoying for staff when the whole building isn't available for use without restrictions,' the Agency told NOS, adding that if would brief the civil servants and provide 'floor walkers' to address their concerns. But not all of the denizens of Rijnstraat Eight sympathise with their foreign ministry neighbours. 'They used to live like kings in some embassy in Africa, and now they're back here they can't even find a seat,' one civil servant sneered to the De Telegraaf newspaper. Some MPs have 'expressed concerns' after OMA was recently put in charge of sprucing up the parliament building, but a government spokesman has 'assured' them that these are 'two completely different projects' a turn of phrase unlikely to mollify the architects or their critics.
The Indonesian woman accused of killing Kim Jong-nam, the half-brother of North Korea's leader, has been freed after charges against her were dropped. Siti Aisyah had been accused of smearing VX nerve agent on Kim's face in Kuala Lumpur airport in 2017. She and her co-accused, Vietnamese Doan Thi Huong, denied murder and claimed they 'thought they were part of a TV prank.' The brazen killing at an international airport 'left observers stunned and gripped international headlines,' according to BBC News. After several months of delay, the defence phase of the trial was set to begin Monday, with testimony from Huong. However, the prosecutor in the case requested the murder charge for Siti Aisyah be dropped, without giving any specific reason. In a letter to the Indonesian law minister though, Malaysia's attorney general explained that the decision was 'taking into account considerations Jakarta raised about the case' as well as 'the good relations between the two countries.' The judge approved the request, saying 'Siti Aisyah is freed,' according to AFP news agency. However, this does not amount to an acquittal. Aisyah could have faced the death penalty if convicted. 'I feel happy. I did not know this will happen. I did not expect it,' AFP cites Aisyah saying as she left the court. BBC correspondent Jonathan Head, who was at the court in Kuala Lumpur, said there 'appeared to have been less evidence' against her than against her Vietnamese co-defendant. Huong had, initially, been expected to read a statement in court, which would have been the first time either of the two gave testimony. However, her case has now been adjourned at the request of her lawyers. Kim Jong-nam, the estranged half-brother of North Korea's mental-as-fek leader Kim Jong-un, had been waiting to board a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Macau on 13 February 2017 when two women approached him in the departure area. CCTV footage showed one of them placing her hands over his face, then both women hurriedly leaving the scene. Kim died on the way to hospital from what was later found to be exposure to the nerve agent VX, one of the most toxic of all known chemical agents. North Korea has fiercely denied any involvement in the killing, but four men - believed to be North Koreans who fled Malaysia on the day of the murder - have also been charged in abstentia. They remain at large despite an Interpol 'red notice,' equivalent to an international arrest warrant. The two women said they were 'innocent victims' of 'an elaborate North Korean plot.' According to their lawyers, in the days before Kim's death the women had been paid to take part in 'pranks' where they wiped liquid on people at airports, hotels and shopping malls. They claim that they thought they were taking part in another prank at the airport. Their lawyers had 'expressed confidence' that the court would see they had no motive to kill Kim. After the court's surprise decision on Monday, the Indonesian ambassador to Malaysia told reporters they would 'try to fly Siti back to Indonesia today or as soon as possible,' according to AFP. Kim Jong-nam was the older half-brother of North Korea's authoritarian ruler. He was once seen as a future leader of the isolated country, but when his father Kim Jong-il died, was bypassed in favour of the younger Kim. He was largely estranged from the family and spent most of his time overseas in Macau, mainland China and Singapore. He had spoken out in the past against his family's dynastic control of North Korea and, in a 2012 book, was quoted as saying he believed his half-brother 'lacked leadership qualities.'
A quad biker was caught 'racing through a housing estate' and 'riding the wrong way around a roundabout' whilst high on drugs. Steven Gardner 'is behind bars' after 'the astonishing driving antics in Huyton,'according to the Liverpool Echo. Police said the twenty nine-year-old was 'spotted' by officers driving a quad bike dangerously in the Hillside and Page Moss areas 'which involved travelling the wrong way on a roundabout whilst racing through a residential housing estate.' Gardner was seen to abandon the bike in the street where he lived and was then detained by officers. He was very sentenced to eight months imprisonment at Liverpool Crown Court for dangerous driving, drug driving, driving a motor vehicle whilst disqualified and using a motor vehicle without insurance. Police are hoping his case will be a deterrent to others thinking of recklessly using off-road bikes.
More than eighty passengers have been injured, several seriously, after a ferry hit what appears to have been a whale in the Sea of Japan. The high-speed hydrofoil ship was en route to Sado Island from the port of Niigata on Saturday. Ferry operators said the vessel hit 'an object,' leaving a six inch crack in its stern. Public broadcaster NHK quoted a 'marine expert' who claimed the 'scale of the impact suggests the ship struck a whale.' In a statement, the ferry operator apologised to its customers and said that the ship looked to have 'collided with marine life.''My throat hit the seat in front of me,' one passenger told local media. 'People around me were moaning [in pain].' Presumably, the whale wasn't over happy about this malarkey either. There were one hundred and twenty one passengers and four crew members on board at the time. Sado Steam Ship Company, which operates the Ginga ferry, says it managed to reach its destination under its own power about an hour behind schedule. The Coast Guard reportedly said thirteen were 'in a serious condition,' although they were all conscious. The boat is powered by jets of seawater and can travel at up to forty five miles per hour. One of the hydrofoil wings on the ship was also damaged in the collision. Minke and humpback whales are reportedly migrating through the Sea of Japan at this time of year.
The theft of nearly ten thousand sheep across England and Wales last year has only resulted in one charge by police, the BBC has revealed. A Freedom of Information request showed nine thousand six hundred and thirty five sheep were stolen in 2018, up from seven thousand six hundred in 2017 and six thousand three hundred in 2016. Humberside saw the biggest jump in the number of sheep theft incidents in 2018, while Dorset and North Yorkshire had the joint second highest. Police in Dorset said there was 'a lack of resources' to 'tackle rural crime.' Plus, seemingly, thieves have become emboldened since we stopped hanging them for sheep-rustling. All forty three police forces across England and Wales responded to the BBC, giving details of three hundred and eighty one incidents of sheep theft last year. But Hertfordshire Police was the only force to bring a charge. A rural insurance company said it believed 'organised criminal gangs' were stealing the animals for slaughter, with sheep fetching up to ninety smackers each last year. John Hoskin, who runs a farm near Dorchester, said that sheep had 'regularly' been taken from his fields and the numbers had 'gone up with each raid.' Hoskin said sheep theft had resulted in him losing between forty and fifty grand in recent years, which had led him to question his future in farming. He said: 'Do we get rid of the sheep and say "forget it, we're not going to provide illegal income for somebody else?"' Dorset Police has but two dedicated rural officers in the county. One of those, PCSO Tom Balchin, said a lack of resources to tackle the crime had been 'frustrating' for him and for the community. 'We're constrained to what we've got and that's where we need the public to help us as well as people reporting things,' he said. Tim Price, from NFU Mutual, which insures three quarters of UK farms, said that 'a significant number of sheep' had been stolen from farms which had not experienced thefts before, with cases of more than one hundred animals being taken at once. 'It's organised gangs, they've got big vehicles, they've got the skills to round up sheep and take them away,' he said. 'And very often they've got an outlet for them as well.'
A couple have been extremely arrested after they, allegedly, had The Sex on a National Express coach in front of other passengers. The man and woman had 'never met before the ten-hour journey,' according to Plymouth Live. According to reports the pair stripped themselves all nekked and were having The Sex on the coach as it travelled along the M5 on 4 March. Devon & Cornwall Police were called after the driver pulled over on the hard shoulder. A thirty two-year-old woman and a twenty nine-year-old man were pinched by The Fuzz and taken to a police station in Exeter. A spokesperson said: 'Police were called to an incident of public indecency on a coach travelling on the M5 near Cullompton at 10.40pm on Monday 4 March. Officers located and arrested a twenty nine-year-old man from Bristol and a thirty two-year-old woman from Barnstaple on suspicion of an act of outraging public decency. They were later released under investigation pending further enquiries.'
A senior Indian politician, Nitin Gadkari, expressed his displeasure on Wednesday over some people raising slogans at a public meeting in Nagpur concerning their support for a separate Vidarbha state. He warned that he will get them 'thrown out' from the event if they continued. Gadkari reportedly 'lost his cool' when some people raised slogans during his speech at the meeting, which was also attended by Maharashtra Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis and other senior leaders. When Gadkari started speaking, some pro-Vidarbha activists sitting in the crowd began raising slogans, demanding separate statehood for the region in Eastern Maharashtra. The activists also threw pamphlets in the media enclosure. 'Irked over the constant shouting,' Gadkari first asked them to keep quiet. Thereafter, the minister said: 'If they continue to make noise again, spank them and throw them out.' Normally, you have to pay good money for that short of thing.
The Big Apple is reportedly'staring down a problem' it hasn't seen in eight years: rabid raccoons in Manhattan. The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene said on Friday that officials have 'identified four raccoons' with rabies around Inwood Hill Park since the start of the year. The health department is now advising residents in the area to make sure that pets are up to date with vaccinations. 'Rabies is a serious illness that poses a danger for you and your pets,' Health Commissioner Oxiris Barbot said in a statement. 'Keep a close eye on your pets when you take them outside and if you see a wild animal - such as a raccoon - maintain a safe distance and do not approach it. Get your pets vaccinated against rabies and if you think they've been bitten by a rabid animal, call three-one-one.' While the officials have reported the rare rabid bat on the island in recent years, there haven't been any reports of rabid raccoons since 2011, when the city reported finding well over one hundred rabid raccoons during the prior year. While they've been reported in neighbouring boroughs, the city's 'trap-and-release' effort at the time led to the vaccination of roughly five hundred of Manhattan's raccoons and has managed to keep the issue under control since. People as well as pets can become infected with rabies and it can be fatal if not immediately treated. The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention notes that symptoms in humans can mirror those of the flu, including headache, fever and weakness. During the last outbreak, which began in 2009, five people and two dogs were exposed to rabies though all were treated before rabies developed. The health department advises New Yorkers to call the city's non-emergency line in the event that they suspect an animal is sick or if it seems 'disoriented or unusually placid or aggressive.' It also advises that pets be fed indoors and that animals not be left outside without supervision. Dog parks are safe, the health department said, but animals should otherwise be kept on leashes while outside. In a statement, Senator Robert Jackson - who represents Manhattan's Thirty First District - urged residents of the island with pets 'to make sure their animals are up to date on their vaccines. Stay alert when enjoying our beautiful parks and if you see a wild animal acting strangely, leave the area.'
It was 'the milky way or the highway,' according to a breastfeeding mother who is reported to be 'furious' with her nanny for allegedly 'forcing' formula milk on her newborn baby. Lynn Wojton preferred nursing her infant daughter, believing that was the healthiest approach. But, baby caretaker Marcia Chase-Marshall allegedly 'sneaked' the child formula while Wojton slept because she was tired and didn't want to bother the first-time mother with the longer process of breastfeeding, court papers allege. The New York mother breastfed her daughter, Wilder, on the first two nights after returning home with the child from Mount Sinai Hospital in September, according to Wojton's lawsuit in Manhattan Supreme Court. What a fantastically litigious country America is, dear blog reader. Chase-Marshall slept in the same room as Wilder and would wake up Wojton, a registered nurse, whenever the baby needed milk, the suit claims. But after the nanny did not wake up Wojton on the third night, Chase-Marshall allegedly 'confessed' to feeding the baby formula milk, the papers claim. 'I was very upset,' Wojton told the New York Post. 'This is not what I wanted for my baby. I cried for an hour, honestly.' Chase-Marshall initially claimed that she had defied Wojton's instructions because she thought formula 'was best for the baby,' the mother claims. But Chase-Marshall then admitted that she gave the girl formula because it was 'less work' and she 'wanted extra sleep,' according to the suit. 'I have nothing to say,' Chase-Marshall told the Post in a phone call before, reportedly, hanging up. Wojton, who paid the nanny four thousand two hundred dollars, says Chase-Marshall 'bolted' after the confrontation. 'Your instincts do kick in,' Wojton said. 'It was the last straw, the way she was behaving and the way she was speaking to me.' Wojton said that she had 'faced off' with Chase-Marshall on 'everything' from changing Wilder's nappies to bathing the baby. 'If I didn't change the diaper the way she thought was best, she would criticise me the whole time,' Wojton said. 'It makes you second-guess yourself. You're a new mother and this is all very new.''Lynn obviously didn't want to cross a stranger who had direct access to her baby, to her home and belongings at such an important and potentially volatile time,' said her lawyer Brett Gallaway. Wojton, who runs her own cosmetic nursing practice, says that she has since found a new nanny and that she and her daughter are 'doing fine.''I'm in a good place now, but I still get upset,' Wojton claimed. She is seeking 'at least' then thousand dollars in 'damages.'
A police community support officer claimed that an eight-year-old girl threatened to stab him 'in the heart' when he was called to a school. Officers were called to the school in the Harrogate District after the girl produced a kitchen knife in class. North Yorkshire Police said that the classroom was evacuated when the girl threatened officers and staff. A force spokesperson added that no-one was injured in the incident and that the girl was 'now receiving appropriate support.' PCSO Matt Murphy, who was called to the school last month, tweeted an image of the weapon, which he said had a five inch long blade. North Yorkshire Police is currently taking part in a week-long national campaign to tackle knife crime. Officers are carrying out high visibility patrols and publicising anti-knife messages in schools and on social media.
A Cumbrian family have spoken of their 'terror' after their house caught fire when it was struck by lightning during Storm Gareth. Amanda Glencross said that lightning 'shot down the chimney' of their home in Cotehill, near Carlisle, sending a gas fire 'hurtling across the room.' Firefighters spent an hour at the scene, although no-one was hurt. The storm left more than two thousand people in Cumbria without power and overnight wind gusts of almost seventy miles per hour. Glencross, who is a mother to nine-year-old twins, said that her terraced house was damaged inside and out by the strike in the early hours of Wednesday. She said: 'A huge bolt of lightning hit the house and took part of the roof off and shattered the chimney. It went right down the chimney and blew the whole fireplace out, smashing it to pieces. We also have a few cracked walls that are letting in water. We knew there was a storm coming but didn't expect lightning like this. Myself and the kids were in bed but my husband, Phil, had fallen asleep on the couch. We were all absolutely terrified. It was like a bomb had hit the house. Our ears were ringing for ages afterwards. The children were hysterical, but we managed to get them calmed down and we were able to stay with relatives for the rest of the night.'
Italy's Justice Ministry has ordered a preliminary inquiry into an appeals court ruling which overturned a rape conviction, in part by arguing that the woman who was attacked was 'too ugly' to be a 'credible' rape victim. The ruling - unsurprisingly - has sparked outrage in Italy, prompting a flash mob on Monday outside the Ancona court, where protesters shouted 'Shame!' and held up signs saying 'indignation.' The appeals sentence was handed down in 2017 - by an all-female panel - but the reasons behind it only emerged publicly when Italy's high court annulled it on 5 March and ordered a retrial. The Court of Cassation said on Wednesday its own reasons for ordering the retrial will be issued next month. Two Peruvian men were initially convicted of the 2015 rape of a Peruvian woman in Ancona, but the appeals court overturned the verdict and absolved them, finding that she was 'not a credible witness.' In part of the ruling, the court noted that the suspects had found her 'unattractive' and 'too masculine' to be a credible rape victim. Cinzia Molinaro, a lawyer for the victim, said that her appeal to the Cassation contested 'a host of procedural problems' with the acquittal verdict but said that she had also cited the 'absolute unacceptability' of the Italian court's reference to the victim's physical appearance. The appeals sentence quoted one of the suspects as claiming that he found the woman 'unattractive' and had her listed as 'Viking' on his cellphone. Molinaro noted that the woman, who has since returned to Peru, had suffered such genital trauma during the alleged rape that she had subsequently required stitches. The Justice Ministry said it was conducting 'the necessary preliminary investigations' into the appeals verdict. Molinaro said the ministry can send investigators to a court to check if there were any problems or omissions in the sentence, even when the case is still under appeal. The case is the second to spark criticism in recent weeks in Italy, where cases of sexual violence and the murders of women regularly top the news. Protests broke out earlier this month after an appeals court in Bologna nearly cut in half the sentence for a man who admitted to killing his partner. The court cited as one of its reasons for the reduction the 'emotional storm of jealousy' that the killer had experienced. Critics said the reduced sentence basically sanctioned the practice of 'honour killings.'
The sentencing of the prominent Iranian human rights lawyer and women's rights defender Nasrin Sotoudeh to thirty three years in prison and one hundred and forty eight lashes in a new case against her is 'an outrageous injustice,'said Amnesty International. And, this blogger agrees with them. The sentence, reported on her husband Reza Khandan's Facebook page on 11 March, brings her total sentence - after two grossly unfair trials - to thirty eight years in prison. In September 2016, she had been sentenced in her absence to five years in a separate case. 'It is absolutely shocking that Nasrin Sotoudeh is facing nearly four decades in jail and one hundred and forty eight lashes for her peaceful human rights work, including her defence of women protesting against Iran’s degrading forced hijab [veiling] laws. Nasrin Sotoudeh must be released immediately and unconditionally and this obscene sentence quashed without delay,' said Philip Luther, Amnesty International's Middle East and North Africa Research and Advocacy Director. 'Nasrin Sotoudeh has dedicated her life to defending women's rights and speaking out against the death penalty - it is utterly outrageous that Iran's authorities are punishing her for her human rights work. Her conviction and sentence consolidate Iran's reputation as a cruel oppressor of women's rights.' And, you know, scum generally. Just an observation. This is the harshest sentence Amnesty International has documented against a human rights defender in Iran in recent years, suggesting that the authorities - emboldened by pervasive impunity for human rights violations - are stepping up their repression. Nasrin Sotoudeh was arrested at her home in June 2018. This week, she was informed by the office for the implementation of sentences in Tehran's Evin prison. The charges, which are in response to her peaceful human rights work, include 'inciting corruption and prostitution', 'openly committing a sinful act by appearing in public without a hijab' and 'disrupting public order.' And, 'being a woman in Iran,' seemingly. During her sentencing, Article One Hundred & Thirty Four of Iran's Penal Code was applied, which allows judges to 'use their discretion' to impose a higher sentence than the maximum statutory requirement when a defendant faces more than three charges. In Nasrin Sotoudeh's case, the judge, Mohammad Moghiseh, applied the maximum statutory sentence for each of her seven charges and then added another four years to her total prison term, raising it from the statutory maximum of twenty nine to thirty three years. And, as for the one hundred plus lashes, one can only speculate on what, exactly, was going on in Moghiseh's underpants when he gave out that particular punishment.
Police in Florida need help in identifying a man accused of attempting to steal a designer toilet from Home Depot. Because, obviously, at the moment they have 'nothing to go on.' Nah, lissun ... Officers said that they responded to an attempted theft at the Home Depot on 1 March. A worker caught the man in the parking lot after he walked out of the store without paying for a cart full of items, including a GB designer netty, a pop socket, switches and a variety of electrical wires. When the worker told the man he needed to come back inside to pay for the items, the man ran towards his car and took off, leaving the items behind. The suspect was caught on surveillance and was driving a dark blue Chevrolet Suburban. The male suspect was Hispanic of medium complexion and approximately thirty years old. If you have information on who this man is or why he so desperately needed the po, you are advised to call Southwest Florida Crime Stoppers.
A jaguar clawed an Arizona woman who climbed over a barrier to take a picture at the Wildlife World Zoo near Phoenix, officials said. The zoo subsequently 'assured animal lovers the big cat would not be killed,' since animals should not be held responsible for the stupidity of humans. Cellphone video of the incident showed at least one gash on the woman's left forearm as she writhed on the ground in pain on Saturday. 'I hear this young girl screaming: "Help, help, help" ... and the jaguar has clasped its claws outside the cage around her hand and into her flesh,' witness Adam Wilkerson told Fox Ten television. Albeit, not very articulately. Wilkerson's mother 'distracted' the jaguar by pushing a water bottle through the cage and Wilkerson said that he pulled the woman away for the enraged beast. Cellphone video later showed the animal chewing on the plastic water bottle. The identity of the woman, in her thirties and, therefore one could suggest, old enough to known better, was 'being withheld,' said Shawn Gilleland, a spokesman for Rural Metro Fire, the agency that responded to the incident. She was taken to a hospital and treated, then later returned to the zoo to apologise, Gilleland said. 'She wanted to take a selfie or a picture of the animal, and she put her arm close enough to the cage that the cat was able to reach her,' Gilleland said. The zoo's statement added that the female jaguar never left its enclosure and that the incident was being fully investigated. 'We can promise you nothing will happen to our jaguar,' the zoo said on Twitter, responding to public concerns the animal might be shot in the head. The barrier surrounding the exhibit, creating a buffer of several feet from the enclosure, zoo spokeswoman Kristy Morcom told Fox Ten. 'There is climbing involved. It's not something that is easily done,' Morcom added. 'These are wild animals and those barriers are put there for a reason.'
A Missouri woman was 'drunk and re-enacting a movie' when she fatally shot her boyfriend, officials have said. Despite - or, possibly because of - that, Kalesha Marie Peterson is facing a charge of second-degree murder in the slaying. She was arrested on Thursday after police in Fulton responded to Peterson's panicked report that she had 'accidentally' shot boyfriend David Dalton. 'Peterson advised that she and Dalton had been watching a movie and drinking alcoholic beverages that evening,' Fulton police said in a news release. A lethal combination at the best of times. 'Peterson advised that at some point Dalton suggested the two "play out a scene" in the movie that involved a firearm. Peterson advised that the two retrieved a handgun kept in the bedroom to act out the scene.' A Taurus .38 calibre revolver held by the woman 'discharged,' extremely striking Dalton. In the head. 'Medics attempted to treat Dalton and declared that he was dead,' the Fulton department's statement continued. A police official told NBC News he 'could not provide details' about the movie that the couple claimed to be re-enacting and suggested the title or knowledge thereof 'might be used as evidence.' Even if the discharge was not wilful, authorities said, Peterson could still be held responsible for because she handled the weapon while admittedly intoxicated. Police also noted that she had 'a number of prescription medications,' some of which 'increase impairment' when mixed with alcohol. NBC News affiliate KOMU of Columbia reported that the local district attorney has formally charged Peterson with second-degree murder as well as unlawful use of a weapon.
A Florida woman allegedly tried to kill her boyfriend because he snored too loudly, police said. Police said that they charged Lorie Morin with attempted murder and aggravated battery after she shot her boyfriend Wednesday night, ABC News reported. She is currently being held at the Brevard County Jail without bond. Both Morin and her boyfriend - who is not being publicly identified - initially told police that the shooting was accidental, Click Orlando reported. Upon further investigation, however, officials from the Brevard County Sheriff's Office determined the shooting occurred during a domestic dispute about Morin's boyfriend's snoring. As the dispute escalated, Morin is said to have grabbed a shotgun and fired at her boyfriend, striking and injuring him, police said. Both Morin and her boyfriend had been drinking before and during the argument. 'It's so stupid, so bizarre that I can't imagine that kind of behaviour,' neighbour Robert Mason snitched to ABC. 'I've talked to her a couple times and she's always been really nice and so the news is kind of shocking on it, honestly,' said another neighbour, Samantha Bobier. 'To hear that it was over him snoring is kind of shocking. It's kind of crazy.'
A blue 1967 Buick Skylark would have been perfect for an American road trip. But Damien Roy and his younger brother, Bailey, never got that far. Before the brothers could even cross the Canadian border, drones, helicopters, police dogs and a SWAT team surrounded their car. For twelve hours on 26 October 2018, the checkpoint between Houlton, Maine and Woodstock, New Brunswick, remained closed amid 'a bizarre stand-off,' frustrating thousands of travellers. In the end, there was no security threat - just two brothers from Halifax, Nova Scotia, with 'a poorly conceived plan and twenty one jugs of gasoline.' On Friday, Canadian officials agreed to drop terrorism hoax charges against the Roys and release them from jail and explained for the first time what had led to their - extremely public - arrest. The men, it turned out, had been trying to see if they could make it to Mexico in a car with no licence plates and without stopping for gas or presenting any identification along the way. 'This was more stupid than it was criminal,' Crown prosecutor Brian Munn told the judge, according to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. The CBC reported that the brothers 'remained silent in court' as an agreed-upon set of facts was read aloud, detailing how their escapades had landed them in The Slammer. It all started on the day before their arrest, when they bought the Skylark, which had no certificate of registration, legal documents or licence plates. 'For reasons unknown,' the brothers decided that they didn't want to stop at any gas stations until they crossed into Mexico, so they loaded twenty one jugs of gasoline in the back seat and trunk, the CBC reported. The antique car wasn't equipped with a GPS, so they planned their travels on paper maps and threw those into the back as well, along with some food for the five thousand-mile journey. The larger issue, however, was that they had no passports or any other form of ID with them. The Roys 'decided to take a back road through a remote stretch of the North Country where they were unlikely to encounter checkpoints, then sneak into Maine.' Their old-school navigation methods evidently failed: At around 10am on 26 October, 'they found themselves approaching one of the largest checkpoints in New Brunswick, less than three hundred and fifty miles from home.' According to the CBC, Munn said they both 'froze' when they 'realised what was happening.' The Skylark abruptly came to a stop in the middle of the road. 'It was very strange,' Kevin Peck, who lives on the Canadian side of the border and happened to come across the car, later told CTV News. 'There was room to pass on the left-hand side and as I was passing by I kind of glanced over and there were two gentlemen in the car that were not moving, looking straight ahead, and the windows were all fogged up.' Officials on both sides of the border 'were unnerved.' Lights flashing and sirens blaring, two officers from the Canada Border Services Agency went over to investigate. One tried to ask if the duo were okay but got no response. Then border agents noticed the jugs of gasoline. They quickly backed away, closed the checkpoint and summoned the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. 'A chaotic scene ensued,' media reports state. 'There were probably one hundred-plus security personnel, Canadian and US, surrounding the vehicle,' John Slipp, who owns a duty-free store near the checkpoint, told CTV News. 'There was a helicopter and a SWAT team.' Over the next six hours, police dogs sniffed the brothers' car, a drone circled overhead and police tried in vain to talk to them. Meanwhile, traffic came to a standstill and disgruntled drivers complained that being redirected to the nearest border crossing, one hundred miles South, was going to make their trips hours longer. The stand-off finally ended around when the Mounties brought in a military-style armoured truck. As the intimidating-looking vehicle closed in, Bailey Roy hit the gas. He sped across the border into Maine and came to a stop as the truck rammed into a parked US Customs and Border Protection vehicle, creating a blockade. 'The two brothers spilled out of the passenger-side door and were immediately taken into custody.' Later, the Telegraph-Journal reported, the Roys told police that they had realised there was no way they would be able to illegally cross into the United States. Instead, they had decided to stop at the border 'just to see how things would play out.' They ended up spending the next four months behind bars. Within twenty four hours of his arrest, US officials handed Bailey over to Canadian authorities for prosecution. Damien, 'who had tried to claim asylum,' spent roughly a month in detention before he, too, was sent back to Canada to face trial in the Provincial Court of New Brunswick. Both were charged with 'committing a hoax related to terrorist activity' and 'wilfully obstructing peace officers.' While neither had a criminal record, it wasn't their first brush with the law. In 2015, the brothers, then teenagers, were reported missing after they went on a camping trip and failed to return. Their disappearance prompted a massive search-and-rescue operation, but after nearly six weeks, they returned home, unscathed. A judge later placed them in an adult diversion programme that allowed them to avoid being prosecuted on obstruction charges. At the time, their father, Corey Roy, told the Chronicle Herald that the boys had 'developed an interest in survivalism' and 'often made extended trips into the woods to practice living in isolation.' He said that they had 'no interest in drugs, alcohol and other typical teenage mischief' and 'adhered to strict diets in which they ate little but raw vegetables and protein.' They sold most of their possessions but held onto their car, which they had been using to make 'sudden, secret runs' to Montreal, Toronto and Quebec City. Speaking to CTV News in October after his sons were arrested at the border, Roy said that he was 'just grateful they hadn't been shot.' Damien and Bailey had been getting into trouble since elementary school, when they had to be separated because their teacher 'couldn't handle both at once,' he claimed. Both were 'smart when they wanted to be,' he added and read constantly, 'preferring each other's company to being around anyone else.' He 'couldn't explain' what had motivated their bizarre behaviour and added that he wished he had spent more time monitoring what they were looking at on the Internet. 'They have no respect for law enforcement whatsoever,' he said. 'They go for the reaction.' On Friday, both brothers declined to discuss their exploits with reporters. During the hearing, Damien raised only one question: 'What had happened to the Skylark?' It was still in Maine, Munn told him and, as a consequence, outside of the Crown's jurisdiction. According to the Telegraph-Journal, the prosecutor argued that their stunt had 'a serious economic impact on both Canada and the United States,' since hundreds of commercial trucks typically pass daily through the Houlton-Woodstock checkpoint, at the Northern terminus of Interstate Ninety Fie. But he also 'acknowledged' that the brothers had maintained their misadventures 'hadn't been politically motivated' and that they 'had no plan to commit an act of terrorism.''To use the words of Bailey Roy himself during an interview, essentially what they had done was "stupid,"' he said. After the terrorism hoax charges were dropped, both brothers pleaded very guilty to obstructing law enforcement and were sentenced to three months in prison with credit for time served, allowing them to walk free. Judge David Walker wished them good luck, the CBC reported. They left the courthouse dressed in the same gym shorts and sneakers that they had been wearing when they set off on their road trip and began looking for a ride back to their mother's house.
A Malaysia-bound plane reportedly had to turn back to Saudi Arabia after a passenger realised she had left her baby in the terminal. The pilot, en route to Kuala Lumpur, made the unusual request to return to the airport in Jeddah shortly after take-off when the passenger told cabin crew that she had 'forgotten her child.' A video of the pilot calling into air traffic control reveals the unusual exchange between him and the operators, as he asks for permission to return to King Abdulaziz airport. 'May God be with us. Can we come back?' the pilot asks. The scenario, seemingly a first for the air traffic controllers, leaves the operator confounded and he can be heard conferring with others over the appropriate action. 'This flight is requesting to come back,' he tells another colleague. 'A passenger forgot her baby in the waiting area, the poor thing.' The pilot can be heard repeating to the air traffic operator: 'I told you, a passenger has left her baby in the terminal and she is refusing to continue the flight.' After a brief pause, the flight was given permission to return to the hub. 'Okay, head back to the gate,' the air traffic controllers said. 'This is totally a new one for us.' It is rare for planes to turn around or divert mid-air for anything other than technical or passenger health reasons. In 2013, an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to New York diverted to Kansas City because of a 'very unruly passenger' who refused to stop singing Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You'. The bastard! In New York the following year, a taxiing plane heading to Seoul returned to the gate after the South Korean airline heiress Cho Hyun-ah forced a senior crew member to disembark because she had been served macadamia nuts from a packet instead of a bowl.
Police arrested a Florida father on Monday for allegedly bringing a loaded AK-47 to his son's middle school and making death threats towards teachers. Christopher Freeman was very arrested at Bear Lakes Middle School in West Palm Beach, after a school resource officer told police that he saw a large handgun sticking out of Freeman's pants, according to a police report. The school was placed on lockdown after the incident. Freeman, who arrived in a wheelchair, allegedly told school workers that they would 'all be dead' if they didn't let him speak with his son. 'Freeman was visibly upset and was yelling and screaming "you're going to need more than what you got because of what I got,"' according to the arrest affidavit. 'He also said "I want to see the guy who slammed my son. I've got something for him."' Freeman told police that he was 'upset' because his son called him crying earlier in the day because a teacher 'slammed him,' the affidavit said. 'While Freeman was speaking with him, his son was grabbed by an adult and his phone went flying out of his hands. Someone then hung up the phone,' Freeman said, according to the police report. 'Freeman said he was very upset and came to the school.' Police said he was armed with an AK-47 Mini Draco pistol with a thirty-round extended magazine. The gun was loaded with one in the chamber, police said. Freeman said that he purchased the gun 'from a friend' about a year ago and carries it all the time for protection, police said. He said that he 'forgot' he had it with him and claimed he 'didn't know that it was against school rules.' One or two people even believed him. Freeman was very arrested and charged with possession of a firearm on school grounds, aggravated assault with a weapon and disrupting the peace. He was being held on a seventy five thousand dollar bond, but authorities motioned to have the bond revoked, citing a separate active criminal case against him. His attorney, Jack Fleischman, said that he plans to fight the bond revocation and hopes to get the most recent charges dropped. 'This was more of a misunderstanding than a crime. He had no intention of harming anyone,' Fleischman told ABC News. 'We're interested in seeing if there is any security video from school because there were allegations about his child being hit.'
From The North's semi-regular Headline Of The Week award goes, this week, to Daily Mirra for the really helpful Your Penis SHRINKS During Exercise - And There's Nothing You Can Do To Stop It. Apart from. perhaps, not exercising? Bit of a radical suggestion, this blogger is aware but, hey, think of the alternative.
In second place, the Independent's Almost Half Of British Women Can't Label The Vagina On A Diagram also deserves a mention. Although, one hundred per cent of men believe they can.
Whilst, on a similar theme, the Insider website has, this week, excitedly informed its readers that Sex Won't Permanently Loosen Your Vagina No Matter How Often You Have It, But Two Other Factors Can. They're childbirth and aging, apparently and not 'not being able to find it.'
One of the last veterans of World War Two's real-life Great Escape has died at the age of one hundred and one. Jack Lyon, a former RAF navigator, died at his home in Bexhill-on-Sea on Friday. He was lookout during the breakout bid from Stalag Luft III in 1944, but the escape tunnel was uncovered before he had the chance to get out himself. Ironically, he said that the plot being rumbled probably saved his life. According to the RAF Benevolent Fund, he had been one of the last known living veterans of the escape attempt, which became the subject of a Hollywood film in 1963. None of the seventy six who escaped from the Nazi camp is now alive - seventy three were recaptured, of whom fifty were obscenely executed on the orders of Adolf Hitler (who only had one). The other three - James Coburn, Johnny Leyton and Charles Bronson - got away. In an interview with the BBC on his one hundredth birthday in 2017, Lyon said: 'Had I got out, I probably wouldn't be talking to you because my chances of getting home were virtually nil. I was under no illusions about that.' And he described the Hollywood portrayal of the escape bid as 'absolute rubbish.' He said: 'Not one American took part in it and, as for the motorbike, it never existed.' RAFBF chief executive Air Vice Marshal David Murray, said: 'Jack belonged to a generation of servicemen we are sadly losing as time goes on. His legacy and those of his brave comrades who planned and took part in the audacious Great Escape breakout, are the freedoms we enjoy today. To truly pay tribute to his memory and all this who have gone before him, we must never forget. Jack's death is especially poignant as it comes just two weeks before the seventy fifth anniversary of the Great Escape, on 24 March.'
The Irish actor Pat Laffan - best known for playing the milkman Pat Mustard in Father Ted - has died at the age of seventy nine. nnouncing the news, his agents described him as 'one of the leading stage actors of his generation.'Father Ted creator Graham Linehan tweeted: 'Rest in peace, Pat, a pleasure to work with you.' Throughout his career, Laffan appeared in nearly forty films - including Stanley Kubrick's Barry Lyndon - and made thirty TV appearances, including in EastEnders and in RTE's The Clinic. He was also known to Irish audiences for his portrayal of Mister Burgess in Roddy Doyle's 1993 movie The Snapper. His CV also included appearances in Insurrection, Z Cars, Strumpet City, The Irish RM, Sharpe and On Home Ground. He was most recently seen in Moone Boy and Ripper Street. In a statement on social media, the Lisa Richards Agency, which represented Laffan for almost thirty years, said it was with 'tremendous sadness' that it announced his death. 'All here will remember him first and foremost as our friend and mentor and we will miss him terribly,' the agency added. 'We send our heartfelt condolences to his friends and family.' Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, Laffan was a member of the Abbey Theatre Company. The company's Twitter account posted a tribute, saying the late actor would be 'sorely missed.' It read: 'Very sad to hear that Pat Laffan has passed away. His career at the Abbey started in 1961 and spanned five decades.' The Abbey shared a picture of him in what they said was one of his earliest appearances in The Enemy Within in 1962. Laffan also had the role of director at the Peacock Theatre and directed at the Gate Theatre between 1979 and 1982.
As a key member of the loose affiliation of Hollywood session musicians who became known in the 1960s as The Wrecking Crew, the drummer Hal Blaine who died this week played on more hits than he could possibly have remembered - and quite possibly more hits than any other musicians in the history of rock and/or roll. His Big Beat, for example, propelled The Mamas & The Papas''California Dreamin', The Byrds''Mister Tambourine Man', The Beach Boys''Good Vibrations' and 'Wouldn't It Be Nice?', The Crystals''Then He Kissed Me' and 'He's Rebel', Richard Harris's 'MacArthur Park', Elvis Presley's 'Return To Sender', Barry McGuire's 'Eve Of Destruction', Jan & Dean's 'Surf City', The Supremes''The Happening' and Sonny & Cher's 'I Got You, Babe'. The Grammy award-winning singles to which he contributed his skills included Frank Sinatra's 'Strangers In The Night', Herb Alpert's 'A Taste Of Honey', The Fifth Dimension's 'Aquarius'/'Let the Sunshine In' and 'Up Up And Away' and 'Simon & Garfunkel's 'Mrs Robinson' and 'Bridge Over Troubled Water'. Blaine, who died aged ninety, was a musician of expert technique and considerable imagination but, importantly, he knew when to keep it simple in order to make a song distinctive when it was played on the radio. The stomping sound that punctuated Nancy Sinatra's 'These Boots Are Made for Walking' was his. So too, most famously, was the riveting introduction to The Ronettes''Be My Baby', a brusque bom bom-bom BANG! bom bom-bom BANG! that came thundering out of a million transistors in 1963. The fill that opened 'Be My Baby' became a rock standard - the drum equivalent of Chuck Berry's 'Johnny B Goode' riff. It has been replicated on songs as diverse as The Jesus and Mary Chain's 'Just Like Honey', The Hollies''Just Like A Rock', Lykke Li's 'Sadness Is A Blessing', The Clash's 'The Card Cheat' and Duran Duran's 'Is There Something I Should Know?' Incredibly, the riff came about completely by accident: 'I was supposed to play the snare on the second beat as well as the fourth, but I dropped a stick,' Blaine later admitted.
His driving beat and epic tom-tom fills formed the foundation of Phil Spector's Wall of Sound technique, erected around The Ronettes, The Crystals, Darlene Love and others. As Spector made a roomful of musicians go through forty or fifty takes of a two-minute song until, as someone once said, they were exhausted enough to play what he wanted rather than what they wanted, Blaine was the one who never flagged. His work on those records attracted the interest of Brian Wilson, who worshipped Spector and Blaine became an important collaborator on The Beach Boy's most innovative and creative period, most notably the LP Pet Sounds. Blaine carried a box of exotic percussion devices around with him, but was happy to use plastic soft-drink bottles from the studio vending machine to create exactly the sound Wilson had in his head for 'Caroline, No'. Unlike many highly-trained session musicians, the members of The Wrecking Crew were not musical snobs. Some of them had come up through jazz, but most had a background in various forms of pop music, including country and rock'n'roll. Blaine was the archetype of that open-mindedness. As he drove around Hollywood from one session to another at Gold Star, Sunset Sound, RCA and Western, he kept drum kits permanently set up to his specification in several of the studios.
He was born Harold Simon Belsky in Holyoke, Massachusetts, one of four children of Russian Jewish immigrants, Rose and Meyer, a tailor who went on to run a liquor store. After the family moved to Southern California in 1943, Hal took drum lessons with Roy Knapp, who had taught Gene Krupa. Hal was playing in a trio at The Garden Of Allah hotel in Hollywood when he was invited to play on his first session and always credited his fellow drummer, Earl Palmer, with giving him a leg up. Palmer had arrived from New Orleans, where he was schooled in jazz but had learned to play rock'n'roll, giving him a special status in studios where the raw sound of the new music was much in demand. Palmer soon had more sessions than he could handle and began passing some of them on to Blaine. Session musicians made good money in the 1960s as long as they could turn up on time, add a little magic to a song and did not make trouble. The new generation, of which Blaine was a part, included the guitarists Bill Pitman, Glen Campbell, Billy Strange and Tommy Tedesco (whose son Denny made an award-winning documentary about The Wrecking Crew in 2008), the pianists Don Randi, Leon Russell and Larry Knechtel and the bassists Ray Pohlman, Carol Kaye and Joe Osborn. Blaine gave The Wrecking Crew their name, a reference to the older musicians - the ones he called 'the blue-blazer guys' - who feared that this new generation would usurp their opportunities and destroy their comfortable living. Often called upon by producers to replace a group's drummer in the studio in order to give a record 'a more solid beat,' Hal said that the only one who had ever resented the substitution was The Byrds' Michael Clarke. Others, including The Monkees' Micky Dolenz and The Beach Boys' Dennis Wilson, were more than happy to go on TV or out on tour and simply replicate an approximation of what Hal had played on their records. There was nothing pretentious about Blaine, a gregarious man who mentored many younger drummers and loved to tell stories about his experiences. When Elvis Presley was released from the army in 1960, Blaine began to play on his film soundtracks, including Blue Hawaii and Girls, Girls, Girls. 'He paid top dollar and he was the nicest guy in the world,' Hal said. In 2000, Hal and Palmer were both inducted into The Rock and/or Roll Hall of Fame. 'Hal never had good jazz chops [technique],' Palmer wrote in his autobiography, 'but that don't make him not a Hell of a drummer for what he did.' If Hal Blaine had only played drums on 'Be My Baby', The E Street Band's Max Weinberg declared in his book on rock'n'roll drumming, 'his name would still be uttered with reverence and respect for the power of his Big Beat.' On hearing of his death, Brian Wilson called Hal 'the greatest drummer ever. Hal Blaine was such a great musician and friend that I can't put it into words,' Wilson said. 'Hal taught me a lot and he had so much to do with our success.' The Rolling Stones' Charlie Watts, who played at Blaine's ninetieth birthday party last month, added: 'Godspeed Hal. He gave us all so much. [I'm] feeling very blessed to have celebrated his life with him.' Blaine eventually took on the lucrative additional role of studio contractor, relied on by producers to hire the right musicians for each individual session.Hal is also credited with popularising the 'disco beat' after he recorded a 'pshh-shup' sound by opening and closing the hi-hat at appropriate intervals on Johnny Rivers' 1966 hit 'Poor Side of Town'. The effect had been widely used in jazz, but professional recording engineers disliked it because of its resemblance to white noise. The Wrecking Crew's motto was TTMAR: 'Take the money and run.' But they - and Blaine not least - seldom closed the studio door behind them without having left something of themselves on the recording tape. Blaine was married five times. His survivors include his daughter, Michelle and seven grandchildren.

'You're going to be reborn. And, then you'll be the bane of the unjust. The band of the corrupt. The bane of anyone who opposes us.'From The North favourite Gotham's latest episode would, in previous series, probably have taken up a plot-arc of half-a-dozen parts or more. But, with a mere couple of episodes of the series to go, things are, perhaps inevitably, getting compressed into tightly-crafted forty two minute chunks. Reviews of the episode - I Am Bane - can be found here, here, here and here. This blogger, as usual, thought it was great. The series final two episodes will be broadcast on 18 and 25 April.
All dear blog readers are hereby directed to a splendid interview with Resolution's Charlotte Ritchie, here which is, this blogger considers, well worth a few moments of your time.
According to national heartthrob David Tennant, another actress was 'almost' cast as The Doctor's companion for series four in 2008 before the decision to bring back Catherine Tate was made. Which, of course, we all knew anyway since considerable space was given to the process in Russell Davies and Ben Cook's book The Writer's Tale. Tate, who played Donna Noble throughout 2008 and returned to Doctor Who, briefly in 2010 for Tennant's finale, was initially intended purely to star in the BBC's popular long-running family SF drama's 2007 Christmas special, The Runaway Bride. But, while the producers wanted to see more of Tate, they doubted the actress would have the time or the inclination to sign on for a full series - lining-up another actress to take a different part. The 'revelations'(which aren't, actually, revelations at all or anything even remotely like it) were heard on the latest edition of David Tennant Does A Podcast With ... Speaking to Tate, Tennant said: 'None of us expected you to say yes. There was another actress lined-up, but she doesn't know this. Our executive producer, Julie Gardner, was going to have lunch with Catherine and see if she wanted to come back for a whole series. Obviously she won't, so on Monday we're going to send out the offer to play this character. There was a character breakdown and everything. It was a formality.' Yes, David, we know - she was to be called Penny Carter, a recently jilted journalist whose grandfather was part of an Alien Watch Group. When Catherine agreed to return as Donna, the Penny plans were scrapped, although a journalist character with that name (played by Verona Joseph) did appear in series four's opening episode, Partners In Crime. And, Penny's grandfather quickly mutated into the character of Donna's grandfather, Wilf. Tate replied that she was 'surprised' when she was asked back to the show. 'I remember exactly, Julie took me out to lunch,' she said. 'My jaw genuinely dropped open because at no point did I expect her to say that. And I thought it'd be a really good thing to do. I thought it'd be a one-off thing, I absolutely loved doing The Runaway Bride, but I didn't, for a minute think.' Before doing the show full-time, Tate admitted that had not really watched the show. 'Doctor Who wasn't my thing, I knew it from when I was growing up,' she said. 'But, I heard it was coming back with Russell T Davies, who I loved from Queer As Folk. I turn on to see the episode where Rose was a baby and it's all set in the 1980s. I'm thinking "This is absolutely shocking, the production values haven't changed at all!" It was a fundamental misunderstanding, but I remember thinking "this is appalling."' And this blogger is sure that the writer of the episode in question, Father's Day, his old mate Paul Cornell, will be delighted by those comments! It was not, in fact, until relatively recently that Tate said she finally understood just how 'uge Doctor Who was. 'I didn't know anything about it,' she said. 'I don't think I realised until last year how popular this show is. Genuinely no idea. I've experienced things at conventions I didn't think I would. There's a level of intensity. You're shocked and delighted and amazed at it.' Yeah, that certainly sounds like a few conventions this blogger has attended.
It notably returned to more stand-alone storytelling with Jodie Whittaker's debut series, but modern Doctor Who once had a reputation for dealing in complex, intricately-planned story arcs. But back in The Old Day, it was quite different. If not, necessarily, better. Tom Baker's final series (1980 to 1981) is out now on Blu-ray but, whilst the stories - The Leisure Hive, Meglos, Full Circle, State Of Decay, Warriors' Gate, The Keeper Of Traken and Baker's swansong Logopolis - are beloved by many fans, this blogger very much included, the series' then-script editor Christopher H Bidmead has admitted that little thought went into planning a series-arc. 'We were writing this stuff as it came, there was no serious planning of how the whole thing would be shaped,' said Bidmead, speaking at a BFI event. 'It's not how you'd do the thing today, with a writers' room and proper planning of how the different stories were going to interweave with each other and the through-line. We were really making it up as we went along!' Bidmead was Doctor Who's script editor for just the one series - a very good one, let it be noted - and said that he finds it 'extraordinary' there is 'still continued interest' in the work he did almost forty years ago. 'You didn't sit down and plan a season - you had to write the next script!' he revealed. 'You got that done and then you had to do the next script. The turnover was so enormous that there was none of that sort of forward planning. It would've been amazing, but we never had that - we never had the budget, or the time, we were just kind of rushing it out.' Any 'themes' allegedly present during series eighteen, in particular. can actually be credited to the fans, Bidmead insisted. 'The fans come along and they put the structure in for you. That's so exciting, that's wonderful.' Bidmead also admitted that he would sometimes clash with Mad Tom over the actor's desire to ad-lib and deviate from the scripts. 'We fought all that like Hell and tried to put a stop to it,' Bidmead recalled. 'If we saw Tom doing something that was not in the script, we would come down and we'd have words with him; quite loud words sometimes. He wasn't allowed to improvise.' Bidmead admitted that he was 'arrogant' as a young script editor, adding: 'I believed that once I got the job, I understood the show with a deep clarity that nobody else had, and certainly not Tom. Not Tom of that era anyway. Tom's view of the character was of no interest to me at all.' Baker was also romantically involved with his co-star Lalla Ward, which fellow cast regular Matthew Waterhouse acknowledged led to tensions. 'There were certainly tensions between Tom and Lalla, which affected the atmosphere in the rehearsal room,' Waterhouse claimed. 'It wasn't a bundle of laughs. I'm very fond of them both, but it wasn't an easy relationship and it wasn't easy, as a very young person, to observe.' Waterhouse said Mad Tom's 'whole performance would change depending on his particular frame of mind in the moment,' but the actor was 'more relaxed' once Ward had left the show midway through the series in one of this blogger's favourite Doctor Who stories, Warriors' Gate. 'The atmosphere was so different, and to be honest, so much more relaxed,' Waterhouse said. Margot Hayhoe, the production manager on Logopolis, also noted that Mad Tom's demeanour seemed to have 'improved' by the time he filmed his final episodes. She admitted: 'I was actually terrified, because he had a certain reputation for being a little difficult sometimes. But he was absolutely fine. I think it helped that it was his last one; he wanted to leave on a good note.'
American Gods has been recommissioned for the third series. Starz announced, only one episode into the fantasy drama's second series, that the adaptation of Neil Gaiman's novel will be getting a third year. The timing is exactly the same as during American Gods first series, two years ago when the commissioning of the current, second, series was announced the day after the opening episode had been broadcast. But, who will be showrunning American Gods series three? Usually, when a TV show gets as far as a third series renewal, it is pretty obvious who will be running the ship. But, given that American Gods original showrunners Bryan Fuller and Michael Green left after the first series and then Jesse Alexander, who took over for Fuller and Green, stepped down halfway through the production of series two, it's a valid question. According to the official press release, Chic Eglee will be the new showrunner. Eglee has previously written for Dexter and The Shield, as well as co-created Dark Angel with James Cameron. 'I'm thrilled American Gods has been renewed for a third season, and even more thrilled that I'm getting to work on it with Chic Eglee,' said Gaiman. 'Chic is the best partner-in-crime. We’ve been working for weeks now on the shape of the season and I'm delighted that he gets to carry the American Gods torch on to glory. Thank you to Fremantle, Starz and Amazon for having faith in the series, to Bryan, Michael and Jesse for bringing it this far, to all the cast and crew and most of all to the viewers. It's their love of the characters that took us to this point, and will take us on to the next chapter.'
So, that was some proper good news for fans - particularly after all of the horror stories about the production of the second series had been doing the rounds. Meanwhile, this week's episode was a jolly good one - a clever juxtaposition of Shadow's (long-awaited) origin story and an amusingly violent road-trip for the late Laura and Mad Sweeney. You can check out a review of the episode here.
'Honey, I just travelled all the way from Jersey to Barcelona, cut open a priest, climbed inside him and landed in a snow globe. And now, I'm standing here talking to a friggin' Robotman!' The preview disc for the fifth episode of the DC Universe's increasingly impressive Doom Patrol also arrived at Stately Telly Topping Manor this week. Again, top quality entertainment; a terrific cast - Tim Dalton, Alan Tudyk, Brendan Fraser, Diane Guerrero among others - and a script that takes just the right amount of liberties with the (already pretty wacky) source material and manages to create something funny, exciting and charming all at the same time. The plot: Mister Nobody releases Caulder from captivity so that the two can work together to stop The Decreator. Nobody travels back in time to 1977 and uses one of Crazy Jane's multiple personalities, Doctor Harrison whose superpower is persuasion, to recruit a Cult Of The Rewritten Book which will create a counterpart to Elliot that can oppose The Decreator. Mad! As! Toast! There's a very good review of the episode here.
One can always tell whenever Only Connect is coming towards the end of a series, dear blog reader. Because - as the divine Victoria her very self will regularly note - around the quarter-final stage (which began this week), the questions start getting, in short, rock hard. Or, at least, rock harder than they normally are. As evidenced in the latest episode by the fact that this blogger - who can usually manage to get the answer to at least one question per week before either of the teams - ended Monday's episode with a big, fat zero to his name. Nowt. Not a sausage. Bugger all.
Jodie Comer has beaten her Killing Eve co-star Sandra Oh to be named best female actor at this year's Royal Television Society awards. Lesley Manville, Lorraine Kelly and Romesh Ranganathan were among others honoured at the London event. Lennie James was awarded for writing Sky Atlantic's Save Me, which was also named best drama series. Comer, who plays a female assassin in Killing Eve, said that she felt 'fortunate' to work in a show with a female writer. 'A woman understands another woman in a way that not all men, but a lot of men maybe, can't,' she told reporters. The first series of Killing Eve was adapted by Fleabag's Phoebe Waller-Bridge from a series of novellas by Luke Jennings. Other winners on Tuesday included Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith, whose work on Inside Number Nine saw them share the male comedy performance award. The BBC won fifteen awards all on what director general Tony Hall said had been 'a great night for British creativity.' These included awards for Lesley Manville in Mum, A Very English Scandal, Drowning In Plastic, Killed By My Debt and Match Of The Day's coverage of England's World Cup quarter final win over Sweden. Originally founded as the Television Society in 1927, the RTS is an educational charity with more than four thousand members. It is open to anyone 'with an interest in the medium' and not specifically those with links to the industry.
Steven Knight - the man behind From The North favourite Peaky Blinders - has revealed plans for series six of the BBC hit drama. Knight 'sent fans into meltdown' when he spoke at a Creative England event held in Digbeth this week. He reportedly'dropped huge hints' to the audience about his plans for a sixth series of the BAFTA-winning drama. Series five wrapped filming in January and is due to be broadcast on BBC1 soon. But, despite the show being Birmingham-based, the majority of filming is carried out in the North of England - with occasional scenes filmed at the Black Country Museum. The event, held to celebrate the region's creativity, saw Knight reportedly tell fans that series six will be filmed in and around Birmingham - and a search for suitable locations has already begun. He is said to have 'vowed' to the audience that he 'would shoot it here.' The drama began filming its fifth series in Manchester last September, before moving to Stoke-on-Trent in November. Knight revealed in November that the Shelby family will take on a notorious Glasgow crime boss in series five. Steven said: 'We have someone playing a fictionalised version of a real Glasgow character who was around in East Glasgow, Billy Fullerton. The man who ran The Billy Boys. Truth be told, the Glasgow gangs were pretty much the most feared so I thought it was time we went North of the border. It's due to be aired in late spring. It'll be the best yet.'Hunger Games star Sam Claflin will be joining the series as Oswald Mosley, who will 'come into conflict' with Tommy Shelby. Anya Taylor-Joy, Brian Gleeson, Neil Maskell, Kate Dickie Emmett J Scanlan, Cosmo Jarvis, Charlene McKenna, Andrew Koji, Elliot Cowan and Daryl McCormack have also joined the act. Little is known about the plot for the new series, apart from the fact that it will explore the 1929 financial crisis, along with Tommy's new role as the MP for Birmingham South and how he navigates the political sphere, specifically his relationship with Mosley, at the time the series is set still a respected member of the Labour cabinet still a few months away from his - rapid - move to the far-right.
An Angel reunion of some description may be on the horizon. Appearing on Tuesday's The Talk, David Boreanaz hinted that there are plans to in some way commemorate the Buffy The Vampire Slayer spin-off's twentieth anniversary this autumn. 'We're coming up on our twenty years,' Boreanaz noted. 'That's amazing to have been blessed with a show like that. That's really where I started my gig in this acting world. I love that character. So I will say there may be something coming up. I don't want to give away a lot. It's twenty years coming up this fall and we may have something in the works.'Angel made its WB debut in October 1999 and ran for five - superb - series and one hundred and ten episodes. The cast also included the divine Goddess that is Charisma Carpenter, Alexis Denisof, J August Richards, Amy Acker, James Marsters and the late Glenn Quinn and Andy Hallett. Last year at New York Comic-Con, Boreanaz - who is currently starring on CBS'SEAL Team - came out in support for the in the works Buffy revival. 'It's a good thing,' he told the audience. 'Let's just embrace [it]. I'm very happy for them. They want to embrace a new generation, something new. Everybody wants old, they want to go back, which I can understand,' he continued. 'You want to see us back in these roles. It's great, it's cool, [but] things move on, stories evolve, times change. I think it's a great opportunity for a reboot like this to show where we are with society now, what you can do with technology. I'm all for it.'
Emilia Clarke has spoken about the reaction she received from the public over her nude scenes in Game Of Thrones. Daenerys has appeared in more bare-nekked scenes over the course of Thrones' seven series than anyone else and this is something which Emilia claims she has had to defend. Speaking to the Sun ahead of next month's series eight premiere, she explained: 'There's not one part of the show that I would go back and redo. People ask me the nudity question all the time. But the short answer is no, I would never change anything. You had to see those sex scenes, as they couldn't just be explained.' The actress faced considerable backlash during the show's sixth series, following a scene where her character emerged from a burning temple with her clothes melted away. Albeit, not from anyone that you've actually heard of or, indeed, care about. 'I just wanted to come out and do an empowered scene that wasn't sexual - it was naked, but it was strong,' she claimed. 'I get a lot of crap for having done nude scenes and sex scenes. That, in itself, is so anti-feminist. Women hating on other women is just the problem. That's upsetting.' Emilia added that 'plenty of other TV shows' feature sexual themes and nudity, including dystopian drama The Handmaid's Tale: 'That is all sex and nudity. There are so many shows centred around this very true fact that people reproduce. People fuck for pleasure, it's part of life.'
Meanwhile, Emilia has revealed she had to undergo brain surgery between two series of Game Of Thrones. Writing in The New Yorker, Clarke said that she suffered from two 'life-threatening' aneurysms. The actress underwent surgery twice, leading to 'terrible anxiety' and panic attacks. Despite thinking that she would die, Clarke has now recovered beyond her 'most unreasonable hopes.' Clarke experienced her first aneurysm in 2011. She had been working out before collapsing in a toilet with 'shooting, stabbing, constricting pain.' Doctors diagnosed her with having a subarachnoid haemorrhage, from which a third of sufferers die immediately or soon after. After the surgery, a condition called aphasia set in, meaning she could not communicate and feared her acting career was over. 'In my worst moments, I wanted to pull the plug,' she said. 'I asked the medical staff to let me die.' She recovered enough to return to filming series two of Game Of Thrones but said: 'I was often so woozy, so weak, that I thought I was going to die.' In 2013, while performing for a play in New York, she received brain surgery for a second aneurysm on the other side of her brain. This surgery was far more intrusive, meaning her skull had to be opened. 'I looked as though I had been through a war more gruesome than any Daenerys experienced,' said Clarke. Her piece in The New Yorker is the first time she has spoken about her experience. She says she is now 'at a hundred per cent' and has helped develop a charity that supports people recovering from brain injuries and strokes.
NBC has confirmed that it has renewed From The North favourite The Blacklist for a seventh series. The fact that it did so the day after an episode which ended on a cliffhanger with lead character Reddington seconds from execution by lethal injection could, perhaps, be taken as a slice of dramatic irony on the part of the network. The announcement had, reportedly, been in the works for some time. Standard broadcast series' cast contracts in the US are usually for six years. James Spader is reported to have renegotiated his deal early, adding an extra year, the rest of the drama's original cast members' contracts were up at the end of the current sixth series. Over the past several months, Sony TV has signed new deals with Megan Boone, Diego Klatenhoff and Harry Lennix, thus securing the core cast ahead of seventh year renewal. The Blacklist was a massive hit when it debuted on NBC in 2013 on Monday prime time. It took a hit when the network relocated it to shore up Thursday nights in series two, using a post-Super Bowl slot to give it a boost. Whilst The Blacklist never came close to the ratings heights of its first series, it has been a relatively consistent ratings performer even when switched again, to Fridays, boosted by solid DVR gains. Additionally, because of NBCUniversal's ownership in the show (initially twenty five per cent, increased to fifty per cent early in the series' run), NBC has a significant financial incentive to keep The Blacklist on the air. The show also is a big profits generator for Sony TV from international sales and the lucrative SVOD pact with Netflix.
Star Trek: Discovery will reportedly'lose two major characters' at the end of its current second series. The CBS series welcomed two new cast members in the form of Anson Mount and Rebecca Romijn in series two, who play the roles of classic Star Trek characters of Captain Christopher Pike and Number One respectively. However, Deadline is reporting that both Mount and Romijn will exit the show at the end of the series, in a move that will see Discovery 'come full circle and sync-up' with the timeline of the first ever Star Trek episode. It was recently confirmed that the series had been renewed for a third series with writer Michelle Paradise promoted to co-showrunner for the third year.
The premiere date for Line Of Duty's fifth series has been announced by the BBC. The highly-anticipated new run of the popular drama programme will start on Sunday 31 March on BBC1. The announcement comes two weeks after the series'first trailer was unveiled. Vicky McClure, Martin Compston and Adrian Dunbar are all confirmed to be returning, as well as Maneet Bindra, Polly Walker, Andrea Irvine and Aiysha Hart. Stephen Graham will play a character who is a person of interest for AC-Twelve. 'The fifth series will see "a significant format change" as, instead of focusing on a single corrupt police officer, the show will focus on "an organised crime group." That is the fresh ground that we break in the series,' creator Jed Mercurio said earlier this year. 'We've had these shadowy figures, The Balaclava Men, who are part of an organised crime group and have featured on-and-off all through the previous four seasons. But we've never really gone behind the mask and identified them as proper characters and found out about them.'
David Dimbleby is to return to BBC1 just months after quitting as the presenter of Question Time - this time as guest host of Have I Got News For You. The presenter has not been seen on screen since stepping down from the current affairs programme after twenty four years but will be back on Friday 4 April to host the long-running satirical TV show. He said: 'It is an intriguing invitation. When chairing Question Time I became used to dealing with difficult panellists but Ian Hislop and Paul Merton are another matter. They have turned disruptive subversion into an art form. It will be quite a challenge to keep the show on the road but whatever happens it will be fun.' The eighty-year-old will be joined by journalist and documentary film-maker Stacey Dooley and From The North favourite the comedian Henning Wehn, along with Hislop and Merton, for the first episode of the show's latest nine-week run. Dimbleby retired from Question Time at the end of 2018 and was replaced by Fiona Bruce. However, there is a chance that he could return to screens in the event of a snap general erection being held this year, with a lack of clarity over whether he has formally handed control of the BBC's erection night results coverage to longtime understudy Huw Edwards. Dimblebs departure from Question Time - and his brother Jonathan's decision to step down from Radio 4's Any Questions? - means the UK is set to be without a major current affairs show hosted by a member of the Dimbleby family for the first time since time began.
Emily Maitlis will become the new lead presenter of BBC2's Newsnight after Evan Davis's departure. Kirsty Wark will have 'an enhanced role' on the programme while 5Live presenter Emma Barnett joins as a new presenter, the BBC confirmed. The announcement comes a month after Maitlis won network presenter of the year at the RTS TV Journalism Awards. Davis left the programme last year to take over from Eddie Mair as the lead presenter of PM on BBC Radio 4. Maitlis said that she was 'delighted to be moving into this role at a time when Newsnight feels so pivotal to our understanding of this extraordinary moment in British history.' Barnett will continue to present her daily morning show on 5Live in addition to her Newsnight presenter shifts. 'I can't wait to get started at Newsnight at a time when no one can predict the next hour in British politics, never mind the next evening,' Barnett said. This marks the first time the programme has had an all-female presenting team and follows the appointment of Fiona Bruce as David Dimbleby's successor on Question Time. The new presenter line-up on Newsnight will take effect immediately. Esmé Wren, the programme's editor, said: 'This is a tremendous presenter line-up that sends out a clear signal about the programme's growing ambition. All three presenters bring substantial political clout and a wealth of expertise across a broad range of subjects.'
The cast of Four Weddings & A Funeral reunited for the first time in twenty five years to help Comic Relief raise sixty three million knicker. In the mini-sequel, Rowan Atkinson returned as the bumbling vicar - this time presiding over the daughter of the two original leads, Carrie (Andie MacDowell) and Charles (Hugh Grant). Miranda, played by Lily James, was seen marrying the daughter of Fiona (Dame Kristen Scott Thomas). The telethon also saw the return of Keeley Hawes in a Bodyguard spin-off. The Four Weddings sketch - One Red Nose Day & A Wedding - also starred Alicia Vikander, who won an Oscar for her role in The Danish Girl, as Miranda's new wife. Sam Smith made a cameo as one of the wedding singers in the short film, presided over by Comic Relief co-founder Richard Curtis, writer of the original film. There were plenty of jokey references to Four Weddings, including its most-quoted line - as Grant's character claimed that he 'hadn't noticed' it was raining. This year's charity telethon also saw Hawes return as Home Secretary Julia Montague, who appeared to have been killed off during series one of Bodyguard. Her co-star Richard Madden had already been given a new job - protecting a new prime minister, played by Joanna Lumley - and was with her in a car when Montague was found in the boot. On seeing Hawes, Madden said: 'You're dead.' Hawes replied: 'Am I?' By the end of the broadcast, more than sixty three million quid had been raised. The last Red Nose Day, two years ago, raised seventy one million by the end of the evening. This year's Red Nose Day telethon also saw a minor dip in overnight ratings, with an average of 5.6 million viewers tuning in live - roughly six hundred thousand fewer overnight viewers compared to 2017. The highest amount the event has raised so far was one hundred and eight million smackers in 2011, once all the pledges had been redeemed. Half the money raised from Comic Relief goes to causes in the UK and half to those around the world. The fundraising TV show also featured an appearance from Little Mix - they're a popular beat combo, yer honour - who looked less than impressed when former shadow chancellor Ed Balls had a go at singing one of their biggest hits, 'Shout Out To My Ex'. The popular beat combo and the Strictly Come Dancing favourite were among a number of celebrities who climbed Africa's highest mountain, Kilimanjaro, to raise more than two million notes towards the show's final total. Former England football captain David Beckham again teamed up with that odious Corden individual to 'poke fun' at his own previous fashion choices, in a comic video monologue at the start of the night. So, if you missed that bit, that you didn't miss much of any consequence. Jennifer Saunders took part in mock musical Mamma Mia! Here We Go Yet Again, also featuring Sue Perkins, Carey Mulligan, Alan Carr and Gemma Arterton which, sad to report, was about as funny as a good hard eye-watering kick in the Jacob's Cream Crackers.
The BBC director general, Tony Hall, is to meet executives at Huawei next week, 'raising concerns among some journalists at the corporation about the broadcaster’s coverage of the Chinese technology company.' At least according to a rather atypical shit-stirring piece by some Middle Class hippy Communist of no consequence at the Gruniad Morning Star. BBC News journalists have 'raised concerns' about the potential conflict between the corporation's need to provide independent and critical coverage of China with the rest of the organisation's financial need to sign commercial deals with Chinese businesses, with 'some' - ie. the two or three who whinged to the Grunaid - 'seeing Hall's visit as a PR win for Huawei.' A BBC spokesperson confirmed that Hall would meet executives, with the meeting expected to take place at the company's headquarters in Shenzhen. Britain has a government department overseen by GCHQ to test the Chinese company's hardware, while Donald Rump has issued a blanket US government ban on the purchase of its technology. UK government ministers have also discussed the national security implications of Huawei's role in upgrading Britain's communications infrastructure and the extent to which legislation in China could compel Chinese companies active in the UK to assist with intelligence work. 'China and the wider region is obviously an important market for the BBC, both for our commercial businesses as well as for BBC News,' said a spokesperson. 'Tony is going to open our new bureau in Hong Kong, visit the Beijing bureau and will see a range of people to understand the changing nature of the tech market as well as meeting commercial clients.' The BBC is already expanding in China. BBC Studios, the corporation’s commercial arm, has offices in Shanghai and Beijing, while the corporation also has a growing partnership with Shanghai Media Group to distribute Doctor Who in China. Hall is expected to meet representatives of other big Chinese businesses while on his trip, including companies such as the Amazon rival Alibaba.
The BBC chair has suggested that the system of media regulation is 'no longer fit for the modern age,' after the corporation was forced to delay plans to make more programmes available for up to a year on iPlayer. Audiences used to watching programmes as box-sets on Netflix are 'becoming increasingly frustrated' that most BBC programmes are only available on catch-up for thirty days. The public broadcaster wants to make more shows available on iPlayer for longer, but has been told by the media regulator, Ofcom - a politically-appointed quango, elected by no one - to 'conduct a public-interest test' into the proposals, in the belief it could harm commercial television rivals. Sir David Clementi told an audience on Monday that iPlayer's thirty-day catch-up window is 'one of the main complaints' he hears from licence fee payers. The BBC chair said: 'Netflix currently updates its app over fifty times a year with no need for regulatory approval and can stream content for as long as they negotiate with rights holders. It's a market in which to stand still is to go rapidly backwards.' He told the Oxford Media Convention that many parts of the existing regulation system were designed to stop the BBC 'trampling over its commercial rivals' in an era when UK TV channels were competing for audiences. Clementi believes these regulations are out of date because the BBC itself is being massively outspent by the likes of Netflix, who are capturing younger viewers and drawing away top stars. 'The current regulatory system has its origins in an era where the BBC was seen as the big beast in the jungle, the big beast against whom all others needed protection. But that view of the world has now passed. Increasingly, our major competitors are well-funded international giants - Netflix, Spotify, Facebook, YouTube - whose financial resources dwarf our own,' Clementi said. 'We need to look again at whether regulation, born in a UK-centric linear era, remains fit for the global, digital age. The explosion of choice from the new online players has undoubtedly been a good thing for UK consumers. But in embracing the new we should also celebrate, and protect, what is good about our existing broadcast ecology.' The BBC has an uneasy relationship with streaming companies such as Netflix and Amazon Prime, sometimes co-producing big-budget dramas with the services in order to save costs, while at the same time eyeing the streaming services' ever-growing audiences as an existential threat to the licence fee model.
The creator of Fireman Sam has said that he 'can't see' how the children's show has a stereotype problem and puts women off joining the service. It comes after senior fire officer, Alex Johnson - who is, obviously, not mental - told the Daily Torygraph'most of the job is nothing like it is portrayed' in the show. No shit? And nor is it like the portrayal in Trumpton either. What are the odds? It has sparked debate on social media about whether the show is 'sexist.' David Jones, who created the show set in the fictional Welsh town Pontypandy, said there was nothing he would change. Jones who is, himself, a former-firefighter, began working on the idea for Fireman Sam in the 1980s after he heard Mike Young on BBC Radio 2 talking about his cartoon project SuperTed. 'It is for children. It wasn't meant to be advertised as a recruiting post,' an exasperated Jones said. 'Someone doesn't join the fire service when they watch Fireman Sam. They wouldn't be the right people for the job if that was their mentality.' Jones sold the programme, illustrated by Rob Lee from Cardiff, to Mattel in 2002. Johnson, the temporary deputy chief fire officer for South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service - who is campaigning to attract more women into the fire service - said that women and 'people from different backgrounds' (whatever that means) do not consider the role because 'they aren't seeing themselves represented.' Meanwhile, the London Fire Brigade, using 'Firefighting Sexism' in its campaign, tweeted that the involvement of Penny Morris, a firefighting character in Fireman Sam, was 'devalued.' Jones maintains there is 'nothing he would change about' the show and said that in his fourteen years as a firefighter, rushing into buildings on fire was 'part of the job. A fireman is someone who runs into fire or towards danger when other people run away,' he said. 'There has been no harm done from Fireman Sam, it has only done good and I am very proud to have created it.' The show was broadcast for the first time in November 1987 on Welsh TV channel S4C and is shown in more than one hundred and fifty countries across the world. Almost none of whom have ever complained about any aspect of it.
Sky New Zealand has pulled fellow broadcaster Sky News Australia off-air until the channel stops broadcasting clips from the Christchurch mosque shooter's Facebook live stream. And, hopefully, develops a conscience. So, it might be a bit of a wait in that case. In a tweet posted on Saturday morning, Sky New Zealand, an independently-owned broadcaster, said that it had decided to remove the Australian twenty four-hour news channel from its platform because of the 'distressing' footage. 'We stand in support of our fellow New Zealanders and have made the decision to remove Sky News Australia from our platform until we are confident that the distressing footage from yesterday's events will not be shared.' Despite a plea from New Zealand police, billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch's Australian pay-TV channel was among the broadcasters that chose to screen Go-Pro footage shot by the man who slaughtered forty nine people at two mosques in Christchurch on Friday. 'Police are aware there is extremely distressing footage relating to the incident in Christchurch circulating online,' the police said in a statement. 'We would strongly urge that the link not be shared. We are working to have any footage removed.' Brenton Tarrant was alleged to have filmed a seventeen-minute Facebook video which included his drive to the mosque, his arsenal of weapons and graphic scenes of his murderous rampage. Media organisations that have used the film stopped the video as he entered the mosque. Facebook, YouTube and Twitter have removed the footage but new copies are still constantly being uploaded. Sky News Australia has been broadcasting the footage repeatedly, sparking anger and disgust on social media. It was also shown via Sky News Australia on screens in Qantas airways lounges at airports. A spokeswoman for Sky New Zealand told the Gruniad Morning Star Australia the company was in negotiations with Sky News Australia as to when the channel would be restored to the platform. 'We stand in support of our fellow New Zealanders and do not wish to show the distressing footage that has been shared at this time. We will resume service when available,' a social media spokeswoman said on Twitter. 'All other news channels are still available. BBC World and CNN are available on SKY GO.' Sky New Zealand attempted to calm anger over Sky's repeated use of the footage by assuring the public it was a separate company owned by New Zealanders and was not affiliated with News Corp. Sky News Australia said later on Saturday that it 'provides a live feed into New Zealand on the SKY television platform. As the live rolling events of the Christchurch shooting unfolded, an editorial decision was made by Sky News Australia to offer sports programming to SKY NZ in place of Sky News Australia's live feed to ensure any footage or reporting did not compromise the ongoing investigations taking place in New Zealand. Sky News Australia acted responsibly and prudently in replacing the service as soon as it was able to early yesterday evening after consulting with SKY NZ management.' On Friday a Sky News Australia spokesman had claimed: 'Sky News in line with other broadcasters ran heavily edited footage that did not show the shootings or the victims.' Another Australian channel, Network Ten, defended its decision to embed parts of the video on its Ten Daily platform as part of its news coverage on Friday. 'We are appalled and deeply saddened by the tragic events in Christchurch today,' a spokeswoman said. 'Like other media outlets, Ten Daily showed footage of the gunman walking towards the door of the mosque. We warned about the nature of the vision in the accompanying story. We did not show any vision from inside the mosque.' So, that's all right, then. Sometimes, dear blog reader, words utterly fail this blogger. But, not for long. The public broadcaster ABC did not use the audio or the footage from the Go-Pro camera but did show images from it on-air and online. The edited video was heavily promoted on all News Corp websites, with warnings about 'distressing' content.
From The North's semi-regular Headline Of The Week award goes to the Gruniad Morning Star's Molly Moss who asks that most vexed of questions, Why Does Coronation Street Keep Exploding Its Lesbians?
Julianne Moore was sacked from Oscar-nominated film Can You Ever Forgive Me? because she wanted to wear a fat suit, its star Richard E Grant has claimed. According to Grant, Moore also wanted to wear a false nose to play literary forger Lee Israel - but the film's then director did not approve. 'Nicole Holofcener said "you're not going to do that,"' Grant told an audience in London on Wednesday. Moore revealed this month that she was fired from the film without giving any further details. 'I think she didn't like what I was doing,' Moore said of Holofcener, who did not end up directing the film. Moore's departure was previously attributed to unspecified 'creative differences.' Melissa McCarthy eventually played Israel in the film. Brilliantly. Speaking at an Advertising Week Europe event in London, Grant said that Helena Bonham Carter and Sam Rockwell were also attached to the film before he became involved. Grant, known for his roles in Withnail & I, Downton Abbey and Doctor Who, received an Oscar nomination for his role as Jack Hock, Israel's inebriated accomplice. Irish actor Chris O'Dowd had been due to play the part opposite Moore, only to find out 'at the last minute' the shoot would not be going ahead. During a free-wheeling talk on Wednesday, Grant also revealed that he had received a phone call from Geri Halliwell the previous day. He did not disclose what they spoke about, but joked he could fill in for Victoria Beckham when the band embark on their reunion tour. Grant added that he still had some of the costumes he wore to play Clifford, the group's uptight manager, in 1997 film Spice World. The actor said his 2014 appearance in US TV show Girls had only come about because its creator, Lena Dunham, had been a fan of the Spice World film. 'Then Adele sent me tickets to her sold-out concert at the O2 because she knew me from Spice World, so it's a double win,' he continued.
Most bodacious news for fans of the Bill & Ted movies, the comedy duo will 'definitely' be going on a third adventure next year. Just a mere thirty years after the last one! Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, the stars of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, revealed the news in a video message live from The Hollywood Bowl. The sequel will be released thirty one years after the 1989 original, which followed two - rather endearing, if extremely dim - Californian slackers travelling through time to enable them to pass a history exam. Titled Bill & Ted Face the Music, it will hit cinemas in August 2020. Now ageing rockers in their band, Wyld Stallyns, Bill and Ted's inability to fulfil their prophecy to save the universe via rock and/or roll music will be tackled in the new movie. News that a script had been written for a third film was revealed first at the Cannes film festival last year. A lot has changed since the last film was released. Reeves has long since transitioned from being a comedy actor into an action movie star best known for the likes of John Wick, Speed and The Matrix. And, for managing to pull off the single worst English accent in the history of cinema in Bram Stoker's Dracula. Meanwhile Winter has primarily worked as a director for the last two decades with only occasional acting gigs. Last year, Winter said making the Bill & Ted movies had been 'therapeutic' and proved 'helpful' to him, while he was coming to terms with childhood sexual abuse. Winter, now fifty three, says he was sexually abused as a child actor in the 1970s by a man who is now dead. 'I absolutely feel like a survivor,' he told 5Live's odious grumpy horrorshow (and drag) Adrian Chiles. Speaking about making the first film in 1989, he said: 'The movies are what they are, they're silly and all that, I don't hold them in overly high estimation as works of art or anything, but we had a lot of fun making them. But, for me personally, in terms of the experience it was really, really helpful for me mentally. And it was a great environment. The world of Bill & Ted is a very sweet and fun place to run around in.' The news that Bill & Ted 3 is officially a go follows an intriguing report on the Forrest Gump sequel that never was. In an interview with Yahoo Entertainment, screenwriter Eric Roth revealed the unmade film would have featured OJ Simpson, Princess Diana and the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing had it not been axed in the wake of the 9/11 terror attacks. So, by the sound of it, that's one reason to be grateful to Osama Bin Liner.
Reality TV-regular and crass self-publicist Katie Price has denied being abusive outside a school. Price is charged with one count of using threatening and abusive words or behaviour outside a primary school in Shipley last September. Crawley Magistrates' Court heard that she was 'involved in a verbal altercation' with Michelle Pentecost, the girlfriend of her ex-husband Kieran Hayler. When read the charge to her, Price replied: 'Definitely not guilty.' The former model is due to stand trial at Horsham Magistrates' Court on 3 June. A second charge of using threatening or abusive words or behaviour was dropped. Prosecutor Georgina Kent told the court that Price had used foul language towards Pentecost and another woman next to the school playground on 6 September. The court heard the argument had been witnessed by two teachers. Price, who stood in the dock holding her mobile phone, had been due to appear before magistrates in Crawley on 13 March but - as was widely reported at the time - failed to turn up. When reminded by chairman of the bench, Serena Stewart, of the importance of attending the trial in June, Price replied: 'I will definitely be attending, don't worry about that.'
Lorraine Kelly has won a row over a million smackers tax bill, after a judge ruled she was not employed by ITV, but 'performs' as her 'chatty' TV persona. Kelly, who presents Lorraine on weekday mornings, received the national insurance and income tax bill from the tax office in 2016. HMRC claimed the Scottish broadcaster was an ITV employee, but she said she was a freelancer. The judge ruled in Kelly's favour that she was 'a self-employed star.' The case centres on a contract that Kelly signed in 2012 - through a company she runs with her husband - to present Lorraine, as well as her former show Daybreak which ended in 2014 when Good Morning Britain was relaunched. Four years later, she was sent a bill of nearly nine hundred thousand knicker in income tax and more than three hundred grand in national insurance contributions. Kelly appealed against tax authority HMRC and the case was heard by the first-tier tax tribunal. Judge Jennifer Dean ruled that the relationship that Kelly had with ITV was 'a contract for services and not that of employer and employee.' The tribunal found that Kelly did not receive staff benefits such as holiday or sick pay and was 'allowed to carry out other work.' The judge said that Kelly 'could' be classed as 'a theatrical artist,' which would mean any payments to an agent would be allowed as a tax-deductible expense. Judge Dean said: 'We did not accept that Ms Kelly simply appeared as herself - we were satisfied that Ms Kelly presents a persona of herself, she presents herself as a brand and that is the brand ITV sought when engaging her. All parts of the show are a performance, the act being to perform the role of a friendly, chatty and fun personality. Quite simply put, the programmes are entertaining, Ms Kelly is entertaining and the "DNA" referred to is the personality, performance, the "Lorraine Kelly" brand that is brought to the programmes.' She added: 'We should make clear we do not doubt that Ms Kelly is an entertaining lady but the point is that, for the time Ms Kelly is contracted to perform live on-air, she is public "Lorraine Kelly." She may not like the guest she interviews, she may not like the food she eats, she may not like the film she viewed but that is where the performance lies.' Kelly - who this year marked her thirty fifth anniversary working in television - has been described as the queen of the breakfast TV sofa. The Glasgow-born broadcaster began her career at a local newspaper before joining BBC Scotland. In 1984 she landed the job as a roving Scotland correspondent for ITV's then breakfast television franchise TV-am. She went on to host GMTV and, after the gruesome twosome Chiles and Bleakley had been extremely fired, Daybreak, before her current slot on Lorraine. In 2012, she was included on the New Year's Honours List and was appointed an OBE for services to charity and the armed forces. She has been involved with many charities and took part in the one hundred kilometres BT Red Nose Desert Trek in Kenya, which raised money for Comic Relief projects. A spokesman for HMRC claimed that it was 'disappointed' with the ruling. 'We will carefully consider the outcome of the tribunal before deciding whether to appeal,' he said.
One of the UK's biggest suppliers of toilet and kitchen roll has been stockpiling about three-and-a-half million netty rolls in UK warehouses in preparation for a no-deal Brexit. And, the moment when everyone discovers what this crap is going to cost us and, as a consequence, shats themselves. The German firm Wepa said that it had been storing an extra six hundred tonnes of toilet and kitchen roll in the last three-to-four months to 'safeguard supplies in Britain,' in case the UK crashes out of the EU without an agreement on 29 March. The company has also built six weeks' supplies of the cardboard core used inside the rolls, as this cannot be sourced from the UK in sufficient quantities and is imported from EU countries in Eastern Europe and Scandinavia. The firm has also decided to charter ships to take toilet and kitchen roll from a supplier in Naples to Swansea, rather than relying on trucks carrying its products via the Calais-Dover route. Wepa is the latest company to unveil its preparations for a no-deal Brexit. Businesses ranging from car manufacturers to supermarkets and pharmaceutical firms have been stockpiling products and components as well as revising their supply routes. They fear that customs checks introduced after a no-deal Brexit would lead to lengthy delays and drive up the cost of materials. Wepa's UK managing director, Mike Docker, said: 'The industry is pretty reliant on imports. We've been planning for Brexit since August last year to make sure we maintain our levels of service. What we've concentrated on is a hard Brexit. That's the worst-case scenario for us, where we'd probably see major delays at the border.' The news comes a week after the chief executive of the supermarket chain Morrisons said its customers had begun stockpiling toilet roll and painkillers. Wepa said that demand for toilet and kitchen roll had gone up seven per cent in the past month, though this 'could also be affected by promotions in the supermarkets it supplies.' The company sells eighty thousand tonnes of toilet and kitchen roll - six hundred million rolls - to the main UK supermarkets including Tesco, Sainsbury's, Morrisons and the Co-op every year - a tenth of the total one billion knicker supply in Britain. Wepa is the biggest supplier of toilet and kitchen roll used by supermarkets for their own-brand products.
An online petition calling for soon-to-be-former prime minister Theresa May to cancel Brexit by revoking Article Fifty has passed three million signatures. Parliament's petitions committee tweeted that the rate of signatures was 'the highest the site has ever had to deal with,' after the website crashed. It comes as the soon-to-be-former prime minister was in Brussels to beg the EU for a delay to next Friday's Brexit date. Foreign Secretary The Vile & Odious Rascal Hunt told BBC Radio 4's Today programme that revoking Article Fifty was'possible' but 'highly unlikely.' Earlier Commons leader Andrea Leadsom sneered that she had 'been made aware' of an alleged 'technical problems' with the website, but she dismissed the petition as 'not being on the same scale' as the pro-Brexit vote in the 2016 referendum. 'Should it reach 17.4 million respondents then I am sure there will be a very clear case for taking action,' she told MPs. Well, that sounds like a challenge, dear blog readers. The place to vote, if you're wondering, can be found here. This blogger is not a particular fan of online petitions and has, in the past, been frequently exasperated with some of his friend's rather naive belief that an online petition can actually change the minds of anyone that matters. As this article proves, they never, ever do. That said, the sneering 'you lost, get over it' attitude of some of the leave side - as demonstrated by that loathsome reptile Leadsom's comments here - really grates this blogger's cheese to the point where, just this once, he hopes he's proved wrong. As bigly wrong, in fact, as a bigly wrong thing. The loathsome Leadsom added: 'It's absolutely right that people do have the opportunity to put their views and that can then spark yet another Brexit debate.' At one point, the petitions committee said there were nearly two thousand signatures a minute. In December, the European Court of Justice ruled that the UK can unilaterally revoke Article Fifty of the Treaty of the European Union. This means the UK can decide to stay in the EU without the consent of the twenty seven other member states. All it needs is for someone in a position of authority to, you know, actually do it. The petition currently has long since passed the one hundred thousand signatures that means it will be 'considered for debate.' Margaret Anne Georgiadou, who started the petition, told the BBC: 'I became - like every other Remainer - very frustrated that we've been silenced and ignored for so long. So I think now it's almost like a dam bursting, because we've been held back in a sense - it's almost like last chance saloon now. The government repeatedly claims exiting the EU is "the will of the people." We need to put a stop to this claim by proving the strength of public support now, for remaining in the EU.' She said the petition 'didn't do very well for a week. I nearly gave up but then I contacted a lot of people and it took off,' she added. The Article Fifty petition is not, yet, the most popular ever on the Parliament website. A petition for a second EU referendum in June 2016 attracted more than four million signatures and was debated in the Commons - but was, ultimately, ignored. A House of Commons spokesperson said the site crashed on Thursday morning because of 'a large and sustained load on the system.' One or two people even believed them.
A huge fireball exploded in the Earth's atmosphere in December, according to NASA. The blast was the second largest of its kind in thirty years and the biggest since the fireball over Chelyabinsk in Russia six years ago. But it went largely unnoticed until now because it blew up over the Bering Sea, off Russia's Kamchatka Peninsula. The space rock exploded with ten times the energy released by the Hiroshima atomic bomb. Lindley Johnson, planetary defence officer at NASA, told BBC News that a fireball this big is 'only expected about two or three times every one hundred years.' At about noon local time on 18 December, the asteroid barrelled through the atmosphere at a speed of thirty two kilometres per second, on a steep trajectory of seven degrees. Measuring several metres in size, the rock exploded about twenty five kilometres above the Earth's surface, with an impact energy of one hundred and seventy three kilotons. 'That was forty per cent the energy release of Chelyabinsk, but it was over the Bering Sea so it didn't have the same type of effect or show up in the news,' said Kelly Fast, near-Earth objects observations programme manager at NASA. 'That's another thing we have in our defence, there's plenty of water on the planet.' Doctor Fast was discussing the event here at the fiftieth Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in The Woodlands, near Houston. Military satellites picked up the blast last year; NASA was notified of the event by the US Air Force. Doctor Johnson said that the fireball 'came in over an area not too far from routes used by commercial planes' flying between North America and Asia. So researchers have been checking with airlines to see if there were any reported sightings of the event. In 2005, Congress tasked NASA with finding ninety per cent of near-Earth asteroids of one hundred and forty metres in size or larger by 2020. Space rocks of this size are so-called 'problems without passports' because they are expected to affect whole regions if they collide with Earth. But scientists estimate it will take them another thirty years to fulfil this congressional directive. Once an incoming object is identified, NASA has had some notable success at calculating where on Earth the impact will occur, based on a precise determination of its orbit. In June 2018, the small three metre asteroid 2018 LA was discovered by a ground-based observatory in Arizona eight hours before impact. The Centre for Near-Earth Object Studies at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory then made a precision determination of its orbit, which was used to calculate a probable impact location. This showed the rock was likely to hit Southern Africa. Just as the calculation suggested, a fireball was recorded over Botswana by security camera footage on a farm. Fragments of the object were later found in the area. The latest event over the Bering Sea shows that larger objects can collide with us without warning, underlining the need for enhanced monitoring. A more robust network would be dependent not only on ground telescopes, but space-based observatories also. A mission concept in development would see a telescope called NeoCam launched to a gravitational balance point in space, where it would discover and characterise potentially hazardous asteroids larger than one hundred and forty metres. Doctor Amy Mainzer, chief scientist on NeoCam at JPL, said: 'The idea is really to get as close as possible to reaching that ninety per cent goal of finding the one hundred and forty metres and larger near-Earth asteroids given to NASA by Congress. She said that if the mission did not launch, projections suggested it would 'take us many decades to get there with the existing suite of ground-based surveys.' Doctor Mainzer added: 'But if you have an IR-based (infrared) telescope, it goes a lot faster.'
Scientists are getting closer to understanding how the distant object Ultima Thule came to be. NASA's New Horizons spacecraft flew by the thirty five kilometre-long world on 1 January at a distance of three thousand five hundred kilometres. It is made of two distinct pieces which once orbited each other before colliding at a gentle speed, team members told a major US conference. The scientists may also be close to understanding why it is flattened like a pancake, rather than spherical. Researchers are excited because the object gives us a unique window into the formation of the Solar System, some four-and-a-half billion years ago. Ultima (the larger lobe) and its counterpart, Thule, are primordial building blocks from a time when smaller objects called planetesimals were merging to form the planets we know today. 'We have never seen a pristine binary like this anywhere in the Solar System,' said Professor Alan Stern, the mission's principal investigator from the Southwest Research Institute in San Antonio. 'We have seen bi-lobe comets, but we were never sure when we were looking at those whether it was something that was born with that shape or evolved to that shape. Theoretical models of planetesimal and planet formation predicted that objects like this should be out there. And the very first Kuiper Belt planetesimal that we visit turns out to be one of them. You can't get luckier than that. Unless they're very common.' The Kuiper Belt is the band of frozen material that orbits the Sun beyond the eight classical planets. Professor Stern was speaking here at the fiftieth Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in The Woodlands, Texas. Scientists think the object was formed from the collapse of a swarm of smaller particles orbiting the Sun. This led to the formation of medium-sized planetesimals. Jeff Moore noted that the 'lumpy' shape of Ultima could be a legacy of its accretion from these objects, describing them as 'poorly formed snowmen,' referring to the original nickname for the object. This made Ultima something of a 'Frankenstein' object, according to Doctor Moore, who is affiliated to NASA's Ames Research Centre. It's 'a time machine, taking us back to almost the very beginning of the Solar System.' Professor William McKinnon, from Washington University in St Louis, said the results from Ultima Thule fitted in with one class of theory about how the Solar System formed. 'If you go back to the solar nebula, the gas and dust that's circling the Sun, there are modern theories that postulate overdense particle or pebble concentrations that can gravitationally merge together - large swarms that can form bodies on the scale of Ultima Thule,' he said. 'As these particles come together, they will naturally form binaries.' The last stage of the process was the merger between Ultima and Thule, possibly after the gravitational ejection of other planetesimal companions. Ultima and Thule 'almost certainly formed in the same location,' said Professor Stern. 'We know this because, otherwise, they would have collided at a higher speed, had their orbits been very different.' Computer simulations suggest that the objects collided at a speed of just two to three metres per second, as team member Kirby Runyon explained: 'About the speed you might run into a wall.' In addition, the long and short axes - the imaginary lines running through the objects at planes perpendicular to one another - are remarkably well-aligned for both Ultima and Thule. 'It is very improbable that this would arise completely by chance,' said Professor McKinnon. 'The implication is that these bodies were almost certainly in orbit around one another.' Scientists may also be edging closer to an explanation for the object's striking flattened shape. Professor McKinnon drew comparisons with Atlas, a moon of Saturn which orbits within the giant planet's ring system. 'This is an accretionary environment - this satellite is accreting particles. Those particles just happen to be small,' he explained. This suggested there might be a link between the conditions that shaped Atlas in Saturn's ring system and those in the rotating mass of rocky material that eventually formed the lobes of Ultima Thule. 'A flat thing can be flat because it was originally weak and was spinning rapidly, but then it gets a little stronger,' Professor McKinnon told BBC News. But he added: 'We actually don't know. That's one of the more complicated and mysterious aspects to this - why this thing is as flat as it is.' Professor Stern said New Horizons still had fuel left and it is possible the mission might even get an extension from NASA to try to target another object in The Kuiper Belt. He told BBC News: 'It really depends on how the senior review ranks our proposal because the missions are set to compete with one another. I think we have done a spectacular job, both at Pluto and Ultima Thule, not only in terms of execution, but in terms of advancing the field.'
The asteroid being explored by the Japanese mission Hayabusa-2 is 'a rubble pile' formed when rocks were blasted off a bigger asteroid and came back together again. The discovery means that asteroid Ryugu has a parent body out there somewhere and scientists already have two candidates. They have also found a chemical signature across the asteroid that can indicate the presence of water, but this needs confirmation. Ryugu's unusual shape is also a sign that it must have been spinning much faster in the past. Scientists from the Japanese Space Agency mission and from NASA's Osiris-Rex spacecraft, which is exploring a different asteroid called Bennu, have been presenting their latest findings at the fiftieth Lunar and Planetary Science Conference. The Hayabusa-2 team has also published its results over three papers in Science journal. Meanwhile, the team behind the Osiris-Rex mission has made the first close-up observations of particle plumes erupting from an asteroid's surface. These findings are published in a suite of papers in the Nature journals. Bennu and Ryugu have many similarities. They are comparable in size, rich in carbon and shaped like spinning tops. Both missions aim to deliver samples from these objects to Earth. Both asteroids are primitive objects, made of the same basic material that went into building rocky planets like Earth. Studying samples in laboratories could shed light on how our own world came to be. The identification of Ryugu as a rubble pile asteroid comes from an assessment of its density. Project scientist Sei-ichiro Watanabe said the asteroid's porosity - a measure of the voids, or spaces, present in the object - was fifty per cent. The large number of rough boulders on Ryugu's surface support this idea, he added. These boulders are probably fragments that joined up after the disruption of its parent body. The spinning top shape, Doctor Watanabe said, 'was formed from a past rapid rotation.' He added: 'Most of the known top shapes are rapid rotators, but Ryugu is rather slow.' In fact, the scientists think that Ryugu once spun at twice its current rotation period of once every seven-and-a-half hours. At some point in its history, the object slowed down, though what happened to cause this remains unclear. Team-member Seiji Sugita, from the University of Tokyo, said: 'The size of Ryugu is very small - eight or nine hundred metres across. It's too small to survive the entire Solar System evolution of 4.6 billion years. Ryugu must have been born from a much older and larger parent body in relatively recent times - several hundred million years.' Analysis of the reflected sunlight from Ryugu shows it is a close match to two larger asteroids, known as Polana and Eulalia. These are good potential candidates for the asteroid's parent body. Ryugu is surprisingly dark, much darker than any carbonaceous chondrite meteorites, which could partly be due to exposure of the rocks to the space environment. 'The surface of Ryugu is extremely dark,' said Ralph Milliken, from Brown University in Rhode Island and a co-investigator on the near-infrared spectrometer instrument. He held up a 3D-printed model of Ryugu, saying that he suspected the jet-black plastic used to make it was brighter than the real thing. Data from NIRS3 has also revealed the presence of minerals with hydroxyl groups, which can indicate the presence of water. 'There is evidence for water on Ryugu, but we do not have any strong evidence yet for the presence of molecular water, H2O,' said Milliken. The particular hydroxyl groups found on Ryugu appear to be associated with the element magnesium, which is often associated with clay minerals in meteorites. At Bennu, the team behind Osiris-Rex detected plumes of material erupting from the asteroid on 6 January this year. The immediate cause isn't clear, but it could be related to volatile gases that escape from the rocks when sunlight heats them up. This would push the dust out into space. Bennu also appears to be a rubble pile asteroid, and, like Ryugu, was much more rugged than expected - posing a hazard for sample collection. Hayabusa-2 has just finished a touchdown operation to collect a sample of rock and cache it for return to Earth. Although there was no way to confirm if Hayabusa-2 had collected a sample, project manager Yuichi Tsuda said the team was confident it had, judging from the large amount of material kicked up after the spacecraft fired a five gram tantalum 'bullet' into Ryugu's surface. During the touchdown operation, Hayabusa-2's thrusters shifted fifty cenitmetre to one metre rocks, Yuichi Tsuda said. The thrusters also blew away the top layer of regolith, revealing darker material underneath. Mission scientists have also set a date for Hayabusa-2's next set piece: the kinetic impact experiment. This will involve the spacecraft detonating an explosive charge near the surface of Ryugu - generating an artificial crater. The spacecraft will move to the other side of Ryugu for safety when the charge goes off, returning later to grab a sample of rock from within the crater. The idea is for Hayabusa-2 to get at pristine samples from below the surface, samples that haven't been altered by aeons of exposure to space. The operation will take place on 5 April, said Doctor Tsuda.
FA Cup matches will be shown live on the BBC until 2025 as part of a new four-year broadcast deal with the Football Association. The new agreement - which starts at the beginning of the 2021-22 season - will see BBC Sport continue to show live fixtures, highlights and online clips. Up to eighteen fixtures a season will be televised - more than ever before. The FA said that the deal was 'exciting,' adding: 'We look forward to working with the BBC for years to come.' Mark Bullingham, the FA's chief commercial and football development officer, said The Scum's fifth-round win at Moscow Chelski FC was the most-watched domestic match of the season, with a final and consolidated Seven Day Plus audience of eight million people across all platforms. 'The popularity of the competition goes from strength to strength and continues to draw some of the largest audiences in sport,' he added. 'The Emirates FA Cup is the best and most historic domestic cup competition in the world and we are delighted to have agreed a new long-term commitment to keep it on the BBC until 2025.' The new deal will also see greater coverage of the competition's early stages, with up to six live matches from across the first and second rounds. Barbara Slater, the director of BBC Sport, said: 'We are delighted to have secured these FA Cup rights until the 2024-25 season, ensuring the millions that tune into free-to-air TV can continue to enjoy the most famous domestic cup competition in the world. This new deal now brings even more games to audiences across the country as the BBC provides top-class sport on all of our platforms. Our FA Cup coverage delivers some of the year's biggest viewing figures, engages a key younger audience and provides memorable sporting moments that unite a nation.'
England's years of living down to expectations may well be over - now the difficult part will be keeping a lid on the rising hopes and anticipation surrounding Gareth Southgate's exciting young side. The euphoria of a surprise run to the World Cup semi-finals in Russia was tempered by the sense of a missed opportunity after they were beaten in extra-time by Croatia in Moscow and failed to reach their first final for fifty two years. As Wembley rose in unison at the end of this emphatic five-nil thrashing of the Czech Republic on Friday there was the sense that Russia was simply the start of something special for England and this emerging generation of players. First, though, the context. The Czech Republic were compliant opponents, barely offering a threat and with several accidents waiting to happen in defence - which duly occurred. England,nevertheless, were ruthless and dynamic. They were simply too fast, too mobile, too good and no-one should pour cold water on that. And after their advance to the final stages of the inaugural Nations League in Portugal in June, secured by their first win in Spain in thirty one years and a superb comeback to exact revenge over Croatia at Wembley, there is every reason to believe this England team is not just here to stay, it is going to get better. It was crucial England capitalised on the wave of goodwill that accompanied them back from Russia. The nation loved and admired their football team again - for the first time in an age - and momentum needed to be maintained. On the evidence of the last few games, it has not simply been maintained. It has been gained. And at the head of it all was Sheikh Yer Man City's Raheem Sterling, now the mature, high-class player everyone assumed he would become when he first demonstrated his brilliance at Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. Sterling, still only twenty four, has become the complete forward under Pep Guardiola's guidance at City. Southgate's careful handling and support during much of a three-year spell in which he never scored an England goal in twenty seven games is now reaping its reward. Southgate never wavered. He insisted he could not understand questions - albeit, not question from anyone that actually matters - about Sterling's place in England's side. These were not words to bolster fragile confidence. They were delivered with conviction and belief. Sterling now has twenty four goals for club and country this season. He is flourishing in the Premier League, Champions League and, importantly, with England. He is naturally gifted but now more clinical - and there is more to come. This is a message that applies to this England side, a team now confident in itself and with the growing confidence of supporters who became accustomed to bitter disappointment. As recently as 2016, they were bundled out of the Euros by Iceland in the last sixteen under Roy Hodgson's management. England's first goal against the Czechs summed up their fluidity, confidence and cutting edge. It was a passage of twenty five passes in which only Dele Alli did not touch the ball. Even goalkeeper Jordan Pickford was involved before the final thrust from Harry Kane's clever pass inside the defence, Jadon Sancho's perfect cross and Sterling's sliding finish. Kane has now scored sixteen goals under Southgate, eleven more than any other player. Sterling is another who is among the first names on the manager's teamsheet. What adds to the excitement is the lengthening undercard of young, precocious talent with the confidence to not simply stand alongside their more experienced, established England team-mates but to push them for their places. Eng land's evolution has picked up pace rapidly since the World Cup - which was crucial - and the evidence of future potential was paraded before elated fans at Wembley. Sancho, just eighteen, wore the England shirt that used to weigh so heavily on so many before him like it was a perfect fit. If anything, the Borussia Dortmund teenager was almost too confident, too eager early on before all of his burgeoning talent came to the fore. Sancho had the vision and composure to play in Sterling for the first, then brought England's fans to their feet with two quick-fire pieces of sleight of foot in the Czech penalty area. And the substitute appearances of twenty-year-old Declan Rice and Moscow Chelski FC's Callum Hudson-Odoi - the youngest player to make his debut for England in a competitive international, aged just eighteen years and one hundred and thirty five days - gave another tantalising glimpse into the future. It was the first time in one hundred and thirty eight years that England had fielded two players aged eighteen or younger in an international. Southgate's own boldness deserves credit here. It is hard to imagine any of his predecessors thrusting a rookie such as Hudson-Odoi into his England debut before he had even made his first Premier League start at Moscow Chelski FC. This is another sign that the emphasis has changed around England. And with the likes of Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws's Trent-Alexander Arnold and Joe Gomez, The Scum's Marcus Rashford, Jesse Lingard and Luke Shaw and Sheikh Yer Man City's John Stones all to come back from injury - plus midfield quality in the shape of Southampton's James Ward-Prowse and Leicester City's James Maddison - there will be some very hot competition for places to add to England's edge. England look a team perfectly equipped for the modern game in attack with pace, mobility and threat. The midfield has yet to pass the stiffest tests but Rice's switch from the Republic of Ireland may provide the missing link in that department. The same questions can be applied to England's defence in the face of this flimsy Czech Republic side but this was not a night for quibbling or negativity. This was a night when England delivered on the hype. Two up at half-time it was the sort of game in which, under several previous regimes, England would have treated the second half against clearly inferior opposition as a training exercise and the game would have ended two-nil with a crowd grown bored and borderline disappointed long before the ninety minutes. Instead, after an odd five minutes post half-time, in which the Czech's were first to every ball and half of the England team appeared to still be, mentally, in the dressing room, they recovered their poise and went for the jugular. England are now unbeaten in their past forty qualifying matches in the World Cup and Euros, winning thirty one and drawing nine since a loss to Ukraine in October 2009 - but rarely in that sequence has there been the sort of hope and optimism that surrounds this group of players. Now the good work must continue when England face Montenegro in Podgorica on Monday.
Alex McLeish refused to discuss his future as Scotland manager after leading them to one of their most ignominious defeats in their opening Euro 2020 qualifier in Kazakhstan. The Scotch were two down inside ten minutes and conceded again just after the break to give the Kazakhs only a second win in twenty one qualifiers. On Sunday, they face San Marino, who lost their opener five-nil in Cyprus. 'I'll continue to do my job and won't get drawn into that,' said McLeish. Speaking to Sky Sports News in the immediate aftermath of the abject defeat, the manager conceded the result 'possibly puts more pressure on me.' No shit? McLeish was appointed Scotland coach in February 2018 - eleven years after the end of his first spell in the job - and has won four of his eleven matches to date. His side had previously secured a place in the play-offs for Euro 2020, which they will part host, by winning their Nations League section. Scotland were guilty of abject defending for all three goals in Kazakhstan and offered little threat going forward against the country ranked one hundred and seventeen in the world. McLeish was forced to field a makeshift backline after several withdrawals and the team's inexperience was cruelly exposed. 'It was a poor night for us defensively,' he said. 'We had one chance just before they scored and I was thinking it was looking quite lively for us. But they scored two quick goals and we never reacted. They could have been prevented with better positioning. There's a lot of inexperience in the squad. We have introduced a few new names over the last year or so and it can take time, but I know we don't have time. It's never finished until it's finished. We have players to come back.' In Thursday's other game in the group, Belgium beat Russia three-one in Brussels.
World champions France began their Euro 2020 qualifying campaign with a comfortable victory against Moldova. Atletico Madrid forward Antoine Griezmann opened the scoring after converting from The cum's midfielder Paul Pogba's superb pass.Raphael Varane headed in the second and Moscow Chelski FC striker Olivier Giroud netted a third before half-time. Paris St-Germain star Kylian Mbappe stroked in a fourth before Vladimir Ambros scored for the hosts. In the night's other Group H games, Iceland won two-nil in Andorra while Turkey won in Albania by the same score.
Memphis Depay scored twice and provided assists for Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws duo Georginio Wijnaldum and Virgil van Dijk as the Netherlands thrashed Belarus in their opening Group C qualifier. The Dutch took a first-minute lead when Depay punished a sloppy back-pass before his backheel pass was converted by Wijnaldum in Rotterdam. The Reds midfielder then earned a penalty from a foul by Mikhail Sivakov. Depay converted before he crossed for Van Dijk to head in a late fourth. Ronald Koeman's side, who face England in the Nations League semi-finals in June, host Germany in an eagerly anticipated clash on Sunday. Northern Ireland defeated Estonia two-nil in Thursday's other Group C qualifier.
Germany head coach Joachim Löw whinged Leroy Sane was 'lucky' after a 'vicious foul' on the Sheikh Yer Man Man City forward led to Serbia's Milan Pavkov being sent-off as the sides drew oneall in a friendly on Wednesday. Sane hobbled from the pitch after the foul in added time at the end of the game. Serbia goalkeeper Marko Dmitrovic had produced an inspired display to prevent Löw's new-look Germany from securing an opening win of 2019. 'It was a vicious foul,' Löw bleated. 'Sane was lucky and got away with not getting hurt but such fouls can break bones.' Löw's youthful side went behind to Luka Jovic's header in the twelfth minute, before substitute Leon Goretzka hit the equaliser after the break. Germany dominated the early possession but Jovic was on hand to turn in the loose ball from six yards before Goretzka levelled with a fierce strike in the second half.
Birmingham City and Aston Villains have each been fined five grand by the Football Association for failing to control players in their Second City derby. The Championship clubs were both charged over a melee in the fifth minute after a foul on Villains captain Jack Grealish by Blues midfielder Maikel Kieftenbeld. Birmingham are also facing a separate charge after Grealish was attacked on the pitch by a fan five minutes later. The Villains won the game on 10 March, with Grealish scoring the only goal. Both clubs accepted the charge. Kieftenbeld was booked for his late challenge, which set the tone for an ill-tempered game at St Andrew's. Grealish was subsequently attacked by Blues supporter Paul Mitchell, who ran on to the pitch and struck the Villains midfielder from behind in the side of the head. Mitchell, of Rubery in Worcestershire, was subsequently sent to The Slammer for fourteen weeks after admitting assault and encroachment on to the pitch. He was also ordered to pay three hundred and fifty smackers in fines and costs and banned from attending any football matches in the UK for ten years. Birmingham, who banned Mitchell from St Andrew's for life, were charged by the FA with failing to control their spectators and they have until 22 March to respond to that charge.
Barnsley midfielder Kenny Dougall has revealed that he tried to play on against Doncaster despite having a broken leg. Dougall is set to miss the rest of the season after suffering the fracture in Friday's goalless draw in League One. But, he subsequently revealed on Instagram that he tried to continue before being substituted in the eighteenth minute. 'Injuries are part of the game and unfortunately I've been hit with another tough pill to swallow,' the Australian posted. 'Full trust in the lads to get us up into the [Championship]. Don't know why I've tried to play on with a broken leg but nobody can say I didn't try.' Barnsley said in a statement that Dougall will be assessed by a specialist this week but he is not expected to feature again this season. Tykes striker Kieffer Moore has already been ruled out for the rest of the season due to concussion. Daniel Stendel's side are second in the table, two points ahead of third-placed Blunderland, having played a game more.
Doncaster Rovers have sacked Niall Mason after he admitted a charge of sexual assault in January. Mason received a six-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, for assaulting a woman in 2018. A judge at Sheffield Crown Court also placed Mason on the sex offenders' register for seven years. A Doncaster statement read: 'Rovers have cancelled the contract of Niall Mason after he withdrew an appeal against his dismissal by the club.' It continued: 'Rovers opened internal disciplinary proceedings immediately following his guilty plea for a sexual offence at Sheffield Crown Court.' Defender Mason had been a regular for the promotion-chasing League One side until shortly before his court appearance in January, but was suspended following his sentencing.
Juventus forward Cristiano Ronaldo has been extremely charged with 'improper conduct' by UEFA over a goal celebration in the win over Atletico Madrid in the last sixteen of the Champions League. The thirty four-year-old appeared to mimic Atletico coach Diego Simeone, who turned to fans and grabbed his crotch during his side's two-nil first-leg victory. Ronaldo made the gesture after his third goal of his hat-trick in the return leg as Juve won three-nil. UEFA will rule on the case later this week. Simeone was fined twenty thousand Euros for his celebration. Juventus have been drawn to play Dutch side Ajax in the quarter-finals.
A Colombian footballer has been arrested for, allegedly, having The Sex in public and then, allegedly, trying to bribe police officers who caught him after, allegedly, giving them a false name. Jhon Fredy Hurtado, who plays for Quiche FC in Guatemala's top flight, was reportedly arrested in the city of Santa Cruz Del Quiche. FC Quiche does, undeniably, sound like a Sunday League team containing eleven Gruniad Morning Star readers. Local media claim police found him having The Sex in his parked car - with someone else, obviously, he wasn't having The Sex by himself -- and extremely arrested him for 'obscene exhibitions.' The report adds that officers claim Hurtado told them he was called Guillermo 'El Pando' Ramirez Garcia, a former footballer. Both Hurtado and the woman he was with, named in the media as Rocio Adely Giron, are then said to have offered a bribe of ten knicker and a mobile phone to let them go. Police say they rejected the handout and the pair were romtly inched by The Fuzz. Hurtado has been charged with attempting to bribe an officer. A police report reads: 'In the moment they were caught, the gentleman who said he was called 'Pando' Ramirez was found on top of Rocio Adely Giron (both without clothes) and both were asked if they would be kind enough to get changed, after which the motive for the arrest was made known.' Quiche FC have moved to distance themselves from the scandal, saying in a statement: 'The player did it in his free time, which is why the club exempts itself of any legal or penal responsibility that the player has.' The club's board are set to meet to decide what action to take. Hurtado will also be 'hauled in for talks' so he can 'present his defence.' Guillermo El Pando Ramirez was a Guatemalan player who was suspended for life from any football-related activities due to his participation in money laundering and fixing games.
Football fans who claim they believed they were buying a share in 'a real life club' are, reportedly, demanding their money back from an app firm. Thousands allegedly signed up to OWNAFC after its director claimed it would enable them to 'make decisions over the running of a club it took over.' Customers said that they thought paying forty nine knicker would mean they 'had a share in a club' and would be 'entitled to help run it.' OWNAFC denies wrongdoing and said that the forty nine quid was 'to access the app.' It said that shares would only be on offer once a club was actually bought. Gunnercooke LLP, the legal adviser to OWNAFC, said it 'accepted' the business 'needed to be more open with customers.' Hednesford Town FC had considered a take-over by the app but 'a collective decision' was made to 'not go ahead.' One customer, who wished to be known as Nicholas, snitched to the BBC: 'I paid the money on behalf of my thirteen-year-old son because it seemed really exciting. But, after I paid, we received an e-mail about FAQs and in there it said I hadn't paid for a share, but that we would be "entitled" to a share. My son is really upset. He had spent his own money on this and now there appears to be no recourse.' Plus, he's discovered that his father is a moron which is, frankly, a blow for any teenager. In a statement issued on behalf of OWNAFC founder and director Stuart Harvey, Gunnercooke LLP said: 'In no way has the business done any wrongdoing and we strongly reject any accusations of fraud. The concept for OWNAFC was aimed at allowing fans to take an active part in the running of a football club via a mobile application.' A spokesman said that those who paid forty nine quid 'unlocked features' of the app 'allowing them to engage in the experience of running a real football club, by making all boardroom decisions upon deal completion and takeover.' He added: 'All OWNAs, subject to age restrictions, will be entitled to one share in the limited entity that takes over the club. However, it is not mandatory for an OWNA to take a share if they choose not to.' A 'non-executive advisory board' is being appointed and, as part of this move, Harvey will be 'stepping aside' from the business, added Gunnercooke LLP. Harvey said that he had closed down the company's social media pages due to online abuse and threats to his family. The company brochure stated that 'All OWNAs will have the option of buying one share within the club at the nominal value.' It also said that the choice of club to take over would be 'the first decision that you and your fellow OWNAs will make.' But customers said they were 'still unclear' as to what their forty nine notes had,actually, bought them. A customer, who only wanted to be known as Mark, nark'd: 'It's about the fact that ninety nine per cent of the people who paid, like me, are just genuine football fans wanting to be part of something that could make a difference.' The company's website also said 'by making payment of forty nine pounds, you are securing your position as football club OWNA and unlocking all features of the OWNAFC app.' It added: 'once the club purchase is complete, you will unlock the app features and really put your theories into practice.' Meanwhile, customers have been applying for refunds through their bank. Watchdog Action Fraud confirmed that it had received 'reports' relating to OWNAFC within the past two weeks and, as part of its process, informs the National Fraud Intelligence bureau, which then contacts the relevant police force. Greater Manchester Police, the force in which the business is registered, said that it had not yet received any reports. One of the clauses in the website's terms section states that refunds are only offered 'if a takeover is not completed within three months of a club accepting our offer. If no offer is made to a football club by 1 June 2019 then refunds will be offered,' it says.
Weapons, fireworks and drugs have reportedly been found on a coach carrying Paris St-Germain fans to a Women's Champion's League game against Moscow Chelski FC. Up to fifty PSG fans were denied entry to the quarter-final tie at Kingsmeadow. Police were first called to reports of vandalism at the stadium then, later, to serious disorder at Waterloo and Wimbledon stations. A coach that travelled overnight from Paris was searched and one arrest was made. In a statement, the Met Police said: 'Weapons, including knives and knuckledusters, were recovered along with class A drugs. One man from the coach was arrested for possession of class A drugs and the remaining passengers were escorted from the area by police.' Reports suggest a door at the stadium had been broken and parts of the ground had daubed with pro-PSG graffiti. BBC Sports reporter Jacqui Oatley tweeted: 'I'm told there were weapons - knuckleduster and knives - plus drugs on board. They damaged Chelsea's Kingsmeadow ground this morning before returning later. Banned from PSG men's and youth games but not women's.'
Sheffield United Women forward Sophie Jones has been banned for five games after being found guilty of racially abusing Tottenham player Renee Hector. Hector claimed that she 'received some monkey noises' from an opponent during a Championship match on 6 January. Jones, whose Blades deal has been terminated by mutual consent, claimed that she is 'not guilty' and the 'hearing took place in a kangaroo court.' She has also been fined two hundred smackers and must attend an educational course. Defender Hector made the allegations in a social media post after Tottenham had beaten the Blades two-one. Spurs, who said the alleged incident was reported to the referee by Hector during the game, also reported it to the Football Association. 'There is no place for racism in our game,' said Hector on Twitter. 'A zero tolerance policy is imperative in stamping this out from football therefore I welcome this verdict. No-one should be subjected to racist abuse on or off the pitch and I felt a responsibility to call it out for what it was.' The FA set up an independent panel to hear from both sides, with the charge of using abusive and/or insulting words - that included reference to ethnic origin and/or colour and/or race - found proven. An FA spokesperson said: 'The case against Sophie Jones was heard by an Independent Regulatory Commission comprising two independent lawyers and a former football player and manager. The written reasons in the case will be published in due course, which will provide a detailed account of the evidence given and the findings of the Commission.' Sheffield United confirmed that Jones' contract, which was 'due for review' at the end of the season, had been 'terminated by mutual agreement.' In a statement, Jones has since suggested her football career is over. 'It is with a heavy heart that I feel I am unable to continue within football and play under an organisation that I do not have any confidence in,' she said. 'I would like to state on record that I do not condone racism in any form and I will continue to stand by this statement. I strongly stand firm that I am not guilty with regards to the charge that the FA have brought against me. I am struggling to come to terms with this decision and how the FA can come to a verdict based on probability from the two witness accounts verbally given, instead of reviewing the case and its evidence, in its entirety.' In their own statement, The Blades added: 'The club works closely with the English Football League, the FA and Kick it Out and would like to reiterate that it does not condone racism or any form of discrimination.'
The father of former England footballer Adam Johnson said it was 'good' to have his son home after his release from prison. The former Blunderland and Sheikh Yer Man City winger was extremely jailed for six years in 2016 for engaging in sexual activity with a fifteen-year-old fan. Johnson's father spoke to reporters outside his thirty one-year-old son's house in Castle Eden. Witnesses said Johnson's father was seen leaving HMP Moorland near Doncaster in the early hours. A Mercedes with blacked-out rear windows he was driving was later seen arriving at the former player's mansion near Hartlepool. Johnson said that his son 'might' make a statement later and asked reporters to leave the home's gated entrance. Johnson, who played for England twelve times before being sent to The Slammer, was released part way through his jail term. On the first day of his trial, the winger pleaded very guilty to grooming the girl and one charge of sexual activity, relating to kissing her. Blunderland immediately terminated his sixty grand-a-week contract following his admission of guilt. Jurors found him guilty of sexual touching but cleared him of one charge relating to another sexual act. As a sex offender, Johnson will have to register his address and bank details with police and inform officers of any intention to travel abroad. His trial at Bradford Crown Court heard that Johnson first began communicating with the girl at the end of 2014 while his partner, Stacey Flounders, was heavily pregnant with their first child. The victim, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was a Blunderland season ticket holder and was 'infatuated' with Johnson. He told the jury that when she sent him a friend request on Facebook he 'recognised her' as a Blunderland fan. They exchanged hundreds of online messages before Johnson met up with the girl in his Range Rover on 30 January 2015 after agreeing to sign football shirts for her. It was in the car that the kissing and touching took place.
England's women cricketers claimed the one-day series in Sri Lanka by winning the second match of the three-game contest to take an unassailable two-nil lead. Sri Lanka were restricted to one hundred and eighty seven for nine in their fifty overs, with left-armer Alex Hartley taking three for thirty six and Anya Shrubsole two for twenty one. Openers Amy Jones (fifty four) and Tammy Beaumont (forty three) got England's chase off to a strong start. Lauren Winfield scored forty four before Heather Knight and Danni Wyatt saw England over the line in just over thirty three overs. England will have expected to win this series comfortably, with Sri Lanka one of the weaker teams in the ICC Women's Championship. These two wins, though, have been not just comfortable but emphatic. A record ODI total in Sri Lanka in the first match, followed by a swift and successful run-chase in the second - the gulf in quality between the two sides is stark. Perhaps the only disappointment for England during the series so far is that the matches have been played in front of only a handful of spectators.
Team Sky are set to announce a new sponsor - owned by Britain's richest man Sir Jim Ratcliffe. The broadcaster said in December that it would end its decade-long commitment to cycling at the end of 2019, during which time Team Sky have won eight Grand Tours. The team will be renamed Team Ineos - after the chemicals giant that billionaire Ratcliffe owns. Ratcliffe is worth twenty one billion knicker and has, reportedly, been 'in talks' with Team Sky principal Dave Brailsford for several weeks. Team Sky was launched in January 2010 and has since amassed three hundred and twenty seven victories, including those eight Grand Tour triumphs. Current riders Chris Froome and Geraint Thomas have won five Tours De France between them and Welshman Thomas signed a new three-year deal in September after winning his first Tour last July. Ineos is Britain's largest privately owned company and in 2018 posted annual pre-tax profits of two billion smackers. Ratcliffe has already invested over one hundred million quid in Ben Ainslie's Americas Cup team. Former Team Sky rider and King of the Mods, Sir Bradley Wiggins, who won the 2012 Tour De France, said the partnership between Brailsford and Ratcliffe could be 'ideal.' Talking on Eurosport's The Bradley Wiggins Show, he said: 'I think he would have been reluctant to have another multinational company that came in and wanted the control in terms of "this is how we advertise our company." Ratcliffe is the richest man in Britain and you would imagine that the kind of money they have asked for is nothing to him. Dave can continue running this team with all his plans and philosophies, so it's an ideal situation for him and you'd imagine he is answerable to one man.' Team Sky have dominated the Tour De France in recent years, winning six of the past seven editions, while Froome also won the 2017 Vuelta A Espana and the 2018 Giro D'Italia. The efficient style and big spending that underpinned Sky's success has been unpopular with some fans, particularly in France.
A champion pigeon has been sold for a record one-and-a-quarter million Euros. Auction house Pipa described Armando as 'the best Belgian long-distance pigeon of all time.' He has also been called 'the Lewis Hamilton of pigeons.' Albeit, not by anyone who understands how similes work. You do know that Lewis Hamilton dives a car, right? Anyway, before this sale, the record was three hundred and seventy six thousand Euros. However, Pipa says that this was beaten within a day of Armando being put up for sale. The champ, who turns five this year, is 'now enjoying his retirement' and 'has already fathered a number of chicks.' The pigeon equivalent of being 'out out to stud' one imagines. Nice for if you can get it. 'It was unreal, the feeling - it was something out of this world,' Nikolaas Gyselbrecht, the CEO of Pipa told the BBC Sport website about the moment someone put down a bid of more than a million Euros. 'In our wildest dreams, we had never hoped for a price like that. We hoped for around four to five hundred thousand and we only dreamed of six hundred thousand.' Gyselbrecht said that two buyers from China 'ended up in a bidding war,' escalating from five hundred and thirty two thousand up to one-and-a-quarter million Euros 'in just over an hour.' To that in perspective, Gyselbrecht says, the 'usual' price for a racing pigeon is around two thousand five hundred Euros. But Armando is no ordinary pigeon. The last three races of his career were the 2018 Ace Pigeon championship, the 2019 Pigeon Olympiad and the Angoulême - and he won them all. He has no shortage of admirers, either. Fred Vancaillie, president of the local pigeon fancying association in Perwez, told Belgian broadcaster RTBF that he was 'the Lewis Hamilton of pigeons' - without the car, obviously - adding that he was 'one of the best in the history of the sport.' Although Armando's racing days are behind him, Gyselbrecht says that racing pigeons can carry on having chicks until they're 'about ten' and live up to twenty. While Armando will now settle in for a quiet life - full of The Sex - it is likely his new owners will breed him and race his progeny.
Expedition operators are reportedly'concerned' at the number of climbers' bodies that are becoming exposed on Mount Everest as its glaciers melt. Nearly three hundred mountaineers have died on the peak since the first ascent attempt and two-thirds of bodies are thought still to be buried in the snow and ice. Bodies are being removed on the Chinese side of the mountain, to the North, as the spring climbing season starts. 'Because of global warming, the ice sheet and glaciers are fast melting and the dead bodies that remained buried all these years are now becoming exposed,' said Ang Tshering Sherpa, former president of Nepal Mountaineering Association. 'We have brought down dead bodies of some mountaineers who died in recent years, but the old ones that remained buried are now coming out.' And, a government officer who worked as a liaison officer on Everest added: 'I myself have retrieved around ten dead bodies in recent years from different locations on Everest and clearly more and more of them are emerging now.' Officials with the Expedition Operators Association of Nepal said they were bringing down all ropes from the higher camps of Everest and Lhotse mountains this climbing season, but dealing with dead bodies was 'not as easy.' They point at Nepal's law that requires government agencies' involvement when dealing with bodies and said that was a challenge. 'This issue needs to be prioritised by both the government and the mountaineering industry,' said Dambar Parajuli, president of EOAN. 'If they can do it on the Tibet side of Everest, we can do it here as well.' In 2017, the hand of a dead mountaineer appeared above the ground at Camp One. Expedition operators said they deployed professional climbers of the Sherpa community to move the body. The same year, another body appeared on the surface of the Khumbu Glacier. Also known as the Khumbu Icefall, this is where most dead bodies have been surfacing in recent years, mountaineers say. Another place that has been seeing dead bodies becoming exposed is the Camp Four area, also called South Col, which is relatively flat. 'Hands and legs of dead bodies have appeared at the base camp as well in the last few years,' said an official with a non-government organisation active in the region. 'We have noticed that the ice level at and around the base camp has been going down, and that is why the bodies are becoming exposed.' Several studies show that glaciers in the Everest region, as in most parts of the Himalayas, are fast melting and thinning. A study in 2015 revealed that ponds on the Khumbu Glacier - that climbers need to cross to scale the mighty peak - were expanding and joining up because of the accelerated melting. Nepal's army drained the Imja Lake near Mount Everest in 2016 after its water from rapid glacial-melt had reached dangerous levels. Another team of researchers, including members from Leeds and Aberystwyth universities, last year drilled the Khumbu Glacier and found the ice to be warmer than expected. The ice recorded a minimum temperature of only minus 3.3C, with even the coldest ice being a full two degrees warmer than the mean annual air temperature. Not all dead bodies emerging from under the ice, however, are because of rapid glacial meltdown. Some of them get exposed also because of the movement of the Khumbu Glacier, mountaineers say. 'Because of the movement of the Khumbu Glacier, we do get to see dead bodies from time to time,' said Tshering Pandey Bhote, vice president of Nepal National Mountain Guides Association. 'But most climbers are mentally prepared to come across such a sight.' Some of the dead bodies on the higher altitude sectors of Mount Everest have also served as landmarks for mountaineers. One such waypoint had been the 'green boots' near the summit. They were a reference to a climber who died under an overhanging rock. His green boots, still on his feet, faced the climbing route. Some climbing experts said the body was later removed while Nepal's tourism officials said they had 'no information' on whether the remains are still visible. Recovering and removing bodies from the higher camps can be both expensive and difficult. Experts say it costs between forty and eighty thousand dollars to bring down dead bodies. 'One of the most challenging recoveries was from the height of eight thousand seven hundred metres, near the summit,' said Ang Tshering Sherpa. 'The body was totally frozen and weighed one hundred and fifty kilograms and it had to be recovered from a difficult place at that altitude.' Experts say any decision over what to do with a dead body on the mountain is also a very personal issue. 'Most climbers like to be left on the mountains if they died,' said Alan Arnette, a noted mountaineer who also writes on mountaineering. 'So it would be deemed disrespectful to just remove them unless they need to be moved from the climbing route or their families want them.'
A skeleton thought to be about four thousand years old has been unearthed by builders working at a hotel in rural Northumberland. Work to convert a former stable block at the Tankerville Arms in Wooler was halted when a Bronze Age stone burial chamber - or cist - was discovered. Archaeologists are working to find out the sex of the single skeleton and whether any other remains are nearby.Estimates suggest the cist dates from some time between 2,200BC and 1,750BC. An archaeological team from Northumberland County Council has been called in and police have been informed. But, they're not looking for anyone in connection with the death since, you know, they've been dead for millennia. Local archaeologist Roger Miket, who assisted with the initial excavation, said: 'About four days ago in a development at the Tankerville hotel, they were putting drains in when a digger hit the slab of a stone made coffin called a cist from the early Bronze Age. In moving the slab back one could see the hollow underneath in which a burial had been placed. The cist is formed of four upright stones with the cover slab on top.' Miket added that a 'small, beautifully fashioned flint knife' was found by the legs of the skeleton. 'It would have been a precious item at the time of the burial and was included in the grave for use in the afterlife,' he said. A spokeswoman for the hotel described the find as 'exciting' and said staff were 'working with experts' from council. The hotel was built in the mid-1700s by the then Earl of Tankerville for use by hunting parties.
Archaeologists hope to carry out a fresh dig at what they believe could be the site of a five thousand five hundred-year-old 'mortuary' in Aberdeenshire. The Neolithic enclosure in what is now Aden Country Park may have been used for excarnation, the removal of flesh leaving only bones for burial. This sometimes involved leaving bodies outdoors for scavenging animals. Remains of an enclosure marked by wooden posts and living trees were first found in a dig in November 2018. Archaeologists said this 'exciting, extremely rare discovery' had resulted in the need to carry out a further excavation. They hope to uncover more of the history of the site and confirm the layout of the possible Neolithic structure. The Friends of Aden has started a crowdfunding campaign to help raise a thousand smackers towards the cost of the new dig and associated activities between 24 June and 7 July. Volunteers from the local schools, groups and wider community could be involved in the excavation. Archaeologist Ali Cameron, who has been commissioned by Aberdeenshire Council to lead on archaeology aspects of the project, said last year's dig revealed a larger structure than had been anticipated. She said: 'It is an intriguing enclosure with both posts and living trees and must have been very prominent in the landscape. We are really looking forward to going back to the site in June and finding out more about this site.' Derek Jennings, of the Friends of Aden, said the group had been 'astounded' at the considerable amount of archaeology that was being uncovered at the park. The dig in November was through the Aden Country Park Restoration and Redevelopment Heritage Lottery Fund and the Aden Archaeology Historic Environment Scotland project.
Google has been hit with a one-and-a-half billion Euros fine from the EU for blocking rival online search advertisers. It is the third EU fine for the search and advertising giant in two years. The case accuses Google of abusing its market dominance by restricting third-party rivals from displaying search ads between 2006 and 2016. In response, Google changed its AdSense contracts with large third parties, giving them more leeway to display competing search adverts. Google owner, Alphabet, makes large amounts of money from advertising - pre-tax profits reached over thirty billion Euros in 2018. 'Google has cemented its dominance in online search adverts and shielded itself from competitive pressure by imposing anti-competitive contractual restrictions on third-party websites. This is illegal under EU anti-trust rules,' said EC commissioner Margrethe Vestager. Google's global affairs head, Kent Walker, said: 'We've always agreed that healthy, thriving markets are in everyone's interest. We've already made a wide range of changes to our products to address the Commission's concerns. Over the next few months, we'll be making further updates to give more visibility to rivals in Europe.' Last year, the EU competition authority hit Google with a record four billion Euros fine for using its popular Android mobile operating system to block rivals. This followed a two billion Euros fine in 2017 for hindering rivals of shopping comparison websites. The European Commission said that websites often had an embedded search function. When a consumer uses this, the website delivers both search results and search adverts, which appear alongside the search result. Google's 'AdSense for search' product delivers those adverts for website publishers. The Commission described Google as acting like 'an intermediary, like an advertising broker.' In 2006, Google started to include 'exclusivity clauses' in contracts which stopped publishers from placing ads from Google rivals such as Microsoft and Yahoo on search pages, the Commission said. From 2009, Google started replacing the exclusivity clauses with 'premium placement' clauses, which meant publishers had to keep the most profitable space on their search results pages for Google's adverts and they had to request a minimum number of Google adverts. Publishers also needed to get written permission from Google before making any changes to how rival adverts were displayed, letting Google control 'how attractive, and therefore clicked on, competing search adverts could be,' the Commission said. The restrictive clauses 'led to a vicious circle,' Vestager said in a media conference. 'Google's rivals, they were unable to grow, and to compete, and as a result of that, website owners had limited options for selling advertising space on those websites, and were forced solely to rely on Google,' she said. 'There was no reason for Google to include these restrictive clauses in their contracts, except to keep rivals out of the market,' she added. Between 2006 to 2016, Google had more than seventy per cent of the search intermediation market in the EU. It generally had more than ninety per cent of the search market and more than seventy five per cent of the online search advertising market, the Commission added.
English Defence League founder - and convicted criminal - Tommy Robinson has extremely lost his legal challenge claiming that police had, allegedly, harassed him. Appearing in court under his real name, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, he was asked to move on from a Cambridge pub following a football match in August 2016. He alleged that Cambridgeshire Police had 'targeted' him 'because of his beliefs.' Judge Karen Walden-Smith said that there was 'no evidence' that Yaxley-Lennon was being 'treated differently because of his beliefs about fundamentalist Islam.' His harassment claim was heard at Peterborough County Court. Sergeant Paul Street, who asked Yaxley-Lennon to move on from the pub, told the court that he did not know what Tommy Robinson looked like and thought the name referred to 'an Eighties football hooligan.' He said that he moved Yaxley-Lennon on due to 'intelligence' that he was 'a football supporter likely to cause trouble' and was with a group of other 'risk' individuals. Giving her judgement following a four-day hearing, Walden-Smith said: Yaxley-Lennon 'isn't as well-known as he and his supporters may think.' Walden-Smith ruled that all of his claims, including several under the Human Rights Act, had failed. r Yaxley-Lennon claimed that he had been with his three children, aged between five and nine at the time, 'on a family day out' to see Luton Town play Cambridge United. Alison Gurden, representing the thirty six-year-old, suggested that Sergeant Street 'didn't take into account factors that he should have done. It wasn't necessary as there was nothing to indicate Mister Lennon was likely to become involved in [any] disorder,' she claimed. 'He's there with his children and he's certainly not dressed for a fight, he's in his flip-flops.' She claimed Yaxley-Lennon believed he was 'discriminated against on the grounds of being Tommy Robinson and his beliefs.' When the judge read out her decision, there was a shout of 'the law's an ass' from the public gallery Mr Yaxley-Lennon said that the judgment reflected 'the entire corrupt system.' The judge ordered that Yaxley-Lennon would have to pay twenty grand towards the defendant's costs. Yaxley-Lennon said outside court that he would appeal against the judgement. All, if the entire system is 'corrupt' as Yaxley-Lennon had previously claimed, then that would appear to be a case of throwing good money after bad.
A woman accused of membership of the banned neo-Nazi terror group National Action entered a 'Miss Hitler' beauty contest in a bid to recruit female members, a court has heard. Alice Cutter is alleged to have won the National Action competition using the nickname 'Buchenwald Princess', in reference to the Nazi death camp. Cutter is standing trial alongside her partner, Mark Jones, who is accused of posing for a photograph while giving a Nazi salute in Buchenwald's execution room. Jones and Cutter, from Sowerby Bridge near Halifax, deny being members of National Action between December 2016 and September 2017. Two other men, Garry Jack of Birmingham, and Connor Scothern, of Nottingham, also deny being members of the group between the same dates. Opening the case at Birmingham crown court on Wednesday, prosecutor Barnaby Jameson QC said that Jones flew to Germany to visit the site of the Buchenwald extermination camp in 2016. Jurors were shown a picture of two men standing in the camp's execution room holding a National Action flag. Jameson said: 'Buchenwald was a Nazi concentration camp that stood out, even by the standards of Nazi concentration camps, for its depravity. Like Auschwitz, Buchenwald is a permanent museum to honour the victims and remind the world of the horrors perpetrated in the name of Nazism.' Cutter is alleged to have entered the Miss Hitler beauty contest in June 2016. Jameson described the competition as 'a publicity stunt' to raise the group's profile. The jury was shown a picture alleged to show Cutter wearing a National Action mask, which was posted online. The court heard that in an interview to enter the contest, Cutter said: 'It is important to me that there's a balance of feminine to masculine in the movement - without feminine involvement, what would a movement be? A sad sausage fest with no appeal? Women are the most important figures when it comes to teaching and raising the next generation to be strong and proud. We need to step up, be the lionesses we ought to be and rip apart the hyenas laughing at us as we get raped, beaten, brainwashed and de-feminised en masse. Hyenas have no part in our pride and never will.' Jameson told the jury the defendants were seeking to 'spread terror' from 'an ideology so warped, so extreme and so twisted, its continued existence will be shocking to many of you, if not all.' He added: 'It is the terror of pathological racial prejudice. This case is about a fellowship of hate. A hate so fanatical and a fellowship so defiant that the accused would sooner break the law than break their bonds of hate.' Birmingham Crown Court heard they shared an 'obsession with knives, guns and the ideology of violent ethnic cleansing.' Jameson told the jury Cutter was 'a central spoke in the National Action wheel,' having been photographed giving the Nazi salute on the steps of Leeds Town Hall in May 2016. Jameson said that, in a private chat group with a convicted National Action member, she said that she wanted to 'play football with the head of a Jewish person.' The trial continues.
An Australian senator who reportedly blamed the New Zealand terror attack on Muslim immigration has punched a seventeen-year-old boy after he was egged at an event in Melbourne. Video footage recorded at the event appears to show Fraser Anning, a far-right independent Queensland senator, halfway through a press conference when the teenager cracked an egg over his head while filming with a mobile phone. The senator responded by punching the seventeen-year-old. Really hard. The teenager was then tackled to the ground by Anning’s supporters, given a further punishment beating and held in a chokehold. The boy was later taken away by police and subsequently released without charge. Victoria police are said to be 'investigating the incident.' Anning was criticised on Friday after 'trying to seek attention' by saying the mosque attack in New Zealand 'highlighted a growing fear over an increasing Muslim presence' in Australian and New Zealand communities. Which, of course, it does not or anything even remotely like it. Rather, it highlights that some people - sick, violent right-wing thugs, in the main - are just scum. The Australian prime minister, Scott Morrison, said that Anning's comments blaming the Islamic community for the shooting were 'appalling and ugly and they have no place in Australia.' Or, indeed, anywhere else where people have a moral compass. The prime minister announced that the government would 'censure' Anning. The Australian Labor [sic] Party leader, Bill Shorten, said that Anning was 'chasing a headline. I do wonder if he's made Australians less safe overseas,' he said. 'That's another reason not to give this fool any more oxygen.'
Cadbury has withdrawn an advertising campaign urging children to dig for treasure after archaeologists said that it encouraged people to break the law. The campaign on its website called on children to 'grab a metal detector' and dig holes looking for gold or treasure. Doctor Aisling Tierney, of Bristol University, said it was 'intensely stupid' and people could be prosecuted for digging without permission. Cadbury confirmed it had removed the campaign web page. Doctor Tierney welcomed the U-turn, but said that Cadbury 'is sorely lacking in understanding the gravity of the problem. They have grasped that their content promoted "breaking the rules" but actually, it was the rule of law.' She said that she hoped the company 'learns from this experience and take the opportunity to develop something better that will respect heritage.' Historic England said: 'There are strict rules that protect England's archaeological heritage, including laws governing use of metal detectors. We are glad to see the campaign website is no longer live and would be happy to advise Cadbury to make sure any future campaign doesn't have unwelcome results.' Cadbury claimed that the campaign was aimed at 'inspiring' families 'to go on everyday adventures together.' And, buy more chocolate, obviously. It said: 'It was not our intention to encourage anyone to break existing regulations regarding the discovery of new archaeological artefacts and we are grateful this matter has been brought to our attention. We can now confirm that the webpage has been taken down and we are updating the content to focus solely on directing families to museums where existing treasures can be found.'
Swiss scientists have reportedly discovered that playing music during the cheese-making process 'might have an impact' on how it will taste. Then again, it might not. Nine wheels of Emmental cheese, weighing ten kilograms each, were placed in separate wooden crates last September. They were played different types of music from classical, rock and techno to hip-hop. Scientists used mini-transmitters to conduct the energy of the music into the cheese. A panel of people then decided what impact it had on flavour and smell. The whole process was carried out twice. The hip-hop sample topped the list. Now the researchers have got plans to do more tests on how hip-hop music works on cheese.
A new coin combines two German favourites: cash and bratwurst with curry sauce. This combination can be yours for just thirteen dollars, thanks to the Staatliche Münze Berlin, a mint based in Berlin which produces twenty per cent of all Germany's Euro coins. The mint has just released a commemorative coin celebrating seventy years of currywurst, on sale for numismatists and sausage fans alike. Some two thousand five hundred are available for purchase. The coin celebrates seven decades since Königsberg-born housewife Herta Heuwer first opened up a sausage stall in West Berlin. In September 1949, according to legend, it was a quiet day and she had time to experiment, mixing sweet peppers, paprika, tomato ketchup, and curry powder, then serving the resulting sauce hot over a sliced, fried bratwurst. In doing so, she invented a Berlin classic - and a cult sensation for cash-strapped students, drunk punters and hordes of tourists alike. Some eight hundred million currywursts are eaten in Germany each year, according to the Berlin Currywurst Museum: it is alleged to be a particular favourite of the current chancellor, Angela Merkel and her predecessor, Gerhard Schröder. Heuwer died in 1999, taking the particularities of her recipe with her. She is said to have kept it a secret even from her husband. The stall itself continued to grow, having nineteen employees at its height, before closing in the 1970s. That hasn't stopped hundreds of other sausage stands and beer halls across the world from taking a stab at the currywurst, however, with some of Berlin's most upmarket versions retailing for more than the cost of the coin commemorating the dish's invention - and, served with a glass of champagne.
A welfare scheme offering emergency financial support to England's poorest families is no longer available in a host of council areas, research shows. Church Action on Poverty said that the amount of Local Welfare Assistance cash has slumped from one hundred and seventy two million knicker to forty six million since 2013. It has ended completely in more than twenty of one hundred and fifty three areas surveyed. Only two councils - Islington and North Tyneside - have increased funding. Similar research by the Children's Society claims the number of people getting crisis support has fallen seventy five per cent since 2013. It estimates more than a quarter of almost one hundred thousand applications turned down last year were from families with children. Local Welfare Assistance Schemes replaced the national Social Fund in 2013, with responsibility for distributing cash passing to English local councils. The government - shamefully - stopped providing a ring-fenced grant for the schemes in 2015. Both Scotland and Wales still run national social funds, with the Scottish Welfare Fund distributing grants of almost one hundred and sixty five million notes between April 2013 and March 2018. Niall Cooper, director of Church Action on Poverty, said: 'A compassionate society ensures people can access help in times of crisis. That's what the Social Fund was there for; to help people stay afloat in turbulent times. The lifeline has been allowed to disintegrate, meaning people in sudden need are swept deeper into poverty.' Local welfare schemes are aimed at people in short-term crisis - offering support at times such as a sudden bereavement, a broken boiler, or having to move out of a rented home. Devon County Council passed 1.4 million smackers on to its eight district authorities in 2013-14, but by 2016 five had cut their support. Among them was South Hams District Council, which said it had closed the scheme 'when funding ran out.' Janie Moor, the chief officer of Citizens Advice for South Hams, said that the focus was now 'keeping a roof over someone's head' through alternative funding schemes such as Discretionary Housing Payments and council tax payments. One - anonymous - CAB advisor 'with fifteen years of experience' in South Hams snitched that losing the LWAS has 'caused a lot of problems.'She added: 'A lump sum was allocated at the beginning of the [financial] year so we knew that if we made an application for a client in April or May we had a good chance of getting something, but if it was in February the money would have run out. You were always expected to get second-hand stuff, but it was better than nothing.' In response, senior councillor Hilary Bastone said: 'We continue to do our best to help wherever we can, within our limited budget.' Church Action on Poverty questioned one hundred and sixty three councils in 2018, receiving responses from one hundred and fifty three. It found more than twenty English councils had closed their funds, including Bexley, Bournemouth, Haringey, Hillingdon, North East Lincolnshire, Stoke-on-Trent, Oxfordshire, Nottinghamshire, North Lincolnshire and Nottingham. In Greenwich, the Local Democracy Reporting Service revealed a plan to scrap the scheme was reversed last month when councillors decided to use higher-than-expected business rate income to maintain the fund. Church Action on Poverty is now calling on councils to maintain or strengthen their crisis support, while also asking for new laws to force authorities to provide grants, loans and in-kind help when people need it. In Lincolnshire, where LWAS support ran dry in December 2016, the county council said support had continued 'in other ways.' Sue Woolley, executive councillor for community engagement, claimed: 'This year, as well as providing two hundred and seventy eight thousand pounds in core funding for the Citizen's Advice service, we have provided one-off additional funding of fifty three thousand pounds to provide additional support relating to welfare reform, including Universal Credit.' But Simon Hoare, chief executive of Lincoln's Acts Trust, a charity which runs a furniture project and offers financial advice, said that even though charities and local groups tried to meet the basic needs such as food and furniture there were 'still gaps in support.' He said: 'The issue hasn't gone away. People don't suddenly no longer need crisis support.' Local Government Minister Rishi Sunak MP sneered: 'Local authorities are democratically-elected, independent bodies that are responsible for setting their own budgets and managing their resources in line with local priorities, which can include Local Welfare Provision Schemes.' Well, thanks for that, mate, that was really helpful.
A senior member of Matteo Salvini's Italian far-right League party who is an outspoken critic of Italy's mandatory vaccination rules has been treated in hospital after contracting chickenpox. Massimiliano Fedriga, president of the North Eastern Fruili-Venezia Giulia region, recently announced that he spent four days 'under observation' in a medical facility after being diagnosed with the virus last week. 'I'm fine, I'm at home in convalescence and I thank everyone,' he wrote on social media following his discharge. Fedriga has been a vocal opponent of Italy's decision to introduce mandatory childhood vaccinations against twelve diseases, including chickenpox. The legislation, introduced following a measles outbreak in 2017, prevents unvaccinated children from attending nursery or pre-school and imposes heavy fines on parents who fail to immunise school-age children. During his time serving as the League's head of the chamber of deputies in the Italian parliament, Fedriga had argued that parents should not be 'coerced' into vaccinating their children. In one interview, he described the Democratic Party, the largest member of the then-ruling coalition government, as 'Stalinist' for attempting to 'impose' the policy on the public. Writing on Facebook, Fedriga insisted he was not a supporter of the 'anti-vax' movement, members of which avoid immunising their children - often due to unsubstantiated safety fears. Or, because they are bloody stupid. Or, both. 'I'm reading a series of celebratory comments on Twitter because I've been hospitalised,' he whinged. 'I have always said that I am in favour of vaccines, but to achieve the result it is necessary to have an alliance with families not imposition. They even said I would get chickenpox from my children, not knowing that my children are vaccinated, as I have stated in interviews.' Vaccinations have in recent years become a contentious issue in Italian politics. The League’s coalition partners in government, the Five Star Movement, which also opposes compulsory immunisation, has been accused by opponents of enabling anti-vaxxers. Roberto Burioni, a prominent Italian doctor who runs the website MedicalFacts, said that the incident 'served as a warning to adults' to ensure they were vaccinated. 'Dear President, first of all let me wish you a speedy recovery,' he wrote on Facebook. 'I'm glad you vaccinated your children. [Fedriga], like many adults, did not get vaccinated. If he had been vaccinated as an adult he would be in perfect health. If he had infected a pregnant woman we would be facing a malformed child or an abortion. The only way we have to avoid such tragedies is to vaccinate us all to prevent the circulation of this dangerous virus, which could have hit a much more vulnerable person.'
Pictures of a giant, odd-looking - and, you know, dead - fish have 'gone viral' after it washed up on a beach in South Australia. Identified as an ocean sunfish by experts, the six foot-long specimen was first spotted by a group of fishermen driving along the sand. At first, they mistook it for a large piece of driftwood, said Linette Grzelak who posted pictures of her partner's find on Facebook. 'I didn't think it was real until I Googled sunfish,' she told the BBC. Her partner, Steven Jones has worked as a fisherman for years so he 'knew what it was but had never seen one in real life,' she said. 'Hence why they took the photos. He said it was extremely heavy and the skin was rough and leathery like a rhinoceros.' The fish was found at Coorong National Park, fifty miles South of Adelaide. It is believed to have later washed back into the ocean, Grzelak said. Ocean sunfish, or Mola mola, are the world's heaviest bony fish species and can be found in temperate marine waters globally, according to the 'Fishes of Australia' database. Their features include a large, blunt head, a disproportionately small mouth and long dorsal and anal fins. One expert said that the found fish appeared to be 'a smaller example' of its species, which can grow over four metres tall and weigh more than two-and-a-half tonnes. 'It's probably an average-sized one, they can get nearly twice as big as that,' Ralph Foster from the South Australian Museum told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. The species are harmless to people, but are sometimes mistaken for sharks when they swim inshore, says the Australian Museum. In Australia, they have been known to cause damage to boats due to their size. Last year, a vessel in the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race had to retire after hitting a sunfish and breaking its rudder. Earlier this month, a rare hoodwinker sunfish washed up on a beach in California. It baffled scientists who questioned how the Southern hemisphere species had travelled so far from its home waters.
It really does look uncannily like the goldfish in The Singing-Ringing Tree though, doesn't it?
In Texas, a twenty eight-year-old man is currently behind bars after police say he was caught having The Sex ... with a cow. On Friday, Jose Nino was extremely arrested after the Starr County Sheriff's Office was called to the Starr-Hidalgo county line in relation to an alleged bestiality case. As deputies arrived, they met with border patrol agents who said they witnessed a man having The Sex with a cow. Nino, a Mexican national, was later identified and detained. He was charged with bestiality and given a fifteen hundred dollar bond before being released to the custody of border patrol.
The man who was charged with dipping his testicles in a customer's salsa apparently still thinks the prank was funny. Howard Matthew Webb laughed on Tuesday when he pleaded extremely guilty in Tennessee to a charge of misdemeanour assault and/or 'offensive touching.' The thirty one-year-old was reportedly 'scolded' by Blount County General Sessions Court judge Robert Headrick after giggling during his plea. 'What are you laughing about, Mister Webb?' Headrick demanded to know, according to the Knoxville News Sentinel. 'There is nothing about this situation I find cute or funny. It's abhorrent!' Webb was arrested last month and initially charged with the 'felony adulteration of food' after a Mexican food delivery driver posted a video of him online, apparently putting his scrotum into the salsa. 'This is what you get when you give an eighty nine cent tip for an almost thirty minute drive,' the driver can be heard saying in the fourteen-second clip. 'Oh, oh, it feels good,' can then be heard. The driver for the delivery company, Dinner Delivered, has been very fired but not charged with a crime. The customer was refunded for their meal after the video went viral on Facebook, leading to the charges. Webb was given a six-month suspended sentence and placed on probation. He is also required to attend ninety drug and alcohol counselling sessions and pay a ten dollar fine plus court costs.
Each year in March, residents and visitors of the Aichi Prefecture in Japan flock to Komaki, North of Nagoya, to celebrate the phallus as part of The Penis Festival– also known as Honen-sai. The purpose is to wish fertility to loved ones by throwing a massive festival packed with all manner of penis-like objects. Dong statues, cream-filled cakes shaped like massive members, throbbing monsters paraded through the streets, the works. Visitors can pray to the many structures in hopes of having a child, meeting someone nice, or simply having a bountiful harvest. It's about fertility in all of its forms, with the bell-end as a potent symbol of such fertility. The festival begins each year on 15 March at Tagata shrine, where priests have salted the road to purify the path for those carrying large penises. Then, the largest wooden cock, crafted each year from finest Japanese cypress, is carried through the streets by a group of - one imagines, rather jealous - men. This wanger can be incredibly hefty, weighing upwards of four hundred kilograms and with a circumference of more than one hundred centimetres - so, that'd be bigger than average, then - and is the one to which most tributes and prayers are paid. Lucky guests are able to give the wooden penis a kiss on the tip or a right good stroke. Once that is done, the parade begins, featuring more penis tributes, followed by a street party with snacks, sake and souvenirs. And, of course, the food is all penis shaped too, as are most of the souvenirs. Chocolate dipped banana, uncircumcised hot dogs and artfully designed dong-shaped pancakes. Tasty.
A succinct, two-section bill introduced this week in the Georgia General Assembly would make men aged fifty five and older self-report each and every time they ejaculate immediately, to the nearest law enforcement agency. HB 604, which was introduced Monday, according to its progress tracker on the General Assembly website, would require such men to 'immediately report to the county sheriff or local law enforcement agency when such male releases sperm from his testicles.' The bill was reportedly sponsored by five female Democratic state representatives, including Dar'shun Kendrick. Kendrick, from the Atlanta suburb of Lithonia, tweeted a separate, but related, proposal on Twitter under the umbrella of what she calls her 'testicular bill of rights' legislation. The 'testicular bill of rights' had been re-tweeted more than four thousand times and 'started a conversation' including more than two thousand three hundred replies as of Wednesday afternoon. Most of them being, essentially, 'what the fuck ...?' notwithstanding. 'You want some regulation of bodies and choice? Done!' Kendrick tweeted, along with a screenshot of an e-mail listing several points to be included in the legislation which, she says, she 'expects on her desk' at the end of the week. The bullet points include a ban on vasectomies, forcing men to obtain written permission from their sexual partners before obtaining a prescription for an erectile dysfunction medication and making sex without a condom punishable under law as 'aggravated assault.' The point of it all is not to 'push an anti-male agenda,' Kendrick claimed, according to Rolling Stone. She admitted that the likelihood of her 'testicular bill of rights' passing the Georgia Assembly is 'not high' (no shit?!) But, she told the magazine that her point was to 'bring awareness to the fact that if you're going to legislate our bodies then we have every right to propose legislation to regulate yours.' That statement positions her 'testicular bill of rights' and HB 604 as a response to HB 481, which was recently passed by the Georgia House and would make abortion illegal in Georgia after the point at which a doctor can measure a fetus' heartbeat, which is usually at about six weeks into a pregnancy. 'This bill helps men who are well past reproductive age to self-report when they wilfully engage in conception,' Representative Park Cannon of Atlanta, one of HB 604's co-sponsors, said, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Kendrick wrote an Op-Ed piece for Newsweek on Tuesday under the headline, You want our wombs? We're coming for your testicles. In it, she rebrands HB 481 as the 'Women's Womb Takeover' bill. Kendrick has represented Georgia's Ninety Third District in the Assembly since she was elected in 2010 at age twenty seven, according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution. HB 604 was co-sponsored by Cannon, Renitta Shannon, Donna McLeod and Sandra Scott.
A nineteen-year-old Oklahoma man has been accused of gunning down his parents because he believed they were 'sending him messages telepathically and they were Satan worshipers,' court documents allege. Michael Elijah Walker, of Edmond, is charged with two counts of first-degree murder in the slayings of Michael Logan Walker and Rachael May Walker, according to Oklahoma County Jail records. Elijah Walker's sister, Ashten West, claimed on her Facebook page that her brother is schizophrenic. 'Mental illness is real and it is devastating. He was not and has not been in the right state of mind for a few years now,' West wrote. 'I will always love him no matter what. He is a victim as well.' Edmond police officials confirmed that investigators are looking into Elijah Walker's mental state.
A family have reportedly called their newborn Lucifer. Lucifer rivals another Biblical name chosen in Scotland in 2018 - a baby called Messiah. Of the more than forty seven thousand babies born in Scotland in 2018, some of the poor little bastards got lumbered with names like Awesome, Nun, Royalty and Pepper the Sun reported. And, this constitutes 'news', seemingly. Edinburgh Council's Karen Watson told the numbskull tabloid: 'There aren't really any rules around names. It's a case of people can call their babies whatever they like.' She added: 'To be perfectly honest, names now are actually pretty normal and there are only one or two that go a wee bit different. As long, as it's not offensive we don't get involved in what they are calling their baby.' Olivia was Scotland's most popular girl's name, while Jack topped the boy's table for an eleventh year. Lucifer comes from the Latin name for the planet Venus - the morning star - and was later applied to a Hebrew translation which referred to the King of Babylon as the 'shining one.' The interpretation led the name to become synonymous with stories of Satan's fall from Heaven.
A beer festival will be allowed to go ahead this summer in a redundant Shrewsbury church despite threats to boycott it. Concerns had been raised about plans to hold the Shrewsbury & West Shropshire Campaign for Real Ale Festival at The Church of St Mary the Virgin in July. Albeit, not by anyone that actually, you know, matters. Despite 'a number of people' whinging the plans at a public meeting last week, the Churches Conservation Trust has decided to proceed with the festival. It said that 'after careful consideration,' they had decided to go ahead with the event, with 'additional safety measures' to 'protect the fabric of the building.' CCT head of region North, Judith Patrick, said: 'At the public meeting there was a general support from the community regarding involvement and engagement within St Mary's. We welcome this and any additional support in raising vital funds for the ongoing repairs and maintenance costs.' About four hundred thousand knicker needs to be raised to keep St Mary's open to the public and Judith said that events like the beer festival are 'an ideal way' to raise funds. But a former steward at the church, David John, told the public meeting that he would be 'forced to boycott' the festival if the CCT allowed it to take place in the consecrated building.  Not that he'd been invited in the first place. Norrie Porter, from Shrewsbury's branch of CAMRA, said that the group is 'delighted' with the decision.
Sheriff's officials in Macon County, Alabama, have released mug shots of Mama June Shannon and her boyfriend, who were both extremely arrested last week on charges of drug possession and domestic violence. Shannon, who became infamous via Toddlers & Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on TLC and WeTV's Mama June: From Not to Hot, was very arrested with Eugene Geno Doak last Wednesday at a gas station near Tuskegee, after law officers responded to a domestic-violence call, according to AL.com, which cited arrest records. Doak has been charged with misdemeanour domestic violence and both face charges of felony possession of drugs and misdemeanour possession of drug paraphernalia after allegedly being found with crack cocaine and a pipe. Doak allegedly told Shannon that he was going to kill her, according to documents obtained by the TMZ website. The two have been dating for about three years, the site said and were spotted together at a casino in Wetumpka on Saturday, despite Doak being ordered to stay away from Shannon.
A man whom police claim 'terrorised' Detroit women by grabbing their bottoms then running off is now safely behind bars, according to Marquette County Prosecuting Attorney Matthew Wiese. Caleb Anderson was charged on Friday with 'multiple counts of criminal sexual conduct in the fourth degree,' police said. Anderson is accused of going up to women, grabbing their buttocks and then, quickly, running away cackling. Yes, just like Benny Hill in The Italian Job. He is, also, accused of 'being a very naughty man.' The incidents occurred in Marquette, including on the campus of Northern Michigan University. The case is a joint investigation between the Marquette Police Department and the Northern Michigan University Police Department. According to WPBN-TV, the investigation began in January after police 'started receiving reports of assault.'
A former dogger has 'spoken out in support' of the 'minority sport' and 'revealed his favourite memories of The Public Sex activity.' The man, 'who wishes to remain anonymous,' claims that he started dogging in his early thirties. Speaking to the Liverpool Echo he 'slammed prudes' (that's tabloidese for 'criticised' only with less syllables) who stereotype doggers as 'mac-wearing perverts.' No, obviously, they take their macs off when having The Sex. He claims that the activity 'should not be a problem' for non-doggers. He said: 'In the main, doggers are not mac-wearing perverts, or social misfits. Many drive nice cars, have regular jobs and live in suburbia. They are the type of people who live next door to you or work with you. What they all have in common is that they are turned on by the thrill of having The Sex in public. There really is no one stereotype. They are of all ages, shapes, sizes and backgrounds. I never came across an instance where a couple didn't insist on condoms being worn - those involved in the scene practice safe sex. This is not a social scourge that is causing distress to unsuspecting locals. It is a minority sport, taking place at remote beauty spots away from residential areas, mainly late at night. I understand why it mightn't float most people's boat but the prudes shouldn't be allowed to spoil the fun for others because of their own sexual hang-ups.' And, this constitutes 'news', apparently.
A terrible accident or a terribly imperfect crime? Police and prosecutors in Slovenia are trying to determine the truth after a twenty one-year-old woman cut off her hand with a circular saw in January this year. Her family claim that it was an accident; that she was sawing branches from a tree when 'the saw slipped.' However, she is being accused of insurance fraud by investigators in Ljubljana. The woman had previously taken out five different insurance policies in the months before her injury and had only made two-to-three monthly payments for them, police told ABC News. Altogether, for her injury, she would have received four hundred and thirty thousand dollars and monthly payments of over three thousand dollars for ten years with smaller monthly payments thereafter. However, she has not received anything to date and is currently being detained by The Fuzz. The woman was unemployed and 'had no other source of income,' according to authorities. She and her twenty nine-year-old relative, who is also being detained, could face one-to-eight years in The Slammer if convicted of insurance fraud. 'With one of her accomplices, she intentionally amputated her left hand, hoping to stage it as an accident,' Ljubljana police spokesman Valter Zrinski said. Zrinski added that investigators first learned of the alleged fraud 'through routine system checks,' which lead to about one hundred arrests each year 'for different kinds of insurance fraud.' After the woman's hand was severed, her family took her to Ljubljana University Medical Centre without the hand in what police claim was 'an attempt to make sure her disability was permanent.' However, upon her admission into the hospital, doctors called police - per Slovene law - and they were able to retrieve the hand. Surgeons subsequently sewed it back on. 'Her hand,' Zrinski said, 'is recovering well.' Unlike her immediate prospects.
A man in New Jersey reportedly tried to board a city bus whilst dragging an ATM machine with him. According to a forty seven-second video obtained by NJ Transit, a man was spotted possessing, then twirling and pushing, a money dispensing machine toward a bus stopped to take on passengers. Once he reaches the vehicle's entrance, the man yells: 'I'll split it with you' to the driver. A female voice is heard saying: 'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no' in response. The doors then close, leaving the person and the ATM at the curbside. 'Are you going to do this to me?' he says. 'For real?' Before the bus departs, the man pleads with the driver once more: 'We could have made money together!' Within a few hours, NJ Transit deleted the tweet. The agency also shared a statement about the social media post. 'We asked our customers to caption in video - however we did not stage, post or film this so we have no context around the posted video,' NJ Transit said. Newark Police is said to be investigating the incident.
A wife mercilessly beat her husband after finding out that he was drinking. The husband had allegedly failed to give his wife money for food and family upkeeping. According to the description given by the witness who recorded the event, the woman assaulted her husband because he had not given her money for their children's food. The event occurred in Iquitos, Peru and was captured by the witness via his smartphone. The video was then shared on Facebook by Jorge Marcelo Leon and it has - inevitably - 'gone viral.' This is the Twenty First Century,dear blog reader, what else did you expect? In the video clip, the wife throws her husband - who was sitting in a bar - to the ground and then starts hitting him with a wooden chair. A geet rive on follows with the punching and the kicking and the screaming and all that.
A man accidentally shot himself after he threw his gun at a cockroach in an attempt to squash the insect, police have said. The unnamed fifty-year-old man told police in Detroit that he tried to kill the insect on Tuesday morning by throwing a shoe at it, only for a revolver hidden inside the shoe - to go off and send a bullet flying in his direction. After throwing his sneaker at the cockroach, the man's gun allegedly fell out and fired, striking him in the foot. Authorities said the man was taken to a local hospital and was in stable condition following the incident. It is unclear whether he ended up successfully squashing the cockroach or not. Detroit Police Department says that it has 'not been able to confirm the man's version of events.' This is not the first time that Detroit has seen an injury caused by someone who, allegedly, went to extreme lengths to kill an insect. In January 2016, a man was reportedly badly burned after he tried to light bedbugs on fire in his apartment. He doused his infested furniture with alcohol and lit a cigarette, which he used to try to burn one of the tiny bugs, but he ended up extremely burning the couch - and himself. The incident also destroyed four apartment units and caused water damage in more than twenty other units.
Putting your life online can be wonderful for building a community and sharing experiences. However, it also leaves you vulnerable to cruel comments. As this blogger is well aware (yes, you know who you are). Sometimes the unpleasantness can be brushed off and ignored. Other times it hits a nerve. Mother-of-six, Krechelle Carter, has found this out for herself. Krechelle, from Australia, has been sharing some of the most horrific abuse which she has received from Interweb trolls, including being told her 'vagina must be a train wreck.' Mind you, this is all according to that bastion of truthful and accurate reportage the Daily Mirra so there's a chance it could be a load of old toot. 'The hateful comment came courtesy of a man called Michael, who'd messaged the Eight At Home blogger on her Facebook page,' state the Mirra's Social Audience Editor, Zahra Mulroy. That would be 'who had', Zahra, not 'who'd'. Where did you go to journalism school? Anyway, the message read: 'You have absolutely no credibility. Also your vag must be a train wreck. The quality of life your kids are going to have in the future is gonna be just terrible.' Nice. Tragically, as with most people who contact bloggers to tell them everything they are doing wrong, Michael did not include a detailed CV of his own, no doubt World Class, contributions to society. In the wake of this crass - and, somewhat ludicrous - bullying, Krechelle made a heartfelt statement on Instagram writing: 'Bullying. Man oh man; It has to stop. I just want to make one thing very clear - no form of bullying should be tolerated. People are loosing [sic[ their lives. We're actually loosing people because of this. So when does it stop?' As for Michael specifically, Krechelle then aimed a response at his comments: 'My vagina is perfectly intact by the way because of C-sections. Even if I had of had them out my hoo-hah it would be even more the beautifuler [sic] for it. I've had six babies cut out of my stomach while I was awake - I'm straight up-baller.' She continued: 'My children are perfectly fine - we eat broccoli and have craft supplies somewhere and we let them run around enough and cut bed time stories in half like all good parents do. We're just your average fucking family. As for my obesity. Yep it's true I'm obese, have been up and down my whole adult life. Give me six months to recover from all this bullshit and we'll race.' Needless to say, Krechelle standing up for herself and slapping down this worthless puddle of phlegm quickly garnered a lot of attention and praise from others in the online community. Of course, it's worth remembering, dear blog reader, that there are many good people in the world. There are, also, some bad people. Most of us, however, are somewhere in the middle, just trying to get through life with as little fuss as possible. And then, dear blog reader, there are some people who are just, simply, scum.
A North Carolina thrift shop recently sold a thousand dollar hand-carved furniture set which came with a warning of 'haunting activity'reported by its previous owners. The staff at Habitat for Humanity, a thrift shop in Salisbury, felt that the haunting activity reported by the previous owners of a queen canopy bed-frame and highboy chest of drawers was something which they needed to disclose to any potential buyers. 'Actually a lot of people are interested because it's haunted, supposedly,' Elizabeth Brady, the Store Operations Director, told FOX46. 'Our donations manager asked about these pieces and he was told "you don't want those, they're haunted," and he said "well, now I definitely want them!"' According to Brady, the previous owners of the furniture set had bought it years ago, but 'started experiencing creepy nightmares' the moment they brought it into their home. The couple's dogs would not stop barking at the queen canopy bed and chest of drawers, so they took the items out of their bedroom after a week. 'From the time they brought it in, they had continuous nightmares, the dogs wouldn't quit barking and finally, on the seventh night in there, he had a lot of trouble waking his wife up from sleep,' Brady said. 'We are a Christian ministry, we don't say we believe in ghosts or don't, but I have trouble selling this to someone not disclosing that. I would want to know as a customer.' A local couple was, seemingly, glad to pay the thousand bucks price and acquire the furniture in their home, adding that they 'don't really care' if it's haunted or whether this story is a complete and total invented load of old toot.
A 'hardened criminal' from Sheffield who stashed mobile phones that he smuggled into a Doncaster prison up his bottom has been 'hauled before the courts.' Graham Moore, has reportedly spent 'most of the last fifteen years' in The Joint; receiving a fifteen year sentence for robbery and firearms offences in 2003, before being jailed for another eight-and-a-half years in 2015 for further firearms offences. Another year was subsequently added to his sentence in 2017, after prison officers at HMP Lindholme found that he had secreted a mobile phone up his ringpiece in June 2016. Prosecutor Neil Coxon told Sheffield Crown Court that Moore had admitted committing identical offences in April and May of last year, whilst he was a prisoner at HMP Moorland. 'The defendant was the sole occupant of his cell. Officers attended on 11 April 2018 and the defendant was asked whether he had anything that he shouldn't have. He provided a response to the negative. He was asked to squat and a mobile phone was found secreted between his butt cheeks,' said Coxon. Coxon said that officers carried out another search on 9 May and another mobile phone was found up his Gary Glitter. Officers continued to search his cell and another phone was found in his dressing gown pocket. Moore was subsequently charged with three counts of possession of contraband electronic devices in prison and the court proceedings were still pending when he was released from his nine-and-a-half year sentence in January this year. The Recorder of Sheffield, Judge Jeremy Richardson QC, said Moore should have been sentenced before his release from prison and 'the inevitable consecutive sentence' he received would have pushed his release date back. Moore, who has an extensive criminal record of seventy one offences from nineteen convictions, pleaded extremely guilty to the charges at an earlier hearing. Rebecca Tanner, defending, said Moore was a 'career criminal and, after serving lengthy sentences, he now presents as a man who is showing the signs of real change.' Tanner said Moore has found employment since his release from prison and asked Judge Richardson whether it would be possible to defer or adjourn sentence to see whether he continues to make the same progress. Judge Richardson said he felt deferring sentence until 18 July was 'a risk worth taking,' but he warned Moore that should he re-offend during that time he would not only serve the rest of his license period, which expires in 2023, but he would also receive an additional sentence for his most recent set of offences. He said: 'I is important to record that this is a wholly exceptional course of action. Ordinarily, I would not contemplate taking a step such as this for a person such as you. There are a wholly unusual set of circumstances here, not least the fact a hardened criminal seems to be taking steps towards redemption and rehabilitation.' Judge Richardson added that in addition to punishment, another important function of the courts is to rehabilitate offenders where possible. He said he was 'throwing Moore a lifeline' and if he did not take it and was to re-offend during the next four months he would be the 'architect of his own destruction. If you step out of line once, back to jail you will go as soon as night follows day, you will remain in jail until 2023,' added Judge Richardson.
A police officer has admitted assaulting a child by repeatedly pouring water over their head. West Yorkshire Police Detective Sgt Mark Horwell and Claire Wallace of Northumbria Police, had previously denied child cruelty. Appearing at Newcastle Crown Court, those charges were dropped and Horwell admitted common assault. He was fined three hundred notes. The pair had been suspended from their respective forces. The court heard the decorated counter-terrorism officer with twenty years' service will 'inevitably lose his job' over the assault, which occurred in August 2017. The prosecution decided not to bring further charges against Wallace.
A former Coronation Street director who had sexual conversations with what he thought was a thirteen-year-old girl has been given a two-year community order. Tim Dowd, of Harrogate, had 'intimate online chats' with a police officer who was posing as a teenager in January 2018. Dowd reportedly talked to the officer who was pretending to be a teen named Chantelle. He denied four child sex offences but was found guilty at Leeds Crown Court on 1 March. Dowd asked 'Chantelle' to engage in phone sex with him and to send images of her naked breasts, jurors were told. He also quizzed her on whether she had ever slept with an older man. The former TV director, who also worked on Emmerdale and Heartbeat during a thirty-year career, carried on talking despite repeatedly being told she was thirteen, prosecutors explained. Dowd interacted with an online user Chantelle13Cymru, who was an undercover officer, before contacting her on WhatsApp, the court heard. Dowd was convicted of three counts of attempting to incite a child to engage in sexual activity and one charge of attempting to engage in sexual communication with a child, over a four-day period in 2018. Sentencing him, Judge Rodney Jameson QC said: 'It is unfortunate that even at the age of sixty six you are tormented by your own sexual desires.' Dowd had claimed in his defence that he believed he was talking to was an adult pretending to be underage as part of a sexual fantasy. But, the court didn't buy it. Saffman, defending Dowd, told the court his client had been guilty of 'foolish behaviour' but he had 'shown no intent' to engage in further sexual conversation with the web user.
Two men convicted of grooming and abusing girls showed 'remarkable stupidity' by trying to smuggle drugs into prison during their trial. Naveed Akhtar reportedly hid a parcel of mini-mobile phones and opioid tablets in a Bradford Crown Court toilet for Fahim Iqbal to pick up and take to HMP Leeds. The court heard that a dock officer found the package in a toilet roll dispenser. Iqbal and Akhtar were both extremely sentenced to a further five months in The Slammer. Iqbal is serving seven years for aiding and abetting rape and Akhtar seventeen years for rape following a trial in February. The drugs hearing was told the grooming trial was temporarily halted on 4 February for police to investigate two packages containing cannabis, opioid tablets and miniature mobile phones. The second package was found under a chair in the dock. Akhtar, who was on bail at the time, asked to go to the toilet during the trial and Iqbal, a serving prisoner, asked to go after him - resulting in a suspicious dock officer carrying out a search. Andrew Dallas, defending Iqbal, said it was 'widely known' on a HMP Leeds prison wing that Iqbal was being transported to court every day and he had been promised cannabis in return for carrying out the drugs plot. Sentencing at the same court, Judge Jonathan Durham Hall QC told the pair they had executed the plan 'with remarkable stupidity and, quite possibly, some degree of pressure, under the noses of dock officers and myself. How on earth you thought you could get this into [HMP Leeds] I do not know,' he said. 'It was an irritating, vexing and seriously stupid matter and, as counsel has said, it was doomed to failure.' The pair previously admitted two counts of drugs offences and a single count relating to their attempt to smuggle mobile phones.
The policing of badger culling cost taxpayers more than three million smackers last year, new figures show. The government has allowed culling in thirty two areas across ten counties in England to tackle Bovine tuberculosis. Devon and Cornwall Police spent the most of any force at eight hundred thousand knicker followed by Cheshire Police's just over four hundred and eighty thousand quid bill. A spokesman for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs claimed that the 'average cost' of policing has 'declined significantly.' One or two people even believed him. He claimed that Bovine TB 'is the greatest animal health threat to the UK and costs taxpayers more than one hundred million pounds each year.' Police forces are paid for the work by DEFRA, which released figures showing over thirty two thousand badgers were assassinated in 2018. The government is also considering 'other methods of eradication.' Gas chambers, perhaps? Cheshire West and Chester Council approved a badger vaccination programme last November, while a 'volunteer-run' Cheshire Badger Vaccination Programme is also in operation. The government's been awarding licences to cull badgers, usually to groups of local farmers, since 2013. Since then the cull has spread across England as licences have been extended. But the practice is extremely controversial with patrols of campaigners protesting against it or trying to stop it and police are often called in. Officers are asked to investigate allegations of wildlife crime as well as violence and intimidation from both sides. For those who've protested against the cull for the last six years, the policing cost is thought of as a huge waste of money. And, for those backing the cull, it is a necessary way of facilitating the fight against what the government says is 'the greatest animal health threat to the UK.' A spokesman for campaign group Wounded Badger Patrol said that he saw 'at first-hand the extensive police operation,' which 'is a very wasteful use of local taxpayers' money. This is all very expensive police time and equipment being used to police a deeply unpopular, unethical, unscientific and ineffective cull.' He said there is 'now a fully-functioning vaccination programme' and 'absolutely no need for farmers and landowners to sign up to culling badgers.' A DEFRA spokesman said: 'Our comprehensive strategy to eradicate it includes tighter cattle movement controls, more cattle testing and badger control in areas where the disease is rife.'
A day-old foal was rescued by firefighters after it became trapped down a mine shaft in a field in County Durham. The foal, which has not yet been named, had plunged down the hole in a field near Medomsley. Three crews from Consett and Bishop Auckland widened the hole and used a winch to raise the terrified foal. Durham and Darlington Fire and Rescue Service posted on Facebook that the rescue had been 'an awesome effort.' It said: 'Less than twenty four hours old and yet to be named the foal was then reunited with her very relieved mother. Once she had been checked over by a vet they were both released back to into the field. An awesome effort from everyone involved.' The foal was said to be a bit shaken and 'feeling a little hoarse.'Come on!
A man from Arizona was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of bestiality involving a cat, according to Maricopa County court records. Authorities received a call from someone who, allegedly, heard the man, later identified as Michael Navage, calling for help, the court record allege. The caller told police Navage had 'taken his cat into the bathroom' and called out for help, 'stating the cat was stuck on his penis,' according to the records, which includes a probable cause statement from Mesa police. The caller told police he had 'heard' Navage 'shouting expletives' at the cat and that the cat 'sounded as if it were in distress.' Officials arrived at his apartment soon afterwards, but Navage refused to allow officers to enter. Authorities were subsequently able to enter the residence and found Navage allegedly 'standing in the middle of the bathroom with a cat partially wrapped in a towel near his genital area.' Navage told authorities he was 'drying off the cat,' records state. Navage later told authorities that he was in the shower with the cat but denied any sexual activity with the cat had occurred. During an examination of the feline, a veterinarian observed that the cat had sustained injuries to its genitalia. While at the scene, officers observed a small bag containing a crystal-like substance, which officers believed to be methamphetamine. Navage said that he did not want to disclose whether the methamphetamines belonged to him or to the other men residing at the apartment, though he did admit to having used them, the statement added. According to records, Navage voluntarily allowed authorities to search his suitcase, where officers found identification, credit cards and a chequebook, none of which belonged to him. Officers also found a counterfeit one hundred dollar bill, which Navage later said he had received 'from someone else' and was aware that it was forged. Navage was taken into custody and transported to the Mesa Police Department, where officials said he admitted to selling methamphetamines and having other residents in the apartment sell one hundred and fifty bucks worth of methamphetamines for him. Navage told police he has sold drugs and would exchange the drugs in order to be provided a place to reside and access to a shower, officials said. Navage is facing charges of, basically, everything. Bestiality and animal cruelty, as well as charges of possession of a dangerous drug, possession of a dangerous drug for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia.
The Russian city of Krasknoyask recently hosted the country's first ever 'amateur face-slapping championship,' which had participants slap each other across the chops until one of them got knocked out. The controversial event was held during the Siberian Power Show, a popular sports show held in Krasnoyarsk on 16 and 17 March. A similar competition took place last year, in Moscow, but it featured only 'professional' athletes competing for the unofficial title of the most 'heavy-handed face-slapper.' This time, organisers decided to give amateurs the chance to prove that they've got what it takes, so anyone willing to engage in some face-slapping malarkey was invited to sign up. The rules of this amateur face-slapping championship involved competitors facing each other across a small table similar to the ones used in arm-wrestling competitions and hitting each other - really hard - across the face with the palm of their hands. Ideally, one of the two men would be knocked out by the slap, but if both were left standing after taking three slaps, a judge would decide the winner 'based on power and technique.' Although face-slapping is not an 'official' sport, the competition did have some simple rules. Participants were not allowed to hit opponents with the bottom part of their palm, only with the fingers and the upper half of the palm, to 'avoid causing serious injuries.' They were also forbidden from targeting opponents' temples, ears or eyes. These measures were 'meant to protect competitors.'
A US mother whose seven adopted children regularly performed as superheroes on her family's YouTube channel has been charged with child abuse. Machelle Hackney - from Arizona - and her two adult sons were arrested on Friday by local police. Hackney has denied abusing her children. The adoptees regularly appeared on the popular Fantastic Adventures channel, dressed up as superheroes. With new videos uploaded about once a week, Fantastic Adventures featured the children in fantastical situations, with animated effects representing their various superpowers. The children, aged from six to fifteen according to the Washington Post, have now been removed from Hackney's care. Police accuse Hackney of starving, pepper-spraying, beating and isolating the children. Authorities also allege that they were 'forced to take ice baths' and at least one of the boys 'experienced physical abuse to his genitals.' One child was allegedly found hiding in a cupboard when police arrived. 'Officers came in contact with the six other children, who appeared to be malnourished, due to their pale complexion, dark rings under their eyes, underweight and they stated they were thirsty and hungry,' police documents said. Hackney has been charged with seven counts of child abuse, five of unlawful imprisonment and two of child molestation, all of which she denies. Her two sons were charged with failing to report child abuse. YouTube said that, since the arrests, the channel had been 'prevented' from earning money. 'When we're made aware of serious allegations of this nature, we take action, which may include suspending monetisation or, upon conclusion of an investigation, terminating channels,'YouTube said in a statement.
A woman in China reportedly'almost died' after injecting herself with liquidised fruit in a bid to be healthy. The fifty one-year-old suffered liver, kidney, heart and lung damage and was put into intensive care for five days. There were over twenty kinds of fruit in the intravenous injection, an employee at the Affiliated Hospital of Xiangnan University in Hunan told the BBC News website. Social media users in China claim that the case 'highlights' the need for basic medical knowledge. And, you know, a fraction of common bloody sense. After injecting herself with the mixture, the woman had itchy skin and a rising temperature. She was admitted to the intensive care unit of the hospital on 22 February, before being transferred to a general ward and later discharged. The case has drawn attention on Chinese social media site Weibo. More than eleven thousand users have used the hashtag Old Woman Puts Juice Into Veins. And, this bollocks constitutes 'news', apparently.
When this blogger was nine, dear blog reader, he wanted, when he grew up, to be an astronaut ... who, when he wasn't working for NASA on Skylab played on the left-wing for Newcastle United. And was Slade's tambourine player at weekends. Do you ever have one of those days, dear blog reader, were you spend an inordinate amount of time wondering ... where did it all go wrong?
The Stately Telly Topping Manor playlist this week, dear blog reader, has included this lot. This blogger's been having a bit of 'English sensibility thing' going down of late.
Meanwhile, dear blog reader, boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say ...
And finally, on Thursday morning this blogger tried to access both iPlayer and UKPlay on Stately Telly Topping Manor's Samsung Smart telly - as this blogger does most days - and got a very odd error message that Keith Telly Topping had never seen before. It basically said that the device wasn't connected to the Interweb. Which, it very much was. Wirelessly, admittedly, but the modem was very definitely turned on. This blogger thereafter spent over an hour resetting all of the Interweb-to-TV connection information as recommended in the telly's manual but, still no connectivity. This blogger then went onto Samsung's website help page and found that a few other purchasers have been having the same problem. The website's advise - 'have you tried turning it off and on again?' Yes, that really is on there. And, whaddya know, this blogger hadn't, so he did and it worked. Has anyone else ever found themselves in an episode of The IT Crowd?

Scott Walker, one of the most enigmatic and influential figures in rock and/or roll history - and a particular favourite of this blogger - has died at the age of seventy six. The American singer/songwriter, whose best-known hits included 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore', 'No Regrets' and 'Joanna', was a huge influence on a wide-range of artists - from David Bowie to Jarvis Cocker. He found fame as a teen-idol in The Walker Brothers in the mid-1960s, but his dark baritone and brooding introspection always hinted at something far deeper and more complex. That was borne out in his subsequent experimental, lush and baroque string of solo LPs, which explored the complexities of love, death and pretty much everything in between. Scott's death was confirmed by his current record label, 4AD, who described him 'one of the most revered innovators at the sharp end of creative music.'
Born Noel Scott Engel in Ohio in 1944, Scott initially pursued a career as an actor, before linking up with John Maus and Gary Leeds to form the misleadingly-named Walker Brothers in Los Angeles. After something of a false start in the US, they relocated to England in 1965, where they caused a huge sensation, having a hit with their second single, a lush Jack Nitzsche-arranged version of Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil's 'Love Her'. Executives at Philips, their UK record label, soon took note of the good-looking émigré Americans and began to promote them heavily, with Scott displacing John as the trio's lead singer and effective focal point. The Walker Brothers' next release, 'Make It Easy On Yourself', a powerful Burt Bacharach and Hal David ballad, swept to number one on the UK Singles Chart (it was also a top twenty hit back in the US) on release in August 1965, knocking '(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction' off the top spot. After 'My Ship Is Coming In' (another UK top three hit), their second number one came with what remains their best-known piece, the glorious 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine (Anymore)' in early 1966. Finding suitable material was always a problem for the trio, however. The Walkers' sound mixed grandiloquent Phil Spector-style 'wall of sound' techniques with symphonic orchestrations featuring many of Britain's top musicians and arrangers. Scott served as effective co-producer of the band's records throughout this period alongside Johnny Franz. Further hits followed with 'You Don't Have To Tell Me', 'Another Tear Falls' and 'Deadlier Than The Male' and they made three fine LPs (Take It Easy, Portrait and Images) but, by 1967 the pressure of constant touring was beginning to take its toll. 'At first it was fine,' Walker told the BBC's Culture Show in 2006. 'I hate people in the business who bitch about the business. It was fantastic for the first couple of albums or so but it really wears you down. Touring in those days was very primitive. It was really a lot of hard work. And you couldn't find anything good to eat. The hours were unbelievable.'
At the height of their fame, with Scott still considered a teenage heart-throb and a potential superstar, he called time on the band and ran away to a monastery for a few months. Not, as the rumour had it, because of a nervous breakdown, but rather to study Gregorian chants. He remained disillusioned with the music industry until his girlfriend introduced him to Jacques Brel, whose literate, passionate torch songs inspired Scott to embark on a solo career. His first solo hit was a controversial version of Brel's 'Jackie' (playlist-restricted by Radio 1 because of its then-shocking inclusion of the word 'bordello'!) His regular recording of Brel songs thereafter was to be a major influence on the young David Bowie whose own subsequent versions of 'Amsterdam' and 'My Death' closely borrowed from Scott's translations and arrangements.
Scott's first four solo LPs, all self-titled, juxtaposed lush, orchestral pop with dark existentialism; the lyrics were frequently scattered with characters from society's margins - prostitutes, transvestites, suicidal brooders and even Joseph Stalin (the latter on Scott 4's remarkable 'The Old Man's Back Again', inspired by Scott's outrage at the 1968 Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia). 'He took music to a place that it hasn't actually ever been since,' said Brian Eno, another auteur who counts Walker as a key influence. These songs - including genuine twenty four carat masterpieces like 'Montague Terrace (In Blue)', 'The Girls From The Streets', 'Plastic Palace People', 'Big Louise', 'The Bridge', 'The Seventh Seal', 'Boy Child', 'The Big Hurt' and 'Hero Of The War' - were major departures from the straight pop of The Walker Brothers though Scott was still enough of a name that his first three solo LPs were all big hits in the UK during 1967-68, aided by a trio of bona fide classic hit singles, 'Jackie', 'Joanna' and 'Lights Of Cincinnati'. At the peak of his fame in 1969, Scott was given his own BBC2 TV series, Scott, featuring solo Walker performances of ballads, big band standards, Brel songs and his own compositions. In subsequent interviews, Walker has suggested that by the time of his third solo LP, a self-indulgent complacency had crept into his choice of material. An LP to tie-in with the success of Scott, Scott Walker Sings Songs From His TV Series - exemplified the problems he was having in failing to balance his own creative work with the demands of his manager, Maurice King, who seemed determined to mould his protegé into a Andy Williams/Frank Sinatra-style crooner.
Having parted company with King, Walker released Scott 4 in 1969. Compensating for his recent dip into passivity, this was his first record made up entirely of self-penned material. It was his masterpiece but, significantly, it failed to chart and was deleted soon afterwards. It has been speculated that Walker's decision to release the LP under his real name, Noel Scott Engel, contributed to its chart failure.
Scott then entered a period of self-confessed artistic decline, during which he spent five years making records 'by rote, just to get out of contract' and consoling himself with drink. 'Til the Band Comes In (1970), showed a pronounced split between its two sides of Scott Walker. One half featured original material (mostly co-written with Ady Semel) whilst the other consisted almost entirely of cover versions. Subsequent releases saw Walker revert to covers of popular film tunes and a serious flirtation with country music. The Moviegoer (1972), Any Day Now (1973), Stretch (1973) and We Had It All (1974) feature no original material whatsoever. All of them have some merit but none were as essential his earlier work.
The Walker Brothers reunited in 1975 and produced three LPs. Their first single, an epic cover of Tom Rush's 'No Regrets' dripping with emotion was a huge hit in the UK. However, two singles from the next LP, Lines (including its title song, which Scott said he regarded as the best single the group ever released) both failed to chart. With the imminent demise of their record label, the Walkers collaborated on an LP of original material which was in stark contrast to the country-flavoured tunes of the previous LPs. The resulting work, Nite Flights, was released in 1978 with each of the Brothers writing and singing their own compositions. The opening four songs were Scott's; 'Nite Flights', 'The Electrician', 'Shut Out' and 'Fat Mama Kick' - were his first original compositions since 'Til The Band Comes In and represented significant steps away from the MOR image and sound that he had cultivated since the commercial failure of Scott 4. The extremely dark and discomforting sound of Scott's songs, particularly 'The Electrician', was to prove a forerunner to the direction of his future solo work. In spite of a warm critical reception, sales for Nite Flights were minimal and it was only subsequently - and rightly - regarded as a major influence on Bowie and others. Scott entered a period of invisibility at the very moment that his work was being rediscovered, reassessed and name-checked by the likes of Julian Cope (who released a compilation, Fire Escape In The Sky: The Godlike Genius Of Scott Walker) and Marc Almond (who wrote a warm fanboy essay for another compilation, Boy Child). Scott, meanwhile, bowed out of music for a decade after the release of 1984's critically-acclaimed Climate Of Hunter which, like Nite Flights, got some of the best reviews of his career and some of the worst sales. 'A friend of mine says I'm not a recluse, I'm just low-key,' said the singer about his extended absence. 'Generally if I've got nothing to say, it's pointless to be around.'
By the time that Scott returned to recording in the mid-1990s, it was with Tilt, a collection of fraught, uncompromising tone poems. Variously described as 'an anti-matter collision of rock and modern classical music,' as 'Samuel Beckett at La Scala' and as 'indescribably barren and unutterably bleak, the wind that buffets the Gothic cathedrals of everyone's favourite nightmares,' it was more consciously avant-garde than its predecessor with Walker now revealed as a fully-fledged modernist composer. 'Imagine Andy Williams reinventing himself as Stockhausen,' wrote the Gruniad Morning Star's Simon Hattenstone in a profile of the singer. Walker went on to collaborate with Pulp, producing the 2001 LP We Love Life, work with Nick Cave (another long-time devotee), curate the South Bank Centre's annual summer live music festival, Meltdown and, more recently, completed the score to Natalie Portman film Vox Lux. 2006's The Drift and 2012's Bish Bosh continued to see Scott ploughing his own, unique and remarkable, furrow on the fringes of commerical pop music. Both were critically acclaimed. Neither sold very much. In 2017, the BBC paid tribute to Scott with a Proms concert at the Royal Albert Hall.
Initially working as a classy interpreter of other people's songs, Scott Walker developed his own unique songwriting skills. In a 1984 interview, though, he spoke of his difficulty in writing songs: 'I don't write songs for pleasure. I can only write when I have to - like I'm under contract, or to finish an album.' His death follows that of his former bandmate John Maus in 2011 after a battle with liver cancer. Scott is survived by his partner, Beverly, daughter Lee and granddaughter Emmi-Lee.

The bar was set extremely high for series two of From The North favourite Killing Eve after its massive success last year; but, if early reviews of the second series are anything to go by, Jodie Comer and Sandra Oh have smashed it out of the park yet again. Despite a change in writer as Phoebe Waller-Bridge handed on the reins to Call The Midwife's Emerald Fennell, the drama seems to have retained its distinctive voice as the cat-and-mouse game continues between the MI6 agent and the professional assassin. 'The first two episodes of Killing Eve season two are full of compelling twists and wrinkles, but it's the sly feminism at the heart of the show’s cat-and-mouse game that makes it all so infectiously fun,' says Newsweek, adding a plethora of praise for Oh and Comer. 'Killing Eve remains very much grounded in its original identity,' adds Indiewire, while Slashfilm suggests that 'the writing and direction of Killing Eve remains impeccable.' Despite initial scepticism that the show couldn't possibly live up to its first series, TV Guide's Kaitlin Thomas writes: 'Killing Eve's second season, at least the two episodes screened in advance for critics, didn't let me down. The new episodes, brimming with crackling electricity, elicited the same amount of joy I experienced when I watched Eve and Villanelle dance around each other during the first go round, only this time the stakes were considerably higher.'CNET agrees, saying: 'Fennell seems to know what she's doing and has down to a tee Killing Eve's enticing mixture of dark humour, sexual tension between the two main female characters, absurd comedy and international spy-thriller thrills.'Killing Eve series two will begin in the US on 7 April. There is still no word as yet on a UK broadcast date.
Killing Eve leads this year's BAFTA TV Award nominations, with Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer both up for best actress. The show has fourteen nominations for the main awards and the BAFTA TV Craft Awards, which were announced together. Russell Davies's drama A Very English Scandal is next with twelve. Bodyguard's Keeley Hawes will go up against Comer and Oh for best actress - but there was no room on the best actor list for her co-star, Richard Madden. That was something of a surprise given that he won the Golden Globe for best actor in a TV drama in January. Bodyguard and Killing Eve are both up for best drama series, alongside BBC1's Informer and Sky Atlantic's Save Me. Hawes is in the running for two awards after also receiving a best supporting actress nomination for Mrs Wilson. Huge Grant is among the nominees for best actor for playing disgraced former Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe in A Very English Scandal. His co-star Ben Whishaw is up for best supporting actor. Grant's rivals for best actor are Benedict Cumberbatch for Patrick Melrose, Chance Perdomo for Killed By My Debt and Lucian Msamati for Kiri. On the best actress shortlist, Ruth Wilson is the final nominee for playing her own grandmother in Mrs Wilson. Elsewhere, Ant and/or Dec are - as usual - nominated for best entertainment performance and entertainment programme for Saturday Night Takeaway. Declan Donnelly had to finish presenting last year's series on his own after Ant McPartlin's drink-drive arrest last March. At last year's ceremony, Ant was missing when Dec accepted the entertainment programme prize for Britain's Got Toilets. Bros documentary After the Screaming Stops and Black Mirror's choose your own adventure-style film Bandersnatch are among the productions with three nominations. This Country star Daisy May Cooper is nominated for the best female comedy performance award for the second year in a row. But she will face stiff competition from Jessica Hynes for There She Goes, Julia Davis for Sally4Ever and Lesley Manville for Mum. Sally4Ever and Mum are also recognised in the best scripted comedy, alongside Channel Four's Derry Girls and Stath Lets Flats. The Car Share finale didn't make it on to the list, with Peter Kay and Sian Gibson also missing out in the comedy performance categories. However, they are up for best comedy writing and the show is up for the must-see moment prize, which will be voted for by the public. The category also includes the assassination of Julia Montague in Bodyguard, The Doctor meeting Rosa Parks in Doctor Who and Eve stabbing Villanelle at the climax of Killing Eve. Both David Mitchell and Lee Mack have been nominated in the Entertainment Performance category for Would I Lie To You? The main BAFTA Television Awards will be held on 12 May at the Royal Festival Hall in London and the ceremony will be shown on BBC1. The BAFTA TV Craft Awards recognise behind-the-scenes achievements and will be presented separately on 28 April. And, will not be televised.
For the second week running - and reflecting that, now we've reached the quarter final stages, it's time for the tough to get going - this blogger didn't manage the answer to a single question before either of the teams in the latest episode of From The North favourite Only Connect. Although he did get reasonably close once! Perhaps, like other viewers, he was somewhat distracted by how drop-dead sexy The Divine Victoria was looking. Particularly when explaining - as she has done in the past - that David is very good at 'mansplaining'.
And now, dear blog reader, the first handful of entries in a new, semi-regular, From The North feature, Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number one: Just three days before his upsettingly untimely death, the late Scott Walker must've got the shock of his life at hearing his brooding, dramatic howl against Stalinism 'The Old Man's Back Again' used in the climactic scene in the latest episode of The Blacklist.
'Please God, don't let me puke in my bandages!' Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number two: The late Lou Reed's 'Perfect Day' (not a love song as many people believe but, actually, about heroin withdrawal) being used in the most recent - beautiful - episode of From The North's current favourite TV show on the planet, Doom Patrol.
'Doom Patrol, based on an obscure DC property that debuted in comics in the 1960s, is produced by former DC Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns and Arrowverse mastermind Greg Berlanti,'notedForbes' Rob Salkowitz in a review of the most recent episode. 'The show is not only an outlier in the generally high-quality world of mature comic adaptations (think Preacher, Legion, or the better Marvel Netflix series), the early evidence suggests it could be one of the most thematically challenging shows ever produced, up there with Twin Peaks or the early 1980s British masterpiece The Singing Detective. Or, it could be the first season of Lost, full of promise and mystery, but ultimately too far up its own butt to hold much enduring value ... Recent plots have involved an evil Nazi marionette in South America who turns people into surreal monsters, a town that gets sucked inside a donkey, a piss-take on the kind of end-of-the-world apocalypse that's become run of the mill in these sorts of shows and an adventure in an old-age home for demented superheroes. However, merely describing the show's premise does it a disservice. Perhaps the best part about Doom Patrol is that it doesn't even pretend to make sense. The characters take the situations as seriously as possible, but the show gleefully wallows in its own weirdness and treats the fourth wall as a swinging screen door. Since Doom Patrol is on a streaming service rather than broadcast or cable, there is plenty of adult language and almost all of it comes in the form of "What the f ...?" exhortations from characters as confused and exasperated about the crazy stuff going on as we are. This version of Doom Patrol inherits its weirdness directly from a celebrated late 1980s run of the comic that featured the early work of soon-to-be-superstar writer Grant Morrison. Fans familiar with this series would probably rate it in the bottom one per cent of all comic book material likely to be adapted for the screen, mostly because of its self-conscious rejection of linear story structure and its self-consciousness of its own self-consciousness. And yet, here we are in 2019, when Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol has been fully and gloriously realised as an ongoing series and no one has yet figured out how to make a decent movie of The Fantastic Four.' Well, yes. What he said, basically.
It's so good, dear blog reader, it's almost enough to make this blogger write his first letter to a comic since 1989 ... But, perhaps yer actual Keith Telly Topping has said too much. Next ...
Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number three: Michael Martin Murphy's 'Geronimo's Cadillac' cropping up as a recurring motif in this week's episode of From The North favourite American Gods. Which, judging by that review - and, indeed, this one - seems to have gone down like a bucket of cold sick with some of the viewership but which this blogger thought was great.
Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number four: The late David Bowie's 'Beauty & The Beast' (totally off-the-wall guitar solo courtesy of good old mad as toast Robert Fripp) used on the opening episode of Liza Williams' harrowing and genuinely unsettling BBC4 documentary The Yorkshire Ripper Files: A Very British Crime Story.
Although there is plenty of speculation as to what role Jon Snow, Daenerys, Tyrion and the remaining Starks will have in series eight, often the most powerful Game Of Thrones character is overlooked: The Night King. Outside of the fan theory that he is secretly Bran, the army of the dead's big kahuna is not spoken about as often as he deserves to be considering he's leading an onslaught to conquer the whole of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. Is he trying to take the Iron Throne of Westeros? Is he looking to kill one individual – Jon Snow, perhaps? And is his plan really evil? The actual answer, recently given by Thrones showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss, is a lot more chilling. 'I don't think of him as evil, I think of him as Death,' Benioff explained to EW. 'And, that's what he wants - for all of us. It's why he was created and that's what he's after.' Weiss added that they relished portraying the backstory of The Night King (a character seen so far only in the TV show, as opposed to the Song Of Ice & Fire novels) and his White Walkers in past series. 'We always liked the implication that they weren't some kind of cosmic evil that had been around since the beginning of time but that The White Walkers had a history that something that seems legendary and mythological and permanent wasn't. They had a historical cause that was comprehensible like the way the wars on screen we're seeing unfold are comprehensible. They're the result of people, or beings, with motivations we can understand.' However, it appears unlikely that audiences will hear The Night King speak openly about his motivations. 'What's he going to say?' Benioff said when asked why the character doesn't speak. 'Anything The Night King says diminishes him.'
The moment in the Game Of Thrones episode Battle Of The Bastards where the viewer believes that Jon Snow is about to be crushed in a throng of his own men is one of the most anxiety-inducing of the entire popular adult fantasy drama. And, it seems that the series' cast and crew were feeling just as apprehensive about filming the scene, after camera operator Sean Savage revealed that they gave Kit Harington a 'safe word' to bellow in case he was in too much danger. 'I think if you were to ask me what my favourite scene over those eight years was, it's when Jon Snow is forced to the ground and then trampled,' Savage said in a video released by HBO. 'This seemingly immortal hero of ours looks like he's close to the end. Something that Miguel Sapochnik the director put into the show, it wasn't entirely scripted like that. Kit went to ground, the stunt guys piled in. We had a "safe word" where we could call it off at any point. We had to see the light close up on Kit's face and, at that point, I just urged Kit to get off the ground and stand up again. I think you can see that it is a true struggle. [Battle Of The Bastards] was by far the biggest challenge,' he continued, 'the scale of it, the organisation and the ambition that Miguel had. The attrition of going into that situation every day solidly for twenty three days was a huge challenge.'
There are no doubt plenty of benefits to getting a role on Game Of Thrones. Worldwide recognition from a rabid fanbase, filming on exotic if, sometimes, cold - location, that sort of thing. But it seems that landing one of the popular adult fantasy drama's coveted roles could threaten chances of landing certain other parts, with one actor claiming that 'some' series 'in similar genres' are allegedly 'banning' actors who have appeared on Game Of Thrones from auditioning due to fears that they are too strongly associated with the HBO show. Speaking at MCM Comic-Con Birmingham, Ian Beattie (who played Ser Meryn Trant in Game Of Thrones) revealed that he would not have been able to audition for an unnamed show 'based on a video game' because he had starred in Game Of Thrones. 'It's quite unusual because there was another show, that I'd rather not name if you don't mind, which was auditioning. It's based on a video game and I can't remember if Amazon or Netflix were doing it. But at the bottom of the casting call it said] "No Game Of Thrones actors,"' Beattie claimed. 'And, that's not the first time that's happened,' he continued. 'I'm thinking, "there's some pretty bloody good actors in Game Of Thrones. What the heck?" But, they did not want any form of brand recognition. That's to do with the identity of the show. This is obviously a show that sees itself as a Game Of Thrones-type show. It isn't out yet, it's being made I think as we speak. So they obviously don't want any crossover whatsoever, which is fair enough. I won't be watching it, but okay.'
It has been two years since audiences were first introduced to the ambitious Taboo, masterminded by Peaky Blinders showrunner Steven Knight alongside its star Tom Hardy and his father, Chips. The drama followed adventurer James Delaney (Hardy), as he stalked Nineteenth-Century London in a bid to claim his inheritance from his late father. While the eight-part series proved a hit for the BBC in early 2017, little has been said about the confirmed second series, until now. Knight has confirmed that the scripts for series two are 'almost completed' and that he hopes that the drama will go into production 'in late 2019 or early 2020.' He then added that 'the current plan' is to do 'a total of three series,' all made up of eight hour-long episodes. Speaking to Collider to promote his latest project, Serenity, Knight explained, 'If we all stick with it and we all want to keep doing it, it would be three [series]. That's my plan. I've got a geographical sort of route for the thing to take,' he added. 'It's basically a journey West. I have a destination in mind, which is always nice to have if you're setting off on this big journey, which is what writing three eight-hours is. It's good to know where you're headed.'Taboo is, of course, not Knight's first collaboration with Hardy: the pair previously worked together when Hardy guest starred in Peaky Blinders as fan favourite Alfie Solomons. He also starred in Knight's 2013 project Locke, a unique thriller which saw Hardy appear as the only on-screen actor, playing a character who races down to London to be at the birth of his child. 'Locke and Taboo came about because of each other,' Knight said, 'where I was invited to meet with Tom to talk about writing this thing, Taboo and I was developing Locke. Tom was parking his car and I spoke to his manager and said, "Do you mind if I mention this project?" so we did a deal where he would do Locke if I did Taboo.' Knight added the partnership 'worked so well' due to their 'sole focus' on material. 'I think it works because we don't socialise,' he said. 'I think the relationship is totally about the work. The great thing about Tom is that's his passion, the work. The acting. He's not a fan of celebrity. But he just loves to act. He loves the process and the craft.'
A Peaky Blinders video game is in the works and set for release in 2020, developers have confirmed. Endemol has, reportedly, partnered with Curve Digital and FuturLab to create a 'narrative action game inspired by the critically acclaimed, epic gangster drama' for console and PC. Developers said that it would be led by 'a highly innovative, story-driven design' enabling players to control 'all of their favourite characters' as well as locations from the series. And, either shoot them or have them shoot somebody else, presumably.
Radio Times' - for the most part spoiler-free - review of the opening episode of Line Of Duty's fifth series (due to be broadcast on Sunday) can be read here.
Victoria finally returned to ITV last Sunday night, with the much-anticipated third series of the historical drama arriving in the UK some months after it was first broadcast in America and Australia. 'But it seems the latest chapter of the young queen's life was more than worth the wait for fans, with the series introducing a whole host of new characters for what writer Daisy Goodwin described as "one the most difficult periods" in Victoria's sixty three-year reign,' according to Radio Times' Kimberley Bond. To prove this, Kim collects together the Twitter witterings of half-a-dozen people you've never heard of about how, like, 'rilly great' the opening episode was; with particular focus on one character. 'As well as Victoria's meddling older sister Feodora (played by Kate Fleetwood) coming to stay, Jenna Coleman's bolshie queen also faced problems in the shape of new Foreign Secretary Lord Palmerston, played by Lewis star Laurence Fox. Well-known womaniser Palmerston, who famously sympathised with European revolutionaries, certainly made an entrance as he clashed with Victoria and Tom Hughes's Prince Albert,' Bond writes. While Laurence admitted that his portrayal of Palmerston may have 'a bit of the Boris [Johnson]' about him, he told Radio Times that the character was 'a little more like Willy Wonka' in his eyes. Speaking at the Victoria press day last year, he explained, 'Boris is a bit self-serving. Palmerston, he's got huge ego and wants to be adored, but he also wants what's best for the country. He's a little more Gene Wilder for me. I've really enjoyed it. It's been one of the most fun acting jobs I've had. After Lewis, I'm quite often cast as thoughtful characters. Palmerston's quite alpha and brash and clever so it was really fun. I am swagger and twinkle.'
And, still on the subject of Victoria, there's a great piece by From The North favourite Doctor Lucy Worsley about her recent visit to the Victoria set and meeting with From The North favourite yer actual Jenna Coleman her very self. Which you can have a gander at here.
Death In Paradise actress Joséphine Jobert has released a video explaining her reasons for leaving the BBC's popular crime drama, after her character, Florence, made an emotional exit recently. 'I quit the show for personal and professional reasons,' Jobert said in the video, 'nothing dramatic, I swear, everything is fine.' Thanking the BBC production for 'an amazing experience,' Jobert said that she would 'miss' her former castmates and the crew: 'I loved every minute of it and I'm going to miss the show.' Jobert's final episode saw Florence quitting her job and moving to Martinique following the tragic death of her fiancé, Patrice (Leemore Marrett): 'Saint Marie's a small island and I don't think there's anywhere here that doesn't have a memory of Patrice in it,' she said.
John Cleese - who used to be funny a couple of decades ago - has claimed that Netflix refused to return his calls after he pitched them a comedy special. Writing on Twitter, the former member of Monty Python's Flying Circus also criticised the streaming service for rejecting his pitch while commissioning a stand-up special in which a comic 'did a routine based on the fact she was so fat she couldn't find her own pussy.' Cleese claims he pitched his idea to Netflix in December 2018, but never received a response. 'They must have hated the idea because they never got back to me, or returned any of my agent's phone calls or e-mails,' he said. The seventy eight-year-old said that he was later shown a comedy special by the American comedienne, Nicole Byer. 'It was very original,' he noted. 'A hgely [sic] likeable and jolly young woman did a highly original routine based on the fact that she was so "fat" that she couldn't find her own "pussy." My only disappointment was that when I approached Netflix in December I had not known the sort of material they were looking for,' he added. Netflix were not the only company who Cleese claims rejected one of his pitches. One to ITV was, he claimed, turned down because 'it wasn't "tonally right." Why didn't they just say it was too intelligent,' he bleated. The actor also recounted another failed pitch to an unnamed comedy commissioner who, he said, 'behaved throughout like a teenage Mexican bandit on the run, throwing looks over his shoulder every few seconds and wearing an expression of extreme terror throughout. Not an easy audience, I found.' Cleese claimed that the commissioner had since 'been fired. Or arrested.' It is not the first time that the actor has openly whinged about comedy commissioning editors and their output. In 2015 he vowed never to work with the BBC again because their commissioners had 'no idea of what they are doing.' He reversed course on that promise a year later, signing on to appear in the - not particularly good - BBC sitcom Hold The Sunset. Despite the rejections, Cleese said that he didn't feel too disheartened. 'I take heart from the fact that every UK and US studio passed on Life Of Brian, ten out of eleven Hollywood studios turned down Fish Called Wanda and the man who commissioned Fawlty Towers told me, after the first episode, that I had to "get it out of the hotel more,"' he wrote.
Former Doctor Who star Matt Smith joined Jared Leto in Manchester as filming continued on new blockbuster Morbius. Smudger will play the villain Loxius Crown in the Spider-Man spin-off. He was pictured by the Manchester Evening News'strolling through the Northern Quarter dressed in a grey suit as the area doubled for downtown New York again.' A stunt double was also seen swooping on a wire from a building to land on top of a crash mat in Port Street, where a Manhattan subway station frontage has been installed. A vintage Mustang and yellow taxis were also seen parked up in the area.
There are a couple of very good pieces on Smudger's immediate TARDIS predecessor, national-heartthrob David Tennant's recent appearance at the C2E2 convention which you can check out here. And here.
And, there's an interesting if, hardly revelation-filled - article of David's forthcoming appearance in the BBC's adaptation of Good Omenshere. Which, according to unconfirmed rumours, has been scheduled for transmission in May and June.
Good Omens showrunner Neil Gaiman has confirmed that he will have a cameo in the TV adaptation of the fantasy novel. As a bunny. The author, who co-authored Good Omens with the late Terry Pratchett, revealed in a Twitter Q&A that he will appear on screen in the Amazon Prime Video series. 'Episode four, look out for a scene in a small movie theatre where Crowley is watching a cartoon about bunnies,' Gaiman said, replying to a fan who had asked whether he would feature in the series. Not only will you see me passed out dead drunk in the audience, but all of the voices of the bunnies are me,' he said. Gaiman also revealed how his co-author, Pratchett, will be 'remembered' in the series. Asked whether Aziraphale (played by Michael Sheen) was wearing Pratchett's trademark hat during the trailer, Gaiman said that it wasn't but that Pratchett's hat and scarf would 'both feature' during the series. 'That is Aziraphale's hat in 1941 back when people actually did wear hats, but Terry's hat is hanging in the [Aziraphale's] book shop along with Terry's scarf,' he said. 'We hung it in the bookshop so that Terry would always be there.'
There are still half-a-dozen XL episodes of Qi's P series to be broadcast yet - sometime; however, filming has already begun on the next, Q series. This was confirmed on the official QiTwitter account a few weeks ago. They also stated: 'This is the first ever episode of Qi to be recorded at BBC White City. Qi creator John Lloyd last made a show here thirty years ago when he was working on Blackadder.' According to the British Comedy Guide website, the episode features Stephen K Amos, From The North favourite The Divine Victoria Coren Mitchell and Claudia Whatsherface as guests alongside Sandi Toksvig and Alan Davies. The series will, presumably, be broadcast in the autumn. Now BBC2, about these five outstanding series PQi XL episodes that you still haven't shown yet ... Sort it out, will you?
A mother has filed a one hundred and twenty five million dollar lawsuit against the Weather Channel over her son's death in a car collision in Texas in March 2017. Two of the channels''storm chasers,' Kelley Williamson and Randall Yarnall, also died in the crash with twenty five-year-old Corbin Lee Jaeger. But the lawsuit blames the chasers, who allegedly broke traffic laws while live-streaming their pursuit. The channel told the BBC that it 'could not comment' on pending litigation. The suit alleges that Williamson and Yarnall, while streaming the chase online, drove through a stop sign at about seventy miles-per-hour and crashed into Jaeger's vehicle. Jaeger was working as a 'storm spotter' for the National Weather Service. The suit says he was driving away from the storm and had right of way. All three were instantly killed in the crash near the town of Spur. Both men featured on Storm Wranglers, a programme on the channel. The lawsuit says the feed from their chase was broadcast live on the Weather Channel's Facebook feed at the time of the crash. 'Kelley and Randy were beloved members of the weather community,' the Weather Channel said in a statement after the crash. 'We are saddened by this loss and our deepest sympathies go out to the families and loved ones of all involved.' Jaeger's mother, Karen Di Piazza, has now filed suit in district court. According to the lawsuit, Williamson and Yarnall 'had a history of reckless driving when storm chasing' - running stop signs and traffic lights, driving on the wrong side of the road and making 'dangerous, illegal passes of other cars.' Their failure to stop at the sign was their 'fourth such traffic violation that day.' Nevertheless, the lawsuit says, the Weather Channel allowed them to keep working despite warnings about their driving and watching the driving 'during live video feeds of their storm chasing.' The suit also says filming equipment in their Chevrolet Suburban vehicle 'dangerously obstructed the view.' According to the US Storm Prediction Centre, a tornado briefly touched down in that area on the day of the crash. Heavy rain was also reported at the scene.
A long-lost episode of Cheggers Plays Pop has been recovered from a home recording. This article by Paul Childs explains the background story relating to the episode - broadcast in May 1984 - and featuring performances by Eddy Grant, Haircut 100 and Peter Schilling. The episode was one of handful of the Keith Chegwin-fronted children's programme which were missing from the BBC's archives.
Now, dear blog reader, just in case you were wondering, this is a brief summary of where we appear to be vis-a-vis all that Brexit malarkey.
That seems to sum everything up very nicely, thank you very much. As, indeed, does this.
Jason Donovan's daughter is following in his footsteps and joining Neighbours. The actor and singer found fame playing Scott Robinson on the soap in the 1980s. Eighteen-year-old Jemma Donovan will play Harlow Robinson will reportedly appear on screen in July. Her grandfather, Terence Donovan, has also appeared on Neighbours - he played Doug Willis for a number of years. Jason said that he can't wait to see what Jemma does with her part and 'watch her blossom as an actress.' Jemma starred alongside Hugh Bonneville in the BBC film Mister Stink at the age of eleven and then played the lead in the ten-part Netflix series Spotless in 2015.
Ofcom has rejected two hundred and thirty whinges claiming that Channel Four's Michael Jackson documentary Leaving Neverland was 'biased.' The documentary, which was broadcast in two ninety-minute episodes over consecutive nights earlier in March, alleges that Jacko was both a dirty rotten paedophile and a very naughty man indeed and follows the detailed - and graphic - accounts of two men, Wade Robson and James Safechuck, who allege that Jackson sexually abused them when they were children. Jacko's family, deny the allegations. Jacko himself was unavailable for comment. A handful of whinging viewers whinged that the film, made by BAFTA-winning British director Dan Reed, did not place enough emphasis on the fact that Jacko, who died in 2009, was cleared of child sex offences while he was still alive and that the allegations have 'not been proven' in a court of law or confirmed by the Jackson family, The Jackson Five. 'We understand that this two-part documentary gave rise to strong opinions from viewers,' Ofcom weaselled in a statement. 'In our view, the allegations were very clearly presented as personal testimonies and it was made clear that the Jackson family rejects them.' The regulatory body also dismissed a further four whinges that objected to the 'graphic nature' of the two men's account of their, alleged, abuse at Jacko's hands - and, other parts of his body. According to Ofcom, Channel Four warned viewers before the start of the documentary about the nature of the film's contents.
Apple has unveiled its new TV streaming platform, Apple TV+, at a star-studded event in California. Jennifer Aniston, Steven Spielberg and Oprah Winfrey were among those who took to the stage at Apple's headquarters to reveal their involvement in TV projects commissioned by the tech giant. The platform will include shows from existing services like Hulu and HBO. Apple also announced that it would be launching a credit card, gaming portal and enhanced news app. The event was held in California and Apple Chief Executive Tim Cook was clear from the start that the announcements would be about new services, not new devices. It is a change of direction for the forty two-year-old company. There had been much anticipation about Apple's predicted foray into the TV streaming market, dominated by the likes of Amazon and Netflix. The Apple TV+ app was unveiled by Steven Spielberg and will launch in the autumn. Spielberg will himself be creating some material for the new platform, he said. Others who took to the stage included Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carell, Jason Momoa, Alfre Woodard, comedian Kumail Nanjiani and Big Bird from Sesame Street. The app will be made available on rival devices for the first time, coming to Samsung, LG, Sony and Vizio smart TVs as well as Amazon's Firestick and Roku. The subscription fee was not announced and, notably absent from the launch line-up was Netflix, which had already ruled itself out of being part of the bundle. 'The test for Apple will be, can new content separate them out from their competitors and can they commission and deliver on fresh new content that can reach audiences in the same way that Stranger Things has for Netflix for example?' commented Doctor Ed Braman, an 'expert in film and production' at the University of York. The Apple Card credit card will launch in the US this summer. There will be both an iPhone and physical version of the card, with a cashback incentive on every purchase. The credit card will have no late fees, annual fees or international fees, said Apple Pay VP Jennifer Bailey. It has been created with the help of Goldman Sachs and MasterCard. The firm also revealed a news service, Apple News+, which will include more than three hundred magazine titles including Marie Claire, Vogue, New Yorker, Esquire, National Geographic and Rolling Stain. The Los Angeles Times and the Wall Street Journal will also be part of the platform, the firm said. It added that it will not track what users read or allow advertisers to do so. Apple News+ will cost $9.99 per month and is available immediately in the US and Canada. It will come to Europe later in the year. Unlike TV+, the news platform will only be available on Apple devices. A new games platform, Apple Arcade, will offer over one hundred exclusive games from the app store which will all be playable offline, in contrast with Google's recently announced streaming platform Stadia. It will be rolled out across one hundred and fifty countries in the autumn but no subscription prices were given. There is space within that market for a platform like Apple Arcade which is not financed by in-app purchases or advertising, said IHS director of games research Piers Harding-Rolls. 'Apple's decision to move up the games value chain with a new, curated subscription service and to support the development of exclusive games for its Arcade platform is a significant escalation of the company's commitment to the games market,' he said. 'Apple joins the other technology companies Microsoft, Facebook, Google, Amazon and others in investing directly in games content and services.' Apple is making an aggressive push into several markets in which, thanks to sheer scale alone, it immediately becomes a massive player. Its TV service has been long in the making and Apple has amassed a roster of big names, as expected. A bigger test will be how creative those ideas will be - a lot of Netflix's success has been about finding new talent, not throwing money at already famous names. I also have reservations about how many boundaries Apple will be prepared to push with its creative endeavours: if it's as controlling with its television as it is with its brand, it will create a catalogue bereft of risk-taking. But TV is just a small part of what Apple is going for here. It wants - and needs - to turn its devices into the portal through which you do everything else - TV/film, gaming, reading the news. And you would presume other things in the very near future. The announcement of a credit card shows how far Apple is prepared to go to make sure life is experienced through your iPhone. As Winfrey put it on stage: 'They're in a billion pockets, y'all.'
Iran International did not breach the broadcasting code by interviewing a spokesman for a separatist group that praised last September’s terrorist attack in the Iranian city of Ahvaz, Ofcom has ruled. The news channel, which broadcasts in Farsi but is based in West London, interviewed Yacoub Hor al-Tostari, a spokesman for the Arab Struggle Movement for the Liberation of Ahvaz in the immediate aftermath of the attack on a military parade which left thirty people dead and which was later condemned by the UN security council as 'a heinous and cowardly terrorist attack.' During the interview al-Tostari attempted to justify the killings, which he claimed had hit 'legitimate' military targets. Iran's ambassador to the UK was among those who filed an official complaint to the broadcast regulator over Iran International's decision to broadcast the interview. However, following an investigation Ofcom concluded that the channel did provide sufficiently strong context to 'justify the potentially high level of offence' that could have been caused by the broadcast of al-Tostari's statements supporting the attack. According to the regulator, Iran International's presenter 'clearly challenged his views and emphasised the violent nature of the attack' during the interview. The channel also included a number of different viewpoints and repeatedly quoted news agencies describing the terrorist nature of the incident. Ofcom concluded the UK broadcasting code code does not prohibit particular people from appearing on television and radio services just because their views or actions have the potential to cause offence. Which is spot on - look how often Jacob Rees-Mogg gets his odious, slimy boat-race on the telly these days: 'To do so would, in our view, be a disproportionate restriction of the broadcaster's right to freedom of expression and the audience's right to receive information and ideas.' Iran International's representatives said that the channel 'provides fair, balanced and impartial coverage and abides by its published Editorial Guidelines,' adding that it 'covers the widest range of opinions of interest to all Iranians and Farsi speakers.' It also said that, although privately owned, it 'is a public service news channel and takes its responsibilities very seriously' and that included the spokesperson's interview represented 'a significant and important insight into the separatist movement in Khuzestan.' The channel's licence owner said that all of its senior journalists 'have worked for organisations like the BBC, renowned production companies, or reputable newspapers or websites. They are neither pro nor anti-regime.' It added that it had received 'a positive overall response' on the coverage of the attack and that 'any criticism emanated from the Iranian government or its publications or known supporters. The Ofcom ruling says that the coverage was legitimate and a valid area for discussion,' said Rob Beynon of DMA Media, the company which runs Iran International.
George Galloway's radio show 'breached impartiality rules' during discussions on the Labour Party and anti-Semitism, a watchdog has ruled. On his show, Galloway opined that anti-Semitism claims against Comrade Corbyn were 'bogus' and had materialised because of the Labour leader's 'success.' Ofcom found two TalkRadio phone-in shows 'failed to give due weight' to a 'wide range of views' on the subject. Former MP Galloway said that public money had been 'wasted' on Ofcom's inquiry. TalkRadio said it 'accepted' Galloway 'crossed the line ... on this occasion.' Ofcom is considering 'the imposition of statutory sanction' over the 'serious breaches,' which could include a fine. Galloway's show previously breached impartiality rules when discussing the Salisbury poisonings. Ofcom investigated Galloway's shows on 27 July and 6 August after receiving one complaint for each over impartiality. A listener complained that the 27 July programme had been 'completely biased' about claims of anti-Semitism in the Labour Party. While another complained that there had been nobody featured in the 6 August programme who 'disagreed' with Galloway's views on anti-Semitism. Ofcom said Galloway, an ex-Labour and Respect MP, had made 'frequent statements' which had been supportive of Comrade Corbyn and concerned 'various criticisms' of the leader in relation to anti-Semitism. During his show, Galloway said 'on one level' the anti-Semitism accusations surrounding the Labour leader had been 'because of Jeremy Corbyn's astounding success.' The same 'astounding success' which currently has Labour four points behind a Conservative Party in abject chaos in the opinions polls, perhaps? Galloway described the claims of anti-Semitism as 'an onslaught' launched at the precise moment Comrade Corbyn's polling had 'improved' and claimed this was about 'destroying Jeremy Corbyn's potential to be Britain's prime minister.' Hosting phone-ins, Galloway called the sender of a text who dared to disagree with his views 'an ignorant woman' and another 'a gutless coward.' The watchdog found that whilst it was 'legitimate' to broadcast programmes in support of Comrade Corbyn, principles of balance had to be maintained. 'Our investigation found that these phone-in programmes breached our due impartiality rules,' an Ofcom spokesman said. 'They failed to give due weight to a sufficiently wide range of views on allegations of anti-Semitism within the Labour Party.' In response, Galloway blustered that Ofcom - a politically-appointed quango which was elected by no one ... as indeed is Galloway himself - should be 'investigated for this quite scandalous waste of public money purchased by a single complainant. I am proud of my performance on this particular radio show,' he said. 'The people who should be ashamed are Ofcom and its single complainant.' A TalkRadio representative seemingly disagreed: 'You expect robust opinions from George Galloway but we accept that on this occasion he crossed the line. As a station we understand the need for dissenting voices with a range of counter-opinions.'
Sir Ian McKellen, Jarvis Cocker and Stephen Fry are among the stars appearing at this year's Edinburgh International Festival. Names from classical and contemporary music, theatre, opera and dance are among two thousand six hundred artists taking part. Sir Ian will perform extracts from his best-loved roles and recall moments from his life and career over four dates at the Assembly Hall. Jarvis will perform at Leith Theatre which hosts concerts with a number of artists including Anna Calvi, Kate Tempest, Neneh Cherry, Sharon Van Etten and Teenage Fanclub. The city will also welcome Stephen Fry performing Mythos: A Trilogy, based on his best-selling book, as well as two Berlin opera houses in Komische Oper Berlin and Deutsche Oper Berlin. Scottish Ballet will have the world premiere of their production of The Crucible at the Edinburgh Playhouse, coming in the company's fiftieth anniversary season, while Glasgow actor James McArdle will star in Peter Gynt at the Festival Theatre. The seventy second festival will open with the Los Angeles Philharmonic performing film soundtracks in a special free concert for fifteen thousand people at Tynecastle Park, the home of Heart of Midlothian FC, where the EIF programme was launched on Wednesday morning. Fergus Linehan, EIF director, said: 'At the end of the first Edinburgh International Festival in 1947, conductor Bruno Walter wrote that the festival has succeeded because "it was of the utmost importance and most to be desired that all the ties, which had been torn, should be re-united." With artists and audiences from all over the world gathering to celebrate each other's music, theatre, dance and art, we hope that the 2019 International Festival will offer a refreshing dose of generosity, inclusiveness and optimism.'
Plans for the first all-female spacewalk in history have been scrapped for lack of a second space suit, NASA says. Christina Koch and Anne McClain had been scheduled to step outside the International Space Station on Friday to install batteries. But, it turned out they both needed a medium-size spacesuit and only one was ready for use. Koch will now exit the ISS with male colleague Nick Hague instead. She will wear the medium-size suit used by McClain on a spacewalk with Hague last week. McClain trained in both medium and large-size spacesuits but only realised after her actual spacewalk that the medium-size suit fitted her best, NASA said. She is scheduled to perform her next spacewalk, on 8 April, with another male astronaut, David Saint-Jacques. The issue relates to the spacesuit's hard upper torso or 'shirt.' NASA has two medium-size hard upper torsos on the ISS but only one of them has been properly configured for a spacewalk. To get the other ready would have taken hours and NASA decided it would be easier and safer to change the astronauts. Brandi Dean, a spokeswoman for the Johnson Space Centre in Houston, explained that size requirements 'could change' once astronauts were in space. 'Individuals' sizing needs may change when they are [in] orbit, in response to the changes living in microgravity can bring about in a body,' she was quoted as saying by AFP news agency. She added that medium, large and extra-large sizes were all available.
US Vice-President and hairdo Mike Pence has said that he wants NASA to return astronauts to the Moon 'within five years.' Referencing China's recent successful robotic mission to the far-side of the Moon, he said: 'We're in a space race today, just as we were in the 1960s.' NASA had, reportedly, already been planning to return to the Moon, but Pence's announcement accelerates the timeline. He was speaking at a meeting of the National Space Council in Huntsville, Alabama. 'It is the stated policy of this administration and the United States of America to return American astronauts to the Moon within the next five years,' Pence told the audience. 'Just as the United States was the first nation to reach the Moon in the Twentieth Century, so too, we will be the first nation to return astronauts to the Moon in the Twenty First Century.' NASA will target the lunar South pole, a challenging region with areas that are in permanent darkness. But the pole also holds reserves of water-ice, which NASA wants to turn into fuel for spacecraft. 'It's time for the next giant leap,' Pence said. he added: 'That next giant leap is to return American astronauts to the Moon within the next five years by any means necessary and to establish a permanent presence on the Moon and prepare to put American astronauts on Mars.' He did not make clear what the phrase 'by any phrase necessary' meant or whether it would include the use of a sodding big catapult. 'In order to accomplish this, NASA must transform itself into a leaner, more accountable and more agile organisation.' The US space agency's administrator, Jim Bridenstine, said in a Twitter post: 'Challenge accepted. Now let's get to work.' Translation: 'give us the money and, yes, we'll help you win the Presidency after Rump's been removed.' NASA had previously aimed to return astronauts to the lunar surface by the year 2028, after first putting a space station, called Gateway, in orbit around the Moon by 2024. Few commentators doubt that the timeline will be extremely challenging. Crucial to the lunar plans will be a heavy-lift rocket that can loft the massive hardware required for a lunar journey and landing. NASA has been building its own launcher, called the Space Launch System. But the project has been hit by delays and cost overruns. Bridenstine had been considering moving forward with a less powerful commercial rocket, perhaps a vehicle built by SpaceX or the Boeing-Lockheed Martin partnership United Launch Alliance, to get an uncrewed capsule into space by 2020. But, after Tuesday's announcement, NASA's administrator said he was sure NASA could achieve a successful SLS flight by next year. The Orion capsule, built by Lockheed Martin, will be the main spacecraft for transferring astronauts to lunar orbit. But work has not yet started on building a lunar lander. Pence threatened to use commercial launch systems or to 'look to other partners' if NASA is not ready in time. 'To be clear, we're not committed to anyone's contract. If our current contractors can't meet this objective, then we will find ones that will,' Pence said.
The longstanding idea that Venus is geologically dead is 'a myth,' scientists claim. And, new research may be on the verge of ending that perception. Hints of ongoing volcanic and tectonic activity suggest that, while different to the Earth, the planet is very much alive. Now, scientists are building new narratives to explain the planet's landscape. This includes an idea that proposes the existence of 'toffee planets.' This theory incorporates knowledge accumulated through studying exoplanets. The new ideas have been discussed at the fiftieth Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in The Woodlands, Texas. The focus on Mars over the last few decades has transformed our view of that planet's geology. In the meantime, the researchers who study Venus's surface have relied heavily on data from Magellan - the NASA mission which ended in 1994. A European mission, Venus Express and a Japanese spacecraft, Akatsuki, have been there since, but both are focused on atmospheric science. After years of feeling like a new mission would never happen, there is a sense that the tide might finally be turning. The European Space Agency is currently evaluating a Venus mission, called EnVision, alongside two astronomy proposals - Theseus and Spica. Other concepts are also being proposed to NASA. Early career researchers are now choosing to join the field again in numbers. And scientists with backgrounds in other disciplines are lending their expertise, bringing new ideas. Venus is a hothouse world, with a surface temperature of five hundred degrees - hot enough to melt lead. But, it's not just the heat that makes it inhospitable: the planet's thick atmosphere has cranked the surface pressure up to ninety bars. That's the equivalent to what you'd experience nine hundred metres below the sea. But, Venus and Earth started out being much more similar. 'They probably started out as twins, but they've diverged,' said Doctor Richard Ghail, from Royal Holloway, University of London, who is the principal investigator on EnVision. 'The Earth in that time has gained oxygen and life and has - essentially - quite a cold climate, whereas Venus has got incessantly hotter and drier over a long period.' Like Mars, then, Venus may even have had the right conditions in the past for life. But Doctor Ghail says that while the Red Planet could have hosted 'large bodies of water' on its surface for about one hundred million years, Venus could have harboured oceans for more than a billion years of its early history. How and when it lost that water is just one of the puzzles scientists want new missions to shed light upon. Its fate might even present an extreme future pathway for the Earth. The history of Venus exploration with robotic probes goes back more than fifty years. If the US has become synonymous with Mars exploration, it was the Soviets who stamped their mark on our nearest neighbour in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. They launched nearly thirty probes towards the planet, with several notable failures. But the successful Venera missions sent back crucial data, including images of the Venusian surface. One probe made a detection of what could have been lightning, while others analysed rock samples, which were found to be basalts - similar to general types found on Earth. Part of the resurgence of interest in Venus centres around the type of geological activity going on and what it may tell us about rocky planets in general. Venus is thought to lack plate tectonics, the process responsible for recycling the Earth's crust. But the notion that Venus has essentially been 'dead' since an outpouring of volcanism hundreds of millions of years ago is 'incorrect' in the view of a growing number of researchers. Many signs of tectonic activity on Earth, such as networks of ridges and faults, can be found on Venus. Doctor Ghail has identified 'signs' that Venus's crust is 'broken up into blocks' measuring on the order of five hundred to one thousand kilometres across, which move around slowly in much the same way that pack ice floats on an ocean, pushing and rubbing against each other. The process is driven by convection (the process of heat transfer which pushes hotter material upwards and cooler, denser material down) in the mantle region below the crust. 'They are moving into the block next to them and that's moving the block next to it and so on. You can link those things together and see that everything is moving towards Ishtar in the northern hemisphere,' he told BBC News. Ishtar Terra is one of the main highland regions of Venus, sometimes described as a continent. 'I think you take enough pack ice, you squeeze it into one place, thicken it up and you make a big high plateau,' Ghail explained. Doctor Paul K Byrne, from North Carolina State University, says that this idea might 'fit in well' with a theory he has been developing about the relationship between the thickness of the lithosphere, the rigid outer shell of a planet, and its gravity. 'The basic thinking is this: because on a world with lower gravity, you might get a thicker layer, we reasoned that if you've got higher gravity - like a Super Earth (a class of medium-sized planet seen around other stars but not in the Solar System) - then that brittle layer would be proportionally thinner.' He calculates that particular combinations of planetary mass, atmospheric pressure and composition, as well as the distance of a planet to its star, can produce something called 'a toffee planet,' where the lithosphere is very thin. 'For example, one of the ways that lava might come up is that magma will rise to some depth and make its way through fractures or dykes. But if you don't have a thick layer then it won't come up in that nice easy way. It might come up in a larger mass, but it won't be concentrated so you won't expect to find chains of volcanoes,' Doctor Byrne explained. With regards to Venus, he said: 'Some parts of Venus we think might be quite thick, but some parts of Venus, in the lowlands, the brittle layer might be quite thin.' Under that scenario, the idea of blocks of crust moving like pack-ice becomes plausible, said Doctor Byrne. If selected, EnVision will carry a synthetic aperture radar to test some of these ideas. 'I think this is happening, other people think nothing's happening. The other possibility is that it's really Earth-like and really active the only way to distinguish between those is with radar. We do that routinely on Earth, so let's take an Earth-observation radar to Venus,' said Doctor Ghail.
Can you spot Uranus in the photo below,dear blog reader? What might look like a small speck of dust on your monitor is actually the third-largest planet in the solar system lurking nearly two billion miles from Earth. You may be surprised to learn that whilst Uranus is a dim and distant planet, it is possible to see it with the naked eye. All you need is a dark sky, a clear night and an idea of where to look for it. 'Uranus is a difficult target that I have only seen a couple of times in my thirty five years,' said Victor Rogus, an astrophotographer based in Sedona, Arizona. After he discovered Uranus photobombing this conjunction of the Moon and Mars on 10 February, he sent it to the Adler Planetarium in Chicago, where astronomers 'confirmed that this is indeed [the] planet Uranus in my photo.' At the time, Uranus was shining with an apparent magnitude of 5.8, which is just about bright enough to be detected with the unaided eye. However, skywatchers in light-polluted cities will need to travel to a darker location to observe the planet. Although telescopes and binoculars are not required to see Uranus on a dark, clear night, binoculars can come in handy if you're trying to locate it - especially for those with less-than-perfect eyesight. Look for the planet in the constellation Aries in the evening sky this spring. It also helps, as in this particular photo, if it's got a big white arrow pointing to it. Obviously.
The number of planets detected around other stars - or exoplanets - is set to hit the four thousand mark. The huge haul is a sign of the explosion of findings from searches with telescopes on the ground and in space over the last twenty five years. It is also an indication of just how common planets are - with most stars in The Milky Way hosting at least one world in orbit around them. That is something astronomers could not be certain of a mere thirty years ago. The Extrasolar Planets Encyclopedia, run by the Observatoire De Paris, has already passed the four thousand mark. Doctor Françoise Roques, from the observatory, who is on the scientific board of the encyclopedia, told BBC News: 'The great news is that we shift from a starry sky to a planetary sky, as there are more planets than stars. And, also that the planetary systems have great diversity of structure, with planets orbiting zero, one, two stars, or other planets.' The NASA Exoplanet Archive is seventy four planets away from the milestone. But there are four hundred and forty three planet candidates detected by NASA's Tess space telescope launched in 2018 still awaiting confirmation. There are a further two thousand four hundred plus candidates which have been detected by the Kepler space telescope. The latest exoplanet to be added to the NASA archive was the Super Earth GI 686b, which orbits a red dwarf star THAT was discovered using ground telescopes. It was added on 21 March. The total number of confirmed planets differs between the two catalogues because of slightly different acceptance criteria - along with other factors. The early technique of detecting new worlds by the 'wobble' induced by a planet's gravitational tug on its star yielded many giant planets known as 'hot Jupiters', which orbited close to their stars. These planet types were easier to detect using the wobble method. NASA's Kepler telescope was launched in 2009; it used a different technique known as 'the transit method' to measure the dip in brightness as a planet passed in front of its host star. Kepler discovered hundreds of Neptune-sized planets and those that fell into a category known as Super Earths (those having a mass larger than Earth's but below those of Neptune-sized planets). Doctor Roques said that it 'remained a difficult task' to distinguish between a type of star known as a brown dwarf and giant planets. 'Four-thousand is just a number as the frontier of the planet domain is uncertain,' she said. 'The brown dwarfs have been defined by the International Astronomical Union as "small" stars, but in fact, some of them are big planets. Our database collects objects until sixty Jupiter masses and contains a mix of the planetary brown dwarfs (formed in a protoplanetary disk around a star) and starry brown dwarfs (formed by collapse of interstellar cloud). The only way to ensure the difference is to access its internal structure, which is a difficult or impossible task.' The first exoplanets were found around a pulsar - a highly magnetised neutron star - in 1992 by Aleksander Wolszczan and Dale Frail. The initial discovery of a planet around a main sequence star - those that fuse hydrogen into helium within their cores - was made in 1995 by astronomers Didier Queloz and Michel Mayor. Doctor Roque explained: 'For the field of exoplanet exploration, we [are going] from discovery projects to exploration projects, for a better understanding of the structure, formation, atmosphere and, of course habitability of exoplanets.'
Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi made an unexpected address to the nation on Wednesday. He claimed that India was now 'an established space power' and in space's 'super league' because it had successfully managed to shoot down a low-orbit satellite in a missile test. He had earlier tweeted that he would be addressing the nation, without mentioning what he would be talking about, sparking fevered speculation. According to Modi, with the successful launch of an anti-satellite missile, India has become only the fourth country after the US, China and Russia to have this technology. He said that it would 'make India stronger, even more secure and will further peace and harmony.' Jonathan Marcus, the BBC's defence correspondent, said that the announcement was 'yet one more aspect of the trend towards the militarisation of space.' He pointed out that the Rump administration has proposed establishing 'a fully-fledged space force' as a separate element of its armed forces. 'The news will also lead to renewed calls from arms control advocates who see an urgent need to control this ongoing militarisation of space,' said Marcus. When China carried out a similar test in 2007 - destroying a weather satellite - it caused international alarm over a possible space arms race. There are also concerns that the debris from such tests can harm civilian and military satellite operations. However, India said that it had intentionally carried out its test in the lower atmosphere to ensure that there was no debris and that whatever was left would 'decay and fall back onto the Earth within weeks.' The timing of the announcement has however raised questions. With less than two weeks to go for a national erection, the opposition has accused Modi of trying to 'score political points' and take credit for the achievements of the country's space agency. West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee said Modi was trying to 'reap political benefits' at the time of the erection. But former chief erection commissioner TS Krishnamurthy told BBC Tamil that there is 'no provision' in the Indian erection guidelines about whether such an announcement is a 'violation' or not. 'As he has addressed the nation in his capacity as PM, it doesn't seem to be a violation. However, the election commission has to examine it,' he said. President of India's opposition Congress party, Rahul Gandhi, wished Modi a 'happy world theatre day.' Although the announcement was undoubted highly significant, it did come as a bit of an anti-climax to much of the country's media, who had worked themselves into something of a frenzy after seeing Modi's initial tweet. The most popular speculation was that the address would be about national security and, therefore, something to do with Pakistan and, possibly, bombing India's neighbour into The Stone Age. Pundits came into television studios and 'Dawood' began trending on Twitter. Dawood Ibrahim is a fugitive in India and is accused of masterminding serial bombings in Mumbai in 1993. India alleges that Ibrahim lives in the Pakistani city of Karachi, but Islamabad has always denied the charge. Some also began pointing to a recent Financial Times interview with Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan, who said that he was 'afraid' of further hostilities ahead of the Indian erections, as further proof that the announcement would involve India's nuclear-armed neighbour and something kicking-off, big-style in Kashmir. But, it didn't.
Experts cleaning a supposed 'imitation' of a Botticelli painting have discovered it was actually created in the Renaissance master's own studio. The work had been thought to be a later copy of The Madonna Of The Pomegranate, painted by Sandro Botticelli around 1487. But, English Heritage conservators changed their minds after scraping thick yellow varnish off the painting. Extensive tests showed that it did, in fact, originate from Botticelli's Fifteenth Century workshop in Florence. English Heritage said that it 'consulted experts' at the Victoria and Albert Museum and the National Gallery to confirm the painting's origins. Rachel Turnbull, English Heritage's senior collections conservator, said: 'Stylistically it was too similar to be an imitation, it was of the right period, it was technically correct and it was painted on poplar, a material commonly used at the time. After removing the yellowing varnish, X-ray and infrared examination revealed under-drawing, including changes to the final composition uncommon in straight imitations.' The painting had been assumed to be a later copy by an unknown artist because it varied in detail to the larger original, which is on display at The Uffizi Gallery in Florence. 'Botticelli, like other contemporary Florentine painters, had an active studio which issued versions and adaptations, presumably at lower prices, of works that were popular,' according to Professor Paul Joannides, emeritus professor of art history at the University of Cambridge. 'It is only relatively recently, with more highly developed methods of technical examination, that the status of such pictures can be - at least to an extent - determined.' The picture at English Heritage's Ranger's House in Greenwich is now thought to be the closest version of Botticelli's masterpiece, which shows a melancholy Virgin Mary holding a baby Christ and a pomegranate, flanked by angels. It was bought by diamond magnate Julius Wernher in 1897 and kept with his art collection at the Georgian villa in Greenwich. The Madonna Of The Pomegranate will be on display at Ranger's House from 1 April.
Facebook has said that it will block 'praise, support and representation of white nationalism and separatism' on Facebook and Instagram from next week. To which any right-minded person can only add a) about effing time, too, b) what took you so long? and c) why 'from next week', why not from now, this instant? All valid questions, one could suggest. The social media giant also pledged to 'improve' its ability to identify and block material from terrorist groups. Facebook users searching for offending terms will be directed to a charity which combats far-right extremism. The social network has come under pressure after a man livestreamed a sick and deadly attack on two mosques in New Zealand. Facebook had previously allowed some white nationalist content which it did not view as racist - including permission for users to call for the creation of white ethno-states. The company said that it had 'deemed' white nationalism 'an acceptable form of expression' on a par with 'things like American pride and Basque separatism, which are an important part of people's identity.' But, in a blog post on Wednesday it said that after three months of consultation with 'members of civil society and academics,' it found that white nationalism could not be 'meaningfully separated' from white supremacy and organised hate groups. In the wake of shootings earlier this month in New Zealand, several world leaders called on social media companies to 'take more responsibility' for the extremist material posted on their platforms. New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said that social networks were 'the publisher, not just the postman,' in reference to their potential liability for the material shared on them. Facebook has previously acknowledged that a video of the attack, which left fifty people dead, was viewed more than four thousand times before being taken down. The company said that, within twenty four hours, it had blocked over one million copies at the point of upload and deleted another three hundred thousand. A group representing French Muslims is currently suing Facebook and YouTube for allowing the footage to be posted on their platforms. Other tech groups also took steps to clamp down on sharing of the video. Reddit banned an existing discussion forum on its site called 'watch people die' after clips of the attack were shared on the forum. Valve, which runs the Steam gaming network, said it had removed more than one hundred 'tributes' by 'users' - for which read 'sick racist shit-scum' - that sought to 'memorialise' the alleged shooter.
Raheem Sterling and Callum Hudson-Odoi condemned the 'unacceptable' racist abuse of England players during their five-one win over Montenegro in Podgorica. Sick, ignorant racist chanting was reportedly directed at several England players during the Euro 2020 qualifier. England's manager Gareth Southgate said that he 'heard the abuse of [Danny] Rose' and the incidents will be reported to UEFA. However, Montenegro coach Ljubisa Tumbakovic claimed that he did not 'hear or notice any' racist abuse. One or two people even believed him. Southgate, speaking to Radio 5Live, added: 'There's no doubt in my mind it happened. I know what I heard. It's unacceptable. We have to make sure our players feel supported, they know the dressing room is there and we as a group of staff are there for them. We have to report it through the correct channels. It is clear that so many people have heard it and we have to continue to make strides in our country and trust the authorities to take the right action.' After only six minutes, BBC Radio commentator Ian Dennis said that he had heard racist chants when Stottingtot Hotshots left-back Rose was in possession of the ball. Another BBC football correspondent, John Murray, also said that he heard the chanting 'throughout the game' and spoke to pitch-side photographers who described the abuse the England players received as 'disgusting.' Sterling scored England's fifth goal in the eighty first minute and celebrated by putting his hands to his ears, a gesture he later said was 'a response' to the racist abuse. In injury time Rose was booked following a strong challenge on Aleksandar Boljevic, with more racist chants aimed at the twenty eight-year-old. It is not the first time Rose has faced this situation on international duty. He was racially abused in Serbia in an under-twenty one game in 2012. Serbia's FA was subsequently fined sixty five grand, with their under-twenty one team having to play one game behind closed doors. Sterling called on football's authorities to take 'a proper stance' and 'crack down' on the racist abuse. 'A couple of idiots ruined a great night and it is a real sad thing to hear,' Sterling told 5Live. 'It's a real sad situation we are talking about after a great win. I don't think it was just one or two people that heard it, it was the whole bench. There should be a real punishment for this, not just the two or three people who were doing it - it needs to be a collective thing. This place holds fifteen thousand. The punishment should be, whatever nation it is, if your fans are chanting racist abuse then it should be the whole stadium so no-one can come and watch. When the ban is lifted, the fans will think twice. They all love football, they all want to come and watch their nation so it will make them think twice before doing something silly like that.' Describing his reaction to his goal, Sterling added: 'It was one of those where it was to let them know, you are going to need to tell me more than that we are black and what we resemble to affect us. That was the message and give them something to talk about. We can only bring awareness and light to the situation. It's time for the people in charge to put a real stamp on it. In England we have a diverse country and lots of different faces. I can only do so much; the FA can only do so much. The people in charge need to make a proper stance.' Kick it Out, the anti-discrimination charity, said: 'As we've argued countless times, it's time for UEFA to take strong, decisive action - fines won't do. Extended stadium bans or tournament expulsion are what's needed.' England had gone behind in Montenegro to a Marko Vesovic effort before goals from Michael Keane, Ross Barkley (who scored twice), Harry Kane and Sterling completed a comfortable win for England and their second five goal haul in two games. However, the talk after the game was dominated by the racist chanting aimed at England's black players and Southgate was asked about whether he should have taken England's players off the pitch. 'I'm not one hundred per cent certain that that would be what the players would want,' he said. 'There would be a mix of views, in terms of when we've discussed the topic in the past, how the players would like it to be dealt with. And they just want to play football. Of course, we have the chance to have an impact, but I don't have the answer, frankly.' He added: 'Maybe that's something I'd have to consider in the future. I have to say, it wasn't something that came to mind at the time. I would want to have a long discussion with my players before to make sure that was a course of action they felt was a) something they wanted to do and b) thought was something that was going to make a difference.' A UEFA delegate was at the game and Southgate believes the representative from European football's governing body will have heard the racist abuse. 'I'm reflecting on should I have done more?' said Southgate. 'In the end, I think I tried to protect my players as much as I possibly can. I'm not the authority on the subject. I'm a middle-aged white guy speaking about racism. I'm just finding it a really difficult subject to broach because I want my players to enjoy playing football and not be scarred by the experiences. If people feel I should have done more, then I can only apologise for that.' Moscow Chelski FC winger Hudson-Odoi, who was making his first international start, told BeIn Sports: 'I don't think discrimination should be anywhere, we are equal. When you are hearing stuff like that from the fans, it is not right and it is unacceptable. Hopefully UEFA deal with it properly. When me and Rosey went over there, they were saying, "ooh aa aa", monkey stuff and we just have to keep our heads and keep a strong mentality. Hopefully Rosey is okay too. We will discuss it and have a chat. He has a strong mentality and is a strong guy so hopefully everything will be good. It is not right at all - I was enjoying the game too. We just have to take the win and go back home.' England's Declan Rice, who was also making his first Three Lions start, was sitting next to Rose in the dressing room after the game and said that the incidents had affected everyone in the camp. 'It is clearly unacceptable and it is up to the FA and UEFA to deal with it,' said Rice. 'It is not right, we came here to play a football match, we have been respectful and they need to show respect to us. Danny was disappointed. We talk all the time about kicking it out of the game but when is it actually going to stop? It is happening all the time and there needs to be more punished for it. We need to be doing more. I don't know what else we can do, there are so many campaigns saying 'kick it out' but then you come to places like this and it happens again, you are back to the start.' UEFA subsequently confirmed that 'disciplinary proceedings' had been opened against Montenegro with one charge for 'racist behaviour.'
Cast in role of cheerleader-in-chief, Scottish FA president Alan McRae felt it 'a privilege' to announce Alex McLeish as the new manager of the national team in February last year. McRae was so delighted to appoint his old friend that he went into a riff about how 'close' the two men have been over the years. When he said that their friendship went back to the 1888-1889 season - the year that Jack the Ripper burst on to the scene - out came the calculators along with much mocking humour. Going by McRae's verbal blunder, he was president of McLeish's testimonial committee one hundred and thirty years ago, a timeline that would have put the new Scotland manager very much in the veteran category. This is the man who will lead us to Euro 2020, said the president. 'No pressure, Alex. Over to you ...' McRae got a bit of a ribbing for that, but it was a one-day thing before the next thing arrived and then the next thing and so on. Scottish football is a fast-moving caravan of the absurd. In the past ten years only one club has been sanctioned for the unacceptable conduct of their supporters - a two-year probation for Motherwell. Meanwhile, Clyde, an easy target from League Two, get hammered with a points deduction and a fine for accidentally fielding an ineligible player. That is the sort of behaviour which passes for leadership in Scottish football. Big clubs appear to get a free pass and a small club gets the Sword of Damocles. Football fans from all over Scotland will be able to tell stories about the cravenness of the nation's governing bodies going back decades, but the weakness and lack of moral authority seems to be rising all the time. It's almost as if the national team, in their insipid performances against Kazakhstan and San Marino, has now taken on the guise of the people who run it and their colleagues down the corridor at the SPFL. This is bigger than McLeish. The Scotland fans are now, openly, in revolt against not just him but the people who appointed him and the (same) people who will appoint his successor, whenever that may be. There is little faith, little trust. There is a growing anger in places but, worse still, a growing apathy. Acceptance that nothing will change therefore what's the point. Scotland fans had to view two lamentable performances and then hear ridiculous comment in their wake. When McLeish said that Scotland had 'started brightly' in Kazakhstan - they were two-nil down in ten minutes - there was an 'insult-to-injury' quality to it. When he said on Sunday that, in terms of qualification, 'it's never over this early in any competition' he was ignoring history and asking for blind faith from supporters. Scotland failed to win their first game in the qualification campaigns for the World Cups in 2006, 2010 and 2014 and, of course, they didn't make it. They also failed to win their first game in the qualification campaigns for the Euros in 2012 and 2016 and didn't make it on those occasions either. Even a fast start hasn't helped. For the World Cup in 2002 they were unbeaten after six games. For in 2006 they were unbeaten after three games. For Euro 2016 they had ten points from a possible fifteen at the start of the group and still they couldn't get through to the finals. McLeish had to talk up his team's chances but, he was doing so from a position of desperate weakness and with a scant regard for what had gone before. With every syllable it became more uncomfortable listening to him. Scotland got pulverised by a team ranked one hundred and seventeenth in the world and then toiled horrendously against the - official - worst team in the world. Meanwhile, Northern Ireland, a nation with extremely modest resources but an excellent manager, delivered back-to-back wins against Estonia - ninety six in FIFA's world rankings - and Belarus - seventy eight in the world. The Irish had four players from the Scottish Premiership in their starting line-up, which is as many as Scotland started with against San Marino. They had a clutch more on the bench, including a goalkeeper from Partick Thistle (Conor Hazard) and two thirty nine-year-olds from Glasgow Rangers (Gareth McAuley) and Hearts (Aaron Hughes). All three of the used subs against Belarus had spent time in Scottish football. The guy who got their winner was Josh Magennis, who did six years in Scotland with Aberdeen, St Mirren and Kilmarnock. Not for the first time, the performance of Michael O'Neill's team shamed Scotland. The booing in San Marino was heart-felt and thoroughly deserved. There is no confidence in the SFA having the gumption to change things in the short-term. In the press conference where he referred to the beginning of his friendship with McLeish dating back to Victorian times, McRae spoke cheerily of the 'bright future' which awaited the national team. Not many believed it then. Fewer still believe it now.
Former Premier League striker Pavel Pogrebnyak has been fined almost three thousand knicker for saying it was 'laughable' to have black players in the Russian national team. The thirty five-year-old, who plays for Russian top flight side Ural Yekaterinburg, was also given a suspended ban by the Russian Football Union on Tuesday. The ban, until the end of the season, would come into effect if he made any more discriminatory remarks. The former Reading player will not appeal against the verdict and has snivellingly apologised for his crass statement. Pogrebnyak's comments - made in an interview with the Komsomolskaya Pravda daily newspaper last week - were condemned by Russian president Vladimir Putin's human rights adviser Mikhail Fedotov. Pogrebnyak, who also played for Fulham, said that he was 'opposed' to the recent trend of non-Russian players receiving Russian passports and, potentially, going on to represent the country in international games. He singled out the examples of Brazilian-born duo Mario Fernandes, who plays for CSKA Moscow and Ariclenes da Silva Ferreira (Ari), who plays for Krasnodar. 'I don't see the point of this. I do not understand at all why Ari received a Russian passport,' he said. 'It is laughable when a black player represents the Russian national side. Mario Fernandes is a top player. But we also have Igor Smolnikov in his position. We could make do without foreigners as well.' Pogrebnyak, who won thirty three caps for Russia, later said that he did 'not have anything against black players.' One or two people even believed him. 'In the interview I voiced my strictly personal opinion that in the Russian national side I would like to see footballers who were born and raised in our country. That is all,' he claimed. 'I did not mean to insult anyone.' Ah, but you did, Pavel. You did.
The death of a supporter overshadowed Zimbabwe's qualification for the 2019 Africa Cup of Nations on Sunday. Zimbabwe's FA said that a fan was killed 'in a stampede' outside the national stadium in Harare before their final Group G match against Congo-Brazzaville. Despite the tragedy, the qualifier went ahead with Zimbabwe winning two-nil to seal their place at Egypt 2019. The Democratic Republic of Congo also qualified from the group with a one-nil win over Liberia in Kinshasa. Zimbabwe finished top of Group G with DR Congo second. Liberia and Congo-Brazzaville - who were both in contention at the start of the day - were eliminated. With fans clamouring to get inside the stadium in Harare, Zimbabwe's players knew what qualification for the Nations Cup meant to supporters. Khama Billiat, who plays for Kaizer Chiefs in South Africa, opened the scoring in the twentieth minute with a well-struck free-kick. His Belgium-based captain, Knowledge Musona, added a second sixteen minutes later, pouncing on a defensive error. Congo-Brazzaville tried to get back into the match but could not overcome a powerful and resilient Warriors team. The victory makes it back-to-back Nations Cup appearances for Zimbabwe, who played at Gabon 2017 after an eleven-year absence from the finals. In Kinshasa, Liberia needed a draw to go through, but China-based Cedric Bakambu's 52nd-minute goal ensured DR Congo made it instead. Liberia - who had requested for this fixture to be moved away from DR Congo because of concerns over Ebola - brought on Newcastle's under-twenty three midfielder Mohammed Sangare in the second half for his international debut. But DR Congo secured the victory they needed. The 2019 Africa Cup of Nations will, for the first time, take place in June and July and will feature twenty four teams rather than sixteen.
Cardiff City are reportedly'set to claim' that the deal to buy Emiliano Sala from Nantes for fifteen million knicker was 'not legally binding,' as their efforts to weasel out of paying what they - morally, if not necessarily legally - owe shamefully continues. The Bluebirds are refusing to make interim payments for the striker, who died in a plane crash on 21 January. Cardiff will tell world football's governing body FIFA that Nantes' conditions for completion of the deal were 'not fulfilled' and Sala was not registered as a Premier League player. Nantes claim the required paperwork was all completed. The French club referred the matter to FIFA, who want Cardiff to submit their evidence by 3 April. Sala was Cardiff's record signing, announced on Saturday 19 January. The Argentine died when an aircraft piloted by David Ibbotson, who is still missing, crashed into the English Channel near Guernsey. The club was due to pay a first instalment to Nantes on 20 February. An alleged Cardiff 'source; allegedly claimed that the transfer agreement stipulated - at the request of Nantes - that the Football Association of Wales and France's Ligue de Football Professional had to 'confirm' the registration to both clubs by 22 January, along with confirmation of the international transfer certificate being released. The Premier League also had to clear the registration. The Bluebirds insist the terms of the contract 'maintains' that if any parts of that arrangement were not confirmed, then the deal would be 'null and void.' The Ligue De Football Professional reportedly did not confirm with Nantes until 25 January. It is thought the notifications clause was inserted because if the deal fell through, both Cardiff and Nantes would have had time to seek a new player before the January transfer window closed on 31 January. BBC Sport has also claimed to have 'learned' arrangements for a signing-on fee 'did not meet Premier League rules and so had been rejected by the league.' A Cardiff spokesman would not comment on specific details but said: 'The club is aware of FIFA's request for a response by 3 April and is processing that accordingly. We have no further comment at this stage.' Nantes say they completed all the necessary paperwork and have pointed out that FIFA themselves registered the international transfer certificate on 21 January. They say they have been fully compliant with FIFA's rules.
UEFA has opened disciplinary action against the Football Association of Ireland for the protest that took place during Tuesday's Euro 2020 qualifier. The Republic of Ireland's one-nil win over Georgia was delayed by four minutes when fans threw tennis balls on to the pitch at the Aviva Stadium. Dozens of balls were thrown from the stands in protest at ex-chief executive John Delaney remaining at the FAI. The charges will be dealt with by UEFA on Thursday, 16 May. The FAI has been charged under Article 16 (2) of the UEFA disciplinary regulations after the planned protest delayed the match during the first half. The demonstration in the thirty third minute was in response to the FAI's decision to offer Delaney a newly-created Executive Vice President role less than a week after it emerged the Association had received a one hundred thousand Euro loan from their long-serving chief executive in April 2017. Delaney has said that the 'bridging loan' was repaid in full two months after it was received. The Irish Government has written to the FAI to demand 'further information' about the loan and Delaney is expected to be part of an FAI delegation that will attend a government committee hearing on 10 April, to answer questions on the Association's financial dealings.
A brain injury charity wants UEFA to investigate why Fabian Schär was allowed to carry on playing for Switzerland after apparently being knocked unconscious in a Euro 2020 qualifier. Schär collided with Georgia's Jemal Tabidze and received emergency help. The incident occurred after twenty four minutes and Newcastle United defender Schär went on to complete the game and put in a man of the match performance. Headway chief executive Peter McCabe said: 'What is it going to take to make football take concussion seriously?' Schär lay unconscious on the ground after the clash of heads with Tabidze during the match in Tbilisi and Georgian player Jano Ananidze rushed to his aid. The twenty seven-year-old recovered quickly after further treatment from Swiss first-aiders, Swiss newspaper Blick reported and was able to continue playing, helping set up Switzerland's second-half goals for their two-nil victory. 'It looks awful. I can't remember anything,' Schär told Blick after being shown video footage. 'I was out for a few seconds. My skull is still humming. And I've got neck ache and a bruise on my forehead. But it was worth it.' Tabidze also lay motionless after the clash, his shirt covered in blood but he, too, recovered and continued playing with a bandage around his head before coming off just after the hour mark. McCabe said: 'How many more players will have their careers and, more importantly, their lives and long-term health put at risk by the sport's inability to follow its own protocols? Put simply, the decision to allow Fabian Schär to return to the field of play after suffering a clear concussion was not only incredibly dangerous, but also a clear dereliction of duty. The player's comments after the match are also deeply disturbing and again show the lack of awareness and understanding among players. UEFA must immediately launch an investigation into the incident and explain why their protocols were not followed.' The Swiss FA confirmed on Monday that Schär will not play in Tuesday's Group D game with Denmark in Basel. It is understood the medical departments of Newcastle and Switzerland made a joint decision to withdraw Schär from the Denmark game. Some atypical lazy tabloid journalism in the UK saw claims that Fabian was 'set to miss' United's Premier League trip to The Arse next week 'due to concussion.' In reality he is, in fact, suspended for that particular game.
A footballer has been acquitted of racially abusing an opposition player before a mass brawl with the punching and the kicking and kids gettin' sparked and aal sorts. Prosecutors had alleged that Sheffield Wednesday's Fernando Forestieri 'insulted' Mansfield Town's Krystian Pearce during a pre-season friendly. Mansfield Magistrates' Court heard Pearce 'had to be restrained' during 'a forty-man brawl.' Forestieri was found not guilty of racially aggravated harassment and using threatening words or behaviour. District Judge Jonathan Taffe ruled Pearce 'may have misheard' Forestieri as 'it was very loud' at the ground on 24 July. The court heard that the incident began with a foul by Forestieri on a Mansfield player which prompted his team-mates, including Pearce, to react. The prosecution alleged this led to 'a heated exchange of words' and, while Forestieri was speaking mainly in Spanish, he allegedly used 'derogatory racial terms.' Mansfield manager David Flitcroft told the court that he felt he had to pull Pearce away from Forestieri after being told about 'a racist incident' by the fourth official. Pearce confronted Forestieri after the match. The Owls player denied being racist and apologised if the defender had 'misheard.' Giving evidence, Forestieri also denied using any racist terms. He said: 'No, I never said that, I'm not like that. I was very sad because I'm not a racist. The first rule in football is to respect your colleagues.' Forestieri was banned for three games and fined twenty five grand as a result of the brawl.
Here's a remarkable goal scored by Jason Cowley for Bromsgrove Sporting, a team playing in the Southern League Division One Central, the eighth tier of English football. Cowley shows mad skills before burying the ball in the old onion bag. The goal came in Sporting's two-one league win over Corby Town. If Lionel Messi had scored that, dear blog reader, people would be saying ... 'what the Hell is Lionel Messi doing playing for Bromsgrove Sporting?' Probably.
A Welsh footballer has been convicted of using his car as a 'one-tonne weapon' to 'knock down spectators like skittles' after his team lost a match. Lee Taylor drove his BMW into eleven rival supporters, some as young as fourteen, after his side lost five-nil. The thirty six-year-old Margam player 'lost his temper' and drove into the victims after a game in Cornelly, Bridgend county, on 19 April 2018. Taylor, from Port Talbot, will be sentenced in April. A jury found him very guilty of dangerous driving and eleven counts of 'attempting to do grievous bodily harm with intent.' He claimed he was 'trying to escape' the teenagers when he got into his car after they called him 'fatty.' Taylor claimed he did not know he had hit the boys until the police arrested him later that day. He told the court that he was 'trying to break up a confrontation' between a Margam teammate and fifteen to twenty supporters of rivals Cornelly United outside the changing rooms when the group turned on him. But Christopher Rees, prosecuting, said Taylor 'got into his car to drive at the youths because he lost his temper.' Some of the boys were thrown up into the air and it was only by 'sheer good fortune' that none suffered injuries worse than cuts and bruising, he added. 'It was an attack that was out of all proportion to the playground nonsense that happened beforehand.' The court was told that Taylor had previous convictions for twenty four offences, including criminal damage, taking vehicles without authority, common assault and affray. Mobile phone footage was played to the court allegedly showing Taylor getting out of his car and assaulting a young man who had confronted him. Judge Daniel Williams said that he would consider handing down an extended sentence for the 'serious offences' after a report by the probation service. After the hearing, Janine Davies, from the CPS, said: 'Lee Taylor used his car as a weapon, deliberately driving at the group. When cars are used as weapons the consequences can be devastating. We wish all those injured in this incident a speedy recovery.'
Jos Buttler's controversial dismissal overshadowed his Rajasthan Royals side's defeat by Kings XI Punjab in the Indian Premier League. Buttler reacted furiously when he was run out backing up at the non-striker's end by Ravichandran Ashwin for sixty nine. Former Australia captain Steve Smith was dismissed for twenty by England's Sam Curran on his IPL return. Smith's wicket sparked a collapse of seven for sixteen as the Royals, chasing one hundred and eighty four, fell fourteen runs short. West Indies batsman Chris Gayle had earlier hit seventy nine from forty seven balls for Kings XI before he was caught at deep mid-wicket off the bowling of England all-rounder Ben Stokes, who took two for forty eight. Rajasthan were one hundred and eight for one in the twelfth over of their chase when Kings XI captain and India spinner Ashwin stopped in his bowling action and ran out England's Buttler as he left his ground at the non-striker's end. The dismissal - known as a 'Mankad' after the Indian bowler Vinoo Mankad who ran out the Australia batsman Bill Brown in a similar manner in 1947 - is within the laws of cricket but there is considerable debate as to whether it is within the spirit of the game. It is the second time that Buttler has been out in that fashion. It previously happened when he was run out by Sri Lanka's Sachithra Senanayake in an England one-day international in 2014. The former Australia spinner Shane Warne works with Rajasthan and described Ashwin, who has played over two hundred times for India, was 'an embarrassment to the game. So disappointed in Ravi Ashwin as a captain and as a person,' Warne said. 'All captains sign the IPL wall and agree to play in the spirit of the game. Ashwin had no intention of delivering the ball - so it should have been called a dead ball. Over to you [Indian cricket's governing body] BCCI - this a not a good look for the IPL. As captain of your side, you set the standard of the way the team wants to play and what the team stands for. Why do such a disgraceful and low act like that tonight? You must live with yourself and it's too late to say sorry, Mister Ashwin. You will be remembered for that low act.' Ashwin, though, denied he had gone against the spirit of the game. 'On my part, it was very instinctive,' he told a post-match news conference. 'It wasn't planned or anything like that. It's there within the rules of the game. I don't understand where the spirit of the game comes in.' The laws state that 'if the non-striker is out of his/her ground from the moment the ball comes into play to the instant when the bowler would normally have been expected to release the ball, the bowler is permitted to attempt to run him/her out.' Replays showed Buttler was in his ground when Ashwin's foot landed at the crease but then left it before the bowler removed the bails. Usually the bowler will give warning to the offending batsman as a means to prevent the non-striker gaining advantage. However, Ashwin caused uproar as he appeared to offer Buttler no warning. Ashwin also appeared to wait for Buttler to walk out of the crease before removing the bails.
One of yer actual Sir Paul McCartney's school books has sold at auction for forty six thousand smackers after a bidding war by two fans. It was acquired for nearly ten times its pre-sale estimate by a UK-based telephone bidder at an auction of Be-Atles memorabilia in Newton-le-Willows. Sir Paul used the book for his English Literature lessons at Liverpool Institute for Boys. A pair of alcoholic, wife-beating Scouse junkie John Lennon's glasses went for over nine thousand quid, but a cassette of previously unreleased George Harrison songs went unsold. The didn't call him The Quiet One for nothing, you know. Sir Paul's school book was reportedly owned by a family, based in Liverpool, who claimed that they have had it 'for as long as they can remember.' It contained twenty two pages of essays by the Be-Atle when he was a teenager including pieces about Thomas Hardy's novel The Return Of The Native and John Milton's Paradise Lost. The book also featured a doodle of a man smoking and some critical comments by his teacher Alan Dusty Durband. But the Be-Atle got impressive grades for his work, B- to B++. Well, he did end up getting an A-level in the subject, to be fair. Karen Fairweather, the Director of Omega Auctions, said: 'The bidding went on for fifteen minutes, the longest we've ever had. They were two people who really wanted it so drove up the price in two hundred pound bids. There was a round of applause at the end.' Lennon's gold-rimmed spectacles were given to his designer friend Barry Finch in 1967 while the cassette featured previously unheard 1978 recordings by Harrison. The cassette was labelled The Hitler Tapes, a title which was described as 'tongue-in-cheek' by the auctioneers. Song titles include 'Spoken Intro George Legs Harry' and 'Brazil 1, 2 & 3'. The auction also saw a Cavern Club brick being sold for four hundred and twenty notes and an Abbey Road sign fetching four grand, but a vintage Be-Atles concert poster bought for six knicker at a garage sale went unsold failing to reach an estimated price tag of between eight and twelve thousand quid.
A song which mixed country and rap has been removed from Billboard's country chart, despite reaching the top twenty. 'Old Town Road' by Lil Nas X - he's a popular beat-combo, yer honour - has become 'a viral hit in the' US, with social media support from Justin Bieber, Florida Georgia Line and Jake Owen. Also popular beat-combos. The song, which blends rap beats with banjos and lyrics about 'ridin' on a tractor,' is currently the third-most streamed song on US Spotify. But Billboard has argued its inclusion on the country chart was 'a mistake.' The company, which compiles the US charts, did not publicise the change but told Rolling Stain that the song was removed after 'a review' of its 'musical merits.' Whom this review was by and what qualifications they have to assess the 'musical merit' or it or anything else, they did not reveal. 'While 'Old Town Road' incorporates references to country and cowboy imagery, it does not embrace enough elements of today's country music to chart in its current version,'Billboard weaselled in a statement. Lil Nas X has yet to comment, but posted Billboard's statement on his Twitter account, next to a sad face emoji. Country star Meghan Linsey was among those who leaped to Lil Nas X's defence, calling Billboard's decision 'BS.''Old Town Road' contains 'plenty of "country elements,"' she said. 'And, it's as "country" as anything on country radio.' Lil Nas X, whose real name is Montero Lamar Hill, hails from Atlanta and emerged through the Soundcloud rap scene, which has launched acts like Migos, Twenty One Savage, Juice WRLD and XXXTentacion. They are all popular beat-combos too. He first released 'Old Town Road' last December, capitalising on the success of the Wild West-set video game Red Dead Redemption 2 (the video for 'Old Town Road' consists entirely of footage from the game). It quickly went viral on the video-sharing app TikTok as the soundtrack to 'the Yee Haw challenge,' where users would film themselves transforming into a cowboy or cowgirl after drinking a beverage labelled 'yee-haw juice.' The song subsequently racked up more than thirty five million streams, earning it a place on Billboard's Hot One Hundred chart, where it is currently at number thirty two. However, its exclusion from the country chart has inevitably raised the question of racial discrimination. While country artists like Colt Ford, Sam Hunt and Jason Aldean have incorporated the postures and cadences of hip-hop and pop into their music, rappers who travel in the opposite direction - such as Bubba Sparxxx, Lil Tracy and Lil Nas X - rarely get played on country radio. The black artists who do make it onto the country chart, including Darius Rucker and Kane Brown, tend to rely on a more traditional Nashville sound. Several commentators have suggested that race 'was a factor' in Billboard's decision to eliminate Lil Nas X's chart entry. Actor and poet Javon Johnson called the situation 'problematic,' adding: 'There is a history there that can't be ignored.' In a follow-up statement, Billboard claimed 'Old Town Road's exclusion 'had absolutely nothing to do with the race of the artist.' One or two people even believed them.
A shopper reportedly called nine-nine-nine to whinged about two bottles of fruit squash, prompting a warning from police about wasting staff time. The woman rang Northumbria Police to say that Morrisons supermarket had 'not applied the correct amount of discount' to the item. She told the call-handler that she had 'not been able to get through' on the store's customer service line. Chief Superintendent Neil Hutchison said that such calls 'might seem harmless and even funny' but create 'a huge demand' on staff. It was 'completely unacceptable' to call nine-nine-nine and waste the time of call-handlers who 'could otherwise be busy dealing with genuine emergencies,' he said. In the call, released by the force on Twitter for all the world to hear, the caller can be heard whinging that she had 'tried' to get through to the supermarket but 'they just keep hanging up.' No shit? One wonders why. The call-handler replies that shopping discrepancies are 'not a police matter and certainly not a nine-nine-nine emergency.' She tries to persuade the reluctant woman that the problem is an issue for the shop, not the police, before finally ending the call.
The government has spent around twelve million smackers on a luxury apartment in New York for a British diplomat working to negotiate trade deals with the US. The seven-bedroom flat in the Fifty United Nations Plaza will house the British consul general in New York. Boasting panoramic views, the flat occupies the whole thirty eighth-floor, according to the Gruniad Morning Star, which of course - first reported the story. The Foreign Office said that it had 'secured the best possible deal.' The apartment 'will help promote the UK in the commercial capital of our largest export market for years to come,' it said. The consul general, who will live in the penthouse with his immediate family, is also the UK's trade commissioner for North America. A floor plan of the five thousand square foot apartment shows a library, six bathrooms and 'a powder room.' Designed by the British architect Norman Foster, the forty four-storey Fifty United Nations Plaza is close to the UN headquarters in Manhattan and is described as 'the ultimate global address.' On the website of architects Foster & Partners, the high-rise is described as a 'luxury residential tower occupying a prestigious location.' Every apartment features floor to ceiling bay windows and 'generous space for entertaining,' the firm says. 'Adding a touch of elegance to every detail, the powder room walls are fitted with glazed silk panels in a choice of either bold primary or natural colours,' the website adds. A spa in the basement has a large exercise pool for residents. The penthouse was bought by Her Britannic Majesty's Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs on 15 March, according to New York City records. 'At least someone is going to do okay out of Brexit,' the Labour MP Gareth Thomas sneered on Twitter in response to the purchase. And Stewart Maxwell, an adviser to Scotland's first minister Wee Jimmy Krankie on business and the economy, tweeted: 'UK Tory government make clear that austerity isn't for everybody.' The Foreign Office said that the planned layout of the apartment 'would not include staff rooms.' It said in a statement: 'As well as being the consul general's residence, it will also be used to support his work to help British businesses as Her Majesty's trade commissioner for North America.' It said tat it was in the process of selling the consul general's current residence.
Two people have been arrested in connection with a series of malicious tweets sent to five MPs, including a reference to the murder of Jo Cox. Messages were reportedly sent to Independent Group MPs Anna Soubry, Chuka Umunna, Angela Smith and Sarah Wollaston and to the Labour MP David Lammy. One showed a crossbow above the words: 'We are ready for civil war, are you?' South Yorkshire Police said that a man and a woman had been very arrested on suspicion of sending malicious communications. The tweets were sent from an account in the name of 'Sheffield and Yorkshire direct action Brexit group.' Responding to a tweet from Soubry referencing a petition calling for Brexit to be cancelled, one message branded her a 'traitor' and said 'Remember what happened to Jo Cox.' Cox was killed by right-wing extremist Thomas Mair, in Birstall, West Yorkshire - part of her Batley and Spen constituency - in the run-up to the 2016 EU referendum. The arrests came as Cox's sister, Kim Leadbeater, said the level of abuse aimed at politicians was now worse than when the MP was killed. Speaking outside the Scottish Parliament she said: 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with robust debate and being passionate about the subject, but when that descends into personal attacks, abuse and violent language, I think that's not helpful, that's not going to move things forward. Whether you are a politician or a journalist or a normal member of the public like me, we all have a responsibility to conduct ourselves in a more civilised manner. I think things are undoubtedly worse.'
A councillor who called for Theresa May to be 'hanged for treason' in a Facebook post did not breach the authority's code of conduct, a report has found. Richard Alderman was given a community order and curfew after admitting 'sending menacing or grossly offensive messages' about the soon-to-be-former prime minister. He resigned as a Rutland County Council representative last month. A report by Wilkin Chapman LLP found that he was 'not acting in an official capacity.' The report found Alderman was also not acting in his role as a councillor when defending his Facebook comments in an interview with the Rutland & Stamford Mercury, three days after making the posts. But, it concluded thAT a comment he made about Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott was racist. The report read: 'Had councillor Alderman been acting in an official capacity on 15 and 17 July 2018 when publishing the post about Theresa May and making the comment about Diane Abbott, such conduct would have been a serious breach of the code of conduct.' But, seemingly, if you're not acting in an 'official' capacity then making racist comments and inciting the death of an individual is not 'serious.' So, that's good to know for future reference, isn't it? The report also found other posts made by Alderman prior to his election would have constituted a serious breach of the code of conduct. His seat is set to be filled at next month's local elections. When asked about the report, Alderman told the Local Democracy Reporting Service: 'The report says it all.'
A British Airways flight destined for Düsseldorf has landed in Edinburgh 'by mistake,' after the flight paperwork was, allegedly, 'submitted incorrectly.' The passengers only realised the error when the plane landed and the 'welcome to Edinburgh' announcement was made. The plane, which started its journey at London's City Airport, was then redirected and landed in Düsseldorf. WDL Aviation ran the BA flight through a leasing deal. BA said that it was 'working with WDL' to find out why it filed the wrong flight plan and who was responsible for this malarkey. 'We have apologised to customers for this interruption to their journey and will be contacting them all individually,' BA snivelled in a statement. On its final flight on Sunday, the plane flew to Edinburgh and back so it appears that someone at WDL mistakenly repeated the same flight plan for the following day, according to BA. When the crew arrived at London City airport on Monday it is suggested that they saw Edinburgh on the flight plan from the day before and followed the same flight route. German firm WDL said that it was 'working closely with the authorities to investigate how the obviously unfortunate mix-up of flight schedules could occur. At no time has the safety of passengers been compromised. We flew the passengers on the flight with number BA3271 to Düsseldorf after the involuntary stopover in Edinburgh,' it said. BA declined to say how many passengers were affected by the mistake. Sophie Cooke, a twenty four-year-old management consultant, travels from London to Düsseldorf each week for work. She snitched to the BBC that when the pilot first made the announcement the plane was about to land in Edinburgh everyone assumed it was a joke. She asked the cabin crew if they were serious. The pilot then asked passengers to raise their hands if they wanted to go to Düsseldorf. Everyone raised their hands. 'The pilot said he had no idea how it had happened. He said it had never happened before and that the crew was trying to work out what we could do.' Sophie said the plane sat on the tarmac at Edinburgh for two-and-a-half hours, before subsequently flying onto Düsseldorf. 'It became very frustrating. The toilets were blocked and they ran out of snacks. It was also really stuffy,' she whinged.
A young mother reportedly died after choking while 'attempting to fit as many Jaffa Cakes into her mouth as possible.' Bethan Gaskin passed out and stopped breathing after the chocolate snacks became lodged in her throat. She 'tried to spit them out,' but collapsed at her home in Bourne, Lincolnshire on 22 February and was rushed to hospital. The beauty therapist suffered a heart attack but died at Peterborough City Hospital five days later 'from sustained brain injuries.' On Friday, Gaskin's adoptive mother Michele, who witnessed the tragedy take place, warned other 'revellers' of the 'dangers of attempting food challenges.' She said: 'I remember raising my eyebrows when Bethan started the game, thinking "how old are you?" and telling her to spit them out. She was like a little hamster with her cheeks bulging. She danced off to the toilet to get rid of them and it was only a while later we realised she had been gone a long time.' A friend went to check on Gaskin and 'found her slumped on the bathroom floor.' Her panic-stricken mother dialled nine-nine-nine whilst one of her friends performed CPR as they waited for emergency services to arrive. Michele said: 'In my heart I knew we had lost her before they put her into the ambulance. Too much time was passing. So many people have said they play a similar game with marshmallows. Even my ninety-year-old aunt said she does it with Maltesers. This just shows how fragile we are.'
The man who stabbed tennis champion Petra Kvitova in her home in the Czech Republic has been sentenced to eight years in The Slammer. Radim Zondra went to her flat in 2016 saying he needed to 'inspect the boiler.' He then grabbed Kvitova from behind and held a knife to her throat. She suffered severe wounds to her left hand in the subsequent fight to free herself but returned to tennis five months later. Appearing at a regional court in Brno, Zondra denied all charges against him. The court, however, wasn't buying it. Zondra, who is currently serving a prison sentence for another crime, was nevertheless extremely convicted of serious battery and illegal entry into Kvitova's apartment. The twenty nine-year-old player, who is currently the world number two, told the court last month there was 'blood all over the place' after the December 2016 attack. She added that she had offered Zondra money to leave, eventually giving him ten thousand Czech Crowns. The court has ordered him to pay this back. In her judgment, Judge Dagmar Bordovska said that Kvitova's testimony was 'credible,' while witnesses who testified on behalf of Zondra were 'unreliable,' the CTK news agency reports. Although Zondra denied ever being in the tennis star's home, prosecutors argued that DNA evidence and the positive identification from Kvitova meant that he was very guilty 'beyond all doubt.' The two-time Wimbledon champion suffered damage to ligaments and tendons in her playing hand and underwent a four-hour surgery. Doctors warned her at the time that her tennis career could be over and that she may even lose her fingers. However she returned to tennis in May 2017, following months of rehabilitation and continued her successful career. Earlier this year she reached the Australian Open final and is now in the US competing in the Miami Open.
A Florida woman is in The Joint after 'misusing' the nine-one-one emergency system when calling police multiple times because her boyfriend 'was not being nice to her.'WFLA-TVreports forty-year-old Mary Ann Parrish called nine-one-one six times in a four hours period to report her boyfriend's unfriendly behaviour. According to an arrest report, she was on the phone with dispatchers when police responded to the home. Police arrested her on Monday for 'purposes other than an emergency communication,' the Pasco County Sheriff's Office said.
A burglar who tried to use Pepsi to wash away a trail of blood left during a raid on a Pizza Hut has been extremely jailed. William Trotter cut himself when he smashed into the chain's Sunderland branch last December, pocketing one hundred notes. CCTV footage showed him returning to the scene of the crime minutes later armed with a bottle of the soft drink in a desperate bid to destroy evidence of his naughty crime. Trotter, who admitted a total of four burglaries, was sentenced to four years and one month in The Slammer. At Newcastle Crown Court, he further pleaded guilty to a count of common assault. The court heard that he had broken into the Pizza Hut in the early hours of 17 December. Video from inside the restaurant shows Trotter splashing the Pepsi over a tiled floor, before attempting to wipe up the - by now, very sticky - mess. However, traces of his blood were found on a pizza box, which led to him being pinched by The Fuzz and charged. Trotter also burgled two homes in October. In the second of those raids, police said that he attacked the occupants - a husband, wife and child - when they returned home unexpectedly. His DNA was found on a hat, dropped as he fled after pocketing jewellery and cash. He also admitted to stealing presents left under a tree at a hair salon during a break-in two days before Christmas. Detective Constable Stu Havery, of Northumbria Police, said that the serial burglar had caused 'widespread misery.' Particularly for anybody trying to walk on that floor in Pizza Hut and avoid ruining their shoes.
A horsebox driver became stranded when he attempted to cross the Lindisfarne causeway at high tide. The man had to be rescued when the van became submerged on the Holy Island road, which is under water twice a day. He managed to escape and reach a refuge box. It is thought that he did not realise it was unsafe to cross because he 'spoke little English.' Ian Clayton, from Seahouses RNLI, said: 'We suspect that language problems may have contributed to this incident.' He added that, despite the language difficulty, they were able to establish no animals were inside the horsebox at the time of the incident. The rescue happened on Saturday afternoon. Northumberland County Council installed warning signs at either end of the mile-long causeway in 2012 in a bid to cut the number of strandings. They display a message to check the tide tables followed by the safe crossing times.
Two girls who were thirteen and fourteen when they callously murdered a vulnerable alcoholic in her own home are reported to be taking legal action to remain anonymous into adulthood. Angela Wrightson was subjected to a sick seven-hour attack in her Hartlepool home by the pair in December 2014. Both girls, who were not named in court because of their age, were jailed for a minimum of fifteen years in April 2016. The High Court is due to consider whether the ban on identifying the killers can be extended indefinitely. The girls' legal team has already obtained an interim injunction extending their anonymity, even though one of them has now turned eighteen. The original trial judge, Mr Justice Globe, rightly imposed reporting restrictions preventing the media from identifying the girls, on account of them being under the age of eighteen and due to their 'vulnerability.' The issue will go before the High Court next month, where their legal teams will argue the media's ban on reporting their identities should be extended. The current interim injunction applies to media reports and all other Internet postings - obviously, including this one. Mr Justice Globe halted a first trial at Teesside Crown Court and imposed a ban on reporting the second hearing months later in Leeds after he was 'alerted to hundreds of social media posts' written about the girlsFacebook by members of the public.' Wrightson, known locally as 'Alco Angela', was attacked after allowing the girls into her home to drink alcohol. A subsequent inquiry into the case found care home staff could not lock doors to prevent the older girl from running away and it heard that she had a chaotic family life. The younger girl had been placed in foster care after her parents complained of being unable to cope. Both girls were known to drink and take drugs. After the attack, the girls boasted to friends about being given a lift home by police, who were unaware of the murder.
An alleged member of a neo-Nazi terror group owned a rare 'wedding edition' of Adolf Hitler's autobiography Mein Kampf, a court has heard. Birmingham Crown Court heard that Mark Jones told other extremists he paid 'a lot' for coin for the book, which featured a Nazi party application form. Jones, of Sowerby Bridge in West Yorkshire, denies being a member of National Action after it was banned. His partner Alice Cutter denies the same charge. The pair are standing trial alongside Garry Jack from Birmingham and Connor Scothern, from Nottingham, who both deny the same charge, being a member of National Action after it was outlawed in December 2016. Prosecutors said that Jones and Cutter both 'made comments' in February 2017 in an online chat group, which included talking about buying a book from the United States. The court heard Jones - under the username 'Grandaddy Terror' - wrote: 'Fifty pound for a book [expletive]. I paid a lot for an original wedding edition of Mein Kampf with NSDAP application form in the back but that's a rarity.' This particular edition of Hitler's autobiography was given to Nazi party members as a wedding gift. Jurors were also shown a picture - recovered by police in September 2017 - of a masked man alleged to be Jones holding a copy of Mein Kampf. The court previously heard Cutter entered a beauty contest in 2016 under the name 'Buchenwald Princess' - a reference to a Nazi-era death camp. She denies ever being a member of NA, while Jones and Jack said they quit the organisation when it was banned. Scothern claims to have quit the group a day before it was made illegal. The trial continues.
Water engineers have been told not to carry out planned repair work in a district of Bradford 'due to threats of violence.' Yorkshire Water said employees had been 'subjected to serious threats to their safety' while attempting to carry out work in area of Bradford. Work has been suspended with immediate effect, the company said. A spokesman said that they were working with police and it was 'hoped' engineers could resume as soon as possible. Earlier this week, an internal Yorkshire Water document claimed that workers 'would not operate' in parts of Bradford 'until further notice.' It said this followed two recent incidents in which Yorkshire Water contract partner employees were 'threatened with violence.' The document, with the heading 'Safety Alert', said work was suspended 'until the ongoing security threat level in the area can be assessed' and 'mitigation measures' were 'put in place' to 'assure' worker safety. Emergency work involving internal flooding, pollution and supply problems could also be 'postponed or cancelled,' with police or security protection considered in severe incidents. 'At no point will colleagues be asked to carry out a task that they feel is unsafe, or where they feel the appropriate controls to manage their safety are not in place,' it said. West Yorkshire Police said it was 'aware of the concerns' raised by Yorkshire Water and was working with the company to 'address' them.
A woman was arrested after allegedly walking into the singer Justin Bieber's hotel room in Orange County, police said. The thirty six-year-old Huntington Beach woman, whose name was not released, was arrested on Tuesday in the lobby of the Montage Laguna Beach. Police were called to the luxury hotel, Sergeant Jim Cota said. The woman had been a guest of three other people staying at the hotel and their room was 'very close' to Bieber's. She was supposed to end her stay at the hotel, but 'lingered' so hotel security evicted her, Cota added. 'She came back in, for some unknown reason, to go back to the room, but she inadvertently walked into a room occupied by Justin Bieber,' Cota said. The singer's security took her to the hotel lobby, where she, again, tried to walk away, but Laguna Beach police stopped her. She was arrested for suspicion of trespassing. She appeared to have been drinking, Cota said. Laguna Beach police posted about the alleged incident on Twitter.
Brunei is to begin imposing 'death by stoning' as a punishment for gay sex and adultery from next week, as part of the country's highly criticised implementation of sharia law. From 3 April, people in the tiny Asian kingdom will be subjected to a draconian new penal code, which also includes the amputation of a hand and a foot for the crime of theft. To be convicted, the crimes must be 'witnessed by a group of Muslims.' Brunei, which has adopted a more conservative form of Islam in recent years, first announced in 2013 its intention to introduce sharia law, the Islamic legal system which imposes strict corporal punishments for all manner of nonsense. It was a directive of the Sultan of Brunei, Hassanal Bolkiah, who is one of the world's richest leaders with a personal wealth of about fifteen billion knicker and has held the throne since 1967. He described the implementation of the new penal code as 'a great achievement.' Alcohol is already banned in Brunei, as are 'showy' Christmas celebrations and there are fines and jail sentences for having children out of wedlock and failing to pray on a Friday. Blimey, sounds like a fun place to go for a visit. However, a heavy international backlash against Brunei imposing some of the more brutal sharia punishments has slowed their full implementation over the past five years. In 2014, Brunei's promises to implement sharia law prompted protests in Los Angeles, outside the famed Beverley Hills hotel and Hotel Bel Air, both of which were owned by the oil-rich nation. The hotels were accused of 'the height of hypocrisy' for offering packages to LGBT couples, while being bankrolled by a country that has condemned homosexuals to death. Brunei was a British colony until 1984 and the two countries still enjoy strong ties. Homosexuality has been illegal in Brunei since British colonial rule but, under the new laws it is now punishable by whipping or death by being stoned - and, not in a good way, either - rather than a prison sentence. Capital punishment will also apply to adultery and rape. The announcement that sharia law is to be rolled out from next week, specifically targeting the gay community, was met with horror by human rights groups. Amnesty International urged Brunei to 'immediately halt' implementing the penalties, which they said were 'deeply flawed.' And, you know, pretty painful too. Rachel Chhoa-Howard, a Brunei researcher at Amnesty International, said: 'As well as imposing cruel, inhuman and degrading punishments, it blatantly restricts the rights to freedom of expression, religion and belief and codifies discrimination against women and girls. To legalise such cruel and inhuman penalties is appalling of itself.' She added that some of the potential offences 'should not even be deemed crimes at all, including consensual sex between adults of the same gender.' The UK's international development secretary, Penny Mordaunt, said: 'No one should face the death penalty because of who they love. Brunei's decision is barbaric and the UK stands with the LGBT community and those who defend their rights. LGBT rights are human rights.' Gay rights groups pointed out that two thousand British troops are currently stationed in Brunei and the UK is 'urgently seeking a new trade deal' with the - very rich - country. The British trade envoy for Brunei, Paul Scully, was in the country in October for talks and there have been calls for him and the Foreign Office to join Mordaunt in condemning the plans. Which, obviously, he and they are not going to do since it might screw up somebody earning a packet. The sharia law would apply only to Muslims, who make up about two-thirds of the population. The sultan, despite the austere religious laws governing moral behaviour in Brunei, was embroiled in a scandal involving his brother, Prince Jefri Bolkiah, who embezzled fifteen million dollars from the state during his tenure as finance minister in the 1990s, leading to a long-running feud between the pair. Jefri's flamboyant and un-Islamic lifestyle, which came to light in a series of court cases, involved a harem of foreign mistresses and the purchase of cars, erotic sculptures and a luxury yacht he called Tits.
A model lies suggestively on a bed wearing little more than bra and knickers ... and a cycle helmet. This is an attempt by the German transport ministry to get younger cyclists to embrace head protection. But the video - what the Transport Minister Andreas Scheuer believes is a 'hip' way of getting the message across - has run into somewhat inevitable protest. 'Embarrassing, stupid and sexist,' said one senior female politician, two days before the campaign launch. The campaign uses an English slogan, acknowledging that a cycle helmet may be unflattering but that it 'saves my life.' Aside from the video, street posters are due to go up throughout Germany from Tuesday. The campaign features Alicija, a hopeful in Germany's Next Top Model, as well as a range of male models. But Maria Noichl, who chairs the women's committee of the Social Democratic Party, was scathing in comments to Bild newspaper: 'Embarrassing, stupid and sexist when the transport minister markets his policy with naked flesh.' And, the Minister for the Family Franziska Giffey, also a Social Democrat, posted a picture of herself on Facebook with the comment: 'With helmet and clothed.' Scheuer, whose conservative CSU governs in coalition with the Social Democrats and Chancellor Angela Merkel's CDU, appears unfazed by the furore. His ministry defended the approach, pointing out on Twitter that the 'target group' is young men and women who 'spurn helmets on aesthetic grounds.' The video has been viewed by almost two million people aged between fourteen and forty nine, the ministry claims. According to Germany's Road Safety Association, four hundred and thirty cyclists were killed on Germany's streets last year - fourteen per cent more than in 2017. Only eight per cent of the target age group wear helmets, the DVR says.
Blistered and peeling away, a teacher claims the damage done to his tongue is as a direct result of his consumption of energy drinks. Dan Royals drinks 'at least' six a day and he puts the damage done inside his mouth down to his 'addiction.' He is now warning people about the dangers the drinks - which contain up to thirteen teaspoons of sugar. Mind you, this all according to the Metro so it's probably a load of old crap. Dan 'revealed' that his doctor allegedly told him excessive sugar and 'various chemicals' found in the energy drinks were 'likely to blame' for his flesh being eaten away. He wrote on Facebook: 'Who drinks energy drinks? Addicted to them? You may want to think again. Have a look at the second pic. That's what that shit does to your tongue, imagine what's it like on your internals? Up until recently when this started to occur I was drinking at least five-to-six a day (lack of energy teaching kids usually) and I brush daily, went to the doctor and boom! Found out it's the chemicals in these drinks that are causing it. It literally eats away at your tongue.' Dan also smokes, but 'firmly believes' the tongue damage is a result of the drinks. He added: 'Just to make it clear, I actually do care for my oral health but this is purely from these drinks. I do smoke but has nothing to do with the eating away of my tongue.' World Health Organisation researchers said: 'A study in the US showed that dental cavities can result from the acidic pH and high-sugar content of products such as energy drinks. Another study showed that consumption of energy drinks can cause erosion and smear layer removal in the teeth, leading to cervical dentin hypersensitivity.' Nothing about eating away your tongue, though.
Senator Mike Lee (Republican, Utah) tore into the Green New Deal on Tuesday, stating on the Senate floor that the only thing needed to 'combat climate change' is for Americans to 'fall in love' and 'have more babies.' Interesting theory. Lee, incidentally, is definitely not a complete and utter moron. Just so we're clear about that.
Pope Frankie has 'addressed' the mystery of why he withdrew his hand from worshippers' kisses, explaining it was 'a simple question of hygiene.' Vatican spokesman Alessandro Gisotti said the Pope was 'worried about germs' when meeting Catholics last Wednesday. Video showing Pope Francis pulling away his hand from people attempting to kiss his ring went viral. Conservative critics reportedly 'rounded on the pontiff,' accusing him of shunning the centuries-old tradition. 'It was a simple question of hygiene,' Gisotti explained on Thursday, telling reporters that he had asked Pope Frankie about it. An extended version of the footage which 'swept social media' shows Pope Frankie allowing dozens of well-wishers to bow down and kiss his hand without any protest. A day later he was also seen allowing nuns and priests to kiss his ring during his general audience in the Vatican City. The papal ring, worn on the third finger of the right hand, may be the most powerful symbol of a pontiff's authority. Kissing this ring - a tradition thought to date back hundreds of years - is considered 'a mark of respect and obedience.' As soon as a pope dies, the ring is immediately destroyed in order to indicate the end of his reign. Gisotti said that with so many people queuing up to see the pontiff in St Peter's Square, he was 'mindful' of the risk of spreading germs. Pope Frankie was said to be 'amused' by the - wholly media-created - controversy, a papal aide told Reuters. Gisotti added that the Pope 'likes to embrace people and be embraced by people' and that he was happy to let people kiss his papal ring 'in small groups.'
From The North's semi-regular Headline Of The Week award goes to the Gruniad Morning Star for Hannah Dines' positively eye-watering I Had A Huge Swelling: Why My Life As A Female Cyclist Led To Vulva Surgery. Ooo. Nasty.
A British man extremely wanted on drugs charges has been arrested off a remote island in Australia while trying to 'flee the country on a jet-ski,' authorities say. The fifty seven-year-old was taken into custody on Saibai Island, just four kilometres South of Papua New Guinea, after travelling over a hundred miles from Northern Australia. The man was found on mudflats and there were reports he had been carrying a crossbow and 'other supplies.' He is expected to be taken to Western Australia to answer for his alleged naughty crimes. 'This arrest sends a strong message to would-be fugitives - our reach across Australia is second-to-none,' an Australian Federal Police spokesperson said. Police said the man, who has not been officially named, had launched his jet-ski on Monday from Punsand Bay in Queensland. The man was tracked by federal and state police on an Australian Border Force vessel. Saibai Island is one of a string of islands in the Torres Strait which belong to Australia.
A Texas woman was extremely arrested for reportedly assaulting her daughter in the parking lot of Pappasito's Cantina, Harris County constables said. Investigators were called to the restaurant earlier this week in response to a woman allegedly assaulting her daughter. When officials arrived at the scene, the woman, identified as Jessica Pimentel, was described as 'intoxicated' and 'refused to answer deputies' questions' and was, therefore, detained. Witnesses at the scene said the twenty nine-year-old threw her daughter to the ground, dragged her across the parking lot, struck her with her fist and attempted to put her in a chokehold. Child Protective Services was called to the scene and placed the girl in custody of a guardian, investigators said. Pimentel was charged with injury to a child under the age of fifteen and booked into the county jail.
An Oklahoma Arby's manager has been very arrested after shooting and killing a customer she had gotten into an argument with, police say. Deionna Young is facing a first-degree murder charge stemming from the alleged incident that unfolded on Saturday in Tulsa. Police told FOX News that Desean Tallent, the deceased twenty five-year-old, threatened and spat on Young before leaving the store. They did not elaborate on what had caused the dispute. One hour later, they say, Tallent returned to the store and Young got in her car and followed him out of the parking lot. Young, who reportedly was in possession of a handgun without a license, then shot at Tallent's SUV and struck him in the torso. Tallent later crashed the car into the entrance of a Walmart and was pronounced dead at a local hospital. Young reportedly went back to work. She is now being held without bond at Tulsa County Jail.
The woman caught on camera pushing her friend off the Moulton Falls Bridge in Washington State in August 2018 was sentenced to two days in jail and thirty eight days on a work crew. Tay'Lor Smith pleaded very guilty to reckless endangerment on 18 March. After hearing from several people, including the victim in the case - Jordan Holgerson - Judge Darvin Zimmerman handed down a sentence of forty eight hours in The Slammer and thirty eight days of the chain gang. All of her fines except for three hundred dollars were suspended. In December, Smith waived her right to a speedy trial, giving prosecutors and her defence attorney a chance to talk about a plea agreement. In February, her legal team told KATU they received an offer from the state and 'needed time to review it.' Eighteen year old Smith had earlier stated she 'didn't think about the consequences' when initiating the insanely dangerous stunt. Holgerson suffered broken ribs and punctured lungs in the fifty-foot fall that doctors say 'could have been deadly.' But, wasn't. Holgerson said that she has been 'dealing with anxiety and panic attacks' since the incident.
A police emergency call handler's advice not to move a man following a road crash contributed to his death, an inquest has ruled. Aidan Ridley was thrown on to a grass verge when he was hit by a car in Royal Wootton Bassett in 2016. Ridley's head was bent forward which meant he could not breathe properly but a police call handler told people at the scene not to move him. He died three days later as a direct result of oxygen deprivation. Assistant coroner Ian Singleton said: 'It was not appropriate for the police call handler to give advice not to move Aidan and this advice had a direct impact upon the action of members of the public at the scene. Failure to move Aidan to open his airway contributed to his death.' A police spokesperson said: 'We would like to express our sincere condolences to the family of Aidan Ridley, following the conclusion of the inquest into his death. Our thoughts remain with them at this difficult time.'
A man who claimed a child sex doll he ordered from China was 'for an art project' has been jailed after police reportedly found child abuse videos at his home. Donald Styles claimed that he purchased the three foot doll, 'which had realistic sex organs' according to reports, for a university application after it was intercepted at customs. Police raided his home in Newton Abbot and found one hundred and forty nine films and images of child abuse including rape. A judge said his story was 'ridiculous' and jailed him for eighteen months. Exeter Crown Court heard Styles, a former Plymouth University art student, had told police he wanted the doll 'for a project' he needed to submit as part of an application for a masters degree course at the university. Judge David Evans told Styles: 'If you needed a doll, there were plenty you could have bought legally. There was no reason whatsoever it had to be a child sex doll. Your explanation is utterly ridiculous and I reject it completely. This offence is so serious that only immediate imprisonment is justified.' Jason Beal, prosecuting, said that an investigation was launched by the National Crime Agency when Styles tried to import the doll from China in 2016. His home was raided in February 2018 and the images were found on CD ROMs which were made in the early 2000s. Beal said: 'Asked about what police might find on his computer, he said "a few normal naughty nude pictures."' Almost one hundred and fifty films and images were recovered of which seventy two fell in 'the worst category,' depicting child rape. Inquiries with Plymouth University also showed he had not made any recent application for any courses. Paul Dentith, defending, said that the offences had taken place 'a long time ago' and there was 'no evidence' of any direct physical offending against children. Styles was jailed for eighteen months, put on the sex offenders register for ten years, restricted from contacting children and will have his Internet activity monitored.
Five members of a gang who tried to smuggle cocaine worth about one hundred and twelve million knicker into the UK have been jailed with some positively eye-watering sentences. The two British men and three Europeans were found guilty of conspiracy to import cocaine, after a trial at Bristol Crown Court. They were arrested after their sixty foot catamaran was intercepted in August 2018 and taken to Newlyn in Cornwall, with over a tonne of snow on board. It was one of the biggest ever seizures of Class A drugs by UK authorities. Nigel Clark and Dean Waters, of no fixed address, who were arrested on land at nearby Hayle in Cornwall, were each jailed for twenty eight years. Richard Must, from Estonia, who was skipper of the catamaran Nomad, was jailed for thirty years. Crew member Raymond Dijkstra, from the Netherlands, was jailed for eighteen years and Voldemars Gailis, from Latvia, for sixteen years. Judge Martin Picton said that the men were very naughty and guilty of 'international drugs smuggling of the highest order.' He said the men had hoped to secure 'enormous profits' and that if their attempt to import the cocaine had been successful they would have 'flooded UK drugs markets and contributed to significant social harm.' The crew had left Plymouth in June and sailed down to South America, where the cocaine was loaded from another ship. They were intercepted on their return off the Southern coast of the Irish Republic by Border Force on 29 August. Clark and Waters had been preparing to use a small boat to collect the drugs from the Nomad and bring them ashore when they were arrested. All the men will serve a minimum of half their sentences in prison before being considered for release under licence.
An academic facing multiple charges of sexual misconduct told a male student 'you know the deal' before spanking him, a court has been told. Kevin O'Gorman, who formerly lectured at Strathclyde and Heriot-Watt universities, faces twenty seven charges involving seventeen alleged victims. He denies all the charges. A witness who was an undergraduate at Strathclyde in 2010, described his 'increasing unease' about the behaviour of Doctor O'Gorman, whom he alleged had 'repeatedly touched and squeezed' his leg during one-to-one meetings, and frequently brought up 'punishments' in social media exchanges. Their last private meeting followed a Facebook conversation in which Doctor O'Gorman had allegedly said he would 'whip' the undergraduate with a belt. O'Gorman is also alleged to have 'punished' another male student by asking him to 'spank himself' and making him stand in the corner of a room during a Skype conversation. The first alleged victim described O'Gorman as 'eccentric and odd' but said that he viewed the older man as 'a mentor.' The summary trial in front of Sheriff Alistair Noble continues. O'Gorman was sacked from his position as Professor of Management and Business History and Head of Business Management in the School of Languages and Management at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh after the allegations emerged last year. O'Gorman trained in Glasgow, Salamanca and Rome as a philosopher, theologian and historian and has published over eighty journal articles, books, chapters, and conference papers in business and management.
A teacher in Texas allegedly sent a video of herself 'engaged in sexual activities' to one of her students through Snapchat. The perpetrator, whose Snapchat username is 'Momma K' had sent the clip of herself masturbating to a fifteen-year-old male student according to court document. She was a teacher at Paetow High School and the report further confirmed that twenty five-year-old Kelsie Koepke has been extremely fired from her job after the accusations emerged. Koepke reportedly exchanged Snapchat information with the student around October 2017 and began to chat with him in the weeks before Homecoming. The conversations between the student and the teacher 'soon took a sexual turn.' She reportedly instructed the teenager not to save any of their chats. 'Then, on the actual night of the homecoming event, she sent him the first set of nude photos and videos of herself,' reads the court's documents. Although she apologised to the victim for sending him such explicit content, evidence revealed that she continued to send him inappropriate pictures and videos, including a clip of her masturbating. When asked by the investigators, Koepke said she had 'mistaken the student for someone else' whom she previously met on a dating website. The accused also told the investigators that she sent the videos and photos in question to 'a few different people.' The court's documents and media reports further suggested that the school officials 'learned' of the alleged relationship from another student who 'noticed a conversation on social media regarding inappropriate content,' being 'shared' between Koepke and a student. 'The district took immediate action and removed the paraprofessional from the classroom and later that day the employee was terminated from Katy ISD,' school principal Mindy Dickerson wrote. The investigation on the matter is undergoing. Koepke is expected to face the judge in May.
A widower was, reportedly, 'dragged to a police station and forced to undress and show his penis to friends and relatives after he was accused of causing the death of his wife with a giant penis during a marathon sex session at night.' The accused - only identified as Baresh - lost his wife, Jumantri, from what he believed was a disease she had been battling for years, but his father-in-law, Nedi Sito, was convinced it was Baresh's 'uge throbbing member that had actually killed her. Sito from the Maron Kidul village in Indonesia, had 'heard rumours' that his son-in-law was 'blessed with an abnormally large genitals' and that he was also 'a lion in the bedroom.' According to a report by, of course, the Daily Scum Mail, Sito was 'desperately looking for closure regarding the death of his twenty three-year-old daughter' and decided to take Baresh to the police, accusing the son-in-law of murder. The bereaved widower was eventually summoned by the authorities in February together with the complainant and several family members and friends. Baresh was then ordered to remove his pants and show everyone his 'mjulubeng' for inspection. After close scrutiny of Baresh's dong, the head of criminal investigation unit at the station concluded that the penis was 'of normal size' and therefore could not have killed Jumantri. It was subsequently established that the main cause of Jumantri's death was epilepsy. In the face of facts presented before him, Sito had no choice but to withdraw his charges against the son-in-law and to apologise for the embarrassment and humiliation he caused. Athough, to be fair, at least the police established that Baresh's knob was 'normal' it would've been even worse if they had decided it was sub-standard. The air reportedly forgave each other after clearing up the misunderstanding. So, that's a happy ending, anyway. Well, except for poor Jumantri, obviously.
The world's first 'bricks-and-mortar Vagina Museum' is a step closer to becoming a reality. With plans to open at a location in London's Camden Market in November 2019, the project has launched a crowdfunding campaign to raise three hundred grand to cover the costs of exhibitions, outreach programmes, rent and staff salaries above the London Living Wage. The museum, which initially launched as a pop-up project in 2017, aims to 'demystify and celebrate' the vagina, challenging stigma around gynaecological health and tackling questions around body image, sex and consent, while centring an inclusive and intersectional approach. Outreach and community engagement will be at the heart of its mission: collaborations with medical professionals, schools, activists or comedians will help the public explore this misunderstood area of human anatomy.
A woman who reportedly fired a stun gun 'to defend herself' while out clubbing in Birmingham has been jailed. Chanel Fraser had been threatened on previous nights out so resorted to carrying the illegal weapon in case anyone picked on her, a court heard claimed. Birmingham crown court was told she fired the stun gun six times when she got into a fight with a group of girls in Broad Street. During the altercation, the girls had ripped her wig off and also pulled her clothing exposing her chest, leaving her 'embarrassed and humiliated.' Fraser pleaded very guilty to possession of a prohibited weapon and was jailed for twelve months. Robert Cowley, prosecuting, told how the incident happened in the early hours of 8 December last year outside Zara's nightclub. A couple of hours earlier Fraser had got into a row with a group of girls and 'pushing and shoving' took place. Then as they were all were leaving they met again whilst waiting for a taxi. Another altercation started and there was a struggle during which Fraser's chest was exposed and her wig pulled off by one of the girls. Cowley said Fraser then 'disappeared and reappeared five minutes later' brandishing a stun gun. 'She ran towards the girls and they heard a "stinging sound" which was the gun being activated and this happened at least six times,' he said. No-one was injured and eventually one of the group managed to wrestle the gun off Fraser. She was very arrested and put in a police van where she struggled so much she had to be restrained. The court heard she had previous convictions for assaulting police officers, a racially aggravated public order offence and battery. Gurdeep Singh Garcha, defending, claimed that his client had 'a number of psychological issues and difficulties,' but was not using them as an excuse for her behaviour that night which, she herself admitted, was 'disgraceful.' He said: 'She carries a stun gun because she’s been bullied in the past and also subject to aggressive behaviour and has not been able to protect herself, so uses the stun gun as protection.' He said although the other women involved in the altercation had not been charged, they had been violent towards her, which including ripping off her wig and exposing her chest. 'This happened in a public place and she felt deeply embarrassed and humiliated,' Garcha said. 'The red mist descended and she lost control.'
Cheese on toast is a popular snack enjoyed all over the country. But the way it is cooked is highly debated: brown bread or white? Butter or no butter? Worcester sauce before or after grilling? Or, indeed, at all? In this week's episode of the BBC2 show, Inside the Factory, Doctor Stuart Farrimon revealed that the 'perfect' cheese on toast needs precisely fifty grams of grated medium cheddar and should be placed at exactly eighteen centimetres from the grill. The food scientist wasn't the only one who had a lot to say on the matte, as many other (almost all of them people that you've never heard of - took to Twitter and admitted they were 'gobsmacked' by the revelation. And, this shite constitutes 'news', apparently. Well, it does to the Daily Scum Mail, anyway.
On the Stately Telly Topping Manor watchlist this week has been Armando Iannucci's glorious 2017 satire, The Death Of Stalin - which this blogger had on DVD for some time but had only watched once previously before this week - no particular reason, this blogger just has, you know, lots of stuff to watch! Anyway, Keith Telly Topping loves the way From The North favourite Jason Isaacs completely steals the movie from under the noses of the rest of a truly quality cast by, essentially, playing Georgy Zhukov as an angry Leeds United supporter. With all the inherent violence to match. 'In real life, Zhukov was the only person who was able to speak bluntly to Stalin,' Jason told the Gruniad on the film's release. 'So I thought, who are the bluntest people I've ever met in my life? They're all from Yorkshire! The accent is shorthand for: "No fucking around, I'm going to tell you what's what." I had a picture of Brian Glover in my head!'
And now, dear blog reader, the first of another new, semi-regular, From The North feature, A Night Out With Kraftwerk. Number one: His bandmates all realise that it is Florian's round a fraction of a second before Florian, himself, does. With hilarious consequences.
Musicians have paid righteous tribute to great Ranking Roger Charlery who died this week at the age of fifty six. The Birmingham-born toaster, best known as a vocalist with The Beat, died at home on Tuesday, surrounded by family, a statement on the band's website said. Roger had suffered a stroke last summer and was reported to have been diagnosed with two brain tumours and lung cancer in recent months. Neville Staple, formerly of The Specials and Fun Boy Three, who sang with Roger in Special Beat shared a warm tribute to his friend on Instagram. The Selecter's Pauline Black posted a short excerpt from Hamlet: 'Goodnight sweet prince. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.' R.E.M's Mike Mills who went on several tours with The Beat tweeted that Roger had 'brought a lot of joy into the world.'
As a key part of The Beat, Roger spearheaded the UK ska revival. The group - fronted by Roger and singer/guitarist Dave Wakeling - enjoyed several top ten hits, most famously 'Mirror In The Bathroom', the first digitally recorded single released in Britain. Roger often took the focus on one side of the band's double A-sided singles whilst Wakeling would handle the other; the frantic 'Ranking Full Stop' ('Riddim! Cum Faarward!') on their debut for example or the brilliantly slap-in-your-face 'Stand Down Margaret' on the flip of 'Best Friend'. Roger added a Caribbean vocal flavour to the band's oeuvre whilst veteran saxophonist Saxa provided an authentic Jamaican instrumental sound. Saxa (born Lionel Augustus Martin in 1930) had played with Prince Buster, Laurel Aitken and Desmond Dekker during the first wave of ska. Notable singles from their outstanding debut LP - I Just Can't Stop It, one of the tightest records ever made by anyone - included 'Mirror In The Bathroom' and 'Hands Off, She's Mine'. A second Beat LP, Wha'ppen? was supported by extensive touring, including an American tour with The Pretenders and Talking Heads. The Beat were one of 'the four big' British ska revival bands - along with The Specials, Madness and The Selecter - to emerge post-punk in the late 1970s. The Beat's flowering was a relatively brief one, but Roger was at the heart of the group's successes, when they produced five top ten singles and two hit LP in the UK before splitting in 1984. He had songwriting credits on many of their most popular compositions and alongside duties as joint-vocalist with Wakeling was also the band's toaster, talking in stylised patois over various song sections in a mode popularised by reggae deejays of the late 1960s. Later he pursued solo projects and collaborations with various well-known bands and artists, including Big Audio Dynamite and Sting, before touring and recording with a reincarnation of The Beat, with whom he worked until his death.
Born Roger Charlery in Birmingham to Jean-Baptiste, a toolsetter and his wife, Anne Marie, both of whom had emigrated to Britain from the Caribbean, Roger grew up in Small Heath, next to Birmingham City football ground. As a fifteen-year-old at Archbishop Williams school, Roger was already dee-jaying with reggae sound systems when he was sucked into the local punk scene, becoming the drummer in an outfit called The Dum Dum Boys in 1978. Early in their existence they were supported by another fledgling band, The Beat and Roger was so impressed by their music - a cunning mash-up of punk, Motown and ska - that he jumped ship to join them. Within a year The Beat were sitting at number six in the UK charts with their debut single, a storming cover of Smokey Robinson's 'Tears Of A Clown' which epitomised what Roger characterised as the band's 'happy music with sad lyrics.' Drawing heavily on Jamaican musical themes, but with a distinctly British feel and punk sensibilities, The Beat, along with Madness and The Selecter, swiftly became part of the Two-Tone movement, which took its name from the Coventry independent label that The Specials had started and to which each of the bands initially signed. The Beat's debut LP was released in 1980 on their own Go Feet label and featured their most talked-about composition, 'Stand Down Margaret', which was, inevitably, banned by the BBC - although ITV famously let them play it on OTT - and had Roger's toasting to the fore as it called, politely, for the resignation of the then prime minister (note, he did say 'please'!) The LP reached number three in the charts, as did its follow up in 1981 which contained another great hit single, 'Too Nice To Talk To'. Major tours followed with The Clash, The Police and David Bowie, all of whom were fans. But within a couple of years internal disagreements had emerged and the band's star had begun to wane. Their third LP, Special Beat Service (1982), was significantly less popular than its predecessors and despite registering their highest chart position with a slyly subversive cover of Andy Williams's 'Can't Get Used To Losing You' in 1983, they broke up shortly afterwards. Whilst guitarist Andy Cox and bassist Dave Steele formed Fine Young Cannibals and found much success in the late 1980s, Roger and Wakeling created a 'super-group', General Public with a fluid line-up initially containing ex-members of Dexy's Midnight Runners (Mickey Billingham and Andy Growcott), The Specials (Horace Panter) and The Clash (Mick Jones and, briefly, Topper Headon). With Roger as the main vocalist they signed to Virgin and had a top forty hit in the US with 'Tenderness' (1984). But otherwise their poppy style with reggae undertones, rarely impinged on the public consciousness. Two LPs, All The Rage (1984) and Hand To Mouth (1986), made little impact and they disbanded in 1987.
The following year Roger released a solo LP, Radical Departure, which despite its title did not deviate far from the template established by The Beat and General Public. In the early 1990s he put together Special Beat with various personnel from The Beat and The Specials, touring in the UK and Japan. In 1994 he and Wakeling revived and reconfigured General Public, basing themselves in the US, where they scored a top forty hit with a cover of The Staple Singers''I'll Take You There'. Later, back home in Britain, Roger teamed up with a fellow Brummie, Pato Banton, to record a bouncy reggae single, 'Bubbling Hot', which charted and, in 1996, he was singing and toasting on a version of 'The Bed's Too Big Without You', released by Sting. But, we won't hold that against him. Continuing his long association with Mick Jones, Roger became a member of Big Audio Dynamite for their final studio LP, Entering A New Ride (1997), before releasing his second solo collection, Inside My Head, in 2001. Latterly his musical life had centred around a Beat revival featuring his daughter, Saffren, on vocals and son, Matthew, as toaster: in a - reportedly friendly - deal with Wakeling, who had a rival Beat group active in the US, Roger's troupe concentrated on touring the UK and Europe, while Wakeling's musicians (known as The English Beat) focused on America. Roger's band released CDs in 2016 (Bounce) and 2019 (Public Confidential) and he relished the chance to add new material to the old. 'Even if we're not as big as the first time, the respect and the credibility are still there,' he said. 'For me, they are great things to have.' Earlier this year, Roger announced that following a stroke and the discovery of two brain tumours he had also been diagnosed with lung cancer. He is survived by five children.
That marvellous actor Shane Rimmer, who voiced Scott Tracy in Thunderbirds and was well-known for his long association with Gerry Anderson, has died. The official Anderson website carried the news, saying that the death of the eighty nine year old had been confirmed by his widow. For many years Shane - along with fellow expats the late Ed Bishop and the late David Healy - was a regular on all manner of UK television shows and films whenever a reasonably authentic North American voice was required. In fact, although he spent his entire career playing stock American characters Shane was Canadian, born in Toronto in May 1929. After a successful singing career on Canadian Radio, he hosted his own variety TV show for CBC, Come Fly With Me. In 1959 he was first brought to England by director Dick Lester to appear as a singer in ITV's After Hours With Cleo Lane.
He returned to Canada to feature in the movie Flaming Frontier, before marrying an English dancer, Sheila Logan and making London his home. He initially worked as a cabaret singer - recording several singles for EMI Columbia with The Geoff Love Orchestra - and then moved into acting and voice-work, playing the leader of the Thunderbirds crew in thirty two episodes of the popular Supermarionation series between 1964 and 1966, as well as the spin-off movies, Thunderbirds Are Go and Thunderbird Six. He also drafted the story for the series' penultimate episode, Ricochet (1966), from which Tony Barwick wrote the finished script. He said: 'Gerry was an exceptional man - not only to those who began the studio work with him and they were all terribly talented and so easy to work with - but also to the hundreds of thousands of young - and maybe a little older - viewers who watched that magic flow across television screens all over the world.' The actor also contributed his voice to several other Gerry Anderson projects, including Joe 90 and Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons and appeared in person in Anderson's live-action project UFO. Behind the scenes, he also wrote episodes of Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, The Secret Service and The Protectors.
Shane and Ed Bishop - himself a regular Anderson associate - would often joke about how their professional paths frequently crossed, calling themselves 'Rent-a-Yanks'. They appeared together as sailors in The Bedford Incident (1965) and as NASA technicians in You Only Live Twice (1967), on BBC radio in an adaptation of A Study In Scarlet, as well as touring together on stage, including a production of Death Of A Salesman in the 1990s. The pair also appeared in the BBC drama-documentary Hiroshima, which was completed shortly after Bishop's death in 2005.
As well as his work with Gerry and Sylvia Anderson, Shane appeared in over one hundred films including Kubrick's Dr Strangelove, Gandhi and Out Of Africa. He played three different roles in James Bond movies, appearing in You Only Live Twice, Diamonds Are Forever and The Spy Who Loved Me as well as providing uncredited voice work for a fourth, Live & Let Die. He was regularly cast in science fiction and fantasy projects, appearing in the William Hartnell-era Doctor Who four-parter The Gunfighters (1966), as well as in Space: 1999 and having small roles in Rollerball, Star Wars, Batman Begins and the first three Superman movies. He also played two different characters in Coronation Street - in 1988 as shopkeeper Malcolm Reid and, earlier, between 1968 and 1970 as Joe Donnelli, an American GI who had murdered an army colleague and eventually shot himself after holding Stan Ogden hostage.
His remarkable, sixty year-plus CV also included appearances in Encounter, Armchair Theatre, Ghost Squad, Compact, The Saint, Danger Man, Thirty Minute Theatre, Rudolph Cartier's Lee Oswald: Assassin, Orlando, QB VII, Hadleigh, Second Verdict, The Velvet Glove, The Famous Five, Secret Army, A Man Called Intrepid, Oppenheimer, Quiller, Bognor, The Rose Medallion, The Nanny, Tales of The Unexpected, Smith & Jones, Hammer House Of Mystery & Suspense, Mistral's Daughter, Space, A Very British Coup, Red King, White Knight, The Nightmare Years, Van Der Valk, Casualty and Dennis Potter's Lipstick On Your Collar and the movies The People That Time Forgot, The Dogs Of War, Nasty Habits, Reds, Morons From Outer Space, Whoops Apocalyse and Spy Game. Shane continued to work in his later years, as recently as 2017 he was supplying voice-work in the cult childrens' show The Amazing World Of Gumball. He told the Washington Times in 2017 that it was his James Bond work he was most proud of. 'That was crazy. I have no idea how it happened. I did Diamonds Are Forever first. It wasn't much. I just came on and got into a bit of a slanging match with Sean Connery, who slangs very well. Then I did You Only Live Twice. They got rid of me up in space in that one. The third, The Spy Who Loved Me was a good one all around. It was Roger Moore's favourite of all the ones he did. You just get a kind of intuitive thing about a movie. It worked very well.'
Shane's autobiography, From Thunderbirds To Pterodactyls was published in 2010 and he was also the author of a novel, Long Shot. He is survived by his wife and their three children.

So, dear blog reader, guess whom - if some current hot rumours doing a fair bit of circulating all around the Interweb - may be returning to our very own telly box screens in January of next year? Go on, speculate ...?
'I want to keep my soul un-fucked.' This week saw another quite superb episode of From The North's current favourite drama on the planet, Doom Patrol. That's seven in a row for anyone keeping count. This was one in which a vengeance-driven rodent gets into Robotman's head and messes with it. Quite literally! And, it was fabulous, dear blog reader. Proper mad-brilliant. Mostly gushing reviews can be read here, here, here, here and here.
The next episode - Danny Patrol - will reportedly see another vital part of Grant Morrison's award-winning 1980s comic run of Doom Patrol, Danny The Street, making its first appearance in the TV adaptation. Bona t'vada, Dan.
From The North favourite Gotham is about to reach its conclusion in a couple of weeks time 'and it is going to come as close to the Batman comics as it possibly can,' according to the Digital Spy website. Although, what they're basing that one, they don't day. The show has revealed a trailer for the final two episodes that shows Jeremiah undergoing one final transformation, making him look more like The Joker than he ever has before. Cameron Monaghan has previously talked about the restrictions placed upon the producers of Gotham regarding his character, saying: 'Green was off-limits to us, as well as the name 'Joker', a decision from high up as they wanted to reserve these for films. A decision which, ultimately, I respect. They did not want to dilute the very lucrative brand. It allowed for creativity on our end.'
This week's episode of From the North favourite Only Connect was the three hundredth broadcast. And, for some reasons that remains obscure - if, you know, funny - the producers chose to get The Divine Victoria to celebrate it thus ...
Meanwhile, for the first time since the popular BBC2 intelligence quiz reached the quarter-final stage three weeks ago, this blogger managed to actually get the answers to a couple of questions before either of the teams did this week (or, strictly speaking in the case of the latter, at exactly the same time as one of the teams did).
Sunday's opening episode of the latest series of Line Of Duty was the most-watched show of 2019 so far, according to overnight figures. The first episode of series five was watched by 7.8 million overnight viewers. That also made it the most-watched episode in the history of the police drama so far. In comparison, series four's opener was seen live by 5.4 million, with the finale watched by 7.5 million. The series five premiere went up against Victoria on ITV, with the period drama attracting and overnight of 3.1 million. Line Of Duty's return follows the huge success of writer Jed Mercurio's other hit show, Bodyguard. Line Of Duty's series five opener, which was described by its star, Martin Compston, as 'the scariest yet,' received largely glowing reviews. The Times critic Carol Midgley gave it four stars and wrote: 'Mercurio knows how to begin an episode and is a master at ending one, last night giving us two final shocks like successive thwacks to the head. It is a dependable, wily machine, superior in my view to Mercurio's other baby, Bodyguard.' The Grunaid Morning Star's Lucy Mangan gave it a maximum five stars. 'As ever, nothing is wasted; not a scene, not a line, not a beat,' she wrote. 'For every morsel of information gathered by the team and by the viewer, another turn reveals one hundred hidden possibilities. It fits together flawlessly - you can imagine Mercurio sitting like a watchmaker at his table with the parts spread before him and fitting the loupe to his eye before assembling the whole thing and listening for its perfectly regulated tick.' The Torygraph's Jasper Rees, was also impressed. 'Mercurio's script cleverly comes at a familiar scenario from a new angle,' he wrote. And, he praised the addition of Steven Graham to the cast. 'Graham, a compact parcel of Scouse gelignite, doesn't tend to play softies, so his simmering aggression felt all too credible.' The Daily Scum Express reviewer Neela Debnath wrote: 'Episode one has all the verve and energy we've come to expect from Line Of Duty but season five also feels like it's now a continuation of a much bigger story that fully emerged at the end of the series four finale.'Metro's Keith Watson wrote: 'Few actors do menacing and brooding better than Stephen Graham and he's perfectly cast as John Corbett, a man on a short fuse with a steely coldness to his eyes and a way of making everything he says drip with sinister threat. Corbett's agenda is the lifeblood of this Line Of Duty. It's got balaclavas, it's got the mystery of the letter H, it's got spine-tingling interrogations to come. Line of Duty has the next five Sunday nights under house arrest.' The episode was also well-reviewed in the Radio Times. If you're wondering, dear blog reader, this blogger thought it was great.
From The North favourite Killing Eve's new showrunner Emerald Fennell has suggested that even the show's main characters Villanelle and Eve 'could die in any episode.' But, they're probably not going to. Speaking to Variety, Fennell, 'revealed' that she didn't want viewers to assume that the leads would be 'fine,' as 'no one should feel safe.' The author and actress, who is set to appear as a young Camilla Parker Bowles in the forthcoming third series of The Crown, has taken over writing duties for Killing Eve's second series so that Phoebe Waller Bridge can focus on other projects (mainly Fleabag). 'I never wanted that thing that you often have with famous thriller characters, which is, "they'll all be fine!"' she told the magazine. 'I think it's really important to say, "Okay, well if this is a fight to the death - and demonstrably it is with what happened last [series] - no one should feel safe.' She cited the murder of Eve's MI5 boss, Frank, in series one as an example, telling the magazine: 'The brutality of that and the fact that you never look away from it - there is a sense that both of them are getting into stuff that's properly deadly. Otherwise we don't believe it anymore,' she added. Alluding to the show's dramatic first series finale, which saw Villanelle (Jodie Comer) flee into the street of Paris after Eve (Sandra Oh) stabbed her in the stomach, Fennell also gave fans a hint as to what they can expect from the new episodes. 'We couldn't cheat around the fact that Villanelle is bleeding to death,' she said, before explaining that the second series will see the assassin 'attempting to recover' from the near-deadly injury. 'In the end what we ended up doing was making a virtue of something that usually would be admin in any other thriller. In any other thriller it would have been about getting Villanelle back to her sexiest point again.'
One can tell that Game Of Thrones long-awaited final series is about to kick-off big-style as this week has seen major articles on the series appearing in such august periodicals as the New York Times (Nine Questions For The Final Season) and the Washington Times (A Guide To Prepare You For The Final Season Of Game of Thrones). And, loads of other places far too numerous to list here. Just GoogleGame Of Thrones, dear blog reader and you'll find hundreds of them. Some admittedly, far more interesting than others.
The first - for the most part spoiler-free - review of the opening episode of series eight of Game Of Thrones had already appeared in the Torygraph. Seemingly, the reviewer - the excellently-named Jane Melkerrins - rather liked it.
Retired banker Irini Tzortzoglou has won this year's MasterChef and said that she has no plans to start a new career running a restaurant. The sixty one-year-old triumphed in the BBC cookery show's first all-female final. For the final three-course challenge, she cooked red mullet with a squid risotto, griddled rosemary lamb chops and a fig and hazelnut baklava. Irini, who took inspiration from her Greek childhood, grew up in Crete and now lives in Cartmel in Cumbria. She was one of fifty six amateur chefs who competed for the coveted MasterChef trophy in the popular show's fifteenth series. Over the course of several gruelling rounds of cooking challenges, they were whittled down to the final three. Irini was particularly pleased to have been in the show's first all-female final and said that she wished she could have shared her trophy with her fellow finalists Jilly McCord and Delia Maria Asser. She said: 'It happened so quickly that I felt all the final that the three of us were like one. We were all doing our own thing, but actually we were in unison - so my instinctive reaction was: "Can I share it with my friends?"' Irini continued: 'We are just lucky we are three women who love and respect each other and have grown to be very fond and appreciative of each other's talents.' Irini said that being filmed throughout the series did not bother her because she remained 'totally focused.' In an interview on BBC Breakfast, she said: 'The cameras didn't disturb me because you really need to ignore them if you want to cook. And the guys are fantastic, Gregg [Wallace] comes and relaxes you - he used to joke with me about Greek history, challenge me, laugh with me - and then John [Torode] is like a younger brother who cares for you, he wants you to do as well as you want to. They didn't bother me at all. In fact, I loved being around them.' Past winners of the show have gone on to open their own restaurants. But, despite impressing some of the biggest names in the food industry throughout the competition, Irini's future plans do not involve opening her own professional kitchen. 'I don't think that at my time of life I want to run a restaurant,' she said. 'I want to spend more time with my mum and I would love to go round Greece and do some research - maybe make a programme, if I'm lucky.'
Graham Norton is to return as host for the 2019 BAFTA Television Awards. The presenter said that it would be a 'pleasure' to reward 'brilliant talent' at the ceremony, held at the Royal Festival Hall on 12 May and broadcast on BBC1. He replaces Sue Perkins who has hosted the awards since 2016. The BBC's Killing Eve and A Very English Scandal lead the nominations, alongside Bodyguard and Sky Atlantic's Patrick Melrose.
Whilst we all wait - very impatiently - for the final six episodes of Qi's P series to have their XL editions broadcast (and, there's still no word on when that's likely to happen), as this blog recently reported, filming is already well underway for the next, Q, series. According to the British Comedy Guide website, episode two - Quiet - will feature semi-regulars Jimmy Carr and Sara Pascoe and first time guest Andrew Maxwell. Almost certainly the first time that Jimmy Carr and the word 'quiet' have featured in the same sentence. Another episode, Qanimals, will also feature From The North favourite Pascoe also with Phill Jupitas and Daliso Chaponda whilst episode four - the theme for which is not known at this time - has guests Susan Calman, Joe Lycett and Holly Walsh. Quills features Jimmy Carr again, along with Tim Allen and Lou Sanders. Episode six - again, not yet named - will include Lycett, Bridget Christie and James Ancaster and episode seven, Quests, guest-stars Jupitas, Alice Levine and dear old camp-as-a-row-of-tents Alan Carr, making his first Qi appearance. Phill Jupitas also appears in Quenching & Quaffing along with Jo Brand and Prue Leith. Quintessentially Qi features Josh Widdecombe, Cariad Lloyd and Holly Walsh. The Christmas episode, Qistmas, will have more - welcome - appearances by Sara Pascoe and Josh Widdecombe along with another From The North favourite, yer actual Johnny Vegas. Queens features David Mitchell, Wor Geet Canny Sarah Millican and Aussie comedian Colin Lane. Wor Geet Canny Sarah is also in Quirky along with Jason Manford and Loyiso Gola. Quarrelling's guest stars Manford again, Aisling Bea and Anuvab Pal. There will be a further four episodes recorded during the next few weeks and From The North will bring dear blog readers details of whom will be appearing in those as soon as we have them.
Martin Freeman has admitted that filming Sherlock'wasn't that much fun' during the final days of his sixteen-year relationship with co-star Amanda Abbington when he appeared on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs. Marty said that the couple, who announced their split in 2016 and have two children together, have 'stayed friends' for the sake of their former relationship, as well as for the rest of the family. 'I wanted to be civil for us, because when you've loved someone for that long and they have been such an integral part of your life, what - that is supposed to not count now?' The actor went on to say he thinks he and Abbington now co-parent 'pretty well, really.' But, Freeman revealed that 'by the time of the last Sherlock that we've done we were sort of in the midst of splitting up.' Until then, making the show, in which they played John and Mary Watson, had been 'great,' he said. 'I really love working with her.' Marty also told host Wor Geet Canny Lauren Laverne that his chemistry with yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch is 'fairly rare. Probably nothing I've done has resonated with certain parts of the world's population the same way Sherlock has. It just hit a lot of buttons for people,' he said. Yet the intensity of some of the fans' reaction can be 'challenging,' he added. 'By the time we filmed the last ones there were some fans who were so adamant that John and Sherlock were gay, they knew it. And they knew that Steven [Moffat] and Mark [Gatiss] were going to write an episode where we held hands off into the sunset together. So when that didn't happen, there was a chunk of people going, "This is betrayal."' Choosing song by Madness, The Clash, The Style Council, The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) and Leonard Bernstein among others, noted Mod and Motown fan Marty recalled his childhood as the youngest of five. With only three O-levels to his name, he remembered enjoying 'being distracted' by other pupils at school. 'It is more fun to be naughty. There is no way round that,' he said. He chooses scripts, he suspects, when they are 'not begging to be liked' and feels the same way about people. He also talked about his acting heroes, Michael Caine and Tom Courtenay, who 'didn't seem to be doing much, but had a bit of nuance about them.' Freeman's upcoming sitcom, Breeders, created with Simon Blackwell and Chris Addison, is to 'be a reaction' to the shock of parenthood, he explained. Being a parent, Freeman argues, is 'about forty seven light years away from not being a parent' and he said that he finds being presented with 'my own shortcomings' the most 'difficult' side of having children.
Large amounts of vintage television were lost during the 1960s and 1970s, broadcasters junking TV recordings in an age long before home video, DVDs, Blu-rays and twenty four hour repeat channels. You probably heard about it. There were many reasons for this, of course, not all of them cultural vandalism as this blog has already discussed at length in the past. But, there is still hope: over the years, certain 'lost' episodes have been rediscovered (mostly outside of the UK, having once been sold to overseas territories) and so it is with the recent return of two episodes from the 1960s sitcom The Likely Lads. 'It's wonderful,' co-creator Dick Clements told the Digital Spy website. 'I hate the fact that so much has been lost. There are still at least two of our favourite episodes that have never been found.' Devised along with Ian La Frenais, The Likely Lads followed the exploits of two young working class men, Terry Collier (James Bolam) and Bob Ferris (Rodney Bewes), in the North of England. Of the twenty episodes produced between 1964 and 1966, only half are thought to survive, with series two's A Star Is Born and Faraway Places recently having been recovered from a private collection. 'The BBC didn't know that there would be box-sets and DVDs and re-run channels,' noted La Frenais. 'We weren’t the only victims. There's some that I would love to see again. They found a missing one four years ago and we thought, "Oh, shit, we wish they hadn’t" because it was our least favourite!'The Likely Lads was Clement and La Frenais' first series together, but their creative partnership continued with such classic series as its sequel, Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads?, Porridge and Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. 'It was the first thing we ever did,' says La Frenais. 'It was our break into being television writers, which we built upon and fortunately it was never ripped out from under us. So without that, without The Likely Lads, God knows what we would be doing. And it seems to have found its place in television history, as a programme of merit.' The original series concluded after three years, with a misunderstanding leading to the lads being split up as Terry joined the army while Bob remained at home because of his flat feet. The decision to wrap things up was made, La Frenais says, because 'the actors were chomping at the bit to do other thing. Between all of us, it just seemed the right thing to do.' But, continued interest from the public, as well as a curiosity on the part of the writers, eventually led to thoughts of a sequel. 'People kept saying, "So, whatever happened to those two?"' La Frenais recalls. Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? was a more melancholic show which reunited an older Terry and Bob after several years apart and is generally considered to be one of the few TV sequels that is actually superior to the original that it followed. 'After The Likely Lads, we went off and did two or three movies,' Le Frenais remembered (they included The Jokers, Otley, Hannibal Brooks and Villain). 'We did another television show that didn't work' (probably a reference to 1967's Harry H Corbett vehicle Mister Aitch since their other post Likely Lads series, The Further Adventures Of Lucky Jim was a moderate hit). 'So, when we came back in 1973 to do Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads?, it was the big test for us: "Are we really as good as the promise we'd shown, all those years ago?" And it worked. So I feel personally that Whatever Happened To ... validated us as serious writers and fortunately we followed that very quickly with Porridge.' Again, the sequel series enjoyed a relatively brief run, just two sets of thirteen episodes and a Christmas special between 1973 and 1974. It felt like enough, Clement suggests. 'I think we could have done one more series of Porridge, probably, if things had worked out differently, but doing twenty six of Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads felt right. If we'd gone on for another thirteen with that, I think we would have started to repeat ourselves.' But, the story of Terry and Bob wasn't quite over yet. The final outing was an excellent 1976 film adaptation, which has been remastered and is being paired with the two rediscovered Likely Lads episodes on a new Blu-ray set. 'The movie is essentially the third series,' says La Frenais, suggesting that his and Clement's previous experience writing films allowed The Likely Lads movie to escape the 'curse' that afflicted so many other sitcom spin-off movies. 'I'm not knocking other writers, but the other writers of sitcoms that became movies had not written features. There's an enormous difference between writing a one hundred-minute film and writing a half-hour sitcom. And, we did have a better budget than On The Buses. We went to Newcastle and we shot the shit out of it.' That, though, really was the end. A well-publicised feud between Bolam and Bewes put pay to any thoughts of a second revival, not that Clement and La Frenais were interested. 'I don't think Jimmy [Bolam] would have wanted to have done a third iteration,' La Frenais says. 'No, it never occurred. What would we have done with them? It would have been a programme about middle-age - and what?' However, the duo did share 'a little private conversation' about what might have happened to the lads: having worked all his life to become a successful businessman, Bob would have ended up destitute after a financial crash, while the feckless Terry would have been involved in a traffic accident and won a huge insurance payout for his - unspecified - injuries. But these conversations, Clement says, were 'never serious' - nor they did consider a spin-off featuring Bob and Terry's offspring, along the lines of their recent Porridge revival (which cast Kevin Bishop as the grandson of Ronnie Barker's original Fletch). 'I don't think we feel we know it well enough,' says Clement. 'It's a new generation.''Porridge was easier,' agrees La Frenais. 'It's not just age, it's because we don't live [in the UK] and things change so rapidly.'
Lost footage of popular beat combo The Scaffold from 1969 has been 'found behind a cupboard in Nigeria.' The Scaffold - featuring poet Roger McGough, comedian John Gorman and Sir Paul McCartney's younger brother Mike McGear - sang 'Lily The Pink' on the BBC's The Talk Of The Townfirst broadcast on 24 January 1969. The footage was unearthed in the Nigerian capital, Abuja, by TV archivist Philip Morris. It had subsequently been shown in New Zealand, Gibraltar, Algeria and then, finally, found its way to Nigeria. 'Fortunately for us it had fallen down the back of a cupboard for me to find it all those years later,' Morris said. 'I am very very happy about it.' Morris, an archive preservation expert who specialises in recovering missing material, has previously found missing a bunch of Doctor Who episodes in the West African country, as well as lost The Morecambe & Wise Show episodes in a derelict cinema in Sierra Leone.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina star Michelle Gomez says that although the Netflix series has developing a large and devoted fanbase in the months since its release, it still has 'a way to go' before it measures up to the Doctor Who fandom. The actress, who starred as Missy in Doctor Who before appearing in the opening series of Sabrina, says that she loves being part of both fan groups - but that it's impossible to compare the two. Except in a big fight, of course. 'I don't think any fandom can quite compare to the Doctor Who fandom, who I am eternally loyal to and grateful for,' Gomez told Radio Times ahead of her appearance in series two of Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina. 'I mean, that fandom has grown up over fifty years, from generation to generation to generation. Sabrina fandom is definitely this generation, because it was born in this generation. It seems to be as passionate as the Doctor Who fans for sure, but you know, it’s just the beginning for Sabrina and we have a long way to go. We seem to be earning that intense loyalty, but it's still in its infancy.' Gomez played Missy in Doctor Who for three years before, seemingly, bowing out for good in Peter Capaldi's finale. However, she has hinted in the past that she would be open to returning to the series. 'Oh gosh, yeah of course I would, I'd love to have a little run around with [Jodie Whittaker],' she said. 'I don't know if that's ever gonna happen but I'm completely open to it and I'd love to see Missy come back in and just get to play again. I don't know how that's going to work but I'm always open to offers.'
Peaky Blinders lead Cillian Murphy is reportedly'in talks' to join the cast of A Quiet Place 2. A follow-up to Josh Krasinski's 2018 post-apocalyptic horror movie, which received acclaim from critics and cinemagoers alike, was confirmed last year and the actor is set to direct and write the sequel. Emily Blunt, Krasinski's wife, will reprise her role from the first film as Evelyn Abbott. Alleged 'sources' allegedly told The Hollywood Reporter late last week that Murphy is 'currently in negotiations with producers' about a role in A Quiet Place 2, which is scheduled for release on 15 May 2020. According to the outlet, Murphy's character will be 'a man with mysterious intentions who joins the family unit' referring to Blunt’s character and her two children, Regan and Marcus. Armageddon and Transformers director Michael Bay will return as one of three producers on the new film, along with Andrew Form and Brad Fuller. Filming on A Quiet Place 2 is due to start in the summer.
According to the Daily Mirra - if not a source a tad more reliable or trustworthy - yer actual Danial Craig has flown out to begin filming the next James Bond movie in Norway. Of course, he might've just been going there to check out the fjords. Anything's possible.
The last six months of Marilyn Monroe's life are to be retold in a new drama from the writer of BBC1's Trust Me. The series will explore the actress's relationship with Hollywood studio bosses and with US President Jack Kennedy. BBC Studios is developing the series with writer Dan Sefton and producer Simon Lupton, of Seven Seas Films. Sefton, whose medical drama Trust Me returns this year, said that he was 'thrilled to bring this incredible true story to the screen.' Monroe, star of such films as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Bus Stop, The Seven Year Itch, The Misfits and Some Like It Hot, died in August 1962 at the age of thirty six. Her death, attributed to an overdose of sleeping pills, has been the subject of much controversy and speculation ever since. The series, with the working title The Last Days Of Marilyn Monroe, will be based on parts of Keith Badman's 2010 book The Final Years Of Marilyn Monroe. According to the BBC, it will be located 'where the harsh glamour of 1960s Hollywood and the hard-edged politics of Washington intersect.' BBC Studios' Anne Pivcevic said that the 'ambitious' drama series would tackle 'big themes such as power, love, loyalty and politics.''Marilyn's desire to be taken seriously as an actress and her battle with the powerful men who control the studio system is sadly as relevant today as it ever was,' said Sefton. It is not yet known who will play Monroe, who was portrayed by Gemma Arterton last year in an episode of Sky's Urban Myths.
Four million overnight viewers tuned into BBC1 on Monday evening for a documentary looking at the murder of TV presenter and newsreader Jill Dando. Jill, who was known for her work on Crimewatch, was shot and killed on the doorstep of her home in the middle of the day in April 1999. It remains one of Britain's most high-profile unsolved killings. Early reviews of the documentary have described it as 'sensitive' and 'powerful' but lacking in answers. Which, given the fact that the murder is unsolved, was perhaps somewhat inevitable. The Independent gave the show the full five stars, saying it was 'sensitively produced' and was 'a fitting and balanced tribute.' It added that the documentary 'explains the pessimism of detective Hamish Campbell - who doesn't think the mystery will ever be solved - with the help of interviews with Dando's friends and family and original police decision logs.' The Torygraph gave the show four stars, describing it as 'a powerful re-examination' but suggesting 'a distinct lack of answers.' Notable by its absence was an interview with Barry George, who spent eight years in jail for her murder before having his conviction overturned in 2008. Explaining why, a BBC spokesperson said: 'Barry George's arrest, conviction, appeal, retrial and acquittal are addressed in the film with archive footage to recount the events. It was not necessary to have a present day interview with Mister George as this film set out to tell the wider context of Jill's death and the fact her murder remains unsolved. Barry George has been kept informed of the nature of the film and transmission.' The Gruniad Morning Star wrote the film was 'more moving for its spareness, leaving the talking to Dando's friends and family.' In its review, The Times opted said the show contained 'no sensational revelations, just sad frustration.' Ahead of the show being broadcast, the late presenter's brother, Nigel Dando - who learned of his younger sister's death from a TV news bulletin - told BBC Bristol that he 'remains hopeful' that one day the case will be solved. Dando said: 'I will eventually find answers no matter how long it takes. At the moment these questions are still open-ended and still haven't been answered.' He added that he wanted to ask the killer, if he or she was ever found, why they did it. 'It's such a pointless thing to have happened. I believe there was no reason, it was just an act of random brutality and Jill was in the wrong place at the wrong time.'
The BBC has signed'the biggest ever deal' to sell its programmes, agreeing to provide its landmark natural history shows to a new global streaming service run by the Discovery Channel for three hundred and eighty million knicker. It is 'the largest content deal the BBC has ever done' and will last for ten years, director general Tony Hall said. BBC natural history shows will be on the new Discovery platform everywhere except the UK, Ireland and China. The Discovery service is expected to launch by the end of 2019. The BBC and Discovery will also work together to film new natural history programmes, which will be screened by the BBC in the UK. Lord Hall said: 'The licence fee payer will really benefit from this because whatever money we can make from being part of this streaming service globally, of course we will put that back into more programmes which people here can watch. Equally, because we've got this partnership for developing new programmes jointly with Discovery, they'll also see those programmes.' The deal also gives Discovery the streaming rights to hundreds of hours of existing BBC documentaries. In total, the BBC will receive around thirty million notes per year. Asked whether he was sure that would still be good value in a decade's time, Lord Hall, tragically, did not tell the questioner to mind their own Goddamn business but, instead, said: 'We think we've got a good deal here and think it's appropriate over the ten years.' The Discovery streaming service is expected to cost US viewers no more than five dollars per month. The BBC and Discovery also announced plans to split up the ten channels run by UKTV, which they currently jointly own. BBC Studios, the corporation's commercial arm, will take full ownership of seven entertainment channels - Alibi, Dave, Drama, Eden, Gold, Yesterday and W (ie. all of the ones that people actually watch) - while Discovery will get Good Food, Home and Really. The BBC is paying Discovery one hundred and seventy three million smackers for that deal, which is coming from BBC Studios'coffers and is not licence fee money, Lord Hall said.
The actor who played Zammo McGuire in Grange Hill in the 1980s is to return to BBC screens as a new character in EastEnders. Child actor Lee MacDonald, who is now fifty, rose to fame more than thirty years ago as the loveable Zammo, a character who later ran into drug problems. MacDonald will appear on the BBC soap in two episodes this spring. He will play a bus driver, who takes on Mick Carter - played by Danny Dyer - in a radio competition to win gig tickets. MacDonald, who after subsequent small roles in The Bill and Birds Of A Feather, quit acting to run a South London locksmith and key-cutting firm, said: 'I am absolutely chuffed to bits and so excited to be briefly joining the cast of EastEnders. I can't say too much yet but watch this space. Top banana!' In 1986, MacDonald was involved in one of the most memorable scenes in children's TV history. This was after Zammo, who had previously overdosed on heroin in the back room of the amusement arcade where his friend Roland worked, came back to school - apparently clean - but was caught by friends trying to hide drugs in a toilet cistern. The storyline was intended to warn children off substance abuse and as part of the campaign the cast of the show also had a top five UK chart hit with their anti-drugs charity song, 'Just Say No'. The Grange Hill cast were then invited to the USA to perform the LaToya Jackson cover at The Yankee Stadium in New York. After years out of the spotlight, MacDonald appeared in a child stars edition of Pointless Celebrities in 2008.
James Corden has criticised the exclusion of 'chubby' people in films and on TV, saying they 'never really fall in love ... never have sex.' As someone who has struggled with his weight for much of his life, this blogger finds himself forced to agree one hundred per cent. That said, anything which conspires to keep that odious, full-of-his-own-importance Corden individual off this blogger's telly box is, frankly a damned good thing. Classic double-edged sword, really. Speaking on the latest episode of David Tennant's podcast, that odious Corden individual added that 'certainly no-one ever finds you attractive' on-screen if you are a larger size. He added that those actors are, at best, cast as the 'good and funny friend' of someone who is attractive. That odious Corden individual whinged that being excluded from roles spurred him on to write Gavin & Stacey. Which was a real pity as it was about as funny as a big hairy wart on ones chap-end. He said: 'I had no idea if I'd be able to write. It came about because I had done a film with Shane Meadows, I'd done a Mike Leigh film and done Fat Friends on ITV. And now I was in this play, which was the play to see [The History Boys]. I was in this play with seven other boys who were at a similar age and a similar place in our careers. And pretty much every day, three or four of these boys would come in with this massive film script under their arm.' He was offered 'the hottest script' along with two other History Boys actors, he explained. 'They both got sent the script [for the lead roles] and I got sent just two pages to play a newsagent at the start of this film. I really felt like people were going, "We think you're quite good. It's just because of what you look like." If you only watch television or films, if an alien came back and they had to take a reading on planet Earth by just watching films or TV, they would imagine that if you are chubby or fat or big, you never really fall in love, you never have sex. Certainly no-one really ever finds you attractive. You will be good friends with people who are attractive and often will be a great sense of comfort to them and perhaps chip in with the odd joke every now and again.' He added: 'It felt like if the world of entertainment was a big banquet table, people are like, "There isn't a seat for you here." I was like, "If that's not going to happen then I'm going to try to make something happen for myself."' He has previously touched on his frustrations on the way Hollywood represents larger people. In an interview with Rolling Stain magazine in 2016, he said: 'I could never understand when I watched romantic comedies. The notion that for some reason unattractive or heavy people don't fall in love. If they do, it's in some odd, kooky, roundabout way - and it's not. It's exactly the same.'
ITV's chief executive Carolyn McCall has claimed that the broadcaster cannot keep up the 'aftercare' of Love Island contestants 'indefinitely.' Well no, each year they've got a new batch of desperate fame-hungry wannabes landing on their doorstep and much, much more money to make off the back of them and their antics. By Hell, the milk of human kindness has really gone sour at ITV - the makers of The World In Action and This Week - over the last few decades, hasn't it There was criticism of the reality show following the recent death of Mike Thalassitis, who took part in the 2017 series. 'We can do everything we possibly can to look after people and to do our duty of care but you can't do that forever,' McCall claimed. 'There has got to be a framework and it will come to an end.' However, McCall said that the broadcaster was 'changing its procedures' to make sure counsellors do stay in contact with former contestants 'for longer. 'We will do much more in a much more structured way,' she claimed. McCall also said that 'making a link' between what happened to Thalassitis and Love Island would be 'an extremely tenuous thing to do given how happy he was' on the ITV2 show. 'All his mates have said that and that he'd done two other reality programmes since then,' she told the Broadcasting Press Guild on Thursday. The ITV boss also acknowledged the 'devastating' death of 2016 contestant Sophie Gradon and revealed how 'tragic' it was for the Love Island team because 'they know them as people and they become friends.'Love Island winner Dani Dyer has also given her views on the debate, claiming that 'many' of her fellow contestants had 'experienced moments when they had been struggling. It is tough going from literally being no-one then all of a sudden overnight coming out and being someone,' she told The Jonathan Ross Show. She said that Thalassitis's death had been 'such a shock' and 'absolutely devastating for everyone.' She added: 'It is difficult, you go from one extreme to the other and it's sad that it ended that way.' Asked whether she felt she had been given 'access to help' after her stint on the show, she said: 'Yes I have had that, I have one hundred per cent had that fully.' In an interview, which will be shown on Saturday, she also detailed the 'tests' she had to go through before and after going into the villa and said that Love Island's psychologist told her to contact them whenever she needed to. In an interview with GQ magazine, Josh Denzel, who was on Love Island with Dyer in 2018, said: 'I do feel like you kind of get thrown into the lion's den and if you survive then you're just free to enter the world again.'Denzel said there should be more focus on contestants after the fame starts to 'slow down.' He said: 'It's like, "How do I transition to going back to just the guy or the girl that I was before?"' He and his fellow contestants such as Wes Nelson, Jack Fowler and Adam Collard have a Whatsapp group and all 'checked on each other' after hearing the news about Thalassitis, he revealed. Speaking to BBC News earlier this month, Collard praised the team behind the show. 'I know they obviously want to make good TV but the main priority is always looking after you,' he said. The twenty three-year-old revealed that before appearing on the show he was 'made aware' by producers in advance how he was going to be portrayed and had a 'thorough' psychiatric assessment. 'When I left the villa, the chaperone I lived with the week before I went in came to see me and we became good friends. Even when I broke up with my girlfriend, who I met on the show, I think I got a text or phone call from every single one of the [Love Island] team, including the runners and producers,' he said. Following Thalassitis's death, ITV said that the show's medical support would be 'independently reviewed' and that the production team would 'proactively check up' on contestants after they had left the show. The statement also said ITV would deliver 'bespoke' training to all future contestants to include social media and financial management. 'Conversations about mental health have never been more important,' the statement concluded.
How proper nice it was to see From The North favourite The Brokenwood Mysteries getting a small but perfectly formed mentionette in this article of the Digital Spy website, Seven Great TV Shows On Channels You've Barely Noticed.
Rhod Gilbert has announced he will be leaving his BBC Radio Wales weekend show 'with immediate effect.' Rhod has hosted the Saturday morning radio programme since 2006. The fifty-year-old's touring schedule means it is 'proving impossible' to carry on with the weekly show, he said. Rhod will have a chance to say thanks to his listeners in a live show from the Machynlleth Comedy Festival on 4 May. In a statement, the stand-up comedian'said: "Despite what I say on-air, I love doing the show. But, having returned to stand-up and with such a busy live touring schedule this year, it's proving impossible. I am never there and it's getting embarrassing, so I am standing aside, with immediate effect.' Gilbert said that he would 'love to come back' and do specials on Radio Wales in the future. 'So, after so many happy/miserable/disappointing/tedious (delete as applicable) years on the station, with regret, I'm out. For now. But watch this space.' He added: 'Thanks for listening my dear listeners; it has been a chaotic ball.' The programme, regularly broadcast from Rhod's kitchen, is a mix of music and chat with co-hosts and fellow comedians including Chris Corcoran, Lloyd Langford and Sian Harries.
Channel Four is 'in advanced talks' about moving its national headquarters into the Majestic building in Leeds city centre. Last year, the broadcaster announced it was moving from London and transferring two hundred of its eight hundred staff. The broadcaster said that it was 'in the final stages' of negotiations with developer Rushbond Group, which owns the former cinema and nightclub. Channel Four is expected to move into the Majestic in the second half of 2020. Jonathan Allan, Channel Four's chief commercial officer, said: 'Leeds offered a wealth of potential locations for our national HQ but the Majestic really stood out as an iconic building which will put Channel Four at the heart of the city centre. It's an incredibly impressive redevelopment and offers the right mix of location, connectivity and space for our organisation and great facilities for our staff and our partners in the industry.' Leeds was chosen above Birmingham and Greater Manchester, which were also on the headquarters shortlist. The channel has also announced it will open 'creative hubs' in Bristol and Glasgow, with around fifty staff in each. It is all part of a plan to increase the amount Channel Four spends on programmes outside London by two hundred and fifty million notes over the next five years.
Parents - including two US actresses - accused in a college admissions scandal have been told to 'be careful' while discussing the case with their children. Particularly, no doubt, the fact that they might all end up in The Joint because of it. A judge told defendants, including Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin, that they should take care 'not to obstruct justice' during family discussions. Prosecutors had wanted the wealthy parents to require a lawyer present. The first group of parents accused of paying twenty five million bucks in bribes appeared in Boston federal court on Wednesday. The elaborate scheme, which allegedly aimed to acquire places for children at elite US universities, was revealed by federal investigators last month. In total fifty people, including thirty three parents and college athletic coaches, have been charged. The first thirteen parents involved appeared in court this week. They were told their legal rights, the charges against them and possible penalties for the alleged crimes up to and including eye-watering fines and long spells in The Slammer. During the hearing, US Magistrate Judge M Page Kelley imposed conditions on all the defendants' bail, ordering them to surrender their passports and not to have firearms in their homes. Prosecutors had wanted the accused to be 'banned from discussing the charges with their children.' Although how, exactly, they planned to enforce such a ban, they did not say. 'The kids in these cases are witnesses and this could raise obstruction of justice issues,' prosecutor Eric Rosen argued in court. But Judge Kelley, who appears to be one of the few people involved in this case with a modicum of common sense, said: 'I just don't think that's realistic.' No shit? She did, however, recommend the accused 'seek legal advice' about 'any such family discussions' so as to 'avoid the risk of interfering with the case.' Some of the parents charged in the scheme have started plea negotiations with prosecutors. On Wednesday, packaged food entrepreneur Peter Sartorio became the first to say that he will plead extremely guilty. Desperate Housewives actress Huffman did not speak as she left the court. Loughlin, an actor in US sitcom Full House, signed autographs for fans outside. The FBI code-named the investigation Operation Varsity Blues - ironically named after a 1990s film about the pressures of sports scholarships. The case relates to the period between 2011 and 2018, when investigators claim that parents tried to 'cheat' the usual US admission process. They say parents paid bribes, had exams altered and even had their children edited onto stock photos to pretend that they played sports. The two actresses are the most high-profile indictments, but others charged include prominent business executives. Loughlin is accused along with her husband of paying nearly five hundred thousand dollars in bribes to get their two daughters admitted to University of Southern California. Investigators claim they helped the girls get in on rowing scholarships, even though neither student had ever actually participated in the sport. Huffman is accused of paying fifteen thousand dollars to William Rick Singer - the self-confessed mastermind of the alleged scam - to have her daughter's exam questions 'covertly corrected' in 2017. Neither actress entered a plea at this stage, but both have said they understood the charges against them. The pair have not commented publicly since the scandal broke. None of the students has been charged by investigators. The FBI said that some were 'kept in the dark' about the lengths that their parents were secretly going to. The University of Southern California has said it will deny all applicants linked to the scam and is reviewing 'case-by-case' those implicated who were already admitted or have graduated. One student, who was studying at Yale University, has already had their admission revoked over an alleged 1.2 million dollar bribe uncovered by the FBI probe.
Sister Cristina Scuccia, the Ursuline nun who became a secular singing sensation in 2014, will participate in a new edition of Italy's Dancing With The Stars this week. Milly Carlucci, host of the show, requested permission from Sister Cristina's superior, Giovanna Fiorile, who, 'after a time of prayer and discernment,' granted approval. Explaining her motivation, Carlucci told Famiglia Cristiana that Cristiana 'is a living testimony of how faith can open the heart to the world and give strength, energy, a capacity to embrace others as unique and unrepeatable.' She said that everybody at Dancing With The Stars wanted Cristina on the show this year because 'Sister Cristina is a ray of light that will bring a wonderful message.' The religious sister says that her own motivation for accepting the invitation was based on the Gospel. 'The Gospel itself warns us: "Woe when everyone speaks well of you," while Saint Paul writes that we have been given a spirit of strength, not of fear,' she said. 'Thus, it is okay to take a chance. The faith should not be ghettoised. If through my participation even one soul can be touched, then it will have been worth it,' she added. As the producers of the show prefer to maintain an air of suspense, Cristina's dancing partner is currently unknown, but the nun does not think she will be partnered with a man, as happens to the fictitious Constanza who appears on a Dancing With The Stars parody in the Italian TV show Che Dio Ci Auiti. The winner of the competition will take home - or take back to the cloister - a million dollars. Not everybody agrees with Sister Cristina, however. A commenter named Francesca writes, 'I have never read about Jesus Christ singing, dancing or entertaining His Apostles with wisecracks and jokes.' This blogger has never read about Him bombing abortion clinics either but several alleged Chrsitians claims to have done so in His name. Another - no doubt perfect - individual named Richard added: 'No, Sister Cristina. The message of Christ should not be mixed with so much worldliness.' The bible, of course, also states 'judge no, lest ye be judged' (Matthew, 7:1) and, indeed, Francesca and Richard have been judged. They're both, seemingly, worthless bigoted scum. Next ...
A conviction for sexual offences against z-list celebrity publicist and convicted sex offender, the late Max Clifford has been extremely upheld by the Court of Appeal. Clifford died in 2017 while serving an eight-year jail term for indecent assaults on four young women and girls. He had always maintained his innocence and his daughter had continued to try to clear his name after his death. But, ruling on Tuesday, Lady Justice Rafferty said that nothing the judges heard 'came anywhere near imperilling the safety of this conviction' and dismissed the appeal with casual disdain. Clifford was very jailed in May 2014 after being convicted of a string of indecent assaults carried out between 1977 and 1984. He branded his accusers 'fantasists,' but was very convicted at London's Southwark Crown Court. Before he died after suffering heart failure at the age of seventy four, Clifford won the right for his fight to overturn his conviction to be heard at the Court of Appeal. His daughter Louise continued the challenge after his death but, after scrutinising the case against him in March, the Court of Appeal comprehensively rejected it on all grounds. When sentencing Clifford after his 2014 trial, Judge Anthony Leonard said that his personality and position in the public eye were the reasons his sick and sordid crimes were not revealed earlier.
The ex-chairwoman of the official pro-Brexit campaign has sidestepped calls to apologise after the group dropped its appeal over a spending fine. The Electoral Commission fined Vote Leave sixty one grand after ruling it exceeded spending limits during the referendum. Asked by the BBC if she would say sorry, Gisela Stuart instead defended the organisation's record. The watchdog had said: 'Serious offences such as these undermine public confidence in our system.' Vote Leave - which was fronted by well-known hairdo Boris Johnson and the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove - was fined in July for spending more than the seven million knicker limit. The campaign said at the time the watchdog's findings were 'wholly inaccurate' and 'politically motivated.' But on Friday - the day MPs voted for the third time to reject soon-to-be-former prime minister Theresa May's withdrawal agreement - the campaign dropped its appeal, claiming that it had 'run out of money' to pursue the case. When asked on The Andrew Marr Show if she would apologise Stuart, former Labour MP, replied: 'At every stage we were rule-compliant according to the legal advice we were given at the time. Our biggest problem was that we destroyed all our data and therefore some of the evidential basis people were asking for.' She claimed that laws governing spending - and the way they are interpreted by watchdogs such as the Electoral Commission - 'needed rewriting.' She also argued that the Remain side of the campaign spent more money than the Leave side anyway. The Vote Leave campaign was found to have funnelled over six hundred and seventy five thousand smackers through pro-Brexit youth group BeLeave, days before the referendum in 2016. This helped ensure it did not breach the seven million quid limit. The founder of BeLeave, Darren Grimes, was fined twenty grand and referred to the police, along with Vote Leave official David Halsall. Vote Leave bosses say they were 'given the go-ahead' to give the money to BeLeave and they 'acted within the rules.'But the commission didn't buy their claims and found that there was 'significant evidence of joint working' between Grimes and Vote Leave and that Vote Leave 'should have declared the spending as its own.' On Friday, an Electoral Commission spokesman said: 'Vote Leave has today withdrawn its appeal and related proceedings against the Electoral Commission's finding of multiple offences under electoral law. Serious offences such as these undermine public confidence in our system and it is vital they are properly investigated and sanctioned. We look forward to receiving the sum in full.'
A man has been charged over a protest near St Pancras station in Central London that led to a number of Eurostar services being cancelled on Saturday. The high-speed service to Europe was halted when a man carrying an England flag was spotted on a viaduct. Terry Maher, from Camden, has been charged with obstructing the railway and causing a public nuisance. He was remanded in custody and will face Westminster magistrates on Monday. Eurostar passengers faced major disruption when power was shut off to overhead lines at the station.
Meanwhile, it's jolly sweet to see someone at the BBC News website having a bit of fun with the whole Brexit fiasco whilst the rest of us are suffering nothing but stress, anxiety, anger and boredom at the whole sodding mess. Most notably, by starting off each day's news round-up with a US TV-style 'previously on Brexit ...' And, with the article Game Of Thrones, hamsters and other things that didn't last as long as Brexit. Oh, how we all laughed. Until we stopped.
Now, dear blog reader, a necessary reminder that, when you're appearing on national television, lighting is very important.
The Ministry of Defence has reportedly launched an investigation into a video which appears to show soldiers firing shots at a picture of Comrade Corbyn. The video, which or may not be genuine, appears to show four paratroopers using a portrait of the Labour leader for target practice. An Army spokesperson said that it was 'aware' of the video and was investigating. 'This behaviour is totally unacceptable and falls well below the high standards the Army expects,' they said. A Labour Party spokesman called the behaviour 'alarming and unacceptable' but said that they 'have confidence' in the Ministry of Defence to 'investigate and act' on this incident. Conservative MP Tom Tugendhat, a former lieutenant colonel who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, said the video was 'disgraceful.' Rory Stewart, Conservative minister for prisons, told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire that it was 'completely wrong' and was 'outrageous behaviour. They should not be political - they are there to defend the country and the Queen,' he said. The emergence of the video comes at a time of heightened alarm about the safety of MPs as tensions rise over Brexit. Labour MP Jess Phillips tweeted: 'This is absolutely hideous and irresponsible under this or any climate.' And Angela Rayner, Labour's shadow education secretary, said she hoped the investigation would be conducted 'thoroughly and the conclusions made public.' It is believed the short clip first circulated on Snapchat before being posted on Twitter. So, it should be fairly easy to track down its origin and establish the veracity of it, whether or not it was, specifically, staged for the cameras, confirm whether any serving members of the armed forces were involved and, if they were, have 'em up on a charge and in The Glass House faster than you can say 'gross insubordination and acting like a complete twat.'
YouTube has placed more restrictions around the video channel of English Defence League founder and convicted criminal Stehen Yaxley-Lennon. Clips uploaded by Yaxley-Lennon have been removed from search results and he is blocked from streaming live events via the site. Messages warning that his videos 'may not be appropriate' for all viewers will also play before clips. YouTube had already, in January, decided to suspend adverts on Yaxley-Lennon's channel. It had imposed the further restrictions after talking to external experts and academic researchers about the types of videos shown on the channel, reported Buzzfeed. 'We are applying a tougher treatment to Tommy Robinson's channel in keeping with our policies on borderline content,' it told the news site. Buzzfeed said that the steps taken by YouTube would make Yaxley-Lennon's videos 'undiscoverable' unless followers 'sought them out specifically.' The latest action comes after politicians called on YouTube to follow other social media companies in limiting the exposure Yaxley-Lennon enjoyed on their platforms. Yaxley-Lennon has also had pages on Facebook and Instagram removed. Last year, he was banned from Twitter and Paypal ceased processing payments on his behalf. And, he is now thought to rely on e-mail and Snapchat to correspond with his followers. All four of them.
Huddersfield Town equalled the record for the earliest relegation in a Premier League season as second-half goals from Luka Milivojevic and Patrick van Aanholt earned Crystal Palace all three points at Selhurst Park on Saturday. The Terriers' defeat, combined with victories for Burnley and Southampton, confirmed the visitors' demotion back to The Championship after two seasons. Huddersfield, who have propped up the table since December, join Derby County and Ipswich Town as the only teams in Premier League history to be relegated with six or more games left to play. Fulham, who were beaten two-nil by Sheikh Yer Man City, their eighth consecutive Premier League defeat looked likely to join then - something which was subsequently confirmed by their four-one hiding at Watford on Wednesday. Some woeful defending from Fulham - who have now conceded seventy six goals, the worst record in the top flight - contributed to both goals against Sheikh Yer Man City, with Timothy Fosu-Mensah and Joe Bryan both guilty of gifting the ball to City near their own goal. The Cottagers remained second bottom, sixteen points from safety with six games remaining. On Sunday, Moscow Chelski FC staged a remarkable late recovery to snatch a controversial two-one victory at relegation-threatened Cardiff City and ease the intensifying pressure on beleaguered boss Maurizio Sarri. The result was a major blow to Cardiff's bid for Premier League survival, leaving them on twenty eight points, five points adrift of safety although they did, at that time, have a game in hand over Burnley. A series of highly contentious decisions by referee Craig Pawson late on left Cardiff's manager, Neil Wazzock, purple-faced with impotent rage and looking for all the world like someone who'd just down a pint of curdled milk. Which, to be fair, was geet funny to watch. Burnley, Southampton and Brighton & Hove Albinos all have thirty three points although Brighton had two games in hand over Burnley and one over the other teams in the relegation battle, including this blogger's beloved, though still unsellable Magpies whose defeat to The Arse on Monday means they remain on thirty five points and still in danger of getting sucked into the relegation dogfight.
The subsequent midweek games had a significant effect on both the top and bottom of the Premier League; in addition to the long-expected confirmation of Fulham's relegation on Tuesday, the following day saw further defeats for Cardiff City, Crystal Palace and Brighton & Hove Albinos at Sheikh Yer Man City, Stottingtot Hotshots and Moscow Chelsi FC respectively. Thus, leaving the bottom of the table looking like this.
So, anyway, back to Neil Wazzock who had a right stroppy lip-on after Moscow Chelski FC's come-from-behind theft of the game at Cardiff. Ordinarily, one would have felt a great deal of sympathy for a manager in such a situation but then, this is Neil Wazzock we're talking about. Wazzock criticised referees' boss Mike Riley, saying that officiating standards 'have gone backwards' under his watch and that Riley 'struggles to understand the game.' Wazzock 'expects to be contacted' by the Football Association over comments made following Sunday's defeat. Wazzock labelled Premier League officials as 'the worst in the world' and targeted Riley, who is head of the Professional Game Match Officials Limited. Wazzock, who has escaped any charge for a stand-off with Craig Pawson at the final whistle, said: 'I'm sure they'll ask for my observations and I'll send them. I'd imagine people in the FA feel sorry for me if I'm honest. I don't think Mike Riley and myself are close Christmas card list-wise. When I see people like Paul Durkin, Graham Poll and Mark Clattenburg - who were top referees and know the game as well as the laws - I think it's criminal they're not involved. Mark Halsey, he knew how to handle players and he could give major advice to some of these referees. I always thought Mike Riley was a manufactured referee from day one when he refereed a game at Hartlepool against me. I don't think he's changed since then. He's been manufactured, almost like a robot. He knows everything about the rules but I feel these people struggle to understand the game and the human element.' Wazzock suggested that Premier League referee Michael Oliver's approach to the job was a better one to follow. 'Referees should be looking at the way Michael Oliver referees because he doesn't do everything by the book,' Wazzock added. 'That's why he's going to be one of the best in the world. [With] some of the younger ones the personality comes before the refereeing. Lot of referees are like Mike Riley, that's why we have gone backwards a bit and it's disappointing because there are enough ex-referees who can give education and knowledge to make our referees the best.' Wazzock says his players were left 'broken-hearted' by the weekend loss. 'You just have to get on with it and get onto the next one,' Wazzock said. 'You realise not many more things could go against us, apart from an earthquake or something. It was only a game of football, I'm sure a lot of the country would be happy, especially the teams around us. It shows how fine a balance football is.'
UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin says that he will ask referees to 'be brave' and stop matches where there is racial abuse from fans. Moscow Chelski FC and England winger Callum Hudson-Odoi was subjected to sick racist abuse in games against Dynamo Kiev and Montenegro last month. 'The moment a match is stopped, or it's not played, I think that ninety per cent of normal people in the stadium would kick the asses of those idiots,' said Ceferin. 'It's 2019, it's not one hundred years ago.' Sheikh Yer Man City and England forward Raheem Sterling suffered alleged racist abuse from Moscow Chelski FC fans in a Premier League game at Torpedo Stamford Bridge in December, while a study published in November found that half of football supporters in the UK have witnessed racism while watching matches. Sterling has called on football's authorities to 'take a proper stance' and 'crack down' on racist abuse. Moscow Chelski FC boss Maurizio Sarri, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws's Jurgen Klopp and Stottingtot Hotshot's Mauricio Pochettino are among the managers to say they would be prepared to take their players off the pitch to combat racist chanting. 'We will speak to the referees again and tell them to be confident, not to be afraid to act,' said Ceferin, the head of European football's governing body. 'This is a huge problem. Not just the Balkans, all Eastern Europe. There's not much immigration there because everybody wanted to go to Western Europe because of economic reasons, jobs, a better life. So it takes some time. But of course you see Italy, one of the biggest problems with racism, sexism and homophobia. You have England, where you have problems. It's a problem of intolerant people, not a problem of nations.' Anti-discrimination charity Kick It Out said last week that 'it's time for UEFA to take strong, decisive action - fines won't do,' adding: 'Extended stadium bans or tournament expulsion are what's needed.' Ceferin does not believe that UEFA's punishments need to be tougher. 'I don't see any tougher sanction than forbidding the fans, matches played in front of empty stadiums, which has happened in Croatia a few times and the money sanctions,' he said. 'If it's chronic, we could throw out a club team or a national team from a competition. Everything is possible. But that is a last resort.' Football Association chairman Greg Clarke says it must take 'a default position' of believing those reporting racism or discrimination. 'One of the first rules is to listen to the person who has been affected and believe them,' said Clarke at the UEFA Equal Game conference at Wembley where Ceferin was also speaking. 'I worry that there is an undue burden on the player to report incidents themselves. I would like to see a review of on-field incidents too. I understand completely that when two people are involved in an exchange it is often the word of one person against another. But actually that's not the case any more. The grounds that competitions are played in are full of cameras, recording every angle. We should go that extra mile. We owe it to our players.' Clarke believes it is 'time to examine' UEFA's three-step process for halting matches. 'The protocol asks the referee to stop the match if "racist behaviour is of a strong magnitude and intensity." I don't now think that is good enough and we should take this opportunity to revisit these thresholds,' said Clarke. 'There should be no judgement call on whether something is of a strong magnitude. Racism is racism.'
Northumbria Police are reportedly investigating an alleged incident involving England goalkeeper Jordan Pickford. Video published on social media appears to show the Everton player 'involved in a fracas' on a Wearside street. 'At 12:19am, police received a report of a disturbance involving a large group of individuals on Tunstall Road, Sunderland,' a spokesperson said. 'Enquiries are ongoing to determine the circumstances surrounding the incident and locate those involved.' They added: 'Nobody is believed to have been seriously injured and no arrests have been made.' Everton had earlier confirmed that they are also investigating the incident. The FA is aware of the incident but it is seen as a club matter. 'The club has been made aware of an alleged incident involving one of our players and we are looking into the matter,' Everton said. Pickford played on Saturday as The Toffees beat West Hamsters United two-nil at The London Stadium. He became the most expensive British goalkeeper in history after Everton paid twenty five million smackers to sign him from Blunderland in June 2017.
A Sheikh Yer Man City fan has been forced to resign from his new police job due to 'embarrassment' after he ran onto the pitch at an FA Cup match. Harry Eccles pleaded extremely guilty to going onto the playing area during the Swansea versus Sheikh Yer Man City game at Swansea's Liberty Stadium on 16 March. He was given an eighteen-month conditional discharge at Swansea Magistrates' Court. Three other fans were given football banning orders. The court was shown footage of Eccles, a police room operator, running onto the pitch after City striker Sergio Aguero celebrated his goal in the eighty eighth minute. Lee Davies, defending, claimed that Eccles was guilty of 'over-exuberance' and added that he had to resign from his new job with North Wales Police due to 'embarrassment.' And, committing a crime, obviously. Superintendent Steve Jones, from South Wales Police, said: 'I hope they serve as a stark reminder to anyone attending a football match in South Wales with the intention of committing offences that this behaviour will be dealt with robustly.' A fifteen-year-old from Bury and a sixteen-year-old from Swansea were also arrested for pitch encroachment during the match and have received youth cautions.
The pilot of the plane which crashed into the English Channel with Emiliano Sala on-board, was not qualified to fly at night, BBC Wales has reported. David Ibbotson is 'thought' to have been colour-blind and his licence restricted him to flying in daytime hours only. Sala died when the plane carrying him from Nantes to Cardiff crashed late on 21 January. The Air Accidents Investigation Branch said that licensing 'continues to be a focus' of its current investigations into the causes of the crash. Regulatory authorities have confirmed that Ibbotson, from Crowle in North Lincolnshire, did not hold a 'night rating' on his UK private pilot's licence. His UK licence was mirrored by a US pilot's licence - enabling him to fly the US-registered Piper Malibu in Europe. The public record of his Federal Aviation Administration licence states Ibbotson 'must have available glasses for near vision' and that 'all limitations and restrictions on the United Kingdom pilot licence apply.' Alleged 'sources' have allegedly told BBC Wales that Ibbotson's licence restricted him to 'flights by day only.' An alleged 'aviation source' allegedly told BBC Wales that the ability to be able to 'differentiate between green and red lights' is 'key' to flying in the dark. 'Anything that's on the UK licence applies to the US licence as well, so he couldn't do anything more than the UK licence allows. Flying outside the restrictions of your licence is illegal and that's likely to affect the insurance cover for the flight.' European aviation rules define night as 'the time from half-an-hour after sunset until half-an-hour before sunrise.' Flight plans seen by BBC Wales indicate the flight scheduled to take Sala for his first training session with Cardiff City had been due to leave Nantes airport at 9am local time on 21 January. But, the flight was postponed until 7pm, at the request of Sala, to allow him to spend the day saying goodbye to his former Nantes teammates. By the time that Ibbotson taxied a Piper Malibu plane on to the runway ready for take-off shortly after 7pm, it would have been around an hour and ten minutes after sunset. Speculation about the legality of the flight has so far centred around the question of whether it complied with restrictions concerning private pilots flying passengers in Europe in a US-registered aircraft. As a private pilot, Ibbotson was not allowed to carry passengers 'for remuneration or financial reward.' A preliminary report from the AIIB, released in February, stated that he could only fly passengers 'on a cost-share basis.' As the aircraft was US-registered, pilot and passenger must have 'a common purpose' for making the journey and the pilot 'must dictate when a flight leaves.' The report adds that the flight 'must not be made for the purpose of merely transporting the passenger.' In an interview in February, the football agent Willie McKay, who commissioned the flight, told the BBC that he and his family had paid for the flight. He was not involved, he said, in selecting the plane or the pilot and it was not a cost-share arrangement. The plane disappeared off radar North of Guernsey in the Channel Islands just after 8pm. Sala's body was recovered from the wreckage of the plane in early February but Ibbotson's body has not been found. The European Aviation Safety Agency states that to obtain a night rating, a pilot must undergo five hours of theory and five hours of flight training. In their preliminary report, the AAIB said that because Ibbotson's pilot licence and log book had been lost in the crash, it had 'not yet been able to establish what ratings he held' or how many hours he had flown recently - although it was known he had completed approximately three thousand seven hundred flying hours. Investigators would normally look to establish how many hours a pilot had flown in the last twenty eight and ninety days before a crash. The AAIB is expected to publish its full report into the tragedy early in 2020.
Portsmouth beat Blunderland on penalties to win The Checkatrade Trophy following a compelling two-two draw in front of a competition-record crowd of eighty five thousand punters at Wembley. Blunderland midfielder Lee Cattermole was the only player not to convert from twelve yards in the shootout as Craig MacGillivray saved to his left. The game finished one-one after ninety minutes as Nathan Thompson's header cancelled out an Aiden McGeady free-kick. Jamal Lowe's exquisite lob over Jon McLaughlin looked to have won it late in extra-time for Pompey, only for McGeady to pounce again in the one hundred and nineteenth minute to take the game to a penalty shoot-out. Oli Hawkins struck the decisive spot-kick as Portsmouth won five-four on penalties. Cattermole, the sole surviving Blunderland player from the club's previous Wembley appearance in the 2014 League Cup final, was the only player not to score from the spot, allowing Hawkins to net the decider.
Casper the snake is looking for a new home with the news that Queens Park Strangers have extremely sacked Steve McClaren - and his infamous hair island - following a run of but one win in fifteen Championship games. The fifty seven-year-old, who was (disastrously) England coach between August 2006 and November 2007, was appointed at Loftus Road in May 2018. Strangers have won just once in the league since 26 December and are currently seventeenth in the table, eight points above the relegation zone. McClaren's assistant John Eustace has been placed in interim charge while the club search for a new boss. 'Making a decision such as this is never easy, particularly when you are talking about someone as professional and dedicated as Steve,' chief executive Lee Hoos said in a statement on the club website. 'It is well documented that we are in a period of transition as we work hard to make the club financially stable. As we look to the future, and taking recent results into account, we feel now is the right time to re-evaluate where we are.' McClaren, who won sixteen of his forty six games in charge of The R's, had been working under financial restrictions at Loftus Road following the club's forty two million knicker settlement with the English Football League last summer for breaches of Financial Fair Play regulations during the 2013-14 season. The club only made two permanent signings last summer, bringing in defender Toni Leistner and veteran full-back Angel Rangel on free transfers, before signing thee players on season-long loan deals. The R's began the Championship season with four consecutive defeats - including a thigh-slappingly hilarious seven-one loss to West Bromwich Albinos but - despite appearing to be McClaren's latest 'infiltrate, destroy and exit' job - recovered during the autumn and, after beating Ipswich Town on Boxing Day, were two points off the play-off places. McClaren guided Queen's Park Strangers to the fifth round of the FA Cup for the first time since 1997, but ultimately paid the price for their poor league form in 2019, with a seven-match losing streak in January and February seeing The Hoops slide down the table. 'I would like to thank our fans for their patience and unwavering support during what has been a very difficult run of results, at a time when the club faces well-documented challenges,' Strangers chairman Amit Bhatia said. 'We must now work towards ending this season positively and building for the future.' The club's director of football, Les Ferdinand, added: 'Steve has worked incredibly hard during his time with us but as we start to make plans for next year we feel this change is necessary now, rather than wait until the end of the season, or risk having to make such a decision early in the new campaign.' McClaren's departure from Loftus Road adds yet another disappointing chapter to his mostly very disappointing managerial career, which has seen him take charge of five English clubs and two other sides in Europe. He won the League Cup in 2003-04 with Middlesbrough, who he then led to the UEFA Cup final in 2006, before leaving Teesside that summer to take charge of the national team. However, his spell with England only lasted eighteen games and he left the role after England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 following a calamitous three-two defeat by Croatia at Wembley. He rebuilt his career in the Netherlands, guiding Twente to the Eredivisie title in 2009-10 and then became the first Englishman to manage in Germany's Bundesliga in 2010 - but was very sacked by Wolfsburg in February 2011 with the club one point above the relegation zone. A short stint in charge of Nottingham Forest followed - he resigned after one hundred and twelve days after three wins in thirteen games - before he returned to Twente for a second time in 2012. He then had two spells in charge of Derby County, either side of a truly disastrous spell mismanaging this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United, guiding Th' Toon to the brink of relegation with the sort of rank incompetence which, frankly, had to be seen to be believed. McClaren lost a Championship play-off final with The Rams in 2014 and won just six of twenty eight Premier League games in charge of The Magpies during 2015-16. His second spell at Derby lasted a mere five months and came to an end in March 2017, with the club ten points adrift of the play-off places in the second tier.
One person who, seemingly, was neither surprised or, indeed, overly upset by McClaren's sacking was his predecessor at Loftus Road, Ian Holloway who sneered that he has 'no sympathy' for McClaren. 'He took my job,' Holloway whinged on talkSPORT. 'I still had another year left at the club. I'm still being paid by them now. [McClaren] was talking to the chairman while I was in the job saying what he'd do. He hasn't been able to do that. What goes around comes around. He had my babies and took my kids,' Holloway added. 'It means the world to me. I felt I was in the best position to do that job. The owners made their choice and that’s football at the end of the day. Would I go back? It depends who calls me. Les [Ferdinand] didn't want me to go.'
Notlob Wanderings' next two Championship home games - against Ipswich Town and The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters - are 'in doubt' after the club were issued with an order preventing fans from entering the ground. The area's Safety Advisory Group met on Tuesday and said it 'was not prepared to put the public at risk.' Notlob players went on strike on Monday after staff were not paid on time for the second month in a row. The EFL said that they 'hoped' the fixtures would take place as planned. One option could be to play the matches behind closed doors. 'We will work with the club and offer them any practical assistance that is available to us in an attempt to find a successful and timely resolution to the issue,' an EFL statement said. Notlob, who are up for sale and battling relegation, said that they would be 'unable to meet the obligations' of their safety certificate until after Wednesday's High Court appearance over unpaid debts. Staff will not be paid their March wages until Wednesday at the earliest, with owner Ken Anderson claiming that talks 'are ongoing' with potential buyers. SAG members agreed it 'would be a challenging timeframe' to put an 'adequate operation in place to protect the safety of spectators' for the games against Ipswich on Saturday and The Boro next Tuesday. 'We recognise that Bolton Wanderers is at the heart of our community and this is a deeply regrettable situation,' a spokesperson for SAG said. 'We have done everything we can over recent weeks to support the club at this difficult time. Every effort has been made to give the club enough time to put adequate match day operation standards in place, but regrettably the law gives us no alternative but to issue a prohibition notice. Safety and security remain our primary concern and while we recognise that spectators may be disappointed, we are not prepared to put the public at risk.' It is the second time in as many months the SAG has highlighted 'concerns' over safety at the University of Notlob stadium, with the game against Millwall on 9 March eventually given the green light to go ahead three days before. Notlob's squad are refusing to train until at least Wednesday in support of other staff who are still waiting for their March salaries, while payments were also late in February. Earlier on Tuesday, Anderson said that he had 'accepted an offer' for Wanderings that was less than what he paid for the club. 'I sincerely apologise to everyone, unreservedly, for this and would again request their continued patience during these difficult times,' Anderson said. 'Fortunately, [club staff] did not choose to go on strike and their loyalty to the club cannot be questioned, unlike the players' decision which, unfortunately, has a negative rather than a positive logic behind it. I am not quite sure what the players think striking will achieve.' Getting paid? Just a wild stab in the dark, obviously.
Gatesheed have been kicked out of their ground because of money owed to the local council, but have now 'agreed in principle' to a takeover deal by the former Rochdale chairman Chris Dunphy. They will be allowed to play this season's remaining home games at the International Stadium, but cannot train there and have vacated their offices. That will remain the case until the club and council reach a settlement. Current owner, Doctor Ranjan Varghese put Gatesheed up for sale in early March. 'This action follows a protracted period of negotiation with the current owner to settle outstanding debt,' said a Gatesheed Council spokesperson. 'To be clear, the issue is with the company, not the club. Gateshead Council is a long-time supporter of the club and it remains our wish that Gateshead FC has a long and prosperous future, preferably with the stadium as its home.' Gatesheed's players and staff have not been paid this month, but the club hopes to rectify that by next week. Varghese only took over The Tynesiders in July, but financial issues have seen the club operate under a transfer embargo for a large part of his tenure. It is unclear how soon the takeover deal will be completed. 'We're not there yet and [the takeover deal] is only in principle, but there is enormous potential in the club and the town,' said Dunphy. 'One thing we're looking forward to is working with the people up here. A football club is about the supporters, not the person who owns it.'
A burglar who broke into an FA Cup-winning footballer's home has been extremely jailed for five years. Luke Stuttard stole a car and jewellery from former Ipswich Town player Mick Lambert in January. He was jailed at Ipswich Crown Court after admitting one count of burglary. Twelve other burglaries were 'taken into consideration.' Lambert initially thought his 1978 FA Cup winner's medal had been stolen, but he later found it under his bed. The defender, now aged sixty eight, came on as a substitute for Roger Osborne, who scored the only goal in the victory over The Arse. Stuttard was arrested following a burglary in the town on 13 January when a patio door was smashed and key stolen from inside. After being charged, he was interviewed by police and admitted twelve other offences, including the burglary at Lambert's house. Stuttard's bad and naughty crimes took place between 3 January and 23 January and resulted in sixty grand's worth of items being stolen and fourteen thousand smackers of damage. One of these was at Lambert's home in Ipswich on 18 January, when a Ford Fiesta, a TV and jewellery was stolen. The day before Stuttard had broken into a house in Belstead and stolen jewellery and a Mercedes E220. Detective Constable Duncan Etchells said: 'Hopefully the sentence given in this case will provide some peace of mind to Stuttard's victims and also act as a deterrent to other would-be burglars.'
Bert Trautmann was born in Germany but he went on to have one of the least likely careers in British football. The former prisoner of war from Bremen became one of the most acclaimed goalkeepers of his generation, playing eventually for Manchester City. Now the film The Keeper tells his story to a new generation. David Kross is twenty eight. As a teenager in Germany, his first big film was Knallhart. Then in 2008 his role in The Reader, opposite Kate Winslet, brought international fame. But, as a child, what he really wanted to be was a professional footballer. 'I always loved the game,' he says. 'From five years old until I was fifteen, I was totally sure I'd be a footballer. It was the same with most of my friends but for me, it didn't work out. So I became an actor.' In The Keeper, hehas been called upon to revive his skills on the pitch. It's the true story of Bernd Trautmann, born in 1923, who was in the Luftwaffe in World War Two. In 1944, Trautmann was captured by British troops and ultimately sent to a prisoner of war camp near Wigan. Somewhere along the way, the name Bernd became Bert. His talent as a goalkeeper registered and he ended up playing for local side St Helens Town in the Lancashire Combination League. In 1949 he moved to Manchester City as a professional and stayed until 1964, turning out for the club more than five hundred times. He died in 2013. The film is a German-British co-production and in Germany it's called Trautmann. But director Marcus Rosenmüller admits that few Germans under sixty five would know who the central character is. 'But, that's not a big problem because the story really has to work as a love story and a family drama. It's not just a sports bio-pic, although of course the football scenes have to be convincing.' A lot of the hard work of giving the story emotional depth rests with Freya Mavor, who made her name playing Mini McGuinness in the final series of Skins on E4. She plays Trautmann's first wife, Margaret. Mavor can't claim to compete with her co-star's passion for football but says: 'I've lived quite a lot in France, so when France won the World Cup last summer, I did go a bit mad.' From the ages of nine to thirteen Mavor lived in La Rochelle on France's Atlantic coast; at nineteen she moved to Paris. Her fluency in the language means that she has been in several French films. 'I've always loved French cinema and I was obsessed with not sounding like a tourist. So it's brilliant to be accepted as an honorary French person in film.' But was it hard to produce a convincing accent for post-war industrial Lancashire? 'The big test was to sound authentic for people in St Helens and Manchester now,' Mavor says. 'But, I also wanted to understand the society which Margaret came from historically. There's a fascinating book by Norman Longmate called How We Lived Then. It was a huge help in understanding what the war was like for most people.' Kross confesses that, though much of the film is set there, he never actually went to St Helens. 'A lot of The Keeper was filmed in Northern Ireland and our football ground was in Belfast. But that's how films work. Later, when you see me at Wembley with Man City, that's mainly CGI: we were actually filming at Augsburg in Bavaria.' It was in the 1956 FA Cup final, when Manchester City were playing Birmingham City, that Trautmann took on legendary status. Fifteen minutes from the end, with city leading three-one, Trautmann dived at an incoming cross and was knocked out in a collision with Birmingham's Peter Murphy in which he was hit in the neck by Murphy's right knee. No substitutes were permitted in those days, so Trautmann, dazed and unsteady on his feet, carried on. For the remaining minutes he defended his net, making a crucial interception to deny Murphy once more. Trautmann admitted later that he had spent the last part of the match 'in a kind of fog.' His neck continued to cause him pain, and Prince Philip commented on its crooked state as he gave Trautmann his winner's medal. Trautmann attended that evening's post-match banquet despite being unable to move his head and went to bed expecting the injury to heal with rest. As the pain did not recede, the following day he went to St George's Hospital, where he was told he merely had a crick in his neck which would soon go away. Three days later, he got a second opinion from a doctor at Manchester Royal Infirmary. An X-ray revealed he had dislocated five vertebrae, the second of which was cracked in two. The third vertebra had wedged against the second, preventing further damage which could, potentially, have cost Trautmann his life. The film starts with a short, but powerful section, in which we see Trautmann fighting in World War Two where he won an Iron Cross fighting on the Eastern Front. Kross says that those scenes were essential. 'We have to understand the times he grew up in and the criminal regime which dominated Germany. Bert was part of the Hitler Youth and he went through a sort of brainwashing. He absolutely wanted to be a soldier. But there are interviews Bert did near the end of his life in which he talks about seeing civilians shot in Ukraine and how that changed him.' Kross says The Keeper is, basically, about a man 'seeking a new home. I think that's the emotional centre and that's what I needed to get right as an actor.' In the last part of his life, Trautmann lived in Spain and it was there that director Rosenmüller went to talk to him, several years before filming began. 'We spent a week talking to him and as I sat there, I wondered why no one had filmed his story already. There is such drama in how Margaret accepts him and then how his teammates accept him and then England accepts this man they thought was a Nazi.' Rosenmüller always knew there would be a German release for the film but he resisted the temptation to reshoot Kross's scenes in German. 'Visually the German and English versions are ninety eight per cent the same and David was in the odd position of dubbing himself into his own language. Almost all the German is spoken early on and in fact that helps the drama - the audience sees that Bert is lost in a world he doesn't understand.' Kross comes from Schleswig-Holstein, near the Danish border, but he now lives in Berlin. For a year he was at drama school in London but he has worked in German and English-language films. So where does he now see the centre of his acting career? 'I would love to do more British-German co-productions. But that doesn't really happen much: it has to be a story which will interest both audiences and the film industry doesn't very often come up with these stories.' Mavor, meanwhile, has been filming a four-part fantasy in French called Il était une seconde fois for Netflix.
A veteran Australian rules football broadcaster has grovellingly apologised after laughing at an amputee's attempts to toss a coin before a match. Sydney Swans ambassador Cynthia Banham appeared to struggle while performing the ceremonial role before Swans' AFL match against Adelaide Crows. Eddie McGuire sneeringly joked on-air that people tossing the coin should practise. 'The comments show not only a lack of empathy, but also ignorance,' a Swans statement said. Academic and journalist Banham had both her legs amputated after a plane crash in Indonesia in 2007. She was performing the pre-match coin toss - used to decide which team kicks off towards which end - while using her walking stick. McGuire, presenting coverage for Fox Footy, provoked sycophantic laughter from his co-commentators as he said: 'I think we should introduce a five thousand dollar fine to anybody who's tossing the coin and can't do it properly. Every week, we have someone dropping it on their foot. Come on, toss it up properly, for goodness sake. Practise in the week, you know you're going to do it. It can't be that hard can it, guys?' The sick, bully-boy comments drew criticism from disability campaigners and on social media. 'The Sydney Swans are incredibly disappointed by inappropriate comments made tonight by Eddie McGuire,' the Swans statement added. Fox Footy's parent company, FOX Sports, said the comments were 'disappointing' and apologised. McGuire, who was withdrawn from covering a game on Saturday, later apologised on-air and issued a statement in which he said he was 'deeply sorry and regretful for the comments I made last night about the coin tossing system. I should never have spoken without properly viewing the footage. I unreservedly apologise to Cynthia, her family and the Sydney Football Club for the pain and hurt that my comments have caused.'
And now, dear blog reader, David Bowie Songs Reimagined as Pulp Fiction Book Covers. Check it out.
Meanwhile, would you like to see a picture of The Grand Dame wearing a pair of gynormous Dan Dares, dear blog reader? Of course you do; who wouldn't?
The Rolling Stones have been forced to postpone their latest tour of the US and Canada because Sir Mick Jagger is reported to have fallen ill. In a statement, the band said that doctors had 'advised' Jagger not to tour because he 'needs to receive medical treatment.' The seventeen-date tour was due to kick-off in Miami on 20 April, before travelling across North America until a finale in Canada on 29 June. Jagger apologised directly to fans on Instagram and Twitter. 'I really hate letting you down like this,' he wrote. 'I'm devastated for having to postpone the tour but I will be working very hard to be back on stage as soon as I can.' In a statement to Rolling Stain magazine, the band's publicist said Jagger was 'expected to make a complete recovery, so that he can get back on stage as soon as possible.' They did not give any further details about his illness. The band's No Filter world tour officially started in September 2017 with a concert in Hamburg. They then toured venues across Europe and the UK throughout the rest of 2017 and 2018, before announcing the US and Canada leg in November 2018. Tour promoters AEG Presents/Concerts West are telling fans to hold on to their tickets, as they will still be valid at any rescheduled concerts. Subsequently it was confirmed that Sir Mick's health problems involved surgery to replace a heart valve but that he is expected to make a full recovery and that the tour will, hopefully, resume in July. Although the main shows will all be rescheduled, the band's headline performance at the New Orleans Jazz Festival has been cancelled, with organisers currently seeking a replacement.
The Cure have been inducted into the Rock and/or Roll Hall of Fame but that news has been overshadowed by a spectacularly awkward interview on the red carpet. Robert Smith's blunt - and hilariously dry - response to a very over-excitable American interviewer has been viewed more than eight million times on the Interweb. It becomes glaringly apparent that Smudger was a lot less enthusiastic about The Cure's induction than their interviewer, a hyperactive airhead thing named Carrie Keagan (no, me neither). Of course, inevitably, some utterly worthless gobshite of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star felt it necessary to have a right go at Robert for, simply, being Robert Smith. Middle Class hippy Communists, dear blog reader. Don't you just lurv them the mostest, baby?
Elvis Costello & The Imposters will team up with Blondie for a thirteen-date co-headlining tour this summer that opens on 20 July in Bethel, New York, and focuses largely on the East and West coasts, wrapping up 10 August in Seattle. Tickets for the tour go on sale this week. Elv released his most recent CD, Look Now, late last year following the singer/songwriter's cancer scare from which he is now, thankfully, recovered. Blondie last released a new CD, Pollinator, in 2017 and they are due to release an archival box set later this year from reissue specialists Numero Group.
The Prodigy have thanked fans for turning out to celebrate the life 'of our brother Keef.' Thousands of fans lined the streets in tribute to frontman Keith Flint who was found dead at his home near Dunmow on 4 March. On Sunday, Liam Howlett described the funeral as 'truly emotional and overwhelming.' Keith's funeral was held at St Mary's Church in Bocking on Friday. Howlett, along with other band members, Maxim and Leeroy Thornhill, were met by cheers when they arrived at the service. Before the funeral, the band had called on fans to 'raise the roof for Keef' and line the route of the funeral procession through the singer's hometown in Braintree. Speakers were set up outside the church to broadcast the service to the crowds. Howlett thanked fans for their support, saying they 'did [Keith] proud.'
The fashion retailer founded by the former Oasis front man Liam Gallagher has been placed into administration. Pretty Green, which has thirteen stores across the UK, announced the decision on Friday. 'All stores and concessions will continue trading until further notice,' said a statement displayed in the doors of its shops. Two partners at Moorfields Advisory Limited were appointed as joint administrators on 28 March. 'Pretty Green is not immune to the challenges facing the UK high street as customers migrate from purchasing in store to online,' said a spokeswoman for Moorfields. Pretty Green - named after the Paul Weller song of the same name - was founded in 2009 and employs about one hundred and eighty staff in the UK. It was subsequently confirmed that at least one of the Pretty Green stores had been rescued from administration by JD Sports.
The crash which killed both members of British duo Her's and their tour manager was caused by a 'wrong-way driver,'according to US authorities. Stephen Fitzpatrick and Audun Laading died in the collision in Arizona while travelling to a gig in California on Wednesday. Officials in Arizona said that a Nissan pick-up had been 'travelling Eastbound on the Westbound lane' of Interstate Ten before hitting the duo's Ford van. There were no survivors. The band, whose members met as students at the Liverpool Institute of Performing Arts, were driving about three hundred and fifty miles from a performance in Phoenix to Santa Ana in California. In a statement, the Arizona Department of Public Safety said that the crash occurred at about 1am, shortly after it first received reports of the wrong-way driver. The band's tour manager, Trevor Engelbrektson, from Minneapolis, had been driving their van, the department said. The other driver was named as Francisco Edward Rebollar of Murrieta, California. 'Both vehicles were engulfed in flames,' the department said. 'There was no roadway evidence to indicate braking by either vehicle prior to impact. An alcoholic beverage container was located in the debris field.' Officials confirmed that Fitzpatrick, from Barrow-in-Furness and Laadin, from Norway, were among the deceased. The duo's record label, Heist or Hit, described them as 'one of the UK's most loved up-and-coming bands.' They recently released a debut CD and were featured on BBC Introducing. On Monday, before the crash, the band posted on Facebook: 'It's almost home-time for the lads, US tour has gone swimmingly so far. Got a hot sunset date with the Grand Canyon tonight.' Their label said they had been playing nineteen shows on their second tour of America, having released their debut, Invitation To Her's last year. 'They were in America playing to thousands of adoring fans. Fans they made a point of meeting and spending time with, such was their passion and humbleness. The world was at their feet,' the label said. Earlier this month, Her's were filmed by BBC Introducing playing an acoustic performance during the South By Southwest festival in Austin. BBC Introducing presenter Huw Stephens said that the band were 'excellent, funny and clearly loving playing to an American audience. In their interview they spoke about their enduring friendship on tour, how Liverpool had adopted them as they'd moved there from Barrow-in-Furness and Norway respectively, and their excitement about the future,' he said.
Nelly (he's a popular rap combo, yer honour) will reportedly face no further action over a sexual assault claim relating to his UK tour. The rapper was alleged to have 'attacked' a fan after his gig at Cliffs Pavilion in Southend in December 2017. Essex Police began an investigation and, after interviewing the rapper in January, have told him that he faces no further action. The allegations against Nelly, whose real name is Cornell Iral Haynes Junior, came to light in a US lawsuit. It was included in a claim from an American woman, Monique Greene, who said she was raped by the rapper. Prosecutors dropped a criminal case against him because she would not testify. Nelly had denied the allegations and filed a counter-suit. Both suits were settled in September. The Essex Police investigation centred on claims from a fan who alleged that the rapper had invited her to his dressing room after the show and sexually assaulted her. She is reported to have filed a federal lawsuit against him in the US in November.
NASA has called India's destruction of a satellite 'a terrible thing' which 'could threaten the International Space Station.' The space agency's chief, Jim Bridenstine, said that the risk of debris colliding with the ISS had 'risen by forty four per cent' over ten days due to the test. However he said: 'The international space station is still safe. If we need to manoeuvre it we will.' India is the fourth country to have carried out such a test. Prime Minister Narendra Modi announced the test - Mission Shakti - with great fanfare on 27 March, saying it had established India as 'a space power.' In an address to employees, Bridenstine sharply criticised the testing of such anti-satellite weapons. He said that NASA had 'identified' four hundred pieces of orbital debris and was tracking sixty pieces larger than ten centimetres in diameter. Twenty-four of those pieces pose a potential risk to the ISS, he said. 'That is a terrible, terrible thing to create an event that sends debris in an apogee that goes above the International Space Station. And that kind of activity is not compatible with the future of human spaceflight that we need to see have happen.' A day after India successfully carried out its ASAT test, acting US defence secretary Patrick Shanahan warned that the event 'could' create a 'mess' in space but said that Washington was 'still studying the impact.' Delhi has insisted it carried out the test in low-earth orbit, at an altitude of three hundred kilometres, so as not to leave space debris which could collide with the ISS or satellites. 'That's why we did it at lower altitude, it will vanish in no time,' G Satheesh Reddy, the chief of India's Defence Research and Development Organisation, told Reuters. Bridenstine said that it was 'true' this would 'eventually' happen. 'The good thing is, it's low enough in Earth orbit that over time this will all dissipate,' he said. China provoked international alarm with a similar test in 2007. The NASA chief said 'a lot' of the debris created by that test 'remained' in orbit. The US military is in total tracking about ten thousand pieces of space debris, nearly a third of which is said to have been created by the Chinese test. Arms control advocates have expressed concern about the increasing militarisation of space. ASAT technology would allow India to take out the satellites of enemy powers in any conflict and the test is likely to fuel the growing regional rivalry between India and China. The announcement also angered opposition parties in India, who have accused Modi of using the test as a political stunt ahead of a general election. Indians will begin voting in national elections on 11 April.
Uranus 'sounds windy' according to a piece of abject nonsense in the Daily Mirra. Doctor Paul Byrne, a planetary geologist at North Carolina State University, has 'revealed' what the planet is 'likely' to sound like. He explained: '[It] depends on where on Uranus you are. Uranus is what we call an ice giant and is composed almost entirely of gases and fluids, so there's no real ground to stand on. From a distance in other words, in space,  there's no sound at all, so you won't be able to hear Uranus.' So, in that case, Doctor Paul Byrne has 'revealed' what Uranus is 'likely' to sound like and it's ... not much. Quality reporting there, Daily Mirra. 'But within the atmosphere itself, there's plenty of sound,' Doctor Paul continued: 'There's wind, which you could hear if you were able to fly through the atmosphere in a helicopter, say, or in a balloon.' But, just in case you were wondering, you can't. 'It's extremely difficult and expensive to get any kind of vehicle to Uranus, so it'll be a long time before we really do hear the planet's weather, but it's certainly possible.'
NASA's Cassini spacecraft has long since bitten the proverbial dust, but the data that it sent back several years ago is now revealing how actual dust affects some of the planet's many moons. As NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory explains in a new blog post, Saturn's iconic rings tend to litter some of its moons with a variety of material, coating them as they drift in orbit around the planet. The researchers focused on a handful of moons that exist close to or within the planet's ring system. The moons Atlas, Epimetheus, Pandora, Daphnis and Pan are much smaller than the planet's larger moons like the icy Enceladus, but in many ways they're just as interesting. Cassini was an incredibly successful mission for NASA, with the spacecraft outliving its expected mission timeline and punctuating its time at Saturn with a series of incredibly risky dives through its rings. Those dives allowed scientists to learn more about the planet - and especially its rings and moons - than ever before. 'The daring, close flybys of these odd little moons let us peer into how they interact with Saturn's rings,' JPL's Bonnie Buratti said in a statement. 'We're seeing more evidence of how extremely active and dynamic the Saturn ring and moon system is.' In a paper published in Science this week, Buratti and fellow researchers reveal that the small moons nearest Saturn's rings are 'likely' chunks of the material that makes up the rings, gradually growing into larger bodies as gravity pulls more ring material to their surfaces. Equally interesting is the fact that Saturn's ice moon, Enceladus, which has a habit of spewing water ice out of its poles and into space, is also contributing to the material building up on the smaller moons. Learning when and how Saturn's moons formed can teach astronomers more about the mechanisms at work in moon creation. This research offers hints at processes that are likely happening all over the universe, including around exoplanets we are only now beginning to discover.
NASA has taken another step to make interplanetary living a reality, naming the three finalists for its ongoing 3D-Printed Habitat Challenge last Thursday. The challenge, which began in 2015, has seen teams competing to design shelters suitable for the Moon, Mars and - optimistically - beyond. For the fourth level of the third phase of the competition, eleven teams were asked to create full-scale renderings of their designs using modeling software, and short videos explaining their choices. Each model was evaluated for architectural layout and aesthetics, as well as the feasibility of their construction and scalability, among other traits. Previous stages focused on architectural renderings and technologies required to build each design's components. Mars Incubators, a collective of engineers and artists, presented a modular design which came third. As you can see, it's verySpace: 1999 and, as a consequence, way-cool! New York-based Team SEArch+/Apis Cor won first place with their unique twisted structure, which comes dotted with small holes to let in natural light. Runner-up Team Zoperhous suggested that their modular structures could be printed by an autonomous rover. The three teams split a prize of one hundred thousand bucks between them. The competition is just the latest development in NASA's mission to send humans back to the Moon and, eventually, to Mars. Last November, the agency announced that nine US companies were eligible to bid on 2.6 billion dollars in contracts over the next ten years to deliver services to the Moon and in 2017, President (and hairdo) Donald Rump signed Space Policy Directive One to 'refocus America's space program [sic] on human exploration and discovery.'
Meanwhile, Russia and the United States have set out scientific objectives for their joint mission, Venera-D, which is scheduled to begin at the end of the 2020s. Ludmila Zasova, the manager of the project's bilateral work group and a lead contributor at the Russian Space Research Institute, explained that Russia will produce an orbiter and a lander, while NASA will contribute a long-lived surface station. The Russian spacecraft will enable offloading, after which it will continue to work for two to three hours and the American station will be fully functional on the surface of the planet for up to sixty Earth days. Japan, as well as some European countries, have also expressed their willingness to become involved in the project, according to Zasova: Germany has offered to provide an infrared camera for observation of the planet's surface, Italy has offered two spectrometers and Japan will contribute ultraviolet and infrared cameras. Britain has said it will give the project some chewing gum to help hold it together. The overall cost of the project is estimated to be between eight hundred million and one billion US dollars. Minus the chewing gum, obviously. Zasova explained that 'once the necessary funding is obtained,' a vessel 'may' be launched 'no sooner than 2027.' The joint Russian-US Venera-D project began in 2013. It was suspended in 2014 due to sanctions against Russia, but work resumed in 2015. The initial project was part of the Russian federal space program for 2025. It was later removed from that framework due to budget cuts. From the 1960s to the 1980s the Soviet Union conducted intensive research on Venus. In total, the country's space programme launched sixteen Venera and Vega space probes. Ten of them successfully landed on Venus and each of those explored the surface of the planet for durations ranging from a few minutes to several hours. One of them even took a few pictures. It doesn't look a very inviting place to visit, to be honest. The United States, however, has never managed to successfully land its own spacecraft on Venus with the exception of an unplanned landing by a small probe. Vega 2 landed in 1985 and no more devices have reached the surface of the planet since then. The mission to Venus is complex in comparison with flights to Mars due to extremely harsh conditions on the former planet's surface. A thick layer of cloud surrounds Venus due to high levels of carbon dioxide and the resulting greenhouse effect brings the temperature to over four hundred and fifty degrees Celsius. The atmospheric pressure is about one hundred times that of planet Earth.
Five UK broadband and landline providers will now automatically compensate customers when services do not work. From Monday, customers who experience delayed repairs, installations or missed engineer appointments will be compensated, without having to ask. BT, Sky, TalkTalk, Virgin Media and Zen Internet have joined Ofcom's scheme, which is not compulsory. Hyperoptic, Vodafone, EE and Plusnet have also committed to the plans. According to industry watchdog Ofcom, there are over seven million cases each year where broadband or landline customers suffer delayed repairs, installations or missed appointments. Previously, only about one in seven broadband or landline customers received compensation from providers for these delays. Ofcom consulted on enforcing formal regulations regarding compensation of broadband and landline services in 2017. However, some service providers then approached the regulator independently and offered to pay compensation to customers. This led to Ofcom releasing details of its voluntary automatic compensation code of practice in November 2017. 'We think it's unacceptable that people should be kept waiting for a new line, or a fault to be fixed,' said Ofcom's chief executive Sharon White. She added that the new rules would 'provide an incentive' for service providers to want to avoid problems occurring in the first place. 'But, if they fall short, customers must be treated fairly and given money back, without having to ask for it,' she said. TalkTalk, Sky, Zen Internet and BT all use BT's Openreach network to provide broadband and landline services. In December, the providers agreed a deal with Openreach that if any delays to repairs or installations occurred, Openreach would compensate the providers. The providers would then use that money to automatically compensate their customers. Under the terms of the agreement, if an engineer does not arrive on schedule, or cancels within twenty four hours, the compensation will be twenty five knicker. If a service stops working and is not fully fixed after two working days, customers will be entitled to eight quid per day in compensation. There will also be five smackers-per-day offered for new services not starting on time. Hyperoptic and Vodafone will begin automatic compensation later this year, while EE plans to start paying compensation automatically in 2020. Plusnet has committed to the scheme, but has 'not provided a timescale' for when it will begin providing automatic compensation. Asked why Ofcom had chosen not to implement formal regulations for automatic compensation, an Ofcom spokesman told the BBC: 'This is the quickest way of putting money back in people's pockets. All the largest firms have committed, with more than ninety five per cent of households covered.' He said that customers with providers not in the scheme from Monday could 'choose to switch to a new provider' if they were unhappy with their current service. However, Ofcom added that it was 'keeping a close eye' on the firms within the scheme. 'If they don't comply, we'll step in and take action,' the spokesman said.
People in the UK are 'more likely' to combine drugs with The Sex than those in the US, Canada, Australia or Europe, according to a survey. It found Brits, younger people and those on higher incomes were more likely to have The Chemsex. More than twenty two thousand people took part in the Global Drug Survey's research into substance-linked The Sex. It found alcohol, cannabis, MDMA and cocaine are the drugs most commonly used in conjunction with The Sex. Researchers say understanding people's drug use in relation to The Sex is important so that messages about the harm they can cause can be targeted to the way people live their lives. 'By engaging with your audience and accepting that drugs provide pleasure as well as harms, you can deliver harm reduction messages in a more trustworthy and nuanced manner,' said lead author Doctor Will Lawn. The report found that alcohol was 'the most popular drug.' Around fifty eight per cent of men and sixtyper cent of women who took part in the survey said they had drank before The Sex in the past year. But it's not just booze that is being consumed before Britons get intimate. The report states that people from the UK are 'most likely' to have combined drugs such as cocaine, MDMA and mephedrone with The Sex. It describes British people's use of mephedrone with The Sex as 'particularly striking.' The report claimed that whilst people of all genders and sexual orientations had The Chemsex - gay and bisexual men were 'more likely to have done so.' It also found that 'homosexual men were 1.6 times as likely as heterosexual men to have used drugs with the specific intent of enhancing the sexual experience in the last year.' Doctor Lawn, from the University College London, said that while The Chemsex is 'often associated with gay men,' the study found 'men and women of all sexual orientations engaged in this behaviour. Harm reduction messages relating to substance-linked sex in general should therefore not only be targeted towards gay and bisexual men, as they are relevant to all groups.' Marc Thompson, who leads health improvement at sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust, says combining drugs with The Sex 'can increase' the chance of catching an STI. 'Drug use can lead to people taking risks during sex they wouldn't ordinarily take which increases the chances of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections and why testing regularly is really important,' he told Newsbeat. Lavatory seats are also (allegedly) suspect. Just sayin'. 'As this report highlights, drug use and sex is something that is not exclusive to gay and bisexual men but is something that happens across the wider population. Therefore it's vital that everyone knows the potential risks this can result in.' The people who responded to the survey were 'self-selecting rather than a representative sample,' the research noted. It means the number of people who said they combine drugs with The Sex will be 'substantially larger than the general population. However, relative differences between groups are expected to be reliable,' it added.
Cannabis resin sold on the streets of Madrid is 'contaminated with dangerous levels of faecal matter,'a study suggests. So, the next time someone in a pub lavatory asks you if you want to 'smoke some shit,' they might be talking more literally than you'd've ever imagined. Traces of E.coli bacteria and the Aspergillus fungus were found by analysts who examined ninety samples of Mary Jane bought in and around the Spanish capital. The samples of hashish were wrapped up in plastic 'acorns' were the worst offenders, reportedly because of the way they are smuggled into the country. Some forty per cent of these also had 'the aroma of faeces,' the study's lead author claimed. Which makes a change from the usual smell associated with gear which is, vaguely, reminiscent of stale socks and luncheon meat that's a couple of weeks past its sell-by date. Or, so this blogger has heard. Anyway, buying, selling and importing cannabis is, of course, against the law in Spain, as is using it in public - although it is technically legal to grow it for personal use, provided it is not publicly visible and to be consumed in private. José Manuel Moreno Pérez, a pharmacologist from the Universidad Complutense in Madrid, collected ganja samples directly from street dealers, both in the city and the surrounding suburbs. The aim - he said - was to determine whether the drugs sold were 'suitable for human consumption.' At least, that's his story and he's sticking to it. His research team then separated the contaminated samples by shape, with some of them resembling 'acorns' and others 'ingots,' to see if one shape had more contaminates than the other. The study, co-authored with Pilar Pérez-Lloret, Juncal González-Soriano and Inmaculada Santos Álvarez, has been published in the journal Forensic Science International. They found that ninety three per cent of the acorn-shaped samples contained 'dangerous levels of E.coli bacteria,' as did twenty nine per cent of the ingot samples. Some ten per cent of the weed samples were also contaminated with Aspergillus, a dangerous fungus which 'can cause serious health problems.' Most of the samples tested - just over eight eight per cent - were 'not suitable for consumption.' Unless you're listening to some serious dub reggae in which case, hey, whatever gets you through the night. Pérez later explained the contamination - and the smell - to the Spanish newspaper El País. The acorns, he said, were 'more likely to be contaminated' because of how they were brought into the country - the cannabis is wrapped up in small plastic pellets and swallowed before the drug smugglers then 'take a laxative and expel' them in a lavatory. These are then sold by dealers. According to the study, the risks associated with E.coli and Aspergillus are 'serious enough' to make the illegal street vending of hash 'a public health issue.' The E.coli infection, for example, can cause diarrhoea, vomiting, stomach pains, fever and blood in the faeces - and for some people this can then lead to even more serious conditions. Meanwhile, inhaling Aspergillus mould can cause 'serious problems' for people who already have lung conditions, like asthma or cystic fibrosis, or in people who have low immunity. The study says that this is 'particularly dangerous' for cancer patients, who sometimes smoke cannabis to help with the symptoms of chemotherapy. 'These patients have a weakened immune system, meaning that an infection caused by the consumption of contaminated or adulterated hashish could be fatal,' it adds.
A teenage boy has tragically died after falling from the Whispering Gallery at St Paul's Cathedral. Emergency services were called to the cathedral at about 4pm on Monday, but were unable to save the unidentified boy, who was pronounced dead at the scene. Shortly afterwards, St Paul's tweeted it was closing the building. It reopened on Tuesday for morning service and sightseeing. A spokesperson for City of London police said: 'We were called to St Paul's Cathedral on Monday 1 April ... to a report of a male in his late teens who had fallen from the gallery within the building.' The spokesperson added that the death was 'not being treated as suspicious.' A London ambulance service spokesperson said an incident response officer and London's air ambulance attended the scene. 'Sadly, despite the efforts of medics, a person died at the scene,' the spokesperson added. In October 2017, Lidia Dragescu, a talented figure skater, also died after falling from a gallery within St Paul's. In response to Dragescu's death, a spokesperson for St Paul's said: 'Although robust procedures for emergency situations are in place at St Paul's and today's response bore that out, it does not lessen the shock we feel as a close community, especially for those of us who witnessed and responded to this incident.'
A Sussex police sergeant has denied 'smirking' as he was restraining a man who, later, died. Duncan Tomlin had epilepsy and died in July 2014 after he suffered a cardiac arrest in the back of a police van while being arrested in Haywards Heath. During the inquest, the family's lawyer Jude Bunting asked Sergeant Christopher Glasspool 'you think it's funny?''No, not at all,' he replied. CCTV from the police van showed Glasspool and two other officers restraining Tomlin. When questioned on a moment of the footage in which Bunting claimed he was 'smiling or smirking,' Glasspool disagreed and said 'it's just a facial expression.' West Sussex Coroner's Court previously heard Tomlin had been drinking and taking drugs on the night and had been 'violently struggling' against officers before he ceased moving altogether. Bunting told the court police guidelines state a person restrained on their stomach should be 're-positioned as soon as possible' onto their side, to allow 'close and careful monitoring' of their breathing. Bunting put it to Glasspool that all he did was occasionally 'glance in the vague direction of his head' during the three to four minutes Tomlin was restrained. Glasspool disagreed and claimed that he could see Tomlin's face as he 'kept turning his head.' Tomlin's head is not visible on the video footage. Bunting asked: 'Did you get complacent?''No,' replied Glasspool. Bunting asserted that Tomlin's leg restraints and handcuffs were kept on for 'an inappropriate length of time,' including after he had stopped moving. Glasspool said: 'The priority then was to maintain his airway.' Bunting asked: 'Does the recovery position include leg restraints and handcuffs?''No,' Glasspool replied. The inquest continues.
A drunken disturbance in Lochgelly saw a man brandishing a wine bottle at police officers, challenging them to fight and then exposing his buttocks to them. As you do. Well, as he did. Brent Conway then 'tried to ran away' before being pinched by The Fuzz and extremely arrested for his bare-bum antics. Conway appeared in the dock at Dunfermline Sheriff Court. He admitted that on 9 June, 'at Main Street, Lumphinnnans Road and elsewhere in Lochgelly,' he had 'behaved in a threatening or abusive manner by shouting, swearing, brandishing a glass bottle, challenging police officers to fight, exposing his buttocks to them and repeatedly kicked a police van.' Depute fiscal Alistair McDermid said that police were called to 'a group of youths' who were 'gathered on the street.' And, 'up to no good' one suspects. Police told them to move on. 'The accused, who was amongst their number was sais to be 'acting aggressively.' He had a half-full bottle of wine and began to brandish it whilst 'challenging officers to fight. He pulled his trousers down and exposed his buttocks then ran away,' added the depute. It is to be hoped that he pulled his pants up before trying to run away otherwise, he might have tripped over. Conway is already in jail serving a twelve-month sentence. Sheriff Craig McSherry jailed Conway for another six months to be served consecutively.
Maryland attorney Rashad James, who happens to be black, was packing up his papers after a day at Harford County District Court when, he claims, a sheriff's deputy detained him, seemingly believing that James was merely 'pretending' to be a lawyer. The deputy called the attorney by his client's name and, when James informed the deputy that he was, in fact, the attorney the deputy did not believe him. Even after Rashad showed him identification, the deputy still did not believe him. The deputy then called his supervisor. After successfully getting an expungement for a client who was not there, a sheriff's deputy stopped James in the courtroom and began questioning if he was really a lawyer or simply impersonating one. 'After the hearing, that's when I encountered the officer who incorrectly called me by the name of the client. I stated that I was not the client, that I was, in fact, the client's attorney,' James said. The deputy then asked for identification, James says he showed his driver's license. The officer apparently still was not satisfied and wanted more verification since James didn't have his state bar card or business cards neither of which he is required to carry. He had the officer call his supervisor. 'If Mister James were white, this would not have happened,' said Chelsea Crawford, James' fellow attorney. 'There is no plausible explanation other than racial bias,' said Andrew D Freeman of Brown, Goldstein & Levy, an attorney for James. The law firm refers to the incident as 'lawyering while black' in a press release. The Harford County Sheriff's Office claims it has initiated 'a complete and thorough investigation' and that they 'take all complaints seriously.' In the meantime, James is now reportedly carrying his business cards with him at all times.
A woman who claimed she was 'too ill to walk,' received twenty thousand quid in disability benefits while taking part in major kickboxing tournaments. Tammy Horton told assessors that she needed to use a wheelchair and could not dress herself due to chronic pain. But, while claiming the payments, she competed in international matches in the UK in 2016 and 2017 and won medals. Horton was handed a ten-month jail sentence, suspended for two years, at Lincoln Crown Court. Horton admitted charges of failing to notify the Department for Work and Pensions of a change in circumstance between 5 February 2014 and 25 March 2015 and to making a false statement to obtain Personal Independent Payment between 25 March 2015 and 10 May 2017. The court heard that she did suffer from illnesses, including chronic pelvic disease and fibromyalgia, but was not entitled to the over twenty one grand benefits that she was paid and had told the DWP she struggled to walk more than twenty metres. Acting on a tip-off, investigators discovered Horton had joined a kickboxing club in January 2004 and regularly attended sessions while claiming benefits. She competed in two tournaments in 2016 and won a silver medal at another regional tournament in January 2017. The following month, Horton was runner-up in her category at an international event held in Watford. Prosecutor Lisa Hardy told the court: 'This was a lady who expressed that she needed an extra banister fitted just to be able to get up and down stairs. She said that she was limited to walking with crutches or using a wheelchair and that she was on morphine to control the pain.' Sentencing Horton, Judge Andrew Easteal said her actions were 'inexcusable. The contrast between the picture you painted and the reality of the life you were living is breathtaking,' he said. 'This was a planned, detailed, gross deception that went on for several years.' Defending Horton, Edna Leonard claimed that the woman 'had a young daughter whose life would be ruined if she were jailed immediately.'
A man has been extremely jailed after leading police on a forty-mile pursuit whilst towing a stolen caravan. Officers from the Central Motorway Police Group were first alerted to a truck and caravan, being driven on stolen plates, on the A34 northbound towards Trentham during the afternoon of 22 June last year, Staffordshire Police said. The vehicle failed to stop for police and the pursuit began. Steven Beeson admitted driving whilst disqualified and theft of a caravan. He was jailed for twenty months and disqualified from driving for three years. 'Beeson demonstrated some very dangerous driving and was lucky he did not cause a collision with another motorist,' police said.
A 'rogue' fish has been removed from a lake after children reported seeing it eating ducks. Something this blogger has also done in his life albeit, usually with hoisin sauce, spring onions and pancakes.  A necessary difference, one feels. The twenty five pound catfish was caught at the man-made lake at the Lakeside shopping centre in Thurrock, Essex, by the Environment Agency. A spokesman said that fishing contests would be held at the lake to reduce the population of 'invasive species.' Officer Ben Norrington said: 'Large fish have the potential to eat wildfowl so we're pleased we could remove it.' The EA said that the animal had been seen eating ducks and other wildfowl. 'Invasive species pose a serious threat to our native wildlife,' Norrington added. The catfish has been relocated to a fully enclosed lake with help from the Catfish Conservation Group.
A Vietnamese woman accused of killing Kim Jong-nam, the half-brother of North Korea's leader, has pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of 'causing hurt by potentially deadly means.' A Malaysian court sentenced Doan Thi Huong to three years and four months in The Slammer, starting from her arrest in February 2017. Huong would have faced the death penalty if found guilty of the murder. Kim, the estranged half-brother of Kim Jong-un, was assassinated at Kuala Lumpur Airport in 2017 in broad daylight, with the toxic nerve agent VX. The development effectively means no-one has been held accountable for Kim's death. 'In the first week of May, she will go home,' Huong's lawyer Hisyam Teh Poh Teik told reporters at the Shah Alam court. Her step-mother Nguyen Thi Vy told BBC Vietnamese that the family was 'very happy. We have felt so thankful for all the support from the government, lawyers and communities,' she said. The judge's decision comes after Huong's Indonesian co-defendant Siti Aisyah unexpectedly walked free last month, after intervention from Malaysia's Attorney General. Huong's hopes of a similar outcome were initially dashed on 14 March, when authorities rejected her request for the murder charge to be dropped and said her trial would go ahead. She cried in the courtroom and told reporters: 'Only God knows that we did not commit the murder. I want my family to pray for me.' Both women have always insisted that they were innocent. They claimed that they were 'tricked' into carrying out the killing - which involved smearing a lethal nerve agent on the victim's face - and believed they were 'part of a reality TV prank.' The BBC's South East Asia correspondent Jonathan Head said that Monday's verdict offers Malaysia 'a face-saving way out of an embarrassing murder trial,' but will also be viewed by many as justice for the last remaining defendant. However, it means that neither defendant was able to testify and give details of how they were brought into the plot, or who recruited them. Kim Jong-nam had been waiting to board a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Macau on 13 February 2017, when two women approached him in the departure area. CCTV footage showed one of them placing her hands over his face, then both women hurriedly leaving the scene. Kim died on the way to hospital from what was later found to be exposure to VX, one of the most toxic of all known chemical agents. North Korea has fiercely denied any involvement in the killing, but four men - believed to be North Koreans who fled Malaysia on the day of the murder - have also been charged in absentia. They remain at large despite an Interpol 'red notice', equivalent to an international arrest warrant.
A mother died from her burns after pouring petrol over herself and setting it alight, an inquest has heard. Ambreen Hussain had 'only meant to scare her husband' after he had an affair, the hearing was told. She died in hospital, four days after catching fire at her home in Middlesbrough on 13 November last year. Teesside assistant coroner, Jo Wharton, recorded a misadventure verdict after saying that she 'couldn't be satisfied' Hussain intended to take her own life. Footage from the house's CCTV cameras showed the woman dousing herself in petrol used for a child's scooter and standing in the back yard with a white, lit piece of paper. Even though she wasn't seen to apply the paper to her body, she then erupted into flames. Her husband, Mobeen, frantically tried to douse the fire, throwing a pan of water over her and desperately trying to put out the fire with his bare hands. Tragically, despite his efforts and those of neighbours, she died in Newcastle Royal Victoria Infirmary four days later. A post mortem gave her cause of death as multiple organ failure due to burns which affected more than ninety per cent of her body. A statement from Acting Detective Inspector Jeremy Commons of Cleveland Police said that the house's CCTV cameras captured Mister Hussain coming to his wife's aid, wrapping his arms around her in an attempt to put the flames out. He then took her out the front door, with Mrs Hussain still walking and neighbours tried to help, wrapping her in cling film. There was 'no indication that his wife was going to do what she did,' he said. Hussain attended the inquest but his statement was read out by a coroner's officer. He said that problems with their marriage had begun six months before when Ambreen found out about his affair. On 13 November, they argued and she went into the kitchen. He saw her 'pouring something over herself' and then she 'instantly set on fire.' Hussain, who is still being treated for hand injuries, said: 'It was all just a blur - I was trying to put the fire out with my own hands. I do not think she meant to set herself on fire - I think she was just trying to scare me.' The coroner said Mrs Hussain - a 'much-loved wife, mother and daughter'– had been 'angry' due to the argument with her husband. Referring to ADI Commons' statement that it didn't look like the flame had made physical contact with Ambreen's body, she said that to record a suicide verdict, he had to be satisfied Hussain took her own life and intended to do so - and she could not be satisfied that was her intention. Recording a misadventure verdict, she said: 'Her death was attributed to an accident that occurred due to a risk that was taken voluntarily.'
A 'barbaric attack' on a woman involved her being kicked in the face and 'whipped with a belt like a dog,' a court has heard. The 'shocking behaviour' of James Heffernan was described by Judge Stuart Rafferty QC as 'absolutely despicable' and 'savage, persistent and cruel.' Jailing him for three years for inflicting grievous bodily harm, the judge imposed a restraining order 'without restriction of time' to stay away from the victim. Nottingham Crown Court heard how she was attacked in three stages after she asked Heffernan if she could join him and his friends to continue drinking as she passed by his address. 'His reaction to that was wholly disproportionate and unjustified,' explained Chris Jeyes, prosecuting. 'He kicked her in the face as she reached for her handbag. She took his car keys and threw them into a neighbouring garden, in essence, so he wouldn't be able to follow her.' Heffernan pursued her outside, pulled her back into the living room by her hair. He pushed her to the ground and repeatedly kicked her to the head and face. She went outside and banged on patio doors of a property next door. 'The defendant followed her outside and began the third part of this sustained attack,' added Jeyes. 'He took off his trouser belt and whipped her about six times. She blacked out and awoke outside a neighbouring property. She says her clothing had been changed. The defendant denies doing that. It could be, of course, friends changed the clothing, rather than the defendant.' Judge Rafferty told Heffernan in the dock: 'The nature of this attack, on any view as I have said, was barbaric. She got out again and, with your belt, I am entirely satisfied, whipped her with it like a dog.' The woman had a swollen, blackening right eye and her jaw was broken in two places. The court heard about the medical problems she has had to endure after surgery to fit mini-plates in her jaw. She developed an infection and needed antibiotics and three teeth had to be removed. Her victim impact statement told how she had not worked since the attack and no longer socialises. 'She observes the defendant could have killed her during the incident,' said Jeyes. Digby Johnson, mitigating, said the arrival of the woman 'opened a whole can of worms which had gone before.' The woman was allegedly part of a group which had been responsible for breaking his car and house windows and 'causing substantial amounts of inconvenience for him,' explained Johnson. But the judge was having none of it and told Heffernan: 'She may have been someone who drank. She may have been someone who was a nuisance to you from time to time, but none of that forgives what you did. If she was such a person, you had legal remedies you could take to ensure you got rid of her. Those remedies were not taken.'
A Swedish couple have 'requested official permission to flash their bottoms at their next door neighbour's security camera,'according to the Daily Scum Mail. So, that's probably a load of made up nonsense. The 'unusual inquiry' was, allegedly, sent to the Swedish Data Protection Authority as part of a complaint against the neighbour in Lund. The couple who, of course, are not named - allegedly claim that the resident was 'peeking' into their private garden, conservatory and bedroom, with the recording device. As part of their complaint into their loss of privacy, they officially requested permission to flash their bare backsides at their neighbour. A lawyer for the authority, Nils Henckel, said that he and his team of investigators have yet to visit the house to assess the situation.
A Wisconsin woman reportedly called the police on Sunday after she got into an argument with her husband when he brought home 'the wrong type of chicken,' authorities said. The woman reported 'a verbal argument' with her husband, Brown Deer police wrote in a release titled, 'Noteworthy calls from the weekend.' The man later agreed to stay with his father for the night. It is unclear at this time what part of a chicken the woman wanted, what dish she was intending to cook and what piece of meat her husband ultimately brought. The identities of those involved were not released. Including the chicken.
Two grammar schoolgirls have been excluded from classes for twenty days after being accused of attempting to 'poison' a teacher with a severe nut allergy. Alexandra McDonald and Maddie Colley have both denied allegations that they scattered crushed peanuts on the teacher's desk. Alexandra's father, Pete McDonald, is reported to be 'so angry' by this allegation that he paid nearly six hundred quid for his daughter to take a lie detector test. Presumably, no one had the heart inform Mister McDonald that not only are lie detectors inadmissible in courts - even in the US where they are taken somewhat more seriously than they are in Britain - but, also, that just about everyone involved in the process admits they are based on ludicrous pseudo-science, are quite easy to 'beat' and that he'd've better spent his money consulting the entrails of chickens for 'proof' that his daughter was telling the truth since that's just as reliable as a polygraph. And, one imagines, considerably cheaper. The incident happened last week at Rochester Grammar School in Kent. McDonald has 'hit back' (that's tabloidese for 'criticised' only with less syllables) claiming that school officials issued the punishment 'on a probability.' But the school said that parents were 'aware' of 'the no-nuts policy,' which has been in place for twenty years. A school spokesman said: 'Following an internal investigation, we took the decision to temporarily exclude two students for their part in an extremely dangerous incident that could have had fatal consequences. We make no apologies and are surprised a parent of one of the students does not see the seriousness of their actions and is contesting the decision to exclude.' A teacher allegedly told the girls' parents that they were 'seen giggling in the same corridor' but 'didn't notice them with any nuts.' Alexandra claims that she was 'searching for her blazer' during a free period with Maddie, when a teacher ordered them downstairs to another classroom. When they returned, they saw the crushed food on the floor but 'thought nothing of it' as break time had just finished. Mister McDonald told the Kent Messenger: 'She has never been in any trouble before. This is the harshest punishment before expulsion. When I heard why she was excluded I had to get the school to repeat it twice, I couldn't believe it. The exclusion will be appealed to the school governors, so I got the lie detector done to prove her innocence.' Alexandra, who studies geography, PE and religious studies, hopes to attend the University of Kent but her exclusion 'could hit her plans,' as she sits her mock A-levels in isolation at a different school. She said: 'I'm gutted. When I was told I was going to be excluded I was shocked, I couldn't speak ... It definitely was not me. I loved school and the environment, I thought all the teachers were really friendly, understanding and there to help.' Maddie's mother, Michelle Colley, said her daughter's exclusion was 'really disappointing,' adding that the first day of punishment was on Maddie's birthday. She said: 'We have tried to convince the school but they have made their decision based on probability and they won't listen to any other argument. This will go on her permanent record if it doesn't get sorted. I fully believe her - if it was a practical joke she would have admitted it by now.' People who are allergic to nuts can go into anaphylactic shock and - in the most serious cases - their throats can swell and they can choke to death if they don't get urgent treatment.
A woman who hurled racial abuse at a garage owner has been very jailed alongside her pickaxe-wielding nephew. On 24 October 2017, Sarah Crone from Oldham was reportedly driving her silver Nissan Juke into an industrial estate in Moston when her vehicle was clipped by the rear end of a low loader. The owner of a local garage - a man in his thirties - noticed the vehicle as being part of his fleet and went out to speak to Crone. On doing so, he was 'met with a barrage of racial abuse' before being threatened that Crone's nephew would come to the garage and 'sort him out.' A short time later, forty-year-old John Thornley turned up in his Audi Q7 wielding a pickaxe. Without any warning, Thornley struck the man with the weapon, luckily only grazing his neck but he bore the main brunt of the blow on his collarbone. When the victim went to call the police, Thornley fled the scene. Crone told responding officers that she had been 'attacked' by someone at the garage and, therefore, had asked Thornley to 'come to her rescue.' When questioned why he didn't stay at the scene, Crone told them Thornley was 'on the school run.' Despite pleading her ignorance, CCTV shown to the jury at Manchester Crown Court, influenced their decision to find her very guilty of assault and racially aggravated public order. Thornley previously pleaded guilty to the assault. They have both been jailed for more than a year.
There is no escape from the long arm of the law in Sweden, it would seem. Not even if one is sitting, naked, in a sauna. Police spokewoman Carina Skagerlind reports that an off-duty police officer found himself sitting in the same sauna in Rinkeby, a Stockholm suburb, as a known fugitive who had dodged a jail sentence for aggravated assault, among other offences. Skagerlind said after recognising each other, the naked police officer 'calmly told the man that he should consider himself arrested.' She said that the officer called colleagues to pick up the fugitive, adding 'the arrest was undramatic and the wanted man didn't try to flee.'
A teenage woman and two men have been very arrested on suspicion of 'an armed heist' which saw a number electronic goods 'snatched' from an address near Newquay. Superintendent Ian Drummond-Smith, Devon and Cornwall Police's commander for East Cornwall, praised Newquay police for their 'excellent work' after the three people were extremely taken into custody 'for a knifepoint robbery.'
A woman has been jailed after she tried to pass her boyfriend heroin via a kiss while he was under escort on his way to prison. Marta Zasada reportedly had the heroin wrapped in tin foil and under her tongue when it was detected by gardaí in Bandon in County Cork. Clonakilty District Court heard that on 12 December 2017, Zasada's boyfriend, Emil Hudi, was being transported to prison when he asked his escorts if he could contact Zasada to get some money. But, when the escorts and Hudi met with Zasada, gardaí believed she was nervous and noted she had no money with her. Sergeant Paul Kelly told Judge James McNulty that they asked Zasada to open her mouth and found the heroin wrapped in foil under her tongue. The Judge asked: 'Was the suspicion that she was to hand over the heroin by mouth kissing?' Kelly said: 'That is correct, Judge.' Zasada has thirty four previous convictions, with her solicitor Plunkett Taaffe saying her record was 'entirely linked to heroin addiction.' She pleaded very guilty to possession for purposes of sale and supply as well as a simple possession charge and a failure to appear in court on a previous occasion. She had been on temporary release from prison last November and unlawfully at large when she returned to her native Poland for drug treatment. She returned to Ireland a fortnight before she was arrested. Among her previous convictions was a charge of attempting to get heroin to Hudi while he was in prison. Judge McNulty said of Hudi, who was present in court: 'He is bad news. He is certainly bad news for Marta and he is no help to her.' The judge said Hudi had 'prevailed on her' to deliver controlled drugs to him while he was under escort on his way to prison, in what he described as 'a tormented kind of love. There they are, now stuck in a fatal attraction and a fatal addiction.' He sentenced Zasada to nine months in The Joint on the more serious drugs charge with another three months to be served concurrently on the simple possession and placed her on a probation bond for one year. On her release from prison, the judge said she 'may wish to consider turning left' at the exit of Limerick Prison and 'staying away' from Bandon and Hudi.
A one hundred and four-year-old woman has ticked off another item on her bucket list after being arrested by the police. Anne Brokenbrow, who has never fallen foul of the law previously, grinned as officers 'detained' her inside the care home where she lives and bundled her into a waiting police car. She had revealed her desire to be arrested as part of a charity scheme where residents write down what they want most at Stokeleigh Care Home in Bristol. She wrote: 'My wish is to be arrested. I am one hundred and four and I have never been on the wrong side of the law.' Anne, who has dementia, was put in handcuffs by PC Stephen Harding and his colleague PCSO Kelly Foyle before being taken for a drive by the officers. Whether they used reasonable force to pacify her or she stained injuries falling down the stairs to the cells, we just don't know. She said: 'I had a lovely day, it was interesting. Nothing like that ever happened to me before. They put the handcuffs on, I had the lot. What did it feel like being a criminal? Well, it will make me much more careful of what I say and do. But the police were very nice throughout.'
The Victoria state Court of Appeal dismissed a case filed by David Hingst, a fifty six-years-old engineer who claimed that his former supervisor constantly harassed him by 'farting five to six times a day.' Hingst issued the case against his former boss, Greg Short, with a lawsuit of over a million Australian dollars for constructive dismissal and loss of earnings after his resignation from Melbourne Construction Engineering. The state appeals court declared that 'farting is not considered as a high degree accusation for bullying with such a heavy amount fine.' The court's judges wrote that Hingst argued 'flatulence constituted assaults' and alleged that Short 'would regularly break wind on him or at him, Short thinking this to be funny.' Hingst is reportedly not satisfied with the decision and has stated his intention to take the case to the Australian High Court. He maintains that 'bullying' forced him to leave to avoid Short's bottom bursts, stating: 'He would fart behind me and walk away.'
A Minnesota sheriff's office reportedly encountered a couple of road hogs earlier this week. A driver who was pulled over for having trouble staying in his lane turned out to be operating the vehicle with a two hundred and fifty-pound pig on his lap, Sergeant Jason Foster told Minneapolis news station KMSP-TV. The driver also had a smaller pig with him. Both pigs can be seen in a photo posted to social media by the Chisago County Sheriff's Office. In the post, the sheriff's office noted that its officers have encountered plenty of drivers distracted by things like cellphones, food or changing the radio station, but catching someone driving with a lap pig 'was a first.' Foster told the TV station that the man had the pigs on his lap because he was 'moving to another part of the state' and didn't want the pigs to get cold on the journey. The sergeant let the driver off with a warning. And, a request for a bacon sandwich at his earliest convenience. Probably.
The US Department of Agriculture says it will 'stop killing cats' in a research programme, following strong public criticism. Cats and kittens have been used to research toxoplasmosis - a potentially deadly parasitic illness usually caught from cats or tainted food. The animals were fed infected meat and the parasite's eggs harvested for use in other experiments. After the research the animals were euthanised. Or, you know, murdered. Veterinary groups say that the disease is 'treatable' and the cats should have been cured and adopted. More than three thousand kittens have been murdered since the programme was launched in 1982, campaigners The White Coat Waste Project say, with the programme costing more than twenty two million dollars. In March, bipartisan legislation, known as The Kitten Act, was introduced in Congress to end the practice, describing it as 'taxpayer-funded kitten slaughter.' In a statement, the USDA said that 'toxoplasmosis research has been redirected and the use of cats has been discontinued and will not be reinstated.' One of the key figures behind the bill, Democrat Representative Jimmy Panetta, said that the announcement showed what was 'possible in politics.'
A middle school teacher claims that she was fired from her job after an old topless selfie which she once sent to an ex-boyfriend appeared in a student's inbox. Three years ago, Lauren Miranda, a seventh-grade maths teacher at Bellport Middle School in New York sent the private photo to her then-boyfriend, a teacher in the district. The couple soon split, but in January, the photo - which Miranda claims she has never made public - was attained by a student. Miranda was extremely fired from the South Country Central School District on Wednesday for 'not being a role model,' according to a three million dollar million dollar lawsuit from attorney John Ray. This, despite a December 2017 evaluation, describing Miranda an 'outstanding and highly effective' teacher who was 'genuinely dedicated' to her students. Upon the discovery of the selfie, says the lawsuit, administrators 'interrogated' Miranda 'with the intention of humiliating, embarrassing and berating' her about the photo. 'Lauren was called into a meeting with all these men who flashed her photo on a computer screen and said, "Is this you?"' Ray told Yahoo Lifestyle. Miranda was suspended without pay, says the lawsuit and, on 27 March, the school board voted to fire her ass. 'That picture was never posted,' Miranda said at a press conference, according to WPIX 11. 'How it got out is the million dollar question. If a male teacher's nipples were displayed, there would be no punishment.' Miranda said that her principal told her, '"How can I put you in front of a classroom where boys would be able to pull out their phone and look at this image of you?"' Ray said that his client is also being denied tenure, for which she was eligible this year. 'The school district's motive is discriminatory - they intended to sexualise her because she's a woman.' He says the school would not reinstate Miranda's job instead of a lawsuit. 'I loved my job, I never woke up in the morning and didn't want to go,' Miranda said at the press conference. 'I loved my students, my faculty. I really thought this is where I was going to spend the next thirty years of my life.'
Cincinnati police officer Kevin Brown's decision to fire a Taser at an eleven-year-old girl suspected of shoplifting from a grocery store in August immediately drew criticism from city officials and other concerned individuals. But, Ohio state Representative John Becker (Republican, needless to say) had a somewhat different take. Had it been his daughter, he announced in a newsletter, 'I'd be ashamed and embarrassed that she did something stupid enough to get herself tased.' Becker's remarks appeared in his newsletter Beckerisms some weeks after the Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley apologised for the officer's actions and the county prosecutor said that the girl would not face charges. An internal review released this month found that the officer had violated multiple rules; a departmental hearing is pending. Becker also addressed police shootings in his newsletter. If his child were to be shot by police, he wrote, 'rather than blaming the cop, I'd be blaming myself and endlessly soul searching to figure out how I failed as a parent and why my kid grew up to be a punk.' He added, 'Based on the evidence of what I see on television, it often times appears to me that justice was delivered to the dead punk.' When he tased the girl, Brown was working off-duty as a security guard at a Kroger market. Police say he believed the girl was shoplifting. A report stated that the girl had stolen items, including a backpack, candy, and baby clothes totalling just over fifty dollars. Brown fired his taser from about ten feet away, striking her body just below her waist. Body camera video includes Brown telling the girl, after he tased her, 'Sweetheart, the last thing I want to do is tase you like that. When I say stop, you stop. You know you're caught, just stop. That hurt my heart to do that to you. Then I got to listen to all these idiots out here in the parking lot, telling me about how I was wrong for tasing you.' Later, also captured on video, the girl cries as EMTs remove the taser barbs from her skin. Police Chief Eliot Isaac has said that Officer Brown's use of the Taser was 'unnecessary in this circumstance.'
A South Jersey man was arrested on Tuesday after police say he was 'fighting with himself' and then exposed his genitals in a Little Egg Harbor Township Wawa. Police say they were called to the Mystic Islands Wawa after staff has altered them to a male 'acting suspiciously.' Witnesses say Jason Cramer was 'under the influence of something.' After speaking with him, Cramer was sent on his way and claimed that he had made arrangements for transportation home. Fifteen minutes later, police were called back to the Wawa after witnesses say Cramer began 'fighting with himself' out front of the store, reportedly punching himself in the face and scratching his eyes. Several witnesses told police that Cramer had pulled down his pants, exposed and grabbed his genitals and began yelling obscenities at customers. Cramer was extremely arrested and charged with lewdness. He was released and transported home, pending a future court date.
'All Hell'reportedly'broke loose' on a recent flight when a drunken woman described as 'a demon' demanded a Pepsi but was told that only fruit juice was being served. At which point, she went off-it. The unidentified Spanish woman then began screaming and drinking from a flask soon after boarding the TAP Air Portugal flight in Lisbon for a trip to Malaga on 9 March, according to the Daily Scum Mail. But 'turbulence erupted' when flight attendants informed her that they had no Pepsi, only fruit juice. 'Her hands had turned into claws. She looked like a demon. She was the worst passenger I have ever seen on an airline and I fly quite a lot,' an anonymous - and, therefore, probably fictitious - thirty eight-year-old British tourist snitched to the outlet like a dirty stinking Copper's Nark. 'She was getting out of her seat – her face was bright red,' the tourist said. 'The way she was acting, it was like she was possessed.' The woman is believed to have flown into a rage because she wanted to mix the soft drink with the alcohol that was, allegedly, in her flask. The nameless snitcher added that after boarding late, the woman also got into an argument with a flight attendant about putting her bag in the cargo hold. 'Stewardesses were telling her you have to put it away but she was like "no!" She started speaking English and said, "I have my books, I have my jewellery, I have my money in there - I need my bag,"' he said. The captain later left the cockpit to speak with the agitated woman and handed her a note banning her from the airline, the man claimed. 'She started screaming more. She was jabbering that her house was in Spain and that she was Spanish,' he said. In Malaga, police boarded the plane to arrest the woman, whom they labelled 'a banshee.''This was an unruly passenger situation and all required procedures were followed,' airline spokeswoman Marisa Ferreria told the New York Post in a statement.
Cosimo Cavallaro has decided to help President (and hairdo) Rump build his border wall between the United States and Mexico using Cotija cheese, named after the Mexican town that it originates from. The cheese wall began with two hundred blocks of cheese steeped to twenty five feet, however people's donations have extended it to one thousand feet. The cheese wall is just forty five feet from the border fence with Tecate and aims to 'make America grate again.' Made from expired milk, the blocks of cheese are used, the artist said, to 'make an important statement' about the 'political environment we are living in today.'
A sheriff has fined a man who claimed he had 'mistakenly' struck the buttocks of a woman in Dundee city centre. Christopher Ruxton, of Arbroath, claimed he thought he was touching a female friend outside of a branch of TSB in November 2017. He pleaded guilty to assaulting the woman by striking her buttocks and putting his arm around her body. Solicitor Nick Whelan claimed that Ruxton had apologised to the woman 'upon realising the mistake.' He was fined two hundred and seventy knicker.
A Utah woman is facing a plethora of charges related to her alleged actions at a child's birthday party at her Harrisville home. According to charging documents, forty-year-old Rhianna Renae Nivens partied with at least twelve minors, ranging in ages of fourteen to seventeen on 9 February. Police say that during the party, minors drank alcohol and smoked marijuana - the scallwags - and Nivens knew about it, even joining in to drink with some of the teens. The minors told police that at one point, Nivens went upstairs where, according to court documents, she out on a risqué outfit which they described as red and black lingerie which exposed the defendant's breasts, buttocks and vagina. Police say that Nivens then 'danced sexually' for about ten minutes, including giving several minors lap dances. At least one minor recorded the events, according to police. Nivens is facing four counts of dealing in harmful material to a minor by an adult, all third-degree felonies; four counts of lewdness, a class B misdemeanour and four counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a class B misdemeanour.
Controversial vaginal mesh implants can be offered again on the NHS in England once 'certain conditions' are met, health watchdog NICE has said. Some women have been left unable to walk, work or have The Sex after having the implants, which are used to treat pelvic organ prolapse and incontinence. Use of vaginal mesh was halted across the UK last year amid safety concerns. NICE said that operations 'must be performed by specialist surgeons at specialist centres' before their reintroduction. All instances - and outcomes - of vaginal mesh operations should also be recorded on a national database 'to help with future decision-making,' it said. The NHS is not compelled to act on the guidelines - which are for England only - and the 'pause' on vaginal mesh surgery remains in place for the moment. But, services are expected to take NICE recommendations into account when planning and delivering care. Under the new guidelines, each patient would receive 'a decision aid' - detailing all the latest evidence on available treatments - and mesh implants would be used only after non-surgical options, such as lifestyle changes and pelvic floor training, had failed. NICE said that the 'limited evidence' meant 'the true prevalence of long-term complications following surgery with mesh is unknown.' But Labour MP Owen Smith, who chairs a cross-party group of MPs on surgical mesh implants - and, who does not, actually, have a vagina himself, as far as we know - told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire programme he was 'deeply disappointed.' About the decision, that is, not about not having his own vagina. Obviously. 'The updated guidelines appear to disregard mesh-injured women's experiences by stating that there is no long-term evidence of adverse effects,' he said. 'Thousands of women have faced life-changing injuries following mesh surgery and they must not be ignored.' He said that the suspension of vaginal mesh 'should continue' until an independent review - led by Baroness Julia Cumberlege - publishes its findings later this year. Baroness Cumberlege agreed, saying that her team has set 'five conditions that would need to be met before the pause could be lifted and the use of mesh could be contemplated. Those conditions have not yet been met and it is clear to us that it will be some considerable time before they are. This means that, now and for the foreseeable future, mesh should not be used to treat stress urinary incontinence, either in the NHS or the independent sector. The scale and intensity of this tragedy is truly shocking - lives have been ruined.' Studies suggest as many as one in ten patients can 'experience complications' including chronic pain and difficulties walking.
And now, dear blog reader, the runner-up in the latest From The North Headline Of The Week award. Which goes to the Sun for My Boyfriend's Eight-And-A-Half Inch Penis Caused Us To Break Up Because Having Sex Was So 'Hard'. Which was also the runner-up in the From The North Headline Containing Too Much Information Of The Week award.
That is followed, inevitably, as night follows day, by the winner of the From The North Headline Of The Week award (and, indeed, the From The North Headline Containing Too Much Information award) which comes from an article on the Vice website somewhat tenuously linked to the BBC comedy Fleabag: 'She Spanked Me In Time To "Fast Car"' - People Told Us About Their Most Fleabag Moments.
A Virginia woman stands accused of embezzling more than ninety three thousand dollars, which she allegedly funnelled toward her wedding and a buttock lift, 'amongst other expenses.' Media outlets report Vanessa Cline worked as a bookkeeper for No Limits Construction, replacing another who was convicted of stealing more than one hundred and fifty thousand bucks from the same company. One would love to know if it was the same HR person who hired both and whether he or she is still working for the company. To misquote Oscar Wilde 'to employer one allegedly fraudulent worker might be regarded as misfortune; to hire two looks like carelessness.' The Stafford County Sheriff's Office says that the owner of the business contacted authorities last week after American Express told him his company's credit card was behind on payments and would be closed. An internal investigation identified Cline as the likely culprit and she was promptly arrested Wednesday. A search warrant affidavit suggests that other unauthorised purchases included an all-terrain vehicle, airline tickets, perfume and groceries were uncovered.
Tania Mallet, who played the Bond girl Tilly Masterson in Goldfinger, has died aged seventy seven. Tania, a cousin of Dame Helen Mirren, starred alongside Sean Connery in the 1964 film. The Blackpool-born actress had been working as a model when she was cast by producer Cubby Broccoli - a world she ultimately returned to and prioritised over film. Her death was announced via the official 007 Twitter account. The role ultimately saw her slain on-screen by the steel-rimmed hat of Goldfinger's henchman Oddjob. Her appearance reportedly followed a failed audition to land the role of lead Bond girl Tatiana Romanova in 1963's From Russia With Love. Speaking to James Bond fan site MI6 in 2003, Tania said that although filming had been 'an interesting experience,' she had always been 'more comfortable' in a small studio with 'just a photographer and his assistant. The restrictions placed on me for the duration of the filming grated, were dreadful and I could not anticipate living my life like that,' she added. The 'dreadful' pay also discouraged her. 'Originally, I was offered fifty pounds per week, which I managed to push up to one hundred and fifty, but even so I earned more than that in a day modelling. So, the six months I worked (or was retained to work) on Goldfinger were real sacrifice.' In 1961, she appeared on the cover of Vogue and was featured in the Michael Winner documentary Girls Girls Girls! Mallet was related to Mirren through her mother, whose younger brother was Dame Helen's father. Mirren's 2007 memoir In the Frame: My Life In Words & Pictures described Mallet as 'a loyal and generous person' who helped pay for for her brothers' education with her income as a model.
Valery Bykovsky, who was the eleventh person to venture into space and who held the unbroken record for the longest solo spaceflight, has died aged eighty four. Bykovsky first flew aboard a Vostok Five spacecraft in June 1963 and would go on to take part in two further Soviet space missions. His record-setting solo flight saw him spend five days in space aboard the Vostok Five, orbiting the Earth eighty two times. Bykovsky was among the first group of USSR cosmonauts alongside Yuri Gagarin, the first person to travel to space. His death, on 27 March, was confirmed by Russia's federal space corporation Roscosmos. He leaves Alexey Leonov - the first spacewalker - and Boris Volynov as the final surviving members of that pioneering first group. 'Bykovsky belonged to the first generation of Soviet cosmonauts, who wrote many bright pages in the glorious history of Russian manned cosmonautics,' officials at the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Centre in Star City said in a statement. Valery Fyodorovich Bykovsky was born in August 1934 in Pavlovsky Posad, near Moscow. As a boy, he moved around due to his father's job at the Ministry of Railways, spending seven years of his youth living in Iran. In November 1955, he graduated from the Kachinsk Military Aviation Academy with top marks in flying and combat training. He started serving as a pilot the following year. The First Soviet Cosmonaut Team, a history of the pioneering group, quotes Bykovsky's father as saying: 'He has always been courageous and exciting, and dangerous professions attracted him.'
After his successful selection as a cosmonaut, Bykovsky was launched into orbit aboard Vostok Five, a mission which lasted from 14 to 19 June 1963. The spacecraft entered a lower-than-expected orbit. And, while the craft was in good technical shape, it become apparent a few days into the mission that it was losing altitude faster than expected. To prevent an uncontrolled re-entry, Soviet officials decided to curtail the flight and bring Bykovsky back to Earth. Although it has long since been surpassed in duration by missions carrying more than one crew member, it remains the longest solo space flight. Bykovsky's mission overlapped with that of Valentina Tereshkova, the first woman in space. At one point, the two Vostok spacecraft were said to have come within three miles of each other. Tereshkova is now the last person alive to have flown in a Vostok, the first generation of Soviet-crewed spacecraft. Bykovsky would have commanded the second flight of the USSR's following Soyuz spacecraft, the general design which is still in use today. But the first flight, Soyuz One, crashed at high speed in April 1967 after its parachutes failed, killing its sole occupant, the cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov. The same parachute fault was picked up in the Soyuz Two craft, causing Valery's flight to be cancelled. Bykovsky trained for the Soviet Union's programme to land on the Moon, which was also cancelled after Apollo 11 touched down in the Sea of Tranquility in July 1969. In September 1976, he made his second spaceflight on the Soyuz Twenty Two mission. Bykovsky and fellow cosmonaut Vladimir Aksyonov spent a week in orbit photographing the surface of the Earth with a specially-built camera. The cosmonaut's third and final orbital flight would come on Soyuz Thirty One, which docked in orbit with the Salyut Six space station on 28 August 1978. Bykovsky and Sigmund Jähn, the first German in space, spent six days on Salyut Six, visiting the orbiting outpost's two resident crew members Vladimir Kovalyonok and Aleksandr Ivanchenkov. Their tasks were to deliver supplies to the crew and carry out scientific experiments aboard the station. Over his career, Bykovsky spent a total of nearly twenty one days in space. He left the cosmonaut corps in 1982 and later worked in several roles at the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Centre at Star City. Bykovsky was married to Valentina Mikhailovna Sukhova, with whom he had two sons.
And, finally dear blog reader ...

We start the latest From The North bloggerisationisms update, dear blog reader, with a heartfelt plea from this here blogger to the politicians of the United Kingdom and, indeed, of the world. And, to anyone else in a position of authority, anywhere, who had the ability to affect changes within their own sphere of influence. The plea is as follows ...
Yeah. This blogger thinks that about covers it. Next ...

'Normal ain't nothing but a state of mind.'From The North's current favourite TV show on the planet, Doom Patrol continued with the long-awaited Danny The Street episode, Danny Patrol. And, as usual, dear blog reader, it was fantabulous in its downright queerness. If you don't believe this blogger, ask these guys. Or these. Or these. 'It's getting to the point where I'm not quite sure how they do it: every week, Doom Patrol seems to meander through its main plot points but still be even more entertaining than the last episode,' wrote the latter. 'The characters are this mesmerising mix of dejected but somehow oddly finding moments of true happiness. I think it may be the perfect parallel for modern life for most of us these days.' What he said.
Unless Game Of Thrones, or Peaky Blinders, or Line Of Duty manages to come up with something truly remarkable in their current and forthcoming series, dear blog readers, then as things stand Doom Patrol is going to walk off with the From The North TV show of the year award come December. That's if this blogger does a From The North TV show of the year award list this year, of course. Which he probably will.
Meanwhile, judging by the trailer, the next Doom Patrol episode - Jane Patrol - appears to be yet another adaptation of one of Grant Morrison's key issues, Going Underground. In which Cliff will find himself trying to stitch Crazy Jane back together again. From the inside.
From The North's award for 'The Most Thigh-Slappingly Hilarious Middle Class Hippy Communist Whinge Of The Week' goes to the Gruniad Morning Star's Jim Waterson (no, me neither) for a piece of abject misery-guts snivelling about the second series of Killing Eve. And, specifically, the fact that it is being shown in the US before the UK. Ooh, proper stroppy in his incandescent, impotent fury was yer actual Jimbo,dear blog reader. Pure-dead vexed and with his mad right up, so he was. 'The long-awaited second series of the hit BBC drama Killing Eve will return to screens on Sunday night - but audiences in the UK may have to wait months to watch it,' Waterson whinged. Yeah, they will. Just as they did with the first series, you mean? And this constitutes 'news', does it? 'The show about a MI5 officer’s hunt for an assassin, starring Jodie Comer and Sandra Oh, has been an enormous critical and audience success for the BBC, topping the list of nominations for this year's BAFTA TV awards and being heralded by the BBC director general, Tony Hall, as one of the corporation's biggest success stories of last year,' Waterson continued. So, he's a fan, clearly. Or, he's got one of his Gruniad colleagues to fill him in on what all the fuss has been about, anyway. There's a 'however' coming, though, dear blog reader you can probably tell. 'However, the new series will premiere in the US on BBC America and a date still has not been set for the programme to return to UK screens, an increasingly unusual situation for viewers who are used to streaming services such as Netflix releasing series simultaneously in almost every country in the world.' So, there you go, dear blog reader, a Gruniad writer has spent the first three paragraphs of a (non) story whinging and managing to shoehorn the Gruniad's beloved Netflix into the piece even though it has nothing whatsoever to do with the production or the broadcast of Killing Eve. Marvellous. This blogger isn't saying that the Gruniad are predictable, dear blog reader, but ... well, no, actually he is and they are. 'This is because Killing Eve was made as a special commission for BBC America, the corporation's for-profit US cable channel, which has the exclusive rights to show its first run - with those in the UK unable to watch it until after the US channel shows the final episode on 26 May,' yer man Jimmy finally gets around to explaining in paragraph five. He adds, helpfully, that BBC America, a joint venture with US company AMC Networks, does not receive public funding and carries advertising, ultimately funnelling any profits it makes back to the BBC to subsidise programming made for UK viewers. 'However, in this case, the British licence fee payers face having to wait to see the new series of a hit British TV show produced under the BBC banner, due to the issues surrounding ownership of the international rights,' the article continues. And, just to repeat, this is exactly the same as last year. So, what's the problem, you may ask? A BBC spokesperson said that the decision to 'delay' broadcasting Killing Eve was 'necessary' to enable the release of all eight episodes at the same time on iPlayer. Which is likely to occur very soon after the series has concluded in the US. 'BBC America are playing it out in weekly episodes,' they said. 'This means we have to wait until BBC America have premiered all of the weekly episodes - which as commissioning broadcaster they are entitled to do - before we can begin our transmission, otherwise we would be premiering episodes before them. The decision to make it a box-set was based around how we thought audiences would enjoy the programme. We are still experimenting with different release models and we know last time audiences really loved the fact we did this as a box-set so they could binge.' This has, Waterson claims, 'raised the prospect of piracy, with British fans of the show tempted to access downloads of the US broadcast via illegal streams and torrents rather than wait and risk encountering spoilers from US coverage of the show.' And, if that isn't a blatant example of the Gruniad's Middle Class hippy Communist readership being virtually directed to break the law of the land then this blogger doesn't know what is. Waterson finally - and, rather reluctantly one senses - then notes that Killing Eve's US premiere took place last April, 'with British audiences only seeing it when it appeared on BBC3 six months later [which] meant it should not have been eligible for the BAFTA awards, some of which are only eligible to shows originally made for a British audience. However, judges bent the rules and gave it fourteen nominations in order to recognise the show's extraordinary success, which saw the series attract tens of millions of views from the UK on BBC iPlayer.' A very confusing paragraph since it appears to be critical of BAFTA whilst, at the same time, acknowledging that, artistically at least, they got it spot on. 'Bizarrely, some other smaller countries have already bought up the rights to Killing Eve and will show the second series before the BBC, with fans in New Zealand being able to watch it episode-by-episode from Monday night,' Waterson then sneers. Quite why the word 'bizarrely' is included here, you'll have to ask him. Hopefully, many Gruniad website readers in the 'small' nation of New Zealand will be doing exactly that, demanding to know why they are considered 'bizarre' by this odious fraction of a Middle Class hippy Communist. Killing Eve was, of course, initially developed by Phoebe Waller-Bridge for Sky in the UK. However, BBC America stepped in to snap up the project when it appeared that Sky was losing interest, with the BBC in the UK subsequently buying the British rights to show the drama. 'The issue also highlights the difficulties surrounding the BBC's attempts to compete with the likes of Netflix and Amazon Prime, who can use their global heft to create worldwide coverage around a single show,' yer man Jimmy adds. 'The BBC is fighting to turn its iPlayer service into a destination in its own right that will show programmes for up to twelve months at a time but is facing regulatory challenges and the need to negotiate rights deals with programme creators.' He then manages to get in yet another arse-slurping plug for Gruniad's own favourite broadcast. 'David Attenborough, the face of the BBC's wildlife coverage, said his decision to partner with Netflix for their big-budget Our Planet series was influenced by the streaming service’s ability to release the show around the world on the same day. He suggested this creates a global buzz that is hard to replicate using the traditional television production model, which sees rights sold on a region-by-region basis to national broadcasters who then show the material in their own time.' So, to sum up then, the BBC is involved in a co-production deal of a very popular drama but is, rightly - as the non-producing part of the co-production - getting to show the drama only after those that stumped up the majority of the cost have shown it first. Exactly what happened with the first series. Which seems entirely fair. But, some louse of no importance at the Gruniad is outraged by this. Or, more likely, this is rather obviously faux-outrage and simply an excuse for a bit of atypical Gruniad shite-stirring at the BBC's expense. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
Of course, the whinging Waterson could simly do what many British viewers - this blogger included - have done and got a very kind friend in the US to record the episodes and send them over to us in the mail, perfectly legally, on a recording medium of their choice. Or, alternatively, he could just wait, patiently and read the BBC's take on the saga or the US reviews of the opening episode - here, here and here, for example - whilst gnashing his teeth in impotent fury at the manifest unfairness of life in general. And the complexities of the broadcasting world, in particular. Which, to be fair, would be a geet good laugh for everyone.
And, if you're wondering dear blog reader, yes this blogger though the episode in question was great. So, no change there then. However, there will be no From The North reviews of Killing Eve series two until the BBC have started broadcasting it (presumably in late May or early June). In the interest of not needlessly pissing off anyone trying to remain spoiler-free. Can't say fairer than that, yes?
Sunday saw another superb, complex and dramatic episode in the latest - fifth - series of Line Of Duty. God, it was good. Sarah Hughes's recap in the Gruniad, Michael Hogan's in the Torygraph and Jacob Stolworthy's in the Independent are recommended if you've already seen the episode but should be avoided like the plague if you haven't.
Now, dear blog reader, the latest in our, semi-regular, From The North feature, Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number five: Doctor John, The Night Tripper's seminal 1968 Creole masterpiece 'I Walk On Guilded [sic] Splinters' used in the latest episode of American Gods to accompany Mad Sweeney and Dead Laura's, ahem, 'interactions' with Madame Brigitte and Baron Samedi respectively. Reviews of the episode - The Ways Of The Dead - can be consumed here and here. And also, here - although that reviewer really didn't like it and is, therefore, a foolish fool.
This week's episode of From The North favourite Only Connect - the first semi-final of the current (fourteenth) series - provided this blogger with but one question where he got all uppity because he spotted the answer before either of the teams did (although, personally, Keith Telly Topping went for 'all of the members of Esther and Abi Ofarim' to complete that particular sequence).
Meanwhile, major congratulations go to current From The North favourites The Time Ladies for becoming the first team to reach this series'Only Connect final. Especially because, for the first time in four appearances, they didn't require a tie-breaker to progress this time around. Go on, ladies, win the big prize for fandom. And, for yourselves, obviously.
A West Midlands council has given the green light to a six million knicker visitor centre at the museum where the hit TV drama Peaky Blinders is filmed. The popular period crime drama, which follows the exploits of the Shelby crime family in the aftermath of the First World War, is shot at the Black Country Museum in Dudley.
The writer of ITV's Victoria has whinged that it is 'demoralising' to go up against Line Of Duty in the TV schedules. Which, if you're wondering, is the runner-up in From The North's 'The Most Thigh-Slappingly Hilarious Middle Class Hippy Communist Whinge Of The Week' award. The two dramas have gone head-to-head at 9pm on Sunday for two weeks and the hit BBC crime show has come out significantly on top so far. Scheduling is 'a dark art' practised by 'Machiavellian types,' Daisy Goodwin wrote in Radio Times magazine. Although it should be noted in the interest of fairness that Goodwin was not whinging in August and September 2016 when the first series of Victoria was pulling in consolidated audiences of seven-to-eight million punters when it was being broadcast opposite the second series of BBC1's Poldark and was winning the slot - albeit only fractionally. She also did not revel what she believed the BBC should be showing at 9pm on a Sunday evening as opposition to her show. The Test Card, perhaps? Victoria's third series premiered in the US before its recent UK debut and Goodwin said that she 'hoped' the fourth series would 'go out simultaneously' around the world. She told Radio Times that the staggered release 'felt analogue,' urging broadcasters to echo streaming services with 'a truly global shared experience.' Her show, which traces the life of Queen Victoria, has lost out in the overnight ratings to Line Of Duty since the fifth series of the BBC police drama began on 31 March. The opening episode of Line Of Duty pulled in an overnight average of 7.8 million viewers and a consolidated Seven Day Plus audience of 11.37 million punters, compared with 3.1 million on overnights for Victoria and a Seven Day Plus audience of 5.12 million. On 7 April, Line Of Duty's overnights dropped slightly to 7.1 million, but it was still significantly ahead of Victoria's three million audience. The consolidated figures for that episode will be announced by BARB next Monday. Goodwin whinged: 'It's a dark art, scheduling and it can be very demoralising for people who have dedicated themselves to making something special to realise that for the scheduler your carefully-honed drama is nothing more than a line of sandbags against Bodyguard or, in Victoria's case, Line Of Duty.' Goodwin's comments come as the divide between traditional and digital release schedules has come under the spotlight in recent weeks. The second series of Killing Eve has already begun in the US on BBC America but a date for the UK premiere is yet to be announced (see above). This contrasts with release strategies in which entire series are released in full around the world on streaming services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime. Goodwin said that while she 'understood' that 'die-hard' fans of her ITV show 'may have already streamed' the complete series online in the UK 'in ways that are quite possibly illegal,' she 'hoped' many would still watch in the 'old-fashioned way. In these days of the box-set binge, where you can emerge bleary-eyed, wondering where the last six hours went, I rather love a dainty morsel of television that leaves you wanting more,' she said. Goodwin also revealed that the next series of Victoria - starring yer actual Jenna Coleman - is 'already in production' and will be 'the darkest yet.' The writer said that she hopes 'the Gods of scheduling look favourably upon it and decide to put it out simultaneously with the US broadcast.'
These days, yer actual Jenna Coleman is seen on our screens reigning over Nineteenth Century Great Britain and its Empire in Victoria - albeit, not seen by anywhere near as many people as are watching the show on the other side, admittedly - but it wasn't all that long ago that she was travelling back and forth through time with The Doctor. The actress has revealed her fondness for her time in the TARDIS during an appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show. Asked whether she owns any memorabilia from the set, the actress revealed that she 'stole quite a lot, actually. I stole a piece of TARDIS. A proper Gallifreyan full-on piece under my jumper,' she recalled, before adding that she had half-inched it 'with permission' from the crew - 'it was in conjunction with the props team, they gave me the wink,' she claimed. A likely tale. 'I've also got the neon sign of the police box sign and I've got that in my dining room and it lights up.' The actress was also asked about who her favourite Doctor is and - rather than stay loyal to her co-stars Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi - she whispered 'David Tennant!'
The final three episodes of Qi's Q series - the first of which will be on the theme of Quagmire - have been recorded. The former will feature Aisling Bea, Sally Phillips and Sindhu Vee. The untitled fifteenth episode also includes Aisling Bea along with David Mitchell and Nish Kumar whilst the series finale, also untitled, has Kumar, Ade Adepitan and Holly Walsh joining Alan Davies and Sandi Toksvig. There will also, as usual, be two compilation episodes taking the full series to eighteen episodes.
Sir David Attenborough has gone global with a new nature series on Netflix. Our Planet arrived on the streaming service last Friday. The show is described as an 'ambitious and ground-breaking series' which will showcase the planet's most precious species and fragile habitats, with trailers adding that Our Planet is 'a global event that reminds us we're all on one team.' The review of the series by the BBC's resident slapheed Will Gompertz can be read here. Be advised, however, it does include the word 'rapaciousness.'
And, speaking of TV icons, there's a fascinating interview with Dame Diana Rigg covering many aspects of her remarkable career at the BBC News website which you can check out here.
On a somewhat related theme, Ciaran McCauley's lengthy articleBeyond The Throne about the impact of Game Of Thrones on the Northern Irish film industry and how the series' conclusion will affect the future is, also, likely to be of considerable interest to dear blog readers whilst they impatiently await Monday's return of the final series of the popular fantasy drama.
And, whilst we're on the subject of Keith Telly Topping recommending that you read stuff other than From The North, dear blog reader, if you only read one article on the Interweb this week, then you are urged - urged - to make it James Gent's interview with the great Barry Cryer at the We Are Cult website. It covers Barry's time as Monty Python's Flying Circus's warm-up act, inventing the first gay sitcom and stalking JB Priestley. What's not to love?
Emma Corrin has been cast as Princess Diana in the fourth series of The Crown. Netflix confirmed the decision in a press release, adding filming will begin later this year. In an accompanying quote, Corrin claimed that she was 'beyond excited' to be joining the show. 'Princess Diana was an icon and her effect on the world remains profound and inspiring,' she said. The Crown's creator, Peter Morgan, described Corrin as a 'brilliant talent' who 'immediately captivated' casting directors. The actress, who has appeared in Grantchester, is set to make her film debut in Misbehavior [sic], a historical drama following a group of of women from the Women's Liberation Movement as they attempt to disrupt the 1970 Miss World beauty competition in London. She becomes the latest actress to join the revolving cast of The Crown, as the show jumps forward in time with different stars playing the Royals every two years. Series three - set to debut in late 2019 - will see Olivia Colman take over Claire Foy's role as Queen Elizabeth and focus on the Harold Wilson era between 1964 and 1970. Corrin, meanwhile, will begin by dramatising Princess Diana's failed marriage to Prince Charles during the years of That Awful Thatcher Woman's government. Netflix's content chief Ted Sarandos has previously said that the plan is for the drama to run for six series, spanning The Queen's entire life. Or, at least, her entire life to date. Unless Netflix were planning on bumping off Her Maj in real-life to tie in with the end of the series.
Bodyguard's Richard Madden has 'spoken out' against the 'unrealistic' demands he and his fellow actors face regarding their weight and body image. 'I've done numerous jobs where you're told to lose weight and get to the gym,' he toldVogue. 'It doesn't just happen to women, it happens to men all the time as well.' His comments follow singer Sam Smith's recent admission on Instagram that 'I have starved myself for weeks' in advance of photo shoots. Smith's revelation was accompanied by a shirtless photo that was described as an effort to 'reclaim my body.' Madden said that he and his actor friends had found themselves bemoaning the 'barely eating, working-out-twice-a-day, no-carbing thing' required for certain scenes. He said they would find themselves 'looking at each other going: "We're just feeding this same [expletive] that we're against."' Madden, whose other roles include Robb Stark in Game Of Thrones, said that he had sometimes been given 'restrictive costumes' which had made breathing 'difficult.' The Scottish actor will next be seen in Rocketman, a musical biopic about Sir Elton John starring Taron Egerton. Madden is not alone in highlighting the pressures placed on the modern leading man. Last month, Australian actor Chris Hemsworth - soon to be seen reprising his Thor role in Avengers: Endgame - admitted keeping in shape for the camera 'can start to become a drag. The roles I've taken on have shaped my physique,' he told Men's Health. 'It just goes hand in hand with the parts I play. But occasionally I'll see paparazzi poking out of the bushes and I'm like, "How's my rig look? Am I on point, or have I slacked off lately?"'
Coronation Street will welcome its first black family to the cobbled streets in June 2019. The new family are called the Baileys and will be made up of Edison, Aggie and their two sons, Michael and James. Michael will be played by CBeebies presenter Ryan Russell and the family are due to move into number three, after buying the house from Norris Cole. The show's producers says that the family will have 'some strong storylines' and the show will look at issues around racism and anti-gay feeling in sport - as nineteen-year-old footballer James is due to come out as gay in an upcoming episode. Eastenders has had black families in its cast for a long time and in 2009 spent a whole episode with two of them, the Truemans and the Foxes. Although over the years Coronation Street has featured occasional black characters, the Baileys will become the first black family to actually live on the street since it began in 1960. When Richard Everitt was producing the soap in the late 1960s he had wanted to reflect actual trends in Salford but was prevented from introducing an Asian family; one of his successors, Susi Hush, in the mid-1970s, was similarly opposed when she tried to introduce a black family. In the latter case, it was decided by Granada executives that, because so few non-white characters had even been seen in Coronation Street up to that point, the attitudes of the regulars would have to be explored, resulting in characters such as Stan Ogden or Len Fairclough being portrayed as - at least, unconsciously - racist. Instead, the viewers were asked to accept as 'real' a Manchester suburb with a virtually non-existent ethnic community. Current producer Iain MacLeod said: 'The North-West and Great Britain as a whole is a big melting pot of people from different backgrounds and ethnicities and the more representative we can make Corrie of Manchester and Britain the better really. It's was a no-brainer.' When he was asked why this had never been done before MacLeod said: 'Short answer, I don't really know. Manchester has a large proportion of black residents so it did feel sort of overdue we did this and represented modern Manchester a bit more accurately.' The Bailey's daughter, Diana, will join the street at a later date, but the actress who will play her has not been chosen yet.
EastEnders actress June Brown has said that she can no longer recognise her friends as she deals with age-related macular degeneration at the age of ninety two. The actress, who plays Dot in the BBC drama, says she has lived with the condition for ten years. Speaking to the Daily Mirra, Brown said that she has no central vision at all and can no longer respond to fan mail. 'I haven't driven for years and I can't really go out socially due to my eyesight,' she said. Brown has starred in EastEnders since 1985 and revealed in 2018 that this will be her last year on the show. The actress said her condition was getting worse despite her undergoing eye surgery in 2017. 'I never go to soap awards or suchlike now,' she said. 'I don't recognise people that I know and they would think I was snubbing them. Just pray for your health and strength, hearing and eyesight and an active mind,' she added. Age-related macular degeneration is a relatively common condition which usually starts to affect people in their fifties and sixties. Although it does not cause total blindness, it can make everyday activities like reading, watching TV and recognising faces very difficult and can worsen without treatment. Symptoms can include seeing straight lines as wavy or crooked, objects looking smaller than normal and seeing things that are not there. The exact cause of macular degeneration is unknown, but it has been linked to smoking, high blood pressure, being overweight and having a family history of the condition. There are two types of age-related macular degeneration, dry AMD and wet AMD. There is no treatment for dry AMD but vision aids can help with day-to-day life. People diagnosed with wet AMD may need regular eye injections.
Dame Darcey Bussell is to step down as a judge from Strictly Come Dancing. She has been a member of the judging panel for seven series, having joined in 2012. Darcey said that she was 'not leaving because of any upset or disagreement' but, rather, 'to focus on other commitments.' She added: 'It has been a complete privilege for me to be part of Strictly, working with such a talented team.' It has not yet been announced who will replace her on the show. For most of her years on the show, Dame Darcey shared the judging panel with Len Goodman, Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli. Goodman retired from the show in 2017, however and was replaced with Shirley Ballas. Charlotte Moore, the director of BBC Content, said: 'It has been an absolute honour to have Darcey, a national treasure and British dance icon, bring her passion for dance and her graceful presence to the Strictly Come Dancing judging panel for seven consecutive years. She will be thoroughly missed by us all and will of course remain part of the Strictly family in the future.'
Fleabag will not return after the current series came to an end this week, one of its cast has told BBC Breakfast. 'There will not be a third series,' Sian Clifford said. 'This is it.' Clifford, who plays Fleabag's uptight sister, Claire, in the comedy, said the final episode would conclude with 'a beautiful, perfect ending.' Her comments echoed creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge's own declaration that Monday's climactic episode would be 'the final curtain. I have thought about it and there isn't going to be one,' she told the BBC earlier this year when asked if a third series might be made. Waller-Bridge is currently in New York performing the original one-woman play from which the TV series sprang. Fleabag's second series, which was broadcast on both BBC1 and BBC3, has captured the public imagination even more than its 2016 predecessor. Viewers have been captivated by the title character's tantalising relationship with a charismatic priest, played by Andrew Scott. That relationship reached a pivotal point at the end of episode five, leaving audiences eager to know what happens next. Clifford was giving nothing away on Friday, beyond saying that 'people will accept this is the end when they see it.' In the event, the last episode of series two drew slavvering reviews from critics and viewers alike. The Daily Torygraph described the finale was 'a near perfect work of art,' while the Metro called it 'a masterpiece.' Some worthless Middle Class hippy Communist at the Gruniad Morning Star claimed the second series 'raised the bar so utterly that at times Waller-Bridge's risks and progression were so impressive all one could do was shake one's head in appreciation.'
Lisa McGee's BAFTA-nominated comedy, Derry Girls, is set to return to Channel Four for a third series. The screenwriter revealed the news as the second series of the coming-of-age sitcom came to an end on Tuesday. McGee, who used her own childhood as the basis for the show, said that she was 'thrilled' her 'band of eejits' would continue their on-screen adventures. The show is set against the backdrop of The Troubles in Northern Ireland in the 1990s. She said: 'I love writing this show and I'm so thrilled to be able to continue the Derry Girls story, thank you Channel Four, Erin and the eejits live to fight another day!' The series two finale saw pretty much the entire cast going crazy for the visit of then-US President Bill Clinton - with the leading girls hoping to get close to his daughter, Chelsea - while James got a surprise and Granda Joe embarked on a mysterious plan. The episode attracted an average overnight audience of 1.1 million viewers. That figure is expected to rise once catch-up services are included, as the consolidated viewing figures for the first episode of the series were over three million. The Irish Times said the series two finale was 'a moving and significant piece of nostalgia.' The Torygraph described it as 'a terrific sign-off for a moving and uproariously funny show.' It picked up from the success of series one, which became most popular show in Northern Ireland TV history with more viewers tuning in to watch it than any other series since records began in 2002. It was also one of this blog's favourite TV shows of 2018.
Russell Brand's 'vagina biscuit bake' for The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer prompted a small number of viewers - with, seemingly, nothing better to do with their time - to whinge to Ofcom. Scruffy, foul-mouthed weirdo Brand, who made his appearance in the Bake Off tent last month, created a 'vagina' out of biscuits to 'pay a tribute' to the birth of his second child. Ofcom has confirmed that the episode received a whopping eleven whinges from humourless, tight-arsed viewers, who snitched it up to the broadcasting regulator like a - small - bunch of Copper's Narks under 'generally accepted standards.' However, the broadcasting regulator has decided that it will not be investigating these utterly ludicrous whinges. 'We considered a small number of complaints about comments in this charity baking competition,' a spokesperson for Ofcom confirmed to the Digital Spy website. 'In our view the remarks were light-hearted and not sexually explicit.' Tragically, Ofcom - a politically appointed quango, elected by no one - did not also take the opportunity to name and shame the eleven individuals with so little else going on in their lives that they felt the need to whinge about such utter nonsense. An opportunity missed, one could suggest.
A TV historian who grew up in the North East has spoken about the sick and wicked racist abuse that he suffered during the 1980s. David Olusoga was born in Nigeria and moved to Gateshead with his British-born mother as a boy. David and his family were forced to leave their home because of verbal and physical attacks by The National Front. He describes the experience as 'an extremely traumatic time' which scarred him and his siblings. But, despite the trauma, David says that he still has a deep love for the region: 'It comes down to a simple choice: Either I allow my experiences to define my relationship with the part of the world I was brought up in, the part of the world half my family comes from and where my grandparents lived and worked for their whole lives; or I don't, instead I define my relationship with the North East. I'm not going to have my relationship defined by a bunch of racist thugs.' Now, David is presenting the second series of A House Through Time, an acclaimed BBC4 documentary about a house in Newcastle. David describes it as his 'love letter to the North East.'
The actress Allison Mack has pleaded extremely guilty to charges linked to an alleged sex trafficking operation disguised as a mentoring group and now faces the probability of doing a shitload of jail for her naughty crimes. Appearing in Brooklyn federal court, Mack pleaded guilty to racketeering and conspiracy charges related to the 'suspected sex cult,' Nxivm. In a statement, Mack admitted to recruiting women by telling them they were joining a female mentorship group. 'I must take full responsibility for my conduct,' she said. Mack, known for the television series Smallville, is one of six people facing criminal charges as part of an investigation into Nxivm. The group, which started in 1998 as an alleged 'self-help programme,' claims it has worked with more than sixteen thousand people including the son of a former Mexican president and Hollywood actresses such as Mack. On its website Nxivm describes itself as 'a community guided by humanitarian principles that seek to empower people and answer important questions about what it means to be human.' Despite its tagline of 'working to build a better world' its leader, Keith Raniere, stands accused of overseeing a sick and sinister 'slave and master' system within the group. According to the group's website, it has suspended enrolment and events because of the 'extraordinary circumstances facing the company at this time.' Prosecutors allege that the group 'mirrors' a pyramid scheme, in which members paid thousands of dollars for courses to rise within its ranks. Raniere is alleged to be at the top of this structure as the only man, but Mack served as one of his 'top female deputies.' Female recruits were, allegedly, 'branded' with Raniere's initials and expected to have The Sex with him, as part of the system. 'Allison Mack recruited women to join what was purported to be a female mentorship group that was, in fact, created and led by Keith Raniere,' Richard Donoghue, US attorney for the Eastern District in New York, said in a statement last year. In court on Monday, Mack said she was 'instructed' by Raniere to 'collect compromising materials and images' of two women within the group, threatening to make the photos public if they revealed information about the secret society. 'I believed Keith Raniere's intentions were to help people,' Mack said in court on 8 April. 'I was wrong.' Raniere was very arrested in Mexico last year. His defence team argued that the alleged sexual relationships 'were consensual.' Mack had previously pleaded not guilty in April 2018 to charges including sex trafficking, conspiracy to commit sex trafficking and forced labour. She is now scheduled to be sentenced in September and will face a maximum sentence of twenty years in The Joint for each of the two charges. Last month the co-founder of the group, Nancy Salzman, also pleaded very guilty to charges of racketeering. She is due to be sentenced in July.
Someone else potentially facing time in The Slammer is Felicity Huffman who will, reportedly plead guilty to charges in a cheating scam aimed at acquiring places for children at elite US universities. The Desperate Housewives actress said that she had 'betrayed' her daughter and was thoroughly 'ashamed' of herself and the pain she had caused. Huffman is accused of paying fifteen thousand dollars to have her daughter's exam questions 'covertly corrected' in 2017. The fifty six-year-old is one of fourteen people set to plead guilty among the fifty charged in the disgraceful scandal. In a statement, Huffman said: 'I am in full acceptance of my guilt and with deep regret and shame over what I have done, I accept full responsibility for my actions and will accept the consequences that stem from those actions. I am ashamed of the pain I have caused my daughter, my family, my friends, my colleagues and the educational community. I want to apologise to them and, especially, I want to apologise to the students who work hard every day to get into college and to their parents who make tremendous sacrifices to support their children and do so honestly.' She added in the statement that her daughter had 'known nothing' about her actions: 'In my misguided and profoundly wrong way, I have betrayed her. This transgression toward her and the public, I will carry for the rest of my life.' The FBI code-named the investigation Operation Varsity Blues - named after a 1990s film about the pressures of sports scholarships. The case relates to the period between 2011 and 2018, when investigators say that rich parents tried to cheat the usual US admission process. They allege parents paid bribes, had exams altered and even had their children edited on to stock photos to pretend they played sports. Huffman and another Hollywood actress, Lori Loughlin, are the most high-profile figures indicted, but others charged include prominent business executives. Loughlin is accused along with her husband of paying nearly five hundred thousand bucks in bribes to get their two daughters admitted to the University of Southern California. They are not among those who have agreed to plead guilty and have not publicly addressed the allegations. According to a report on Yahoo News - admittedly not the most reliable of media sources - Loughlin 'didn't believe' she would end up doing time in The Big House. That's why, the alleged 'source' allegedly claimed, she and her husband Mossimo Giannulli rejected a plea deal. 'She has been in complete denial and thought, maybe, she could skate by,' the unnamed alleged 'source' allegedly told E! on Wednesday in that curiously tabloidese 'nobody really talks like this' manner. 'She ... thought the DA was bluffing. She was adamant she wouldn't do any jail time.' The report goes on to state that federal prosecutors have 'turned up the heat on Loughlin this week, slapping her and others in the case with additional charges of conspiring to commit fraud and money laundering.' Investigators say the couple helped to get their daughters in on rowing scholarships, even though neither student had ever actually participated in the sport. Huffman was accused of paying fifteen thousand dollars to William Rick Singer - the self-confessed 'mastermind' of the alleged scam - to have her daughter's exam questions covertly corrected in 2017. She has agreed to plead guilty to a charge of conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services mail fraud, AP reports.
Shila Iqbal has been fired from Emmerdale over 'historical offensive tweets,' ITV has confirmed. The actress, who played Aiesha Richards on the soap, was only made a series regular at the end of March. She said that she was 'terribly sorry' for using 'inappropriate language' in tweets sent in 2013, when she was nineteen. 'As a consequence of historic social media posts, Shila Iqbal has left her role as Aiesha Richards on Emmerdale,' a spokesperson for the show said. 'The programme took the decision not to renew her contract as soon as these posts were brought to the company's attention.' ITV would not confirm what she had actually said in the messages and the twenty four-year-old has deleted her Twitter account. In a statement, she said: 'I am terribly sorry and take full responsibility for my use of such inappropriate language. I have paid the price and can no longer continue the job I loved the most at Emmerdale. Although I was young when I made the tweets, it was still completely wrong of me to do so and I sincerely apologise.' She added: 'The only consideration I would ask is that I have recently received hateful tweets telling me that as a Muslim my Emmerdale role means that I am "committing sinful acts, promoting sin and deliberately going against the Quran." We live in sensitive times for members of all communities and especially those in multi-racial Rochdale, where I grew up. I regret that I too have let people down by the use of such language, albeit six years ago. I, like everyone else, have a responsibility about the language I have used on social media as well as in conversation.'
A television production company has been fined one hundred and twenty grand for 'unlawfully' filming expectant mothers in a maternity unit. True Vision Productions reportedly set up CCTV-style cameras in the Rosie Birth Centre at Addenbrooke's Hospital, Cambridge, for a Channel Four documentary on stillbirths in 2017. Although notices were posted in the unit, the Information Commissioner's Office concluded TVP 'failed to adequately inform patients.' The recorded footage was later deleted. ICO director of investigations Steve Eckersley said: 'Patients would not have expected to have been filmed in this situation and many will have been very distressed when they learned such a private and potentially traumatic moment had been recorded.' TVP set up microphones and cameras in the unit's walk-in clinic between July and September 2017. The hospital trust had given permission and TVP 'had posted limited notices advising of the filming near to the cameras and in the waiting room area and had left letters on waiting room tables,' the ICO said. 'The detailed investigation found that these letters did not provide adequate explanations to patients, with one notice incorrectly stating that mums and visitors would not be filmed without permission,' it added. Filming was halted after the BBC reported on 'concerns' expressed by some expectant mothers. It resumed - using different methods - and the documentary was broadcast in October 2018. 'The unlawfully obtained footage was not broadcast and was deleted,' the ICO said. It added that the original footage 'would have included the sensitive personal data of patients who could already be suffering anxiety and stress.' Cambridge University Hospitals NHS Trust said that it had 'agreed to participate' as patients said more needed to be done to raise awareness of issues surrounding stillbirth. A spokesman added: 'While protocols were in place to protect privacy, we acknowledge the ICO decision and we are sorry for any distress caused.' TVP, which is based in London, said it was 'disappointed in the outcome' and had made 'strong legal representations' that the ICO's approach was wrong. It added: 'We are considering the decision and the potential for an appeal with our legal advisors.'
Geoffrey Rush has won a defamation case against the publisher of a Sydney newspaper which accused him of 'inappropriate behaviour' towards a former co-star. Judge Michael Wigney said that he was 'not satisfied' the incidents detailed in the Sydney Daily Torygraph, published by Nationwide News, had occurred. He said that Rush's former co-star Erin Jean Norvill's evidence was 'inconsistent.' He also said that she was 'prone to exaggeration and embellishment' and described the story as 'sensationalist journalism of the worst kind.' Wigney said the billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch-owned tabloid had made 'a direct and full-frontal attack' on Rush's reputation, especially since it framed the story against the background of US producer Harvey Weinstein and the Me Too movement. 'The photograph and the headline clearly and spectacularly conveyed that Mister Rush was, effectively, guilty of that inappropriate behaviour and that it was sexual in nature,' Wigney said. 'I need only repeat here what I said earlier in that part of these reasons which deals with the question whether the alleged imputations were conveyed. The vice in the image and headline on the front page is that it effectively poisoned the reader's mind from the outset.' Judge Wigney ruled that Rush should be awarded eight hundred and fifty thousand Australian dollars and would be entitled to more compensation, the exact - presumably eye-watering - amount of which would be decided 'at a later date.' Rush was originally seeking more than twenty five million dollars in damages, according to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. Rush had previously claimed that his career had been 'irreparably damaged' by the newspaper's erroneous claims. The alleged incidents detailed in the Torygraph article date back to a 2015 theatre production of King Lear in which Rush acted alongside Norvill. Subsequently, the Torygraph whinged that they were 'disappointed' with the judge's rejection of Norvill's claims. To paraphrase Mandy Rice Davies, well they would be, wouldn't they?
An eleven-second clip of The Be-Atles' only live appearance on Top Of The Pops, which was believed to have been be lost, has been discovered in Mexico. The silent snippet is all that exists, visually at least, of the popular beat combo of the 1960s (you might've heard of them) miming to 'Paperback Writer' on the BBC chart show on 16 June 1966, introduced by a hyperventilating Pete Murray. The original videotapes were not kept - although a complete off-air audio recording of the episode has long been rumoured to exist in a private collection - but the short clip was recorded by a viewer filming their TV set with an eight millimetre camera. The footage was shot by a family in Liverpool and, eventually, fell into the hands of a collector in Mexico. The collector contacted Kaleidoscope, the Birmingham-based organisation specialising in locating previously missing TV footage. 'I think if you're a Beatles fans, it's The Holy Grail,' Kaleidoscope's Chris Perry told BBC entertainment correspondent Colin Paterson. 'People thought it was gone forever because videotape wasn't kept in 1966. To find it all these years later was stunning.' The band pre-recorded songs for Top Of The Pops on several occasions (a couple of which still exist in one form or another), but they only appeared live once, in June 1966, miming to both sides of their then current chart-topping disc, 'Paperback Writer' and 'Rain'. The performance itself has long-been a talking point for Be-Atles obsessives like this blogger. Around the time of The Be-Atles Anthology in the mid-1990s, Record Collector magazine claimed that footage from the episode existed in the hands of a private collector although it now appears that report was erroneous. In 2000, a BBC spokeswoman said: 'We don't know whether or not this particular piece of Top Of The Pops history has disappeared forever, but unfortunately there was a time when BBC programmes were not archived as carefully as they are today and some programmes were sadly lost.' As we all know and as has been discussed on this blog previously, at length. The rediscovered clip will be screened at the BFI in London as part of Kaleidoscope's latest Music Believed Wiped event on 20 April. Speaking about the discovery, Doctor Dori Howard, a lecturer in The Be-Atles and Popular Music at Liverpool Hope University, said: 'It's crazy, what are the chances? I would say it's a really big find.' That was Doctor Dori, there, dear blog readers. One imagines her lectures are mind-blowingly articulate if that's an example of their content. A previously missing episode of Top Of The Pops from 1969, featuring an early version of The Be-Atles' promotional video for their single 'Something', has also reportedly been recovered in Austria. The Music Believed Wiped screening will include highlights of around two hundred and forty musical performances that have recently been found by Kaleidoscope. They include Elton John singing 'Rocket Man' on Top Of The Pops in 1972, a colour clip of T Rex's 'Metal Guru' and a Slade performance of 'How Does It Feel?' from 1975.
Sir Mick Jagger has said that he is 'on the mend' and 'feeling much better' after receiving hospital treatment. The Rolling Stones singer and rock and/or roll icon has reportedly undergone heart valve replacement surgery. In a tweet Mick The Jag thanked hospital staff 'for doing a superb job' as well as fans for their messages of support. The band postponed their tour of the US and Canada after Jagger was advised by doctors that he needed medical treatment. US gossip website Drudge Report was the first to report that Jagger would need surgery to replace a heart valve. The story was also reported by the US music magazine Rolling Stain. The Rolling Stones were due to kick off a seventeen-concert tour in Miami on 20 April, before travelling across North America until a finale in Oro-Medonte, in Ontario on 29 June. The band are currently working with promoters to reschedule the shows. Jagger previously apologised to fans for postponing the tour, writing that he was 'devastated' and would be 'working very hard to be back on stage as soon as I can.'
Fresh off a best-selling capsule collection inspired by Led Zeppelin, sneaker brand Vans is 'paying tribute' to another rock and/or roll icon, with a new collection of shoes, apparel and accessories that 'pay homage' to the late David Bowie. The Vans x Bowie collection 'celebrates the late singer's artistic legacy,' allegedly, with pieces that 'reference the artwork' from some of Bowie's most iconic LPs, including Space Oddity, The Fall & Rise Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars and Hunky Dory. But, ironically, not Young Americans which, of course, was the one that had sole. Aw, come on, this blogger is working with limited material here, dear blog reader, give 'im a break. Prices range from twenty six dollars for an Aladdin Sane-inspired T-shirt, to eighty five bucks for the Vans x DB Sk8-Hi Platform sneaker - one of six sneaker styles available in the collection.
A GRAMMY-winning engineer has been ordered to pay Prince's estate almost four million dollars for releasing an unauthorised EP of songs by the late musician. Ian Boxill must also return all recordings he made with Prince. The ruling came after the engineer uploaded a song, 'Deliverance', to streaming services ahead of the first anniversary of Prince's death in 2017. He planned to follow it up with a six-song EP but Prince's estate sued, saying that he had violated his contract. A judge granted a temporary restraining order against the EP's release and an arbitrator ruled in the estate's favour last August, awarding them three million bucks for the breach of contract, with a further nine hundred and sixty thousand dollars to cover costs. The judgement has only just come to light, after US website The Blast obtained the court documents. The engineer has challenged the award, while the estate has asked the court to confirm the judgement. Neither motion has yet been approved. Boxill and Prince worked together on 3121 and Planet Earth in 2006 and 2007. According to the engineer, the songs on the EP dated from that period, and he spent a year completing them following Prince's death of an accidental opioid overdose in 2016. Meanwhile, Prince's estate has been slowly cataloguing and releasing rarities from The Funky One's 'vault', including an expanded edition of Purple Rain and the original demo of 'Nothing Compares 2U'. Last year, archivist Michael Howe told the BBC there was so much unreleased material to sort through that he had only been able to review 'a small percentage' of it in the last two years. 'I can tell you this,' he added. 'Everything that I was hoping was in there is certainly in there and many multiples more. Things that were only even rumoured to exist or that were completely unknown to anybody but Prince and whatever engineer was involved in the session.'
Astronomers have taken the first ever image of a black hole, which is located in a distant galaxy far, far away. It measures forty billion kilometres across - three million times the size of the Earth - and has been described by scientists as 'a monster.' The black hole is five hundred million trillion kilometres away and was photographed by a network of eight telescopes across the world. Details have been published in Astrophysical Journal Letters. Professor Heino Falcke, of Radboud University in the Netherlands, who proposed the experiment, told BBC News that the black hole was found in a galaxy called M87. 'What we see is larger than the size of our entire Solar System,' he said. 'It has a mass six-and-a-half billion times that of the Sun. And it is one of the heaviest black holes that we think exists. It is an absolute monster, the heavyweight champion of black holes in the Universe.' The image shows an intensely bright 'ring of fire,' as Professor Falcke (and Johnny Cash) describes it, surrounding 'a perfectly circular dark hole.' The bright halo is caused by superheated gas falling into the hole. The light is brighter than all the billions of other stars in the galaxy combined - which is why it can be seen at such distance from Earth. The edge of the dark circle at the centre is the point at which the gas enters the black hole, which is an object that has such a large gravitational pull, not even light can escape. The image matches what theoretical physicists and indeed, Hollywood directors, imagined black holes would look like, according to Doctor Ziri Younsi, of University College London - who is part of the collaboration. 'Although they are relatively simple objects, black holes raise some of the most complex questions about the nature of space and time, and ultimately of our existence,' he said. 'It is remarkable that the image we observe is so similar to that which we obtain from our theoretical calculations. So far, it looks like Einstein is correct once again.' Well, he was a smart guy was yer man Einstein, he certainly knew his onions. And, his theory of relativity, obviously. But, having the first image will enable researchers to learn more about these mysterious objects. They will be keen to look out for ways in which the black hole departs from what's expected in physics. No-one really knows how the bright ring around the hole is created. Even more intriguing is the question of what happens when an object falls into a black hole. A black hole is a region of space from which nothing, not even light, can escape. Despite the name, they are not empty but instead consist of a huge amount of matter packed densely into a small area, giving it an immense gravitational pull. There is a region of space beyond the black hole called the event horizon. This is a 'point of no return,' beyond which it is impossible to escape the gravitational effects. Professor Falcke had the idea for the project when he was a PhD student in 1993. At the time, no-one thought it was possible. But he was the first to realise that a certain type of radio emission would be generated close to and all around the black hole, which would be powerful enough to be detected by telescopes on Earth. He also recalled reading a scientific paper from 1973 which suggested that because of their enormous gravity, black holes appear two-and-a-half times larger than they actually are. These two previously unknown factors suddenly made the seemingly impossible, possible. After arguing his case for twenty years, Professor Falcke persuaded the European Research Council to fund the project. The National Science Foundation and agencies in East Asia then joined in to bankroll the project to the tune of more than forty million smackers. It is an investment that has been vindicated with the publication of the image. Professor Falcke told the BBC that he felt 'it is mission accomplished. It has been a long journey, but this is what I wanted to see with my own eyes. I wanted to know is this real?' No single telescope is powerful enough to image the black hole. So, in the biggest experiment of its kind, Professor Sheperd Doeleman of the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics, led a project to set up a network of eight linked telescopes. Together, they form the Event Horizon Telescope and can be thought of as a planet-sized array of dishes. Each is located high up at a variety of exotic sites, including on volcanoes in Hawaii and Mexico, mountains in Arizona and the Spanish Sierra Nevada, in the Atacama Desert of Chile and in Antarctica. A team of two hundred scientists pointed the networked telescopes towards M87 and scanned its heart over a period of ten days. The information they gathered was too much to be sent across the Interweb. Instead, the data was stored on hundreds of hard drives which were flown to central processing centres in Boston (the one in Massachusetts, rather than the one in Lincolnshire) and Bonn to assemble the information. The process was also filmed for the - highly impressive - BBC4 documentary How To See A Black Hole: The Universes Biggest Mystery (narrated by yer actual Peter Capaldi his very self) which was broadcast this week. Professor Doeleman described the achievement as 'an extraordinary scientific feat. We have achieved something presumed to be impossible just a generation ago,' he added. 'Breakthroughs in technology, connections between the world's best radio observatories and innovative algorithms all came together to open an entirely new window on black holes.' The team is also imaging the supermassive black hole at the centre of our own galaxy, The Milky Way. Which, surprisingly, is actually harder than getting an image from a distant galaxy fifty five million light-years away. This is because, for unknown reasons, the 'ring of fire' around the black hole at the heart of The Milky Way is smaller and dimmer.
The news of which did, at least, give the Metro a contender for the From The North Headline Of The Week award.
Meanwhile, the BBC News website has a delightful profile of Doctor Katie Bouman who led development of the computer program which helped to make the breakthrough Black Hole image possible.
A space phenomenon which saw the Moon apparently 'swallow' the gas giant Saturn has been captured in stunning footage. The celestial event saw the ringed planet eventually re-emerge from the other side of the Moon - completing a process called occultation. It lasted for an hour and forty four minutes and was captured by photographer Cory Schmitz in Johannesburg. Schmitz said in his post: 'The raw view through my planetary imaging telescope from South Africa of the Saturn conjunction and occultation by Earth's Moon.' He posted a standalone picture to Instagram with colouration showing Saturn and its rings in the background, dwarfed by the nearby Moon. This required two separate images to be combined into a composite, one taking coloured data from the planet and another from the Moon. Schmitz explained: 'It's a composite image made from two sets of RGB data, one for the Moon and one for Saturn. I had to make a composite image because the Moon is far greater than the brightness of Saturn. To get a decent image I needed to use much higher gain for Saturn, which would blow out the moon exposure. So the Moon and Saturn were processed separately and combined.'
New observations made by scientists using the Subaru Telescope in Hawaii reveal that auroras appearing at Jupiter's poles heat the planet's atmosphere to a greater depth than earlier believed. An aurora is a natural electrical phenomenon, which is also observed on Earth's sky, specifically near the Northern and Southern magnetic poles. Auroras occur as a result of interaction between the solar winds and gases in Earth's upper atmosphere, the magnetosphere. Auroras are characterised by the appearance of streamers of green, red, blue or yellow light in the sky. Auroras can appear in different forms, but tend to stretch from East to West, across both horizons. According to scientists, the same phenomena happens on Jupiter. The Voyager I probe was the first mission to observe the auroras on Jupiter in 1979. By the 1990s, scientists realised that auroras on Jupiter were actually much bigger than first believed. The images captured by the Hubble Space Telescope revealed that the emanating lights on the gaseous planet were thousands of times brighter than initially thought. In the current study, the team used the Cooled Mid-Infrared Camera and Spectrograph instrument installed on the Subaru Telescope in Hawaii to observe the heating and chemical reactions occurring on the gaseous giant. The researchers found that the heating caused by solar winds on Jupiter extends into the stratosphere of Jupiter's atmosphere, meaning that the heating on Jupiter goes two or three times deeper down into its atmosphere than on Earth. The team also observed that within a day of the solar wind hitting Jupiter, temperatures on the planet increased sharply. Changes in the atmospheric chemistry of the planet were also observed. 'The solar wind impact at Jupiter is an extreme example of space weather,' said James Sinclair, the lead researcher from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena. 'We're seeing the solar wind having an effect deeper than is normally seen.' The team hopes these observations can help shed new light on the evolution of planets and to help them learn more about the atmosphere of planets with harsh environments. The detailed findings of the study are published in journal Nature Astronomy.
The first privately funded mission to the Moon will attempt to land on the lunar surface this week. The Israeli spacecraft - called Beresheet - will try for a soft touch down, before taking pictures and conducting experiments. Until now, only government space agencies from the former Soviet Union, the US, China and India have achieved this. The mission has cost about one hundred million dollars, paving the way for future low-cost lunar exploration. Beresheet - which is Hebrew for 'in the beginning' - is a joint project between SpaceIL, a privately funded Israeli non-profit organisation and Israel Aerospace Industries. Morris Kahn, the founder of SpaceIL, told BBC News: 'The landing will be extremely challenging. But we've got good engineers, the spacecraft has responded well to our instructions over the last two months. I'm reasonably confident but a little nervous.' In space terms, the Moon is a mere hop from the Earth and most missions take a few days to get there. But the Beresheet mission, which launched on 22 February from Cape Canaveral in Florida, has spent weeks reaching its destination. Its journey has taken it on a series of ever-widening orbits around the Earth, before being captured by the Moon's gravity and moving into lunar orbit on 4 April. The main thing driving this has been cost. Instead of sitting alone on a rocket that would put it on the perfect trajectory to the Moon, it blasted off on a SpaceX Falcon Nine rocket along with a communications satellite and an experimental aircraft. Sharing the ride into space significantly reduced its launch costs - but it has meant the spacecraft has had to take a much more convoluted route. A soft landing on the lunar surface will be a major challenge. Key to its success will be a British-built engine, developed by Nammo in Buckinghamshire. The Leros engine has already provided the power to get the spacecraft all the way to the Moon, but it will also take Beresheet on its final descent. The one metre-tall spacecraft has to rapidly reduce its speed, so a final firing of the engine will in effect slam on the brakes, hopefully taking the spacecraft to a gentle stop. Rob Westcott, senior propulsion engineer at Nammo, said 'We've never used an engine in this kind of application before. The big challenge is the fact that the engine is going to have to be switched on and get very hot, then switched off for a short period of time when all that heat is remaining in its thermal mass and then fired up again, very accurately and very precisely such that it slows the craft down and lands very softly on the surface on the Moon.' The process should take about twenty minutes. All of the controls for this have been uploaded and will be performed autonomously - mission control will have to watch on. The spacecraft's first job on the surface will be to use its high resolution cameras to take some photos - including a selfie - and then send those back to Earth. It will then begin to measure the magnetic field of the spot it's landed in, an area known as Mare Serenitatis. Monica Grady, professor of planetary and space science at Open University, said: 'They'll be looking at the landing site really closely, which will help to work out how the magnetic measurements of the Moon fit in with the geology and geography of the Moon, which is really important to understand how the Moon formed.' The lander also carries a reflector from NASA, which help scientists to make accurate measurements of the distance between the Earth and the Moon. The mission won't last very long though - perhaps only a few Earth days. Temperatures on the Moon are extreme and as the Sun rises the spacecraft is unlikely to survive the heat. Beresheet is not alone in pursuing low-cost lunar exploration. Its origins lie in the Google Lunar XPrize, an international challenge offering twenty million dollars for the first privately developed spacecraft to land on the Moon. And, while the competition ended last year after no-one was able to meet its deadline (the foundation have subsequently announced they will award the Beresheet collaboration a million bucks for their achievement), other teams involved are also continuing with their efforts to get to the Moon. Both NASA and ESA have also announced their intention to use commercial landers to deliver scientific payloads to the lunar surface.
A new image of 'dust devil tracks' on the surface of Mars has been released by the European Space Agency this week. ESA wrote: 'Mars may have a reputation for being a desolate world, but it is certainly not dead: its albeit thin atmosphere is still capable of whipping up a storm and, as this image reveals, sending hundreds - maybe even thousands - of "dust devils" scurrying across the surface. These swirling columns of wind scour away the top layer of surface material and transport it elsewhere. Their course is plotted by the streaks they leave behind - the newly exposed surface material, which is coloured in blue/grey in this recent image from the CaSSIS camera on board the ExoMars Trace Gas Orbiter. Dust devils on Mars form in the same way as those on Earth: when the ground gets hotter than the air above it, rising plumes of hot air move through cooler denser air, creating an updraft, with the cooler air sinking and setting up a vertical circulation. If a horizontal gust of wind blows through, the dust devil is triggered. Once whirling fast enough, the spinning funnels can pick up dust and push it around the surface. As seen in this image, not much can stand in the way of a dust devil: they sweep up the sides of mounds, and down across the floors of impact craters alike.'
Venus may have once been a water-rich, Earth-like world whose raging volcanism morphed it into the overheated planet it is today. But it didn't become a nightmarish Hell-planet overnight. The fingerprints of its gradual shift may be present in some of the oldest surface features, hidden in plain sight. To understand what happened on the neighbouring world billions of years in the past, researchers are turning to tesserae, complex geologic features on the Venusian surface whose origins remain a mystery. Tesserae are broad plains where rocks have been folded and broken by geologic activity. 'On Earth, such deformation of rocks does not usually occur at the surface - instead, such deformation typically occurs at depth, many kilometres below the surface,' Richard Ernst, a geologist at Carleton University in Canada, told the Space.com website. Since the tesserae of Venus lie on, rather than under, the surface they must have been unearthed, Ernst said. Surface rocks above them could have shattered apart, revealing the tesserae beneath. Alternatively, interior rocks could have lifted the tesserae to the surface. In both situations, erosion of the tesserae would have played a significant role and that's what Ernst wants his fellow scientists to be on the lookout for. He presented his research in March at the Lunar and Planetary Sciences Conference in The Woodlands, Texas. According to Ernst, the tesserae'likely' formed during Venus's cooler period, when water running across the surface could have acted to erode the rocky formations. By hunting for signs of water erosion, Ernst believes that it may be possible to track the warming of Venus over its lifetime, confirming the theory that the planet was once a more welcoming place. 'The search for erosional features in tesserae terrains is a key test of a hyper-global warming climate change for Venus,' Ernst said. A potential sign of erosion on the tesserae of Venus. The arrows indicate the location and direction of what could be erosion by water. Today, Venus is a truly Hellish place, with temperatures reaching an average of eight hundred and sixty four degrees Fahrenheit. But at least one recent model predicts that, in its past, Venus may have been an Earth-like planet, with water running across its surface. What changed the paradisical world into a sweltering hotbox? Extreme volcanism. Volcanoes dot the surface of Venus, and much of its surface is young. Previous studies have revealed signs of features that resembled enormous volcanic features on Earth known as large igneous provinces. On Earth, LIPs result from enormous volcanic explosions with volumes of at least twenty four thousand cubic miles, enough to cover all of the United States to a depth of anywhere from thirty three feet to five miles. 'LIPs on Earth are associated with the breakup of supercontinents, catastrophic climate change including mass extinctions and also some major ore deposit types,' Ernst said. Volcanic eruptions dump gases like carbon dioxide into the air. On Earth, plate tectonics work as part of the carbon cycle to help remove the gas from the atmosphere and trap it in rocks. Venus, however, doesn't have plate tectonics, so the carbon dioxide levels continue to rise, triggering a greenhouse effect that slowly warms the planet. Scientists have already identified a major phase of LIP-style eruptions that took place about seven hundred million years ago, kicking off the rise in temperatures. We should expect the beginning of the major time of volcanism should be the beginning of global warming,' Ernst said. Because the volcanism can take anywhere from one to ten million years to heat the atmosphere, Ernst thinks that the resulting climate changes 'may' have been preserved in the tesserae. He believes Venus may host features suggestive of a water-rich past such as stream cuts, gravel deposits, mudslides, alluvial fans and deltas. If these features exist, why has no one spotted them yet? Ernst thinks that this is because no one was looking for them. 'The idea of erosion on Venus has always been hard to imagine given the present-day superhot temperatures and the absence of free water,' Ernst said. With the emergence of the new model predicting that Venus was once cooler and water-rich, erosion features become easier to envision. Ernst suspects that having a model in hand that allows water to have once flowed across the surface will lead to more researchers identifying erosional features. Enter tesserae. On a surface that was mostly recovered by volcanism, tesserae may provide some of the best links to the water-rich world of the past. They are among the oldest visible surface features and remain uncovered by the volcanic plains, Ernst said. The next step toward identifying signs of erosion is more detailed mapping of the features on Venus. Erosion features would support the idea that the planet was water-rich when young. Dating those features would allow scientists a glimpse of how the planet changed over time. 'If we are able to identify erosion in the tesserae then we are essentially confirming the [recent] model that predicts that Venus had an Earth-like climate in the past,' Ernst said.
Archaeologists have begun re-excavating a hidden Roman bath which was first discovered one hundred and thirty years ago. After its discovery, the site in Bath was excavated and then backfilled, with only limited records about its structure being kept. It is one of eight baths known as The Roman Baths and is beneath York Street next to the main suite. The work is taking place before the conversion of nearby former Victorian spa buildings. Stephen Clews, manager of The Roman Baths, said: 'The excavation of this bath is part of the most significant archaeological investigations to have taken place at The Roman Baths for more than thirty years. It is helping us to build a picture of what was happening on the South side of the site, where it has been very difficult to gain access in the past.' Excavation is taking place before the Archway Project, which will provide new surroundings for visitors to The Roman Baths. The scheme - carried out by Bath and North East Somerset Council - will also create a new World Heritage Centre for the city which is due to open this year. The excavation is likely to finish in May.
Rafa The Gaffer Benitez has urged Keith Telly Topping's beloved, though unsellable, Newcastle to be 'more competitive' in the summer transfer market after they took a big step towards retaining their Premier League status with victory at Leicester City on Friday evening. Ayoze Pérez scored his first away league goal of the season with a glancing header as The Magpies recovered from back-to-back defeats to move ten points clear of the relegation zone. Newcastle spent just over twenty million knicker last summer - plus a further twenty million notes in January, albeit, om one player - and manager Benitez, whose contract is set to expire at the end of the season, says they can 'compete' with teams in the top half of the league by 'doing the right things. You can do everything right with your tactics, but the other team has one player that can make the difference,' Benitez, whose side have moved up to thirteenth place, told Sky Sports. 'You'd have to pay thirty million pounds to buy a Leicester player.' The Foxes started confidently, having won their previous four matches under Brendan Rodgers, but they struggled to play through their disciplined visitors. Salomón Rondón almost handed the visitors a spectacular lead when he struck the crossbar with a powerful free-kick from thirty five yards. Newcastle remained resolute and were rewarded when Pérez scored with over half-an-hour played. The Spaniard rose well inside The Foxes' box to meet Matt Ritchie's pinpoint cross and nod the ball over Kasper Schmeichel. A narrow miss by Miguel Almirón on the hour after a fabulous solo run by Fabian Schär then heralded City's best period of the game. The Magpies sat deep, allowing Leicester possession in the midfield but making it tough for them to play between the lines. When Jamie Vardy's chance eventually came in the final ten minutes - as Youri Tielemans slid him through on goal - he appeared to rush his effort and lifted the ball high over the crossbar. Rodgers' first home defeat as Leicester boss saw his side remain in seventh, though eighth-placed Wolves are level on points with two games in hand. Leicester dominated the ball with more than seventy per cent possession but Newcastle restricted them to a mere five shots on target in the entire match. Martin Dúbravka saved well after a solo run by Harvey Barnes and a right-footed strike by Ben Chilwell as Leicester tried to force the initiative early on, but it was the visitors who posed the greater threat on the counter attack - and Rondón's fifteenth-minute free-kick almost brought spectacular reward. Benitez' side were rigid in their shape and targeted Leicester midfielder Wilfred Ndidi, who lost the ball nine times in the first-half, before springing clear in attack. Ritchie whipped in two testing crosses with his excellent left foot before Newcastle took the lead, as Leicester failed to heed the warning. The visitors pinched the ball deep in the Leicester half once more before Ritchie delivered an accurate cross for Pérez to convert for his seventh Premier League goal of the season - securing Newcastle's third win on the road. Over three thousand travelling Toonies made a Hell of a racket all night, with the players and manager saluting their contribution at full time. It was Newcastle's first back-to-back league wins on visits to Leicester in the top flight since September 1959 under then manager Charlie Mitten.
Cardiff City's relegation fears increased with a controversial two-nil defeat by relegation rivals Burnley on Saturday, while Southampton also took a big step towards safety. Burnley beat The Bluebirds with two goals from Chris Wood but at one-nil Cardiff were awarded a penalty for handball, only for referee Mike Dean to reverse his decision. Which, as you'd except, left Cardiff manager Neil Wazzcock with a face like a smacked arse. So, no change there, then. Cardiff remain eighteenth after the defeat but the three points for Burnley took them up to fourteenth, eleven points clear of their opponents. Southampton beat Wolves three-one at St Mary's Stadium with two goals from Nathan Redmond and one from Shane Long to move eight points ahead of Cardiff in sixteenth. Brighton & Hove Albinos are now seventeenth, five points clear of safety, after they were thrashed five-nil at home by Bournemouth. Albinos next game is against Cardiff on Tuesday in what could be the very definition of a 'six-pointer'. Lucas Moura scored a hat-trick for Stottingtot Hotshots in the Saturday lunchtime kick-off as his side beat already relegated Huddersfield Town four-nil. Elsewhere, Fulham, whose relegation is also already confirmed, won for the first time since January by beating Everton two-nil at Craven Cottage.
Police are reportedly investigating an incident in the tunnel after Barnsley's League One match against Fleetwood at Oakwell. Barnsley striker Cauley Woodrow tweeted that Fleetwood manager - and arch nutter - Joey Barton 'confronted' Tykes boss Daniel Stendel. And blood was, allegedly, spilled. Woodrow tweeted that Stendel had been left with some claret 'pouring from his face' before deleting the post soon afterwards. Sky Sports News subsequently showed footage of Barton attempting to leave the ground in a car - at speed - but being stopped from doing so by The Fuzz. A South Yorkshire Police spokesman confirmed: 'We are aware of something that has taken place in the tunnel after the game and we are investigating.' Barnsley said they were 'assisting the police with its enquiries.' BBC Radio Lancashire reports that Fleetwood have 'declined to comment' on the incident and no member of coaching or playing staff from either side was made available for a post-match interview. Barnsley had earlier moved back into the automatic promotion places in League One with four-two victory over ten-man Fleetwood who had Harry Souttar sent off for elbowing Cameron McGeehan in the mush during an aerial challenge. Barnsley leap-frogged Blunderland after The Mackem Filth were beaten by Coventry City in a nine-goal thriller at The Stadium of Plight. Luton Town remain at the top of the League One table despite their first loss in twenty eight games, a three-one defeat at fifth placed Charlton Not Very Athletic.
One of Luton, Barnsley, Blunderland, Portsmouth or Charlton will be replacing Ipswich Town in The Championship next season as The Tractor Boys became the first team to be relegated in the Football League this season after they drew with Birmingham City. The hosts went into the game knowing that anything less than a win would see their seventeen-year stay in the second tier come to an end, but they fell behind after just seven minutes when Lukas Jutkiewicz hammered home from close range. Gwion Edwards levelled for Ipswich straight after the break before Alan Judge hit the post for the home side. Judge's effort was as close to a winner as Paul Lambert's side came, as their relegation to League One was confirmed with four games of the season to go. It has been a dire campaign for the Suffolk side, who sacked boss Paul Hurst after just one league win from his fourteen games in charge. Replacement Lambert has been unable to turn the club's fortunes around and admitted before Saturday's game that relegation to the third tier, for the first time since 1957, had been hanging over the club's head 'for months.' The thoughts of former boss, Mick McCarthy, who left the club at the end of last season after Ipswich fans protested that, basically, they hated him and everything he stood for are not known at this time. But, they probably include the word 'bastards'.
League Two leaders Lincoln City became the first club to win promotion in the Football League this season after drawing with Cheltenham Town. The Imps, who have not played in the third tier of English football since 1999, now need just three points from their remaining four games to secure the title. Shay McCartan gave the hosts the lead with a powerful shot that beat Robins goalkeeper Scott Flinders at his near post. George Lloyd headed in a Chris Hussey cross to level for the visitors, but Mansfield's draw at Northampton and MK Dons' defeat at Tranmere meant that a point was enough for Lincoln to clinch one of the promotion places. Boss Danny Cowley has now guided the Sincil Bank side to two promotions in his three seasons at the club, as well as winning the Checkatrade Trophy at Wembley last season.
Atletico Madrid striker Diego Costa has been banned for eight games after being found guilty of abusing a referee. The former Moscow Chelski FC player was sent off by official Jesus Gil Manzano during Atletico's two-nil loss to Barcelona in La Liga. Manzano said in his match report that the Spanish international had 'insulted his mother,' a claim which Costa denied. The Spanish Football Federation did not buy his denial, however and the ban rules him out of Atletico's remaining La Liga fixtures this season. It will also extend one game into next season. Costa, who can appeal against the ban, received a four game suspension for insults to the referee and a further four for grabbing the official's arm. 'I asked the referee and he told me Costa said something to him,' Atletico manager Diego Simeone said after the game. 'Other players have said things and not been sent off but that does not justify what Costa did.'
A Fulham fan - albeit, one living in California rather than South London - is suing a state agency after he was banned from having the letters 'COYW' on a personalised car number plate, as they feared the slogan 'Come on you whites' had 'racist connotations.' Which, in some circumstances it could have but, in this particular case, it very definitely does not. University professor Jonathan Kotler that said he was 'shocked' and 'stunned' at the decision. Launching his legal case, he claimed the decision by the California Department of Motor Vehicles 'violated his right to freedom of speech.' And, his right to support a football club based eight thousand miles away from his gaff. Obviously. 'It's just a shirt colour,' he said. 'The people at the DMV are either extra thick or very PC.' Professor Kotler applied for a plate that would read 'COY-W' - an abbreviation of the slogan commonly used by relegation-bound Fulham football fans - and a hashtag seen every weekend on many Twitter posts about the club. The seventy three-year-old, who was born in New Jersey and now lives in Calabasas, has been a fan of Fulham FC for 'decades,' after watching a match 'by happenchance' during a visit to London. He claimed that he was, originally, a fan of both The Scum and Fulham, but chose his current allegiance in 2006 when both teams were in the Premier League. That, obviously, won't be a problem for the professor next season when Fulham won't be in the Premier League. So, he can go back to being a Red as well if he wants. Particularly as, given that he lives in California, that makes him virtually a local boy compared to the majority of The Scum's worldwide support. Professor Kotler, who teaches media law at the University of Southern California, put in his application for the number plate last year and had to include the reasons for his choice of letters, but it was turned down. The Department of Motor Vehicles said the 'COYW' slogan 'could be considered hostile, insulting, or racially degrading,' according to the US federal legal case. 'I sent them tons of material,' Professor Kotler whinged to the BBC. 'Press releases, stories from the British media, letters from the chairman who uses "come on you whites." I pointed out that many clubs in Britain are known by their colour - the Blues, the Clarets. Nobody thought the Liverpool Reds were Communists.' Well, as far as we know, anyway. He added: 'Even when I did it, it was the furthest thing from my mind that anyone would object to it. I was shocked, absolutely.' He said the club's owner, Shahid Khan, 'uses the phrase all the time. Half of the team are non-white. And it's just a shirt colour. It's got nothing to do with anything other than that. I decided this is crazy, this is enough. I can take it up to a point but this became personal.' Professor Kotler said that he travels to watch Fulham play in Britain on average around eight to ten times a season, often taking the eleven-hour flight on a Thursday and returning back in the US by Tuesday ready to teach his students. In his legal complaint, he is asking the court to declare the DMV's criteria for personalised licence plates 'unconstitutional.' He claims he has been deprived of his right to freedom of speech. The Department of Motor Vehicles says that it does not comment on pending legal cases. Particularly indefensible ones such as this. Licence plates in California will be refused if they carry any configuration deemed 'offensive to good taste and decency.' Albeit, 'deemed' by whom and usual what criteria, the DMV don't say. These 'deemed offensive' items include: sexual connotations, or terms of lust or depravity; vulgar terms, terms of contempt, prejudice or hostility, insulting or degrading terms and racially or ethnically degrading terms; swear words or terms considered profane, obscene or repulsive; configurations with a negative connotation to a specific group; configurations misrepresenting a law enforcement entity and foreign or slang words, or phonetic spellings or mirror images of words falling into the above categories. The number 'sixty nine' is reserved for cars made in 1969.
How many people can say they got their first international call-up at the age of forty nine? And of those - if there are any - how many can say they were spotted while playing a match on billionaire businessman Sir Richard Branson's Caribbean holiday island of Mosquito? Martin Smith, a plumber from Ipswich, would seem to be the only one. After playing in that charity game, he was thrust into the British Virgin Islands squad for their CONCACAF Nations League qualifiers against Bonaire and the Turks & Caicos Islands last month in Anguilla. Selected as reserve goalkeeper in those games he is yet to win a cap, but if he did it would make him the second-oldest international player in the world. 'I enjoyed playing but hadn't played for fifteen or twenty years,' Smith told BBC Sport. 'There were players there that played for the BVI national team and a week before this first game in Anguilla I had a call from the head coach. One of the English-based goalkeepers that flies in to play for the BVI had broken his shoulder and he asked if I would be interested in being back-up goalkeeper and maybe do a bit of coaching. It took me all of about twelve seconds to say yes,' added Smith, who played at a decent standard of non-league football in his native Suffolk. The British Virgin Islands is a British Overseas Territory, so people living there are classed as British citizens and anyone with a British passport is eligible to play for them - provided they meet residency requirements. Life away from the UK has always appealed to Smith - he worked as a holiday rep in places such as Tenerife and Majorca and did ski seasons in France and the USA. He moved to the Bahamas to work with his cousin five years ago, before getting a job a couple of years later as the plumbing supervisor on Branson's exclusive island. 'I'm still pinching myself now that I was involved with an international football squad,' he says. 'The week in Anguilla was an eye-opener. We were getting police escorts to the games, we had stands full of people and I had friends back in the UK who were watching it being live streamed. It was quite bizarre when we played the Turks and Caicos because we sung our national anthem, 'God Save The Queen', then they sung theirs and it was 'God Save The Queen' as well!' Though, probably not The Sex Pistols' version, one suspects. George Weah's final appearance for Liberia, against Nigeria last September, aged fifty one years and three hundred and forty five days, beat the previous record for the oldest international player held by Greece's Yorghos Koudas, who was forty eight when he played his last game in 1995. Smith said that his first day's training with the BVI squad was 'an eye-opener' as he chased men more than two decades his junior along the Caribbean sands. 'They say goalkeepers don't have to be fit and that was a lucky thing because after I tried to keep up with these guys on the beach for the first day, the next day was quite a painful twenty four hours for me,' he said. But that has not stopped Smith eyeing up a chance to stay involved in some capacity when they face Bonaire and the Bahamas in Group C of the third tier of the CONCACAF Nations League starting in September. 'They're very winnable games,' he says. 'If the other young goalkeeper's shoulder is repaired, I'll be seeing if they wouldn't mind me still being the international goalkeeper coach and be back-up.'
Guadalajara under-seventeen player Diego Campillo scored one of the luckiest penalties you will ever see during a shootout against Lobos BUAP in Mexico on Saturday. 'Incredible!'
Mind you, this isn't the first such occurrence. Take this similar 'look out, it's behind you' moment from 2017 when Bangkok Sports Club beat Satri Angthong twenty-nineteen in a dramatic penalty shootout which ended thus.
And then, of course, there was this one. What about that, Kammy?
Just one day after the news of the death of Liverpool legend Tommy Smith was announced, former England international Ivor Broadis has also died, aged ninety six. Ivor won fourteen caps for his country and scored twice in three appearances in the 1954 World Cup. Christened Ivan, the Londoner first made his name during the war guesting for Spurs, Millwall and Carlisle while a serving officer in the RAF. During his post-war club career, Ivor played as an inside-forward for Carlisle United (in two spells), Blunderland, Manchester City, this blogger's beloved Newcastle United and Queen Of The South. In a Twitter tribute, Carlisle described him as 'a true gentleman, a fantastic athlete and sportsman and a top quality journalist' whilst Newcastle also paid Ivor a moving online tribute. Posted to RAF Crosby-on-Eden after the war, Ivor signed for Carlisle in 1946. Although he was only twenty three years old, he was offered the player-manager's job and remains the youngest man to have held such a position in Football League history. He subsequently sold himself to Blunderland for eighteen thousand pounds, arguing that the sale was in the best interests of the club. Ivor worked as a football reporter in the city following his retirement and was England's oldest surviving international footballer. He lived with his family in the village of Linstock, near Carlisle. Last year he was made a freeman of the city. As well as his sporting achievements, Ivor was also recognised for his five hundred flying hours during the war. He helped return hundreds of troops home to Britain in his role as a navigator.
Mike Ashley's Sports Direct has whinged that the takeover of Debenhams by its lenders as part of an administration process is 'nothing short of a national scandal.' A bit like Ashley's own zero-hour contract malarkey at Sports Direct or, indeed, his outrageous mismanagement of this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United. The store chain rejected two last-ditch takeover offers from Sports Direct. Under Tuesday's deal, all stores will remain open for the time being, although some have been earmarked for closure. Ashley whinged that politicians and regulators had been 'as effective as a chocolate teapot.' Or, as effective as Steve McClaren was when Ashey appointed him at this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United. Point very much taken, sir. He also called for the administration process to be 'reversed.' Which, it won't be. Debenhams is the biggest department store chain in the UK with one hundred and sixty six stores. It employs about twenty five thousand people. Its lenders are made up of High Street banks and US hedge funds. Ashley whinged that reversing the administration process would mean 'a full, better and appropriate solvent solution can be found.' He added: 'This solution would include allowing myself and appropriate senior Sports Direct management access to detailed information to save the business for all stakeholders. The board of Debenhams and its advisers have sought to stifle and exclude us from their so-called process and have undermined and blocked our various offers of assistance as they carried out their underhand plan to steal from shareholders.' Sports Direct said that it had 'formally registered' its interest in buying Debenhams from its new owners. However, Chris Wootton, Sports Direct's deputy chief financial officer told the BBC he believed Debenhams lenders 'may already have a plan' in place: 'It's a case of the deal being done with a third party that keeps us locked out of it.' Oh, the tragedy. He said the firm was 'considering legal action' against Debenhams' board over shareholders' losses. Debenhams has passed through a pre-pack administration process. This lets a company sell itself, or its assets, as a going concern, without affecting the operation of the business. The lenders now take control of the business and will look to sell it on, while shareholders lose their investments. It means that Ashley's near-thirty per cent stake in the company, which cost about one hundred and fifty million notes to build up, is wiped out. On Monday, Debenhams rejected a one hundred and fifty million knicker rescue offer from Sports Direct, which was increased to two hundred million quid in the early hours of Tuesday. The higher offer was rejected because Ashley wanted to be chief executive. All Debenhams' stores will initially continue to trade, although about fifty branches had already been earmarked for closure in the future. Its lenders include Barclays and Bank of Ireland, as well as Silver Point and GoldenTree. As well as the planned closures, it has also been renegotiating rents with landlords to tackle its funding problems. It has not released a list of which shops may be shut. In February, it was revealed that the closure of twenty stores could be brought forward if the retailer took out a company voluntary arrangement, a form of insolvency that can enable firms to seek rent cuts and close unwanted stores. The company explained that its restructuring plans would continue and that, if approved, they would 'result in a significant overall reduction in the group's rent burden and underpin a sustainable future.' The stores will continue to trade as normal and administrators have confirmed to the BBC that customers will be able to spend any gift cards that they already have. Debenhams chairman Terry Duddy said: 'We remain focused on protecting as many stores and jobs as possible, consistent with establishing a sustainable store portfolio in line with our previous guidance. In the meantime, our customers, colleagues, pension holders, suppliers and landlords can be reassured that Debenhams will now be able to move forward on a stable footing.' A spokesman for the company's pension schemes said the schemes had been transferred to the newly incorporated company. 'Members can therefore be reassured that the schemes are carrying on as usual.' One major sticking point was that Ashley wanted to become chief executive. The hostilities became ever more acrimonious. At one point, he suggested two board members take lie detector tests. The lenders were also - rightly - suspicious of Ashley's intentions. 'If we give him the keys to the castle, he might change the locks,' one person allegedly 'familiar with the situation' allegedly snitched to the BBC. The new owners are already looking for a buyer, willing to take on the huge debts and liabilities of this household name. Debenhams has been struggling for a while and issued three profit warnings in 2018. It also has a debt pile of six hundred and twenty two million knicker. Last year, it reported a record pre-tax loss of four hundred and ninety one million quid. It later reported that its sales had 'fallen sharply' over Christmas. The scale and high cost of running stores as well as the investments needed to run a company in the modern retailing environment also put the company under financial pressure.
Twenty-year-old Sam Curran has become the youngest Englishman in a century to be named as one of Wisden's five Cricketers of the Year. The all-rounder was named alongside his international team-mates Jos Buttler and Rory Burns. England batter Tammy Beaumont and India captain Virat Kohli complete the list. Kohli was also named the leading cricketer in the world, while compatriot Smriti Mandhana was the world's leading women's cricketer. Afghanistan's Rashid Khan was named the world's leading Twenty20 cricketer for a second year running. Excluding 1918 and 1919 when schoolboy cricketers were honoured after the end of World War One, only Jack Crawford, who was nineteen when he was named as one of the five leading cricketers in 1907, was a younger recipient than Curran. The Cricketer of the Year award can only be won once by a player in their career and is based on performances during the English summer. Both Burns and Curran made their test debuts in 2018, as well as helping Surrey to win their first County Championship title since 2002. Curran scored two hundred and seventy two runs and took eleven wickets to be named man of the series in England's four-one win over India in September. Opening batsman Burns, who captains Surrey's red-ball side, was the Championship's leading run-scorer and subsequently made his England test debut. Buttler returned to England's test side in the summer and made his first century, as well as scoring three hundred and thirty six runs in England's fifty-over whitewash of Australia. He has scored more runs than any other England test player since his recall in May 2018 and is England's vice-captain in all three formats of the game. Opener Beaumont hit the fastest T20 century by an England women's player in June when she reached three figures from just forty seven balls. She averaged 50.22 from nine one-day internationals in 2018 and made back-to-back centuries against South Africa during the summer. India's prolific batsman Kohli, who was named Leading Cricketer for the third successive year, scored two thousand seven hundred and thirty five runs across all three formats in 2018 - more than seven hundred more than his nearest rival, Joe Root. During that period he scored eleven centuries in thirty seven innings and ultimately led India to their first test series victory in Australia. England's leading test wicket-taker, Jimmy Anderson and leading run-scorer Alastair Cook - who retired from international cricket in 2018 - are on the front cover of the one hundred and fifty sixth edition of Wisden.
Rugby Australia and the New South Wales Rugby Union say they intend to terminate Israel Folau's contract after a social media post by the full-back in which he claimed that 'Hell awaits' gay people. Folau, thirty (and, therefore, old enough to know better, frankly), has seventy three caps and was expected to play at this year's World Cup. But, no he won't. 'He does not speak for the game with his recent social media posts,' the governing bodies said. 'In the absence of compelling mitigating factors, it is our intention to terminate his contract.' Rugby Australia and the NSW Rugby Union said they have made 'repeated attempts' to contact Folau and he has failed to get in touch with either organisation. So, they then decided to sack him sorry homophobic ass and throw him in the gutter along with all the other turds, it would appear. 'Israel has failed to understand that the expectation of him as a Rugby Australia and NSW Waratahs employee is that he cannot share material on social media that condemns, vilifies or discriminates against people on the basis of their sexuality,' the governing bodies said in a statement. 'As a code we have made it clear to Israel formally and repeatedly that any social media posts or commentary that is in any way disrespectful to people because of their sexuality will result in disciplinary action.' Australia's sponsor, Qantas, whose chief executive Alan Joyce is gay, said that Folau's post was 'really disappointing. These comments clearly don't reflect the spirit of inclusion and diversity that we support,' the airline said. Folau, who signed a four-year deal with The Waratahs in March, escaped punishment for similar comments made last year, with Rugby Australia saying it accepted - but did not support - his 'position.' On Wednesday, he posted on Instagram that 'drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters' should 'repent' because 'only Jesus saves' and made similar remarks on Twitter. He sent a tweet criticising the Tasmanian parliament, which has become the first Australian state to make it legally optional to list gender on birth certificates. Seemingly, Folau, like many Christians is fond of quoting the Bible but a bit reluctant to follow the teaching of Matthew 7:1. Just sayin'.
Asher Budwig, the managing director of Lola's Cupcakes, says that the company has identified soft cheese as one of the products which 'might be affected by Brexit disruption as it is imported from Germany.
There is a new addition to the family tree: an extinct species of human that has been found in the Philippines. It is known as Homo luzonensis, after the site of its discovery on the country's largest island Luzon. Its physical features are thought to be a mixture of those found in very ancient human ancestors and in more recent people. That could mean that primitive human relatives left Africa and made it all the way to South-East Asia, something not previously thought possible. The find shows that human evolution in the region may have been 'a highly complicated affair,' with three or more entirely separate human species in the region at around the time our ancestors arrive. One of these species was the diminutive 'Hobbit' - Homo floresiensis - which survived on the Indonesian island of Flores until around fifty thousand years ago. Professor Chris Stringer, from London's Natural History Museum, commented: 'After the remarkable finds of the diminutive Homo floresiensis were published in 2004, I said that the experiment in human evolution conducted on Flores could have been repeated on many of the other islands in the region. That speculation has, seemingly, been confirmed on the island of Luzon nearly three thousand kilometres away.' The new specimens from Callao Cave, in the North of Luzon, are described in the journal Nature. They have been dated to between fifty and sixty seven thousand years ago. They consist of thirteen remains - teeth, hand and foot bones, as well as part of a femur - that belong to 'at least' three adult and juvenile individuals. They have been recovered in excavations at the cave since 2007. Homo luzonensis has some physical similarities to recent humans, but in other features hark back to the australopithecines, upright-walking ape-like creatures which lived in Africa between two and four million years ago, as well as very early members of the genus Homo. The finger and toe bones are curved, suggesting climbing was still an important activity for this species. This also seems to have been the case for some australopithecines. If australopithecine-like species were able to reach South-East Asia, it would change the way our ideas about who in our human family tree left Africa first. Homo erectus has long been speculated to have been the first member of our direct line to leave the African homeland - just under two million years ago. Given that Luzon was only ever accessible by sea, the find raises questions about how pre-human species might have reached the island. In addition to Homo luzonensis, island South-East Asia also appears to have been home to another human species called the Denisovans, who appear to have interbred with early modern Homo sapiens when they arrived in the region. This evidence comes from analysis of DNA, as no known Denisovan fossils have been found in the region. The Indonesian island of Flores was home to Homo floresiensis, nicknamed 'The Hobbits' because of their small stature. They are thought to have survived there from at least one hundred thousand years ago until fifty thousand years ago - potentially overlapping with the arrival of Homo sapiens. Interestingly, scientists have also argued that Homo floresiensis shows physical features which are 'reminiscent' of those found in australopithecines. But, other researchers have argued that The Hobbits were descended from Homo erectus but that some of their anatomy reverted to 'a more primitive state.' In an article published in Nature, Matthew Tocheri from Lakehead University in Canada, who was not involved with the research, commented: 'Explaining the many similarities that H. floresiensis and H. luzonensis share with early Homo species and australopiths as independently acquired reversals to a more ancestral-like hominin anatomy, owing to evolution in isolated island settings, seems like a stretch of coincidence too far.'
Wikileaks co-founder Julian Assange has been extremely arrested at the Ecuadorian embassy in London. Assange took refuge in the embassy in 2012 to avoid extradition to Sweden over a sexual assault case which has since been dropped. At Westminster Magistrates' Court on Thursday he was found very guilty of failing to surrender to the court. He now faces US federal conspiracy charges related to one of the largest ever leaks of government secrets. The UK will decide whether to extradite Assange, in response to allegations by the Department for Justice that he 'conspired' with former US intelligence analyst Chelsea Manning to download four classified databases. He faces up to five years in The Slammer if convicted on the charges of conspiracy to commit computer intrusion. Assange's lawyer, Jennifer Robinson, said they would be fighting the extradition request. She said it set 'a dangerous precedent' where any journalist could face US charges for 'publishing truthful information about the United States.' She said that she had visited Assange in the police cells where he thanked supporters and said: 'I told you so.' Assange had predicted that he would face extradition to the US if he left the embassy. After his arrest, the forty seven-year-old was initially taken to a Central London police station before appearing at Westminster Magistrates' Court. Dressed in a black suit and black polo shirt, he waved to the public gallery and gave a thumbs up. He pleaded not guilty to the 2012 charge of failing to surrender to the court. The court heard that during his arrest at the embassy he had to be restrained and shouted: 'This is unlawful, I am not leaving' as someone in the embassy pushed his ass put into the street. Finding him extremely guilty, District Judge Michael Snow said that Assange's behaviour was that 'of a narcissist who cannot get beyond his own selfish interest.' He sent Assange to Southwark Crown Court for sentencing, where he faces up to twelve months in The Joint. Australian national Assange set up Wikileaks in 2006 with the aim of obtaining and publishing confidential documents and images. The organisation hit the headlines four years later when it released footage of US soldiers killing civilians from a helicopter in Iraq. Former US intelligence analyst Chelsea Manning was arrested in 2010 for disclosing more than seven hundred thousand confidential documents, videos and diplomatic cables to the anti-secrecy website. She said that she only did so to 'spark debates' about foreign policy, but US officials claimed the leak put lives at risk. The indictment against Assange, issued last year in the state of Virginia, alleges that Assange 'conspired' in 2010 with Manning to access classified information on Department of Defence computers. Manning downloaded four databases from US departments and agencies between January and May 2010, the indictment says. This information, much of which was classified, was provided to Wikileaks. The US Justice Department described it as 'one of the largest compromises of classified information in the history of the United States.' Cracking a password stored on the computers, the indictment alleges, would have allowed Manning to log on to them in such a way as to make it harder for investigators to determine the source of the disclosures. It is unclear whether the password was actually broken. Correspondents say the narrowness of the charge seems intended to avoid falling foul of the US Constitution's First Amendment guarantee of freedom of the press. Assange had been in the Ecuadorian embassy in London since 2012, after seeking asylum there to avoid extradition to Sweden on a rape allegation. The investigation into the alleged rape, which he denied, was later dropped. Scotland Yard said that it was 'invited' into the embassy by the ambassador, following the Ecuadorian government's withdrawal of Assange's asylum. After his arrest for failing to surrender to the court, police said that he had been further arrested on behalf of US authorities under an extradition warrant. Ecuadorian president Lenin Moreno said that the country had 'reached its limit on the behaviour of Mister Assange' after he 'intervened in the internal affairs of other states.' Moreno said: 'The most recent incident occurred in January 2019, when Wikileaks leaked Vatican documents. This and other publications have confirmed the world's suspicion that Mister Assange is still linked to WikiLeaks and, therefore, involved in interfering in internal affairs of other states.' His accusations against Assange also included blocking security cameras at the embassy, accessing security files and 'confronting guards.' Moreno said the British government had 'confirmed in writing' that Assange 'would not be extradited to a country where he could face torture or the death penalty.' It comes a day after Wikileaks claimed it had 'uncovered' an 'extensive spying operation' against its co-founder at the Ecuadorian embassy. There has been a long-running dispute between the Ecuadorian authorities and Assange about what he was and was not allowed to do in the embassy. BBC diplomatic correspondent James Landale said that over the years the Ecuadorians have removed Assange's access to the Internet and accused him of 'engaging in political activities' - which is not allowed when claiming asylum. He said: 'Precisely what has happened in the embassy is not clear - there has been claim and counter claim.' Soon-to-be-former rime Minister Theresa May told the House of Commons: 'This goes to show that in the UK, no one is above the law.' Foreign Secretary The Vile & Odious Rascal Hunt claimed the arrest was 'the result of years of careful diplomacy.' He said: 'We're not making any judgement about Julian Assange's innocence or guilt, that is for the courts to decide. But what is not acceptable is for someone to escape facing justice and he has tried to do that for a very long time.' Press freedom organisation Reporters Without Borders said that the UK should 'resist' extradition, because it would 'set a dangerous precedent for journalists, whistleblowers and other journalistic sources that the US may wish to pursue in the future.' The large-chested actress Pamela Anderson, who has visited the embassy to support Assange, said the arrest was 'a vile injustice' which proved he was 'right all along' about the threat of extradition. Australia's Foreign Minister Marise Payne said he would continue to receive 'the usual consular support' and that consular officers will try to visit him.
The Home Office has grovellingly apologised to hundreds of EU citizens seeking settled status in the UK after 'accidentally' sharing their details. It blamed 'an administrative error' for sending an e-mail which revealed two hundred and forty personal email addresses - a likely breach of the Data Protection Act. One or two people even believed them. The department 'may' now have to make an apology in Parliament. In a statement to BBC Radio 4's Today programme, it claimed that it had since 'improved its systems and procedures' One recipient of the e-mail told Today that she was 'outraged' and was considering returning to Germany. The Home Office sent the e-mail on Sunday 7 April asking applicants, who had already struggled with technical problems, to resubmit their information. But it failed to use the 'blind CC' box on the e-mail, revealing the details of other applicants. In another message apologising to those who had been affected, the Home Office wrote: 'The deletion of the e-mail you received from us on 7 April 2019 would be greatly appreciated.' The government has already made an 'unreserved' apology after making a similar error with e-mails sent to five hundred members of the Windrush generation. The department notified the Information Commissioner's Office and made a statement in Parliament. EU citizens in the UK before Brexit can apply for 'settled status,' which allows them to continue to live and work in Britain after all this shit is eventually sorted out. Whenever that may be. Applicants and campaigning groups have criticised the system, saying it has proved slow and bureaucratic for some. Nicolas Hatton, from the Three Million group which campaigns for EU citizens' rights, said the incident showed the settled status process was not sufficiently robust. 'It feels like it adds insult to injury,' he said. A Home Office spokesman weaselled: 'In communicating with a small group of applicants, an administrative error was made which meant other applicants' e-mail addresses could be seen. As soon as the error was identified, we apologised personally to the two hundred and forty applicants affected and have improved our systems and procedures to stop this occurring again.'
A top cyber-security official has said Huawei's 'shoddy engineering practices' mean its mobile network equipment 'could be banned' from Westminster and other sensitive parts of the UK. GCHQ's Doctor Ian Levy told Panorama that the Chinese telecom giant also faced 'being barred' from what he described as 'the brains' of the 5G networks. The UK government is expected to reveal in May whether it will restrict or even ban the company's 5G technology. Huawei said that it would 'address concerns.' Last month, a GCHQ-backed security review of the company said it would be 'difficult' to 'risk-manage' Huawei's future products until 'defects' in its cyber-security processes were fixed. It added that technical issues with the company's approach to software development had resulted in 'vulnerabilities in existing products,' which in some cases had not been fixed, despite having being identified in previous versions. In his first broadcast interview, the executive in charge of the firm's telecoms equipment division said he planned to spend more than the two billion dollars already committed to 'a transformation programme' to tackle the problems identified. 'We hope to turn this challenge into an opportunity moving forward,' said Ryan Ding, chief executive of Huawei's carrier business group. 'I believe that if we can carry out this programme as planned, Huawei will become the strongest player in the telecom industry in terms of security and reliability.' However, Doctor Levy - the technical director of GCHQ's National Cyber Security Centre - said that he was yet to be convinced. 'The security in Huawei is like nothing else - it's engineering like it's back in the year 2000 - it's very, very shoddy. We've seen nothing to give us any confidence that the transformation programme is going to do what they say it's going to do.' He added that 'geographic restrictions - maybe there's no Huawei radio [equipment] in Westminster' was now 'one option' for ministers to consider. Mobile UK - an industry group representing Vodafone, BT, O2 and Three - has warned that preventing Huawei from being involved in the UK's 5G rollout 'could' cost the country's economy up to six billion quid and delay the launch of its next-generation networks by up to two years. Those already using Huawei's equipment have opted to keep it out of what is known as the core of their networks, where tasks such as checking device IDs and deciding how to route voice and data take place. EE used to make use of Huawei's tech in its 3G and 4G core, but BT is currently stripping it out after buying the business. The industry does, however, want to use Huawei's radio access network equipment - including its antennae and base stations. These allow individual devices to wirelessly connect to their mobile data networks via radio signals transmitted over the airwaves. The US has concerns about any deployment of Huawei's products. 'You would never know when the Chinese government decide to force Huawei to do things that would be in the best interests of the Communist party, to eavesdrop on the US,' claimed Mike Conaway, a member of the House Intelligence Committee. The Republican drafted a bill last year to ban the US government from 'doing business' with firms that use the company's equipment. It was later adapted to become part of the National Defence Authorisation Act, which was signed into law by President (and hairdo) Rump. The effect has been to deter the country's major telecoms networks from working with Huawei. The Chinese company is now suing the US government from vast oodles of wonga claiming the move is 'unconstitutional.' The congressman now has his sights on the UK. 'Obviously, the terrific relationship between the UK and the United States - English-speaking countries - is important to maintain,' Conaway told Panorama. 'But as a part of that we will have to assess what kind of risks we would have in sharing secrets that would go across Huawei equipment, Huawei networks. We can always share things old-school ways by ... paper back and forth. But, in terms of being able to electronically communicate, across Huawei gear, Huawei networks, would be risky at best.' This is a matter that crosses political divides. Mark Warner, a Democrat and vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, also cautioned against allowing Huawei to be part of the UK's 5G networks. 'I think that the consequences could be dramatic,' he said. 'There could be a real concern about the ability to fully share information because of the fear that the network that would undergird 5G in the UK, that there might be a vulnerability.' Doctor Levy, however, played down such fears saying that efforts to 'digitally scramble' communications meant that even if someone was able to intercept them, they would only 'get gobbledygook. Anything sensitive from a company or government or defence is independently encrypted of the network,' he explained. 'You don't trust the network to protect you, you protect yourself.' He added that despite finding 'vulnerabilities' in some of Huawei's kit 'we don't believe the things we are reporting on is the result of Chinese state malfeasance.' For its part, Huawei claims the Chinese government would never ask it to install 'backdoors or other vulnerabilities' into its foreign clients' systems and, even if such a request were to be made, it would refuse. Ding also dismissed suggestions that this commitment would fall by the wayside if the US and China were to go to war. 'We have a country here that virtually uses no Huawei equipment and doesn't even know whether our 5G equipment is square or round, and yet it has been incessantly expressing security concerns over Huawei,' he said. 'I don't want to speculate on whether they have other purposes with this kind of talk. I would rather focus the limited time that I have on making better products.'
The Chinese woman arrested after breaching security at Donald Rump's private club and resort, Mar-a-Lago, reportedly had 'a device used to detect hidden cameras,' other electronics and thousands of dollars in cash in her Florida hotel room, prosecutors said on Monday. Yujing Zhang appeared in court at a bail hearing in West Palm Beach, where prosecutors revealed that items found in her room included a signal detector – which is used to pick up the presence of hidden cameras – nine USB drives, five sim cards and a cellphone. There was also eight thousand bucks in cash and several credit and debit cards, according to the Washington Post. Zhang briefly gained entrance to President (and hairdo) Rump's Florida club and was found carrying a thumb drive containing malware, two Chinese passports and four cell phones. She has been charged with lying to the Secret Service. What she had planned to do remains unclear. 'She lies to everyone she encounters,' assistant US attorney Rolando Garcia said at Monday's detention hearing, the Post reported. But, he added there is 'no allegation that she is involved in any espionage.' The FBI is still said to be investigating whether or not she is a spy. Garcia said the government is 'not making allegations of spying at this time' but there are 'a lot of questions that remain to be answered.' Authorities said that Zhang entered the country on 28 March, flying into Newark from Shanghai. She went to Mar-a-Lago on 30 March. Prosecutors said she had no apparent ties to the US. 'Her ties are all in China,' Garcia said. The incident has sparked scrutiny of security procedures at Mar-a-Lago, where Rump often spends weekends.
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has criticised animal rights activists as 'shameful and un-Australian' after dozens were arrested in nationwide protests. On Monday, activists broke into abattoirs and chained themselves to protest against the meat industry. More than one hundred protesters also blocked one of Melbourne's main intersections, before many were forcibly removed. Morrison said that the activism was damaging to farmers' livelihoods. 'This is just another form of activism that I think runs against the national interest and the national interest is [farmers] being able to farm their own land,' he told radio station 2GB. He later called on state authorities to bring 'the full force of the law against these green-collared criminals.' Australia is second only to the US for meat consumption per person, according to the World Economic Forum. The nation's livestock industry accounts for more than forty per cent of its agricultural output. The protests took place in Victoria, New South Wales and Queensland and aimed to 'raise publicity' about animal treatment and the 'ethics' of eating meat. 'We want people to go vegan - we want people to stop supporting animal abuse,' one campaigner, Kristin Leigh, told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. 'Animals are suffering in ways that most of us could never imagine. It is not about bigger cages - it is about animal liberation.' Police said that thirty eight protesters were arrested in Melbourne. A further nine were arrested at an abattoir in Goulburn, a hundred south of Sydney, after chaining themselves to machinery. The Australian Meat Industry Council said butcher shops had been under a sustained 'attack' by campaigners. 'This has to stop and stop now. We need to look at the ninety nine per cent of people in Australia that are looking to and wanting to consume red meat products,' said chief executive Patrick Hutchinson.
A seventy-year-old man from Michigan was reportedly killed on Saturday when he hit a turkey while riding his motorcycle. Authorities suggested that the turkey 'flew' across a road in Oakland Township and hit the man so hard in the chest that he crashed into a guard rail. They said that the man lost his left leg below the knee in the accident. Emergency crews stabilised his condition at the scene and took him to the hospital, but he subsequently died from his injuries. Which is, obviously, very sad. Although, to be honest, this blogger is slightly more concerned by the fact that turkeys have now, seemingly, rediscovered the ability to fly away before cooking. 'I feel so bad for his family. I can't even imagine the pain they must be going through,' said Pam White, who lives near the crash site. 'To have such a fluke accident and to lose a loved one due to something like this, is unimaginable.' Officials said that the turkey was also killed on impact. Double bummer.
A British woman is facing up to two years in The Slammer in Dubai for calling her ex-husband's new wife 'a horse on Facebook, campaigners have claimed. Laleh Shahravesh was arrested at a Dubai airport after flying there to attend her former husband's funeral. She faces prosecution over two Facebook comments she posted on pictures of her husband remarrying in 2016. The Foreign Office that said it was 'supporting' the mother-of-one. Shahravesh was married to her ex-husband for eighteen years, during which time she lived in the United Arab Emirates for eight months, according to the campaign group Detained In Dubai. While she returned to the UK with her daughter, her husband stayed in the UAE and the couple got divorced. Shahravesh discovered that her ex-husband was remarrying when she saw photos of the new couple on Facebook. She posted two comments in Farsi, including one that said: 'I hope you go under the ground you idiot. Damn you. You left me for this horse.' Under the UAE's cyber-crime laws, a person can be jailed or fined for making defamatory statements on social media. Detained In Dubai said Shahravesh 'could' be sentenced to up to two years in prison or fined fifty thousand smackers, despite the fifty five-year-old writing the Facebook posts while she was in the UK. The organisation said Shahravesh's ex-husband's new wife, who lives in Dubai, snitched up the comments like a Copper's Nark. It said Shahravesh and her daughter flew to the UAE on 10 March to attend the funeral of her late husband, who had died of a heart attack.At the time of her arrest, Shahravesh was with her fourteen-year-old daughter, who later had to fly home on her own, it added. The chief executive of Detained In Dubai, Radha Stirling, told the BBC News website that both her organisation and the Foreign Office had asked the complainant to withdraw the allegation, but she had refused to do so. The decision 'seems quite vindictive really,' she added. Stirling said that her client had been bailed, but her passport had been confiscated and she was currently living in a hotel. She said Shahravesh was 'absolutely distraught' and it was 'going to take her a long time' to recover from her ordeal. Her daughter was 'very upset' and had 'been through really what you would call Hell,' she said. 'All she wants is to be reunited with her mother,' Stirling added. The fourteen-year-old was putting together an appeal in her mother's case, Stirling said. She added that 'no-one would really be aware' of the severity of cyber-crime laws in the UAE and the FCO had 'failed to adequately warn' tourists about them.
A suspected rhino poacher has been trampled on by an elephant then eaten by a pride of lions in Kruger National Park, South Africa. And, whichever way you look at it, that's not just funny, it's doubly funny. Accomplice poachers reportedly told the victim's family that he had been very killed by an elephant on Tuesday. Relatives then notified the park ranger. A search party struggled to find the poacher's body but, eventually, they uncovered a human skull and a pair of trousers on Thursday. The managing executive of the park extended his condolences to the family. 'It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it,' said the lion. 'Entering Kruger National Park illegally and on foot is not wise,' the park executive added. 'It holds many dangers and this incident is evidence of that.' No shit? Kruger National Park has an ongoing problem with poaching and there remains a strong demand for rhino horn in Asian countries.
A Taiwanese woman was reportedly found by doctors to have four small sweat bees living inside her eye, the first such incident on the island. The twenty eight-year-old woman, identified only as Ms He, was pulling out weeds when the insects flew into her eyes. Doctor Hong Chi Ting of the Fooyin University Hospital told the BBC that he was 'shocked' and 'stunned' when he pulled the four millimetre insects out by their legs. Ms He has now been discharged and is expected to make a full recovery. Sweat bees, also known as Halictidae, are attracted to sweat and sometimes land on people to imbibe perspiration. They also drink tears for their high protein content, according to a study by the Kansas Entomological Society. Ms He was weeding around her relatives' graves when the insects flew into her left eye. She was visiting the grave as part of the annual Chinese Qing Ming tomb-sweeping festival, which is traditionally observed by sprucing up loved ones' graves. When a gust of wind blew into her eyes she assumed it was dirt that had entered, she told reporters. But hours later, her eyes were still swollen and in pain, leading her to seek medical help at the hospital in Southern Taiwan. 'She couldn't completely close her eyes. I looked into the gap with a microscope and saw something black that looked like an insect leg,' Doctor Hong, an ophthalmology professor at the hospital said. 'I grabbed the leg and very slowly took one out, then I saw another one and another and another. They were still intact and all alive.' Doctor Hong added that the bees could have been blown inside Ms He's eye by a gust of wind and found themselves stuck inside. 'These bees don't usually attack people but they like drinking sweat, hence their name,' he said.
A Pennsylvania man allegedly assaulted an employee at a Giant Food Store in New Cumberland because he was, reportedly, 'upset' with the way his groceries were being bagged. Bradley A Bower was in the checkout line at the grocery store on 2 February when he became all stroppy and discombobulated when a cashier allegedly put canned goods in the same grocery bag as potato chips, in the process 'smashing' the chips, according to police. Bower asked the cashier to 'stop bagging his groceries that way' and, when he was leaving the store, he allegedly told the employee, 'Do you have a problem with me? Because I have a problem with you.' The cashier, who said he believed Bower was joking, replied: 'Do you?' That was when Bower grabbed the cashier by the neck and shouted 'You idiot!' The cashier told the police he pushed Bower away and other employees then stepped in between the pair. Authorities described the Bower as six feet tall, weighing two hundred and fifty pounds. The employee suffered bruising to his neck, police said. When police arrived, they viewed security video from the store and issued an assault summons for Bower. Police say that Bower told officers he knew he was in the wrong, but that he was 'having a bad day' and his chips being smashed 'sent him over the edge,' CBS affiliate WHP reported.
A British woman has been detained for removing tiles from a two thousand year old mosaic in Pompeii, Italian police have said. The twenty-year-old tourist was allegedly caught lifting pieces from a floor mosaic in the archaeological site House of Anchor. She is reported to have been with her father and sister at the time. And then, British people wonder why it is that the rest of Europe, frankly, can't wait to see the back of us. The site's manager said that the incident caused an estimated three thousand Euros worth of damage to the mosaic. The woman was charged with aggravated damage - and, being an arsehole - after she crossed a guard rail around the mosaic to take the tiles, police said. Pompeii is an ancient Roman city near modern Naples which was buried under four to six metres of volcanic ash and pumice after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in AD 79. You knew that, right? The excavated city, which was largely preserved under the ash, remains a popular tourist attraction to this day as a detailed insight into the everyday lives of its inhabitants. This blogger's been there, dear blog reader. It's very nice. However, because of its astonishing preservation, Pompeii has long suffered with light-fingered tourists pocketing relics as holiday souvenirs. Last year, a French tourist was pinched by The Fuzz, fined and given a suspended prison sentence after trying to leave Pompeii with a backpack full of ancient artefacts, The Local Italy reported. In 2016, an American tourist was reported to have taken a piece of marble off the floor of the House of the Small Fountain.
A man with a 'long history' of pleasuring himself in front of horses has been jailed for re-offending twice, just hours after being released. Malcolm Downes said that he had been planning to see his doctor for libido suppressing drugs but, instead, went to a field after being freed from prison. He was spotted on 18 February in Bransholme, Hull, by a witness who thought he was urinating the Metroreports. Prosecutor Neil Coxon said it 'soon became clear he was, in fact, masturbating.' He added: 'This activity went on for three or four minutes. His penis was exposed for about ten minutes.' During a police interview Downes told detectives: 'I was sat on a bench. I was feeling sexy so I started.' Downes told them that he 'knew what he was doing was wrong' but did not do it 'to draw attention to himself.' He was released on bail but, within twenty four hours, he was spotted by an off-duty police officer at the same field, doing the same thing. He admitted that he 'had a problem' but 'got a thrill out of it.' Downes, who 'only recently reconnected with family and friends after being shunned,' had twelve similar offences on his record. He also had nine breaches of an ASBO for masturbating in public which banned him from entering any 'field, stable or area that might contain equine animals' across Humberside. He has now been jailed for eight months for his latest offending ways. His lawyer, Stephen Robinson, said: 'The defendant is very disappointed to be back before the courts again for precisely the same sort of behaviour he's been convicted of in the past. The defendant was of the view he'd been doing quite well. He can't really explain it. He said he felt he was starting to conquer his demons. He is, he insists, very sorry for his actions.' Judge David Tremberg told Downes: 'You know you are doing wrong but you appear either unable or unwilling to stop yourself.'
Residents of an Irish village where Viagra is manufactured are complaining that fumes from a nearby factory are 'giving them a hard time.' Quite literally. For the last two decades, the pharmaceutical firm Pfizer has been producing the erectile dysfunction drug near Ringaskiddy in County Cork. Thanks to the close proximity of Ringaskiddy to the plant and its 'love fumes,' villagers claim that local men and even man's best friends have been 'superpowered with sexual prowess.' Speaking to The Sunday Times, local barmaid Debbie O'Grady said: 'One whiff and you're stiff. We've been getting the love fumes for years now for free.' Sadie O'Grady, Debbie's mother, likewise claimed it is, in fact, 'a blessing' for men who suffer 'problems in that department,' adding that there is definitely 'something in the air.' The widow continued: 'I'm a flirtatious woman, a lot of us are. You just have to have a spark, that's all. There's a lovely man waiting down the road for me.' Pfizer said in a statement that there were 'no hard feelings' and the 'stiff whiff' was nothing more than 'an amusing myth.' The firm added: 'Our manufacturing processes have always been highly sophisticated as well as highly regulated.'
Authorities say they have arrested a nineteen-year-old Florida man after finding videos of him hitting a young alligator and placing a cigarette in its mouth. Lee County Sheriff's officials say they received 'numerous complaints' during a crime spree on Fort Myers Beach in March, which led them to Phillip Kolbe Harris. Detectives searched his phone on 28 March and found three videos of Harris 'abusing the alligator.' That's not a euphemism for something else, just in case you were wondering. The News Press reports that the videos show Harris holding the two-foot gator by the neck, tossing it to the ground and pointing a handgun at it. Harris' star tattoos are visible in the video and he is heard laughing and saying, 'this is animal abuse,' in the video. Harris has had multiple charges laid against him, including burglary and grand theft since 2017.
Onlookers were 'left panicking' when a meteor exploded over Siberia on Saturday. According to the Siberian Times, the 'blindingly bright' meteor exploded with a loud noise at about 7pm, local time. It split into several pieces before disappearing over the Irkutsk region, East of Krasnoyarsk. 'I panicked as it sounded and looked like a plane on fire, I got really scared of the noise and shine it created,' said a local woman from Krasnoyarsk City. 'I pulled a phone out of a pocket, but it flew across the sky so fast that I only caught a long white trace it left.' Another resident of Krasnoyarsk described the meteor as 'resembling the light and sparks created during welding work,' while a third likened it to a UFO. Which, technically speaking, it was until people found out that it was a meteor. One man, speaking to the Sun, described it as 'the most beautiful thing' he had ever seen and added that he heard 'a loud boom' as it vanished - 'as if something was exploding in the sky.' You can watch a video of the meteor, here. This is the third major meteor event over Russia in the past four months. According to the Siberian Times, expert Viktor Grokhovsky from Ural Federal University 'concluded' that the recent fireball was 'a bolide' - a meteor which explodes mid-air before it hits the ground. He, seemingly, worked this out because the object, you know, exploded in mid-air before it hit the ground. 'Experts', eh? What would we do without them?
Dallas police reportedly arrested a woman for, allegedly, setting fire to an ATM on Wednesday morning outside a bank in Dallas. According to police, a woman set fire to the front doors of the bank and an ATM along an exterior wall of the building. Firefighters quickly extinguished the flames. No one was hurt in the incident.
A woman sought by authorities in Tennessee in connection with a 2017 murder was taken into custody on Saturday whilst armed and wearing nothing but a smile, according to police. Authorities were called to a Waffle House in South Nashville after receiving a report of a naked man and woman with a weapon inside the restaurant. Staff and customers were evacuated 'due to feeling threatened' as the woman, later identified as nineteen-year-old Montessa Tate-Thornton, waved the gun around in an untoward manner and 'acted erratically,' according to an arrest affidavit obtained by FOX17. Officers arriving at the restaurant found Tate-Thornton wearing no clothes and 'screaming, sweating excessively and making incoherent statements,'WKRN reported. She reportedly admitted to police that she had used marijuana and cocaine. Tate-Thornton had an outstanding warrant for first-degree murder and aggravated robbery in connection with the death of a twenty three-year-old man in December 2017. Besides the charges linked to the outstanding warrant, Tate-Thornton was also charged with possession of a weapon while under the influence, public indecency, being a felon in possession of a weapon and public intoxication. The other naked - male - suspect at the restaurant was identified as thirty four-year-old Larico Nixon, who was also arrested and charged with public indecency, public intoxication and being a felon in possession of a weapon, officials said.
A woman currently on probation for bestiality was reportedly charged with bank robbery on Monday in Ohio. According to local NBC affiliate WFMJ, thirty five-year-old Amber Finney was indicted by Trumbull County Grand Jury after allegedly robbing a Chase Bank in February. Police say that employees at the bank identified Finney as then woman who walked in and handed one of the tellers a note. The teller allegedly told police that Finney was carrying a large purse, was wearing a hood to obscure her face and said she 'did not want to hurt her.' The teller told authorities she explained to Finney that she could only dispense one thousand dollars at any given time. Finney apparently accepted the relatively small amount and then feld the bank to meet a man standing in the parking lot, according to the witnesses. Unfortunately for Finney, snow had freshly fallen and a series of footprints allegedly led police from the bank, through a series of backstreets directly to the home where Finney was staying at the time. She was subsequently arrested without incident. WFMJ also notes that thirty-year-old Richard Williams was also arrested and charged in connection with the alleged robbery. Additionally, an unnamed fifteen-year-old boy faces charges relating to the incident as well. In early 2017, Finney was arrested and charged with one count of bestiality after a viral video from New Year's Day of that year appeared to show her 'performing sexual acts' on a dog. Finney initially denied the charges, but eventually pleaded no contest and received a suspended sentence plus five years of probation for violating a recently-enacted city ordinance which makes it a first degree misdemeanour to engage in The Sex with animals. During her original interview with detectives, Finney claimed the video had been 'doctored' to make it look like she was having The Sex with the dog. The police disagreed. According to the complaint, Finney '[d]id knowingly engage in sexual conduct with an animal, or knowingly possess, sell or purchase and animal with the intent that it be subjected to sexual conduct.' The city previously passed the ordinance in response to an uproar after sixty one-year-old Salvador Rendon was charged with animal cruelty - and given a thirty-day sentence in The Joint – for allegedly having The Sex with two dogs in absence of any specific law against bestiality in the town. Aside from jail time, the ordinance mandates counselling and contains a provision which could prohibit an offender from owning animals in the future.
A Zambian taxi driver has reportedly sued his ex-girlfriend for a refund of the sixty seven cents he spent on her during their relationship. Gilbert Njobvu, a taxi driver, told the court that he had been living with Rejoice Musamba, for seven years. Musamba allegedly suggested to him that they should start a mobile money business and that five thousand kwacha (roughly equivalent to sixty seven cents) was needed. 'I started giving her some money and in September the figure amounted to three thousand five hundred ,kwacha' Njobvu stated. He added that in October, Musamba told him she was going to South Africa with her boss and when he asked about their savings, she told him to wait for her when she returned after two weeks. 'She did not stay in South Africa for two weeks. She came back after a week and a few days and whenever I tried to call her number, it was always busy and finally, she blacklisted me,' the taxi driver claimed. Njobvu finally confronted her and asked for money. Musamba told him to 'suspend' the business idea. She also told him that she could not give him back the money because she had loaned it out. Musamba then told the court that Njobvu was an ex-boyfriend and they broke up two years ago. She further denied being liable to the money or ever talking about any business. She claimed that when Njobvu proposed to her, he told her he was single but she later discovered that he was actually married. 'He used to pay my rent and meet all my needs when we were in a relationship, but I broke up with him when I found out he was sleeping with my sister,' Musamba said. The ex-girlfriend added that she once caught Njovu 'red-handed' having The Sex with her sister on Musamba's bed. 'When I broke up with him, he threatened me and told me he had spent too much money on me and I can't leave him. He told me to repay all the money he spent on me or he would have me locked up,' she claimed. Boma Local Court Senior Presiding Magistrate Sharon Sichone found that the taxi driver had 'no evidence' that he gave money to Musamba for her business because he had no witnesses or records and dismissed the complaint.
A reportedly intoxicated Spirit Airlines passenger in Orlando, lifted her dress and 'twerked' as she was in the process of being kicked off a flight to Newark, New Jersey. The expletive-filled outburst which was captured on video and shared right across the Interweb, came just after a flight attendant had asked the woman to turn off her phone before take-off. A flight to The Moon followed.
Seven juveniles and one adult have been charged with 'aggravated rioting' after a teen party was 'shut down' by The Law in Cincinnati on Saturday night, police said. Jasmin Marie Watkins, aged thirty three, has been charged with rioting, obstruction of justice and resisting arrest in connection with the incident. Police documents state that her 'aggressive behaviour incited the large crowd to further behaving in a mob-like manner.' The scallywags. She is also accused of 'threatening to harm' a police officer. Mount Healthy officers were reportedly called to Playtime USA around by the management of the 'recreation business.' Sergeant Greg Nolte said that the space had been rented for a teenage party and management 'became aware' of social media posts stating that someone was 'planning to bring a gun to the party.' Nolte said that officers responded 'as a cautionary measure' at first, then the management of Playtime USA decided to shut down the party with extreme prejudice. This 'pushed the large group of partygoers into the parking lot' where 'several fights broke out,' Nolte said. A mother called nine-one-one during the incident. 'My daughter just called me crying and screaming saying there's a real big fight,' the woman reportedly said. The dispatcher told her there were already a dozen officers on the scene. Mount Healthy police called for additional help from neighbouring police departments. Police have not released the names of the juveniles arrested or the details about the fights they say happened occurred. Nolte said some of the youths had their sorry asses taken to juvenile detention while those who had injuries were taken to hospital.
A former California middle school teacher claimed in court that she was 'pressured' into giving an eighth-grade student oral sex because she felt 'threatened' that the boy would 'expose their relationship' if she refused. Justine Karen Nelson, a married former teacher at Tenaya Middle School in Fresno, testified on Wednesday that she 'succumbed to pressure to be intimate' - including kissing and oral sex after exchanging nearly one hundred pages of Instagram messages with the boy, the Fresno Bee reported. The student was thirteen at the time, while Nelson was a thirty one-year-old mother of one who has acknowledged knowing their relationship was 'inappropriate,' but 'felt powerless to stop it' due to potentially losing her job and the custody of her child. A prosecutor disputed that version of events, asking Nelson to 'show proof' the teen had threatened her in any way. Nelson replied that she was unable to do so since the coercion 'happened in person.' Nelson testified that the eighth-grader came into her classroom at one point and pushed her onto a desk before kissing her, prompting her to scream his name before the teen ran off. Nelson said she hoped her husband, who also worked at the school as a gym teacher, would hear her scream, but he did not. When asked if she kissed him back, Nelson admitted it was 'possible.''It's a natural instinct to kiss a child who just pushed you down on a desk?' Deputy District Attorney Liz Owen asked. Nelson also testified that the student incessantly pressured her to give him oral sex. She then gave in to his demands at one point, saying she considered herself out of options. 'I just wanted to get it over with,' an emotional Nelson testified. 'I was so sick and tired.' Nelson denied having 'romantic feelings' for the teen, testifying that she 'just cared about him as a person,' according to the newspaper. The teen, who is now a sixteen-year-old high school freshman, testified last week that Nelson had initiated their relationship and invited him to her classroom, where she kissed him and, later, gave him oral sex. The sex act occurred several times, he testified, sometimes in the middle of the school day between classes and after school. Nelson is facing felony charges of lewd or lascivious acts with a minor and oral copulation and faces more than eight years in prison if convicted.
An Easter trio of chocolate ducklings have waddled into a Waitrose 'racism' row after shoppers allegedly observed that the dark chocolate figurine was branded 'ugly' while its white chocolate counterpart was referred to as 'fluffy.' Rather than, if you will, ducking the issue (sorry) Waitrose immediately apologised for its 'unintended slight,' withdrawing the eight quid ducks from sale once it was 'made aware' of the 'potential' for 'ulterior interpretations' while it redesigned the packaging to erase references. A Waitrose spokesman said: 'We are very sorry for any upset caused by the name of this product, it was absolutely not our intention to cause any offence. We removed the product from sale several weeks ago while we changed the labelling and our ducklings are now back on sale.' The chocolate treats are believed to be a seasonal reference to the Hans Christian Andersen tale of The Ugly Duckling.
Sometimes Christians seem to prefer whinging about shit and being generally unhappy in life, but that makes them 'a perfect target' for The Devil, Pope Frankie has claimed in a morning homily. 'Desolation is from the serpent,' who tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden and who 'always bites' when a person sinks in despair, Pope Frankie said at morning Mass in the chapel of his residence, the Domus Sanctae Marthae. In his homily, Frankie reflected on the first reading from the Book of Numbers in which the people of God, after escaping slavery in Egypt, lose their patience and complain about their difficult situation, 'worn out by the journey.' God punishes them by sending venomous serpents, but then offers an antidote - a chance at salvation - after the people recognise their sin of complaining against God and Moses. Which was nice of him, although some might regard the whole 'sending of serpents' thing to be a bit of an over-reaction of The Almighty's part in the first place. The sensation of 'being worn out removes hope from us,' Frankie said. Fatigue gives people a 'selective' memory; 'it always makes us see the bad side of what we are going through and forget the good things that we have received. When we are in anguish, we cannot stand the journey and we seek refuge either in idols or in grumbling' or in other ways that show nothing is pleasing or satisfactory, he said. 'This is the life of many Christians. They live by complaining, criticising, grumbling, [being] dissatisfied,' preferring to see everything as a failure or worthy of complaint, he said. Yeah, that certainly sounds like plenty of Christians that this blogger has come across in his time. They're quite a sight.
A university worker who killed his wife and then himself in a suspected murder-suicide was 'obsessed' with the size of his small penis, an inquest heard. Thomas Kemp was found covered in blood on 6 August last year after apparently falling more than seven metres from his second floor flat in Suffolk, the Sun reported. Suffolk coroner Jacqueline Devonish said that he also had 'laceration' injuries. Police forced entry to his flat where they found the body of his wife, Katherine, 'in a pool of blood.' Devonish said that Katherine Kemp, a cruise company worker, had 'defensive injuries' to her hands and 'significant stab wounds to the chest,' including to the heart and lungs. Doctor Michael McCullagh, senior partner at the GP surgery where the couple were both registered, said that Thomas Kemp first presented with mental health issues in 2016. He said Kemp was 'urgently' referred to mental health services in 2017 after he threw himself on the floor of the surgery during an appointment. Kemp said he felt it was 'not worth being alive' and started to 'strangulate himself with his tie.' Mental health worker Chantal Eoche-Duval said she 'assessed' Kemp after the 'meltdown' and he told her he was 'conscious about the size of his genitalia' and had been 'on the receiving end of jokes and digs about it.' He told her that he felt people at work made 'comments' about his size and he had 'seen escorts for reassurance.' Psychiatric nurse Julie Murphy said in a separate assessment in July 2018 Kemp told her he also had The Sex with escorts and felt 'guilty' about this. 'He went on to say he had told his wife about his use of escorts,' she said. 'However, it was unclear if he had told her the full truth that he had used them for sex or just that it was to reassure him.' She said he 'appeared to be suffering from a high level of anxiety. He did fear he would lose his relationship with his wife should she become aware of the full extent of his use of escorts,' Murphy said. In a statement, she said he had admitted becoming 'concerned' his penis was 'too small' as a teenager. He told her he had sewn a sock between two pairs of underpants to wear as 'a piece' to make it look like his penis was bigger than it actually was when he was younger. His father, John Kemp, said in a statement that his son 'thought the world of Katherine. He idolised her,' he said. 'They were so in love with each other.' His mother, Marian Mitchell, said Kemp was 'besotted' with his wife, adding: 'I cannot believe he would hurt her. It was horrible thinking they had both gone and Tom had been the reason,' she said. Suffolk Police said at the time of the incident Katherine Kemp's death was being treated as murder and Thomas Kemp's death was being treated as 'not suspicious.'
A maths teacher has reportedly left her job after a video emerged of her calling a schoolboy 'one of the stupidest, dumbest people I've ever seen in my life.' The teacher, who has (tragically) not been named, continued her rant on Snapchat, saying: 'Like this kid probably doesn't even know what two plus two is if his life depended on it – kind of dumb.' It's four, just in case anyone was wondering and their life did depend on it. Unlikely, this blogger freely admits but, you never know. The teacher used to work at Juana Ines de la Cruz school in Chicago, but has since left her post with a school spokesman refusing to say whether she was had her ass fired or had quit before she had her ass fired. The unnamed teacher also 'hit out' (that's 'criticised' only with less syllables) at two schoolgirls who were fighting over a boy, saying: 'Here we are. Got some weave in our hands. Cause this guy is worth it.' One of the girls she was referring to was the younger sister of Shanique Bradford, who believes that the video spread around the school after the teacher 'accidentally' shared it publicly via AirDrop. Bradford snitched to CBS Chicago that the teacher's rants were 'not right.' She added: 'The school is a safe place for students. It doesn't matter their race or ethnic background. She shouldn't be talking about kids like that.' A school spokesman said that they had 'undertaken a rigorous investigation' after being 'informed' of the clip, but said they 'could not comment further' on 'confidential remedial matters.' Well, they could, they just weren't going to.
A 'moron' robber, who did not put his balaclava on until everyone in the Betfred shop he was in the process of robbing had already seen him, has walked free from court. Teejay Bick, of Cardiff, admitted the offence at Gloucester Crown Court after he entered the shop in Cheltenham on 29 March last year, completely undisguised and told cashier Amy Forsyth a FOBT had 'swallowed' his twenty quid note. When Forsyth left the counter to take a look, Bick then pulled a balaclava over his face and demanded money, claiming to have a knife in his pocket. Prosecutor Virginia Cornwall told the court that Bick then 'struggled to adjust the balaclava so he could see out of it' and said that 'the eyes were in the wrong place.' Last September Judge Ian Lawrie QC deferred sentencing until this month, telling Bick he needed to 'sort himself out' and describing him as 'a moron,' while defence lawyer Steven Masih admitted that it was 'a really amateurish offence.' The judge noted that Bick had, nevertheless, terrorised the women cashiers in the Betfred and they believed his threat that he had a knife. The court was told that one of the cashiers, Leanne Wright, was pregnant at the time of the incident. Sentencing was deferred by the judge for six months to see if Bick could 'go straight,' tackle his gambling addiction and save two thousand seven hundred notes in order to pay compensation to the two staff members whom her had terrorised. Upon Bick’s return to court this week, Judge Michael Cullum said: 'I understand the position is largely positive.' The court heard that Bick's solicitors were holding the money that he had saved, which was ready to be transferred to the court to compensate the women and were provided with a letter confirming his attendance to Gambler's Anonymous each Wednesday. They were also told that Bick had completed a Construction Skills Certification Scheme and is now working as a builder/labourer. 'That employment has put him in a position where he's earning more money than he did previously,' said Masih. 'The whole issue behind his offending was his addiction to gambling, and he's positively and proactively acting upon the suggestion of Judge Lawrie.' Judge Cullum imposed a two-year jail term but suspended it for twenty one months. He said: 'It's quite clear he acknowledged this was a serious offence of robbery. You owed money to someone who would have pressured you, and chose the cowardly way of dealing with it by frightening a pregnant woman. That is appalling behaviour, which you recognise, that richly deserves a custodial sentence. Balancing the need of rehabilitation and punishment, Judge Lawrie must have concluded the balance fell in favour of suspending the sentence.' Judge Cullum then warned Bick that, if he were to breach the suspended sentence 'we're likely without hesitation to send you to prison.'
A Pennsylvania woman who appeared on a local police department's 'Top Ten Most Wanted List' was busted by Plod this week after she taunted officers in a Facebook post about her being on the run. Chloe Jones implicated herself when she commented on the 'wanted' post by the Greene County Sheriff's Office, writing, 'Do you guys do pick up or delivery?' followed by four crying-laughing emojis. Jones then got into an argument with other commenters on the post and claimed that she was at a hospital in Morgantown, West Virginia, WDTV reported. On Monday, officers in West Virginia were able to track down Jones, who was arrested and extradited to Pennsylvania. The Greene County Sheriff's Office thanked citizens of Greene County, Monongalia County 'and many others for your tips that lead to [Jones's] arrest. Ms Chloe Jones and her witty comments are taking a hiatus from our Facebook comments section due to the jail not having Internet for her to use,' the Greene County Sheriff's Office sneered. It was not known at this time what Jones had originally been so wanted for that she made the top ten.
A Utah woman allegedly asked police officers if she could smoke marijuana before they took her to The Slammer for kicking the windows of her boyfriend's car, all while being drunk on mouthwash. That is according to a probable cause statement from the Utah County Sheriff's Office. Police say that twenty-year-old Francesca Delfina Farias-Swenson was drinking mouthwash 'to get drunk' when she called her boyfriend to pick her up. While driving, police claim Farias-Swenson 'got angry' with her boyfriend and started kicking the windows of his car, damaging at least one window. Farias-Swenson's boyfriend decided to take Farias-Swenson to her parent's house, but when they arrived, police say she started kicking the windows again and her parents would not let her inside. Police were called and found Farias-Swenson 'walking down a road with her feet bleeding from the broken window glass.' She had a bottle of mouthwash with her and told officers she had been drinking it. Before police took her to jail, they claim Farias-Swenson asked them if she could 'smoke a bowl of marijuana.' Subsequently contacted by Salt Lake City KUTV News, Farias-Swenson said that she was not drinking mouthwash but was, actually, drinking tequila. She added that she does not have a boyfriend and that the man involved in the incident is 'a good friend.' She agreed that she asked police to 'load me a bowl because I was in cuffs.' Farias-Swenson posted on social media that the story by officers was 'a fucking lie.'
From The North's Headline Of The Week award goes to Metro's Having Sex Hurt So Much That I Thought My Vagina Was Broken. Although, ultimately, it's the fact that the piece was written by one Fran Bushe that makes it art.
The week began badly for this blogger when he only went and stubbed his toe - really hard - against a balustrade in Stately Telly Topping Manor and then did what the Queen does whenever she hits her thumb with a hammer; 'a short, informal walkabout.' Thankfully, the offending digit is not broken dear blog reader, this blogger is able to jiggle it about a bit. But, as this photo may suggest, it does rather knack like Jim-buggery. So, that was Monday written off!

'The Night King has your dragon. He's one of them now. The Wall has fallen. The dead march South.' So, dear blog readers, congratulations to everyone in the UK with access to Sky who - like this blogger - was daft enough to stay up into the wee small early hours of Monday morning to watch the opening episode of Game Of Thrones' eighth and final series. An episode which some lady of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star described as 'like a Greatest Hits episode, with brothel scenes, incest and reunions galore.' This blogger thought that the episode - with its redolent themes of reunion and consequence - was great, incidentally. No surprise there, then. Other - mostly gushing - reviews of the episode can be found here. And here. And here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. And, probably at an Interweb full of other places too. Use your search browsers wisely, dear blog reader. There's also a useful round-up of various soundbites and people you've never heard of 'OMGing' on Twitter, here.
The first episode of the much-anticipated final series of Game Of Thrones was set to premiere on Sunday night at 9pm EST on HBO (or, for those of us not in America, at 2am GMT on Sky). But, some lucky fans reportedly got their hands on it a bit early. Hours before the premiere, the episode was live for some users on DirecTV Now, before it was hurriedly taken down. Reports first surfaced that the episode was on the AT&T-owned service around 5pm EST on Sunday, with some users reporting that they received a 'push notification' that the episode was ready to be viewed. 'Apparently our system was as excited as we are for Game Of Thrones tonight and gave a few DirecTV Now customers early access to the episode by mistake. When we became aware of the error, we immediately fixed it and we look forward to tuning in this evening,' a representative for AT&T said.
A UK audience of around 2.3 million watched the premiere of the final series of Game Of Thrones on Monday. That was the total number of viewers who either watched it live when it was first broadcast at 2am (like this blogger), or who viewed a recording later on Monday. The start time was a result of the episode being simultcast with its US premiere. Despite warnings from the Daily Lies, which used Monday's front page to declare - entirely wrongly - that 'millions of Britons will call in sick' after staying up late to watch the episode, it seems that only a relatively small number elected to forgo sleep in order to watch it. Instead, most viewers - far more sensible ones than this blogger, clearly - chose to wait and view the programme during the day. Sky Atlantic's repeat of the episode on Monday night attracted a further seven hundred thousand overnight punters. That was the first British scheduled broadcast of the programme in prime time and the audience has seen a twelve per cent rise from the previously record-breaking finale of series seven in 2017. The series eight premiere was watched by 17.4 million US viewers, the Los Angeles Times has reported. Many more UK viewers are expected to watch the episode on catch-up or video-on-demand in the coming days, while the figures do not take into account individuals who watch the series via Sky's Now TV service, which can be bought by people without a full Sky package. The viewing figures, of course, also do not account for those who will have watched the episode illegally - with some reports suggesting that as many as one hundred and twenty thousand bad, naughty types are sharing versions of the episode online. They enjoyed a better experience than viewers in China, who complained that 'six minutes of sex and violence' were cut from the episode at the whim of the country's censors. Which, presumably, means that Jerome Flynn and his trio of lady-friends disappeared from the episode entirely.
This blogger was not exactly surprised but was, undeniably, more than a bit saddened to read a couple of threads on Facebook this week from people (including one or two whom this blogger had always really rather respected) apparently celebrating the fact that they had never, not never, watched a single episode of Game Of Thrones. Personally, this blogger would like to confirm that he has never roller-skated on the surface of The Moon. Or, indeed, scored a hat-trick at Wembley after licking the chocolate off a dozen Mars' Bars. He'd like to have done both, though. This blogger has to confess, he's never understood the rationale behind, seemingly, taking delight in bragging about something one hasn't done rather than something one has. Not that there is anything, necessarily, wrong with someone never having watched an episode of Game Of Thrones, of course. But, most of these threads also contained a few stray comments which indicated that some of those contributing considered the popular adult fantasy drama to be both 'over-rated' and 'shit'. Quite how any of these people knew either of those things to be true if, indeed, they really have never watched a single episode, they spectacularly failed to explain. Despite a couple of direct queries being asked about exactly that apparent conundrum. Some of the sneering displayed in such threads did, rather, remind this blogger of some similar threads from last year before and during the World Cup from a handful of people who were, seemingly, similarly desperate to let anyone that was interested - and, indeed, anyone that wasn't - know they really didn't like football. And that, as a consequence, they would be spending the next month generally scowling and snarling at any poor miscreant who happened to mention the damn thing in their general vicinity whilst feeling an, apparent, sense of moral superiority because they didn't like something which lots of other people did. Which prompted at least one responder - not this blogger, just to make that very clear - to enquire if they 'wanted a fucking medal' for their lack of interest in - and haughty disdain for - something which other people happened to enjoy. 'I like being different' is one thing; 'I'm going to celebrate my "difference" by deliberately pissing off people that I'm different from by sneering at them about how much better than them I am because I don't like what they do' is, this blogger would suggest, quite another. This blogger feels, however, that the saddest aspect of the recent, 'I've never watched any of that there Game Of Thrones, me' malarkey has been the large percentage of such claimants who are known (and active) members of fandoms of other popular TV series. And, one in particular! All of which does, rather invite the observation in response to any bafflement at other people finding enjoyment in what is, essentially, 'I, Claudius with dragons,' something along the lines of '... and, you're so smart in your own viewing habits, because ... ?' This blogger, it should be noted, didn't get into Game Of Thrones himself until Christmas 2015 (although he had seen a handful of episodes for that) when he finally decided to find out what lots of his friends had been enthusing about for four years and bought a box-set (cheap on e-Bay, let it be noted). And then binge-watched five full series worth of sixty episodes in about four or five days. Then he sort of understood what all the fuss had been about. The point, dear blog reader, is that not watching something does not make one a foolish fool but it does not, necessarily, make one a gloriously insightful sexy golden God either. Neither does the latter apply to anyone who deliberately does not watch something that they could watch but choose not to largely on the grounds that because lots of other people like it, they intend not to on general, sour-faced principle. As for the 'foolish fools' bit, this blogger couldn't possibly comment. Well, he could, but he's not going to. Here endeth this week's From The North editorial whinge!
The Kingslayer's golden hair was a signature part of his look, but Nikolaj Coster-Waldau wanted to trick the Game Of Thrones crew into thinking he'd done to his hair what someone once did to his hand and chopped it off. 'There'd been a lot of talk about Jaime's hair in the early seasons – his long golden locks,' Nik told the Digital Spy website. 'Once he lost his hand, I thought he should maybe have a haircut. And then I thought, "Why don't I just pretend?" This is five, six seasons ago - I sent them an old picture where I had a buzz cut,' he continued. 'I sent a long letter where I explained I'd taken control of my character and I want to be respected. I said that my integrity as an artist was at stake.' Coster-Waldau did not get a response immediately, but he did get a frantic call from an assistant director as he made his way back to Belfast to film again. Apparently, the head hairstylist was already rushing to create a makeshift wig. At this point, the actor revealed that he was joking about his makeover. 'They all believed it,' he said, but not everyone was laughing. 'They'd also called my manager. HBO had started to talk about suing me and it had gotten out of control.'
As noted in the last From The North update, dear blog reader, this blogger does not intend to review any episodes of the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve currently showing in the US until the episodes become widely available in Britain (probably in late May or early June) for fear of spoiling anyone who wants not to be spoiled. However, if you're not bothered about any such spoilerising then, reviews of episode two are extremely available here, at the Torygraph for example. And, here, here, here and here. Avoid all of these like The Plague if you want to remain unspoilerised, obviously. This blogger will merely - in a wholly non-spoilerising way - congratulate the production on managing to make Basildon exactly like the shitehole this blogger has always found it to be on his two visits there. Oh and this blogger will also note that Keith Telly Topping thought it was great. Though, that's not really a spoiler, per se, more a universal constant.
And, in possibly the least unexpected bit of broadcasting news of the year so far, it was announced over the weekend that Killing Eve is set to return for a third series. Well, of course it is. Charlotte Moore, the BBC's Director of Content, said: 'It's fantastic news that there will be a third series of this award-winning hit drama and we're delighted UK audiences will be able to see Killing Eve exclusively on the BBC. In the mean-time Villanelle and Eve will be returning to BBC1 and BBC iPlayer for a second series soon.' Ish. Series three will be executive produced by Sally Woodward Gentle and Fleabag creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who adapted the books for series one.
The latest episode of From The North's current favourite TV show on the planet, Doom Patrol - Jane Patrol - was a truly remarkable exploration of abuse survival and mental fragmentation, based heavily on an issue of Grant Morrison's legendary run of the comic during the late 1980s (Going Underground). It was, as with the previous eight episodes of this astonishing adaptation, funny, horrific, mind-bendingly surreal and not far off being indescribable. So, this blogger won't even attempt to do so. Instead, he'll leave that to others. 'Dark and poignant,' according to Den of Geek!'Complex and haunting,' noted Superherohype. 'Exploring the psyche, the spiritual and the meaning of individuality as it does, the show is one of the most challenging and socially conscious superhero dramas out there,' opined Fansided. So, not indescribable, then. Just ... great.
The trailer for the next Doom Patrol episode, meanwhile, will see Vic and Rita face another classic Grant Morrison character, The Beard Hunter, who has been activated by The Bureau Of Normalcy to find Niles Caulder. One imagines it can't be long before Red Jack, The Brotherhood Of Dada and The Brain and Monsieur Mallah show up to the Doom Patrol party. Which will be nice if an when it happens.
Sunday's third episode of Line Of Duty's fifth series continues to slap regular viewers in the face. With really obvious - and, hopefully, entirely red-herringish - suggestions that fan favourite Ted Hastings (the great Adrian Dunbar) may not be the Olympian honest copper we all previously thought but, rather, a corrupt, murdering bastard. The usual - borderline-fannish - reviews of the episode at the Gruniad, the Independent and the Torygraph are available. As is one from the Radio Times. Although dear blog readers are advised that the latter contains reporting of the witless bleatings of various people that you've never heard of on Twitter. So, you might want to avoid that one if you want to retain your sanity.
Again, this isn't exactly a spoiler, but this blogger could not let the opportunity pass to express his admiration for how utterly superb long time From The North favourite Stephen Graham is in this year's Line Of Duty. In what could have been a rather obvious scenery-chewing role in lesser hands, Graham's John Corbett is a beautifully nuanced realisation of a man, quite literally, on the edge. But then, this is Stephen Graham we're talking about, what would you really expect?
For this week's entry in From The North's Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes, we have number six: Lonnie Donegan's 'Gamblin' Man' making a surprise appearance in the latest episode of The Blacklist, Lady Luck.
'Its impact on British pop music cannot be under-estimated; The Beatles, The Stones, The Who, Led Zeppelin, David Bowie all began playing skiffle.' And, speaking of Lonnie his very self, this blogger had always been a big of Billy Bragg. But, he must place on record how twenty four-carat excellent The Bard Of Barking's BBC4 documentary Rock Island Line: The Song That Made Britain Rock was. Thoughtful, passionate, witty and with a splash of - not entirely unexpected - politics included, it was another of BBC4's impressive contributions to the rock-doc genre that was a notch or two above the norm. Reviews can be found here, here and here and, if you missed it on Friday evening, dear blog reader, keep your eye on the BBC4 schedules on any forthcoming repeat. You will not regret it, trust yer actual Keith Telly Topping on that score.
And, then there's Songs This Blogger Really Likes Turning Up On The Soundtrack Of TV Series This Blogger Also Really Likes. Number seven: Lou Reed's 'Vicious' used in the latest episode of American Gods.
Really jolly splendid episode - Donar, The Great - it was too. As you can read all about it, dear blog reader, here, here, here, here and here. But, only if you don't want to have your very selves spoilerised, of course.
In this week's second semi-final of Only Connect dear blog reader, once again, this blogger managed to get the answer to two questions - both in the sequences round - before either of the teams did. And, he was particularly pleased in so much as The Divine Victoria reckoned that those two were the hardest of the episode. Which either means that year actual Keith Telly Topping is a late developing genius or, more likely, he just got really lucky.
The episode was won by The Dicers on a thrilling tie-break. They will go on to meet From The Northfavourites The Time Ladies in the final in a couple of week's time. The Ancient Alumni will also be back in next week's (rather pointless) Third Place Play-Off against the other losing semi-finalists, The Poptimists.
This blogger has also been greatly enjoying the opening two episodes of David Olusoga's beautiful documentary series A House Through Time focusing on a lovely-looking Georgian terraced gaff in yer actual Keith Telly Topping's vague neck of the woods, Ravensworth Terrace in Summerhill just to the West of Newcastle's city centre. The series works both as a piece of social history and a lyrical regional think-piece. Indeed David has, previously, described the series as 'a love letter to the North East.' It's certainly that. And, it looks gorgeous too. More - much more - of this sort of thing, please.
HBO has confirmed popular drama series Westworld will return for its much-anticipated third series in 2020, along with the fourth series of Insecure and series ten of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The cable network's new 'comedic thriller'Run also is slated to premiere in 2020. Bob Greenblatt, the recently appointed Chairman of WarnerMedia Entertainment and Direct-to-Consumer and HBO President of Programming Casey Bloys confirmed the returns as part of an interview with Deadline. Still to be determined are Jordan Peele and JJ Abrams'Lovecraft Country, Joss Whedon's The Nevers and Abrams'Contraband (formerly known as Demimonde). HBO's Perry Mason limited series starring former The Americans lead Matthew Rhys is also yet to have its start date confirmed. Abrams' newly retitled Contraband is described as 'an epic and intimate sci-fi fantasy drama.' Abrams is executive producing with Bad Robot's Ben Stephenson. The Nevers is 'an epic science-fiction drama about a gang of Victorian women who find themselves with unusual abilities, relentless enemies and a mission that might change the world.' The former Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly creator is described as writer, director, executive producer and showrunner of the series. He also makes the tea and tells jokes. Apparently. Lovecraft Country comes from Get Out writer-director Jordan Peele's Monkeypaw Productions, Abrams' Bad Robot and Warner Brothers Television. Based on the 2016 novel by Matt Ruff, Lovecraft Country focuses on twenty five-year-old Atticus Black. After his father goes missing, Black joins up with his friend Letitia and his Uncle George to 'embark on a road trip across 1950s Jim Crow America to find him.' An 'epic' road-trip presumably since that word seems to appear in every single HBO press release.
BBC Studios have announced that the next release in their Doctor Who: The Collection will be the tenth series, starring Mister Pertwee as The Doctor: 'In 1973, Doctor Who celebrated its tenth anniversary with a very special story reuniting the first two Doctors - William Hartnell and Patrick Troughton - with Jon Pertwee's then-current Doctor. The Three Doctors kicks off an explosive, colourful series of adventures across all of time and space as The Doctor and Jo Grant (Katy Manning) encounter the rogue Time Lord Omega, the terrifying Drashigs, the noble Draconians, fearsome Ogrons, deadly Daleks and slithering giant maggots. Season ten also includes the final appearance of Roger Delgado as The Doctor's arch nemesis The Master, plus adventures alongside Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart (Nicholas Courtney) and UNIT.' You knew all that, right? The six disc Blu-ray collection includes all five of the stories comprising this series - The Three Doctors, Carnival Of Monsters, Frontier In Space, Planet Of The Daleks and The Green Death - plus a bonus disc of extras. As well as features previously available on the DVD releases, the set will include a brand new feature-length documentary examining the Third Doctor's era, with archival contributions from Mister Pertwee, producer Barry Letts and script editor Terrance Dicks plus all-new interviews with Katy Manning, The Lord Thy God Steven Moffat (OBE) and Mark Gatiss, presented by the very excellent Matthew Sweet. There will also be 'updated special effects' and surround-sound mix for Planet Of The Daleks, five new episodes of Behind The Sofa, featuring Katy Manning, Richard Franklin (Captain Mike Yates) and John Levene (Sergeant John Benton), along with Twenty First Century Doctor Who panel Phil Collinson, Pete McTighe and Joy Wilkinson, Looking For Lennie, a documentary investigating the life of director Lennie Mayne and Keeping Up With The Jones', which sees Katy Manning with Stewart Bevan (Cliff Jones) pay a return visit to the Welsh locations from The Green Death. So, it would seem that, after all these years Jo is still'up on the slag-heap with the professor.' Plus the set will include the repeat 'omnibus' version of The Green Death unseen since Christmas 1973, rare Panopticon convention footage, HD photo galleries plus scripts, production files and rare documentation provided as PDFs. The set will also include Death Of The Doctor, which featured Katy Manning reprising her role as Jo in The Sarah Jane Adventures. Doctor Who: The Collection, series ten which sounds mighty righteous - is due to be released on Monday 8 July (the day after what would have been Mister Pertwee's on hundredth birthday) and is available to pre-order in the UK already. And, if it's half as good as the previously released series' twelve eighteen and nineteen packages then it'll, one imagines, be right up your straß, dear blog reader.
If you fancy a geet good laugh, dear blog reader, and let's face it, who doesn't, then this blogger's Facebook fiend James Gent's hilariously piss-take article Doctor Who's Rare Grooves at the We Are Cult website should also be right up yer straß.
This blogger's favourite bit: 'A surreal, surely mescaline-induced slice of psychedelia wherein Doctor Who's Zoe (shortly after leaving the series) was persuaded, in her innocence, to recite a thinly-veiled paean to her magnificent, glittery catsuit-coated arse, with lyrics by Michael Moorcock against a noodly noisenik background by members of Soft Machine and Caravan (listen out for Robert Wyatt's whispered "Look at the size of that thing"). It appeared on an International Times flexi-disc in early 1970 and was directly responsible for Padbury turning her back on the alternative scene and marrying Melvyn Hayes. Second only to Blood On Satan's Claw as topics that Dame Padders refuses to discuss at conventions.'Groovy.
Robbie Williams and his wife Ayda Field will not be on the judging panel for the next series of The X Factor, it has been confirmed. In a post on Instagram, the former Take That singer said that the duo would still work with Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads'on other projects' but that they did not wish to be associated with The X Factor any more. Because, it's shit and no one watches it these days. Williams and Field only joined the show last year. Some fans were initially worried about the US TV actress's lack of experience in the music industry. But Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads said at the series fifteen launch: 'Ayda has been a revelation. I mean, seriously, she's been brilliant.' Wee Shughie McFee, the sour-faced Scottish chef off Crossroads explained that you do not necessarily need to be an artist or a music manager to be on the show. Or, indeed, be a likeable human being which explains why he, himself, is still on it. 'You have to have taste, good instincts, you have got to like people,' he claimed. 'Ayda has seen the music business from a different point of view so she brings a different perspective to the panel. I think she's amazing.' Field said her years spent with Williams had given her enough experience to be on the show. 'I know that I've helped Rob for twelve years now, I've had to pick him up off the ground and lift him up,' she said. 'I am always incredibly straightforward, I say it with compassion but I stick to my word and carry it through.' Williams filled the vacancy left by long-standing judge Louis Walsh, who quit the show last summer after thirteen years. Williams said at the time that he hoped The X Factor would boost his future TV prospects. 'Selfishly, for me, I've had the most fun that I've ever had in the entertainment industry,' he told This Morning last September. 'It would be incredible to open a new chapter and have this be the start of it. I'm just having a whale of a time. Who knew that I would be a TV personality? I like it though!'
A UK-based TV station has been fined seventy five grand by Ofcom after broadcasting 'hate speech' about the Ahmadi community, amid growing fears that the religious group is facing persecution. Channel Forty Four, an Urdu-language current affairs satellite channel, broadcast two episodes of a discussion programme featuring a guest who 'made repeated, serious and unsubstantiated allegations about members of the Ahmadiyya community,' the broadcasting watchdog said.The guest, who appeared on the Point Of View show, which was made in Pakistan, claimed Ahmadi people had 'committed acts of murder, terrorism and treason as well as undertaking political assassinations.' The same guest also claimed that the Ahmadi community, which has its roots in Northern India in the late Nineteenth Century, was 'favoured in Pakistan at the expense of orthodox Muslims.' The ruling comes during 'ongoing concern' over discrimination against the Ahmadiyya movement, a minority sect of Islam which faces persecution and violence in Pakistan and Indonesia as well as hostility from some orthodox Muslims in Britain. The Ahmadi community moved its global headquarters from Pakistan to South London in the 1980s, after a constitutional amendment declared its followers to be non-Muslims and they were later barred from practising their faith. Some orthodox Muslims regard the Ahmadi as 'heretical' because they do not believe Muhammad was the final prophet sent to guide mankind. During the programmes broadcast by Channel Forty Four in early December 2017, Ofcom - a politically appointed quango, elected by no one - said that the guest 'made remarks that attributed conspiratorial intent to the actions of the Pakistani authorities towards the Ahmadiyya community.' Ofcom found that the channel breached three clauses in its code, covering context of 'offensive material, hate speech and derogatory treatment of religions or communities.' Arguing that Pakistani officials had 'inducted' Ahmadi people into the police and education department, the guest called on the country's people to 'rise up' against this. Among other inflammatory remarks, he also claimed that until the Ahmadi community suffers 'a bad ending, matters will not improve.' City News Network Pvt Ltd, which runs the channel, was fined seventy five thousand smackers and ordered to broadcast a statement about the ruling. The firm expressed its 'regret and sincere apologies for the failings in the compliance for these two programmes.' It described the failings as 'unintentional' and claimed it 'did not intend to cause offence' to the Ahmadi community. Last year, a community radio station was fined ten thousand notes after broadcasting 'abusive and derogatory' statements about the Ahmadis. Radio Ikhlas, based in Derby, suspended a presenter and broadcast an apology after a radio phone-in that discussed the beliefs of the Ahmadi community 'in offensive and pejorative terms.' During the twenty one-minute segment, the presenter described Ahmadi people as 'dangerous, liars, enemies and hypocrites.' In 2013 a TV station was fined twenty five thousand knicker after broadcasting two programmes 'subjecting the Ahmadi community to abuse.' Takbeer TV, a free-to-air Islamic channel, broadcast statements describing Ahmadis as having 'monstrous intentions' and being both 'lying monsters' and 'worthy of elimination' by Allah, 'by using worms and vermin.'
The next Star Wars movie will be titled The Rise Of Skywalker, it has been announced. The title was revealed at a Star Wars celebration event in Chicago, while a teaser trailer was posted on Twitter with the words: 'Every generation has a legend.' Director JJ Abrams said that the movie is set 'some time' after previous film, The Last Jedi. Despite his apparent death at the end of Return Of The Jedi, Emperor Palpatine seems to be making a comeback. His sinister cackle is heard at the end of the trailer and Ian McDiarmid, who plays the character, strolled on stage to loud applause at the announcement. The two-minute trailer, the first footage seen from the new film, also features a brief glimpse of Princess Leia, played by the late Carrie Fisher. She embraces Rey (Daisy Ridley), while Luke Skywalker's voice is heard saying: 'We'll always be with you. No one's ever really gone.' Fisher died in 2016 but the filmmakers were able to use previously unseen footage from The Force Awakens. Abrams told the event in Chicago that it was 'a weird miracle' to be able to continue Princess Leia's story. 'Every day it hits me that she's not here, but it's so surreal because we're working with her still,' he said. 'She's so alive in the scenes and the craziest part is how not crazy it feels. Princess Leia lives in this film in a way that's kind of mind-blowing for me.' Kathleen Kennedy, the president of Lucasfilm - a subsidiary of Disney that makes the Star Wars films - agreed with the event's panel host, Stephen Colbert, that it was 'unprecedented' to tell a story in a nine-film arc. 'What's also fascinating is it's over forty years,' she told the event. 'To keep this relevant and meaningful to the characters and to the people experiencing this story, it has to feel like its of its time. We've taken to heart everything that inspired George [Lucas] and then I think the inspiration that JJ's brought to this has given it even more depth.' Fans welcomed the reappearance of Lando Calrissian, played by Billy Dee Williams, who is seen piloting The Millennium Falcon. The movie also features the return of John Boyega as Finn and Oscar Isaac's Poe Dameron. The trailer opens with Rey on a desert planet as Skywalker, played by Mark Hamill, says in a voiceover: 'We've passed on all we know. A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight.' She activates her lightsaber as a TIE fighter bears down on her, flying close to the ground. As it reaches her, she back-flips over it. It's pretty cool. Then we see Kylo Ren, played by Adam Driver, slicing through enemies in a blood-red forest. Calrissian appears at the controls of The Millennium Falcon, putting it into hyperdrive as a title card says: 'The saga comes to an end.' The film is due to be released on 20 December.
Prosecutors will seek a sentence of 'four to ten months' in The Joint for actress Felicity Huffman for her part in the college admissions scam, an alleged - though anonymous - law enforcement 'source'allegedly toldCNN. Huffman pleaded extremely guilty last week to a charge of conspiracy to commit fraud alongside twelve other parents involved in the Operation Varsity Blues admissions scandal in which parents paid to have people cheat on standardised tests for their children or bribed college administrators and coaches to increase their chances of getting into prestigious universities. Huffman said last week in a statement that she accepts her guilt 'with deep regret and shame over what I have done' and 'will accept the consequences that stem from those actions.' Not that she'll have much choice in the matter, obviously. 'I am ashamed of the pain I have caused my daughter, my family, my friends, my colleagues and the educational community. I want to apologise to them and, especially, I want to apologise to the students who work hard every day to get into college and to their parents who make tremendous sacrifices to support their children and do so honestly,' she said in the statement. One or two people even believed her. Under the terms of her plea deal, prosecutors agreed to recommend 'incarceration at the low end' of Huffman's sentencing guidelines range, a twenty thousand bucks fine and one year of supervised release, according to court documents obtained by the Daily News. CNN's allegedly snitchy 'source' allegedly snitched that the prosecutors' decision to seek four to ten months had 'nothing to do with Huffman's public apology.' A federal judge will have the final say on Huffman's sentence. She is due back in court on 21 May for a sentencing hearing.
Intelligence agency GCHQ has cracked 'secret' codes hidden by the man behind Frank Sidebottom. Because, obviously, they didn't have anything more important to do at the time. The late Chris Sievey drew cryptic symbols in artwork around the borders of some of Frank's fan newsletters, football programmes and record sleeves. Sievey died in 2010 and the codes remained secret until the director of a new documentary took them to GCHQ. A crack team of codebreakers revealed that the messages said things like: 'Why does my nose hurt after concerts?' That was a reference to the nose peg that Chris wore under Sidebottom's giant head to give the character his trademark nasal voice. Chris told friends and family that he was hiding 'important messages' in code. But, as with so many things in Chris's extraordinary life, that was just him havin' a laugh. Director Steve Sullivan, whose film Being Frank tells the story of Sievey and Sidebottom, took the rows of symbols to several codebreakers, but none of them could help. Sullivan told BBC News: 'My own attempts to crack it proved absolutely futile. I spent a while just looking at them going, "What could he be saying, what could this mean?" But it was impossible to crack them and it was entirely plausible that there wasn't a code there and that he was just winding people up.' In an attempt to solve the mystery, Sullivan eventually turned to GCHQ. The country's top codebreakers, too, seemed flummoxed until Sievey's son Stirling recalled how his dad would get the children to fill an outer row with random symbols, while Sievey would insert real code into the inner row. 'It meant the outer row triangles is a complete red herring,' Sullivan said. 'Not only did he put a mystery out there, he made it deliberately impossible to crack. By letting his kids add nonsense into the message, it deliberately obscures the chances of anybody - even top mathematicians - being able to crack it. So I reported back to GCHQ that the outer ring is a red herring and then had an email one day saying, "Right, we've cracked it during a light-hearted training exercise." I'm embarrassed to say, on the very next day Chris's very own code grid was found in the back of his address book. It was almost like Chris Sievey was going, "There you go, now we've all had our fun, there's the explanation."' GCHQ told Sullivan that Sidebottom had 'a small but dedicated following' among its own staff. Noticing some repeated pairs of symbols - which represented letters - the first word cracked by GCHQ was Sidebottom's favourite word, 'bobbins'. You know, what The Robins aren't. The full messages didn't turn out to be crucial to national security. They were 'a combination of slightly autobiographical statements and silly statements about Frank's world,' Sullivan said. No shit? As well as 'Why does my nose hurt after concerts?' another typical code translated as: 'The Man From Fish EP is top secret.' Sullivan said he has 'absolutely no idea' what that means. Sievey never told his fans about the existence of the codes, despite the fact that the symbols were inserted into newsletters, music sleeves and football programmes for Timperley Big Shorts, his Sunday league team. 'It was just an exercise in wilful absurdity, which is why he was doing it,' Sullivan said. 'But then all of his work was an exercise in wilful obscurity and absurdity. I think he loved the idea that he was putting communication out but people didn't even know he was communicating.' GCHQ had 'a great sense of humour about the whole investigation,' the director added. A GCHQ spokesperson said: 'As the national authority for cryptanalysis, we're sometimes sent codes which the team will test themselves with in their spare time. They provide us with a great challenge and help build the skills we need to keep the country safe. With its colourful drawings and striking patterns, this code caught our eye and it was satisfying to be able to break it.' All of Sidebottom's codes will be available for fans to work out for themselves when Being Frank is released on DVD on 29 April. Meanwhile, if nothing else, this story gives this blogger the excuse to post a link to his own favourite Frank song, the genius that is 'Estudiantes (Striped Shirts, Black Panties)'.
Police log books for the officers who protected The BeAtles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) from hordes of screaming fans on their first visit to the US have gone on display. The records list the names of the officers who guarded the band in New York as they prepared to appear on The Ed Sullivan Show in February 1964. The visit saw The Fab Four followed by huge crowds wherever they went. NYPD officer Patrick Cassidy, who found the logs, has donated them to Liverpool's Magical Be-Atles Museum. Detailed as the 'visit of Beatles singing group,' the handwritten police blotter lists Sergeants O'Shea, Jones and McAuliffe, with officers Delgado, De Angelo, Lucarelli and Madden among the NYPD detachment looking after the band. The records also mention The Be-Atles' show at Carnegie Hall on 12 February 1964 and an incident where an officer was 'knocked off balance' and injured outside the Plaza Hotel while 'attempting to restrain the surging crowd.' Of little girls. Cassidy, whose father Edward also served with the NYPD, said he found the logs while searching in police records. 'The Ed Sullivan Theatre is in the confines of my precinct, so one day in 2013, I went into the storage area that holds these books. After fifty years, they clean out and destroy them, so I looked up February 1964 and found the book, which would have been destroyed the following year.' Cassidy said his father had told him he found The Be-Atles to be 'well-dressed and well-behaved' young adults, adding that the band had, modestly, assumed 'the crowds outside the hotel were for someone else.' The Be-Atles had already hit number one in the US charts when they arrived in New York on 7 February 1964 and the levels of anticipation surrounding their arrival were huge. Throngs of screaming fans and reporters shadowed the band's every move, with police on alert for anyone posing as hotel guests or other disguises trying to get close to them. Their appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show was watched by a then record audience of seventy three million people, with sixty per cent of televisions in the country tuned in to the show.
New research has shown where William Shakespeare - a popular scribbler of soap operas of the 1590s, you might've heard of him - lived in London when he was writing Romeo & Juliet. It was previously known that the playwright lived 'close' to the site of Liverpool Street station between 1597 and 1598. But theatre historian Geoffrey Marsh has cross-referenced various official records to pinpoint the exact location. Evidence suggests The Bard lived at what is now known as Thirty Five Great St Helen's, a site next to St Helen's Church occupied by an office block. Over a decade of research, Marsh discovered that in the 1590s, Shakespeare was a tenant of the Company of Leathersellers, the guild that organised the Elizabethan leather trade. His home was most likely in a cluster of properties which overlooked the churchyard of St Helen's, yards from where The Gherkin stands today, Marsh said. Marsh, who is also the director of the Victoria & Albert Museum's department of theatre and performance, said: 'The place where Shakespeare lived in London gives us a more profound understanding of the inspirations for his work and life. Within a few years of migrating to London from Stratford, he was living in one of the wealthiest parishes in the city, alongside powerful public figures, wealthy international merchants, society doctors and expert musicians. The merchants had connections across Europe and the doctors were linked to the latest progressive thinking in universities in Italy and Germany. Living in what was one of the power locales of London would have also enhanced Shakespeare's status as he developed his career, sought a family coat of arms and planned to buy an impressive and expensive house in Stratford.'
Ecuador's decision to allow police to arrest Julian Assange inside its London embassy last Thursday followed 'a fraught and acrimonious period' in which relations between the government in Quito and the WikiLeaks founder 'became increasingly hostile,' it has been claimed. In a presentation before Ecuador’s parliament on Thursday, the foreign minister, José Valencia, set out nine reasons why Assange's asylum had been withdrawn. The list ranged from 'meddling in Ecuador's relations with other countries' to having to 'put up with his rudeness' for nearly seven years. Valencia said that Ecuador had been 'left with little choice' but to end Assange's stay in its embassy following his 'innumerable acts of interference in the politics of other states' which 'put at risk' the country's relations with them. His second point focused on Assange's behaviour, which stretched from riding a skateboard and playing football inside the small embassy building to allegedly 'mistreating and threatening' embassy staff and 'even coming to blows' with security workers. Valencia said the fugitive and his lawyers had made 'insulting threats' against the country, accusing its officials of being pressured by other countries. He said that Assange 'permanently accused [embassy] staff of spying on and filming him' on behalf of the United States and instead of thanking Ecuador for nearly seven years of asylum he and his entourage launched 'an avalanche of criticisms' against the Quito government. He referred also to the guest's alleged 'hygienic' problems including one that was 'very unpleasant' and 'attributed to a digestive problem.' But Assange's deteriorating health was also major concern, the minister claimed, as he could not be properly treated in the embassy building. He added the fact that the UK 'would not consider granting him safe conduct' meant Ecuador faced the prospect of him staying 'indefinitely in the diplomatic headquarters.' The minister went on to say that Ecuador could not extend asylum to a person fleeing justice and there was no extradition request for Assange when Ecuador ended his asylum. The UK had offered 'sufficient guarantees of due process' to Assange, Valencia added and that he would not be extradited to a country where he could face torture or the death penalty. Finally, there were 'multiple inconsistencies' in how Assange had been granted Ecuadorean citizenship and his stay had proved 'very costly,' the minister said. Ecuador had spent more five million dollars on its guest's 'security' between 2012 and 2018 and nearly four hundred thousand dollars on his medical costs, food and laundry, he added. Ecuador's president, Lenín Moreno, had made little secret of his desire to evict Assange from the embassy building in Knightsbridge, where he had lived since June 2012. Moreno has variously described Assange as a 'hacker,' an 'inherited problem' and a 'stone in the shoe.' In a video address on Thursday, he accused Assange of breaching the 'generous' asylum conditions offered by Ecuador and of 'meddling in the internal affairs of other states.' Moreno claimed that Assange had installed 'forbidden electronic equipment' in the embassy, had mistreated guards and 'accessed the security files of our embassy without permission.' The final straw came 'two days ago,' Moreno suggested, when WikiLeaks directly 'threatened the government of Ecuador.' On Tuesday Assange's legal team gave a press conference in which they accused Quito of illegally spying on him. 'The patience of Ecuador has reached its limit on the behaviour of Mister Assange,' said President Moreno in a TV address. In retrospect, Assange's fate was sealed in 2017 when Moreno narrowly won Ecuador's presidential election. Moreno's leftist predecessor, Rafael Correa, had given Assange unconditional support and had offered him asylum in the first place. Moreno was the candidate for Correa's Alianza Pais party, but soon distanced himself from his predecessor - apparently viewing Assange as a 'hangover' from the Correa years and an impediment to better relations with the United States. In a tweet on Thursday, Correa, now Moreno's bitter enemy, described him as 'the greatest traitor in Ecuador and Latin America's history.' In particular, Moreno took a dim view of WikiLeaks' release of material that caused 'bilateral embarrassment.' In 2016 WikiLeaks published e-mails hacked by Russia's military intelligence spy agency, according to a 2018 indictment by the special prosecutor Robert Mueller. The e-mails were stolen from the Democratic party during Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Then in 2017 Assange tweeted in favour of Catalan independence - an action which annoyed the Spanish government, and caused difficulties for relations between Madrid and Quito. In March 2018 Moreno restricted Assange's access to the Interweb and insisted he 'abide by new conditions.' Assange complained that he had been cut off from visitors and the world. Then, near the end of last year, Ecuador laid out a stringent new set of house rules for Assange, warning that he had to 'avoid online comments about political issues' and ordering him to clean his bathroom and 'take better care' of his pet cat. By spring of this year it appeared Moreno's patience had finally run out and that his unhappiness with Assange had become personal. In a radio interview earlier this month Moreno complained that 'photos of my bedroom, what I eat and how my wife and daughters and friends dance' had been circulating on social media. The Ecuadorean government said it believed WikiLeaks had shared the photos. WikiLeaks tweeted last week that Moreno had said he would take a decision about Assange's fate 'in the short term' after it had reported on an 'offshore corruption scandal wracking his government.' Known in Ecuador as The Ina Papers, the scandal alleges that Moreno 'corruptly benefited' from an offshore account in Panama. Moreno denies any wrongdoing.
Almost two decades into the Twenty First Century, the days of the Page Three girl look to be finally over, after the Daily Liesannounced it would no longer feature pictures of topless women. The alleged 'newspaper' was the last daily print outlet maintaining the British tabloid tradition, after the Sun stopped doing so following political pressure in 2015. So, no more tits for breakfast for you lot. Although the Lies will continue to feature photos of attractive young women in suggestive poses, they will no longer be topless, according to its editor, Jonathan Clark, who suggested it was 'time for a change. The Daily Star is always looking to try new things and improve,' he said. No, it really doesn't. 'In that spirit, we've listened to reader feedback and are currently trialling a covered-up version of page three.' The move potentially brings to an end fifty years of geet big bazoomas in mainstream newspapers. The former Labour minister Clare Short, who was pilloried by the tabloids in the 2000s when she repeatedly proposed banning the feature, told the Gruniad Morning Star that her campaign had, finally, been vindicated. 'Good news. It only took thirty years,' she said. The decision also marks a U-turn for the Lies, which has always taken what the Gruniad described, euphemistically, as 'an idiosyncratic approach' to the newspaper business. When the Sun cancelled its Page Three girls, the Daily Lies responded by increasing on its own commitment to the feature, working on the 'tits sells tabloids' principle. Under the guidance of its former proprietor Richard Desmond, a major UKiP donor and softcore pornographer who previously owned titles such as Asian Babes, it defended the inclusion of such pictures and suggested they were 'a core part of British culture.' Which they might be but, you know, so were bear baiting and cock fighting. 'The Daily Star is proud to continue the great British page three tradition,' the newspaper sneered at the time. 'It brightens the day for our readers during tough times and has launched many successful careers. We will continue to listen to what our readers want and put a smile on their faces with our lovely, bright, talented and independent young ladies. Page Three is as British as roast beef and Yorkshire pud, fish and chips and seaside postcards. The Daily Star is about fun and cheering people up. And that will definitely continue!' Four years later, the newspaper appears to have decided otherwise, seemingly influenced by Desmond's decision to sell the title to the Daily Mirra owner, Reach. The former longstanding Lies editor Dawn Neesom, who once justified page three as something which was 'fun and women look at it as much as men' was, last year, extremely replaced by Clark, a former Daily Mirra associate editor who has brought a new approach to the job. Page Three was introduced to the UK by billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch and Larry Lamb in 1970 shortly after they relaunched the Sun as a tabloid newspaper. It helped make models such as Samantha Fox and Katie Price household names and rivals followed suit with their own equivalents, despite a sustained public campaign against the feature. Topless pictures have not vanished from British newsstands completely, with the Sunday Sport continuing to be distributed in some outlets. Ones that have not shame, anyway. It remains to be seen whether the Lies' decision to end topless Page Three girls will make a substantial difference to the newspaper's sales, which last month fell to three hundred and twenty two thousand copies a day, an eighteen per cent year-on-year decline. The Daily Lies is also, of course, a completely risible rag which specialises in made-up non-stories. As this blog has previously highlighted, many times.
It is, you might think, as British as fish and chips and one of the country's most famous historic sites, but new evidence suggests that the roots of Stonehenge lie in the Mediterranean. Scientists studying DNA from ancestors of those who built the world's most famous prehistoric monument found they journeyed to Britain from what is now Greece and Turkey. When UKiP heard about this they immediately demanded that the stones be dismantled and sent back where they came from in the first place. Which was Wales, as it happens. Arriving in Britain around six thousand years ago, the newcomers virtually replaced the existing hunter-gatherer population, a study published in the journal Nature has claimed. These bloody Neolithic types, they come over here, they take our jobs and what did they ever do for us. Apart from being our ancestors, obviously. Anyway, built in several stages, Stonehenge's first monument was put up about five thousand years ago and the unique stone circle was erected in the late Neolithic period around 2500 BC. The migration was just one part of a large-scale expansion of people out of Anatolia in 6,000 BC which introduced farming to Europe. Researchers from Britain and the US found 'similarities' between the DNA of Britain's early farmers and those discovered in what is now Spain and Portugal, indicating this population arrived in the UK after journeying East to West through the Mediterranean. But some groups of migrants appear to have landed on the Western coast first before spreading to other parts of Britain, suggesting that they didn't cross the English Channel using the shortest possible course but instead sailed into the Atlantic. Well, you know, Cornwall's quite nice in the summer, maybe they fancied a holiday first. Carles Lalueza-Fox, of the Institute of Evolutionary Biology in Barcelona, said that the findings match what is known about the spread of megalithic structures along Europe's Atlantic coast. DNA reveals that Neolithic Britons were 'largely descended from groups who took the Mediterranean route,' either hugging the coast or hopping from island to island on boats. 'This route is a continuation of the Mediterranean coastal dispersal route but of course in much more complicated maritime circumstances,' Doctor Carles Lalueza-Fox said. In contrast with other countries where they settled, these ancient Aegeans do not appear to have mixed well with British locals, as evidenced by their failure to leave much impact on farming relics. Mark G Thomas, a professor of evolutionary genetics at University College London, who co-wrote the study, also found 'considerable variation in pigmentation levels in Europe' during the Stone Age as shown from the genetic samples they examined. Whereas Britain's outgoing hunter-gatherers - including the oldest-known Briton 'Cheddar Man' - likely had blue or green eyes and dark or even black skin, the farming populations migrating across Europe are believed to have had brown eyes and dark to intermediate skin.
The Moon's 'magnificent desolation' is far wetter than scientists had previously imagined. A NASA spacecraft sent to study lunar dust and atmosphere also picked up signs of water being released from the Moon as meteors collide with its surface. This unprecedented detection, reported in the journal Nature Geoscience, shows that tiny impacts release up to two hundred and twenty tons of water per year - much more than should be on the surface based on previously known delivery systems. 'There was so much that the instrument on the spacecraft acted like a sponge, soaking up the water that was moving through the atmosphere,' said study leader Mehdi Benna, a planetary scientist at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Centre. 'When we turned the instrument on, what we found was extremely exciting.' The discovery offers fresh clues to our understanding of how the Moon formed in the first place and it provides tantalising targets for future human missions, which could one day use the Moon's watery bounty for both hydration and propulsion. Although, if they were planning on drinking it, it might be an idea to boil it first. Just to be on the safe side. 'We always think of the Moon as a very peaceful and desolate place,' Benna says. 'Now with this data, we see that the Moon is actually very active and responsive.' We have long known that there is some amount of water on the Moon, most of it locked up as ice in permanently shadowed craters or hidden deep below the surface. Water can be delivered to the Moon in two ways. Hydrogen from the solar wind can mix with oxygen on the surface and make a chemical relative called hydroxyl which, in turn, interacts with lunar rocks to create hydrated minerals. Comets and asteroids can also deposit water on the Moon when they slam into it. NASA data now suggest that such impacts release 'a surprising amount' of water from the lunar surface. But the new data, collected by a retired NASA spacecraft called LADEE, revealed something unexpected. While LADEE was in orbit around the Moon, it witnessed meteor showers, the same way we do here on Earth. At certain times of the year, our planetary system crosses into the orbits of comets, some of which are strewn with debris. Most of these cometary leftovers burn up in our atmosphere, sparking the annual sky shows the Geminids, the Perseids, the Leonids and others. On the airless Moon, however, these meteor showers bombard the surface. 'Every stream is millions of particles, like a rain of small impactors,' Benna says. 'We saw twenty nine known streams of meteors and each stream is related to a comet.' As these small particles collided with the surface, they kicked up the top layer of fine soil, or regolith, revealing much more water than the team expected to find below the first few centimetres. 'This loss of water can't be compensated for by the solar wind hydrogen implantation or by the water that comes with micrometeorites themselves,' Benna says. 'So there must be more water in the soil of the moon that can’t be replenished by those two known sources. The only way to explain that is to have an ancient reservoir of water that's been basically depleted over geological time.' Benna and his team estimate that the Moon has 'a fairly even amount of water' just a few centimetres below the surface. This means the Moon holds more water than could have been delivered to it over its lifetime by solar wind or comets, which speaks to a problem planetary scientists have been trying to solve for decades. During the early days of our solar system's formation, giant masses of young planets crashed into each other, flinging debris out into space. All the material that created Earth and the Moon swirled around each other in a cosmic ballet. As a result, the Moon and Earth share some history, but it has been hard to explain why the Moon seemed to have so little water in relation to Earth's vast reserves. While the exact connections are unsure, the amount of water could be linked to the Moon's early volcanic history or the exchange of material between the Moon and Earth in the earliest days of the solar system. 'This is an important paper because it's measuring the release of water in the present day,' says Carle Pieters, a planetary scientist at Brown University. 'They have started the discussion about asking, "what happens here? Is the water young? Is it old? Is it related to a surface process or is it an ancient reservoir?" They're the right questions to ask.' The team's data can now inform scientists working on theories for the Moon's origin story and how it might have obtained so much water. In addition, as NASA prepares to send humans back to the Moon, whole missions will be dedicated to mapping lunar water and figuring out how the Moon may supply future crews with the resources they need to survive. 'This is so exciting because they are catching all of this in progress - watching the water move in the exosphere before it either lands back on the surface or is lost to space,' Pieters says. 'This is a really important piece of the story.'
Saturn's moon Titan has something in common with Earth in that it has an atmosphere and rains fall there. However, unlike our planet, it isn't water which falls from Titan's skies but, rather, liquid methane. Scientists have been trying to establish for years exactly how this 'waterless water cycle' happens on Saturn's satellite. Now, two new research recently published in the journal Nature Astronomy may have found an explanation behind Titan's strange weather. While studying data from the Cassini mission, Shannon MacKenzie and her team found what appeared to have been three liquid-filled lakes. However, by the time the spacecraft returned to this area around seven Earth years later, the lakes appeared to have dried up, leading them to believe that the liquid had either evaporated or seeped into the surface. The paper suggested that the 'phantom lakes' were the result of seasonal changes on the moon. While the observations may have been affected by the difference in instruments used by Cassini for the two observations, MacKenzie believes that liquid had been present in the area and disappeared during the transition to winter to spring. Meanwhile, the second research, led by Marco Mastrogiuseppe, a planetary scientist at Caltech, focused on the much larger lakes on Titan. The second research team used Cassini data to determine the depth of some of Titan's lakes, some of which are three hundred and twenty feet deep. Mastrogiuseppe and his colleagues also established that the lakes were 'mostly' composed of liquid methane, similar to Titan's seas. Mastrogiuseppe added that rain had gathered into these lakes and the basins, in turn, 'drain liquid.' As for where the liquid is going exactly, the study suggested that there could be caves under Titan's surface, much like on Earth. Scientists may soon find solid proof of the disappearing lakes and caves if missions to Titan are approved in the future. NASA is reportedly considering launching a mission called Dragonfly named after the Julian Cope song, presumably since The Arch Drude is a particular favourite in Houston - in 2025, which would see a drone landing on Titan's surface and exploring what scientists have called 'the Earth of the outer solar system.''At first blush, I think a lot of people think [Dragonfly] sounds like the literal meaning of incredible,' Melissa Trainer, a deputy principal investigator with the mission, toldSpace.com. 'Not only is this an incredibly exciting concept with amazing, compelling science, but also, it is doable - it's feasible from an engineering standpoint.'
Kepler-47 is a three-and-a-half-billion-year-old star system about three thousand three hundred light years away from Earth. It is one of nine systems that we know of which are 'binary star systems,' which means it has not one star at its heart, but two. And it's the only one we know that has two planets orbiting around it, Kepler-47b and Kepler-47c. Now, a third has been discovered. Scientists have officially confirmed the existence of a third planet orbiting the binary stars and have - appropriately - dubbed it Kepler-47d, Spacereported. The newly discovered planet is about seven times larger than Earth, making it the biggest planet in its system, roughly double the size of Kepler-47b and c. The discovery, announced in The Astronomical Journal this week, is big news for the team that discovered it. Kepler-47d's orbit lies in between Kepler-47b's and Kepler-47c's, even though scientists theorised that any additional planets would be found further away from the stars. The Kepler-47 trio is helping scientists learn about so-called 'puffy' planets, which are gas planets with a large size but a very low density. Even the 'puffiest' planet in our own solar system - Saturn - is much denser than any of the Kepler planets. The information we can learn about them will help us understand more of the 'loosely packed, low-density planets' in our solar system, according to Jonathan Fortney, an astronomer at the University of California, Santa Cruz.
Owen Garriott, the astronaut who flew on the first US space station, Skylab and whose son followed him into orbit, died earlier this week at his home in Huntsville, Alabama. He was eighty eight. His death was announced by NASA. The cause was not disclosed. Doctor Garriott served on the second Skylab crew in 1973, spending close to sixty days in space along with Al bean and Jack Lousma, a record at the time. He also was part of the ninth space shuttle mission, flying aboard Columbia in 1983 and operating a ham radio from orbit for the first time. In 2008, Doctor Garriott travelled to Kazakhstan for his son, Richard's, launch into space aboard a Russian Soyuz rocket. Richard Garriott is a computer-game developer who paid the Russians thirty million dollars for a ride to the International Space Station. They were the first US father-and-son space travellers. 'Our adult bonding around the experience of space was a rare treasure we shared,' Richard said on Twitter. 'In fifty years, from my father's Apollo era to our new commercial era, much has been accomplished,' he tweeted. 'Yet, none without the risks undertaken by those early pioneers.' Owen Garriott was born in November 1930, in Enid, Oklahoma. He graduated from the University of Oklahoma in 1953, then served in the Navy. He received master's and doctoral degrees in electrical engineering from Stanford University in 1957 and 1960 and taught at Stanford before being selected as an astronaut in 1965. He was among the first six scientist-astronauts picked by NASA in a group which also included Apollo 17 astronaut Jack Schmitt and Garriott's Skylab project colleagues Joe Kerwin and Ed Gibson. Doctor Garriott later held other positions within NASA, including director of science and applications at Johnson Space Centre in Houston. He left NASA in 1986 and later contributed to books about Skylab and physics. Owen is survived by his second wife, Evelyn and by four children from his first marriage, Randall, Robert, Richard and Linda.
Barnsley have complained to the English Football League and Football Association following an alleged incident involving their head coach Daniel Stendel and Fleetwood boss - and, arch nutter - Joey Barton. The League One club said that they are 'working with South Yorkshire Police' and 'assisting with all enquiries.' Barnsley player Cauley Woodrow wrote on Twitter that Barton 'physically assaulted' Stendel in the tunnel after Saturday's game at Oakwell. Woodrow later deleted the tweet. On Monday, South Yorkshire Police said that they were 'continuing to investigate reports of an assault' at Barnsley Football Club. 'No arrests have been made at this time and enquiries remain ongoing,' the statement added. Fleetwood said that they had 'been made aware of an alleged incident' and were 'currently establishing the facts.' BBC Radio Sheffield reported on Sunday that Stendel was 'okay' but 'suffered facial injuries.' And the claret had, allegedly, been spilled. Sky Sports News showed footage of Barton attempting to leave the ground after the match, but the car in which he was a passenger was stopped by police, before being allowed to proceed some time later. Barton later rejoined the rest of his team for the journey back to Lancashire. The former England midfielder has a history of controversy, including a seventy seven-day spell in The Slammer for common assault and affray following an incident in Liverpool city centre in December 2007. He took over at Fleetwood for his first managerial job last summer - one day after an eighteen-month FA ban for betting ended.
Former The Scum and England midfielder Paul Scholes has been charged with misconduct for allegedly breaking FA betting rules. Scholes is alleged to have placed one hundred and forty bets on football matches between 17 August 2015 and 12 January 2019. The forty four-year-old, who spent thirty one days in charge of Oldham Not Very Athletic between February and March this year, has a ten per cent stake in fifth-tier side Salford City. He has until 26 April to respond to the charge. Scholes, who won eleven Premier League titles with The Scum and was capped sixty six times by England, retired from playing in 2013 and became a part-owner of Salford in 2014 alongside former team-mates Gary and Phil Neville, Ryan Giggs and Nicky Butt.
Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey 'did not know what a Nazi salute was' when he was charged with making the offensive gesture, according to a Football Association panel. The charge was found 'not proven' this month and Wales international Hennessey will face no punishment. The regulatory commission has published its written reasons for the decision. It said that Hennessey showed 'a lamentable degree of ignorance' about Adolf Hitler, fascism and the Nazi regime. Hennessey was pictured with his right arm in the air and left hand above his mouth in a photo posted on Instagram by German team-mate Max Meyer after Palace's FA Cup win over Grimsby on 5 January. Hennessey denied the charge and said that any resemblance to the Nazi gesture - which, remember, he didn't know anything about - was 'absolutely coincidental.' The charge was found 'not proven' after two members of the three-man panel believed the photograph had been 'misinterpreted.' The other panel member said that the 'only plausible explanation' was that Hennessey made the salute. Hennessey claimed he 'waved and shouted at the person taking the picture to get on with it' and 'put my hand over my mouth to make the sound carry.' And, two people believed him. He submitted photographs to the panel of him making similar gestures during matches to attract the attention of team-mates. The panel said that Hennessey was 'able to corroborate his explanation' with a series of photographs, including one that showed his right arm raised and left hand across his mouth 'in a similar way' to the photo posted on Instagram. Hennessey said 'from the outset' of the hearing that he 'did not know what' a Nazi salute was. 'Improbable as that may seem to those of us of an older generation, we do not reject that assertion as untrue,' said the panel. 'In fact, when cross-examined about this Mister Hennessey displayed a very considerable - one might even say lamentable - degree of ignorance about anything to do with Hitler, Fascism and the Nazi regime. Regrettable though it may be that anyone should be unaware of so important a part of our own and world history, we do not feel we should therefore find he was not telling the truth about this. All we would say (at the risk of sounding patronising) is that Mister Hennessey would be well advised to familiarise himself with events which continue to have great significance to those who live in a free country.' The panel said that other photographs from the evening showed Hennessey's arm 'raised in slightly different but comparable postures' that 'at its lowest' demonstrates he was 'trying to attract the attention of the photographer,' Jordan Bussolini. It said the FA was 'entirely justified' in bringing the case but that 'rather than giving a Nazi salute, we think it more likely that Mister Hennessey was, as he says, trying to shout at and to catch the attention of the waiter.'
'The Federal Office for National Economic Supply has concluded coffee ... is not essential for life,' the Swiss government has said. No shit? Mind you, neither are chips, but life would be a Hell of a lot less worth living without them. 'Coffee has almost no calories and subsequently does not contribute, from the physiological perspective, to safeguarding nutrition.' Since the period between World War I and World War II, Switzerland has been storing emergency food reserves, which include coffee, as well as sugar, rice, edible oils and animal feed in case of war, natural disaster or epidemics. This means that by law in Switzerland Nestlé, the maker of instant coffee Nescafé and other importers, roasters and retailers are required to store bags of raw coffee. Currently, the country has over fifteen thousand tonnes of coffee stored - enough to last three months. But, the government wants to put an end to that, proposing that coffee companies stop stockpiling in 2020. However, not everyone is happy about the proposal. The organisation which oversees Switzerland's food reserves, Réservesuisse, asked the Federal Office to 'reconsider' its recommendation last year. The company said of the fifteen companies with mandatory coffee stockpiles, twelve wanted to continue, partly because it helped reinforce the supply chain. Others - coffee addicts, mainly one suspects - argue that the caffeine drink's 'health benefits,' including antioxidants and vitamins, have been ignored. The Swiss consume about nine kilograms of coffee per person per year, according to the International Coffee Organisation - three times the amount consumed in Britain. The final decision on scrapping coffee stockpiles is expected to be made in November.
The drone attack which caused utter chaos at Gatwick just before Christmas was carried out by 'someone with knowledge of the airport's operational procedures,' the airport has claimed. A Gatwick chief told BBC's Panorama that the drone's pilot 'seemed to be able to see what was happening on the runway.' Sussex Police told the programme the possibility 'an insider' was involved was 'a credible line' of inquiry. About one hundred and forty thousand passengers were caught up in the disruption. The runway at the UK's second busiest airport was closed for thirty three hours between 19 and 21 December last year - causing about one thousand flights to be cancelled or delayed. In his first interview since the incident, Gatwick's chief operating officer, Chris Woodroofe, told Panorama: 'It was clear that the drone operators had a link into what was going on at the airport.' Woodroofe, who was the executive overseeing the airport's response to the attack - the 'Gold Commander' who isn't a character in Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons, apparently - also said that whoever was piloting the drone could either see what was happening on the runway, or was following the airport's actions by eavesdropping on radio or Interweb communications. And, whomsoever was responsible for the attack had 'specifically selected' a drone which 'could not be seen' by the DJI Aeroscope drone detection system that the airport was 'testing at the time,' he added. Despite 'a huge operation' drawing resources from five other forces and a fifty thousand knicker reward, there is still no trace of the culprit. Sussex Police says that its investigation is 'ongoing' and 'expected to take some months to complete.' The first sighting of the drone was at around 9pm on 19 December but it was not until just before 6am on 21 December that flights resumed with an aircraft landing. Gatwick says that it 'repeatedly' tried to reopen the runway but on each occasion the drone reappeared. Airport protocol mandates that the runway be closed if a drone is present. Woodroofe denied claims that the airport 'over-reacted,' describing the situation it faced as 'an unprecedented, malicious and criminal incident. There is absolutely nothing that I would do differently when I look back at the incident, because ultimately, my number one priority has to be to maintain the safety of our passengers, and that's what we did. It was terrible that one hundred and forty thousand people's journeys were disrupted but everyone was safe.' Woodroofe also dismissed the suggestion that the number of sightings had been 'exaggerated' and a theory, circulating online, that there had been no drone at all. These claims have been fuelled by the fact that there are no verified pictures of the drone and very few eyewitnesses have spoken publicly. Police told the BBC they had recorded one hundred and thirty separate credible drone sightings by a total of one hundred and fifteen people, all but six of whom were professionals, including police officers, security personnel, air traffic control staff and pilots. Woodroofe said that many of the drone sightings were by people he knew personally and trusted - 'members of my team, people I have worked with for a decade, people who have worked for thirty years on the airfield, who fully understand the implications of reporting a drone sighting. They knew they'd seen a drone. I know they saw a drone. We appropriately closed the airport.'Panorama has been told witnesses reported seeing 'an extremely fast-moving, large drone with bright lights.' At least one person noted the characteristic cross shape while others described it as 'industrial or commercial' and 'not something you could pop into Argos for,' an airport spokesperson said. Other international airports have installed counter-drone technology and Gatwick has confirmed that, in the days after the attack, it spent five million smackers on 'similar equipment.' Asked whether Gatwick should have done more to protect the airport from drones before the incident, Woodroofe said the government had not approved any equipment for drone detection at that stage. 'The equipment I have on site today is painted sand yellow because it comes straight from the military environment,' he added. Panorama learned that Gatwick bought two sets of the Anti-UAV Defence System anti-drone system made by a consortium of three British companies. AUDS was one of two systems the military deployed at the airport on the evening of 20 December. Woodroofe said he was 'confident' that the airport was now much better protected. 'We would know the drone was arriving on site and we'd know where that drone had come from, where it was going to and we'd have a much better chance of catching the perpetrator.' Every day, he said, the airport sends up a drone to test the detection equipment and 'it finds that drone.' But he added: 'What this incident has demonstrated is that a drone operator with malicious intent can cause serious disruption to airport operations. And it's clear that disruption could be carried over into other industries and other environments.'
Authorities in Florida said that three naked women who were 'seen applying suntan lotion' at a rest stop subsequently led police on a twenty one-mile chase, drove a car at one deputy and threatened another with a bat. The Florida Highway Patrol claimed that when a deputy approached the women at the Interstate Seventy Five rest stop on Wednesday in Dade City, Pasco County, they 'started dressing.' The women told the trooper they had been staying at a relative's home but went to the rest stop 'after an altercation' and 'had nowhere else to go.' The Tampa Bay Timesreported that the women claimed they were 'air drying' after washing. They then fled in a car, with troopers giving chase. The women were eventually caught after police managed to blow out their tires and repeatedly rammed their car. One was 'subdued using a stun gun' and marijuana was found in the car. The three women were charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, fleeing to elude and indecent exposure. The Tampa Bay Times added: 'Though Pasco has been dubbed the nudist capital of the world, the arrest reports do not indicate the women are linked to its many nudist or clothing-optional communities.'
An emu has been caught on camera sprinting along a road in the Scottish Highlands. The bird can be seen running away from traffic on the A82 outside Fort Augustus. It has reportedly been returned safely to its home. The whereabouts of Rod Hull cannot, at this time, be confirmed.
Newcastle Central Station's piano has, reportedly, been 'damaged beyond repair' after 'a mindless group of partygoers decided to destroy it.' Peter Tracey, of the Newcastle Rotary Club, came up with the idea of installing the public piano four years ago after seeing a similar piano in a station in Prague. He told the Evening Chronicle that he was 'deeply disappointed' to see the damage done to an instrument which 'was intended to bring people together.' He said: 'Unfortunately a hen party decided to have a smashing time - literally - and they've damaged the piano beyond repair. They kicked in the the panels under the keyboard out and they've damaged the keyboard by hitting it. It's a real shame, the piano was much-loved by everyone at the station. Lots of people used to use it on a daily basis.' The damage was spotted by security staff at the station, who moved the damaged piano out of public view. It is not believed that any legal action is being taken. Sitting near the entrance to the station with signs inviting people to 'play a tune for Th' Toon', the piano has become a popular feature for commuters and visitors alike. In 2015, it was 'transformed into a shrine to rough sleeper Alan Palmer,' whose beautiful renditions of classical pieces regularly turned the station entrance into a concert hall, before his death. The first piano to be installed eventually wore out from use and this is the second which has stood in the concourse. 'It was deliberately done,' Alan claimed. 'The piano is a lovely thing and it's for the benefit of a charity. I'm very, very sad that this happened. We expected there would be some damage over the years, but it's just sad that the piano has had to be taken out of service.' As well as allegedly 'delighting' visitors and giving people a chance to share their musical talents with the world, the piano helped raise money for a good cause, with players donating more than a thousand knicker for the Children's Heart Unit Foundation at the Freeman Hospital since it was installed. The station, however, won't be left without music for long. Peter has already managed to source a replacement instrument, discovered by a builder acquaintance as he cleared out a local church.
A US man is reportedly suing his parents after they destroyed his 'massive pornography collection,' which he claims was worth twenty nine thousand dollars. His parents admit that they 'dumped' the twelve boxes of films and magazines, which included titles such as Frisky Business and Big Bad Grannys. The forty year-old, from Indiana, moved into their home in Grand Haven, Michigan, in October 2016 after a divorce. In court papers, he said that when he moved out ten months later they delivered his things to his new home in Indiana, but that his pornography collection was 'nowhere to be seen.' The unnamed man's case includes e-mails between him and his father, in which he wrote: 'If you had a problem with my belongings, you should have stated that at the time and I would have gone elsewhere. Instead, you choose to keep quiet and behave vindictively.' His father responded: 'Believe it or not, one reason for why I destroyed your porn was for your own mental and emotional heath. I would have done the same if I had found a kilo of crack cocaine. Someday, I hope you will understand. I did you a big favour by getting rid of all this stuff.' His son, who is seeking triple financial damages of roughly eighty seen thousand bucks, initially filed a complaint with local police, but the Ottawa County prosecutor decided not to press charges. The man allegedly sent one officer forty four e-mails detailing movies that he said were destroyed, listing many as 'valuable out-of-print films,' but the prosecutor again decided not to press charges. His parents wrote: 'We counted twelve moving boxes full of pornography plus two boxes of sex toys as you call them. We began that day the process of destroying them and it took quite a while to do so.' The man's father added: 'I also warned you at that time if I ever found pornography in my house again, I would destroy it.' The identities of the trio have not been released as it is a civil case without any criminal charges.
A judge reportedly gave a serial drink-driver a chance to avoid jail because she is a woman. Victoria Parry, aged thirty, hit three other cars after downing a bottle of wine. Judge Sarah Buckingham said that Parry, an alcoholic who had escaped an abusive relationship, would have gone 'straight down the stairs' to The Slammer if she were a man. Although Parry 'deserved' a prison term, the judge gave her three months to 'address her issues.' The comments are - rightly - being investigated by a judicial watchdog. Prosecutor Tim Sapwell said that Parry caught a van's rear bumper, a Vauxhall Insignia's wing mirror, then the side of a BMW 'very heavily' in the crash. He told Warwick Crown Court it caused her Fiat to spin off the A46 near Stratford-upon-Avon into a wooded area where it then caught fire. An off-duty police officer pulled her from the car and Parry, who was banned from the road at the time, told him she had drunk a bottle of wine and 'shouldn't be driving,' Sapwell said. She was very arrested and registered a reading of almost three times the legal limit at a police station. Lucy Tapper, defending, said Parry had 'a considerable drink problem' after a fifteen-year abusive relationship, but had 'begun to tackle' her alcohol intake. The judge said: 'If Miss Parry was a man, there is no question it would have been straight down the stairs, because this is a shocking case of dangerous driving against a background of two previous convictions for excess alcohol.' But, she said, the offence had been committed in May 2018 and Parry, who had admitted dangerous driving, had not been in trouble since. 'She has clearly got an alcohol problem. She is, whether she admits it or not, an alcoholic,' the judge said. Deferring sentencing for three months, judge Buckingham told Parry she 'richly deserved' an immediate custodial term of eighteen months. 'I want to see whether you can really address the issues rather than paying lip service,' she said. She ordered Parry to abstain from alcohol, attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and pay for private counselling. If Parry complied, she said, the custody would not be made immediate. 'If you don't comply, I will conclude that you are not worthy of the chance,' the judge added. The Judicial Conduct Investigations Office confirmed that it had received a complaint about the remarks attributed to the judge.
A senior judge has revealed he was excused from jury service, because he was due to preside over the case in question. Keith Cutler, the resident judge of Winchester and Salisbury, said he was 'surprised' when he got the call up. But, his reason for not doing his duty was 'initially rejected' when he contacted the Jury Central Summoning Bureau directly to explain. Judge Cutler said the bureau 'realised its mistake' when he called them back. The judge, who served as the coroner for the inquest of Mark Duggan, said that he would have happily served as a juror if it had been appropriate. He told a jury: 'I was selected for jury service here at Salisbury Crown Court for a trial starting 23 April. I told the Jury Central Summoning Bureau that I thought I would be inappropriate seeing I happened to be the judge and knew all the papers. They wrote back to me, they picked up on the fact I was the judge but said "your appeal for refusal has been rejected but you could apply to the resident judge" but I told them "I am the resident judge." I had to phone them up and they realised it was a mistake.' The judge added: 'I would have liked to have done the jury service to see what it was like and whether I would have liked the judge.' A guide to jury summons issued by the Ministry of Justice states: 'The normal expectation is that everyone summoned for jury service will serve at the time for which they are summoned. However, it is recognised that there will be occasions when it is not reasonable for a person to serve at the time for which they are summoned.'
Saving France's eight hundred and fifty-year-old Notre-Dame cathedral came down to a crucial time window of fifteen to thirty minutes, France's deputy interior minister has said. Laurent Nuñez praised the 'courage and determination' of firefighters who 'risked their own lives' to salvage the building's stone structure and its two towers. The fire ravaged the cathedral's roof and caused its spire to collapse in shocking pictures beamed live around the world which resembled a cross between 9/11 and the final scene of The Wicker Man. French President Emmanuel Macron has vowed to rebuild the magnificent structure - which this blogger once visited during a trip to Paris in 1999 - within five years. The cause of the blaze is currently unclear. 'We now know it all came down to fifteen to thirty minutes,' Nuñez said, adding that police and fire services would spend the next forty eight hours assessing the security and safety of the structure. Paris public prosecutor Rémy Heitz said his office was 'favouring the theory of an accident,' but had assigned fifty people to investigate the origin of the fire. Other officials have suggested it 'could' be linked to extensive renovation works taking place at the cathedral. Thoughts are now turning to how Notre-Dame will be rebuilt, which Macron promised to make 'even more beautiful. We will turn this catastrophe into an opportunity to come together,' he said. In a televised public address, Macron also heaped praise on the fire services. 'The firefighters stopped the fire by taking the most extreme risks. They were twenty or twenty five, from each corner of France, from each region.' A number of companies and business tycoons have so far pledged about eight hundred million Euros between them to help with reconstruction efforts, AFP reports. Offers of help have also poured in from around the globe, with European Council President Donald Tusk calling on EU member states to rally round. Eric Fischer, head of the foundation in charge of restoring the one thousand-year-old Strasbourg cathedral, told AFP the Notre-Dame may take 'decades' to rebuild. The blaze was discovered at 6.43pm local time on Monday and firefighters were called to the scene. The flames quickly reached the roof of the cathedral, destroying the wooden interior before toppling the spire. Fears grew that the cathedral's famous towers would also be destroyed. But while a number of fires did begin in the towers, Nuñez said that they were 'successfully stopped before they could spread.' Search teams had already begun assessing the extent of the damage when dawn broke over the French capital. The cathedral's blackened stone and charred scaffolding were revealed to onlookers for the first time. Photos appear to show that at least one of the cathedral's famed rose windows has survived, although there are concerns for some of the other stained-glass windows. Christophe Castaner, France's interior minister, warned that while the principal structure had been saved, the building was still unstable. 'We will be standing at [Notre Dame's] bedside,' he added. Nuñez said that 'overall,' the structure was 'in good condition,' but that 'some vulnerabilities' had been identified in the stone vaults and the remainder of the building's ceiling. Experts have not yet been allowed on site to assess the damage and French firefighters have sent a drone to survey the scale of the destruction. Heat and water damage will also need to be assessed. The cathedral's Eighteenth Century organ has not been burned, but it is not clear whether it has been damaged by water, Bertrand de Feydeau, from the French charity Fondation du Patrimoine, told Associated Press. Air France said in a statement that the company would offer free flights to 'anyone involved in the reconstruction.' Billionaire François-Henri Pinault, chairman and CEO of the Kering group which owns the Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent fashion brands, pledged one hundred million Euros, AFP news agency reports. Another two hundred million Euros was pledged by Bernard Arnault's family and their company LVMH - a business empire which includes Louis Vuitton and Sephora, according to Reuters. French cosmetics giant L'Oreal and its founding Bettencourt family have promised to give a further two hundred million. Total, the French oil giant, has pledged one hundred million. Fondation du Patrimoine is reported to be launching an international appeal for funds for the cathedral, a Unesco World Heritage site. Russian President Vladimir Putin said that he was 'happy to send experts' to help restore the cathedral. The British government is also looking into what it can do to help, according to Ed Llewellyn, the UK ambassador to France. Spanish Culture Minister Jose Guirao said his country was also seeking ways to help. Emergency teams managed to rescue many valuable artwork and religious items, including what is said to be the crown of thorns worn by Christ before his crucifixion. A tunic King Louis IX is said to have worn when he brought the crown of thorns to Paris was also saved. Historian Camille Pascal told French broadcaster BFMTV that 'invaluable heritage' had been destroyed. 'Happy and unfortunate events for centuries have been marked by the bells of Notre-Dame. We can be only horrified by what we see.'
Two female fortune tellers were reportedly executed by firing squad in North Korea while a third was jailed for life in a show trial in Pyongyang. An alleged 'source' allegedly told Radio Free Asia that the women formed 'a psychic collective' called The Seven Star Group. They claimed that two children - aged three and five - had the ability to 'channel a spirit oracle' and 'predict the future.' The women were executed in March while thousands of people watched. Radio Free Asia said that 'sources within The Hermit Kingdom' allegedly told them the executions were 'designed to send a message.' Kim Jong-un reportedly 'fears superstition has become too widespread' in the dictatorship and he wants to maintain social order. 'Even high-ranking officials and the families of judicial authorities often visit fortune tellers before arranging weddings or making business deals,' the alleged 'source' allegedly said. In North Korea, any threats - perceived or real - are dealt with severely. Executions are fairly routine in one of the world's remaining Communist countries. 'As a matter of state policy, the authorities carry out executions, with or without trial, publicly or secretly, in response to political and other crimes that are often not among the most serious crimes,' a UN human rights report said. In 2013, Kim Jong-un ordered the execution of his own uncle, Jang Song-thaek, a high-ranking government official, after accusing him of trying to increase his own power.
And finally, dear blog reader, From The North's Headline Of The Week award goes to some wag at BBC News for this cracker.
On the hop, surely?

'When I was a child my brother would tell me a bedtime story. About the man who murdered our father.' The latest episode of Game Of Thrones, dear blog reader, was less of an episode in its own right but, rather, a beautifully reflective 'eve of the war' collection of sequences. And, it was gorgeous, so it was. Really proper terrific. There were moments of great pathos, great drama, some sexy bits and also more than a few moments of great humour - particularly when Liam Cunningham's usually very reliable Geordie accent suddenly went all weird and Aiden Gillen at one point for no obvious reason. That was funny. Reviews, opinion pieces, live bloggerisationisms and general over-the-top 'squeeing' can be righteously consumed at, well take yer pick - NBC, the Torygraph, the Den Of Geek! website, NME, the Gruniad Morning Star, the Huffington Post, Forbes, Harper's Bazaar, the Daily Scum Mail, the Independent, the Radio Times, the New York Times, the New York Post, the Boston Globe, Deadline, The Atlantic, IGN, Vanity Fair, the Sun, the Black Girl Nerds website, the Evening Standard, Rotten Tomatoes, Business Insider, The Verge, the Washington Post and, just about everywhere else on the Interweb. Simply type 'Game Of Thrones' into Google, dear blog reader and you'll find another three billion at least.
Maisie Williams has revealed that she believed Arya's allegedly 'controversial' scene in the latest Game Of Thrones episode was 'a prank.' The twenty two-year-old was interviewed by Entertainment Weekly immediately after the broadcast of an episode featuring her character's first bare-ass nekked scene featuring The Sex. She explained that she discovered Arya would be having The Sex with her old friend Gendry (Joe Dempsie) the night before the battle against The White Walkers from her friend and co-star Sophie Turner who had, Williams suggested, read the script quicker than her. But, this didn't stop Maisie from initially thinking that the scene was a trick being played on her by showrunners David Benioff and DB Weiss who had, apparently, done something similar to Kit Harington in the first series. 'At first, I thought it was a prank,' she claimed. 'I was like, "Yo, good one." And [they were] like, "No, we haven't done that this year."' Williams said it was left up to her to decide exactly how bare-ass nekked she actually got on camera. Following the episode, some people you've never heard of on Twitter apparently expressed 'distaste' at the thought that Williams, who was twelve when the drama began, would have had to undress in front of crew members who have known her since she was in junior school. 'David and Dan were like: "You can show as much or as little as you want,"' Maisie said, adding: 'So I kept myself pretty private. I don't think it's important for Arya to flash. This beat isn't, really, about that.' Reflecting on what the scene means for her character, Williams continued: 'This is something she has stayed away from, an emotion we've never really seen her engage with. David and Dan were like, "It's the end of the world, what else would you have her do?" This may be is a moment where Arya accepts death tomorrow, which she never does. It's interesting to see Arya be a bit more human, speak more normally about things people are scared of.'
The latest episode of Game Of Thrones was uploaded to Amazon early due to an 'error,' the company has claimed. The person who 'erred' has, subsequently, had their knackers fed to The Hounds until they promised never to do it again. Some Amazon Prime members were able to watch the episode several hours before its scheduled release time. 'We regret that for a short time Amazon customers in Germany were able to access episode two of season eight of Game Of Thrones,' an Amazon spokesman weaselled. 'This was an error and has been rectified.' He added that a damned good hard slapping on the Jacob's Cream Crackers with a wet plimsoll was 'involved' in this 'rectification.' Probably. It was taken down soon after it was uploaded, but it was available long enough for 'many' fans to view the whole episode. And, to have a right good sneer about that on social media. As a result, screengrabs and plot details started appearing online before the official broadcast time. This is the second week in a row that Game Of Thrones has appeared online early. The previous week's series eight launch episode was made available to DirecTV Now customers four hours early. Writing in Forbes, Paul Tassi said: 'HBO has to be tearing their hair out that this keeps happening, but this show is so popular and there are so many of these markets to manage, it does almost seem inevitable that something will go wrong. At least we're not dealing with people flat-out stealing episodes like we saw in a breach a few years ago, but this is not great either.'
'Stand your ground!' The trailer for next week's episode, appears to show the popular adult fantasy drama's biggest ever massive fek-off fight, the Battle of Winterfell. The clip shows just about every major player in Westeros preparing for the tool-stiffeningly violent battle ahead. The Night King his very self, Vladimír Furdík, suggested the episode would be 'an historic moment' when interviewed last year. 'Almost the full episode will be about the battle, it will take about one hour,' he said. So, that should be good for a laugh.
'See, this is why you don't have any friends!' Elmo, seemingly, wants to bring peace to Westeros, dear blog reader. Well, good luck with that, mate. In a - very amusing - video released late last week, which emphasises the theme of respect, the Sesame Street favourite tries to encourage level-headed and friendly discourse between warring siblings Cersei and Tyrion Lannister. For those wondering if this is 'canon' or not ... this blogger reckons probably not. But, it is funny. It's worth it, in particularly, for Peter Dinklage's delightful facial expression at a mention of The Cookie Monster!
'I'll just masturbate onto this omelette then, shall I?' As previously noted, dear blog reader, this blogger does not intend to review any episodes of the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve currently showing in the US until the episodes become widely available in Britain at a later date for fear of spoiling anyone who wishes not to be spoilerised. However, if you're not bothered about any such spoilerising malarkey then, reviews of series two, episode three are available at the Torygraph, for example. And, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly, Metro and IndieWire. Avoid all of those like The Plague, dear blog reader, if you want to remain unspoilerised. If you're wondering, Keith Telly Topping thought it was great. Though, again, that's not really a spoiler, per se, more of a universal constant.
'With respect, sir, I dispute the lawfulness of your order.' Sunday's fourth episode of Line Of Duty's current fifth series continued to punch regular viewers, hard, in the kisser with shocking - and stunning - twists and turns. Remember, for example, when writer Jed Mercurio killed off a major character half-way-through Bodyguard last year and many viewers suggested 'well, he'll never do that again!' Oh, do you bloody think so? The usual - fanboy and fangirlesque - reviews of the episode at the Gruniad, the Independent, the Torygraph, the Digital Spy website and the Radio Times are there if you want to go looking for them. Once again, if you haven't seen the episode and are worried about being all nastily spoilerised then you'd be well advised to not read any of the above. Just go and watch the episode instead, dear blog reader. Bit of a radical suggestion, this blogger is aware but, you'll probably feel better afterwards. Unlike John Corbett. Who won't.
'Remind me to talk to you about that full pardon!' One episode before its ultimate conclusion, From The North favourite Gotham pretty much tied up all of its various ongoing plotlines in a neat bundle with a bat-shaped bow on top and declared to the audience 'right, it's taken us ninety nine episodes to get this far, where we're going next, for one week only, it somewhere else entirely.' Being set at some indeterminate point in the future (ten year is the figure being widely bandied about on the Interweb) this means, for instance, that the Catwoman who appears in the finale will be played by someone other than From The North favourite Camren Bicondova. Despite that, the trailer for the finale does, undeniably, look great.
But, back to the penultimate episode, They Did What?, which was a rich and beautifully structured engine of destruction from the first moment. One that gave viewers a final, lingering look at the Batman: Year Zero aesthetic Gotham has mined so successful for five years. Reviews of the episode are available for you to be spoilerised by, dear blog reader, here, here, here and here.
Sean Pertwee, meanwhile, has been sharing some - decidedly out-of-character - on-set images from the finale online.
There was an interesting change of pace in this week's episode of From The North's current favourite TV show on the entire bloody planet, Doom Patrol. Hair Patrol combined an atypically mental dip into the Grant Morrison cavalcade of bizarre characters (in this particular case, The Beard Hunter) with a really touching and lyrical back-story for Niles Caulder (Timothy Dalton). The storyline was also notable for teasing the forthcoming debut of another major Doom Patrol comic book character, Flex Mentallo. There are reviews of the episode for you to surf at your leisure, dear blog reader, here, here, here and here.
Meanwhile, the trailer for the next episode - Frances Patrol - promises more good work on the Rita front.
'Sometimes we know the role we're meant to play, sometimes we don't. I'm not sure which is better, to be honest.' The - for the most part uniformly splendid - second series of another From The North favourite, Star Trek: Discovery, came to an end this week. With an episode that, again, managed to tie up the majority of the series' running themes and send most of the regular cast off into a brave new (far) future. Favourable reviews of the episode - and, of the series as a whole - can be read here, here and here.
Speaking with The Hollywood Reporter, Star Trek: Discovery co-creator and co-showrunner Alex Kurtzman discussed the second series finale in some detail. He also removed any doubt as to where the show is headed: 'We are jumping nine hundred and fifty years into the future for season three,' he confirmed. Kurtzman talked about how the decision to jump the show into the Thirty Third Century frees them up: 'We love playing within canon. It's a delight and a privilege. It's fun to explore nooks and crannies of the universe that people haven't fully explored yet. That being said, we felt strongly that we wanted to give ourselves an entirely new energy for season three with a whole new set of problems. We're farther than any Trek show has ever gone. I also had experience working on the [JJ Abrams] films where we were stuck with canonical problems. We knew how Kirk had died and we wondered how we could put him in jeopardy to make it feel real. That's what led us to go with an alternate timeline; suddenly we could tell the story in a very unpredictable way. That's the same thought process that went into jumping nine hundred and fifty years into the future. We're now completely free of canon and we have a whole new universe to explore.' When asked if characters from other Star Trek series might show up, Kurtzman again noted the time jump puts the show far beyond where any man (or woman) has gone before: 'There will be canonical references to everything that has happened in the various shows; we're not erasing that. But we're so far past that point that all of that is a very distant memory. We're very excited to see how you put the elements of Star Trek in an entirely new universe.' No details were provided on what the crew of the Discovery will have to deal with in this far future, but he did indicate that it isn't going to be smooth sailing: 'All I can tell you is that Control is officially neutralised, but there will be much bigger problems when they get to the other side of that wormhole.' Kurtzman also talked about the expanding Star Trek universe which he oversees, including the buzz around a series set on Captain Pike's USS Enterprise, making it clear they are 'aware' of the clamouring fan-interest: 'The fans have been heard. Anything is possible in the world of Trek. I would love to bring back that crew more than anything. It was a huge risk for us. One of the most gratifying things is to see how deeply the fans have embraced Pike, Spock, Number One and The Enterprise. The idea of getting to tell more stories with them would be a delight for all of us.' The next show to launch will be the Picard series starring Sir Patrick Stewart. Earlier this week, CBS announced three more actors had joined the cast. Kurtzman gave an update on the status of the show: '[The Picard series is] going amazingly. We start shooting soon. It will be really different from Discovery in tone, pace and story. I'm so excited with how our cast came together. Hanelle Culpepper, our director, is absolutely crushing it. We're so excited because it's so different. Yet, I think people who like The Next Generation will recognise that it's made by people who love it equally. It will be really interesting to see how people respond.' The executive producer also briefly discussed the Section Thirty One series planned to go into production after the third series of Discovery: 'If you're a fan of Deep Space Nine, you've probably spent the past two years saying, "What the hell are they doing with Section Thirty One? That's nothing like the Section Thirty One we know." That's exactly right. In Deep Space Nine, they did not have badges or ships. They're an underground organisation. What you see on Discovery and our upcoming show with Michelle Yeoh is how Section Thirty One became that organisation and why it was so underground by the time Deep Space Nine comes around.' Kurtzman's co-showrunner Michelle Paradise discussed Such Sweet Sorrow with Entertainment Tonight, explaining the reasoning behind the solution to how to sync the show with established canon: 'Wrapping this story up and being clear that because of the danger that Control presented, because of the spore drive, because of this time-travelling technology ... for those reasons and to prevent any dangerous entities from trying to access these things again, we must nip it in the bud. The lying about it is a protection for Starfleet. That's the reason that they do it and it is also to make sure that if Section Thirty One has any designs on doing the next version of Control, that it can't get out of control - no pun intended - and create a similar problem in the future. It was about answering the season two story, eliminating the threat of Control so that we, as viewers, understand Control has been eliminated. The goal of this season was to take care of this problem and we have taken care of this problem successfully. And at the same time, that also puts us in line with canon. Those were the reasons that we did that.' The executive producer also provided some background on their approach to wrapping up the story arc relating to Spock and Burnham: 'We had done a lot of work on the Burnham and Spock relationship over the course of this season. We knew from the beginning that we wanted to start them in a place where they were fractured and that the journey of the season would be to bring them back together and heal the wounds between them. Of course, he has to go on the Enterprise at some point, so you bring their relationship to a satisfying conclusion where the hurts of the past have been healed and where they have been able to help, support and influence one another. We talked a lot about what Spock could give to Burnham and what Burnham could give to Spock. Over the course of the season, we see that play out in a number of different episodes, leading to this culmination where they share with one another the ways in which they're better and the ways in which they need one another and the ways in which they are okay knowing that she must go on to do this mission and he must return to the Enterprise. We were trying to find the best possible way to honour their sibling relationship and end them in a positive way.' Paradise also confirmed that when Michael Burnham was advising Spock to seek out his 'opposite,' the writers were alluding to a specific character Spock will encounter in the future: 'Absolutely. That is definitely Kirk.' As previously reported, production of the third series of Discovery is scheduled to begin in early July.
'Wars are coming, Shadow. I have a big role for you.' As with Game Of Thrones, there is, seemingly, a massive fek-off fight coming in From The North favourite American Gods forthcoming finale and the latest - penultimate - episode was full of similar reflective and sorrowful tones to this week's Game Of Thrones. This blogger has always been a right sucker for Mad Sweeney-centric episodes and, given that this one may be the last such episode for some time (if not, ever) then Keith Telly Topping, big surprise, thought it was great. A view which was, seemingly, shared in several reviewers of the episode whose views can be found here, here and here.
Now, dear blog reader, the first in a new semi-regular From The North feature, 'I Thought He Was Dead' and a - really rather good - guest-turn by the great (and, thankfully, not late) Richard Thomas (John-Boy Walton) in the latest episode of From The North favourite The Blacklist.
BBC Studios have announced the forthcoming release of Doctor Who's fourth series of adventures in a Blu-ray Steelbook. Series four marked the arrival of the award-winning actor Catherine Tate as The Doctor's new companion, Donna. The Doctor and Donna travelled back to Pompeii on the eve of the infamous eruption where people are slowly turning to stone, investigated a series of grisly murders with the help of Agatha Christie, journeyed to the home world of The Ood and came face-to-face with an old enemy. And John Barrowman. Series four saw the return of previous companions, Rose Tyler and Martha Jones plus an array of guest cast which included Sarah Lancashire, Felicity Kendal, Fenella Woolgar, Tim McInnerny, yer actual Peter Capaldi, Phil Davis and Tracey Childs. Bonus features exclusive to the release include episodes of Doctor Who Confidential, video diaries, commentaries, the - memorable - Children In Need mini-episode Time Crash (featuring Peter Davison co-starring with his son-in-law, David Tennant), plus trailers and deleted scenes. The steelbook is due to be released on 27 May and is available to pre-order in the UK from Amazon.
Congratulations are very much due to the Gruniad Morning Star's Ellen E Jones (no, me neither) for an article about Gruniad Morning Star arse-lick favourite Fleabag which is sure to draw gasps - gasps, please note - from Gruniad Morning Star readers as they read it over their quiche and/or muesli. Fleabag Is A Work Of Undeniable Genius. But It Is For Posh Girls is the article in question. Fleabag is, actually, neither of those things, but watching the heads of numerous Gruniad Morning Star readers explode at the very suggestion is, undeniably, vastly entertaining.
The BBC Proms will blast into hyperspace this summer, with a series of interstellar concerts marking the fiftieth anniversary of the Apollo 11 Moon landings. Alongside classics like Holst's The Planets, the season will include an SF Prom, featuring scores from films such as Gravity and Alien: Covenant. A CBeebies concert will take children on 'a journey to the Moon,' including a close encounter with the cast of Clangers. The season opens in July with a new piece inspired by the first Moon walk. Zosha Di Castri's Long Is The Journey, Short Is The Memory will be premiered on Friday 19 July, under the baton of Karina Canellakis - the first female conductor to oversee The First Night Of The Proms. Meanwhile, art-rock collective Public Service Broadcasting - a particular favourite of this blogger - will play their concept piece Race For Space in a special late night Prom. The record, which combines sparse electronic beats with archive audio recordings from the US-Soviet space race, will be presented in a new arrangement with the Multi-Story Orchestra. Running from 19 July to 14 September, the one hundred and twenty fifth Proms season will also see concerts from cellist Sheku Kanneh-Mason, West African singer Angélique Kidjo and American mezzo-soprano Jamie Barton, who will be the featured soloist on the Last Night Of The Proms. Although the festival was planned as the Brexit deadline approached, Proms director David Pickard said there were 'almost no' plans put in place to ensure foreign musicians could play if Britain left the EU without a deal. 'To be fair, there were a couple of orchestras who raised the issue with us at the end of last year,' he told BBC News. 'But I think the music world is incredibly resilient. Most orchestras I've spoken to have said, "Well, there's probably going to be a lot of extra paperwork and there might be a few more costs, but we'll find a way of doing it somehow." And, what was the contingency plan we could have made? We were trying to second-guess the whole time what the implications would be - but not knowing what the future would hold, there was no contingency that would have been foolproof.' All of this year's concerts will be broadcast live on Radio 3 and twenty five of the shows will be screened on television. Tickets for each of the concerts start at six quid. The Proms will celebrate the two hundredth anniversary of Queen Victoria's birth by transporting her piano from the drawing room of Buckingham Palace for a one-night-only performance. The gilded instrument, painted with cherubs and monkeys, will deliver music by Victoria's favourite composer, Mendelssohn, as well as several songs composed by her husband, Prince Albert. When he's not pushing celebrated - and massively over-rated - miserablists Radiohead in new sonic directions, guitarist Jonny Greenwood has a sideline as an avant-garde composer - most notably on film soundtracks such as There Will Be Blood, Norwegian Wood and the Oscar-nominated Phantom Thread. He makes his Proms debut on 10 September, curating a programme which includes Steve Reich's hypnotic Pulse and Heinrich Biber's Passacaglia In G Minor. The concert culminates with the world premiere of Greenwood's Horror Vacui - which 'aims to simulate electronic sounds using sixty eight string instruments played acoustically.' After bringing Quincy Jones, Charles Mingus and grime to the Proms, conductor Jules Buckley has turned his attention to soul-jazz legend Nina Simone. Titled Mississippi Goddam, after Simone's powerful civil rights protest song, the evening's programme promises to 'explore her background and enduring influence' as a musician, a lyricist and an activist. The concert will feature Selma star Ledisi, amongst others, performing songs like 'I Put A Spell On You', 'My Baby Just Cares For Me' and 'Feeling Good'. Buckley is also in charge of a 'hip-hop Prom,' which will showcase scratch DJs, beatboxing and graffiti art. The singers from musical collective Solomon's Knot will perform four Bach cantatas from memory, without a conductor at a late-night Prom on 14 August. 'They're a young baroque group, who've just sprung up but have quite a big following,' said Pickard. 'Their concerts are incredibly communicative because they're either looking at you or they're looking at each other. It's hard to explain the dynamic but they're a very interesting group.' There is a strong environmental theme to this year's programme, with works such as Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony, inspired by his walks in the Austrian countryside and Richard Strauss's Alpine Symphony, which depicts a day's climbing in the Bavarian Alps. The season will also feature the European premiere of In The Name Of The Earth, by Pulitzer Prize-winner John Luther Adams. Inspired by the landscapes of America and humanity's perilous relationship with nature, the work will be performed by eight choirs positioned around the Royal Albert Hall, immersing the audience in the music. Meanwhile, the Lost Words Prom takes its inspiration from Robert McFarlane and Jackie Morris's book, The Lost Words, which 'reclaims' words like 'acorn', 'adder' and 'bramble', after they were expunged from the Oxford Children's Dictionary in favour of modern terms such as 'broadband' and 'celebrity'. The family-focused concert will blend jazz, classical, beat-boxing and sound effects while McFarlane will update his lexicon of 'lost words' with 'a few new entries.'
An age-check scheme designed to stop under-eighteens from viewing pornographic websites will come into force on 15 July. From that date, affected sites will have to verify the age of UK visitors. If they fail to comply they will face being blocked by Interweb service providers. But, critics say that teens may find it 'relatively easy' to bypass the restriction or could simply turn to porn-hosting platforms not covered by The Law. Twitter, Reddit and image-sharing community Imgur, for example, will not be required to administer the scheme because they fall under an exception where more than a third of a site or app's content must be pornographic to qualify. Likewise, any platform which hosts pornography but does not do so on 'a commercial basis' - meaning it does not charge a fee or make money from adverts or other activity - will be unaffected. Furthermore, it will remain legal to use virtual private networks, which can make it seem like a UK-based computer is located elsewhere, to evade the age checks. The authorities have, however, acknowledged that age-verification is 'not a silver bullet' solution, but rather a means to make it 'less likely' that children stumble across unsuitable material online. 'The introduction of mandatory age-verification is a world-first and we've taken the time to balance privacy concerns with the need to protect children from inappropriate content,' claimed the Minister for Digital Margot James. 'We want the UK to be the safest place in the world to be online and these new laws will help us achieve this.' It had originally been proposed that pornographic services which refused to carry out age-checks could be fined up to two hundred and fifty thousand smackers. However, this power will not be enforced because ministers believe the threat to block 'defiant' sites will be 'sufficient' and that trying to chase overseas-based entities for payment 'would have been difficult.' No shit? However, the government has said that 'other measures' could follow. 'We know that pornography is available on some social media platforms and we expect those platforms to do a lot more to create a safer environment for children,' a spokesman for the Department of Digital Culture, Media and Sport told the BBC. 'If we do not see action then we do not rule out legislating in the future to force companies to take responsibility for protecting vulnerable users from the potentially harmful content that they host.' The age checks were originally proposed by the now defunct regulator Atvod in 2014 and were enacted into law as part of the the Digital Economy Act 2017. But their roll-out had been repeatedly delayed. UK-hosted pornographic video services already have to verify visitors' ages, as do online gambling platforms. The British Board of Film Classification - which gives movies their UK age certificates - will be responsible for regulating the effort. It will instruct Interweb providers which sites and apps to block for non-compliance. In addition, it can call on payment service providers to pull support and ask search engines and advertisers to 'shun' an offending business. The pornographic platforms themselves will have freedom to choose how to verify UK visitors' ages. But the BBFC has said that it will 'award solutions' which adopt 'robust' data-protection standards with a certificate, allowing them to display a green age verification symbol on their marketing materials to help consumers make an informed choice. One digital rights campaign group questioned the sense of this scheme being voluntary. 'Having some age verification that is good and other systems that are bad is unfair and a scammer's paradise - of the government's own making,' said Jim Killock from the Open Rights Group. 'Data leaks could be disastrous. And they will be the government's own fault.' Mindgeek, one of the adult industry's biggest players, has developed an online system of its own called AgeID, which it hopes will be widely adopted. It involves adults having to upload scans of their passports or driving licences, which are then verified by a third-party. It has said that all the information will be encrypted and that the AgeID system will not keep track of how each users' accounts are used. High street stores and newsagents will also sell separate age-verification cards to adults after carrying out face-to-face checks, according to the government. Dubbed 'porn passes' by the media, the idea is that users would type in a code imprinted on the cards into pornographic websites to gain access to their content. And then, have a right good wank just as they do now. The BBFC has said it will also create an online form for members of the public to 'flag non-compliant sites' - or, in other words, to snitch them up right good and proper like a filthy stinkin' Copper's Nark - once the new regulations come into effect. 'We want to make sure that when these new rules are implemented they are as effective as possible,' commented the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. 'To accomplish this, it is crucial the rules keep pace with the different ways that children are exposed to porn online.' The age checks form part of a wider effort by the UK's authorities to make the Interweb 'safer' to use for young people. Most recently, DCMS proposed the creation of a new regulator to tackle apps that contain content promoting self-harm and suicide, among other problems. In addition, the Information Commissioner's Office has proposed services stop using tools that encourage under-eighteens to share more personal data about themselves than they would do otherwise. The idea of the government keeping a database of verified porn viewers had sounded like a privacy and ethical nightmare. Luckily it has dodged that bullet. Despite the introduction of a new kitemark-like badge to identify 'cyber-security conscious systems,' there's still a concern that some will suffer data breaches causing people's 'adult interests' to be 'exposed.'
A British man hailed as a hero for helping to stop a global cyber-attack that was threatening the NHS has pleaded very guilty to US malware charges. Marcus Hutchins pleaded guilty to two charges related to writing malware - or malicious software - court documents show. Writing on his website, Hutchins said that he 'regretted' his actions and accepted 'full responsibility for my mistakes.' Hutchins has been held in the US since he was arrested by the FBI in 2017. 'As you may be aware, I've pleaded guilty to two charges related to writing malware in the years prior to my career in security,' he wrote on his website. 'I regret these actions and accept full responsibility for my mistakes. Having grown up, I've since been using the same skills that I misused several years ago for constructive purposes. I will continue to devote my time to keeping people safe from malware attacks.' Hutchins, from Ilfracombe, was credited with stopping the WannaCry malware which was threatening the NHS and other organisations in May 2017. But he was arrested by FBI agents two months later at Las Vegas's McCarran International Airport. He had been attending the Def Con conference - one of the world's biggest hacking and security gatherings.
This blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle United moved ten points clear of the relegation zone and up to twelfth place in the Premier League after an entertaining win over Southampton at St James' Park thanks to Ayoze Pérez's first hat-trick for the club. This blogger was already fairly certain that United were going to have a good day when, on Saturday morning, he spotted a tiding of Magpies (well ... two of them, anyway), looking for worms in the garden of Stately Telly Topping Manor. One for sorrow, two for joy and all that. Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws subsequent win at Cardiff City on Sunday meant that - with three games remaining - this blogger's bonny Magpies are now mathematically safe. Which was nice. Ralph Hasenhüttl's Saints survived a second-minute appeal for a penalty after Pierre-Emile Højbjerg appeared to handle in the area but, much to Rafa Benítez's chagrin, referee Anthony Taylor, waved away appeals. If Newcastle's manager was mildly irked about that, he must have been downright disgusted, appalled, shocked and stunned when James Ward-Prowse escaped with a yellow card after a horribly cynical and nasty body-check on a rapidly counter-attacking Miguel Almirón. Considering that Ward-Prowse was the only remaining marker between the Paraguayan and Angus Gunn's goal, everyone wearing black and white was convinced it was the denial of a clear-cut goal-scoring opportunity and an automatic red card. Given that the bodycheck was so blatant it was arguably worthy of a dismissal in and of itself and there was a real sense of justice being done when Pérez scored two goals in quick succession to put Th' Toon in charge at the break. However, Southampton have also been playing well and they were transformed after half-time, substitute Mario Lemina coolly slotting on to halve The Magpies' lead. After Ki Sung-yueng hit the post for United and Angus Gunn pulled off an outstanding save from Isaac Hayden - and despite losing Almirón and Fabian Schär to injury - Pérez wrapped up the points for Benitez's side. The victory leaves Newcastle with forty one points from thirty four games. Pérez had scored four in his last seven homes games as well as the winner at Leicester last weekend and he continued his fine run of form with a superbly taken hat-trick. His first was a perfectly placed clipped shot, kissing the inside of the far post after Hayden had won the ball back in midfield. He followed that up two minutes later as his determination to meet Salomón Rondón's low cross ahead of Ryan Bertrand bought him a second goal. He completed his hat-trick with four minutes left, poaching a close range header after Matt Ritchie had bravely dived in to win a Southampton clearance. Pérez now has ten Premier League goals this season, the first Newcastle player to do so since Georginio Wijnaldum in 2016. Pérez's burgeoning confidence crowned a strong performance from Newcastle who, after a tenth place finish last season, are chasing down the top-half of the table once again.
Elsewhere, Sheikh Yer Man City returned to the top of the Premier League table on Saturday while Brighton & Hove Albinos inched further away from the relegation zone. Phil Foden's goal gave City victory over Stottingtot Hotshots in the early kick-off to send Pep Guardiola's side one point clear of title rivals Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. Brighton ended a run of four successive defeats with an unsurprisingly unadventurous goalless draw at Wolves. It moved The Seagulls three points above eighteenth-placed Cardiff. Brighton had goalkeeper Mat Ryan - who played an impressive holding role behind the back ten - to thank for a string of fine saves at Molineux, where the draw meant hosts Wolves slipped to ninth place. Aleksandar Mitrović scored from the spot as already relegated Fulham won at Bournemouth - their first away win of a horrible season for The Cottagers - while Gerard Deulofeu netted twice as Watford saw off bottom side Huddersfield. The Terriers' defeat means that they have now lost fourteen home Premier League games this season, a joint record in the competition's history with Blunderland in 2002-03 and 2005-06. Harvey Barnes grabbed a point for Leicester in an entertaining two-two draw at West Hamsters United, after Lucas Perez had put the Hammers in front with ten minutes to go. Michail Antonio had headed in for the hosts in the first half, before Jamie Vardy's neat finish pulled The Foxes level. On Sunday, Everton gave The Scum a pants-down twanking at Goodison Park, a four-nil thrashing which saw in an incandescent, red-faced Gary Neville on Sky Sports using the words 'shameful,''rotten,''rancid'and'embarrassing' in the same sentence and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer issuing a grovelling public apology to The Scum's supporters. So, that was funny. Later, Liverpool's two-nil win at Cardiff left Whinging Neil Wazzcock's Bluebirds mired deep in the relegation clarts. Crystal Palace continued their recent fine form with a three-two win up The Arse.
Incidentally, dear blog reader, this blogger - as he has made clear on many previous occasions on this blog - has what he believes to be a good understanding of the way in which the universe laws of karma can have a way of coming back and biting one, hard, on the arse in relation to football. Very much a case in point; at the start of this current season this blogger's beloved Newcastle had an appalling run of results which meant that, after ten games, they were rock bottom of the Premier League with but three points (gained from three goalless draws). The fact that six of those ten games had been against Sheikh Yer Man City, Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, Stottingtot Hotshots, The Arse, The Scum and Moscow Chelski FC did not seem to factor into much ill-informed media and Interweb speculation relating to The Magpies' chances of hauling themselves clear of the drop zone. Rafa The Gaffer, at the time, noted that the Premier League is a marathon rather than a sprint but still, in those dark days of late September and early October 2018, one would have been hard-pressed to find many outside of the Greater Tyneside area who didn't have Th' Toon marked down as bankers for the drop. At the same time, this blogger was being bombarded by some, frankly, sneering posts from a - now extremely former - Facebook fiend who wanted to know what Rafa The Gaffer had been playing it at in selling Aleksandar Mitrović to the now former Facebook fiend's own team, Fulham. 'Mitro is our hero,' this individual crowed. 'We can't understand why you let him go.' Six months later and with Fulham about to return to the second tier with but six wins all season and a total of a mere thirty three goals scored (and seventy six conceded) the time is, perhaps, now appropriate to conclude that one man does not make a team. And, that if you're going to have a right sneer about how great your own side are at the expense of someone else, it is probably an idea to wait until towards the end of the season when you're mathematically safe before doing so. The actual reason that Mitrović was sold, of course, at least in part was because he had developed a nasty habit of getting himself suspended - usually for crass and violent off-the-ball incidents - at times when Newcastle could least afford to lose one of the few fit strikers they had available to them. Rafa, to be brutal, seem to feel he could not longer trust Mitrović. Subsequent events suggest he may well have been correct in that assessment.
As the grim spectacle unfolded in San Marino last month - a performance so utterly awful that even the captain Andy Robertson described it as 'rock bottom' - the Scotland fans, already bruised and battered from the calamity in Kazakhstan a few days earlier, started to crank up their anger, from good old fashioned booing to something more vitriolic. They went after the board of the Scottish FA, demanding, rather optimistically, that they all be fired. Mainly, though, their thunder was reserved for Alex McLeish, the beleaguered manager at the heart of another horror-show. 'You're getting sacked in the morning!' the fans hollered. In fact, it took a further twenty eight days before McLeish ultimately left his position. After twelve games in fourteen months featuring forty nine different players and an incalculable amount of negative comment, McLeish this week ifnally lost his job. At some point, soon, some of the same people who tried to appoint Michael O'Neill, whom they reportedly couldn't afford, before turning frantically to Walter Smith, whose patience they exhausted and who then gave the job to McLeish, will appoint a ninth Scotland manager of the millennium. It's fair to say that supporter faith in their judgment headed South a long time ago. Currently, it's residing somewhere in Antarctica. Poor performances did for McLeish, but there was more to it than that, more than mere losses which chipped away at his credibility. Controversial formations, mass player defections, odd pre and post-match comments - it all unravelled quickly. The be fair McLeish needed to be remarkable to win over the doubters from day one, the fans who never wanted him in the first place because he walked out on the Scotland job previously, because his recent track record in club management was poor, because he was seen as an unambitious and uninspired choice by a board - Alan McRae, the president, in particular - who seemed to be putting the appointment of an old pal ahead of the national interest. McLeish did not deserve to be left dangling in uncertainty for the past month - Scottish FA prevarication did him no favours - but there could only have been one sensible conclusion to this who fiasco. The last shred of faith in his ability to take the team forward - and to take advantage of the red carpet to Euro 2020 that is the Nations League - had run out. It was an unhappy fourteen months, pockmarked by bitterness, rancour and suspicion. Before his first game, at home to Costa Rica, McLeish said that he wanted his team to play with the kind of swagger they had in his first incarnation as Scotland manager. They were booed off after a one-nil defeat. In fairness to McLeish, he was never slow in giving players a chance, partly because he had no choice given all the call-offs he experienced. In that Costa Rica game, he gave debuts to Scott McKenna and Scott McTominay. Getting the Manchester United player on board might yet be seen as McLeish's biggest legacy. He won his second game, against Hungary, but then the grim decision-making of his employers conspired against him. An end-of-season trek to Peru and Mexico was needed like a firm kick to the knackers. Key players withdrew in rapid order. Against Peru, McLeish gave debuts to seven players - Lewis Stevenson, Lewis Morgan, Chris Cadden and Dylan McGeouch among them. They lost two-nil to a team readying itself for the World Cup. It finished one-nil against Mexico - another side finishing preparations for the party in Russia. Given the ridiculously trying circumstances, the results were actually quite credible, but they were damaging at the same time. Those two defeats added to the greyness around the Scotland squad. What McLeish could have done with next was a gimme, a handy friendly to boost the morale, not just of his players but of the support. He desperately needed to win them over. What he got was a game against Belgium - the third-best side in the world at the time - and a thumping four-nil loss at Hampden. Four defeats in five games and just one goal scored. Only twenty thousand punters turned up to watch. As was to be so often the case, McLeish didn't exactly help himself before that Belgium game when he said his team were 'good enough to go toe-to-toe' with Eden Hazard and co. Nobody believed him when he said it. It made him look silly when the World Cup semi-finalists, unsurprisingly, took his team to the cleaners whilst barely getting out of first gear. Only then - in September 2018 - did McLeish get his first competitive game, a Nations League tie at home to Albania which Scotland won two-nil. It was a decent performance albeit against a desperately poor side. Perhaps the most revealing thing that night, though, was the size of the crowd - fewer than eighteen thousand. 'I'm building a wall, not papering cracks,' McLeish said. Saying that was all very well so long as people can see the blocks being put in place. A month later, they collapsed to a two-one loss in Israel, a nation with a world ranking that was fifty five places below Scotland. McLeish lost John Souttar to a red card after an hour, but they were in all sorts of trouble even before he exited. The scoreline did not flatter Israel who had only on win in their previous ten games. The only teams they had beaten in their own stadium in four years were Liechtenstein and Andorra. Scotland, frankly, made them look like France. By now the ire of the fans was being directed at the Scottish FA as much as it was at McLeish. They flew the team to Israel the day before the game, then experienced a delayed flight which saw McLeish having to hold a training session at 10.30pm local time. The logistics off the field were almost as wretched as the performances on it. McLeish was getting pelted with flak for persisting with his three-five-two formation, a square-pegs-in-round-holes set-up which made the team looked utterly perplexed as to what they were supposed to be doing. In the aftermath of the Israel loss, a BBC Scotland poll asked if the defeat was the biggest embarrassment in the history of the national team - thirty eight per cent of responders said that it was. Those grey clouds had turned black when Portugal turned up in Glasgow and strolled to a three-one win with what was, effectively, a B-team. It was a sixth defeat in eight games for McLeish in front of a half-empty Hampden. Once more, McLeish was left defending the players who had cried off. Robert Snodgrass, Matt Ritchie, James McArthur and Tom Cairney - one hundred and twenty four appearances between them in the English Premier League this season - disappeared off the Scotland radar. If they did not want to play, why? If they did want to play, then where were they? There was brief respite when Scotland, inspired by James Forrest, won four-nil in Albania before beating Israel three-two at Hampden to top their Nations League group. Even then, though, it was not straightforward. Scotland played pretty well but, in the dying minutes, Allan McGregor had to make a magnificent save from a Tomer Hemed volley to secure the victory. Had Hemed scored, Scotland would have been out of the Nations League and the cries for McLeish to be out of his job would have been deafening. It was only postponing the inevitable. Scotland went to Kazakhstan without some important players, most notably Kieran Tierney, Robertson and Ryan Fraser. It was a footballing Armageddon. Kazakhstan were ranked one hundred and seventeenth in the FIFA rankings, but they were two-nil ahead inside ten minutes and added a third later. Once again a new historic low had been reached. McLeish incredulously claimed that Scotland had 'started the game brightly,' a jaw-dropping suggestion given that his team were two-down so early on. It was another bewildering comment in a long line of them. It provoked anger but then, anger gave way to indifference and apathy. The fans had simply had enough. San Marino was the point of no return, a hopelessly laboured win against the worst team in international football. It was a nervous and timid performance, another day that screamed of the need for a new direction. Now, it is over for McLeish, but having seen him as the solution when so many things told you he wasn't, there will be anxiety about who these people at Hampden come up with next.
Fleetwood Town manager - and arch nutter - Joey Barton says that he 'emphatically denies' allegations he assaulted Barnsley boss Daniel Stendel. Police are currently investigating an alleged tunnel altercation after Barnsley's League One win at Oakwell last Saturday. A man was subsequently arrested on suspicion of a racially aggravated public order offence and racially aggravated assault. He was released on bail. Police did not name the individual involved and, frankly, most people were completely in the dark as this person's identity. Barnsley later complained to the Football Association and English Football League about the alleged incident. After the game, Barnsley player Cauley Woodrow claimed on Twitter that Stendel had been 'physically assaulted' and left with 'blood pouring from his face.' Woodrow later deleted the tweet. In a statement issued on Thursday, Barton said: 'With regards to the alleged incident on Saturday following our game against Barnsley, I emphatically deny the allegations made.' He said it would be 'inappropriate' to make any further comment at this time. The arrested man attended a police station on Wednesday and has been bailed until May. South Yorkshire Police have appealed for any witnesses with footage of the incident to come forward. They said: 'Officers investigating the incident would be keen to speak to anyone who may have caught the incident on camera or who may have mobile phone footage immediately before or after the incident occurred. We would ask members of the media and the public to refrain from speculation in relation to this incident, as it could potentially harm the investigation.'
Millions of punters are reportedly using 'easy-to-guess passwords' on sensitive accounts, a study has suggested. The analysis by the UK's National Cyber Security Centre found '123456' was the most widely-used password on breached accounts. The study helped to uncover the 'gaps in cyber-knowledge' which could leave people 'in danger of being exploited.' The NCSC said that people should string three random but memorable words together to use as a strong password. Much as this blogger does with 'moist', 'lugubrious' and 'floccinaucinihilipilification'. Oh ... did Keith Telly Topping just say that out loud? Forget those three words, dear blog reader. Please. For its first cyber-survey, the NCSC analysed public databases of breached accounts to see which words, phrases and strings people used. Top of the list was '123456', appearing in more than twenty three million passwords. The second-most popular string, '123456789', was not much harder to crack, while others in the top five included 'qwerty', 'password' and '1111111'. The most common name to be used in passwords was 'Ashley', followed by 'Michael', 'Daniel', 'Jessica' and 'Charlie'. When it comes to Premier League football teams in guessable passwords, 'Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws' are champions and 'Moscow Chelski FC' second. 'Blink-182' topped the charts of music acts. People who use well-known words or names for a password put themselves people at risk of being hacked, said Doctor Ian Levy, technical director of the NCSC. Whose own password, if you're wondering, is 'iknowwhatimtalkingabout01'. Probably. 'Nobody should protect sensitive data with something that can be guessed, like their first name, local football team or favourite band,' he said. The NCSC study also asked people about their security habits and fears. It found that forty two per cent of respondents 'expected to lose money' to online fraud and only fifteen per cent said they felt confident that they knew enough to protect themselves online. It found that 'fewer than half' of those questioned used a separate, hard-to-guess password for their main e-mail account. Security 'expert' Troy Hunt, who maintains a database of hacked account data, said that picking a good password was the 'single biggest control' people had over their online security. 'We typically haven't done a very good job of that either as individuals or as the organisations asking us to register with them,' he said. Letting people know which passwords were widely used should drive users to make better choices, he claimed. The survey was published ahead of the NCSC's Cyber UK conference that will be held in Glasgow from 24 to 25 April.
The US heiress Clare Bronfman has pleaded extremely guilty to her role in an alleged sex trafficking operation and now faces the prospect on a jolly lengthy stint in The Joint. Bronfman, the forty-year-old heir to the Seagram alcohol fortune, was accused of using more than one hundred million dollars to fund the suspected sex cult Nxivm. She pleaded guilty on two counts - conspiracy to conceal and harbour illegal immigrants for financial gain and fraudulent use of identification. She told the court in Brooklyn that she was 'truly remorseful. I wanted to do good in the world and help people,' she added. 'However, I have made mistakes.' Six people in total have been accused of being involved with Nxivm. Bronfman is the fifth to plead guilty, with just one defendant - the suspected cult leader Keith Raniere - due to go on trial next month. Bronfman will be sentenced on 25 July. She could face up to twenty five years in The Slammer. Nxivm is a group that started in 1998 as an alleged 'self-help programme' and claims that it has worked with 'more than sixteen thousand people,' including the former Smallville actress Allison Mack, who also pleaded very guilty to charges earlier this month and is also facing a shitload of jail. On its website, Nxivm describes itself as a 'community guided by humanitarian principles that seek to empower people and answer important questions about what it means to be human.' Despite its tagline of 'working to build a better world,' its leader, Raniere, stands accused of overseeing a 'slave and master' system within the group. According to the group's website, it has suspended enrolment and events because of the 'extraordinary circumstances facing the company at this time.' Prosecutors allege the group mirrors a pyramid scheme, in which members paid thousands of dollars for courses to rise within its ranks. Bronfman, a philanthropist and former showjumper, is the daughter of the late Canadian businessman Edgar Bronfman, whose net worth was estimated to be over two-and-a-half billion dollars. Bronfman was on Nxivm's executive board. The millions of dollars she was accused of giving to the group were thought to have been used to pay for fake identities and court summons against perceived enemies. Female recruits were also allegedly branded with Raniere's initials and expected to have The Sex with him, as part of the system. Appearing at a court in Brooklyn, Bronfman admitted 'knowingly harbouring a woman' brought to the US on a fake work visa in order to 'exploit her for labour.' As part of her plea, she agreed to forfeit six million bucks and not to appeal any prison sentence of twenty seven months or less. Raniere was arrested in Mexico last year on sex trafficking charges and is currently being held without bail. He has pleaded not guilty to charges against him. His defence team has argued that the alleged sexual relationships with women were consensual and say he has denied child abuse charges against him.
Three men have been arrested after a large fire took hold on moorland in West Yorkshire. Firefighters tackled flames covering twenty five thousand square miles on Ilkley Moor on Saturday, with helicopters making water drops. West Yorkshire Police said the men, aged nineteen, twenty three and twenty four, 'remain in custody for questioning' while inquiries continue. Bradford Council reiterated a warning for walkers to stay off the moors as crews were 'damping down.' A police spokesperson said that a smaller fire took hold on a different section of the moor on Saturday, with investigations under way to see if it is connected to the larger blaze. West Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service said the fire was in the White Wells area of the hillside, with smoke still clearly visible from the spa town below. Water jets, beaters and specialist wildfire units are being used in the aftermath, with police describing the blaze as 'under control.' Martin Langan, WYFRS incident commander, said: 'We've managed to die the flames down but there's a significant amount of smoke blowing into Ilkley.' The Met Office confirmed that Saturday was the hottest day of the year so far, with 25.5C recorded in Gosport, Hampshire. Forecasters have predicted the UK is set for 'record-breaking temperatures' over the rest of the Easter bank holiday.
Tesla has said it is investigating a video on Chinese social media which appears to show one of its vehicles spontaneously bursting into flames in Shanghai. In a statement, the carmaker said that it has 'sent a team to investigate the matter' and that there were 'no reported casualties.' The video - published on Twitter, if not anywhere more reliable - appeared to show a stationary car erupting into flames in a parking lot. Tesla did not confirm the car model but social media identified it as Model S. 'After learning about the incident in Shanghai, we immediately sent the team to the scene last night,' according to a translation of a Tesla statement posted on Chinese social media platform Weibo. 'We are actively contacting relevant departments and supporting the verification. According to current information, there are no casualties.' The video showed smoke rising from a parked, white vehicle and seconds later it bursts into flames. The alleged time stamp on the video allegedly shows the alleged incident allegedly occurring on Sunday evening. Previous incidents involving Tesla vehicles catching on fire seem to have happened while the cars were moving. In 2018, a Tesla car driven by British TV director Michael Morris burst into flames, following another such incident involving a Model S model in France in 2016. A series of fires involving Tesla Model S cars took place in 2013.
An Indian voter claimed that he chopped off his own index finger after realising he had voted for the 'wrong' political party. Pawan Kumar says he 'accidentally' ended up voting for the governing Bharatiya Janata Party, in a video which has gone viral on the Interweb. He wanted to vote for a regional party - but was, allegedly, 'confused' by the many symbols on the voting machine. Every voter's index finger is marked with indelible ink after they cast their ballot. He cast his vote on Thursday in Bulandshahr in the Northern state of Uttar Pradesh. This was the second phase of polling in the Indian general erection. 'I wanted to vote for the elephant, but I voted for the flower by mistake,' Kumar can be heard saying in the video. He was referring to the party symbols displayed on the voting machine next to the name of each candidate. While the BJP's symbol is a lotus, the elephant is the symbol of the Bahujan Samaj Party, a regional heavyweight that has allied with two other regional parties against the BJP. Party symbols play a big role in India's erections because they are easy to identify in a country where literacy is low in many parts. There are also numerous regional parties and alliances, which often confuse voters. Kumar is a Dalit (formerly known as The Untouchables) - a crucial vote bank for the BSP. Thursday's vote was seen as important for India's powerful regional parties, which dominate politics in their states and are fronted by charismatic local politicians. The erection is taking place over seven stages, with votes being counted on 23 May. There are nine hundred million eligible voters, making this the biggest election the world has ever seen.
Two students blamed for a large forest fire in the Italian region of Como have each been fined thirteen-and-a-half million Euros. The men, both aged twenty two, were barbecuing at a mountain forest home belonging to one of their grandfathers when the fire broke out on 30 December last year. The huge bill for the two students was calculated by local officials based on a formula used to determine the extent of damage caused by the fire. One of the students told Italian media they were 'scapegoats' for the blaze. Speaking to Italy's La Stampa newspaper, one of the university students claimed that he was 'deeply sorry' but suggested there were 'multiple sources' of the outbreak. 'We are the scapegoats of a fire that cannot be explained,' he said, adding: 'We are the real victims of this story. [We] immediately alerted the fire brigade and threw ourselves at the flames to try and put them out.' Prosecutors, however, were having none of it and traced the path of the fire back to the property. They said it had been started by embers from the barbecue, coupled with extremely dry conditions. The two men were found jointly responsible, along with the owner of the property. The fire lasted for several days, destroying some one thousand hectares of forest on Monte Berlinghera - the damage caused to some one hundred hectares was said to be 'irreversible.' The fine of thirteen million five hundred and forty two thousand Euros was calculated by forest police based on 'an established formula under local laws.'La Stampa reports that the regulation calls for a fine of one hundred and eighteen to five hundred and ninety three Euros per square metre. The damage the two men were liable for was calculated at some six thousand eight hundred and forty square metres, the newspaper said. A lawyer for one of the students told the newspaper that any sentence should be meaningful and have a point. 'What is the sense to impose an administrative sanction ... already knowing that the two boys, still students, cannot pay it?' she wondered. However, the prosecutor told local news outlet Il Giorno Como that the fine was 'a signal that we need to push people to greater responsibility in protecting the environment.' Italian media reports also suggest that the pair could be held liable in separate actions by property owners who were affected by the fire.
Notre-Dame's smallest residents have survived the devastating fire which destroyed most of the cathedral's roof and toppled its famous spire. Some two hundred thousand bees living in hives on the roof were initially thought to have perished in the blaze. However Nicolas Géant, the cathedral's beekeeper, has confirmed that the bees are alive and buzzing. Géant has looked after the cathedral's three beehives since 2013, when they were installed. That was part of an initiative to boost bee numbers across Paris. The hives sit on top of the sacristy by Notre-Dame's South side, around thirty metres below the main roof. As a result, Géant says they 'remained untouched' by the flames. European bees - unlike other species - stay by their hive after sensing danger, gorging on honey and working to protect their queen. High temperatures would have posed the biggest risk, but Géant explained that any smoke would have simply 'intoxicated' them. 'Instead of killing them, the carbon dioxide makes them drunk, puts them to sleep,' he told AP. Beekeepers commonly use smoke to sedate the insects and gain access to their hive. 'I was incredibly sad about Notre-Dame because it's such a beautiful building,' Géant said in an interview with CNN. 'But to hear there is life when it comes to the bees, that's just wonderful. Thank goodness the flames didn't touch them,' he added. 'It's a miracle!' Or, you know, proof that bees can fly.
It is always a very odd thing, dear blog reader, seeing somewhere that you've previously been to featuring on an international news story - particularly one involved a tragedy. This blogger visited Notre-Dame on a trip to Paris is 1999; that, in and of itself, isn't at all unusual - Keith Telly Topping imagined about half-of-the-population of Western Europe can make a similar claim. But, that horrible bus crash near Caniço in Madeira which was all over the news earlier this week which has left about thirty passengers dead occurred not a couple of hundred yards from the hotel that this blogger stayed in with his mum during a holiday in 2003. This photo - which this blogger took during the holiday - was, this blogger believes, taken no more than a few feet from where the bus would have gone off the road. It was a very strange experience seeing the television pictures and thinking, 'I've been there.'
Back in print for the first time in a decade, dear blog reader, is something that yer actual Keith Telly Topping is really quite proud to have his name attached to. The Complete Slayer has recently been republished by those lovely chaps at Telos Publishing (Hi David! Hi Stephen!) and is very available for order. Six hundred and fifty pages of meaty Sunnydale goodness and with a geet sexy new preface. Go on, dear blog reader, you know you want to.
This blogger would also like to wish all dear blog readers a jolly happy Saint George's Day on Tuesday of this week. And, a jolly happy Saint Ringo's Day on Wednesday too ...
And, finally dear blog reader ...

'What do we say to the God of Death?''Not today.' So, dear blog reader, Game Of Thrones' much-anticipated 'Battle For Winterfell' episode - The Long Night - arrived in the UK in the very early hours of Monday morning in an eighty one minute blood-splattered orgy of total and utter effing righteous, tool-stiffening carnage. God, it was good. Proper, zombie-giant-eye-stabbing, dragonfire-burning, guts-literally-wrenching, '... and-the-dead-shall-rise-and-slay-the-living' mental in all its pompous, overblown, terrifying beauty. Full of heroism, anguish and, magnificently, more than a splash of redemption. Albeit, it was as dark - both literally and metaphorically - as it is possible to imagine and a bit more besides. As for those on-screen deaths, dear blog reader - him. And her. And ... the thing. (If you're wondering, there were the confirmed deaths of at least seven regular characters - eight if you're counting dragons - some of them major fan-favourites and at least a couple of whom had been part of the cast since episode one.) This blogger, unsurprisingly, thought the whole thing was absolutely great. And to think, dear blog reader, there are people out there who claim never (not never) to have seen a single episode of Game Of Thrones and, seemingly, want a medal for it! They don't know what they're missing. Again, literally and metaphorically. The Interweb, obviously, var nigh melted under crushing cascade of reviews which descended from a great height overnight. Take, completely at random, the following sampling: the Gruniad Morning Star, the Washington Post, Forbes, Radio Times, the Independent, the Daily Scum Mail, the Den Of Geek! website, the Daily Torygraph, IGN, the Digital Spy website, Rolling Stain, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Sun-Times, the NME, the New York Post, the Boston Herald, Vox, CNN, Esquire and The Verge. And about a million or several others too. All of which, obviously, contain much spoilerisation if you're at all bothered by such malarkey.
Director Miguel Sapochnik returned to Westeros for Sunday's episode. The EMMY-winner was previously behind the camera on acclaimed episodes such as Hardhome, Battle Of The Bastards and The Winds Of Winter. Last year, Entertainment Weekly's James Hibberd interviewed Sapochnik at some length on-set in Northern Ireland. The interview gives some valuable insight into the extraordinary effort that went into pulling off the episode.
Meanwhile, from someone you've never heard of at the Torygraph who likes doing 'list features' instead of real journalism, here's sixty one things which you, apparently, didn't know about Game Of Thrones. This blogger, as it happens, knew about forty three of them and - whilst he is very definitely a fan of Game Of Thrones - he's hardly, what you'd classify as an expert on the minutia of its many and various doings. Others out there in the wide wide world of GOT fandom will know considerably more than he. Just in case the Torygraph - or any one else for that matter - are intending on doing any more examples of this kind of thing.
Speaking about her biggest challenge whilst filming Game Of Thrones, Maisie Williams told Vogue: 'When I was twelve, I thought it was a great idea to play Arya left-handed because she favours that side in the books.' She continued: 'Eight years later and I'm still paying for that mistake. I had to keep it up for continuity. In the beginning, I just had to do a little sparring.' Maisie appeared to regret the decision now Arya is constantly using her thin sword, Needle. She said: 'Now, I'm doing entire fight sequences with the wrong hand and I'm like, "Why did I ever think this was a good idea?"'
The CIA blew the cover of one of its former deputy directors after revealing he had a cameo in last week's episode of Game Of Thrones. David S Cohen made a brief appearance in episode two of the popular adult fantasy drama's final series as one of the unnamed residents of Winterfell being served soup by Ser Davos (Liam Cunningham). The CIA revealed Cohen's cameo in a tweet which read: 'Little birds, be on the lookout for a former deputy director of ours wandering through Westeros in tonight’s episode of Game Of Thrones.' Cohen served as deputy director of the CIA under President Barack Obama from 2015 to 2017. He responded to the agency's tweet by suggesting that they had 'blown his cover.' However, he had already hinted about his forthcoming cameo in a tweet posted the week before. 'You seem to have good sources in Winterfell,' he wrote in response to Playboy's Washington correspondent, who was first to report the planned cameo. In an interview with NBC, Cohen revealed that he asked his brother-in-law, David Benioff, one of the showrunners on the HBO show, if he could be an extra while they were celebrating Thanksgiving in 2017.
'Is he H?''Sorry, no comment!' If the fifth episode of the current series of Line Of Duty proved one thing, dear blog reader, it's that the majority of the previous four episodes this year had, largely, been a case of classic Jed Mercurio misdirection. And that, despite Anna Maxwell-Martin's extremely ambitious Patricia Carmichael seeming determined to prove otherwise, Ted Hastings almost certainly isn't 'H'. Although, he might be and it's all double (or triple) bluff! Whether he will end up going to The Slammer for (probably) someone else's bad and naughty crimes and who actually is the mysteriously-initialled Big Bad, next week's 'feature length' series finale may provide some answers. The smart money remains on Polly Walker's slimy and duplicitous Gill Biggeloe. But, don't be at all surprised it this series - of all series - doesn't throw in a completely left-field curve-ball and reveal that, actually, it's been Kate Fleming all along. Stranger things have happened, dear blog reader. Reviews of the latest episode can be found in the Torygraph, the Gruniad Morning Star, the Daily Scum Express and the Digital Spy website among others. Approach with extreme caution if you haven't seen the episode yet and don't want to be spoilerised like a big spoilerised thing with massive spoilerised knobs upon it.
'If I wanted to be screwed till my arsehole bled I'd go down to Torture Garden on a Friday night!' As previously noted, dear blog reader, this blogger does not intend to review any episodes of the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve currently showing in the US until the episodes become widely available in Britain at a later date for fear of spoilerising anyone who wishes not to be spoilerised. Although, that said, when it does turn up over here you're really going to want to check out the Doctor Who joke in this week's episode; it was brilliant! And quite perceptive, too. However, if you're not bothered about any such spoilerising malarkey then, extremely spoilerising reviews of series two, episode four are available to utterly spoilerise your entire day at, for example, Vanity Fair, the Torygraph, The AV Club, Rolling Stain, Vulture and Entertainment Weekly among many others.
'When Gotham needs me, I will return.' A regular feature for the last four year in From The North's 'favourite TV shows in the world, bar none' lists, From The North favourite Gotham came to an end last week with its one hundredth - and final - episode, The Beginning ... In which yer actual Bruce Wayne his very self, a decade after we last saw him, returned to his home in a somewhat Chiropteran guise. Reviews of the episode can be found at the Digital Spy website, CNN, Den Of Geek!, The AV Club, TV Line, IGN, TV Fanatic, Screen Rant, the Daily Scum Express and The Hollywood Reporter. This blogger, if you're wondering, thought it was great. And, was a fitting end to one of the best and most consistently entertaining - if, occasionally, more than a wee bit bonkers - dramas US TV has produced in the last decade. It did not go gently into that Dark Knight and for that, we should all be grateful.
Whilst the climax of the Gotham series finale was undoubtedly the arrival of The Batman and Jeremiah's terrifying descent into The Joker was satisfying, there was one moment between Catwoman and Bruce which was both intriguing and, as it had no obvious conclusion, frustrating. Reflecting on an older Selina Kyle's confronting Bruce over his disappearance from Gotham a decade earlier ('I didn't want to be protected, I wanted you!'), showrunner John Stephens suggested to TV Line that there is potential in Catwoman's years between episodes eleven and twelve of Gotham's final series. When asked if Gotham was setting up plans for a Catwoman series, Stephens said: 'I don't know that [the idea was] planted. I'd say [we are] hopeful.' A spin-off would make sense given that the production went to all the trouble of re-casting Camren Bicondova's role. Explaining the decision to bring Lili Simmons on-board as an older Seina, Stephens told The Hollywood Reporter that it was actually Camren's idea. 'We talked a lot about what the finale was going to be, who Selina would be ten years on. [Camren] felt that she had played Selina as a character from thirteen to eighteen years old and she didn't feel that she wanted to play her at twenty eight. We respected her point of view and went around looking for someone who both could fill the role and hopefully would bear some similarity to Cam.'
'You are not made in God's image. We are made in yours. With all your flaws.' The patchy and flawed-but-interesting second series of From The North favourite American Gods also ended this week with a - somewhat atypical - patchy and flawed-but-interesting episode called Moon Shadow. Reportedly beset with behind-the-scenes production problems (although sources vary as to just how much disruption these actually caused) and the departure of a number of key figures both in front of and behind the camera, the second series of the Neil Gaiman adaptation admittedly wasn't as good as the - extraordinary - first year. But, it still managed to do the business when it really needed to. Hopefully, with the hiring of a new showrunner - Chic Eglee who previously worked on The Shield and Dexter - the recently commissioned third series will prove to be a bit less schizophrenic.
'My daughter, who thinks I died thirty years ago, is inside that bar.' The latest episode of From The North's current favourite TV show on all the planet, bar none, Doom Patrol was a, somewhat unexpected but, nevertheless, utterly beautiful character study of the team facing up to the things which shaped them. In Frances Patrol, while Larry pays a visit to his long-lost lover, Cliff and Rita travel to Gator Country in an attempt to reconnect with Cliff's daughter. Vic worries about his operating system and, with Jane, goes searching for Flex Mentallo. It was nowhere near as off-the-wall as some of the previous episodes, but it was every bit as inventive and charming. Reviews can be found here, here, here, here, here, here and here.
Not many TV dramas manage to get as far as the best part of six full series and one hundred and thirty episodes into their run before they reveal the true identity of their lead character. But, that's what From The North favourite The Blacklist managed with the second of two episodes broadcast this week, Rassvet. At least, for the moment, that's their story and they're sticking to it. More than a few reviewers of the episode seemingly, like this blogger, have their doubts as to whether we've really, finally, honestly, heard the whole truth and nothing but about the man we've been calling Raymond Reddington for the last six years. See, for example, here, here, here, here and here. The great thing about The Blacklist has always been - and remains - its ability to be both imaginative and infuriatingly vague, often at the same time.
Qi XLfinally returns to BBC2 on 4 May with the episode Procrastination (oh, the irony) according to the BBC or, an entirely different episode, Phenomenaaccording to Radio Times. Confused? You will be. Either way, this will be the first of five Qi episodes from the P series which have yet to receive their XL debut over four months since the standard, thirty minute, versions were first broadcast. Quite what the Hell the BBC have been playing at with their all-over-the-place scheduling of one of their flagship comedies this series is not known but it has, undeniably, been bloody disrespectful. Listen, it's really very simple, just show the whole series in one sixteen week block either side of Christmas and make sure the XL versions go out on the Saturday after the standard episodes are shown on Fridays. It's hardly rocket science.
Monday evening saw the final of series fourteen of From The North favourite Only Connect on BBC2. The Divine Victoria - and, for reasons best-known to the producers (other than the fact that it was, you know, funny) a clockwork monkey - presented the big prize to the winners, The Dicers who beat The Time Ladies. It was worth watching not only because it was brilliant, as always, but also for an unexpected reminder of just how ludicrously difficult the questions on 3-2-1 used to be!
From The North favourite Peaky Blinders has been 'accused of glorifying violence and promoting toxic masculinity' by some US-based academic whom you've never heard of. Which, of course, gave some louse of no importance at the Daily Scum Mail a right good excuse for a bit of extremely'toxic' BBC bashing. The award-winning drama, which revolves around the lives of the Shelby crime family in post-World War One Birmingham, has become one of the broadcaster's most popular programmes. It is loosely - very loosely - based on a real-life gang who used the same name, referring to their peaked flat caps, and the show is expected to return for a hotly-anticipated fifth series later this year. Academic Doctor George S Larke-Walsh, of the University of North Texas, has published a paper claiming the drama's writers use the war 'as an excuse to justify and romanticise violent behaviour.' Larke-Walsh, according to the Scum Mail, 'previously obtained a PhD in film studies at the University of Sunderland before moving to the US and has written other papers on The Godfather and The Sopranos looking at the connections between Italian-American crime families.' Nice work if you can get it ... said the blogger whose own writing career focused on pop-culture subjects, TV shows and horror movies. Listen, Keith Telly Topping is in no position to cast aspersions, dear blog reader! He won't even pass judgement over the University of Sunderland. Hell, he wouldn't pass water over the University of Sunderland. Anyway, the producers of Peaky Blinders, the Scum Mail sneers, said the show 'invites viewers to consider the effect of violence on men, and the terrible and long-lasting consequences on both men and women of gang violence, poverty and, most of all, armed conflict.' Larke-Walsh told The Times which first reported this crap as 'news', that she is a 'fan' of the BAFTA-winning and internationally popular drama but 'wanted to highlight the complex nature of its depiction of violent masculinity.' Dear blog readers who follow the link above to the Scum Mail's website might like to have a brief gander at some of the below-the-line comments from Scum Mail readers for an example of real, honest-to-God (and, for the most part barely literate) 'toxic masculinity.' And then, perhaps, take a shower afterwards.
NCIS: Los Angeles will return for its eleventh series, while NCIS: New Orleans, which had been plagued by behind-the-scenes issues this year, will be back for a sixth. After NCIS star and executive producer Mark Harmon signed a new deal to return for a seventeenth series of the franchise's flagship drama last week, CBS subsequently has handed out renewals for both NCIS spin-offs. That all three series are returning could mark a sign of how little things may change for the network following the departure of CBS CEO Leslie Moonves, with the veteran executive always typically having a say in both new and returning series. 'Both shows have been key pillars to the CBS schedule for several years,' CBS Entertainment president Kelly Kahl said on Monday in a statement. 'They offer heroic stories, big stars and have attracted a passionate, loyal fan base. We’re excited to have Chris [O'Donnell], LL [Cool J], Scott [Bakula] and these terrific casts back to bring more terrific NCIS stories to viewers in the US and around the world.'NCIS: Los Angeles is one of just a handful of series to match or better its eighteen to forty nine ratings this series. CBS is also using the spin-off's tenth series to stage a reunion for several cast members of the show which launched the NCIS franchise, JAG. As for NCIS: New Orleans, the Scott Bakula-led spin-off has begun to show its age in its fifth series, with ratings falling more than ten percent; it has proven less capable of succeeding without the NCIS flagship as its lead-in. Additionally, a number of 'behind-the-scenes issues' reportedly 'prompted the firings' of former showrunner Brad Kern and executive producer Adam Targum. The three NCIS dramas - all produced in-house at CBS TV Studios - join a 2019-2020 broadcast slate at CBS which also includes the previously renewed Young Sheldon, Mom, Criminal Minds (for its final series), Blue Bloods and the rookies FBI, God Friended Me, The Neighborhood and Magnum PI. Still to be determined are the futures of Bull, Hawaii Five-0, Instinct, Life In Pieces, Madam Secretary, MacGyver, Man With A Plan, SEAL Team, SWAT, The Code, Fam, Happy Together, Murphy Brown and The Red Line.
While Lucifer may not yet be a redeemed show, it has found itself a second life on Netflix, where its upcoming fourth series is set to arrive in early May. In the first full trailer for the new series all is, generally, well in Lucifer's self-made paradise, but all that it takes is the return of an age-old love to knock the fallen prince on his devilish ass. Inbar Lavi joins Lucifer's cast as Eve, one half of The Original Sin, who comes back into Lucifer's life out of the blue and makes quick work of convincing him to more fully embrace his dark inner nature.
Joss Whedon's new series The Nevers for HBO will reportedly feature Outlander star Laura Donnelly in a lead role. The drama is about a group of Victorian women 'who find themselves with unusual abilities, relentless enemies and a mission that might change the world,' according to HBO. Whedon is once again working with his former Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel colleagues Magic Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie on the show which is going straight to series.
There is a terrific article by the Gruniad's Malcolm MacKenzie, How Coronation Street's Screen Queens Conquered Television which is well worth a few moments of your time, dear blog reader. If nothing else, it includes the following paragraph: 'As ITV's flagship soap, Corrie is on the box six times a week and the BBC and other networks know to capitalise on anticipation to see what its breakout stars do next. "They're not stupid, are they? They know what gets the ratings," says [producer Jonathan] Harvey. "They want as many people watching their shows as possible and if they think a certain performer is going to help them do that, of course they're going to use them." Plus, he adds, "it's easy to get a good show reel" out of Coronation Street: "I can't imagine any casting director watches every episode avidly, but if they are considering Julie Hesmondhalgh for the lead in something, there are plenty of clips on YouTube of her dying beautifully, or being really funny, on Corrie."Doctor Who is so fond of using Street stars that Twitter has dubbed it "Coronation Street in space." [Katherine] Kelly played the otherworldly teacher Miss Quill in the Who spin-off Class, [Sarah] Lancashire was super nanny to the adorable Adipose aliens and Suranne Jones played the actual TARDIS made flesh. The last series alone was a virtual Rovers reunion, with Bradley Walsh, Shobna Gulati, [Julie] Hesmondhalgh, [Siobahn] Finneran and Jonathan Dixon. By 'eck - it's an invasion not even The Ood saw coming.'
Another highly recommended piece in the Gruniad is Stuart Jeffries'pieceFrom Shafted To Club X: The TV shows So Shocking They Were Taken Off-Air. It's one of those kind of 'let's do an article which lists a bunch of TV show that have little in common except for something obscure' that people like the Digital Spy website specialise in and which normally irritate this blogger to the point of vexation. This one is a bit better-written than the norm, admittedly and it does include one paragraph that justifies its existence: 'Pulling the plug mid-broadcast is one thing. Banning a show after it has aired is quite another. That is what happened to an episode of The X-Files that aired in October 1996. Viewers complained that Home, about a murderous inbred clan, was "too disturbing." Children discover the body of a deformed baby in a field, Mulder and Scully investigate and, eventually, find an incestuous family who bump off anyone who threatens their lifestyle, including the limbless matriarch Ma Peacock, who lives on a rolling cart under a bed. It was never broadcast again, except on Halloween 1999, when FOX used the furore generated by its own ban to boost ratings, billing the show as "so controversial it's been banned from television for three years." At the time, co-writer James Wong said: "We didn't think we were pushing the envelope of taste in the way people seem to ascribe to us – "Oh, there's incest, there's killing a baby."' For what it's worth, this blogger's view of Home hasn't changed since he wrote about it in less-than-glowing terms in the book X-Treme Possibilities two decades ago: 'There is nothing redeeming in this dreadful waste of time and talent, just waves of repulsive images. Defenders of this episode have described it as a "tribute" to horror movies and accused me of being squeamish. Not a bit of it, if Home had an ounce of originality behind the gore, then it might have still worked, but the episode is just a bunch of borrowed plot devices strung together for effect; echoes of To Kill A Mockingbird and Psycho at the beginning give way to a depressingly ugly series of set-pieces taken from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. The US transmission contained a pre-titles warning of the carnage to come ("Due to some graphic and mature content, parental discretion is advised"). A pity they didn't include a warning about insulting the audience's intelligence too.' Never a big fan of that one, was yer actual Keith Telly Topping dear blog reader. You might have guessed!
Whilst yer actual Jodie Whittaker is no longer in the cast for the second series of BBC1's Trust Me, the creator of the medical drama has been geet busy 'paying homage' to its former lead with lots of references to her new role in Doctor Who. From Time Lord toys to TARDIS screen-savers, there are plenty of Doctor Who allusions, links and sight-gags in the drama, with Dan Sefton previously telling Radio Times that these references are, not only deliberate, but that they have also become 'part of the plot.' The Doctor Who and Trust Me extends to one of the new series lead actor's, Alfred Enoch, the son of William Russell, who played Ian Chesterton in Doctor Who from 1963 to 1965 (you knew that, right?) Radio Times is currently keeping tabs on all of the Doctor Who-related 'Easter Eggs' featured in Trust Me which include a David Tennant action figure briefly glimpsed in episode one and a TARDIS screensaver on a mobile phone in episode two.
Stephen Frears is to direct a forthcoming adaptation of James Graham's Quiz for ITV. The acclaimed director has been approached by independent television production company Left Bank Pictures. Twice Oscar-nominated Frears is one of the most influential directors of his generation and is currently BAFTA-nominated for the BBC's A Very English Scandal. It is not clear at this stage whether the show is a one-off or multi-part drama. Graham is a British playwright who has written a series of blockbuster hits about the world of politics in recent years, including This House and Ink, which chronicled billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch's ownership of the Sun. Quiz, which premiered at the Minerva Theatre in Chichester in 2017, centred on the scandal of the former British Army Major Charles Ingram, who was found guilty in court of cheating on the ITV show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The play later transferred to London. Graham described the incident, in which Ingram's wife and a friend allegedly coughed in the audience each time he said the right answer, as 'the most British crime in the history of the world.' Earlier this year, Graham wrote Brexit: The Uncivil War for Channel Four, which starred yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch. The combination of Frears and Graham will excite fans of both. Frears is among the most garlanded English directors still working today, with credits including My Beautiful Laundrette, High Fidelity, The Queen and Philomena. Last year, he directed A Very English Scandal, Russell Davies's acclaimed three-part drama for the BBC, starring Hugh Grant as the former Liberal Party leader Jeremy Thorpe. It has been nominated in four categories at the BAFTA TV awards held in London next month. The filmmaker has been brought on board for Quiz by Left Bank Pictures founder Andy Harries, who like Graham, is a graduate of the University of Hull. In recent years he has become one of the most powerful figures in British television, having made The Crown for Netflix. A date for broadcast of the ITV adaptation of Quiz has not yet been set.
Riverdale viewers have said an emotional farewell to Luke Perry after his poignant final scenes were broadcast, almost two months after the actor died. Writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa said that Wednesday's episode of The CW series was the last Perry filmed. It was 'a beautiful, true moment between a father and his son,' he wrote. 'Wish these scenes could go on forever.' Luke died in March at the age of fifty two after suffering a stroke. Perry, who played Fred Andrews, was seen in two scenes in the episode, culminating in a heart-to-heart with on-screen son Archie, played by KJ Apa. Fred was seen reassuring Archie after his boxing opponent Randy died in the ring. The Hollywood Reporter's Emma Dibdin wrote: 'Though brief, the scene encapsulates the warmth and humanity Perry brought to Fred, as well as his role as the show's moral compass.'TV Line's Dave Nemetz said: 'Though Fred didn't get killed off or leave town or anything like that, he did remind us why he's the best parent on Riverdale by a country mile.' There are three remaining episodes of Riverdale's current third series and producers have not yet revealed how Perry's character will be written out.
Blue Peter has named Richie Driss as its thirty eighth and newest presenter. Driss will make his debut on the CBBC show on 16 May, co-hosting with Lindsey Russell and the show's new dog, Henry. The thirty-year-old from St Albans previously worked as a presenter for Joe Media and had his own series on the 'urban culture' website GRM Daily. 'To say that becoming a Blue Peter presenter is a dream come true doesn't even begin to describe it,' said Driss. 'To be named presenter of the longest running children's television programme in the world is a far bigger achievement than I ever dreamed possible.' He added: 'I cannot wait to get started and follow in the footsteps of the sixty years of iconic presenters who have worn the famous Blue Peter badge before me. I am going to give it my all, no matter what the job throws at me.' Driss joins the show following the departure of long-standing presenter Radzi Chinyanganya last week. Acting editor Matthew Peacock said that Driss 'really stood out' at their rather gruelling-sounding screen-tests. 'Richie really impressed us during his auditions and showed that he has plenty of Blue Peter spirit when he came face to face with a Burmese python and took on a ninja assault course,' he said. 'We're sure he will be a big hit with the legions of Blue Peter fans.'
A proposal to put plaques on some buildings in Thame to promote its role in ITV's Midsomer Murders has been refused. The town council wanted to fit six red plaques to listed buildings, but on Wednesday evening South Oxfordshire District Council sneeringly rejected the bid. Some po-faced fraction of no importance from the district council whinged that such a happenstance would 'compromise the historic and architectural interest of the buildings.' Yes, dear blog reader, Hot Fuzz's NWA is, indeed, alive and well and living in Oxfordshire, it would seem. Thame has featured as the fictional town of Causton in the popular ITV series since 1997. Filming has taken place in Thame, Wallingford, Dorchester-on-Thames, Warborough, Henley and Watlington and walking tours have sought to capitalise on the programme's popularity. South Oxford District Council snivelled: 'Whilst the visitor may wish to "arrive in Midsomer," it is important to also recognise that Midsomer is not real and that the market town of Thame is historically significant in its own right and not as the set of a television programme.' The Oxfordshire Blue Plaques scheme said it 'could not support' the project. It said Thame's 'unspoilt [sic] and authentic character must surely be the main attraction for most tourists rather than the precise identification of the sites.' John Nettles starred in the series as Tom Barnaby until 2011, when Neil Dudgeon took over as lead detective John Barnaby when his on-screen cousin retired.
TV naturalist and From The North favourite Chris Packham has condemned the hanging of dead crows outside his home in the New Forest by some sick fuck as 'ghastly.' It comes as the licensed shooting of crows has been halted after a challenge by the Wild Justice campaign group of which Packham is a, highly visible, spokesperson. Natural England has revoked licences for controlling sixteen species of bird, including several types of crow. Chris posted a picture of the crows on social media and said opponents were 'lashing out.' What is believed to be his address has also appeared in an online post urging people to 'dump dead lambs' at his property. Chris said: 'All it does is strengthen my resolve to make the UK countryside a better place for wildlife and the people who live and work there. In a very sad and perverse way this ghastly action indicates that I'm making progress. As I've always said "I'm not here to make friends - I'm here to make a difference."' A Hampshire Constabulary spokesman confirmed a report of criminal damage has been made with the incident believed to have taken place between 8pm on Wednesday and 7am on Thursday. Wild Justice was set up by Chris and other campaigners to take legal cases on behalf of wildlife against public bodies. In February it challenged the general licences which allow farmers to shoot birds including wood pigeons, jackdaws and magpies that allegedly damage crops or attack livestock. A statement said: 'We haven't changed the law, we have merely shown that the current system of licensing of killing of certain species of birds, developed and administered by a statutory wildlife agency, is unlawful now and presumably has been for decades.' Natural England said that it revoked three licences for controlling certain wild birds following the challenge and was working on 'alternative measures' which would allow 'lawful control' of the bird species to continue 'where necessary.' The move provoked a backlash from farmers groups and others. A Change.org petition calling on the BBC to 'sack Chris Packham' - which, thankfully, they're not going to do or anything even remotely like it - has received more than eighty five thousand signatures from, no doubt, perfect specimens of humanity. But, a counter petition has since been set up opposing any potential (and, as noted, not even remotely likely) sacking, saying 'as a journalist [Packham] should be allowed to use his platform to inform everyone the reality of our dying planet.' This whole malarkey, dear blog reader is, of course, a very useful reminder of an age old truism. There are some good people in the world and there are some bad people in the world. Most of us are somewhere in the middle just trying to get through life without interacting too much with the latter. And then, dear blog reader, there are some people who are just scum. Trying not to interact with them is usually a good idea too but, sometimes, it's unavoidable.
News organisations are, according to the Gruniad Morning Star, 'fighting to open Harvey Weinstein's next court appearance to the public, after both prosecutors and defence attorneys asked for it to be held behind closed doors.' At a hearing set for Friday, ahead of the 'disgraced movie mogul's trial in New York' on rape and sexual assault charges, the sides will argue over whether some of the many women who have accused Weinstein of sexual assault - besides the ones involved in the criminal charges - will be allowed to testify at his June trial. But, prosecutors and defence attorneys have both asked the judge to shut out reporters and spectators from the court proceedings, which are normally - though, not always - open to the public. Prosecutors say they want to preserve Weinstein’s right to a fair trial and the privacy of his accusers. Weinstein's lawyers say news coverage of potential testimony against him could 'taint' the jury pool. Both reasonable arguments. However, the Gruniad sneers, 'news organisations including the Associated Press and New York Times argued in court papers that the sides have not met the high legal standard necessary' to shut the public out of the courtroom. 'Clearly, there is no rational basis let alone "compelling circumstances" that could justify the parties' effort to suppress this information now that it is in the public domain as a result of widespread news reporting,' wrote Robert Balin, a lawyer for the news organisations. Balin argued that sealing the hearing would do nothing to protect Weinstein's right to a fair trial because the accusations have been 'widely covered in the news media.' Weinstein is charged with raping a female acquaintance in a hotel room in 2013 and forcibly performing oral sex on another woman. He has denied all allegations of non-consensual sex and pleaded extremely not guilty. Prosecutors are looking to introduce evidence of Weinstein's uncharged misconduct - a tactic also used at the trial of Bill Cosby, where five other women testified the comedian had drugged and assaulted them. The judge in the case, James Burke, is expected to hear arguments from the news organisations at the beginning of the hearing and then rule on whether it will proceed publicly or be sealed. The judge threw out an attempt by Weinstein's defence team to get the charges dismissed in December. The onetime Hollywood mogul has since shaken up his defence team, parting ways with attorney Benjamin Brafman and hiring Jose Baez and Ronald Sullivan to represent him.
Oscar-winning actor Rami Malek is to play a villain in the twenty fifth official James Bond film, but the movie still does not have a title. The cast and creative team have been unveiled at a launch event in Jamaica, with Fleabag creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge confirmed as one of the writers. The as yet unnamed film, which will be released next April, will be Daniel Craig's fifth and final outing as 007. Malek won an Oscar for playing Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody. The official plot summary mentions 'a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology.' And, that's different from the previous twenty four movies how, exactly? Details of Malek's character have not been revealed and he wasn't at the official launch on Thursday, but sent a video message confirming he will play a villain. 'I'm stuck here in New York in production but I'm very much looking forward to joining the whole cast and crew,' said the Egyptian-American actor, who is currently filming TV show Mister Robot. 'I will be making sure Mister Bond does not have an easy ride in this, his twenty fifth outing. See you all soon.' After watching that, Craig joked that he was 'scared' about what lay in store for the not-so-secret agent. The official plot summary reads: 'Bond has left active service and is enjoying a tranquil life in Jamaica. His peace is short-lived when his old friend Felix Leiter from the CIA turns up asking for help. The mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist turns out to be far more treacherous than expected, leading Bond onto the trail of a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology.' At the launch, producer Barbara Broccoli said that Bond's attitudes to women would 'move with the times.' Because, that's never been tried before. 'The Me Too movement has had a huge impact - rightfully, thankfully - on society and these films should reflect that, as everything we do should,' she said. Craig told BBC News: 'Bond has always adapted for the times. But you're dealing with a character who is flawed, who has issues and I think that's something that's worth still exploring and grappling with. Of course, we wouldn't be movie-makers or creative people if we didn't have an eye on what was going on in the outside world.' It was also confirmed that Ralph Fiennes and Ben Whishaw will return as M and Q respectively, with Naomie Harris coming back as Moneypenny and Rory Kinnear again Bill Tanner. Lea Seydoux is reprising her Madeleine Swann character from 2015's Spectre, while Jeffrey Wright is returning as Felix Leiter. As well as Malek, new cast members include Lashana Lynch, Billy Magnussen, Ana de Armas, Dali Benssalah and David Dencik. Writer and actress Waller-Bridge, who was also behind the first series of Killing Eve, is just the second female writer in Bond history - after Johanna Harwood, who worked on Dr No and From Russia With Love. Barbara Broccoli said: 'Daniel suggested Phoebe, who we all love, so we leapt at the opportunity and she's been amazing, doing great work.' The other co-writers on Bond Twenty Five are Neal Purvis and Robert Wade along with Scott Z Burns, whose credits include 2007's The Bourne Ultimatum. The film is being directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, whose credits include the first series of HBO's True Detective and Netflix's Maniac. Fukunaga said: 'Daniel is my favourite Bond and I want to make sure this run of films, which have been fantastic, have a really great next chapter and keep upping the ante so whoever is next has a harder job.' Fukunaga came on board last year after Danny Boyle left the project over unspecified 'creative differences.' There are also changes elsewhere behind the camera. Cinematographer Linus Sandgren, who won an Oscar for La La Land, comes in as director of photography, while editor Tom Cross won an Oscar for Whiplash.
One chap clearly didn't get the memo regarding Avengers: Endgame - or he did, but chose (unwisely) to ignore it - and got chinned for his trouble outside a Hong Kong cinema after shouting out spoilers to fans waiting in line to see the next showing of the movie. Taiwanese media reported that the man, who was not identified, was 'left bloodied' outside a cinema in Causeway Bay. A photo of the purported victim circulated online and showed him sitting on the street with claret a-pouring after, seemingly, getting his face kicked right in. Earlier, an 'open letter' was shared on Instagram by Marvel Studios filmmakers Joe and Anthony Russo in the hours after some leaked footage and images from Avengers: Endgame was shared online. The Russos pleaded with early-screening audiences to 'be reticent' regarding major plot points. 'When you see Endgame in the coming weeks, please don't spoil it for others, the same way you wouldn't want it spoiled for you,' the Russos said. In what we must presume to be a joint statement as the only alternative was that they pair of them chanted it, simultaneously.
Viddy well, Droogies, a previously unseen manuscript for a follow-up to Anthony Burgess's novel A Clockwork Orange has been unearthed in his archive. A Clockwork Condition, which runs to two hundred pages, is a collection of Burgess' thoughts on the human condition and develops the themes from his 1962 book. The novel told the story of the state's - ultimately successful - attempts to cure a teenage delinquent, Alex, of his sick and depraved ultraviolence. The unfinished non-fiction follow-up is described as 'part philosophical reflection and part autobiography.' In it, Burgess also addressed the - mostly media-created - controversy surrounding Stanley Kubrick's 1971 movie adaptation of A Clockwork Orange. The film, starring Malcolm McDowell as Alex, was accused by a few scum tabloids of inspiring 'copycat' crimes and was banned by some local councils in the UK. Horrorshow. And drag. Kubrick withdrew the film from distribution in the UK after a few months and it was only after the director's death, in 1999, that the film was re-released in UK cinemas and made available for home viewing. A Clockwork Orange was, however, a huge box office success in Europe and in the US and was nominated for the Oscar for best picture in 1972 (losing to The French Connection). The manuscript for A Clockwork Condition was never published and was found among papers at Burgess's house in Bracciano, near Rome. When the house was sold after the writer's death in 1993, the archive was moved to Manchester, where it is being catalogued by the International Anthony Burgess Foundation. Burgess himself described the work as a 'major philosophical statement on the contemporary human condition,' outlining his 'concerns' about the effect on humanity of technology, in particular media, film and television. It also explains the origins of his novel's unusual title. 'In 1945, back from the army,' an extract reads, 'I heard an eighty-year-old Cockney in a London pub say that somebody was "as queer as a clockwork orange." The "queer" did not mean homosexual: it meant mad ... For nearly twenty years I wanted to use it as the title of something. It was a traditional trope and it asked to entitle a work which combined a concern with tradition and a bizarre technique.' Professor Andrew Biswell, director of the International Anthony Burgess Foundation, said: 'This remarkable unpublished sequel to A Clockwork Orange sheds new light on Burgess, Kubrick and the controversy surrounding the notorious novel. The Clockwork Condition provides a context for Burgess's most famous work and amplifies his views on crime, punishment and the possible corrupting effects of visual culture.' Professor Biswell said that the author abandoned the manuscript when he came to realise 'he was a novelist and not a philosopher.' He then published a short autobiographical novel tackling some of the same themes, The Clockwork Testament, in 1974. On Friday, the Design Museum in London launched a major Stanley Kubrick exhibition, which included material from his Clockwork Orange adaptation.
The American space agency's InSight lander appears to have detected its first seismic event on Mars. The 'faint rumble' was reportedly picked up by the probe's sensors on 6 April - the one hundred and twenty eighth Martian day of the mission. It is the first seismic signal detected on the surface of a planetary body other than the Earth and the Moon. Scientists say the source for this 'Marsquake' could either be movement in a crack inside the planet or the shaking from a meteorite impact. Or, possibly, an Ice Warriror farting though, admittedly, that's a touch less likely. NASA's InSight probe touched down on the Red Planet in November last year. It aims to identify multiple quakes, to help build a clearer picture of Mars' interior structure. Researchers can then compare this with Earth's internal rock layering, to learn something new about the different ways in which these two worlds have evolved through the aeons. InSight's scientists say the character of the rumble reminds them 'very much' of the type of data the Apollo sensors gathered on the lunar surface. The vibrations picked up by InSight's sensors are made audible in this video and record three different types of signal. The wind on Mars; the reported 6 April event and the movement of the probe's robot arm as it takes photos. Astronauts installed five seismometers that measured thousands of quakes while operating on the Moon between 1969 and 1977. InSight's seismometer system incorporates French (low-frequency) and British (high-frequency) sensors. Known as the Seismic Experiment for Interior Structure, the instrument was lifted on to the Martian surface by the probe's robotic arm on 19 December. Both parts of the system observed the 6 April signal, although it wasn't possible to extract any information to make a more definitive statement about the likely source or the distance from the probe to the event. 'It's probably only a Magnitude one to two event, perhaps within one hundred kilometres or so. There are a lot of uncertainties on that, but that's what it's looking like,' said Professor Tom Pike, who leads the British side of the seismometer package. Doctor Bruce Banerdt is NASA's chief scientist on the InSight mission. He added: 'This particular Marsquake - the first one we've seen - is a very, very small one. In fact, if you live in Southern California like I do, you wouldn't even notice this one in your day-to-life. But since Mars is so quiet, this is something that we're able to pick up with our instrument.' The team is investigating three other signals picked up only by the low-frequency sensors - on 14 March (Sol one hundred and five), 10 April (Sol one hundred and thirty two) and 11 April (Sol one hundred and thirty three). However, these were even smaller than the Sol one hundred and twenty eight event and the InSight scientists do not have the confidence yet to claim them as 'real' seismic events. The probe's prime mission is set to run for two Earth years - a little more than one Martian year. Given the time taken to make this first detection, it might suggest InSight should record another dozen or so seismic signals in the initial operating period, explained Professor Pike. 'When you've got one, you don't know whether you were just lucky, but when we see two or three we will have a better idea,' the Imperial College London researcher told BBC News. 'Of course, if the other three are confirmed then we could be looking at quite a large number of detections over the next two years.' SEIS was developed and provided for InSight by the French space agency. The UK Space Agency funded the five million smackers British involvement. Sue Horne, the UKSA's head of space exploration, commented: 'Thanks to the Apollo missions of the 1960s we know that Moonquakes exist. So, it's exciting to see the Mars results coming in, now indicating the existence of Marsquakes which will lead to a better understanding of what's below the surface of the Red Planet.'
Much has changed technologically since NASA's Galileo mission dropped a probe into Jupiter's atmosphere to investigate, among other things, the heat engine driving the gas giant's atmospheric circulation. A NASA scientist and his team at the Goddard Space Flight Centre in Greenbelt, Maryland, are reportedly taking advantage of those advances to mature a smaller, more capable net flux radiometer. This type of instrument tells scientists where heating and cooling occurs in a planet's atmosphere and defines the roles of solar and internal heat sources that contribute to atmospheric motions. The next-generation radiometer is specifically being developed to study the atmospheres of Uranus and/or Neptune, but could be used on any target with an atmosphere. Of all the planets in the solar system, only Uranus and Neptune - the ice giants - remain relatively unexplored. While Voyager 2 took photos of the seventh and eighth planets in the solar system, it did not obtain the breathtaking details that the subsequent Galileo and Cassini missions gathered about Jupiter and Saturn. Even far-flung Pluto scored a close-up look with the New Horizons mission in 2015. A lot remains to be discovered, said Shahid Aslam, who is leading the team developing the next-generation instrument, an effort funded by NASA's Planetary Concepts for the Advancement of Solar System Observations, or PICASSO, programme. Scientists do know that both Uranus and Neptune host a slushy mantle of water, ammonia and methane ices, while their atmospheres consist of molecular hydrogen, helium and methane gas. However, differences exist in these cold outer Jovian worlds. As temperatures fall below minus 333.7 degrees Fahrenheit, ammonia gas freezes into ice crystals and drops out of the atmospheres of both planets. Methane — a blue-coloured gas - becomes dominant. While atmospheric-methane content is similar in both planets, they look different. Uranus appears as a hazy blue-green, while Neptune takes on a much deeper blue. Some unknown atmospheric constituent is thought to contribute to Neptune's colour, Aslam said. Also, Uranus lacks internal heat. Consequently, its clouds are cold and don't billow above the top haze layer. Neptune, on the other hand, radiates as much energy as it receives from the Sun. This internal energy gives Neptune an active, dynamic atmosphere, distinguished by dark belts and bright clouds of methane ice and cyclonic storms. Because NASA has never flown a dedicated mission to the ice giants, details of the physics driving these atmospheric conditions remain elusive, Aslam added. He believes the new instrument could provide answers. It is a successor to a similar type instrument that gathered data about Jupiter's atmospheric conditions before being crushed by Jupiter's atmospheric pressure in December 1995. During that perilous, fifty eight-minute ride deep into the planet's atmosphere, Galileo's net flux radiometer - one of several mounted inside the probe - measured radiation that reached the planet from the Sun above as well as the thermal radiation or heat generated by the planet itself below. These top and bottom measurements helped scientists calculate the difference between the two, a measurement called 'net flux.' In addition to providing details about atmospheric heating and cooling, net flux data reveal information about cloud layers and their chemical composition. 'Actually, you can learn a lot from net flux data, especially sources and sinks of planetary radiation,' Aslam said. Like its predecessor, Aslam's instrument would take a suicidal plunge through the atmospheres of either Uranus or Neptune. But as it made its descent, it would gather information about these poorly understood regions with greater accuracy and efficiency, Aslam said. 'Available materials, filters, electronic detectors, flight computing and data management and processing have all improved. Frankly, we have better technology all the way around. It's clear that the time is now to develop the next generation of this instrument for future atmospheric entry probes,' he said. Instead of using pyroelectric detectors employed on Galileo, for example, Aslam is eyeing the use of thermopile sensors, which convert heat or infrared wavelengths or heat into electrical signals. The advantage is that thermopile circuitry is less susceptible to disturbances and electrical noise. Aslam's team is also adding two additional infrared channels to measure heat, bringing the total to seven, and two additional viewing angles with which to gather these wavelengths and help model light scattering. When light scatters in one field of view due to interactions with aerosols and ice particles, the scattering can contaminate measurements in another field of view. This gives scientists a skewed picture of what's happening when they analyse the data. Furthermore, the instrument's tighter field of view will reveal greater detail about the planet's cloud decks and atmospheric layers as the instrument makes it descent. Just as important, the instrument is smaller and its sensors employ modern application-specific integrated circuits that support fast data sampling, Aslam said.
The Hayabusa-2 spacecraft has sent back images of the crater made when it detonated an explosive charge next to the asteroid it is currently investigating. On 5 April, the Japanese probe released a fourteen kilogram device packed with plastic explosive towards the asteroid Ryugu. The blast drove a copper projectile into the surface, hoping to create a ten metre-wide depression. Scientists want to get a 'fresh' sample of rock to help them better understand how Earth and the other planets formed. Hayabusa-2 has now taken pictures of the area below where the 'small carry-on impactor' device was to have detonated and identified a dark disturbance in which fresh material has been excavated from beneath the surface. Scientists working on the Japanese Aerospace Agency mission said that the blast area on the surface measures about twenty metres in diameter, twice the size of the crater they expected to see. The mission's official account tweeted: 'We did not expect such a big alteration, so a lively debate has been initiated in the project!' Because of the debris that would have been thrown up in this event, Hayabusa-2 manoeuvred itself before the detonation to the far side of eight hundred metre-wide Ryugu - out of harm's way and out of sight. But the probe left a small camera behind called DCAM3 to observe the explosion. Hayabusa-2 later returned to its 'home position' about twenty kilometres above the asteroid's surface. From there, it conducted a search for the crater produced in the explosion. In coming weeks, scientists will command the probe to descend into the crater to collect its fresh samples. Because they will come from within the asteroid, they will be less altered by the harsh environment of space. Bombardment with cosmic radiation over the aeons is thought to change the surfaces of these planetary building blocks. Ryugu belongs to a particularly primitive type of space rock known as a C-type asteroid. It is a relic left over from the early days of our Solar System and, therefore, records the conditions and chemistry of that time - some four-and-a-half billion years ago.
Glenn Murray missed a late chance to all but secure Brighton & Hove Albino's Premier League status as Chris Hughton's side earned a point against this blogger's beloved (though unsellable) Newcastle. For much of the match the Albinos struggled to test a Magpies side that took a first-half lead through Ayoze Pérez's brilliant strike. The home side had not produced an effort on target until the seventy fifth minute when Pascal Groß headed in the equaliser after Murray had nodded Bruno's cross into his path. Hughton - still a very popular figure on Tyneside after his dignified time as manager of United between 2009 and 2010 - had a look of despair on the touchline after Murray's last-gasp miss, but it is debatable whether his side would have deserved to take all three points. Once again they were devoid of invention in attack and broke a club record of eleven hours and thirteen minutes without a goal, which had been held since 1970. At the other end, his defence struggled in the first half against attacking duo Pérez and Salomón Rondón, who combined again for Newcastle's opener. Paul Dummett delivered the ball into the area for the Venezuelan target-man, whose chested knock-down was lashed home by Pérez, his fifth goal in the last three games. The introduction of Solly March in the second half improved Brighton as an attacking force. How Hughton would love to be if Rafa The Gaffer's position. Both managers have spent relatively modest sums in transfer windows, but the Spaniard always seems to get the best out of what has been at his disposal. For a second successive season Benitez's defence and attack have peaked in the second half of the campaign having been as low as eighteenth in the Premiership back in early January. Rondón and Pérez - together with the arrival of record signing Miguel Almirón - have been key to this revival and the duo now combined for seven Premier League goals this season - the most by a Newcastle pair in one season since 1999-2000 when Alan Shearer and Nolberto Solano managed it eight times. And, bar The Seagulls' two second-half chances, The Magpies' defence - currently the seventh tightest in the league - looked untroubled and compact.
Elsewhere, West Hamsters United became the first away team to win at Stottingtot Hotshot's new ground, Cardiff City edged nearer to relegation, while Southampton and Bournemouth shared six goals in a pulsating South coast derby. Michail Antonio's brilliant second-half goal was enough to give the Hamsters what was only their third away win of the season, with Fabian Balbuena clearing Vincent Janssen's header off the line in stoppage time to ensure their three points. Hotshots' boss, Mauricio Pochettino, claimed that his side were 'suffering' from 'stress and fatigue.' Which, if you Google the phrase 'lame excuses for under-performing and grossly over-paid prima donnas losing a football match,' you'll find that one pretty near to the top of the list. Already relegated Fulham's Ryan Babel fired in a superb goal from twenty five yards to condemn Whinging Neil Wazzcock's Cardiff to defeat at Craven Cottage. The result leaves The Bluebirds third bottom with two games left, three points adrift of Brighton and clinging to Premiership survival by their fingertips. Wolves stay in seventh place after a two-one win at Watford. Diogo Jota grabbed the winning goal thirteen minutes from time to send Watford down to ninth in the table. Everton lost ground in the race to possibly take a place in the Europa League next season with a goalless draw at home to Crystal Palace. In the Championship, Sheffield United effectively sealed promotion to the Premier League by beating relegated Ipswich at Bramall Lane on Saturday. Goals from Scott Hogan and Jack O'Connell put The Blades six points clear of third-placed Dirty Leeds whose draw with Aston Villains on Sunday confirmed Sheffield's promotion. Norwich City also clinched promotion with a two-one win over Blackburn Vindaloos. At the other end of the table, Rotherham United were relegated from the Championship after West Bromwich Albinos came from behind to beat them at The Hawthorns. Following Millwall's goalless draw with Dirty Stoke in Saturday's early kick-off, Rotherham needed to at least avoid defeat by The Albinos to have any chance of survival. But their two-one defeat means they will join already relegated Ipswich and Notlob Wanderings in League One next season. The top two teams in League One will be promoted to the Championship, with the next four entering the play-offs. Promotion is between Luton Town, Barnsley, Portsmouth and Blunderland who are all assured of at least a play-off place. Two of those teams will join Charlton Not Very Athletic in the play-offs - as will one from Doncaster, Peterborough and Coventry. The bottom four teams will be relegated to League Two. Bradford City were relegated on 19 April after they lost at Coventry and other results went against them later that day. The remaining three places are between seven teams going into the final day of the season. Lincoln City became the first EFL team to be promoted from League Two when they drew with Cheltenham on 13 April and they clinched the title on 22 April. Bury, Mansfield, Milton Keynes and Forest Green are assured of at least a play-off place. All five are still able to claim one of the two remaining automatic promotion spots. Bury will be promoted if they win their game in hand at Tranmere on Tuesday. The bottom two teams will be relegated to the National League. Yeovil Town's relegation was confirmed after a two-two draw at Northampton. They will go down with either Notts County or Macclesfield. Goal difference means County are likely to go down unless they win their final game and Macclesfield lose theirs. Leyton Orient were promoted to League Two from the National League after a goalless draw with Braintree on the final day of the National League season to clinch the title. Six teams - AFC Fylde, Harrogate Town, Wrexham, Eastleigh, Solihull Moors and Salford City now go into a two-tier round of play-offs to decide the second promotion place. Maidstone United, Havant & Waterlooville, Braintree Town and Aldershot Town have been relegated and will be replaced by the champions and play-off winners of the National League North and South divisions. Torquay United clinched the National League South title on 13 April, with Stockport County making sure of the North title this weekend. In the North play-offs, Altrincham, Blyth Spartans, Chorley, Spennymoor Town, Bradford Park Avenue and Brackley Town are involved. The South play-offs involve Bath City, Wealdstone, Woking, Welling United and Chelmsford City.
Notlob Wanderings have been told that they must complete their two remaining Championship fixtures this season by the English Football League Board. The EFL called off Saturday's match with Brentford after Notlob's players said that they would not play for the club again until they received outstanding wages. Notlob have been told to rearrange that game 'at the earliest opportunity.' An EFL statement said the 'ownership difficulties' at the relegated club 'remain a significant concern.' Former Watford owner Laurence Bassini has reportedly agreed a deal to take over the club from Ken Anderson, which remains subject to EFL approval. When it was announced on 17 April, Notlob said 'significant funds' would be made available to pay outstanding wages and a number of long-term creditors. However, a club statement on Saturday said that Anderson is receiving 'independent advice from his professional advisors' regarding the takeover, with claims that Bassini had promised to 'arrange payment for players and coaching staff' and had 'failed to make the funds available.' In his own statement, Anderson claimed that he was giving Bassini 'until close of play on Monday to complete the outstanding matters' and that 'the ball is now firmly in Mister Bassini's court. Unfortunately, we never really know what Mister Bassini's true intentions are,' he added. Before the Brentford postponement, Bassini told Sky Sports News that he would pay the players and had transferred a million knicker to 'settle the bill' so that the game could go ahead, but he 'did not have control' to pay them and he was still awaiting a share certificate from Anderson. The EFL statement added: 'We will look to work with both parties over the next week to bring all outstanding matters to a speedy conclusion. It should be recognised that the resolution is not in our hands but we will assist where possible, with the long-term interests of Bolton Wanderers and its supporters our priority.' Wanderings' players and members of the coaching staff are still awaiting wage payments for March and this month's salaries are due on Tuesday. On Friday, the first-team squad issued a joint statement saying that the financial situation was 'creating mental, emotional and financial burdens for people through no fault of their own.' They added that it was 'placing great strain on ourselves and our families.' The players also apologised to supporters for what 'may be seen as drastic action' but stressed that the decision to go on strike had 'not been taken lightly' and that they had taken the stance 'with deep regret.' In their statement on Saturday morning, the EFL said it was 'satisfied that a team can be selected from the players they have registered and available to them' for their remaining two league fixtures, even if first-team players do not make themselves available for selection. The EFL would have forced Notlob to play Saturday's fixture had their under-eighteen team not been involved in a match on Thursday, bringing concerns about 'potential player welfare issues.' The EFL statement read: 'This same issue will not reoccur as the club is able to plan the players' preparation and recovery time accordingly.' BBC Sport claims the the Professional Footballers' Association believes it is 'up to the EFL' to reach a solution which protects the integrity of the Championship - but that it is 'not keen' on the idea of youth-team players being used en-masse to fulfil Notlob's remaining games.
Montenegro have been ordered to play their next home match behind closed doors following the sick and wicked racist abuse of England players by some of their supporters in a Euro 2020 qualifier in Podgorica in March. England won five-one but the match was entirely overshadowed by the sick racist chanting from some home 'fans' directed at several England players, including Danny Rose. Montenegro will also reportedly have to display a UEFA banner with the wording 'Equal Game' at their next game and have been fined twenty thousand Euros. That fine was for different charges of setting off fireworks, throwing objects, crowd disturbances and blocking stairways. In a statement the Football Association said: 'We hope that their next home match being played behind closed doors sends out a message that racism has no place in football or in wider society.' But, sadly, it probably won't because racist numbskulls, generally, can't be reasoned with. A pity, dear blog reader, but if history has taught us anything about racist numbskulls it's that when it comes to rational thought, racist numbskulls are about as thick as pig's shit and twice as nasty. Rose later said that he 'can't wait to see the back of football' and suggested he was 'frustrated' at the lack of action taken against fans' racism. The left-back said: 'When countries get fined what I probably spend on a night out in London, what do you expect?' Although, if Rose really does spend around twenty grand on a night out in London then that, in and of itself, is a pretty shocking indictment of how grossly overpaid many modern day footballers are when twenty grand is probably the annual salary of some of the Stottingtot Hotshots fans who watch Rose play on a weekly basis. Anyway, that's an entirely separate matter and one that, really, should be left for another day. UEFA's disciplinary committee announced a number of punishments on Friday. They included Slovakia being fined forty three thousand Euros for a number of charges including illicit chants during their Euro 2020 qualifier against Hungary; Hungary themselves given a partial stadium closure for a number of charges including racist behaviour and fined twenty three thousand Euros from the same match; Dynamo Kiev fined sixty thousand Euros (following a Europa League game against Moscow Chelski FC; Fußball-Club Bayern München fined twelve thousand Euros for blocking stairways during a Champions League tie against Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws; The Republic of Ireland fined ten thousand Euros after some of their fans threw tennis ball onto the pitch during a recent Euro 2020 qualifier against Georgia. Raheem Sterling scored England's fifth goal against Montenegro in the eighty first minute and celebrated by putting his hands to his ears, a gesture he later said was 'a response' to the sick racist abuse, which was also aimed at Callum Hudson-Odoi. In injury time Rose was booked following a strong challenge on Aleksandar Boljevic, with more racist chants aimed at the twenty eight-year-old. Montenegro coach Ljubisa Tumbakovic subsequently claimed that he did not 'hear or notice' any racist abuse - one or two people even believed him - but England manager Gareth Southgate said 'there's no doubt in my mind it happened - it's unacceptable.' The minimum punishment from UEFA for an incident of racism is a partial stadium closure, while a second offence results in one match being played behind closed doors and a fine of fifty thousand Euros. Montenegro's next home match is a qualifier against Kosovo on 7 June.
Paris St-Germain forward Neymar has been banned by UEFA for three European games for insulting match officials on Instagram after the Champions League defeat by The Scum. The Brazilian called referee Damir Skomina's late penalty decision made using the video assistant referee system, 'a disgrace' on social media. Neymar, who was injured, watched The Scum overturn a two-nil first-leg deficit. He will now miss half of next season's Champions League group stage. Neymar said that the penalty, which was scored by Marcus Rashford, 'doesn't exist.' The twenty seven-year-old went on to add: 'It's a disgrace. Four guys who know nothing about football watch a slow-motion replay in front of the television.' The referee reviewed footage of the ball striking the hand of PSG defender Presnel Kimpembe before awarding the visitors an injury-time penalty that gave them a three-one win in the second leg on 6 March, enabling them to progress on the away goals rule. 'What can he do with his hand while his back is turned?' whinged Neymar, who missed both legs with a broken metatarsal. Neymar returned to action after a three-month injury absence as a half-time substitute as PSG celebrated winning Ligue Un by beating Monaco on Sunday.
Police are investigating after a referee was forced to abandon a match in the Republic of Ireland after allegedly being wrestled to the ground. Sunday's game in County Wexford was called off during the second-half with visitors Gorey Celtic winning five-nil at Ballagh United. 'It is alleged that a man in his fifties was assaulted by a player while refereeing a match,' said a police spokesman. Irish referee Daniel Sweeney suffered a broken jaw in a separate attack in November. The latest incident occurred as the sides played in an end-of-season match refereed by Michael Comiskey in division four of the Wexford League. 'A complaint of minor assault was reported to Gardaí following a soccer match at the Ballagh, Enniscorthy,' said a police spokesman. 'The injured party did not require medical attention. Enquires are ongoing.' Wexford Football League Secretary Gertrude Rowlands told BBC Sport: 'We await the referee's report and a full investigation will take place by the WFL.' John Lavery, secretary of Gorey Celtic, said that the player involved was not from his club, while the home side declined to comment further. The Irish Soccer Referees' Society expressed its concern about assaults on officials in November after the attack on Sweeney in a car park following Mullingar Town's match at Horseleap in County Offaly. 'Without referees there is no game. We, as referees, should be viewed as a resource and in turn we should be given the protection and respect we deserve,' said president Paul O'Brien. Three Mullingar players were banned for forty years each by the Combined Counties League over the incident. Another ex-Mullingar player had his lifetime playing ban extended to include all football activities.
A spot of unfortunate fielding has made headlines in the cricketing world. The short video clip of the moment when a fielder failed to stop the ball and then was accidentally hit - on the arse, really hard - by his own teammate during Spondon Cricket Club's fifth team's game against Kirkby Portland has been viewed more than two-and-a-half million times on Twitter. The clip was retweeted by England's Stuart Broad and Joe Root and even made the news in Australia. Martin Burley, captain of Spondon's fifth side, who were batting at the time, said that the passage of play was 'something every club cricketer could relate to.'
The UK's shale gas commissioner - the so-called 'Fracking Tsar' - has fracking resigned after just six fracking months, saying that fracking is being 'throttled' by fracking rules preventing mini-earthquakes. Suggesting that she believes mini-earthquakes are something worth not preventing. A controversial stance. Current government rules mean fracking must be suspended every time a 0.5 magnitude tremor is detected. But Natascha Engel said that this 'cautious approach' to earth tremors had created 'a de facto ban on fracking.' She claimed that campaign groups 'were driving policy' - but the groups say fracking damages the environment. And welcomed her decision to frack off. In her resignation letter to Secretary of State for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy Greg Clark, Engel claimed the government was 'pandering to what we know to be myths and scare stories' about shale gas extraction. She whinged to BBC News that when she took up the post, there had been 'an understanding' that fracking would 'struggle to develop' if the 'really ridiculously low limits' on tremors had not been increased. Engel said that the role had been her 'ideal job' but 'where you've got government in such terrible paralysis, you do have to do something as dramatic as this' in order to have your voice heard. She added: 'The profile of environmentalism has really been raised and I think the need to reduce our carbon emissions is absolutely urgent and fracking is absolutely one way we can do that.' A spokesperson for the government said that it was 'confident' current regulations 'strike the right balance in ensuring the industry can develop, while ensuring any operations are carried out safely and responsibly.' Ministers created the commissioner role to give confidence in regulation to local communities, the industry and regulators. In January, the government told shale firm Cuadrilla it had 'no intention of altering' the regulations after the rules repeatedly halted work in Fylde, in Lancashire. Labour leader Comrade Corbyn has called for a fracking ban which he has said is 'not compatible with climate change prevention.' On Wednesday, the party is expected to call for a dramatic fracking cut in the UK's carbon emissions and to press the government to declare 'a national climate emergency.' Engel's departure will be welcomed by green groups who said her 'pro-fracking views' precluded her from being an honest fracking broker. A spokeswoman for the environmental protest group Extinction Rebellion said Engel's fracking resignation meant the government should 'rethink' its fracking policy and move away from fossil fuels. The key issue is a government rule that forces the industry to stop fracking every time there is a micro-tremor of 0.5 magnitude. Engel said: 'This amounts to a de facto ban. The paralysis we are seeing in Parliament [on fracking policy] is made worse by social media and a powerful environmental lobby making impossible demands on CO2 emissions.' The government said it wanted to support fracking because gas produces fewer carbon emissions than coal. Engel said the result of the 'over-strict' regulations would be difficulty in making those CO2 reductions, lower economic growth and less energy security - as the UK would need to import gas rather than produce its own. She continued: 'These points have been made repeatedly but ministers ignore them and instead allow campaign groups to drive policy. So many local businesses face collapse. They have invested vast amounts to "get ready for shale" as the government had told them to. There is, therefore, no purpose in this role.' She pointed out that forty nine geoscientists had recently called on the government to 'relax' what they called the 'over-zealous regulations.' The Lancashire for Shale group said that her fracking departure was 'a damning indictment of government dithering,' calling for ministers to take another fracking look at 'overly cautious rules on mini-earth tremors.' A spokeswoman said: 'Instead of listening to the science and expert opinion, politicians appear to be taking their steer from a vocal minority, aided and abetted by well-funded international campaign groups and their slick PR machines.' Environmentalists will be delighted with Engel's decision to fracking quit. They argued that fracking rules on the crowded land of the UK must be far more fracking rigorous than in the open spaces of America. More fundamentally, they said that it was fracking madness for the UK to be seeking more gas when firms have already discovered far more fossil fuel than scientists say can be burned without wrecking the fracking climate. Greenpeace UK head of politics Rebecca Newsom said that the fracking industry had been fracking 'stuck in a time warp' and that 'it's not surprising some of its backers are getting tired of waiting,' adding: 'What's bad news for frackers is good news for everyone else.' Environmental charity Friends of the Earth said Engel's suggestion that fracking could help reduce carbon emissions was fracking 'outrageous.' It added that the government had already 'bent over backwards to help the fracking industry,' despite it being fracking 'bad news for our climate and environment' and 'deeply unpopular' with the fracking public. Earlier this week, the former CBI head Adair Turner said there was 'no place for fracking' if the UK was to play its part in holding global temperature rise down to 1.5C. The government's policy has also been influenced by its own backbenchers. This week, the Teesside MP Simon Clark said in Parliament that the time for fracking had 'come and gone.'
People around the world are 'becoming more angry, stressed and worried,' according to a new global survey. No shit? And, they needs a survey to suss that out? Of some one hundred and fifty thousand people interviewed in over one hundred and forty countries, a third said that they suffered stress, while at least one in five experienced sadness or anger. The annual Gallup Global Emotions Report asked people about their positive and negative experiences. The most negative country in the world was Chad, followed by Niger. The most positive country was Paraguay, the report claimed. The US was the thirty ninth most positive country, the UK was forty sixth and India ranked ninety third. Researchers focused on the experiences of participants the day before the survey took place. Interviewees were asked questions such as 'did you smile or laugh a lot yesterday?' and 'were you treated with respect?' in a bid to gain an insight into people's daily experiences. In the interests of full disclosure, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping has to confess that he was one of the respondents to this particular survey from the UK. But, he'd had quite a nice time the day before taking it and, thus, his own answers probably helped to push Britain a couple of places higher up the chart than it would've been on a 'normal' day at Stately Telly Topping Manor. Anyway, around seventy per cent of people who expressed a preference said that they experienced a 'considerable' amount of enjoyment the day before the survey. Well, the weather was nice and there was some decent stuff on telly so, you know, it was to be expected. The poll found that levels of stress were 'at a new high,' while levels of worry and sadness also increased. Some thirty nine per cent of those polled said that they had been worried the day before the survey, and thirty five per cent were stressed. All of those stress were also worried at the same time meaning that four per cent of those who replied were worried but not stressed about it. Latin American countries including Paraguay, Panama and Guatemala topped the list of positive experiences, where people reported 'feeling a lot of positive emotions each day.' The poll claims that it is 'reflective of the cultural tendency in Latin America' to 'focus on life's positives.' A spectacular example of cultural stereotyping which might qualify as racism. Just sayin'. Chad had the highest score for negative experiences. More than seven-in-ten Chadians said that they had 'struggled to afford food' at some point within the past year. As many as sixty one per cent of people in the country said they had 'experienced physical pain.' The country suffers from inadequate infrastructure and internal conflict, while health and social conditions compare unfavourably with those elsewhere in the region. Despite Chad's high score for negative experiences, people in the US and Greece were, allegedly, more stressed than Chadians. Well, one of them has an economy that's every bit as ruined as the Parthenon and the other one has Donald Rump as it's President so, you know, that's broadly speaking to be expected. Greece had the 'most stressed' population in the world with fifty nine per cent saying they experienced stress on the day before the poll. Around fifty five per cent of US adults said they were stressed.
Potholes on Teeside have been 'filled within days' after penis graffiti was painted around them according to reports. The phallic symbols of a massive dong and a pair of geet big hairy balls were sprayed around a number of potholes on roads in Middlesbrough earlier this week. Middlesbrough Council claimed that a road-mending team which was already in the Acklam area 'acted quickly' to fix the phallus-adorned potholes 'once it was made aware of them.' Resident Brad Nicholson said that the potholes had been there for more than a year, adding: '[That's] the power of the willy.' Nicholson, who shared a picture of a filled-in pothole on Facebook, said the holes appeared two years ago but only became a problem about a year ago. He said he did not know who painted the penises - at least, that's his story and he's sticking to it - and that even if he did know, he wouldn't grass, but then added: 'It's about time something was done about all the potholes in Middlesbrough.' A spokesman for Middlesbrough Council said: 'Middlesbrough, like all local authority areas in the country, has issues with potholes and repairs are carried out on a priority basis determined by the risk they pose to highway users. Currently, however, we are carrying out pre-planned works in the Acklam area and staff were able to visit the nearby site on Fane Grove when the matter was reported to us and have patched over the hole.' In January, Essex County Council pledged to act after a similar protest in Saffron Walden.
A thirty eight year old Israeli woman was extremely arrested in Rome on Thursday after she reportedly carved into a Colosseum pillar the names of her husband and children. She was released from police custody and will face a judge in the next few days. Calling the incident 'an expression of rudeness' the manager of the site, Alfosina Russo, told the Italian newspaper La Repubblica that the damage was 'light' and the pillar will be repaired soon. This is, according to the Jerusalem Post, not the only incident in which Israeli tourists have been caught defacing heritage sites. In 2011 an Israeli couple allegedly 'stole spoons and knives' from the Auschwitz museum site and were pinched by the Polish authorities. They were allowed to exit the country after they paid a fine. Heritage sites around the world face the problem of tourists who sabotage them or deface them. China has announced it 'will not tolerate' the theft of bricks from its Great Wall and has begun to routinely inspect those who visit the site as some tourists can't resist taking a brick from it back home.
As it happens, dear blog reader, this blogger his very self has been to the Colosseum. But, all he took away from that particular Roman holiday was the memory of getting absolutely stung to the tune of twenty Euros by a couple of right cowboys in plastic armour for getting his picture taken with them outside the gaff. True story.
A naughty Russian agent who reportedly'tried to infiltrate US political groups' has been sentenced to eighteen months in The Slammer, telling the court: 'I destroyed my own life.' Maria Butina tried to insinuate herself into the National Rifle Association in an effort to sway American policies in favour of Moscow. After pleading not guilty, she later reversed her position, admitting to a single count of conspiracy in December. The thirty-year-old has been in custody since July. She will face deportation immediately after her sentence is served. Butina told the court: 'My parents discovered my arrest on the morning news they watch in their rural house in a Siberian village. I love them dearly, but I harmed them morally and financially. They are suffering from all of that. I destroyed my own life as well. I came to the United States not under any orders, but with hope and now nothing remains but penitence.' Despite prosecutor's claims that she damaged US national security, Butina said that she had 'no intention' of harming the American people. Her sentencing came on the same day that US President Donald Rump travelled to speak at the NRA convention in Indianapolis. In court on Friday, US District Judge Tanya Chutkan said that she had 'received and reviewed' two dozen character letters for Butina. But the judge was reportedly unmoved by Butina's apology, saying that her actions 'jeopardised our country's national security' and sent her Russian ass to jail, US media said. 'This was no simple misunderstanding by a overeager foreign student,' Judge Chutkan said. At the end of the hearing, Chutkan wished Butina well. 'You are a young woman, you are smart, you are hard working.' Judge Chutkan said, 'I wish you the best luck.' Federal prosecutor Erik Kenserson described Butina as 'an agent of a foreign government' with 'undoubtedly serious intentions,' though stopped short of calling her activities espionage. 'While it is certainly true that the defendant was an American university student,' Kenerson said, 'she did this for the benefit of the Russian Federation.' As part of a plea deal, Butina had agreed to co-operate with investigators. Judge Chutkan noted on Friday that Butina had provided 'substantial assistance' in the form of snitching to law enforcement. Prosecutors said they 'expected' the deal would 'provide information' about Russia's efforts to interfere in US politics. Prosecutors said Butina was 'directed' by 'a senior Russian official' to infiltrate conservative political groups, including an unnamed pro-gun lobbying organisation presumed to be the NRA. In a statement read in court, one of the prosecutors said Butina had drafted, in March 2015, a document called Diplomacy Project which called for 'unofficial communication lines' between high-ranking US officials and Russia. She acknowledged that she worked with 'two Americans and a Russian official.' The Russian government has previously described the case as 'fabricated.' One or two people even believed them.
A woman previously jailed for having sex with a dog is reportedly facing prison again, this time for robbing a bank. Somewhat incompetently. The Daily Mirrareports that 'perverted Amber Finney,' was 'caught by sickening footage of her engaging in sexual activity with her dog in 2017.' Finney made criminal history after becoming the first person in Warren, Ohio ('America', the Mirra helpfully adds for those readers who, you know, weren't sure) to be convicted of bestiality. She has now reportedly pleaded very guilty to robbery after police followed her footprints in the snow from a bank to her home five hundred yards away. Finney will have background checks before Judge Pete Kontos of Trumbull County Common Pleas Court sentences her in about four weeks, reports The Vindicator. 'The brunette, who has a paw tattoo on her chest, walked into a Chase bank with a hooded sweatshirt covering her face in February,' the newspaper claims. She handed a cashier a note saying which said: 'Give me all the money and no die [sic] packs.' Finney reportedly told the bank teller that she 'did not want to hurt her.' Which was thoughtful. She then left the bank with one thousand dollars after being told that it was 'the most which could be handed out.' Police arrested Finney at a house nearby after following footprints in the snow.
A parrot which warned two alleged drug dealers in Brazil that Plod were coming was 'taken into custody' after it almost foiled the undercover drug raid, authorities said. When the green-and-white bird spotted officers on Tuesday at its owners' Teresina home, it allegedly squawked 'Mama, Police!' Only, in Portuguese, according to the local outlet Oliberal.com. Which would be 'Mama, Policia!' for the unilingual amongst From The North's dear blog readers. Despite the bird's impressive efforts to tip-off the owners, a man and a woman were arrested by The Fuzz, the outlet reports. Drugs, including crack cocaine and marijuana, were found at the property, as well as large amounts of money. Police did not name the parrot, which has reportedly continued to show its loyalty to its owners and is refusing to, if you will, sing like a canary. The Gruniad reports that a local journalist said the bird 'won't talk' to officers and 'hasn't made a sound.' Authorities believe the parrot was trained to spot police cars. It is being kept - behind bars - at a zoo in Teresina.
Police reportedly arrested a Honolulu woman after she struck a man with a beer mug - really hard - at a bar in Haleiwa. The assault occurred at the establishment on Thursday. Police said that the victim, 'an acquaintance of the woman,' sustained a one-inch laceration to his head. The victim drove himself to a hospital where he was treated for his injury. Police arrested the suspect on charges of second-degree assault and slung her sorry ass in The Joint.
Two French cheeses have been suspended from sale after thirteen children were reported to have fallen ill with E coli bacteria poisoning after eating them.The cheeses - Saint-Félicien and Saint-Marcellin, both made by the Société Fromagerie Alpine in Romans-sur-Isère in the Drôme department - were pulled from shelves on Saturday. The brands are mainly sold in large supermarkets such as Leclerc, Lidl and Auchan. The recall was 'a precautionary measure,' claimed the ministers for health and agriculture, after thirteen children in several French regions were reported to have contracted cases of hemolytic uremic syndrome due to an E coli infection, since 21 March. Investigations revealed that several of the children had eaten these cheeses before symptoms appeared. Anyone who still has cheese from these brands are advised not to eat the product and to take it back to the original point of sale for a refund. Anyone who has eaten the cheese - and later presents with symptoms such as abdominal pain, explosive diarrhoea, or explosive vomiting - should 'consult a doctor as soon as possible,' making sure to mention the possible link to the cheese and potential E coli poisoning. And, if possible, not to explode from either end whilst in the doctor's waiting room. E coli (the bacteria Escherichia coli) naturally occurs in humans' digestive system, but certain strains of it can lead to illness, causing anything from mild diarrhoea to several kidney infections, intestinal bleeding and death. Health authorities have warned that small children, pregnant women, older people, or those with suppressed immune systems should avoid eating cheese and other dairy products made with raw milk. Instead, they should choose cooked-style cheeses, such as Emmental or Comté, or any cheese made with pasteurised milk.
A woman in Toronto has been very arrested after she reportedly stabbed her partner in the genitals during an argument. Canadian police found a man with multiple stab wounds to his Jacob's Cream Crackers when they responded to the incident at an apartment complex on Sunday morning. The man was subsequently rushed to hospital with what were described as 'life-threatening injuries' but his condition was later upgraded to stable. Eyewitnesses claimed that the stab victim 'staggered through the building' whilst 'naked and bleeding.' A woman, named locally as Deidre Martin, has been arrested over the alleged attack. Detectives allege she produced a knife during 'a heated domestic dispute' and proceeded to stab her partner multiple times. She has been charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault, assault with a weapon and possession of weapons dangerous to the public peace. A police spokesman said: 'I know that there's some media reports suggesting he had his genitals taken off. That is not true, but I won't go into the specific injuries.'
Lime scooters in Brisbane have reportedly'been making suggestive and offensive comments to riders' after 'pranksters' allegedly hacked audio files on some vehicles. The scooters were hacked to make a variety of lewd comments, most of which were 'sexual in nature,' local media outlets reported. At least eight scooters had files affected in the naughty cyber-attack. Lime said that the prank was 'not funny' - although it, actually, is - and that it was working to return the hacked scooters to their 'normal state.' Videos on YouTube uploaded by riders who had received the hacked messages revealed that the scooters had been 'altered.' The Channel Seven TV news station in Brisbane posted further footage of an entire row of hacked e-scooters playing the messages. One message had the scooter saying: 'Don't take me around, because I don't like to be ridden.' Lime spokesman Nelson Savanh told the Brisbane Times that the prank was 'the work of vandals' and that it was checking its entire fleet to see how many of them had been tampered with. 'It's not smart, it's not funny and is akin to changing a ringtone,' he spluttered, angrily. 'It's disappointing that someone has taken this opportunity to poke fun at members of the community in a hurtful way,' added Savanh. Lime e-scooters are currently on trial in Brisbane with the city's council considering whether to grant the transportation firm a licence to operate permanently. The hack comes in the same month that Lime had to issue a software update to many scooters around the world to fix a glitch which led to some riders being injured. The problem meant that the scooters would suddenly slam on their brakes when riders were going at full speed down hill. As detailed on the YouTube video Why Are People DYING On Lime Scooters.
This blogger is thoroughly indebted to his old mucker Danny Blythe for the following observation: 'There was a person in Sheffield City Centre today sporting a sandwich-board which says "Wake Up Satan's Sleeping Cattle." If nothing else, [that's] a great name for a thrash metal album.'
A New Orleans woman has been arrested for beating up her boyfriend with his own prosthetic leg because he wanted to break up with her, Daily Scum Mailreports. Michelle Jackson was arrested two months after the alleged 11 February incident. She and her - now former - boyfriend 'had been drinking' when he told her that he wanted to 'see other people,' according to Captain Jason Rivarde of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. The man went to sleep without further incident but woke up some hours later with an injured hand and a large cut on his head. Jackson had already fled the scene and, allegedly, told a relative that she had beat the man with his prosthetic leg and believed she may have killed him. She then went on the run. US Marshals finally tracked down Jackson at her home on 10 April and she was booked into a correctional centre on a charge of aggravated battery of the human anatomy.
A ladyperson in Plymouth has been extremely arrested on suspicion of impersonating a police officer. A 'concerned resident' reportedly 'took to Facebook' to share details of the alleged incident which was said to have involved 'a young lady knocking on doors.' The post went on to claim that the woman, allegedly, stated she was 'undercover' with Devon and Cornwall Police and was asking 'a lot of questions that didn't add up.' So, the real Devon and Cornwall Fuzz swooped in and busted her ass.
Studio executive David Picker, who gave The Be-Atles (a popular beat combo of the 1960, you might've heard of them) their movie debut, has died aged eighty seven. Picker, who served as the head of United Artists, Paramount and Columbia for more than half-a-century, died at home in New York at the weekend. The movie producer introduced The Be-Atles to Hollywood with the films A Hard Day's Night and Help! and kick-started the film career of Steve Martin. Picker is also credited with convincing author Ian Fleming that his James Bond novels could make the leap from the written page to the cinema. MGM Studios tweeted: 'We are saddened to hear that a member of the United Artists family has passed away,' describing Picker as 'a true visionary.' As well as helping to bring The Be-Atles and Bond to cinema audiences, Picker oversaw Midnight Cowboy, the only X-rated film ever to win Best Picture at the Oscars. Picker began his career in 1956 at United Artists - the studio founded in 1919 by DW Griffith, Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks. He helped bring the comedy Tom Jones - starring the late Albert Finney to United Artists in 1963 and accepted the Oscar for best director on behalf of Tony Richardson Picker also helped to launch Steve Martin's movie career with 1979's The Jerk and also producers Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid and The Man With Two Brains. Sony chairman Tom Rothman, who used to work as Picker's assistant told Variety: 'David was the classiest man in our business. A true gentleman and a great film champion.' He added: 'Like many others, I owe the start of my career to him and all of us at Columbia Pictures, benefit to this day from his accomplishments.'
Ken Kercheval, the actor who played oil tycoon Cliff Barnes in the US soap opera Dallas, has died at age eighty three. A spokeswoman at Frist Funeral Home in Kercheval's hometown of Clinton, Indiana, confirmed his death. Local newspaper the Daily Clintonian reports that Ken died on Sunday. Victoria Principal who played his on-screen sister, Pamela, paid tribute on social media describing Kercheval as 'supremely talented' and 'a wonderful story teller, slyly humourous and always unpredictable.' She went on to say she hoped that he and fellow late Dallas stars Larry Hagman and Barbara Bel Geddes are 'throwing a Texas style heavenly party!''He was one of those guys who was going to be the next James Dean,' the show's creator, David Jacobs, told The Hollywood Reporter. Kercheval, born in 1935, trained at Indiana University and the Neighbourhood Playhouse in New York. He began his career as a stage actor, appearing with Dustin Hoffman in a 1959 production of Dead End and starring in several Broadway shows during the 1960s. In 1978 he was cast in Dallas' initial five-part mini-series, originally playing Ray Krebbs, the illegitimate son of Jock Ewing. The series - about two wealthy, rival families in the oil industry - became one of the era's signature shows and won four EMMY Awards. It also had a huge global following, with episodes dubbed into over sixty languages across ninety countries. After the show ended in 1991, Kercheval returned for reunion specials in 1996 and 2004 and for a series reboot from 2012 to 2014. Ken was also a prolific film and TV actor. Before and after Dallas, he appeared on shows including Kojak, Starsky & Hutch and Diagnosis Murder. His CV also included appearances in Naked City, The Defenders, The Trials of O'Brien, The Secret Storm, Get Christie Love!, The Disappearance of Flight 412, Rafferty, ChiPs, The Love Boat, Hotel, Matlock, I Still Dream of Jeannie, LA Law, In The Heat Of the Night, Walker, Texas Ranger, ER, Crossing Jordan and the movies Pretty Poison, Rabbit, Run, The Seven-Ups,Network and Blind Obsession. The actor confessed to smoking up to three packs of cigarettes a day and had part of his lung removed in 1994 after being diagnosed with cancer. He was also a self-described 'practising alcoholic' for twenty years before giving up alcohol.
And finally, dear blog reader, Saturday marked the sixth anniversary of the death of this blogger's mother. The following day marked the twenty eighth anniversary of the death of his father. As a consequence around the last week of April each year, yer actual Keith Telly Topping tends to get rather melancholy and a touch introspective during an - in theory, at least - period of quiet reflection on mortality and that. 2019 was no different. So many apologies are due if this week's bloggerisationisms seems a shade more downbeat than usual. This blogger genuinely means it when he uses the excuse that 'it's just the time of year.'

'Who were your ancestors, the ones who made your family rich? Fancy lads in silk? They were fucking cut-throats. That's how all the great houses started, isn't it? With a hard bastard who was good at killing people. Kill a few hundred people they make you a Lord. Kill a few thousand they make you King. And then, all your cocksucking grandsons can ruin the family with their cocksucking ways!' The main themes of the latest - third-to-last - episode of Game Of Thrones were doubt and consequences. And, of Jaime and Brienne finally giving it some long-overdue trombone with the potential of the pair filling a brave new world with lots of little Lannister-Tarth's. All with brass hands, ladies an gentlemen. A dark and mostly sombre aftermath to the merry blood-soaked carnage of last week's Night Of The Long Darkness, The Last Of The Starks was something of a necessary comedown. The equivalent of the two week pause-for-breath between Stamford Bridge and Hastings in 1066. Seventy odd minutes of sustained ennui, if you will - a bit like Buffy The Vampire Slayer's entire sixth series compressed down into one episode. As a consequence, it received some inevitable whinging from people that you've never heard of - take Vox's self-congratulatory sour-faced review, for example. Or, similarly-themed pieces of scowling arrant discontent in the Independent and USA Today. But, most people who dared to express an opinion, seemingly, got what the producers were aiming for. Reviews - of varying degrees of interest, articulacy and eloquence - can be consumed at the New York Times, the Torygraph, The Atlantic, Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, the Washington Post, the Daily Scum Mail, the Gruniad Morning Star, the Radio Times, Forbes, Deadline, Variety, the Digital Spy website, TV Line, the Metro, the Boston Herald, IGN, the Den Of Geek! website, Entertainment Focus, Rotten Tomatoes, Rolling Stain, Harpers Bazaar and What Culture. All of which, by definition, contain massive spoilerisation in the area. So, if you haven't watched the episode in question yet then, what've you been doing instead? Contemplating the inherently ludicrous nature of existence? Like the man said, 'we've defeated them, now we have to contend with us.'
Game Of Thrones as well as just about breaking the Interweb also broke ratings records in the US for the second time in three weeks last Sunday: The Long Night, delivered an incredible 17.8 million overnight American viewers. This marks a new high for the popular adult fantasy drama - and for HBO - and makes the episode the most-watched scripted series broadcast in America so far of the year. The figure exceeded the final series premiere last month, which had 17.4 million. The numbers, of course, represent only a tiny fraction of the show's total audience as the series is a hit around the globe and is currently, probably, the world's most popular television series. Although, apparently, some people have never seen a single solitary episode and aren't shy in letting anyone that is interested (and, indeed, anyone that isn't) know about this and how it makes them, you know, windswept and interesting. The series eight premiere is now up to a whopping thirty eight million viewers worldwide. Not counting all those extremely naughty people who viewed it though, ahem, 'other sources.' The Long Night - as previously gushed about at length on this blog - chronicled the climactic Battle of Winterfell, a lavishly produced eighty two-minute siege where a collection of disparate heroes faced off against the Army of the Dead. Directed by Miguel Sapochnik, it drew lavish praise for its suspense and character-driven action although a few people couldn't help themselves and spent more time whinging about the episode's lighting (or, lack of it). But, to quote Kit Harington, frankly, such people can 'go fuck themselves!' You know something, Jon Snow. The production famously spent fifty five nights (plus several more weeks inside the studio) filming the episode amid very difficult conditions in an effort to make the battle as realistic as possible. The Long Night was also the most-tweeted-about episode of scripted television ever, with Twitter claiming there were 'nearly' eight million tweets about the episode. Mostly, with very bad spelling.
HBO is currently working on threeGame Of Thrones spin-offs according to George RR Martin. Except he doesn't call them 'spin-offs' but, rather, 'successor shows.' In a blog post updating his fans, the author of the books on which the show is based said: 'We have had five different Game Of Thrones successor shows in development (I mislike [sic] the term 'spin-offs') at HBO and three of them are still moving forward nicely. The one I am not supposed to call The Long Night will be shooting later this year and two other shows remain in the script stage, but are edging closer.''In the press at large, everybody said, "there are four spin-offs" and they assume that means each one is happening and we're going to have a new Game Of Thrones show per quarter,' HBO's programming president Casey Bloys told Entertainment Weekly two years ago. 'That's not what's going on. The idea is not to do four shows. The bar set by [Benioff and Weiss] is so high that my hope is to get one show that lives up to it.'
'Why Gill, why?''It's complicated.' Given the - wholly expected - announcement it had already been commissioned for sixth series by the BBC, there was never much chance that the finale of Line Of Duty's extraordinary fifth series was going to end in an 'uge eff-off bloodbath on Sunday. And, one stabbed hand and one shot-and-wounded 'rotten apple' aside, in the event, the eighty five minute episode contained remarkably little in the way of big, broad, massive and hard tool-stiffening malarkey. Which, for long-term viewers, made something of a welcome change from previous years. We discovered during a tense and complex labyrinthine finale that 'H' is not a whom at all, but rather it's a 'how many'? We discovered that Ted Hastings is the honest man that we all (probably) believed him to be - a bit of (legal and unextreme) porn-viewing notwithstanding - and that AC-12 still has some inquiries to make. If you haven't seen the episode yet, dear blog reader then most of the above is, obviously, more than a bit spoilerish. Not as spoilerising as the following reviews in, at random, the Torygraph (who described it as 'the best thing we'll be lucky enough to see on TV all year'), some louse of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star (who, in atypical Doctor Who fandom-style, whinged that, basically, 'it's not as good as it used to be') and the Independent. There was also extensive coverage of the episode and, where the series goes in the future in, for example, the Radio Times, the Daily Scum Mail, the Sun and a further piece in the Gruniad in which a bunch of real-life Plod whinge about all the inaccuracies. Or, to be fair actually in most cases, celebrate their fandom of the popular crime drama!
Anticipation for Line Of Duty's series five finale was, of course, massive in its bigly bigness. And, it appears that someone at one particular Sainsbury's store just couldn't wait to see how the series wrapped up and wanted to share their spoilerising with as many people as possible. Because some fans spotted DVDs of the series for sale on the supermarket's shelves on Saturday, one day before the final episode has been broadcast. And then, couldn't resist snitching about it online like a filthy stinkin' Copper's Nark.
Martin Compston was left 'very shaken' after a truck crashed into his taxi, according to media reports. The actor, who plays Steve Arnott in Line Of Duty (you knew that, right?), is reported to have been in the passenger seat of the taxi when a HGV smashed into the same side, destroying the car door. According to the Sun, Compston was 'left very shaken' by the traffic incident - well, you would be, wouldn't you? - but was nevertheless unhurt. They claim that Compston was on his way to a hotel when the incident occurred in Salford on Thursday while they were waiting for a red light. The newspaper reports that cab driver Derek Burton believed the crash was 'initially a bomb,' snitching: 'Martin screamed. We didn't know what happened. We hadn't seen the truck. It smashed into where he was sitting. Martin's door was bashed in. It was probably doing ten miles per hour but it was so big it destroyed the cab.' It is claimed that the two drivers swapped details following the accident. And, both of them then asked Martin for his autograph and if he could let them know who 'H' is.
'If you start killing people for free, we are both in trouble. And broke!' As previously noted, dear blog reader, this blogger does not intend to review any episodes of the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve currently showing in the US until the episodes become widely available in Britain for fear of spoilerising anyone who wishes not to be spoilerised and, as a consequence, buggering up their lives. Or something. However, if - and only if - you are not all that bothered about any such spoilerising shenanigans then, spoilerising-type reviews of series two, episode five are available to utterly spoilerise your day at, for example, The Hollywood Reporter, Vulture, Indie Wire, Entertainment Weekly, the Den Of Geek! website and Rolling Stain. Approach all of these with caution if you want to remain unspoilerised, however. Don't say you weren't warned.
Jodie Comer has said that she has seen a 'shift' in her levels of fame since starring in Killing Eve and admits she never gets approached romantically because of her on-screen character. Although, now she'd said this, expect that situation to change drastically as all manner of spotty chancers decide that what Jodie really needs in her life is them. Bad move, Jodie, jolly bad move! The actress said that while she hasn't seen a 'drastic change' in the number of people who approach her on the street, she does now get 'strange men' who wait for her at airports. Well, don't we all? Speaking to The Sunday Times she said: 'It's not a drastic change, but there's definitely been a shift. [I had a] really weird experience [recently]. I got to the airport, it must have been half two and there were ... men waiting for me to sign things. They'd been following us around doing press during the week. When does it become normal for strange men to be waiting for you at the airport?' Jodie added that her love-life hasn't picked up and blames her lack of romantic interests on the fact that she stars as a psychopath in Killing Eve. She said: 'Oh, zero, darling. I don't know if it's particularly because I've played a psychopath. I really don't get approached at all. Which is fine. I'm never in one place long enough.'
'What is this fuckery?!' The latest episode of From The North favourite Doom Patrol - Cyborg Patrol - was an 'uge engine of destruction, in which Cliff, Jane, Larry and - a very reluctant - Rita infiltrated the sinister Bureau of Normalcy's 'Ant Farm' to rescue Vic. And then, The Butts got loose! As usual, dear blog reader, the episode was as mad as toast and thoroughly entertaining. Reviews can be sought out here, here, here, here and here. And, as if that wasn't impressive enough, the next episode will, apparently, see the long-awaited TV debut of one of the Doom Patrol comic-series' most popular characters, Flex Mentallo.
It is, of course, not unusual for TV fans to wish that their favourite shows would make more episodes. But it seems that viewers who long for more have an unlikely ally in the former Prime Minister and oily disgraceful twat David Cameron. Speaking on the latest episode of David Tennant's podcast, US actress and writer Tina Fey revealed that Cameron asked her to 'lobby' the British TV industry to churn out as many episodes as US shows do. 'Come and convince our showrunners that they can't just make six episodes of things. Like you guys, they should make two hundred episodes,' she recalled oily disgraceful twat Cameron snivelling to her. Fey - rightly - rejected this disgraceful request, explaining that US writers were, in fact, 'jealous' of the less-is-more British approach. UK dramas, of course, tend to be authored by just one writer and hold runs of between six to eight episodes per series as a result. In US network TV, scriptwriting is synonymous with the writers' room, in which a team of writers - led by a showrunner - work together to produce up to twenty two episodes a season. Although many of the acclaimed US non-network dramas of recent years - Game Of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Wireet cetera - have been far closer to the UK model with between ten and thirteen episodes per series. Each writer will generally get to write their own episode as part of the overall narrative arc. But, according to scriptwriter Gareth McLean, the showrunner always has the chance to 'overwrite to add a consistency of tone.' Production timeframes also differ. Unlike the UK, where series are completed well ahead of time, writers of US shows often still be filming and even writing episodes from late in a series whilst the first episodes are being broadcast. The closest we come to this in Britain is on the soaps where multiple episodes are produced weekly. Of course, as anyone with half a brain in their head will know (so, that would exclude the oily disgraceful twat Cameron), the main difference between the two countries is money. Bigger ratings make the US industry more lucrative for advertisers, says Ant Boys, a BAFTA-nominated writer and editor with credits on both UK political satire The Thick Of It and its stateside equivalent Veep. 'The biggest difference is that the US industry just has far more money pumped into it and can afford to pay a room full or writers. The UK industry just can't,' he says. 'In the early days of The Thick Of It, we were making episodes for eighty thousand pounds, but for the early episodes of Veep, we were looking at three million dollars an episode. When you have that disparity, the ability to hire more writers and produce more episodes is clear.' Having more money, writers and episodes doesn't necessarily mean the calibre of writing is any better or worse, of course. But McLean says that shorter runs can allow more succinct writing, authored in a way that can assure clarity of vision. 'In the case of Fleabag it was very much a case of, "I've got a story to tell, I can tell it really clearly in the way I want to tell it."' The UK TV industry benefits from lucrative overseas sales. British producers earned more than nine hundred million knicker from selling their shows abroad in 2016-17. The contribution they make to the economy is likely to be the main reason oily twat Cameron approached Fey and asked her - wholly improperly - to interfere in the artistic endeavours of others. Commercial success 'often means looking for ways to stretch something out even when it's not really feasible,' said the Gruniad Morning Star's TV critic Hannah Davies. While US shows can be churned out quickly, she says 'super-long US shows such as Supernatural can become generally disjointed,' particularly in the glare of union-led writers' strikes. And, this dominance of financial interests can strengthen further in syndication, with Seinfeld episodes 'made shorter to free up more time per episode for adverts, increasing network revenue.'
Claire Foy and yer actual Matt Smith will make their Old Vic debuts in Duncan McMillian's Lungs, as part of the London theatre's upcoming season. Matthew Warchus will direct the play in his fifth season as artistic director. Lucy's Prebble's stage reimagining of A Very Expensive Poison, about the death of Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko, will make its world premiere in September. Daniel Radcliffe also joins Alan Cumming in Endgame as part of a Samuel Beckett double bill. The macabre comedy will be followed by Beckett's rarely seen short play, Rough for Theatre II. Discussing his latest line-up, Warchus said that he was 'proud' of the 'titanic ideas and emotions' it will offer audiences, from the 'dark fantasia' of the Litvinenko adaptation - based upon Luke Harding's book - to the 'contemporary dilemmas' discussed in Lungs. Highlights of the Old Vic's new season include Mark Knopfler's musical adaptation of the 1983 film Local Hero - directed by John Crowley from the book by Bill Forsyth and Old Vic associate artist David Greig - will receive its London premiere in June. Jack Thorne's version of A Christmas Carol is to return in time for Christmas. Themes raised by the main productions will be discussed in Voices Off - a series of debates with leading voices in the arts, media, science and politics. The West End theatre has also announced two new audience initiatives alongside its billing, to help make theatre more accessible.
National treasure Stephen Fry is to take his book Mythos, a retelling of Greek legends, on the road this summer - his first UK tour in nearly forty years. Mythos: A Trilogy - Gods. Heroes. Men will open at the Edinburgh International Festival on 19 August. The play has been split into three separate shows and audiences will help Fry choose which tales he will tell. He said that he is 'shivering and quivering with excitement' at his first tour since working with Huge Laurie. The comedy duo toured new material around the UK in the late 1980s. 'Three different shows over three different nights: people can come to one, two or three evenings, but whichever they choose I hope will be as exciting for them as I know it will be for me,' he added. Fry's most recent foray into the world of theatre was an award-nominated turn as Malvolio in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, which ran in London before transferring to Broadway. In February 2018, he announced that he'd had surgery to treat prostate cancer and said the early intervention had saved his life. Mythos had its premiere at the Shaw Festival in Ontario in 2018 where it was warmly reviewed. The Gods play will chart the lives of the Greek Gods Zeus, Hera, Apollo and Athena among others, while Heroes will chronicles the fabled feats of the likes of Perseus - who battled the Gorgon and Theseus who slew the Minotaur. Men will recount ancient battles and conflicts like The Trojan War and epic journeys like those of Odysseus. After four performances in Edinburgh, the show will move to Salford, Liverpool, Birmingham, London, Oxford and Gatesheed.
The foreign secretary the vile and odious rascal Hunt declared this week that the Russian government-owned TV station RT was 'a weapon of disinformation' in a speech to mark World Press Freedom Day. The comments, to an audience in Ethiopia, marked an escalation of a British ministerial assault on the standards of the Russian broadcaster, originally known as Russia Today, which had faced repeated investigations into its output by the media regulator Ofcom. 'After the Russian state carried out a chemical attack in the British city of Salisbury last year, the Kremlin came up with over forty separate narratives to explain that incident,' the vile and odious rascal Hunt said in Addis Ababa. 'Their weapons of disinformation tried to broadcast them to the world. The best defence against those who deliberately sow lies are independent, trusted news outlets.' The vile and odious rascal Hunt said that it 'remained a matter for Ofcom' to 'independently decide whether the station should be closed down.' At the end of last year RT was found extremely guilty of seven breaches of the British broadcasting code in relation to programmes broadcast in the aftermath of the Salisbury novichok poisoning. A spokesperson for the media regulator reaffirmed its independence and said that it has 'yet to decide' on a punishment, which could include fining the network or removing its licence to broadcast in the UK, although the latter option is considered 'highly unlikely.' The vile and odious rascal Hunt comments 'could exacerbate the high-stakes dispute,' according to some louse of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star. Russia has retaliated by opening an investigation into the BBC's right to operate its Russian service out of Moscow, while RT is seeking a judicial review of the Ofcom decision in the British courts. The vile and odious rascal Hunt has made media freedom one of the signatures of his tenure as foreign secretary and is hosting a ministerial conference on the issue on London later this year, in addition to enlisting the help of human rights lawyer Amal Clooney to act as his special envoy on media freedom. Earlier this week the vile and odious rascal Hunt was photographed with undercover Ghanian journalist Anas Aremeyaw, who does not show his face in public. The vile and odious rascal Hunt used his speech in Addis Ababa to accuse the Russian state of 'manipulating the media, spreading fake news' and said that RT is 'a key part of that effort. Channels like RT – better known as Russia Today - want their viewers to believe that truth is relative and the facts will always fit the Kremlin's official narrative,' he will say. 'Russia in the last decade very disappointingly seemed to have embarked on a foreign policy where their principal aim is to sow confusion and division and destabilise fragile democracies.' He also referenced a baffling interview conducted by RT editor-in-chief Margarita Simonyan with the two purported Salisbury poisoning suspects, in which the Russians insisted that they were visiting the Wiltshire city to look at the cathedral's famous spire: 'Hilarious though it was when we had the interview with the Salisbury suspects, there was actually a much darker purpose behind all of this.' Explaining his broader thinking, the vile and odious rascal Hunt said that media freedom is 'not a Western value' but, instead, a 'force for progress from which everyone benefits.' Yes, dear blog reader, this is, indeed, the same vile and odious rascal Hunt who, in his - disastrous - time as lack of culture secretary barely spent a day not whinging about some aspect of the BBC's alleged 'bias' against him and his Tory louse-scum colleagues.
The publishers of the Sun and disgraced and disgraceful Scum of the World, along with the publishers of the Mirra Group newspapers, could face a total bill for phone hacking of up to a billion smackers, says the group representing the victims. Settlements to victims, plus legal costs, already total nearly five hundred million quid. There are 'hundreds' more claims already under way and many thousands more victims who could potentially claim. 'More and more victims contact us each year,' said Hacked Off's Nathan Sparks. He told the BBC that this 'suggested' there could be 'many hundreds or thousands more' still to come. 'The apparent willingness of the Mirra Group Newspapers and Sun owners News UK to settle cases at seemingly any price indicates a desperation to avoid having these claims heard in open court - which would expose multiple allegations of corporate wrongdoing and criminality to the public gaze,' he added. 'With the expenditure of all publishers taken into account, the total cost of the scandal could exceed one billion pounds - with virtually no accountability for the executives who have presided over it.' The revelation that the Scum of the World employee Glenn Mulcaire hacked the phone of the murdered teenager Milly Dowler caused national outrage and led to a public inquiry into the behaviour of the press, the police and politicians, chaired by Lord Justice Sir Brian Leveson. That inquiry was split into two parts, with part two 'deferred' until after criminal prosecutions had been concluded - which they were in 2016. The government then closed down the second part of the inquiry, meaning that many of the claims of the victims were never heard in an open forum. Phone-hacking campaigners had hoped that a series of civil trials involving hundreds of victims would see fresh claims of wrongdoing by journalists, editors and owners at the Sun, the Mirra and the Sunday Mira tested in reportable court proceedings. News UK has always insisted that the illegality was confined to the Scum of the World. One or two people even believed them. The original Leveson inquiry led to criminal convictions mainly of people employed by the Scum of the World, with one journalist, Dan Evans, pleading guilty to hacking at both that paper and at the Sunday Mirra. The convictions included that of Mulcaire, the man who hacked Milly Dowler's phone. He never testified to Leveson because of his involvement in a criminal trial which resulted in him being sentenced to nine months in The Slammer. However, the judge in a civil trial against the Mirra that subsequently did make it all the way to court ruled that phone-hacking at the Mirra was 'widespread, institutionalised and long-standing.' A spokesperson for the publishers of the Mirra said: 'We don't believe there would be any merit in spending public money to hold a Leveson 2 inquiry today. The practices of the past which gave rise to the original Leveson inquiry have long since been banished from our newsrooms.' Again, one or two people even believed them. So far, News Group has paid out over four hundred million notes and the Mirra's owners over seventy five million. These settlements are entered into voluntarily by the claimants, but even if they are satisfied with the money they received, many activists remain unsatisfied that the full extent of phone-hacking and other press intrusion was never explored in public. The government has defended its decision to shut down the second part of the Leveson inquiry, saying that because of 'significant changes' in the media landscape, proceeding further 'was no longer appropriate, proportionate, or in the public interest.' And, certainly not in the interest of the government's close friends who own national newspapers. Sir Brian Leveson himself strongly rejected that conclusion in a letter to the government. The actor and phone-hacking victim Hugh Grant told the BBC that the conclusion was 'deeply unsatisfactory.' He said: 'The vast majority of people who were running the press pre-Leveson are still in place to this day and they got away scot-free, precisely because the Leveson inquiry was always supposed to be split into two parts, because the second part - who did what to whom - the precise gradual stuff had to be delayed until after the civil criminal trials. And once they did finish, Theresa May completely backed down.' The press, the police and the politicians tell the public Leveson forced everyone to clean up their act. But many activists and victims feel that an awful lot of dirty linen remains unwashed.
Sir Tony Robinson, a former member of Labour's governing National Executive Committee, says that he has quit the party over its current direction. He said he was leaving after nearly forty five years because of Labour's stance on Brexit, its handling of anti-Semitism allegations and its poor leadership. The political activist has spoken at rallies for the People's Vote campaign for another referendum. Announcing his move on Twitter, Sir Tony said it was partly down to the party's 'continued duplicity on Brexit.' He has previously written a tweet to Labour's deputy leader, Tom Watson, saying: 'Our party members are overwhelmingly in favour of a second referendum. To campaign on a platform of constructive ambiguity would be unprincipled, duplicitous and rather sinister.' Labour has refused to fully endorse a further referendum on Brexit - as supported by many ordinary members - instead saying it would do so 'under certain circumstances.' Sir Tony, who has frequently criticised Comrade Corbyn, also raised the issue of anti-Semitism and swore when describing the leadership in his tweet, describing the party's leadership as 'complete shit.' The actor, presenter and writer who campaigned at several general erections, served on Labour's National Executive Committee between 2000-04.
The right-wing 'activist' - and convicted violent offender and fraudster - Stephen Yaxley-Lennon reportedly had a milkshake thrown over him for the second time in two days as he continued on his campaign trail for the European elections on Thursday. Which seemingly suggests that Kelis is not the only person whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. The English Defence League founder - who is running as an 'independent' to become an MEP for the North-West of England in the forthcoming European erections - was hit with the drink during a walkabout in Warrington. Footage posted on social media showed Yaxley-Lennon arguing with Danyal Mahmud before the drink was thrown at his head. Yaxley-Lennon then appeared to respond by throwing several punches at Mahmud before the pair were separated. One man, filming the incident, is heard shouting at Yaxley-Lennon 'that's what you get for being a fascist.' Speaking to Asian Image, Mahmud said he had been 'left shaken' by the incident. As opposed to Yaxley-Lennon who was left, if you will, milk-shaken. Mahmud added: 'I was in Warrington for a meeting and afterwards was on my way home. I had to pass this group of people. He [Yaxley-Lennon] just kept talking to me. I kept moving location. I was the only Asian guy there. I said to him I do not wish to speak to you on or off-camera. I just got annoyed with him. A milkshake "slipped" out of my hand. I had no intention of doing anything or reacting in any way. But he kept talking. I feel a bit shaken-up and shocked to be honest.' Following the incident a crowd of people who had gathered to protest against Yaxley-Lennon's campaign were heard cheering. Loudly. Police have now launched an investigation as it is understood Yaxley-Lennon has made an allegation of assault with a deadly dairy product. Yaxley-Lennon was later filmed sitting in a police car as protesters stood nearby with placards. A Cheshire police spokesman said: 'We are aware of an allegation of assault made following an incident in Bridge Street in Warrington. We are looking into the circumstances.' Yaxley-Lennon has also claimed that he was 'punched and slapped' by two other people in separate incidents in Warrington. 'I was politically targeted,' he added in a video. 'I so want to win this. No amount of punches, milkshakes, attacks or anything is going to stop me.' The incident came a day after a separate video showed Yaxley-Lennon attacked with a milkshake on the campaign trail in Bury on Wednesday. In a video posted to his followers on his Telegram channel Yaxley-Lennon said: 'Had a strawberry milkshake thrown over me by some I dunno, I'd say some Muslim supporter of course.' Footage showed Yaxley-Lennon's supporters chasing the man who allegedly threw the milkshake down the road. Meanwhile, another viral video posted on Tuesday showed a woman in Salford accusing the prospective MEP of 'just spouting a load of shite' about grooming gangs to 'get publicity.' Yaxley-Lennon's appearance in Warrington had already raised concerns. Before his rally, Warrington South MP Faisal Rashid, who was the town's first Muslim mayor, said: 'I feel it is important that I put on the record that hatred and racism has absolutely no place in our town. Warrington is an inclusive and united town. I have lived in Warrington for over twenty years and in that time the town has welcomed me and my family.'
Facebookbanned several prominent accounts promoting white nationalism on the platform on Thursday. A spokesperson for everyone else on Facebook said: 'About fekking time, too.' Accounts barred from Facebook, as well as its subsidiary Instagram, as part of the 'new enforcement' include the conspiracy theorist and complete loon Alex Jones, the 'far-right troll' Milo Yiannopoulos and the anti-Muslim clown Laura Loomer. Jones was previously banned from Facebook but still had an account on Instagram, which was no longer live as of Thursday. 'We've always banned individuals or organisations that promote or engage in violence and hate, regardless of ideology,' a Facebook spokesperson said. 'The process for evaluating potential violators is extensive and it is what led us to our decision to remove these accounts today.'Facebook also said that it would remove accounts 'relating to Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam group,' who has posted anti-semitic material. Critics say Facebook has not, in fact, 'always' banned individuals engaging in violence and hate. The company has often grappled with controlling far-right hate-speech on the platform in recent years. Figures like Jones, Loomer and Yiannopoulus were able to cultivate a huge reach using the platform, making Facebook's move 'insufficient,' said Cristina López, the deputy director for extremism at Media Matters for America, a not-for-profit media watchdog. 'This is a step in the right direction and it shows exactly why Facebook needs to be thinking about enforcement in a more holistic way,' she said. 'Facebook can help curb the spread of extremism, hate and bigotry that flourished on its platforms if it remains open to reforming enforcement measures.' The individuals have been banned from Facebook and Instagram under its policies against 'dangerous individuals and organisations.' The company said that it would continue its policy of banning accounts which praise or support these figures on the platform. In recent months, the company has become increasingly willing to issue outright bans against individuals deemed to spread hate-speech - in effect cutting many 'alt-right' figures off from the social networks that allowed them to gain an audience in the first place. The news was shared under embargo with a number of US news outlets before the bans actually went into effect, resulting in the bizarre sight of many of the figures using Instagram to complain that they were about to be removed from it. Many of the accounts affected by Thursday's announcement had already been banned from other social media sites. For instance, pages relating to Infowars were removed from Facebook but, until now, the conspiracist news site had been allowed to maintain an account on Instagram. Yiannopoulos, a former Breitbart News employee, had already been banned by both Twitter and Facebook but the decision to remove his Instagram account means his only mainstream social media outlet will now be on YouTube. The change in attitudes suggests Facebook is adopting a more consistent approach across all its platforms. The company has recently specifically banned white supremacist material from its service and has come under increased pressure to act against such content following the Christchurch terror attack, which was live-streamed on its network.
Pluto's atmosphere 'may completely collapse and freeze' by 2030, according to a twenty eight-year study of the dwarf planet on the edge of our solar system. Every two hundred and forty eight years, Pluto completes an orbit around the sun. This long orbit - and its great distance from our star - means that the surface temperature is between minus three hundred and seventy eight and minus three hundred and ninety six degrees Fahrenheit. But Pluto is the most distant of its kind with an atmosphere in our solar system. The atmosphere is largely made up of nitrogen, with hints of carbon monoxide and methane. An international collaboration of scientists from eight countries has been studying Pluto's atmosphere and its evolution since 1988 using ground-based telescopes. These observations were compared with additional information gathered by the New Horizons spacecraft flyby of Pluto in 2015. A study published in the journal Astronomy & Astrophysics recently shares data on Pluto's atmosphere gathered between 1988 and 2016. The data was used to model seasons on Pluto and how those react to the amount of sunlight it receives during different parts of its orbit. The researchers were able to record how surface pressure evolves during the seasons on Pluto. This helped 'paint a complete picture of the atmosphere,' including density, pressure and temperature. 'What the study found was when Pluto is farthest away from the Sun and during its Winter in the Northern Hemisphere, nitrogen freezes out of the atmosphere,' said Andrew Cole, study author and associate professor at the University of Tasmania's School of Natural Sciences, in a statement. 'The atmospheric pressure has tripled over the past three decades, but as the planet orbits, our modelling showed that most of the atmosphere would condense out to almost nothing left,' he said. 'What our predictions show is that by 2030 the atmosphere is going to frost out and vanish around the whole planet.' The data was gathered when the researchers were able to observe ground-based stellar occultations, when planets pass in front of background stars. This allows scientists to measure how much starlight is absorbed by a planet's atmosphere. These observations are tricky. The telescopes have to be positioned in the right spot to capture when a path outlined by the planet's shadow also passes over a spot on Earth. This lasts only a minute or two. If Pluto's atmosphere collapses and freezes over, the dwarf planet may appear brighter in our sky because it will reflect more sunlight, Cole said. 'The striking red terrain seen in the New Horizons images could fade away if they are snowed under with nitrogen frost,' he added. 'This research has been crucial in furthering our understanding of Pluto and testing what we know about atmospheres, ices and climate at extreme conditions.'
England efficiently chased one hundred and seventy four to beat Pakistan by seven wickets in a thrilling one-off Twenty20 international in Cardiff, on a day when Jofra Archer again impressed. Archer picked up two for twenty nine and effected a run-out, removing both Babar Azam (sixty five) and Haris Sohail (fifty), the mainstays of Pakistan's inning of one hundred and seventy three for six. A potentially tricky target was reached with four balls to spare thanks to Eoin Morgan's fifty seven not out from only twenty nine balls. Captain Morgan sealed victory with a six from the second ball of the final over. These two sides now move on to five one-day internationals in preparation for the World Cup, the first of which is at The Oval on Wednesday. And, although it is difficult to put the result of a T20 into context, all England performances are currently being viewed with the World Cup in mind. With Indian Premier League players Jonny Bairstow, Ben Stokes, Jos Buttler, Jason Roy and Moeen Ali all rested, there was a chance for those on the fringe of the England squad to press their claims. As well as Archer, Ben Duckett and Ben Foakes were given their T20 debuts. Archer grabbed his chance, while Joe Denly showed his potential World Cup value by supporting Morgan at the end of the run chase. In making his one-day international bow against Ireland on Friday, Archer showed a few glimpses of his talent. Here, he gave a greater exhibition of the benefits of his fiery pace, variations, control and electric fielding. Into the attack in the fifth over, the Sussex man immediately topped ninety miles per hour and hurried Imam-ul-Haq into gloving a hook shot straight to wicketkeeper Foakes. When he returned to the attack in the sixteenth over, Archer removed both Haris and Babar after they had shared a third-wicket stand of one hundred and three. Firstly, a short slower ball resulted in Haris picking out David Willey on the leg-side fence, then Archer capitalised on a mix-up to run out Babar by gathering the ball, turning and nailing a direct hit at the non-striker's stumps. Still, if Archer is to force his way into England's World Cup fifteen, there is the difficult decision on who he should replace from the preliminary squad named in April. Willey and Tom Curran, both in that party, did themselves no harm here. Left-armer Willey was again reliable, while Curran has the variety of a plethora of slower balls. Both can contribute with the bat. Indeed, it was Chris Jordan, himself trying to muscle in on the World Cup, who suffered a damaging day, conceding forty one runs from his four overs. It was off the bowling of Jordan that Haris kickst-arted a ponderous Pakistan innings into life by launching over cow corner for six. While Haris was all heaves and slices, Babar - top of the world's T20 international batting rankings - played orthodox strokes in between three maximums to the on side. When they both departed in the same over, there was a danger that Pakistan would stagnate, only for the wayward Jordan to concede sixteen runs from the final over. Even with Cardiff's short straight boundaries, a target of one hundred ad seventy four was a stiff ask against a Pakistan side taken to the top of the world T20 rankings largely on the strength of their pace bowling. James Vince is in pole position to replace Alex Hales in the World Cup squad and, after he saw outside contender Duckett fall for only nine, looked to be securing his place by alternating class with brutality. However, he was given out caught down the leg side off the spin of Imad Wasim for thirty six, failing to overturn the decision even though replays suggested he may have hit the ground rather than the ball. From there, with one hundred and eight runs required from eleven overs, Joe Root and Morgan kept England in touch. Root, not an England T20 regular, played classical strokes and cheeky flicks, while Morgan pulled to long leg and bulleted drives through the covers. Root departed for forty seven, trying to uppercut Hasan Ali, with forty three still required from twenty seven balls, but the nerveless Morgan found a useful ally in Denly as Pakistan began to get ragged with the ball and in the field. Twenty-nine from the final three overs became seventeen from two, with Denly effectively settling the match by hitting Shaheen Afridi over long-on for six from the first ball of the eighteenth. Only seven were required from the final six balls - Morgan slapping Faheem Ashraf over the long-off fence to finish with a flourish.
Things we learned from watching the cricket on Sky Sports on Sunday. Both David Lloyd and Rob Key desperately wanted the game to be finished as soon as possible so they could get home in time to watch Line Of Duty and, later, Game Of Thrones. Much to Nasser Hussain's bemusement since the former England captain is, seemingly, one of those people who appear to take great enjoyment in informing anyone that's interested (and, indeed, anyone that isn't), that he has never - not never - watched a single episode of either. The Simpsons, on the other hand ...
The Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws ensured that the Premier League title race will go to the final day of the season after Divock Origi's late winner saw them beat this blogger's beloved (though, tragically, still unsellable) Magpies in a twenty four carat five-goal thriller at St James' Park. The Reds looked on course for a ruinous blow to their title hopes after Salomón Rondón's sublime volley made it two-two midway through the second-half. But Origi rose to head in fellow substitute Xherdan Shaqiri's free-kick - dubiously awarded by the referee's assistant after a clearly non-existent 'foul' on Fabinho by Matt Ritchie - on eighty four minutes. (Subsequent television replays appeared to show the final touch actually came from United's Jamie Lascalles.) Liverpool moved back to the top, two points clear of Sheikh Yer Man City. The Sky Blues can (and will) retake the lead with victory over Leicester City on Monday and would then take a one-point advantage going into the final fixtures next Sunday. Liverpool went ahead after when Virgil van Dijk arrived unmarked on the end of Trent Alexander-Arnold's free-kick. Newcastle were quickly level when Christian Atsu scored from close range after Alexander-Arnold handled Rondón's goal-bound shot on the line but Mo Salah took advantage of poor marking to volley home another fine delivery from the young defender. Rondón, a handful from the Liverpool defence all night, drew Newcastle level once more nine minutes after the break when Liverpool failed to clear a corner and Herr Klopp's side suffered another blow when Salah was taken off with a head injury after a lengthy delay. The Reds forward was left clutching his head after an aerial collision with Magpies keeper Martin Dúbravka. Origi was introduced and made the decisive contribution that keeps the title race alive - though Salah's injury is a worry with Liverpool attempting to claw back a three goal deficit against Barcelona in the Champions League semi-final second leg at Anfield on Tuesday. Herr Klopp's side are showing drive and resilience, illustrated by the manner in which they have won so many games in the closing stages. Here, in an unforgiving Tyneside atmosphere, they overcame adversity and a Newcastle side who were in no mood to stand meekly aside despite Premier League safety already being assured. Rafa Benitez spent the entire night taking the acclaim of Th' Toon Army, from before kick-off to a post-match lap of honour when the supporters chanted for the Spaniard to agree a new deal to stay at St James' Park. The messages are still mixed - some much more positives noises than of late from Rafa's Friday's press conference notwithstanding - but not among Newcastle's fanbase. There is only one outcome these fans, who idolise Rafa The Gaffer, want. Whether Benitez gives them what they desire remains to be seen but, once again, he has kept a workmanlike squad in the Premier League with room to spare and now wants the investment to send them into the top ten. Ironically, on this night, some of the Benitez trademarks were missing as poor defensive organisation allowed Liverpool to cash in on each of their goals. But, as he led the players around Gallowgate to take the supporters' applause it was clear that those fans now want the final line of this season's story to be written with Benitez's name on a new deal.
Luton Town sealed the League One title while Plymouth Argyle, Scunthorpe and Walsall were relegated in a dramatic finale to the season on Saturday. The Hatters needed only to match Barnsley's result to clinch top spot and, with The Tykes losing two-one at Bristol Rovers, Luton ended the season three points clear at the top thanks to a three-one victory over Oxford. Plymouth were relegated on goal difference after a rip-roaring rollercoaster of a day at the foot of the table which ended with three teams all on fifty points. Southend survived courtesy of a two-one home win over Blunderland and AFC Wimbledon clung on for a point at Bradford, which meant that Argyle's highly controversial three-two at Home Park win over Scunthorpe was not enough to save either team. Scunthorpe also return to League Two, while results elsewhere meant that Walsall, who drew at Shrewsbury, would have been relegated whatever the outcome. Doncaster sealed the fourth and final promotion play-off place with a two-nil win over Coventry City. They will join The Mackem Filth, Portsmouth and Charlton Not-Very-Athletic in the play-offs. Peterborough narrowly missed out despite a three-one win over Burton Albinos.
      In League Two, Notts County's one hundred and thirty one-year stay in the Football League is over after they were beaten three-one at Swindon. Goals from Kaiyne Woolery and two from Theo Robinson helped Swindon end County's hopes of a last-day escape. County needed to win and hope that rivals Macclesfield lost to Cambridge to stand any chance - and Kane Hemmings gave the two thousand plus travelling County fans hope when he scored from the spot. However, Woolery equalised and, as County frantically pushed men forward, they were punished twice on the counter attack. Relegation means County, who have won only nine league matches all season, lose their status as the oldest Football League club, having been formed in 1862. That mantle now passes across the River Trent to Nottingham Forest, who were founded in 1865. County's misery meant elation for Sol Campbell's Macclesfield as they survived thanks to a draw with Cambridge. At the other end of the table, MK Dons were victorious in the winner-takes-all shootout against promotion rivals Mansfield. The Stags went into the game at Stadium MK behind the Dons on goal difference and had to win to climb above them into third place, but David Wheeler's second-minute header gave the hosts victory. It put Mansfield into the play-offs, where they will be joined by Newport after Jamille Matt's eighty seventh-minute equaliser at Morecambe saw County claim seventh spot. That was at the expense of Colchester, who missed out despite a three-nil win at champions Lincoln. Elsewhere, Tranmere will be in the play-offs although they lost to Crawley. Joe Martin and Jordan Gibson scored in Stevenage's two-nil win against Cheltenham while Grimsby were also two-nil winners against Crewe. Northampton rounded off their season in style with a five-two success at Oldham, who led through Johan Branger's strike. However, Sam Hoskins, Aaron Pierre and an Andy Williams double turned the game in The Cobblers' favour. Callum Lang hit another for Oldham before substitute Junior Morias scored Northampton's fifth. Promoted Bury drew at home against Port Vale as Jordan Rossiter cancelled out Tom Pope's opening goal, while it finished goalless between Forest Green and Exeter and relegated Yeovil against Carlisle United.
Norwich City won the Championship title on Sunday as Derby County claimed a final play-off spot to set up a 'spygate' rematch against Dirty Leeds. Teemu Pukki had put Norwich ahead in the seventh minute and though Jonathan Kodjia levelled for Aston Villains, Mario Vrancic ensured The Canaries left the second tier in style. The result at Villa Park mattered little though as, in the event, Sheffield United were unable to win at Dirty Stoke. Sam Vokes and Ryan Shawcross twice put The Potters ahead but second-half substitute Kieran Dowell and Enda Stevens guaranteed a share of the spoils for the already-promoted Blades. Derby seemed set to miss out on a top-six finish when Martyn Waghorn's header was cancelled out by West Bromwich Albino midfielder Stefan Johansen's curling effort moments after the interval. With The Middlesbrough Smog Monsters leading already-relegated Rotherham at the time, Derby could not afford to drop points but substitute Mason Bennett's goal and Harry Wilson's penalty soon afterwards gave them a three-one win. The Baggies spurned a number of opportunities throughout to miss out on the chance to finish third and their misery was compounded when substitute Hal Robson-Kanu was sent off for a senseless kick at Bradley Johnson. Derby maintaining their one-point advantage over Boro - to set up a play-off semi-final with Dirty Leeds - meant Tony Pulis' side finished in the undesired position of seventh.
Dirty Leeds striker Patrick Bamford has been extremely banned for two matches by the Football Association after being found very guilty of 'successful deception of a match official' in the draw with Aston Villains. Bamford went down like a sack of shite as though he had been hit in the face with a hammer by Anwar El Ghazi after Leeds' controversial opening goal in the match last week. Replays showed that Villa's Dutch winger never touched Bamford and had made absolutely no contact whatsoever with the head of the twenty five-year-old. El Ghazi was sent off but had the red card rescinded on Tuesday. Bamford missed Dirty Leeds' final Championship trip to Ipswich and, somewhat more importantly, will also miss the first leg of Leeds' play-off semi-final tie against Derby. Dirty Leeds said in a statement that although Bamford 'did not deny' the charge they had 'requested a hearing' to 'contest the penalty imposed on the player.' They added: 'The club felt that given the circumstances surrounding the incident, including the extraordinary act of sportsmanship which saw our head coach Marcelo Bielsa demand our team to allow Aston Villa to score an uncontested equaliser, we could have a sensible discussion around the sanction. We acknowledge that the FA panel did not feel that to be reasonable and the club therefore joins Patrick in accepting the two-match ban.' The melee, in which the Bamford incident occurred, was sparked after Mateusz Klich scored for Dirty Leeds with the Villains players appealing for the ball to be played out after Jonathan Kodjia had gone down injured in the centre circle. After clashes between the players and an exchange between the two benches, Dirty Leeds boss Bielsa ordered his team to allow the Villains to score an equaliser from kick-off, which was converted by winger Albert Adomah. Sunday's game finished one-all. On Tuesday both clubs were charged with 'failing to ensure their players conducted themselves in an orderly fashion' in the aftermath of Leeds' goal. Dirty Leeds' failure to win saw Yorkshire rivals Sheffield United promoted to the Premier League and they will now feature alongside the Villains in the play-offs.
Football League clubs have voted to introduce different deadlines for the summer transfer window for sides in the Championship and those in League One and League Two. Championship clubs will have until the Thursday before the start of the Premier League season to complete any loan or permanent signings. Third and fourth tier sides will still have until the end of August. This season all seventy two EFL sides had until 31 August to sign players on loan. However, all permanent signings had to be completed by 9 August in line with the closure of the window for top-flight teams. Next season Championship clubs will have until 5pm on Thursday, 8 August to complete their transfer business. 'It is right that clubs were given the opportunity to come to a decision that benefited their own individual transfer policies,' EFL chief executive Shaun Harvey said. The 2019-20 EFL season is scheduled to start on Saturday 3 August - although one fixture is expected to be moved to 2 August in order to be televised.
Most teams would be sipping cocktails on the beach in quiet satisfaction, having posted a ninth-placed finish and been on the cusp of the play-offs with the lowest budget in the division. But not Gatesheed. Even before the Tyneside club had completed their forty six-game National League campaign, things were starting to unravel. With just one contracted player on the books, the owners announcing plans to move to a new home and fans plotting to form a new club, Gatesheed's future remains uncertain. The final game of the season, Saturday's two-nil defeat by Barrow, was the end of an era at Gatesheed. Manager Ben Clark and his players applauded the fans - it proved to be an emotional goodbye, with the squad all out of contract this summer. Until the end of June when his deal expires, Scott Barrow remains the only player contracted to the club, while off-field members of staff were also released, including the football management team. At one stage, midfielder JJ O'Donnell was out of contract as a player but still employed as kitman before the club also severed those ties. 'The game felt like a funeral,' former general manager Alisha Henry told BBC Newcastle. 'The players came off the pitch crying, it was such an anti-climax to such a terrific season on the pitch. I had a missed call on my phone from Hong Kong and I texted the owner [Doctor Ranjan Varghese] saying "did you try to ring me?" He said "yes," I said "was it important?" and he said "a little bit." He then proceeded to tell me my services were not needed. My reply was that this was a really unprofessional way of doing things and I'll be seeking advice. The whole season has been erratic. You don't know what's happening day-to-day.' Amid the chaos, Varghese, advisor Joe Cala and board members Trevor Clark and Nigel Harrop are planning to continue running the club into next season. Varghese completed his takeover in July 2018 and, under the terms of his deal, maintained that he was required to lodge a two hundred thousand knicker bond with the National League as 'an insurance against financial issues.' The first cracks in the ranks began to emerge when it was revealed that The Heed were under a transfer embargo in December and then boss former Newcastle legend Steve Watson left in January, dropping down a division to move to York City. This preceded a string of off-the-field events which were in stark contrast to the on-field performance. Players Fraser Kerr and Scott Boden were sold in March, against the wishes of new manager Clark and general manager Mike Coulson also departed. Varghese put Gatesheed up for sale, claiming that he would sell the club for a quid once the season had been completed and his two hundred grand bond was reimbursed. Gatesheed were evicted from their office space at the International Stadium, following unpaid debt to Gatesheed Cooncil. They were, however, still allowed to play games there. Varghese also said that an 'agreement in principle' had been completed with ex-Rochdale chairman Chris Dunphy to take over the club. Players threatened strike action after wages for March were not paid, which was aborted once the payments were received, albeit later than scheduled. In a statement, Varghese has 'outlined' his aims for the club's future, despite his unpopularity with fans, as shown by supporter protests and their decision to set up a new breakaway side. 'Over the past ten months, we have had to make some very tough decisions that weren't always popular and weren't made lightly, but they were crucial to ensuring the club's survival,' the statement read. 'These past few days in particular have been very difficult as we have said goodbye to several people who have played their own part in last season's success. But our sport has always been a fluid business with personnel moving in, sometimes during the season and, especially in our case in the fifth tier of the football pyramid, at the end of the annual campaign. On a regular basis, we read about football clubs facing uncertain futures due to mounting seven-figure debts and this is why, from the outset, I insisted on a plan to ultimately ensure that our operational costs never exceeded revenue. I am pleased to report that, going forward, we are close to being able to reveal that we will be able to roll out an operational budget for next season that meets this criteria.' One of the first challenges for the Gatesheed ownership group would be to recruit a new squad, given the mass exodus of players. There is also the concern about where the club might relocate to, after the issues in the relationship with the cooncil this term. 'In order to deliver this strategy we will be committed to developing local talent and taking exciting young prospects on loan from our English Football League and Premier League neighbours,' the statement said. 'I firmly believe we will deliver an attractive and successful brand of football with young, talented and local players hungry to grab their opportunity to prove themselves at the start of their professional careers. It has become more and more apparent to fans, players, officials, staff and sponsors that the International Stadium is not ideal and we have been working hard behind the scenes to identify an appropriate venue that could become our new home.' Fans group 'Gatesheed Soul' have already done their bit to help the situation, paying to feed players for their away trips and making donations. With all hopes of a sale seemingly quashed, the fans have taken steps towards creating their own club, with a fundraising mission. It would be a case of following in the footsteps of other groups, such as those at AFC Wimbledon, Chester, AFC Telford United and fellow North-East club Darlington, in establishing a fan-led proposition on the back of off-field issues.'As previously mentioned, our only option as a group of fans that will ensure football survives in Gatesheed under the Gatesheed name is to form a new club together,' the group's statement reads. 'During Saturday's match, we received an overwhelming reaction from fans which supported the need of a new club being created; this was before the situation became even more urgent when Gatesheed FC dispensed of all of its players and staff. Establishing a new club will be a tough project, however with the full backing of the community we will make this work.' The aim of the new group is to accrue fifty grand through crowdfunding, similar to the way other groups such as at Hartlepool have sought investment. 'Gatesheed Soul has raised and will continue to raise money that would help fund a new club which will allow fans to be part owners,' they continued. 'Anyone who becomes a member of Gatesheed Soul will play a huge part of a new fan-run club - our club. A number of key stakeholders in the community have already offered their support which would allow things to develop very quickly. Gatesheed Cooncil backs the people of Gatesheed and to that aim they see the fans as the people of Gatesheed. New clubs will be considered for step seven of the non-league pyramid [the eleventh tier of English football], but can get special dispensation to start as high as step five [the ninth tier] in Northern League Division One. We would look to have a competitive budget which can be achieved through various income streams and sponsorship.'
Meanwhile, the Football Association says that it 'is aware' of an incident at Gatesheed where 'comments' were broadcast over the public address system. The comments, alleged to be directed toward fourth official Helen Conley on Saturday, were flagged up to the FA who are reported to be 'looking into the situation.' Gatesheed released an apology on social media after the game against Barrow. However, club announcer Peter Grant maintained that it was 'a private conversation' which was 'inadvertently broadcast in error.' Grant, who says he was 'forced to shut the windows of the PA box' following 'crowd abuse' directed to him and his partner Sarah-Jane, maintains that there was 'a problem' with an 'intermittently faulty on-off switch' on the microphone, which was 'not the usual supplied equipment.' The radio and television broadcaster - a former BBC colleague of this blogger - has written to the FA to outline his case. 'At worst it was a private conversation between two people that was overheard, courtesy of a counter-supplied faulty microphone,' Grant told the BBC Sport website. 'The incident in question was as a result of a double Barrow substitution, where with no team sheet and only the back of the match-day programme to refer to, coupled with the short window of opportunity to see the first two squad numbers, I elected to keep my eye on the fourth official's board and asked my partner to write down the numbers as I called them out to her. Once I knew the two substitutions I could refer to the squad the number and make the required announcement. The problem arose when Sarah-Jane couldn't find her pen and, with the sudden thought of missing the two squad numbers, if at that point the board had swung around to me and I'd called out the numbers Sarah-Jane wouldn't have been in a position to take the numbers down. The fourth official would have changed to the next two numbers. It was Sarah-Jane that I half-jokingly told to hurry up. Neither the referee nor stadium safety officer detailed any concerns in their subsequent reports. The witnesses who were in the PA box with me at the time have both testified that my description of events is correct. I've been a football PA announcer since 1993, in charge of stadium announcements during Euro '96 fixtures at Hillsborough, worked on the stadium PA system at Wembley twice, I know to never say anything provocative or say anything that would place the club officials or governing body author in a difficult situation. As an experienced broadcaster, I am acutely embarrassed the incident happened at all. In my defence I would have noticed the faulty on-off switch much earlier if the window had remained open, but given the climate of hatred towards me and my family at the time, I couldn't subject my daughter to the abuse Sarah-Jane and my daughter were subjected to on Good Friday. I am gravely upset that the club released an online apology, without speaking to me or the stadium safety officer first. An apology by its very nature is regarded as an admission of guilt.'
Spain's World Cup-winning goalkeeper Iker Casillas says 'everything is controlled' after he suffered a heart attack during training with his club Porto. The thirty seven-year-old is reported to be 'stable' in hospital and remains under observation. Casillas, regarded as one of Real Madrid's greatest keepers, says that he had 'a big scare' but added that his 'strength was intact.' A Porto statement said that he 'suffered an acute myocardial infarction' on Wednesday morning. 'The work session was promptly interrupted to provide assistance to the Porto goalkeeper, who is currently at the Hospital CUF Porto. Casillas is well, stable and his heart problem [is] solved,' it added. Casillas made seven hundred and twenty five appearances for Real during a sixteen-year career at the Bernabeu, helping them to win three Champions Leagues and five La Liga titles. He was also part of the Spain squad as they won two successive European Championships, in 2008 and 2012 and the World Cup in 2010. Madrid said that they were sending their former keeper 'all the courage of the world.' Real 'wants to transmit all their support to their beloved captain Casillas,' the statement read. 'Casillas has taught us throughout his professional career to overcome the most incredible challenges to enhance the glory of our club. It has taught us that giving up does not fit into our philosophy of life and has shown us countless times that being stronger, the harder the challenge, is the way to achieve victory. Real Madrid want to see their eternal captain recovered as soon as possible and send him all the courage of the world.' Casillas is held in high esteem at the Bernabeu, with the thirteen-time European champions describing him as 'the best goalkeeper in our history' on their official website. Born a short distance from the stadium, he graduated from the youth ranks and the C and B teams, to establish himself as a regular first-team player, winning ten major titles during a isxteen-year career with Los Blancos. The former club captain, who moved to Porto on a free transfer in 2015, holds the distinction of having made the most Champions League appearances of any player - one hundred and seventy six - and became the first player to appear in twenty consecutive seasons of the competition. Casillas is also the most-capped Spain player, having made one hundred and sixty seven appearances. He helped Porto win the Portuguese title last season.
Scientists found cocaine in freshwater shrimps when testing rivers for chemicals, a study has claimed. Researchers at King's College London, in collaboration with the University of Suffolk, tested fifteen different locations across Suffolk. Their report said that cocaine was found in all samples tested. Other illicit drugs, such as ketamine, were also widespread in the shrimp. The researchers said it was 'a surprising finding.' And that anyone cooking a nice prawn curry this weekend - like this blogger - might get a bit more than they bargained for. Professor Nic Bury, from the University of Suffolk, said: 'Whether the presence of cocaine in aquatic animals is an issue for Suffolk, or more widespread an occurrence in the UK and abroad, awaits further research. Environmental health has attracted much attention from the public due to challenges associated with climate change and microplastic pollution. However, the impact of "invisible" chemical pollution (such as drugs) on wildlife health needs more focus in the UK.' The study, published in Environment International, looked at the exposure of wildlife, such as the freshwater shrimp Gammarus pulex, to different micropollutants. Researchers collected the samples from the rivers Alde, Box, Deben, Gipping and Waveney. They said in addition to the drugs, banned pesticides and pharmaceuticals were also 'widespread' in the shrimp that were collected. The potential for any effect on the creatures was 'likely to be low,' they said. Doctor Leon Barron, from King's College London, said: 'Such regular occurrence of illicit drugs in wildlife was surprising. We might expect to see these in urban areas such as London, but not in smaller and more rural catchments. The presence of pesticides which have long been banned in the UK also poses a particular challenge as the sources of these remain unclear.'
The UK Treasury has reprieved one and two pence coins, saying they will continue to be used 'for years to come.' The copper coins were, theoretically, under threat when Chancellor Philip Hammond consulted on the current mix of coins and banknotes in circulation. The chancellor has now said he wants people to 'have a choice' over how they spend their money. He has also set up a group to oversee the cash system, ensuring everyone can get hold of their money in cash. The Treasury has estimated that over two million people in the UK are 'reliant on cash,' particularly the elderly, vulnerable and those living in rural areas. An independent review of cash published in March suggested that banknotes and coins were 'a necessity' for eight million people. Cash use has been falling dramatically in recent years. In 2017, debit card use - driven by contactless payments - overtook the number of payments made in cash in the UK for the first time. However, there were still nearly two hundred and forty one million one pence coins minted that year and nearly seventeen million two pence coins produced. Surveys have suggested six in ten of UK copper coinage are only used once before being put in a jar or discarded, while one in twelve is thrown into a bin. The rising cost of living has also eaten away at their value. In effect, the one pence coin is now worth less than the halfpenny was when it was abolished in 1984. In his Spring Statement in 2018, the chancellor's call for views on the mix of notes and coins appeared to pave the way for the end of one and two pence coins, as well as the future of fifty quid notes, once described as the 'currency of corrupt elites, of crime of all sorts and of tax evasion.' A swift reverse by the Prime Minister's official spokesman declared there were 'no plans' to scrap the copper coins. A later announcement of a plastic redesign for the fifty knicker note also confirmed the survival of the Bank of England's highest value note. However, the consultation continued, with the government's final view unknown until now. Many countries - including Canada, the home of the current Bank of England governor Mark Carney - have ditched a denomination coin. Australia, Brazil and Sweden are among many others to do so. However, the chancellor was accused of being 'a penny pincher' by opposition parties when the consultation on the UK's mix of coins was launched, prompting 10 Downing Street's intervention. Hammond weaselled that the decision to leave the current mix of notes and coins unchanged was a matter of public freedom. 'It is clear that many people still rely on cash and I want the public to have a choice over how they spend the money,' he said. The decision was welcomed by the trade body for small businesses, 'which has consistently called for the status quo.' Presumably because when it comes to copper coins, they like it, they like it, they like it, they like it, they la-la-la-like it? 'Keeping one and two pence coins in circulation is the right call,' said Mike Cherry, national chairman of the Federation for Small Businesses. 'The freedom to use pennies is still important to a lot of small firms. For many, being able to charge prices that end in ninety nine pence rather than a round pound figure can be enough to tip intrigue into a sale, particularly where lower-value items are concerned.' One or two people even believed that crap. The future of pennies clouded the bigger picture of the future of cash in general, according to former financial ombudsman Natalie Ceeney, the author of the Access To Cash Review. 'The issue is not one and two pence coins' she claimed. 'The issue is whether cash is going to stay viable.' She added that by chipping away at the mix of coins, the government would have been 'giving the impression that it did not care about cash.' Instead, she said that the announcement of a government-led group to support access and help safeguard cash for those who needed it was 'a clear statement of intent' and 'a good start' in ensuring the UK did not 'sleepwalk into a cashless society.' She said that her focus was on the twenty per cent of people who would be 'left behind' without cash and she still wanted 'a clear commitment from regulators' that they had the same focus. The Emerging Payments Association, which represents financial technology companies, argued that more needed to be done to ensure the nation's most vulnerable were 'given the education and guidance' to allow them to have the chance to use mainstream digital services, rather than having to rely on cash.
Campaigners have extremely lost a High Court challenge against the government's decision to approve plans for a third runway at London's Heathrow airport. Five councils, residents, environmental charities and the London Mayor Sadiq Khan brought the action after MPs backed the plans in June. The campaigners said that the runway would, effectively, create 'a new airport,' having a 'severe' impact on Londoners. But, judges rejected the arguments, ruling the plans were lawful. Transport Secretary Incompetent Chris Grayling said: 'The expansion of Heathrow is vital and will provide a massive economic boost to businesses and communities across the length and breadth of Britain, all at no cost to the taxpayer and within our environmental obligations. I now call on all public bodies not to waste any more taxpayers' money or seek to further delay this vital project.' Which coming from Grayling in the week that it was revealed he was responsible for costing the taxpayer fifty million smackers in cancelled ferry contracts and that a staggering four hundred and seventy million notes after his probation services shake-up was ditched some may regard as ironic. John Sauven, executive director of Greenpeace UK, said: 'This verdict will not reduce the impact on local communities from increased noise and air pollution, nor will it resolve Heathrow Ltd's financial difficulties or the economic weakness in their expansion plans.' Shirley Rodrigues, deputy London mayor for environment and energy, said: 'In challenging the decision to expand Heathrow, Sadiq has stood up for Londoners who have serious concerns about the damaging impact it will have. We will now consider the judgement and consult with our co-claimants before deciding our next steps.' The case was brought against the transport secretary by five local authorities in London affected by the expansion - Hillingdon, Wandsworth, Richmond, Hammersmith & Fulham and Windsor & Maidenhead. Residents and charities including Greenpeace, Friends Of The Earth and Plan B also joined the action. They argued that the government's National Policy Statement, setting out its support for the project, failed to account fully for the impact on air quality, climate change, noise and congestion. Outlining the case on behalf of campaigners, Nigel Pleming QC had said the plans could see the number of passengers using the airport rise to an estimated one hundred and thirty two million - an increase of sixty per cent. But lawyers representing odious slapheed and walking disaster Grayling said that the claimants' case was 'premature,' as they would have the opportunity to make representations at a later stage in the planning process. Lord Justice Hickinbottom, sitting with Justice Holgate, said in the ruling on Wednesday: 'We understand that these claims involve underlying issues upon which the parties - and indeed many members of the public - hold strong and sincere views. There was a tendency for the substance of the parties' positions to take more of a centre stage than perhaps it should have done, in a hearing that was only concerned with the legality and not the merits, of the Airports National Policy Statement.' The ruling means the government will not have to devise a new NPS and put it to another vote in Parliament. It won its first vote by a comfortable majority of two hundred and ninety six after Labour MPs were granted a free vote by Comrade Corbyn. The decision to expand Heathrow follows almost half-a-century of indecision on how and where to add new airport capacity in South-East England. Under the current fourteen billion knicker plan, construction could begin in 2021, with the third runway operational by 2026.
A powerful cyclone has slammed into India's Eastern coastline, bringing torrential rains and winds of up to one hundred and twenty fivemiles per hour. Cyclone Fani (steady), one of the most severe storms to hit the region in recent years, made landfall early on Friday morning. More than one million people have been evacuated from the Eastern state of Orissa. A state official said two people had been killed. Flooding has also been reported in several areas and forecasters say a storm surge of five foot 'could threaten low-lying homes.' The cyclone made landfall in the tourist town of Puri, which is home to the eight hundred and fifty-year-old Jagannath temple. Numerous flights and train services in and out of the state were cancelled, while schools and government offices were shut. Operations at three ports on India's Eastern coast also shut down. Naval warships and helicopters were on standby with medical teams and relief materials. The country's National Disaster Response Force also deployed several teams. India's National Disaster Management Authority warned people along the East coast, especially fishermen, not to go out to sea because the conditions are 'phenomenal.' The agency said that the 'total destruction of thatched houses' was possible, as well as 'extensive damage' to other structures. 'I can confirm two deaths for now,' Orissa special relief commissioner Bishnupada Sethi told the AFP news agency. '[A] man in one of the shelters died because of a heart attack. Another person went out in the storm despite our warnings and died because a tree fell on him,' he said. The cyclone coincided with high tides in the country, which exacerbated potential flooding issues. In February the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies began distributing tarpaulins ahead of the region's 'cyclone season' but warned that if a deadly storm were to roll in, shelters made of battered bamboo and shredded plastic would 'offer little protection.' The navy, the coast guard and the National Disaster Response Force have all been prepared for deployment in the event of Fani hitting. In 2017, Cyclone Ockhi killed more than two hundred people and displaced hundreds. In October last year, officials in Orissa evacuated hundreds of thousands of people when another cyclone struck. But, India has improved its protections and responses to these disasters in recent years. The state's most deadly cyclone on record took place in 1999, killing almost ten thousand people. India's electoral commission has relaxed its rules about what the government can do during erection periods so that the authorities can carry out relief work. The country is in the middle of a multi-phased erection which started last month. Under normal circumstances the incumbent government has 'certain powers suspended,' so that it cannot announce new schemes or take decisions during the voting period. Although the erection will continue until the end of May, Orissa has already voted.
Peter Mayhew, who died of a heart attack aged seventy four this week, carved out a place for himself in movie history when he played Chewbacca, Han Solo's alien sidekick, in the Star Wars franchise. The two hundred-year-old Wookiee warrior, smuggler and resistance fighter, known affectionately as 'Chewie', was Han's co-pilot on the Millennium Falcon, fighting the Galactic Empire. Lovable and loyal, with super-human strength and bravery, Chewbacca served as the conscience of Han, played by Harrison Ford, but Mayhew had no need to learn lines for the role because the Star Wars sound designer, Ben Burtt, voiced him with a mix of animal noises sourced from walruses, bears, tigers, camels and badgers. The seven foot three inch actor, his face concealed by a mask and wearing a mohair and yak-hair costume, simply gave grunts and shrieks as cues to his fellow cast members. However, before filming, Mayhew had studied how gorillas moved and he brought a distinctive knock-kneed gait to the role that endeared his character to audiences. 'Chewbacca is more of a teddy bear or security blanket,' he said in 2015. 'He's who you count on when things get scary. His size isn't intimidating because he's on your side. Chewie doesn't waste time talking - he just comes in and saves the day.' When the director George Lucas was looking for someone to play the tall, hairy humanoid, his first choice was the bodybuilder Dave Prowse, who was later switched to the role of Darth Vader. Mayhew clinched the part of Chewbacca simply by standing up and towering over Lucas when the director entered the room. Mayhew acted in five films in the series, beginning with the original trilogy - Star Wars (1977), The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return Of The Jedi (1983). Later, he was in the third 'prequel', Revenge Of The Sith (2005) and a sequel, The Force Awakens (2015), which saw the death of Chewie's beloved Han. When poor health forced Mayhew to pull out of The Last Jedi (2017), to be replaced by Joonas Suotamo - who had doubled for him in some scenes of The Force Awakens– he was still credited as 'Chewbacca consultant.' Born in Barnes, to a police officer and his wife, Peter was brought up in Kingston-upon-Thames, Surrey. By the age of fourteen he was six foot ten inches tall and diagnosed with an overactive pituitary gland which overstimulated his growth. He underwent radiation treatment to slow it down and, on leaving school, worked as a porter at King's College hospital and then Mayday hospital in Croydon. A newspaper included him in a feature on men with large feet and the reporter suggested he contact the Guinness Book of Records. Although he was not a record breaker, the article was spotted by the producer Charles Schneer, who was planning to make the fantasy film Sinbad & The Eye of the Tiger (1977), directed by Sam Wanamaker. 'He offered me the part of a Minotaur and I went off to be encased in fibreglass for six weeks on location in Spain and Malta,' Mayhew recalled. 'It was great, but then I went back to the hospital and that was that.' However, it was not long before Gary Kurtz, the Star Wars producer, called and the subsequent audition with Lucas took place. Mayhew's role grew bigger after the first movie, the franchise became a multibillion-dollar box-office success and he gave up his hospital job. He appeared in the 1978 horror film Terror and was cast as a giant in a 1979 episode of the TV series Hazell an as The Tall Knight in the well-remembered BBC children's drama Dark Towers (1981). His other screen appearances outside Star Wars were largely restricted to guest spots as Chewbacca and he was a regular on the SF convention circuit. In 1987 he moved to West Yorkshire, investing in a timber business outside Keighley, supporting the local rugby union club and raising money for charity with appearances in character as Chewie. He moved to Texas in 2000, a year after marrying Angie Luker, an American whom he had met at a convention and became a US citizen in 2005. Mayhew had a double knee replacement in 2013 and last year underwent spinal surgery. His contribution to the Star Wars films earned him a lifetime achievement honour at the 1997 MTV film awards. He and his wife were authors of the children's books Growing Up Giant and My Favorite Giant (both 2011). He is survived by his wife and their three children.

'It's I, Claudius with dragons,' dear blog reader. 'It's The Hollow Crown with tits.''It's The Lord Of The Rings with swearing. And tits. And a - slightly - smaller budget.' It is something which some people have never - not never - watched a single episode of and, as a consequence, wish to inform the entire Interweb concerning their glorious self-sacrifice. That there Game Of Thrones, let it be noted, is many different things to many different people. Not least, the source of numerous allegedly 'amusing' Interweb memes. Like this one, for instance. (There are one or two others, apparently.)
First and foremost, of course, Game Of Thrones is a television drama, based on a series of novels by an author called George RR Martin (no, not the late producer of The Be-Atles, a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them). And, it's a bloody good one. In fact, this blogger - who, as previously mentioned on several occasions, was somewhat late to the party - would go so far as to say he thinks it's been great. Now, it is about to end. So, after eight series and around seventy odd hours of 'uge, tool-stiffeningly violent and sexy action, you may be forgiven for having somewhat lost the plot. You wouldn't be the only one (several of the characters certainly have). What follows, therefore, is a brief(ish) - highly spoilerised - summery of how we've got to where we are prior to the final episode. Please feel free to revise the following extensively (and take notes where appropriate) as The Exam will follow in due course.
Long ago, dear blog reader, in a fantasy world far, far away ... The continent of Westeros is a harsh realm where winters can, quite literally, last for a lifetime. Particularly considering how short a lifetime can be in those benighted lands. Meteorology in Westeros is an equally inexact science and, once the winter snows begin to fall, it could be years, or even decades, before they stop.
Westeros is a complicated network of regions, cities and cultures which once existed as separate entities. Centuries ago, a dragon-riding man called Aegon and his two dragon-riding sister-wives conquered these feuding factions 'with fire and blood.' Which must've been quite a sight. House Targaryen became the ruling dynasty of the, now unified, Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. Their reign lasted for hundreds of years, before it was brought crashing down through The Mad King, Aerys Targaryen's murderous reign of terror and insanity and a combined alliance of the kingdoms' noble houses during a civil war known as 'Robert's Rebellion.'
Members of the semi-monastic Night's Watch, an ancient warrior order whose solemn duty is to guard the ancient rampart, The Wall, the snow-covered Northern border of The Seven Kingdoms, encounter a supernatural being known as a White Walker. Which was previously assumed to be mythical. Only, it isn't. And that was the end of their shit. Well, except for the one who ran away, but he later got his head cut off for being a traitor. So, to be fair, it was a bit of a disaster all round.
Ned Stark (Sean Bean), The Warden Of The North, having done the righteous beheading himself is then visited at his home of Winterfell by his old friend King Robert Baratheon (Mark Addy) and his massive royal entourage. Ned is invited to serve at his King's side following the recent and sudden death of Jon Arryn, the previous Hand Of The King. Stark, somewhat reluctantly, accepts the offer and he and his daughters Sansa (Sophie Turner) and Arya (Maisie Williams) travel to King's Landing where he will take up his new post.
There, they find the corrupt city-state mired in conspiracy and plot and with all manner of sinister malarkey afoot. Baratheon's Queen, the icy, dangerous Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) is alleged to have been behind the murder of Arryn, though no one actually has any evidence of this. Meanwhile, young Ned's son, Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), has witnessed Cersei having The Sex with her own twin brother, Jaime The Kingslayer (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). To prevent Bran from revealing their incestuous tryst, Jamie shoves the boy from a high tower window. Bran miraculously survives the fall but is left paralysed and can't remember (or, claims not to remember) the circumstances of his 'accident.'
Cersei and Jaime's younger brother, Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), a dilettante of diminished stature but with a quite brilliant mind, accompanies Ned's bastard son Jon Snow (Kit Harington) to investigate The White Walker incident at The Wall after which Snow 'takes Black' and joins The Night Watch. During his return journey to King's Landing, Tyrion is arrested at the behest of Ned's wife, Catelyn (Michelle Fairley), who believes - on very circumstantial evidence and, as it turns out, quite wrongly - that Tyrion was responsible for an (unsuccessful) assassination attempt on Bran's life. This prompts a trial by combat to decide Tyrion's fate.
Imprisoned in The Vale under the watchful eye of Catelyn's absolutely mad-as-toast sister, Lysa Arryn (Kate Dickie), Tyrion enlists itinerant swordsman Bronn (Jerome Flynn) to fight on his behalf with the promise of much gold if he wins and in the sure and certain knowledge that a Lannister always pays his debts. Bronn defeats Arryn's chosen champion and Tyrion is, reluctantly, freed by Catelyn. Who, despite being a vengeful mother is, also, a woman of her word. Ned discovers that a young King's Landing blacksmith, Gendry (Joe Dempsie) is, actually, the King's bastard son.
When King Robert is fatally wounded in a - highly suspicious - hunting 'accident', Ned is named provisional Protector Of The Realm until Cersei's sadistic and cowardly teenage son Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) comes of age. Ned, however, plans to back Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane), the dead King's estranged brother, as his friend's successor. Ned is later betrayed by Lord Petyr Littlefinger Baelish (Aidan Gillan) and other members of The Small Council, notably Maester Pycelle (Julian Glover) and publicly decapitated by the King's executioner (Wilko Johnson) on Joffrey's orders. And that was the end of Sean Bean's shit (which was a Hell of a shock at the time as most people had assumed, up to this point, that he was the star of the series). Sansa is arrested by the Lannisters and held captive over her father's alleged 'crimes' though Arya manages to escape their clutches. In response, Stark's eldest son, Robb (Richard Madden) is named The King Of The North and rallies those Houses loyal to the Starks to rise up against the Lannisters and give them a right good twatting.
Across The Narrow Sea, the Dothraki warlord Khal Drogo (Jason Mamoa) marries Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke), the youngest daughter of The Mad King in a union arranged by the powerful merchant magister Illyrio (Roger Allam). Daenerys believes herself to be the true heir to The Iron Throne and plots an assault on Westeros after her new husband has her sadistic and, frankly, not much use brother, Viserys (Harry Lloyd) extremely killed. Drogo himself then dies after being hexed by a vengeful witch. Daenerys avenges him and hatches three dragon eggs which were presented to her as a wedding gift. As 'The Mother Of Dragons' she soon acquires an almost mythical stature and the ripples of her potential power and following are felt all the way back in Westeros.
Tyrion takes up the post of Hand in the (somewhat vain) hope of softening Joffrey's deranged and naughty ways. Inevitably, he doesn't get very far. Stannis falls under the spell of The Red Priestess, Melisandre (Carice van Houten) and, publicly, lays claim to the throne on the basis of Joffrey's probable illegitimacy. And, because he quite fancies the job himself. Even though the hours are pretty rough. Robb Stark's armies progress South winning some battles against Lannister forces and with a captured Jaime Lannister as their prisoner.
Robb sends Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen), who grew up in the Stark household, to seek an alliance with Theon's father, the Lord of the rebellious Iron Islands, Balon (Patrick Malahide). Instead, Theon proves easily manipulated when reunited with his family and is dispatched to capture Winterfell in his father's name instead. Bran is forced to escape to the wilderness with a motley group of helpers.
Robb sends Catelyn to meet Renly Baratheon (Gethin Anthony), the younger sibling of Robert and Stannis who also has a claim to The Iron Throne. Catelyn suggests that the surviving brothers join forces to defeat their common enemy, the Lannisters. Renly, however, is murdered by an evil spirit conjured by Melisandre. And, that was the end of his shit.
Catelyn and Renly's bodyguard, Brienne of Tarth (Gwendolyn Christie), are - falsely - accused of the assassination and are forced to flee. Uniting with Robb once more, Catelyn decides to return Jaime to King's Landing in the hope of exchanging his freedom for that of Sansa and sends Brienne with Jaime to make sure he gets there in one piece. Raiding beyond The Wall, Jon uncovers evidence of infant sacrifices carried out by The Night's Watch ally Craster (Robert Pugh) and various other nefarious skulduggery. He goes undercover as an alleged defector from The Night's Watch, joining The Wildlings to learn of their plans.
Arya is captured by Lannister soldiers, imprisoned at the castle of Harrenhal and taken on as a servant by Lannister patriarch, Tywin (Charles Dance) who believes her to be a boy. She soon escapes with the aid of her stout friend, Hot Pie (Ben Hawkey) and Jaqen H'ghar (Thomas Wlaschiha), one of The Faceless Men Of Essos and, again, attempts to find her way back to her family in The North. Stannis tries to invade King's Landing by sea, but his forces are defeated in an 'uge, fek-off naval battle by Tyrion's cunning use of wildfire and by the last-moment arrival of Tywin's army.
Across The Narrow Sea, Daenerys arrives at Qarth, hoping to gain support for her proposed invasion of Westeros. She ends up imprisoned in The House Of The Undying, along with her dragons, after being drawn into a usurpation plot. She eventually escapes and pillages the city in her considerable wrath and righteous fury. With the burning and the death and the screaming and that. Tyrion - despite being an injured war hero - is demoted from Hand by Tywin, who has always blamed Tyrion for causing his wife's death in childbirth. Tyrion also, dangerously for a Lannister, has a functioning moral compass.
Tywin spitefully forces Tyrion to marry Sansa. You know, for a laugh. Joffrey is, meanwhile, engaged to Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer), Renly's widow, in the hopes of establishing a Lannister-Tyrell alliance. Beyond The Wall, Jon encounters Wildling leader Mance Rayder (Ciaran Hinds) who anticipates a coming battle with The White Walkers. Snow finds himself in a complex relationship with his one-time prisoner, Ygritte (Rose Leslie). One involving quite a lot of The Sex.
In probably the worst decision ever made by anyone in the entire history of Westeros, Robb decides against marrying Roslin Frey to whom he was betrothed in an arranged inter-house alliance after he falls in lust with Talisa (Oona Chaplin), a healer. Nevertheless, the Starks are still invited to Roslin's rearranged wedding to Robb's uncle, Edmure Tully (Tobias Menzies). This turns out to be a ghastly trap, sprung by Roslin's resentful father, Walder Frey (David Bradley). Robb, Catelyn, the pregnant Talisa and most of their bannermen are butchered at the wedding reception, with the active blessing of the Lannisters to whom Frey has allied himself. The killings are witnessed by the recently-arrived Arya, who has found a reluctant protector in the formidable shape of former Lannister bodyguard The Hound, Sandor Clegane (Rory McCann). For his part in the massacre, the treacherous Roose Bolton (Michael McElhatton) is made Warden Of The North.
Bran Stark discovers that he can project himself into the body of a dire wolf and do various other spooky supernatural shit. Brienne and Jaime continue their journey South and develop a curious mutual respect amid constant bitchy insults. Daenerys gathers an army of eight thousand Unsullied in the East. Joffrey meets his - very satisfying - end after being served poisoned wine at his own wedding to Margaery. And that was the end of his shit.
In the confused aftermath of this shocking and stunning turn of events, Sansa is smuggled to freedom with the assistance of Littlefinger (and his curiously wandering accent), who takes her to Lysa Arryn at The Vale. But, Arryn proves to be an unfit guardian to her niece and is later killed by Baelish, whom she had expected to marry, after she attempts to push Sansa to her death through The Moon Door. Melisandre and Stannis plan to use Genrdy's royal blood in a ritual to create a 'death curse' upon all of the other various claimants to The Iron Throne. Before they can sacrifice Gendry, however, he escapes.
Jaime (who has lost his hand defending his captor's honour and had it replaced with a brass one) and Brienne arrive at King's Landing to find that Sansa has already escaped. Brienne, now effectively a knight errant, is tasked with tracking down the missing Stark sisters having made an honour-bound pledge to their late mother. A distraught Cersei blames Tyrion for Joffrey's assassination. After a show-trial, his champion, the Dorneish prince, Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal), is defeated in yet another trial by combat against The Mountain, Gregor Clegane. Tyrion is imprisoned.
Freed by Jaime, Tyrion discovers his father in bed with Tyrion's duplicitous mistress, Shae (Sibel Kekilli). He executes the pair of them. In Tywin's case by crossbow whilst the latter is on the netty having a dump. And, that was the - literal - end of Tywin's shit. Tyrion then flees King's Landing and crosses The Narrow Sea - for a time as the captive of Ser Jorah (Iain Glen) who hopes to get himself back into Daenerys' good books after having previously betrayed her. As it happens, Tyrion is willing to go, believing that Daenerys may be the one person who can defeat Cersei and her deranged and over-complicated schemes for global domination and unite The Seven Kingdoms. They are subsequently joined by another of King Robert's former Small Council advisers, the scheming eunuch Varys (Conleth Hill).
Bran encounters Jojen (Thomas Brodie-Sangster) and Meera Reed (Ellie Kendrick). Jojen shares Bran's 'greensight' and tutors him in his increasingly prophetic visions. During their travels beyond The Wall, Bran and his group arrive at Craster's Keep, where they are captured and held hostage by Night's Watch mutineers led by Tanner (Burn Gorman). Rangers, under Jon's command, eventually attack Craster's Keep and kill the mutineers. Locke (Noah Taylor), a spy for Roose Bolton, attempts to murder the young Stark. But, he fails. Bran's group reaches The Heart Tree but are set upon by Wights outside the entrance. Jojen is killed, but The Children Of The Forest destroy The Wights and lead Bran into the cave to meet The Three-Eyed Raven.
Roose Bolton returns to Winterfell from The Red Wedding to find that his psychotic bastard (in every sense of the word) son, Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) has captured and tortured Theon. And, chopped off his manhood. Jon returns from The Wildling camp to warn The Night's Watch of Mance Rayder's advancing forces. The Wildlings duly lay siege to Castle Black. But Stannis Baratheon's men ride to the rescue, backed by the financiers of The Iron Bank ('service with a smile and a stab') and their representative, Nestoris (Mark Gatiss). Arya and The Hound are found by Brienne, who defeats Clegane in mortal combat. Arya, mistrusting Brienne's motives, runs away to study under Jaqan H'ghar at The House Of Black & White in Braavos.
Stannis has the defeated Rayder burned at the stake. Jon Snow, advised by the wise, aged Maester Aemon (Peter Vaughan), is elected the new leader of The Night's Watch, much to the scowling disapproval of a faction of the guard's elders. Ooo, pure dead vexed, so they were. Stannis is later convinced by Melisandre to sacrifice his own daughter, Shireen, to appease The Lord Of Light and hold back the coming winter snows. He burns the little girl to death, losing the respect of his own troops and, particularly, his loyal but principled adviser, Ser Davos (Liam Cunningham).
Littlefinger takes Sansa to Ramsay Bolton with the intention of marrying them, an alliance which would mean the return of a Stark to Winterfell but, also, a really miserable time ahead for Sansa. Stannis arrives to fight the Boltons but, in the event, is easily defeated when his men desert him over doubts about his pagan zealotry. He is slain by Brienne, who has followed Sansa to Winterfell, as Melisandre flees to Castle Black. Sansa manages to escape from Ramsey's rapist clutches, with the help of Theon who, at least in part, atones for his earlier betrayal of Sansa's family.
In Essos, Arya is accepted into The House Of Black & White though she proves slow to subsume her identity into the collective of The Faceless Men. That she has much to learn before becoming 'no one' is confirmed, as she catches sight of Ser Meryn Trant (Ian Beattie), a sadistic knight of the Kingsguard and one of those on her - lengthy - revenge-list. Assuming the likeness of a child prostitute, Arya decides to shorten her list. By one. And that was the end of his shit. As punishment for betraying her vows, she is struck (temporarily) blind.
At King's Landing, Cersei conspires against her daughter-in-law Margaery, who has subsequently married Joffrey's naïve younger brother, Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman), now the King. After initially backing The High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce), leader of a puritanical religious cult, for her own nefarious purposes, Cersei's sexual hypocrisy is soon exposed. She is first imprisoned and then forced to enact a humiliating naked walk of The Shame through the streets of the capital. Back in the safety of The Red Keep she plots a vicious and horrific revenge upon those whom she considers to have wronged her.
Daenerys takes over the city of Mereen with her Unsullied army, led by the stoic Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson). However, she struggles to retain control of the desert slave city when a collective of assassins, The Sons Of The Harpy, rise against her. After a battle between her guards and The Harpies, one of Daenerys's dragons whisks her away and into the midst of a Dothraki horde. But not before Tyrion has met Daenerys, won her trust and is left to rule the city in her absence. Ser Jorah and Daenerys' new lover Daario Naharis (Michiel Huisman) set off to rescue her. In The North, Jon Snow takes a group of Night's Watchmen to meet with The Wildlings in the hope of forming an alliance. As negotiations are progressing, The Night King (Richard Brake, later Vladimir Furdik) arrives and puts the screaming bejesus up pretty much everyone. Upon returning to The Wall, a band of mutineering Watchmen, led by the bitter Alliser Thorne (Owen Teale) have Jon extremely stabbed to death. But, oddly, that wasn't the end of his shit.
After Jon is subsequently raised from the dead by Melisandre at the instigation of Ser Davos, he regains control of The Night's Watch, extracts justice on his murderers and plans to reclaim Winterfell from Ramsay Bolton, who has since slain his own family. Jon is also reunited with Sansa. The Hound - just - survived his duel with Brianne; he is discovered by a warrior-turned-septon, Ray (Ian McShane), who nurses him back to health. Clegane assists Ray and his followers in building a sept but the villagers are slaughtered by rogue members of The Brotherhood Without Banners. Clegane hunts down those responsible and discovers them about to be hanged by Lord Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer) and Thoros Of Myr (Paul Kaye). Beric allows Clegane to kill the outlaws and invites him to join what remains of The Brotherhood on their journey North to face The White Walkers.
In the ensuing Battle Of The Bastards at Winterfell, Ramsay is overcome when Littlefinger and The Knights Of The Vale unexpectedly arrive to join Jon Snow's forces with the battle seemingly lost. Ramsay is captured and fed to his own dogs. And, that was the end of his shit.
Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma), Oberyn's lover, goes to Doran Martell (Alexander Siddig), the Prince of Dorne, to persuade him to take revenge on the Lannisters for his brother's death. Doran refuses. Ellaria discovers that Jaime Lannister is sailing to Dorne, planning to rescue his and Cersei's daughter Myrcella, who is betrothed to Doran's son, Trystane. When Jaime arrives at The Water Gardens, the Sand Snakes, Oberyn's bastard daughters, attack Jaime and Bronn. Doran and Jaime agree that Trystane will still marry Myrcella, but that the two will live in King's Landing and Trystane will be granted a seat on The Small Council. Ellaria is threatened by Doran that if she defies him again he will have her killed and she feigns allegiance. And, although he doesn't know it yet, that was the end of his shit. Ellaria kisses Myrcella goodbye at the docks whilst wearing lipstick coated with a slow-acting poison, which kills Myrcella as the ship heads for King's Landing.
Cersei faces a forthcoming trial for her various crimes and misdemeanours as The High Sparrow continues to dominate the weak-as-piss King Tommen. The Queen Mother, therefore, takes matters into her own hands, blowing up The Great Sept Of Baelor real good with wildfire, killing Margaery and The High Sparrow - and many others, including some members of her own family - in the process. In his grief, Tommen commits suicide. And, that was the end of his shit. Cersei, with all of her children now dead, seizes The Iron Throne for herself. Daenerys is now a prisoner of The Dhothraki. The barbarians expect the wife of their late Khal to live in seclusion like other widows. She soon persuades them of her divine powers by walking unharmed through fire and returns to Mereen as their leader. Meanwhile, in her absence, the wise and wily Tyrion has brought an uneasy peace to the gaff.
Theon returns to The Iron Islands, where he conspires with his tough, bisexual sister, Yara (Gemma Whelan) to steal the Greyjoy fleet from their piratical uncle, Euron (Pilou Asbaek). They sail for Essos and join Daenerys's growing forces. In Essos, Arya regains her sight and overcomes the machinations of her nemesis, The Waif (Faye Marsay) after she refuses to assassinate an actress, Lady Crane, part of a troupe led by Izembaro (Richard E Grant). Leaving The House Of Black & White as an elite assassin but still her own person, Arya immediately avenges her brother and mother by travelling to Riverrun and slitting the throat of Walder Frey.
There was also some right bollocks about Ed Sheeran which cropped up at around this point. But, fortunately, it didn't last very long and he ended up getting his face burned off - tragically off-screen - by a dragon. A sorry fate which, hopefully, also befell the drummer out of Coldplay. On general principle and all that. Anyway ...
Bran, who has been training with The Three-Eyed Raven, encounters The Night King, who kills the aged Raven (Max von Sydow), enabling Bran, to succeed him. Bran escapes, though at the cost of the life of his loyal servant, Hodor (Kristian Nairn).
Daenerys heads to Dragonstone (once the home of the Baratheons) taking her army of Unsullied and Dothraki onboard the Greyjoy ships. Melisandre encourages Daenerys to secure Jon Snow as an ally in both the battle for The Iron Throne and the coming Great War with The Night King and his Army Of The Dead.
Jorah, who has contracted the deadly disease greyscale, returns to Westeros, seeking aid at The Citadel. Jon's friend Sam Tarly (John Bradley), who formerly served under Jorah's father, Joer (James Cosmo) in The Night's Watch, discovers a cure. After receiving an invitation from Daenerys, Jon goes to a meeting at Dragonstone. The pair grow close as they plan how best to defeat the Lannisters and White Walkers. They send Yara and the Unsullied to King's Landing. Cersei considers a marriage proposal from Euron Greyjoy and offers him the chance to prove himself as enormous a complete and total bastard as she is by stopping the incoming invaders. Yara and her navy are, subsequently, defeated by Euron's forces.
Battles erupt between Dothraki cavalry and the Lannister battalions, led by Jaime. One of Daenerys's dragons, Drogon, is injured by a ballista fired by Bronn during the battle, but not before a lot of soldiers get extremely burned. And, that was the end of their shit. Having seen the dragons in action, Jaime warns Cersei of Daenerys's power. Jon and Daenerys call a truce with Cersei and head North of The Wall to capture a White Walker to thus prove the danger that all of Westeros faces. But, they lose one of Daenerys' dragons, Viserion, to The Night King whilst doing so. Jon and Daenerys head to King's Landing to discuss an alliance with Cersei to defeat the armies of The Night King, bringing their captured White Walker to convince her. Jon, Daenerys, Tyrion, Ser Davos and their entourage head back to Winterfell after the meeting believing that they have an agreement. Jon and Daenerys become intimate. Extremely intimate.
Arya and Sansa are reunited with Bran at Winterfell but tensions between the Stark sisters emerge and are exploited by the scheming Littlefinger. His duplicity is eventually exposed when Bran reveals that it was actually Littlefinger who killed Jon Arryn - the event which instigated the entire 'game of thrones' in the first place. Sansa has Arya execute his sorry ass. And, that was the end of his shit (and, his curiously wandering accent). Bran (along with Sam) discovers Jon's true heritage - he is not Ned Stark's bastard after all but is, in fact, a Targaryen-Stark with a legitimate claim to The Iron Throne. And, as a consequence, the woman whom he is currently shafting is, unbeknown to him, actually his auntie.
Jaime seizes control of Highgarden on Cersei's orders. He confronts the late Margaery's grandmother, Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg), granting her a painless death. Cersei takes revenge on Ellaria Sand by poisoning her daughter, Tyne, with the same poison Ellaria used to kill Myrcella and keeps her alive purely to watch Tyne die and then rot. The Night King and The White Walkers breach The Wall with the aid of their undead ice dragon. Winter has come to Westeros.
Upon reaching Winterfell with their combined armies, Jon and Daenerys learn that The White Walkers have breached The Wall. In response, the Northern lords and their allies rally at Winterfell but, although loyal to the Starks, they lack trust in Daenerys and (rightly) doubt Cersei's pledge to join the common cause.
At King's Landing, Euron returns from Essos with The Golden Company and entices Cersei into consummating their union whilst the necromancer Qyburn (Anton Leser), acting on Cersei's orders, hires Bronn to assassinate Tyrion and Jaime. Theon rescues Yara, who sets out to retake The Iron Islands, whilst Theon departs for Winterfell to help fight the Army Of The Dead. Jon reunites with Bran and Arya and, with Daenerys' encouragement, learns to ride the dragon Rhaegal. After meeting Daenerys and learning that she executed his father and brother, Sam tells Jon about Jon's true parentage.
The Wildling Tormund Giantsbane (Kristofer Hivju) and Beric, who survived The Wall's destruction, meet Edd Tollett (Ben Crompton) and several other Night's Watchmen at Last Hearth, finding its occupants, including the young Lord Ned Umber, dead and a sinister message from The Night King. Jaime arrives at Winterfell and reveals Cersei's deception to the Targaryen-Stark alliance. Despite Daenerys and Sansa's mistrust, he joins their forces after Brienne vouches for his honour. Tyrion appears in danger of losing Daenerys' favour for having believed Cersei, prompting Jorah to ask Daenerys to forgive Tyrion's mistakes. Bran proposes that he lure The Night King, who wishes to destroy The Three-Eyed Raven, into a trap. Gendry makes a weapon for Arya, who - believing that she might die a virgin in the coming battle - has The Sex him.
Tyrion, Jaime, Davos, Brienne, Podrick (Daniel Portman) and Tormund share a night of drinking and singing on the eve of battle, during which Jaime formally knights Brienne. Jorah fails to dissuade his young cousin, Lyanna Mormont (Bella Ramsey) from fighting and receives House Tarly's ancestral sword as a gift from Sam. As the Army Of The Dead approaches, Daenerys finds Jon at his mother, Lyanna Stark's tomb and learns about his Targaryen lineage. The Army Of The Living meets the Army Of The Dead outside Winterfell, but are quickly overwhelmed by The Night King's superior numbers. The entire Dothraki army is decimated. And, that was the end of all of their shit. Edd is killed saving Sam. The Living retreat into the castle while Melisandre uses her magic to ignite a protective fire trench surrounding Winterfell and delay the advancing horde.
Jon and Daenerys, riding Rhaegal and Drogon, engage in an aerial battle with The Night King on Viserion. After breaching the fire trench, The Dead attack Winterfell, scaling its walls. The defenders are swiftly overwhelmed, with Lyanna and Beric dying in the ensuing skirmishes. Melisandre helps Arya to realise her true destiny. The Night King raises the slain Winterfell defenders as his allies, including those entombed in the crypts who attack the sheltering civilians. After Daenerys is pulled from Drogon, Jorah is mortally wounded defending her. The Night King arrives at The Godswood and kills Theon as he bravely protects Bran. Arya then stabs The Night King with her Valyrian steel dagger. The Night King and his Wights disintegrate and the Army Of The Dead falls. And, that was the end of their shit. With her purpose served, Melisandre wanders away from Winterfell and dies.
The North mourns and then burns their dead. During the subsequent victory celebrations, Daenerys legitimises Gendry and names him Lord of Storm's End. Jaime and Brienne - finally - have The Sex. To protect their relationship, Daenerys begs Jon to conceal his Targaryen ancestry from his family but, he is unable (or unwilling) to do so. He and Bran reveal his true identity to Sansa and Arya, swearing them to secrecy. Sansa however - having learned the power of revealing information at dramatically inappropriate times from Littlefinger - tells Tyrion. Who subsequently tells Varys.
Bronn, convinced that Cersei will lose the coming war, spares Jaime and Tyrion in exchange for the lordship of Highgarden. Daenerys and the fleet sail to King's Landing while Jon leads the Northern soldiers South. Euron ambushes the fleet and Rhaegal is killed. Daenerys' interpreter, Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) is captured and, subsequently, murdered, leading Daenerys to consider seizing King's Landing even if civilians are slaughtered in the process. Varys and Tyrion discuss Daenerys' increasingly erratic state of mind. Varys thinks she may be unfit to rule and suggests Jon replace her, though Tyrion rejects the very notion.

And so, dear blog reader, like 'The Hokey Cokey', that's what it's all about. In a few days time, the final episode will be broadcast and viewers across the world will discover who has, finally, won the titular game of thrones. And, as previously noted, all of those people who have never - not never - watched a single episode (and, haven't been exactly shy in telling everyone about this), will have to go and find something else not to watch instead.
It's been emotional, dear blog reader. It has been both I, Claudius with dragons and The Hollow Crown with tits. It has had many buckets of blood and more than a few packets of giblets at its disposal. It has been full of swearing, often quite sickening violence, much naughty nudity and loads of The Sex. Which was always good for a laugh. It has been a series in which most of the characters were into some seriously fucked-up shit in one form or another and even those characters whom the audience were, in theory at least, supposed to be rooting for, were often marbled by a thick streak of moral ambiguity. Just like real life, in fact. Only, with dragons. A necessary difference, one feels. It has been, it's probably fair to say, the most widely-discussed TV series in the world over the last eight years on the Interweb in both social and in the regular media. One, genuinely, wonders what many lives will be like without it. Of course, if that thought scares you at all then, you could just get out your complete series DVD box-set and watch the damn thing all over again. That's what this blogger will be doing.
Maester Keith Telly Topping.
First Of His Name.

'I'm worried for all of us. They say every time a Targaryen is born the Gods toss a coin and the world holds its breath.' The second-to-last episode of yer actual Game Of Thrones - The Bells - kept many in the UK away from their beds into the early hours of Monday morning, dear blog reader. With the burning and the screaming and the stabbing and the crazed death-on-an-effing-'uge-scale horror. A fraction shy of eighty minutes of blood and snots, fire and Hellish war-crimes the like of which even this series - which has had more than its fair share of such malarkey across seventy one previous episodes - had never seen before. It was quite a sight, frankly.
Random (extremely spoilerised) reviews - of varying degrees of interest, articulation, eloquence and rage - can be consumed at the following: The Torygraph, the Gruniad, the Los Angeles Times, Vox, IGN, Forbes, The Atlantic, Cnet, the Washington Post, The AV Clubwebsite, Stuff, the New York Post, Vanity Fair, Entertainment Focus, the Daily Scum Mail, the Radio Times, the Daily Scum Express, Vulture, the Deccan Chronicle, the Apocalypsewebsite, the NME, Rolling Stain, the Sun,Polygon, the Den Of Geek!website, the Digital Spywebsite, JOE, Esquire and the Scroll Inwebsite. And, probably lots of other places as well. Just go to Google and type in the word 'burning' and you'll probably find at least twenty thousand.
Of course, as you'd expect in today's unattractively numbskull-like attention-span-of-seven-seconds world, not everyone enjoyed it; as the barely literate scribblings of some whinging fek of no importance at the Independent exemplifies. Unsurprisingly, the Daily Scum Express, Buzzfeed and the Lad Bible website all happily joined in with this nonsense and scoured the detritus of Twitter to find some further whinging. And, of course, they found plenty. Because, a day wouldn't have a 'y' in it if someone didn't have something to whinge about on Twitter, would it? Twitter being, of course, now The Sole Arbiter Of The Worth Of All Things. The Gruniad Morning Star says so, dear blog reader, so it must be true.
To be brutally frank, dear blog reader, there is only but one way to respond to such abject and churlish tripe. Only one word to say to shut such crap up. Dracarys.
The episode also saw a - quite stunning - cameo appearance by yer actual Keith Telly Topping's old mucker Jon Arnold. Jonny turned up just to the right of Laura Elphinstone during one of the sequences where the citizens of King's Landing were fleeing from being, you know, burned to ashes by a sodding great dragon. If you're wondering, however, this blogger can confirm that Jonny did, indeed, survive The King's Landing Massacre and will be at the EMMYs next year to pick up his expected, and entirely deserved, award. At least, that's his story and he's sticking to it. And now, of course, it's going to be absolutely impossible to watch that particular sequence without seeing Jon. It's a bit like when you find out exactly where the edit between the two different versions of 'Strawberry Fields Forever' is, you can't not hear it.
Westeros, dear blog reader, is a faux-medieval fantasy world of magic, dragons and heroic warriors and, seemingly, at least one coffee shop. Fans of Game Of Thrones allegedly 'reacted with bemusement and anger' after a coffee cup from present-day Earth made an erroneous appearance in last Sunday's third-to-last episodes of the popular adult fantasy drama. At least, that's according to some wipe of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star where this sort of utterly trivial shite constitutes 'news', apparently. The 'offending item' was spotted on a table during a celebratory feast at Winterfell castle after the 'Long Night' apocalypse.
Those among the show's legion of fans who spotted this - and, who had access to Twitter - were quick to sneer and attempt to demonstrate their own cleverness, with 'a general consensus' soon forming that the cup, which appeared in the episode The Last Of The Starks, was probably from Starbucks. No shit? 'The latte that appeared in the episode was a mistake,' HBO said in a rather brilliantly self-deprecating statement. 'Daenerys had ordered an herbal tea!' That quality bit of comedy, broadly speaking, shut the majority of the Interweb whingers right-up. This - wholly media-faked - 'outrage' over the coffee cup echoes a similar over-the-top reaction to a viral photo from 2017, apparently showing a pick-up truck in the snow-laden distance of one Game Of Thrones scene. It was subsequently discovered the image had actually come from a behind-the-scenes featurette and not from an episode.
After that, of course, the coffee cup - not unexpectedly - took on a media profile all of its own, particularly when the news came that HBO intend to digitally edit the cup out of all future broadcasts of the episode in question.
It was impossible to keep the cup out of the news this week. Liam Cunningham, when appearing on Conan O'Brien's chat show, was accompanied by the cup. And, this piece on the Fansided website had, by far, the funniest take on the cup and its many and various doings.
And, remember dear blog reader, here is a really staggering thought for all of you to drop into your collective toaster and see if it, collectively, pops up brown ...
'What do you want from me, Eve? Do you want me to love you or do you want me to frighten you?''I don't know.' As previously noted, dear blog reader, this blogger does not intend to review any episodes of the second series of From The North favourite Killing Eve - currently showing in the US - until the episodes become available in Britain (at a date still to be announced but, hopefully, not too far away now) for fear of spoilerising anyone that wishes not to be spoilerised. However, if - and only if - you aren't all that bothered about any such spoilerisationism shenanigans then, spoilerising-type reviews of series two, episode six - I Hope You Like It Missionary! - are available to spoilerise your bitch up. At, for example, the MEAWW website, Rolling Stain, W, the Den Of Geek!website, Entertainment Weekly and The Ringer.
There is also a fascinating - and very funny - interview with Killing Eve's Fiona Shaw carried out by Town & Country's Chloe Foussianes which you can find here. Though, perhaps inevitably, that also contains some - extremely minor - spoilerisationisms for series two. You have been warned.
Still - sort of - on the subject of Killing Eve, dear blog reader, do you ever have one of those moments where you get a song stuck in your head and the bugger simply will not shift for love or money? It occurred a couple of weeks ago to this blogger as he was watching one of the preview discs of Killing Eve series two which he gets sent over to Stately Telly Topping Manor from the US. Once again, it is very important to stress that the following does not contain any substantive spoilers. However, one particular scene, in one particular episode contained, as its soundtrack, a version of 'A Windmill In Old Amsterdam'. Where? this blogger hears you all ask, dear blog reader. There on the stair. Anyway, what was really annoying about this was not the song in and of itself - this blogger quite likes that in a kind of 'cheesy childhood memories' way. No, rather it was that the version used in the episode was not the original 1965 English language hit by Ronnie Hilton which will be immediately familiar to most dear blog readers. Nor, indeed, was it the - equally famous in Europe at least - Dutch language translation, 'Een Muis In Een Molen In Mooi Amsterdam' by Rudi Carrell. Rather, this was a - somewhat obscure - 1976 cover-of-a-cover (of a translation) of 'Een Muis In Een Molen In Mooi Amsterdam' by one André Van Duin featuring Kinderkoor De Spettertjes. No, me neither. Let it be noted, that it took this blogger sodding ages to discover all this. But, the most spectacularly annoying thing about the whole fiasco is that particular version of that fekking song is now thoroughly wedged in this blogger's brain, taking up space that should be used for, you know, important stuff. Like passwords. And the titles of all of the 1960s episodes of Doctor Who, in order. Therefore, dear blog reader, Keith Telly Topping feels it is only right and fair that you should all click on the link above and get, similarly, 'clip-clipperty-clopped' in the head. You need to share Keith Telly Topping's pain, he feels. It's The Law.
From The North favourite Killing Eve was the big winner at the BAFTA TV Awards on Sunday evening at the Royal Albert Hall; it won three awards - best drama series, best actress for Jodie Comer and supporting actress for Fiona Shaw. Yer actual Benedict Cumberbatch won best actor award for his Sky Atlantic drama Patrick Melrose, which was also named best mini-series. Ant and/or Dec's Britain's Got Toilets and I'm A Z-List Former Celebrity Desperate To Get My Boat-Race Back On TV ... Please Vote For Me To Stay Here As Long As Possible (I'll Even Eat Worms If You Want) both won awards however Ant and/or Dec themselves lost out for the best entertainment performance award to Lee Mack, who won for his appearances on From The North favourite Would I Lie To You? Other winners included: Ben Whishaw, best supporting actor for A Very English Scandal; Steve Pemberton, best male performance in a comedy programme for BBC2's Inside Number Nine; Jessica Hynes, best female performance in a comedy programme for BBC4's There She Goes; Louis Theroux's Altered States, best factual programmes; Who Do You Think You Are?, best feature; BBC3's Killed By My Debt, best single drama; EastEnders, best soap and/or continuing drama; Suffragettes With Lucy Worsley, best specialist feature and Bodyguard, 'must-see moment' (the assassination of Julia Montague). In total, the BBC won a whopping sixteen of the twenty five awards given, including recognition for BBC1's coverage of The Royal British Legion Festival Of Remembranceand England's World Cup Quarter Final match against Sweden. Sky won five awards, ITV won two and Channel Four also won two. Channel Five won nowt. Not a sausage. Bugger all. A full list of the winners and nominees can be found here. Cumberbatch plays a man grappling with the ghost of his abusive father in Patrick Melrose, adapted from novels by Edward St Aubyn. Benny said: 'It was extraordinary, it was a proper experience, one I will take with me for the rest of my life.' The supporting actress award was the first BAFTA of Fiona Shaw's distinguished career and she said that playing MI6 spymaster Carolyn Martens in Killing Eve had been 'probably the greatest pleasure of my life.' She dedicated the award to writer Phoebe Waller-Bridge and her 'glass-shattering genius and wayward imagination.' Speaking on the red carpet, Comer said that it had been 'incredible' to play the role of Villanelle. 'I knew was special from the moment I read it [the script], but you can never anticipate how it will go down with an audience. It's been overwhelming but also very exciting.' As usual, the recipients of the night's lifetime achievement prizes were announced in advance of the ceremony. Journalist and broadcaster Dame Joan Bakewell was honoured with The BAFTA Television Fellowship. Happy Valley and Queer As Folk producer Nicola Shindler was presented with a special award in recognition of her significant contribution to the television industry. The BAFTA Craft Awards - which recognise behind-the-scenes talent like writers and sound editors - took place last month, with A Very English Scandal scoring a number of awards.
More than nine million punters tuned into the final episode of Line Of Duty on Sunday, giving it the largest overnight audience of 2019 so far. The tense conclusion to the popular BBC1 crime drama's fifth series attracted an average overnight audience of 9.1 million. Charlotte Moore, the BBC's director of content, said it was 'fantastic to see such a big audience' for the show. Critics described the episode was 'breathtaking' and 'deeply satisfying.' As, indeed, did this blogger. Although some whinging malcontents expressed 'reservations; about the series as a whole, claiming that it has been 'lacklustre' and the 'weakest' to date in that sort of sour-faced sneering that exists on the fringes of many fandoms; the 'oh, it's not as good as it used to be when only me and four of my mates, liked it' syndrome, if you will. The BBC has already - and, wholly unexpectedly - commissioned a sixth series from writer Jed Mercurio. Line Of Duty's figures are the highest for a TV drama in the UK since last year's Bodyguard finale (also written by Mercurio), which drew an overnight audience of 10.4 million last September and a final and consolidated audience of 17.6 million. ITV's royal drama Victoria, which went out at the same time as Line Of Duty on Sunday, attracted an average audience of but 2.5 million. Viewers on Sunday saw Ted Hastings (the very excellent Adrian Dunbar), head of anti-corruption unit AC-12, interrogated at length by his superior Patricia Carmichael (Anna Maxwell Martin). The result, said the Torygraph's Allison Pearson, was 'an extraordinarily tense scene, a remarkable piece of theatre and one of the best things anyone will see this year on a TV screen.'The Times' Carol Midgley said the scene was 'forensically written and beautifully executed,' while That Awful Moir Woman from the Daily Scum Mail called it 'beautifully scripted.' Yes, dear blog reader, someone from the Daily Scum Mail said something nice about the BBC. Truly, we are living in the End Of Days. That Awful Moir Woman also praised a 'killer twist' at the conclusion of a 'nerve-shredding episode' which kept audiences 'guessing right until almost the end.''The latest twist was a classic Line Of Duty curveball,' wrote the Mirra's Ian Hyland - albeit one that 'stretched credibility to breaking point.' The Gruniad Morning Star's Lucy Mangan said that it was 'as deeply satisfying as any in AC-12's history' but also whinged that the series as a whole had 'felt like a placeholder season.''The twists are getting dafter but Line Of Duty remains crazily compelling,' wrote Mike Ward in the Daily Scum Express. The Independent's Ed Power, meanwhile, whinged that the 'exceedingly talky' episode 'wrap[ped] up most of its loose ends ... with excessive leisureliness.' Whinge, whinge, whinge feking whinge. The British Transport Police, meanwhile, got in on the action, insisting that its recruitment processes were 'much better' than the ones depicted in the show. The credits for the eighty five-minute episode ended with a tribute to Graeme Livingstone, a crew member who died in a motorcycle accident in 2017. The first episode of this series of Line Of Duty drew an overnight audience of 7.8 million viewers when it was broadcast at the end of March. That figure rose to a consolidated audience of almost eleven million once the number of people who watched the show on recording devices or video on demand services was taken into account.
'I think I've always known that Gill was a bad 'un, on some level,'Line Of Duty's Polly Walker revealed on ITV's This Morning. 'But I didn’t know to what extent.' In the feature-length series five finale, Walker's character, senior legal counsel Gill Biggeloe was suddenly - and dramatically (although, not entirely unexpectedly) - exposed as one of the four 'H's pulling the corrupt strings within the police. AC-12 dream team Kate Fleming (Vicky McClure) and Steve Arnott (Martin Compston) had connected the dots and uncovered her overly-cunning plan to bring down anti-corruption boss Hastings by framing him as ultimate top dog 'H' and using the OCG to implicate him for murder. Gill turned out to be quite the villain - but until the final two episodes, the actress who played her was was kept completely in the dark by Jed Mercurio. 'I knew two episodes before, what was happening,' Walker said. 'I knew she was up to no good, but I didn't know to what extent she was a snake.' That didn't stop Walker from trying to guess what Mercurio was going to do with Gill. The actress explained: 'There had to be a point to her, there had to be reason why she was constantly after Ted. And it never got fulfilled, it was never realised, they never had this affair. But I think people just thought I was a man-eater, some sort of desperate career crazy madwoman.' Biggeloe survived the series and was given a new identity at the end of the episode, heading off to live in witness protection at an undisclosed location (although, as Irish fans spotted, it looks like she's living on the Seacourt estate in Larne). So could she make a return in series six? 'I think anything's up for grabs. I don't think anybody knows apart from the puppet master, Jed Mercurio. Who knows,' Walker said. 'I think Gill being Gill, my theory, is that she's such a survivor - she won't be playing sudoku in her sitting room for too long. I think she'll be looking for ways to survive and get on.' The actress also revealed that she hadn't watched a single episode of series five. 'I kind of went into denial mode. It was as if it wasn't happening,' she said. 'I didn't watch any of it.'
There's a terrific interview with Adrian Dunbar by the Radio Times' Ginny Dougray which you can read here. In which, he reveals that he would love to do a sitcom with Hastings'Line Of Duty nemesis Anna Maxwell Martin. 'Mercurio originally intended Hastings to be a shambolic genius, in the Columbo mould, whom everyone underestimates,' Dougray writes, But adds that in the audition process, this changed. 'That's a very attractive type of character, absolutely, but we all came to the decision that it would be useful if the character was from outside the police system, making him a Catholic in the RUC so he was an outsider within an organisation,' Adrian said. This also meant Dunbar could keep his own accent. 'I come from that generation where we really love the likes of Bill Paterson and Pete Postlethwaite and Alun Armstrong - all working-class guys who kept their accent. So I think where you can keep your accent you should, for greater authenticity,' he added. 'But I did The Hollow Crown [as Plantagenet], for instance and that was definitely not my own accent!'
Many dear blog readers who actually bother to read ends credits will already know this but, just in case you didn't the Line Of Duty finale (along with the previous week's episode) was directed by the great Susan Tully. Yes, the former Grange Hill and EastEnders actress. In the late 1990s, Susan began concentrating on directing for television (usually credited as Sue Tully). Shows of which she has directed episodes of include EastEnders itself, The Story Of Tracy Beaker, London's Burning, Fifty Five Degrees North, The Bill, The Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, Lark Rise To Candleford, Silent Witness, Getting On, Puppy Love, The A Word, Britannia and Tin Star.
'After thirteen of pointless, meandering episodes of character-driven schlock, finally, we get to the show that everybody wanted to see in the first place! A superhero show.' The long-awaited Flex Mentallo episode of From The North's current favourite TV drama on the planet, Doom Patrol arrived over the weekend. And lo, dear blog reader, Flex Patrol was beautiful. Funny, touching, self-deprecating, fourth-wall smashing and featuring a guest appearance by the great Ed Asner.
Reviews - full of spoilerisation, obviously - can get diligently consumed here, here, here, here and here.
Meanwhile, judging by the final scene of this episode (and, the trailer for the next), Mister Nobody will be getting an overdue origin-story in Penultimate Patrol. 'And the pants of the vicar are closing, rataplan, rataplan!'
Doctor Who is reportedly'planning a Christmas special' for this year after previously confirming that the show would not return until early 2020. Albeit, it's reportedly planning to do so according to a source about as trustworthy as 'a bloke in the pub.' Jodie Whittaker's time-lady and her companions - Graham, Ryan and Yas - were last seen saving the world from The Daleks on New Year's Day. That episode, Resolution, ended with confirmation by the BBC that the series would return 'in early 2020.' However, that always reliable bastion of truthful and accurate reportage the Daily Lies are now claiming that the production 'may have backtracked' and will 'bring something out across the festive period' this year. The Daily Lies, of course, have an almost unblemished record when it comes to reporting stuff related to Doctor Who that, subsequently, turns out to be one thousand per cent accurate. The upcoming series will be the second featuring Jodie's Doctor (you knew that, right?) It has also been confirmed that Bradley Walsh, Tosin Cole and Mandip Gill will also be back to join her in the TARDIS. 'I really can't wait to step back in and get to work again. It's such an incredible role. It's been an extraordinary journey so far and I'm not quite ready to hand it over yet,' Jodie said on her return.
The second series of BBC1's medical thriller Trust Me featured a new cast and premise but it seems that wasn't always the plan. In an interview with Radio Times, series creator Dan Sefton revealed that he had originally mapped out a second series following Jodie Whittaker's impostor medic until he discovered that his leading actor would be somewhat busy saving the universe as The Doctor. Asked when he found out about Whittaker's Doctor Who casting - which was unveiled after the 2017 Wimbledon final - Sefton said: 'The same time as everybody else. I remember exactly where I was because it was the match at Wimbledon, wasn’t it? I was watching the announcement - I remember when she walked out of the TARDIS and I was like, "it's fucking her, Jesus!"' Actually, it wasn't Jesus, it was Jodie Whittaker (and, she didn't walk out of the TARDIS either, she walked towards it. So, what Defton was actually watching is anyone's guess). 'I texted Nicola [Shindler, of Red Production Company], like, "Did you know?" I didn't know. I was kind of numb. It was like, "Oh. Now what happens?" But you know, good luck to her.' Sefton also revealed that he had planned to pitch a second series of Trust Me, with Whittaker as Cath Hardacre. 'Obviously you plan it, even when you're in the middle of writing your first one,' he said. 'You always have to plan what could happen, so with Nicola Shindler and I, we;d thought about it and we were ready to go with a pitch about how it could continue. And then, of course, when Jodie was [on] Doctor Who we realised there was no way she'd be available. So, then it was, like, what else could we do? And then actually out of those problems come opportunities. We went back to the BBC and to Gaynor [Holmes, the Head of Drama for BBC Scotland] and said, "Look we've got an idea for a completely different story, but the same kind of style and psychological" - and we pitched her this idea and she said, "That sounds great," so we worked it up and then luckily the BBC said, "Yeah, let’s do that." So it was a shame on one hand, because Jodie was fantastic, we could have done some more potentially, but that's the way that we were.' Instead the new series of Trust Me starred Alfred Enoch as Corporal Jamie McCain, a temporarily paralysed soldier recovering from a spinal injury, who starts to investigate a string of mysterious deaths on the ward of his Glasgow hospital.
Having whinged at some considerable length about the BBC's utterly bizarre scheduling for the latest series of Qi on several previous occasions on this blog, how good it is to have previously unbroadcast episodes of Qi XL back on BBC2 for the first time in months, dear blog reader. Highlights of the latest episode - Phenomena - came in a round about 'odd' records which were set during last year's London marathon. Sandi mentioned the - impressive - achievement of one Nicola Nuttell (from Pendle, in Lancashire) who set a world record for the fastest marathon run by someone dressed as a witch; Nicola finished five minutes quicker than the previous year when the record she set then was annulled as her skirt was deemed to be 'too short.' Tragically, the panel resisted the (one imagines overwhelming) urge to crack a 'Pendle Witch Trials' joke at that point. Arguably, however, Josh Widdecombe's response was even better: 'You know what would've been brilliant? If she'd turned up at the start-line and Mo Farah was there dressed as a witch!'
Sam Claflin has admitted he was ordered to 'calm down' after he met Cillian Murphy on the latest series of From The North favourite Peaky Blinders. The Hunger Games actor has joined the cast of the forthcoming fifth series of the popular Birmingham-based BBC drama in which he will play real-life fascist knobcheese Baronet Oswald Ernald Mosley. Claflin has revealed that he is a massive fan of his Irish co-star - and even admitted to 'fangirling' over the actor. He told The A List: 'I'm the biggest fanboy. Genuinely when I got to set and heard Cillian start talking as Tommy Shelby I started fangirling a little bit. The director had to go "Sam, bring it down."' On the subject of spoilers, he added: 'I don't want to ruin it for people. I've told my wife but I've managed to keep a lot a secret.' The acclaimed BAFTA award-winning drama has previously announced its move to BBC1 from BBC2. Claflin joins Anya Taylor-Joy, Brian Gleeson, Neil Maskell, Kate Dickie, Cosmo Jarvis, Emmett J Scanlan, Elliot Cowan, Charlene McKenna, Andrew Koji and Daryl McCormack as new members of the, already huge, ensemble cast. Claflin said: 'From Steven Knight's writing to the consistently brilliant production, I couldn't feel more privileged to be invited to join this iconic show.' Also returning to the series are regulars Helen McCrory, Paul Anderson, Sophie Rundle, Finn Cole, Kate Phillips, Natasha O'Keefe, Aidan Gillen, Jack Rowan, Charlie Murphy, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Harry Kirton, Packy Lee, Ned Dennehy, Ian Peck and Benjamin Zephaniah. There is no mention of whether fan favourite Tom Hardy will be reprising his role as Alfie Solomons, who was last seen in a shoot-out with Tommy at the end of series four. Unless he's coming back as a ghost, obviously.
BBC Studios has struck a deal with India's Applause Entertainment, the drama series production subsidiary of Aditya Birla Group, for an Indian-language remake of award-winning crime drama Luther. The deal was announced on the first day of the Asia Pay-TV Operators Summit in Bali. The UK production of Luther, starring Idris Elba, is one of BBC Studios' top exports, selling to more than two hundred and thirty territories. The Indian version, which is yet to be titled, would be the second in Asia following an award-winning South Korean version, Less Than Evil. Prior to their collaboration on Luther, BBC Studios and Applause have worked together on Indian versions of The Office and Criminal Justice. 'We at Applause are always on the lookout for premium dramas we can produce for Indian viewers and are proud to once again partner BBC Studios on Luther,' said Sameer Nair, CEO of Applause Entertainment.
Friday night's episode of Have I Got News For You was postponed by the BBC as it, allegedly, 'risked falling foul of its pre-European election rules.' The pre-recorded episode featured Change UK acting leader MP Heidi Allen. But the BBC said that it was 'inappropriate to feature political party leaders' in an erection period as it did not allow for 'equal representation' of views. Hat Trick Productions, which makes the popular topical news satire panel show, said that it had 'tried everything' to get the BBC to broadcast the episode. It added that it was told of the decision 'late this [Friday] afternoon.' An episode of Would I Lie To You? was shown on BBC1 instead. Not even a particularly good one, either, which was a real kick in the Jacob's Cream Crackers to all viewers. European Parliament erections are due to take place in the UK on 23 May. On Thursday, Allen - who left the Conservatives to join the recently-formed party - tweeted to say that she was taking part in the programme, which regularly features politicians from all parties. But less than half-an-hour before the episode was due to be broadcast, the HIGNFYTwitter page announced the late cancellation. A statement from the BBC read: 'The BBC has specific editorial guidelines that apply during election periods. Because of this it would be inappropriate to feature political party leaders on entertainment programmes during this short election period, which does not allow for equal representation to be achieved.' The broadcaster said it that would look to broadcast the episode 'at a later date.' Which will be a bit pointless since any topicality which may have rendered the episode worthwhile watching will be gone by then. Broadcasting regulator Ofcom's erection rules state, among other things, that neither candidates in erections, nor representatives of those candidates, are allowed to 'act as news presenters, interviewers or presenters of any type of programme during the election period.' One imagines that next week's episode - no matter whom it features - will be worth watching to see how much mileage Ian Hislop's sarcasmometer gets out of this malarkey.
Dear blog readers are urged to have a right good gander at the Collider website's in-depth interview with American Gods' Ian McShane and Orlando Jones by Christina Radish which you can find here.
From the sublime to the ridiculous now, dear blog reader and a - frankly odd - piece by the Torygraph's Jonathan Holmes (no, me neither), Sci-fi's Social Justice Wars: Why Do Star Trek: Discovery Fans Hate The Orville? To which the obvious response is, do they? And, this is based on a survey of how many, exactly? Because, of course dear blog reader, it's a well-known fact among, you know, people who know about these sort of things, that fifty four per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot to prove a point. Honest.
It was the site of the world's worst nuclear accident. In 1986, a reactor at the Chernobyl nuclear power station in then Soviet-controlled Ukraine exploded, sending a radioactive plume across Europe. The effects were devastating and the disaster's impact was felt across the world. The story of the accident - and its associated human cost - is being brought to the small screen in a Sky-Atlantic drama starring Jared Harris, Emily Watson, Stellan Skarsgård and Jessie Buckley. Written by Craig Mazin (who also wrote the Hangover film sequels) and directed by Johan Renck (who also directed episodes of Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead), Chernobyl aims to 'bring to life the true story of the unprecedented tragedy.' The series follows the fall-out of the explosion and examines both the lives of those in power who tried to hide the truth and those on the outside who hoped to uncover it. Oscar-nominated actress Watson portrays Ulana Khomyuk, a Soviet nuclear physicist intent on finding out how and why the Chernobyl disaster happened. 'She's an amalgam of the [real-life] scientists who worked on the situation,' Watson explains. 'Her currency is she's a brilliant scientist and if she can get the facts out, [Soviet physicist Valery Legasov, played by Harris] will recognise the truth. They [those in power] came close to annihilating the whole of Europe. [When] they sent me the script, I instantly thought, "This is brilliant, I want to be part of it." It's seen as an historical event but it's still ongoing,' she says. Ulana appears fearless as she pushes for her voice to be heard amidst a cacophony of Soviet propaganda. 'Her character is from Belarus - they suffered terrible atrocities during World War Two, great swathes of the population were wiped out. She would have been a small child at that time and lived through some appalling things. She's very tough and that's made her very strong,' Watson explains. 'This is her moment, it's a call to arms. She just takes the attitude that the science doesn't lie.' Buckley, who recently starred in War & Peace and the film Wild Rose, plays the real-life character Lyudmilla Ignatenko. As the wife of firefighter Vasily Ignatenko, she was one of the first on the scene when the explosion occurred. Buckley also says that joining the cast was a no-brainer. 'I read the script and was completely blown away by it. You just want to do as honest a job as possible.' Indeed, Lyudmilla's anguish and panic as the drama unfolds makes for a harrowing watch. According to the UN, the event affected more than three-and-a-half million people and contaminated nearly fifty thousand square kilometres of land. The number of people killed by the disaster remains disputed. The first emergency workers rushed in as lethal smoke billowed out. Of one hundred and thirty four who were diagnosed with acute radiation sickness, twenty eight died within months. At least nineteen more have died since. It is conclusive that around five thousand cases of thyroid cancer - most of which were subsequently treated and cured - were caused by the contamination. Many suspect that the radiation has or will cause other cancers, but the evidence is patchy. Amid reports of other health problems - including birth defects - it still is not clear if any can be attributed to radiation. The Irish actress hadn't worked with Watson before but their paths had crossed. 'I had met Emily over a coffee through BAFTA Breakthrough, they set up a mentor thing and I just think she's so fantastic. And I said, "I'm going to do this thing about Chernobyl" and she said, "I want to do that!" So that was nice.' Buckley wasn't even born when the disaster happened but says THAT she still had 'a relationship with Chernobyl' through her memories of a Chernobyl charity which gives sick children from the area a chance to recuperate in Ireland with host families. Watson was a student when it occurred. 'I remember people at my college were studying in Kiev at the time but I really had no idea of the extent of it or the human sacrifice involved,' she says. 'An accident at Chernobyl is not convenient to the powers that be, hence they cover it up. Turns out there was a design flaw all along. There couldn't be more of a warning from history.' Buckley didn't speak to the real Lyudmilla as part of her research ('she wants to get on with her life') but says: 'Johan and Craig were so ruthless in making everyone aware of the truth.' Watson concurs: 'I have great respect for Craig and Johan... the amount of research was astonishing. I think it's a brilliant piece of writing.' Most of the series was shot in Lithuania but some filming took place in Kiev. The reality hit home during one particular shoot. 'It was a graveyard scene,' Buckley explains. 'This extra was standing beside me, she was crying. I was really grateful that she wanted to tell this story as well but then she turned to me after and said, "My son, my son." This is not make-believe. It's a nightmare.' Watson sees alarming parallels between the situation at Chernobyl and the present day. 'It's a very interesting parable for our times - the political truth is more convenient than what the science is saying. The truth is a very moveable feast. It just takes one person to say climate change is a hoax and everyone gives them a platform in the interest of balance. As a drama, I hope it will be very successful but I hope it will have a powerful punch in terms of people waking up to what's at stake.'
Ty Tennant, the son of David and Georgia Tennant, has made his debut on BBC1's Casualty. The seventeen-year-old actor appeared in the long-running medical drama's episode on Saturday 4 May. Georgia, who also starred on Casualty, posted on Twitter after the episode had been broadcast to celebrate. 'I am so proud of Ty Tennant tonight on Casualty,' she posted. 'He was so good they didn't feel the need to crush him to death in a lift shaft.' Georgia's character, Heather Whitefield, met an unfortunate event in her second episode of Casualty in 2009 when she was trapped beneath a burning lift. She later returned to the drama playing a different character for a guest role in 2014. This isn't Ty's first screen credit, he is also been part of the cast of the newly released Tolkien biopic. Ty was joined by his his dad at the premiere of the film in London. The family already have an impressive Doctor Who acting heritage: Ty's grandfather, of course, is yer actual Peter Davison. In Casualty, Ty played Aaron, the teenage son of a man who suffered a broken neck after falling from a ladder. Admitted to hospital following a seizure on his birthday, the truth about their family played out over the course of the episode. Ty has also been working on the upcoming BBC adaptation of War Of The Worlds, scheduled to be broadcast later in 2019.
There's a really moving interview with Russell Davies in Radio Times this week relating to the death last year of his partner of twenty years, Andrew Smith as well as Big Rusty's forthcoming BBC drama Years & Years which is well worth a few moments of your time dear blog reader. The interview also covers subjects as diverse as Doctor Who, Queer As Folk, A Very British Scandal, I, Claudius, Ricky Gervais, punk rock, rugby and Philip Larkin. And, that's what you tend to get with Rusty, dear blog reader, as this blogger knows well from past experience - twenty seven pop culture references when you were expecting two!
Another interview that is well worth your time, dear blog reader, is from The Hollywood Reporter with Sally Wainwright concerning the forthcoming BBC adaptation of Gentleman Jack which you can read here.
The final Game Of Thrones episodes might be bringing HBO record ratings but they are also the last gasps of the network's biggest show, leaving a rather worrying hole in need of filling. While projects within the same universe are in development, HBO is hoping that a swifter replacement might be found in the shape of Watchmen. The comic, previously adapted for the big screen in 2009 by Zack Snyder, has been 'reimagined' for the small screen by Damon Lindelof, whose shows include Lost (which was really good) and The Leftovers (which wasn't). The newly released trailer showcases a dark, anarchic tone and brief glimpses of the cast, including the recent EMMY winner and Oscar nominee Regina King, Jeremy Irons, Don Johnson, Hong Chau and Tim Blake Nelson. The original comic by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, told of a world where superheroes exist but one where their intentions are not always noble. Released in 1986 and 1987, it also reflected cold war tensions. Lindelof has admitted that his series is 'not a straight adaptation' and instead is 'more like a remix. This story will be set in the world its creators painstakingly built,' Lindelof wrote in an open letter. 'But in the tradition of the work that inspired it, this new story must be original. It has to vibrate with the seismic unpredictability of its own tectonic plates.' Lindelof also went on to explain that while some characters will be familiar, others will be new and the show will be 'contemporary' offering a 'fresh lens' on old material. Co-creator Gibbons recently spoke to Entertainment Weekly about his thoughts after reading the script for the pilot. 'I don't think it's gonna be what people think it's going to be,' he said. 'It certainly wasn't what I imagined it to be. I think it's extremely fresh. I'm really looking forward to seeing it on the screen. I've been resistant to the comic book prequels and sequels, but what Damon's doing is not that at all, it's very far away from that.' Snyder's big-screen adaptation was something of a commercial disappointment making one hundred and eighty five million dollars worldwide from a one hundred and twenty million dollars production budget. This blogger quite enjoyed it at the time although, it wasn't perfect by any stretch. Watchmen will premiere on HBO later this year.
'That was the moment we just thought, "This is never going to make it,"'admits Jeff Pope, the writer and executive producer of Hatton Garden. ITV had just been forced to pull his show from television schedules yet again thanks to a last-minute legal issue; it seemed the much-delayed heist drama might never make it to TV screens. But, after two postponements, the drama has a new slot for later this month - and the legal developments which have held it up for the last eighteen months are finally 'done and dusted.'Hatton Garden, a four-part drama based on the real-life story of a group of elderly burglars and their multi-million-pound raid on a safe deposit facility in London's jewellery quarter, was originally scheduled in December 2017. Then, it was suddenly postponed without explanation. It was subsequently rescheduled the following year and then pulled a second time. One of the burglars, Terry Perkins (played on screen by Timothy Spall), had pleaded extremely guilty to the Hatton Garden burglary in 2016 and already been jailed for his part, but just as the ITV drama neared its first scheduled broadcast date in late 2017, further legal charges were brought against Perkins. 'He was charged with another robbery, completely unconnected to Hatton Garden,' explains Pope. 'The trial was due and if there had been a four-hour drama saying, "Terry Perkins is a burglar," then he wouldn't have been able to have a fair trial. So, we had to pull it. Nothing we could do about it,' the writer explained at a screening in London. 'There was a trial that this could have prejudiced and then poor old Terry Perkins passed away and that receded. And then, just as we were about to transmit again, they caught the elusive Basil. So, again we had to spike it. But now everything's done and dusted.' Basil - an alarms specialist - was the last suspect in the Hatton Garden heist to be caught by police. He turned out to be a fifty eight-year-old man named Michael Seed from Islington and his trial date was set for early 2019; that meant another long wait before ITV's drama could be shown. 'It was just so painful,' Pope said. As Seed came to trial, the future of the drama hung in the balance. A not guilty verdict would have been okay as the TV version only identifies this character as 'Basil' (his real identity was not known until his arrest) and a verdict of guilty also posed no problem. But, as Pope explained: 'The thing we were scared of was a mistrial, if there was no verdict ... whichever way, we needed a decision in order to transmit.' Ultimately, the trial was conclusive; Seed was convicted and jailed for ten years in March 2019. And with that, the way was finally clear for a transmission in May.
The Bay has been renewed for a second series on ITV. Morven Christie is expected to return as police Family Liaison Officer Lisa Armstrong, as is Daniel Ryan as Tony Manning. ITV's Head of Drama Polly Hill said that she expected The Bay to return to the channel in 2020. The crime drama, which is set in the coastal town of Morecambe, will see Lisa and the team tackle a new case. Writer Daragh Carville previously told Radio Times that if the drama were renewed, the next series 'would have a new crime and a new family for our family liaison officer.'The Bay series two will reportedly begin filming later this year with further casting news to be announced closer to production. 'We are so thrilled that The Bay found such a large audience and that the fantastic world and characters brought to life by Daragh Carville will be returning to ITV,' executive producer Catherine Oldfield said. 'It was an incredible production, shot in a beautiful location and thanks to ITV's belief in the story we wanted to tell, we get to do it all over again.'
Jezza Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are reportedly'in line for a multimillion-pound windfall, according to financial records.' Which will, one trusts, get right up the noses of some Middle Class hippy Communists at the Gruniad Morning Star on general principle. So, that's good. The trio, who presented the BBC's Top Gear - when it used to be good - before moving to Amazon to front The Grand Tour, were directors of Chump Holdings Ltd, alongside their executive producer, Andy Wilman. The company was wound up last month with an estimated surplus of over twenty eight million smackers after all debts had been paid, according to Companies House records. Chump Holdings was set up in October 2015, shortly after Clarkson, Hamster and Cap'n Slowly announced they had struck a deal with Amazon to make a new car show. The trio, alongside Wilman, were responsible for the huge success of Top Gear, which grew from humble beginnings in 2002 into a global behemoth attracting hundreds of millions of viewers. Following Clarkson's 'fracas' with a Top Gear producer in 2015, the BBC decided against renewing his contract and his two co-hosts subsequently followed him out the door. They have presented The Grand Tour since November 2016.
Channel Four has said that it will broadcast an episode of its popular US legal drama The Good Fight in 'censored' form after the American network CBS, showing the sort of lack of backbone that US network television has, sadly, become infamous for, cut a segment which referenced Chinese state censorship when it was broadcast in the US last week. After 'discussions' with the US channel over the decision to remove the animated segment, Channel Four told the Gruniad Morning Star that it is 'contractually obliged' to show the episode in the same format as its original US broadcast and said that it intended to go ahead with the scheduled programming. That means on Thursday British viewers of the show will see a place-holding text caption that reads 'CBS has censored this content' instead of a short animated segment which satirically 'explained' Chinese state censorship. The move draws Channel Four unwittingly into a controversy over the changes to the show, a spin-off of The Good Wife known for its ripped-from-the-headline narratives, which are often inspired by contemporary real-life figures, including Donald Rump. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the segment began with a song that referenced China's decision to ban The Good Wife from video providers including Sohu TV, iQiyi and Youku in 2014. It also alluded to how American studios allegedly remove content from international releases to allegedly 'avoid upsetting' Chinese censors. 'We had concerns with some subject matter in the episode's animated short. This is the creative solution that we agreed upon with the producers,' representatives for CBS All Access claimed in a statement. One or two people even believed them. Channel Four said: 'The Good Fight is an acquired series and we are contractually obliged to broadcast the episode as supplied to us by the originating studio, CBS.' Set in a predominantly African-American law firm in Chicago, The Good Fight has been described as 'entertainment for the resistance' by the New York Times, which said it is 'the only TV show that reflects what life under Trump feels like for many of us who abhor him.' The show's creators Robert and Michelle King, originally threatened to quit, according to the New Yorker's TV critic Emily Nussbaum, who first wrote about the row, after CBS wanted the animated segment to be removed from the episode. The Kings initially planned to keep the placard on screen for the full ninety-second segment but, eventually, opted to shorten it to eight seconds, with many viewers believing the decision was a satirical one. 'It did not occur to me that people would think that it was a joke - until, literally, we saw our family this weekend and people didn't realise it had happened,' Michelle King told Nussbaum. The animated segments have become a recurrent feature of the drama's third series and act as short explainers on topics including Russian troll farms and the logistics of impeachment proceedings. The Channel Four spokesperson said that because The Good Fight is an acquisition for the broadcaster rather than an original drama created in-house the channel has 'no control' over the version of the episode they are sent. The episode, titled The One Where Kurt Saves Diane, is scheduled to be broadcast on 16 May on More4.
Ofcom has - rightly - rejected an utterly crass and sour-faced whinge that Dave Gorman was 'unfair' to a website for would-be actors when he used it to place a fake advert. StarNow called in the lawyers to lodge their whinge with Ofcom over a section on Dave Gorman's Modern Life Is Goodish - a particular favourite of all of us at From The North and one of this blogs best TV shows list of 2017 - which they claimed was 'very damaging' to their reputation. Such as it is. The lawyers, seemingly, did not accept the production's assertion that the programme was 'gentle and humorous in tone' nor that Dave was offering a 'humorous discussion of fame.' Which does, rather, suggest that Shakespeare's opinion of what should be done to all lawyers in Henry VI, Part II was pretty much on the money. StarNow's whinge stemmed from the penultimate show in the fifth and final series of Modern Life Is Goodish, originally broadcast in December 2017. In the episode, Dave told viewers how he had signed up to the website using the account of the production company Liberty Bell and placed a bogus job advert seeking pictures of people's kneecaps for a fictional TV show, The Kneecap Recap. The comic explained that the format would be 'that for half-an-hour, still photographs of unidentified kneecaps float across the screen whilst some easy listening muzak plays in the background to accompany them. That is it. No names, no money changes hands, nothing else happens for half-an-hour.' A format that Channel Five are, reportedly, very interested in. He made clear in the piece that he did not want to 'punch down' at those hoping for some fame or money by signing up to the site, so he offered neither of those things in his advert. Instead his aim was to wind up his colleagues at Liberty Bell. So he gave the e-mail address of an unwitting co-worker in the production office, expecting him to be bamboozled by the pictures of kneecaps he received. However the story then took a bizarre turn when someone in Australia e-mailed in a photograph of the knees of Gorman's wife, Beth, which the comic himself had accidentally put online and which they had found on Google. A staggering coincidence which Dave built the entire routine around, including a particularly fine self-deprecating punchline. Earlier in the show, Dave had - in his usual gentle comedic style - mocked another the section of the StarNow website which appeared to put out calls for people to sell their stories to magazine reporters, suggesting that the offer of financial reward could 'encourage' some people to 'make things up.' He told how he set up a fake profile to try to respond to some of these adverts, but had got no response. Lawyers Taylor Wessing - who should, frankly, be sodding well ashamed of themselves for whinging about such abject trivia - whinged that StarNow felt 'denigrated' by the programme and 'the disparaging way that its industry and members were ridiculed.' Which they weren't, or anything even remotely like it. They also claimed that although Dave did not explicitly criticise StarNow, their client was 'treated unfairly' because the programme 'gave viewers the false impression that StarNow did not protect its members or verify that casting calls posted on its website were legitimate opportunities.' Which, again, it didn't or anything even remotely like it. Something which, thankfully, Ofcom entirely agreed with. The whinge spun on the fact that Dave was only allowed to post the advert for The Kneecap Recap because he used the verified account of Liberty Bell, which as a trusted production company did not go through the same vetting as others. UKTV said that Dave's explanation of how he used the company's account to post the advert covered this, adding that it was 'unreasonable' to expect a comedy programme to include the website's vetting processes when 'they are not, in any way, relevant to the story being told.' In the episode, Dave explicitly said: 'I've gone from being a punter, someone who can only reply to other people's adverts and I've become a media company, who can put adverts of their own on the site.' In its ruling Ofcom said that the comic's references to StarNow were 'unlikely to have adversely affected viewers' opinions of the company in a way that was unfair' and, in doing so, slapped down the whingers in a thoroughly satisfying way. The decision has been so long coming because, reportedly, Taylor Wessing challenged an unpublished preliminary ruling which had come to the same conclusion. The episode in question remains available to view on UKTV Play and in repeats on Dave. And, frankly, this blogger urges all UK-based dear blog readers to watch it. Because it's really funny. And, obviously, because it will annoy the whingers - and their lawyers - even more.
There is an absolutely fascinating interview with another of this blogger's favourite comedians, the great Bill Bailey, available on the Somerset Live website dear blog reader. In which Bill talks about his first, 'shambolic', gig in Bath, his love for Monty Python's Flying Circus and his current tour.
This blogger was delighted to read on the We Are Cult website that a highlight among the BFI's July to September home entertainment releases include definitive editions of Do Not Adjust Your Set and At Last The 1948 Show, scheduled for a 16 September release. Do Not Adjust Your Set ran from 1967to 1969, and helped to launch the careers of future Monty Python's Flying Circus members Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Eric Idle and Terry Gilliam, as well as David Jason and Denise Coffey and The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. At Last The 1948 Show (1967) was produced by David Frost and written and performed by John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Marty Feldman, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Aimi MacDonald. Both releases are three-DVD sets, complete with all of the existing episodes (including many previously thought to be lost) and packed with new interviews and archival extras. Innovative and influential and originally envisaged as children's show, Do Not Adjust Your Set was a madcap early-evening comedy sketch-show that quickly acquired a cult following among adults, who rushed home from work to see it. Written by and starring Palin, Jones and Idle, with great performances and additional material by Jason and Coffey, it also provided an early showcase for the hilarious animations of Terry Gilliam and the brilliantly bizarre musical antics of the legendary Bonzos who performed at least one song in each episode. For the first time, all the fully existing episodes from the Rediffusion and Thames series (fourteen of twenty nine) have been brought together in the package including five episodes new to DVD, at least two of which were previously missing, presumed wiped, alongside new interviews with producer Humphrey Barclay, Michael Palin and Brooke-Taylor (who appeared in several episodes), animations from Terry Gilliam's personal collection, and a new documentary Bonzos On The Box, featuring interviews with Neil Innes, Rodney Slater, Roger Ruskin-Spear and Legs Larry Smith. At Last The 1948 Show was a ground-breaking, splendidly silly and utterly surreal thirteen episode sketch series, written and performed by Cleese, Chapman, Brooke-Taylor and Feldman and also starring the lovely Aimi MacDonald. It was a major milestone on the road to Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Goodies and Marty. The new three-disc set restores all the existing episodes from both series of the programme in the correct order and 'is as complete as is currently possible.' It includes all ten of the surviving episodes, two 'almost completely reconstructed' episodes and the complete audio of a further episode with fragments of film restored all drawn from the vaults of the BFI National Archive. Extras include newly recorded interviews with Humphrey Barclay and Tim Brooke-Taylor and archive interviews with Cleese, Feldman and Aimi MacDonald. Tasty.
The apparent death of Tom Holland's Spider-Man in Avengers: Infinity War was one of the most talked-about moments of the 2018 movie, with the young hero dissolving (along with half the population of the universe) into nothing while pleading 'I don't want to go.' The moment was, of course, all the more emotional for Doctor Who fans, who were quick to note the line's similarity to a famous piece of a dialogue from their favourite TV series - David Tennant's final line just before he regenerated into Matt Smith in 2009's The End Of Time. Now, Infinity War's much-anticipated sequel, Avengers: Endgame, also seems to have smuggled a subtle Doctor Who reference into the gaff which, if intentional could well be a further indication that there's a Doctor Who fan lurking somewhere in Marvel Studios. Perhaps inevitably, the -possible - Doctor Who allusion comes in a segment where The Avengers are discussing their plan to travel back in time to retrieve older versions of the Infinity stones and undo Thanos's evil ways at the end of the previous movie. In the course of this discussion, the group cite several pop culture depictions of time travel including Back To The Future and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure as evidence for why the plan will work. But notably, no one name-checks Doctor Who. This is a surprise omission, especially considering that the name they choose for this mission – Time Heist, suggested by Paul Rudd's Ant-Man - is the name of a Doctor Who episode as well. Specifically, an episode from Peter Capaldi's first series with Jenna Coleman where the pair have their memories wiped and have to break into a bank with the help of some accomplices; you remember that, it's the one with Keeley Hawes playing an alien banker.
Adrian Edmondson, who used to be funny a couple of decades ago, is joining the cast of EastEnders. The comic actor will be seen in the BBC soap as Daniel Cook, a new love interest for Jean Slater, played by Gillian Wright. The BBC said that Edmondson had already started filming, with his first appearance to be broadcast later this summer. His character is described as 'charming and with a wicked sense of humour.' So, Eddie Hitler in other words. He will be 'the perfect antidote for Jean as she continues her treatment for ovarian cancer,' producers added. The sixty two-year-old said in a statement: 'There were only fifteen boys on my drama course at Manchester Uni and I'll be the third to appear in EastEnders - so I feel it's a kind of tradition! The other two being Tom Watt and Paul Bradley.' After breaking through as a stand-up comedian in the 1980s, Edmondson found wider fame playing Vyvyan in The Young Ones and later as the manic Eddie in Bottom, which he also wrote with co-star the late Rik Mayall. Since then, Edmondson has taken on more sedate roles in the likes of Holby City, Bancroft and War & Peace, as well as fronting a documentary series about the Yorkshire Dales for ITV. He is the latest comedian to move into the soap world, following in the footsteps of the likes of Bradley Walsh, Les Dennis and Vic Reeves. EastEnders executive producer Jon Sen said: 'Adrian is a phenomenal talent who will bring his unique blend of intelligence, warmth and humour to the role of Daniel. We're all over the moon he's coming to Walford and can't wait for this love story to hit screens later this year.'
A new Scottish comedy-horror movie starring Eddie Izzard as a deranged Highlands huntsman is to open this year's Edinburgh International Film Festival. Boyz In The Wood follows the events which unfold when four teenager trouble-makers find themselves on the run from Izzard's bloodthirsty character while they are on a Duke of Edinburgh Award course in the wilderness. Newcomers Rian Gordon, Samuel Bottomley, Viraj Juneja and Lewis Gribben play the four city-based boys being hunted down in the film, which its Edinburgh-born director Ninian Doff says was aimed at capturing 'a very particular Scottish joy, madness and humour.' Kate Dickie, James Cosmo and Kevin Guthrie are also in the movie, which is billed as an 'anarchic cocktail of generational politics, hip-hop loving farmers, and hallucinogenic rabbit droppings.'Boyz In The Wood, which is set to a hip-hop soundtrack, is the debut feature from Doff, who is best known previously for his music videos. He first developed an interest in filmmaking when he was just twelve years old when he joined a group based at the Filmhouse cinema called Scottish Kids Are Making Movies and was given a camera and a pass for the film festival. First seen at the South by Southwest festival in Texas, in March, Boyz In The Wood will gets its European premiere when it opens the festival on 19 June. Doff said: 'It's hard to put into words what a huge honour it is for me to have Boyz In The Wood open the Edinburgh International Film Festival. 'It's been an incredible journey for me and real tribute to the amazing start I got all those years ago at this very festival. I'm from Edinburgh and for my debut film I really wanted to make a film that captured a very particular Scottish joy, madness and humour; and that was also modern, political and forward looking. Everybody, both cast and crew, brought so much passion and energy to make this film and it's going to be very special for it to have its European Premiere, not only in my hometown, but also at such an important festival.' Mark Adams, artistic director of the festival, said: 'We are thrilled to be opening this year's festival with this vibrant, energetic and wonderfully raucous new film that showcases a wide range of Scottish talent, from rising stars to established performers. Boyz In The Wood is a blast from start to finish and will start the festival perfectly.'
Labour will try to force a vote this week to urge the government to protect free TV licences for the over-seventy fives. The shadow lack of culture secretary, Tommy Watson (power to the people!), will use an opposition day debate in the House of Commons to seek to put pressure on the government over the issue. Responsibility for funding the commitment, which costs an estimated seven hundred and fifty million knicker a year, is being handed over to the BBC in June next year, under deal struck with that oily twat David Cameron's government in 2015. The lack of culture secretary, the vile and odious rascal Wright, has said he 'hopes' the corporation will continue to fund the benefit, but the BBC has warned that it would have to close channels and make 'significant cuts to programming' if it was to meet the cost in full. In a consultation that closed in February, it mooted other options, including asking the over-seventy fives to pay the full licence fee, raising the eligibility threshold to eighty, or offering a discount. The former Labour prime minister Gordon Brown, who introduced the free licences policy in the first place (without bothering to ask the BBC), has urged the government to keep funding it. In the 2017 general erection manifesto, the Conservatives promised to 'maintain' pensioner benefits, 'including free bus passes, eye tests, prescriptions and TV licences, for the duration of this parliament.' Watson said: 'Today, Tory MPs have a choice: to honour the manifesto they stood on in 2017 or to disregard it, along with the trust of millions of older people.' Opposition day votes are not formally binding, but Labour has previously used them to draw attention to politically controversial issues, including universal credit and the climate crisis. Watson pointed to new analysis by Age UK showing that of the four-and-a-half million over-seventy fives in England, forty eight per cent do not live with a partner, thirty per cent have difficulty with at least one daily living activity and up to seventy per cent have a longstanding illness that limits their activities. He said: 'These new figures show just how isolated and lonely many over-seventy fives can be. It would be a terrible act of state cruelty to take free TV away from these vulnerable people.' Caroline Abrahams, the charity director at Age UK, said: 'The government now stands alone in its determination to scrap the provision of free TV licences for all over-seventy fives; this despite clear evidence showing how reliant many older people are on their TV, especially the lonely, chronically sick and disabled, and how hard it would be for them to afford yet another bill. Stripping them of their free TV licence will inevitably leave significant numbers of older people unable to watch TV, which for many is one of the few remaining pleasures in life.' Labour is keen to curry favour with older voters, who were much more likely to vote Conservative at the 2017 general erection. Comrade Corbyn has promised to keep in place a series of other taxpayer-funded policies, including the 'triple lock' on the value of the basic state pension.
An Amanda Abbington interview with the BBC News website sees the Sherlock actress taking about getting banned from Twitter - three times - and her forthcoming appearance in the West End in Florian Zoller's The Son.
Jason Manford has spoken about his struggles with mental health. In a video on Facebook, Jason said that he wanted to let people know why he had been less active on social media. 'I wouldn't go as far as to say a breakdown, but I had a struggle mentally and I found it very difficult to deal with,' Manford told his fans. Describing his battle with anxiety and depression, he said that social media can 'make things worse' and encouraged people to talk about their problems. The Mancunian comic and actor said that people - 'especially blokes' - do not talk about mental health enough, even though male suicide is such a big issue. 'It's taken me this long to be brave enough to say it. I've been struggling, you know, finding things hard and I think sometimes social media can not help with that,' he said. Manford said it was not just 'trolls' but also 'bad news and nastiness ... even down to comparing your life.' The father of five said that he suffers from anxiety and depression and, at his lowest, he 'felt like I'd let my kids down and I couldn't do my job any more.' Manford said he wanted to pass on the advice he was given that 'still gets me through to this day,' which was 'just because you're struggling, doesn't mean you're failing. The next time you're struggling, maybe say it to someone you love,' he added.
Stephen Fry has been credited for a record 2.2 million people being checked for cancer by the NHS in England last year after he spoke out about being diagnosed with the disease. Stephen revealed he had prostate cancer surgery in January last year. It was the candid nature of the sixty one-year-old national treasure's discussion of the disease, along with former BBC Breakfast presenter Bill Turnbull and journalist Jeremy Bowen which health bosses say have pushed more people to get symptoms checked out. The figure - up from 1.9 million in 2017 - amounts to almost six thousand patients a day being screened following urgent referrals from GPs. Record numbers of people were also treated for cancer last year, with over three hundred thousand receiving a first treatment in 2018, almost thirteen thousand more than in 2017. The health service said the rise is also due to new guidance introduced for GPs in 2015, which lowered the threshold for cancer referrals.
A release schedule of the premiere dates of every Disney-produced film that is currently being planned between now and 2027 has been published, and there is good news for Star Wars and Indiana Jones fans. Among the films listed are two - currently untitled - Pixar films which are due in 2020 to 2021, while a movie adaptation of Bob's Burgers is set to be released on 17 July next year. There is also another Kingsman movie, a West Side Story remake and an adaptation of the Artemis Fowl books coming in 2020. The release schedule below was initially shared on Twitter by the journalist Erik Davis. The most notable listings are three new Star Wars movies. They are due to be released on 16 December 2022, 20 December 2024, and 18 December 2026. It is unclear at the moment whether that will make up a whole new trilogy for the SF franchise. The first Indiana Jones movie since 2008's Kingdon Of The Crystal Skull is promised for 9 July 2021, while the release dates of the next four Avatar films are set for 2021, 2023, 2025 and 2027. Fans can also expect two new Marvel movies a year between 2020 and 2022. Two Star Wars projects have already been announced. There is the hugely-anticipated conclusion to the current saga, The Rise Of Skywalker, which is due this December and a Boba Fett spin-off series The Mandalorian, which starts in November. The Mandalorian is set to be broadcast via Disney's newly-announced streaming service Disney+. It also boasts Disney's classic movie archive, all thirty series of The Simpsons, two Toy Story-based projects (titled Forky Asks A Question and Lamp Life) and the documentary series The World According To Jeff Goldblum. Disney will remove 'racially insensitive' scenes from their past movies before they are made available to view on Disney+, with one film - Song Of The South - deleted entirely. So, not much of zip-a-dee-doo-dah for anyone who fancied watching that one ever again.
Alcoholic wife-beating Scouse junkie John Lennon's copy of a Be-Atles LP which caused controversy due to its 'graphic' cover has sold for one hundred and eighty grand - the third-highest price ever paid for a vinyl record. The so-called 'butcher' cover of Yesterday & Today showed The BeAtles (a popular beat combo of the 1960s, you might've heard of them) covered in raw meat and decapitated baby dolls and was withdrawn shortly after it was released in the US in 1966. It was suggested that the cover was 'a protest' against the Viet'nam War. The copy was sold at The Beatles Story Museum in their home city of Liverpool to an anonymous - but, seemingly bloody loaded - American collector. The 'butcher' cover shot, taken by Australian photographer Robert Whitaker, sparked outrage upon the LP's release. It was quickly replaced by a much blander cover showing the band standing around an old-fashioned steamer trunk and was reportedly the only Be-Atles LP to lose money for their American record label, Capitol. LPs with the original 'butcher' cover had become highly collectable. Alcoholic wife-beating Scouse junkie Lennon had his personal copy of the LP on the wall of his New York apartment until he gave it to Dave Morrell, a Be-Atles fan and bootleg collector. Signed by Lennon, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, the copy is believed to be the only 'butcher' LP bearing three Be-Atles' signatures. On the back, a sketch by Lennon shows a man holding a shovel with his dog in front of a setting sun. In a statement, a spokesman for Julien's Auctions said that the anonymous buyer with more money than sense 'bought the record as an investment believing it will increase in value in the years to come.' Darren Julien, president of the firm, said: 'The market is still developing so we anticipate in the next five years this same record could bring five hundred thousand dollars-plus.' He added: 'This was a world record for a Beatles butcher cover and the third-highest price paid for a vinyl.' Ringo Starr's copy of The White Album became the most expensive vinyl record when it sold for seven hundred and ninety thousand dollars in 2015 shortly after a copy of 'My Happiness', the first single recorded by Elvis Presley, sold for three hundred thousand dollars. Among other items sold at the Liverpool auction was a baseball signed by four Be-Atles at their final live performance in the US - at San Francisco's Candlestick Park - for fifty seven thousand six hundred knicker.
The extremely excellent Simon Armitage, whose 'witty and profound' poetry spans sharp observations about modern life and classical myths, is to be the UK's next Poet Laureate. The West Yorkshire writer will hold the post for the next decade, taking over from Dame Carol Ann Duffy. Over recent decades, the role has moved away from mainly chronicling royal occasions to promoting poetry and capturing a wider view of British life. Armitage has published twenty eight collections and is on the current national curriculum. His 2017 book The Unaccompanied was described by some louse of no importance at the Gruniad Morning Star as a document of 'a world in social and economic meltdown.' Which proves that, like a broken clock, even the Gruniad Morning Star can be right twice a day. It opens with a poem about climate change called The Last Snowman and includes another titled Poundland, about 'the Disney design calendar and diary set, three cans of Vimto/cornucopia of potato-based snacks and balm for a sweet tooth.' The announcement comes five months after Armitage, from Marsden, won the Queen's Gold Medal for Poetry 2018, arguably the most prestigious accolade behind the laureateship itself. When that award was announced, Dame Carol Ann noted how Simon had 'touched the matter of our lives with characters and subject matter that lived among us: teachers and council tenants, chip shops and television shows, figures who drank in the local pub and shopped in the nearby supermarket.' He has also translated medieval poems about King Arthur and Sir Gawain, retold The Odyssey as a radio play and written Last Days Of Troy, a stage play for Shakespeare's Globe and the Manchester Royal Exchange. This blogger doesn't know a huge amount about modern poetry, dear blog reader (his English A level was nearly forty years ago, after all) but he had read and greatly enjoyed some of Simon Armitage's work. The fifty five-year-old is currently professor of poetry at the University of Leeds and served as professor of poetry at the University of Oxford between 2015 and 2018. He was made a CBE in 2010. His tenure as Poet Laureate will run for a decade. Armitage toldBBC News that poetry was 'more valuable and more relevant than it's ever been.' He said: 'I want to celebrate what's best in poetry and build on the work Andrew Motion and Carol Ann Duffy have done over the last two decades in terms of encouraging and identifying talent, particularly among young people, among whom poetry might be a way forward, an outlet.' The poet laureate is an honorary position which is officially appointed by the Queen, acting on advice from the government. He said that he had 'missed the boat' to write a poem for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's baby. 'It's been made very clear to me that although the monarch is my line manager, for want of a better word, there are no expectations or obligations in that direction.' He added that he planned to use the profile to establish 'some sort of project or award' for writing about climate change and that he had a dream - 'very possibly completely unrealistic' - to set up a National Centre for Poetry. The lack of culture secretary the vile and odious rascal Wright praised Armitage for his 'witty and profound take on modern life [which] is known and respected across the world.' The vile and odious rascal Wright added: 'He is a very worthy successor to Dame Carol Ann Duffy, who championed the importance of poetry over the past ten years and made the position relatable to people across the country.' There had been reports that Imtiaz Dharker would be offered the post, but had decided to turn it down. Armitage said he believed there had been 'a lot of discussion behind the scenes' about whether the job should go to a white man (albeit, one from a decidedly working class background). He stressed that he wanted part of his role to be about amplifying the voices of writers from 'diverse and disadvantaged' backgrounds. He added that he did not come from the establishment. 'When I grew up in a terraced house on the side of a hill in West Yorkshire, I did not feel like The Chosen One,' he said. 'When I was working as a probation officer in Greater Manchester, dragging junkies out of the gutter and sitting across the table from notorious criminals, it did not feel like a life of privilege. I suppose what I'm saying is, I understand to a lesser extent what it means to come from outside the establishment, even if I've arrived at certain established positions and I need to keep those things in the back of my mind.' The role was established in 1668. Previous Poets Laureate have include William Wordsworth, Alfred Lord Tennyson, John Betjeman and Ted Hughes.
The UK advertising watchdog has banned a Paddy Power TV campaign featuring the brother of Ryan Giggs for 'glamorising' gambling as a route to a wealthy lifestyle. The TV campaign featured Rhodri Giggs as the face of the bookmaker's loyalty scheme, the Paddy Power Rewards Club. In the advert Giggs tells viewers that he had always 'lived a loyal life,' through activities such as always drinking at the same pub, going to the same gym and sticking with the same brand of tea bags, but that his fortunes had been 'transformed' by becoming an 'ambassador' for Paddy's Reward Club. 'Loyalty gets you nowhere, live for rewards instead,' he said. The advert then shows Giggs rejecting his usual pint of bitter and ordering champagne. He is seen driving off in a sports car while thanking the bookmaker as he pats the bodywork. The Advertising Standards Authority received five whinges that the advert was 'irresponsible' because it 'glamorised' gambling and suggested it was a way of 'achieving a good standard of living.' Paddy Power said that Giggs was not shown betting and that the car, with the number plate 'Ambassador Car', was not obtained through betting but was positioned as a personal perk of being a face of the rewards club. The ASA said that the TV advert was based on 'a string of tongue-in-cheek references' to allegations that Ryan Giggs had an affair with his brother's wife. 'We considered [the advert] created the impression that Rhodri was no longer defined by the alleged affair and that he had moved past his "loyalty" and was now reaping the rewards,' the ASA said. 'The ad implied viewers should follow his example and that their route to doing so was joining Paddy Power's Rewards Club. We considered the ad implied gambling was a way to achieve financial security and improved self-image and we concluded the ad was irresponsible.' Separately, the ASA has also banned a tweet by Stottingtot Hotshots football club to over three million followers for breaking gambling advertising rules by featuring young players Harry Winks and Davinson Sánchez alongside a betting promotion for William Hill. The tweet, which received three thousand six hundred 'likes' and was retweeted almost one thousand times, featured an image of the team's starting line-up for a match against Borussia Dortmund in March as well as a William Hill logo and text saying 'latest odds from William Hill.' The ASA banned the promotion because the two players featured are under the age of twenty five years old, which is not allowed in gambling adverts. The watchdog said that the aim of the tweet was both to announce the starting line-up and to offer the audience an opportunity to bet. 'We told Tottenham Hotspur to ensure they did not feature those under twenty five years old playing a significant role in marketing communications,' the ASA said.
Jonjo Shelvey's fabulous strike helped yer actual Keith Telly Topping's beloved (though unsellable) Magpies earn a comfortable final day of the season victory at Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance who said farewell to the Premier League with their twenty sixth defeat of the season. It was a yet another tale of good application by The Cottagers without much bite in attack and a defence that underlined why they were the worst in the league this season. As for The Magpies, these are - with some necessary qualifications - quite good times to be a Newcastle United supporter, dear blog reader. Following a squad of players who, despite not being the greatest or most talented to have ever played for this distinguished old club, at least appear to take pride in the shirt, led by an astute and popular manager, with genuine optimism this could be the start of something special on Tyneside. Yet, in the back of everyone's mind there is fear, a nagging, sickening feeling that a disaster lurks just around the corner, that Rafael Benitez will depart and plunge the club back into the sort of crippling depression which has soured so many of the twelve years that billionaire tyrant Mike Ashley has been in charge at St James' Park. Benitez once again remained coy over his future at Newcastle. The ffty nine-year-old's contract is set to expire on 30 June and talks have been ongoing with club chiefs for several weeks, with the Spanish manager previously stating that the ball was in their court. The Magpies barely broke sweat in this four-nil win, producing what the Evening Chronicledescribed as 'a masterclass'. Rafa The Gaffer's side were two goals up in a two-minute spell early in the first-half. Shelvey ended his year-long spell without a goal with a thunderous half-volley from just inside the area before Ayoze Pérez grabbed his thirteenth goal of the season when he scored from close range after Fulham keeper Sergio Rico failed to adequately deal with Christian Atsu's shot. Fabian Schär headed The Magpies' third just after the hour before Salomón Rondón capped off an impressive display up-front with an angled strike that produced the loudest cheer of the afternoon, the twelfth goal of the season for the big on-loan striker in what could (but, hopefully won't) be his final game for Newcastle. The Magpies finish in thirteenth place with forty five points, one more than they managed last season when finishing tenth. Fulham's newly appointed manager Scott Parker (himself a former Magpies player) has been handed the task of reinvigorating an expensively-assembled outfit that many had expected to do well in the Premier League this season following their promotion from The Championship, but which in the end failed to meet acceptable standards. In the first few minutes of the match, Parker's side tested the visiting defence with balls flung in from both wings - Aleksandar Mitrovic went close with a header that drifted a foot wide of Martin Dubravka's post. The ex-Newcastle striker also had a chance with another header that should have found the target but aside from that - and a good strike by sixteen-year-old substitute Harvey Elliott - the Slovak keeper had a fairly quiet day at the office. It has been at the defence which has been been Fulham's Achilles heel all season. Every time Newcastle attacked, Fulham looked liable to concede. Rondón's late strike was the eighty first that Fulham have conceded in the league - five more than bottom club Huddersfield. Speaking to Match Of The Day, Rafa said: 'I am really pleased. This group of players from beginning until the end have worked really hard. We never gave up, even when we were safe in the last three games they were still giving everything. We have one more point than last season but couldn't finish tenth so it proves this season has been more difficult than last season.' On his forthcoming meeting with Ashley to discuss his future, he added: 'We meet, hopefully, this week and see where we are. We have plenty of time to enjoy, I have been very clear about the potential of this club. But, now is the time to enjoy.'
Meanwhile, dear blog reader, it would appear that someone working for the BBC Sport website either can't count or doesn't understand that, in football, it's the team that scores the most goals that emerges victorious.
Elsewhere, in far less important news, Sheikh Yer Man City were crowned Premier League champions for the second year running, their four-one win at Brighton & Hove Albinos on the final day meaning that they finished one point ahead of the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws. City retained their Premier League title and, finally, ended Liverpool's magnificent challenge after surviving a scare to come from behind and outclass Brighton at The Amex Stadium. Pep Guardiola's side started the day knowing that any sort of victory would ensure they would be the first team to retain the Premiership since The Scum did so ten years ago but that any slip-up could let in their relentless pursuers Liverpool, who were hosting Wolverhampton Wanderings at Anfield. And, when Glenn Murray gave The Seagulls the lead with a glancing header after twenty seven minutes, anxiety rose in Sussex and hopes rose at Anfield that Liverpool might win their first title in twenty nine years. Sheikh Yer Man City's response was instant, emphatic and ruthless as they swept Brighton aside to end the campaign with a record fourteen successive league victories, thirty two in all, which equals the record they set last season. City may not have repeated the one hundred points that won the title last season (they ended on a mere ninety eight) but this was, arguably, an even sweeter success given the season-long battle with Liverpool. Herr Klopp's boys' two-nil victory over Wolves was Liverpool's ninth win in a row and their thirtieth overall. They finished on ninety seven points, the third-highest top flight total in English football history and an astonishing figure for a team finishing as runners-up. They had just one defeat all season and, ultimately, it was that two-one loss to City on 3 January that cost The Reds a title which many felt they thoroughly deserved.
Stottingtot Hotshots sealed a fourth-placed finish as they ended their campaign with an entertaining two-two draw against Everton. Spurs knew that a point would be enough to secure a Champions League place for a fourth successive season under Mauricio Pochettino, but they missed the opportunity to record back-to-back third-place finishes as Moscow Chelski FC were held by Leicester City. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang scored twice as The Arse beat Burnley at Turf Moor, but The Gunners failed to finish in the top four. Unai Emery's side secured fifth spot meaning they go straight into the Europa League group stage next season. They can still qualify for the Champions League if they beat Moscow Chelski FC in the Europa League final on 29 May in Baku. Nathaniel Mendez-Laing scored twice as already relegated Cardiff City won their final Premier League appearance at Old Trafford to heap yet more misery on The Scum and leave Ole Gunnar Solskjær with a face like a smacked arse. Which, to be fair, was funny. 'We're not a club that should be finishing sixth,' Solskjær whinged after the game. But, they did, dear blog reader. They did. Defeat means that The Scum have won just one of their final seven games of the season as city rivals Sheikh Yer Man City were winning the league again. So, whilst it will have been a jolly rockin' night in Manchester on Sunday, it will likely have been a really miserable one in Wiltshire, London, Essex, Australia, India and all of the other places around the globe that Manchester United's supporters live. West Hamsters United secured a top-ten finish for the first time since 2016 with a clinical four-one win over FA Cup finalists Watford at Vicarage Road. Michy Batshuayi scored twice to help Crystal Palace end the season with an entertaining five-three win over Bournemouth at Selhurst Park. The victory means that Palace finished the season in twelfth place, while Bournemouth dropped to fourteenth following Newcastle's win at Poor Bloody Fulham Haven't Got A Chance. Alex Pritchard capitalised on Southampton goalkeeper Angus Gunn's mistake to grab a draw for Huddersfield in their final Premier League game before dropping back into the Championship. The Terriers finished the season with a mere sixteen points, just three wins, twenty two goals and a goal different of minus fifty four.
Just in case you've been asleep for the last few days, dear blog reader, the final of this year's Champions League will be between the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Stottingtot Hotshots after two of the most genuinely remarkable turn-arounds in European fitba history. It will be the first time since 2008 - when The Scum beat Moscow Chelski FC on penalties - that two Premier League sides have competed for Europe's major club competition. Five time winners Liverpool were the beaten finalists in the 2018 final and last won the trophy in 2005 whilst this is the first time that Spurs have ever got this far in Europe (although, they did win the European Cup Winners Cup in 1963 and the UEFA Cup in 1972). Liverpool completed the first of the near-miracles on Tuesday beating Barcelona four-nil at Anfield to overturn a three-goal first-leg deficit with two goals each from Divock Origi and Georginio Wijnaldum. Barely had the superlatives escaped the lips of just about every football fan the world over at this quite remarkable turn of events (as the BBC Sports website noted, even non-Liverpool fans were, mostly, celebrating), than twenty four hours later Spurs completed what was, in some ways, an even more unexpected comeback. One-down after the first leg, they went to Amsterdam and, in the white-hot atmosphere of the Johan Cruyff Arena, beat Ajax three-two thanks a hat-trick by Lucas Moura - the dramatic winning goal coming in the ninety sixth minute. This, after Spurs had been two goals behind (three, on aggregate) at half-time. So, all the media then had to think up some new'unbelievable, Jeff'-type malarkey to top what they'd been saying just a day earlier. Some even had the vain hope of working out which of the two performances was best. Therefore, dear blog reader, it's Herr Klopp versus Senor Pochettino in Madrid's Estadio Metropolitano on 1 June. Both clubs have been allocated around sixteen thousand tickets.
As a Newcastle United supporter, this blogger has always had rather more affinity with Merseyside than with North London. You know, Keegan, Terry Mac, Beardsley, Albert Stubbins, Alan Kennedy, et al. So, under normal circumstances, he would be slightly (and, he does mean slightly) more hoping for a Reds win than a Whites win in the final. However, what with the blatant cheating antics of yer man Fabinho - producing a dive worthy of Greg Louganis (with pike) when not even touched by Matt Ritchie in last weekend's game at St James' - still extremely fresh in the mind, this blogger's only option is a couple of rousing choruses of 'Come On You Spurs!' Sorry, all of Keith Telly Topping's - many - Scouse chums, Game Of Thrones star Jonny Arnold especially, but it's (also) The Law!
Barcelona striker Luis Suarez said that his side 'looked like schoolboys' for Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws's winning goal in the Champions League semi-final second leg. The Reds won four-nil on an astonishing night at Anfield, with Divock Origi scoring the winner from Trent Alexander-Arnold's quick corner, to overturn a three goal first-leg deficit. 'We have to be ready for all the criticism that is going to rain down on us now,' Suarez said. 'We are very sad, we are in a lot of pain.' Barca had looked in control after winning three-nil at the Nou Camp. Origi gave The Reds early hope at Anfield and half-time substitute Georginio Wijnaldum scored two quickfire goals to level the tie. The winner came while Barca's defence were still getting ready for a corner, which Alexander-Arnold took quickly allowing the alert Origi to score. 'For their fourth goal we looked like schoolboys,' said the former Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws striker, who was booed all night by his old fans. It was Barcelona's second Champions League collapse in consecutive seasons. Last season, Roma beat them three-nil in the quarter-final second leg to knock them out on away goals. 'I do not know how it's going to affect me. Here we are, the coach has to take responsibility,' boss Ernesto Valverde said. Barca have won La Liga both seasons under Valverde, but they have not reached a Champions League final since 2015. 'It's very painful for us, especially for our people, it's the second year they've come back like that,' he said. 'Things got on top of us after those two quick goals. We didn't manage to get on the scoresheet and they rolled us over really,' Valverde said. 'They surprised us with the fourth goal - presumably my players weren't looking. Liverpool were street-smart and they scored.' Suarez defended his manager after the game. 'We are the ones that played the game,' he said. 'The boss used the same tactics as in the first leg and he tried to do the same thing here. You have to say sorry for the attitude and the things that everyone saw today. We have to do a lot of self-criticism because this is the second time that the same thing has happened to us. We cannot commit the same mistake two years in a row. There are many things we need to consider and think about.' Midfielder Sergio Busquets said: 'I apologise to the fans because after the Rome thing, it happens again. It is very hard to fall like that with a good result in the first leg.' A bad night got even worse for Lionel Messi after the Bacra team bus reportedly left Anfield without him. According to Spanish TV channel El Chiringuito, whilst Messi was waiting to provide drug testers with a sample, the bus left for the airport.
And, it was, seemingly, all too much for one - apparently Asian - Barca fan. His (filmed) geet stroppy temper tantrum at the final whistle has, not unexpectedly, gone extremely viral when it appeared on the Interweb. That's probably a new telly you're gonna be needing on there, mate. This blogger thinks it's the mixture of casual disinterest and sniggering amusement among yon laddie's friends (or, possibly family), that makes it so addictive to watch. Mind you, Keith Telly Topping is often like that when his beloved (though unsellable) Magpies have just got beat. Stately Telly Topping Manor has been through about seventeen tellies this season already.
By Thursday, English football fans were even further in dreamland as English clubs created European football history by taking all four final spots in the continent's two major competitions. The Arse won in Valencia and Moscow Chelski FC beat Eintracht Frankfurt on penalties to reach the Europa League final. It is the first time that all four finalists in Europe's top two club competitions have come from one nation. There have only been two all-English finals before, with Stottingtot Hotshots beating Wolverhampton Wanderings in the 1971-72 UEFA Cup and The Scum beating Moscow Chelski FC in the 2007-08 Champions League. Spain had three teams in the finals of the two competitions in 2015-16, with Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid contesting the Champions League final and Unai Emery's Sevilla winning the Europa League. 'In England the level is very high and the Premier League is the best championship in Europe,' claimed Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri. The Arse and Moscow Chelski FC will meet in Baku, Azerbaijan - almost two-and-a-half thousand miles from London - on 29 May, with a Champions League spot at stake for The Gunners, who could become the fifth English side to qualify for next season's competition. Moscow Chelski FC are already assured of their place after cementing a top-four finish in the Premier League. Baku's Olympic Stadium has a capacity of sixty eight thousand but UEFA has allocated only just over six thousand tickets to each of the London clubs, a decision that The Arse described as 'disappointing.'
Moscow Chelski FC manager Maurizio Sarri says that it will 'not be easy' to challenge Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Sheikh Yer Man City next season, after an unsuccessful appeal against FIFA's transfer ban on the club. The Blues are very banned from signing players during the next two transfer windows until the end of January 2020. It followed an investigation into their signing of foreign under-eighteen players. Moscow Chelski FC said that they were 'very disappointed' and will now appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport. 'It's very difficult to cover the gap at the moment; we need to work, probably we need to do something from the market,' whinged Sarri. 'So it's not easy, because the level of the top two is very, very high.' Sarri says the club 'need' to buy two players this summer. 'I think that we have to buy only one, two players, otherwise it's very difficult to improve immediately,' the Italian added. 'I think we are a very good team, so we need only one, two players, no more.' The only change to the original FIFA ban is that The Blues can sign under-sixteen players from the UK during the suspension period. 'The FIFA appeal committee has decided to partially uphold the appeal lodged by Chelsea,' FIFA said in a statement. 'This ban applied to the club as a whole - with the exception of the women's and futsal teams - and did not prevent the release of players.' FIFA said that it found breaches in twenty nine cases out of the ninety two investigated. Moscow Chelski FC's fine of four hundred and sixty thousand smackers by world football's governing body also remains. The Football Association was also fined three hundred and ninety thousand notes when it issued the ban and English football's governing body was told that it 'must address the situation' regarding the international transfer and registration of minors. 'Chelsea categorically refutes the findings of the FIFA Appeal Committee,' the club said in a statement. Moscow Chelski FC have a number of high-profile players out on loan whom they can call on, including Tammy Abraham (Aston Villains), Michy Batshuayi (Crystal Palace), Alvaro Morata (Atletico Madrid), Victor Moses (Fenerbahce), Christian Pulisic (Borussia Dortmund), Kenedy (this blogger's beloved, though unsellable, Newcastle), Tiemoue Bakayoko (AC Milan) and Kurt Zouma (Everton). They also have dozens of youth players currently out on loan. 'Every month I have a report on every player on loan; we have about forty five,' Sarri said. 'There are two or three players who have been out on loan this season who are interesting. I do not want to name names now. But the level they have been playing at must be considered.' Based on documents from Football Leaks, French website Mediapart claimed in November that nineteen Moscow Chelski FC signings had been 'looked at' during a three-year FIFA investigation. Mediapart alleged that fourteen of those signings were players under the age of eighteen. Burkina Faso international Bertrand Traore - who now plays for Ligue Un club Lyon - signed his first professional contract at Moscow Chelski FC in 2013 at the age of eighteen but was not registered until January 2014. Mediapart claimed FIFA 'found evidence' that Moscow Chelski FC had 'misled' them over the dates, while Traore was found to have made twenty five appearances for The Blues (under-sixteen, under-eighteen and first team) despite not being registered with the FA. Moscow Chelski FC admitted they paid his mother one hundred and fifty five thousand knicker, as well as a further thirteen grand to the club she chaired - AJE Bobo-Dioulasso - in April 2011 to allow them 'first refusal' on his signature. That deal, it is alleged, was for four-and-a-half years, despite the limit for under-eighteens being three years. In addition, it is also claimed Moscow Chelski FC paid for Traore to attend the twenty thousand quid-a-year Whitgift School in Surrey. Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid both received bans for breaching rules over the signing of minors in early 2016, while Barcelona were given a fourteen-month ban after breaking rules for signing international under-eighteens in 2014. However, a Barcelona appeal saw their punishment pushed back by a year, allowing the club to sign Luis Suarez, Ivan Rakitic, Jeremy Mathieu, Claudio Bravo and Marc-Andre ter Stegen before the ban started. Not that any of this did Barca much good this week against the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws, obviously.
Notlob Wanderings are set to go into administration after the club appeared in the High Court over a 1.2 million quid unpaid tax bill. The case on Wednesday was adjourned until 22 May to allow the club enough time to appoint an administrator. Administration would result in the Wanderings having a twelve-point penalty imposed on them next season. The club will play in League One next season after they were relegated from The Championship this term. Former Watford owner Laurence Bassini had made a takeover bid, but Wanderings said on Thursday that the deal was off. Bassini, who had been given forty eight hours to prove to the Football League that he had the funds to take over, later claimed to be in control of the club, but it was reported on Monday that his bid was 'on the brink of collapse.' In a statement published while the club were awaiting their case to be heard in the High Court on Wednesday, owner Ken Anderson said that administration was 'the only possible outcome' following the collapse of Bassini's takeover bid. 'This has been a massive disappointment to me as I understand the serious implications administration will bring to the businesses,' he said. On Bassini's bid, Anderson added: 'Regrettably his continued time-wasting and empty promises have caused a great deal of heartache and frustration for the staff and supporters alike and now leave the Eddie Davies Trust and I with little or no choice other than for one of us to place the businesses into administration, as any likelihood of finding any resolution in the High Court hearing is not possible.' It was the sixth time in the past eighteen months that Notlob have faced a winding-up petition. Their latest case, originally brought by HM Revenue & Customs in February, has now been adjourned by the High Court on three occasions, with Wednesday's decision the latest in a string of off-field issues at the club this season. Players are still owed wages for March and April, while the club could face further sanctions from the Football League after their final home match of the season against Brentford on 27 April was postponed when the playing staff went on strike. Bassini has told BBC Radio Manchester that he is 'still interested' in purchasing the club and hopes to get the sale through before Notlob return to court. Meanwhile, Notlob Whites Hotel, which adjoins the University of Notlob Stadium and is owned by the club, also appeared in the High Court over a separate winding-up petition and was also given an adjournment until 22 May. Judge Clive Jones said it was 'rather strange' that Notlob did not have a representative in the High Court. Nonetheless, the major creditors were petitioning for a short adjournment, in the hope that an administrator could be appointed in that time. Former owner Eddie Davies' trust fund, Fildraw, has served a notice with that intention and the club has been given until 22 May to see that it is done. Only once an administrator has been appointed will we be able to start thinking about who could be in the frame to rescue the club.
Attendances in the English Football League reached a sixty-year high this season. Almost 18.4 million people attended the sixteen hundred and fifty five matches in the Championship, League One and League Two - the most in tiers two to four since 1958-59. Blunderland's Boxing Day crowd for their match with Bradford City was the largest of the season at fortysix thousand and thirty nine - setting a new League One record. The figures are up one-and-a-half per cent on last season with an average gate of eleven thousand one hundred and thirteen. Aston Villains were responsible for eight of the ten biggest attendances. When Carabao Cup and Checkatrade Trophy games are included, almost twenty million spectators attended games under the Football League banner. Figures are also up when comparing the sixty seven teams that played in the EFL last season and this season. 'It is clear from this analysis that EFL clubs are finding new, innovative ways to attract new supporters while also improving the match-day experience for those fans who regularly attend week in, week out,' said EFL chief executive Shaun Harvey. 'The rise in match-day attendance is set against a backdrop of increasing viewing options for all football fans. iFollow is providing an alternative option for those supporters who can't attend games, but the product EFL clubs have been turning out on the pitch has brought supporters back through the turnstiles.' In total eighteen million three hundred and ninety one thousand four hundred and fifty four people attended league matches played this season - eighteen million eight hundred and sixty three thousand six hundred and eighty five attended games in 1958-59.
When a friend handed Jordie Van der Laan a ticket for the first leg of Ajax's Champions League semi-final against Spurs last week, the temptation was too great. Van der Laan, a twenty five-year-old striker with second-tier club Telstar, decided to travel to London. 'I just called in sick and of course it wasn't the best decision. In the end someone found out,' he told the BBC. Snitched up and, banged-to-rights like a kipper, the club decided to terminate his contract by mutual consent. 'He tricked us,' complained technical director Piet Buter. 'In all he was away from the club for four days. At our request to go to the club doctor he reacted by saying he had an appointment with his GP,' he told a local paper. 'The next day his excuse was that he was in bed with a fever.' Van der Laan was not the only Ajax fan who failed to show up to work last week. A Dutch reporter was slapped by a supporter outside the Stottingtot Hotshots ground, apparently because he was angry that fans who had called in sick were being filmed. No-one realised Van der Laan had flown to London to see Ajax beat Spurs one-nil. And, initial reports said that friends and colleagues only found out when they saw his face appear three times during TV coverage of the match. 'My team's group-chat exploded. They fell about laughing,' he was quoted as saying by the Volkskrant newspaper. Friends reportedly spotted him on TV from as far afield as Denmark and Mexico. But Telstar's trainer Mike Snoei had already suspected something was up and when he said that he wanted to visit Van der Laan, the player admitted that he was on his way to see Ajax. Van der Laan said Telstar's season was 'as good as over' and as he had not been selected for some time his chances of playing in the next match against Young PSV on Friday were 'thin. I hadn't expected it would get so out of hand. I didn't show up for training on Tuesday and it got noticed. But in my discussion with Telstar it was agreed it wouldn't get out,' he told local broadcaster Omroep Brabant. Telstar were, seemingly, unimpressed. 'The trainer said it was incredibly stupid of me and with one more game ahead he decided it was best to terminate my contract,' Van der Laan told the Volkskrant. On Monday the player tweeted: 'So don't I deserve a ticket for Wednesday's match now? After all I am free, aren't I?' Journalist Menno Pot responded with an offer of a free ticket in return for a beer.
Two Russia internationals have been sent to The Slammer after being found guilty of 'hooliganism.' Zenit St Petersburg's Aleksandr Kokorin and Krasnodar's Pavel Mamaev reportedly attacked a trade ministry official with a chair and beat up a driver in Moscow. Kokorin will serve eighteen months in The Joint and Mamaev seventeen months. They have been in custody since the incident took place in October. In addition, Kokorin's younger brother Kirill and their friend, Alexander Protosavitsky, have also been found extremely guilty. The punishment for hooliganism is a maximum penalty of seven years in The Gulag. Kokorin has forty eight caps for Russia, but missed last year's home World Cup through injury, while thirty-year-old Mamaev has fifteen caps.
Online retailer Zavvi has apologised after reportedly telling customers they had won a VIP trip to the Champions League football final in Madrid. Joyous winners took to social media to announce their news - and then, abject dismay upon learning of the error. What Zavvi called 'technical issues' meant its entire subscriber list may have been told that they were winners. Zavvi, which emerged out of Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Group, sell music, DVDs, clothing and homeware. A competition, in partnership with Mastercard, was offering two adults an all-expenses two-night trip to the much-anticipated Champions League final between the Liverpool Alabama Yee-Haws and Stottingtot Hotshots. Supposed winners received an e-mail addressed to them personally using their first name. It read: 'We here at Zavvi would like to wish you a huge congratulations as you have been chosen as the winner of our Mastercard competition, winning a VIP trip for two adults to attend the UEFA Champions League Final Madrid 2019.' It is unclear how many people were e-mailed. The Liverpool Echo newspaper reported that among people getting the Zavvi e-mails were 'hundreds' of Liverpool fans. But, after news seeped out on social media of multiple winners, Zavvi tweeted: 'Apologies, we're aware of the problem regarding the recent Mastercard Competition. We seem to have had some technical issues and we're currently looking into this.' It appears that this tweet has now been taken down from Zavvi's Twitter feed.
England held on to win a thrilling, action-packed second one-day international against Pakistan by twelve runs in Southampton on Saturday. The home side were powered to a total of three hundred and seventy three for three in their fifty overs by Jos Buttler's spectacular fifty-ball century, the second-fastest by an England batsman in an ODI. That came after Jason Roy (eighty seven), Jonny Bairstow (fifty one), Joe Root (forty) and Eoin Morgan (seventy one not out) had all made solid contributions. Pakistan remained in the game through a brutal hundred scored by opener Fakhar Zaman. Even after he was out for one hundred and thirty eight (from one hundred and six balls) at the end of the thirty third over, Asif Ali and Sarfaraz Ahmed kept the tourists in touch. However, under extreme pressure, England pace bowlers David Willey and Liam Plunkett held their nerve and the wickets they took saw the required rate eventually become unmanageable. Nineteen were needed from the final over, delivered by Chris Woakes, who expertly sent down a series of wide yorkers to leave Pakistan on three hundred and sixty one for seven at the close. England take a one-nil lead in the five-match series following the first game at The Oval being washed out. The third game is in Bristol on Tuesday. With only three matches to go before they finalise their World Cup squad, tournament favourites England were given a thorough examination by a spirited Pakistan. On a day when bowlers of all kinds struggled for assistance, England's batting once again demonstrated its embarrassment of riches, with Buttler, whose newborn daughter Georgia was in the stands, as the crown jewel. But the identity of their first-choice pace attack is still a way from being decided and, in the batter-friendly conditions, those on show in Southampton were given a real test of nerve. Indeed, without the hostility of the rested Jofra Archer, the pace of Mark Wood and the death-bowling skills of Tom Curran, for long periods England looked one-paced and lacking in variety. However, Woakes returned to remove Fakhar, while Plunkett and Willey delivered at the death when the pressure was really on. Plunkett hammered his length and trusted his slower balls for two for sixty four, while Willey's yorkers left him with excellent figures of two for fifty seven. England will arrive at the World Cup with the strongest top seven batting order in the tournament and here, they decimated a wayward Pakistan attack without even having to call on either Ben Stokes or Moeen Ali. Roy displayed on-side power and made lofts over cover, Bairstow scored off his pads and harried between the wickets, Root accumulated with efficiency and Morgan cracked several handsome drives. But it was the outrageous hitting of Buttler - who already held the record for England's fastest one-day ton - that left the fielders redundant and the spectators vying to take catches. The wicketkeeper arrived at the beginning of the thirty sixth over when England were already two hundred and eleven for three. Thanks to a diet of long-hops from leg-spinner Yasir Shah, he hit his second ball for six and the next two both for four. From then on, there was nowhere to bowl at the right-hander. First the leg-side rope was cleared with ease, then the ball was flicked and ramped over his shoulder and finally he lofted glorious maximums over long-off. His first fifty came from thirty three balls  relatively sedate for Buttler. The second fifty came from a remarkable seventeen balls. At the end of the devastation, he was left unbeaten on one hundred and ten with the thrilled Southampton crowd on their feet. The unbroken fourth-wicket stand of one hundred and sixty two between Buttler and Morgan came from only eighty nine deliveries. Despite England's massive total, left-hander Fakhar took Pakistan to a position from which they could have won. As the home pacers erred too regularly onto the pads, Fakhar peppered the leg-side boundary, sharing stands of ninety two with Imam-ul-Haq and one hundred and thirty five with Babar Azam. Just as England seemed about to run out of answers, Fakhar reached for a wide delivery from Woakes and gave a catch to Buttler which was only detected by the umpires on review. When Babar was caught and bowled by Adil Rashid in the following over for fifty one, England looked to have taken control, only for Asif to pick up the assault. He smashed four sixes while also mixing breathless running between the wickets in a partnership with Sarfaraz. Even after Asif was caught at long-off off Willey, Rashid went for seventeen in the forty sixth over to keep the contest alive. However, Imad Wasim miscued Willey to Buttler in the forty eighth over and Faheem Ashraf chipped Plunkett to mid-off in the forty ninth, leaving too much for Sarfaraz and Hasan Ali to do in the final over.
Lewis Hamilton led Valtteri Bottas to the fifth consecutive Mercedes one-two at the start of this season after dominating the Spanish Grand Prix on Sunday. The world champion, who started second on the grid, passed Bottas into the first corner and eased away to an ultimately comfortable win, despite a late safety car being deployed. A long way behind, Ferrari used team tactics again but lost out to Red Bull's Max Verstappen for third. But a disheartening performance for the Italian team on a weekend that they hoped would make a step forward only emphasised the sense that Mercedes are currently in a league of their own this year and that the championship fight is already a private one between Hamilton and Bottas. Hamilton, with three wins to the Finn's two and a point for fastest lap from Spain to add to his tally, leads Bottas by seven points and their closest rival, Verstappen, is a massive forty six points behind, with Vettel a further two adrift and Leclerc ten behind his team-mate. Mercedes' lead is not far off two clear wins, at twenty five points for a victory and the size of the advantage at just about the quarter-way mark of a twenty one-race season underlines Mercedes' superiority. An aerodynamic upgrade to the world champions' car for this race was said to be worth 0.4 seconds a lap and it more than compensated for both chassis and engine improvements by Ferrari. Mercedes dominated the weekend, Bottas taking pole by 0.6 seconds after Hamilton had a messy qualifying session and Hamilton controlling the race after making the better start. The first corner was tense, with Hamilton, Bottas and Vettel three-wide on the entry, before Hamilton claimed the lead from the inside line and Vettel locked up on the outside and went into the run-off. As the German rejoined, he ran team-mate Leclerc out of road, costing the Monegasque the third place he had just before claimed as Verstappen backed off to avoid running into the back of Bottas. Ferrari spent the rest of the race fighting a losing battle to reclaim that final podium place. Vettel was struggling in the early stages with a flat-spotted tyre, damaged at the first corner and Leclerc was pressuring him hard. Ferrari eventually ordered their nominal team leader to let Leclerc by and then Vettel had to make an earlier than planned pit stop, forcing him on to a two-stop strategy. Red Bull put Verstappen on the same, while Leclerc was on a one-stop and the question was which would prevail. Later on, Leclerc had to return the favour to Vettel, who was behind him on softer tyres mid-race, as Ferrari sought to maximise their different drivers' strategies. The race was panning out to a climax with Verstappen and Vettel on fresher tyres fighting to pass Leclerc protecting third on older tyres in the closing laps. But in the end, the safety car decided it. Lance Stroll's Racing Point and Lando Norris' McLaren tangled at the first corner, spreading debris all over the road. Hamilton and Bottas came in for fresh tyres and behind them Leclerc had to follow suit, while Verstappen and Vettel behind him stayed out, as they had just stopped a couple of laps before. That dropped Leclerc down to fifth and they ran that way to the end of the race. The fight in the closing laps was all about the midfield, with some hectic and wheel-banging action deciding the final points positions. The Haas drivers nearly tangled before Kevin Magnussen moved clear into seventh behind Pierre Gasly's Red Bull, while his team-mate Romain Grosjean dropped back first behind McLaren's Carlos Sainz and Toro Rosso's Daniil Kvyat before battling to hold off Kvyat's team-mate Alexander Albon in the closing laps for the final point.
A hoard of early fourth century Roman coins which was discovered by two metal-detecting enthusiasts is thought to be the largest haul of its kind to be found in Britain. The discovery was made in July 2017 near the village of Rauceby in Lincolnshire, which detectorists Rob Jones and his friend Craig Paul, had searched for years. Lincolnshire County Council archaeologist, Doctor Adam Daubney, said that the coins may have been buried as part of a ceremonial ritual. 'The coins were found in a ceramic pot, which was buried in the centre of a large oval pit - lined with quarried limestone,' he said. 'What we found during the excavation suggests to me that the hoard was not put in the ground in secret, but rather was perhaps a ceremonial or votive offering. The Rauceby hoard is giving us further evidence for so-called "ritual" hoarding in Roman Britain.' The more than three thousand copper alloy coins are being examined by The British Museum and will be valued. The museum's curator of Iron Age and Roman coins, Doctor Eleanor Ghey, said: 'At the time of the burial of the hoard around 307AD, the Roman Empire was increasingly decentralised and Britain was once again in the spotlight following the death of the emperor Constantius in York. Roman coins had begun to be minted in London for the first time. As the largest fully recorded find of this date from Britain, it has great importance for the study of this coinage and the archaeology of Lincolnshire.' Recalling the discovery, Jones said he and Craig started to dig after their detectors started beeping. He said: 'I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I've found a few things before, but absolutely nothing on this scale. I was totally amazed. Finding the coins was the ultimate experience that we will never forget. It's an incredibly humbling experience knowing that when you discover something like this, the last time someone touched it was nearly two thousand years ago. I was completely flabbergasted.' The coins were officially declared treasure under the Treasure Act 1996 at Lincoln Coroner's Court on Thursday.
A missing piece of Stonehenge has been returned to the site sixty years after it was removed. A metre-long core from inside the prehistoric stone was taken during archaeological excavations in 1958. No-one knew where it was until Robert Phillips, who was involved in those works, decided to return part of it. English Heritage, which looks after Stonehenge, hopes the sample might now help establish where the stones originally came from. In 1958 archaeologists raised an entire fallen trilithon - a set of three large stones consisting of two that would have stood upright, with the third placed horizontally across the top. During the works, cracks were found in one of the vertical stones and in order to reinforce it, cores were drilled through the stone and metal rods inserted. The repairs were masked by small plugs cut from Sarsen fragments found during excavations. For sixty years Phillips, who now lives in retirement in Florida, kept his piece of Stonehenge - first in a plastic tube at his office in Basingstoke and later on the wall at home in the US. In the 1950s he had been employed by a diamond-cutting firm brought in to help reinforce the giant stones. The company, Van Moppes, bored three holes into one stone before stabilising metal rods were inserted. During the process workers extracted three one metre-long cores of stone and Phillips took one of them.But on the eve of his ninetieth birthday, he decided to return it. Archaeologists hope to analyse the chemical composition of the core to try to pinpoint where the ancient Sarsen stones might have come from. Although the sample was handed back last May, English Heritage said it had not announced the find until now as it had to first understand its significance. Historic England said the stone sample looks 'incongruously pristine' alongside the 'weathered' stones currently standing at the monument. The smaller bluestones at Stonehenge were brought to the site from the Preseli Hills is South Wales but the source of the larger Sarsen stones is unknown. The discovery of part of the missing core now means a team will be able to analyse it in order to 'pinpoint their source.' Researchers have already used a spectrometer to look at the chemical composition of the stone. The whereabouts of the other two Stonehenge cores remains a mystery and English Heritage is appealing for anyone with any information to contact them. Heather Sebire from English Heritage said 'the last thing we expected was to get a call from someone in America saying they had part of Stonehenge. Studying the Stonehenge core's DNA could help tell us more about where those enormous Sarsen stones originated,' she added. Professor David Nash from Brighton University, which is leading the study into the stone core, said it was 'possible' the Sarsen stones came from multiple locations. 'Conventional wisdom suggests they they all came from the relatively nearby Marlborough Downs,' he said. 'But initial results from our analysis suggest that in fact the Sarsens may come from more than one location.'
A newspaper has addressed its 'awful' reporting of a woman's suicide more than one hundred years ago. A Teesdale Mercury reader complained to the paper after finding a report in a 1912 edition on the death of sixteen-year-old parlour maid Dorothy Balchin. The old report called her suicide notes 'pathetic,' with an inquest jury finding her 'temporarily insane.' Editor Trevor Brookes said 'pathetic' had a different meaning at the time, but it was 'good' that attitudes had changed. 'We agree that this is an awful way to report a tragic death of a young woman,' Brookes said. But, he said it would 'inappropriate' to publish an apology so many years later, adding: 'We must be careful not to judge the past with today's morals but instead learn from what happened. We should be thankful attitudes have changed and mental health, depression and suicide get the attention they so thoroughly deserve and there are strict guidelines issued to modern media.' Suicide-prevention charity Samaritans advises today's media not to include details of method of suicide in reports, but the 1912 press cutting includes such information. The report detailed how Balchin killed herself on her employer's tennis lawn at Albury near Guildford. It included details of suicide notes she had written which the report called 'pathetic.''Pathetic is the adjective of pathos meaning emotion and it was once used very differently to how it is used today,' said Brookes. The Teesdale Mercury is a weekly-newspaper based in Barnard Castle in County Durham. Brookes said the report was part of a 'syndicated section' of the paper, meaning it would have appeared in similar titles across the country.
The UK will not be banning imports from trophy hunting yet, the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove has told BBC 5Live. The Environment Secretary said that it was 'a delicate political balancing act.' The rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove claimed that he had been 'advised' by wildlife charities to 'be cautious' in following other countries in outlawing imports from the controversial 'sport.' Trophy hunting is the shooting of carefully selected animals - including some endangered species - under strict government controls. The rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove was interviewed by former England cricketer Kevin Pietersen as part of a new 5Live podcast, Beast Of Man, which looks into how the South African rhino can be saved from extinction. Clients, mainly from Europe or the US, often pay thousands of smackers to take part in a hunt and keep a 'trophy' - usually the head or skin, or another body part of the killed animal. It is a big business in some African countries. Critics describe it as a blood sport, this blogger describes it as a fucking obscenity but proponents claim that it 'helps raise vital money for conservation,' especially for endangered species. One or two people even believe them. Although, remarkably few animals do. Currently, if a trophy hunter wants to bring a body part from their hunt back to the UK, they can do so, with a special permit. One trophy hunter told the podcast that the 'sport' was 'thrilling' and helped conservation: 'To shoot an elephant is an awesome thing to do, it is a stunningly, stunningly awesome thing to do, which is why I did it. I want to try and preserve those wild places in Africa. But the only way they get preserved is if there's money. If it doesn't pay it doesn't stay. It's as simple as that.' In 2015, the death of Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe's Hwange National Park sparked worldwide revulsion and resulted in a number of countries - including Australia, France and the Netherlands - implementing bans on the import of lion trophies. At the time, the UK government pledged to do the same unless there were improvements to how hunting took place. When asked about why the UK had not yet enforced a ban, the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove claimed that he had been 'advised' by 'conservationists and charities' to 'proceed with caution.' He claimed they told him: 'Don't come in with your clod-hopping boots from the UK and necessarily tell people in each of these countries exactly how they should regulate their own wildlife. On an emotional level and on a personal level, I find it difficult to understand,' the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove said. 'But I also recognise that I've got to respect if there is expertise, which says that [trophy hunting] done in a managed way can help wildlife overall, then let's just test that.' The CEO of charity Save the Rhino, Cathy Dean, says that 'well-regulated trophy hunting has a role in overall rhino conservation strategies.' There were between fifty and one hundred Southern white rhinos at the start of the 1900s, but now there are about eighteen thousand, she told the BBC. The increase is 'partly due to the conservation efforts and involvement of the private sector, who have dedicated land to breeding rhinos, some of which may be trophy hunted, rather than to livestock or agriculture.' In 2018, more than fifty celebrities - including Ed Sheeran and Liam Gallagher - signed an open letter in support of the Campaign to Ban Trophy Hunting, urging the government to ban trophy hunters from importing animal body parts into Britain. A cross-party Early Day Motion, signed by more than one hundred and fifty MPs, has also called on the UK government to stop trophy hunting imports of endangered species. 'I think that there is growing momentum for the law to change. But what I don't want to do is to get ahead,' said the rat-faced loathsome wretched odious nasty slavver-merchant, George Formby lookalike Gove. 'I don't want to be in a position where am I running so far in advance of what other charities and other leaders want, that we risk the good relationship that's been built up over time. Like so many areas of campaigning, it's partly a process of education and it's partly a process of dialogue. If particular communities have got used to driving income from hunting, you don't want to seem as though you're basically saying, we're taking your livelihood away. We've got to make sure that there is a clear alternative, that they know that their livelihoods and their lifestyle are going to be respected and not patronised, before they will feel comfortable about moving.'
A customer opened a loaf of bread only to find the bag was full of crusts according to widespread media reports. And, again, this abject trivia constitutes 'news' in the modern world it would seem. Timea Ganji was 'hoping to make sandwiches for her children's lunch' when she made the unlikely discovery. Because, of course, it is physically impossible to make sandwiches with crusts, it's a well known fact. 'It's not funny first thing in the morning, when you have half an hour to get the kids to school and there's no time to get another loaf,' she whinged. Kingsmill said it that was 'investigating' how this tragedy happened and had posted Ganji a 'more conventional loaf.''It just looked like a normal loaf when we bought it,' the forty one-year-old, from Nottingham, snitched to the BBC. 'Because of the yellow packaging, you can't see it properly. You can see it's sliced, but you couldn't see it is all just crusts. Then, in the morning, I just wanted some toast and to make sandwiches and I was just staring at it. I don't really understand how it can happen.' So, instead of just getting on with it, she posted photos of the find on Facebook and friends 'shared ways to use the crusts and old sayings about the benefits of eating them.''Maybe I'd like curly hair but I don't want a hairy chest,' she added. Have to run this one by you, love, but they don't actually do that. 'I don't mind eating them. I love baguettes with butter on them, or an end of sourdough or tiger bread, but these ends are not as tasty,' she whinged. 'You can't make sandwiches with them' (err, yes, you can; honest) 'and the kids won't eat them' (well, that's your problem, surely?) Kingsmill said that its bakeries were enclosed and 'would not allow for a loaf consisting solely of crusts to pass through their strict quality control processes.' So, the mystery deepens and perhaps we'll never know - or even care - how this happenstance was done. A spokeswoman said that the firm was investigating 'to find out how this particular collection of crusts found its way into Mrs Ganji's shopping.' Because, of course, they've got nothing more important to do with their time, have they?
Now, dear blog reader, would you like to see a video clip of The Butcher of Grozny, Vladimir Putin in the midst of a victory lap after an ice hockey match, tripping and fall flat on his mush? Of course you would, dear blog reader, you're only human after all.
Eating cheese can help you live longer, scientists claim - at least, according to the Daily Lies, if not any part of the media slightly more trustworthy.
British people are having less of The Sex now than in recent years, according to a large national survey. The findings, published in the British Medical Journal, suggest 'nearly a third' of men and women have not had The Sex in the past month. Or, in this blogger's case, in the last decade. Those figures are up from around a quarter in 2001, according to the data from thirty four thousand people. Less than half of men and women aged sixteen to forty four have The Sex 'at least' once a week, responses show. Over-twenty fives and couples who are married or living together account for the biggest falls in sexual activity across the twenty one-year period. The data the researchers looked at came from three successive waves of the British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles carried out in 1991, 2001, and 2012. They give a snapshot of sexual behaviour among Britons. According to the most recent survey: Less than half of people aged sixteen to forty four (forty one per cent) have had The Sex at least once a week in the last month. The proportion reporting nil The Sex in the past month has increased - from twenty three to twenty nine per cent among women and from twenty six to twenty nine per cent among men between 2001 and 2012. The proportion reporting having The Sex 'ten or more times' in the past month has fallen - from over twenty per cent to thirteen per cent among women and from twenty to fourteen per cent among men between 2001 and 2012. The average number of times that thirty five to forty four-year-olds reported having The Sex in the past month fell from four to two among women and from four to three among men. Researchers from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine say the decrease in sexual frequency has been seen among people who have previously been sexually active, rather than more people deciding to keep their virginity and not have The Sex. Although people under twenty five and those currently single were less likely to be sexually active, the steepest declines in sexual frequency were among older married or cohabiting couples. Half of women and nearly two-thirds of men in the latest survey said they would like to have more of The Sex. This desire was more often voiced by people who were married or living together as a couple, which the researchers say 'merits concern.' Lead researcher Professor Kaye Wellings said the 'sheer pace of modern life' may be a reason why many people are having less of The Sex. 'It is interesting that those most affected are in their mid-life - the so-called "sandwich generation." These are men and women who are often juggling work, childcare and responsibilities to parents who are getting older.' Perhaps social pressure to over-report sexual activity may have eased, while gender equality means that women may now be less inclined to meet their partner's sexual needs irrespective of their own, claim the researchers. The decline in The Sex coincides with increasing use of social media and a global recession, which may be 'other contributing factors.' Having less of The Sex is 'not always a bad thing,' alleges Professor Wellings. She said that the survey results 'may be a comfort' to many. 'What is important to wellbeing is not how often people have sex but whether it matters to them. Most people believe that others have more regular sex than they do themselves. Many people are likely to find it reassuring that they are not out of line.' Relate counsellor and The Sex therapist Peter Saddington said: 'The important thing is quality not quantity.' Although, if you're getting neither then, frankly, it's both. 'If you enjoy the experience you are more likely to do it again. But you have to make time for sex. It doesn't always have to be spontaneous. Putting a date in the diary can help.'
Australia's latest fifty dollar note comes with a big blunder hidden in the small print; a somewhat embarrassing typo. The Reserve Bank of Australia reportedly spelled 'responsibility' as 'responsibilty' [sic] on millions of the new yellow notes. The RBA confirmed the typo on Thursday and said that the error would be fixed in future print runs. But for now, around forty six million of the new notes are in use across the country. The bills were released late last year and feature Edith Cowan, the first female member of an Australian parliament. What looks like a lawn in the background of Cowan's portrait is in fact rows of text - a quotation from her first speech to parliament. 'It is a great responsibility to be the only woman here and I want to emphasise the necessity which exists for other women being here,' is repeated several times over in microscopic print. Alas, it is misspelled each time. It took more than six months for someone with a good magnifying glass to spot the typo. The fifty dollar note is the most widely circulated in Australia and the most commonly given out by cash machines. The other side of the note features distinguished Indigenous author David Unaipon. When the latest batch emerged in October, new security features were embedded in the design to improve accessibility and prevent counterfeiting.
Waste-of-space reality TV type individual Kerry Katona has reportedly been fined five hundred knicker for failing to send one of her children to school. The former member of Atomic Kitten had previously denied the charge but her solicitor entered a very guilty plea on her behalf at Brighton Magistrates' Court. The prosecution said that Katona, who lives in Crowborough, East Sussex, had 'failed to engage' over the issue. But Ed Fish, defending, claimed that 'work commitments' meant she sometimes had to take the child to work with her. Katona had previously been warned she could be sent to The Slammer after failing to attend an earlier court hearing. She did appear at the previous hearing on 6 March, when she pleaded not guilty. But during the public part of Wednesday's hearing, when Fish said she was pleading guilty, no reason was given for her absence. The court was told Katona had failed to send the child - one of five, who cannot be named - to school for 'a significant' number of days between April and November last year. Gareth Jones, prosecuting on behalf of East Sussex County Council, said the child's attendance rate had dropped as low as forty eight per cent. He said: 'There's a failure to engage here. She is not attending meetings, letters are not being responded to. This is a problem that has gone on for some time.' Fish told the court that 'some' of the unauthorised absences were because Katona could not get childcare while working. He did not reveal what caused others. He said: 'She understands it fell below what was expected of her. On occasions [the child] missed school due to Kerry Katona's work commitments. She's not had childcare and has to take the children to work. She understands she should maintain better contact with the school.' He added: 'The attendance has not been the worst [the court has seen].' Katona was also ordered to pay three hundred and twenty five knicker in costs and a one hundred quid surcharge and was given fourteen days to pay.
HSBC has grovellingly apologised after an advert proclaiming 'You Are Newcastle' was put up in Nottingham. The poster celebrating the 'home of the Geordies' was spotted in Highbury Vale, Bulwell, on Friday. he bank apologised, saying: 'Correction. You are NOT Newcastle (apologies Nottingham). More seriously, thanks for pointing this out.' The poster, part of the bank's 'we are not an island' campaign, should have read 'you are Nottingham' and started with 'more than an outlaw's city.' HSBC said it had now replaced the incorrect poster.
Sometimes, it's a cats life dear blog reader. Despite being, seemingly, well-qualified that Jack Russell still got the gig. Presumably, it was this cat's steadfast refusal to acknowledge that he had a 'master' (with or without voice), which did for the pussy's employment chances. (This blogger's thanks go to his old mate Davey Mac for both this photograph,  from 1908 - and, indeed, the first of these two jokes. The second, at least, was all yer actual Keith Telly Topping's own work!)
Brian Walden, the journalist, TV interviewer and former Labour MP, has died at the age of eighty six. The broadcaster as known for his tough political interviews, including with That Awful Thatcher Wman in 1989 which helped speed up the then-prime monster's downfall. Walden died following complications from emphysema at his home in St Peter Port, Guernsey on Thursday. His widow, Hazel, said that he was 'always happy and got on well with people.' Walden served as Labour MP for Birmingham Ladywood from 1964 until 1977. He was best known, politically, for an impassioned speech calling for the abolition of capital punishment. Mrs Walden, who said that she was 'happily married' to Brian for forty three years, added that her husband was a passionate Brexiteer and that his biggest regret would be that he had not lived to see Brexit. After being elected as an MP in four elections, Brian resigned from Parliament to become a journalist and broadcaster in 1977. He presented the ITV political programme Weekend World as well as other TV shows including The Walden Interview and Walden. He became known for his tenacious interviewing style and often grilled the then-prime minister That Awful Thatcher Woman. According to the Press Association, Thatcher claimed that she 'enjoyed' being interviewed by Walden although, if true, her scowling faced during such interviews seldom gave this away. During his most famous interview with That Awful Thatcher Woman in October 1989 - when her own party was in the process of turning against her - he asked: 'You come over as being someone who one of your backbenchers said is slightly off her trolley, authoritarian, domineering, refusing to listen to anybody else - why? Why can't you publicly project what you have just told me is your private character?' That Awful Thatcher Woman replied: 'Brian, if anyone's coming over as domineering in this interview, it's you. It's you.' Brian's own political views shifted away from Labour and towards the Thatcherite right-wing in his later years. He maintained his libertarian beliefs and opposed the fox hunting ban. His friend John Wakefield, who he worked with at ITV, said: 'Initially he was on the Gaitskell wing of Labour but found it all rather tawdry under [Harold] Wilson.' Walden won several awards for his broadcasting and was named ITV's personality of the year in 1991. Wakefield said he and Brian had 'a terrific time' together. 'Brian was an immensely lively and entertaining person to work with,' he said. 'He was very much a team guy who loved what everybody had to say, including the most lowly, recent researcher and was hugely gregarious and fun. He was brilliant because he was such a fantastic public speaker and, as a former politician, he knew how they operated - he was able to read their minds.' Walden later presented BBC Radio 4's A Point Of View programme, as well as documentaries for the BBC including Walden On Heroes and a series of profiles on former Labour Party leaders.
Along with many of his friends and acquaintances, Keith Telly Topping's Saturday was completely shattered this week by the awful, tragic news of the death at the age of just forty eight of our friend, Paul Condon after a short illness. Paul, the author of numerous books on TV and film including One Thousand & One TV Series: You Must Watch Before You Die, TV Heaven and The Complete Hitchcock and a superb DJ, was a friend of this blogger for the best part of twenty years. Ironically, however, we hardly ever saw each other in this country; though I can remember once having a delightful lunch with Paul at the BBC in London were he was working at the time when this blogger was in The Smoke visiting my publisher. However, every February in Los Angeles for about a decade we would see each other across a hotel lobby at the annual Gallifrey One conventions and Paul would give this blogger a huge hug and then - usually in the company of his dear friend and frequent co-author Jim Sangster - keep this blogger (and whoever else was around) entertained and weeping with laughter for hours. Paul was a lovely man; a dear, sweet, delightful and funny friend. It is almost impossible to believe that someone with such joie de vivre, such humour, such effortless charm, such life and such fun is gone. This blogger and, he knows from an understandable outpouring of grief and love on Facebook, many other mutual friends will miss Paul's infectious, deliciously warm take on life enormously. Like the late Craig Hinton - another friend and fellow author taken long before his time - if there is any sort of afterlife then it's quite comforting to know that Paul is probably sitting somewhere at this moment absolutely laughing his head off at the vast deluge of affection and sorrow which accompanied news of his passing and mockingly saying something along the lines of 'you miserable bastards, you might've told me some of this whilst I was still around to hear it!' Paul was one of the very best of The Good Guys, dear blog reader. The blogger's sympathies are, obviously, with his family at this distressing time. And, also, with his many friends. A Paul Condon-shaped hole is missing from a lot of people's lives today and that feels wretched.
And finally, dear blog reader, From The North's Headline Of The Week award goes to a website called Rare US for Kansas Police Asking People To Please Not Shoot Their Guns At Tornadoes. This blogger thinks that it's a sheer politeness of the 'please' that makes this art.